People Are Eager For Justice In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

The majority of us try very hard not to come across as jerks. In our relationships, both personal and professional, we want to come across as compassionate and understanding. However, we may need to get input from others to ensure that our words and actions align with our desire to be decent people. The people below tell us their stories in hopes that we'll give our honest opinions. Tell us if, after reading about their experiences, whether you think they are the jerks. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

35. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Mom More?

“My (22f) mom and I never got along, when I was 3 years old, she already told me she only wanted my older brother. When I was 12 my parents split up and I wanted to stay with my dad.

8 years of multiple court cases and child protective services later, (my mom tried everything to hurt my dad even false claims of harassment towards me, which made him lose his house and job) I still have a really good bond with my dad.

So when I finished school at 20 years old, I started working to get my driver’s licence/car and move out.

Now to the point.

I warned my mom a few times to take my income into consideration with her taxes, she said she didn’t need to and a year ago got a letter stating she should pay €3500 back in taxes because the household income was higher because of my income.

Dont know how it is in other countries but here you get your taxes back to help pay rent and stuff if the income of all the adults in the house is below a certain amount a year.

She blamed the entire bill on me even though I warned her, and her taxes are none of my concern since the house isn’t rented in my name.

So after a fight, we agreed I give her 20% of my income a month as long as I lived at home.

About 6 months ago I got my own place with my partner. Things were going great for a while, happy to not see my mom anymore.

But then she called and demanded I pay another 1200 because that was still left on the bill, I told her no. I paid way more than the full bill while still living at home but she said that didn’t count since she needed it for rent.

Legally I don’t owe her anything and she was fully responsible for her own taxes.

She went and harassed friends of mine to tell me I should pay her, threatened to sue my dad if I didn’t pay, randomly showed up at my house and made a scene, and got my 90-year-old grandma involved in it (we take care of her together).

After trying to talk to her multiple times I was done and filed a police report against her, now she can’t contact me about the money and only through text about my grandma, and has to leave my friends and dad alone.

I get a lot of messages from my mom’s friends that I couldn’t do that to her because she’s still my mom.

But AITJ for filing the report?”

4 points - Liked by Turtlelover60, anma7, LilVicky and 1 more

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LilVicky 4 months ago
Your mom sounds like a nightmare. NTJ
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34. AITJ For Spraying An Aggressive Off-Leash Dog?

“So I was walking my small dog (~15 lbs/7 kg). We went to a local park – one that was meant for humans. Here, dogs must be leashed or otherwise under control – have good recall, not interested in other dogs/people, etc. Ever since an off-leash dog bit mine about a year ago, I’ve carried citronella spray with me.

It is not harmful, yet dogs absolutely hate the smell. So it makes for a good deterrent.

As we were entering the general area, an off-leash dog ran up to mine. The owner was not there. It was way larger than her – about 30 lbs maybe.

I immediately picked my dog up. I don’t know if it was reactive, aggressive, or just excited, but it was continuing to jump up on me in an attempt to get to my dog. After the previous attack, I was extremely cautious about dogs like this.

So I pulled out the spray and used it on the dog. It hated it, pawing at its eyes and immediately running away.

About a minute later, it came back leashed, with an angry owner. He was yelling at me for spraying his precious puppy.

I told him that it was illegal for it to be off leash and that this was done in self-defense. He called me an entitled jerk and that this wasn’t called for. That his pup was just trying to be friendly. He then walked away without even apologizing.

As my dog was extremely traumatized after that encounter, I yelled back that he was just lucky I wasn’t reporting him to animal control.

I talked about it with some friends a few days later. They are also dog owners. They said that I could have just found the owner and that I didn’t need to do this.

They also said that they never would have done this. I began to think that I might be the jerk.

So, AITJ?”

3 points - Liked by Turtlelover60, LilVicky and Spaldingmonn

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Spaldingmonn 4 months ago
NTJ. The dog was jumping on you to get at your dog. The owner is a d#$@ and so are your friends.
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33. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Having ADHD Isn't A Personality Trait Or A Fashion Statement?

