People Confess Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Moments From Everyday Life
26. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband And MIL Secretly Organized My Craft Room?
“MIL “organized” my craft room while we were on vacation. Then my husband lied to me to my face about it.
We moved into a new house a few months ago. I’ve still had many boxes in my craft room to unpack. My husband has asked me before if I wanted help with the room, and I’ve always said no, because I don’t want anyone else messing with my stuff.
I didn’t have the moving company touch it and I intentionally packed it so that I could re-organize it whenever I unpacked it. It would be more difficult for someone who doesn’t know what they’re looking at to go through and try to do something with my stuff. So, my husband decided it would be “helpful” to go behind my back and have his mom do it.
I noticed it as soon as I got home. I asked him if he had his mom do it. He completely lied to my face and told me he hired an organizing company to come in. It’s the most disorganized mess I’ve ever seen. I got suspicious a few days ago whenever it was so poorly organized that there were greeting cards in three different areas of the room.
I decided to go through my husband’s phone, because he kept saying it was this “company he found on a social media page.”
I was curious what “company” he hired and also wanted to verify if it was really MIL like I suspected. Sure enough, it was his mom. I actually don’t know if she just decided to do it, or if he asked her.
I’m seriously upset about it, though. I don’t think I can post SS of their convo, but basically she asked about cameras in our house and was worried I would go back and see it was really her. He said not to worry, I didn’t know how to use the cameras (I do). She said to make sure he sticks to the story of it being an organizing company because “later if you admit it, she’ll hold it against me that I lied to her.” He said not to worry and that he “would take the fall if she ever finds out.”
So who is the jerk here?
I did go through his phone and got very upset and yelled at my husband about it so WIBTJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you’re NTJ but the level of disrespect shown by your husband and MIL is horrifying. I could not tolerate living with someone who goes behind my back to get their own way and then lies to my face about it.
I would ordinarily suggest therapy but in this case it would be too late for me. Good luck.” Leopard-Recent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I have an entire craft room. There is no way my husband or MIL would ever do this. They completely respect that it is my space for that. I like it a certain way.
The only time my husband cleans or organizes in there is if I ask for help otherwise wise he just visits me in there lol. Your husband and MIL were wrong.” brinamachine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband seems to think very little of you. He thinks you’re his poor dumb little wife incapable of using the cameras and organizing your own stuff without people doing it for you against your wishes .
At the very least mother in law should be banned from the house entirely and he needs to find a way to properly apologize to you. And if she ever comes back in the house without you saying it’s ok he should know that means you moving out to protect your privacy. This is the sort of thing that needs harsh consequences immediately or it will get worse” LightEarthWolf96
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Take My Bank Card With Her Money In It?
“My mom (40) and I (19) have been staying at a relative’s house this past month because we’re both just getting out of unpleasant situations.
She doesn’t have her own bank account yet, so I let her use mine to keep her finances in.
Tonight, she did something really foolish that caused her to be thrown out of the house for a while until things calm down (the exact details don’t matter, all you need to know is that it was pretty bad), and she tried to take my card with her because her finances are in my account.
I told her no.
I’ve heard too many stories come directly from her mouth about her losing things just as important as bank cards, especially when she’s inebriated, and I really, really don’t want “Cancel my card and get a new one” to be on my to-do list when neither of us have jobs yet and I’m trying to avoid people.
The fact that I’m pretty upset at her for what she did tonight also plays a factor into my decision. This isn’t the first time she’s done something unpleasant (not of this level, of course) and then ditched me to run away and avoid all the consequences. She acts like as if the fact that I’m 19 means that she can leave me every time she wants for as long as she wants, when all I want right now is to be with her, especially now.
I’m not her piggy bank, I’m her daughter.
My brother’s one of the people she’s been complaining to, though, because he sent me a text a while ago telling me I should have trusted her with it instead of “stirring the pot and making things worse,” especially since it still has her finances in it (which, to be clear, I don’t intend on spending at all.).
No clue how many other people she’s told, but I heard her call me an ungrateful jerk when she walked out of the house, so probably a lot by now.
(But even then, she accidentally spent 20 dollars of MY money on junk food earlier this week and she still hasn’t paid me back for that, yet.)
Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It might be her finances, but it is still your bank account. Protecting that account is on you. If you can’t trust your mom to be responsible with your card, then it was a good idea to not let her have the card. If she’s not happy with the arrangement, she can always ask you to give her back her finances and carry it around in an envelope…” brisemartel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your brother cares so much he can give his bank card. Free finances for financially irresponsible people causes nothing but more dependency and entitlement on the receiver’s part. Oh, and give her the finances that’s her’s and keep your finances separate.” 295Phoenix
24. AITJ For Not Bathing Our Flea-Infested Dogs Because I'm Overwhelmed With School and Work?
“I, 22F still live with my mom(40) & her partner(44).
I’m a full-time student in college with aid & I also work part-time at my school for extra cash so I can save. Now in the summer semester (full-time) while still working, I’m so busy when it comes to focusing on classes & getting to/from work that I’m stressed/tired constantly. Also, I still do the dishes at times, clean up the trash, feed/take the dogs out,& babysit my sister (9) every Sunday for free!
I bring this up because my mom and her partner have both worked in retail for decades. The issue with this is that they come home after a full 8hr shift (5 days a wk) & complain about being tired. That’s when they both resort to drinking & complaining about life until bedtime, then repeat ad-nauseam.
They constantly complain about being tired all the time & I suggest they try & get a different job – of that depressing loop of life. They’ve become addicted to drinking their life away & complaining that nothing in the house seems to get done. I try to be a role model for my sister but it’s hard when her parents act the way they do.
My brother (18) also lives in the house but contributes nothing, while partying 24/7 (no school or job).
Anyway, our 2 dogs recently got bad fleas. One shorthair and another longhair. One has it worse and he’s attached to my hip & favorites me over everyone. My mom recently bought soap so we can bathe them, assuming I would do it.
However, I have been constantly reminding her that I’m busy keeping up with school & work that I won’t have time & that maybe someone like my brother or them could bathe them. Her excuse is that they’re tired, they can’t control my brother, and I should find time to do it. Meanwhile, nothing is getting done & they choose to drink instead of take care of the pets, placing the blame on me.
However, school has been taking 90% of my time every week.
Part of me wants to refuse to do anything in the apt like washing the dishes, babysitting, & every other little thing I do JUST to see how my mom would react. My problem is that the dogs aren’t getting any better & I’m not finished with my semester until mid-July.
So that goes back to my question, AITJ for not giving my dogs with fleas a bath?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. you probably could have bathed them in the time it took you to write this post. Honestly, your life kind of sucks and you sound overwhelmed and it’s not fair. But it’s not fair for your little doggie friends, please take care of them.” RainCityMomWriter
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here You guys should not have any pets probably. Also you said you work to save, if that means you live rent-free you don’ t help around for free technically, you do it for accommodation. Now of course your parents are jerks for multiple things, not treating you and your brother the same since you are both adults , for drinking habits…your brother is obviously a lazy sod if he just lies around not working, not studying, not helping with chores.
But the dogs did nothing to any of you, if you feel like you guys can’t take care of them due to other commitments or lack of care you should cosider re-homing them to someone who would give them care instead of letting them rott and suffer in fleas.” MousingJoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I can guarantee they’re tired from their drinking not from work.
Please help those dogs though. It’s not their fault your family are neglectful jerks.” Desperate_Show3047
So your tired from work amd school and being a parent to the kiddo.... why don't you and sister bath the dogs... then stop doing crap for the party boy if you do that too... and get saving and as soon as you can move out.. also please treat the dogs for gods sake it's not their fault they got fleas and are owned by 2 alcoholic adults a teenage boy who is selfish and a young woman who's drowning under work and school and house chores too....
23. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Brother's "Overflow" Wedding?
“My (23F) brother (30M) had been planning a wedding with his (26F) fiancee for a year. My brother and I have never been close because of our age difference, but it’s not like we don’t get along. They’d been together for a few years, and his fiancee wanted to have this giant wedding with all of our family and hers plus friends, plus ones, etc., but they really couldn’t afford it.
They finally agreed to have this wedding at a venue that is somewhat small and they can afford it, but it does not allow more than 100 people in it at a time.
I guess her and her parents were upset about this because more than 100 people just in her family/friend list needed to be invited and their plus ones.
So they made a compromise where some guests would be a part of the 100, and the rest of the guests would be in the “overflow wedding” so they would still be invited, but wouldn’t mess up this limit the venue has. The guests in that overflow room would watch the ceremony on a livestream video projected into this movie theater nearby the venue that they would rent out.
I guess renting out a room in a theater is cheaper?? Idk.
