People Ask Us To Make A Declaration About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Arguing With A Kid About A TV Show?
“My (34M) wife (33F) and I went to an outdoor party/kind of BBQ last Saturday that was hosted by my wife’s boss in the backyard of her home. It was a family party, so there were people from my wife’s work, their SOs, and some kids of different ages.
The party went as one would expect. A pulled pork sandwich, a few beers, and a few conversations about work and when my wife and I met.
I was having a good time and my wife seemed to be as well.
There was a kid there, a boy who looked to be about 10 years old. He had on a Dragon Ball Z t-shirt: plain orange with the Turtle Hermit logo on the back, which I immediately recognized. For those who don’t understand the reference: it’s a not-so-obvious DBZ shirt. It just looks like an orange tee with a symbol on it.
I am what you’d call a true OG of Dragonball. I’ve watched it since I was 7 years old. I’ve seen all the movies. Both in English and Japanese with subtitles.
I said to the kid that I liked his shirt, and then I threw him a little Kamehameha hand gesture. The kid was clearly surprised that a great-grandpa like me watched DBZ. The kid approached and asked to confirm that I watched the series, to which I proudly said Yes.
I could tell this kid had been on the internet recently because he just went for a super-specific question: ‘Who would win between Golden Frieza and Majin Buu series Vegito?’ To which I responded with ‘Golden Frieza, of course!’ Because obviously.
This kid counter-argued with me and said he thinks that Vegito would win. My mind quickly switched to ‘Look here, boy!’ mode.
This turned into a full-blown discussion for about 10 minutes.
He was a nice kid and the discussion was quite pleasant for both of us. There wasn’t any animosity or condescension during the discussion. He is a kid, and I did keep that in mind. I was honestly surprised at how well he knew all the characters and lore for his age. In the end, I was able to convince this well-intentioned, yet misinformed child that Golden Frieza is indeed the stronger of the two.
My wife brought this up on the way home and asked why I spent all that time arguing with this kid. She said it was super embarrassing and I shouldn’t be arguing with a kid who is 25 years younger than me.
According to my wife, this is not something people our age do. What is your opinion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s super refreshing for a kid his age to be taken seriously, in a conversation about his interest, by an adult.
I’m sure he already has enough adults who wouldn’t even listen to, let alone entertain, his interest in Dragonball. I’m sure he has been told enough times that his knowledge about Dragonball doesn’t matter.” asianingermany
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As much as we all know the character’s strength progresses with the plot, it’s a no-brainer that golden Frieza would win. There’s nothing wrong with having a conversation about logistics, and I’m sure you made that kid’s day to talk with one of the big people over something he likes.” Stabbmaster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way you describe it, it doesn’t sound like you were arguing. A civil debate, maybe. I don’t see anything wrong with what you did. As someone who, like you, has watched DBZ from a young age I would have had the same chat. I think it’s awesome that DBZ can bring two people so far apart in age together.” AccomplishedBat2226
20. WIBTJ For Dumping My Neighbor's Trash Back On His Property?
“We are currently having landscaping and construction work done in our garden, so we have hired a skip to dispose of the rubbish. It arrived this morning before the work day and I have been in my home office since it arrived.
I came down from work about 30 minutes ago and the builders told me that the skip is already half full with random junk like chairs, mirrors, old clocks… just a load of rubbish.
I checked the camera on my front drive and saw that it is a neighbor a few houses down who came throughout the day and seems to have just dumped all his old stuff in the skip. This isn’t the first time he has done this and I’m fed up.
WIBTJ for telling the builders to take all his stuff and dump it in his front yard?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You would be dumb NOT to return his junk. And I strongly suggest you go to the neighbor’s house and tell him that you are paying for the number of times the skip is filled and unless he is willing to pay ‘his’ share of the cost, he needs to find a different way to dispose of his junk. Because otherwise, he will just bring it back at night.
Also mention that you have security cameras.” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“Ehhh… if you just did that, then yes, YTJ.
However, if you went to the neighbor first and said ‘Look, I have you on camera dumping your crap in my bin, that I’m paying for. If you would like to split the cost 50/50, then fine, otherwise, I will instruct the construction crew to return your belongings to you as soon as possible’, then NTJ because you at least give him a chance (which he probably won’t take).
That said, sometimes being the jerk is the right course of action anyway, I’d probably do exactly what you are describing, I won’t lie.” TheDreadPirateJeff
Another User Comments:
“Oooohhhh! NTJ at all! You are PAYING for the skip. He is stealing space from you. Dump it 100%!
If you want to be a ‘little’ kinder, you can give him two options. One, tell him to come and get it or pay you for it. Otherwise, it’s being dumped on his property.” tinny36
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Lying About Being Vegan?
“I (35f) have a friend (28f) who occasionally claims she is vegan. I know for a fact she is not a vegan, or even a vegetarian, because she eats dinner at my house at least once a week and I SEE her eating animal products and meat. It isn’t a case of her being starving and eating the only thing offered to her either. I have asked for clarity multiple times because I don’t want to cook something that has dairy (for example) in it if she really is a vegan.
She has said multiple times that she’s a vegetarian. Her husband (30m) is also a vegetarian and will not eat meat. I always make vegetarian meals when they’re here but will cook chicken or fish for my kids (12m, 4f, 2f) to have as well. She has occasionally also eaten chicken or fish, despite it being a side and the main dish being vegetarian. She also heated chicken noodle soup from my fridge as a snack a few weeks ago.
I don’t really care about any of this. We try to eat meat only occasionally anyway, however, our kids have some sensory issues that make feeding them a little tough and also have iron deficiencies so chicken and fish are just easy ways to make sure they’re getting what they need.
My AITJ question comes after an exchange we had with her co-worker, who is a vegan when we were all out for coffee (38m).
Multiple comments were made about how a vegan diet is the only ethical way to eat. I have no interest in arguing this because I do understand the importance of sustainability in farming and agriculture. As I said, we try not to have meat be the base for all of our meals. We also try to lessen our family’s impact on the environment when we can, but if I’m being totally honest I don’t believe we are going to cloth diaper our way out of the environmental nightmare we have created here, but that is a different topic for a different day.
Anyway, the straw for me was when she said ‘yeah I’ve been trying to get these carnivores on board for years but then keep using their kids as an excuse.’ I said, ‘you’re not even a vegetarian and you are lying right now.’ It got awkward quickly and she hasn’t spoken to me since (this was two weeks ago). I’m not going to cry about it but they are good friends, despite irritating me about this subject.
I’m wondering if I’m a jerk for not just letting it go. If I am, I’ll certainly apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like your friend will say one thing to look good to others, meanwhile throw you under the bus for no apparent reason. Just to agree with another co-worker? Seems like odd behavior. She likes the label but doesn’t do the work to actively be vegan or even vegetarian.
Her wording sounded condescending rather than informative, it added nothing to the conversation.
She flat out lied and you said something. It didn’t have to be said then and there, sure, but it sounds like you’ve had this conversation before. I would pull her aside and have a calm chat, just mention that you’ve noticed this discrepancy and that either way you do not care how she eats as it’s to each their own, but ask maybe why she feels the need to lie about it to others? Maybe there is a deeper reason.
Either way, sure, you didn’t have to say anything but call out a liar for lying… NTJ.” ajkert
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was an unfortunate comment she made, and you made one right back. I wish all of the dietary grandstanding would go the way of the dodo… you are right, we are not going to cloth diaper our way out of this, especially when we wrongfully misplace the responsibility for climate change on individual consumers instead of our governmental and commercial institutions.
And trashy for her to pick on your kids. I stopped being a vegetarian because my son needs a higher-protein diet and frankly, it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what you eat. It never had to be brought up by your friend.” pdxflwerpwer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for the comment and defending yourself; she was throwing you under the bus for no reason but her own self-righteous attitude.
Side note, I’m a climate scientist and part of my research has been on animal agriculture. The people that claim veganism/vegetarianism is the only ‘ethical’ diet have simply jumped on the bandwagon and are sorely factually (and ethically) incorrect. This can alone be based on the fact that this ‘movement’ completely negates the agriculture and diet culture of developing countries where veganism is impossible.
If people want to be vegan for themselves, I think that’s great, truly.
But to declare it any kind of sole ‘ethical’ movement is literally just persons (usually those in advanced countries who don’t live in food deserts) asserting themselves as ‘better’ than another group of people for the singular goal of self-righteousness, and their movement has absolutely no basis in science.
You are very right that it is going to take a lot more than Meatless Mondays to get out of the environmental nightmare we’ve placed ourselves in.
