People Are Desperate For Our Viewpoint On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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One of the greatest lessons that a jerk can teach you is to never be like them. It's normal to make mistakes and learn from them, but when you keep making the same mistakes over again, it's safe to say that you are a Grade A Jerk. These people have stories filled with unfortunate circumstances that you can learn from so that if you're ever in a similar situation, you know how not to be the jerk. Read on and let us know who you think the jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

15. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Sister's Aggression?

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“Years ago, my family got interested in learning about our Enneagram Types. For reference, I am 100% a 3 with 95% wing 4, so I am ‘The Achiever/The Professional.’ My sister, (whose relationship w/me has always been rocky and chaotic) is an 8, ‘The Challenger.’ I am unaware of any wings she might have.

During this time, I have tried hard to cut out/identify unhealthy habits that are in my life.

So, I have begun to challenge every idea and really think it through before I just accept it as okay. This has affected my family because my family really pushes the ideology that, ‘family is family, you will always deal with them, etc.’ So, they felt I was selfish when I said that I do not need to just tolerate them treating me terribly just because ‘they are family.’

Recently, my sister and I have gone through a horrible patch in our relationship and stopped talking for 6 months, I was able to move away for a temporary job which was amazing for many reasons, some including getting to grow on my own.

When I moved back, things got worse. To give background on our fighting styles, my sister likes to be really aggressive and say awful things (that she thinks are okay because we are fighting) while I do not fight this way. I try hard to watch what I say because I don’t think people get to just say whatever they want, no matter how hateful, and be excused.

This apparently makes my sister even madder.

My family was having a get-together and my uncle and I were talking, I mentioned how interacting with my family has changed since I started to grow and not make myself small in my family. This set my sister OFF. This casual conversation turned into an 8 against 1 attack. My mom took pictures, it was literally everyone else against me.

My mom was trying to act as the mediator. Long story short, my sister was expressing her frustration with me bc she feels like I don’t care enough about her to talk back to her. I have asked her about this several times because from the way she describes it, it sounds like when she tries to talk with me I just go silent. This is not true, she admitted that what she wants is for me to scream/yell back at her.

She said this is the only way that I can show her that I care, talking normally simply doesn’t work and counts as not saying anything. My response to that point was, ‘That is objectively a bad trait and a super unhealthy one. I am not going to yell at you, it is not my fault that you can’t control your temper and you can’t ask anyone to join you in your unhealthy habit.’ My sister and other members of the family argue that she can’t help it, bc her personality needs aggression and passion, and that me not accepting that is extremely selfish and unacceptable.

So tell me, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ in my opinion.

Reminds me of an old coworker who was seemingly on a similar wavelength as your sister: she was an emotional person and wasn’t afraid to express those emotions, particularly when upset or frustrated, and she made the point of saying that in her view people who aren’t like her are weak… or not as strong… if she challenged you then you should challenge her back and play the emotional game.

Whereas my point of view is the complete opposite: giving in to emotions is the easier route to go – checking them and not allowing them to have power over you and your actions is more difficult and reflect strength, to me.

In any case, you could express to your family/sister that they are not accepting you either, and they are being extremely selfish too: why do you have to give in and play their emotional game? How come they don’t accept or respect your logical approach? Or why don’t they give in and play it your way?

And otherwise, I wholeheartedly agree with this: ‘I said that I do not need to just tolerate them treating me terribly just because ‘they are family.”

Family is what you make of it – it’s a type of relationship or bond that can be developed between any person.

Family is not ‘just family’ or ‘a blood relation’. You don’t have to continue to take toxicity from people who don’t actually treat you like family.” Chewy52

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your entire family sounds awful. Personal responsibility is important regardless of your personality type, and it sounds like they just want to blame all their faults on things that are ‘out of their control.’ Also, you don’t owe family crap, ever.

If they’re awful and toxic, which they most certainly seem to be, you don’t have to put up with anything from them that you wouldn’t put up with from a stranger.” advicethrowaway241

Another User Comments:

“Holy crap. NTJ. I love the Enneagram, but also know that everything is up to interpretation, and it doesn’t give someone carte blanche to be a jerk. Your family sounds awful, I’m sorry. My sister also used to get mad at me for not ‘being mad enough’ because I could have an argument without losing my mind, and she couldn’t. It’s a maturity thing, definitely, but your entire family dogpiling on you is ridiculous.” icenrose84

3 points (3 votes)
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HisAngel 1 month ago
Why is her way of fighting more valid to them than yours? She NEEDS the screaming, nane calling etc, but you need calm rational talking. Why is hers more important than yours? Very simply, it's not. Don't let them push you to where you are uncomfortable just si they can be comfortable. That is equally unfair to you as they think your refusal to accommodate her is to you
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14. AITJ For Wanting This Guy Out Of eSports?

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“About half a year ago in May, I was getting really good at Apex Legends. I eventually joined the eSports team ‘ROAR’ (which later turned into ‘Triquetra’). All went well for around 1 or 2 months. Keep in mind I was 15 at the time.

So after a while, this Rildur guy joins and he’s got some eSports experience in Overwatch. Of course, the organization leader lets him in and instantly promotes him to Team Captain (at this point I was the only one on the team).

I played a few games with him and (at that point) he really wasn’t good. He was quite bad, to be honest. I was watching his streams to see how he plays, playing actual games with him to see how he communicates and what his playstyle was.

We got into a minor fight about our tactics. I found that we were playing way too slow and that he wasn’t really leading us.

His tactics were all about staying back (like in Fortnite scrims) until the last circle but then would whine about how the enemies were lucky or that his tactic only works on good players when we died.

One day I was playing with Rildur and his other friend Nezedia, who is also a twitch sub of his and we got into another argument. What basically happened is that Nezedia and I were 2v1ing a guy and Nezedia did around 60-70% of the damage and the guy had a Lvl 4 shield.

I was faster than him and got the armor.

He instantly was aggressive and said something along the lines of ‘Dude seriously? I deserve that why did you take it?!’ I understood why he said that but at that point, I protested. If he would’ve asked more nicely or at least not so aggressively I would’ve given it to him and apologized. I told him that he shouldn’t whine about it so much and it’s not a big deal, again simply because he ticked me off with his behavior.

Then Rildur jumps in and says I’m childish and that this is the last straw, quits the game, and blocks me on Discord.

Rildur, some higher-ups, and I get into a Discord voice room and try to talk it out. We agreed to both try to play together again but of course, me being stupid and angry at the time, said something along the lines of ‘One last thing, Rildur is just bad at the game,’ which sends Rildur into a man-child rage.

He yells out things like how my Twitch channel has 2 viewers and that he’s gonna quit if I don’t get kicked out then and there.

I argue that he’s really childish and a bit mental if he’s screaming like that at a 15-year-old but he continues to insult me with things like my age, that I’ve got no responsibilities in life like he does and the whole time he’s hiding behind the wall of ‘previous eSports experience’, which by the way was in Overwatch. The higher-ups got into a separate call to discuss who was going to get kicked and because I said that he’s bad after agreeing to play with him I got kicked out.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

Sounds like the whole thing could have been avoided if there was just more communication about play styles and discussion about leadership. You can be successful playing either defensive or aggressive, but if the team doesn’t play together then it’s a huge disadvantage, might as well play with randoms. You shouldn’t openly say negative things about people you work with or used to work with. It’s just going to hurt you in the future if you’re known as not a good team player it will be harder to find e sports teams that will want you.” Bubbledood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you are a moron. You could have kept quiet and just played while trying to look for a new team. It’s like any other job man, you need to be good, but more importantly a team player. Dissing him in front of your bosses showed that you just cared about being right, and showing him up not being part of the team.” D3vlen92

3 points (3 votes)
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alohakat 1 month ago
Good grief, I felt my IQ level go down a few points just reading this.
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13. AITJ For Accidentally Falling Asleep While Watching My Baby?

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“I work 70-90 hours a week. I have one full-time job as an assistant manager for a small but very profitable grocery store, and a part-time job working the front desk of a hotel overnight about 3 nights a week. My schedule is killing me, I never get anything resembling decent sleep as many days I close the store down, which means getting to work at noon and going until 11, sometimes without a chance to even eat, and then immediately drive to my other job, work until 7, go home, take care of the dog and baby until my wife wakes up, usually around 10/10:30.

I then hop in the shower, get about an hour of sleep, and do it all over again.

On the nights I don’t work at the hotel, I have the job of waking up with the baby when she gets hungry/needs a change in the middle of the night, that way my wife can have a few nights off. She’s a photographer so she can work and stay home with the baby at the same time, though when I get an afternoon off, I’m more than happy to take the baby off her hands so she can work or relax or whatever she’d like to do.

We split chores evenly.

Last night I ended up at work until after midnight and got home around 1 o’clock. Wife and dog were already asleep and the baby was just waking up. I quickly made her a bottle, changed her diaper, and fed her. The previous 2 nights I worked at the hotel so I was running on roughly 1.5 hours of sleep. After feeding and burping the baby was still up so I walked her around a bit.