Apparently her list is the most important, so I was invited to the overflow wedding???? I was upset about this, and I asked him what this was about when we were at my dad’s birthday party 2 weeks after I got the invite. He said it was fine because I could go to the reception.
I told him that it was the principle. I am his immediate family so I should be able to go to the normal venue. He told me that he needs to make her family happy, and that I should understand. Then he said we’re not that close of family, anyway, and that she needs to be happy on her wedding.
So basically, I told him that I will not be attending the wedding, and that I should get to go to the main ceremony. He got mad at me and we were yelling fighting. Multiple people at the party yelled at me for making a scene and that it is “Her day” and I should be grateful for even getting to go to the overflow wedding.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there are 100 people in their lives who are more important to them than you, then they won’t miss you at the wedding. This whole overflow reception feels like a shameless gift grab. If you’re watching on livestream from a completely different place, it’s not like it makes any difference to them whether you’re there or not.” atomic_golfcart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ first of all, it’s not just “her day”. The minimum the bride needs for a wedding is a groom ( or another bride, if that’s the way she sails), which makes it ” their day”. Secondly, it’s just common sense to have a wedding you can afford. If you can only afford 100 people, trim the list. And finally, an overflow wedding with only select guests being at the actual venue is an idea that would give Miss Manners the vapors .
Unless you’re marrying the king of England, your marriage shouldn’t be televised.” Smudgikins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow – overflow wedding. That is new to me. And how horrible! I’d refuse as well. And I wouldn’t send a gift because that is freaking rude. He has to keep HER and HER family happy? What about his happiness and the happiness of his family?
This doesn’t bode well for the long term.” Foggy_Radish
22. AITJ For Saying No To A New Puppy My Husband Wants?
“My husband’s dog passed away on Easter this year after 14 loyal years. I say husband’s dog because he was around before I was and although I was the one who took care of him 70% of the time due to my husband’s work travel, the dog was never fond of me.
It was a lot of work to care for an aging dog who showed no real affection towards me, but I still loved him and did it happily. We have another dog that’s 10 now and we got her together, she’s always been “my dog,” even though we got her together.
With two small kids, another dog, my own career, I’m just sort of enjoying not having yet another creature to care for.
Unbeknownst to me, my husband signed up on the waiting list for a puppy from the breeders where our in-laws got their dog last year. He found out today that he has a dog available for him to purchase at the end of August. It was always our plan to discuss and decide on our next dog in August, not get one in August. He tells me two days ago and says I have to say yes or no by today.
I am neck deep in work stuff this week and leaving for a 5 night work trip, and he sprung this on me.
I am not interested in this particular puppy, it’s not a specific breed, or an older rescue that we can predict how it’ll be with small kids. I’m personally not ready for another dog and it’s going to be a big dog.
I thought saying no would be understood, but he got really emotional and stayed at a hotel last night.
I don’t think I’m being selfish in saying no to this dog, it’s not no forever, just a no until we can decide on the right dog together. I don’t like that he only gave me 48hrs when he knew about this for a month.
He wants this specific dog too because it’s the same parents and thus the sibling to his dad’s dog and the last litter that will be bred with these two dogs.
My husband can be dramatic to get his way, but he has never stayed at a hotel to manipulate a situation. It just really took me by surprise.
So AITJ for saying no to this puppy he clearly really wants?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now. There will always be more dogs around to adopt. Who does he think is going to raise and train this puppy? Have you ever had a serious discussion about how much care you had to take of his last dog?
Is he planning to help with the dirty work like housebreaking, or is he just going to cuddle the puppy and leave you to do all the work?” library_wench
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Getting a dog is not a “fun spontaneous purchase”. It’s a commitment. If you are not ready and the dog doesn’t match you lifestyle, then it’s 100% wrong to adopt him.
Your husband needs to understand that a dog must be an unanimous decision. He should have communicated with you better, it’s on him.” MaybeAWalrus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband sounds very manipulative, you should talk to him about it. It is not normal behaviour to go stay at a hotel if he doesn’t get to have the puppy he wanted on a 48 hours notice.
Even if he is emotional, he made a decision to go behind your back signing up for the waiting list” Sara_1987
21. AITJ For Buying My Roommate's Partner A Goodbye Gift?
“Some background: I (22M) have known this friend (we’ll call Tom) (23M) for about four years. We got randomly matched to be roommates in college and we hit it off pretty well and I’ve been friends with him since.
After we left the dorms we got a place close to campus together.
Tom met a woman (21F) (we’ll call Sally) about a year and a half ago and she’s been great. T isn’t the most neat and orderly person but she’s whipped him into shape pretty quickly.
Over time Sally and I became friends, we have a lot of common interests and talk whenever we get a second to catch up.
She loves puzzles and these ice cream treats called Dibbs.
Unfortunately school is now over and I’ve got my degree so it’s time to move on. I figured that before I left I should get my friends a gift. I’ve never been great at verbally expressing how I feel because it makes me uncomfortable and giving a gift is the best way I know how to do it.
I bought Tom a pocket knife and a sharpener and I bought Sally a big puzzle and a pack of the ice cream she liked.
She was really excited and gave me a hug. Tom thanked me for the gift but seemed a little off.
Later on he said he wanted to talk to me and he chewed me out for “trying to make him look bad“
Tom is less financially secure than myself so he doesn’t have a lot of money to spend on S. The gifts weren’t anything super expensive.
I continually try to assure him that there is no ulterior motive to the gift but that I just wanted to thank them for being good friends to me.
Unfortunately my mind tends to wander and looking back I’m not entirely sure that it was appropriate. I’m just looking for opinions. Do you think that I was out of line?
I would also like to be clear about something, I have never seen Sally as a potential romantic partner. It is always been a purely platonic friendship.
TLDR: I bought my friends from college presents before I move out and my friend got mad that I bought his partner some thing because he thought that I was trying to make him look bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had good intentions and wanted to show your appreciation to both your friend and his partner before you moved out.
The gifts you chose were thoughtful and not extravagant. It’s unfortunate that your friend took it the wrong way and accused you of trying to make him look bad. You made it clear that your friendship with Sally is purely platonic, so there should be no reason for him to feel threatened. It’s important for him to understand that giving gifts is a way to express gratitude and not a competition.
Hopefully, he will realize this and apologize for overreacting.” yeeyeemanfrommars
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You bought Sally a puzzle book and ice cream and your friend is upset. This was a goodbye gift. I mean things will change now that you have moved out. I think it was a nice gesture. You got them BOTH goodbye gifts.
There is nothing romantic about a puzzle book and ice cream.” Wishiwashome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This would be YTJ if you’re constantly buying her gifts for every occasion. But just once when moving out? That’s just nice gesture. Your little dude is just insecure.” TrueTurtleKing
20. AITJ For Confronting a Girl Who Purposely Messed Up Our Musical Performance?
“I was recently in a week long musical theater workshop where we worked on three songs to perform at the end of the week. All of the songs we did had at least one or two solo parts.
Throughout the week I could hear this girl Liv complaining about how she never got a solo part and wanted one really bad. From what I saw in the workshop most of the people who got solos received them because they worked hard to show that they were fit to get a solo or they showcased why they would be good for a solo part.
When it came time for the performance all of the solo parts had been assigned and Liv did not have one. I don’t have a clear reason as to why she didn’t get one but I think it might be because she didn’t put in the effort to try and get one.
One of the songs we are doing for the performance is “ Day by Day” from Godspell. This song has a lot of breaking off into small groups to sing different parts. During the song there is a main group of five that sing the lead part while myself and others sing break off into two groups to sing different background parts.
I am supposed to break off in a group with Liv and some others to sing our parts. During the performance Liv stayed with the main five people singing the lead even though she was not supposed to. Later after the performance I went up to her and asked her what happened and she rolled her eyes and said in a very unconvincing tone that she was just confused mine you that when we had rehearsed less than 30 minutes before the performance she knew exactly where to go and what part to sing.
Many other members were also upset with her for messing up since she threw many people off and many people including myself could tell she did it because she wanted a solo but did not put in the work to get one. AITJ for confronting her about her “ mistake” or should I just have let it be?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d just move past it. She clearly did it for attention and by talking about it you are feeding into the narrative she is crafting. “These people are so mean, they keep bringing up how I got confused and made a simple mistake that no-one noticed and they are purposely excluding me from having a solo because they hate me and don’t want me to succeed.”” poillord
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you confronted Liv about her actions during the performance. Her decision to deviate from the assigned parts not only disrupted the overall performance but also showed a lack of respect for the collective effort of the group. It’s important to address such behavior to maintain accountability and ensure everyone’s hard work is not undermined.” TransferPaper
19. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Friend Who's Overstaying His Welcome?