If anyone is interested in learning more about what’s truly wrong with the animal ag industry and how it affects our environment and economy, I would strongly suggest researching farming factories versus independent ranchers (look up reports from the FOEE, NRDC, FAO, etc). Eliminating the former in favor of the latter would do a lot more for the environment than being a vegan ever will.” torrentialwx
18. AITJ For Never Wanting To Do My Colleague Any Favors?
“I have a colleague (let’s call her Karina) that was once my internship mentor. After my studies and a year of unemployment, a position in the company was vacant and Karina put in a good word for me to the boss. She helped me to prepare for the interview as well and I was accepted for the job a week later. I am forever grateful for this and forever indebted to her.
Since we live in the same district and as a way to repay her, I offered to tutor her 2 boys in math and English as well as be their nanny on some weekends for free, when I am available. It’s once or twice a month in the period of June to December 2021.
However, at the beginning of 2022, she started to ask for more frequent babysitting and odd requests such as being her chauffeur from her house to the train station.
I did the chauffeur thing once because we were on the same route anyway. In February and March 2022 I had a temporary visa problem and had to suspend my work. During this time, I was not paid, and I had no income. Karina sent me a message on a Wednesday night, asking me to babysit her kids from 7 am to 7 pm on that Friday (for free of course).
She wasn’t available as she had to be in the hospital for her mother who has a heart condition and will undergo surgery that Friday.
I said of course but I had to be paid. She responded, ‘Yeah, sure, but it cannot be too expensive because I need to pay for my mother’s surgery.’ I asked for 40€ for the 12 hours of babysitting and she said okay.
I am fully aware that it’s ungodly cheap. This will be the last time I babysit because a couple of weeks later I was back at my job and the work was piling up from my absence. I’ve been sleeping a lot on weekends since then too since I barely get enough sleep on weekdays (I love my job even though I work almost 10-12 hours a day).
Karina sent me another message today, asking if I could bring her sick mother around the city on a Saturday or a Sunday with my car (for free). Honestly, I am furious. She and her husband own a car. I do not want to risk anything that could happen to her mother during an outing in the city. I am sure that her mother would need some sort of medical equipment placed in the car and I do not want to accidentally mess with it.
She wouldn’t be paying a cent for the gas either if I agree to do this. Anyway, I replied no, I wasn’t home this weekend (it’s the truth, but I honestly don’t have the desire to do it at all).
AITJ for always saying no to her requests, although I am indebted to her for hooking me up to a position in the company?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She helped you with hooking you up to your job, but you are not forever in her debt, and it sounds like you are already overwhelmed with your job, so it’s perfectly fine to say no.
I’d just recommend learning to say no more often for your own mental wellness.” -Nicowars-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You do not owe her your life. She helped you get a job, that’s called networking. Nothing she could have done would have gotten you the job if you were not also qualified. She may have even gotten a recruitment bonus. You offered to do something nice (and unnecessary) and she has GROSSLY taken advantage of you.
Tell her this:
‘I really appreciated your assistance in helping me get my job. I offered to help you out with a few things as a thank you. But I feel like you have taken advantage of what I offered and I am no longer comfortable doing tasks for you outside of work.’
I suggest you send it as an email so that you have a paper trail in case she tries to claim you are acting unprofessionally.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
However, you’re the one who feels indebted to her. Do you feel you’ve paid back that debt in full? If so, you’re perfectly within the clear to reset your boundaries on favors. But if you still feel like you owe her, it makes sense you’d feel bad about saying no to favors.
I think it’s okay to say you’re uncomfortable with chauffeur services, and that you’re now only available to babysit once a month, and come 2023 you won’t be available for babysitting at all.
When my sister helped me move many years ago, I offered to babysit her kid for free on Valentine’s Day in return for the help I was given with moving.
Everybody was grateful, and the debt I felt I owed was paid back in full.” jammy913
17. AITJ For Favoring My Godson Over My Nephew?
“I (28 M) come from a village where I used to live with parents and older brother (33) until I moved out for college where I currently live and work remotely. My brother went to college as well, but gave up and now lives in a family house with our parents, his wife, and children (9 M, 4 F). Our relationship wasn’t that great and we haven’t really talked for the past few years.
I go to the village 1-2 times a month (sometimes more, when I get invites from friends to come to various celebrations and whatnot) to visit parents and friends. One of them is my best friend to whose child (7 M) I am a godfather.
On Sunday, a friend invited me to come over for dinner, but I got to the village a few hours earlier so I could visit my parents as well.
After some chatting, I went to the local field to watch soccer (the local club plays almost every Sunday, not professional by any means. they play it just for fun and recreation).
There is a ‘playground’ next to the field where I saw my nephew, godson, and his friend playing, so I just waved at them. Godson ran up to me to greet me and gave me a hug.
His friend was next to him, so I gave godson some cash and told him to get ice cream or whatever from the shop for him and his friend. Nephew saw me giving godson $ and just stared from distance.
The guy standing next to me, also a neighbor from the street, said that I am a jerk and that I ‘shouldn’t hate the child because of its parents and that I’m supposed to care more about my own flesh and blood, rather than someone who I’m unrelated to’.
The other guy said, ‘Ooooh (my brother)’s gonna be maaaad’. I just told them that I didn’t care.
To be clear, I don’t hate my nephew and niece, but I don’t love them either. As far as I know, they are not allowed to talk to me. Apparently, my brother has told them that I’m bad and whatnot, to stay away and not talk to me. I tried being nice and wanted to get closer to both of them since they were young, but I was not allowed to so I just kinda gave up.
My parents called me yesterday. Apparently, my nephew came home crying after he saw me giving money to his godson and his friend, but not him. My parents said: ‘Why can’t you just be normal?’, ‘He didn’t do anything wrong, show him some love’ and ‘I shouldn’t give godson money because his fam is rich’. I wonder how would they react if they found out how much I spent on buying gifts and stuff for my friend and godson.
Anyways, they ended the call by saying that I should stay away for a while, followed by my dad yelling ‘Stupid idiot’ from the background.
AITJ for giving $ to godson and his friend, but not my nephew?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a bad situation. I would say you’re NTJ. However, you could have done better. If you bump into a group of kids personally I would have bought everyone an ice cream or no one.
The parents have chosen to keep the kids away from you, but they don’t get to decide how you behave.
You were likely going to be in the wrong in their eyes no matter what you did, so buying the ice cream for everyone would have been a better choice. That way you could at least hold your head high and say you were just trying to be nice.
No one’s perfect though and we can all be better. To sum up, don’t let your brother’s actions stop you from being kind to others in the future.” JGAT1988
Another User Comments:
“Your brother sounds like a jerk for not allowing you to have a normal family relationship with his children.
Your parents aren’t helping him by allowing such pettiness.
I understand that you couldn’t approach your nephew and offer him anything.
However, when three children are playing together and you buy a treat for two of them, the third child will naturally be upset at being left out. Perhaps next time just hand your godson enough amount for the three of them and tell him to get some for himself and his friends?
The bystanders who took it upon themselves to comment probably wouldn’t like it if you criticized their life choices.
I suppose since they opened the door to it, they can’t complain too much if you do it to them.” latents
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You state you are not sure about what contact is allowed: ‘As far as I know, they are not allowed to talk to me. Apparently, my brother has told them that I’m bad and whatnot, to stay away and not talk to me.
I tried being nice and wanted to get closer with both of them since they were young, but I was not allowed to so I just kinda gave up.’ You are making assumptions and you are blaming innocent kids for their father’s behavior. If you want to know if they can talk to you or not, call them over and see if they come. It really is that simple. If they did not come, no reason to offer them ice cream.” holisarcasm
16. AITJ For Thinking I'm The Only One Compromising?
“My best friend and I live about five hours away from one another. I’m supposed to be going to her city for a girl’s weekend but I’ve had some health problems and don’t feel comfortable driving that far by myself. The hotels in her city are very expensive and are going to run us about $400-500 for the weekend. I suggested my fiancé come to drive me and such but not go out with us and she didn’t like that idea because she misses me and doesn’t feel like it’ll be a girl’s weekend with him there.
Which I understand. I couldn’t find a female friend to go with me. Round trip flights would be around $500.
Keep in mind, that I would be going up Friday night and coming back Sunday afternoon/evening. I have to work Friday and Monday. She has to work Friday and Saturday so I would be alone on Saturday anyway. She wants to go to clubs Saturday night and a baseball game Sunday.
My fiancé is not a club person so he is totally fine with he and I hanging out while she is at work and then staying at the hotel while we go out and even being a personal Uber when we are ready to be picked up so we don’t have to pay for one. He has no desire to go out but doesn’t want to stop us from having fun.
