People Demand To Know "Am I The Jerk?" In These Stories

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It's annoying to live in a community where everyone thinks you're a jerk with a bad attitude. It's easy for other people to quickly make a judgment just by witnessing a single event where you're forced to make a harsh decision or action. Sadly, that one time may be the only thing other people will remember, so they see you as a jerk no matter how many times you try to make amends. Here are some stories from people who want to know if they're in the wrong or have wrongly been accused of being a jerk. Read on and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. WIBTJ If I Spayed My Brother's Cat?

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“So my (33F) brother (36M) has been struggling with serious mental health issues and addiction over the last 2+ years. He recently finally went to a long-term inpatient program after spending a couple of months in jail following a psychotic episode. I won’t go into detail, but it was awful and terrifying.

He has had a cat who is almost 10 years old. Her grandfather was our family’s beloved cat who passed 15 years ago.

My brother was very attached to him and has been trying to preserve his bloodline, so he never had her fixed because he intended to breed her eventually but never did.

Since my brother has been unable to care for her, my husband (35M) and I have taken her in to live with us and our own 2 cats. She was being neglected and not at all cared for properly, so we are glad we have been able to give her a stable home.

We aren’t sure if my brother will ever be in a position to take her back and give her the care she needs and deserves, but we are prepared to adopt her permanently if need be. We have had her for about 3 months now and we had her immunized and checked up by a vet. We switched her to a raw diet and she has lost a lot of weight, which is great because my brother always free-fed her dry food.

She is even starting to play again!

The problem is that she goes into heat every 2-3 weeks and will for the rest of her natural life unless we get her fixed. She howls all night long when she is in heat and our neighbors are complaining (we live in a row home). She has also been marking outside of her litter box. Her pheromones are attracting neighborhood toms who sit outside of our windows and stress out our boys.

Nothing we’ve tried to minimize this has worked so far. She is too old to safely give birth anyway, even if we felt like my brother would be able to take her back, give her and a litter of kittens the care they need, and find good homes for the ones he couldn’t keep. She is also at risk of developing illnesses like Pyometra if we don’t get her fixed.

Really, it is the best thing for her and us and our boys. But I know that my brother would lose his mind if I even suggested it. I will have to bring it up to him at some point soon, but if he is totally opposed to it, it puts us in a really bad position. I know it’s what is best for her, but I don’t know if making a unilateral decision like this would make me a jerk.

I don’t know really what to do at this point. I have a responsibility to all of these babies to make sure they are as healthy and happy as they can possibly be. But I also feel like it isn’t my place to get her fixed until we know for certain that my brother will never be able to take her back.

WIBTJ if I got her spayed even if my brother doesn’t want her fixed?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Probably the best thing here would just be to go ahead and have the conversation with your brother about wanting to adopt her permanently, so you don’t need to worry about who’s responsible for deciding what. But given the shape she was apparently in before she came to you and the level of vet care that implies, plus the fact he never got around to making kittens a priority anyway, I’m not sure your brother would even know what you’d had done if he took her back.

You could also just have a conversation with the vet to confirm what you already know about the risks if you don’t do this or how likely it is she can have a fully healthy litter at this point, and just punt by saying you didn’t really feel you could go against their recommendation and would have felt worse about having to answer for anything bad happening to her or any kittens as a result of not doing it.” mm172

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’d be doing it for the cat’s health, the girl is an old lady and honestly I think anyone would agree on the risk of breeding a cat at that age far outweighs any benefits of doing so.

I can understand that your brother would be upset, and clearly has an attachment to the cat’s bloodline but if he wanted to preserve it then really arrangements should have been made to do so when she was younger.

I don’t think there’s any win-win scenario here, it’s really just down to choosing between the cat’s health or what your brother wants; which I think everyone would agree is an unrealistic want at this stage.

Do you know if this little lady has any relative cats out there? You might get lucky and find an owner willing to let you adopt them or breed them if they’re a safer breeding age? You never know, and that might let everyone win.” mystery1nc

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

A cat should not be having kittens after about 6 yo. With each year there are increasing complications. Even if she never gets pregnant, she has an increased risk of breast tumors.

IMO you should get her spayed just as you have been taking care of all of her medical needs. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it with your brother. If it comes up tell him the vet said it was necessary.

Also, cats can maintain a healthy weight with (quality) dry food ad libitum. The problem comes when the food is high in carbs and low in protein. The cat will eat until they get enough protein, so if there are extra carbs they gain weight.” 1962Michael

4 points (4 votes)
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KohakuNightfang 2 weeks ago
Every year 530,000 cats are euthanized every year in the US alone. This is down from 2.6 million every year just ten years ago. Why is this? Because people have learned how important adoption is instead of breeding more cats. We already have far too many cats in the world. Far too many are still losing their lives. Fix the poor cat. It's better for her health and better than her possible kittens taking the homes that could be given to other cats in need.
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17. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Brother For Not Wanting Our Adopted Brother To Come Camping With Us?

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“My parents love kids, and after my youngest brother Caleb (26m) moved out they decided to look into adoption. My family and I (27m) supported that decision: They adopted our brother Chase 2 years later who was 3 at the time, now he’s 6. Our family’s welcomed him all except for Caleb. He’s been used to being the ‘baby’ of the family, around that time my dad told him he’s going to have to stop relying on them financially and grow up.

That was just my dad being my dad wanting him to stop being dependent but then when they announced they were looking into adoption my brother took it as they set him aside for another kid. He also doesn’t like how both our parents are staying at home to be with Chase and taking time off work when they never did that when we were growing up.

Our parents were still involved in our lives but obviously, they are in different places in their lives financially.

I’m really close to Chase, he loves spending time with my son (his nephew) because they’re only a few months apart. Caleb not so much. He’s refused to come to my parents’ house at all in the last few years since.

Yesterday some of us, my brother, sister and cousins had lunch together.

Someone got the idea we should go camping next weekend since we haven’t done that in a while as a family. Bring our kids along too since we all have our own families. I suggested calling my dad up so they could join us too. The only one who wasn’t on board with that was obviously Caleb. It’s ‘family only’ and it would be really weird.

My sister’s kids, all my cousins’ spouses, and kids were going from ages 4-to 11 so it wasn’t even an issue about kids going. Just that Chase would be there too.

And I told him ‘you know what you need to get over yourself already and stop whining about a little kid being in our family.’ That ticked him off. Caleb says he’s allowed to feel uncomfortable so he doesn’t want them there with Chase.

It really soured the whole meetup. They’re not a fan of Caleb’s reaction or so they say but they do think I was a jerk being so dismissive of his feelings.

Even if he’s not right those are his feelings, but they do think we should invite my parents and Chase to go with us because we know they love the outdoors. My brother is still saying he won’t talk to me until I apologize all because of my attitude toward him about the whole thing.

Maybe it did come off that way because I personally don’t see what the big deal is about Chase, we’re not blood-related but I still consider him my baby brother. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you can do better. How come Caleb thinks he is ‘allowed’ to feel how he feels and ostracize a 6-year-old member of the family, but you’re not ‘allowed’ to call out a grown 26-year-old male brother, for his disgusting behavior? It’s ‘just how you feel’, after all.

In general, I might try to engage Caleb more with the ‘hate your behavior but don’t hate you’ approach, though. If Caleb is emotionally stunted enough to feel so rejected by Chase, maybe he is feeling emotionally rejected by you as well. You can just limit the scope of your apology to being sorry for belittling Caleb, which is legit, while still insisting his behavior is not appropriate.

Recognize that you are clearly the only one of the 3 siblings who is a functional adult, and you’re in no position to ‘fix’ Caleb, you can only hold him accountable (which isn’t helped by name-calling).

I think you’re NTJ, though, because you’re only human. But you can do better on what is clearly painful for Caleb, without enabling him.” Dukjinim

Another User Comments:

“I’m torn between NTJ but with caveats or a very lopsided ‘everyone sucks here’.

Obviously, Caleb is the jerk for how he’s treating Chase. Chase didn’t do anything to him and excluding him from the family just because he’s adopted is absolutely horrible, not to mention that a 26-year-old having such a grudge against a preschooler is immature and kinda ridiculous. And you’re completely right that Caleb doesn’t deserve to have his feelings about Chase not being in the family validated.

But let’s not forget the other jerk, the unsung villain of the story. And that’s dad. Think about it from Caleb’s view. A dude who has one or two more years to go before his brain fully developed, in what was likely the 3rd year of his college, has dad trundle on up to him and say ‘Hey there son, we’ve decided to adopt another child after you, so as a result you’re cut off financially.

Sink or swim, jerk.’ And then due to the changes in their life situations, mom and dad are able to stay home and spend the time and attention on Chase that they couldn’t always expend on Caleb growing up. The conversation might as well have gone ‘Hey Caleb, we’re replacing you with another baby we plan on loving more, would you mind resenting him for the rest of your life? Kthxbyeeee!'” TharedThorinson

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

‘It’s ‘family only’ and it would be really weird.’

This is gross. Chase is family, and your brother is being incredibly immature here.

‘Caleb says he’s allowed to feel uncomfortable so he doesn’t want them there with Chase.’

