People Are Eager For Our Opinions Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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No matter how hard we try to be good people, there are still a number of people who choose to focus on the terrible things we've done. We can't be certain if they are only filled with hate and misery or if they are simply having fun with the idea that if they only talk about our negative traits and not our positive ones, other people would also hate us. Some of these folks come to us for guidance. They want to know if their actions have earned them hatred. These are their stories. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Sister To My Art Show?

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“I (18f) got into this prestigious art show that I am really excited about. It opens up on Friday and there’s going to be a party, but I didn’t tell my family because I didn’t want my sister (24f) to come.

Long story short, my sister’s autistic. She’s really smart (she went to an Ivy League School!) but does not do well with social cues.

Usually, this leads her to belittle me and be mean. My parents always tell me to get over it, and that since she’s autistic, she can’t help it. But she doesn’t unleash on them the same way that she unleashes on me, so I don’t think they really understand. Every time something good happens to me she just kind of dumps on it/me and she never, ever apologizes.

Anyhow, my parents found out about the art show and got mad at me for not telling them. They told me they’ll be coming to the opening with my sister (since she’s currently living with us). I ended up breaking down and begging them not to bring her. I worked so, so hard for this and since she thinks that my paintings are silly in the first place, I know she’s going to try bringing me down in front of my friends and teachers.

I asked if they could just wait until after the party and go later (the show will be up for a week) but they said they’d be coming to the party. They also said I was being ableist by wanting to exclude my sister. My sister found out and started screaming at me and calling me a jerk for not letting her share this moment with me.

From my point of view, I just want to have a happy night and celebrate this accomplishment, but I don’t know. Everyone in my family’s mad at me so maybe I am the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I hope when you’re able to move out you can cut down on some of your direct contact with these people.

You deserve to enjoy things, and I truly believe autism is irrelevant in this scenario: your sister just sucks. I’m a stranger, but I’m proud of you for getting your artwork into a show. That’s a big deal.” idk2737382936

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your parents and sister are all jerks and you should stand your ground and say that they are not welcome at your show since they don’t respect your achievements and your wishes.

Your parents are the enablers, not you.

Autism is not an excuse for being mean like that, your sister is using it as an excuse because she is choosing to select you as the recipient of her hate and spite. If she has the ability to tell who is who and acts differently/accordingly she is just being spiteful and toxic, (likely stemming from jealousy).

I would look forward to moving out and not looking back as soon as possible.” Piper6728

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

There is a huge difference between having trouble with social skills and intentionally hurting another person. I don’t believe your sister insults you and puts you down because she’s autistic and your parents not listening and respecting you is not okay.

Be proud of your work and surround yourself with your friends and peers who can support you. Maybe even explain how your sister hurts you and what to expect from them if they come to the show. Congratulations on your art show, try to remember how hard you worked and that you deserve this.” herozerocapitalZ

4 points (4 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
Don't give them tickets. I'm ignorant so I'd tell them if they come I'm leaving
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20. AITJ For Not Saying Sorry To My Friend?

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“I’m (16M) and I have a significant other (16F) who I’ve known for a year now. I had a friend (calling them Mia) who I also knew for a year since my SO and Mia have been on the same discord server and met around the same time. All three of us were close friends and I hung out with Mia since they went to the same school as me.

Before I started going out with my SO I had a short crush on my other friend, but it left immediately after I mentioned it to Mia. And my crush on my SO lasted for months but I never told anyone about it.

When I started going out with my SO, I was nervous about telling Mia at first.

It was mostly just me being scared of everyone’s reaction but the main part that made me hesitate was because I playfully drew myself and my SO kissing as a joke (before we started going out) and Mia got uncomfortable. They were saying how us kissing crossed their boundaries and such.

Which obviously made me insecure if I should tell them I’m going out with my friend, now significant other.

So I told my SO about waiting a few days before telling everyone the news, to which she agreed. We only waited about 3 to 4 days before announcing it to everyone. Everyone seemed to receive it well until Mia messaged me personally saying they were hurt about me not telling them sooner and lying to them.

I said that I had reasons for not sharing and told them about what happened with the joke art. However, they kept saying how my relationship was rushed, saying ‘it’s so messed up of you to move on like that, that’s such a jerk thing to do.’ Which I kept saying it’s my relationship with my SO, and it’s our decision.

However, that just made it worse because they keep adding that I didn’t consider their feelings and such. It became a huge argument, they’ll say that they need space (which I respect) but keep texting me about things they don’t like about my relationship and honestly felt as if they wanted me to break up with my SO.

This continued for another 5 days of constant them taking a break, texting me about how screwed up I was for something I did, and taking another break.

On the 5th day, they told me they wanted to not hang out with me as much. Which made me feel horrible, I mean was I really being so harsh? And they were still debating if they wanted to be friends with me still.

Also, as a side note, their friend ended up texting me saying I’m a jerk, how horrible of a friend I was, and just nasty stuff. Which hurt a lot, I mentioned it to Mia and they just said to ignore it. This happened the same day too so it was just a mess throughout the day, I was crying to my grandma worried that I was going to lose my close friend at school.

Affected me so much that I took a break from school that day. However, by the end of class, they texted me saying they wanted to cut ties with me and blocked me.

It’s only been a week since this argument ended and I don’t know if I was being rude. I’m happy with my relationship but I’m still sad that because of it I lost a friend.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ–Sounds like Mia may have had feelings for you. I’m not sure, but their reaction is way over the top. Relationships are personal and between two people. You get to choose when and how you tell people you are in one. Seems to me she is less upset that you didn’t tell them and more upset that you are in one with your SO at all.

The way she texted you so much while saying she needed a break. It suggests she was trying to give you a chance to run back to her and she wanted your attention. Honestly, for the time being, you are better off without them as a friend if this is how they treat you.” ksukitty

3 points (3 votes)
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19. WIBTJ If I Stopped Hanging Out With A Friend Because I Don't Want To Censor Myself?

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“I have an acquaintance who I’m already not very fond of because of them consistently making me uncomfortable (not because of little space or anything like that) and hitting on my partner knowing we’re in a relationship.

So I recently found out they are an age regressor which basically means sometimes they revert to a childlike state but again I don’t completely understand.

Yesterday when I was around them I said a curse word and they got very upset with me. Which honestly did make me upset because I want to be able to speak how I like but I do understand although I am very conflicted. I did not show them that it upset me I just said I was sorry and tried my hardest to not cuss around them again.

Today I wore a painted jean jacket with patches attached. One of the patches is of a skeletal hand flipping the bird. Once they saw this patch they became upset and said they were trying to avoid it and prompted me to cover it. I tried to cover it with my arm but it’s prominently displayed on the front of the jacket.

I didn’t go far out of my way to cover it with paper or anything. There is more but it’s generally the same kind of thing with them getting upset with others for not censoring themselves.

The real question here is would I be the jerk if I tried to not hang out with them when they’re in little space? I just don’t want to have to censor myself or my friends to be around them.

I don’t really like children that aren’t related to me so if I had the choice I would spend as little time with children as possible, so, can this morally extend to them when they’re in little space?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, let the friendship fizzle out, you’re not compatible and that person shouldn’t be censoring other people like that.

It’s fine to not like cursing but it crosses the line when they start trying to censor your clothing.” User

Another User Comments:

“You’re never a jerk for choosing who you spend time with. They want people to cater to them, that isn’t how the world works.

Just like on the internet, if they encounter something that bothers them, it is on them to remove themselves from the situation. It isn’t on you to accommodate their needs.

NTJ” SpaceCrazyArtist

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, that’s totally unacceptable. If you had a friend with anger issues, would you accept them screaming or throwing things around you? Going to guess no. I don’t see much of a difference here.” Plenty_Art_6759

3 points (3 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
Let her go away. I have 2 boys, 8 and 15 and I have so much stuff with cuss words, middle fingers and even have super hero thingy magnets on my fridge. I also have a bad mouth. My sons just ignore it. They really pay no attention even through they know what it is.
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18. AITJ For Being Cold With Someone Who Isn't Treating Me Like A Friend?

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“I (33f) have become really close friends with ‘Bob’ (41m) over the last few months. We met through a horror movie fan club on Meetup that he hosts at his house every Saturday.

When I first met Bob, I thought there was a chance I could be romantically interested in him. I spent New Year’s Eve at his house.

We both got wasted but not excessively so. We ended up cuddling and making out. At that time, he informed me that he was already involved with ‘Gigi’ but they were not currently exclusive.

A couple of days later, he texted to say he and Gigi had decided to be exclusive. I said it really wasn’t a big deal and it was probably for the best since this friend group had become important to me.

Fast forward a few months, and things didn’t work out with Bob and Gigi, I’m still regularly attending movie nights at Bob’s house but nothing further has happened between us. After getting to know Bob better, I was 100% sure I wasn’t interested in going out with him but we became very close friends and established a great connection.

Over time, he’s been making stronger and more frequent hints that he’s still romantically interested in me. I’ve explained multiple times that we aren’t a good match and explained some (but not all because I don’t want to hurt his feelings) of the reasons why. At this point in my life, I know exactly what I want in my next relationship so it’s pretty clear when someone isn’t a good match.