Checkout from the hotel is before the game starts on Sunday. If she ‘allows’ him to come, she doesn’t want him going to the game. So, I’m not sure what he would do since we wouldn’t have the hotel room anymore.
I told her either he comes with me and we split the hotel or I fly and he doesn’t come but she pays for the hotel since I’d be spending $500 flying (plus the hour and a half drive time to the airport).
She doesn’t want to spend that much for a weekend in a hotel but I don’t want to spend a grand for 2 nights. But she’s still mad about him coming if we drive… I feel like I’m doing everything to compromise but maybe I’m wrong. So, tell me, am I the jerk?
ETA:
My friend doesn’t have a place to live, exactly. She stays with her brother or sometimes gets a hotel for herself for a couple of nights or finds somewhere.
The hotels are expensive because of the baseball game. I totally understand her wanting more of a girl’s weekend.
We can’t really meet somewhere else because of our work schedules. My fiancé isn’t a sports guy so I told her I’m okay with him doing something else while we are at the game, especially something he may enjoy more, but I just don’t know what the options are right now to say he wouldn’t go to the game.
She just doesn’t want to third wheel, which I totally understand. Pretty much every time we have hung out recently has been relayed to wedding planning and I totally understand wanting to have a weekend not focused on my wedding and my relationship and having some just us time.
I just can’t afford to fly and half the hotel and split Ubers and baseball tickets, etc. that’s why I thought me paying for the flight and her paying for the hotel would be ‘fair’ since it’s about the same price and then he wouldn’t be there.
I tried to get a female friend to accompany me but she wasn’t able to go and I don’t have a lot of female friends.
Also, my health issue is a chronic issue that they haven’t found exactly what it is yet. So, I don’t know when it’ll be that I could go. It’s not like a cold or allergies. I’ve had CT scans, ultrasounds, etc. trying to determine what’s wrong so I can start feeling better.
I still want to go and see her. But his driving will also ensure I get some rest and will feel up to going out and doing things.
She finally agreed to him coming but is still not very happy about it. Her feelings are valid and I get it. But I feel like I’ve done a lot to try to compromise. She said if he can’t find something else to do during the game, she would see if she can find someone to go with her so she isn’t third-wheeling.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s well within reason to try and find alternate options of travel because of money, and your friend isn’t unreasonable for not wanting a guy around on the ‘girl’s weekend’.
There’s really no further compromise here, it costs too much for you, and honestly, it doesn’t seem like the two of you would get to hang out that much anyway. Maybe try to reschedule when you have a longer amount of time to be together and hope you have the finances then.” MooshAro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless this is a once-in-a-lifetime, can’t miss, expensive experience that she’s paying for, I’d suggest you stay home.
Tell her you genuinely tried but that you can’t make it due to excessive costs. If she tries to guilt-trip you then say you’d still be willing to come, but only under certain circumstances where you’re not paying an outrageous amount or risking your health for her idea. Otherwise, it simply isn’t worth the cost, both in money or stress.” Few-Cookie9298
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Just because neither of y’all can really compromise.
Why are you going down Friday and adding an additional night for the expensive hotels if you won’t be seeing her until Saturday evening anyway?
Asking her to pay the full $500 for a hotel for you is an unreasonable request, but if she wants you to visit, she should also be able to provide accommodations, or y’all can both stay at a hotel and split the cost anyway.
I wouldn’t dream of asking my friend to cover my accommodations if I wanted to visit her, but then again I’d be staying at her place no question and I wouldn’t travel, to begin with, if it was out of my budget.
I agree that your husband going shouldn’t be an issue but mainly for the sake of your health – having your husband accompanying you would be a wiser choice rather than making the trip alone if you have compromised health.
Because of this, I think her issue with your husband going is unreasonable, especially if you’ll minimize his participation in what should be a girls’ day.” lobosaguila
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wants you to come along and pay ≈1,000$ for not even two full days, she can pay for your trip or stay herself. You said that your partner wouldn’t come to your outing on Saturday, so I don’t see a problem. He could just wait in a cafe or go for a walk or sightseeing for the game’s duration.
Can’t your friend let you stay with her though? That way you would only pay for the flight and car ride and she would be fine since your partner wouldn’t come with you.” otinanairebro
NTJ
15. AITJ For Not Confirming To Being A Bridesmaid Right Away?
“When I was halfway through college, a friend of mine from high school contacted me to announce that she was engaged, and I was very happy for her! Both of us had been on the lower rungs of the social ladder back in HS, so I was thrilled to hear she’d reached this milestone! She then told me that she wanted me to be a bridesmaid.
I told her that I was VERY moved that she wanted me to be in the bridal party, but instead of saying yes or no I asked her for more details about the wedding itself. I’m glad I did because it was to be in New York (several states away for me) and the weekend before my next set of classes would begin the next fall (she was asking me in January).
I told her that I really did want to be her bridesmaid, but I needed some time to check into a few things before I could give her an answer — namely, could I even afford to do so (I was only earning about $60 a week at a part-time job to pay for basic expenses to get me to school and back), and did the wedding’s schedule allow me enough travel time to still make the classes that would be starting that Monday.
My friend got very upset with me and started crying, saying that she’s been working so hard to plan this wedding and that plan included me being there for her. I tried to comfort her and assure her that I wasn’t saying no, just that I needed to make sure I actually COULD, because I didn’t want to commit to it and then find out I couldn’t pull it off and have to cancel on her.
Nothing I said made the situation any better, I think all she could hear was that I wasn’t saying yes, and we kind of went in circles.
After a few loops, I broke and started crying too, and told her I felt like she was bullying me into making a promise I didn’t know if I could keep. She eventually ended the conversation very abruptly and I just sat and cried because something that should’ve been so happy had gone so badly.
I stayed away for a while to let our emotions cool down before reaching out to attempt the conversation again, but it turned out she’d blocked me. I guess I could’ve gone to greater lengths to contact her other ways, but I never did, since it was pretty clear she didn’t want to talk to me and didn’t want me there anymore. I’ve never heard from her again since that day.
This was about a decade ago and it’s stuck with me ever since. I still feel like I was trying to do the responsible thing and not make a promise I couldn’t keep, but if she saw this as something worth ending a friendship over, I always wonder if I just don’t fully get how important it is to a bride to ask people to be in their bridal party? I’ve never seen weddings as particularly exciting and really don’t care if I ever get married myself, so maybe I’m just super out of touch on what this was like for my friend.
AITJ for wanting to delay my answer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she really wanted you there she would have offered to cover your costs at least. But she didn’t, she turned on the waterworks and tried to emotionally blackmail you.
She was no friend to you and didn’t care about the impact on you, or the cost to you. Instead of discussing this like an adult and seeing if there was a workaround, she stomped her feet, threw a tantrum, and blocked.
Those aren’t the actions of a friend.
Good riddance to bad rubbish, you did the right thing and as result, she showed her true colors and you’re better off without her.” Neither_March4000
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but you are kind of the jerk. You obviously could not afford to be at the wedding and may not have been able to even afford to go. A bridesmaid is also planning/setting up/paying for the bridal shower, dress shopping, etc., and it adds up to much, much more than just the wedding.
You should have said, ‘I would love to, but my situation right now won’t allow me to do more than attend as a guest. I would be happy to support you as much as I can in that manner.’
She is allowed to get upset, but she went too far and should have graciously said, ‘I get it and would love to have you as a guest.’ Yes, she would have been upset at a no, but at least you would not have been dragging it out to some unknown time when you would let her know when she has probably already stressed over so many other things.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did absolutely the right thing here by making sure you could afford to go.
I personally think it is incredibly selfish that anyone should expect someone to spend a lot of money to be a part of someone else’s wedding. If she wanted you as part of the bridal party she would have found a way to make it so you can attend without having to spend months’ worth of wages doing so.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, you may have lost a friend that day but you gained some valuable life experience in return.” seriousrikk
14. AITJ For Telling My Wife I Was Right All Along?
“Son started to speak quite late but caught up quickly. There were certain words he pronounced in a wrong way, like in an unintelligible, inaudible way. I’ve done my research and started correcting him by repeating the word in a proper way and integrating that word into a whole sentence. As far as I know, this is still what is being suggested by speech therapists.
Still, my wife was of the opinion that the kiddo should not be corrected and we had quite a lot of debate on that.
Like I should shut up, I’m not a speech therapist, how dare I have a say on the topic.
Fast forward a few years to now, he already goes to primary school and albeit there was progress, there are still many words he cannot speak out properly. Obviously, that’s not ideal and has been called out (to us, the parents) by the class teacher as well.
Now wife started correcting our son as well.
