People Talk About Their Favorite Revenge Stories
39. We Convinced Him A Ghost Was Changing The Channels
“We had a roommate, Paul, who thought he owned the house – it was a rental, and all of our names were on the lease.
There were 3 of us in a 3 bedroom house.
The giant TV belonged to Tom, the nice couch belonged to me. Paul kept spending all of his days off sitting on the couch and watching soccer. It would be one thing if anyone else liked soccer, but he was the only one.
AND he had a TV of his own in his room, but he wanted to take up the big screen so that nobody else could watch a single dang thing the entire soccer season.
We got angry and Tom installed a remote app on his phone.
Every time we notice Paul leaning forward and getting really into an intense game like right before they’d make a goal, we’d change channels. Usually to Disney or something. We pretended to not know what happened.
First, we said maybe the neighbor’s TV was on the same frequency remote and they were changing ours by mistake.
He actually went over to talk to the neighbors. Then we convinced him the house was haunted and the ghost didn’t like sports.
The best moment was when we changed the channel on him, and the new channel had an advertisement for the exact remote phone app we were using, and he STILL didn’t catch on.
I don’t know how many ‘big game moments’ he missed out watching because we timed the channel changes to the most intense moments, but, we didn’t have to watch soccer on the big screen ever again.”
38. Pass Me Up For Captain? I'll Turn Out To Be A Better Coach Than You
“I was on the varsity swim team for 6 years, 7th to 12th grade. I lettered two times, 9th and 10th grade, and swam through an injury in 11th grade where I was not able to letter by one missed practice.
I had swum for this coach on a summer team since I was 8 and had problems with her before.
Every year either the seniors or in the event of the team not having seniors, two elected upperclassmen were made captains. The coach decided that my fellow senior and I were not leaders and that she would choose two of her best swimmers, juniors, to be captains months before the season started without consulting the rest of the team or even telling us seniors.
She chose the new captains based on the fact that they were the fastest swimmers on the team, and completely ignored them only ever interacting with other people in the same lane as them, and never taking any responsibility that wasn’t forced upon them; they never cleaned up equipment, helped other swimmers or did anything team related. This is after I showed up at the pre-season conditioning and set the pool up every day while one of the captains sat and watched and the other was entirely absent.
They took shortcuts on the short, 1/4 mile long run before practice and often missed practice to go to their chorus practice.
Needless to say, I was not happy about this development and I decided to confront the coach about the sudden change in policy. This is when she told me that she didn’t think of me as a leader and that she didn’t realize that I would be upset by her decision.
She also said that putting the decision up to a vote was a bad idea because none of the younger JV kids would know anyone on the team to vote for despite knowing that I had been friends with many of them the year before.
This was about a week into practice.
That same week my sister had a softball tournament going on so my mom wasn’t able to take me to practice on time; she had to drop me off early at the same time that JV practice began.
My mom told me that I was going to help coach the JV kids and indeed, I did. I ended up coaching them the entire season, never missing a day even though I injured my knee and couldn’t practice myself. I got to watch the coach as she only worked with the first lane kids (the first lane is the fastest) and as the other coach took the second, third and fourth.
I took the fifth and sixth lanes, where there were mostly first-year swimmers, younger kids, and ones who regularly caused trouble, all of whom needed much more attention than the other more experienced swimmers. Some days when one of the coaches was out I had to take the fourth lane as well.
My kids always finished their workouts on time and most of them improved greatly in their times.
At the end of the season, the last 4 lanes all demanded that I be their coach, insisting that I gave better advice and that I was nicer than the coaches.
Seeing the look on the head coach’s face when that happened days in a row was the greatest revenge I have ever gotten. Her realizing that I was much more capable as a leader than the captains and that all of the kids I worked with liked me is the greatest thing I have ever seen.”
37. Steal From Your Job? Clock Out In Handcuffs
“Seven, eight years ago I worked at a Dunkin’ Donuts.
Not the best job, but it was a lot of fun. After about four months, I got promoted to shift leader and got a pay raise. Happy day, I needed the money as I was helping to take care of my unemployed grandma until she could collect her social security.
Well, I beat out one of the other crew members for the promotion, and he was mad. Fast forward a few months, another opening for shift lead comes about and he makes it this time. He then proceeds to call out of at least one shift a week, refuses to do truck, won’t clean the equipment properly, doesn’t train new employees.
Literally becomes the worst worker in the store because he thinks he can get away with it now.
A few months into his newfound power, deposits start coming up short on the nights he is closing. This goes on for a while, but the cameras in the store are poorly placed and there is no proof of what’s happening.
Then our franchise owner decides enough is enough, and he hires a crew to do overnight installs of a totally new super low-key camera system. He feels he can trust me and knows I’m tech-savvy, and correctly figures I’m not the thief because my deposits are 100% perfect the first time, every time.
Because it might be fast food but goshdarnit I don’t put in small effort for anything. He pays me overtime to babysit the install crew while they put in the new system, I help him network it to his office computers off-site, we test the system at random intervals every day for a week, this stuff is cherry and he is over the moon.
So now, we play the waiting game.
A month later, he calls me into the office, asks me to log in to the deposit spreadsheets, and tell him what I see, what the computer-automated logs show, what the pos keyloggers show. I walk him through the entire log for every day since the cameras were put in.
Sure enough, the deposit is only wrong when entered by shift leader x. So we start pulling camera footage for the nights of the timestamps for the log entries, and this jerk is pocketing the dough on camera, on the clock, and is marking the amounts correct in the computer.
Got ’em.
Franchise owner calls the police, we file a report, print evidence, and copy footage over to a flash drive. Cops ask if he wants to press charges and they book him downtown for a hearing with a judge. The franchise owner says no, I want you to review the footage and my books, take it to a judge, and issue an official warrant for his arrest. When it’s ready, call me, we will coordinate and you can come to collect him on his next shift. They agree, a few days later we are in business.
Cops are hiding in the office, in a squad car outside, and one is waiting by the back door. Shift leader x comes in for work, franchise owner calls him into office. He sees the cop inside and tries to bolt for the back door, cop standing outside grins at him as he opens the door.
He doubles back to leave the front of the store, two cops at each entrance. He’s trapped. A cop from the office strolls out and gives him the ‘easy way, hard way’ speech, he goes the easy way. Officer cuffs him.
As they are getting ready to take him outside, I notice his time punch is sitting up on the screen of one of the registers.
So I say, ‘Wait! X, I need you to clock out before you go. You’ve stolen enough from the store already.’
Cops refuse to uncuff him, he has to clock out with his hands behind his back.
Worth it.”
36. I Got Into My Dream School...My Bully Didn't
“This isn’t a revenge that I actively pursued, so much as it is the way life has just turned out for me and this other girl, which makes me feel smug every time I think about it.
We were at school together from the very beginning, and we grew up on the same street until I was 8 years old. We were friends, but it was a very messed up friendship, that sort of started with her bullying me physically, but then she stopped being completely nasty to me, instead just verbally bullying me on occasions.
As we grew into teenagers, we still went to the same schools, but drifted apart and made different friendships. We both got pretty good grades – we were quite competitive (fueled by the weird sort of long-standing grudge we had against each other). I had a really awful couple of years when I was about 13-15.
I got very sick and had to take nearly a year off school. By the time I returned to school, it turned out that her parents had moved her to a fancy private school – very competitive, one of the best schools in our local area.
A couple of years down the line, it was time to apply to university. And, as it turned out, we both wanted to go to the same one (it’s the best university in our country, that’s why we both wanted to go there). She applied and got rejected. She took a gap year, applied a second time, and got rejected again.
I applied – got in the first time.
This might not sound like a big deal, but this girl was a negative influence in my life for such a long time. As it stands, it sounds like she’s really getting on well in life regardless.
But thinking that I got what we both wanted, and she didn’t…let’s just say I’m pretty satisfied.”
35. Refuse To Let Me Speak To You? I Won't Answer You When You Need Help
“I used to work member service at a place where, you guessed it, you had to be a member to shop. There were two options: basic and plus, and we were constantly rated on our ability to push people to get the more expensive plus membership.
So one guy comes in and walks to where I’m standing behind the counter and asks about joining. I start to point out the two memberships and their different benefits when he cuts me off saying,
‘Listen, I know you gotta do the whole spiel nonsense but I’ve got my own pair of eyes for reading and if I have any questions about it I’ll use them.’
He was talking about the piece of laminated paper we used to visually show the benefits to new members. Of course, his attitude was the usual type we saw, that ‘I pay your salary with this membership fee so stay in your place’ approach.
I shut up and handed him his application, and as he filled it out he began to ask questions about the different memberships.
I wasn’t having it after his rudeness, so I didn’t answer at all for a minute or two before he finally looked up and demanded I answer him.
Shrugging, I said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I thought those were rhetorical questions because you said you wanted to use your own eyes.’
