People Are Eager To Know "Am I The Jerk?" In These Stories
19. WIBTJ If I Told My Mom To Go To An Event Without Me?
“Me (18F) and my mom (45F) tend to get along pretty well. We have lots of similar interests and generally have a good relationship. My brother (19M), however, I do not get along well. We’ve mellowed out a lot as the years have gone by, but we are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. It’s led to lots of arguments, especially recently.
My mom and I get into arguments about him, because it always seems like she takes his side (even though she disagrees with his views).
If I ever bring it up, even if it’s on-topic – if I contribute to a political conversation and disagree with what he says – I’m yelled at by both of them. If I bring up privately to my mom how upsetting it is to me, I’m told that I always blow things way out of proportion and that I’m to blame in part for the way my friends perceive him (I had one friend tell me their older sibling literally warned them against befriending me because of who my brother is!) but he does most of it to himself.
I know that if my friends say anything about him in front of my parents, I’ll get in trouble for making him look bad. Heck, I’m defending him half the time, because he’s my brother and I still love him. We’ve learned a lot of lessons, but he’s always got my back, and I’ll always keep an eye out for him to make sure he’s ok.
Today, my mom and I were out driving, and discussing someone we know and how proud we are of how far they’ve come, and I said that it’s upsetting to me how people judged them based on their weight before even seeing how talented they were – while showcasing their talents, my brother repeatedly looked directly at me and made harsh insults played off as jokes about their weight.
My mom ignored it at the time, but when I mentioned it briefly in the car, she started arguing with me about how I was crazy, and how I always look for reasons to insult him, and that I always pick fights with him, and blow everything out of proportion. She also said that I’m projecting how I act onto him, and that I’m judgmental based on one thing said years ago.
I think I’m pretty good at forgiveness, and I’ve done a lot of embarrassing and messed-up things in the past, so I get where others come from. But this is the present and my brother takes pride in his actions. I was really shocked she reacted so harshly so quickly. I said that she never believes me when I say even mild criticism about him, or she just refuses to believe me or hear it.
I was near tears at the end of it, and we haven’t spoken since. I’m emotionally burnt out about it all and I don’t want to see her for a while. I bought tickets to an event for us to go to on Sunday that we were both excited for, but I don’t think I want to hang out with her or go anywhere with her for a while.
WIBTA for refunding the tickets, or telling her to find someone else to go with instead of me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s perfectly reasonable and valid to cancel plans for lack of emotional energy. I do it all the time. You’re not gonna have fun at the event if you’re as drained as it sounds like you are.
It seems you have brought up her favoritism multiple times for it to be shot down and gaslit, and that’s super not okay.
This may be hard, but if possible, I may suggest looking into going low/no contact for a while after stating one last time how her (and your brother’s) words and actions have made you feel.” Dr-Butters
18. AITJ For Making A Joke When My SO Called Me A Trophy Wife?
“My partner (23F) and I (29M) recently moved in together. I work from home, she does not. My work is difficult and sometimes stressful, but it doesn’t take much of my day, so we agreed on me taking most of the chores at home. She’s self-admittedly not a good cook and doesn’t like housework. I don’t mind doing it cause I like things done my way, and I love cooking, so it works out.
She jokingly calls me her “trophy wife” even though I earn more than double of what she makes.
Her work is really stressful (frontline health work) so sometimes she’s a bit mean when she doesn’t mean to, but a couple of weeks ago things got weird. It’s getting chilly so I made soup for dinner, and she looked at me with a “what the heck” face, saying soup isn’t “real food”, it’s for “sick people.” It was cassava soup, so very thick and rich, with crumbled sausages in it too, not like a vegetable broth.
She ordered food for herself that night.
Last week I finally finished a “project” of sorts, making pastrami on rye. It’s not a thing in my country so I had to make everything from scratch, from the bread to the meat, and the result was delicious, so when she got home I promptly made her one of those giant sandwiches you see on Google images, but she exploded on me saying that if she wanted a sandwich for dinner she could make it herself, and asked what was the point of me staying at home and cooking if I’m not gonna make “real food.” She said she would just eat while going out with her friends that night.
Last weekend she brought her friends home for a meetup. I don’t mind hosting them because our house is nicer and bigger (I pay for most of the rent, too) and they also appreciate my cooking. I made some simple Asian dishes for them (vegan sushi, potstickers, spring rolls, tempura) that would be good to eat in a group setting, and also “worked the bar” cause my cocktails are decent (and always get them hammered really fast).
She joked about me cooking “real food” and her friends laughed (apparently she had already complained to them about my cooking). She then went on to say that we should give polyamory a shot, cause that way she could get a new trophy wife who could cook “real food”, and so I said “is the new member gonna pay me? Being your trophy wife and not even getting paid for it is hard!” and laughed.
Apparently, the joke wasn’t taken well because their moods instantly went sour. Not even 20 minutes later they left to a bar (without inviting me).
When she got back at about 3AM, I was already in bed getting ready to sleep and she was yelling at me for “airing our dirty laundry” in front of her friends, and that she shouldn’t talk about money or private matters like that.
AITJ for saying what I said? I think money is a sensitive issue for her (she comes from a poorer background than me).
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your partner is basically living above her means with you and with domestic services taken care of. She then belittles your cooking and consistently nags you. As soon as you make a retort you are the villain, and she also routinely ditches you when things aren’t perfectly copacetic for her.
To say this politely, I’ll just say you are a prize catch and I hope she is too. I will also say I hope you have complete faith in her when she ditches you and that she isn’t looking for more ‘trophy wives’.” PillCosby696969
Another User Comments:
“INFO: how many nights a week does she go out with her friends without you and do you ever get invited to join them when they go out? Also in what monetary way does she contribute to expenses and does she ever apologize or explain her mean behavior when it carries over from work? Finally, and sorry if this is too personal, but has your private life with her changed at all in a noticeable way and when your both home do you tend to do things together and occupy the same spaces or gravitate towards different rooms?
The sudden behavior change leads me to believe that it’s not your cooking that is affecting her behavior.
I do most of the cooking in my relationship and if my partner has a problem they let me know and I take it into account for the future but I do make sure to clear meals with them beforehand just to be safe. That being said your partners reaction is crazy and to not even eat your food is disrespectful.
My gut opinion and one I’ve gone through personally is that she isn’t telling you what’s really going on and either expects you to just magically find out without communicating or she’s hiding it and the secrecy is leading to these situations.
She’s 23 and your 29 and her age may explain her behavior, which I might say is very immature. Maybe she wants something different in this relationship, maybe she doesn’t want to be in this relationship but the convenience is keeping her in it, maybe she is feeling insecure as others have pointed out or has been unfaithful in some way and is taking the guilt out on you to justify it.
I don’t know.
But what I do know is you are NTJ and you DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY!!!
You sound like a great guy who deserves a lot more than this person is giving you and if she’s too immature or dumb to see a catch then that’s on her, not you.
Also please send me that cassava soup recipe, it’s sound delicious!” bakerspice24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your partner is being emotionally and verbally abusive. Her ‘being there for you’ during a difficult period of your mental health doesn’t give her the right to destroy it on her own little by little.
She is disrespectful, ungrateful, and ultimately not worth trying to maintain a relationship with if she continues this behavior and refuses to genuinely apologize to you. Obligatory “if the gender were switched” as well. Just because her job is more stressful, doesn’t give her the right to try to humiliate you under the ruse of joking around.
Also, cassava soup is fire and everyone would usually feel happy with the option of soup and a shaggy style sandos.” chosbully
It's time for you to take three steps back and seriously evaluate the relationship. Is this something that want to be in for the next five or 10 years? Can you see yourself married to someone like her? Perhaps it's time to move on, while you still have your self-esteem intact.
17. AITJ For Ruining Memorial Day Weekend Vacation?
“After years, I was finally able to get a seizure alert dog back in December and she has to be with me at all times. She is the sweetest and the best girl ever.
Every year, my partner’s family has a Memorial Day vacation at his parent’s lake house and it’s an all weekend thing. My SO, E, let his mom know that all of us including River (short for River Song) will be coming and she said okay.
That was on Monday. Today we get a call from his sister M asking if we can leave River home or have her boarded because her daughter (17) is bringing her emotional support cat and she didn’t want a stupid dog chasing her cat around and making the weekend a chaotic mess. E tells his sister absolutely not and that River has to be there for me and my seizures she is medically necessary.
M gets mad and said so is her daughter’s cat and she’s just a child and I’m an adult who hasn’t had a seizure in months and I have emergency seizure nasal spray if anything. I can be away from my mutt for a few days. He said no and end of discussion. She hangs up and a hour later we get a call from his mom begging us to just leave River at a boarding place or family and we said no.
