People Tell Their Fascinating "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
32. AITJ For Walking Out Of Dinner And Causing My Partner To Cut Off His Parents?
“I (24f) and my partner “Owen” (25m) have been together for 3 years.
In the 3 years we’ve been together I have only met his parents a handful of times and let’s just say they are very interesting people (not the good interesting). He’s kept his distance from them and rarely talks to them, due to them being very rude and belittling. Recently Owen and I decided we would be moving to Florida (From Montana) because I got an amazing job offer and he was able to relocate as well.
His parents did not take the news well. They accused me of trying to steal their son from them and said that ever since he started being with me he’s become more distant. (Which isn’t true, he’s always been distant from them ever since he left for college.) However, 2 weeks ago his mom invited us to dinner to apologize for their behavior and have a going away dinner.
We both agreed to go thinking this would be good.
Time for dinner comes around and we arrive at his parents’. The evening was going well until his mom says she has an announcement to make. She announces she got Owen a job at a company (where we currently live) and that he starts in two days.
We’re both sitting there shocked and eventually Owen tells them he’s relocating to Florida with me. His mom does not take this well and gets up from the table yelling and says “you’re seriously going to turn down this job that I worked so hard to get for you for some stupid little burnt girl.
” Quick background, I was born in Guatemala and was adopted by my parents when I was 6 months old. Both Owen and I are very taken aback by this comment and I end up getting up from the table, putting on my shoes, grabbing my stuff, and walking out of their house. Shortly after, Owen pulls up next to me in his car and we head back to his apartment.
The rest of the evening is spent with me crying and him trying to comfort me. He lets me know he will be going no contact with his parents and that I will never have to deal with them again. I ask him if that’s what he really wants. He tells me he can’t have people in his life that treat me so horribly.
(We both block them that night)
A week goes by and we’re currently setting up our new apartment in Florida. As we’re finishing unpacking I receive a very angry text from his mom (she used a random number) telling me I’m to blame for everything that’s happened and that walking out of her house was what caused her son to cut them out of his life.
She tells me I should be ashamed of myself and that I never should have left my “stupid country”. I feel bad but at the same time she’s the one who caused this whole mess with her horrendous comment about me. So, AITJ for walking out of dinner which resulted in Owen cutting his parents off?”
31. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Dress Up For My Sister's Wedding?
“My partner (36) and I (37) have been together for 2.5 years. My sister is getting married in 2 weeks, I am maid of honor. I asked my partner to go to the wedding and rehearsal dinner with me. He has never met my entire family but has met my immediate family.
The problem becomes that he hates weddings or anything too formal (meaning any planned event).
Last month, we started talking about what he was going to wear. He usually wears ripped/stained jeans, a logo T, a hat with Timberland boots, or sneakers. I tried talking to him about dressing it up a bit for the rehearsal dinner – darker jeans and a button-up. He said all clothes are the same, he’ll wear what he usually does.
I asked if it would be ok if I bought him some stuff to try on – he agreed. I bought him a few things to try – jeans, boots (he needed them anyway because the sole on his boot was falling off and was 10 years old), and a shirt. He complained the whole time but said it was ‘fine’.
Next comes the suit – he bought one off the rack a few years ago. It does not fit him and needs to be tailored. The sleeves are super short, the jacket is large, and the pants are far too long. He thought it was fine as ‘all suits are the same’. I asked him to please get it tailored.
He said ok but 2 weeks before, he hasn’t. Every time I ask, he says he’ll take care of it but won’t say when or where. He gets really mad any time I bring it up. He works during the day and often weekends so his time is limited, meaning he has to plan it. It’s stressing me out he hasn’t taken care of it and I feel like shows me he doesn’t care about my feelings.
I know he doesn’t like weddings, neither do I but I explained how important this is to me. He’ll be meeting my family and we’re going to be taking pictures together (we have few as a couple). He’s complained every step of the way (not just about the clothes but going in general, the hotel, the food, etc.) and I feel like causing undue stress.
I don’t feel like I’m asking too much. I never care about his clothes any other time or ask him to go to events like this. At this point, I feel like telling him not to go. AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Defending My Friend And Her Baby Against Our Childfree Friend's Disrespectful Comments?
“So we’re three best friends in our early 30s. We’ve been together since high school.
Mary is child-free by choice. And so am I. I don’t intend on ever having kids since I don’t think I’d be capable of being a good parent and I don’t want to have the responsibility of another tiny human. Helen on the other hand was always a ‘I want to have a family’ kind of person.
We always used to tease her for that but in a non-offensive way and even if she felt offended she’d tell us and we’d stop. She’s the odd one out but we still adore her. To be honest I used to have a very weird mindset that women who have kids are not truly happy and they just pretend to be.
I overcame that mindset and I now accept that while some women are pressured by society to become moms because it’s what’s expected of them, they’re indeed miserable for the most part but other women are genuinely happy to be moms and it’s bringing joy in their lives.
Helen gave birth to a baby girl 4 months ago.
Once we found out about her pregnancy both Mary and I were extremely happy to be this baby’s ‘aunts’. Once Helen gave birth Mary and I were always there to support her and comfort her. She has a husband and he’s a gorgeous man but we as friends also thought we had to do our part.
At first everything was going smoothly. Then Mary downloaded TikTok and she ended up on the child-free side of it which is normal but then it started affecting her whole personality to the point that now, in the span of 3 months, she started despising children and has shown bitterness toward moms. She always texts me privately out of our trio group chat chatting nonsense about Helen and the fact she’s a mom and how she’s gonna change now and we’ll probably grow apart.
I shut down these convos pretty quick and told her not to base her personality on what social media tells her to.
She kept being weird about moms and kids and she started making bitter comments toward Helen too. Helen would always ask if everything’s ok and Mary wouldn’t elaborate. Helen definitely picked up on Mary’s change of behavior.
Yesterday Helen visited my house with the baby and Mary came too. At some point the kid started crying, because duh it’s a baby, it cries. And Mary started making comments like ‘That little troublemaker won’t shut up’, ‘Helen, please come alone next time without the crying creature’. I told her to cut it off, seeing Helen was getting upset and uncomfortable.
She wouldn’t stop and I told her that if she can’t shut her mouth she should leave my house. She said she’s not obligated to accept Helen’s kid just because she’s her friend. I said I agree but the least she could do is respect her. She left and called me a jerk for siding with Helen and the baby instead of her while I’m also child free. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Testify For My Dad In His Custody Battle?
“My mum and dad split up when my brother (24M) and I (25F) were very young.
Since then Dad has brought home lots of women who do not last long. We have a half-sister (“Diana”, F10) born in 2011, my dad and her mum share custody.
In 2019 his partner at the time “Laura”, who was told she was infertile and was 40, got pregnant. She told my dad the baby was a miracle and she was gonna keep him.
My dad was very clear from the start that he’s not happy with having another child, that’s it’s Laura’s project and that he feels too old (58) to have a new baby. Laura told him he could have the part he wanted in the baby’s life. My half-brother (“Leo”) was born a year and a half ago.
He’s very cute and happy. My dad was proud of him when he was born, showing pictures to everyone and all. For around 8 to 10 months Laura and Leo lived at my Dad’s. However whenever I would call him at that time and ask “How are you? “, he would reply angrily that he obviously was not well, having been trapped into having a new baby that he did not want, that he was deprived of his freedom, and is overall upset with having to take care of two young children (Diana and Leo).
He would openly say that in front of Diana and Leo. He began treating Laura worse and worse and just leaving all the time during the week or weekends, so Laura would have to take care alone of Leo and Diana. She has health problems and had two heart attacks during that time, so he reluctantly took care of my siblings when she was recovering but she still did the cooking, dishes, and stuff.
After that time Laura and dad talked things through and Laura decided it’s best if she moves out to another city (a city where my dad goes vacationing a lot cause he has a boat there) where she can get her own apartment (she has her own job) and so that dad can come see her and Leo when he feels like it without feeling trapped.
He agrees and she moves, starts building a good life for her and Leo (subscribes to a sports club, meets new friends, Leo is at childcare near home, etc.). Laura keeps in touch with the whole family and we’re welcome to stay at her’s anytime.
Fast forward a few weeks and my dad is telling everyone she’s a horrible monster for taking Leo away from his dad and siblings.
He would go to the city she’s at, randomly, ask to see Leo and bring him back to his house (in another city) for a few days. Laura does not know when she’s seeing Leo again. When she refused to let him see Leo for a few days (18 days) because she can’t stand the uncertainty and needs my dad to respect a schedule, he went to Leo’s daycare, took Leo and just left without her knowing.