He got a bit red in the face and went right off on me. This is a fairly wide desk I’m standing at and there are actually three other employees of the same position at the desk to keep lines low. He eventually walks away from me because I’m still refusing to answer his question and approaches the only other girl of us four.
‘That jerk isn’t going to have her job much longer. Now answer my goshdarned questions!’
‘I’m sorry, sir. You told my coworker you didn’t want her to tell you the spiel nonsense and that you had eyes for reading if you had questions. Here’s the information for you to read.’
This went on twice more for each of the other coworkers until he demanded a manager. The manager heard the full story from both sides and then answered the guy’s questions himself. We didn’t get into trouble and the manager agreed the guy asked for it.”
34. I Secretly Recorded My Bullies And Blasted Their Abuse Throughout The School
“I had been harassed most of my freshman and sophomore year for being 1/8 Japanese by a kid with less than four brain cells and a bunch of dimwit jock friends.
The ridicule would last for hours on end during Health/PE.
The only reason these clowns were still in the school was because of the lack of evidence of bullying, and harassment. That’s when I discovered pen-cameras. Tiny cameras in non-functional pens. These things could record at two clicks of a button, but the video quality was awful so I used them for audio.
Towards the end of my sophomore year, the attacks were longer, lasting through lunch and Health. Each time I would record. After about seven or eight more incidents, I compiled all the recordings into one and went into the main office.
Being in the Leadership class I had open access to the PA system for reading the schedule and daily bulletin.
Two weeks before finals I spring my trap. I ask Mr. Vincetti to grab me a cup of water from the teacher’s lounge and barricade the door when he’s gone.
Then I hit the play button. I started off with the normal rabble, then asked if everyone was paying attention.
Then I said His name about four or five times and asked if he was sorry. Even if he was, I didn’t care.
Mr. Vincetti was now banging on the door and asking if I was okay, but I didn’t want to end it yet.
Each audio file was about 5 minutes long and after three or four I asked the people who were witnesses why they did nothing. Asked the teachers why they didn’t help me. Asked my fellow students how they didn’t notice. Then the final tape played: a stream of insults spliced together.
When I was done I just kinda walked down the hall into the headmaster’s office and expected him to suspend or expel me. Instead, I got a nice surprise: My assailant was in his office explaining football strategies and when I walked into the room he was sitting there speechless.
His face paled and he stared at me for a second. He then attempted to tackle me but I punched him straight in his ugly face and he started to cry. The principal didn’t even mention it and he was expelled that same day.
AFTERMATH: Got 4 days suspension, $200 fine, wasn’t allowed to use intercom equipment without a teacher in the room and 20 hours of work crew.
Most were forgiven after petitioning with my parents, but irksome nonetheless.”
33. Make Fun Of Where I Live? You'll Regret Saying That
“When I was about 8 or 9 I lived in a very wealthy town. My family was not wealthy. We lived in an apartment, the majority of other kids lived in a house. We weren’t poor, but I used to get made fun of for being poor (I guess that’s poor in a kid’s mind).
There was one girl who was pretty relentless. She was adopted and lived in a fairly nice house, not a mansion by any means but a house and certainly bigger than my apartment. She used to say pretty awful things to me which would send me home in tears.
One day my dad told me to just stand up to her.
The next afternoon on the way home from school she was really laying into me. Right before her bus stop, she came out with the line ‘Your parents don’t even love you enough to have a real house for you to live in.’
Knowing full well she was adopted, I looked her right in the eye and said ‘Maybe not, but at least they loved me enough to keep me.’
I’ve never seen someone burst into tears that fast in all my life. She ran off the bus crying.
25 years later I feel guilty for saying it. But she never, ever said anything mean to me again.”
32. A Night Of Spooky Pranks
“A few months ago I had gone to my cousin’s house after a party, I’m really close to his family so they don’t mind if I come over at midnight.
I walk upstairs in the dark to get a blanket for myself, as I reached the top, two of my cousin’s friends who were staying the night come out from the darkness and almost scare me down the staircase.
After I get a blanket, I go downstairs to sleep on the couch, they stay upstairs and sleep in the game area which is right by the upstairs railing.
The two keep on whispering dumb things to me from upstairs and throw toys down the staircase. The whole time I’m quiet because they’re just having fun but I decide to have a little fun myself after I hear one of them say ‘Is he even down there?’
I decide to throw all of the toys back up the stairs and bang on the walls and run over to a corner between some couches and hide. The two go downstairs to try and attack me with pillows but they couldn’t find me so they get a little freaked out and go back upstairs.
Once the coast was clear, I decide to toss a few throw pillows upstairs and go back to the corner to freak them out. They don’t respond so I start banging on the walls again which causes them to run downstairs with their phone lights on, screaming at the top of their lungs, looking for me.
I later found out that they were screaming and shining lights so that I couldn’t scare them.
They go back upstairs after running through the house a number of times, luckily they didn’t think to look in my corner.
Now here’s the kicker, I decide to freak them out one more time by taking off my clothes: a button-up, my jeans, and my shoes; and arrange them in a flash-rapture position; it looked as if I had disintegrated.
I also took their shoes, which they had left downstairs, and tied them to the railing against the stairs, took a knife from the kitchen, and laid it down next to my clothes, and for some giggles, I took all of the cereal boxes from the pantry and set them at the bottom of the stairs.
I start banging on the walls but they won’t come down, so I start making snake-like sounds, like some parseltongue type of stuff, after hearing that one of the guys says ‘Okay, I know that’s him! Let’s go down!’
They run down the stairs again and see their shoes and freak out, one of them goes back upstairs but the one who went all the way down begs him to come back and then he notices the cereal and says ‘What the heck!?
Did you do this!?’
The one upstairs comes down and yells ‘Come back upstairs!’
The one downstairs keeps begging him to come down and eventually he does. They walked cautiously around the kitchen and then they find my clothes and just say things along the lines of ‘Oh my God, that’s his clothes.’ ‘Where is he?’ ‘What happened?’ ‘Why’s there a knife!?’
At that point, I figured they’d had enough and I spring up from my corner and yell ‘That’s what you get for messing with me on the stairs!’
An extremely proud night of my life.”
31. Try To Make Me Feel Inferior? I'll Take Your Job
“Had this jerkhead manager, let’s call him Ben. He was incredibly prejudiced and went out of his way to make me feel inferior to him. Whenever I closed with him, he’d take multiple 30-minute smoke breaks and smoke outside, while also incessantly bullying me.
At one point he tried to get my partner at the time to break up with me, just because he hated me. I’d brought this up to my main manager multiple times, along with all the other ways he was just an awful worker and person in general. I was always told he couldn’t be fired because there was no one to replace his manager position.
After a couple of times of talking to my boss, I told him I would train to become a manager so that Ben could be fired. After I was done with my training, Ben came in late one day and was fired immediately, while being told of everything that he was doing wrong.
He stormed out, yelling that it was me who told on him and that it was my fault. I took over all his shifts after that and made way more dough. Karma’s a pain, Ben.”
30. Keep Me From Swimming In The Deep Pool? I'll Shove You Off The High-Dive
“When I was 11 or so, I would often swim and play at the community pool with my cousins during the summer.
We had spent a lot of time and played with each other. It was the last day of summer, and I had wanted to make the day special by playing at the adult (deep) pool and jumping off the high-dive. To do so, you had to be 13 years old, and neither I nor my cousin were (even though he was older than me).
We had gotten there and passed the swimming tests, and they had asked us what our ages were. He had said 13, and right before I was about to say that I was 13, my cousin had said that I was not old enough. Shocked, I had to either play alone in the other pool or watch my cousin enjoy something he had lied for that I should be enjoying.
He had played for hours in the adult pool but had yet to jump off the high-dive, due to his fear of heights. But with encouragement from everyone in my family except me along with the fact that today was the last day of summer, he had decided that he would like to jump off the high-dive.
He had made his way there, climbed up, but had hesitated to jump. He had thought about it for a while and finally decided that he wanted to step down. But just before he had stopped to go down, his fear had gotten the better of himself and he began to panic.
His mother and my mother both agreed that I should go up to help him come down. So, I had climbed up and asked him, ‘You want to come down?’ I then walked up to him and acted like we were about to go down, but in a lion-king-esque moment, I shoved him off the high-dive.
He came out of the water, as everyone at the pool beside me was pretty shaken up. We had gone home after that, and I do not regret a single thing.”
29. I Got My Revenge When My Bullies Inflicted Guilt On Themselves
“When I was in high school I was bullied by my ‘best friend’. It sounds weird, but it’s depressingly common. I was a socially awkward weirdo and I didn’t really know how to make friends very well, so I hung out with this girl (Who I’ll call ‘E’) so I wouldn’t look like a loner.
Yeah, high school logic, but I digress.
I was friends with ‘E’ since we were around 8 years old. There were times where she would be moody and irritable, but we generally got along ok. I remember my mother telling me that she thought ‘E’ was weird because whenever I invited her to my house, she wouldn’t speak in front of anyone but me and would follow me around like a shadow.