She starts crying saying M is threatening not to come and she won’t get to see ALL of her grandkids and it’s not fair she won’t have her whole family there. We said sorry no not happening. She apparently had us on speaker phone and because M in the background said well just leave me home with River and just E and the girls come then.
My SO got extremely mad and said then we all aren’t coming because WE are a FAMILY. Have a great weekend and he hung up.
My phone has blown up with his sister’s and mom and aunt calling me a jerk because I can’t leave a pet at home for a weekend and she’s probably not even a real service dog and preventing them from seeing E and the babies.
I had to turn my phone off and E told them he’s going to go low contact because they are refusing to stop the harassment. We plan on going to a friend’s farm for the weekend instead of after I offered to stay home and E said absolutely not we are a family and our babies need their mom. I feel incredibly guilty the kids won’t get to see their grandparents and cousins because I need River with me.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, I am appalled they even think an emotional support cat and a medically needed service dog are even comparable.
His job is to keep you safe, which he can’t do if he isn’t with you which will be stressful for dog, and dangerous for you. It sounds to me like you are better off staying away from people so callous your health. You are not the one keeping the family away, they are with their inability to even compromise. A properly trained service dog isn’t about to abandon his job to chase cats anyways.
Good for E for standing up for you and doing what is right, and remember you aren’t forcing him to make this choice, his family was the one handing out ultimatums, his choice is you and your health. You found a really good person for your life partner, treasure it!” littleladyducky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the most important thing here is your partner chose you. He stood by you, and told his family straight out that you guys weren’t going.
That’s his choice and do you think he feels guilty or bad about that?
And what if you have a seizure at the lake house? Who there has the medical know-how and experience to handle that? What if you fell and hit your head? It’s a lake house, so I assume it’s far away from hospitals. Is that a risk you want to take just to placate in-laws?” Tis-but-a-scratch-yo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Huge NTJ. A service dog is an absolute necessity and is not a “pet”. Your in-laws are asking you to risk your health for a family vacation and that is not okay. Not now, not ever. You deserve to be safe and healthy. Your partner and your children need and want you to be safe. Not understanding that is wholly your in-laws’ problem. Good for your SO for standing up for you and your family. I hope you have a wonderful weekend on the farm!” mostlymute281
Like many other commenters I applaud your SO for having your back and not allowing his crazy and toxic family to put a wedge between you. Your SIL sound like a nightmare and the fact she wants her daughter to keep her ESA cat over your medically needed dog is disgusting. If her daughter can't go without her cat then maybe she shouldn't go or have the cat kept in a room away from I'm sure you're fantastically trained animal. The nerve she has to throw such a hissy fit it's no wonder her daughter needs An ESA growing up with a woman like that. And your mother-in-law is only enabling her toxic behavior by not putting her in her place and giving in to her tantrum. You and your family go have fun and maybe your MIL we'll start to see maybe the problem is her daughter not everybody else
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Go On Vacation With My Mom And Her New Family?
“So I (21F) have a rocky relationship with my mom. My mom (43F) has a new SO (Age unknown) with 2 kids (14B and 16F) And has recently taken in his daughter’s friend (16F) due to serious complications in her home. I have no problem with them, they are nice kids. However, I don’t really want to be part of her new big happy family.
A few months ago her SO talked about going on vacation with his parents and sister and the kids.
So my mom looked at a few places and they were around 6k+ to rent for a week. She told him they couldn’t afford it and asked if he was willing to go on vacation with his kids and me. He said yes and it was planned.
Here’s where the problem started:
Mom went and asked her Mom, (Grandma) if she wanted to go. Without asking, telling, or even mentioning it to her SO.
Grandma said yes and Mom told her SO about it DAYS later. He wasn’t happy. SO then decides to invite his parents without mentioning, telling, or asking my mom. Which then blew into a whole situation of there not being enough room (The rental house can only hold 6 and the sleeping arrangement would be out of whack) So SO ended up telling his parents they couldn’t go, and my Grandma backed out when she saw how messy it was becoming.
The only reason I was able to go was because Grandma was going to drive there after we did, then go home early on a Thursday. Because of my job, I can’t take off 2 weekends in a row, so I’d have to come back early. The beach is 5 1-2 hours just to get there. Since I was in a wreck (I got rear-ended at a high speed) I’ve had anxiety driving.
I don’t like driving long distances or to places I don’t know the layout of. So doing a 5 1-2 hour drive is very stressful just thinking about it.
Since Grandma isn’t going, my mom said she would drive my car there then I’d have to drive back on my own. She wants us to wear white shirts and stuff for “family photos” and honestly? I don’t want to be part of her new family.
Dad said she’s only inviting me so she can call herself a good mom. And this isn’t the first time she’d done something simple and then called herself a good mom just for the image of it. She only recently realized how bad of a parent she’d been when I blew up at her about doing Christmas without me with her new family at my Grandma’s place.
When I visit her (She lives with the SO at his house now) I feel like an adopted kid when around all the others. I just don’t feel like I belong. I know she wants me there but I feel like it’s just so she can say “Oh look this is my big happy family.”
So WIBTJ if I don’t go on the beach vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA.
You are 21 – an age when many start taking trips with friends rather than parents. Enjoy your youth and use your time off how YOU want to.” YiHawMeeMaw
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTA sucks when appearances are more important than actual relationships. Go do something good for yourself.” AgitateedJacket9627
Another User Comments:
“NTA – it just doesn’t work for you. Thank them for the invite and just go on living your life.” MissyBee63
15. AITJ For Excluding Myself From My Husband's Company?
“My husband started a business 3 years ago with just us two. He’d go do jobs and I’d basically be a secretary. My husband was getting more jobs than he could manage so he asked his brother to help. BIL was going on jobs so often that he gave him a permanent spot in the business. This took some stress off my husband.
We also have twins (5F) that I’m with all day.
I’m currently pregnant with our third child who will be due in 3 weeks. When I was about 7 months pregnant, I asked my husband if we could get his parents to take over my job from now until I recover. He was all for it saying “do what’s best for you.” His parents agreed but still wanted me to feel included. So I was responsible for advertising and printing things if they needed it (the in-laws don’t have a printer at their house, they also said they don’t know how to use one).
Any time I would type up an ad or if I was printing something out, I would always show them before doing so in case they wanted to add something. Well, FIL always says “everything looks fine to me” but his mom found issues. One time I had to order more business cards and everyone told me to keep it simple. All I put was the business name, phone numbers, and the slogan.
Before I ordered them, my husband showed his family what they would look like. MIL had a problem with the font, color, size of the words. Another time I was supposed to print flyers for a festival. She, again, found issues with the size, font, she didn’t like the way I worded some things and asked me why I only put her husband’s number. Basically, anything that I came up with or any ads that I put together, she had a problem with it.
I didn’t mind fixing it. What she’s saying isn’t really bad. It’s the way she says them.
The other day I made invoices and on one I forgot to put our return address. She made it a point to call me and ask “can you print me some blank invoices so I can write the address MYSELF?” Last night my husband came home in an off mood.
I asked him what was wrong and he said that he and his mom got into it because apparently, she didn’t like the logo I made. My husband told her that I wasn’t going to change it, to which his mom responded “if she made it look good to begin with I wouldn’t have said anything.”
Today I sat down with my husband to tell him that I won’t be involved anymore.
I said he can take the printer and computer over to his parent’s house and that her constantly finding something wrong with everything I do was stressing me out. He said he understood and he would have a conversation with her.
MIL called me berating me about starting an argument between her and her son. That I wasn’t helping anyone being a part of the company. “Don’t bother asking for the job back because you just lost it.” I told her it wasn’t her decision to make, it was my husband’s.
My husband is upset. He keeps telling me it’s not my fault. But now I feel like a jerk because I should have just dealt with it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL is being a total jerk. Listen to your husband and let him deal with that. His mum, his problem to deal with. She’s stressing you out for no good reason when you’re very pregnant and taking care of twins, that’s not okay.
You need to focus on you, your kids, and the baby on the way right now.
I get it sucks, but you’ve literally done nothing wrong here. You’re feeling guilty because your MIL wants you to. Honestly, I would just block her number and social media for the time being. That way if she has an issue, she has to take it to your husband rather than you.
Oh, and bravo to your hubby! Glad he has your back on this. It’s natural that he doesn’t love this situation, but he seems to recognize that it’s of his mother’s making. Good for him.” miasabine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – MIL is acting like she is in charge. It is the usual “My son runs the company so I can do whatever I want.” So she is trying to bend whatever she can to “what she thinks is right” whether or not it is what DH wants or what is good for the company.