“My friend has recently come to the city, and he is staying with me for a while. We have been friends for a long time but I have never spent time like this being in the same place at all times. I am a very chill person and honestly, I don’t really care about many things but there are a few things that have upset me about him that I don’t want to live with him even for a few more weeks.
Before getting into anything, I was super upset by the way he manipulated his way to stay with me for a while. He never saw my new place, so he texted me that he wants to come and see my new place. He came, and we stayed for a couple of hours, he never mentioned a word about moving in temporarily, all of the sudden after we were out of the building and he was about to get into his uber, he said is it ok I come and stay here for awhile till I find my own place.
and I said sure, but once I process how he went about this whole thing, I felt really disgusted that why he didn’t mention anything in that two hours we were inside the building.
Anyways, he came and he is staying with me. But instead of looking for a new place, all he does is be on his phone and computer all day.
And only goes out to get food for himself. He is really bringing the whole house’s energy down by constantly being on his phone. And him going out and getting food himself while there are two of us here is kinda disrespectful. Honestly based on his reaction to a couple of times I gave him food was that my food wasn’t “healthy” enough for him so now he just gets food outside!
.
On one hand, I feel bad just telling him to leave, but I know his family is wealthy enough to live even in a hotel for a month. It just has been messing up with my mental health, I work hard to keep my place clean and nice, but he does the bare minimum. He really treats it as a campus dorm.
Any suggestion on what I should do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To put it bluntly: he’s taking advantage of you, and he does not respect you. Not only are you within your rights to tell him to get out, you’re spitting on your own dignity if you don’t.” plague-dog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s completely taking advantage of you.
But you are in a tough spot since you said it was okay initially. I would say that after a month or so, you’d be well within your right to ask him to leave. Especially since you know he has money.” Sara_Summers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is taking advantage of you.
He has mistook your kindness for weakness in the process. This is not how friendship works. If he cannot respect you, then it’s time to cut ties with him and remove him from your life.” Popular_Document1399
18. AITJ For Driving Below Speed Limit Due to Deer and Poor Visibility?
“It’s around 2 AM in the morning. The speed limit is 55 mph.
There’s an unusual amount of deer near the road. The road I’m traveling is primarily 2 lanes (1 lane going one way and the other going the other way). Another car approaches me from behind, with the driver getting super close. It’s like this for a little while. There are no other cars going in either direction aside from us, so he has plenty of room and time to pass me.
He doesn’t and continues to drive super close to my vehicle. A few moments later, I see a deer near the side of the road. I get a weird feeling that the deer is going to bolt in front of me so I slow down.
Well, the feeling didn’t pan out and now I’m going about (a little above) 50 mph.
However, now there are cars approaching me on the other side of the road. Four vehicles pass with the fourth having their bright lights on and now I can’t see. So I slow down a little bit further and veer toward the right most of my lane. At this point I’m driving at 50 mph. The speed limit is 55 mph.
Gradually I begin to increase my speed. Regardless, the car behind me isn’t happy. He passes, gets in front of me, and then slams on his brakes…hard. We come to a complete stop.
The driver is now right in front of me. He pulls over to the side of the road. I’m not sure what’s going on so I inch forward slowly.
As I’m going by, the driver rolls down his window and starts shouting at me. I have my windows rolled up, so I can’t really hear what he’s saying. That being said, it sounds like “why are you driving so slow?” or “get off the road”. I’m scared now. I continue on, doing my best not to speed away, just focusing on getting away.
The driver speeds up behind me, rides my car for about a minute before finally passing me, nearly missing the front of my car as he does so. The driver then speeds away, driving super fast-a lot faster than the 55 mph speed limit.
Was I the jerk in this scenario?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s free to pass you if he’s unhappy with the speed you’re driving.
I met up with a friend a few years ago, after he’d done a few hours driving along similar rural roads in the pre-dawn hours. He showed up with his front passenger door stove in, the front passenger window missing, and the passenger side front quarter of his car pretty well beat up. It was a deer.
I don’t blame you for being a little cautious.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if the speed limit is 55, then you are absolutely fine to do 50, particularly on a rural road at night. When a road is unfamiliar it makes sense to go carefully. But your fear is a little unnecessary. The guy was a jerk, yes.
Particularly since he wanted to speed more than the speed limit on a rural country road. There are plenty of jerks everywhere though. You don’t need to live in fear that every jerk is going to hurt you whoever you are. If you really do have that much fear, then please see a mental health professional.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Five under isn’t unreasonable, especially when there are deer all over the place. If you were going like half the speed limit that could be dangerous but you weren’t. His behavior was insane and dangerous and wrong under any circumstances. You absolutely did the right thing by not stopping. Stay safe.” CumulativeHazard
If a driver ever behaves like that again - especially stopping in front of you - call the police, sheriff, or highway patrol immediately. Angry drivers are dangerous in many ways.
17. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mom For Throwing Out My Prescribed Acne Medication?
“I, f16, and my mother, f47 are very close, and I love her dearly.
Unfortunately, this does not excuse her recent actions. Over the years, my mother made it very clear that she did not like it when I bought skincare items for myself. I was very insecure about my face, and being friends with people who had glass skin and little to no acne did not make me feel any better about myself.
I felt like I didn’t belong with them, but I am not blaming them for my insecurities.
When I found out I had to use prescribed medication for my skin, my mother told me that I was lucky our insurance covered the costs because she would have never used a penny for it. I ignored the comment because it sounded like she was in a playful mood at the moment, but the longer I analyzed the comment, the more I disliked it.
The medication made me feel better about myself, and she knew it. I was able to feel more confident in my skin, and she didn’t like that. I was overwhelmed by her love and didn’t see the overbearing disgust she had. When I received the medication, and placed it on the bathroom shelf(keep in mind, the medication was a bar of soap and a roller).
A MONTH later, she decides to throw the bar of soap in the garbage, and not even bother to tell me. I confronted her, and she answered with the following words, “It was taking too much space.” I went back to the shelf and saw a row of space. I explained to my mother that it was a bad move she just pulled and that I didn’t want to speak to her anymore.
I immediately got ready for my job, as it was a getaway. I didn’t even bother to say goodbye, as I was super upset. The thing that bothers me the most isn’t that she threw it out, it was that if I didn’t ask her what had happened, she would have never told me. She would have acted like nothing had ever happened, disregarding my feelings, and would have moved on with her life, fully knowing she caused me pain.
I’m writing this during my break, and I don’t know what I should do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom is moving mad. Is she jealous of you or something? Is there any precedent whatsoever for something like this with her? It’s so weird. I’m sorry this happened, sounds super frustrating.” s3aswimming
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is truly heartbreaking how many parents, for whatever reason, do not think their children deserve any help to improve on what nature gave them. Crooked teeth—live with them. Acne—live with it. Rotten tonsils—live with them. Broken arm—live with it.” lonnielee3
16. AITJ For Taking Full Guardianship of My Younger Brother?
“I (23M) recently moved to Bulgaria, I’m completely NC with my family ever since I was 18, I’m pretty well-off and they know it, which has lead my father (mid 50s abusive jerk you know the drill) which was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer to ask me to financially take care of my brother (11M).
Brother and I were really close back when we lived together and even to this date he would call me once a week to play games with him (when I still lived in Brazil and lag wasn’t a massive issue for us).
So I took some time off work and flew back to Brazil to catch up with my brother, I booked us a nice hotel to stay in and all that, when talking to him about what our father asked me I asked how the family treated him, and it was all a pretty familiar tale that had happened to me before as well and tldr: he hates them.
A while after that met up with father on the hospital, some family members were there including mother (also mid 50s abusive jerk), and told them I’d financially take care of my brother untill he finished college, pay for everything, rent, food, schools, tutors, absolutely everything, to which everyone cheered, but then I dropped the condition on them, I would only do so if father and mother give me his full guardianship and let me take him with me back to Bulgaria, where he would live with me till he was done with school and I’d pay his rent and everything he needed to go to college anywhere he wanted in Europe, furthermore, our entire family would only be allowed to contact him under my supervision and if he wished to be contacted, if he said no, it was a no. Everyone basically jumped at me, my uncle even tried to physically remove me from the room, but father agreed (to the shock of my mother) a few days go by and my cancer of a father (pun intended) probably did some nasty things to mother since she decided to agree as well.
Everyone thinks I’m a jerk, brother’s with me now just enjoying our few days left here in Brazil, everything is payed for and signed already. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re rescuing your brother from a toxic and abusive life and giving him a life full of love. Now, I know you mentioned getting him therapy, but I would also recommend that you get therapy, if you haven’t already.