That wasn’t working and she was still awake and fussy any time I stopped moving. So I set her in her bouncing chair so she could get some energy out. While waiting for her to tucker herself out I ended up passing out on the couch in my work clothes.

I was awakened by my wife at 7, yelling at me for falling asleep out there with the baby, who was also snoozing away at that moment.

She called me the ‘worst father’ and ‘dumbest father’ and stormed off. I certainly didn’t mean to fall asleep out there, it just happened by accident, but she wouldn’t hear it. So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But dude, I’m genuinely worried about you. You cannot live long term on such little sleep. Beyond the damage it will cause your body, being that sleep-deprived makes it more likely you’ll have an accident.

Your wife is being completely unfair. It’d be one thing if you worked reasonable hours while making enough for her to stay at home and do photography, but it’s clear that financially it isn’t viable for her to do this without you working yourself into an early grave. Honestly, I’m alarmed that she’s comfortable with this situation. She shouldn’t be okay with you living like this—she should WANT to ease your burden.

On top of all that, the way she treated you is appalling.

You’re beyond sleep-deprived and you falling asleep with your child like that should be a wake-up call for her that you, at the very least, cannot physically afford to take three nights of baby duty a week, not a reason for her to verbally mistreat you.” Iwilleatyourenglish

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. However, from a mother’s perspective, I can understand why your wife was upset. You don’t specify how old your baby is (or maybe I just missed it), and the term ‘bouncy seat’ is ambiguous.

If it was the kind of bouncer you put a little newborn in, then the baby was safe and your wife overreacted. But if it was an exersaucer-type thing that baby sort of stands up in with a sling-type seat (you said ‘get some energy out’ which is why I thought this might be what you meant), then that’s a suffocation or injury hazard if they fall asleep.

She probably still overreacted, but as a mom myself, a huge part of asking my husband to help is being able to NOT WORRY for a few hours. He also works long hours, though not nearly as much as you. When he falls asleep while on kid duty, bad things can happen, so now I just send him to bed if he looks sleepy, no matter how tired I am.

To me it’s just better for everyone involved; the kids are safe, he’s asleep, and I’m not worried about him not watching them. I think your wife’s expectations that you can somehow be awake all the time are ridiculous, but new parenthood is hard for every parent and every marriage. I’m sure she is experiencing her own set of stressors as well, which contributed to her lashing out.

You two should really discuss your expectations and priorities before your child is mobile or you add a second to the mix.” theuserie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. 1.5 hours of sleep a night is ridiculous and it’s not possible to keep this up without facing consequences in the long run. You should be getting at least 5-6 hours of sleep each night if possible. I’m afraid for you, it’s very possible to make a mistake during the day like falling asleep at the wheel while driving from over-exhaustion.

Your wife needs to get some sort of steady job, at least part-time so that you can offset your insane schedule. It’s not fair or acceptable for you to be pushing yourself this hard for the both of you. She can still work on photography, but she needs to also support you so you can actually get some much-needed rest each night.

Seriously, it can’t go on like this.” Sumo148

3 points (3 votes)
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lico1 1 month ago
So you're gettin an hour and a half of sleep at night but your wife gets to sleep in til after 10? Screw that. She needs to get her ass in gear and step up for your family. Shes using you, dude.
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12. WIBTJ If I Stopped Making An Effort To Reach Out To My MIL?

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“We live in my home country, my husband’s family lives a long way away. We have a 4yo son who is the first grandchild of the in-laws. MIL has become Just No MIL.

We used to get along fine. In hindsight, she’s always been pushy and used to getting her own way, but because she’s genuinely loving even if misguided sometimes, everyone tends to let it slide.

E.g.

arranging a sermon at our wedding reception without our knowledge or consent even though we’re both atheists. And trading in our car, while we were away, without our knowledge or permission, to give BIL a car.

This just escalated soon as I went into labor with the first grandchild. She showed up at the hospital unannounced and against our instructions. Soon as we got back from the hospital she was taking my baby out of my arms without asking.

Then she called me narcissistic because the baby wasn’t calming down for her and I wanted him back to nurse him. As my kid grew up, she was constantly policing my interactions with him and ignoring my instructions about his care. Lots of snide remarks and criticisms and doing things her own way. She even tried to take my son to get his first haircut without asking me but FIL stopped her.

I’ve been working hard at encouraging a good relationship between my son and the other side of the family he seldom sees.

Photos everywhere, we talk about them frequently, he knows all their names and faces. When he plays with a toy that the grandparents bought I talk about how much they love him. I ask him to make crafts for them, cook ‘meals’ in his toy kitchen, etc, to keep them in his thoughts. I’m the one to initiate phone calls because of time zone differences and my husband’s demanding work schedule.

I facilitate their visits and plan our visits to them, plan fun activities to help them bond, etc.

I do all this because I think it’s good for my son to have a good relationship with his grandparents. However, I’m just tired of her crap. Even on the phone, she’s still interfering with my parenting of my son and he acts out. Worse in person. I don’t really want to make an effort anymore.

I feel bad because it benefits my son to have a loving relationship with his grandparents, and I shouldn’t let my personal problem with MIL affect that.

On the other hand, I’m just so sick of this and my son is old enough to pick up on the dynamic where she’s constantly undermining our parenting. He’s already running to her for protection when I (or anyone else) is trying to get him to behave eg not hitting people in the face. He’s usually a good kid but behaves like a spoiled brat around her.

WIBTJ if I left it to my husband to maintain the relationship with his own parents.

He’s busy and it probably wouldn’t happen much. I would still be polite, be a good hostess when they want to visit and pick up their calls when they want to speak to their grandson. I just won’t initiate anything myself or make an extra effort to get my son to keep them in his thoughts.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Family relationships can be great, but they can also be toxic.

It will benefit your son more to see his mother end a relationship that is harming her, learn about respect and consent, and that people don’t get to hurt you just because they’re family. My in-laws are out of our lives and I felt guilty at first when we cut them off, especially when explaining to the kids why we wouldn’t be seeing them anymore, but I know they were doing more harm than good.

We’re all just trying to do the best we can, and you have to trust your instincts.” PinkoQueerBag

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – if you can cut out the stressful people in your life and make time for other relatives or friends that actually respect you then why not? However, I think you’ll be disappointed if you think your kid will become the perfect son when he doesn’t see his grandmother.

Kids are brats sometimes for no other reason than they’re kids and they’re tired or hormonal. It will surface somewhere else. That said I think seeing her less will make YOU more able to handle it, which would benefit your relationship with your son, too.” Sosbanfawr

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but keep up with talking about them and keeping them in mind for your son and stuff. It does no harm and is a nice thing to do. If the phone calls are an issue, don’t have them (or at least not as frequently). But your husband probably needs to be present during visits to ensure that your kid is not taught to be a total brat. It’s his responsibility to rein this in, not yours.” smartliner

3 points (3 votes)
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mima 1 month ago
Ntj, she is. Cut her off until she changes.
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11. AITJ For Saying I Don't Think My Step Sister Is Family?

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“My mom and dad got a divorce when I was like 8 and my dad wanted nothing to do with either of us so I haven’t seen him since. Until I was about 10 it was me and my mom living in a 2 bedroom apartment. When I was 11 though my mom and this guy really hit it off and had serious talks of engagement.

I was happy my mom was so happy but a little part of me was kind of scared of how this guy would act around me. He has a daughter 1 year older than me (so that made her 12). They were both pretty nice, the girl and I didn’t hit it off right away, we didn’t have a lot in common and would bicker sometimes.

My mom and her dad were great at stopping that before it went too far tho. Her dad was/is really really nice to me and I am happy my mom found love again. When I was 12 they got married and within the next month, we all moved in together. I wasn’t looking forward to moving in cause I didn’t really like them, I just kind of tolerated them.

When we all moved in, it was nice to have an actual house for once and I know my mom was happy. Don’t get me wrong both are great people, and I came to really like them both, and other than small disputes and arguments with my step sister there never were any conflicts, I just didn’t really consider either family and more like roommates. I think she felt the same way and when I turned 14 and she was 15 we really just started to ignore each other, sure we talked but it was so sporadic and in between, I felt like I was living with a stranger.

We are both very sociable people and leave the house a lot, and every time we did my mom or her dad would say to us ‘why don’t you have your BROTHER tag along’ or ‘how come you never invite your SISTER with you?’ It gets very annoying.

I am now 17 and she is 18, she has like a month left before she moves to college.

I am happy for her but I don’t feel anything and don’t feel a need to hang out with her. This happened last Sunday, I was gonna go over to my friend’s house and yet again my mom said ‘why don’t you invite your sister?’ At this point, I just had it and told her ‘I don’t consider her family and she doesn’t consider ME family, I don’t hate her but I have no interest in getting close with her.’ My mom seemed kind of sad by that and left, I ended up going to my friend’s place.

My mom and I have yet to speak again about this, I feel bad but I feel like it needed to be said.

AITJ for telling my mom I don’t consider my step sister family?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You are in a blended ‘family’ because your mom made the choice to remarry, sometimes those situations work out really well and everyone really does feel like family, but oftentimes that is not the case.