I didn’t think this was strange at the time but thinking about it now, it was a bit creepy. Whenever I was at her house she used to get mad whenever I tried to talk to her sister or mother so she always dragged me off so she could only have me to herself.
Again, I thought nothing of it of the time but it should have started ringing some alarm bells.
Fast forward to high school. ‘E’ starts hanging around with another girl. We’ll call her ‘G’. I didn’t mind my tiny social group being expanded, but ‘G’ and ‘E’ soon started going off together, talking about me behind my back and even talking about me right where I could hear them.
They would constantly belittle and make fun of me for the smallest things (how my hair looked, what brand of bag I carried my stuff in, if I happened to look in a certain direction etc.) But the strange thing is that ‘E’ would still get clingy and jealous whenever I tried to talk to anyone but her.
She and ‘G’ had this psychological grip on me that I couldn’t be ‘friends’ with anyone except them and they treated me like the dirt on their shoes. I couldn’t go to school without feeling sick, worried, and scared about what the words and actions of those two girls would do to me.
During my second year of high school, I had to be taken to the hospital and I wasn’t in school for at least three weeks. I was at the hospital for a condition completely unrelated to the bullies, but they felt like they had caused it.
So much so that they apologized for the way they treated me (slightly half-hearted, badly written apologies on scrappy bits of paper, but it was something), and ‘G’ felt so horrible about the way she treated me that she left the school and I never saw her again.
‘E’ was still around, but she never really spoke to me again and she always seemed to shrink into her quiet old self whenever I approached her. I made new friends who liked me for who I really was, my self-esteem improved and I’m really happy with where my life is taking me now.”
28. Throw A Snail Down My Shirt? I'll Cover Your Jacket In Ants
“Okay, when I was in the Air Force all the airmen would screw around and prank each other whenever we could.
Well my friend Brent found a gigantic snail. Seriously, this thing was almost the size of a racquetball.
Anyway, he thought it would be hilarious to stuff it down the back of my shirt and then crush it… which he proceeded to do of course.
You might not realize this, but inside a snail’s shell is a lot of watery slime – in addition to its guts of course.
The result of it being smashed under my shirt was copious amounts of slime running down my back. As you can imagine the sensation wasn’t pleasant. Everyone was howling with laughter.
Anyway, I made a promise to myself that I’d reap horrific vengeance on Brent, and that it would occur that very day.
You see, I had knowledge of a rotting tree stump. And that this stump was home to approximately 20 million wood ants.
Quietly I pilfered Brent’s BDU coat from his locker. And brought it out to the stump. A few hefty kicks to the stump brought about the host of tiny angry ants.
Soon the bark of the stump was hardly visible under the black mass of writhing insects.
Carefully I draped Brent’s BDU coat over the chaos and waited for the ants to fill every nook and hem in the fabric. Meanwhile, I scooped piles of the creatures into his pockets with a humble styrofoam coffee cup.
Noticing that it was nearly lunchtime, and having procured the agents of my wrath, I placed Brent’s crawling BDU coat back into his locker.
When lunchtime came, Brent bolted to his locker and threw on his BDU coat in the usual fashion. The line at the mess hall queued rapidly, and Brent was never one to be late for lunch.
To my delight, he was out the door and walking to his car before he had realized the tiny vicious new inhabitants of his uniform.
The first couple caught him off guard. He grabbed at his wrist as a tiny pang shot up his arm.
Then there was another and another. Ants! Oh my! He must have thought as he brushed his sleeves in concern.
It was too late for poor Brent though. By the time he realized the extent of his infestation, he was flailing in terror. With madness, he tore off his BDU coat sending its buttons across the lawn and ran to the gate guards for help.
There were tears in his eyes.
We all howled with laughter.”
27. Don't Think I'm Smart? I Won't Act Like It
“Working a call center for a cell phone carrier in college. I’d had some issues, was a part of a major change that went through (for which I got zero credit – screw you Emily), and met a girl I saw for a while. It wasn’t all bad.
I had finally had it one night though. I felt I was one of the few who genuinely cared, and tried to solve people’s problems as well as improve service for everyone. I was just another number to people who tracked how long you were in the bathroom.
So this guy calls me up, the first time I’ve ever talked to him, screaming at me, calling me every name imaginable, etc., etc. After I tell him I can reset his account and password, but it may take up to 24 hours (script) he escalates and tells me that I need to go find someone smart that can actually do the work because he knows it doesn’t take that long and I’m obviously a moron, etc…
I lost it. But in that really scary bad way. ‘Oh wow, sir! I am so sorry that we have been unable to get your voicemail set up correctly. I am going to reset your account and give it a new password. Now, they say it may take 24 hours for this to go through because the systems can be slow, but I can assure you that I will do everything I can to get it pushed through faster.
Now… can you tell me what password you would like?’
‘Idiot! If you’d read through the notes you would have seen that I wanted my password to be 1572.’ (We didn’t store passwords in notes.)
‘Oh yes, I definitely see that now. OK, so let me type that in.’
Types 5028.
‘I don’t trust you to get it right. Repeat it back to me!’
‘Absolutely sir! I put in 1572.’
Verify 5028 – save, submit.
‘Now again, it may take some time, but it should be working in a couple of hours.’
‘It better be jerk!
I’ll be calling back in and I’ll want to speak to you and your supervisor if there’s a problem. I will get you fired!’
‘No worries here sir. You have a great evening.’
Hangs up. No entries in notes. Tears off headset. Signs off.
‘Hey, Debbie? I quit.’ Walks out.
In retrospect, I feel sorry for whoever had to deal with this fine human specimen when he (ultimately) called back in. They may have told him that it can take up to 24 hours and not done anything, or they may have changed it again, which meant that it would still have taken another couple of hours.
But darn I felt good walking out of there. Be nice to the people in the call centers. They can help or they can hurt.”
26. If Only You Hadn't Been Friendzoned
“My freshmen year college roommate was an absolute jerk. He was very socially awkward, had absolutely no friends, and on top of it all, he was a jerk to me, the only person that tried to get him engaged with groups and whatnot.
His parents also lived about 10 minutes from campus, so home wasn’t far.
Prior to Valentine’s Day, I asked him if it was cool for me to have the room for the night. I had a girl coming over and nothing would be worse than bringing someone home with your roommate there (he never left the room).
He’s cool with it, says it’s not a problem, great. Fast forward to Valentine’s Day. I bring my girl home, and he’s there. I ask him if he’s about to head out, he says that he has an assignment due at midnight and can’t leave until he finishes.
Yet, he’s not doing homework, he’s watching Family Guy on his computer with his headphones on.
5 AM, my girl and I are watching our 2nd movie, he is yet to leave, nor start his homework. (Her roommate asked her for the room for the night as well, so no chance of going there).
We fall asleep, nothing happens.
Turns out that his assignment wasn’t due until the following midnight, hence, blocking me out of a night of fun for no reason.
Revenge time. He met some girl online and she was going to come visit him in a week and he asked for the room for the night.
I didn’t object to giving him the room for the night… so I downloaded a bunch of fart noises and scheduled them to play at random times throughout the night. The idea was that each would think the other was farting. The way the room was set up, my speakers were right around his bed.
Turns out, he was completely friend-zoned and she never stepped into our dorm, but darn, that would’ve been a great prank to play.”
25. Shut Off My Phone? I Can Still Use Up All The Data
“So I was living with Mother/Step Father through culinary school. After the many bad decisions on my mom’s part and the drinking decisions on the stepdad’s part, I figured that as soon as I was out of school I would move back to Minnesota, where my sensible half of the family resides, against the wishes of my mom.
My mom has paid my phone bill with my stepdad’s money through high school and even the 2 years of school after. She used this as an excuse for child support (a way for her to snake her way around paying my dad actual money for child support).
Jump forward to when I’m back in MN, my mom calls me to yell at me for telling stepdad about her choices and says she’s shutting off my phone for ‘lying’ to stepdad. The only thing I showed him was the substances she sold me, so there was no questioning the mess at foot.
Good times with the fam. Stepdad sides with her, I can’t explain why. After she shut off my phone, it seemed I could still rack up data and texts, just no calls. I should note that I definitely didn’t have unlimited everything, far from it.
So I spent the remainder of the billing cycle racking up as many data charges as possible, going full LTE and roaming while at my buddy’s cabin, I GPS’d every car ride, playing music vids on YouTube, updating apps, playing strictly HD videos, even going as far as deleting Spotify when I went to bed and re-installing it over 4G so I would have my playlists for when I showered in the morning.
This goes on for a little over 2 weeks, and when my phone was finally shut down and I could no longer send texts or rack up data, I had managed to scrape into the triple digits of data overages.
106 gigs. Now, this would have 3 outcomes, either there was a multiple-hour conversation with the phone carrier that involved swearing and high blood pressure, or they just footed the bill.