LOL. I guess way too late, and when I mentioned to her that’s what I wanted to avoid all these years, she got just angry and anxious.
What am I missing here?
EDIT: yes, my son was enrolled in speech therapy, where the therapist told us the same: repeat in a correct way and use whole sentences.”
Another User Comments:
“OP has a little kid. Little kids mispronounce words. They don’t need speech therapists just because they mispronounce words.
My kid, who’s at the top of her age group with verbal skills, calls the emergency vehicle that takes you to the hospital an ‘ambliance.’ And boys often start speaking later than girls. It’s possible that he might need help, but this sounds all pretty normal to me.
And OP, what you did is exactly right. You pronounce the word again, in a sentence, so your kid can hear it.
You don’t shame them or tell them they’re doing anything wrong (that’s bad because it makes them self-conscious) — you just give them another opportunity to hear.
Your wife may be erred on the side of ‘you repeating this sounds like you’re telling them they’re wrong,’ or your wife may have been on the ‘it’s so cute; I don’t want to ‘fix’ them’ camp. (We’re kind of in that camp for ‘ambliance’.) But you were not the jerk for your method.
Now that your wife has realized that maybe your son needs to hear more words, she’s joined you. That should be validation enough.
‘I told you so’ is not the best way to move forward in a conflict in marriage, but it’s not totally undeserved in this situation.
So I vote NTJ.
(BTW, if your wife is actually anxious about your kid’s speech, talk to your kid’s teacher — he or she will know if your kid is on track for verbal skills compared to others.
If the teacher thinks there’s something abnormal, there’s nothing wrong with having him evaluated by both a speech therapist and an audiologist — sometimes hearing deficiencies are at the root of speech issues.)” Perdendosi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Mentioning that you were right to your wife isn’t healthy for your kid or your marriage. I get that you’re frustrated that she wasn’t on board with your plan earlier, but there’s nothing positive you can do about that now.
Get a good speech therapist to sit down with both of you and come up with an action plan.
I think your wife wanted to give him time to catch up, and now she sees (too late) that she should have been taking action earlier. Try to understand that while your wife was wrong, she had the best of intentions and saw things differently than you. She knows she was wrong, probably feels guilty, and the best way for you to support your family now is to work on the issue with your child’s speech as a team.” ASleepandAForgetting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Have seen parents in denial about when their kids need outside help or more help at home and it disgusts me. Then they wonder why their child struggles later and if it is the parents’ fault. Unless you are stressing your child severely when doing it, mean voice, or making them cry, then by all means help your child by politely correcting and letting them hear it again. Your wife intentionally stalled your child’s progress. The longer they pronounce them wrong and do it unchecked, the harder it is to correct. I am guessing hearing was checked before going to the speech therapist, but if it was not, do it now.” holisarcasm
13. AITJ For Refusing To Be Someone's Driver?
“I (56m, gay) know this woman (Dawn, 58f) who’s the ex of my best friend (Dan 56m). Dawn is ordinarily a sweet person (with a Minnie Mouse voice and mannerisms). Because neither she nor Dan has a car, she would sometimes call me and ask me to drive her on errands. And she would give me a few dollars to cover gas. I don’t think I do even ten miles worth of driving on any excursion.
I doubt she means to annoy me with the things she does. I don’t believe she’s got a malicious bone in her body (although Dan, who knows her best, does not agree). But I’ve advised her that she’s cut off and she will have to make other arrangements for her errands.
Once I was taking her to the neighborhood Wal-Mart, she asked me to meet a gay friend of hers, Ronnie, who was employed at the store.
She had called him and wanted the two of us to meet. I didn’t really feel well-dressed and prepared to make a good impression (and I don’t want to go out with anyone right now), so I declined, but she persisted. She kept telling me how perfect we would be for each other, and I continued to say no. In fact, I was so involved in my conversation with her, that we walked right past Ronnie, who said hello to me, but I didn’t even notice.
She also added, that Ronnie ‘would be the female in our relationship.’
Ugh!
And while I kept saying no while we did the shopping, she kept extolling his virtues and knew that Dan would think that we would be perfect together. (Dan disagreed. Ronnie’s idea of a day off is staying home drinking wine, while I don’t drink at all. And Ronnie doesn’t work out, while I’m at the gym every day.) She did give me Ronnie’s phone number, which I threw away later.
What clinched it for me was the time she lost her wallet in a store while I waited in the car. She was in a panic and asked me to buy her smoking stuff (I hate buying them), which I did. I then drove her home, but she called me later saying that a clerk found her wallet. So, I picked her up again, drove her back to the store, and she rewarded the store clerk with 20 dollars.
She paid me 15 dollars for this errand, 6.50 of which she got back for the stuff I bought. A store clerk finds her wallet and calls her and she gets a 20. I got no further compensation despite picking her up twice.
Then at our next stop, she bought herself a carton. Generic, I noticed. Evidently, it’s only the ‘good’ stuff when I’m paying. As I drove her home, I said that I was done taking her on errands, and explained why.
She started to cry, and took out another five and put them in my cupholder. (I put it back on her table when I helped her carry in her groceries.)
She did text me some weeks later, asking me to drive her for errands. I reiterated what I said. She insisted that she would do better and that I should give her one more chance, but I refused.
Was I too harsh with her? Should I have tried to set clear boundaries instead of cutting her off completely?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the reward for good work is more work. You’ve done your bid for king and country. You’ve banked enough karma points. If you keep helping her she will never find a permanent solution to her situation because you would be the de facto ‘permanent solution’.
She can have groceries, meds, etc delivered. She can uber. She can get a car, even if it’s a beater. She will be fine.
Side note – ‘No’ is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify your decisions to anyone. You can exercise complete autonomy, exert your boundaries and choose freely. Your independent choices are to be abided by others with zero need to explain yourself.” ROZDOG69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She probably considers you a friend and thinks that she was helping you out, finances are also always an awkward thing to deal with.
I think clear boundaries and a conversation about expectations around money etc could/would have helped the situation and made it less of an abrupt end when she believes everything was fine.” Doco12399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She might be lonely and sees these errands as a way to have company. That’s her issue, and she could just say she wants company. I don’t like running errands for myself, and I definitely don’t have it in me to do it with another person. She can Uber. Maybe ask her if she’s trying to have company, and if you want to hang out, you can do so at her home or yours.” 2n1spook
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Matching Tattoos With My Siblings?
“I 22F have always felt left out by my brother 30m and sister 28f. Aside from our age gap they have always been the jock type while I was the goth/artsy type and regularly antagonized me for it. My parents never defended me and allowed them to bully me up until I was finally able to stand up for myself. My parents’ defense being ‘you’ll be closer when you’re older’.
But when I was finally able to stand up for myself, ‘I’m taking it too far’.
As we’ve gotten older, the distance is more apparent. That being said I haven’t really given up on trying to have a close relationship with them until recently. I had a huge surgery and I needed help getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. They literally ignored my cries for help because they were watching the basketball game.
They claimed they didn’t hear me when I also texted and called them. I literally crawled on my hands and knees after getting abdominal surgery to use the bathroom. That was the beginning of the end for me. If a relationship comes it’ll be nice but I’m sick of extending the olive branch when there was a time when I was a child and they were adults.
As a result of feeling out of place with them, I got super close with our grandfather. He brought me to and from school throughout elementary school, he taught me how to drive, taught me how to stand up for myself, and basically fulfilled every emotional need that wasn’t satisfied by the rest of my family. It should also be noted that my siblings NEVER spent time with him.
In the last few years he’s developed dementia and because of this, my siblings have been making up with him in order to make themselves look/feel better. My sister genuinely tried to gaslight me when it came to one of my favorite memories of him and me together. It should also be noted I’m the only one he remembers since he got dementia. After telling me for years that no one likes me but him and trash-talking him as well suddenly ‘He’s the best grandpa ever’.
I decided I wanted to get a tattoo as a form of tribute for him. When I told them about my appointment, my siblings took it as an invitation and said ‘that’s perfect! That’s our matching tattoo!’ I just left. If I were to stay I would have gotten nasty.
Ever since I turned 18 I have been begging them to get a matching tattoo. They either ignore me or unnecessarily make fun of the idea I came up with.
I have had this particular idea for my grandpa in my head for a long time now, I give myself a year minimum before any new tattoos. Just to make sure it’s something I really want. I explained how I felt to my sister and she seemed understanding but she’s also a wild card who likes to flip emotionally so I’m skeptical. And it’s not like I’m uninterested in getting a matching tattoo with them.