Laura has filed a lawsuit against him to obtain full custody + my dad would have the right to visit Leo on the weekends and vacation under a fixed schedule.
My dad wants me to testify for him in court but IMO he brought this on himself. I refused to testify for him and he now refuses to talk to me. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Son's College Fund For My Wife's Private Hospital Birth?
“I’ve been married to my wife for 3 years. I have a 16 yo son from my previous marriage and his grandparents and I are on good terms.
We’ve set up a joint account to contribute towards his college fund.
The problem started when my wife requested that I pull money from my son’s college fund to pay for a c-section in a private hospital. I declined her request and refused to even negotiate. She complained about how I didn’t seem to care about her or our son’s well-being even though there was nothing to worry about in terms of health.
Yes, every medical procedure has its own risks but the local free hospitals we have are decent and offer great care. All family members and friends had their kids there. She disagreed and criticized the poor service local hospitals have and insisted that this was a big deal since it concerned both her and our son’s health.
I tried assuring her saying she will be fine but she argued that I have no idea what it’s like and told me if I refuse to put money towards the c-section then I shouldn’t be surprised when she put her maiden name on our son’s birth certificate instead of my family’s name. I refused as I saw no need to waste money on a private hospital when we had free service and care available.
She stopped bringing it up and days later she had a scheduled c-section at the local hospital and I wasn’t allowed to be at the hospital and I respected her wish.
I only saw my son when she came home and I was shocked to learn she went ahead and put her maiden name on the birth certificate.
I immediately went off on her but she said I caused this and claimed I was obviously favoring my oldest over my youngest before he was even born. I said she was dead wrong and called her petty and vengeful for doing this purely to punish me for the fact that I was unable to afford a private hospital.
Her family watched and she told me to step out of the room but I said we weren’t finished talking. She started crying and her mom got involved and told me to step out because I was stressing her daughter out. I had an argument with her too and asked if she approved of any part of her daughter’s behavior and she just shook her head telling me to calm down and give her some time to rest.
She said no but I bear the blame too for disregarding my wife’s needs after she made them clear and pointed out that pulling some money for the private hospital wouldn’t hurt but my parents disagreed and are upset and refusing to even visit calling my wife unhinged and toxic.”
27. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother And SIL See My Daughter Anymore?
“I have a 4-year-old daughter, Emma. I am an addict and I’ve been sober for 2 years. My brother was Emma’s court-appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday.
I had to fight for almost a year to get her back. My brother and SIL are still upset that I “took Emma from them” and have called CPS on me numerous times and made it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid.
They love Emma and Emma loves them so I try to take her to see them a couple times a month.
A couple of weeks ago, Emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. I’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so I asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so I could take my test. They said they were happy to take her so I brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of Pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes.
I came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her Pedialyte were gone. When I asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the Pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so I could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but I never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician).
They also said I shouldn’t be giving her Tylenol and Motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any Motrin.
Then I asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needed prescription meds for the stomach flu.
They also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave them to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting.
I left with Emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised.
I’m working on Thanksgiving so I was going to drop Emma off with my parents so she could see my family but I still don’t want her to be around them without me so I’m leaving her with her babysitter instead.
Now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and SIL see Emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her.
AITJ for not letting my daughter see my brother and SIL?”
26. AITJ For Not Inviting My Awful Mother To My Wedding?
“When I (28f) grew up, I was covered with girly things and was expected to like girly things.
I hated the color pink and dolls and princesses. I liked cars and trucks and always asked my dad to take me with him to his job (he’s a mechanic) and my mom would always hate that and tell me to go bake or something. She would always complain about having a daughter that didn’t like girly things.
Then my sister was born and had Down Syndrome. Well, my mom didn’t like that either. When I saw my sister, my dad and I fell in love with her. After my sister was born, my mom couldn’t stop complaining about not having ‘normal’ kids like she wanted. My dad would always get into arguments with her because she would say mean stuff to both me and my sister.
My sister and I became very close and would always comfort each other whenever one was feeling down.
Well, my mom and dad divorced when I was 11 and my sister was 6. My mom got married quickly after and the guy she married had a daughter (12f). Me and my sister tried our hardest to try and become friends with her but she just wouldn’t and always called us freaks because we weren’t girly like her.
She made rude comments on how my sister talked and looked, and my sister being six took that to heart and told my mom but guess what she said “it’s only the truth, stop being so dramatic”. I would always yell and defend my sister but when I would yell or do anything, my mom would always tell me to stop being mean to my sister.
Now onto the problem, me and my sister cut contact with our mom the second we both turned 18. My sister lived with me and my partner until she found a stable job. My sister and I still talked to our dad and he was the best dad ever. Well, my partner proposed. I’m supposed to have my wedding in 2 weeks.
Well, 2 days ago my mom called me (I haven’t talked to her or her husband in over 7 years!) She asked me why she hasn’t got a wedding invite yet, but here’s the thing I wasn’t planning on inviting her anyway. I told that I won’t be inviting her or her husband. She got mad and asked why.
I said “I don’t know maybe because I haven’t talked to you in 8 years”. She said that I was the one not talking to her. I said that I was over all the emotional abuse she has given me and my sister over the years and that she should wait until my step-sister gets married and go there.
Apparently, my step-sister has also cut contact with her. I said it’s not my problem and that I don’t want any drama over this.
Well, my mutual family found out and said that I was being ridiculous and that it was all in the past and to move on. My sister said she didn’t want our mother there and I said me too but everyone in the family is literally going crazy over this telling me I’m being a jerk and acting like a baby.
So I really need to know, WIBTJ?”
25. AITJ For Storming Out After A Friend Made Fun Of Me For Not Being Able To Find A Good Man?
“Some context required. I’m 27 and in a pretty close-knit group of friends, we’ve been friends since meeting in university 9 years ago. We hang out, go to dinner, etc. regularly.
One of the girls in the group, we’ll call her A, I’ve been trying to distance away from for a while.
We used to be very close, but I noticed she’s quite selfish and negative, unreceptive to anyone’s opinion other than her own, and the type to talk down to her friends and “neg” them. Examples include: “wow your shoes are so big! They’d never fit me, my feet are TINY by comparison!” and “You’re SO tall (I’m 5’9”).
I’d never want to be that tall” and “your skirt is SUCH a brave choice, I’d never wear it but it’s so cute on you” and more, I can’t think of examples right now, but it’s always done in a very subtle, mean-spirited way that gives you insecurities you didn’t even know you had. I don’t want to be close with her anymore, but she’s in the bigger group, so.
More background: I’ve had horrible luck with relationships and it’s a big insecurity of mine. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship a few years ago, and before that, I was with a guy for a year who I was very in love with and saw myself marrying, and he flat-out told me that he doesn’t love me and never did and then married the girl he started seeing a month after we broke up.
I’ve been to therapy over it and my friends are all in relationships and know how much I want a life partner and how not being able to find one is a big insecurity of mine, and they are all extremely encouraging and supportive. A pretends to support me, but she frequently brings up my exes to make fun of them even when I ask her not to because it’s very tongue-in-cheek: she’s in a happy relationship and lives with her partner, and I don’t like it when people make fun of my past mistakes because it feels like a jab on my ability to find love.
Anyway, I’m seeing a new guy, and I’m careful to not let myself get too excited but I told the girls about it over dinner on Saturday. I showed them pictures and they asked lots of questions and were all very excited and said he seems wonderful and they can’t wait to see where it goes.
A, on the other hand, was quiet, until she said “oh I don’t know. We all know OP DOESN’T find good men.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew I would explode, so I needed to take myself out of the situation. I stormed out, and I felt the silence of the group behind me.
I cried myself to sleep that night and messaged the rest of the girls how sorry I am, and how I feel bad for causing a scene, but they all understood. One paid for my dinner and drinks and I paid her back.
A didn’t message me until today, and she just said that my causing a scene was very embarrassing for her and demanded an apology. AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Neighbor About Our Parking Arrangements?
“I (23F) am currently renting a house with my partner (23M) and we have a daughter (7 months F). We have lived at our house since January but recently have fallen out with a neighbour due to parking.
The neighbour’s drive is directly opposite our front garden. We have a single drive that we can just fit both of our cars on but we have to closely park behind each other.
About a month ago, my partner moved his car half on our garden/half on the street as we both had to be out of the house at different times that day. So it didn’t make any sense for us to keep reversing in and out. In the evening, I was cleaning my car and I heard my neighbour shouting ‘excuse me.