Or even better, after multiple hours on the phone with the carrier, they would still be denied a refund. I don’t know which of the 3 it would have been, I’m fine with any of them. Haven’t talked to my mom or stepdad since, been about 6 months.”
24. Throw Loud Parties? I'll Wake You Up With Fireworks
“2 or 3 years ago, I had these neighbors who liked to party late and loudly (oftentimes until 4 or 5 am), and usually weren’t up til like 2-3 pm (or at least that’s when they were groggily walking out to get their newspaper).
Anyways at the time, I worked nights, so their partying really didn’t bother me.
So anyway, I had a couple of days off because I had a couple of appointments and things to do, and it just happened to be right before the 4th of July
So the first night I was off I went to bed ‘early’ (like 10:30), while the dumb neighbors threw a loud party. And I mean loud. They were yelling, they turned up the bass on their speakers, and were blasting it all loud, and it went on and on, probably until like 4:30 am or even a little later.
So I wake up at 9ish, get ready, and go do my stuff. I got back around 11:30, and notice their newspaper still hasn’t been taken in.
So anyway, as I said, it was close to the 4th of July, and me being a firebug, I had some fireworks.
Specifically, a couple of 300 shot Saturn Missiles. (For those who don’t know, a Saturn missile battery is essentially 300 whistling rockets fused together in a cake and they all go off in quick succession).
Anyways, I lit one, it went through its course, and once it was done, I doused it in water, and cleaned up the evidence, and was inside when I watched party animal grumpily walk outside to get his paper.
For the record, this happened on a Tuesday morning, and so pretty much everyone else nearby was at work or at least awake, so I don’t feel like I was a complete jerk.”
23. Steal My Stuff? We'll Convince You You're About To Be In Legal Trouble
“I had a party at my apartment a few years back to celebrate my friend coming back to visit (let’s call him Tim).
It was a real rager, and by the end of the night, there were still a handful of people drinking and hanging out, some who I knew and some I didn’t. I was extremely wasted at this point and since a few of my friends were there, I decided it would be fine to just go to my room and pass out.
I wake up the next morning to find my laptop, Wii, several games, and both mine and Tim’s iPods missing. I immediately sounded the alarm, mass texting everyone I knew who was at the party and posting an alert on social media. Tim and I reconvened and started cataloging the people from the previous night with whom we weren’t quite familiar.
There was only one individual that seemed to come out of nowhere, who didn’t know anyone, and whom I had only ever seen on social media (we’ll call him Barbara). I called a mutual friend of ours and asked for Barb’s number, which he gave me, and I texted him, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn’t the one who stole anything, and just asking if he knew anything.
Barb said he’d left his backpack at my place and to check if it was still there; after a quick once over, I informed him it wasn’t. He said that it was probably taken as well and used to carry the rest of the stolen gear and that he would be over shortly to help look around.
Tim, Barb, and I conducted a search of the building and its premises and found one Wiimote on the top floor of the building (assuming someone thought it would be fun to play tennis in an empty hallway and quickly discovered otherwise). After finding nothing else, Barb left and I was saddened by my loss of $1500 worth of stuff.
Tim and I smoked to ease the pain of the loss when I get a text from Barbara and have the following exchange:
Barb: I found my backpack. We need to talk.
Me: Glad to hear you found it, is anything in there?
Barb: Yeah you’ll see.
Be there soon.
When he arrived, Tim and I started grilling him, but he was visibly uncomfortable and very shifty in his answers; the most we got out of him was that he found his bag in the alleyway between my building and the next-door church.
He took out his phone and excused himself to make a call. One minute later, I get a text from him asking me to come out to the hallway so we could speak privately. Of course, I knew something was afoot at this point, so I went outside, expecting a confession.
Instead, he sat me down, pulled my laptop out of his bag, and asked ‘Is this yours?’ and I was ecstatic. He pulled out the Wii and the games and looked at me, like a puppy that knows it’s going to be punished, and said ‘I want you to know that I didn’t take this stuff, as bad as this looks’ and please don’t tell anyone and all that.
And this is where the fun begins.
I had asked if the iPods were in the bag as well, and he even let me look through it for them. I let him leave thinking we believed his pathetic story because we really had no grounds to accuse him.
So both iPods are still missing, and we know he still has them. We spent the rest of the afternoon hatching a plan to extract the rest of the goods. Later that evening, Tim finds him at the cafeteria, invites himself to a seat, and calmly explains to Barb that we’ve gone to the apartment manager and have a security tape of my hallway and someone leaving my place alone with a backpack, whose face is clearly visible, and that we’re going to the police with it (a complete lie, we had nothing).
Barb begins to shift uncomfortably again, and says quietly,
‘I think I know who it was. I think it was me.’
‘Yeah, Barb, I know it was you.’
By the end of that Tim had gotten his iPod back but mine was still missing.
We found out later from a DJ friend that it had been stolen earlier in the night (after he unplugged it to DJ off his laptop and couldn’t find it again when he left) but we decided that for Barbara’s total dishonesty and repeated attempts to screw us over and get away with as much as he could, he deserved to be punished. I repeatedly made threats to turn the tape over to the police unless he returned my iPod or replaced it.
He had neither, we knew, but he did have a very nice iTouch that was actually worth more than my stolen iPod.
This was it for him. Hand over the touch, or face the consequences. After a few days of him stalling, I finally got the touch, in a very mafia-esque exchange where I stood over him and said it was good doing business while Barbara sat sobbing at a library table about how it wasn’t his fault and he didn’t mean to.
Which I might’ve believed if he hadn’t repeatedly dug himself into a bigger hole with his lies while sober.”
22. Get Rid Of My Car? I'll Turn Around All Your Furniture
“My stepdad has always been a jerk to me, but for some reason, I decided it would be a good idea to buy a car in his name because I didn’t have any credit.
(I was 18 and stupid). One day, after I had moved out of his house, he got angry at me and told me to have the car at his house by the morning, or he’d press charges for grand theft auto. I complied with his orders because I didn’t want to go to jail for a ridiculous reason, but on the way there I ‘accidentally’ hit a ditch and had to get pulled out, which left a good dent in the bumper.
A few weeks later, I discover that he had traded my car in for a brand new truck for himself. Obviously, I was angry, so I went over to his house one morning while he was at work, and turned all of his furniture around to face the wall.
(TV, couch, fridge, bed, everything that I possibly could turn around with the help of one other person). His son came by his house a few hours later and discovered the new arrangement and called him at work. My stepdad ranted to his boss, who posts on social media that he got pranked and thought it was hilarious.
Everyone did except him. He eventually found out it was me after I couldn’t stop laughing while he was telling someone what happened to him, but to this day, it is the pettiest payback I’ve ever done.”
21. Call Me Salami? I'll Live Up To The Name
“Freshman year of University the girl’s floor above us had puzzle pieces for their name tags. I thought it would be funny to try to see if the puzzle pieces made a huge puzzle (they didn’t).
Anyways, at a party, two girls from that floor found out I was the one stealing puzzle pieces (I hadn’t stolen theirs yet).
They proceeded to chew me out and make fun of me any way they knew how. I took their insults and fought back not really getting angry because I deserved it, I was stealing. All was fine until they suddenly broke out and said ‘and your whole floor smells of salami.’ This set me off because they were insulting everyone on the floor; people who weren’t even involved. It turned into a heated argument, we went in different directions and avoided each other at the party.
Whatever, the night ends and I think it’s all over.
I wake up the next morning only to see ‘Salami’ written on my whiteboard on my door.
So, naturally, I walk to the deli and purchase a pound (about half a kilo) of salami and find a box.
I then proceed to collect all of the puzzle pieces and put them in the box with the salami, microwave it, and let it sit outside my window for about 6 hours.
That night a friend of mine and I went up to her door and opened the box with the salami and puzzle pieces.
A putrid salami stench rose up, we found that grease had germinated into the construction paper like water into a paper towel. We applied the puzzle pieces to the girl’s door with duct tape because the original masking tape had succumbed to the foulness that is heated and cooled salami.
It was 8 hours before the puzzle pieces were removed.
For 3 days the smell dissipated but not before being mixed with various scents that tried to mask the scent. I can tell you right now, nothing masks the smell of salami.
6 years and they still haven’t forgotten.”
20. Swap Paint With My Car? I'll Let The Air Out Of Your Tires
“I remember during the holiday season at the retail chain where I worked some guy decided to be in a rush and take it out on poor BtrLatethenNvr (me).
So the day was drawing to a close and I had just recently been promoted from the sales department to one of our service-based areas. So I am working away and then the phone rings. I am still not accustomed to answering it so my supervisor at the time picks it up.
I make nothing of it should just be another customer calling to set something up or to ask questions. ‘BtrLatethenNvr the phone is for you.’ Huh? who could it be and why would they be calling me.
‘BtrLatethenNvr I was just walking into work and this guy just parked his car next to yours REALLY CLOSE.’
‘Ok so?’
‘Well he parked it really close and slammed his door into yours pretty hard and I thought I would let you know.’