She needs to set her ego aside and she is not doing that.
What DH needs to do is hire an admin and have them do all of that work. Take it away from his mom who doesn’t want to acknowledge that she isn’t in charge. And take it off your hands because your hands are full right now with three kids.” Elfich47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your MIL is a big jerk for sure.
You should not have just dealt with it, you asked for help because as a pregnant mother, you needed and deserved a break from all the stress you are under. The issue is you gave your MIL a inch and she is trying to take a mile and then some. She wants to be in charge, she wants to be the one her son turns to and is trying to squeeze you out for good by sounds of it.
She is bashing you at every which way she can. I would suggest to your husband that maybe it was a mistake to ask for the in-laws help and to see about getting someone else to help out instead. Your MIL is trying to take over and change everything so that she can say oh that was my idea. Has she always been threatened by you? That is probably why she is like this, she can’t stand that her son turns to you and defends you instead of taking her side. Good luck, let your husband handle this and rest up.” Scarletzoe
14. AITJ For Refusing To Go To A Birthday Dinner?
“I’m 26 and yesterday was my birthday. Ever since I can remember, something, sometimes big, has happened on or around my birthday. Graduations and weddings are really big in May. This has led to literally all my friends and family forgetting about the day. When I was little I would remind people and my day would just be tacked into whatever was happening but once I turned 15 I just let it pass.
I’ve completely given up on celebrating my birthday with them. I buy myself a cake and a small ice cream and just chill with my favorite movies.
However every year without fail someone wishes me happy birthday on social media. My birthday is not on social media anymore since even then it was not remembered. That leads to all of my family like my sister and parents to then rush to apologize for forgetting and try to make it up to me.
This year they made it a whole day and a half (about 5 pm) before remembering and now they wants to take me out to some restaurant. I have no want or need to go. I informed them my birthday was yesterday and that I already celebrated it. They insist that I should go because they already paid for the reservation. I told them to go without me.
This led to an argument about how I’m not allowing them to apologize and that I need to get out and socialize more. While I don’t socialize all that much I don’t want to feel like an afterthought. They did call and invite other family members and said if I didn’t show up I would be a jerk.
At this point it’s more frustrating because I just rented all the Spiderman movies and plan to binge-watch them.
I really don’t need their apology. I’ve come to expect this to happen but they said if I expected it then I should be prepared to eventually celebrate with them.”
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them they have phone with calendars, and it would take absolutely no thought to remember your birthday by plugging it in, and letting it do all the work. But they don’t bother.
Tell them that normal families make a point of remembering each other’s birthdays, but they make the choice not to. Tell them an apology only matters if it comes with a desire to not keep hurting the person they’re apologizing to, but since they do the same thing every single year, none of their apologies have ever been genuine or meaningful. Tell them that this dinner is important to them because it will soothe their own guilt about not loving me very much, and being so blatant about it, and has nothing to do with making me feel better, so they can take this self-serving disingenuous act of pretending to care and shove it up their behinds.
They have 26 years of being absolute failures in your life when it comes to making you feel like they give a crap about you, and dragging you out against your will for a too little, too late self-serving meal they’re just going to hold over your head any time you complain about how they treat you is a nauseating display of selfishness. If you were a priority to them, this might have happened once, and then they would have felt so awful it would never happen again.
But it has happened every year, and you no longer care about them or their feelings about you, because they haven’t been worth the effort.” LilLadybug81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have other plans and can’t make it.
When someone does the same thing repeatedly until you don’t care anymore and then takes the position that what’s really important is them and their apology you have no obligation to participate.
Besides that, scheduling you to be at an event supposedly dedicated to you but inviting you after already inviting everyone else is just poor planning. The first call should have been to you to see if you’re available.
Here’s the thing. I’m on your side and I would not go but this is a no-win situation because they’re now going to have a dinner where they discuss how “overly sensitive” you are.
But even if you show up that will be said, just in a “joking” manner.
I’d say I’m busy and they’re really making too much of this apology. Anyone that wants more than that, I wouldn’t say too much because it’s just more they can talk about. I know that might sound paranoid to some people but my family was like that and many others are. People with functioning healthy families may find it difficult to comprehend but that’s okay.” dog_star_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re allowed to decline invitations. Doesn’t matter who makes the invite or what the invite is for – you’re allowed to decline.
I have a summer birthday. I also gave up on my birthday in early teen-dom, because everyone was always busy with fun summer plans. I stopped bothering with other people’s birthdays as well – I decided to have the self-respect of not valuing others over myself, so I wish people happy birthday but I otherwise don’t arrange plans or buy gifts.
I may or may not attend someone’s birthday celebration if invited, but usually, I opt not to.
At this age (mid30s) my friends all know and none of them do a whole lot for their birthday either. My partner and I go out for a meal and spend a nice day together but it might not be on our actual birthdays.
You don’t owe your family the chance to make themselves feel better. If you had other plans that night then you have other plans – you don’t need to elaborate on what the plans are, choosing to have a movie night is a valid plan and none of their business!” Ohcrumbcakes
13. AITJ If I Can't Stand The Way My Partner Eats?
“My SO and I have known each other for over 4 years and have been seeing each other for 2 years. He is my best friend and I love him so much. He is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (nothing severe, just lacks in some social aspects) and OCD.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how he acts in general. He’s funny and is able to hold a conversation with friends, my parents, strangers, etc.
And he is truly a sweet guy and loves me genuinely so much. For someone with ASD, he’s actually able to pick up on social cues decently well, although he still does miss a few things here and there (which is no issue). However, the one thing I cannot STAND is how messy of an eater he is. He shoves his face with food and never uses a napkin, and has no regard for the mess he makes around him when he’s eating.
There will literally be crumbs EVERYWHERE around him while he eats. He will have a ring of sauce and crumbs around his mouth during and after he eats (since he doesn’t wipe his mouth unless I tell him to). It’s been happening for so long that I mainly try to ignore it.
But today I reached my last straw. I was out in the city with him, my parents, and our family friends.
We decided to stop at an ice cream shop, where he proceeded to order two large-sized scoops in a cone. However, by the time we all got our ice cream and continued walking, he made no effort to lick around the base of the ice cream cone to catch the ice cream that was dripping down his hands. My family looked on with disgust, and our friends (who he had just met today) judged him heavily.
I was trying to help him clean up with napkins and wet wipes and was getting a little frustrated in the process, but he didn’t seem to want help and would get annoyed if I offered. Of course, I was starting to get quite upset and frustrated, and I didn’t want to make a scene in front of everybody, so I kept to myself for the rest of the time he ate his ice cream.
I feel bad since I was kind of short with him for the remainder of the day, but I was just so tired. It feels like I’m cleaning up after him like a mother whenever he eats.
I worry that his behavior reflects poorly on me (and of course him too). For my parents, it appears questionable as to why I would date someone with such a lack of manners.
For strangers, they must think, “Why is this girl seeing such a child of a man?” Of course, I don’t want him looking bad either, but I can’t help but wonder what others must think when they see him. AITJ for feeling this way? How would you react? I think I should confront him about how I feel, but I’m not sure how to go about that conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“You should bring this up however, you should also expect that this behavior will never change.
I know people who are 50+ and have no idea how to use a knife and fork to cut things other than clutching the fork and hacking away at the food with the knife as if it is a battle to the death. Some who stuff their face super full and continue conversation while spewing food. Some who are so hungry that, as soon as a dish is passed to them, they fill their plate and never pass the dishes.
Eat all of the bread without once passing it around. I could go on.
The people I mention above have manners in most or all other aspects of their life. They turn into goblins when it comes to eating. I could NOT date or marry someone without table manners.
NTJ.” facinationstreet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like you care more about what people think than about him. Being neurodivergent, he may just not understand and need it explained, patiently and clearly, not getting snippy and acting short with him because others are judging him (you).” ExperienceLumpy5764
12. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Sister And Her SO For Showering Together?
“Okay, so my sister always pulls this stunt with her friends or current SO where she does things like plan to go somewhere or invites them over without asking either of us if it’s okay or wait till the last minute with little to no planning on anyone’s part. Most of these situations leave her there with either no way of getting back home, conflicts with other families, no way to feed everybody, and just in general invading our privacy at home.
More than once we’ve had to use our and gas that we’d rather not spend trying to get these people home or go over to pick her up cuz their parents want nothing to do with her. Part of it was because they didn’t make plans with the other parents either. They always drop the bombshell when it’s a bit too late to say no! Even after multiple explanations of telling her not to do this and why! She has not learned! We’ve nearly left her there to fend for herself and getting pretty sick of it all.