And maybe get family therapy with your brother so you two can learn how to navigate this major change together.” PogIsGreat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You end your post saying everyone thinks your an jerk. That’s patently not true. Your brother certainly doesn’t think that, in fact, I’d bet he thinks you’re a hero.
Apart from being the best big brother ever, that is. You and your brother deserve a good life. Go live it, and don’t worry about anything or anyone else.” PresentEfficient9321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a hero. The family must have had some plan to keep your brother and swindle money out of you, supposedly to use in raising him, but of course simply to support their shopping sprees.
That’s why uncle was so enraged. Family fights are always about control or money, often both.” RealbadtheBandit
Your uncle and others were mad because you prevented them from using you. Go NC with them all.
This internet stranger is proud of the man you've become in spite of your parents and upbringing.
15. AITJ For Refusing To Legally Adopt My Wife's Niece Due To Financial Constraints?
“I (46M) am married to my amazing wife (44F). My wife had a twin sister who had unfortunately passed from child birth, however Mike (47M) who was 30 at the time really stepped up for the first three years of Sarah’s (17F) life.
Sarah’s paternal and maternal grandparents and my wife also were stepping up to help out Mike. I helped out occasionally but not as much as my wife because I didn’t want to overstep. When Sarah was 1 my wife got pregnant and we started focusing on our baby.
Everything went smoothly for Mike, until Tracey (42F) 25 at the time, came into the picture.
Tracey was an ok step mother but really didn’t care. But I guess one day Tracey gave Mike an ultimatum between her and Sarah, Mike immediately drove Sarah to her maternal grandparents house, told her to “sit and wait for grandma and grandpa,” and then left. After a week it was decided that me and my wife would take care of her and my son got an older sister.
Sarah was like a daughter to me and my wife, and called us mom and dad. We did not need to legally adopt her because Mike didn’t want her and still to this day could not give a darn about Sarah.
Her bio paternal grandparents reached out to us asking to be in Sarah’s life which we agreed. Sarah has always known of Mike but never reached out.
A week ago Sarah sat us down and asked us to legally adopt her. That was a no. We can’t afford the adoption process or let alone lawyers. Yesterday during dinner she left the house to go spend the night at her grandmother’s. We had explained to her that she doesn’t need any fancy papers to be our daughter and we love her as one.
She may not be our blood daughter but she’s just as important to us as our son, if that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t have taught her Italian and my family wouldn’t have taught her their traditions. Ever since she stormed off my in-laws and Sarah’s paternal aunt and grandparents agree with me but don’t want to start drama with Sarah, my mother is willing to pay for the adoption but I know they’re saving money so my terminally ill dad can pass in Italy and me, my wife, kids, and mom can go to the funeral there.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“I feel for Sarah, but NTJ. However, you should have been getting child support for her this whole time. You should still pursue that backdated child support, and use the money to help pay for Sarah’s college or otherwise go towards her future.” randomcharacheters
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I don’t think anyone is really the jerk here.
If it’s a money problem then it’s understandable. You’ve made it clear she’s your daughter regardless and I think she knows that. That being said, you should adopt her when you get the chance because she was clearly bothered that you said no. Sometimes, actions speak louder… Edit: Consider taking your mom up on the offer, just think about it.
Also, condolences about your father… hope it’s a painless process. Edit: Upon discovery, that’s its actually supposed to be no jerks here it is now no jerks here.” DaveGrohl23
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I guess…except for breaking her heart. She’s 17…about to be a legal adult, and maybe she realizes this should be done before then, and she clearly wants it, so she can always say ‘these are my parents’.
She thinks of you as her parents, but you are saying nope, I refuse to make it official. I don’t know how much this can actually cost…can it really be prohibitive?!?” dart1126
14. AITJ For Considering Breaking Up With My Partner Over His Excessive Screen Time?
“My (26M) partner (31M) spends a lot of time on his phone, to the point where its literally us sitting in a room in silence for HOURS. Anytime I try to start conversation, it will either be ignored or he will just be so uninterested in what I have to say.
We had a day planned yesterday where we were going to munch out and watch movies/play games. That didn’t happen bc he picked up his phone and got on his game. It’s annoying bc the very specific app he plays, he would promise me over and over he was going to quit it because he runs through extra finances and extra time ($300 in a month, i’m not joking.) I’m not even kidding about the amount of time he’s on this game.
I wake up and roll over – not even a good morning or anything from him. I see him on his phone, he’ll roll over like he JUST woke up. Then go back to sleep as soon as I’m up and moving. Same with bedtime. He has pulled all nighters for this game. That’s not the only thing he’s always on.
I can’t believe I’ve reached the point where I feel like I’m competing with AI in my own relationship. He will talk to different AI bots and then tell me in detail about the fun he’s having and all this, when he won’t even hold those same silly conversations with me??? He won’t “bond” with me the way he does with AI bc “computers are better than humans”.
I have to BEG him for his attention and anytime I do have something to say about his phone time, he’ll immediately shut down and claim it’s for his mental health. Whenever he does this, there is no room to explain that while I understand his needs, MY mental health is also suffering as a result.
He won’t listen.
I’ve tried starting so many different compromises. Anytime any conflict about this comes up, he never sees wrong with what he’s doing. He doesn’t even want to see how it’s affecting ME. This is not our first headbutt about this game.
I know that on the surface this seems controlling and manipulative, but I genuinely am just asking for opinions.
AITJ for constantly nagging on my partner for his screen time, or WIBTJ if I broke up with him over this?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Clearly the relationship just isn’t working out for you guys. I don’t think either of you are particularly wrong, but it’s clear that you are simply not in the same place and should break up.” JDDJS
Another User Comments:
“Um definitely NTJ but it sounds like you’re in a relationship with someone who either takes you for granted and doesn’t care that he takes you for granted or with someone who just doesn’t care about your relationship. The running through the finances bit is very worrying, as is the “computers are better than humans” bit too, because as far as I know you should AT LEAST like your partner more than your computer if not other humans.
I would suggest a firm reevaluation of your relationship and whether it really is worth it.” UnusualRedFlower979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your partner is addicted and unfortunately not listening to you when you’re trying to talk about it. Addiction to games is just as real as to anything else, and if he is refusing to acknowledge that, then there’s nothing else you can do to help there.” Crazy-Age1423
13. AITJ For Scolding My Son After He Screamed During a Sleepover?
“I have a teenage son, Nikolai. He’s always wanted to sleep over at his friends’ houses but I’ve never let him because he’s very bad at sleeping. He’s stayed a restless and fidgety sleeper long after it was age-appropriate as well as having other issues at night.
About two years ago he started waking us all up in the middle of the night with a random singular scream. Yes, we’ve been to the doctor, and no, nothing was wrong, so it’s likely something he’s doing on purpose. He usually claims he saw a bug or a rat, which makes no sense because he’s not afraid of those.
Sometimes he pretends to still be asleep when I check on him even though we all heard him scream not two minutes ago. Which, whatever, kids go through odd phases.
With all that in mind, he’s been doing pretty good in school lately, so when he asked once again if he could spend the night at a friend’s house, I told him okay, under the condition that he would behave himself.
He promised he would and I sent him on his way.
Well the next day his friend’s parents give us a call and sure enough, Nikolai was screaming and carrying on at night again. If anything it was worse, and if it weren’t for their call I would never have known as Nikolai came in and instantly went to sleep on the couch like everything was fine.
When I got off the phone I firmly told Nikolai that his behavior was unacceptable and that if he wanted to spend the night away from home he had to act more maturely. He said he was embarrassed enough and could we just drop it. I said no, he didn’t just embarrass himself, he embarrassed me too by disobeying the basic conditions I gave him before I let him sleep over.
He claimed he hadn’t actually wanted to go but his friends were spreading rumors that he was still a bed-wetter. At this point I was tired of his excuses and told him he made the bed and now he has to lie in it.
He called me a jerk and went to his room. Honestly, I do think I might’ve gone overboard.
But the whole thing was so unnecessary and it was hard not to feel frustrated. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your kid has been screaming in his sleep and you took him to a doctor ONCE and decided that because they didn’t find anything “wrong” that the kid was faking? And has continued faking for YEARS?
And when he tried to spend a night at a friend’s house and had another episode you blamed him for it? Even though teens will do pretty much anything to avoid being shamed by their peers? And you yowled about how this was embarrassing to YOU? Bless your little heart. Go take your poor kid to a neurologist or to a sleep clinician or to somebody qualified to help him because you certainly haven’t.” cookies_squeaky
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ… while it is appropriate that you reinforce the lesson — the boy messed up and how he’s messed up — your timing is kind of bad. He was pretty down after the failed sleepover; it would probably have been better to give him a day or so before giving him that last kick.