Oh, you can’t stop him from having feelings. But some feelings do come from a place of possessiveness, insecurity, or jealousy and shouldn’t be given the same respect.

The reason why folks should in general respect someone’s wishes when they say they are uncomfortable is because it usually is about personal boundaries or feeling unsafe around someone.

It sounds like your brother is trying to frame his feelings here as ‘uncomfortable’ as leverage to get you on his side and exclude a child from family activities.

The only time it would be fair to exclude a child from activities is if that child is a danger to someone else. (And uh, some kids…something is wrong with them, and they will maliciously hurt others. My deepest sympathies to any parent dealing with that.)

It may be possible he doesn’t really understand that what he’s feeling is jealousy – our society is pretty bad about teaching men that kind of emotional introspection and identification.

But it is jealousy. And it’s an ugly look, a 26yo man jealous of a six-year-old getting more time and attention than he did.

Which you pointed out, in this case, is a matter of your parents being in a different financial position now. Also… they are more experienced parents having raised other children to adulthood.

And you know, it’s one thing to be hurt – god knows feelings aren’t always rational, to begin with.

It’s another to choose to claim only biological connections can make a family.” Kettlewise

3 points (3 votes)
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TJHall44 1 week ago
NTA Caleb is a narcissistic, selfish AH & needs to get over himself.
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16. AITJ For Hiring A Babysitter Even Though I'm At Home?

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“My husband (38M) and I (35F) have a 10-month-old baby. He is currently a stay-at-home dad bc he works in politics so his work is cyclical. I know he’s really busy all day at home. However, the second I step through the door from my full-time job, he hands me the baby and he’s ‘off the clock.’ Most weekends all I do is take care of our son because my husband says that’s his time off.

This has resulted in me basically never getting a break. Whenever I’m not working at my actual job, I’m taking care of our son or doing chores. I asked my husband repeatedly to at least split some of the work on weekends, but he refused and said he does that M-F and it’s my job when I’m at home. It’s not like he doesn’t do any chores during the week, but most of his day is consumed by taking care of the baby so a lot of things like laundry get left to the weekend (aka me).

I’m so burned out. I told my husband I wanted to hire a babysitter on weekends so I could just have a break for a few hours and he said it was a huge waste of resources.

This past weekend, while he went out with friends, I hired a babysitter and literally just took a nap. He got home while she was still there, woke me up, and told me I was throwing our money down the toilet.

He said I need to figure out how to juggle being a working mom. I refused to apologize for hiring the sitter and plan to do it again. We are currently not speaking except for necessities related to the baby. AITJ here?

Edit- I sent this to my husband and got radio silence for most of the day. He then sent me a 5 paragraph long text message sort of apologizing, but also saying I ‘misrepresented’ him.

He wanted to clarify that he does do chores throughout the week but that some of them (like folding laundry) get done by me on the weekend. He still thinks the chore split is 50/50 at this point. (I disagree, but that’s not the bigger issue, so I’m not going to focus on that for now.)

He admitted that he should help me out more with our son on nights and weekends, but also said that it’s not true that I am the only one watching him when I’m home.

He pointed out that while it’s true that I do most of the childcare, he helps out when he is at home (although he does go out a lot on nights/weekends to play sports/hang out with friends). In my opinion, playing with the baby so I can take a shower or make our meals doesn’t really count, since the baby is always my responsibility whenever I’m not doing some sort of chore where it’s impossible to watch a baby.

We are going to have a discussion tonight when I get home from work. Thank you for all the input, I feel so much better knowing that I’m not crazy for thinking this is untenable and unfair. Also, he agreed to get a babysitter sometimes, so victory on that front!”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but your husband is. As a parent, you’re never ‘off the clock’. He sees it as a job, okay.

But now he has 1 job from M-F and you have 2 jobs from M-Sunday. That’s not fair. I would communicate with him how this is not working for you and maybe write down the times he’s ‘working’ and the times you’re working. And let him know what you need. Just because you’re not home with the baby on weekdays, doesn’t mean you get to spend 100% of the time with the baby and do chores when you’re at home.

I get where he’s coming from. I work part-time so on my day off, when my husband finishes work, I usually give the baby to him. Just so I can breathe and maybe even pee! But that’s for 10 minutes max, after that we do 50/50. Someone needs to keep the baby happy while the other one is cooking dinner. And one of us needs to sit downstairs with him at night so the other one can sleep (it’s 5 am here right now and I am tired).

How would this work if you had 2 children? Would you just have to try to keep them both happy, while your husband is relaxing? You’re not throwing money away by hiring a sitter, he is. And you deserve some time for relaxing or napping. If his attitude doesn’t change, keep ‘throwing your money down the toilet’! If you have it, why not spend it on something you really want and need.” pinxyou

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Not because you hired a babysitter but because you both seem to think the other should shoulder the burdens of caring for a family alone. You both brought a new life into the world, and now you both get to raise that little life. It is a job that never ends.

Of course, your husband needs a break when you get home. He has been taking care of the emotional and physical needs of a tiny needy unforgiving and irrational human all day.

He doesn’t get lunch breaks or 15-minute breaks. He probably doesn’t even go to the bathroom alone. HOWEVER, this is not permission to slink off for the rest of the day once you get home. Break, time alone, yes. Getting excused from all duties, no.

Your husband taking off every weekend and leaving parenting and all the undone chores for you is also trashy.

You both need to look at what is really important.

As individuals, couples, and parents. Yes, time alone is important, but being a parent and a partner is much more important. Of course, this is only true if being a family is more important than being selfish.” FindTheWayThru

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband is though. Parents – both parents – don’t get to be off the clock. He has downtime when the baby is sleeping. He can throw a load of laundry in at any point during the day, which can be folded while the baby is playing on the floor… may not get put away.

Taking care of 1 infant does not take up every minute of every day… some days more than others, but not every day. Been there… done it. Handing off the baby immediately is ridiculously self-centered.

You get your commute time to decompress and that is it. His take on weekends is laughable… he gets weekends off but you don’t. I’d be looking into daycare and a possible divorce, because he is so self-serving, and his refusal to listen to you, and see the unfairness would seriously put a damper on how I viewed him. It also sounds like he doesn’t like being a parent.” Realistic-Animator-3

3 points (3 votes)
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TeaLikeTheDrink 4 days ago
Everyone sucks here. You need to figure out how to be a mom as far as that burnout. That's something EVERY parent needs to do. Your husband, however, is like how my husband behaved. Did you know that men can get something similar to PPD? That's what happened with my man and things got better when he was put in his place and called out on it (we didn't know at the time that he was depressed and would have addressed it differently if we had)...but he still needs to step up and help out more. You don't get time off as a parent, not even when you're sick
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15. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Needs Space?

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“On Friday afternoon (2/18/22), my (39f) new partner (38f) of 2 months came to me via text and confessed that she stole something from me, and revealed some klepto type issues she has.

I have been hurt a lot in past relationships, and have still been on the fence about whether I’m going to work through this with her or not. She didn’t have to tell me, I would have never known.

I wanted to talk in person that night, and every moment since then. She said she might come that night, but she wanted to process this, and if not that night, for sure she would come last night.

Then she tells me she needs space, she’s a mess, she’s not ok, etc. and she still hasn’t come.

From the moment of this confession, from what I can tell, she truly is taking a hard look at herself and this situation, but I feel like my needs don’t matter.

She says she doesn’t have anything to give me right now because she’s struggling.

I’m not the one that messed up, so I feel like she should be here, trying to fix it, processing it with me, not telling me she needs space when this is her screw-up.

AITJ for expecting her to be here, when she says she needs space, and when she’s the one that screwed up?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Do yourself a favor and let this girl go. You will never be able to trust her. You will be wondering if she has taken things and you will be second-guessing her actions.

Since this is a very short time that you have been involved, letting this go will not be as painful if you continue for a year and then end the relationship.” wind-river7

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

Look, you are the victim here. But I think you and a lot of these replies are ignoring the fact that kleptomania is a very real feature of mental illness. Does it make it okay? Absolutely not. It’s not your responsibility to coddle her after she hurt you. HOWEVER, there’s a chance she said she needed time to process because… she needs time to process. This is probably a huge setback for her and she’s putting herself first.

If putting yourself first means breaking up with her, so be it. But it sounds like she has a legitimate mental illness she doesn’t want to hurt people with and is struggling with the fact that it happened. It sounds like a relapse. The only difference between this and another type of relapse is that it hurt someone else, not the ill one. You’re right to be frustrated but it sounds like you just don’t understand this type of mental illness.

You two sound incompatible. Call it quits or educate yourself on what you’re dealing with.” ripleyxxoo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, BUT imagine if she was an addict who just confessed to you that she relapsed? She’s embarrassed and ashamed (because she didn’t just relapse and steal something, she stole from you), so I get why she needs a minute. You have to give it to her. This is not about you.

You might be mad at her but she’s struggling with a mental health issue that ‘victimized’ you and she needs to get on stable ground before dealing with it.