Another example was the day before, asking me for a date the night of without any planning at all, the usual. First of all, how is her SO going to ask her on a random date out of the blue without enough to cover her meal too? I don’t carry cash, but would have drawn it out ahead of time if I knew in advance because when I did go over to the gas station, that at the moment was broken and I didn’t have the time to look for another one before her SO’s brother showed up to drive them to dinner.
Sure as heck am not going to trust her with my debit card. Thank god mom stepped in when she did with some or they would have had to share a plate.
So today, my sister and her SO recently showered together while our mom was asleep and DID NOT ask either one of us if this was okay, without either of our approval. Not to mention he wasn’t really invited but my mother caved to bringing him home with my sister from his house the previous night and will have to drive him back later because his parents want nothing to do with the guy.
They both see nothing wrong with it and think were just being prudes and my mother and I, on the other hand, am not okay with this, because well it’s our shower too! Never mind the fact that they could have done god knows what in there, in the place that we ALL shower! But he was dumb enough to not bring his own crap to spend the night so god only knows what loufa sponge he showered with, but sure as hope it was hers, which is still really wrong and crossing a lot of boundaries and just no sense of common decency or any respect for the living space of the people she’s living with.
Are my mom and I the jerks for exploding at them?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Okay, so, if your sister lives with you, she can invite her SO over ‘to visit’. Sounds like she did that. If he uses your product in the shower, tell her that is not acceptable, and if necessary, start taking your product into your own room in between your own showers. She’s allowed to live her life normally (including intercourse), but she’s not allowed to use your resources without asking.
However, you need to stop bailing her out of the troubles she creates for her friends – if she invites friends to places, it’s not on you to pay for their ride home. Let her do it herself, or let her guests pay – that’ll teach them to not jump on her suggestions all the time. Do not make food for her guests, let her handle that.
Do not give her money, and do not help her in any way with her schemes. IT IS NOT YOUR CIRCUS, NOT YOUR MONKEYS.” KeyFly3
Another User Comments:
“Question… why do you care what they did in the shower? If he didn’t make a mess/shower, and it looks the same as you always use it, why do you care? I genuinely cannot understand why you are so opinionated on this and why your sister would ever think she needed to ask….
I don’t think you’re really a jerk… but neither is your sister. You’re being a bit unreasonable in my opinion and I genuinely do not understand why…. It’s a shower… it cleans people… I’m just genuinely shocked you expected her to ask anyone… especially her sister, who doesn’t even own the house or has powers to set the rules of the house. YTJ.” lolthrowawat1234
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Eating My Food?
“I know this sounds stupid but I am a teen and this is a throwaway. Earlier today after my mom told us that it was a “fend for yourself night” I made myself burritos. Two. I’m particular about everything and if it isn’t right or I can’t control it I get irritated.
I made two because that’s how many fill me up but not too much. I put sour cream and coated it in cheese.
It has to be done right and by me. Well, I notice my mom was alone in her room with the dog so I went in there to eat. I sat down and she said she was starving. Funny how a fend for yourself night means I make her food.
By the way, we’ve had fend for yourself nights since I was six and my brother was nine.
It used to be only when she wasn’t sober but now, it’s often.
I told her I’d make her something after I ate but she kept asking for a bite. I told her no, and that I made them the way I like and cut them a certain way that it’d be weird to give her a piece. I took a bite of one of the pieces and she went to grab a different piece.
I tried telling her she could have the rest of mine so she wouldn’t grab a piece but she just stuck her fingers in one of them.
She doesn’t wash her hands and she has sores on her bottom so she uses what I call “butt cream” and it’s all over her hands. She set it down because it was too hot. I was uncomfortable thinking about her dirty fingers and the contaminated pieces and the fact that now I would be left unsatisfied.
I yelled that I told her not to touch my food. She yelled at me that it was stupid to get mad at her over food. The thing is this happened before when I made one of my grilled cheeses (I make the best food in the house because I’m very particular). I cut them into quarter pieces and specifically made one and a half grilled cheeses.
She took one and I complained but let it go as it wasn’t a big deal.
This time was different though. I have boundaries for a reason. And burritos (at least the ones I make) aren’t handheld foods. She touches all the pieces next to it and then put it back! She ate it after I finished mine and I left without a word. I hate when people break my boundaries by touching me or my things and she always does.
I feel like a jerk cause I know I was overreacting but I can’t help but be annoyed. I know this is such a stupid story and I’m being dramatic but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… don’t eat around her next time…..I feel you on that…my niece is the same way… she used to like taco bell until I started making them at home lol now she would rather eat home made tacos anytime.” ProfessionalCar6255
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. She sounds gross. She can’t be bothered to cook but expects to eat your food then sticks her nasty hands in your food? Is she always this immature?” usernametaken6000
10. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out The Guy Who Married My Grandma?
“So there’s four people involved here. Me, my mom, Grandma, and this guy, Richard. For context I’m a guy and was 19 at the time of this, he was 89.
Anyway, so about 3 years ago my grandma met Richard through a matchmaking site, and a week later they got married. Shortly after, the family had opportunities to meet him, everyone couldn’t stop gushing about how lovely he was.
And when I finally met him, he did seem great – so much nicer than her last husband. However, literally a day later we were both in Grandma’s living room and someone had looked up the world population on the computer and left the number there to just go up. But when everyone else had left the room, Richard turned to me and said along the lines of “wow that’s going up fast, must be a lot of people having fun, right,” to which I was creeped out and didn’t respond.
Then he said something about how intercourse is a beautiful thing and that “y’know, your grandma and I had intercourse 18 times on our honeymoon.” And I was just in shock, so I left and didn’t say anything, to him or anyone else. Maybe it was dumb but everyone had hated Grandma’s last husband and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin this marriage.
For 3 years I didn’t say anything to anyone and he never made any comments like that again, but I just haven’t felt comfortable at Grandma’s since. I was also struggling with my own faith at the time and hearing this straight from an active pastor kind of broke me.
Fast forward to now, and Grandma died about a month ago. And my mom has not stopped gushing about how great he’s been during this process, and last night it was like she pulled out a thesaurus, calling him “kind, calm, reassuring, helping, accommodating, considerate, thoughtful,” etc.
And I just couldn’t take it anymore and I told her that I’ve never seen him as anything more than a creepy old pervert who married my grandma for intercourse, and I told her the whole story.
And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how she responded, that she said I haven’t “seen what she’s seen of him” and that people are complicated and we need to not judge others, etc.
She also told me not to tell my cousin or aunt (her sister) because they would just “blow it out of proportion,” which, to be fair, my aunt can do sometimes but I don’t feel like there’s anything out of proportion about this at all.
I’ve been stewing ever since. If it were up to me, he’d be out on the streets and would get nothing and we’d never hear from him again.
I haven’t told anyone because I didn’t want to cause chaos in the family but Grandma’s dead now and I want to tell the rest of my family what a disgusting old man I think he is and that we shouldn’t let him get away with anything.
Am I just getting mad over nothing though, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – people have married for far worse reasons.
Yes, it was inappropriate of him to talk to you like that about a family member but if you weren’t going to say that to his face or tell anybody about it at the time then there’s no point harboring a secret grudge for literal years over an isolated incident that was a little creepy but didn’t ultimately do anybody much harm. It just makes you seem petty and resentful.
Your mother’s right – people are complicated and trying to reduce the world to superheroes and villains the way you do is a vast oversimplification. He may have been a bit off with you in that incident, but if he’s generally been a good husband and stepfather (which it seems like he has) and you know no further evil of him, then you have overreacted and should work on being a bit more forgiving unless any extra information about him comes to light.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“I think this is an ESH.
Richard, being older, should know better than to brag about his private life to a teenager.
As for you, it’s been three years and he corrected himself and made no further comments. He figured out you were uncomfortable and corrected himself. You need to learn to get over the weird. And he didn’t make a comment directed at you. It would be something understandable if he made a comment about intercourse directed at you, but he made a comment about intercourse with his wife.
So… I really think you ought to get over yourself.
Your mom doesn’t suck, she’s the only one with a normal response.” heyyahri
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but YTJ.
What he said to you about the population was just silly, what he said about his private life with your grandmother was inappropriate, but not shocking to say to a male adult.
I doubt he “used” your grandmother for intercourse. You have no idea if your grandmother very much enjoyed her private life with this man, and if he did nothing else than what you have mentioned I think you are making a big deal out of nothing.