Side-note… have you asked a therapist to look at the lad? Night terrors are more likely a psychological than a physical issue.” akaioi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said “he claimed he hadn’t actually wanted to go but his friends were spreading rumors that he was still a bed wetter” So he did this intentionally?
Am I understanding that correctly? Also side note. Certified Sleep Consultant here. If he is screaming at night and can’t be woken, he is having a night terror. Does he remember these episodes in the morning? The number one cause of night terrors is a sleep debt. He’s overtired.” Peachessss22
12. AITJ For Wanting to Confront My Dad About Inviting Himself to Family Gatherings?
“My parents have been divorced 18 years.
Dad was aggressive to Mom and us 3 kids, mostly verbally. My Dad calls to invite himself to every function my Mom holds- every Thanksgiving, any gathering, even her birthday dinner out. He eats a lot, doesn’t help with anything, and takes up a ton of conversation space. My Mom always says she doesn’t care if he’s there or not, and would rather host him than have conflict.
It is indeed very hard to hold a boundary with this guy; my brother has had to resort to some intense tactics to get a little space at his own home.
I was no-contact with Dad for a few years, but we just started talking again.
I’ve long since accepted that my Mom’s no-boundaries approach is out of my control, even though his presence drives me nuts.
But this time feels beyond absurd. My Grandma is hosting a reunion for her children and grandchildren, and my Dad has invited himself to drive up (~2 hours) and spend a full day at the party. He told me a few weeks ago that he planned to “drop by”, and I was so taken aback I didn’t respond.
Now he’s got his permission from Mom and Grandma. My Grandma can’t stand my Dad but… terrible boundaries.
The rest of the family is fine/ambivalent with the situation. It’s only me, one of my brothers, and my SIL who are upset. My Mom’s long-term partner will also be annoyed, but silent about it.
WIBTJ for calling my Dad and letting him know I find this terribly inappropriate? His feelings will be very hurt, and he will likely show up anyway. It’s also not my party, and he did obtain permission from the host.
My Dad’s perspective is that he wants to see his kids and my Mom’s brothers and nieces and nephews.
He has nieces and nephews on his own side who he hasn’t seen in years. If I call to tell him my opinion, I plan to encourage him to host his own family reunion so that he can work on this goal of family reconnection. He definitely won’t, though. In my estimation, he just feels a need to insert himself.
I humbly request commenters withhold judgement about my Mom; I know, and she knows, that this isn’t an awesome pattern on her part but… that’s my Mommy.
Thank you for reading and commenting!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s not really your place to resolve this because you aren’t the host. Who is telling your dad about these events?
Figure out who that is and tell them to stop telling him. He can’t attend what he doesn’t know about. You can also talk to your grandmother and mother and tell them that you kids prefer your dad to NOT be there, and would love if they stop allowing him to come.” newfriend836639
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but leaning toward serious codependency imnsho. It seems to me you’ve given way more energy than it deserves. Maybe a counselor could help you with whatever’s driving this decision. Is this really in your lane? Wishing you peace.” ConsideraQuesto
I have a hunch its mom though seeing how she has a hard time qoth boundaries etc and the emotional abuse he put on her is still there I her mind.. maybe get mom therapy too tp help her work through it all and help her become stronger so she can put a stop to his crap once and for all
11. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Family For Excluding Me From Holidays?
“So I (22F) work full time, I have since I left college at 18 and haven’t had any other commitments, but I don’t live with my family (mum, dad little sister and little brother).
In the last 3 years my family have gone on 5 family holidays without me, including on a cruise only last year which is my dream holiday, they initially told me about it and told me to come with them, I was super excited and agreed, saying I would pay for myself which was fine, as my sibs are still in school and can’t pay for themselves.
But after a few months it never got mentioned again, until I was visiting and they said it was getting a bit expensive to get you a room to yourself so we’ve had to book it we were missing the cheap deal window. No contact no effort…
They don’t even mention it to me when they go away now and when it finally gets out its some excuse like ‘we thought you’d struggle to get a week off’, ‘we planned it last minute got a good package deal’.
Well last night I was staying with my family, and my 2 younger sibs were surprised that they were flying to Greece tomorrow morning. Right in front of me. My dad said ‘we thought you’d struggle to book a week off work’ like I mentioned, I work full time and have no other serious commitments so booking a week off with a few weeks notice would be fine, I have savings which they know and could’ve easily paid for myself Inc spending.
The last time we went away was 2018.
After my sibs went to bed, I told my parents that I know they didn’t think I was part of the family anymore, they don’t include me in ‘family’ dinners, gatherings, holidays, or days out. Its easy for me to get time off I have holiday for a reason at work, I can pay and their excuses are just lies because they don’t want me there.
I started crying I was so mad and drove home. I’m currently no contact, I don’t know what to say to them. They haven’t reached out to me but I’m sure I won’t have tainted their holiday experience.
So AITJ for getting mad at my family for going on holiday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those comments about you being independent and whatever don’t make sense.
You offered to pay your own way for the holiday, and your family never tried to communicate with you about it getting expensive. They made the decision on your behalf, and assumed for you. This is an all round sucky situation. I know if I had kids and my grown daughter left my house to drive back to her place crying, I’d have driven after her, or at the very least phoned her.” RobynStellarxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so sorry. No this is not normal. Most families have the opposite problem… demanding all their adult kids’ vacation time. You are not insane to be hurt. I do not know why your family is doing this. It sounds like you will have to build close relationships elsewhere. I am so sorry.
But I hope you can find a close friend or cousin to go on that cruise” Amareldys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What if, now hear me out, you go on vacation without them. You say you haven’t had any other commitments and only do work, if that has been true since 2018 then you really need one, and get this, they aren’t required to be there for you to have one!
And if you don’t wanna go alone, perhaps invite your siblings (assuming you can pay for them). Life is too short to wait for an invite that will never come, so make your own invitations.” RemozThaGod
Go online lokm for a cruise for yourself and possibly ask a friend I get you would love tpmhave a holiday woth the sibs and parents but tney clearly don't think to ask you to go so why not make your own life, go by yourself have a great life and live for yourself... don't waste your holiday days waiting for an invite that isn't coming anytime soon
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return My Ex's Share Of The Lease Deposit?
“My ex and I moved in with one another out of convenience.
At the time we had only been in a relationship for 8 months. During that lease period we began to drift apart due to having completely different ideas of what fun is (his was getting high and eating snacks, mine was reading or going to watch movies) and differing love languages (his was physical touch and I’ve always had a hard time with touching).
Another year rolls around and we move in with some of my friends into a bigger house. We end up breaking up only 3 months into the lease and he moves out since the lease is with my friends.
We both had paid a relatively small deposit in my local areas standards (about $650) at the beginning of the lease and agreed to split rent costs together.
With him now leaving, the rent would now all be on my shoulders. I could somewhat afford it comfortably if I budgeted well but it was still more than I expected to pay on my own.
Now flash forward to this year. My friends and I decide to renew the lease but since too many of us were switching out with other people, the landlord had us sign a new lease and send in a new deposit and we got our old one back.
I now have both his and my deposit in my possession and I don’t really want to reach out and give it back. We don’t talk to one another except for maybe a Happy Birthday text and a polite thank you.
Some of my friends think I’d be a jerk if I didn’t give it back because he could potentially be struggling with money right now and I could be helping him.
But wouldn’t he then remember to reach out for it since I don’t have him blocked on any socials (I had his number blocked but recently unblocked it in case he did reach out for it). If it’s not important enough to remember then should I just not say anything and keep his part since I did end up having to pay more in rent since he left?
Some of my friends say to just keep it since he has never asked and we don’t speak. But I’m torn and need guidance.
So, would I be a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you got stuck paying more rent when he left. If the landlord was legally obligated to give it to your ex then he should have done so.
I actually broke up with a partner and was on a month to month at that point in an apartment that was only in MY name. He wouldn’t move (wanted me to move out) and I went to the leasing office and had them switch everything into his name and I left. They told me the deposit would go to him when he did move out.
I was fine with that as I just wanted to not live with him anymore and evicting him would be a nightmare. So to me when your ex left without finishing the time he agreed to be there he lost the deposit and seems like the landlord agrees.” HeddaLeeming
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it’s a mutual agreement, he should be entitled to receive his deposit back.
Understandably, that we do not favour our ex anymore but if you are asking if not giving back would be morally right, then it would be a no.” AlpacaCloud
9. AITJ For Leaving a Negative Review After a Bad Eyebrow Waxing Experience?
“To preface this story: I have literally amazing eyebrows that are full, super thick, and it took so long for them to grow out.