‘ I look up and she’s asking me if that’s my car on the grass verge. I explained it was my partner’s. She asked if we could move it as she couldn’t reverse into her drive. She asked us to not park there and to park further up the street instead and pointed to the area she meant.
This area was directly blocking a public pathway and someone else’s drive. I said I’d tell him and that was that. She did manage to park on her own drive but not reverse in. I did tell him and he was immediately upset, as the car had literally been there for 5 hours max… and she had managed to park on her drive.
We then hadn’t spoken to each other since. We have visitors weekly (his parents or mine as they come to see our daughter) and they have parked on the verge.
Then two days ago, I was pulling into my drive and saw my partner’s parents were parked on the verge and the neighbour was attempting to reverse into her drive.
It was absolutely pouring down, my daughter had a fever and was crying so I needed to get her into the house. As I got out of my car she immediately started shouting ‘excuse me! ‘ I was focusing on getting my baby in the house and she again was complaining she couldn’t reverse into her drive easily and that I should tell my guests to park in the place she pointed out before.
I explained to her that a. I had JUST got home, I didn’t know they were coming, b. That ‘parking space’ she’s suggesting is directly blocking a driveway and public pathway and c. I need to get my screaming child inside. I looked out the window once I got in and she had managed to reverse park in her drive!
Now I’m really annoyed about this situation for a few reasons;
- She is still able to park in her drive, and proved that she can in fact, reverse into her drive
- We pay Road tax so we can park on our street and we are also parked on our own property
- She hasn’t any regard for other neighbours
- Her approach is rude and entitled
- She has never formally introduced herself to us or attempted to make conversation with us unless it’s about her car
But yet I can’t help feeling that I may be the jerk in this situation… I get that she is annoyed that she can’t reverse into her drive easily but I just feel the way she is attempting to ‘solve’ this ‘issue’ disregards others.
23. AITJ For Not Sharing Profits From The Cottage Sale With My Sister?
“20+ years ago my Father added my name to a Cottage property that he owned and was passed down to him.
At the time he needed care and someone to act as POA when he was dealing with his declining health due to his disability from MS.
At the time he asked for help, my sister’s reaction to his request was (direct quote) ‘Let him Rot’…(She had been heavily influenced by our mother’s opinion of him after their divorce)
So, I stepped up and became his POA, caregiver, and person who helped him navigate his life with MS.
My sister knew he had made the decision to put my name on the cottage as co-owner. She was a bit upset but I suggested she take it up with him since he was still alive and able to make his own decisions concerning his property.
She never spoke to him about it..but kept pressuring me to add her (which I could not without his permission).
After his death I told her that if she was to be added as co/owner it would mean she was going to also be CO/responsible for all taxes/maintenance/repairs… as well.
She was aware of that and declined.
Over the years I have allowed her to enjoy the cottage with her family and never asked her to pay for anything. Our personal relationship has been rocky over the years due to many things she has done to me and our family to the point that people have told me to cut her out of my life completely…but I maintained a civil relationship with her.
Since I became owner 20+ years ago I have paid all back taxes, yearly taxes, fees for maintenance and repairs, and utilities. Handled all business associated with the property and visited the property to make sure it was intact (It’s in another country).
It has basically been a money pit due to the age and condition of the cottage/property at the time it went into my name.
Over the years I made several attempts to improve the property, even asked her for help with taxes/maintenance. Never once has my sister offered any financial support.
I recently made a decision to sell the property. This involved international travel, hiring lawyers, agents, accountants, and going through a lot of red tape for an international sale of a property.
This included hiring people to help with removing debris/furniture/junk. I brought back family keepsakes and gave some to her.
She was aware of my choice to sell the property and everyone in the family was in agreement with my choice and supported my decision, since it was a good time to sell and it was a financial burden I could no longer maintain.
2 days ago she started asking me about her 1/2 of the profits from the sale of the Cottage…
Am I the jerk for not giving her any of the profits? Legally I’m not required to, but morally I’m feeling a bit conflicted.
In lieu of giving my sister money from the sale of the property, my plan is to invest it to build generational wealth for OUR collective children/grandchildren for college and other needs.”
22. AITJ For Refusing To Tell My Nephews I Was Happy About My Parents' Divorce?
“My stepbrother is going through a divorce. He has a 10-year-old son and a 7-year-old son with his wife. The boys are not thrilled about the divorce and are even less thrilled that he already has a significant other (he moved out 6 months ago and they started seeing each other two months ago but he wants to introduce them).
He has tried talking to the boys about how happy he was when his parents divorced because it meant he got a real family and how much of a relief it is when your parents finally say they’re breaking up. The boys said they didn’t feel that way. They wanted their family to still be their family, to be together, etc.
He asked me (23f) to speak to them and tell them I was happy too, I was relieved too, and how much of a burden was lifted when it happened. Only I didn’t feel that way. I was devastated when my parents told me. I was 8 and thought my world was ending. My parents seemed so happy.
I thought everything was perfect. One minute they talked about trying to give me a sibling and the next minute it was over. Part of me still wishes their marriage had worked. Not that I think they should have stayed miserable. But I wish we could all have been as happy as I was with them together.
It wasn’t to be and I think they did the right thing before it got bad between them.
But my stepbrother doesn’t want me to say all this. He was actually disgusted when I told him our initial feelings were different. He was especially upset that I wish it had worked, because he said I got even better just like he did.
He told me he needed me to say what he said to the boys. I told him I could not speak to them under the conditions he was setting.
He then went and told my mom. And my mom was not at all shocked. But her husband (stepbrother’s dad) was. He never realized any part of me still had a soft spot for my nuclear family before my parents’ divorce.
He’s also saying it’s wrong not to talk to his grandsons. They’re both upset over it but I mean, I can’t speak to them under the conditions set and I know he will monitor me closely during a conversation now that he knows so AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Wedding Due To Her Obsession With Our Birth Families?
“My sister and I were close growing up. We were both adopted young by our parents. She was an infant and I was 11 months old. We both knew we were adopted growing up and our parents were as open as they could be about the circumstances of our coming to be adopted. It’s not something we talked a lot about as kids but at age 16 she decided she was going to meet her birth family and she was going to make them part of our family.
She told me I should do the same with mine. I told her I wasn’t interested. She acted like such a kid about it at the time and told me how mean I was, how I was wrong for denying my true heritage and stuff like that, and how it would be selfish to live a life and have kids without attempting to connect to the people I share biological connections with.
It actually didn’t get better as we both grew into adults. Once she met her birth family she was even more determined on me finding mine. She attempted to find them herself and tried to get an Ancestry thing going without telling me (one Christmas she was being weird about me cleaning up when I finished drinking, etc.
, and where my hairbrush was that I confronted her and she admitted what she was up to). She even reached out to the social worker over my case on my behalf.
I was so darn mad at her. She was mad at me for being mad at her and for saying no to what she was doing.
Our parents were so upset. They were supportive of whatever we wanted but they hated seeing us fight. My sister turned on them at one point and told them they should have made me seek out my birth family, that it was them being selfish not making me, how maybe they stole me or some nonsense or maybe they had made my birth family out to be worse than they were.
My parents told her to stop. That adoption is so personal for everyone and our journeys could never be the same, so she needed to stop trying to force me.
She made it so insufferable for me that I no longer want any part of her birth family. I’m sure they’re great but she’s too good at weaponizing them and I am only around her in small doses.
Which is why I didn’t invite her to my wedding next month. She was so hurt when no invite came. I told her I didn’t want to deal with her on my wedding day. That she would destroy it by pushing me, accusing our parents of hiding stuff or being lousy parents for not pushing, with her sneaking around behind my back.
I told her I don’t trust her and for that reason, I couldn’t have her there.
She seems truly crushed and she’s very angry that I would not invite her. And she’s my big sister so part of me feels bad about this even if the love I have for her these days is laced with so much pain and heartache.
20. AITJ For Standing Up To My Bully Before His Final Exam?
” “There’s this kid at my (16F) school Joshua (also 16) who’s been bullying me since middle school. I don’t know why he’s always had a problem with me, my best guess is because I had low self-esteem, so easy target?
It would range from him telling me things like “You look like a rat,” “nobody wants you around,” to being racist. He even made up this rumor about me that I bit another kid during PE and that he saw the whole thing (in the PE class that I didn’t even have with Joshua) and kept pushing that it happened all the way through high school.
Any time I would tell a teacher, they would tell Joshua to knock it off, Joshua would agree, then go right back to bullying the next day. We had a pause on in-person school, so when we resumed I hoped Joshua had grown up a little and would leave me alone. He went right back to his typical behavior and teachers never actually disciplined him.