You decided to not be around your grandmother for the last 3 years of her life, when it seemed that this man was a nice companion to her and you let him put a wedge between you and your grandma. You more than likely feel guilty about that and are looking to take it out on him. Let it go.” kimariesingsMD
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like your an ageist and just grossed out by the idea of old people hooking up.
Even if he just married your grandma for that there is nothing wrong with that (although it sounds like they had a loving marriage).
What he told you was a bit weird, but it was a one-time thing and not so creepy that it should still be affecting you. Most likely he was just an old guy excited to be able to still be intimate and over-shared with you.” Born_Rabbit_7577
9. AITJ For Delaying Apologies?
“Wife and I (almost 20y together) keep having these arguments where she’ll feel she’s owed an apology from me, and I try first to defend my point of view (making excuses, if you ask her) mainly because I often tend to think “if only she just listened she’d understand I meant no harm” while other times, I feel like when she responds escalating the event and refuses to listen to anything that comes out of my lips that is not an apology, she’s basically coercing me into admitting guilt for some stuff I just plainly don’t feel responsible for.
Reading the rules, I probably should give out at least an example.
One which just happened today and it’s still putting us through some serious crap:
We’re at a supermarket, with one of those trolley carts with a car for toddlers in the front. Me driving, wife goes down an aisle and I move towards her and position us (me and the kid “driving” the car) behind her, not knowing she’ll turn around just a second after that and she bumps into the car hurting her ankle.
She starts blaming me: “How could you do this? I don’t have eyes on my back! You pay no attention! You’ve run me over, you’ve shattered my ankle, this is just where you hurt me that time and now again (once, like 9 months ago, the baby dropped his drinking cup, full of water, just when I was picking him up from her and it fell on that same ankle)…
I try my best not to engage, and she starts demanding an apology, that I kneel right there… The best I can give her is an “I’m sorry you got hurt”, which I understand is rather a non-apology, but I try to explain I have not run her over, and she just refuses to listen and keeps escalating, at which point she turns the argument into you’re cold, you’ve got no feelings, you should apologize and ask me at least how I am, etc.
I try to show my responsibility to the point where I feel I am so I say something like “I’m sorry I put myself there and you got hurt because of that,” which doesn’t appease her at all (quite the opposite).
All in all, the way I see it, whenever there’s an argument or an accident, especially between two people who are allegedly in love, one should know the SO won’t mean to hurt you either physically or emotionally, and should work under that assumption.
Then both sides express their feelings and once stuff has been either resolved or at least calmed down, you both admit your responsibilities and try to make amends. On the other hand, she wants someone to take the blame and acknowledge her so she can start to listen, often demanding not only an apology but also some kind of “compensation”, that I “fix it” somehow.
What should come first, in your opinion? Apologies as to repair or show care before, or getting both of you through the argument, so you can make up before moving forward?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
I have a family member who’s a therapist and one of her favorite saying is “either you can be right, I can be right or we can both be happy.” Both of you are far too focused on being right and neither of you sound like you’re happy. One of my relationship tenets is assume good intentions. But intent isn’t the same as impact. If I accidentally harm my partner, I say I’m sorry.
No disclaimers, no qualifiers just sorry. Communication between the two of you has broken down to the point where you both see each minor incident as further evidence of how the other person is wronging you. You need to create new communication patterns and I highly suggest professional help to do so.” Legally_Blonde_258
Another User Comments:
“When two people are in love, and one hurts the other, an apology should come first.
How can you make resolve anything if one party won’t acknowledge the hurt (even accidentally) they have caused.
Even going by your post, which presumably puts you in the best possible light, seems like your wife likely has some legitimate beef with you. If my SO had done what you did in the store today, and didn’t at least apologize, I’d be hurt and angry. Certainly, if I’d done something that hurt my SO, I can’t imagine not apologizing right away.
A real apology.
It is the decent, loving thing to do.
YTJ.” Terrible_turtle_
Another User Comments:
“ESH and frankly, my head hurts after reading this and seriously wondering how in the heck you stayed together for 20 years! Anyway, to this SPECIFIC example, a normal person in your position, say, my SO, would immediate apologize. Like this “Oops! Sorry! Didn’t mean to get so close or I didn’t realize you would turn back.” Should not matter that I might have made a stupid or awkward move. I in turn, being me, might in fact say “Sorry for being awkward or sorry for being in the way.” See? Diffused right away by a genuine, simple apology.” Avocadosarecool2000
8. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Time With My Brother?
“So to give some backstory, my brother and I have been separated for 13 years of our lives. He is 29, and I am currently 17. We have recently become really good friends, and we have been hanging out a lot. Me and my dad’s family have seen each other for about two weeks every single year since I was really little.
Anyways, today my dad and I got into an argument about some plans I made with my brother coinciding with plans my dad made with his family for Memorial Day.
My brother texted me today asking if I could possibly stay a night over at his place and hang out on Saturday through Sunday. I asked my dad if this was okay, and he just today mentioned that the memorial day party is on Sunday after I had asked to go. Now, the party starts at 2 PM. I mentioned to my dad that I could still come for the party after hanging out with my brother for a little bit on Sunday after staying the night on Saturday.
I also said I may get there a little later than when the party starts (specifically only about 2 hours because they last for a long time), and this is where he got really mad at me. He started saying stuff like, “We have tried to organize these plans for a month now,” “You already missed Xmas and New Year” and “You will miss everything so you might as well not come.” I’ve also been trying really hard for about a month and a half to find time to have a sleepover with my brother because he works almost every day while I also go to school every weekday.
The only reason I missed Xmas and New Year with my dad’s family is that I had to visit my mom across the country because we moved away from her. I think it was really rude of him to say “You might as well not come” because I know for a fact that his family would not be bothered by this in the slightest. I tried compromising with my dad because my brother means so much to me and I try to hang out with him whenever possible.
I recently went through a rough patch and was admitted to the ER for a total of about 2 weeks. My brother has been the person to distract me from my issues the most. He means the world to me and he makes me so happy even just being around him. I tried to explain to my dad that I really want to make up for those 13 years that I lost with my brother, but he keeps calling me selfish even though I really want to go do both things.
I never told my dad I wouldn’t go, I would absolutely love to go see my dad’s family, but I also want to reconnect with my brother.
I personally don’t believe I am the jerk because my dad is one of the reasons I missed 13 years with my brother anyways. Plus, I still promised him I would show up at his family’s party. If I were really selfish, I would take the opportunity to stay the whole day at my brother’s, but I’m not.
I’m trying to make time for everyone that I love.
So honestly I really need to know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It would totally work out if it weren’t for the fact that my brother doesn’t necessarily get along too well with my dad’s side of the family. He and I have 2 separate fathers, and my dad and his family have never really connected with my brother in the way families should. It’s like they’re just acquaintances at this point. It’d be a little odd bringing my brother because it’d just feel like he would be separated apart from everyone else except me.” Own_Baseball1318
7. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Older Sister?
“I (13F) have grown over the years more and more upset with my older sister (22M) who rarely talks to me and upsets my father, leaving me to be his therapist.
We are half-siblings because we share the same father. Our father wasn’t the best man, to my sister or me when I was younger. As my sister got older, she slowly started disconnecting from my father, and with that she started disconnecting from me.
If she meant to disconnect from me on purpose or not is unknown to me. I was kind of a jerk growing up.
I didn’t realize how awful my father was growing up, I was a total daddy’s girl. I repeated every bigoted thing he spewed out of his mouth because I thought I sounded smart. I was an exact copy of my father until I turned 10, slowly realizing I was transgender.
I then also realized how bad of a father he was in general.
By the time I realized how crappy everything I repeated was, my older sister was 20 and living with her mom I’m pretty sure. I don’t know if she has realized I’ve gotten better and have become my own person.
Well, my father and sister had this car they were supposed to work on, as my father loves working on cars.
In his past, he was a race car driver, and he held a love for working on cars with his kids. My father constantly spammed my sister’s phone, asking her when she would come over and what not to work on it. He would call her then crap talk her as soon as he hung up.
Well, one day, the car was towed. Our dad blew up on her, and they had an argument, ending in my sister telling him everyone would be better off if he were dead.
I have become my father’s therapist after this. I got upset with her, as she should’ve waited till I could leave him at least. I’m glad she got him out of her life, but now I have to deal with extra guilt-tripping. Any time I’m slightly upset with my father, he says, “Wow, next thing I know, you’re gonna tell me to die too.” Or something along the lines of it.
On my thirteenth birthday, she asked me for my number, we exchanged about 6 short texts, and we never talked again. I tried talking to her, multiple times. I recently asked for her tiktok and followed it, hoping for her to realize I was also transgender and I heavily disagreed with my father’s views.