He seemed to understand and accept this and agreed wholeheartedly that we should stay friends.

Since then, however, he has been making continued remarks about wanting to go out with me. He is constantly trying to convince me to spend the night at his house. When I try to talk about past relationships, he accuses me of generalizing all men.

When I talk about recent relationship experiences, he accuses me of not giving anyone a chance.

It became too much for me this past weekend when I tried to have a conversation about a guy I’d just gone out with and why I was trying to decide whether or not I should see him again.

Bob was super argumentative the whole time and I felt very attacked.

We texted the next day and he defended himself by saying that he’s been under a lot of stress but also that he thinks I’m not trying hard enough to understand his perspective. I told him I just want to be treated like any other friend and that he would never get this upset if a guy friend tried to have the same conversation.

I ended up stating that I’m no longer comfortable discussing relationships with him.

I know he’s struggling with mental health and just found out a close friend has cancer but that doesn’t excuse his behavior toward me. I don’t want to have to stop attending movie nights but I’m feeling extremely uncomfortable with the idea of spending time with Bob right now.

AITJ for being distant with my friend and enforcing new boundaries when I feel like he isn’t treating me fairly?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He wants his relationship and you too. He’s using relationship conversations to plead his case. When you try to set boundaries with him, he pleads with mental health issues and stress.

Run the other way, he’s gaslighting you and being manipulative.” unionmom4

Another User Comments:

“In what sense could you be the jerk here? You have made your position quite clear on a number of occasions. Bob apparently thinks that he is owed something romantic (or more likely, inappropriate), and he’s not only ignoring hints but direct conversations.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is sounding something serious.

NTJ, in any sense. Bob is being a full-on creep.” ProbablyLongComment

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You are going to have to stop attending movie nights. That is really all there is to it. You have said no multiple times, and he won’t accept it. The relationship is at the point where it is no longer a positive in either of your lives.

Guys are so stupid sometimes, said me, a guy.” VlaxDrek

2 points (2 votes)
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ankn 1 month ago
NTJ Bob wants you in the sack. He's not going to stop. Quit going to movie nights. Find something else to do and other people to be friends with.
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17. WIBTJ If I Convince My Mom To Divorce Her Husband?

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“A year ago, my mother helped me (20F) and my sister (19F) leave the awful situation we were in with our father and we moved in with her and her current husband. My youngest sister (10F) is her child with this man.

In the past year, I’ve noticed how much they fight.

And it’s a lot. She’s even outright said she had divorce papers waiting for the signature.

He is rude and has the ‘I’m always right’ mentality. Whenever anyone doesn’t agree with him, he either calls them stupid or ignorant, even if they are showing him black-and-white facts. If it doesn’t align at all with what he is saying, then it is wrong.

He doesn’t work, my mother does. He sits at his computer all day, playing computer games. And yet he calls my mother lazy, even though she is in constant pain and tries her best to make due. She is basically a single parent since my youngest sister doesn’t really respect him.

She’s scared of him when he starts yelling and threatening her, but she doesn’t respect him.

When I asked why they were still together, she said it was because she doesn’t want a repeat of what happened between her and my father, which left her with a child neglect charge. (Severe depression with no support network, while my father was deployed.

My sister and I were taken care of, the house not so much. Unfortunately, my father had lots of friends and she had none.)

Here’s where I may become the jerk: I want to push for her to get divorced anyway. Another 7+ years of this guy is going to cause so much pain, for both her and my little sister, who is becoming rather entitled thanks to her father just giving in all the time so he doesn’t have to deal with her.

But I also know it’s her choice, and pushing may seem like I’m not ‘giving him a chance’ or ‘confusing him for my father’, stuff like that.

So, you tell me. WIBTJ if I push for this?”

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ for helping your mother to break the illusion that The Unknown is worse than The Unknown, or to help her realize that she is the boiling frog.

Sit down with yourself and really think about the ways that you’ve witnessed your mother making the biggest changes in her life, and try to replicate that input process for her. Like is she more likely to be receptive to your suggestions if you make them about her, her future, and her kids? Is she capable of perspective, like getting her to imagine herself ten years from now?

Help her out, but take the time to do it in a way that she can hear and internalize, which might not be the first instinct of a protective adult child to do.

You may want to yell and scream, and make it about her (because that’s a pretty normal way for you to feel right now) but that might make her retreat more.

Think about it, and do it right. I wish you luck.” Forsaken_Woodpecker1

Another User Comments:

“Are you and your sister going to help take care of your younger half-sister? Are you going to provide your mother with the support network she is afraid she won’t have? Will you tend to the house while she faces her depression?

You can voice your concerns and express sympathy and empathy for your mother, but pushing her may end up backfiring.

She needs to do it herself.

YTJ if you push, plus you may trigger a psychological defense in your mother where the more you make comments like ‘just leave him already’, she just automatically gets defensive and doubles down. It’s a big leap and she already has trauma from the last time it happened.

That doesn’t mean she shouldn’t do it, just that you can’t make her. You can only support her and help her, and hopefully let her decide to do it.” supermarino

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – explain to her how you and your sister felt in your experience, discuss that this is going to be the example front and center for her daughter to follow, and she’s not helping anyone, including herself to stay around that maltreatment.

You are NTJ for telling her all of this. She might not listen, but it’s important you say your piece. Maybe support your argument with some articles on what damage is done to small children who are surrounded by parents of a terrible marriage. I am not a lawyer but I think her being the only income earner would probably help her get sole custody as well.” ToxicLogics

2 points (2 votes)
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16. AITJ For Seeing No Choice But To Call The Police On My Grandson?

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“I (65F) have been letting my grandson (18M) live with me for the past year and a half. He is not on any leases and he does not pay any bills, my daughter-in-law kicked him out of their home and my son doesn’t want to ‘deal with his issues’. My grandson has made some very bad decisions and had turned to drinking and doing illegal stuff, I sympathize with him, especially since his own parents do not want to help him or do anything for him.

The only people he has are me, his two aunts, and a few cousins. I have convinced him to go to therapy and have entered him into several programs to help him.

He has stolen funds from my purse, he has sold my possessions, and most recently has been staying out way past 4 AM.

I gave him a curfew and locked all of the doors by midnight to discourage him, even going as far as setting up an alarm for the door. He has gotten through that and has started climbing through windows. I finally got fed up and warned him I would call the police the next time he stays out late and climbs in through a window.

Well, he did it again and I kept my word. I want him to get clean and pick himself up and I felt this was the only option. My daughters feel I am being too rough and being a jerk. I can see how calling the police was going too far, but I didn’t know what else to do.

Even his father has to text me calling me awful names for it. I am beginning to think I have made a mistake.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but if he lives there, even if he doesn’t pay bills or is on the lease, he has a legal right to be there, in most states.

Usually, if someone has received mail there, or has an address on their driver’s license they have to be evicted and you could get in legal trouble for barring him from the residence, so please look into your local laws about this.

Furthermore, if your other daughters are calling you out for being fed up with him, why don’t they take him off your hands?

I’m an addict/heavy drinker in recovery and my parents also kicked me out at 18 so I can see both sides of this.

If you would like help gathering resources in your area, feel free to message me. There is a solution!” TMO5565

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, sounds like he needs to be involuntarily committed as an adult, or OP might just have to wait for him to want to get clean & just give him a safe place to stay, a shed in the backyard if he’s choosing to come in late? No in-house privileges until everyone wakes up the next morning, better than him ending up on the streets & his whereabouts being unknown.

The government doesn’t help much here, just locks you up.” Shorty8231

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I’m sorry to say that you can’t make your grandson get clean. He has to have an independent desire for it, as it’s incredibly hard work. He doesn’t want to get clean. He will keep stealing from you, lying to you, and breaking every boundary you set in pursuit of illegal stuff.

I know you want to help him, but unfortunately, you’re just enabling him. After you kick him out, he will steal from his aunts as well. He will keep lying to and stealing from everybody who reaches out to help him until there is no one left to help.

Hopefully, when he winds up in jail for burglary or shoplifting in a few months, he might be more motivated to get clean.

But even then, it often takes several convictions and the threat of real prison time before it sinks in. And with some addicts, it never sinks in, and they wind up in and out of prison for the rest of their lives.