This particular tattoo was for me and my relationship with my grandfather. AITJ? ”
Another User Comments:
“This is something for you and your grandfather, NTJ. Family or not, siblings or not, you don’t owe them anything. Although it will be difficult because you would like a relationship with your siblings, I would suggest no longer sharing deeply meaningful and personal things with them for your own mental health.
At this stage, they are old enough to choose to have a better relationship with you or not. You can’t always be the one reaching out, relationships are a two-way street. Maybe 10 years from now they will finally have growth and realize how trashy they have been to you and want to build a meaningful relationship.
Right now you’re trying to force a square peg into a round hole and the only one invested, the one that will get hurt is you.
Try to ease back a little bit for your own well being and if they at some point make an effort and initiate building a relationship (and you still want that) then you hopefully will have a bit less hurt in your life.
Your grandfather sounds like a lovely person, don’t let anyone taint your memories and time with him. And remember, sometimes friends can be your chosen family.
You just might find that meaningful sibling relationship you’ve been missing with someone you aren’t genetically related to. Best of luck with everything.
Btw, maybe have a recording device with you when you’re with your grandfather in case he has moments of clarity so you can capture even more memories to cherish. Enjoy your solo tattoo!” EnigmaticSmackdown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. and I’m so sorry about your grandpa. Dementia sucks.
Get the tattoo you want. Don’t tell them about the tattoo—they sound like the type to get ones to match anyway, and then be all sentimental about it and your grandpa, which they don’t deserve.” M2MK
Another User Comments:
“Perhaps they are looking to seem like a good family. Perhaps they think it is time to start working on that will. All that really matters is what you and your grandfather made between the two of you. They are only noisy interference and you just need to tune them out. Might not hurt to tune your folks out a bit, as well.” erinhennley
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Talk To My Dad?
“My (16nb) father (52m) always talks to me about school in a way that angers me. He constantly tells me he’s disappointed in me. I have some mental health issues (depression, anxiety) and am getting tested for ADHD. I find school very difficult and even when I try my hardest, the results aren’t what I want. I’m a very self-assured person, but even then, my own father telling me he’s disappointed in me hurts.
We have a great relationship outside of discussing school. He makes discussions about school so patronizing, so much so that I’ve started talking to him less and less. I’m a bit upset as well because I don’t want our relationship to be impacted badly by this. He never enforced the parent-child relationship either, which made our relationship a lot more freeing.
Sometime last year was my final straw about this, and when I decided to talk to him less.
I sat him down to have a serious talk about the way he treats my schoolwork. He completely blew up. He told me things like ‘You can’t outright refuse to talk to your dad about things. I am your father and you will talk to me about school. You’re being ridiculous. If you don’t want to talk about school with me, fine. I’ll remove myself from your life completely.
We won’t talk, I won’t take you places, etc.’ Which, y’know. Yikes.
I explained my feelings to him very clearly and outlined ways we could talk about school without making me, or him, angry. I told him about my mum’s approach, which was always ‘It’s okay, you tried your best and I’m proud of you for that,’ and suggested that he take that approach as well (or something along those lines), to which his response was, ‘No, I’m going to tell you that I’m disappointed because I don’t like sugarcoating.
You’re being sensitive.’
Then I got my therapist involved. She suggested we have a session together, which we did. I thought it went pretty well, and we’d even planned to go shopping afterward and use a gift card of mine that’d been sitting around for a while. Everything was fine until we got to the shopping center. He asks me, right outside the shop, if I still didn’t want to talk to him about school.
I said, jokingly, ‘Not if you keep the trashy attitude,’ and he responded, ‘Don’t expect something like this for a good long while then.’ And I burst into tears and ran back to the carpark.
He followed, and I sat in the backseat in tears with no intention to talk to him. The ride back home should have been 15 minutes, but instead, he decided to take me on a whole tour of the city in the car while yelling at me.
He said some nasty things, I said some nasty things, and it was only when I screamed at him to take me home that he did. I called him a jerkhead and he got even madder. I shouldn’t have said that, in hindsight, but oh well.
My mum (55f) and sister (18f) talked to us separately and told me that I’d gone too far and I should just go along with conversations with him regarding school.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sigh. This is a tough one. Your father is concerned about your schooling and your mother is concerned about your self-esteem. I think the solution is somewhere in the middle (neither hands-on nor hands-off); I also think your father needs to be educated on ADHD because it’s an entirely unique set of traits and learning modalities. (My son, my husband, and I all have this lovely superpower/challenge).
OP, you are like every other student in that you have strengths and challenges, and as adults, it’s our job to look at you and see the whole picture, not just your grades. As the parent of a teen who sometimes struggles with school, we have a rule that we don’t talk about school at certain times, most especially at dinner or sitting down to play a game/during fun family time, etc.
This was at our son’s request. Conversely, I do insist we have at least some time every so often to discuss his progress, where he is with assignments, does he want/need help, etc. We focus on how to address any challenges (what do you think would work for you?) and what ‘his’ goals are.
Your dad needs to let you be the primary investor in your education.
He’s trying to drive the train and push you along with it, but it’s ultimately YOUR education. I do think whatever information is learned from the ADHD testing will be helpful in also identifying your strengths. Your father was wrong to get mad at you for a joke (you did poke the bear a bit on that one, but again, I know that it was likely you trying to make light of something) and very wrong to take you on a tour to tell you off.
It isn’t helpful and won’t inspire you to work harder. I also think your mom needs to do more than just say ‘you did your best’, but also ask ‘what did you feel you did well on here?’ or ‘It seems like this really was hard for you to do/write/etc, is there something that might help you the next time?’
It’s these prompts for some self-reflection that can identify things you might want to try or approach differently the next time.
Gaining skills for dealing with ADHD, especially organizing your thoughts and work, will be necessary for life no matter what you do. You are NTJ, and I hope your father can educate himself on this topic. ‘Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most of out life with Attention Deficit Disorder’ by John Ratey offers some tips and really showcases how brilliant people with this manage to negotiate their work and home spaces.
I wish you all the best.” pdxflwerpwer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing to discuss school and express concern, but that’s not what he did, he took it away too far. And then he threatened to remove himself from your life, and drove around the city for an hour screaming at you?
He’s already ruined what could have been a good relationship. Your mom and sister need to realize what he did was wrong.
You had every right to react how you did.” midnight_thorns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so sorry. Your dad doesn’t have control and he isn’t accepting that.
Tell him, his anger and disappointment haven’t ever made your grades better.
Doing the same thing over and over, then expecting different results is a definition of insanity. He needs to understand that. And so do you, expecting him to change might just be outside his mental abilities.
He might just suck at being an educator or motivational speaker.
Keep trying – just say that isn’t helpful feedback. And do NOT expect him to be supportive. Part of growing up is learning your parents are human and limited. It stings the first few times.
Focus on working hard and doing the best you can. Most jobs – people don’t memorize things, they just keep a notebook and look it up.” blueavole
10. WIBTJ If I Didn't Reward The Person Who Found My Wallet?
“A couple of weeks ago I was at the airport in my city with friends checking in for a trip. Our flight got canceled and we got put on another flight out the next morning. My friends live closer to the airport than I do, so we packed ourselves into an Uber to their place and headed out.
My wallet fell out of my pocket while in the Uber.
I noticed it immediately once we got upstairs, and we instantly called the driver and asked if he had seen it. He mentioned that he had just dropped off another passenger and that they had asked him ‘if there was someone in the car before them,’ but not followed up after that.
Uber will put you in touch with drivers for lost items, but no other passengers, so after multiple failed attempts at tracking them down within the next couple of hours, I gave up and canceled all my cards, applied for new ones, and even applied for a replacement green card (which cost me $540 in nonrefundable fees).
We left the Uber around 7:15 pm, I applied for all the new stuff around 9:30 pm. Around 10:30 pm, I got a message on LinkedIn from the other passenger saying they found my wallet. Since I was traveling the next day, they agreed to ship it to my home address. I offered to cover tracked shipping. Now they’ve sent me their Venmo, and I can’t decide if I should just cover shipping or offer more as a ‘reward?’ I ended up actually paying about $600 in fees to replace all my stuff, but if they had left the wallet with the Uber driver, I would’ve gotten it back way sooner.
WIBTJ if I covered the cost of shipping and gave them nothing else?
UPDATE: Shipping was around $8 and I ended up sending her $35. It’s about all I can afford right now lol.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I do think that once you’ve received your wallet with everything still in it, you could pass them 20-50 for their honesty, and consider it savings for not having to replace ALL your stuff, but I wouldn’t do it before you’ve received the wallet with everything still inside that should be inside of it.
Also, you should still get your credit/debit cards (if there were any) replaced since that’s an issue that your info was all there in that wallet most likely.