She followed me back, and didn’t say a word. Over years I’ve been trying to connect with her, ever since I was a toddler.
Constantly asking to play video games with her, and I was always blown off. I’ve loved her to death and viewed her as my idol.
She most likely still views me as the person I used to be though, and doesn’t talk to me due to our 9-10 year age gap. She’s also really busy being an adult.
I feel a bit selfish, expecting her to talk to me.
I also know she didn’t mean to leave me to deal with him, and I know she can’t really help. I sometimes think I’m upset with her over things she can’t control, but I wish she’d at least ask me how I’m doing once in a while.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d definitely say that your dad is a jerk for treating both of you badly. She probably left to get away from his toxic behavior.
You can always ask to talk face to face so you can talk about how her leaving has affected you as well. Most likely she isn’t afraid your like your dad but just doesn’t want to deal with him, even if it’s indirectly. Also, that’s pretty normal behavior for the age gap between siblings. She was in her early teens. There’s no harm in asking to talk.” Lostintheworl
Another User Comments:
“Your sister doesn’t want to be around you or your dad because of him.
With you being his mini-me for years makes her think you’re the same exact way. She’s had enough of being treated like crap by him and doesn’t want you to do the same thing. YTJ because she shouldn’t have to deal with a jerk dad who degrades her at every second just to hang out with you. Maybe you should try harder to show your not like him anymore by going for dinner or ice cream or something. Just you two.” lil-peanutbutter
6. AITJ For Telling A Woman Who Shamed Me For Eating Ice Cream That She Is A Horrible Human Being?
“I really like DQ a lot, probably more than I should. A medium chocolate-dipped twist is my guilty pleasure, and I look forward to stopping for one on Thursday night on my way home from work all week long.
I would probably go way more often than once a week except that I am also pretty darn overweight, officially in the “morbidly obese” category (which is something I am very self-conscious about).
My bloodwork always comes back fine and my Doctor says that I am pretty healthy but I still wish I could lose a couple of hundred pounds and I am pretty self-conscious and insecure about it.
I HATE the walk from the car to the order window with a passion, I can feel the eyes of everyone sitting at the picnic tables and in their cars following me every step of the way there.
I just KNOW that they are judging me for being a big girl and eating ice cream but I force myself to ignore it and try to feel good about myself anyway. All that said I can’t bring myself to go more than once a week, which is probably for the best anyway.
Tonight, I stopped by on my way home, finished ordering and was patiently waiting for my ice cream to be made when this woman (mid 30s, yoga pants, thin as a rail and with a snooty look on her face) walked past with a 7-year-old kid in tow, the child made a face when he looked at me and almost at the exact same time his mother (I assume) said to him under her breath ‘See, that’s what happens if you eat ice cream.’ She was staring straight ahead when she said it and avoided eye contact with me.
I stood in shock for a minute and then had a sort of out-of-body experience where I found myself shouting at her. I told her that what she said was very mean, that life was hard enough without having to deal with bullies, and that she should keep her mouth shut if she had nothing constructive to say. I told her to go screw herself a few times too.
I finished by telling the kid that she (I pointed at the woman) was a bad human being and that it was better to eat tons of ice cream and be fat than it was to go around being mean to people for no reason. She stood there stunned the whole time.
I then burst into tears and ran off to my car and drove home, I didn’t even end up getting the ice cream I had paid for.
It’s been a couple of hours since it happened and I’ve almost now stopped hyperventilating and crying, but I’m also sort of starting to feel bad about what happened. I mean, I know she was being a jerk, but the kid seemed pretty upset by the whole exchange and I really feel bad for swearing in front of a child (I think there were a few elderly women in the line too).
Did I overreact or did I have a reasonable response to what she said?”
Another User Comments:
“There is so much here that screams that OP is not happy in herself and that this woman got that redirected at her.
OP – I applaud you for calling her out so strongly. NTJ. She had no right to judge you in any way let alone comment on it to a child.
But the fact that it took you so long to get over it speaks volumes about your mental health.
You have a binary choice here, either come to terms with who you are or change the parts you don’t like. Only you can decide what works for you, and if you do decide to change your weight, speaking from some experience here, DO NOT set a long-term goal as it’s overwhelming, just look week to week (and do not expect improvements every week).
If you don’t decide to change your weight, then get therapy to help you accept whatever you currently struggle with.
Also, DQ is not a “guilty” pleasure. It’s just a pleasure. I don’t get why we have to feel bad about things we like other than being made to by other people’s judgement. If you enjoy it, enjoy it.” Daveii_captain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, I don’t have your struggles but I watched my mom go through similar experiences growing up because she was bigger.
I never saw anything but how pretty she is, and never got why she would be so nervous in a new top or cry in the changing rooms. I so badly want to give you a big hug because no one deserves to feel like that, weight doesn’t matter (maybe if that lady let herself enjoy ice cream once in a while, she wouldn’t be such a jerk).
You deserve to feel beautiful, but if you’re not there yet/at this moment, know that at the least you deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin. Take that thing you KNOW is beautiful about you (my mom loves her blue eyes, they are the type that look grey sometimes, Didn’t pass them on but they are truly gorgeous) and screw anyone and anything else. Even if you have one freckle that you think is cute, that is a part of you that you can point to and say to yourself, ‘I am beautiful’.
I’m sorry people haven’t learned to not comment on others’ weight, no matter what it is not cool. I’m sending a bear hug to you
Unsolicited advice, completely ignore if you want! I just figure maybe it might help someone else. My mom recently lost a lot of weight by walking every day. It took time, dedication, but she can’t do anything else due to past injuries/being premature so she stuck with it.
She is up to 6 or 7 miles when she walks now (I don’t even think I could do that tbh, but she built up over time). My mother has always been gorgeous, but she feels it now. She didn’t cry when we went clothes shopping, and I near did just because she is glowing and I am so proud of her. She has insecurities still, but I don’t think I have ever in my life seen her this confident.
It’s slow, it’s hard. And if you don’t have the people around you to give you support, message me and I will gas you up! Everyone deserves to be hyped up every once in a while, we all need it.” neverleftdrafts
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Obviously the lady sucks for the comment she made, she’s fair game, and she also sucks for raising her kid to make faces at people she doesn’t like.
But the kid is 7. It’s not their fault that they didn’t know any better, or that they were unable to control their facial expressions. There was absolutely no reason to yell at a child and tell them that their mother is a bad human being. Just because your response is understandable doesn’t make you not a jerk.
I understand you were having an emotional reaction, but there are much more productive things you could have said if you’d wanted to turn that into a teachable moment for the child or the parent.
It’s really unfortunate but you did scare the child, and that wasn’t fair. I imagine all that this moment has taught this family is that people who eat too much ice cream are scary and yell a lot.” MedicMoth
Another User Comments:
“ESH. C’mon, y’all are in some serious denial here.
I’m no skinny mini, trust me! I’m about 20 pounds overweight, mostly gained over the last two years.
And I’ll be honest — dragging around this extra weight in my midsection often makes me feel like I can hardly breathe!!!
Needing to lose hundreds of pounds should be enough of a warning sign that if OP doesn’t change direction, they’re in for a bad time. We all have our vices, but it’s ultimately life or death in this situation and ignoring the problem will do nothing but compromise their quality of life.
We don’t know exactly what that other woman’s problem was because we weren’t there. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that she was talking specifically about OP’s weight. Someone else here mentioned that maybe the kid had a stomach ache from eating the ice cream. Here in the U.S. it’s 100% likely there were plenty of other chubby folks standing in line.
I wish we could work toward healthier habits and take our lives back instead of passing the buck and patting each other on the back! I’m not fat-shaming! I’m fat, too!! I just wish for better times ahead for all!
Editing to add: You wouldn’t tell your friend who is a pack-a-day smoker, slowly killing himself, “Sure, go ahead and take that extra smoking stick, your black lungs are lovely and perfect just the way they are!! And everyone loves a few good smoking sticks after a hard day’s work!! You deserve it!” Why are we enabling others to kill themselves slowly by constantly making unhealthy food choices?” fuddykreuger
5. AITJ For Getting Upset My SO Put Our Daughter In The Front Seat?
“Yesterday, on the way to an appointment, my SO’s car was damaged and the wheel fell off. It hasn’t been fixed yet, so he can’t drive the car. My SO and his dad have a habit of suggesting we use his pick-up truck to take our 2-year-old places but it doesn’t have a backseat. I’ve mentioned on multiple occasions that I do not feel comfortable putting her in the middle of the truck as it is not safe or legal.