It’s really awkward to take two groups of people who are not family and try to make them family, especially when the kids involved did not want or choose to be in that situation. I get why your mom is sad about what you said, and maybe you can make a point to be sensitive to that, but you are amicable with your step-sister and your step dad and I think that is all anyone can fairly ask of you.

You are not obligated to consider them family or to force your relationship to be something that it simply isn’t.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’re both at an age where hanging out with friends will be more appealing than anything else. I understand why you said what you said, and I understand why it hurt your mom to hear that. My mom has said on more than one occasion that she wishes I was closer with my bio brother, so it won’t feel like I’m ‘alone’ when she and my dad pass away.

He and I don’t have much in common, though, so we don’t talk much unless it’s about his kid or our parents. Just something to keep in mind – being biologically related to someone doesn’t automatically make you close to them, either. She is your step-sister, but she isn’t your friend. And that’s okay.” HindsightGraduate

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

My husband has a similar relationship with his stepsister. They always got along fine, but never really considered themselves siblings.

A lot changed when we had our son, more than 10 years after high school. When he introduced me to her and her husband and their kids, we all clicked pretty well. We’re not all close or anything, but we enjoy visiting. They love being an aunt and uncle to our son, and he gets along great with his cousins. (A lot of their kids are older than our son so their kids understandably don’t automatically consider us aunt and uncle, although they’re super sweet to us when we see them.)

Just an anecdotal account of a similar circumstance.

It’s definitely good to tell your mom how you feel so she’s not trying to force a relationship that’s not there, but for what it’s worth, just know it’s possible you might have a different friendship later in life.” GraMacTical0

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for saying that to your mom. It sounds like you and your sister just don’t have a lot in common, but it’s not like you are at each other’s throats or yelling a lot. It’s sad you feel that way, but you could have put it differently.” cricket73646

2 points (2 votes)
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kipa 1 month ago
Ntj - even if you were genuine brother and sister, at your ages noone wants to hang with their sibling.
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10. WIBTJ For Reporting A Handicapped Woman?

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“I belong to a local gym in my city. It’s one of the biggest gyms in the area so the parking lot is huge; they even have a security guard in a golf cart that circles around during their hours of operation. The parking lot has the front row dedicated to handicapped parking only (20 spots) and off to the side of the building, they have a section for ‘families with children’ spots (8 spots).

Both areas park along the sidewalk so you don’t have to cross the parking lot. Past the FwC (Families with Children) spots—but still along the sidewalk—there are additional spots that aren’t allocated towards any specific person.

I take my little one to the gym with me every morning because they offer childcare while I exercise; we arrive there as soon as the childcare opens, the same time every day.

Usually, I try to park in the FwC spots because I don’t like crossing the parking lot with an infant, but if they’re all full I’ll just park past them in the additional spots along the sidewalk. The drivers in my area are awful and there are tons of accidents; I’ve personally been hit by a person backing out of a parking spot because they didn’t look in their mirrors before pulling out (I was on foot).

One morning I noticed an older woman parking in one of the FwC spots without a child.

She had a handicapped tag hanging from her mirror and I noticed all of the handicapped spots were occupied. I personally don’t think just because her dedicated spot was taken that she is entitled to take someone else’s spot, but she’s handicapped and I don’t know why she may need to park closer to the door so I let it go. I’ve seen this woman park in the FwC area every day for the past month or so and I’ve also seen other parents have to park elsewhere with multiple children in tow.

Today, I see her park there again and go inside.

I’m not too far behind her, but I stop in the childcare area to drop off my baby. I get into the gym and start my workout and see that woman on the treadmill walking at a brisk pace. She stayed on that treadmill for the ENTIRE HOUR I was there! So she doesn’t truly need a closer spot at all, she’s just being entitled. This made me so annoyed that she continues to park in a place that someone else needs just because she feels entitled to do so; it also annoys me that the security guard isn’t telling her to move.

I’m sure she’s not the only person to use those spots, but she’s the one person I notice every day using them.

Would I be a jerk to mention her parking there to the staff or even the security guard? I’d never confront her personally (although I’ve been tempted) as it is not my job to enforce their rules, but I want her to stop using those spots.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Here’s the thing, people with disabilities come in different forms and just because someone is walking on a treadmill does not mean that they aren’t disabled. Exercise is something that everyone needs and it doesn’t make someone a fraud if they can walk quickly on a treadmill for an hour. My own fiancée has people confront her in public sometimes because she needs arm crutches to walk some days and can walk perfectly fine on others.

She is still disabled.

You don’t know this woman’s story just like she doesn’t know yours. Maybe she is being entitled or maybe all the handicapped spots were taken and she is handicapped and needs to be close to the entrance. I’m sorry you have to walk through the parking lot with your kid but I would feel just as bad if a disabled elderly person got off the treadmill one day and had a horribly difficult time making it across the parking lot at all.

I think this is a bit of a difficult situation because you also have a need for the parking spots and we don’t know anything about the lady but consider that the fear you have of the parking lot is probably one that she shares. My YTJ decision is mostly based on the fact that you have made a very serious assumption about someone that you refuse to talk to and are going to report them based on it.

If you had at least talked to her then I could have voted differently because you have a need for that spot. Either way, I hope things work out for you and your kid OP.” tetrarools

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I won’t rehash what many other commenters have already said and explain why. I think you’ve got it at this point.

However, I will touch on the fact that not all handicaps are visible.

Many have said this, but I think an example could help you understand this includes ailments that don’t affect a person’s ability to walk/run/etc.

My partner’s grandmother has a handicap plate but is perfectly capable of walking long distances without discomfort. She was given her plate because, after her aneurysm, she often couldn’t remember where she parked. Before she had the plate, there were several instances where she spent over an hour in distress trying to find her vehicle.

She’s the sweetest lady and I would tear into someone like you if I heard they reported her for not being ‘handicapped.'” ShastaAteMyPhone

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I have 2 children, one of who is disabled, and as part of that, we get a parking permit for him. The fact that you can even post asking this question shows how insular your life is, and how lacking in compassion you are for your fellow man.

I say this as a mother of 2, you are not special for having a child. No one owes you anything. You haven’t achieved anything that countless people before you haven’t done. All you did was perform a basic biological function. You don’t get a medal for that. You get a medal for how you raise them, and by modeling behavior like this, you are doing a poor job.

I genuinely fear for the next generation, being raised by parents who think screw the disabled, I deserve to park here.

Let’s make one thing very clear.

Disabled trumps child every single time. On days my son is doing better. I don’t park in disabled parks, I leave them for those with an immediate need. Would you judge me for having a permit and not parking on them? You ever tried to load someone into a wheelchair in hail? I’m sure that woman would love to be complaining about how far the walk is, but she needs extra assistance.

I’m beginning to suspect this is a troll post.

No one can be this ignorant, this cold. But on the off chance it’s not, yes, you are a massive jerk.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to go with the unpopular vote of NTJ here.

Other people have brought up the ‘invisible disabilities’ or ‘good days and bad days’ argument. I think that doesn’t really apply here. They could definitely be a defense of her having the placard, but I don’t think they are a good defense of her using said placard 24/7/365 even on what is clearly one of her ‘good days’.

Of course, placard lady is technically legally in the right, but ethically she is dubious here. If she is able to walk an hour on the treadmill, clearly the person who has to wrangle a toddler across a parking lot full of cars has a harder time getting from the further parking spot than she does.

I don’t think OP should tattle on placard lady, but it’s perfectly reasonable for her to internally feel annoyed here.” Reddit user

2 points (2 votes)
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saph 1 month ago
YTA. I have a disability involving balance which means I can walk safely on a treadmill where there is a rail I can grab should I become unsteady, but walking through a parking lot with nothing to grab onto is very dangerous. Parent/ child parking is more of an issue of convenience than safety. Handicap trumps it every time.
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9. AITJ For Tricking My Aunt For My Benefit?

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“So, my Aunt owns a valuable piece of real estate in Los Angeles (gifted to her by my grandfather). It’s a building with multiple units; she currently rents all units and lives in a separate property that she does not own.

While the income from her building provides her with more than enough means to live quite comfortably, she lives an excessively luxurious life and refuses to make compromises or budget.

This has led to her finding herself in multiple financial binds over the years, all of which my dad has bailed her out of (often in situations where she would have otherwise lost the building entirely).

My aunt is also prideful to a fault, and has now decided she no longer wants to accept help from my dad and plans to sell the building, as she doesn’t feel she has enough cash on hand should some event happen that requires a decent sum of money (like if the building needed repairs, if her dog needed surgery, etc).

This week, her current tenant gave her an offer and she is likely to accept it (without researching market value or listing it publicly).

She absolutely refuses to consider the real math of what she is doing or listen to any kind of logical argument about how foolish it would be to sell this property. The finite amount she would net after taxes and fees would be exponentially less than if she kept the building and continued collecting profits from it.

Once she sells, she is not going to modify her lifestyle and when she inevitably runs out of money it will fall on me, my siblings, and my parents to support her (my aunt is unmarried and has no children, and my dad is her only sibling).