“I (32f) was diagnosed with ADHD recently.

My friend, ‘Jen’ (33f) was diagnosed with ADHD last year, while I still had reservations about being ‘labeled’ and the stigma of taking meds, despite my symptoms being detrimental to my life, career, etc. Anyway, worked through issues in therapy, went for an assessment, peed on a stick and they were like, CONGRATS, IT’S ADHD!

Just kidding, but I got prescribed meds & it’s changed my life.

When I first mentioned to Jen that I thought I MIGHT have ADHD, she was very dismissive. A week later, she called me like… omg I think I have ADHD!

She was assessed quickly by going private.

Here’s where it got weird. Jen asked me to fill out a form where I had to answer questions about how much she exhibits certain symptoms. I did the form and sent it to her. Then she called me saying she changed some of the answers on the form and sent it back to the psych.

She changed stuff around forgetfulness, impulsivity with finances, procrastination, and organization. I disagreed with statements on the form purely because in the 12 years I’ve known her, she’s organized, financially sound, and has an excellent memory. But she said that if I was ‘too honest,’ she wouldn’t get meds.

I wasn’t ok with her gaming the system, but didn’t feel it was my place.

Since she’s been diagnosed and on meds, she kind of had a personality transplant. And not in a good way. It’s almost like she now exaggerates symptoms of ADHD that she didn’t previously have.

And it’s the ONLY thing she talks about anymore. We could be talking about pineapple on pizza and she’ll bring it back round to ‘I probably like the sweet and salty taste because of my ADHD.’

Now, onto the part where I may be a jerk:

We were talking about a mutual friend’s upcoming wedding.

Randomly, Jen says, ‘I really think she (bride) should get assessed for ADHD.’

She does this VERY often, plays armchair psychiatrist & even asks people if they’ve considered getting an ADHD diagnosis because they show symptoms. I’ve gently called her multiple times on this and told her it’s obtrusive and rude.

Anyway, I ignored her but then she said it again. I just sighed and said, ‘Not everyone has ADHD, Jen.’

She started making digs about how I was ashamed (I’m not) and needed to get to grips (I have) with my ADHD. I zoned out while she went on and on about her ADHD, my ADHD, and who else in our group/family/life might have it.

I got so sick of hearing those 4 letters, that I snapped and said, ‘Listen, babes, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but it’s not a personality trait or a fashion statement. This year’s Gucci spring/summer collection does not feature an ADHD poncho.’ She called me a jerk & hung up.

I felt bad, tried calling her, no answer. Some friends said I was harsh, others said they didn’t know what was going on with her anymore. Now I’m wondering if I was a jerk.”

3 points - Liked by anma7, Turtlelover60 and nikki950032

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ... lol that's hilarious.. sorry my son has adhd it took me 11yrs to get him diagnosed and then we had to go twice.... cos the first person was useless.... he has meds now is alot better and he only tells people about his diagnosis IF he really has to... but your right it's not a personality trait or a fashion accessory... the adhd poncho that made me lol. Someone had to tell her at least you told her nicer than some may have done... my son also has no filter so his version would have been wwaayy worse
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32. AITJ For Telling My Brother Not To Complain To Me About His Kid?

“I (17m) don’t like kids. Everyone in my family knows this.

It’s not like I hate all kids or something, I just don’t get along with most of them and prefer not to be around them. I’m also very prone to headaches, so screaming children aren’t that fun to me.

Every few weeks I visit my mom’s house, and this last weekend my older brother (34m) had his kid over.

She’s only two years old, and extremely fussy right now, so whenever she’s over I prefer to stay in the other room.

This past weekend I was going to the kitchen for a drink and planned on going right back to my room because my niece was throwing a fit and I didn’t want to be in pain the rest of the day.

My brother was able to get her calmed down pretty quickly, though, so I relaxed a bit. When I was walking past them to go to my room, he said, ‘You don’t have to treat her like she’s the plague or some crap.’ This kind of surprised me as I’ve never really treated her negatively, and I’ve played with her a bit before, too.