‘Ok cool man I appreciate you looking out for me like that. Did you see if there was any damage?’
‘No, I couldn’t he was there with his wife/partner and didn’t want to make a scene.’
‘Ok, no problem man I will go and take a look at it. Thanks again.’
I tell my supervisor that I am headed to my car really quickly to check something out.
He asks if everything is ok and I say I hope so. So at the time, I had my car parked in our lot with the passenger side next to a parking island/divider and the other side being mainly open spaces. So there was the island, my car, the customer’s car, and then another employee’s car.
Now I can’t begin to describe how this guy managed to get his car in the way that he did. The angle was crazy. There was little to no room for me to open the driver’s door and he managed not to hit the other employee’s car.
It was a tiny bit impressive but not given the circumstance.
I got to check my doors and sure enough, the guy has decided to swap paint with me. My car now has some beige/champagne mark on it that is less than wanted. This is my first car I am bummed. I take really good care of it and wanted it for a very long time.
I saved all my birthday money from grandma Btrlatethennvr and all my pennies for this thing. For someone to come over and just blatantly not have any regard for others or their belongings is just simply disrespectful. So what am I going to do? Should I take my freshly cut new key and leave a mark on his car?
Should I break something? None of these ideas are appealing nor are they really right. He did damage to my car that wouldn’t be easily fixed. Not on a High School kid’s salary that is. Far be it for me to return the favor. Karma.
I look in my car and behold what do I find? A nice long flat head screwdriver. The kind you would use as a nice lever to pry two pieces of 2×4 apart or something. Look around for witnesses none to be seen and I proceed with the operation.
Kneel down in between our cars and start eyeing the wheel closest to mine. Yup, that is my target and will do just fine. Take off the valve stem cap and let all the air out of the tire by depressing the valve stem pin with the screwdriver.
Did you really think I was going to puncture or slash his tires? C’mon now I am better than that. I wouldn’t want that done to myself and that is a big hassle.
Put the cap back on and the screwdriver back in the car.
My supervisor walks over and I fill him in on the situation.
‘BtrLatethenNvr now that you have been promoted you can park on the other side of the store. We purposely don’t park here because of stuff like this and consider it an added perk of your promotion.
So move your car and let’s wrap things up and go home.’
‘AWESOME!’
So I move my car and go back to work going about things business as usual. So the time comes for me to leave work since my car is right outside of my work, instead of walking through the store, I walk to my car to drop something off and decided to walk in through the front to clock out and head home.
So I walk over to my car and look over to see if the guy is still there. Sure enough, he is. He is outside changing his tire with his wife/partner standing behind him arms crossed not looking all too happy. That is what you get man if you had done what you had done to somebody else the story may have been different.
Just be lucky all I am costing you is some of your time and some free air from your local gas station.
……..but wait there is more. So I shrug it off laugh and proceed to the front of the store. I round the corner and there is a cop car sitting there.
Somebody must have tried stealing something and we either caught them or he got away with it but we got their mug on camera. So I proceed to go inside and take care of a few things before I clock out and leave. So I am about to walk out the front door and our Asset Protection person has to check our pockets for any product as always.
‘Hey AP why are the cops here?’
‘You KNOW why the cops are here.’
‘Huh? So something got stolen then huh? Was it anything big?’
‘NOOOOOO BtrLatethenNvr, YOU KNOW why the cops are here.’
At that moment I need to stop and think for a sec…….
HOLY!! The dude called the cops on me for letting the air out of his tire. OH MAN, I AM SCREWED. Luckily names weren’t dropped and the guy couldn’t identify my car he just remembered it was black. I walked out past the cop car, looked at the guy still changing the tire, and drove off into the distance.
Nothing was ever said again but I would like to think I gave the guy what was coming to him. A tire that he thought was slashed but simply out of air and one angry wife/partner.”
19. Make Fun Of My Athletic Skills? I'll Steal Your Whistle
“In high school, I had a gym teacher who held all of the ‘good athletes’ higher than us kids who just took the class as an easy optional credit.
He would always get so hyped up on blowing his whistle, like REALLY hyped up, to the point where he’d be yelling ‘YOU WANT ME TO BLOW THE WHISTLE?! HUH!? HUH!?!?!?’ This went on for a good majority of the year, anyways he would always put me down and would make smug comments on how ‘I couldn’t throw the ball.’ Or ‘was a slow runner.’
So one day, I got into the gym and realized he was not around and his whistle was sitting on his rolling chair in front of the bleachers, so I grabbed it, ran to the change rooms, where a bunch of kids was, and I said: ‘I HAVE HIS WHISTLE!!!’ Everyone knew what was about to go down, so I peed on his whistle then put it back.
We were all sitting in the bleachers waiting for him to show up when finally there he was, with his annoying smirk. Now note that everyone had seen this go down in the change room, so one kid Lucas let out a scream ‘Sir blow the whistle!!!’ He proceeded to get all fired up screaming his usual ‘OH, YOU WANT ME TO BLOW THE WHISTLE!?’ And repeated it getting more and more hyped when finally he put his dirty little lips and blew that whistle like never before.
It was satisfying to watch him put my pee in his mouth. He never found out.”
18. Try To Make Me Look Bad? I'll End Up Being The One Laughing
“My former roommate was having a friend stay the night, and we had a very passive argument about my use of a bathroom that she claimed was exclusively hers to use. I type up an insulting text about this roommate, intending to send it to any friend, and accidentally send it directly to her.
Later that night, before my roommate and I had a chance to face each other since the text, some friends and I decide to look inside that bathroom on the off chance that she did anything to deter me from using it.
Apparently, she and her friend figured that the best way to make ME look bad was to scatter used tampons around the floor and inside the shower.
I’m pretty sure she heard me and my friends laughing hysterically while taking pictures of her attempted display of power. This response to her awful plan was my revenge. The tampons were gone first thing in the morning and I never heard about the bathroom again.”
17. She Gave Her Mean Teacher Salty Cupcakes
“So my sister is in our equivalent of elementary school, and her teacher is an utter jerk. Spends all day browsing YouTube/Reddit on the computer, telling the kids to just read or whatever. He actually has no idea what is on the math syllabus, just wings it.
Needless to say, this guy is in his first year teaching. He got qualified via a somewhat controversial route – you can do any 4 year (level 8) degree here, then do a correspondence course, a minuscule amount of supervised teaching, and bam. Fully qualified to educate provided your police vetting checks out (i.e. you are cleared as not being a criminal).
He has a habit of saying rather unpleasant things to my sister and giving her the blame for things. Even stuff she did not do (she is no angel, but christ, this jerk has it in for her).
Anyway, she baked cupcakes the other day at home.
While no one was looking, she cut one of them open, scooped out the middle, and loaded it with salt and pepper, before putting it back together and chocolating (putting the chocolate on top) it. She then brought it into school, and at break, went into the classroom and left it on his desk.
So. Teacher comes back, class resumes. Teacher spots cupcake left on desk, proceeds to take a bite. Gets a mouthful of salt/pepper, pitches a fit. She gets the blame, protests innocence, gets a note sent home with her over it.
At home, no punishment/reprimand was meted out, because, quite frankly, we thought it was hilarious, and the jerk deserved it.
I wish I had been that clever at her age…”
16. Don't Underestimate My Office Prank Skills
“Years ago, I worked for an equipment manufacturer installing equipment for local telephone companies. We often played practical jokes on each other and April 1st was a good excuse for some doozies. On April 1st 1981, the job in charge politely arranged for someone from the district office to call me up and transfer me.
My destination? Killeen Texas. Needless to say, I was a little perturbed. I knew there was no reason for me to go from Winder Georgia to Killeen Texas so I called the regional office and asked what was going on. It only took a few minutes to find out that somebody was pulling one.
There was a room full of operators in the room next door to the equipment room we were working in and there were huge double doors that were almost always open between the rooms. With 8 male installers working in the equipment room, you can guess that there were occasional problems with cussing.
You know the drill, bang a finger with a wrench, let out a blue string of cuss words. So I got the bright idea of telling the job in-charge that the operators were complaining about the cussing.
I went to see the Central Office Supervisor and suggested to him that it might be fun if somebody told the in-charge that the operators were complaining about the language.
You would have to know him to truly understand this, but he was 6′ 6″ tall and about 350 pounds and he LOVED a good joke. He looked at me and smiled a big wide grin and said ‘I’ll take care of it.’
Now I didn’t have any big ambitions, just a little clean fun with some guys I enjoyed working with.
But the C.O. Supervisor went way beyond anything I expected. He came to the equipment room and got the in-charge and said ‘I need to talk to you in my office.’ Now that starts to sound serious. So they go to the Supervisors office and about 2 minutes later the in-charge comes running back into the room with a look of utter devastation on his face.
He immediately grabs the phone and calls the district office to tell the regional manager that one of the operators had filed a union complaint about the cussing in the switch room and they were about to kick every one of us out onto the street.