That is a huge financial burden, and it’s unfair to my parents who have worked extremely hard to retire in comfort and without the enormous stress of supporting my aunt (but they will never refuse her if she needs help). It also squanders a major asset that could help secure the financial future of my siblings and me for the rest of our lives.

It honestly hurts that she is so unwilling to live even a reasonable life that she would throw away such a huge asset for herself, my siblings, and me in the name of pride but will still inevitably, in time, fall back on my dad.

My sister and I talked at length about this last night, and are considering:

  1. Basically guilt-tripping her, and telling her our grandparents would have wanted her to keep it for our sake (we know this is a soft spot for her and are willing to exploit that).

  2. Contacting the tenant who gave the offer and trying to convince him to rescind.

So, AITJ for planning to guilt-trip and appeal to her most base emotions and possibly even interfering with the offer itself in order to get her to keep the building (that she would absolutely not still have if not for my dad) so that the financial burden of her life does not fall on my parents, and so my siblings and I can inherit it ourselves?

Edit: I feel I need to clarify priorities here: the inheritance is far second to protecting my parents from having to support her.

She has burned through her 401k, has no savings, and as much as it’s easy for people to suggest simply cutting her off, my parents just will not leave her with absolutely no resources to care for herself later in life. I do not feel entitled to this property by any means, the primary motivator for having her keep it is so that she herself has the means to live comfortably later in life and so that my parents do not have to take on that burden.

inheriting the property is to some extent a consideration, but even if she was not planning on willing it to us I would still be considering some of the above options.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The entire purpose of your underhanded shenanigans is to protect your aunt from herself and from her effectively turning your father into her piggy bank. If your aunt were just a moron, making decisions that only affect her, then you WBTJ, but her decisions affect all of you, so you all have a stake in this.

What a lot of people seem to not understand is that while you are perfectly fine cutting her off financially, your parents are not and will follow her into bankruptcy out of a misguided sense of loyalty. This is to protect your parents’ sanity and their financial health. Your inheritance does not strike me as being a serious concern for you.

That being said, I would only talk to your aunt.

The tenant does not deserve to be lied to.” oremfrien

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You are making a significant assumption that you will inherit this building, and manipulating her emotions for your own ends is clearly jerk behavior. You know this.

Also, this may backfire on you fantastically, and it may tick her off that you’re undermining her choice, her financial acumen, and angling for your own financial future. She may keep it out of spite and will it to someone else or a charity.

You won’t know until you see the will.” ReflectionInfection

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It’s her property, so she can do what she likes with it. However, there should definitely be consequences to that choice.

I would spend this time trying to get your parents to cut the support to your aunt so that they can live a comfortable retirement. You and your siblings probably need to be explicit and tell your parents and aunt that you aren’t going to be supporting their poor financial choices in the future.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

I agree that your aunt is a moron. However, your methods are underhanded. Your parents may have chosen to bail her out, but you don’t have to. If she won’t listen to reason, just make it clear she is cut off. I would honestly work more on making your parents see sense, as your aunt is a lost cause.” MightyMary007

1 points (1 votes)
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ankn 1 month ago
Is there any way your parents could buy the property from your aunt, or you could buy the property, and take over managing it?
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8. AITJ For Telling My Partner What She Does Bothers Me?

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“My partner who lives with me, texts me at 4 pm yesterday and reminds me that when I pick up my son, to make sure I get the ice pack(s) that go with his lunch box. His mother always keeps things I buy, and we’re on like the 4th ice pack for him. It annoys me, but they’re like .97 cents at Wal-Mart so I don’t let it bother me too much.

I work hard all day and it’s usually a 10-15 minute ordeal getting my son ready to leave his mother’s house. He’s six, with high functioning Asperger’s. Sometimes it’s just not easy getting him ready to come to my house.

Soon as I get over to his mom’s house, my son snatches my phone away to talk to my partner and her daughter… then runs to the bathroom and locks the door.

I forget all about the ice pack and work on getting in the bathroom before he decides it’s funny to pee on the phone with them on Facetime. I get home, my partner makes a few snarky comments about me forgetting. Which I always forget things, so I guess it’s deserved.

I figure I’ll just zip-lock bag a couple of bags of ice for his lunch box, and that’ll have to suffice until I remember to get his back or go buy more.

I wasn’t going to use her daughter’s (seven) ice packs because I didn’t want to forget those too and for her daughter to go without one. (I normally make her daughter’s school lunch in the morning, so I know where we keep her ice packs. She didn’t go to school this week because she’s been sick. So she didn’t need them.)

I open the freezer to get ice for the zip lock bags, and I see that my partner has taken her daughter’s ice packs out and hidden them.

This bothers me a lot. I feel like she didn’t care if my son went without something just because of my mistake. I should have remembered, but we’re supposed to treat our kids as equals. I don’t feel like she would ever let her daughter go without because of a mistake I made.

So I waited till she texted me to let me know she was awake and I asked if she hid the ice packs.

I told her I wasn’t even going to use them, but it hurts my feelings that she doesn’t care enough about my son that she would make an effort to hide something that he could have used.

This. Set. Her. Off. Full rage of how it’s completely my fault to forget that regardless of her hiding her daughter’s ice packs, it’s me letting my son go without because of my negligence.

Reminding me how hard a time I can have with him in the mornings getting him ready for school and how I’m always forgetting something and it doesn’t seem like I can handle my own son.

So I told her to stop and think about how she’s acting because I was only trying to communicate how that made me feel to see she hid them. She reiterates that she’s ticked off at me for suggesting she doesn’t care about my son, and again, how everything is completely my fault.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

‘His mother always keeps things I buy.’

You start off mad that the mother of your child keeps things that are used for your child. If they’re 99c at Walmart and you know he’s likely to lose them or keep them at mom’s, buy 50 of them. It doesn’t sound like it’s the issue.

You weren’t even going to use your SO’s ice packs, but you got upset that she hid them because you felt entitled to use them.

You were upset she hid something your son could have used — which means you think of your SO’s daughter’s things as truly belonging to you and your son. If you had wanted to use them, your argument rests upon the idea that you would be entitled to do so. Why does your inability to remember things or prepare to mean her daughter should go without something that she did prepare and remember?

I think she sucks for hiding them.

If you as a household own multiple ice packs, split them up among the kids. Who cares who anything belongs to if you’re trying to co-parent? You’re both making this into a way, way bigger thing than it should be, and clearly, this issue is a symptom of a much larger dysfunction in your family dynamic.” saltierthangoldfish

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Lightly. Was it really a big deal about your partner hiding her icepacks? You confront your partner on this but you don’t confront your son’s mother that it annoys you that his mother is keeping the things you buy for your son.

(Separate note, it shouldn’t be a big deal whichever house your son’s items are stored at.)

She’s right to be upset that you suggested she didn’t care about your son when that’s not really relevant. She only hid the icepacks so they wouldn’t be taken as well and forgotten at your son’s mother’s place and never to be returned. You easily noticed that the icepacks were gone, you intentionally waited for her to wake up to make a conversation about it.

She’s probably experienced the problem of you forgetting constantly yet the problem you want to address is her hiding icepacks and not your forgetfulness.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“Official vote is ESH.

OP, I think you overreacted. You did the right thing in sharing how it made you feel, although obviously, we can’t speak to your delivery method or phrasing, which might well have contributed. It sounds like you both need to work on being able to communicate things that upset you, and how to come to a resolution together.

That said, if forgetting things like icepacks is a consistent problem for you, it’s probably grating on you to feel like she has to mother you by reminding you all the time.

I also have a below-average ability to retain minor day-to-day details like that, and it sometimes puts a strain on my relationship that my partner has to remind me of things all the time. I would highly recommend utilizing the miracle of modern technology to help you. Set up your phone with a ‘Get the icepacks!’ reminder that shows up every time you go to your son’s mom’s house.

The out-of-the-box reminders app is wonderful for things like this.

From your (likely charitable) description, you did nothing wrong in telling her she hurt your feelings, but you shouldn’t assume she flew off the handle over nothing. You need to find a way to get two-way communication going with her. If memory lapses are the trigger issue, tell her you didn’t realize it was bothering her so much, offer her ways you plan to improve, and also share why her reaction didn’t jive for you.” gaminegrumble

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

I would also lose my mind if I had to remind my partner to do basic things like keep track of ice packs and then on top of that she’s getting facetimed by a 6-year-old who should be getting in the car and yet somehow has your phone in a locked bathroom. Women get tired of always having to do the mindless kid and household stuff and I’m sure that stressed her out to the point of lashing out. And to be honest I’m sure living with a kid who thinks peeing on a phone is ok is already difficult enough. I have a child who has severe mental health issues and I know the strain it puts on a relationship when one parent feels like they’re the one always stuck doing the grunt work of managing the child.” TheRedOne608

1 points (3 votes)
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lico1 1 month ago
If the kid has to go to his mother's house, why do you even need to send lunch? Why isnt she feeding her own kid?
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7. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Programming Partner?

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“Okay, to start I’m an 18-year-old male. Currently, I’m in university following a programming course. We have to make weekly assignments that will count to our final mark. These assignments are graded on your outcome, and whether you follow the style of the university (4 spaces, etc.). These assignments have to be made in pairs.