If I was you, I don’t think I could accept this in a relationship. I had a close friend who was a snooper, every new roommate she got she would go through all their stuff while they were at work, one dude found out because he found her wearing his socks that had been buried in his closet, so he moved. I was HORRIFIED when found out she did that to people and had I ever known she went through my stuff we wouldn’t have continued being friends. It’s the lack of boundaries and respect for me, not the stuff.” TheMostOfMe

3 points (3 votes)
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TJHall44 1 week ago
NTA she's the one who stooped to theft but is now acting like the victim. Tell her she needs to come over & return the item or m9ney she stole & talk about it or it's over.
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14. AITJ For Trying To Get My Mother To Understand My Problem?

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“Alright, so I (13f) have been struggling a lot in school with paying attention. I have ADHD and was diagnosed but my (48f) mother doesn’t seem to believe I have it even though we went to see a professional about it and I was diagnosed. But anyway, I keep forgetting to submit some things at times and it’s occasionally late. My mother found out and was yelling about how I needed to pay attention and that I’m just choosing to not do my work.

I do my work, and I try my best. I have issues with asking for help because whenever I used to ask for help from her she’d just make fun of me and that gave me problems with asking for help. I’ve been struggling more than ever because I can’t bring myself to ask for help so I attempted to get my mom to understand my problem with paying attention.

Instead of understanding she just yelled at me about how I’m just choosing not to do things and that I don’t have ADHD. She claims I’m just lazy and I don’t try hard enough. I think I might be the jerk because I can’t ask for help without getting thoughts that the teacher or my mother may get mad.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are her child and it’s her responsibility to take care of you and listen to your concerns.

So a few things, are your teachers aware that you’ve been diagnosed? If they aren’t, I would definitely start there.

Is there a teacher that you like a lot, that understands you, and you get along well with? If you do, I would. Maybe approach them and tell them about what’s happening at home. If you’re uncomfortable with this, definitely approach a guidance counselor or other resource at school and explain that you’re struggling to get on track and your mother doesn’t help (even though you’ve asked and have been medically diagnosed).

This is not medical advice, and I’m not a medical professional, but I struggle to focus a lot and am the worst at getting organized. I find playing with something (particularly with texture to rub) in my hand helps.

Also maybe your mom can take you to an office supply store, Walmart, etc, and get a desk calendar (one of those big ones). That really helped me in high school/university.

Write out everything due for the year (as much as you can), and put it somewhere you will see it daily. I even color-coded things based on importance (like exams and big projects in red, important assignments in pink, etc.).

Also, take full advantage of your agenda. It’s tough getting into a routine, but this one was pretty easy. I wrote everything on my agenda, and as soon as I got home, I would open it and put what I needed onto my big calendar.

All you need to remember is to open your agenda at the end of the day, and it’s all there. You’ll get in the habit eventually.

Anyway, the above is mostly just temporary, you’ll a need long-term support system, so definitely recommend reaching out. You could even reach out to the medical professional that diagnosed you and see what they maybe have to say.” _SneakyDucky_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but…

I don’t know how to phrase this delicately, so I apologize.

Your mother is not hearing you. In her mind, your problem is caused by you and you are making excuses. She has been told your diagnosis, but she likely does not believe it or grasp it. Some people don’t quite understand non-neurotypical situations.

Get your guidance counselor at school to schedule a meeting, explain that you don’t think your mother understands the situation or takes it seriously.

your mother needs another adult to set her straight.” GrassTerrible5262

Another User Comments:

“You are not the jerk.

You are a child who is struggling and you have nowhere to turn. You could have easily given up but you turned to the internet for help. This internet mom is listening.

You need to go to your school’s office and ask for your counselor or dean of students. You need to become your advocate because your mom refuses to be one. You need to tell any adult who will listen that you have a DIAGNOSIS you need help with. The school is legally required to help you as you have a diagnosis. Keep repeating you are diagnosed and do keep asking until you get help. Mom is a dead end. Don’t go there. IMHO.” iamcornholebutthead

3 points (3 votes)
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TeaLikeTheDrink 4 days ago
As an adult with ADHD that struggled as a child, it gets better. Alarms will be your best friend to keep on track. Routines are a must while schedules absolutely suck. And talk to your teachers. A lot of the time, teachers will be more understanding and will be willing to help. Good luck, love!
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13. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Roommate Who Wakes Me Up For Snoring?

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“So I (m21) moved into my dorm this spring with a new roommate. I have not got a single full 8 hours of sleep yet. My roommate whenever I start snoring immediately calls out my name or purposely makes a loud noise to wake me up. So the thing is, I REALLY don’t think I snore that loud. I asked all my family and friends who slept in the same room as me if I snore loud, and they said it wasn’t that loud at all, it’s just there.

So to double-check I got like 3 recording snoring apps on my phone to check the volume when I snore and it didn’t sound that bad at all and one of them told me it was low to medium volume. I think my roommate is an extremely light sleeper in general because he seems to wake up to anything light noise like someone walking outside our door and closing their door.

So I’m miserable cause I need my sleep or I’m tilted. I was like screw it, I will stay up late on purpose and sleep when he gets up. Meaning I won’t disturb his sleep with my snoring. I do this and he STILL wakes me up during the day cause he said the snoring is too distracting. At this point, I’m extremely tilted and told him to get lost when I saw he was playing 2k and woke me up cause he couldn’t deal with my snoring.

He was playing it with high volume on speakers too and didn’t care that I was sleeping. He got mad saying he’s the one to deal with my snoring and I’m like, dude how are you seriously prioritizing you getting a peaceful, quiet game session over your roommate getting a good rest. Idk AITJ for reacting this way?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m a super light sleeper so I can empathize with your roommate on some level.

But it’s not your fault that you snore and you still deserve to sleep. Your roommate should be using earplugs or sound machines versus waking you up constantly during the night.

And waking you up during the day for snoring is just ridiculous when he could put some headphones in or go to the library. That sounds like an inconsiderate jerk, I would talk to your RA about switching rooms.

Sleep is very important to your mental and physical health.” lurkingvirgo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Start sleeping at nighttime and run a big box fan for white noise as well as set a few pairs of earplugs on your roommate’s pillow. Your sleep matters too. He’s being a jerk especially since you’re doing your best to accommodate and he’s still being difficult. Like give me a freaking break, he’s waking you during the day because you’re too distracting from his video game!? Wow.

Pathetic. You’re already going above and beyond but your life matters too (I’m assuming you’re at school? So your school matters too).

I say all of this as a light sleeper with a heavy, loud snoring husband. He’s the jerk.” NightNurse14

Another User Comments:

“I started to say ‘no jerks here’, but I realized that you can’t help your snoring as AWFUL as it is. Snoring blows. But you offered a decent alternate by sleeping while the guy is awake and he still wakes you up, which is just mean.

So NTJ. You’re trying. Tell him to get some earplugs and noise-canceling headphones, but not to wake you up again.

And PS, snore guards work great if you ever want to save a future partner from that misery. See a dentist.” Major_Barnacle_2212

3 points (3 votes)
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TeaLikeTheDrink 4 days ago
Ntj, but if you're the one snoring, you might want to see someone about it. Snoring can be a sign of sleep apnea...and, while no one in this situation is a jerk, you're all jerks. Lol...you gotta learn to cohabitate...that's just part of being an adult...
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Parents For Their Laptop?

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“My parents asked me if I (17f) would babysit my nephews/niece for one day so they could hang out with the family, to which I agreed. Without my knowing they accepted for me to babysit my cousins too. We also have a puppy to take care of.

So instead of just watching my nephews and niece (10M, 10M, and 12F), I also had to watch and take care of my cousins (3M, 5F, 6F).

They came just after breakfast, I had to make them lunch and dinner and clean everything up, and I wasn’t paid to babysit. It was a long day that I think put me off from having kids.

While I was busy with the 3 y.o., the 6 y.o. knocked my parents’ laptop off the coffee table. My parents expect me to pay them back for it in full.

I don’t want to, they dumped 3 more kids on me without warning, much younger and needing more attention than what I agreed to.

I don’t think even a real adult could take care of 6 kids and a puppy alone, without ever taking their eyes off them. Not to mention that my dad left his laptop on the corner of the coffee table in easy reach, instead of anywhere else.

AITJ for not wanting to pay them back?”

Another User Comments:

“There is no universe where you would be considered the jerk. You agreed to babysit three children at an age where you don’t need to keep your eyes on them every single second, then were given three more children who are at a more destructive age. Babysitting the three-year-old alone is a full-time job. Oh, and then a puppy you are likely potty training and shreds everything they can get their hands on.

Your parents should have checked the house prior to the kids showing up to ensure nothing of value or breakable was within reach. Their belongings, their responsibility. Even if you did only have three children to watch and the puppy, as originally told, he still should have had the foresight to move his stuff if he didn’t want to risk it breaking.

NTJ, but every adult in this situation is.

They thought it was okay to not pay you anything for an entire day’s work? If you were watching the kids while they ran to the grocery store, that would be one thing, but the entire day? Screw you, dad. Not only should he have insisted they pay you for this, but he also set you up for failure. They were all alive when they got back.

Asking for anything more than that when you weren’t even paid isn’t okay.” Oliviarose85

Another User Comments:

“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’. Your parents massively suck for dumping so many kids on you and deceiving you with the expected duties. Kids in 4th/7th grade can feed (snacks) and entertain themselves and aside from you checking they are still alive, they can watch tv or play games. Kids under 1st grade need constant supervision and active care.