I think giving nothing at all extra would be an ungrateful move, though I wouldn’t say it goes so far as to label you a jerk.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you don’t add a reward, but a small reward, like $25-$50 would be a nice gesture to compensate them for the time they took to ship your stuff back.
The person who found it may have thought they were doing you a favor because they knew THEY wouldn’t steal and sell your stuff, but the Uber driver might. They couldn’t have known how much you would pay in fees for everything.” Cultural-Ambition449
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It’s crazy that some people (not that your finder does, but people on here seem to!) expect a reward for returning lost property.
That’s basic humanity, not something you get a trophy for. Definitely cover the shipping, but I wouldn’t feel too bad about not giving them anything more. I certainly have never expected it when I have returned lost items to people in the past.” Preference-Prudent
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
The person tried to find you within a few hours of the loss, they did the right thing. They put themselves out tracking you down and sending the wallet (and its contents) to your preferred location.
The person didn’t ‘end up costing you $600 in fees’, you caused that yourself by losing your wallet in the first place and then asking the other passenger to ship it to you. You could have not bothered with the extra cost and let him keep the wallet.
I wouldn’t know if there is any protocol in what you do if you find anything in a Uber, but the passenger did what they thought was right and returned your wallet and its contents to you.
There is any number of others ways you could have dealt with this, but you chose the expensive one.
At the very least I would offer to do something, even if it’s a donation to their favorite charity.” Neither_March4000
9. AITJ For Wanting My Brother Out Of My House?
“I (51F) have an older brother (52M) who is a handful to put it lightly.
He used to constantly ask me for funds and then shame me for being ‘privileged’ when I wouldn’t give them to him – I have given him loans in the past before (none of which he has paid back and calls me cruel when I ask when they’ll be paid). For the record, I was not given any more privilege than my brother, we both grew up in poverty, although I am now upper-middle class.
I own the house he lives in which is a large 4-bed (just him living there). The arrangement was that he would pay me (discounted) rent and handle the bills himself.
He also was subtly homophobic to my lesbian daughter (14F) which is difficult for her because he does it in a microaggressive way where she can’t downright call him a homophobe.
However, because he is my brother I tried to continue to give him a chance.
In March of 2020, we visited him for his birthday and my daughter even baked him a cake (which he claimed was a ‘good hobby for a traditional woman’) which caused her to spend most of the time at his house with her younger brother watching movies – away from him.
This annoyed me but I tried not to cause a scene on his birthday. Other than that the meal went okay but the next morning I showed up to get some hair clippers and he asked me for more money.
I said no and suggested ways he could make money himself. He began to scream at me and called me a ‘selfish millionaire’ (I wish!). He demanded his hair clippers back and then kicked me out of ‘his’ house.
That was two years ago and he has not paid me a penny of rent, nor spoken to me since. This is not a financial burden for me.
My immediate family was previously the only members of the family who would speak to him (as he has fallen out with the rest of the family).
My husband had been recommending I give him his six months notice so this March, after two years of no contact or money, I attempted to email, text, and phone him multiple times with no response. Worrying he had changed contacts and therefore wouldn’t receive his notice, I went to his house and gave him the documents, and left, not wanting to deal with his reaction.
However, he chased me down the driveway and began to shout that I was an evil sister and I was ruining his life, ‘how could you do this to me?’ and so on and so forth.
By the time I arrived home I was a crying mess but my husband and daughter insist I did the right thing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, you have been too kind and giving to an ungrateful jerk.
I honestly think you should have been the one to call him out for the things he said to your daughter. 6 months is more than enough time for him to try and get himself together. If not too bad. He sounds awful. There is a reason why no one else wants him in their life. You should protect your daughter above everything else and forget about a brother who causes more damage than good in your life.” ChimiJae123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: the older I get, the more and more I learn (from personal experience and stories from others) that we are not responsible for our siblings at all, especially in adulthood when they make their own choices.
You have your own family to support now, and while he will always be your brother, as a sibling he is your equal. Not your burden. It is up to him to figure his own stuff out, and if he is truly 100% incapable of doing that, there is government support. Giving him freebies is just hurting him in the long run because it’s delaying the inevitability that one day he will have to wake up and realize that he is the reason why his life sucks.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, kick him out just for his attitude to women and your daughter. He’s such a smug jerk, he has no problem living in the house of a woman who isn’t sufficiently ‘traditional’ for his mindset. No surprise why the rest of the family has nothing to do with him.” Sea-Mud5386
8. AITJ For Blocking My Father From Using My Computer?
“I’m a college student at the moment and I use my computer regularly. It’s my safe space. I bought it half a year ago for a little less than €1000. It’s my baby, really.
I recently found out that my dad was spying on my computer by simply going on it when I’m not home. When I know I’ll use my pc later in the day (for example when I go out for groceries), I’ll put it on sleep mode so I have easy access when I get back.
When I do this, I go to my desktop to kind of keep my screens ‘clean’. It’s automatism, really. When I got back from going out, I found that my computer was not in sleep mode, and my discord and chrome were opened. I felt rather uneasy, as I sometimes look at adult things on there. So I decided to lock my computer with a password.
Yesterday, when I got home, my father started shouting at me for locking him out of my computer. He said something like: ‘Why won’t you let me in your computer? Yours is faster than mine, I need it for research.’ (roughly translated because English is not my main language). He told me that I am a bad daughter for not sharing my computer with him, even though he has his own.
I told him ‘there are private things on there and I don’t feel comfortable with you going on there, especially when you didn’t ask for it, just like you barging into my room without knocking.’ He told me that if I don’t feel comfortable with it I should get him a new computer or I should get out of the house. A few family members have told me yesterday and today on social media that I’m being unreasonable and I should just let him use it and ‘it’s not like he’ll judge you because he’s your dad.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s yours and you paid for it.
If he needs a faster computer he can buy his own. If it’s a laptop, start taking it with you when you leave, he sounds so angry that he may damage it or take it away even though it’s yours.” MissyBee63
Another User Comments:
“I mean he is your dad, and he’s already judging you because you won’t let him use your computer.
Him saying that if you don’t want him using his computer, you should just buy him his own is such an insanely childish demand.
He has his own. If it isn’t fast enough for him, maybe he should save whatever he wants to keep on a USB and clear the hard drive.
You are not being unreasonable by expecting your personal items to remain personal. He’s out of line by helping himself to your room and your computer while you aren’t home. The things on a computer can make it feel like someone’s looking at your diary, so I get it.” Oliviarose85
7. AITJ For Not Giving My Cousin A Ride?
“My cousin lives in one part of town, while my friend L lives in the other part of town. If I give either a ride, it takes me the same amount of time to reach my home, it just depends on which street I take. In my country when you are a new driver you can only drive with up to two passengers.
It was a rainy day, and my cousin and her neighbor asked if I can give them a ride at the end of the shift.
I said yes.
Our shift ended. We got ready to go to my car, we stood in front of the door talked about how we needed to run due to the rain, and then started running to the car. Exactly at that moment, ‘L’ started shouting my name, and when she saw us running, she ran behind us. Quickly we arrived at my car, and jumped in..
and so did L.
She wanted a ride home. She didn’t ask before. There is enough room, just not legally.
I said ‘I am not risking my license to give 3 people a ride, someone has to get off,’ I was clearly implying that L needs to get off as she didn’t ask my permission to get into the car, and when it comes between someone vs family, family always comes first.
BUT, SHE STAYED SILENT AND SAID ‘not me’.
The awkward silence in the car could’ve cut a watermelon. I refused to even put my key in the ignition and just sat there.
My cousin and her neighbor were silent. Until they said ‘okay, we will just leave’, they then left out in the rain to the bus stop.
I stayed silent. Took L to her house, contemplated letting her leave at the start of the street (the entrance to her house is complicated and that would’ve been acceptable in my opinion), but even decided to take her up to her house door.
Then I continued driving home, fuming.
AITJ for not putting my foot down nor pushing L outside of the car? Or not just implying it but outright telling her to get off?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your cousin and her neighbor asked for a ride and you said ‘yes’. Then you let ‘L’ steamroller all over the plans and your cousin and her neighbor went home in the rain.
YTJ. And you need to learn to speak up for yourself/the people you’ve made plans with.” CaliLemonEater
Another User Comments:
“You should have told L to get out, but you’re not really the jerk. You, your cousin, and the other girl all allowed yourselves to be used by L, and no one had the spine to call her out. Next time, hopefully, you’ll all know better.” beek_r
6. AITJ For Giving Back My Ex's Leather Jackets?
“I (17f) broke up with my ex (17f) using the term ‘clean break’ and now she’s upset that I deleted pictures and gave things back.
