People Dive Into Their Tricky "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I work as a teaching assistant at a small local charter school. It’s not a lot of money, but I’m happy with what I do and make up for the extra cost of living by working retail in the summer.

I live together with my partner and we get by just fine.

Recently, one of our teachers quit mid-year and we had to hire a replacement quickly. I was transferred to her classroom as they didn’t have a teaching assistant and admin wanted someone there to show her the ropes.

We had a conversation today in which she was asking a lot about me personally. It was all general “get to know you” stuff until she asked me why I hadn’t applied for the teacher position.

I told her I don’t have the proper degree (though in a charter school, you don’t actually need one), but really the reason is I just don’t want to.

Like I said, I’m happy with my job. And she didn’t really like that. “Oh well that’s not very ambitious! You can do so much more!” “You could be making such a difference” and then the kicker “When you have kids you’ll need the pay raise at least”.

I told her point blank, “That’s not in the plans and neither is being a teacher. And I would appreciate it if you butt out of my personal life. That is really not your business.”

Now though, I’m wondering if I went a bit too far.

On one hand, I don't think she really had malicious intentions, but on the other, I thought she was incredibly condescending. Either way, it's put a bad taste in my mouth and this will definitely be a tense atmosphere until I can return to my normal classroom. So AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"ESH. Yeah, she was being inappropriate - prying and putting her values on you and your life. But you just made the working relationship with her much worse. "Butt out" isn't very professional, when you're asking someone to be more professional and keep a good working relationship." ParsimoniousSalad

Another User Comments:

"I understand your irritation, but I think she thought she was encouraging you and obviously thinks that was good. I would simply tell her the next time you see her, you're sorry for last time, you just don't feel comfortable discussing your personal life at work, and that you're a very private person.

Let her think about that. So I think here everyone was a bit of the jerk." Available-Leg-6171

Another User Comments:

"This attitude is SO common in academic disciplines. People hear that you don't want to get that extra degree/promotion and assume it means you're not serious about your career.

Um excuse me, middle management suits me and I'm good at it, mind your business. You're not wrong to be insulted, but it might have done you more good to be diplomatic. From now on, things between you two might be awkward. Having said that, when a grad student called me a "science tourist" just because I didn't have an advanced degree, I told him to screw himself, so I can't really judge you. NTJ." Spring_Peeper_2