I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this. In a situation like yours, the only loving acts are those that motivate. Kick him out.” TheMidnightHandyman

2 points (2 votes)
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crafteeladee82 1 month ago (Edited)
What you described sounds EXACTLY like my husband's late teens/early adulthood. He was raised by wonderful parents; was very close with his Maternal grandparents and was semi close with his paternal grandmother (grandfather passed very young & granny was a few inches off plum.) NO matter what the circumstances were that started it, he ultimately was addicted to heroin. Multiple rehabs (both "voluntary" & court ordered), 3 prison stints, at least 3 D.O.A.'s and he STILL was using. He stole from just about anybody & everyone he knew (including me! We'd been "in love" since 12 & 13 but not "together" for long periods during this time in his life.) FINALLY, after his last prison stint, he AGAIN started using, but came home one day, fell down the basement stairs at his Grandma's OD'ing! By the time his mom made it to the bottom of the steps, his lips were blue & he wasn't breathing! Fortunately, there was a nurse living next door and she started CPR before EMTs arrived. He was in a coma for about 2 weeks and in fact, his mom had been told she HAD to make the decision of whether to "pull the plug." On the morning that she had made her decision, she called the hospital to tell then she was on the way in (so the Dr would be there to perform the task.) She lived less than 15 mins from the hospital and at the time of her call there had been "no changes" in his status. By the time she reached his room he was sitting up in bed talking and waiting for some food!! He agreed to attend an 18 month "inpatient" rehab in another State and was flown there 2 months after release from the hospital. He successfully completed the program and has been clean for 22 yrs now!!
I tell you this because as others have pointed out, HE HAS TO CHOOSE rehab or it WON'T WORK. Prayerfully he will hit bottom in a less dramatic way then my husband, but until or IF HE MAKES that decision, there is
N-O-T-H-I-N-G you or ANYONE ELSE can do to change his behavior. So, do what you MUST to protect yourself, everyone else be DAMNED!! Good Luck!!
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15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Baby To Attend Events I'm Not Invited To?

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“I (29f) am 8 months pregnant with my first child. My partner (29m) of two years and I have never seen eye to eye with his family. For the most part, I don’t like them because they have disrespected my partner and me on several occasions, and they don’t like me because I am outspoken about it.

Nothing CRAZY or super dramatic has happened aside from a few angry, but not trashy social media messages being exchanged. They have not shown an interest in me or the baby during this entire pregnancy and have barely spoken to him.

My partner and I are now at odds because he wants her to be involved with his family.

I am of the opinion that if I am not welcome or included at a family function, my daughter is not included either, because we are a package deal. She is part of me whether they like it or not. If my partner and I are together and they invite him and my daughter but not me, that is VERY insulting and I don’t want to set the tone for my daughter that I am not valued as her parent, but my partner is.

He refuses to hear me out on this, saying I’m being selfish and they have a reason to ‘not be sure about me,’ even though I have just as many to ‘not be sure about them.’

I haven’t reached out to attempt to mend fences because it is literally an entire family against me for the sole reason that I stand up for myself.

They tend to be passive-aggressive and lowkey insulting and I’m not the type of person that stands for that. I’m also pregnant and have more to worry about than making nice with them. On the other hand, as I stated previously, none of them have tried reaching out to make nice with me or even ask their own brother/son about his baby on the way.

I’m not asking that they try to be my best friend. If I’m invited I will go and be polite and nice and grateful and mingle like a respectful adult. I am not trashy or spiteful. But if my daughter is going somewhere, I expect to also be welcome. Am I the jerk? If we’re both jerks, is there a compromise?

Here’s the backstory for y’all who were asking.

Last 4th of July they invited his ex to a family cookout but did not invite me. At that point, we had NO issue with each other. I’d never even really spoken to his family. My partner expressed that he didn’t want his ex there, and they invited her anyway. He said many times AT the party that he was not comfortable with her there and they all told him to suck it up.

When I voiced to them that this was not only rude to ME as his current partner of over a year, but they should have respected his wishes about it, I received a GIANT, very scathing message from his eldest brother. I replied in kind. No swears were used from either end, nothing trashy was said.

That’s where I’m off on the wrong foot with brother 1.

As far as his mother, last august, she was responsible for watching my partner’s other child (7m) while he started a new job. It was his first day and I was out deep sea fishing for work. She is very volatile and unbalanced and got mad at my partner about something trivial (I honestly can’t remember) and took off to A DIFFERENT STATE, leaving his son with nobody to watch him.

My partner had to go home and lose his job because his mother bailed on a child with absolutely no warning. I voiced my opinions on this as well, because, obviously, it’s super messed up. Because Mom and Brother don’t like, me, brother 2 and all the wives don’t like me either.”

Another User Comments:

“Wait, they want your INFANT daughter to be included in family functions but exclude her mother??

Oh no, you are NTJ.

Put your foot down. If they want her in their lives, they need to be mature enough to treat you respectfully and include you. And I’d seriously doubt your partner is for you if he won’t have your back on this.

If he were serious about you two as a couple, he should have stopped attending most events if his family was pointedly excluding you.

That he wants to take your baby with him and leave you behind too just makes my blood boil. You don’t need coaching to accept this insult – quite the opposite! You are not a vessel for providing a child to that family.” ParsimoniousSalad

Another User Comments:

“Mostly NTJ, but everyone sucks here.

It’s highly doubtful that the entire family takes issue with you solely because you stand up for yourself. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but if that many people have a problem with you, there’s a high likelihood that there’s more to this situation that you’re either choosing to not say or are not self-aware enough to be conscious of.

That said, if they’re being egregiously rude or disrespectful toward you, then that’s really not acceptable.

I will say, I’m going to go against a lot of what folks are saying here: your husband’s side of the family has every right to not get along with you, but still want some sort of familial relationship with their grandaughter/niece/whatever the relation may be.

By demanding that you and your daughter be seen as a package deal, you’re communicating an intent to drive a wedge between her and the rest of her family over your disagreements with each other and that’s setting just as bad of an example for her (if not more so) than for her to occasionally do things with people who don’t like to be around you.

It’s actually very important for her to learn early on that not everyone gets along, family isn’t always tight-knit and as long as there are boundaries and rules put in place (namely disallowing his family from speaking ill of you around your daughter), there’s really nothing wrong with your husband and daughter being able to do things with them without you.

You should absolutely put your foot down in requiring that you be allowed to be present for family gatherings during major holidays, but it’s perfectly fine if your MIL wants to have lunch with your husband and daughter sometimes without you. There’s really nothing wrong with that.” ShadowCoon

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What your partner wants is to continue the toxicity that his family is perpetuating.

And if you allow your child to see them without requiring them to be respectful to you first, then you are also contributing to your daughter growing up in that toxic family environment. You would be enabling and reinforcing it. And nothing you tried to teach her as a parent would ever make a dent.

You can’t teach values that challenge toxicity while simultaneously enabling it. Especially not when the people who are teaching her that toxicity will also be undermining your role as her mom every time they’re around her.

Hold firm to your boundary. It’s the healthy thing to do and the reason your partner is fighting you so hard is because he’s not ready to be healthy with you.” Great_Clue_7064

2 points (2 votes)
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crafteeladee82 1 month ago
When you say you have bigger things to worry about, you hit the nail on the head! A partner who REFUSES to support you - when they already take issue with their parents - ISN'T READY FOR A GROWN UP RELATIONSHIP, MUCH LESS CHILDREN!! Unless you intend for this disrespect for the rest of you and your child's life, I strongly suggest you get the unpredictable outta Dodge now, severing all ties with SO & his OUTRAGEOUSLY TOXIC family!
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14. AITJ For Lying To My Mom That I'll Have Kids One Day?

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“I (21F) recently went home from college for easter weekend. I spent a lot of time with my mom (50sF) and we talked a bit about my relationship with my partner (22M).

For some context, my mom has always wanted my sister and me to have kids. Whenever I was younger and would talk about maybe not wanting kids, my mom would get really sad and say that having kids was the ‘best decision she ever made,’ and that she didn’t want me to miss out, and basically say that she would be really sad if we didn’t have kids.

Here’s the thing… my partner and I have talked about it and we both are in the same boat — our answer at the moment is ‘probably not, unless something big changes.’ We’re still pretty young, so it’s hard to know for sure. Our relationship is very healthy, but we don’t want to risk regret or hurting any future children that we have with our individual issues, and we want financial freedom and other kinds of freedom.

Anyway, while I was home, my mom, sister, and I were watching a show about relationships. We were discussing it, and at one point I said that it’s important that couples agree about wanting kids, because having kids when you don’t want them and not having kids when you do want them are both horrible situations (this was relevant to the show).

My mom turned to me and asked if my partner and I agreed and wanted kids. Stupidly, I was shocked, because I hadn’t even thought about her asking at that point. I didn’t want to upset her because it had been a really rough weekend up until that point for a few reasons, and I really wanted her to be happy.

So I said yes.

My sister very much intends to have kids, so I know my mom will get grandkids. But I feel like now she’s excited at the prospect of me having them too, and I don’t want to disappoint her a few years down the line. AITJ for lying about wanting kids so that I didn’t upset her?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You need to set some serious boundaries with your mom and stop beating around the bush. Nip it in the bud. Tell her the truth, it’s your right to choose whether to have kids or not, and her reaction is her responsibility. By lying, you’re just dragging this out and giving her false hopes, so when the truth’s finally out (and it will) her reaction will be much worse.

Good luck with her.” Tsundere_egg

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The contents and occupancy of your uterus are your decision and you never have to discuss it with someone who has tried to use their relationship with you as a way to force their preference on you. I love my kid so much and she is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me, but my appreciation for the right for people to decide their own path in life was only strengthened in the last 8 years since I got pregnant with my kid…

holy cow, it’s a lot.

You don’t have to decide at your age but I’d rather regret not having kids than regret having them. This is your choice and if you just keep saying, ‘at the right time, we’ll have kids’ she can live in a fantasy land and you can secretly know that ‘never’ is the right time.