I reminded him that she likes to scream a lot and I get headaches pretty easily, so I just prefer to be in a separate room from her right now. He told me that I shouldn’t be complaining because I don’t have any kids and haven’t had to stay up late at night feeding or changing diapers or anything like that.

He went on a whole rant about how hard parenting is and how I shouldn’t be complaining just because I get headaches sometimes. When he was done I told him that those headaches are caused by a few different medical problems I have right now.

He said that he hopes I do have kids so I can finally have something to actually complain about. Here’s where I might be the jerk.

After a few more minutes of him ranting, I said, ‘Don’t complain to me about your kid when you aren’t even with her 90% of the time she’s here.

You just dump her on Mom so you can go play pool with your friends after work.’ He got mad and hasn’t spoken to me since.


3 points - Liked by Turtlelover60, LilVicky and Spaldingmonn

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. he's tried guiltily you for avoiding his daughter but downplaying your medical issues at the same time.. he chose to be a parent you haven't yet.... you told him the truth he isnt with her 90% of the time and he's complaining about the 10% he is... you ain't the jerk here but your clueless brother is
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31. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Not Share Her Toy?

“So, my daughter is 9 and she is the oldest of our friends’ kids

We had a get-together for my husband’s birthday. My daughter, let’s call her Amy, has a go-cart seat for her hoverboard.

We have a friend who shows up with her 8-year-old boy, let’s call him Bob. Bob brings his own hoverboard but sees Amy’s hoverboard with a new attachment seat, gets on, and starts riding. Amy tries to be nice and lets him enjoy it.

She wants to play with him but he takes off and ignores her. Fast forward an hour and Amy is upset because the kid keeps getting on her board without asking and not giving it back when she asks for it. There was also another younger kid there getting on her hoverboard and riding it around without asking or giving it back.

Btw, he also brought his own.

So Amy and her father take the hoverboard seat off and put it away so that no one is fighting and everyone is equal with having hoverboards that look the same.

So Bob is upset that Amy took the seat away.

He keeps asking for it, to put it on his hoverboard, and gives her mean faces. Amy says no. Bob’s mother says multiple times to Amy, ‘It’s okay if you don’t want to share. She doesn’t want to share with you. She just doesn’t want to share at all.’ These condescending remarks hurt Amy’s feelings.

I find out that Bob’s mother takes him to play with something else (in our house) and tells Amy SHE is not allowed to play with Bob and that he does not have to share with her.

I’m a bit mad because she is implying that my daughter is maliciously denying this child her toy when all she is trying to do is limit confrontation regarding it in a mature way.

I talk to Amy and tell her that she does not have to share especially if other children are not respecting her things or taking turns. Amy is down and upset with herself saying self-defeating comments because of what Bob’s mother is saying.

Eventually, I talked to Bob’s mother alone to clear the air.

She tells me that if I had just let him use the toy, their hoverboards would have run out of battery in 10 minutes anyway and they would be done and THEN no one would be arguing. If we were at their house, everything would be up for grabs and no one would be forced to not share.

Basically saying that the next time we all get together, she will just have Bob play with things and not share with Amy since Amy is going to be like that. Mind you, her child has been in a position that he doesn’t like to share either and he will tell Amy to go away and not play with him.

I want my child to be kind and respectful but not to the point that she is being taken advantage of. I have been conflicted since that event because I ask myself if I should have gone about it a different way? I felt like a jerk because his mother implied that if you invite guests to your house, you give them free rein on your stuff.”

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LilVicky

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Turtlelover60 4 months ago
Your guests DO NOT HAVE FREE REIN OVER YOUR HOUSE!!!!! You can tell Bob's mom that she needs to realize that she is raising a child that might turn criminal
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30. AITJ For Being Willing To Move Out Without My Partner Because He's Not Ready To?

“I’m (24F) halfway through my master’s program and my partner (23M) is finishing up his bachelor’s this semester. We have been together for 2 years and have been living together (at his parents’ house) for 1 year. I have a really really good relationship with his parents and I’m very thankful for them as they’ve always made me feel welcomed, appreciated, and loved. While I don’t mind staying with his parents, I just don’t feel really comfortable there all the time.