Your dad also didn’t clean up after himself at all.

You also suck (a teeny bit) for not moving a very obvious expensive thing from a precarious situation away from a baby. Yeah, your dad left it there. But moving things away from kids to keep them from hurting themselves is fairly standard. It sounds like two kids were either reaching/grabbing/ or running near the table with the laptop and they must have launched it if it was closed and on a low table in order to break it so badly.

Your cousins’ parents suck massively for not talking to you themselves and giving you more heads up on what their children need and just assuming your parents spoke for you. They are also responsible for the things their children break, regardless of supervision.

Your parents need to hound them for payment.” iwantasecretgarden

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents clearly took advantage of your willingness to babysit your nephews/niece and that alone makes them the jerks.

My mom can’t take care of four of us and she’s a fully grown adult. How your parents thought a 17-year-old could do more than most grown women is incomprehensible to me.

Tell them you’ll never babysit for them again, because that’s just absolute nonsense that you can take care of six kids and a puppy for a whole day, feed them, clean up, and not be paid for it, and they expect you to pay them back for their broken laptop that they clearly left in a vulnerable place. No parent who cares about their laptop/tablet would leave it there knowing that children that young would be coming over for a whole day, to be supervised by one teenager. So clearly if it matters that much to them, they should have moved it beforehand, and they need to pay for it themselves because it was a screwup on their part.” PrincessMansera

3 points (3 votes)
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TeaLikeTheDrink 4 days ago
Dude, I can barely handle my 8yo and 4yo with 2 dogs and a cat. Who in their right minds would leave a single 17yo to do the job of at least 3 adults?!
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11. AITJ For How I Responded To My Friend's Morbid Comments?

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” I (17f) have had a friend ‘Jill’ (17f) since middle school. She always had a more morbid sense of humor and her long-time friends and parents would always joke about how she was going to become a criminal. I thought it was because she was the quiet, silent but deadly type but recently have realized that she has a VERY odd relationship with people passing, mainly in literature.

In eighth grade, we read Steinbeck’s of Mice and Men and she very excitedly spoiled the ending for us by telling us about who won’t make it ’til the end (not gonna say who to avoid spoilers). When we got annoyed cause she spoiled it she responded with ‘sorry I just couldn’t contain my excitement.’

In sophomore year, we read a text about atomic bombs and she LAUGHED.

Most recently we had to watch a very morbid video in history class about a particularly dark and deadly time in history and she told me afterward that she thought the video was funny. The topic was something very close to my and my family’s religious beliefs so I responded with ‘What is wrong with you? You’ve been doing this for far too long and I’ve excepted it but I’m done now.

I think it’s about time you check into a mental hospital because this is in no way normal for someone your age.’ She looked smug and said ‘but it was funny’. As she said that the bell rang and I left.

I avoided her and the rest of my friend group for the rest of the day and got a text from my other friend ‘Evie’ later that day.

She basically called me a jerk and said that it was just Jill’s sense of humor and I was being sensitive. I responded saying that Jill deserved it and she was actually boarding on being psychotic. After that, I turned my notifications off and haven’t checked since. I don’t think I’m the jerk but her words are really getting to me and I just wanted some clarity.

So, AITJ for what I said?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Maybe she’s just some edgelord who thinks it’s funny to trigger people by finding everything that’s somewhat morbid funny. That’s not even humor, black humor is making jokes about things but you wouldn’t sit there grinning and laughing at actual documentaries of terrible events. That’s not humor.

If she’s just some edgelord, you fed the troll with your outburst.

Regardless, it’s rude to tell people to check into mental hospitals because they aren’t normal and to throw words like ‘psychotic’ around in an insulting manner. People actually suffer from these conditions, don’t use it as an insult.

But if there is something wrong with her, then she should actually be encouraged to get checked out rather than getting insulted about it.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s one thing to have a dark sense of humor and laugh when death or accidents have a humorous aspect to them.

It’s something different to laugh at horror and suffering when there is nothing about it that is funny. Your friend’s behavior sounds a little disturbing to me.” TraditionNew4797

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Jill’s ‘sense of humor’ is nonexistent. She doesn’t know what funny is and calls anything inappropriate she sees that someone could call her out on a ‘joke.’ At the end of the day, no one has to be anyone else’s friend. Evie can choose to put up with Jill’s jerk behavior but that doesn’t mean you have to. And you’re not at all a jerk for not wanting to be around someone like Jill. Hopefully, she grows out of it and realizes that her ‘edgy’ personality is boring, offensive, and annoying to the majority of people.” Lalalalalalaoops

3 points (3 votes)
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TJHall44 1 week ago
NTA she is a sociopath
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10. AITJ For Wanting To Sit On The Couch?

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“So, I (F26) work in childcare and live with my partner (M25). I work a 9-hour shift, five days a week in a class of 2-year-olds.

Needless to say, my feet and back are usually dying by the end of my workday.

So I came home today in a good mood and decided to play an online BR shooter with my partner for 2 hours straight, all the while sitting in his mildly uncomfortable gaming chair.

The chair forces me to bend my knees a certain way since I’m 4’11” so even the lowest setting still isn’t enough.

I also have really bad knees that lock up badly, especially in the winter. So after 2 hours in a very uncomfortable position, I wanted to stretch my legs out on the recliner on the couch. My partner started getting mopey about how sometimes he feels like all he’s asking is for more of my time.

The reason he didn’t want to move to the couch is because he’s a software developer that works from home and he sits all day so he prefers to sit in his expensive as all hood angle chair. So I proposed he stay over at his desk and I just go to the couch. We can still talk and he can come over when he’s ready.

That’s not an acceptable answer because he wants me to stay near him. He has a bit of a clingy personality that truly I find endearing but my feet hurt man.

AITJ for just wanting to sit on the couch since I’m on my feet all day?”

Another User Comments:

“Uh. NTJ. And. Your partner sounds… immature? His need to be clingy does not trump your need to not be in physical pain.

As a fellow short person, I sympathize with how much a lot of chairs can hurt.

Are you sure you and your partner are a good match? If he feels like he’s constantly asking for more of your time, does he have an unhealthy degree of codependency that isn’t going to work for you?” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He wants you to be in physical pain so that you can comfort him with your presence, much like a two-year-old? You do that for a living, don’t need to do it at home.” TraumaCookie

Another User Comments:

“Uh, no, NTJ. He’s not being very reasonable. You’re also not just shutting him down, you’re coming up with alternatives.” lesbian_goose

3 points (3 votes)
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TJHall44 1 week ago
NTA but you bf is.
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9. AITJ For Wanting Child Support From The Father?

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“I (23F) had a kid at a very young age (14). I was with a guy back then (15M) for about a year and it was a very toxic and manipulative relationship. I was in a very rough part of my life and it felt like he was the only one there for me, leading me to fall victim to his manipulation and not see the harm he was actually doing.

Just to give some context he would be very controlling. He would try and say who I could hang out with and when, who I could text, etc. All the while he would be emotionally distant and I eventually found out he was having an affair. He wanted me to get an abortion but I wanted to keep the child. He didn’t press it any further after I told him my choice.

During the pregnancy, we stayed together but I was just trying to maintain some semblance of a family unit for our future kid. This clearly became unattainable as I couldn’t get past the fact that he lied and he did little to amend his actions. We would constantly argue and fight. Before my child’s birth, we were hardly speaking, and he wasn’t even there for the birth.

Shortly after we got into a huge fight about this and his infidelity and I blocked him on all platforms. After that, my dad had to move towns for work and I wasn’t opposed. I was dealing with a lot of bullying in school and I needed a fresh start. I decided to not tell my partner about this move as I wanted to leave his toxicity behind.

I didn’t want him to be involved in my child’s life and I highly doubted that he wanted to be any type of a father as he initially wanted an abortion and wasn’t even there for the birth.

I moved towns without saying a word to him. About two years later I decided to unblock him. If he wanted to reach out it was up to him.

If he wanted anything to do with me or our kid he could now reach me. At first, my parents were very helpful and supportive both emotionally and financially, but once I turned 18 I had to move out. Things were going OK for a while, but now I am in a rougher spot financially and am looking for some kind of financial support from him.

He hadn’t contacted me up until I asked him to pay up. He said that it wasn’t fair of me to ask him for help now after I had denied him being a father all this time. I said that he has actually been unblocked this whole time after two years went by and if he really wanted a relationship he would have known that. It’s true that I did block him out of my life, but he’s still the father by blood so I feel like he should have to contribute.

AITJ for wanting him to pay child support at this point?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for trying to keep his kid away from him but not for seeking a child support order. The child is entitled to be supported by both parents. Just because you tried to cut off contact between your child and the father doesn’t mean he couldn’t have sought a parenting time order himself so he would have court-ordered visitation with his kid.

He could’ve done that even though he didn’t have any contact with you. I’d urge you to cooperate with him to set up a schedule for him to see the child on a regular basis. You don’t have to wait until you have a hearing to start co-parenting.

If you live in the U.S., you can get help with getting a child support order in place by going to your county’s (or parish’s if in Louisiana) local IV-D Child Support Office and enrolling in the program.