And if you change your mind, she doesn’t have the satisfaction of saying I told you so. You have 20+ fertile years when people will question you so having a bland, vague answer until you take measures to permanently prevent pregnancy ready to brush it off is necessary.” wildferalfun

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Parents, please stop making it feel like your kids HAVE to have kids. We’re approaching 8 billion people so we definitely don’t need more. Let it be their choice. And yes I am projecting a lot here but that doesn’t invalidate my point. Your kids do not owe you grandkids and if you think they do then you’re incredibly selfish.

Op sucks for giving mom false hope. It’s one thing if you’re 50/50 on it but sounds more like you’re 30/70. At the very least you could’ve lied better and said you two hadn’t decided yet and you’re still young.” thundaga0

Another User Comments:

“This one’s tough, maybe not the jerk, but I’d say not the right move.

You’re definitely within your right to not have kids if you don’t want them. Your mom will have to come to terms with that, plain and simple. She shouldn’t pressure you to have kids if you don’t want them. Not everyone wants kids and will still have completely fulfilling and loving lives.

Having kids was her best decision, but that does not mean it is everyone’s best decision. And she needs to start understanding that. I also relate to you not wanting to upset her or hurt her further, especially if it was a hard weekend.

However, unless you end up having kids, she is going to be hurt regardless because she has this unrealistic expectation for you, that you said you would do.

I would personally say to her something like ‘I didn’t want to upset you at the moment, and I want to remind you that I’m not doing this because I don’t love or care about you, but I just don’t think having kids is right for me’ or whatever. Because honesty is important, even if it’s something we don’t want to hear.

Of course, saying it with as much kindness and love as possible is a good way to help ease some of the pain. But I wouldn’t want to get her hopes up like this. Again, I relate to not wanting to make her upset at that moment, it can be so hard to do something like that, but leading her on isn’t a good option either.” shezza314

2 points (2 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
Tell her you'll have them if and when you feel that you both or ready mentally and financially. My nephew and his wife have been together since they were 13. They were very adamant that they were never having kids. Fast forward 10 years they have good jobs and their own place. They had to do IVF but they had a beautiful son. He'll be 1 in December. Thr point is you may change your mind. You're young.
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13. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad I'm Never Speaking To Him Again?

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“My stepdad (56m) raised me (33f) from 2 years old when he met my mom. He raised me and my 3 brothers. I am a middle child and I have one younger brother. My stepdad’s sister passed away at the end of February. Since I have been 19 or 20 he distanced himself when he and my mom split.

He moved about 600 miles away when I was around 21 so we only really communicated in phone calls.

So anyway his sister passed away and he called me. I and my siblings jumped into action helping him and his family in any way we could, we called to check on him even though he really didn’t answer many of our calls.

My mom was also there for him and his family and attended the services.

Fast forward 2 weeks my mom passed away. He didn’t let us know he wouldn’t make it back for the funeral until two days before and I would have paid for him to come but he wouldn’t accept any money and said he would try to figure it out.

My mom had been gone since March 10th and it is the end of April now. He has not called, texted, checked on any of us at all, and not even tried to assist with arrangements. When his sister passed my brother gave him his extra car so he could get around and we helped with most of his expenses.

I sent him a message about a month after my mom passed to let him know how I felt about the lack of care he was showing. He was basically the only parent we had left that raised us. I was not disrespectful just let him know it hurt my feeling and I didn’t want to take any attention away from his new family just that we do have feelings.

He never wrote me back instead wrote my little brother and said I was wrong for being hurt, I am just mad he didn’t attend the funeral. Two or three weeks passes and I sent him a final message letting him know I will never speak to him again and that he is to never contact me or my child.

So am I the jerk for feeling like this? He raised me from when I was 2 until I was an adult and this has been a really tough time for me and my siblings and he shows no care or anything towards us.

In addition: when my mom had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital which led to her passing away I had health issues and we were in the same hospital.

I was discharged after two days and spoke to her to let her know I was ok. An hour later she passed away from another heart attack. I still had to get my health in order and deal with all of that and he did not call once.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you’re going through a lot.

Maybe wait until emotions calm down before fully committing to something.

To be clear, his not even responding to you shows how immature he is. I wouldn’t blame you for still wanting to never speak to him after emotions have calmed down. All I’m saying is that you might not be thinking super clearly.

As long as you don’t regret your decision later in life.

Your feelings are valid. He wasn’t there for you when you needed him most. For that, anger is justified, even in less trying times.

I’m sorry for your loss.” IKnowFewThings

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I’m so sorry for your loss… there’s nobody like mom.

Maybe he’s missing her, too and maybe you remind him of her so much that it’s easier on his heart to distance himself from you. It doesn’t make it any better for you but everyone grieves in their own way. I wouldn’t say anything right now since emotions are riding high and give everyone some time to heal a little.” bamakitty99

Another User Comments:

“NTJ— he’s definitely not done the minimally acceptable in this situation. I’m sorry for your loss. I think at this point you’ve had your say, that you’re disappointed and hurt and it’s now up to him to reach out to you if he wants to apologize or give explanations.” Pumpkinkra

2 points (2 votes)
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12. AITJ For Body Shaming My Sister?

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“My (25M) sister (31F) Jess is plus-sized. That has never been the issue but the way she goes about it is. She bullies people skinnier than her telling them things like, ‘they should fatten up’ or ‘I thought you were anorexic for a second’. It has happened to many of the girls in the family.

My parents just excuse it as her just ‘teasing’. I’ve always told them they should stop her behavior before it gets out of hand. Now it has.

My SO (26F) Alyssa is skinny. She has struggled with gaining weight and it is a big insecurity of hers. When Jess is around Alyssa she bullies her.

So I limit the amount of time I’m near Jess. I only see her about once a month or none at all. If I do see her I’ll only talk to her for about 25-30 minutes then make up some excuse.

Two days ago we were at a family dinner. Alyssa came.

It was a dinner to celebrate my cousin’s pregnancy. I liked this cousin so I decided to stay longer than 30 minutes and ignore Jess. Soon enough the comments started. When I was about to say something Alyssa texted me to ignore it so I didn’t start a scene. I could tell that Alyssa was hurt by them but I decided to respect her boundaries.

About 45 minutes in, Jess starts to pile food on Alyssa’s plate with a smirk. ‘If you’re lucky enough maybe you will gain another pound.’ I was annoyed. My parents didn’t say anything. Alyssa ran to the bathroom. Jess just sat there with a nasty smile on her face. I told her that if she was lucky enough she would lose a few hundred and that if anyone didn’t have a right to talk about anyone’s weight it would be her.

Jess’s smile dropped and her ears turned red. Alyssa and I ended up leaving.

After that, I got a bunch of texts from my family calling me names and a body shamer. I’ve never done that to anyone in my life besides Jess at that moment and I’m not that type of person.

Alyssa said that she didn’t think that I was in the wrong and that if the roles were reversed between me and her she would have done the same thing.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hey look, I’m a plus-size girl as well, but my size does not give me the right nor privilege to belittle or put other people below me.

I’ve spent my entire life with people trying to do that to me. What happened here is that the bullied became the bully. It’s common, but not correct. Your sister needs to seriously reevaluate herself and how she treats people. She got a taste of her own medicine and she does not like it.

It costs nothing to be kind. Especially when your size isn’t the societal beauty norm and attracts a lot of negative attention. She needs to get over herself and face reality. Perhaps this is a manifestation of insecurity? Either way, OP, you just did what you could to let her know what she says hurts and I definitely think she should use this as a wake-up call.” LostRose0

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Don’t get me wrong, your sister is the absolute worst and you had every right to insult her and embarrass her at that moment to shut her down. But body shaming does not just hurt the person it is directed at, it hurts anyone who hears it and might share similar insecurities or has a similar body type but did nothing wrong.

Just like how intentionally deadnaming/misgendering a trans person who is being a jerk isn’t cool, because it’s more than just a personal insult, it is an attack on the identity of trans people in general.

There are lots of ways you could have insulted her/harshly put her in her place without body shaming her.

I get that in the heat of the moment that is easier said than done, and clearly, this resentment has been building for a while, so I want to emphasize that she is way more of a jerk than you and overall you did the right thing by standing up for your SO.

But just as her comments speak to the insecurity of your SO, yours may have spoken to the insecurity of an innocent witness to this argument. Just some food for thought.” ReductioAdAbsurdumbo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister is a jerk. Anyone/everyone who called you names & accused you of body shaming is also a jerk.

Your sister is an abusive bully. Her behavior should NEVER be tolerated – not even for a certain number of minutes until it becomes unbearable. The MOMENT she becomes abusive & bullying, she should be shut down. It shouldn’t be allowed to go on.

Any family who has the nerve to call you names & accuse you of body shaming has ZERO credibility.

If they really had a problem with body shaming, they’d have said something to your horrible sister. Are they texting her calling her names & a body shamer? I doubt it. In fact, I’d bet that they don’t say a thing to her.

No one gets to be an adult while consistently behaving in such a deplorable manner without being surrounded by people who enable them to continue to behave deplorably.