The regional manager told him to calm down and explain what was wrong and then suggested that he go to the head operator and ask what was the problem.
So he goes to the head operator and says ‘I hear there has been a complaint about the curse words being used in the equipment room.’ She had no idea what was going on, but in the purest southern tradition, she poured gasoline on the fire by saying ‘I don’t know about a union complaint, but it sure is terrible what we hear coming through those doors.’
We let him steam for a little over an hour before we finally told him what was up. He swore eternal vengeance on me. Even today, when we talk, he says ‘I’ll get even yet!!!!'”
15. I Convinced My Sergeant That I Was A Chronic Sleepwalker
“I had a Sergeant when I was in the army who everyone hated. All of the Joe’s/lower enlisted, the rest of the NCOs, the platoon sergeant, even the punk Lieutenant we had at the time hated this guy.
He would smoke the nonsense out of guys for things that, before he showed up, we would never get smoked for. Things like having your hands in your pockets when it’s cold out and you don’t have gloves. Walking with a lit smoke, even if it’s only a few feet.
The dumbest thing ever that most NCOs would ignore or verbally console a soldier on immediately.
Anyways, so we went to Germany in 2014 as a response to the Russia/Ukraine Crimean peninsula situation. Before we left, one of the other Sergeants hatched a plan to get that jerk good.
He wanted me to fake a sick call for sleepwalking. Had my roommate say he found me on the balcony outside our room in just my boxers. We faked the sick call slip and the plan was set. He bought it hook line and sinker.
Most of our time in Germany was spent in the field fake-fighting against the Norwegians and some other European militaries (mostly if not all NATO, IIRC). We were left with almost two weeks after the training finished with nothing to do. Time to truly put this plan into action.
I would stay up late and walk around, bumping into people’s bunks, hard enough to wake them up. They’d walk me back to my bunk and I’d go to sleep. Word started spreading, my commander wanted to see me. The NCO who hatched the plan came with me and he laid it out for our commander.
‘It’s an elaborate prank to get back at him for being an insufferable jerk’ the NCO says.
‘So you don’t actually sleepwalk?’ my commander asks.
‘Not at all, Sir.’ I answer.
‘As long as no one gets hurt. I’ll keep it a secret.’ he says.
Two days before we leave Germany is go day. My section sergeant was going to stay up and watch a movie on his tablet. I did the same on mine. Around 2 AM, I walked over to their bunks and started to pace. One of the guys woke up, started to get out of bed to walk me back (he wasn’t in on the prank) when my section sergeant told him to go back to sleep, he’ll handle it.
I stood next to the sergeant’s bunk for probably fifteen minutes trying to compose myself. I couldn’t keep from laughing. Finally, I got my stuff together.
I leaned over his bunk, grabbed him by the shoulders, and started shaking him. In my best Christian Bale as Batman voice, I began shouting
‘DO YOU?! DO YOU KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE STRANGLER?! DO YOU?!’
He wakes up, screams in the least manly way possible, and yells for our section sergeant, who jumped up from his bed and escorted me back to mine.
The next morning at breakfast, I act like nothing happened. The sergeant sits down next to me and a moment later was joined by our section sergeant.
The sergeant begins asking me about my ‘condition’ and if I’ve ever been violent before while sleepwalking. ‘Yeah, a few times. Beat the life out of a friend one time before he was able to wake me up.’
Then our commander sits down and says ‘Oh, so you guys finally did it?’
‘Did what, Sir?’ the sergeant asked
‘That prank they were planning on you.’
My section sergeant and I were deflated, we sunk down in our seats. We wanted to keep it going until we got back to the states.
‘Oh no.’ He saw our faces, ‘You hadn’t told him it was a prank.’
No, we hadn’t. Screw you very much, Sir. It was a fitting end to it though, I’m not sure how much longer I could have actually kept it going.”
14. We Trapped Our Bully Into A Snow Pit
“Way back when I was a kid there was a bully who used to pick on my friends and me. He was a big fat kid, outweighed us by probably 50lbs, and a real jerkhead. I went to a school with a lot of typical rednecks; the kind that wears all camo, listens to country music, and things like that.
Of course, none of us did that at the time because we were too young but that’s what this kid ended up to be. Anyway, he’d do the usual bully stuff, like take your hat and throw it or knock your stuff off your desk when he was walking by.
Just minor annoying nonsense but he would do it constantly every day.
One day in the early spring as the snow began to melt, the school was giving out notices to be careful in the yard because there were large sinkholes everywhere and they didn’t want anyone to fall into them.
So, my group of friends and I went out to the yard one day during recess and found the biggest sinkhole we could find.
The one we managed to find was about three feet wide and roughly knee-deep. I can’t remember whose idea it was to do this but I’d like to say it was mine.
What we did was cover it in snow and make it look as much as the ground around it, going as far as to put footprints in the snow to make it look like it was walked on.
After a few minutes, we saw this bully walking around and called him over, making sure to position ourselves so the pit was between us and him.
The result was amazing. He ended up landing face-first into the ground and falling into the pit, drenching himself all the way up to the stomach. My friends and I just started howling with laughter and being blown away our plan worked.
A teacher saw the whole thing but he knew this kid was a jerk and just ended up kind of laughing when he told on us.
He gave us a minor talking to and I don’t think this kid ever picked on us again.”
13. Toss My Laundry On The Ground? Yours Will End Up Even More Disgusting
“I used to live in an apartment building with my dog and my sister.
We lived on the second floor, the laundry room was downstairs. My upstairs neighbors were a Russian couple. They were very loud and pushy people, could often hear them yelling at each other. On several occasions, they’d harass me and my dog if they saw me taking him out for a walk.
Something about how dogs are filthy animals that poop all over everything.
One night, I was doing laundry, and I was pretty good about getting down to the laundry room to switch my clothes out, etc. On my way back from starting my second load, the wife stopped me in the hall and said I needed to hurry up because it was her turn.
Never mind that I was only using one washer/ dryer, the other was available for her to use. When it was time to move my second load to the dryer, I got a call from mom (this was before cell phones) so I took a few minutes to chat and told her I’d call her right back, just needed to get laundry finished. I got down to the laundry room, less than 5 minutes after the washer cycle finished, and found my wet clothes ON THE GROUND.
And, the Russian lady was still in there scrubbing something out of her clothes. I asked her if she was the one who dumped my clothes on the ground, she said yes. I took too long. I picked up my clothes, loaded them into my car, and pretended to leave.
I stayed nearby, took my dog for a walk. When her clothes were coming out of the final rinse cycle, just before spin, I opened the washer and peed into her clothes. And added dog droppings.
I remember her having a shouting match with the building manager.
I never did laundry there again.”
12. I Made Him So Paranoid He Deleted Everything
“This went a little farther than I had intended. My supervisor has reset my pc at work when I was out for a day because he thought he needed it.
Problem was that I had had something running, and he simply restarted it.
I came in the next day and realized what had happened. He immediately jumped in with the ‘it’s not your pc. It’s the company’s’ bit. I stated I hadn’t said anything, but he could tell I was not happy.
So after thinking about it for a day, and to let him think I’d forgotten it, I wrote a little program that would toggle the caps key every 30 seconds. I then connected to his pc and added it to his run once. Basically what would happen is that the next time he restarted his computer, his caps key would constantly toggle every 30 seconds until he rebooted again.
So the next morning I hear a number of grunts and noises coming from his cubicle, so I know it’s working. Around noon I get up to go to lunch and stop by his cube to see what’s going on. The pc tech is there working on it, with him standing near.
I find out the following week, after the Monday meeting, what happened. I’m not in the meeting but a friend I’d told about this reported it to me. He had a very hard time not laughing out loud as my supervisor explains in the meeting.
Seems he’d been working on a report, and someone had ‘hacked’ into his pc from the internet, and was messing with his keyboard. He became alarmed and tried to protect his obviously open pc by opening the file manager and finding the shares. He saw only the C$ share, so he clicked that and deleted it.
Yes, it deleted everything on his pc. He had wiped out his own pc.
It worked out well for him though, because the tech had to give him a new pc.
This is the same guy I had to rescue quite a number of times, such as the time he overwrote the entire userid table with the same password.
He was running back and forth for 2 hours before finally, embarrassed, asked me for help. Then when I was working on it and mentioned that it had been hard to concentrate while he and another person stood right by my desk chatting earlier, he stated that I needed to learn to focus.”
11. Turn The Whole Class Against Me? I'll Make You The Stinkiest Target
“Back in the eighth grade, we moved across the country and I started a new school. The week before my first day, my mom called the school to ask them to give me a seat in the front row in all my classes. Now, my mom is a smart lady, but she gets words confused sometimes.
When she called the school, she meant to say ‘he needs a seat in the front of the class because of his astigmatism.’ Only instead of astigmatism, she said ‘autism.’
I showed up to my first class, and the teacher pulled me out into the hall.