So I paired up with someone, and during the first assignment I got the problem to work, and he immediately started to complain that it could be more efficient.

Now enter 2-3 hours of more coding because our code had to be more efficient. (Efficiency is NOT in the rubric and won’t be taken into account).

Enter week 2, we went through this more smoothly, but this week we got the results and we made a small mistake, no biggie, we have an 8.5/10. He now wants to talk to the professor, and send emails (while our code just doesn’t work).

I said no and got kind of annoyed, people have better things to do you know.

Enter week 4, we have to make something that prints the output of our program, I’m done after 15 mins (for which he was still reading the assignment and talking on social media) and he looks at my code and says, ‘it can be more efficient.’ I say okay sure, but it works and we are not graded on efficiency.

Anyways I give him 15 mins (I wanted to take a short break anyways) where he makes code on my laptop. After 15 minutes his code is still a mess that won’t work, and I want to continue with the difficult part of the assignment. So I tell him we should take my code and just continue. He says no, so I get annoyed since he is using my laptop, I wouldn’t mind him doing it on his laptop while I continue.

So I tell him that I’m going to use my code, and send his code to him. I will admit this was in a rude tone after going back and forth for 5 minutes. After that, he spent 4 hours sitting doing something on his code (which still isn’t finished after 4 hours) and he was also using social media. He won’t talk properly to me even when I engage with him, to ask how he is doing with his thing.

Just before he leaves I tell him he can finish the last bit of code 1/4 of the project.

He says yes and leaves.

Since then he has ghosted me on WhatsApp.

I will admit that my tone was not always the nicest. It was cold and annoyed but never mad.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Hello, Ph.D. student taking a programming break here. So, it’s always good to have more efficient code. It runs faster, it’s easier to read, it’s less prone to errors, all that jazz. HOWEVER, the code still has to work.

I always take the approach of making it work first, then making it pretty. If you’re one of those rare souls that can do both in one step, more power to you. It’s not always straightforward and easy to make code efficient (which is why I needed the break).

Try not to let it turn into a power struggle though. 2 or more people trying to work on code together can very easily get competitive which definitely isn’t going to help your grade.

He has his methods, you have yours. Neither is necessarily wrong, they’re just different approaches. If he comments again about the code being ‘inefficient’, tell him he’s welcome to try and make it pretty, but since you’re being graded on function, not form, you need to turn in the version of the code that most accurately fulfills the assignment. If he has an issue with that, email the prof and ask if you can submit 2 separate assignments.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

As a CSE major, I totally understand just wanting to be done, as well as the woes of group work. I think that it’s a great thing that your partner is worried about efficiency; in later courses, I’m sure efficiency will be taken into account, and it’s a just good thing to be aware of. I don’t understand why he would use your computer to do that, though, nor why he would blatantly mess around on social media when you guys have gotten together to do your work.

In this situation (and most situations, tbh), I would also just use the working code that you have now and worry about efficiency later. At least go through the project, understand it, and get a working product before going back to worry about the efficiency, especially if you’re not yet graded on that.

Some people take longer to understand and code than others, though, so I won’t knock his 4 hours (although the social media probably accounts for a fair amount of that time).

It’s kind of hard to pick a verdict here, but based on your partner’s laziness/inefficiency in actually getting the job done, as well as your tone and less-than-ideal way of dealing with this (by the way, maybe your professor can help, maybe even get a new partner?), I’m going with ESH.” felixthealien

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I know exactly what you’re going through!

I hated group projects for that exact reason.

I remember I worked with this one guy on a project. I completed a little over half and left empty methods for him to complete.

He tells me that my code wasn’t efficient enough so he basically restarted the project. He sends me what he has worked on and turns out he only redid all the methods I had made. He then expected me to finish the other half of the project, essentially having made me do the whole thing.

I looked over his work and although there were no syntax errors, two of his methods didn’t output the right solutions and had to be redone again.

A project that should have taken two hours of work each, ended up taking over ten after having to redo things multiple times. Still got a lower mark on that project than I did on all my other solo projects that semester.” warrior2012

Another User Comments:

“NTJ,

You should always prioritize getting your code to work first.

Your partner is putting unnecessary constraints on you if efficiency is not part of the rubric.

As long as your code can complete in a reasonable time, you should put effort into testing corner cases rather than optimizing them.

I saw in another comment that you are making a sudoku solver. If your partner still insists on ‘optimizing’ your code, you can look into memorization and multi-threading your current algorithm. These are relatively easy to do and can drastically increase performance.

If you are already doing that then I think your current code is efficient enough.” Lythios

1 points (1 votes)
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ankn 1 month ago
You two sound incompatible. Your view is, "If it's stupid, but it works, it's not stupid." He's into efficiency, which doesn't count for the grade. IMHO you're right, the important thing is to get the code to work. Ask your professor if you can switch to a different partner.
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6. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend's Emotional Support Dog In My House?

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“To start things off, I don’t think my friend’s emotional support dog is legit. I don’t know the process for getting one or what the requirements are so I could be wrong but from my understanding, all he did was fill out a form online, print a certificate, and bought an ESA vest from Amazon. He brings his dog with him everywhere but it’s not trained at all.

It barks at people, pees everywhere, and barely listens to any command. When he brings it over his dog pees on my floor even after being outside, gets slobber all over the floor after drinking, barks/lunges at the tv, and barks when there’s a noise outside (I live in San Francisco, noise is nonstop). He’s pooped a couple of times but that’s a rare occurrence thankfully and when we order food he shares his food with the dog and gets crumbs all over.

I tried to be understanding that he needs the dog but the more I’m around it the more I’m starting to think there’s no way this dog could be legitimately certified as a support animal. He claims his doctor certified he could get one and as I said I could be wrong since I don’t know the process for getting one or registering one but his dog is not behaved enough in my opinion.

I told him we can hang out but he can’t bring that dog with him, I don’t care if it’s inside or left outside. Cars and people are constantly going by so the barking is very annoying. He got ticked off and pulled up something on his phone trying to say he’s allowed to bring the dog wherever he wants, it’s not safe for him to be without his dog and everything under the sun.

I told him tough luck, that dog is not welcomed on my property under any circumstances.

An hour later he sends me a picture of a letter supposedly from his doctor certifying he needs a support animal and outlining how support animals work. I said I don’t care what his doctor said or what the ESA website says, that dog is not coming in my house until he at the very least potty trains it.

The last thing he sent is ‘I need time separated to comprehend what has transpired and be where I am appreciative and welcomed.’ I think he’s being a drama queen about it because he wants sympathy but a mutual friend of ours thinks I’m being extreme and making whatever his problem is worse by ‘stripping him of his right’ to have an emotional support animal. Am I a jerk or is his dog’s behavior not justified just because it’s an ESA?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

First of all, there is a huge difference between an emotional support animal (ESA) and a service animal.

Service animals are trained to perform a specific task for their owner (like protecting their head during a seizure, altering them to low blood sugar, etc.). It takes thousands of dollars to train an animal to do this. Because of all this, service animals are viewed more like medical devices than an animal.

You cannot deny someone and their service animal access to a public space because of the service animal. You are also not allowed to ask them why they have the service animal, I guess because it’s kind of considered the same as asking a person in a wheelchair why they need the wheelchair.

Emotional support animals are completely different. They require no training (although some are trained). It also does not take much to get the required paperwork for one, and you can indeed get the paperwork online.

For these reasons, emotional support animals have fairly few rights. They do not have any right to go into a store that has a no pets policy. When it comes to public spaces, emotional support animals have pretty much the exact same rights and regular cats/dogs/whatever, which is none. Of course, this does not stop people from taking their ESA into a store and claiming that it’s a service animal.

Some people also take their ESA into a store and rely upon other customers and the employees to not being familiar with the law and claim that the store has to let them and their ESA in. This is wrong. Stores (restaurants, bookshops, etc.) have no legal obligation to let ESAs into their store. Unfortunately, many people who have an ESA are not actually aware of this.

They just heard from a friend of a friend that they can take an ESA anywhere. The whole point of an ESA is that you and your ESA cannot be denied housing because of the animal. So an apartment complex that has a no pets policy cannot refuse to rent to you because of an ESA. There may be a couple other ESA rights, so someone feel free to add onto it.

But an ESA has no right to a store, restaurant, tattoo shop, bookstore, whatever. And someone else’s ESA definitely has no right to OP’s home. I’m pretty sure OP could actually refuse the dog entry into his/her home even if it was a service dog, because his/her home is private property.” 4BlackHeart4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I have an ESA and your friend clearly has no idea the difference between an ESA and a Service Animal (Yes there is a HUGE difference).

ESAs are generally untrained (it’s not required) and a prescription by a medical professional (doctor, therapist, etc.) is needed to verify you qualify for an ESA.

The ESA is NOT ALLOWED in public places (ex stores, other people’s houses, etc.) unless otherwise permitted. There are a few exceptions such as the place you live cannot BY LAW prohibit your ESA and cannot make you pay for any fees (such as pet fees usually in apartments if they allow animals) and airports/airplanes cannot prohibit bringing your ESA with you on board (but you’d need to show proof via letter from med professional and let them know at least 2 days beforehand so they know you’re bringing your ESA on board).