If your family had their way, everyone would just quietly take your horrible sister’s abusive bullying & be expected to ‘get over it’ without complaint.

So pathetic that she was allowed to abuse & bully innocent people while her family stands by doing literally nothing. They might as well join in the abuse & bullying. Pathetic.” TheFlamingSquirrel

2 points (2 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
You did the right thing. I'm bigger and never saidbthat to anyone. What a interesting. Tell her if she does it again she will be cut off completely and that includes family gatherings and when you have kids. Tell her she's hurt your SO too many times and it needs to stop. And if the family doesn't like it they can lose contact with you too.
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11. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out Of The Car?

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“I (19f) moved out of my mom’s house a while ago because I got pregnant but I take her to work every day because she watches my son (free of charge) when I ask her, so I think it’s pretty fair.

My mom smoked a lot around us when we were younger and I smoke too but never around my child.

Everybody knows I don’t like that. I don’t like smoking in my car period but if the baby is not in the car I just open the windows.

When I pick my mom up my son is usually still at home but I had him today because his dad wasn’t there. When we picked my mom up everything was good but maybe 10 minutes into the ride she started smoking.

I told her to stop and she didn’t so I rolled down the windows. She got mad because it was ‘messing’ up her smoke.

She finished that one and rolled the window up to smoke another one. I pulled over and told her if she didn’t stop she would have to walk the rest of the way to work (I wasn’t serious) and she said she didn’t care and walked the rest of the way (it was only maybe a 5-minute walk) smoking.

She told my sisters I ‘put her out’, and made her walk and I’m trying to tell her what to do. I explained what happened to my sister (from my pov) and she was basically saying no matter what our mom does, it should never come to me putting her out because she’s our mom.

I just don’t think it matters who it is. If Beyonce got in my car smoking around my little baby and I told her to stop and she didn’t, she would be ‘threatened’ with the ‘walk the rest of the way’ too. I thought I was doing right but all my siblings are DRAGGING me (except my oldest one).

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Smoking harms both the person and the people who breathe in the smoke, as opposed to JUST whoever is doing it, so she’s in the wrong from a health perspective. Also, this is your son we’re talking about, not hers. If you don’t want people smoking around your kid, especially in the car, you have every right to tell them to just walk.

It’s not like you threatened her in a serious manner or anything.” MarblelessHornets

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You’re a jerk, but it’s definitely not for kicking your mom out of the car. You should have booted her out immediately, not put the windows down.

What year is this that people don’t know about the effects of secondhand & thirdhand smoke? Rolling down the windows of your car is not enough to protect the baby.

Also, once you have a kid, their health should immediately become your priority, not your mom’s (or dad)’s feelings. I’m guessing/hoping your siblings don’t have kids of their own.

By the way, hope you realize that your mom is smoking any time she is watching the baby. ‘Free’ is going to have all sorts of healthcare costs down the road.” ECToronto

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but do figure out a way to get someone else to help you with caring for your child because she absolutely is smoking indoors when she takes care of your kid and if she isn’t he is still inhaling the 2nd and 3rd hand smoke coming off her and her home. She is disregarding your son’s health. You did nothing wrong. Your mother doesn’t care about how her smoking harms her kids and grandkids and would rather smoke than get a ride.” pink4pink

2 points (2 votes)
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Foofer 1 month ago
And^^ smoking also damages resale value of car, house, etc. It stinks. Asthma and health issues, etc, ... i have never smoked but previous owner of my house did
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10. WIBTJ If I Wait To Tell My Dad About My Tattoos?

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“So my (19F) mom (48F) and I have always been distant ever since I was a baby. A little back story with me and my mom, we never get along with anything. Almost 99% of the time we’re always either arguing or fighting. Everything I do she always has something to say.

Every little mistake I make/made she’s there to make sure to tell me that I screwed up, even if it’s no big deal. She’s always watching me closely, with whatever it is that I do.

Last year I started getting tattoos, my dad is super religious and thinks that tattoos make your skin looks gross.

He said, ‘you’re just gonna make your skin dirty’. But that’s his opinion, and I respect that. But that doesn’t mean that he’s gonna stop me from getting one. When I decided that I wanna start getting tattoos, I made sure the ones I got were all hidden. In places where I can hide easily with my clothes.

So my dad won’t see it.

I love my dad, but I love me too and tattoos make me happy, and my love for my dad isn’t gonna stop me from doing the things I love/enjoy. Ever since I was little, I’ve always known that someday when I’m older I’ll be getting tattoos.

That was guaranteed. I would always write on my hands, put stickers on my skin, and put temporary tattoos on my skin from this bubble gum from my childhood. And I did.

I showed my mom one of them, in hopes of us starting to be on good terms. I showed her because I wanted to start trusting her and for her to know that that was me trying to open up to her.

She wasn’t happy, she wasn’t angry either, all she said was ‘why would you do that to yourself?’ She was disappointed, that’s it. Then she asked me when I was gonna tell my dad about it, and I told her that I’ll tell him when I’m ready to do so. She agreed with me, then said ‘you better tell him soon though’ then she forgets about the topic.

Fast forward to April. I told my parents I’m moving out by the end of the month, my dad was ok with it, but my mom? Not so much. But she eventually accepted the fact that I’m moving, and so I thought we were gonna have a pretty decent relationship. Little did I know I was wrong.

I have 5 days left before I have to move. And she sends me a text last night saying ‘you better tell your dad about your tattoos… he deserves to know.’ What happened to me saying I’ll tell him when I’m ready to tell him the conversation we had last year? I know my dad won’t have a good reaction when I do tell him about it.

Plus I’m not ready to tell him yet. I know it’s my opinion and my choice to tell him whenever I’m ready to do so. But she’s pressuring me to do it.

If I don’t tell him by next week, I have a feeling that she’ll be the one to tell my dad.

She does like to exaggerate everything. So most likely, if or when she does tell my dad, she’s gonna tell him a whole different story, or somehow make me look bad.

What I wanna do is tell him about it someday, but not right now or next week. I also don’t want my mom to take the chance of explaining the reason why I got tattoos away from me.

So WIBTJ?

I just need opinions on this, possibly any advice as to what I should do too.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Reiterate the decision of your previous discussion with your mom, which was you will let dad know when YOU judge the time to be right. If she spills the beans, without your input, let her know you will not trust her with anything personal ever again.

Be prepared for a confrontation with either her, or with both parents, but hopefully, she will treat you as an adult and keep quiet about YOUR body art.” Not_really1010

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but get your important and valuable stuff and documents out of the house and somewhere safe, now, today. If your parents are this unreasonable about what you do with your body as an adult, AND your mom ‘wasn’t ok’ with you moving out, I wouldn’t be surprised if stuff like your social security card, birth certificate, laptop, etc., started disappearing. You need to get some distance from your parents. Go enjoy your life!” dayofthedeadparty

2 points (2 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
Tell her that you will tell him when it is right for you and if she decides to tell him then you will go NC for 6 mths and stick to it. Every time she betrays you, put her in NC for longer and longer. My son and I have a lot of secrets. I've never told his Dad. It doesn't matter that he is 8 and most of his secrets are crushes and such but I have hos back. On a side note we are out now looking for a suit for pic day to look good for said crush. Lol
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9. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law Out Of My Wedding After She Insulted My Dress?

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“I, (27F), got married last Tuesday. My husband, (29M), and I have been together for 5 years. We immediately got along right when we met each other on a boardwalk. However, my MIL, (56F) has always despised me ever since he invited me for dinner a month into our relationship.

Every time MIL sees me, she always rates me on a scale of 1-10 based on how good she thinks I look.

And this number has never gone over 4. When I first confronted my husband about this, he said he would talk to her about it, but it has never ended. Eventually, he just began to tell me that this is normal for her and that I need to get over it.

Aside from that, she always makes nasty remarks about my weight and my clothes. I consider myself to be a healthy weight, so she clearly has something more against me. As for my clothes, she always shames me while also telling me my clothes are meant for skinny girls. When I told my husband about this, he told me I am beautiful and to not listen to her, but took no further action to make these comments stop.

These are just the basis of things, but my final straw was at my wedding.

I am not a traditional person, so I chose to wear a red dress for my wedding. I am an atheist so I owe nothing to any traditions. This made MIL infuriated. MIL is a strict Christian, my husband is not as much.

She went on throughout the entire ceremony about how I was disgracing the lord with my dress and how I was worshipping the devil with my color choice. She rated me a 0/10 for being a ‘follower of satan’.

The moment I kicked her out came when she walked up to my husband and told him that she is ‘incredibly disappointed in his choice of a wife’.

At that moment I told her to ‘get the heck out of my wedding’. She glared at me in shock but left.

For the rest of my time there, everybody was normal, but the backlash came to me afterward. My husband blew up on me telling me that I could’ve just let it go and dealt with the insult and how I shouldn’t have cursed at her.

His entire side of the family is attacking me and calling me a bad person, but my family and friends all agree with me.

I can somewhat understand why I could be the jerk due to how I cursed at her and handled the situation with disrespect. However, this is the only instance of me ever disrespecting her and she has done it to me plenty of times.