Our class for 5th period is a college-prep elective, we had a sub and no final, so it was a study hall period. I was studying for my History final and of course Joshua stayed nearby to constantly remark about how “Look, little (slur) needs to study for finals!” or “You’re gonna fail anyway, it’s American history, not Mexican!
” I finally had enough of his behavior, so I whipped around and said to him “You know what, Josh? It’s not my fault that you hate yourself. So maybe instead of being a jerk you should man up and deal with your issues. I’m sick of your bigoted comments and your immature, childish behavior.”
Everyone else in the class was shocked.
Joshua, now crying, called me “A dumb, ugly jerk” and he ran off to the bathroom. My mother received a joint email to the school from Joshua’s mother explaining that Joshua had been “left in a severe state of emotional distress from (my) hurtful statement” and how Joshua’s 6th-period French final was worth 10% of his grade, he failed it because of me, and how the failure on his transcript would hinder his chances at college and he “deserved” an apology from me and a chance to make up the final.
My mom fired back a reply saying that I owed Joshua nothing, it’s Joshua’s own fault he failed the class, and she should be absolutely ashamed of her son’s behavior. Both my parents took me out to dinner, explaining they were proud of my all As but more importantly that I stood up to Joshua.
They also were going to arrange a meeting with the principal, who already agreed to reprimand the teachers for their lack of action against Joshua’s persistent bullying and deal with Joshua further (he’s been bullying other kids too, apparently.)
I’m still wondering though if I took it too far or if I should have waited until after finals to stick it to Joshua.
He’s definitely a jerk, but I’m not sure if he should have the rest of his life potentially ruined over it. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom And Brother To Live With Me When I Buy A House?
“I (19M) am getting ready to buy a house next year, I have been saving money and recently got a promotion that will really help me be able to afford it.
My mom was living with her S/O but they recently passed and she’s been living with her parents. My younger brother (18M) lives with me in my apartment and pays $100 a month for rent, but I pay the rest of the bills.
Me and my mom have never been close, she kicked me out right after I turned 16 and I’ve been on my own since then.
Our relationship has gotten better, I visit my grandparents every week and since she lives there I see her and talk as well. She and my brother are really close and he’s always been the favorite and gotten special treatment from her while I was ignored. My brother lives with me because he didn’t get along with my mom’s S/O and he was a minor and I couldn’t turn my back on him like our mom had done to me.
But now I’m talking about buying my own house to be able to have consistency and not have to move every 6-12 months.
My mom’s sleeping in her parents’ kitchen because their house is pretty small, she’s getting tired of it but can’t afford a place on her own because she has limited income. My brother lives with me and all I ask him to do is take out the garbage and wash the dishes and just keep his space clean.
He doesn’t do either and when I ask him about it he says “you’re not my dad” (we have separate dads, neither of them is in our lives).
My grandmother, mom, and brother think I’m being selfish for not allowing them to live with me when I buy a house. My grandfather doesn’t think I am, he just tells me to do what’s best for my mental and physical health.
I feel kind of bad but I know if I let them both live with me my health will decline. I had a hard fight to get where I am today mentally and financially. When I lived with her last she would take money from me and tell me how I’ll never be able to do anything and my brother has been and will be better than me.
I had suffered severely from mental health issues and after I was kicked out I started to improve and I’m worried if we live together it will all restart again.
Am I the jerk?”
18. AITJ For Wanting A Child-Free Housewarming Party?
“I’m 28F. My husband 31M and I just moved back to our hometown after three years of living out of state.
Most of our old friends still live here.
So we bought a home and are trying to throw a housewarming party for this fall. It will be the first time we can get all of our friends together at the same time since before we moved away. I had the idea that I wanted this get-together to be like old times, free of responsibility and just a ton of fun.
There will likely be heavy drinking and usage of legal substances (we live in a legal state) and perhaps some irresponsible behavior. But our home can accommodate folks who want to stay the night. For all these reasons, I thought it best to make it a child-free gig.
My husband and I are child-free by choice.
We just have other goals for our life together at this time, but we’re super happy and supportive of our friends & family who have decided to have kids! We think it’s so exciting and we’ve loved meeting each of their little ones. We have 0 problem with kids/babies, we just wanted something different for our party.
So I made a social media group for the party. At the bottom of the event description I wrote ‘Kindly, this is a no-kids event. As much as we love your little ones, let’s consider this a 21+ party. We understand if you can only stay a few hours, but we would love to see you and party like old times!
Not an hour later I get a text from a close friend who had her first baby last year. Her text was ‘Ayee! Not sure hubby and I will make it with the no-kids policy. Sorry. We have our hands full. ‘ Before I could respond I got another text from her: ‘In fact, I would recommend rethinking that.
Some of us have adult responsibilities now and can’t just drop everything to live like college kids again. It’s just different now you know?’
I’m not sure if she was trying to get a dig at me (she knows I’m child-free), but now I feel bad. I wasn’t trying to inconvenience anyone, I just didn’t think this environment would be suitable for kids.
Maybe I was out of line to ask. But I also don’t appreciate the implication that I ‘live like a college kid’ just because I want a child-free party. Should I change it to include kids?”
17. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Share Parenting Responsibilities Equally?
“My husband and I (together 14 years, married 10) share a 5-year-old daughter. I think he is not doing his share of the mental labor in regards to our parenting and I’m resentful.
I had a very bad childhood. My parents did everything wrong. My husband’s childhood wasn’t much better. I think given that we have had NO positive parenting modeled for us, we should base our parenting on research and evidence-based best practices from child development experts, not on our guesses and reactions. After consideration, I settled on positive parenting methods, consequence-based discipline, and emotion coaching methodology.
He acted like he was on board.
My husband has done nothing except take my direction and read articles I send him after he hits the end of his skillset and it causes a problem with our kid. He’s gotten resentful about the amount of reading I ask him to do for therapy/marriage counseling stuff (it’s not much) so I haven’t suggested any parenting books.
He’s passively responsible and depends on me for his information and guidance. It’s exhausting and lonely.
Last night, he wanted to take away all the stars on her reward chart for wanting a towel instead of her blanket in bed after bathtime. Keep in mind, she’s a tired 5yo in a power struggle with a grouchy middle-aged man.
She works hard to earn those stars and taking away her stars for that isn’t reasonable, related, or respectful. The only thing that would do is make her think we’re unfair. He was just trying to control her behavior to ease his own anger.
She wasn’t hurting anyone by being annoying about a towel. He could either take the towel away (‘Towels belong in the bathroom’) and let her throw a fit, let her have it, or go get it once she fell asleep and talk about it in the morning.
I was taken aback by how unfair and angry he was about not being able to control a 5yo. He was angry with me for not wanting to ‘punish her. ‘ She’s good 95% of the time and her ‘misbehavior’ is typical age-appropriate stuff.
I basically told him that he needs to start catching up on the parenting methods we agreed on and go do his own reading.
I explained I wanted a partner in parenting, I don’t want to be his manager. He told me I was wrong to want that, basically. He kept yelling at me ‘Since you’re so smart and informed, you tell me what to do! You’re the expert! You don’t even know what to do?! ‘ I told him I want him to take active responsibility and be a partner.
He didn’t get it.
I got frustrated and yelled ‘Right now, I feel like I have to parent YOU’ and he told me to shut up. I reached my limit and I told him his loud, strong, uninformed opinions about parenting make him a blowhard.
He thinks I owe him an apology and he still doesn’t get why he can’t rely on me completely for parenting guidance, books, and articles.
If he doesn’t take responsibility for being an active parenting partner, I’m going to continue to be resentful and come off as nagging. This is unacceptable.
16. AITJ For Refusing To Make Wedding Invitations For My Bullying Sister-In-Law?
“A bit of backstory my SiL and I don’t get on, she’s never liked me since she met me and has borderline bullied me for years (constantly making snarky comments about my weight/appearance/job).
I would go no contact with her but she is my husband’s sister so it is not my call to make. We are pretty low contact with each other…we don’t even speak when we are in the same room. My husband and her still have a fairly decent relationship and I don’t want to be the person to stop that.
Now for the problem…she made me a bridesmaid, this is due to not wanting my husband to be upset about me not being included and so that it gives the impression we get on for the wider family.
I asked her if she really wanted me to be a bridesmaid as we have little to no relationship and I wouldn’t be upset if she said no and she said she did so I decided I would try to do a good job.