My SO (we will call her M) and I were together for almost a year. It was really good for the most part. We connected really well at the beginning of our relationship and it worked out perfectly. However, in December, we were at a party and something happened that shifted everything.
She became a different person, and I became a different person which is fine! But the people we had become, didn’t connect with the other person. So I ended things because I wasn’t happy.
While we were together, she gave me 2 very nice leather jackets that belonged to each of her parents. It meant a lot to me and she told me ‘please take care of them, and in the end, when or if that happens, please make sure they come back to me.’ So one of my friends and I drove to her house a few days ago and my friend thought it would be a better idea if she gave them to her and not me, because of the ‘clean break’ and so I agreed.
When she gave them back, M was rude to her and very stand-offish, which is understandable because of the reason she was getting them back.
The next day M wrote me a paragraph about her dropping off my clothes because she’s not going to be ‘led on’ anymore. And that I called it a ‘break’ and then deleted the pictures off of my social media and that was rude.
I got fed up and blew up because I didn’t feel that I did anything wrong. For context; during the last 4-5 months of our relationship, there was not much communication. There were things being hidden and she asked my close friend to lie to me (which she didn’t. She told me as soon as we were alone) along with the lack of affection and contact.
I decided that I wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t obligated to stay in something I wasn’t happy with. She called me a jerk for leaving while she was trying to get help and not letting her fix herself, and not giving her a chance to fix our relationship, even though we have had multiple conversations about how our relationship was failing and we had to figure something out.
In her paragraph, she stated that she was going to drop off my clothes which was fine. I told her when I would be home so that way they didn’t just get left on my porch.
Yesterday, I received a text from a friend that is also friends with M, saying that M left a bag of my clothes at his house and that he just wanted to let me know that he had them.
There is no contact between us, however, I didn’t block her number, in fact, I wanted to stay civil, I just needed time away from her in order to do better for myself.
So… AITJ for breaking up with M, and giving her back her things?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – in fact, you are handling this much better than people older than you. She on the other hand is handling herself like a typical teen.
You are under no obligation to stick around being unhappy while she ‘fixes herself’. Most high school relationships are temporary and you are smart enough to have recognized not to stay if you are not happy.” MissyBee63
Another User Comments:
“Not really jerk material. Break up if you want. Involving someone else in wrapping up loose ends, however (especially another girl) is pretty weak and a bit hurtful though—but kind of to be expected at your age.” Dan300up
5. AITJ For Being Too Tired To Bake Cookies For My Brother?
“I (23F) have a full-time job, but I still live at home. I pay my own bills, including rent to my parents. I help out around the house or run errands when they need me to. My brother (17M) comes home only occasionally. He does whatever he wants. When he doesn’t get his way, he has a conniption. He has even told me that it’s my job to clean up after him.
I always refuse. He needs to take care of himself.
Now, I had bought a container of cookie dough. I used to bake cookies throughout high school, but in college, I had fallen into a deep depression and stopped. I’m better now. When I bought the dough, I felt like I was one step closer to becoming my old self again.
I couldn’t make the cookies the day I bought the dough, as I was going to visit family.
My plan was to make it when I returned. Right as I was about to leave, my brother asks me if he can have some raw cookie dough (the first words he’s spoken to me in a month). I say no, explaining that I wanted to bake the cookies like I used to. He complained a bit but reluctantly agreed.
Fast forward, I arrive home. My brother’s first words to me were ‘Are you making them tonight?’ I told him, no, explaining that I had just driven at least 6 hours and it was after 11 pm, so I was too tired.
He then said: ‘If you’re not cooking them like you said you would, then let me have some raw cookie dough’. I told him no again, reminding him that I was going to make them. He responded even more agitated: ‘Then let me make them tonight if you’re gonna be lazy’. I told him that I wanted to make them like I used to and that I would do it tomorrow.
He then got upset, since he was going back to school tomorrow, and yelled: ‘Just because you bought it, doesn’t mean someone else can’t use it!’ This upset me and we got into an argument. I reminded him that he was going back late in the evening and that there was plenty of time for me to make cookies for everyone before then. He stomped away.
I ended up moving the cookie dough container somewhere else in the fridge.
The next day, I woke up uncharacteristically exhausted. I could barely get out of bed. Ultimately, I decided not to make them that day, even though I knew he would get upset that he couldn’t have any.
It turns out I was right. He left a revenge poop in the bathroom right before he left and didn’t flush it.
I don’t use that bathroom because he has mucked it up, so I didn’t realize he had done that until the next morning when the smell wafted down the hall and into my room. Who does that?!
I texted him to let him know that his behavior was not acceptable and he told me, ‘Shut up, it’s not my problem anymore.’
I knew not baking cookies before he returned to school would make him flip his lid, but I still think his behavior is ridiculous.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents have a monstrously entitled jerk on their hands (and apparently trash in the bowl).
If he’s so incompetent that he can’t toddle himself off to the store and buy his widdle self a tube of cookie dough and then either eat it raw or put it on a baking sheet, he’s just too hapless to DESERVE A COOKIE.
The cookies aren’t the point–you have a jerk brother who runs roughshod over everyone in the house with no consequences.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“I am soooo confused….if a 17-year-old wants cookies, can a 17-year-old not drive/bike/walk to the store and get some?
I mean obviously, he’s TJ but you sunk yourself in there a bit by saying you would make them, and then not doing it. You’ve set an expectation and he believed you. Should have said ‘dude I have no idea when I’m making them. Go get your own.'” tinny36
4. AITJ For Wanting To Pay For My Brother's College Education?
“My (22f) parents want my brother (17m) to study medicine in college whereas he wants to study computer science. My brother has gotten into a really great university on the East Coast through a computer science major, but my parents have threatened that they wouldn’t pay for his tuition unless he switches to studying medicine. I myself did study medicine, but only because I wanted to.
I have saved up a lot from internships over the past four or so years, and I believe that I can pay for a solid part of his education. I’ve told him that the rest he would have to get a job for because I don’t have so much money. I told him he may also have to consider student loans.
Our parents are livid and have told me to stay out of matters that aren’t mine.
I mean I know my brother is their kid, but he’s still my little brother, so I want him to be happy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Sister of the year here! Now, if your brother was trying to go for something really stupid, or a dying craft, or anything clearly a bad idea I would see why your parents are adamant about it, but he isn’t.
Computer science is the way of the future and is one of the few fields in which you can make a decent buck and have some job security. And there is so much freedom in it, more freedom than medical.
I am a Computer Science Major and it is a perfectly acceptable and well-paying career with a bright future. It’s a little rocky starting out though, but once he gets some experience under his belt he will be good.
Tell him to try and get as much hands-on work as he can while in college. Working on open-source projects, get hired on as an independent contractor for small jobs from small companies or even individuals. Anything that can prop up a resume. If he can graduate with field experience he will be way better off.” montrasaur009
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, but if you’re going to offer support for his education I suggest you do it with no strings attached.
I feel like that’s the best way to avoid conflict between you and your brother. You could also help him with applying for loans/grants/scholarships if he wasn’t comfortable taking your funds (or in addition to giving him funds). Sucks that you guys have to deal with this sort of pressure from your parents! It’s not like he wants to take basket weaving or something – computer science can lead to lots of great career paths!” hezza01
3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Lying To My Younger Brother?
“My (19F) partner ‘Jack’ (20M) and I have known each other for 4 yrs at first as friends, but we’ve only been seeing each other for the last year. He spent a lot of time over at our house cause his parents were always busy so he hung out a lot and was pretty close with my younger brothers ‘Nick’ (17M) and ‘Charlie’ (15M). They bonded over general guy stuff like sports and whatnot especially him and Charlie because they’re both wrestlers and Jack would help give him pointers and show him different moves etc.
Both my brothers looked up to Jack like older brothers. Jack’s family is pretty religious and sorta homophobic, but he never expressed such views and seemed ok with it when Charlie came out last year when he turned 14. Though since Charlie got a male partner in December he and Jack haven’t exactly been the same. At first, I just thought it was my brother getting older and doing their own thing, but Jack didn’t seem as distant with Nick as he did with Charlie.
He seemed to just not acknowledge or talk to Charlie as much or kind of ignore him some.
I’ve asked him about it, but he just says it’s nothing. Well, Jack somehow gets tickets for different basketball games through his dad’s job and because I don’t care for sports much he usually takes my brothers. There was a basketball game Saturday and Charlie wanted to bring his partner with him.
Jack said fine if he could get enough tickets from his dad, which was weird because he’s usually able to get as many as he wants. Day of Jack told Charlie he wasn’t able to get an extra for Charlie’s partner. Charlie was upset but still went.