The messages of anger won’t stop coming from my MIL, so, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Unfortunately YTJ even though she was horrible too. But it’s a soft YTJ. If you had just said ‘please leave my wedding’ you wouldn’t be in this situation. Your mother-in-law is no Christian. But you’re in her life forever until she’s 6 feet under and she’s pretty young.

So I’d have a meeting with her and your husband and a neutral third person and get some ground rules: no rating your looks, no comments on your dress or appearance, and whatever you do she doesn’t like you agree to abstain from.” GardenDivaESQ

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Doesn’t sound like this marriage is going to last, unfortunately.

Your husband is a jerk for making you put up with verbal and emotional abuse, instead of putting an end to it. His entire family is toxic.

Either your husband shapes up in a big way and puts a stop to it, or you will either spend the rest of your life being dumped upon, or you get out of this situation as fast as you can.” Windermyr

Another User Comments:

“Can you get an annulment?

This will get worse, not better.

If your husband doesn’t grow some backbone, this will become nightmarish (as if it’s not already). She will nitpick every single thing about your life and your husband is taking her side. It’s one thing to deal with a horrible MIL, it’s another thing entirely to deal with a husband that supports it.

NTJ.” aelib88

2 points (2 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
You were 100% right. thingy her. She has no right to speak to you like that, especially at your wedding. It will get worse. Hubby needs to tell her to knock it off or go NC or I'd go NC with him. This family would never be near my child either.
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8. AITJ For Messing Up My Mom And Aunt's Relationship?

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“Every year my cousins and I go up to Colorado so we can all meet up with each other, this includes all of the aunts and uncles too. Everyone is excited for this point in the year especially since everyone would be there this time. This incident took place not too long ago, when everyone had different little rented houses, and every night the responsibility to cook and invite everyone to dinner switched, so of course, the adults chatted about whatever and the kids would just play around.

We ended up going to my aunt Jenny’s house, which had a small playscape so all of us went to town by going down the slide, swinging on swings, all of that fun stuff. Every kid from the ages of 10-15 did so (I’m not 10, I promise you I was one of the older kids.).

This one cousin everyone hates, named Adam, was the huge troublemaker but his mom failed to realize that and ended up constantly trying to push me off the playscape, not because I was in the way or anything, it was literally just for the reactions of others. So keep in mind this kid is the same age as me, a full-on 15-year-old kid is doing this.

Adam continues to try and throw me off by poking me, pushing me, and yelling at me, and the very last time was the point he succeeded. I ended up pushing him right off the playscape and he started crying. LOUDLY. All the adults and cousins looked at me and Adam’s mom came over to check if he was ok, before yelling ‘Who do you think you are pushing my kid like that?!’ Which was a perfectly reasonable response, but then she really started getting into her role by not even letting me say my side of the story and started yelling at me about how she didn’t like me from the beginning.

My mom, not knowing the situation, and trusting her cousin/practically best friend joined in and also started yelling at me. I had to apologize to Adam and just ended up walking away. On the drive home, I told my mom what happened and I thought it was all over. She ended up confronting my aunt about it and they got into a HUGE fight over it.

Luckily, Adam had no injuries or anything, he ended up perfectly fine. Otherwise, that totally would have been a whole other earful.

I can’t help but think that maybe I should have just shut up and taken the blame, and I didn’t mean to have a whole argument start between them and for them to now start hating each other because of some silly fight.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself. Your Aunt and cousin seem to think they are better than everyone else and to say such a thing to you is grossly inappropriate. I see where her son gets it from, he’s an immature bully.” Safe_Competition_671

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were a kid, they were adults.

Your cousin seemed troubled and your aunt’s reaction toward you was awful! Chances are good there was a history between your mother and aunt and this was the last straw for your mother.” NGDGUnpunished

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were continually bullied, by a young man no less, and stood up for yourself. You should be proud. I’m proud of you. That boy and his mother are the ones deserving of shame. Not you.” CindiCharming

2 points (2 votes)
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Foofer 1 month ago
Shoulda "gone to trial". Where were all your other cousins/witnesses?
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7. AITJ For Ratting Out My Former Friend To Her Boss?

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“So I (19F) have been working in a food truck owned by my uncle and aunt for 6 years. They recently asked me if I wanted to be a manager. I’m really excited about this since it would be a pay raise and I would prove to my parents that I can accomplish something.

Last year one of my close friends (16F) was looking for a job and she applied at the truck. I was a little nervous about her applying because I would be her supervisor but I didn’t say anything because I thought it would be fun to work with her. She and my partner don’t get along very well but they stayed civil with me.

The problem started when my friend would say bad things about my partner to me. I asked her several times to stop because I love him. She kept pushing and pushing. Over the past winter, I went through a dark depression and my partner was the only one who was there for me.

(My friend was too busy with her own partner who she broke up with in December.) I respected that but I decided to keep my distance since I would drop everything for her.

The last time we hung out was in January but I told her before that I couldn’t stay long because I had to go work at my other job.

She said that was okay but when I went to leave she wouldn’t let me and started talking poorly about my partner. I ended up pushing her aside and hurried to work but I was still late. That was my final straw and I decided I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.

Now 2 days ago she was working at the truck until I could get there (I was at my other job.) When I got to the truck she left before I even got inside. I didn’t really think anything of it because it was awkward. But I got inside and she hadn’t done anything.

Clean the food prep space, restock, thaw out the ice, etc. I didn’t want to start anything in case she was super busy before I got there. So I texted my aunt asking if we had been busy (since my friend blocked me), she told me not really and that 16F spent most of her shift reading a book.

I got annoyed and told my aunt what had happened saying that nothing was done and I don’t want 16F to be in trouble but it’s a courtesy thing to clean up, especially when there’s food involved. My aunt said that she would talk to her. But now I’m afraid I went too far.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need to let her know that you’re the manager. She needs to understand clearly what her job entails, and what’s expected of her. I would tell her if she has a problem with it, she can find a job elsewhere.” Noneya_Biddness

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Since you work together at a small business, she should not have you blocked.

You don’t have to chat every day but you should be able to reach her since you are coworkers. In this case, you have to put the friendship/issues aside and think about if she was an employee working under you that you didn’t know. If she was reading all day and didn’t do anything, would you have reacted the same way?

It’s your family’s business and you’re a manager so your responsibility is to make sure things run smoothly.

Just make sure you don’t make it personal on your end. Don’t talk about her to your aunt and uncle unless it’s related to her behavior at work. Make sure everything is documented so she can’t argue that it’s personal but how she perceives you, the manager, talking to your aunt and uncle, the owners, about her behavior at work is up to her and there’s nothing you can do about it but stay professional.” Mithrellas

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your ‘friend’ doesn’t sound like she’s really on your side. You gave her an opportunity and she didn’t live up to her end. If she gives you any heat you are her supervisor. Just fire her.” MockingConvention

1 points (1 votes)
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6. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Rest While Injured?

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“My partner injured her foot yesterday and can hardly walk. It’s painful for her and I see her limping around. She’s had this type of injury before, so she is well aware that if she continues to walk around and push herself, it’s going to get much worse, to the point where she will have to go to the emergency room.

All that said, though, she refuses to rest. She’s a big rock climber–I actually think that is a big reason why she has this injury, as she falls off the wall a lot and uses her feet to climb as well–and insists on going to the gym instead of resting.

We also own two dogs, and instead of just letting me walk them myself–which I am begging her to do–she gets very upset and insists I let her walk them ALONE (we usually just take turns).

This all came to a head when I told her I was going to be upset with her if she went to the gym tonight. She says it’s her body and she should be able to do what she wants, but I can’t help but worry about her and I know that she is going to end up hurting herself.

She ended up canceling, but now neither of us is talking to each other.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your partner pushes through and injures herself worse, it will affect you so you have the right to an opinion – in addition to your concern about her and not looking to see her in pain.

Now, if you want my unsolicited advice, as someone with chronically sprained ankles and a messed up back, I recommend your partner go see a sports physical therapist. She needs to learn how to protect her body and how to take proper care of herself when she’s injured. Physical therapists have the secret user’s manual to our musculoskeletal system and a sports physical therapist has special chapters for athletes.

Every course of PT I’ve done has taught me a boatload. When she’s back in a more receptive mood you might show her this.

Best of luck!” genericusername4197

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be concerned for her health and well-being. It’s also perfectly reasonable for her to look after herself and make her own decisions about if something is too much for her foot or not.

It’s very kind that you’re being empathetic with her, but you also can’t force her to not do something if she is fine to do it. I would maybe talk with her about why she is having such a hard time with taking time to let her body heal. Or what is holding her back from letting herself rest, or letting you help with the dogs or something?

Does she have some anxiety or sadness that maybe she can’t do all the things she thinks she should be able to? Does she think she and her body should be able to handle more or that it somehow makes her weak to ask for help and let herself rest? Has she grown up in an environment like that, and so it’s a learned behavior, and so it’s very hard for her to do things like rest and let you help with the dogs and stuff.