I feel like I can’t take a dump in peace, can’t cook without the mom always watching, I don’t really have the space to be myself without worrying about his parents.

Recently, my stepdad offered to put the down payment on a condominium which is about 40k, and said he could split the rent with me so I would only pay half.

I told my partner because obviously we would move in together and I was hoping he would be excited… he was not. He said he’s the man so he has to be the one to put the down payment, pay the rent, and pay all the bills without the help of someone else or without a handout.

I told him we would split bills and if he wanted to we could pay the full rent so it would only be the down payment my stepdad would help us with. He said no and that nothing would change his mind and that he wouldn’t move in with me.

He said I was a jerk for not waiting for him to have a career and make enough money to be able to put a down payment on a house. I argued that I didn’t wanna be at his parents’ house for another 4-5 years especially given this opportunity.

Realistically, he cannot get us a house within the next 2-3 years. I feel like he’s being a hater and not seeing how this could benefit us both.

Essentially, I would be the jerk by ‘leaving him behind’ if I do get the condominium.

I’m afraid his parents and family will think I’m a terrible partner for not waiting for him. So, AITJ for wanting to move out without him?”

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LilVicky

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LilVicky 4 months ago
No but it’s time to really think about this relationship. He’s trying to be very controlling & will only get worse with time. Dump him & get the condominium. NTJ
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29. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin Borrow My Nintendo Switch?

“Last weekend, I (19F) was at our family house. It’s about a 5-hour drive from my apartment and university so I visit on weekends when I can.

That same weekend, my mom’s older sister also visited, and she brought her kid – my cousin (9F).

So that afternoon while my mom and her sister were catching up over drinks, I was in my room playing Animal Crossing. My cousin wanted to come in so she started knocking.

I refused to let her in, so she started banging on the door. I yelled over loud sounds that I was busy and she couldn’t come in. The banging stopped, but a few minutes later I heard a knock on my door. And then I heard my aunt’s voice asking if I could let my cousin in my room and look after her so she would not bother them while she and my mom were chatting.

Feeling defeated, I let my cousin in and she had a smug look. She had her iPad with her, so I thought she wouldn’t bother me. I pointed to where she could sit, told her not to touch anything, and went back to my game.

A few minutes later, she asked if she could play my game. I told her no. I bought my Switch and my game using my hard-earned money working part-time, with a bit of allowance that I saved. I wasn’t gonna let some kid borrow it and risk dropping it or something.

When I refused, she started screaming and crying and tried to grab the Switch. She managed to grab it but then dropped it. Luckily it didn’t break because the height it fell from was low. I got mad at her and told her to get out of my room.

My cousin then ran to her mom and my mom and told them I was ‘being mean to her’ and wouldn’t let her borrow my Switch. My aunt asked me if I could let my cousin play, and I said no. And my cousin continued screaming.

My aunt then started yelling at me for making my cousin cry and for being selfish. At this point, I was so fed up that I told her, yelling over my cousin screaming, that it’s not my job to ‘babysit the brat’ and that I have the right to refuse to let her borrow my Switch.

My cousin wouldn’t stop crying and screaming, so my aunt decided to cut the visit short and leave right then and there.

That night my mom told me to apologize to my aunt because she called and said that she felt disrespected by me.

She also wanted me to apologize to my cousin for calling her a ‘brat’. She said that she would not visit again unless I apologized. I refused to apologize because I meant it. That I should not be forced to look after my cousin and that I should not be obligated to let anyone borrow my stuff.

And now my mom would not talk to me because I was being ‘unreasonable’.


2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LilVicky

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LilVicky 4 months ago
Your mom & aunt are being a$$holes. You spoke the truth & do not owe anybody an apology. NTJ
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28. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Claim My Late Mom's Super Fund?

“In September last year, my (20f) mother (58f) passed away after a short battle with lung cancer. It was metastatic, which means it had spread around her body.

It was a very fast-paced illness (4 months) and all of her family lives pretty far away, and the global crisis restricted them from coming up.

