People Urge Us To Draw Conclusions Out Of Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

"My fiance (33/M) has a guy best friend that he's known for 16 years! He has cancer and is terminal. My fiance wanted to take him on a vacation for a couple of days and begged me to basically fund it. I refused although I felt incredibly guilty after he made me feel bad about it for days!

Eventually, he was able to borrow money to go on vacation. They went and spent 2 days in a sports city. When it was time to return, he called me asking me to pay for their plane tickets to get home. I was taken aback I asked why I should pay and he said because they ran out of money and didn't put any aside to get home.

I refused and told him it wasn't my problem and he didn't save money for the return flight. He started arguing with me saying I can't let them be stranded in another city when I have the means to help, especially after I refused to help fund the vacation. I said no and that he needed to deal with it on his own. He didn't stop texting me trying to get me to pay. He and his friend had to eventually return by road and it took them 8+ hrs.

He came home and blew up saying I let them be stranded in another city and refused to help although I had money to pay for their plane tickets.

He said that by 'forcing' them to travel by road, I had caused his friend unnecessary exhaustion and turmoil. He called me every name under the sun and said I had no empathy for his friend and that I'd tainted the memories of this vacation.

AITJ? He's still mad at me and says he's in shock by the way I behaved in this situation and the lack of empathy I'd displayed.

My fiance is unemployed that's why he could not afford the vacation although it wasn't expensive. I'm the one working.

Money is tight and yes, paying for the ticket would have strapped me financially since I'm paying for everything."

Another User Comments:

"They’re adults and deliberately placed themselves in a scenario where they blew their own money and then expected you to foot the bill for them.

That was a deliberate choice, most likely in retaliation for your refusing to bankroll the entire enterprise.

Your fiancé fully expected you to give in bc it ‘was an emergency’… but it was a fake emergency of their own making.

NTJ but you may want to reconsider marrying someone who will play these manipulative games whenever you don’t give him what he wants when he demands it." Key-Bit1208

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

You didn't let him be stranded in another city... besides, he wasn't even stranded and was able to drive home. You didn't force him to do that, he didn't plan for the trip or borrow enough money and he just expected you to fly them both home.

He tried taking advantage of you, then got mad when he couldn't take advantage of you the second Tim and is blaming you for it... and now he's shocked and now that he's home he's blowing up on you saying you are the one with no empathy.

It sounds like he knows you are feeling guilty and is using that to his advantage to get you to empathize with the controlling and manipulative behavior.

He planned this OP, and eventually, you are going to learn that this guy doesn't care about you or how he treats you." Sinsemilla_Street

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Next thing you know, he’ll be turning your guest room into an art room for his friend.

Though jokes aside, I would reconsider marrying someone who expects you to finance his trips without even making an effort to include you.

Then he tries to manipulate you into paying for him after you have told him no several times.

This sounds like a huge red flag, but I doubt this is the only red flag. I won’t say 'leave him' but just reevaluate your relationship and all the actions he has taken.

Closely look at it without the 'love and care' because marriage is also a business transaction. If he is treating you like this now and expecting you to finance him and his friends, then I doubt he’ll change and get better when you get married. It will only get worse." bobobabak