I would just have an open conversation with her about this, because her health is important, and of course, you don’t want her to injure herself further, and to see what is holding her back from even letting you help with the dogs or rest for just a day. But also understand that you can’t force her to stay home or not do something if she ends up getting more injured because of it, that’s the choice she made.

There’s a difference, I guess I’m trying to say, between helping her and being there for her and her health and trying to force her to do things she doesn’t want to. You would be the jerk if you kept trying to force her or guilt her into certain behaviors or actions (like not going to the gym).” shezza314

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your partner is right that it’s ultimately her body and her choice BUT you’re not denying her bodily autonomy. You’re rightfully worried about her behavior causing her pain and directly impacting you (if she gets laid up and can’t contribute to things like walking the dogs etc). You’re clearly coming from a place of being concerned, not controlling.

I get that having a man tell you what to do with your body can be a hot-button issue for a woman, but she’s overreacting. And being a bit selfish to be honest.” Gumpenufer

1 points (1 votes)
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Foofer 1 month ago
Sot down and pour yo heart out
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5. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Don't Want Him Yelling At Me In Front Of Our Kid?

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“I was about to give my toddler a bath and I noticed that he had a soiled diaper, so I closed the diaper again and went to the living room to change him. While I’m getting the things I need, he does something and my husband puts him in time-out.

I go behind him and say ‘hey let me change the diaper first, I didn’t close it properly’ (but he doesn’t hear me because he’s yelling at my toddler) (my toddler is also yelling at him that he needs a diaper change.)

He says he doesn’t care and now the kid is in time out, I follow him and tell him a little louder (but nicely, I just said it like that so he can hear me) ‘hey sorry let me change the diaper’ and he tells me ‘stop let me handle it,’ and I say ‘yes, of course, but at least let me fix…’ He interrupted me and start raising his voice (but super loud ok?) STOP STOP STOP and he didn’t stop yelling until I left (by the way, my toddler, in time out, is still in front of us.)

So I left and when he came back I told him that I didn’t appreciate the way he talked to me, and even though I shouldn’t have intervened and I understand I was wrong, I still didn’t like the way he spoke to me in front of our kid.

He got upset and started saying that I was manipulating him because I was wrong and I deserved it.

And I know I was wrong and I apologized, but he still didn’t acknowledge that yelling at me in front of our child is wrong. He said I deserved it. So, AITJ? Am I really manipulating him?

Ps.

We have a very abusive relationship and even though it’s ‘better’ he still plays the victim all the time, blaming me for the things he has done (I’m going to therapy and my therapist helped me understand that I’m the victim and not the other way around.)”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My heart goes out to you.

You were NOT WRONG. No matter what your toddler did, it doesn’t warrant being yelled at and being forced to remain in a soiled diaper. That’s not how one disciplines a toddler. And that is not how one responds to a spouse. Your husband is a terrible person. Has he physically hurt you or your child? You need to consider an exit plan out of that house and that relationship.

Do you have family or friends that can help you?” Ok_Finance_5188

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

There are few reasons to yell at a child let alone a toddler. There are no reasons to neglect a child/toddler’s health. What did the toddler even do to ‘deserve time out’ in such a short time?

First, he justifies what he did to you because ‘you deserved it’, which is incredibly worrying if you ever looked up a ‘Narcissist’s Prayer’.

Secondly, he is projecting his manipulative behavior onto you.

Your husband should not be allowed to discipline the toddler at all, and his behavior is frankly spoken maltreatment to you and the toddler to the point he needs therapy. If he refuses therapy, investigate divorce attorneys and save yourself years of pain and suffering.” Legitimate-Review-56

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Whatever the toddler did to deserve a time-out, it could have waited until you adjusted his diaper. Also, is your child even old enough to understand that what he did was wrong?

It sounds as if you are raising two children here, your toddler and your husband.

I don’t see that you did ANYTHING wrong here.

It sounds as if your husband was somewhat out of control.

You call this an abusive relationship. Do you really think this is going to get better? What incentive does your husband have to change? You need to think about your future and how much longer you are willing/can live like this.” User

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You for subjecting your child and yourself to this. I know it’s always not so cut and dried when abuse is involved, it can be scary to leave and there may be financial issues or isolation, but ultimately you’re an adult and you have a tiny person that’s your responsibility to protect. Don’t stay for the child or because you hope it gets better. ‘Better’ with an abusive person usually means the abuse just becomes more covert or they’re love-bombing or you’re just dancing pretty enough to please them for a little while. That’s no life.” ConferenceDecent4222

1 points (1 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
You need to start gathering evidence. Get a Nanny cam and start keepijg a diary. You are going to need it when he tries to take your child in thr divorce. If he puts his hands on you or the child call the cops. Do not let him have access alone with him. This is sad. Nobody deserves this. My ex was a controlling narcissist unpredictable. I get it. Please get away from him.
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4. AITJ For Having An Attitude Toward My Mother?

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“So I (24F) came from the shower and as soon as I did my mom (50sF) started yelling, then my brother (22M) came home and she immediately started yelling again. She always does this as she looks for attention and can’t respect that we are adults with lives now, she expects us to do things with her and treats us as if we are still children often.

I have tried to encourage her to find a hobby but she spends most of her free time on social media.

I called her out on it and said in my words ‘why do you always have to yell whenever we leave our rooms or get home, it sounds really annoying’ to which she replied ‘you know how ridiculous you sound when you are talking like that?’ (She is referring to me talking to my friends online as I am trans and use my female voice with them, she absolutely despises when I do and I’m honestly not sure why, and often makes mean comments about it because she is still in denial about me being trans.)

She thinks I’m a jerk for being rude while I think she’s being absolutely ridiculous in how she treats me in general.

Another example of something she pulled is telling me ‘you’ll see how unaccepting I am’ a day before Christmas and then on Christmas, she gave me hello kitty wall decorations I was really happy with, then a few days later after I put them up she said ‘I mean why do you even like these, kinda weird for a grown man to like these things isn’t it?’, or one of the first times I talked online she asked me why I talked like that and ‘won’t people get the wrong idea?’ when the point is that they get the right idea.

These kinds of things are not common but also not uncommon either and happen every once in a while.

Our living arrangement is that we split all bills in 3 and we are all stuck due to the housing market in my country. I am on the waiting list for a house for low income for 3 years now and it takes at least 10 to have a chance.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your mother has a limited and immature idea of gender and is incredibly ignorant. If you and your brother are all equally paying bills together you have every right to have house rules around how she communicates with you both. She is stuck treating you like children when you are equal contributors to the household’s survival.

You need to lay down boundaries about how she talks to you. It sounds like a really crappy living situation you are in but you do hold power as you pay a 3rd of the bills.” pink4pink

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn’t say it in a rude way (in my honest opinion, you would be the jerk if you did because being rude is always being a jerk, even if it is justified). If she hasn’t changed by now she isn’t going to change. Ignorant and annoying people are going to say ignorant and annoying things. The only thing you can do is ignore it and go on with your life until you can get out of there.” poncanach

1 points (1 votes)
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Foofer 1 month ago
Get better job, move out fast as wacky you can, NC
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3. WIBTJ If I Ask My Family To Use Someone Else's Wi-Fi?

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“My fiance and I let his little brother and his brother’s partner stay with us for a couple of weeks while they were in between apartments. Went fine, they were respectful, everything went mostly ok. We had some issues with laundry but we’ve resolved them. Now, they live literally right around the corner.

Because of this, instead of getting wifi set up, the girl parks outside of my house literally all day using my wifi from their truck.

I am home half the day, and it has started to get really disconcerting having someone literally 15 feet from my front door the entire time I’m home.

I can’t relax, I can’t have my curtains open because they can see directly into my living room. All I feel is obligated to let them in and I hate every second of it. I don’t even care if they’re here when I’m gone, I just want some peace of mind when I’m home.

I feel so bad because they’re hard on money but the library is literally a 4-minute walk away and has wifi 24/7.

WIBTJ if I asked them to give me privacy when I’m home, and to go to the library a block away to use the wifi?”

Another User Comments:

“Well NTJ because it’s your home and you can do what you want but you’re going to come out of this being cast as the jerk because at the end of the day it’s Wi-Fi and I’m sure eventually they’ll get their act together and get their own WiFi.

If they’re on hard times right now sacrificing just a bit of privacy to help them get on their feet will go longer in the long run towards building goodwill.

Rather than get selfish or act put out would it be possible to say ‘hey I noticed you’re often outside for Wi-Fi… do you guys need help getting service established at your home?’ Maybe offer that assistance and it might open a conversation in a more natural and light-hearted way about feeling like someone’s always watching you (you can make it a joke and not embarrass her but also put it on her radar that it’s not just unnoticed behavior without it having to be drama).” mashleyd

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If you gave them keys, get them back as soon as possible, change your WiFi password, and don’t give it to them. You may have a problem convincing your fiancé not to give in to them. You already mentioned the library, and coffee shops often have free wifi in exchange for making a purchase.

If you can afford it, offer to get them set up with the internet and get them their own wifi router, and pay for 3 months of service, then it would be their bill to pay.” Safe_Competition_671

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hanging outside using your wifi like that is super rude. Not to mention what neighbors must think.