I asked him yesterday to look me in the eye and promise me that he wouldn’t take her anywhere in that truck. He did just that.
While I was working today, I had a feeling that something was up. I called him but he didn’t answer.
I called again to be sure everything was okay and still didn’t get an answer. We share locations with each other so I figured I check just in case because I still had this strange feeling.
His location was about 20 minutes away from our house. I was not too worried as I figured that maybe he borrowed his dad’s truck to take a look at his car since we had left it in a parking lot. Still, I wanted to make sure everything was okay.
I texted him “where are you.” To which he replied that they (him, our daughter, and his dad) were at a restaurant by our house.
This restaurant is within walking distance of both our house and my job so I suggested that I meet them for my lunch break. Immediately, he texted me that they were at a restaurant 20 minutes away. This is when my blood started to boil. I asked (I’ll admit rather angrily) that he answers the phone. When he answered, he had this indignant attitude. I asked how he got to that restaurant and he replied that they took his dad’s truck and put her in the middle.
To prevent me from going completely ballistic, I decided to just hang up. I called my parents to talk me down and they helped. I am still very very angry. I haven’t talked to my SO or his dad about this but I plan to.
When I got home today, I briefly spoke to both before leaving to one of my parent’s houses for the night. Both seemed to not acknowledge what happened and I wanted to give myself time to gather my thoughts.
I suspect that when I do talk to them, I will be the bad guy. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
How could you be? It’s not safe or legal – there should be nothing else to discuss other than how are you supposed to trust them with your child if they can’t understand what they did was wrong? They sound lazy. No matter what they try to say, know that you’re a great mom and that you need to hold your ground!” Substantial_Ad7919
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I remember having to use a joint counseling session to explain to my ex the law regarding child safety seats, and how I expected him always to use an appropriate seat for our six-year-old son, whom he had been allowing to ride in his crappy little truck without a safety seat.
The reason I did it in counseling was in order to have a witness, so that he couldn’t later accuse me of being irrational or enraged.
If your SO persists with this behavior, call the police or highway patrol and ask them to ticket him.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband lied to you. However, it is not illegal for a child to ride in front of a pickup if that is the only option. Turn off airbags, and make sure the child is in the right car seat. I’m not saying it’s the safest, but you’re making out as if your bf is strapping the kids to the roof.” Tresmilks
4. WIBTJ For Firing An Army Vet?
“So, I’m the branch manager for a company, and usually on Friday afternoon/evening I send all of my staff messages (usually in a group because they are multi men crews) lining them up on jobs for the upcoming week. One individual (the army vet) was a no-call no-show come 7:30 Monday morning. Now, I’ve tried my best to hire/support veterans, because it’s clear the govt doesn’t really give 2 craps to help, we’ve got great benefits (access to teledoc, mental health services, and health insurance), and their leadership skills are usually an asset in our industry.
On Monday I called and text him several times but to no avail, he never got back to me. It would ring all the way through and go to voicemail, so I knew his phone wasn’t dead. Same story on Tuesday. He didn’t list any emergency contacts listed on his application, so I’m running out of options here and I already had to eat a crap sandwich from our client on Monday and Tuesday because he hasn’t showed, called, or replied to any of my texts, so I’m a little annoyed.
Wednesday morning rolls around so I’m checking county jails and starting to get concerned for the guy’s well-being, right? Well, my boss and our HR department get involved Wednesday and consider him terminated for job abandonment.
I send one last Hail Mary, asking him to please reach out because I’m genuinely concerned about him. 3 hours later, he responds. He went out somewhere Sunday and when he got home that afternoon, he found his service dog dead.
Didn’t give details on particulars, just that it messed him up and he hasn’t done crap the last 3.5 days.
So I call HR to explain the situation. They tell me it’s up to me if I want to rescind the termination but in their opinion, I shouldn’t.
It should also be noted that he’s no called no showed me once before about a month ago.
Would I be the jerk to uphold his termination?”
Another User Comments:
“You call it “No call no show.” The Navy calls it Unauthorized Absence (UA) and the Army calls it AWOL.
There are a few, very few extenuating circumstances, that can be considered depending on the command… for example, the day after my cat died, I showed up on my ship extremely hung over and missed relieving the watch by over an hour. At least they knew I was on board, though, but I still had to stand a double-watch that day instead of the single one I was supposed to do.
Anyone who has been in the service more than a few years has the importance of being on duty when you‘re supposed to be on duty hammered into their skull. In other words, as a 20 year Navy veteran, I might have more sympathy for the guy if he had never been in the service.
YWNBTJ. However, if you wanted to give him a third chance, and your work has some sort of punishment system (perhaps see if he wants to volunteer for the next charity or community relations project your company does) you could offer him that.
I myself (and plenty of other sailors and soldiers) were given second and third chances. Make it clear that if he doesn’t so much as send a text message, the next time he’s late, you’ll mail his final pay to his address on record.” bovisrex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, someone on my team literally had her father die, while with her, and unexpectedly. She still had the presence of mind to notify me on the first work day, which was the day after it happened, what happened and requested time off, she actually ended up being out for a couple of weeks which was fine because I knew what was going on.
I’ve had people on my team before be really distraught about losing a pet, and I’ve been fine with giving them the time off to grieve.
I get that it’s tough for them, but you tried calling… you were really concerned about this person and they couldn’t find time over 3.5 days to reach out and say what happened.
I’m sorry, but I agree with HR here, because what happens the next time something happens to him that’s traumatic and he just falls off the grid for days at a time? That’s also not fair to anyone else on your team who has to unexpectedly cover for them without knowing how long they’re going to be covering.” Fine_Following_2559
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
A service dog is a family member. Would you fire someone if they just found their sister dead in their home? I have severe depression/ PTSD I rarely answer my phone/text normally. I can’t imagine what he has been through as a vet and the horrors he has experienced and the PTSD he must have from his time in the military but I do know from experience as I also have a service dog, he NEEDED that dog.
It was so much more than just a dog. It was his daily medication. It was his entire reason for getting up in the morning. It was probably his only reason to eat, to make for himself, to survive, to be better. That dog was his entire world and probably at one point his only reason for living. I know my dog was. I can’t imagine how it must have felt to walk into your home and find your reason for living lying dead on your floor and there’s nothing you can do. He is grieving a family member. He is going to need time. Maybe have a little compassion for what he’s been through and what he is currently going through. You won’t seem weak for giving a grieving vet another chance.” Any_Struggle2645
3. AITJ For Not Giving Alternative Options For My Wedding?
“I started talking about my micro-wedding/elopement since spring 2021 (big wedding is supposed to be when the global situation is over and post-Global situation wedding craze is over 2023? 2024? I don’t know).
On Nov 7 when The White House announced that Italian citizens could come to the US, we decided to get married in January so my husband’s mother could come from Italy and attend (she’s older and we didn’t want to put her through the stress of going to Mexico for two weeks in order to enter the US).
I waited until she was in the US before booking anything this way we wouldn’t lose thousands in deposits — Photographer and lodging was nonrefundable.
The day my MIL arrived, I booked everything and called my best friend to confirm our wedding date and ask if she could come. She said yes. I told her we would arrive a few days before the wedding and if she can she should come so we can hang out.
She asked about lodging and I told her she could do a hotel or she could stay with my family and I at a house we booked and we would split it. I sent her the links with prices and dates and she says “it looks beautiful. I love it.” I let her know who was staying. that was the end of the conversation. (A little background- we have traveled three times for her birthday.
Once we took a road trip in the Southwest US and we have gone to the US Virgin Islands for weeklong trips twice for two of her other birthdays. When we stay at an Airbnb with friends everyone splits everything, everyone pays their own way. When she and I stay in hotels together for getaways we split things evenly. She’s also traveled cross country twice for other friends’ weddings and has stayed at hotels in order to attend the weddings- one of these I was a plus 1 and we split everything except the present so I know she has paid for her own lodging for weddings before).
We talk about other things in between but a week before the wedding I remind her of how much it is (220 per night for CO ski town). She tells me she was not expecting this expense because she was already spending 2k between flights, dress (I told her she can wear anything as long as she looks pretty and is warm because it will be outdoors in January) cab to airports and from, expected food and activity expenses.
She lists all her expenses with the price and sends it to me. I tell her I sent her the link with all relevant info before she decided to stay with us and she says that she’ll have to find a way to shorten her stay because she has two rents to pay and other expenses (her bf pulled the trigger on moving in together last minute).
I offer to pay her flight price difference and tell her that I understand if she needs to stay less time. She tells me I should have given alternative options and that she thought we were covering the lodging as a thank you for making her fly cross country in the middle of the week for the wedding. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The bride and groom don’t pay for guests to come to their wedding.