So, yesterday I went to get my eyebrows waxed for the first time at a new place, since my old tech moved away.
I had heard great reviews about this place/technician. I specifically told the technician I did not want any shaping done, I simply just wanted a clean up. She proceeds to pluck my eyebrows for around 30 minutes. She doesn’t offer me a mirror or anything and sends me on my way to check out.
I get into my car, pull my mirror down and I am mortified. My eyebrows are so thin and look so bad! I am sent a link shortly after from the service they use for booking, and it allows you to submit a review. I left 3 stars, which given my satisfaction, I felt was justified. I left a detailed explanation as to why I left the 3 stars.
I wake up this morning to a phone call at 7 am. Too early for me to be awake, so I hit ignore and go back to bed. Call from the same number at 8 am. I ignore it, thinking if it’s important they’ll leave me a voicemail. I go in to work, the calls come in around every 30 minutes to an hour.
I’m at work, so my phone is on silent. I don’t get to checking my phone til lunch, where yet another call comes in.
I answer, and the woman says,” Hi this is **** salon, why did you leave us such a bad review?” I told her exactly why and my experience. She goes, “well if I give you 20% off will you change the review?” I said no because I won’t be returning.
She starts yelling and saying that it’s my fault for not being more specific about what I wanted done. She also says I should’ve told somebody about my problem with my eyebrows. I hang up. She then starts calling me back and leaving voicemails begging even more for me to change the review.
I just ignore each call now.
I may be the jerk considering that I didn’t inform them of my issue with my brows. I also didn’t give them a chance to fix the situation before leaving a negative review.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told them exactly what you wanted, they did exactly the opposite and you left a honest review.
I think I know why they have such a good reputation. Change it to one star and explain what happened. Tank that ill-deserved reputation.” Nervardia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Potential customers count on those reviews to be honest before they book a service. I would be upset to find out that the reviews had been changed because the owner bullied them into it.
Please update your review to include this harassment (and change it to one star). You are helping so many people by giving straightforward, honest information. Then block that number.” Logical_Block1507
I would go back on that review and add an update about the harassment because of the bad review and explain everything like you did here.
ETA: Now you know why their reviews were so good. Other people probably also got bullied into giving them good reviews they don't deserve. If other people were honest, maybe your eyebrows wouldn't be messed up.
8. AITJ For Cleaning My Dishes?
” “I (18f) currently live with my Mother (37f), Stepdad (41m) and two younger brothers (13&9). I live with them as I am in between school and university so have literally nowhere else to go.
Last night I came home from work (at 5:30) to my family eating dinner without me having not even made me any food.
For context my Mum has strict rules about always eating as a family and never leaving anyone out. I didn’t get upset in the moment as we hardly have any food in the house and thought that there was just not enough for me, I made my own dinner a few hours after they had all gone out to a family friends house.
One of my mother’s many rules around food is that if you made the mess you must be the one to clean it up, at least this is what I have been taught since having to make my own version of every meal as I am a vegetarian.
When done with my food I saw that the kitchen was an absolute mess so I cleaned up what I could and left their plates and pots in a pile so when they came to washing it up it was nice and ready for them, I then washed up all of my stuff (which filled the rack) and went to bed since I have work in the morning, unlike any of my family who have the weekends off.
When I got up this morning my mother immediately yelled at me calling me selfish and saying I ruined her entire day with my “self centred nonsense”. I admit that I may have been rude when I replied telling her that all I did was follow her rules.
I have washed up their mess but I feel like I’m not the selfish one here.
I’m also a bit upset as she threatened to stop buying me food and to throw me out claiming I do nothing for the family, yet I buy my own vegetarian versions and pay rent? They also use me as a permanent babysitter having made me cancel plans many times in order to look after my brother’s short notice when I’ve had plans for months (even trying to get me to not go to my leavers prom)
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cleaned what you used. They made nothing for you, why should you clean up after them. Look into how much it would cost to rent a room vs what you pay now. Also make sure they cannot access your money, have your documents secure and check and lock your credit.
Look into backup plans if they do kick you out.” LordofToomay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You made your own dinner and cleaned up your mess. They made their own dinner and didn’t clean up their mess. How is that fair?” Itsthedude6155
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good lord are they gonna realize how bad they miss you when you leave.
I hope they aren’t paying for your schooling and that you will be financially stable without them cuz otherwise you could see some petty things happen in regards to that. Have fun at Uni!” GrimmTrixX
As foe the pots issue... you could have washed their pots while you did your own using the excuse the rack was full and it's her rule was pretty petty.. sounds like you tried to punish them for not making you food when they made their food... come on time to grow up a bit.. you already said you have to mKe your own vegetarian versions of what they are having AND they had plans tp go out so i assume they were expected at a set time and you were at work anyways
7. AITJ For Refusing To Supervise My SIL's Child While My Kids Play Outside?
“29F. My husband and I live right next door to his sister (43f). We have 3 kids, she has 1. Now maybe I’m a bit of a helicopter mom but I refuse to send my kids outdoors to play without me.
It’s a big yard but it is fairly close to the main road and our youngest is only 6 and has ADHD/impulse control issues. Anyways, my SIL will send her kid outside for hours on end and never check on her. She just sits at her computer all day playing games. And now, where she knows I’m going to be outside with my kids, she just sends her kid out constantly expecting me to keep an eye on her.
I’ve told my husband several times I’m getting a bit fed up with being a watchful eye to anyone but our kids and he said he would speak to his sister- which he did. Her response was “I don’t see the big deal where she’s outside anyways and it’s not like she needs constant supervision”.
So in the end, nothing changed.
Well, yesterday she sends her kid out and I decided to just leave. I brought my kids to the beach because I didn’t want to watch another kid. Today, same thing but it was overcast so I just brought my kids indoors and we played board games. Well, my SIL just knocked on my door and said “why did you bring the kids in?
I just had Hannah get dressed to play with the kids”. So I reiterated that I’m not being paid to babysit and therefore I’m not going to be watching her kid every time my kids are outdoors. She then says “so you are punishing the kids and not allowing them to play together?” And proceeded to call me childish.
I simply shut the door.
However, now I’m wondering if I’m really the jerk here. I wouldn’t mind if it was every once in a while but it’s nearly every single day this happens and I’m tired of assuming a parenting role for this kid.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for believing that you should be watching the 9yo and taking your 10 and 12 year old kids away because you don’t want to supervise.
Stop directly supervising all the older kids and let them play. Supervise your 6yo, let the others play together outside without your 6yo when you don’t want to supervise. I N F O: if your youngest is 6, what are the ages of the other kids?” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Because whether or not it’s the question you are in fact the jerk for not allowing your almost teenage child to play outdoors on his own.
Even your preteen is quite capable of being outdoors on his own. And all four kids are capable of playing together without constant adult supervision. Since you insist on being outside, it makes sense that your niece would come and play with your kids. She can’t play with them without you that leads to your SIL being correct, you don’t want the kids to play together.
Plus your judgement of her reasonable action of parenting her own kid and not feeling the need for constant supervision. On your SIL’s part, she shouldn’t have pushed the issue. She should have accepted the no and moved on. She should move to have her child make other friends.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m from the “get outside and come home when it’s dark” generation and never in 10 million years would I just let kids play in an unfenced yard near a road unattended. All it takes is one unsavory neighbor, one rando.
What the heck? And good for you for not making your older kid parent the younger ones.” MyNameisNoThankYou
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stay Out Of My Financial Decisions?
“I’m 27. My mom still tries to get in my business about everything. I recently moved to a smaller apartment with my partner so we can save money for a home.
The studio we live in is a thousand less a month than what I was paying for our one-bedroom. My mom comes over and she immediately dislikes the open concept of the place. I had an order of groceries in the fridge because my partner and I like the food delivery service because it saves us money and our biggest mistake of eating out.
We did the math and one box of these groceries is cheaper than both of us having one nice meal. We cook the meals together so it’s like a little date night at home.
My mom goes off on me saying maybe we didn’t have to get a cheaper apartment if we didn’t waste money on silly things.
She goes into a long rant on how I could save money if I buy in bulk and freeze. I tried to explain because it’s a studio our fridge and freezer combo is tiny so it’s not like it could store much frozen things. I’m on my family’s phone plan and she brought that up even though I pay my share.
She throws that in my face. So the next day I get a new phone and a plan so she can’t say that anymore.
I text her from my new phone and she gets mad and she’s saying once again how I love to waste money. She called my partner a spoiled brat because she can’t do any meal preparation herself (my partner on average works about 50 hours a week) but my mom is convinced it’s her failing on why we waste our money.