There may be a fee to do so, depending on where you live. Some states don’t charge a fee for their services (Indiana is one). They can’t help with visitation or custody but some States do have mediation services through their courts for those issues or may be able to make a referral to pro bono legal services.” Danifromthesticks817

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not like he couldn’t have seen his kid.

If he had cared, a friend or family member would have contacted you on his behalf to arrange visitation. Or a lawyer.

More importantly, he CAN see his kid now. So offer visitation with your kid in exchange for support. And if he doesn’t want that, go to court.

Honestly, it was ultimately incredibly good for him to get to finish his teen years and get to 23 without paying support.

Now he only has 9 years to pay instead of 18.

(To be clear- 14-year-old you were kinda the jerk for not letting him know where his kid was. But you were a teen and had just given birth and your parents should have stepped in to tell you otherwise, or his parents to demand he get custody. Now, today, you’re NTJ).” tulleoftheman

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

So you disappeared with this guy’s kid and now nine years later you want $$ from him. Not for your kid, but for you. You denied your kid a relationship with their father because you were both stupid teenagers. Your self-centered attitude continues to this day; we don’t even know if you have a son or daughter. It’s all about you.

He sucks and still sucks. He was an idiot for getting a little girl pregnant while being a little boy himself. He sucks because he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his kid.

Nobody talking about the best interest of the child.

EDIT: She and the kid stayed with her parents, who were supportive but she ‘had to move out’ when she turned 18. Anybody wants to bet we aren’t getting the whole story here?” GTdeSade

3 points (3 votes)
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Realitycheck 1 day ago
You technically kidnapped his child leaving him the option of seeing the child. The only way to demand child support is to complete the loop of he would have at least visitation if not shared custody of some kind.

He also should not be held responsible for any back support since you denied him legal rights.

I agree with another comment- this isn't the whole story.
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8. AITJ For Not Having My Phone Readily Available All The Time?

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“My phone vibration from calls and texts is not strong enough for me to notice while walking or talking 70% of the time. There have been multiple times in the past where I missed texts and calls that have been an inconvenience before, but nothing serious. My SO has gotten upset by it saying I need to check it more often or turn on the sound.

I don’t turn on the sound because I know it will become a problem in class and public settings when I forgot to turn the sound off.

In this particular case, we were both at separate meetings. My meeting ends, I check my phone and see nothing that says she’s done with hers, so I text her I’m done and make my way to my car. I figure by the time I’m in my car and drive to her it will be perfect timing.

Turns out she calls me a minute after I head to my car to say she’s done too, but I don’t get back to her until 7 minutes later when I’m at my car. Since that point, she called me 3 times trying to reach me to see what was happening and what to do (whether to wait there, meet up with me at my meeting place, or keep walking with her friends).

She ends up walking to my meeting. (This is a 5-minute walk for her).

I pick her up and she’s annoyed at me. She tells me she makes sure to check her phone in situations like these and I need to fix my situation where if I need to be reached then I can actually be reached. Like what if it was an emergency? I personally feel like she shouldn’t be that mad at me and I tell her there’s not much I can do.

I told her it was a 6 minute period of me not checking my phone and I basically said it’s not a big deal.

She says the super frustrating part is not being able to reach me when she calls me. And making things worse by saying it was just 5 minutes.

I keep pushing and implying this isn’t a big deal. I said, ‘I understand you’re frustrated and irritated with me for not answering which is okay.

But I don’t think you should be that annoyed at me. I wasn’t on my phone for 6 minutes’. This made her more upset and was told I’m just justifying myself. I should be looking at my phone to see if she would respond in the next few minutes.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

She wants to be able to reach you on-demand 24/7, which just is not realistic.

If she is blowing up after having to wait (5? 6? 7?) minutes for a response, then she needs to reassess how she manages herself. She can survive for 10 minutes without hearing from you.

‘What if there’s an emergency?’ Then she needs to be an adult and be able to deal with it until you are able to respond. My husband and I both work jobs where we cannot have our phones on us at all, and yes there have been emergencies.

We are both adults and expect the other to contact us when they can – meanwhile we handle the emergency ourselves.

Your SO sounds co-dependent and kind of controlling.” CrazyBoPeep

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. People got along just fine for centuries without being able to reach each other within 6 minutes. ‘What if it was an emergency?’ is just nonsense. Any emergency that needs a response in 6 minutes or less should be a call to 911, not to your significant other.

This is someone who really needs to reset their expectations. You’re perfectly fine.” cdsmith

Another User Comments:

“Jesus Christ NTJ. Your girl needs a reality check. You know there was a time when we had to wait to get home to make a call or all we had were pages at one time and guess what? We survived.

You aren’t doing brain surgery and need to be available at a second’s notice. She’s being unreasonable. Please don’t be a text-and-drive jerk I hate those people.

You have to have a long talk or get couples therapy because this is not normal.” einyv

2 points (2 votes)
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willystyle1234 1 week ago
Honestly there is a simple solution to this....get a watch. There are smart watches for apple and android that will just vibrate on your wrist when you have a call or message and then you can check really fast and see if its important or if it can wait. I wouldn't know what to do without my Apple watch. It is insanely helpful especially in situations where I don't want the sound on my phone.
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7. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Friend's Baby A Handmade Item?

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“My husband and I have struggled for over 7 years to have a baby. During that time my closest friend had 3 babies. I’ve endured every baby shower, belly photo, and pregnancy complaint she’s had. It’s no secret that we’ve struggled. I’ll admit I downplay my pain about it because ultimately it isn’t her fault that we can’t have kids and I don’t want her to feel bad.

She deserves to be excited about her babies.

As it turns out I’m quite crafty. I enjoy sewing and knitting. Some of my favorite things to make are baby blankets and small clothes and accessories like hats and such. I make little handmade items all the time as shower gifts and newborn presents. I always hoped I would make things for my own kids one day. I always give this friend baby items of this nature.

Handmade. Soft. Thoughtful. Made with love.

Fast forward to a week ago. My friend is big into newborn photoshoots and wants a particular outfit made for it. Basically, she wants to dress her little boy as an animal and do a jungle theme photoshoot. She finds the pattern on Etsy and sends it to me to sew and asks me if it’s possible to make it before their photoshoot.

For context, the pattern is very difficult and would take hours of work, but it is not out of the scope of my skills. I’ve never told her no before and I didn’t know how to do it. My husband is annoyed. He thinks I should say no. The pain of being infertile is something we’ve both dealt with for years and I know he’s tired of seeing me in pain making these items.

We’re on the verge of giving up altogether and trying to find a shred of joy in our baby-free life but it really is painful.

She hasn’t delivered yet so I’ve got time but I’m wondering… Am I the jerk if I refuse? I’m tired of the pain of making sweet little baby items for other people’s babies…”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Honestly, this is very simple, though I know it doesn’t feel that way.

You are never obligated to make homemade items for anyone. You don’t even need to bring up your fertility issues, or anything else. Just let her know something like, ‘Sorry, my schedule’s gotten more swamped lately. I won’t be able to do these little baby gifts anymore. I know the timing’s not great with your shoot. All my love.’

She’s being a bit entitled, honestly. A custom animal outfit for a baby photoshoot is a bit much.

Also, it’s one thing to get gifts at a baby shower, but simply demanding someone make a costume for free by a deadline is… a lot. It sounds like she didn’t even offer to pay you.

I am sorry about your fertility issues. (hugs)” User

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I think what you are going through is very painful and it can be heartbreaking to compare yourself to what could have been.

There is clearly so much love to give inside of you and that is what drives you to create and share with others. That being said, much like there are seasons to flourish, there are seasons to slow down and rest. This is your resting season. It does not make you a bad person or a bad friend to not be in sharing mode permanently. Your friend may also not understand that you have been carrying pain about this particular dream of yours and she should respect that you would not be able to contribute to this photoshoot without making it about herself.

I don’t have reason to believe she is questioning you, but I get the feeling that you are a sweet and generous person. Sending you my best wishes.” FriendlyFace29

Another User Comments:

“This is a common problem for people who sew or do other handicrafts. People who don’t have those skills have no idea what they are asking, nor do most of them care about your time and your labor.

It’s one thing for you to make her or her baby a gift out of free will and love. It’s a completely different thing for her to demand or to request a specific item as a ‘gift’. Your friend is insensitive and rude to ask you to make anything for her that is baby-related, especially a time-consuming outfit like an animal costume.

Beyond the time and expense is your emotional labor involved in making baby items for someone who’s popping out kids when you have struggled to conceive.

Your friend is clueless or is deliberately being cruel. I hope that she’s simply clueless.

Would you make the item for pay for a random person? If the answer is yes, then how long do you think it would take? How much per hour would you charge? If you decide that you would be willing to do the work, figure out how much that will be for labor and supplies, then tell your friend your hourly rate, the estimated number of hours, supply costs, etc. Ask if she still wants you to make the item for that amount that you will charge her, but only if you would do so without emotional distress and suffering. You have no obligation to suffer just because she’s having another kid.

NTJ.” DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo

2 points (2 votes)
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TeaLikeTheDrink 4 days ago
NTJ...you downplay your pain, but if she knows the struggles, you can admit that you're done and if she is your true friend, she will understand.
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6. AITJ For Insisting My Partner's Mom Pay For Return Shipping?