A Service Animal, on the other hand, can go anywhere with its owner (a business CAN NOT prohibit a person’s service animal nor ask for proof) and are HIGHLY TRAINED (like thousands of dollars of professional training to cater to the owner’s needs).

It sounds like your friend is taking advantage of the ESA system since he’s using it as an excuse to bring his dog everywhere and using the lack of knowledge of the public on ESAs/Service Animals to his advantage.

What he’s doing is ILLEGAL (he can have hefty fines from what I heard if he’s caught). I can’t say too much about his online certification (of their validity) but he cannot force you to accommodate his ESA in your home (if it was a Service Animal, then clearly a different story but your friend said his dog is an ESA and from what you’ve told, the dog doesn’t fit the role of a Service Animal either).

Yeah your friend is a massive jerk in this situation for misusing disability accommodations.” cmonnowmoonchild

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Emotional support animals are NOT service animals. Let me repeat, they are NOT service animals. This seems to get lost on so many people. Emotional support animals do not have nearly the same rights under law as actual service animals. Functionally the only difference between an ESA and a pet is that apartments cannot deny an ESA. That’s it. They are not allowed in any other areas where animals are usually banned.

So you are under no legal obligation to allow it in your apartment. You are also not socially obligated to allow your apartment to be overrun by an untrained dog.

See this is the crux of why the distinction between an ESA and a service animal is so important. People try to take their pets everywhere by just slapping on an ESA vest. They’re actively endangering everyone around them by bringing an untrained animal into those situations.

Service animals go through years of training from basically birth in order to handle these situations in loud, unpredictable public areas. 60% of dogs will fail a service animal course, the training is that strict. On the other hand to get an ESA you need a note from your doctor. That’s it, no training, no papers, no vest, because THEY’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO EVERYWHERE.

Sorry for the rant but irresponsible ESA owners really get under my skin.

I’ve been bit by an ’emotional support dog’ in a freaking tutu and vest. Fortunately, it was a tiny terrier so no damage was done, but imagine if it was a big dog. People have sustained serious injuries from these ESAs, and I’ve seen too many stories of an actual support animal getting attacked by a fake one. Too many people have lost the dog they need to actually survive to these idiots who just want an excuse to take their precious pooch everywhere.

It’s ridiculous, dangerous, and I applaud you for standing up against it.” Sestricken

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

You have every right to forbid his badly-behaved animal from coming into your house.

But the issue of whether it’s a legitimate emotional support animal is irrelevant, and you shouldn’t have turned it into an argument about that.

It is a real emotional support dog, btw, all he needs is that letter from the doctor. Nothing in the definition of an ESD means it has to be well-behaved. Also, legally, emotional support animals aren’t entitled to go places other animals can’t (not that it matters since your house isn’t a public place) – all it means, legally, is that he can’t be denied a place to rent because of the dog (Fair Housing Act).” Rivka333

1 points (3 votes)
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saph 1 month ago
I would like to point out that even an actual Service Animal can be refused entry or asked to leave a public place if it shows signs of aggression, pees or poops inappropriately, or behaves in any other way that is threatening or inappropriate. So certainly an Emotional Support Animal who behaves inappropriately can (and IMO SHOULD!!) be asked to leave either a public or a private space.
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5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Play Soccer At A Higher Level?

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“This past spring my son, Luca, started playing soccer for the first time. He loved it and after the season was over asked to play more. My husband works remotely and I’m a teacher so we usually spend our summer with family in a different state. This state had a summer soccer league (our town does not have a summer league) that we put Luca in and he also spent a lot of time with his cousin, who plays soccer for his high school.

All this to say, Luca became a much better soccer player over the summer. He’s not great or anything but he handles the ball better and his defense is really good. He also learned a couple of ‘trick shots’ and moves that are a bit advanced for his age group. Since he started late compared to the rest of his teammates (a lot of them have been playing since they were 3-4) I thought that this summer caught him up but really it put him ahead just slightly.

He has the same coach and most of the same team members as his spring team and after the first couple of weeks, the coach said that with the skills he gained over the summer he could easily play with the U10 team (ages 8-10) but he would be the smallest kid on the team (he turned 7 in July). We went to a couple of practices and played one game and Luca did fine skill-wise but he’s so much smaller than these kids and they are much more aggressive (U8 isn’t very aggressive) and I’m afraid he’ll get hurt.

His coach said he’s fine to play at U8. He’s not a ball hog, he doesn’t dominate the game, but he can easily steal the ball from the other team and can keep the ball away from them as well.

Last night we were at a game and I heard some parents on the opposing team talking about how he shouldn’t be playing U8 and it’s not fair to the other kids.

Every time he’d steal the ball or dribble downfield, they’d make a comment about ‘oh there he goes again.’ I heard one woman say ‘oh he probably has jerk parents who just want their kid to be the star player because they both sucked at sports. The kid would probably be terrible on a U10 team so they don’t let him play there.’ I spoke to the coach later that evening and he said only two coaches have asked him to not play Luca as much during games to give the other team a chance and how emphasis is on learning at this age and not winning.

Our coach said he thinks they’re being too sensitive and they just need to coach better and he won’t bench Luca. That parent’s comments stuck with me, though. Neither my husband nor I was great at sports but we never push Luca into sports. AITJ for not playing him up because I’m scared he’ll get hurt and because he wants to play with his friends?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but something bothered me about your comments.

‘He’s not great or anything..’ is a very defeatist attitude that will (or maybe already has) rubbed off on Luca’s opinions of himself and his soccer abilities. Now I’m not saying to go overboard and be one of those parents that think their kid is going pro, but I think you’re selling your son’s abilities incredibly short.

He’s 7 years old and was asked to play and practice with the U10 squad.

Given the size difference between other players and your son, the fact that his coaches think he fits in at that level says a lot about his ability to play the game. I’m curious if his opinions of him fitting in with the U10 squad are your opinions rubbing off on him. Kids are smart and I even recognize when my 4-year-old picks up on things I’ve said that I may not have been proud of.

Granted this is all speculation as I don’t know you or your son, so please don’t take anything I say personally. I just worry that your negative attitude might rub off on him in terms of lowered self-esteem or lowered self-worth. If he’s good, he’s good, and your job as a parent is to instill the values that he got this good so quickly because he worked hard while practicing with his cousin.

Assuming Luca is up for it, would practicing with the U10 be an option? If not to practice with kids who are more on his level ability-wise, but also to help ease the tension you may have with him playing with kids that old, or to give your son a chance to make new friends at that level? Even if you and your son never intend to play on the U10, being able to practice with older kids could accelerate his skill development similar to how he picked up so much from his cousin.

Despite my opinions on that, the fact that your parental instincts are kicking in doesn’t make you the jerk here.

No one wants to see their kid get hurt. There are times it will happen, and we have to fight the urge to go after whatever does hurt them, but it doesn’t make you an inherently bad person.” Dorksim

Another User Comments:

“I think you are NTJ for worrying about your son but you should let him play, when someone is good at sports that’s what happens most of the time, they are put to play with older players, and he won’t get hurt.

From what you are saying he must be really good and he will learn and improve more by playing with older kids. Ask him what he wants too!! And don’t listen to what other people say, if you don’t stand up for your son then no one will! Let him play and be his biggest supporter and fan! Don’t punish him for being good, in fact, encourage him!” Dejonessed

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your son is SEVEN. This is a U8 team. This is FOR FUN. The other parents are taking this WAY too seriously. If these were older teens, I’d say maybe they have a point. The only thing I’d say is talk to the coach (and you do this too) about making sure you guys encourage your son to be a team player – so going out of his way to pass the ball to his teammates vs just taking the ball for himself (even though he could easily score more points for his team this way). I know you said he’s not a ball hog, just make sure it stays that way. Also, I’m not sure how it works at the U8 level, but does your son always play the same position? Is it reasonable to suggest he spend time playing various positions?” chrystalight

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ankn 1 month ago
One of the things I like about sports is that ability counts. Not age, not size, not skin color, religion, family wealth, etc. If you're good, you're good, and you can move up. Don't hold your boy back because some jealous parents are whining. Do encourage him to be a team player who feeds the ball to his teammates. And if possible, have him play with his cousin next summer again.
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4. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Brother?

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“For context, my (19) brother (21) was gone on a mission trip for 2 years and came back home about 2 weeks ago. Before he left, we never got along all that great and I was hoping this mission would make him much more sensible and reasonable. The more I spend time around him the more I am led to believe that he’s the same but now has a righteous air about him.

We also are sharing a room.

Anyway, here’s the situation: So a few days ago I came home from an event at my university and it was pretty late. I ended up rolling back home around 11 and decided to try and wind down and watch some YouTube before heading to bed. About 11:30 my brother got a call from a guy he met on his mission and they started talking, which isn’t the problem.

The problem occurred when his volume got to a point where I could hear his voice over my video, WITH a headset on. I asked him if he could maybe lower his voice a bit or go to a different room to talk and he proceeded to tell me that I should ‘turn my volume up.’ I got a little upset at that because he’s been gone for 2 years and thinks he can just do whatever he wants when there are other people in the house he should be considerate of.