The only thing I’ve heard of sometimes happening is for the bride and groom to pay for people in the wedding party’s flights/lodging if it’s destination…like out of the country destination. And even that doesn’t always happen.
Plus the fact you sent her prices and stuff, she should have known you weren’t going to pay.
Also just a quick aside, “pull the trigger” means they did the thing after considering it, so in her case if her SO decided to not move in with her, “pulled the plug” would probably be the idiom you’re looking for as it means they didn’t do the thing after planning to do the thing.” ss0qH13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ no matter how clear you were and sounds like you were fairly clear it’s still a lot of for someone.
She was probably embarrassed she couldn’t afford it when she added everything up. If you couldn’t afford to help her with more of the expenses if you really wanted her there you should’ve just said that. I’m sorry I can’t help you with more of the expense but I really want you here and I hope you can find a way to make it work. It sounds like you want justification because you’re hurt but I’m sure she’s hurt as well.” Myobright2344
2. AITJ For Being Upset With My Friend For Cancelling A Trip To Just Go With My Ex Best Friend Instead?
“I’d love to hear some more POVs about this because I’ve asked people around me and they all tell me that I’m in the right about this. But because they love me they’re bound to be a bit biased I feel.
My ex-best friend who’ve I had known for over a decade decided to go to a mental health facility at the beginning of February for about 10 weeks.
This period was tough for everybody involved. Me, her family and also her other friends. When she got back at the beginning of May she cut ties with me without really explaining why. We did write letters when she was in the facility and in those letters she wrote that some things had to change, to which I wrote back that I figured they would and that I would love to have a conversation about it so we could both verbalize our needs.
However, that conversation never took place and she cut ties with me just like that. In our last conversation we hugged and told each other that we loved each other, so there wasn’t any sort of bad blood between us. As you can probably imagine I’ve been really sad about that for the last couple of weeks. I did hear a couple of weeks later from an external source that the main reason was my own struggle with mental health and my troubling living situation.
It would have been too much of a trigger for her to worry about my wellbeing and hers at the same time.
Now she, me and another friend were in a friend group of sorts. They got to know each other through me, the other friend is a colleague turned friend, I’ve known her for about 5 years now. My old colleague and I had kind of planned a vacation while my other friend was away.
Originally including my ex-best friend but as she cut ties with me, she was automatically vetoed out of the vacation plans. (This was planned while she was away, we figured she would like a break after she got back. So she didn’t know of the plans at all)
This week, my old colleague called me that she would be going on holiday with my ex-best friend instead of with me and that we could still have a staycation if I wanted.
This however made me quite upset, sadder not really angry. Especially because she didn’t ask if I would be ok with it, the decision was already made. And on top of that, she would be going with my ex-best friend. To me, this just feels like a betrayal. She knows that I’m still in the midst of processing losing my ex-best friend without having a clear reason why.
And then she goes ahead and ditches me to go away with her. At the beginning of the call, she said that I’m allowed to be upset with her. But what I don’t get is that if she already knew that this would be hurtful to me then why would she go ahead and make this decision?
Also just to add a bit more context to this.
My colleague and my ex-best friend have known each other for less than half a year. They got introduced to each other after a birthday getaway of my colleague because I asked if my ex-best friend could come. I did so because I knew by ex-best friend was struggling and I thought that getting her out of the house might be helpful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are entitled to be upset.
You had plans and now feel you’ve been ditched. That said… Did she give you reasons? Is it possible you have blind spots you might want to know about? Is there a good reason they are holidaying together instead (i.e. if it was originally planned as a support holiday for your ex-friend maybe your colleague still wants it to serve that function.)
FYI. I broke off contact with a friend after a period of mental health growth (similar situation).
In my case my issues and hers clashed to become a pretty weird power dynamic. Sometimes I think you gravitate to people who are on the same level as you to be friends but the dynamics can be not healthy when there is one-sided support, or where the friendship becomes more about that, rather than why you became friends, to begin with. It might be a situation where you could grow from if you reflect on how the friendship made you feel.
I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to reach out and say ‘I totally respect you don’t want to be friends but would you be willing to meet, or write me a letter about why. I obviously have blind spots to the situation and it would help me to grow if I know what they are.'” Knickerty-Knackerty
Another User Comments:
“My take on this is going to be blunt:
Your best friend goes to a mental health facility for helping with some kind of issues, tells you in limited correspondence that things between you two need to change, and then goes no contact.
That’s a HUGE red flag. What this seems to imply is that when she told whatever professional was helping her sort through everything about you, they explained to her that the way you treat her is either abusive or warning signs of a potentially abusive relationship.
I’m going to lean strongly towards YTJ, because even with the little info you’ve provided, you’ve implied yourself to be a harasser of some kind.” Diablix
1. AITJ For Threatening To Give My Mom's Dog Away?
“I am 22 years old and live on my parent’s property while they travel for work. My partner lives with me along with my daughter and our dog. I also care for my younger brother who is underaged and lives here as well (he relies on me for food, cleaning and driving).
When I got my dog, Loki, nearly 4 years ago now and got him professionally trained because my mother considered him to be a very naughty dog.
He was never aggressive in any way but chewed on things and didn’t come when called, so I did. I spent nearly 2k on professional training and after he had finished his training I kept up with his training and he became a very well-mannered dog who always listens.
Around the time I got Loki my mum got a new dog. A small chihuahua named Pika. She was a very naughty dog, barking, biting and not listening but my mum didn’t put any effort into training her.
It didn’t bother me until this year when my mum got a new dog and then decided to leave Pika with me while she went away for work this year. She usually takes Pika with her. She told me she was too naughty and she made her new dog even naughtier. She said, “I would do the same for you if you asked” this made me feel incredibly guilty but even after this, I did not say yes.
She eventually left Pika with me anyway even though I continually protested. Now I have had Pika for nearly 4 months and it has been a nightmare. She barks, makes messes everywhere, and chases the neighbors down the street. She also decided that she will only do her business in the house. I have my own family to care for and support adding a naughty dog who doesn’t listen is becoming overwhelming so I told my mum that enough was enough and she needs to take the dog.
My mum said, “She is too naughty” and reminded me that I am living at her house so I can at least take care of the dog. The dog is not getting love or attention here and told her that the dog is depressed and deserves better than this. She then said that I should just start giving her attention and train her. She told me that if she keeps making messes to buy a playpen and lock her up all day and only let her out to do her business.
This got me so angry. I reminded the lengths I went through to get my dog trained to her standards and that leaving the poor animal in a cage all day is a horrible way to live. I then threatened to find Pika another home because my mother doesn’t care about her and she will be better off getting love somewhere else.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for a couple of reasons:
You trained your dog because your mum expected it from you.
She, however, didn’t train her own dog.
It doesn’t sound like your mum gave you any choice and just dumped Pika on you because she got a new dog (who, by the sound of it, she also isn’t training).
The only reason you live there for free is that YOU DO FREE WORK FOR HER!
I would honestly say to her that if she is going to hold that over my head, fine, I’ll start paying rent.
But she can start paying me for my work AND for dog sitting.
Also, I’m not sure if everyone knows what kind of work it is to get your dog really obedient. Yes, you pay for dog training, but all you get is HELP training your dog. You still have to do it yourself because your dog needs to listen to YOU, not the trainer, and you have to continuously keep it up because if you don’t, the dog won’t be trained for very long.” GetThoseCats
Another User Comments:
“ESH… you can’t threaten to get rid of something that doesn’t belong to you, plus you AGREED to care for the dog KNOWING it was not trained… I get why you are upset but you and your entire family are staying under a roof that doesn’t belong to you.
Are you really going to risk being homeless…your mom is crappy because she’s clearly not willing/able to properly care for the dog and suggesting to keep it locked up in the cage will only make it more aggressive.” Prestigious_Phrase_8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
People with dogs that misbehave in this way who do nothing about it don’t deserve to have dogs. She should at the very least attempt to get the dog trained considering she forced you to do it for your dog.
But also, she is allowing you to stay there rent-free, so asking you to care for her dog isn’t a huge ask in comparison to what she could be charging you.
Maybe make a deal with her that you’ll pay for half of a board-and-train for the dog, that way the dog isn’t your problem while it’s being housed by someone else and it’s getting trained, and you still get to stay in the house rent-free.” zebraanddog
Another User Comments:
“YTJ — You, your SO, your child and your dog live in your mother’s house, presumably rent free, and you can’t be bothered by your mom’s chihuahua? You do know that chihuahuas are high strung barkers by nature, right?” IllDivide3316
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