I told my mom I don’t care about what she thinks and I can drop my old phone off today. She calls me a disgrace and tells my dad what an irresponsible jerk I’m being and I can live in my awful apartment and my partner can spend all of my money on stupid stuff if she wants.
The conversation eventually led me to temporarily blocking both my parents for repeatedly texting me about what a disaster my life is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your mum to stay away from you unless she’s going to be respectful. Keep that toxic stuff out of your life. In saying that, be prepared to not have your mum in your life for a while.
Alternatively, you could have an adult style sit down chat with her about how you feel and what you’d like her to change…. But I say forget it, blow up the relationship.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like you’re being fiscially responsible, you’re doing the math and determining the best things for you to do with your money.
I’ll give her this: IF you did have a big freezer or a bigger place, buying in bulk WOULD save you money in the long run. But its a micro optimization, and she’s already opposed to the macro optimizations that allow you to live within your means. Respectfully, tell her to forget off. Stay off her phone plan, keep her out of your place, and remember that what was fiscally feasible in her day is a fever dream today.” MrDeeJayy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Mothers will project their own anxiety on you. If your mother is cold, you have to wear a sweater. So this is probably about her own attempts at saving, and her own hard won lessons about how easy it is to waste money.” Missepus
5. AITJ For Not Going To A Concert With My Sister On Her Birthday?
“My older sister Madeleine bought tickets to a concert for her birthday. She was originally going with a friend but the friend cancelled on Madeleine a week before the date. Our aunt said she didn’t feel comfortable with Madeleine going by herself, so Madeleine begged me to come with her because she really wanted to go to this concert.
I had never actually heard of the artist before Madeleine originally mentioned the concert, so I decided to look up their music. The artist isn’t objectively bad or anything. Their music just isn’t my style. Even for artists I do like, I wouldn’t want to attend a concert since they’re way too loud and have huge crowds.
Madeleine also said it was going to be a fairly big concert, so it sounded like absolute misery for me.
I told Madeleine I really didn’t want to go because super loud noise and crowds are miserable for me. Madeleine begged me saying it was only going to be three hours and she really wanted to go, but I still said no and asked if a different friend was available.
None of Madeleine’s other friends were able to come, so she ended up going with our aunt to the concert.
The day after the concert, Madeleine told me that our aunt being there took all the enjoyment out of the concert. Madeleine says our aunt nagged her about her driving the whole way, my aunt didn’t approve of the music or certain things being done by concert attendees, and that she pulled the classic “we have food at home” so Madeleine couldn’t even go to In-and-Out afterwards.
She said that her birthday was ruined because I couldn’t go for three hours.
I felt bad and to try and make up for it, I made a card, put a gift card inside, and gave it to Madeleine on her actual birthday. But she’s still been in a bad mood whenever she talks to me.
I talked to my best friend Luke about it. Luke told me it was understandable that I didn’t want to go to the concert but he pointed out that Madeleine had saved up to buy the tickets and she was really excited for it. He said that the right thing would have been for me to come to the concert with Madeleine because it was her birthday.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t want to go because you knew it was going to be stressful for you. That doesn’t make you selfish. Being selfish would be not going because you just didn’t care about your sister or her birthday. She got to go to the concert. Her being miserable because her aunt took her is on your sister, not you.
Even though she thought your aunt was being cranky and cranky, she should at least be grateful she got to see the concert.” Admirable_Scale_5075
Another User Comments:
“NTJ all these “YTJ you should support your sister ” posts are so gross. *3 hours of a concert for an artist you don’t enjoy??* sounds like a nightmare and it’s perfectly valid NOT to want to experience that.
My advice would have been “maybe you can drop her off by herself at the concert and pick her up after” and ik that’s irresponsible but that’s a situation where everyone except the aunt would be happy (if she found out) like, yea, you could have suggested that instead of just saying no.” McXaven
Another User Comments:
“Man, the day I turn my back on my sister instead of taking the opportunity to support her and making her day, is the day I deserve to face severe consequences. YTJ, think of how much it means to the other person, not just how much it inconveniences you. That’s what a caring sibling would do.
This could have been one of your fondest memories together, now it will just be a bitter reminder.” Consistent-Annual268
I can't actually say though without more context. Like your ages and your aunt's role in your lives.
4. AITJ For Hating My Stepdad?
“I (20F) live with my mom (53F) and her partner, Timmy (fake name) (64M). We had to move because in 2021 my dad sold our house to move in to help his father leaving my mom and I nowhere to go.
My parents had been divorced since 2009 but they lived together to raise my brother and me. My mom and her partner had been seeing each other for about 7 months prior to the move.
I have a cat named Link. I adopted him for my 16th birthday and I love him so much. Timmy hates animals.
Link is a very lovable cat and always has been. He never bites, scratches, or hisses unless he’s being playful. Once he realizes he hurt someone he’ll lick them as a way of saying sorry. Needless to say, Link has done nothing to Timmy.
A few months after we had moved in, I noticed that he was kicking Link to move him out of the way.
He would be standing somewhere and Link would walk up to him and he would “move him with his foot”. My brother had come over and saw him kick Link as well. It had already been brought to my mom’s attention and she’s talked to him but he would keep doing it (he doesn’t anymore but that doesn’t take away the fact he did it in the first place).
That’s my main issue but there have been several instances that have made me mad or uncomfortable around him, ie. badmouthing me because I was having an anxiety attack, yelling at me for an OCD habit I do, etc. I’ve confronted him about all of it several times.
He’s not nice to my mother either.
We both hate our living situation but haven’t been able to get the funds to move out. He doesn’t talk to me now because he knows I’ll defend who/what I love and what I’m passionate about. I have no issues calling him out but my mom tells me not to because he gripes about me whenever I’m not around to her.
I feel like I’m the jerk because he’s allowing my mom and me to live in his house and pays all the bills. I don’t like him because of all the shit he has done/said. AITJ for hating him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for hating him, but you are an adult with a cat you’re responsible for, and you live with a man who’s abusing your cat.
If you truly can’t support yourself and have no other option for shelter but living with this man, you need to rehome your cat. I’m sorry, it sucks. Maybe you can find a friend or relative who will keep your cat temporarily until you’re able to leave this situation.” Scrabblement
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you and your mom are going to have to figure out what to do to improve your lives if you have to put up with an abusive jerk like this just to get by.
If you are unable to work, you need to see if you can get disability and/or therapy and help so that you can see about holding down some sort of job. You can’t go forever without any income relying on your mom and others. Maybe not now, but work on a plan. But if your cat is being mistreated and you can’t leave the current situation, the best thing for it is to rehome it, perhaps seeing if someone would be willing to foster it until you can find a better living situation.
Often in life we need to make tough situations in order to move forward again and for what is best for all involved. Think about what these might be and work toward them. I wish I could tell you it will be easy, but it won’t.” KarmaWillGetYa
Another User Comments:
“ESH, you are old enough to live on your own now.
So if you’re living in their home and being fully financially supported then yes you need to behave in a way that isn’t “angry teenager taking out your angst” or move out and support yourself. Either way acting like your dad who’d been divorced for 12 years deciding not to support his ex who was in a relationship with another man was somehow “abandonment” is just absurd!
Your mom should have been working on supporting herself and at least half supporting you once she was divorced.” hotRLB
Could you ask dad for help to move out.. ifmom chooses to stay woth her partner then that's on her not you but you can't complain about a guy who's taken you in financially supports you and has n9 reason to do either...
As for you go live woth brother if possible , then get a job or something and start PAYING RENT
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend After She Took Her Stress Out On Me?
I (21F) was staying out of state with my high school best friend Sara (22F) and her fiance Brad (21M) in their tiny 2bd apartment for a 10 week hybrid art internship. Weeks 1-7 were awesome and we spent the time hanging out all the time and having fun together but then week 8 came and everything went downhill.
Sara had finals and graduation at the end of the week and was generally stressed and snippy and took out all her stress on me and Brad. We both felt like we were walking on eggshells. I buried my hurt and tried to be a supportive friend and hid out in my room to give her space.
Friday week 7 I was offered a summer contract at my job and I asked Sara and Brad if we could do something small to celebrate. Sara rescheduled twice and said “I’m sorry but I’m a people pleaser and I don’t have time for you” I was hurt but understood and Brad and I went out without her.
That weekend was a big celebration with her graduation, fiance’s birthday, her birthday AND mother’s day rolled into one. I played my part, took her grad pics, entertained her dad who was in town while she was out, and tried to make the weekend memorable.
Tuesday week 9 she left for a week-long vacation and left me alone at the apartment to catsit.
In the middle of the week, I accidentally had a bad reaction to some stuff and had a severe panic attack and uncontrollable vomiting and I had no one there with me and had to call an ambulance.