She told me I was in the wrong place and sent me to a new room, which turned out to be special ed. It took me an hour to convince them to call my dad and clear up the mistake. Finally, I’m in my first real class, American history.
Somehow, one of the kids in that class found out I’d been sent to special ed earlier that day, and he told everyone. The teacher had to threaten everyone with detention to get them to stop laughing at me.
I was mocked by nearly everyone in my class for the rest of the week.
Finally, I decided to get revenge on the kid who had started it all.
During that week, I’d noticed the kid always went to the restroom between English and math. So, on Monday, I went to the restroom, emptied all the soap out of the dispensers, and waited for him in a stall.
The kid came in and took the stall next to me. I stepped out of my stall, reached into my backpack, and got out my secret weapon: a plastic bag with three days worth of my poop. I opened the bag and chucked it under the stall door, so it landed right in his pants.
I ran to class and took my seat. About half an hour later, the kid finally showed up. His pants were wet, probably from trying to wash off the poop, but he still smelled. One of the girls in class goes ‘Oh my god, did you poop yourself?’
And then he said it. He actually said it. ‘No, someone else pooped in my pants!’ The laughter was epic.
For the rest of the year, people asked him if his pants were OK, and if he’d had any more visits from the poop ninjas.
My special ed visit was completely forgotten.”
10. Throw Eraser Bits At Me? I'll Throw A Sweaty Handful At You
“I was in my first year of high school, and I participated in an international language program to learn Vietnamese.
I went to another high school every Saturday morning for 5 hours, which I didn’t mind really since I was getting extra credit. But not everybody who was there really wanted to be there. If you’ve ever been around a group of Vietnamese teenage boys, you’ll know what they’re like.
Wild and obnoxious. Obviously, their parents forced them to go or they needed extra credit. One time they brought a can of Axe body spray and a lighter and almost burnt a desk. Another time they brought one of those intricate throwing knives that you can find in a souvenir shop in Chinatown and played target practice on the bulletin board.
Now you might wonder, shouldn’t the teacher have kicked them out? Imagine a tiny classroom packed with over 30 students. Now, the teacher was a tiny Vietnamese immigrant, so you could imagine the troubles that she had controlling the class. But on with the tale.
One day, one of the rowdy boys found one of those giant pink ‘FOR BIG MISTAKES’ erasers on one of the desks.
He made a big deal of it even though it seemed pretty childish to me. I sat right in front of this kid throughout the year and he had been extremely irritating for the duration of the course. Eventually, he starts picking off little bits of the eraser and throws them at the back of my neck.
I tried to put up with it, but the constant pelting and the snickering behind me angered me. So I gathered all of the little bits of eraser that fell on the floor, that were caught in my clothes, and that were on my desk and kept them in my fist. I pretty much obliterated my own eraser to get more bits.
I kept gathering the bits that he threw at me until the end of the class. By the time the bell was going to ring, I had a large fistful of 3 and a half hours’ worth of eraser bits that were thrown at me. When the teacher tells everyone to pack up their things, I get up and turn around.
I say, ‘Hey Tony, I think you dropped something.’ And the moment he looks up, I throw the fistful of sweaty (from being in my clenched fist all day) eraser bits at his face. It was the best thing ever. It was worse for him though because he had his mouth open as well, so that caught a fair bit of them.
What made it really satisfying (at least for a 14-year-old me) was that everybody was quiet and heard me say, ‘Hey Tony,’ so I had the entire attention of the class, so after I do the deed, all I hear is a unanimous ‘Oooooooooooooooh’ from the class.
So I turn around to get my stuff and quickly leave before Tony does something, and I see the teacher smiling. She quickly says, ‘class dismissed,’ and I’m pretty much the first one to leave.
The next week, Tony didn’t seem angry, but he told me that he’d get me back.
He didn’t for the duration of the remaining year and didn’t take the course the following year.”
9. Mess With My Drink And I'll Mess With Yours
“At this restaurant I used to work at, we had a side station where the servers could keep a drink (think Pepsi or Powerade, not boozy drinks).
While I’m generally a good sport about pranks, it was known throughout the entire staff that you were NOT to MESS with my drink.
I should note that while everyone else used a to-go cup, I always brought a 52oz cup from my nearby gas station, so it was pretty obvious which one was mine.
Anyway, one of the servers did something to my drink one night (I honestly don’t remember what) and I just said something like ‘beware the wrath of a patient man’ and went about my night.
A few weeks go by and I decide tonight’s the night.
I spiked her drink with Worcestershire sauce. It’s great cause you don’t taste it right away, and then it’s all you can taste the rest of the night.
Some time goes by and she hasn’t taken a drink. So I hit it with some more sauce.
Then some more. And some more. In the end, it was like 9 parts sauce, 1 part soda. She finally comes back to the side station and it’s just the 2 of us. She grabs the drink, goes to take a sip, but instead launches into a tirade about some awful table she had.
She’s going on and on, gesturing wildly and using the cup to punctuate her points.
At this point, it’s all I can do to not burst out laughing. She finally reaches the climax to her story and takes a HUGE celebratory swig. The look in her eyes when she realized what she’d just ingested was priceless.
As she was frantically trying to get the taste out of her mouth I just said ‘don’t mess with my drink’ and walked out of the side station.”
8. Watch Netflix During Class? I'll Get Your Laptops Locked Down
“In high school, everyone had a laptop as they were provided by and required by the school (still had to pay for them) and obviously the main rule was that during school hours they are for school related work only.
They all had software on them that mirrored the screen to a website that recorded 1 frame every 5 seconds or so to a video file on some giant server, but that was used more as a scare tactic than actively watched.
Of course, high school students being high school students almost everyone played games and watched YouTube through classes.
This I didn’t care about because I’ll admit that I also passed the time in easier classes that way sometimes, but when I chose to do that I sat in the back of the class to avoid distracting anyone else. Most people did the opposite and thought they could balance out not paying attention with sitting in the front most row to look the most engaged which had the side effect of having whatever show they were watching on Netflix constantly in view regardless of where you sat.
About halfway through the year, I got pretty sick of this, so I took out a blank notebook and wrote down the names of everyone I could find who was doing this as well as the current date/time and got a few friends to help out.
We ended up with some 150 people over the course of a week and then I just left the notebook at the front desk on Friday when no one was there.
Next Monday literally all of those people had their laptops locked down (couldn’t run any downloaded programs, couldn’t visit any non-whitelisted sites, command line no longer had user execute access, etc.) and the problem resolved itself.”
7. Try To Catfish My Friend? I'll Make Everyone Hate You
“This isn’t a story of how I got revenge on someone who wronged me but wronged someone I know and I got them back for them.
This was in high school, during my senior year (just graduated high school, so not that long ago).
The jerk in question (we’ll call him John) was a sophomore during my senior year and hated a girl in his grade (We’ll call her Kate). I knew Kate because her grandma had cut my hair for years, and she was in the band with me.
I’ll be honest, she isn’t a looker and can kind of be a jerk sometimes, but she’s overall nice and she’s a good friend. John, however, is kind of a whiny jerk. I didn’t like him because he’s an attention hog, has a sort of arrogant attitude, talks trash hardcore behind people’s backs (I had to sit with him during lunch because he’s a friend of my partner), and is that type of sophomore who repeated old memes, told unfunny jokes, and thought he was hot stuff.
I hated him, and so did most of the school from what I know.
Now to the story. Kate, being how she was, was single. Well, John thought it’d be hilarious to start a fake social media profile of a guy in the next state, and hit on her.
He, my partner, and my partner’s friend made the fake profile and started to talk to her. Kate fell for it, and they started ‘seeing each other.’ Well, John had her do some weird stuff and have her tell him about it in social media chat.
He printed out some of her messages and showed some people he talked to, and they all laughed behind her back. I only found out about this after my partner told me about it. She thought it was harmless fun. I got angry and told her to tell Kate right now.
She went and told her that John had made the profile, and Kate was angry. Eventually, it got around the school that John did that and people hated him for it. He tried to tell everyone it was all my partner’s idea, but everyone thought he acted alone, citing how he seemed like the kind that would and my partner wouldn’t.
John was angry and wouldn’t speak to me or my partner (I honestly didn’t mind, it was great!). Eventually, my partner did fess up to it to Kate, and he talked to us again but he still hates me.”
6. Keep Being Lazy In Class And I'll Kick You Out Of Social Media Groups
“I had a jerk of a teammate for an entire semester. He would sit in the corner of the room the entire semester saying he’s working, but often just watching Glee. But whenever the prof rolled into the classroom, he would pop right up, and proceed to tell the prof about all the progress we have made.
But of course, when midterm comes around, he had absolutely nothing to show for. He then goes around to everyone – the poor TA, the rest of the team, members of the other team, for help. Of course, it’s really hard to conjure up a midterm project overnight when all you’ve been doing all semester is watching Glee over and over again.
But alas, this was a team project in Architecture, and having a big blank where the classroom buildings are supposed to be in our piazza would have been bad. So the rest of the team and the poor TA all jump in and have an all-nighter to basically do his project.