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“I am 25M, and my significant other is 23M.

I should probably add a little context to explain my relationship with my partner’s mom. We get along well enough (we both are polite), and I frequently bury the hatchet just to keep the peace with her, but to say there has been some friction in our relationship is a little bit of an understatement. She’s the type of person who is late to everything, which I have always found disrespectful and rude.

She abandoned me at one of her relatives’ houses to go hang out with her man instead of driving me back to my car. It’s caused quite a lot of problems for us, not to mention the fact that whenever she visits it’s always on my partner’s (and sometimes my) dime, but whenever my family visits, they’re always willing to pay their own way.

My partner’s mother is very bad with technology, mostly by choice.

She can’t handle smartphones, and she’s younger than my grandma who can do all of this with no problem. Recently, she somehow managed to turn on the computer my partner gifted to her a few years ago and updated it to windows 11. This for whatever reason locked her out because the old PIN wasn’t working, and she called my partner last week saying that she couldn’t get in.

Eventually, they decided to have her take it to my partner’s cousin, a guy we play videogames with sometimes who at least knows what he’s doing with computers. He factory reset the unit and got her back inside.

Well after she finally logged back in, everything was… logged out, including Netflix and HBO Max, which are pretty much all they use the PC for (it’s a tablet, in case anyone is wondering).

She texts my man and lets him know that when she tries to use his email address to log in to Netflix it says it doesn’t work and that his account isn’t active. This of course isn’t true because we use Netflix frequently, haven’t canceled it, and have no issues. The same goes for HBO max.

She floats mailing the computer to us so we could log her back in, which obviously costs money to stick it in the box and ship a fragile piece of equipment across the country (about $10) just so we can log in to our Netflix for her.

My partner points out this is an utterly ridiculous idea and he suggests she goes back to his cousin again for help.

The following day after I guess having someone else look at the computer, and despite him telling her it was ridiculous, she wraps the PC in bubble wrap and MAILS IT ACROSS THE COUNTRY to us here in Texas, all the way from Ohio. It arrived today.

I had no idea it was coming, and something as valuable as this should definitely not just be left on our front porch without warning. Thank god I saw it when I grabbed another package I ordered.

We log in to the computer and everything is resolved within minutes, because surprise surprise, there is nothing wrong with the accounts. He calls her to inform her of this and I ask if she knew whether or not the tablet was connected to wifi when she tried to log in.

She said she DIDN’T KNOW. In this same conversation, she also mentions that she talked to my partner’s cousin again to fix it but didn’t want to bother him. The cousin says he never spoke with her, and never considered that a lack of wifi might be an issue; in other words, she lied about asking his cousin. The whole thing is completely unnecessary.

So now we have a tablet that we don’t need in our house in Texas, and they live in Ohio so there’s no driving it over.

We had a bit of an argument over getting it back to her because I wish to remain wholly uninvolved. I do not have the best relationship with her, and the whole situation is the dumbest thing to ever happen to me. He asked me to use my USPS account to get a label (that he insists she will reimburse us for, it’s a $10 flat rate, not that I believe it) and print it out, and schedule a pickup from our front door.

As I said, I am refusing to get involved, mostly on principle, and because it’s kind of a headache to do all of that. I told him it was his mom, he can figure it out.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Your contempt for this woman is loud and clear. However, your partner might actually love his mother.

Regardless, we are all going to decline eventually, so YTJ for lacking a fiber of empathy for someone going through something you are very likely to have to deal with when you are old.” RNH213PDX

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, you’re overdramatizing things over something small.

Your partner’s mom is dumb. Your partner is delegating admin work to you instead of the CEO using his own hands.” No_Lifeguard2627

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Even if you don’t like your partner’s mother, you’ve wholly been a jerk to him throughout the process. Your I don’t care and not my problem attitude would be a red flag to me personally. Just seems extremely selfish. Wonder if the mother senses your selfishness towards her son and that’s why she isn’t nice to you.” Character_Switch7317

1 points (1 votes)
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rbleah 1 week ago
Your partners mom, let him deal with her and you stay out of it.
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5. AITJ For Filing A Noise Complaint Against My Neighbor With A Toddler?

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“My (34m) partner (26) and I live in a relatively tall condo building. The building is older and made pretty well, you have some noise issues in general (if people are in the hallway, out on the balconies talking, etc) but for the most part, it’s pretty solid and you don’t hear much.

For the past few months, someone in the unit directly above us has been elephant stomping from one side of the unit to the other (same layout as ours).

It’s not typical footsteps it’s like HEAVY HEAVY boot-thudding stomping.

I went up the floor a few weeks back to see what could be the source of the noise (party, visitors, big dog, etc) and it just sounded like they may have a small child.

This stomping goes on all day almost every day and as I WFH, it can be very distracting and disruptive. I called the front desk to ask if they can see what the issue was and if the people above us could get the stomping under control, which the concierge did.

It stopped for a whole 10 minutes.

I understand toddlers can very rarely be controlled and it is a tight space but this seems super excessive.

AITJ if I keep filing noise complaints every day to get them to force their kid to stop stomping and running?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you live in an apartment building so expect noise. Also toddlers clod around, but it sounds like a massive exaggeration, and frankly, even if it’s not an exaggeration, you WFH in an apartment building – again, what do you expect.” Yougotredditonyou

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

There are acceptable levels of noise living in an apartment building, but stomping all through the day isn’t one of them. You followed the proper channels to complain, I would simply keep complaining until it is fixed.” Aardeehar

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You live in a multi-family dwelling. When you do that you have to expect a certain amount of typical noise.

Drums being played at three in the morning? Not acceptable. File a complaint. People screaming at each other in the communal hallways? Not acceptable. Complain.

People vacuuming at three in the afternoon? People practicing the flute at 10 AM? The low drone of someone’s music on a shared wall? A thirty-pound child playing in their apartment?

Those are what you sign up for when you live in multi-family housing.” Euphoric-Round-5182

1 points (1 votes)
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kipa 2 days ago
YTJ. Instead of actually talking to the upstairs neighbours, starting a dialogue, where you could have negotiated where their kid runs around vs the placement of your home office, you called the front desk. Way to destroy any desire by them to want to co-operate with you.
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4. AITJ For Being Upset With My Sister For Wanting To Skip My Wedding?

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“I (f28) am getting married next week. Invitations are out, wedding planning was complete and everything is going according to plan. However, My sister (f31) just had a miscarriage and my mom told me that she told her she decided to not come to the wedding. I was dumbfounded, I called my sister to talk about it and she said she is exhausted and doesn’t feel like attending, I told her that this is my wedding, not some family dinner she and her husband decided to skip.

She apologized hoping that ‘I’d understand’ but I said that I don’t (?) because I really don’t understand what her miscarriage has to do with being at my wedding – it’s not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby.

She must’ve had me on speaker because her husband heard and started scolding me about how this is a traumatic experience that my sister had just gone through and said that I was insensitive to talk to her like that.

I asked him to stay out of it but, he started arguing telling me to respect my sister’s wish and respect that they’re grieving. I insisted he let me talk to her but he said: ‘We were done talking’ I ended up losing my temper with him and he told me ‘Screw your wedding’ and then hung up. My fiance was in the room and heard him say that.

He wanted to uninvite him and my sister over this instantly but, I didn’t let him. I called mom and she promised to speak to my sister and convince her to come.

My dad called me later on and started berating me about ‘harassing’ my sister and told me to leave her alone, I asked him if my brother in law told him about our fight but he got defensive and told me to get off both my sister’s and her husband’s back and drop it.

I told him how upset and hurt I was that my sister decided to skip my wedding and how little she thought of it. He replied that my sister has a valid reason and I was coming across as unfeeling and selfish not to see that and lash out over her missing a party – THIS IS NOT a party, that’s my wedding, it matters to me, I was there for hers why can’t she do the same and show up for few hours? Dad said he won’t tell me again to leave my sister alone and urged me to stop bringing it up and ‘gang’ up with mom to get my sister to go but I wasn’t doing that(?).

Long story short, tension has been taking over since then. Mom thinks that a calm discussion will do but I feel like my feelings are ignored and misunderstood especially by my sister.

ETA: One, My BIL didn’t say ‘Screw your wedding’ he actually said ‘Screw YOU and your wedding.’

Two, I love my sister, I get her struggle but I wanted her there because I care about her.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

A big one. Your sister has just gone through the physical and emotional trauma of losing a baby. And you want her to put herself through further trauma by standing on her feet for hours, putting on makeup and a dress, sipping champagne and dancing, slapping on a fake smile, talking with guests, and pretending that everything is ok? It’s not ok. She’s not ok. She lost a baby.

Yes, the baby wasn’t full term, but it was very much wanted and loved. You expect her to be there because you were there for her wedding? That’s not how love works. It’s not a quid pro quo. Have you ever lost a baby? Are you capable of putting yourself in her shoes? If you expect your sister to be there for you, to comfort you when you go through hard times and deep personal loss, then do not demand this of her.

The wedding will go on with or without your sister. It is not a summons. Your sister is grieving. Let her grieve.” NotTheBeesAHHHH

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – she lost a baby. She had been carrying that baby thinking about names, what she was going to paint the nursery, if they were going to move to get into a better school district, if she was going to homeschool, and how happy everyone (including you) was going to be to meet and hold it.