They got back 2 days before I had to move out and seemed a little better. She laughed when I told her about my hospital visit which really hurt.
I finally broke when I went to show them a prescreening of my senior film I’d worked on for a year and Brad went to sit on the couch in view of my phone and Sara snapped at him. I said “why are you being combative” and she stormed out. Brad sighed, sat down and watched with me.
She came back in yelled at me and called me a “guest in the house and needed to respect her” before storming back out.
Brad and I took a walk and vented together which upset her more and Sara ignored me the next day refusing to talk so I packed up the next day and drove home in tears.
I had finals and graduated later that week and we haven’t talked since she ignored my text asking to call.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your friend was kind enough to allow you to stay over in their tiny apartment for 10 weeks! If I understand this correctly your “bending over backward” for her is: – giving her space during her exams after 7 weeks of partying – helping out at her party – catsit That sounds more like doing the bare minimum for someone who hosts you for 2,5 months in a cramped space.
It sounds a bit like frustration build-up from her side, acting accordingly and neither of you acting like adults and, you know, TALK about what was happening and how you were experiencing it.” DragonflyOk9277
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but she might think you and Brad have a thing or something. I’ve known girls who would say that kind of stuff when we were alone and never bring it up to the other person.
One even so far so as to say her sister was in love with me and was constantly flirting with me. I’m telling you that wasn’t happening but I guess it’s an insecurity thing or something. If that’s the case moving out is probably the only thing that can help. If she’s jealous or suspicious and it’s irrational then she’s gotta get through that.
It could also just be that’s she’s frustrated living with you. Maybe she’s just not telling you what’s upsetting her. The walk with Brad though was probably a bad idea. Hopefully, you get her to talk to you about it and be friends, or at least some understanding of what her problem is.” Aztimoth
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk – 10 weeks is a long time to have a houseguest, especially one that 1) turns your apartment into party place while you are in school and getting ready for finals. 2) Sulks in her room when the party finally stops, because you are busy and stressed with finals/graduation. 3) trash talks you to your fiancé AND seeks out multiple opportunities to be alone with him 4) you leave her to watch your cat for a week so you can go on vacation and you come back to find out she was so irresponsible that she had a bad reaction to some stuff and left your cat alone and the cherry on top 4) when you get back and things are finally better with your fiancé (probably because your so-called friend was constantly telling him how bad you treat him) he snuggles up to said friend on the couch (after you told him how uncomfortable it made you).
You tell him, didn’t we just talk about this? And “friend” jumps in “defend” him and gaslight you about how combative you. You leave the room and your fiancé doesn’t come to talk to you. You finally lose it and tell her she is a guest in your home and she needs to respect you, and she leaves in tears saying what a friend you are.
Leave this poor girl alone OP, you were a horrible house guest and friend. I wouldn’t expect an invite to the wedding if I were you.” Traditional_Line_656
Then she trusts you woth her home and pet and you took some substance and had a reaction.. after BARFING all over her home then got upset cos she laughed at you.... be grateful she only laughed and didnt launch you out there and then !!
Jeez you owe her and apology and then when she tells you to stay away from her I suggest you do it... she wasn't being a crappy host but you were definitely a crappy guest...
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Nephew at My Adults-Only Wedding?
“I (30f) got married to my fiance (30m) last Friday. We have decided to have a smallish wedding with close family and friends (about 20 people in total) and have also put an age restriction that the guests should be over the age of 12 in order to attend (this was the restriction and me and my partner have realised we have a lot of niblings and cousins under the age of 12 that would blow our number to 40-50+ easily).
The next day we were planning on having a pizza/BBQ event for the rest of the family and friends with all the kids invited, so they can have food suitable for their age and not get bored.
It is also important that I have no relationship with my birth father. While my other siblings hang out with him on a weekly basis, there are some things he has done that made me to cut him off permanently from my life.
Due to this having my mother at my wedding was very important to me as she would be walking me down the isle. Not sure how important this will be, but I am first among my 5 siblings to marry.
On the day of the wedding my sister “Sarah” has showed up with her kids, 14f “Miley”who was our flower girl and 5m “Dilan”.
I assumed she will drop drop my nephew off by the time the ceremony starts, but she hasn’t. I have reminded her that the venue does not allow children under 12 and have asked if her babysitter was late. Sarah told me that she doesn’t have the babysitter and she thought our mum will look after Dilan while she is watching the wedding.
I said it is not possible as our mum is an important guest, I need her and she hasn’t signed up to be a free babysitter for my sister whenever she needs one. I have also told Sarah that if she doesn’t have anyone to look after Dilan, she can look after himself since he won’t be allowed to the venue.
My sister has called me a bridezilla and a jerk before leaving with Dilan. She has tried to take Miley with her, but Miley refused to go and our mum dropped her off later that day. The BBQ the next day was very tense because of Sarah telling everyone what happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your sister ignored your invitation instructions and didn’t ask your mom beforehand about watching her son. She made an assumption. This is her fault and hers alone. She’s just upset that she was made to look like a fool by her own doing and laziness. Enjoy your party, call her out hard in front of everyone if she continues but don’t let her ruin your day.” Cigars-N-Cuddles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Sister sounds overly entitled by expecting your Mother to babysit on the day of your Wedding and then bad mouth you after the fact, especially if she knew the venue wouldn’t allow under 12’s beforehand. You weren’t being a Bridezilla by any means.” OnlymyOP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but when you have a lot of family members who are children and you decided to excluded from what has traditionally been a family function.
I think you should focus on all of the people who were willing to attend your event without their children instead of whining about the one who didn’t. You dealt with it and should move on with your like an adult.” crochetbug
1. AITJ For Unintentionally Stealing The Spotlight At My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister (24F, Sadie) and I (23M) have not always had the best relationship.
Some backstory: I was the golden child growing up, and our mother and much of her side of the family still treats me much more favorably. I’ve tried my best to distance myself from my mom and try and build a relationship with my sister. It’s gone pretty well and we’re actually friends now and have been for about 6 years.
I have been seeing my partner, Lacy, for about 6 months. Pretty much all my family knows of her, but only my parents and sister have met her. I asked my sister if I could bring Lacy to the wedding, and she said absolutely. So fast forward to last weekend, the ceremony is beautiful, Sadie looks so happy while Lacy and I are sitting at the edge of the hall just chatting.
Then my uncle shows up. Asks “is this Lacy?” Starts chatting, making intros and such. Then my aunt joins. Then another. And another. And pretty much all my aunts, uncles, and assorted family members. And that when I notice the only family member by my sister is my dad. She looked heartbroken. Lacy also looked very frazzled at that point from all the questions.
So I told everyone to make so me and her could get some air. We manage to get outside and that’s when I get a text from my sister telling me to “just leave”. I just responded, “ok, I’m sorry I didn’t mean for this to happen, tell mom I felt sick or smth” and left.
The rest of the wedding apparently went well, my mom saved some cake. She’s mad at me for leaving so early and disappointing my relatives. I talked with my sister yesterday and she told me she regretted letting Lacy come but isn’t mad at me. My BIL however told me privately that I was a massive jerk for ruining her wedding day, intentionally or not, and that I should’ve known it would’ve happened. I told him I wouldn’t have asked if she could come if I knew this would happen, that I genuinely thought her wedding would take precedence over my stuff, and that more than anything I did not invite or do anything to cause that to happen.
He told me it didn’t matter because that’s the memory she’ll always have now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Were there not other guests? Her husband? The bridesmaids? Is your sister really shy? Normally the bride and groom circulate around the reception and talk to all the guests. Was she just sitting down by herself and not mingling?
I don’t see why a few minutes of your family greeting your partner had to ruin the wedding. Was there not a lot more time left in the reception where people might be eating, dancing, mingling and taking to each other?” Sufficient-Skill6012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom should really be mad at your sister for making you leave over a petty reason.
She was being insecure and wanted “the prettier girl” gone. You left to avoid any further drama. Didn’t do anything wrong and even offered to take the attention away from Lacy. BIL and sister need to cut the crap and your mom needs to give your sister stuff for having a meltdown.” CanadianDeathMetal
This whole thing really sucks. But it isn't you fault, or Lacy's or you sister's. This entire crazy debacle is you family's fault. Whoever deemed you the golden child.
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It sounds like your MIL was reluctant to do it, but your husband pressured her into it. If you talk to her about it, mention that it's okay to say no to his daft plans.
It also sounds like he doesn't respect you at all. He doubts you're intelligent enough to work the cameras. (By the way, HE was an idiot there - he could have turned them off.) He seems to doubt that you're observant and smart enough to notice that your craft room boxes have been unpacked, contents all over the room. Does he always treat you that way? He's condescending and controlling.