So, I had to look after my mother on my own. 19 at the time, I was her full-time carer. We moved house over the span of four days – Mum couldn’t get herself up the stairs to go to the bathroom.

By the time we moved house, it was August. My dad (57f) showed up once to help, but it was maybe the third time I’d seen him in 3 months.

My parents split in 2012 (I was 10, turning 11), and it was a bad breakup. They sold their house and split the money, and they only spoke via me for 5 years.

I’ve lived with my dad now since October, and it’s taken me 3 months to sort out Mum’s assets. She left no will, so it’s been complicated. I got everything done by the start of February, and I applied to her Super Fund to claim the money there as her only child and next of kin.

But I hit a bump in the road that I wasn’t expecting at all.

She had my dad (the man she had broken up with 9-10 years prior and never had a kind word to say about) down as the preferred beneficiary of her estate.

At first, I wasn’t worried. I told him, and he was surprised, but we agreed that it would be no problem and that he’d sign off on me collecting the funds if it came to that. He was down as a ‘non-binding preferred beneficiary’ so I was able to apply and get a response, no problem.

A couple of days ago we had a ‘serious talk’. In summary, that he wanted the money because he didn’t want me to turn into my mother. He said that she wanted ‘hand-outs’ and he doesn’t want me to ‘sit on my butt at home all day’ like she did.

He claimed that I’d been doing nothing since I got here and that I needed to prove I deserved the money. (I will not be disclosing the amount, but it is less than $100K AUD).

I argued against him, and he called me selfish and a child.

He plans to use the money to help him pay off his own house.

He told me that when they broke up she took $35K from his Super, which leads me to believe that he sees enough of her in me that taking that money back would get him ‘even’.

I don’t think that claiming my mum’s super is a ‘hand-out’. It’s the only thing that she left after she died. He’s making me feel like a jerk for wanting to claim what she had, even though I feel like I’m morally in the right.

I don’t want to fight him on it, and I don’t want to bring Mum’s family into it, but I’m starting to feel like that might be the only way for him to see it my way; if he hears it from other people his age.”

1 points - Liked by anma7

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. honey go see a lawyer... tell them what dad is saying and see what THEY advise.. i think that dad is being greedy and you need to claim that money move out and cut dad off for a while... hearts your only inheritance to pay off his home which he may not leave you when he dies anyways so no garentee your gunna get the money that way.... so he thinks tnat after being divorced for a decade he can take your late mum's money.. btw.. i dunno what mum's family are like however if they are likely to try take the money themselves rather than stand up for you it may not be wise to get them involved
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27. AITJ For Cooking My Partner's Friend's Favorite Fried Rice?

“My partner and I are in a long-distance relationship. I’m East Asian, I cook a lot, and I also visit my partner a decent amount of times.

Now I’m gonna be brutally honest and say they don’t have good Asian food where my partner lives—there are a couple of nice mom-and-pop restaurants but everything else is mediocre.

My partner’s best friend—Imma call him Tom for privacy reasons—loves fried rice.

But he only eats bland fried rice from the Chinese-American fast food restaurant inside the mall. I ate it myself and it was OK but was really lacking in flavor. We were hanging out in a group and I said that I could cook better fried rice, and he said bet, so I said I’ll cook it next time I’m in town.

Last month, I visited my partner in his state again, and keeping my word, I decided to cook some fried rice for everyone, but also specifically with Tom in mind because I know he loves it. (by the way, my cooking isn’t even that great, the bar for Asian food is just on the ground where they live)

I drop it off at Tom’s workplace (with my partner, who’s driving me around). Tom tells us later that he loves the fried rice and asks me to make some more for him. Sounds good, I make another batch a few days later.

Near the end of my trip, I’m hanging out with my partner, Tom, Tom’s partner, and a bunch of other friends. At some point in the night, Tom’s partner—I’ll call her Lisa—confronts me about how she doesn’t appreciate that I was cooking for her partner and dropping it off at his workplace.

I’ve met Lisa before, she was always really nice and chill and I felt like I hit it off with her, so I was seriously taken aback by this. I told her that I remember Tom really liked fried rice so I wanted to make some, and that we dropped it off at his workplace because we were already running errands around the area.