It’s around this time that everybody in the program realizes what a dumb jerk he was. He had the slightest clue how buildings work or how to design them. This one instance he and the rest of the team had an argument about where walls and floors meet.
We were all designing a traditional Italian masonry house, and he swears that every floor should be two to three feet larger than the perimeter of the walls, resulting in all floors sticking out of the walls and that that’s how we should build his model.
This kid, an architecture student in his third year into the program doesn’t know how walls and floors work!
Despite his ignorance and his lack of effort he would shake his tail in front of the professor, and make snide comments about his one and only friend and how much his work was better than his friend’s.
They no longer talked by the end of the semester. The prof wasn’t an idiot and caught this on pretty quick though, and while the rest of the team got a perfect mark he got a c – a grade too high for him in my opinion.
But this was before the finals came around.
By the season of finals the rest of the team realized that if we want to have a good project, we should do his work for him. If you know any architecture students, you know we are known for our ability to stay up and work away at a project day and night.
But not this kid, every night at around 11 pm, he would stop watching Glee, tell the rest of the team how much of a headache he has and that he needs to go to sleep. At first, we tried to tell him that he can’t go to sleep without having anything done a week before the final, but soon we noticed how the project flowed more enjoyably when he was gone, and didn’t care to stop him.
So every day since two weeks before finals, we worked on our individual projects, and come 11 pm, we would do his project for another 2-3 hours. He caused several scenes in the studio, which oftentimes ended with him making a girl cry or angering everyone in the program and 100% of the time proving what an ignorant jerk he was.
Next year, I got a job in the department. I managed the social media pages and groups for the department. It didn’t take me long to find out about the option to delete people from the page. So every now and then, every time he ticked me off, I would delete him from the page.
It wasn’t a big deal, he missed some announcements about guest lectures that he never even went to and missed out on some fun comments on the page at most. But it made my week to delete him off, and another week when I would see that he ‘liked’ the page again.
This would happen two-three times until I permabanned him as I left the position.
For all the idiotic theories he tried to shove down my throat, and all the hours I spent working on his project, the revenge was petty, but gosh darn I was trembling with power and excitement when I first deleted him from the page.
He then switched majors and is working to get a structural engineering license to design buildings near you.”
5. Be Loud While You Fool Around? I'll Blast Animal Noises
“Freshmen year at college, I met my suitemates and introduced my roommate who I had known since 1st grade.
When one of my suitemates introduced his female cousin who lived right across the hall from us, we all became good friends. We found out that she was seeing a guy at our rival school A&M, and had been for a solid 3 years.
Later on in the semester, she started coming to some of the parties we threw. Especially when she and her partner were fighting and went on a 1-week hiatus (it means temporary breakup, I didn’t know what it meant either). I learned that she can be kind of promiscuous, as we threw 3 parties the weekend that she went on her hiatus and she literally made out with a different guy every night.
The 3rd night, however, was with my roommate. When I talked to him about it, I suggested to him that it wouldn’t be a good idea to see her since we had all planned on living in the same complex the following year (not to mention the other partner).
Although he agreed, he ended up making out with her many other times.
Sharing a dorm with him was an awkward situation because I’d be trying to sleep in the top bunk of our bunk bed, and they’d just be making out underneath me without any remorse for their loudness.
When they were sober, however, they never made out or slept together in the same bed so what it ended up coming down to was them each blaming the booze for their decisions. I was sort of angry just because I didn’t really believe that they were that out of control from drinking, and were using it as an excuse.
One night they were participating in all kinds of shenanigans underneath me so myself being intoxicated as well, decided to download an app that plays animals noises. In particular, I played loud monkey screeches and ostrich calls to imitate what I could hear below. They told me to stop but I just told them I was intoxicated and didn’t know any better.
I suppose that made it awkward for both of them.”
4. Make Fun Of Me? I'll Steal Your Precious Spot As Line Leader
“When I was a wee lass of about 7 or 8 (it was second grade) there was this jerk, we’ll call her Jerkface.
Jerkface used to make fun of me, calling me a boy because I used to actually play with boys unlike most girls that age. She’d also make fun of my last name (it has to do with farts). Well, I found out that during recess every day she would just hang out by the door and when recess was over, she would immediately be the line leader.
Being line leader was so precious to her for whatever reason.
One day at recess, she was hanging out by the door as usual. This time, however, I decided to also hang around by the door, not close enough to her that she’d see me but close enough that I’d get the jump when the whistle blew.
Well, the whistle blew to bring us back inside and I sprinted like a madwoman to the designated line-up spot. Jerkface was making a casual stroll to the line, and when she was about to take her spot, I pushed her out of the way.
Now, the night before, it had rained, and several puddles had accumulated on the blacktop. So when I pushed her, she fell face-first into the largest, ickiest puddle I’d seen to that day. By some stroke of luck, the lunch monitor lady had not seen this event occur, and when the lunch monitor saw Jerkface, Jerkface merely broke into tears and didn’t say a word about how I had pushed her, claiming that she just ‘fell’ into the puddle.
While the lunch monitor helped take her to the nurse, Jerkface looked at me. I flashed her the biggest grin I have flashed in my life. Even to this day, I have never flashed a bigger grin. Jerkface never gave me trouble for the rest of school.”
3. Show Up Late To Dinner? We'll Cancel The Reservation
“A friend of mine (call him JIM, not his real name at all) wanted to meet us for dinner at a restaurant back in the days before cell phones…
So my other buddy and I went… found out the wait was like 45 minutes to an hour, now normally I wouldn’t wait, but without cell phones, there was no way to warn friend (JIM) that we didn’t want to eat there because of the wait… so we put our names in and sat down outside waiting to be called…
JIM eventually showed up… FORTY MINUTES LATER!!! When we asked why he got there so late he looked at us and replied ‘Oh, I figured there would be a wait…’ which I took as jerk-speak for ‘you’re my social secretary.’
So I discreetly walked up to the hostess, canceled our names off the waitlist, walked back, and told my friends I just asked and it was like 5 more minutes and I was going to buy some gum and I’d be right back
and then I went home…
To this day, I have no idea how long they waited for (for the record I did offer the original buddy who waited with me to come along he said ‘no.’ He didn’t mind what JIM had done… so screw him.)”
2. Don't Answer My Calls? Your Phone Will Be Ringing All Night
“I used to be in sales for a startup in London, UK. I had to call up potential business customers day in day out.
Anyone who has done sales knows that it can be very tedious and is only made worse when someone is rude on the other end of the phone or hangs up without hearing what you have to say.
Well, I had had a bad day and I called up this phone number and a receptionist answered (we call them gatekeepers in sales because their one job is to defend from sales calls). This lady just didn’t want to hear anything I had to say and she hung up on me.
So I called back a second time, and she hung up on me again as soon as she realized who it was.
And I tried again and, lo and behold, she hung up on me again!
So I was fuming by this point. So, I went onto Gumtree (like Craiglist) and listed a large 60 inch TV under the category of freebies.
I said that unfortunately, I needed to get rid of it because I was moving abroad. I then put the receptionist’s number as the contact number! And then I clicked publish and it went live!!
So, it was the end of the workday and I went home, leaving my work mobile in my locked drawer at my work desk.
When I turned up at work the next morning, everything seemed fine. However, I suddenly realized that the Gumtree advert was still live. She would have been inundated with calls about the free TV all night long!
Just as I go to check my phone I see that I have about 10 missed calls from the receptionist. Then I get a call again!
I pick up and as she starts to talk, I realized quickly it’s the receptionist irately (having made the connection that I did this) talking so in a panic I hung up! Karma’s a pain, eh?
Oh, also I took down the Gumtree adverts after the call.”
1. Become Annoyingly Obsessed With A Character? I'll Make Sure You Can't Look Like Her
“When I was in 6th grade, my neighbor (and best friend) and I were obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio when Titanic came out. She, however, beaome so annoyingly obsessed that she changed her appearance to look like Rose and even changed her accent to match hers.
When I confronted her about the accent, she kept saying she always talked that way (I played with her practically daily since I was 3…I think I’d know the difference).
She annoyed me so much at this point. Mind you, I went to her house almost every day after getting off the bus for about an hour until going home.
One day at her house, I went to use her bathroom. Her being the only female in the household and for some reason always obnoxiously bragging that she uses Herbal Essences because she expected Rose to do the same thing, I poured a very large amount of hydrogen peroxide in her shampoo bottle.
It doesn’t even stop there.
This was when the big trampolines came out. She had one right outside her window (it was just a one-story house) and we’d jump out the window onto it. I went over after that and spied on her and waited until she left her room.
When she finally left, I jumped through her window and TRASHED her room then left.
The next day at the bus stop, she had orange hair. She was like ‘I don’t even know what happened but my hair changed color and I don’t even know why!’ All in her stupid fake accent.
I still never told her any of this and this was 20 years ago.”
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