So do not change the password. Instead, get into the router’s settings and put restrictions on their Mac addresses. They’ll connect but you can restrict internet access to certain time periods or completely block internet access. Raises fewer questions and less likely someone will knock on the door complaining about no internet.” Master-Pick-7918

1 points (1 votes)
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Squidmom 1 month ago
Nope screw them. Them being on it can slow down your work. I'd change the password. I'm surprised the neighbors haven't called the cops for them sitting there all day
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2. WIBTJ If I Tell My Best Friend She's Not Spending Enough Time With Me?

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“I (22F) have been friends with ‘Polly’ (24F) for 2.5 years. I love Polly and spending time with her but things started to change a little bit in January.

Whenever I would ask Polly to go out, get dinner, drinks, etc, she would say she can’t because she is broke. I was okay with it but it hurt me to watch her go out for dinner/drinks/activities with other friends.

I had been asking Polly if we can go away on a trip together since we both needed a getaway. Polly said she would love to, but finances were tight. But 2 weeks later, she and her friend Nicole booked a trip to Miami together.

I am very empathetic about her financial situation, but it hurts when she says no to me due to finances but is doing those things with other friends.

In February. Polly starts going out with a man named Justin (42M).

She and Justin immediately started spending a lot of time together, and he met all of her friends (not me).

I have asked her multiple times to see her, and she says she is with Justin. Last month, she, Justin, Nicole, and their other friends went to dinner, to meet Justin.

When I found out I was not invited, I was crushed. I fought with myself about saying something because I did not want to come off as a controlling, jealous friend.

I relayed my issues to her, and she apologized, said she in no way meant to do that, and did not think about me wanting to go on holiday with her.

We made plans to go for dinner.

Then a week later she says let’s take our little brothers to this arcade. Polly does not speak to her family but spends 1 day a month with her 11-year-old brother. Polly says she doesn’t have much to do/in common with him, so maybe we could do a double play date with my little brother.

I loved the idea, but it felt like a ‘two birds one stone situation’.

She tells me she wants me to meet Justin. I was ecstatic, but it was dinner with friends who had all met him already. This made me feel bad because all the friends got an intimate introduction, not a general greeting at a dinner party.

The dinner party was great, I prepared most of the food, and made all the decorations. Nicole showed up and began complimenting Polly and Justin on everything and insisted on taking photos of the amazing creators and hosts (P and J). This made me feel like all my efforts were lost and not acknowledged.

Today I asked Polly to grab dinner this week so we could talk about it. She said she does not want to eat out before Miami so we can just take a walk. This made me feel upset because she and Justin always eat out. It just seems like there is always an excuse.

I want to talk to her, but she has a history of making me feel inadequate, and always tells me I am overreacting.

Here is where I may be the jerk: I understand people outgrow each other and want to focus on their romantic relationships, but I do not think I am asking for much

AITJ for wanting to speak to her about this, and telling her I feel inadequate?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, sounds like you value your friendship more than she does.

Neither of you is a jerk for it. Not wanting to spend a lot is a valid point. Not wanting to feel left out is also valid. Maybe adjusting your expectations around what time and energy you and Polly will spend on each other might help. Friendships have ebbs and flows.” redsunfish77

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ…

But I don’t think pursuing this is going to help at all or that Polly will be able to provide the resolution that you want.

People go through various phases… you said you become best friends 2.5 years ago. Maybe it worked because you were lonely. Maybe she doesn’t like going out with you, for any number of reasons and not all insulting.

(It could be insulting – you drink too much and are a problem, or not – she just really vibes with Nicole or she’s been in a relationship and you are single/Nicole is not, or whatever).

Also, if she is going out to dinner w/ a 42 and she’s 24, it’s fair to say this doesn’t change her financial status.

It’s like Justin is paying 90%+.

There’s nothing here to show she doesn’t like you, so I would be wary of how this is approached. You’ve indicated situations have changed. We know the world is opening back up. Her schedule is different. (Also, 2.5 years isn’t a long time to know someone.

Maybe Polly is mostly a 1-person kind of person, and that person is her partner or Nicole).” Away_Refuse8493

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, is it possible that her other friends and Justin pay for her things when they go out together? I think if you really just wanted to spend time with her or talk to her then you wouldn’t have been so offended by her offering to take a walk instead of dinner.

I kinda get the vibe that maybe you do tend to overreact and be a little jealous so she’s tiptoeing around your feelings.

Still, no jerks here since that’s just a vibe I picked up on, and it does suck to grow apart from friends without necessarily being anyone’s fault.” Butsrslythough

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

In order to maintain a healthy relationship, even in a platonic friendship, both parties must have their needs met more often than they are not met.

It sounds like Polly tends to prioritize spending time with you very low, while you prioritize spending time with Polly to a far greater degree. Your relationship is uneven, which is completely separate from the specifics of your dynamic and is going to cause problems for your friendship!

You have a right to express how you feel – that you feel more invested in maintaining this friendship than Polly does.

Be prepared to hear her confirm that she is okay with this – it is not a value judgment against you as a person. She may have more going on in her life, she may not be as close with you as you are with her, and she may be a jerk, I don’t know that the truth of it matters anywhere near as much as you surrounding yourself with people who make you feel comfortable and validated, and who you can help to feel comfortable and validated.

Whatever the case, your responsibility is to honestly and without judgment make your issue known, and if she is unwilling to invest more effort into your relationship then definitely try to find more and/or better friends. Sometimes people do grow apart.” illumikitten

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crafteeladee82 1 month ago
My dear, do you need a Mac Truck to hit you to understand that Polly isn't your friends and in the case of the dinner party where YOU did everything but she WILLINGLY took all the praise, SHE IS USING YOU!! You need to chaulk this up to a very painful learning experience and find new friends!! I'd also suggest that you seek some counseling, as this type experience is extremely damaging and you need to learn how to avoid falling right back into a similar trap. Good luck!!
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1. WIBTJ If I Give Back My Baby Shower Gift?

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“I am 5 months pregnant with my first child with my husband, and my MIL and mom hosted a baby shower for me over the weekend. Important context for this post is that while my husband and I have found out the gender of our little one, we are not sharing it with any friends or family until after the birth.

I haven’t even told my mom or hubby’s, parents. But for the sake of this post, it’s important to know we are having a boy.

My mom and MIL planned a potluck-style party, so many of the guests brought food or dessert to share in addition to the shower gift. One of the guests was my MIL’s friend Sharon.

I don’t mind my MIL inviting her since she was so kind to host the party for us, but I’ve never liked Sharon very much. I’ve always thought she was nosy and a bit of a gossip, and I’m a very private person so I get tired of her small talk and invasive questions.

The last time I saw Sharon she congratulated me on my pregnancy and asked if we found out the gender yet. I told her no, and that was true at the time. I haven’t seen Sharon other than in passing or talked about the baby with her since.

I have no idea how she found out the gender of our baby, but on the day of the party, Sharon brought chips and salsa in a blue bowl and gifted us a blue bunny stuffed animal for the baby.

I want to be grateful, but I’m so disappointed that she brought gendered items to my shower and revealed what we are having. After I opened the bunny, my cousin asked me if we were having a boy, and I couldn’t lie to her.

I’m sure Sharon knew we hadn’t revealed the baby’s gender yet, even if she didn’t know we were keeping it to ourselves the whole pregnancy.

Now I’m afraid she’s going to go around telling everyone in my MIL’s family. It just feels so disrespectful. Will I be the jerk if I gave the bunny back, and asked her not to tell anyone?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You have no confirmation that Sharon knew–if you and your husband hadn’t told anyone, how would she have known? You didn’t tell anyone the gender of the child and, as a result, guests were free to bring whatever gifts they wanted, even if they were in colors traditionally associated with one gender or another.

The fact that you made assumptions and then confirmed you are having a boy is on you. And in four months, everyone will know anyway.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“Yep, YTJ.

Wanting other people to think or behave a certain way is the fast track to disappointment. You could have just simply said, ‘we haven’t told anyone the gender of the baby, and I don’t think Sharon knew that when she chose this gift, so I’m going to remain silent on that one.’ Instead, you chose to tell acting like you are compelled.

It’s your internal conflict where you want to control what other people think and know, but you’re simultaneously unable to control your mouth. Quit acting like she hired a PI to steal your medical files.” Friendly_Ad_1542

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You didn’t have to confirm the gender. If she hasn’t confirmed that she knew you were having a boy then she just brought a blue bunny and blue bowl. You’re the one who gave away the gender when you confirmed yes you were having a boy. Toys aren’t always segregated blue for boys and pink for girls. She may have just seen the bunny and picked it up as she liked it.” Reason_Training

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Minxie 1 month ago
Before knowing genders was a thing, it was quite common to be given gifts for a boy, girl, or even gender neutral items at baby showers.

Now, even with the chance to learn the baby's gender, unless the gender has been announced beforehand, it's still common to receive boy, girl or gender neutral gifts. A lot of times, the person gifting these items, chooses their gift based on what they hope you're going to have. In Sharon's case, she liked the blue items & is probably hoping you'll have a boy. That's normal. Your reaction isn't & confirming it with your cousin was all on you.
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