What annoyed me was while I was at his place yesterday and looking for a jacket in his room I found two extra tickets for Saturday’s game in his jacket pocket.
I went downstairs and confronted him in front of his parents about why he lied. He tried to tell me he forgot about them and I yelled at him that he was full of trash. I told him he was a piece of work for the way he’s been treating my brother lately and that he was a lying homophobic jerk and I drove home. I’ve been ignoring his calls and he keeps texting he was sorry he lied and that he’s not homophobic just not ‘super comfortable with it’ or that I shouldn’t have gone off on him in front of his parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘I’m not super comfortable with it’ means ‘I’m homophobic, just not so loud about it.’ It’s what people say when they don’t want to admit to homophobia because they know homophobia is bad and they don’t want to be bad people. It’s often cognitive dissonance for them.
Sure, maybe going off in front of his parents wasn’t ideal, but he lied to you twice – first about not having the tickets, then about ‘forgetting’ them.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your partner is homophobic. That’s the definition. He is excluding people and treating them badly because he doesn’t ‘approve’ of their ‘lifestyle choices’. Drop him. Don’t damage your brothers’ lives with someone who feels like being around gay people is ‘catching’. Your brothers deserve better and so do you, sweetling.” DoubtBorn
2. AITJ For Expecting My Unemployed Partner To Do More Chores?
“This has nothing to do with finances. We split the rent and we share everything 50-50. I am an engineer and my partner works in healthcare. One month ago her contract ended and she has been unemployed since. She has already found another job but she would be able to start two months after her previous job ended, that means in a month from now. So for the past month, she has been living her best life.
She’s spending her mornings studying for her new job but also reading, watching Netflix, going to the gym and for runs with her dog, etc.
However, she hasn’t started contributing more to the household. I mean she still cooks and cleans every day but she still expects me to wash the dishes and she won’t pick up my clothes after I have returned from work. The other day I left a bunch of my mail on the table and when I returned it was left unopened, I asked her why she didn’t look through it and she told me she’s not my secretary.
I have been hinting that she should be picking up more chores now that she’s unemployed but she says that she’s not my housekeeper, she does more than half of the chores and since my workload has not increased I should be able to do mine.
I mean yes, I am able to do it but I am tired from work and she isn’t so I had expected her to step up a little but no, she claims this is her break from working hard and other hurtful things like she didn’t go to med school to be a live-in maid, etc.
So am I the jerk for expecting her to do most of the chores while she’s unemployed?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You subtly slipped it in that she went to med school, so I’m going to assume that what’s going on is that she just finished her RESIDENCY, and has two months before she starts her first job as an attending (aka a doctor not under the supervision of other doctors).
For Pete’s sake, dude. She has undoubtedly been working way harder than you (generally in the US residents work 70-90 hours per week), and you even mentioned she’s studying up during this period to prepare for the new position. Because spoiler alert: DOCTORS PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS HAVE TO STUDY CONSTANTLY THROUGHOUT THEIR CAREERS.
Jesus Christ, you’re lucky she didn’t dump you for even implying she should be your personal maid.
She’s enjoying a well-deserved break while still contributing to the household. You just sound bitter and terrible.” KDSD628
Another User Comments:
“‘She still expects me to wash the dishes and she won’t pick up my clothes.’ WOW. Just… wow. Not only are YTJ, but you’re also a MASSIVE jerk, and she’s dead right with her comments about not being your housekeeper.
You’re treating her (and speaking about her) like she’s suddenly a lazy layabout who’s been unemployed for months and living off you like a sponge or something when the reality is that she simply has a few weeks’ leeways between jobs, wherein she would like a much-deserved, well-earned rest before she goes back to the grind.
Your attitude towards her, frankly, comes off as gross, contemptuous, and more than a little unfair. You seem to be completely and deliberately misrepresenting the situation in order to make it seem as though she’s being dreadfully self-indulgent when in reality, she isn’t doing any less than she ever did and is in fact doing MORE… she is just, as she has noted, not doing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING for you.
And frankly, the fact that it ever occurred to you that she should literally be PICKING UP AFTER YOU is not just ridiculous but obnoxious. You’re a grown man. Maybe try behaving like one. YTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Uh, WHERE is she picking up your clothes from, the floor? Why would she be sorting your personal mail? She’s still cooking and cleaning every day, what do you have to whine about (you already said she does ‘more than half of the chores’ –why precisely is that?)
I am on board with the person with more free time short term taking on more household tasks, because you see long-term reciprocity with the partner and know that person will do the same in your shoes and give you a little break (does she trust that about you? I doubt it!) I’m not on board with the bean-counting (she’s still got funds–your financial burden hasn’t gotten higher), criticizing how she spends her time as frivolous (my guess is that in health care, she’s SEEN SOME STUFF recently), and potentially making the housework harder by doing stuff like throwing your clothes on the floor for someone else to have to go along behind you to pick up (are you a child?).
What she sees is that if she does any more, when she goes back to work, you’re going to have amnesia that this was every different and expect her to do everything and be annoyed about it.
Don’t approach this as an engineer–think of it like a person who is going to be a happy, contributing member of the household in two months when she’s at her new job and things go to 50/50.” Sea-Mud5386
1. AITJ For Renovating My Father-In-Law's Old Home?
“Last year, my husband and I purchased his stepdad’s former home. For context, his stepdad married his mom only about 5 years ago, at which point he moved into the larger home she owned. He had been previously married and his wife had passed away from cancer many years ago. They did not have any children together, but his former home held many memories of their life together.
My husband and I have a good relationship with FIL and earlier this year, he mentioned that he was planning to put his former home on the market, as property values in the area have skyrocketed. He offered to allow us to buy it for the appraised value but suggested that he would partially pay the downpayment with a gift of equity. We were grateful, as this allowed us to buy a home that we otherwise could not have afforded.
All seemed well until FIL and MIL visited us for the first time for Easter. We have done several small renovations, mostly just with paint, but the most drastic change was to the kitchen. He admittedly had a very nice kitchen, but it was not to our taste. We changed out the backsplash, and countertop, and refinished the cabinets. All of this was DIY as my husband works as a carpenter and is skilled in these areas, so the cost was just for materials.
FIL was very upset when he saw the changes we made. He was unusually quiet through dinner, but before leaving he told my husband he was disappointed that we made these changes without telling him. He felt that we had betrayed him and that he would not have offered the gift of equity if he had known we were going to ‘gut’ his home. This was hurtful to hear as we did not think the gift came with conditions, and FIL also made a considerable profit even after the 5% gift.
I personally feel that if he had sold it to anyone else, they would have every right to renovate it however they see fit. It also wasn’t as if we had trashed his home, and the changes we’ve made are very carefully and professionally done. I can understand that it may have been a shock to see somewhere that you’ve made a lot of memories looking different, and think maybe we should have shown him the changes along the way, but am I really the jerk for changing my home without the former owner’s permission?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He is being totally unreasonable. Any new owners of a house are going to make changes – some can be quite extensive. You aren’t tenants – you OWN this house. The gift of equity is just that – a gift. You need to let him know that while you can understand his attachment, the house is no longer his and he should have made it clear that his ‘gift’ came with insanely long strings attached, and had you known you would have declined.
I would be kind but quite firm on this. You don’t need him dictating what you do in the future with YOUR house.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s normal for you to want to make the home yours, it’s also normal for your FIL to have emotional connections to the way the house was and feel grief over it changing. My parents have put a lot of love into each of their homes, and they’ve had visceral reactions a few times when new owners change things they loved about the house – like the folks who weren’t enamored of the custom cherry cabinets and did a kitchen remodel.
Literally impossible to find someone to do that kind of custom work anymore, but tastes change over time.
Also, I’m sure part of Fil’s grief is over his wife who died, and memories of her in that house.” RainbowCrane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is your home – but maybe FIL can be forgiven for his poor reaction since he was presumably caught off guard and had an emotional reaction that would have been avoided if you had mentioned the changes before he came over? Not that you ‘owed’ him that, but I can sympathize with his feelings if this was a one-time slip-up.” AnalysisParalysis907
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Not ever mentioning that you were updating part of the house before he got there was wrong. If someone else bought the home, they would have done whatever they wanted, but he NEVER would have been back in that home. Springing it on him was just rude. How do you do all those things and never even mention it? My guess is you two did not mention it because you knew that he would not be happy.
The profit he made was irrelevant and was much less than it would have been when you account for the gift. While he can’t expect you not to change it, he surely should have been warned about the changes. You think it was hurtful to hear, how about how hurtful it was for him to be shocked by it when he walked in the door?” holisarcasm
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