She lost a baby. Now she’s mourning her child, wondering if she did anything wrong, wondering what could have been different, wondering if she’s going to be able to have kids. Crying when she sees other people’s babies. Crying when people announce they are pregnant or talking about what little things little Suzie or little Johnny are doing…

You are a jerk. This is a big important party, for you.

Her not being there isn’t going to prevent you from getting married. But you not being there for her, will get lose you a sister, and possibly other family members and friends. And I hope you lose them because you are not just a horrible entitled sister, you are a horrible, insensitive, heartless human being.

She lost your niece or nephew, and you’re boohooing over her not being at your wedding.

She’ll be miserable there and draw all the attention off you while people comfort her, and then you’ll be even more cruel yelling at her about not being able to put a smile on for one day, while her heart has been torn in two before being shredded and scattered to the winds… she can’t pull herself together right now, and even after she is able to have other kids, this will haunt her and make her cry the rest of her life.

You are a horrible, terrible, no-good sister. Change or leave her alone.” elvaholt

Another User Comments:

“This is tough. I’m not going to say YTJ and I’ve had 7 miscarriages. They are traumatic and exhausting and if your sister had told everyone she was pregnant she would have to spend the entire night of your wedding explaining over and over that she had lost the baby. However, not having your sister at your wedding is heartbreaking, and I get where you’re coming from and I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

You have to be careful not to act like the miscarriage isn’t a big deal because of course she and her husband will get defensive, try not to let your emotions get the best of you and try talking to them civilly and express that you understand their grief but that you love them a lot and picturing your wedding day without them is really heartbreaking for you.

I’d send an email or a text apologizing if your reaction made it seem like you didn’t care about their trauma but if they could consider a way to somehow still be a part of your day that would mean a lot to you. You’re both in high-stress, emotional headspaces right now and the important thing is that your relationship isn’t damaged by this. I can tell you that even though it feels like it will really make a difference to your day now it likely won’t.

My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and the last thing I was worried about was who came and who didn’t, I was just so focused on my husband and the people that WERE there.

It probably won’t affect you as much the day of as you think it will. Ask your sister if maybe she can come to where you’re getting ready or come at the very end if she feels up to it. Work toward a compromise but don’t let this ruin your wedding, you are going to have an amazing day regardless.” Gooncookies

1 points (1 votes)
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Prettygirlnyfl 1 week ago
Omg... you're the jerk 100000%. I have no children, never had a miscarriage, and I still sympathize with your sister. She lost a CHILD. Even though the baby wasn't born, it was a child that was loved, cared for and desired. My sister and 3 of my 4 brothers couldn't come to my wedding in 2014 as they could not afford to travel to the state my husband and I live in, which is where we got married because that's where we could afford it. When 2 of my siblings got married, i travelled out of that for theirs yet I understood. I never even thought to be so petty that i would be upset for spending money to travel their weddings but they couldn't come to mine. I couldn't imagine lashing out at a friend or family member who recently lost a beloved family member (child, parent, etc) and therefore was not in a mental state to come to my wedding. I can't believe that you're putting your wedding above the loss that your sister just suffered. I hope you never know her pain... and her husband is my hero, as well as your dad. Your mom and fiance sound just as bad as you for not putting you in your place.
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3. AITJ For Shutting Down My Wife's Suggestion To Homeschool Our Daughter?

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“My daughter (7) has been struggling with anxiety for a while, It gets worse when she’s at school surrounded by classmates and crowded areas. So far we’ve had her school call us several times to pick my daughter up because of their… quote-unquote concerns. They, along with my wife suggested homeschooling my daughter but I refused because 1) that is not going to fix her anxiety issues that obviously need time to get under control which is what I’m trying to work on right now.

and 2) getting her homeschooled is, without a doubt, going to ruin her social skills and cause her to lose the ability to socialize. and 3) the school isn’t suggesting this because they’re concerned but mostly since my daughter has now become an inconvenience to them smh.

My wife talked about how it’s a lifesaver for my daughter’s health, besides that my daughter wants to try it at least for now and that should be enough for me to say yes but I said no.

She started losing her temper and went on about how tired she was of leaving work to pick our daughter up from school to get her anxiety managed. She said I had no right to say no since I’m not the one there with our daughter doing the work which was awful of her to say because it’s not like I’m sitting around all day doing nothing, I’m out there trying to provide for the family yet I still get blamed for every little issue that pops up in this house.

We kept arguing and my wife threatened to go ahead and register our daughter in a homeschooling program. I got mad and told her I’d lose my mind if she did that.

She took our daughter and went to stay with her sister who decided to get involved and speak to me about how amazing this program is, then said that I should not have shut down my wife’s suggestion and treated her as if her opinions don’t matter.

I said that I’m as much concerned about our daughter as she is but I too feel like my input isn’t worth anything at this point. I got called stubborn, selfish, dictator, and whatnot.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You’re not taking your child’s anxiety seriously, which is out of her control, and it sounds like you don’t really believe it exists. Exposure therapy doesn’t always work, forcing her to stay in a situation that causes her daily extreme anxiety is terrible.

Also, from the looks of it, you think that bringing home a paycheck is enough of ‘doing the work’ to give you an equal say in what is going on, and frankly, it’s not. You’re not the one picking her up, consoling your daughter after being picked up, or helping her put the pieces back together after having such terrible anxiety that she had to leave school.

Yet you’re the one telling her ‘go back to the place that causes you so much anxiety every day because I think you need to,’ not counting her, the school’s, or her mother’s opinion.

You’re outvoted, my guy. Maybe you need some education on anxiety in children.” jetgirljen

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

The school is worried about your daughter. Your wife is worried about your daughter. You are worried about yourself.

You need to help the daughter you have right now. Not worry about the one you think she’ll turn into 10 years from now based on an extremely stereotypical view of homeschooled children. I homeschooled my oldest daughter for one year due to extreme anxiety that manifested as an almost complete inability to eat. We also did weekly therapy in our home. It absolutely saved her life.

It was a slow process, but she went back to school the next year happy and confident and made new friends and joined clubs, and aced all of her diagnostic tests.

So stop being stubborn and start being a parent.” personofpaper

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

The schools and teachers today are very stressed, overworked, and without the basic resources they used to have. Your daughter is not getting any extra help at school, and they likely do not have the resources to help her.

Your wife does not want to homeschool to coddle or ruin your YOUNG daughter’s socializing as you are thinking. She’s likely desperate to help her and wants to get her out of a situation that she is in for 6+ hours of her day, 5 days a week, that is causing her severe mental anguish. Homeschooling, especially for young kids, is only about an hour a day.

Some people who work the normal 9-5 do a little every night, or they do a few hours on each weekend day.

A lot of traditional schools have ‘classroom management’ which you do not need to deal with while Homeschooling. There are tons of ways to link up with other kids outside of a school setting where your daughter is going to feel comfortable. Instead of dismissing this idea and fighting with your wife when you both just want what is best for your kid, try putting all the ideas on the table and talking about them with an open mind. They are trying your way… it’s not working. Your wife sounds like she’s taking the load on while you’re sitting back offering uninformed opinions. How would you feel in her shoes?? Definitely find her a therapist and help this poor girl find her tribe out there so she can thrive!” After_University6072

1 points (3 votes)
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TeaLikeTheDrink 4 days ago
YTJ...do you know how critical being in a comfortable environment is to getting anxiety under control?! You can't push someone with anxiety to face the problem by literally throwing them in the deep end! You start in the kiddie pool and by trying therapy, HOMESCHOOLING, medications, and, most importantly, doing what your wife and sil are doing, BE AN ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD! You are doing the opposite of that by forcing your opinion down everyone's throat. Also, what qualifies you to say that the school just wants her homeschooling due to inconvenience? What qualifies you to say how to treat your child's anxiety? Are you a professional? Are you a doctor or a therapist? No? Then stfu and listen to the school. Dick.
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2. AITJ For Wanting To Move My Husband Into A Home On His Dime?

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“I (48f) married my husband (66m) 23 years ago. Yes, there was a large age gap. He had a wife and children and he left her for me. There were problems in that marriage that I won’t touch on, and he and I have been happy. His children (38m, 36m, 32f) and I have never gotten along very well and the relationship between him and his children has been strained.

This is the dynamic and not what I’m here to be judged on. He was the ‘breadwinner’ of the household, and I did some part-time work but that was about it. We’ve lived comfortably, even after his retirement five years ago.

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about a year ago. He’s been getting worse very quickly, and while I’ve done my best, his care is becoming too much for me to the point where I’ve made the difficult decision that I cannot provide what is needed.

I’ve looked through a lot of options, and I’ve chosen to move him into a home with specialized care for his condition.

I did tell his children (who knew of his diagnosis) about my choice since I felt they had a right to know. Now, they’re furious with me, claiming it’s unfair for me to do that, telling me that I wrecked their home only not to keep my marriage vows of ‘in sickness and health’ to him, and saying that I’ve always been a gold digger, and my choice to use his money to ‘send him away’ proves that.