She tells me it’s ‘sweet’ but that I shouldn’t be meddling with another girl’s partner.

I said ‘Wait what?’ and then explained that I wasn’t trying to meddle or do literally anything at all besides share fried rice. I didn’t even give the food exclusively to Tom, I shared it with like 6 different people, including Lisa.

She rolled her eyes and then ignored me the rest of the day which was really awkward. I’m pretty sure she thought I had a thing for Tom but that’s not true at all, I don’t even know him that well and I didn’t think my cooking food would mean something like that.

I don’t know, AITJ here?? Am I missing a few cues?”

1 points - Liked by anma7

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. you need to tell partner what the crazy lady has said and tell him HE needs to sort it out cos all you did was make fried rice as HE ASKED and you BOTH took Tom some but your not gonna get spoken to by lisa like that over rice again. Tell him you domt know what her issue is but if she thinks you making rice for 6 people as a nice gesture is meddling woth another man then you won't be making it for Tom and her again
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26. AITJ For Not Saying Anything About My Mother During My Wedding Speech?

“I (27m) got married to my wife (26f) last month but now it’s become a huge problem with my mother after I didn’t mention her in my wedding speech.

For context, my sis has raised me and my younger brother for as long as I can remember (8). My mother was an addict my whole childhood and left my sister to raise us at only 14. We spent nights without food, running water, light, etc. My sister dropped out of high school as a junior to get a job to provide for me and my brother.

Childhood was tough but nothing could ever explain how much I love my sister for what she did. Our father was never around so she was playing the role of mother and father going to things like parent-teacher conferences, and going to school programs. She never missed a basketball game, a piano performance, and stupid things like ‘bring your parents to school’ day.

She gave up everything just for two kids. She always tried to show us the greatest side of things.

When I was 17 my mother decided to go fully sober. So she can be a part of our lives again. I never fully forgave her for what she did and there’s always a part of me that will hate her for it.

No matter how much I try I can never look her in the eye and see her as my mother. I don’t even look at her as a motherly figure. She’s my birth giver. Someone who I’m forced to care about.

Years passed by and now I am married to my lovely wife.

My wedding was beautiful and my sister and her husband were the main contributors. She and her husband paid for half of my venue, did my wife’s makeup for free (she’s a professional makeup artist), helped set up for practically everything, and both still chipped in 1000$ for a wedding gift. I don’t think I would be able to have the wedding I did without her.

And now here’s where the problem started when I had the microphone in my hand. I talk about my sister, her husband, my wife (of course) my baby brother, and some friends. Not even five minutes after the speech my mother walked out of the venue which caused a bit of a stir in the audience which eventually died down.

This kind of irked my nerves but my wife calmed me down.

After my honeymoon, I called her about walking out of the venue upset. She told me she felt disrespected that I didn’t say one thing about her, she started crying on the phone and we got into a fight.

I hung up and haven’t given in to her at all.

But my wife says that I’m not wrong for getting upset but she has come so far for me and my siblings and she could be mad that she hasn’t gotten any credit for her being sober for 9+ years.

I want to know, AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LilVicky

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ... the only mention was due to sis and bro... unless your incubator would rather you had said... and i wish t thank my incubator for carrying me for 9 months then choosing substances over her kids and leaving sister to raise us.. but hey she is clean now after the hard work was done so there we have it ......
Your sister gave up HER LIFE and education for you and bro... mom gave up her kids for jerk....she gets no praise for that although being clean FINALLY now her kids are adults and her then TEEN DAUGHTER did HER JOB for her.
Not the jerk.. maybe ring mom and tell her that when she has been clean an sober for as long as sister raised you and remind her she is STILL helping you and bro NOW. Then and only then will you MAYBE mention her at an event.. and tell her she needs to get off her pity party that she got attention when she left the wedding mid speeches... is she that desperate for attention and praise
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25. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Brother For What I Said Ten Years Ago?

“I was a fairly responsible 16-year-old boy. I had a part-time job and a good understanding of budgeting. For that reason, I frequently helped my parents and brother with their finances.