She and her other bridesmaids have not been that nice in the group chat. Often ignoring me and dismissing my suggestions. I have also been told that she has complained I wasn’t doing a good enough job. I planned to throw her and her friends a bridal shower and have them at my house for a whole weekend, none of them offered to help or financially contribute to this, and even did extra hours at work to pay for this, my husband was unhappy about this as he said she wouldn’t do the same for me.
I have seen a worsening in our relationship over the last year even to a point they gave me something she had received for her birthday and didn’t want as a Christmas present. I decided that was the end of it and I would not leave the wedding party as the dresses had already been bought but my husband agreed I could stop making the effort with her.
In the last few months, they asked me to make all the invitations for their wedding…I am quite crafty but have never done this. Not even for my own wedding. I said I didn’t have the skills and they put this down to me not liking them. I was getting constantly asked if I will do it and they seem to not believe that I can’t.
My in-laws are saying that I should do it “as a bonding experience” but I’m not sure how this would be bonding as I would be doing it alone. I think they all believe I am capable and just saying no as I don’t like them.
They seemed to have dropped it as I told them I don’t have the time or the skills and I thought the matter was over.
They have recently reached out and asked me again. I feel they are only nice to me when they want something. My husband has chosen to stay out of it as he understands it’s a lot of work and has said he will support me with what I choose but I think he just wants me to keep the peace with his sister and mum.
I feel like I’m being totally reasonable in saying no but I know it is getting to my husband with them constantly trying to persuade him to persuade me, and I know they are family, I probably would at least have tried if I liked them. AITJ for saying no again?”
15. AITJ For Not Funding My Siblings' Families To Attend My Destination Wedding?
“My fiance (26F) and I (28M) are getting married at a destination wedding next summer. The destination is special to my fiance as she vacationed there with her family a couple of times when she was younger and it holds sentimental value to her. I was open to the idea since I am pretty indifferent when it comes to wedding planning and this seemed like an easy way to check a lot of boxes at once, plus the added bonus of my fiance getting a wedding she dreamed about.
Of course, the downfall of a destination wedding is that people might not be able to attend. We expected this and had a lot of conversations about making sure we don’t take anything personally if people can’t attend and were very clear to the people we asked to be in our wedding party about the cost and expectations.
There were a couple of friends I asked to be groomsmen that had to decline due to them having young kids and I totally get that and respect it. I’m not an idiot, my wedding is not more important than your kids to you.
This hasn’t been as much of a problem with my fiance’s side as her family comes from money and destination weddings are kind of the norm for them.
In the time we’ve been together, I think 4-5 of her cousins have had destination weddings, but we only attended one of them and there was no fuss on anyone’s part about the ones we didn’t go to.
My family, however, does not come from money. When I told my parents and siblings about our wedding plans, they all kind of freaked out about not being able to afford it.
I get it, my siblings have kids and expenses too. I told them I understand if it’s not something they are able to afford and while I would love for them to be there, I won’t hold it against them if they can’t make it work.
My parents have guilted me over it a little bit, but have assured me they will be attending.
However, they told me that we should all pool some funds together (and by “all” they mean mostly me) to make sure all my siblings and their families can attend. I told them there is pretty much no way I can do that.
My 2 sisters got wind of this idea (probably from my mom) and they said that the only way they can attend is if I help pay for at least half of their trips for their whole families, kids included.
I kind of laughed at that and told them there is no way I will do that. They said that since I am the one who decided to have a destination wedding it is my responsibility to make sure my family can all attend.
I told them that I love them and would love to have them at my wedding, but I am not funding vacations for their entire family.
I said the only way I would even consider it would be if it was just them and their spouses, no kids. They said that excluding their kids was not acceptable.
They told me that I have turned into a stuck-up jerk since I got engaged and I am rubbing my fiance’s money in their faces.
They accused me of having a destination wedding on purpose to rub it in their faces that they can’t afford it.”
14. AITJ For Not Allowing My Stepsister To Knit At My Wedding?
“When my husband and I got married, we each identified 3 things that were essential to us for planning purposes.
At the top of my husband’s list was having our ceremony officiated by his favorite college professor, who was also a Jesuit (Catholic) priest. We were both raised Catholic and even though we are both largely non-practicing, I agreed because it was so important to him. This entailed inviting the priest up to our town, which is roughly 1.5 hours from where our priest lived.
Our wedding was big-ish – about 100 people – with a very small number of attendees being practicing Catholics. However, as the Jesuit Priest was officiating, it had to be a church wedding.
As we made our guest list, we discussed some sticky family dynamics – namely my stepsister, CM. CM has overcome a lot of issues over the course of her life and lives with some ongoing mental health stuff and is a recovered addict.
These issues plagued our family as we grew up and she spent a good chunk of my teenage years and 20s incarcerated, relapsing, or in rehab. I always tried to support her in a number of ways – I wrote her while she was incarcerated, visited her in recovery, and did my best to help my stepmom however I could.
There was a lot of family strain, and we collectively always put CM first.
CM seemed to be in a good place at the time, so I invited her to our wedding and reception. At this point, we had a polite relationship.
She started messaging me a few months before the wedding asking me about details, when she mentioned she would be bringing her latest knitting project to work on during our ceremony.
I was uncomfortable with her sitting front and center in a small church and knitting while a full Catholic mass/wedding was in process. Especially given that our officiant was a guest who was traveling to celebrate our wedding, I thought it was disrespectful and rude.
I respectfully told CM that she could not bring a giant knitting project into my wedding.
CM immediately got angry and tried to force me to allow her to attend on her terms. I responded that in this instance, the day was about my husband and me being married and she would need to be respectful and not make herself the center of attention or she was free to just attend the reception.
CM continued to try to have her way. Based on my previous experience with CM, I knew that if she did attend at this point, the knitting was 100% coming out, or she would otherwise pull some shady stuff to make the day about her. At this point, I told her to not bother attending.
Although my wedding was beautiful, this did lead to a chilling of our relationship, as well as my relationship with my stepmother for a few years.
I have since mended my relationship with my stepmother, but am only now considering re-engaging with my stepsister. I know that the wedding will eventually come up. AITJ for not being more accommodating?”
13. AITJ For Taking My Dad's Side In Their Divorce And Telling My Mom Not To Sue Him?
“My (27F) father (50M) and mother (52F) decided to finally split last year. They sold our childhood home and my mother took a majority of the profit and agreed my dad wouldn’t have to pay her alimony due to that. For context, my dad has been the primary financial provider since I was about 10.
My mom hasn’t worked full time since then as that was when her father passed away and she began consuming pills heavily. I moved out initially when I was 17 due to this and went no contact with her for several years as she was extremely abusive growing up.
Fast forward to now, a year after the sale of the home.
My dad had verbally told my mom he would be taking her off the insurance after a year in which he followed through on. My mom was livid when she found out. They are still in the middle of the divorce proceedings but I understood his decision as he just wants to move on and not deal with her anymore.
She called him flipping out about being taken off the insurance and now she’s trying to escalate the divorce and sue him (I’m not even sure what she’s suing for technically).
She called me tonight to ask for money for her new insurance, in which I agreed to give her some. I know I won’t see the money back and even though we don’t get along I still care about my mom.
She then proceeded to complain about my father and the situation even though I asked her several times not to. I told her she was the jerk for suing and always blowing everything out of proportion when all my father wanted was for her to get a job and contribute to the house a little bit but she never did.
She tried stating things like I would understand if I was going through something similar and how she was the one always taking me to my sports games growing up. I told her that she can’t continue to bring up things she did 20 years ago as an excuse to justify how she’s acting and of course I don’t understand what she’s going through fully.
I’m very independent, bought my own home last year, and have been single for a long time. Basically just a huge back-and-forth conversation/fight as always.
We ended the convo with me telling her that I think she needs to drop any lawsuit and just find a job with benefits or pay for insurance herself as she’s currently a bartender and had no problem bragging to me before about how much she makes.
She thinks I’m being a jerk because I do tend to take my father’s side. I do get along with him better and very much look up to him as a person but he also doesn’t put me in the middle of this stuff ever which is why I respect him more. So am I the jerk for taking my dad’s side and telling my mom not to sue for the divorce?”
12. AITJ For Getting My Friend In Trouble After He Triggered My Nut Allergy?
“I’m in high school, senior year and I have this friend named Harry. Harry is one of those types of friends who doesn’t think at all before he speaks and always gets into trouble.
One time, he got into so much trouble with the school over a planned vandalism between him and his friends. The school threatened if he got into any more trouble, he’d have a much more extreme punishment.