Plus he IS 21 and I don’t think it was unreasonable to simply lower his voice. So we argued back and forth until I just let it go and went to a different room to lay down.

Fast forward to today and I came home between classes, with my sister in her room and my brother in the office with the door open a slight amount. While talking to my sister, we could hear music coming from the office and it was a little loud.

My sister asked him ‘can you turn down your music a little bit,’ as she was trying to watch a show. Then he told her to close her door. To be fair, I got a little bit heated. I’m honestly just so sick of how he has no consideration for others and only cares about himself, which is ironic considering he spent 2 years ‘spreading the word of god.’ I stood up and yelled at him saying that I was sick of him being so inconsiderate of others and he told me to ‘calm down’ and ‘yo, you have anger issues.’ So I retorted with ‘I don’t have anger issues, you’re just being a jerk.’ After that, he finally turned down his music and my sister said I did get ‘unreasonably angry.’ I can see what she means because I was yelling pretty loud, but I knew how he was before his mission and nothing works on him unless you raise your voice because he honestly does not care. So.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

He was being obnoxious, but it also sounds like you have issues with anger. There are ways to resolve conflicts without yelling. Especially ones as minor as this.” anchovie_macncheese

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ankn 1 month ago
NTJ, since both you and your sister think he's too loud. At 21, your brother ought to be either in college or getting a job and moving out. Maybe you should get a part-time job. That'd get you out of the house more, and you could save up towards moving out yourself. First and last month's rent, damage deposit, utilities deposits - it can add up to quite a bit, but may be worth it not to share a room with him. However, be warned that roommates can also be noisy and inconsiderate.
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3. WIBTJ For Naming My Son After My Dad?

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“When my (now) ex-fiancé and I got together, from the first time children were brought up, I told my ex if I ever had a son, he needed to be named after my dad. I told him it was incredibly important to me, and that it was a requirement. He disliked my dad’s name but he agreed.

Then I got pregnant, and due to unrelated distress, our relationship ended.

We are still civil and friendly, and planning on co-parenting as healthy as possible.

My ex was not happy at all it is a boy, as he wanted a girl, and he said ‘That’s lame, boys are gross and he’s going to have a name I don’t even like.’ A couple of weeks later, he referenced the name again and said ‘How is little (name)? I was thinking of (another name) for a middle name.’ Him saying that meant the WORLD to me, because I knew he didn’t like my dad’s name, and I thought that was his way of sort of solidifying that that would be his name.

I was ECSTATIC.

Due to this, and the multitudes of times I had brought up that a boy would be named after my dad, I assumed it was a decided thing. So, I told my dad he would be named after him. My dad was absolutely over the moon, and I got emotional, and he got emotional. When I called my son by his name later that day (‘When little (name) gets here…’), he got genuinely giddy.

Things are bad right now, but that was something really happy-making for me.

My dad is my hero and the most important person in my life, and my favorite person in the world. I don’t know if that is dumb, or childish, or what… but it is and always has been important to me. I can’t explain how emotionally attached I am to this stupid name, haha. I guess it’s just years in the making.

However, my ex is now asking that I make my dad’s name our son’s middle name, and his chosen name would be the first name.

I have a stomach ache over stress about this and asked him to give me some time to think. It’s been a couple of weeks and I have made no progress… I know that it is his child too, and in NO WAY do I wish to disregard or belittle his say in this, but this has been known and (albeit sometimes reluctantly) agreed on for years now, and I already told my dad.

My ex’s reasons for disliking the name: It’s outdated and old, and my dad is still alive and he thinks it’s weird to be named after a living relative.

(I don’t know if that’s weird or not?)

But I may just be too emotionally invested to see that I would be a total jerk here if I told him his name would still be my dad’s. Maybe I would be a huge jerk… I just really need some perspective.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. First off calling him ‘little (dada’s name here)’ implied to your dad you were going to call the baby by his name which is not what you agreed to with your ex.

That you would call him by the middle name of his choosing?

We often name people after others and it doesn’t matter if it’s the first name middle name or just using initials. Both my kids are named after relatives but we honored them by using their first initial and not the actual name.

What’s the big deal if it’s the first or middle name as long as it’s being used? Naming him that as his first name when you KNOW ex hates the name is a terrible thing to saddle him with for a lifetime.

It should be picked out jointly and you should have found another way to honor your dad – your ex ‘reluctantly’ agreed but really you shouldn’t have put him in that position knowing how much he hated the name. As soon as you knew it was an issue you should have figured something else out – even if he did eventually come around he shouldn’t have had to.” MayhemAbounds

Another User Comments:

“YTJ when you told him this before the son was completely hypothetical and why fight about something you don’t even know will happen? For this reason, I don’t think it is fair that you use that to say he somehow tricked you.

I think a middle name is a totally fair compromise. You could even call him that if you want. I personally think you should at the very least consider if there is a name you BOTH like. Like he doesn’t just get the one he wants but start from scratch and find something you both like.

I can see how it stinks because you told your Dad but I honestly don’t even think there is reason to clarify ‘we only made his middle name your name’ OR make it his first officially and use his middle.

People do this stuff all the time.” ppixie

Another User Comments:

“YTJ big time, I’ve never understood people naming their kids after someone else, like what the heck, it’s a new person not a continuation of someone else, it’s incredibly selfish to demand your child be named X, especially if the other parent doesn’t like it, you should choose a name you both like, regardless of what you already told your dad, that’s on you not on your ex or your child.

Personally speaking as a child of parents who did the same thing you are doing (my dad demanded I have one of his names even though my mom didn’t like them) I completely hate the fact that not only am I named after him but that it’s also my first name (and to add insult to injury I look almost exactly like him), it doesn’t matter how much I dislike the name or how much I want people to use my middle name or nicknames, my first name always shows up somehow and I have to explain why I avoid it.

So do not subject your child to this, albeit he might not care about it at all but there is a chance he might care like I do.” Ale_Alejandro

Another User Comments:

“ESH – your ex shouldn’t have agreed to the name if he didn’t like it. But I think it’s pretty selfish of you to unilaterally name your child when you know the father doesn’t like the name.

It should be something given to the child by both of his parents

I think making it a middle name and then choosing a first name that you both like would be far more appropriate. It’s still respecting and honoring your father while being something the both of you can get behind. This is the first decision that the two of you are making for your child, together.

Is it really something you want to fight about for the rest of your life?

Plus, I think if you get too settled on a name before the birth, there’s always the risk that the name doesn’t ‘fit’ the child. So, so often parents have a name in mind before the kid is born, then once it arrives they realize they couldn’t possibly name their child X because it’s clearly much more of a Y. Good luck to you!!” soundlikeabutactually

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Alliaura 1 month ago
NTJ
Hold up. You broke up while you were pregnant and now he wants naming rights when he won't be the one getting up for 3am feedings (or every 2 hrs for the few months)?
I cannot stress this enough.
F that guy.
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2. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At The Bar?

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“My (25M) friend (24F, I’ll call her Anna) of many years and I talk a lot these days and go to bars where we sometimes make out after drinking some beers. Last week when we were making out, another table started cheering us on and we ended up joining tables. As soon as we joined, she started making eyes with a guy from that group and left the table with him soon enough to ‘go for a smoke’ (she doesn’t smoke).

She leaves for like 15 to 20 minutes while I try to talk to this group I barely know and feel like she just left me for another guy just after kissing very passionately. After a while she comes back and doesn’t even talk to me, just keeps on speaking with this guy. This just makes me want to leave and so I do, I tell her I’m leaving and she just says ‘ok, goodbye!’ and so I leave feeling like crap.

I arrive home and tell her that she made me feel like crap and that she broke a promise we have (we arrive together, we leave together, for safety) and at first she defends herself saying that she is free to kiss anyone and all that. I left a relationship of 3 years some months ago and I’m battling with depression so my emotional state is weak to bad stuff, and in the end, she understood that it made me uncomfortable for her to want to make out with people in front of me and she promised that she will leave with me next time and that she’s sorry for being disrespectful of me.

I tell her not to change for anyone but to make this favor for me since I’m weak emotionally these days and all that.

Cut to yesterday, we were at the same bar with a female friend of hers and the same situation arises, we join tables and after a while, the friend gets near and says ‘Anna wants to make out with x guy, but she’s uncomfortable with you here, please don’t tell her I told you.’ I already was a bit angry so as soon as my friend came back to the table I got close and said ‘Do you want me to leave?’ and she answered ‘Yeah’ so I got my things, told her that she broke a promise again and that I hope she arrived safely at home and left.

I sent her a lot of messages asking why she seems to like to hurt me and if it was worth it destroying a friendship of years to make out with a guy and she hasn’t answered anything. I am planning on cutting her out of my life since I know that she isn’t good for me and two promises broken are too much. I really care for her and I love making out with her sometimes, but the pain she creates is too much for me and I don’t need hurtful people in my life.”

So what do you think?