Obviously, it hurt. I vented to a friend of mine, who told me that she did think it was ‘cold’ of me to stop caring for him, as he will most likely decline more rapidly. Now, I’m starting to feel bad for the choice I’ve made. My friend suggested that I should make the commitment of taking a class or something to learn how to care for him, and agreed with his children that I signed up for this when I got with a married man.

AITJ for wanting to move my husband into a care home?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I am sorry that you are facing this difficult decision.

Advanced Alzheimer’s requires specialized care, and only someone who has never dealt with it could think that ‘taking a class’ could prepare someone to care for a person who can be combative, may wander off if not monitored 24/7, and will eventually be unable to perform even basic self-care for themselves.

‘In sickness and in health’ does not mean that you do everything. If he had cancer, would they insist that you keep him at home and treat him yourself? Your husband has the right to the best care available, not an exhausted spouse, and yes, his funds should pay for his care. I have to wonder if his children are more concerned about their inheritance than their father’s well-being.

You are doing what is best for your husband; visit him in the home & ignore the people trying to make you feel guilty.” plm56

Another User Comments:

“Look, NTJ in THIS instance. Alzheimer’s needs very specialized care and frankly, you are not up for it. No one is unless trained.

Of course, you are getting the reaction you are. And also, you deserve every bit of resentment you get.

That doesn’t mean you sacrifice proper care for your husband because other people feel you should suffer. Mainly because your husband will suffer as well. As someone who watched this process firsthand, the physical, mental, and emotional toll is too much to bear. And his care will suffer.

I will say this, you had better do your research before putting him ANYWHERE. And his money paying for his care is all fine.

But I hate to be the bearer of bad news, you will most likely need to get a job to support yourself. Good places for this type of care are expensive. And you will most likely need to use most of his money to make sure he gets good care. Get ready to be required to support yourself. Downsize your house, reduce expenses, and find work.

I know that most likely isn’t what you want to hear. But if you toss him in the cheapest option available so you don’t have to work, you are exactly what everyone says you are. If you do right by the man you say you love and put him first, then what anyone else says doesn’t matter.” Last_Caterpillar8770

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If any of his children want to take care of him themselves, they should be allowed the opportunity if they’re willing to step up.

Otherwise, a facility is the right choice.

Your husband left his family for you. They will never forgive or forget that. You can’t change their opinion, they will probably always think the worst of you no matter what. It’s a reality that isn’t going to change, try as hard as you can to let it go.

My Grandma had Dementia and was in a nursing home. I can offer some advice.

Visit him as frequently as possible, and take his favorite food and treats. Grandma said the worst part of living in a home was the food. It made her very happy when we brought her a treat, take-out, or a home-cooked meal. Just getting a milkshake from her favorite place really brightened her day.

Keep a close watch on the staff to make sure they are taking good care of him.

Long story short, we had to move my Grandma to a new home because she had unexplained injuries and they weren’t keeping her clean. We reported the home to the state.

A friend that works as an Aide admitted that some workers tend to give better care and more attention to patients who have family that are active and present. So, be there often and make relationships with his caregivers.

I wish you and your husband the best.” tcrhs

0 points (2 votes)
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Shell1982 3 days ago
NTJ. My family looked after my nan in our home for the last 4 years of her life. It was extremely hard. Looking back if it had been my decision I would have chosen a different option.
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1. AITJ For Explaining To My 5-Year-Old Nephew Where Meat Comes From?

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“I am a vegetarian and have been since I was a kid. One of my earliest memories was asking my parents if the meat came from dead animal flesh and them lying to me, but eventually, my sister told me the truth. This turned into years of my parents hiding meat in my food, force-feeding me, and giving me ground beef saying that it’s soy. I grew up genuinely thinking that lying was normal since I caught my parents doing it every day.

I also stopped eating my parent’s food when I was 12, and just started cooking for myself.

Fast forward to now, I have a nephew who just turned 5 and he only eats rice, baked potatoes, and some kind of meat every single day for lunch and dinner. Yesterday, I was babysitting him for my sister and was trying to explain to him where all the vegetables come from, I wanted to encourage him to eat healthier as my sister wasn’t too invested in that.

‘They come from little seeds then grow into fruits that give you superpowers! Like strength, intelligence and it makes you grow!’ (No, I don’t know how to speak to kids). This inevitably led to him asking where the beef on his plate came from.

At first, I tried to give him the runaround and said that it comes from a farm, but he was poking around for the real answer so I just said ‘it comes from a cow.

The beef is a cow.’ He then asked: ‘do people have to kill it?’ and I simply said ‘yes’. He didn’t seem too bothered by this and just finished his plate.

However, this afternoon my sister calls me and she was beyond upset with me. Apparently, my nephew is refusing to eat meat now because of what I said, and she can’t believe I ‘went behind her back and traumatized’ her son.

Her plan was to tell him that meat came from the ground or from animals that died of natural causes if he ever asked.

Now my parents are calling me saying I did this on purpose to ‘convert’ him into vegetarianism. They said I have no idea how to deal with a child and someone that young should never hear about death. My sister has also prohibited me from babysitting him again until further notice.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If they wanted you to lie to your nephew about this or any other topic, they needed to discuss it with you in advance. How were you supposed to know they wanted you to lie?

And a child not hearing of death? Sometimes, you can keep a child from hearing about passing away, for a while. But sooner or later they will hear. What would they do if a family friend, whom the child saw regularly, passed away? And now, with what’s going on in the world, and people passing away in the news every day for more than half of the child’s life?

If they had been honest with him about meat, this wouldn’t be an issue.

I remember, as a child, having a copy of the German children’s book ‘Max & Mauritz’ where two very naughty boys pull off some nasty pranks and come to a bad end. In one of the pranks, they wind up killing a woman’s poultry, and then, in the next prank, she tries to make the best of the situation by cooking the birds, and then the boys steal them.

If the concept of where meat comes from is normalized at an early age, kids don’t freak out about it. The same reason a friend of mine, whose parents had a small farm and would raise an animal or two for meat every year, would name the animals things like ‘Hamburger’ ‘Stew’ or ‘Bacon’.” Jazzlike_Humor3340

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Seems to me that you engineered this conversation. If you’re telling them all sorts of amazing stuff about veggies it’s only logical that they are going to ask about the other stuff on their plate.

You freely admitted you don’t know how to talk to kids so why would you take it upon yourself to explain this sensitive subject.

You can’t say veggies are going to give them superpowers no matter what your intentions are. Next time your back’s turned they’re going diving off the sofa head first. If the kid is picky already you may have cut the amount of food they eat in half if not more.

I have a three-year-old and she loves her veggies and is pretty indifferent about meat. But she is still encouraged to eat it because she’s fussy about other things that would provide a decent source of protein. When her palate expands and she’s willing to eat more stuff I’d have no problem with her being veggie. I love meat but I also love veggie meals and cooking so it would give me more new recipes to try.” Caryria

Another User Comments:

“NTJ (see bottom paragraph) – You’re an adult, a five-year-old can’t really understand death (whether they should be told about it is kind of a ‘go by situation’ thing, IMO, an older relative died when I was 7, and I understood she wasn’t around anymore, but couldn’t really fully understand what happened), it seemed you did cause some upset after the fact to the kid, but your sister was going to blatantly lie about where meat came from when he was older? I mean, honestly, I knew meat came from animals at that age but didn’t understand HOW until I was much older.

She isn’t doing her child any favors, I’m baffled that she was going to say meat ‘came from the ground’ or ‘from animals dying of natural causes’ when neither is true. That’s just weird.

I can imagine that the lies your parents told you probably made you want to make sure the next generation doesn’t suffer the same treatment, and that’s admirable. Is this the same sister that told you where meat came from? If she didn’t want you to tell him, she should’ve told you, the adult, that, especially as she put her child in your care.

I don’t think you’re a jerk, and if you’re allowed to watch him in the future, maybe ask her what topics she would prefer you not to educate him on. Good luck with your family, I hope things settle down for you!

Edit – after finding out it was indeed the same sister that told OP where meat came from, I’m going with NTJ. She could have changed her opinion, but she didn’t tell OP that she had as far as we know, or tell OP not to discuss this with her child.

Why would the sister, the nephew’s mom, think she could get away with telling OP’s nephew that meat came either from the ground or from lifeless animals when neither is typically true (at least in my country, the USA)? The nephew was going to find out one way or another at some point, and at least you were honest, OP. I think telling a child the truth when they press you (5-year-olds are really good at barraging people about any and all topics) is a better decision than blatantly lying.

But that’s just my opinion.” CharlotteSumtyms76

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I don’t know how this isn’t obvious. Is what you said wrong no it isn’t but it was completely not your place. A simple ask your mum is all you should have said. You overstepped here and was wrong for doing so. I 100% agree if a child asks they should be told the truth but it wasn’t your place to do that and what you basically did is tell him veg is magical and meat is ‘passing away’ which is untrue.” tiredandstressed92

-2 points (2 votes)
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Realitycheck 1 day ago
I grew up on a farm and knew where beef, chicken, and pork came from. It came from the freezer. Before that, it was loaded onto a truck or had its head chopped off and flopped around the yard for a while before it was plucked and cut up.

He is 5. This too shall pass. Most likely, a few meals with mostly foods he dislikes and he will ask for McDonald's.
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