During school, I proceeded to the cafeteria with a few of my mates, Gary and Dave. I wasn’t really hungry, so I was just going to chill with my friends whilst they ate.
Gary, Dave, and Harry begin to pull their lunches out of their bags. Harry unraveled one of the most disgusting sandwiches I’ve ever seen.
It was a disgusting mess of a sandwich. It looked like two pieces of bread splattered onto a giant puddle of some brown substance, just pure sugar. Harry put the sandwich on the table and I began to examine it, and I realized it was Nutella.
I began to slightly panic and I stood up and backed a bit away from the table and I asked Harry if it was Nutella. Keep in mind, he knows about my nut allergy.
Harry began to get really offended when I expressed my concern about me possibly having an allergic reaction. He began to start accusing us of singling him out and trying to “antagonize” him which is far from the truth.
He then pointed at me calling me a coward and how I am just acting like a child. Before I could even get a word out, Harry did something that absolutely changed my opinion of him forever.
Harry grabbed the sandwich, ran his fingers through the Nutella, and moved closer to me and smeared the Nutella all over my face and mouth.
The second I processed what was happening, I began to freak out and I immediately started to feel extremely light headed. Gary and Dave freaked out and Dave screamed at Harry calling him an idiot. Harry ran out of the cafeteria while everyone else in the cafeteria was looking at us.
Dave told Gary to go to the Nurse’s office and get the nurse.
Gary ran out to get the Nurse and he came back in less than a minute with the Nurse. We all went to the Nurse’s office. The Nurse helped me and all was good and we told him about the story, and we ended up telling the principal.
The next day I was pretty much back to normal and I later found out from Gary and Dave that Harry got suspended for a month and he was warned that if he was to get in trouble again, he would be expelled.
He also got into even more trouble and ended up getting some form of a charge. (I’m not sure what the actual name of the charge was, but he did get some form of a charge.)
The charge will be on his record forever and I was shocked. Even though Harry was a complete lunatic for what he did, I do feel kind of bad.
This will 100% mess up his chances of getting a job, but then again he shouldn’t have done what he did. However, people can change and I’m certain Harry won’t be the same as he is currently compared to being in his 20s in the future.”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Take Down My Halloween Decorations Due To A Neighbor's Arachnophobia?
“My husband and I moved into this neighborhood about 2 years ago after we got married. We haven’t been able to celebrate Halloween the last two years, it’s our favorite holiday so this year we decided to go all out.
We filled our yard with tombstones and skeletons. All of our bushes and trees are wrapped in fake webbing, the tree closest to the street having a huge 6-foot spider dangling from its limbs.
The final touch was a huge rope web, that we added extra webbing to fill it out, that hangs from our roof all the way out to the street. We’re not into gory stuff so we got a couple of fuzzy spider decorations to place around the yard. It took us hours to decorate and we were so excited, my husband looked like a kid in a candy store.
Yesterday while my husband was at work, I heard a knock on my door. It turned out to be my neighbor, he looked absolutely frantic. I didn’t even have a chance to ask what had happened when he yelled in my face, ‘You need to take all this stuff down!’
I was really taken aback, this neighbor has always been very nice to us.
I’ve seen other houses decorate in the past few years, maybe not to this extent, but I know it’s not against our HOA rules. I decided to ask if that was his issue just in case.
He looked at me completely dumbfounded and started going off, ‘Cut the nonsense. You need to put all this away.
My wife has arachnophobia. Your yard practically gave her a heart attack this morning.’
I kind of messed up here and laughed. ‘I didn’t think our purple fuzzy spiders with big googly eyes would even scare the little kids in the neighborhood. You’re pulling my leg, right?’
He got in my face and practically stepped into my house, ‘You’re going to scare my wife to death.
If you and your husband don’t take all this stuff down I’m reporting you. I’m a retired police officer and I can make this a real problem for you.’
I started seeing red and getting really uncomfortable because I was completely home alone and my husband wouldn’t be home for hours. Even if I wanted to take it down, it would be impossible without his help.
‘Listen, this is our first time getting to celebrate Halloween in our house and we really put a lot into our yard. We don’t even have any gory or graphic decorations. None of our spiders even look realistic. Can we please not do this right now?’
‘I don’t care. Take it down or else.
‘ He didn’t really give me a chance to answer, he just started walking back to his yard.
Our decorations are not scary, other neighbors have even said our yard is cute. We also spent a few hundred dollars decorating, it would be a huge waste to take it all down. I haven’t told my husband yet because I know he’s petty and will throw a fit (and probably decorate with even more spiders out of spite).
I refuse to take down our decorations, this is really important to us and I just want to enjoy my favorite holiday with my husband. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Pretending To Sell My VR Headset To Avoid Damage By My Partner's Little Brother?
“A few months ago I bought myself a VR headset, I had to save money for half a year to finally afford one and that meant missing out on a lot of other fun stuff.
Now ever since I got one I’ve had friends and family over to share the experience with them since it’s so fun and just a crazy first-time experience. I love seeing my friends and family goof around getting dizzy or scared, it’s priceless.
Here comes my partner’s little brother (11) and obviously he should have a go since he never has tried VR, no problem just don’t smash the controllers together or run into a wall head first.
Simple rules right?
But apparently ever since he tried it once he’ll beg and beg me nonstop to play every time he is over, and if I say no my partner says I’m being unfair since her brother looks up to me and really enjoys playing VR on my headset. This has caused a lot of fights between me and my partner because she wants her brother to have a good time whenever he is over, which normally means him deciding what’s for dinner, playing on my PS3 or VR headset.
My arguments are that it’s my stuff, it’s expensive and I’m really worried about it breaking. She thinks I’m being unfair and strict towards her brother and she often asks if I hate him which I don’t, I just don’t want to share my expensive stuff with people I think are too uncaring to take care of them.
The problem is he can’t play without being watched constantly, he starts walking around completely ignoring the big walls inside the headset, which means you are walking outside the play area, even a blind person would see these walls. So I have to tell him every 30 seconds to a minute to step back and stop moving his feet, which he sometimes ignores cause he is too invested in the game.
I turned down the volume a lot so no excuse about not hearing me. Besides that he’ll smash the controllers together sometimes and just act like nothing happened and continue playing wild and uncaring.
I’m tired of fighting with my partner over whether he should be allowed to play on my VR headset despite him constantly begging and not respecting my rules.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll just tell her family that I sold it and just hide it away whenever they are over. My partner thinks I’m being unfair and childish since I’m taking away something her brother really enjoys. But I know darn well who is going to pay when he breaks it, and it ain’t going to be none of them.
So WIBTJ if I acted like I just sold it and hid it away whenever her family comes over?”
9. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel My Husband's Streaming Subscriptions To Save Money?
“I’m (f32) the breadwinner and have a toddler and a 9-month-old baby.
Their needs are never-ending and everything I buy is expensive.
My husband (m37) is unemployed but uses part of my salary for his subscription/paid streaming services which cost about 80+ a month for Hulu (premium) Netflix, HBO, Amazon, ESPN+, and more. I keep finding myself coming up short with money. I keep neglecting to buy hygiene products and have only one pair of shoes that look decent.
I can’t remember the last time I bought anything nice for myself and keep feeling guilty just thinking of going shopping for stuff that is necessary. I sat him down for a discussion and told him his subscriptions are taking money and I can’t keep paying for them when I have other responsibilities. I asked him to choose one channel and he threw a fit calling me ridiculous to think streaming services are the reason I’m always short on money and blamed it on the “expensive” and “unnecessary” makeup he calls it “fakeup” I keep wasting money on.
I got angry and said he needed to respect that makeup is part of my personality and I won’t quit buying and wearing it.
He said that I was trying to financially control him since I got offended when he pointed out that I waste money on makeup and explained that he cannot and WILL NOT be bought with money no matter how desperate he is.
I said ok then let me cancel all streaming services and keep one till he can pay for them once he finds a job but he refused and said since he’s the stay-at-home parent then those streaming services are a right and not a privilege and I should keep paying for them without complaining since he’s staying with our sons all day and it’s taxing just like my job.
The final straw was when he suggested I stop buying formula and go back to breastfeeding since that is unnecessary and expensive. I was floored and was seething I lashed out at him asking him if he literally thought cancelling formula is better than his precious subscriptions. Also, I work I have no time to breastfeed.
He just said he doesn’t know what it is anymore and that I was pushing him but I told him he no longer has the choice and I’ll just stop paying for all his channels/subscriptions altogether which had him reply that I was being unfair and un-appreciative of his efforts. He stormed off after calling me controlling and kept giving me the cold shoulder.