When my older brother ‘Shane’ was getting married, I helped him plan the wedding.

I was aware that Shane and his fiance wanted a child-free wedding but, since I helped Shane with the suits and organizing a venue for the reception, he said he would make an exception for me. And the exception wasn’t a secret, we talked about it in front of my parents, his fiance, and his best man.

Two weeks before the wedding, Shane mentioned as off-handedly as he could manage that I wasn’t invited to the ceremony or the reception. In his words, I did have the important job of babysitting the younger family members. This obviously made me mad. And being a teenager, I may have blown some things out of proportion.

I called him various names. I told him I wouldn’t be babysitting at all, even when he and my parents offered me £1000 to do it. I just felt even more offended and I stormed off like a brat.

For two days, Shane blew up my phone with apologies, bargains, and even death threats.

He eventually said he would make an exception and allow me to attend his wedding but he obviously didn’t want me there and I didn’t want to go anymore so I refused. And as the day came and went, I refused to talk to my parents about the wedding, look at the photographs, or acknowledge Shane at all.

That really established our relationship for ten years. I have since got my own house and a very stable lifestyle. Shane has two kids I have never met and a soon-to-be ex-wife. He is now trying to reconnect with me because I suspect he wants to move into my house; I heard he currently lives in a caravan after he was thrown out by SIL.

But he is stubborn, he wants me to apologize for my words and actions ten years ago before he introduces my niece and nephew to me. I am also stubborn (maybe it runs in the family), and I want to tell him that I would prefer our relationship stay dead but I thought I should check here for more thoughts and opinions.

So AITJ for not apologizing for what I did and said over ten years ago?”

0 points (0 votes)

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. so he used the clever q6yr old kid to organise the wedding then decided haha you can babysit instead... now he's getting g divorced got 2 kids and needs somewhere to live but in order for him to come use you again YOU are meant to apologise for what you said at 16!!!! Lol.. tell him. Too bad so sad you don't NEED or WANT a roommate so you will. Pass on the apologising for telling the truth andkeep him and his kids gone... he probably wants a babysitter so he can go kine up sil no2.. again not your kids you don't have to watch or house them your parents can
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24. WIBTJ If I Cut My Roommate's Access To Our WiFi?

“I (21f) live with two other flatmates (21f). We are all university students and share a flat. All of us are dependent on our parents, and our parents pay for our university expenses.

I have the wifi in my name, paying the wifi bill every month. One of my flatmates always pays earlier, and the other I have to consistently remind them to pay me. Let’s call the latter J. Over the summer months it got worse, as we were not in the flat and at our parent’s home.

I would have to send constant reminders to J, where they would not respond to my messages at all, even when I sent them the message while they were online. Needless to say, it took them 2 months to send me the money. I received a portion of the money through their friend, so it wasn’t even them paying me.

The month after when I had to remind them again that the wifi payment was due, they delayed responding for about a week, and when they did, they said that I actually owed them money. To provide some more background, J is not very good with paying on time, as our landlord gave us several warnings since J never paid the rent on time.

I alerted my other flatmate about these occasions, the first time they paid me the rest on J’s behalf and then had J follow through with paying them back, and the second time they never responded.

When we got back, I again had to remind J to pay me the wifi.

I feel like this sort of back and forth made it really distasteful to interact with J, and I know I am going to have to remind them again the next time. I have reached out and offered J solutions to paying on time, but they never take up on it.

The next time the wifi is due, I am thinking about changing the password so they don’t have access to it.

I am fine with being the jerk, and listening to advice as I know there are solutions, but I am tired of constantly reminding them to pay me for a year now.


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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. as for the rent issue you need to talk to the landlord about contacting whoever is listed as the guarantors on your lease if you have any and explain sheismt paying her share of the bills and he knows about the rent issues and you andothwr roommate don't want it to happen again
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23. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Leave Her Dog In The Hallway While I Try On My Wedding Dress?

“I’m (F 25) getting married soon, and every time I’ve been over to my mom’s place for my dress fitting, she insists on her dog being in the room with her because otherwise he misses her and feels sad.