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for how you are feeling but it’s a bit weird to be annoyed she didn’t leave at the same time as you, this rule sounds great for helping intoxicated mates who might get taken advantage of if left alone, but she was wanting to stay and you didn’t want to stay and left in a mood.

Not really the same thing.

She is a turd friend though so cut her out!” Lethal_bizzle94

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I think you have a clear misunderstanding of your relationship with this girl. There’s no explicit boundary set between you two aside from being friends that will make out. I don’t think your past relationship has any pertinence – it just seems like you got jealous she’s kissing some other guys.

Put yourself out there and give things time – but don’t let her be an emotional crutch to solve your problems in your current state. Cheers!” MedicalHippo

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You’re acting like a complete jerk. You’re not together, you’re just friends. Friends don’t do that.

‘I’m battling with depression so my emotional state is weak to bad stuff, and in the end, she understood that it made me uncomfortable for her to want to make out with people in front of me.’

Stop using your depression to manipulate people, I find it really repulsive.

Your depression isn’t your friend’s problem, it’s yours, so deal with it and get the help you need. Don’t lay it at the feet of others.

People, when they go out, want to have a good time, they don’t want to keep feeling judged by a so-called friend in a slump.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“You seem to be hung up on her breaking a promise twice. She is allowed to kiss other guys.

You’re not her partner and it’s not reasonable to expect her to stop kissing guys. You two promised to leave together but both times you chose to leave because you had an issue with her kissing other guys. It is understandable that you broke this promise, but it’s you who broke the promise, not her.

It sounds like you are using your emotional baggage to manipulate her into doing what you want. She obviously cares about you and you need to sort out your issues. That might involve not being around her for a bit. YTJ.” SnowFairyTracker

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thmo 1 month ago
I'm gonna go with YTJ. You are a manipulative person using your issues to make her do what YOU want her to do, which is NOT kissing other men. Then you demand that she leave when you leave so that you can control her more. You're being a douchebag.
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1. AITJ For Telling My Wife Her Purse Costs Too Much?

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“My wife called me yesterday and told me she found a purse she really liked. Okay, cool.

It’s made with top-grain leather and guaranteed for life. Great.

It’s $400. Hold up.

Some background. My wife is a stay-at-home mom for our 3 kids, and I have a 4/10 job, which means I work 4 days a week. We aren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we get by.

I supplement our income with various side hustles, including working on my days off.

None of this bothers me, or her. And it works for us. The point of it all is that $400 is more than both of our car payments put together. It’s more than all of our monthly insurance costs. It’s about what we pay for utilities every month. So, in monthly budget terms, $400 is a chunk for us.

I said as much on the phone, but I also said that this is how I felt about ‘our’ money.

That I earned for the family, for groceries and diapers, and for spending money. I told her that if she earned it somehow, or got birthday money, I wasn’t gonna tell her how to spend it since it was hers.

Now, remember how I said I work on my days off? My dad is a contractor, and on some of those days off, I work for him, doing office stuff.

Measuring and typing up estimates, ordering materials, that kind of thing. His is a home office, so while I was having this conversation with my wife, my mom was at her desk, overhearing. My mom wanted to say something, so I asked my wife if she wanted to go on speaker to talk to my mom. She agreed, and my mom told her that even she felt that $400 was too much for a purse.

My wife then asked my mom how much she spent on pedicures and yoga, and getting her hair done, and my mom told her that our situations are different. I honestly agree. My parents have our-accountant-told-us-to-buy-new-cars-for-tax-purposes money, which they wrote checks for, by the way. Totally different financially.

My wife got quiet, and I could tell she was upset. I took her off speakerphone, and she told me she wanted this purse.

I told her I didn’t think spending that much was reasonable, for the same reason I don’t have a $4k guitar. One I can pay less for will still do the job. I told her again that if she had her own money, I’m not gonna tell her what to do with it, but the money we have is pretty much spoken for.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I probably could have handled it better.

My tone was incredulous, and I had been caught off guard by the phone call. I called her later that day, to try and talk, and she said she didn’t want to talk about it. I asked her if she was mad, and she said she wasn’t happy.

All last night, she only responded to my questions with one-word answers, and never initiated any conversation. This isn’t normal.

We’re constantly talking and joking with each other. She’s mad. But, am I the jerk? Or is she over-reacting? I could really use some objective third-party thoughts here.”

Another User Comments:

“ESH. But mostly you.

Ok, since you have discretionary spending, set up with a limit of $50, your wife has the option of saving up each week to buy something more expensive she wants. That’s what my husband and I used to do, we each had $200/month ‘fun money’ that we could save or spend, no questions asked.

Your wife may have been a little unreasonable in expecting to make a $400 impulse purchase.

BUT, you’re an even bigger jerk. First, for thinking that your money is YOUR money and that your wife doesn’t ‘have her own money.’ She works just as hard for your family as you do. If she doesn’t have her own money, then are you not really a full parent to your kids? She’s the one who raises them.

See the problem here? You’re working together to raise a family and you’re partners. The money you earn belongs to both of you.

You’re also the jerk for involving your mom in your conflict with your wife and giving a darn about your mom’s opinion. Never do that again. This is between you and your wife. That’s a good way to ensure that your marriage will ultimately fail.

And again, because I cannot stress it enough, you saying over and over that your money is not your wife’s is just gross.

She is an equal partner and works as hard as you for your family’s good.” winterwoods

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Except for the mom part. Leave your mom out of your wife’s stuff. But you already know that.

So handbags. This sounds like an amazing handbag. It might seem frivolous and vain and like a waste of money to someone who doesn’t care about handbags….but this handbag will last a long time, by the sounds of it.

It seems like a high-quality item and an item that gets used and abused every single day. It has a purpose and just the psychological part of having a high-quality handbag is something I can personally speak to. She sounds like she has thought about this purchase, researched the item, and found it to be worth the $400. The handbag is guaranteed for life. It is something she will not have to replace.

So it is not just some pricey purse.

It is an investment. And again, an item that gets used every single day. I am sure she would be willing to make a couple of small cuts to afford this one-time purchase. Don’t look at it as a vanity item. I am sure between the two of you, you can figure out a way to get it for her.” fadgeoh

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for the mom part- very VERY low blow.

If she decided to work part-time to pay for things like the purse – could you afford for her to do so? Is the argument you made to her reasonable in that if she chooses that option you can make it work? I know friends who stay at home bc the care cost vs the salary doesn’t even out. With discretionary funds can she save up for a luxury item if she wanted or it’s not possible at all? Part of my YTJ to you is because the way I read that is you threw that out there, but I’m not sure if you just said it to say it or mean it as a true option.

I see a lot of men commenting that a $400 purse is overkill, but a lot of the women I know – who don’t lead rich lives – have all spent a large amount on a quality bag at least once.

It’s not hard to do at all. Sometimes spending more on one you can use a lot and use for years can make more sense than adding up all the spends on less expensive bags that are still more than they should be for something that falls apart and needs to be replaced too quickly.

Personally, I think you should have just asked her to wait and let you both talk about it in person instead of doing this over the phone and then explore the issue later away from mom.

It seemed like this was out of character for her (based on how surprised you were) and she seemed to really want it that maybe a deeper conversation around it was needed (where the topic of saving up or working to purchase it could have been discussed).” MayhemAbounds

Another User Comments:

“Sorry but YTJ.

The overall impression here is that it is not just about the purse, but also about the way you consider your wife.

She stays at home raising your kids, while she works to make her money. Yet you won’t allow her to splurge ONCE.

Honestly, 400$ is too much for a purse, but come on… what I understand from the post is that the funds from your joined account are for bills and for your personal expenses. Yet your wife doesn’t seem to have the opportunity to have the same amount of money you have, so I guess you could have talked her through an alternative, even if it was waiting to save some to buy it.

Btw, the stuff she does at home is raising your kids, cleaning, and cooking.

Maybe you should see this from her perspective, a woman working for no to little money, and wanting something that would make her feel good.

The purse is way too expensive, but since you’re okay with 100$, maybe you could buy it, and give it to her for a special occasion (a birthday, anniversary, or any day that matters to her), I bet she would be happy to see that you made a gesture for her.” JesusChrystal

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KJ 1 month ago
ESH. As a woman, I agree that $400 is too much for a purse when you are barely making ends meet and probably would have sounded incredulous too. I also know people who think $400 is totally appropriate for a purse. You two need to discuss this privately as equal partners and see each other's perspective to make a decision. Involving your mom in a marital dispute, even a minor one, is a big no-no, even if you "asked" your wife if you could. (What was she supposed to say knowing your mom was sitting right there asking to get involved on behalf of her baby boy?) What my husband and I do, which takes a lot of the heat out of such conversations, and which I recommend to folks who are planning a budget, is that we set aside a "fun budget" for each person each month. You can decide to make that $20 or $200 or $2000, but whatever it is, it fits in your budget and you both get the same amount. Then that money is that spouse's to spend or save as they see fit for whatever they want. If I have money in my fun fund to buy a book or a camera or a purse, I buy it. If I don't, I save up until I do. Purchases outside of our own fun funds that are not already otherwise budgeted get discussed.
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