8. AITJ For Expecting My Roommates To Be Quiet After 10pm Due To My Early Work Schedule?
“I lived with these same roommates in a different apartment last year and things were fine 95% of the time. I was looking to move separately, and they offered to let me room with them again in a new apartment.
I liked them so I agreed. I’m fairly quiet and try to stay out of the way. I’ve told my roommates to let me know if any noise isn’t good for them and I’ll adjust as needed.
The problem is, I work 6:30 am-3 pm. I need to go to bed by 10 pm and I am a very light sleeper.
There isn’t much I can do about this since it’s just how I am. My roommates generally work odd times and they are all friends (were friends before we shared an apartment, I’ve only known them for these last 1.5 years). What this usually means is they don’t get to hang out until 10 pm.
I don’t mind if they watch a movie quietly, or cook, or do homework, or listen to music at a reasonable volume.
I’ve said they can hang out and I’m not trying to stop them from having fun. What I do mind is when they laugh, talk in a normal volume, and overall just aren’t quiet. It doesn’t help that this new place has the worst building structure. I let them tour which is my own fault since I’m older than them and should have gone (this is the first time they did this on their own).
Long story short I never would’ve signed the lease on this place if I had gone, but it’s too late now.
Last night I was trying to sleep unsuccessfully. I had some music going to try and get me to sleep (and my mini fridge makes some white noise too), but I could hear my roommates over all of it.
I texted them at 1 a.m. and they said they “were just hanging out, we’re trying our best. ” (This is not the first time they’ve been loud)
This morning I texted back and I wasn’t in a good mood since I barely got any sleep. I reminded them that I work every day at 6 am and that I need them to be quiet after 10 on all workdays (this has been my schedule for the whole time I’ve known them).
I did say it was optional because I don’t believe it should be.
Another roommate responded that they do try, but I can’t just expect them to stop because it’s bedtime. She said she has to get up at 5 a.m. on some days and would never impose her sleep schedule on us. That it’s “my problem” and that they do try to be quiet, but it’s a “slippery field to ask 3 people to be quiet downstairs”.
(Bedrooms are upstairs). She says “normal volume” shouldn’t be too loud. She has suggested before that I buy some things to block out noise, but right now I don’t have any money and if I’m being honest I don’t want to. It’s free to be quiet.
I’m honestly just super upset. If I had the money I would leave.
We’ve only been here 2.5 months. I want to put my foot down and really make them be quiet at night, but maybe I am being unreasonable. AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Wanting My Wife's Sister To Move Out Or Start Paying Rent?
“My wife’s half-sister (20f) and her kids (2f, 1f) moved in with my family because she broke up with her partner and needed a place to stay. She dropped out of high school to stay home with her daughter and doesn’t have any kind of job experience. When she asked to stay with us, I assumed it would be only for a couple of months until she figured her stuff out or went back to her partner but it’s been 6 months, they’re still here, and she still doesn’t have a job.
After the first month or so I told my wife they can stay but I’m not paying for them anymore, so she pays for all of their expenses instead of telling her sister to get a job.
She helps out with the house sometimes but she always says she’s too busy with the kids to do anything like cooking or grocery shopping or watching our kids (10M, 7F, and 4M).
All of my kids go to daycare when there’s someone in the house perfectly capable of taking care of them.
Another thing is, my wife is so distracted taking care of whatever her sister needs and playing with the babies that she is starting to neglect her family. Our kids are starting to complain that we don’t go out so much on the weekends because my wife can’t afford her share of the activities they like because she’s too busy buying her sister and the babies whatever they want.
She also spends most nights taking care of the babies so her sister can go out.
And even though they’re living in my house rent-free, I can’t go near them because both of her kids scream and cry when they see me or my sons because they don’t like men/boys.
I’m tired of my SIL and her kids living here so I told my wife to hire a nanny or put the kids in daycare so her sister can get a job and move out or at least start paying rent and utilities.
She lost her temper and started yelling at me saying I can’t criticize her for not having money to go to the zoo/aquarium/arcade every weekend because I don’t help with anything regarding her sister and still expect her to split bills 60/40 (she makes more than me so she pays more) or for spending less time with them because she watches the babies while her sister goes to night school.
She finally said if I want the kids to have a nanny or go to daycare so badly, I can pay for it myself.
She’s not talking to me except about the kids so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
6. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Name From The House Document After Lending My Mother-In-Law Funds?
“My partner and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2 of them.
5 years ago we bought a home together, a small 2-bedroom unit just to see if we could coexist without killing one another with the intention of only staying a few years before we got married and then upgrading to something larger.
3 years on we had enough of a deposit to do just that when my partner’s mother came to us asking for help.
She wanted to buy a place but didn’t have anything in the way of savings. She was tired of renting as it was becoming more and more expensive.
We talked about the issue knowing that if we agreed to help it meant delaying our own upgrade by a further 3 years at minimum. With some hesitation on our part we nevertheless did the right thing and helped out his mother by giving her 90k (the sum total of all our savings at the time, making it clear it was just a loan) and she bought a place also with the aid of her other son.
Recently my partner has been talking to me about getting my name taken off the documentation for the house (so it is only her name and 2 sons on all the paperwork). I know his mother has been in his ear about it because he only ever brings it up after a solo visit to her.
For a while, I avoided the conversation but recently my husband has had an actual conversation with a lawyer to draw up paperwork to have my name legally removed.
When I found out I told my husband we needed to have a serious talk and I told him honestly that I would not remove my name from the documentation because, to date his mother has not paid either of us back a single cent of the money we lent her.
This angered my husband who said I had agreed to take my name off the documentation that’s why he spoke to a lawyer in the first place. When I insisted I never agreed and that I was just protecting us both by insisting our names stay on all the documentation he called me paranoid that his mother would never deceive us.
Now I feel guilty, AITJ for refusing to remove my name from the documentation seeing as I did help pay for the place she bought, and without our help she would still be stuck renting.”
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Cousins' Envy And Their Father's Dishonesty At A Family Dinner?
“All I have to say is buckle up.
My family originally is from a village but my grandpa moved to the city with my nona when they were 17 and 19.
He worked hard and became a really successful businessman.
My (F22) dad (M46) has his own business and my dad’s siblings are also really well off and overall very successful people. My dad’s cousins… Not so much.
My grandma and her sister married brothers so my dad, uncle, and aunts have a really big family.
Nona raised my dad and his siblings and when her sister’s kids (8 of them) all reached schooling age she would take them in so they could get better schooling here.
My dad was really close with his two cousins “Will”(M49) and “Niell”(M51) so when he finished college and came back home he pulled them out of crappy jobs so they can work for him.
Long story short we found out 8 years ago that Will and Niell have been stealing info from my dad and selling them to his rivals which led to his company going bankrupt. So my family had a rough patch and secrets spilled which led to my family not talking to them for years until my nona’s sister was about to pass away and her last wish was for the family to be okay again which we granted.
So we maintain a civil relationship with them.
We only did this because my nona loved her sister dearly.
Now I came back from college. We have these family dinners every month and when I get there I make small talk with my cousin Laura and I tell her about my house-hunting trip. Me and my partner want to move here because of our jobs.
Niell’s daughter Diana who was sat close says in a really sarcastic voice: “Thank god perfect OP with her perfect life is moving back home.”
I was baffled and asked her what her problem is and she said that she is tired of me getting everything handed to me on a silver spoon and my other cousin Lee said that it is unfair that I get to have a good job waiting for me here plus that I get to go house hunting in this market.
My uncle overheard and shut them down but Niell says it’s okay they are just joking. Fine whatever.
After a while, Diana huffed once again that it isn’t fair that I get to live this perfect life to which I had enough and said: “If your dad wasn’t a thief maybe you would also be able to live comfortably.
” This caused Will to get angry and start calling me a spoiled jerk. My uncle had them kicked out. As they were leaving Lee broke my G wagon’s window and windshield by throwing a brick at my car.
I have it all on camera and plan to send it to him with the bill to get it fixed.
My grandpa isn’t talking to me and says I should have been the bigger person because they are jealous. My dad and uncle say I was right. I talked to nona and she said I’m not at fault but started crying about how awful it is that her late sister’s only wish is not being fulfilled and told me not to make them pay for the car.
4. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My MIL's Husband After He Excluded My Son Over A Hug?
“We spent Thanksgiving with MIL and SFIL. I always tell my kids they don’t ever have to give hugs or kisses if they don’t want to. My daughter (5) seems to feel bad for MIL and hugs her. My son (7) chooses not to, and that is his choice. MIL is pretty much the only person he doesn’t hug.
MIL isn’t a terrible person, but I’ve always gotten the feeling that she doesn’t really like any of us, but goes through the motions out of guilt/obligation. There are some cultural differences, and I know she feels she has a responsibility as a mother even though my husband is an adult. She helped us buy a house and paid for our wedding, but never comes around.
She is also extremely awkward around children.
Anyway we went because my kids love seeing all of their step-cousins, and it is always a good time. When we got there, my son wouldn’t hug MIL but hugged everyone else. Note I don’t think she even wants a hug, I think this embarrasses her. Her husband tried to guilt trip my son, and I shut that down because I don’t tolerate emotional manipulation.
MIL at some point needed a shallot and sent her husband to the store. He brought one of his grandkids with him (MIL’s husband has about 7 grandkids and is like catnip to children). He came back with candy for all of the kids, including my daughter, but none for my son. When I gave him a ‘what the heck’ look, he said “but I thought I didn’t owe anyone anything, and I’m not responsible for other people’s feelings” which is language I’ve used to explain why I don’t force my kids to give hugs.
My son was clearly very upset because he was being excluded but also because he likes MIL’s husband a lot.
MIL’s husband said he doesn’t like how my son treats his wife, and he knows it sucks but kids have to learn hard lessons sometimes. I took my daughter’s candy away, gave it back to him, and we left.
I said that man will never see my son again. If MIL wants to visit our house she can (not that she ever has, literally ever) but they will never see him again.
This sucks because they have gotten close to his grandchildren, and all three of his children told me that if I do this, they are done with me, when I asked about scheduling play dates.
My husband doesn’t like what he did, but thinks I’m overreacting and he is from a different generation and a different culture, and we should try to talk it out, but I feel like for a grown man to do that to a kid is straight up evil.”
3. AITJ For Boycotting Christmas After My Grandmother Gave Our Family Heirloom Jewelry To My Father's Second Wife?
“Growing up my family was kind of a mess. My parents hated each other but stayed together for the kids. My paternal grandmother hated my mom and as a result, never got close to me or my siblings. My father had zero spine with his mother and never stood up to her.
My grandmother has a daughter but she wasn’t ‘pretty enough.
‘ She has another son but she doesn’t talk to him because he sided with his dad during their marital issues, so my father is her golden child, and his second wife ‘Maria’ is the daughter she wanted.
My grandmother has been trying to destroy the family by telling my dad that we are using him for money, that we don’t care about his happiness or we would accept Maria, and she claims we bully Maria and when Maria cried at Thanksgiving because we wouldn’t let her help cook, my grandmother told my dad that he needed to ‘take a stand’ and stop talking to us.
Anyway I recently found out that my grandmother gave some heirloom jewelry to Maria. This jewelry was always passed down to the daughters in the family. I have a sister and my oldest brother has a daughter, so there are three girls in the immediate family who my grandmother is just ignoring.
I found this out through social media and I was stunned.
These are pieces that go back three generations at least and as the oldest girl in my generation, at least some of them were meant to be for me. I called my dad and demanded an answer. He said my grandmother just wanted to show Maria how much she loves her and views her like a daughter.
I asked why he didn’t stop her and he said it was her jewelry and since he is her son it is still being kept in the family. He then confessed that he feels that we are ungrateful and that if we loved him more we would try to like Maria.
I said since I’m not family apparently, I won’t be coming to Christmas.
I told my siblings and they all agreed except my sister who is mad at my mom for totally unrelated stuff and has been buddying up to Maria for revenge. We are all boycotting Christmas at his house this year. Maria texted me that I am being entitled and hurting my dad, and my sister says I’m being dumb and our grandmother isn’t obligated to love us, which I think is pretty sad.
I do feel somewhat bad because I love my dad, he was a good father, and under different circumstance I would want to spend Christmas with him.”
2. AITJ For Insisting My Younger Daughter Apologizes And Invites Her Sister To Her Graduation?
“I have two children, Jane age 26 and Sarah age 21. Jane started having issues with being verbal and speaking when she was 18. It’s easier for her to speak to me and my husband and her grandparents vs. strangers but some days she can’t talk at all. Certain textures began to bother Jane. Clothes she used to love were off-limits because of how they felt.
Jane had been accepted to college and deferred for a year but she wasn’t able to go in the end because of her mutism and sensory and other issues. She relies on my husband and me to be her voice. We speak to her doctors to explain how she is feeling when she can’t, make sure she can take her medication if needed, and help her to care for herself (washing and brushing her hair and things like that).
It was hard to find doctors who would treat her and could understand at first but we have good ones now. Her doctor believes Jane is on the autism spectrum and we are looking into it if that is the case. I know all this has been very hard on Jane.
Sarah is in her final year of college.
She is graduating next spring. The issue I’m writing to ask about comes from this. Sarah emailed that graduation ceremonies were back so she got two tickets for me and my husband. She didn’t mention Jane and when I asked she said no. I said it would be wrong to exclude Jane but Sarah said she didn’t want her to come at all.
At first, she would not say why when I asked but eventually Sarah said she dislikes Jane.
I was honestly shocked, sad, and appalled when I saw what Sarah said in her email. I told Sarah she needs to apologize immediately but she replied that Jane needs to grow up and stop being a child and my husband and I need to stop enabling her, treating her like a toddler, and coddling her.
Sarah isn’t a doctor and has no experience with autism but she claims you can’t suddenly be autistic after 18 years of being outgoing, social, able to drive, work, and with no signs of autism. With Jane, it was like she changed suddenly but that doesn’t mean it isn’t actually autism. I’m also angry that Sarah would insinuate Jane is exaggerating or needs to grow up.
Sarah hadn’t been home since she went to college but it was because she said she was always busy with school. Or so I thought. It really hurts Jane that Sarah hasn’t talked to her since she left. She does email me and my husband but not Jane.
Sarah is very angry with me and hasn’t responded since I told her for a second time she needs to apologize.
She also withdrew her invitation for me and my husband to go to her graduation next spring. Was I in the wrong for telling Sarah she needs to apologize for what she said about Jane and for insisting she invite Jane to her graduation as well as start being in contact with her again?”
1. AITJ For Accusing My Husband Of Sabotaging My Snow Clearing Attempt?
“My husband and I live in a northern climate and have gotten quite a bit of snow over the last couple of weeks.
Usually, my husband does all of the shoveling and snowblowing. But we have 3 kids under the age of 10 and he takes forever to clear the snow off and sometimes is outside for almost 2 hours. I’m pretty sure he just uses it as a way to get a break from the kids and drink beer in the garage, but I feel it’s unfair that I don’t get the same kind of break.
We both work full-time and I’m a nurse so I’ve been exhausted for the last 2 years while he works an office job and works from home 3-4 days of the week.
A couple of days ago we got another few inches of snow and I told my husband that I am going to clear the snow this time and he can watch the kids.
He said fine and gave me a quick tutorial on how to use the snow blower and got me off and running. But I couldn’t figure out a lot of it and it kept clogging because the snow was heavy and wet. I got frustrated and went to ask him for help and he unclogged the chute thing for me and it worked ok for a bit more but then clogged up again.
I went to ask him for help again but he said he was in the middle of making dinner and told me to shovel the snow if I can’t get the snow blower working. I tried the shovel for a bit but the snow was way too heavy and it hurt my back and shoulders and I slipped and fell so I pretty much threw the shovel down and gave up.
When I got back inside my husband said “Oh, done already?” with a little smirk on his face. I was annoyed and frustrated and I told him it’s as done as it’s going to be. He looked out the window and said that I didn’t even get halfway done. I told him the snow blower doesn’t work and the snow is too heavy to shovel and he started asking me how I was doing it and I just snapped at him that if he wants it done more than that then he’s going to have to do it himself.
So after dinner and putting the kids to sleep he went out and finished it and somehow got the snow blower to work. Funny, he didn’t seem to have the same problems I was having. When he got done I asked him how he got the snow blower to work and he said he just used it like he normally does.
I got mad and accused him of not showing me the right way to use it and setting me up to fail.
He told me I was being ridiculous and offered to show me again how to use it. I told him not to bother since I was never going to offer to help with it again and he can have his little break away from the kids each time it snows.
He told me I was being dramatic and that it’s not that hard to clear the snow and I should have just stuck with it and figured it out.
I told him I don’t want him to mansplain it to me and he said “OMG, why are you being a jerk about this? ” I told him he’s the one who spends hours outside every time it snows instead of spending time with his kids, so maybe he’s the real jerk.”