I feel like the jerk because the dress was my grandmother’s and my mom has paid for all the dry-cleaning and even let me remove the cap sleeves that were too big for me. Other than that, I haven’t done anything different to it because I know it’ll upset her if I ‘make it my own’ too much.

Besides, I like it a lot as it is.

I’ve had to try it on several times, with and without certain accessories I purchased, and she always insists on her small dog staying in the room.

I don’t mean to be a jerk, the dog is well-behaved for the most part and means a lot to her, but it just makes me so nervous to have a pet around such an old and special dress.

One time, I insisted the dog stay out and she waited until the dress was buttoned and I had limited mobility, then let the dog in.

Last time, I begged her to leave the dog in the hallway and she made a face like I’d suggested she get rid of her dog altogether.

I expressed I was concerned about the dress and she looked at me like I was an idiot and said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous; he won’t hurt it; it’s not as if he’s a CAT.’

(I have cats.)

Anyway, this is one small thing of many that’s been bothering me and making me think mean, exasperated thoughts.

Just want to know people’s opinions on whether it’s worth putting my foot down (more firmly than I have before), or just letting it go. Unfortunately, I will be getting ready at her home before the wedding, so this will probably happen the day of, as well.

More information:

  • The dog jumps up on people when excited.
  • It’s not so much I think the dog WILL ruin the dress, just that it’s risky having a pet around and makes me extremely anxious.
  • I would really like for her to keep her dog out of one room when I try on the dress and to keep her dog entirely away from me on my wedding day.

    I don’t want to be more anxious on a day that’s already extremely emotionally charged.”

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. can you not get your MOH to run interference for you.. wait till mom is distracted and tempt the dog out with treats... hope and pray that itdoesmt jump up on the day at you or the bridesmaids.. I get your nervous about the pooch accidentally damaging the dress but maybe make mom Carey the dog round if she insists its with her all day on thr day of the wedding... personally I get it if its a trained service dog but sounds like it isn't and mom uses it a a support animal but not a highly trained 1
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22. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Don't Want To Be In His Wedding Anymore?

“My (16F) brother (35M) is getting married to Leanna (33F) in about 3 weeks and my brother asked me if I could accompany Leanna to find dresses and maybe help her out since our mom passed away and Leanna’s mom isn’t in her life.

Even though Leanna and I didn’t really get along due to her past comments on my weight I agreed to go just to make my brother happy and I felt as though this could maybe bring me and Leanna a little bit closer since we needed some bonding time alone.

Fast forward to the day, Leanna picked me up and we headed to the dress shop. She encouraged me to go pick out a dress and I went off to find a dress in my size. After looking around a bit Leanna popped up behind me and said ‘Oh I see that this store only caters to small girls like me kind of sad because well you know you definitely don’t fit into that category’.

It hit me hard and I almost started crying but I held it together and just let out a forced giggle and nod, but oh no she didn’t stop there. She just kept ranting about how I would stand out from the other bridesmaids due to my weight and that I should consider dropping out of the wedding so I don’t embarrass her in front of her family and just full-on bullied me.

I chose to stay quiet and went home to cry.

The next day, I texted my brother saying that I no longer wanted to be in the wedding due to her words and he said he would talk to her about it, but of course, she denied everything and he begged me to still stand in the wedding since I was the only sibling he had and he really wanted me to be a part of his wedding but I refused and now Leanna has also convinced him that I’m just a jealous little brat and my brother is too now ignoring me.

I asked my friend about it and she agreed that I should grow some tough skin and stop being so sensitive over little things and that I should still stand in the wedding because my brother would never look at me the same if I didn’t and now I’m thinking I may be in wrong for taking her words to heart.


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anma7 4 months ago
OH NO she is bullying a child !!! Was there noone else there that can vouch for what she was doing and saying? Text brother and tell him that although you would love to be in the wedding party you feel that due to a difference of opinions you would rather attend as a guest. Then leave it at that
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21. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To See My Sister Before I Move Abroad?

“I (F 28) am moving to Japan next week. All that has been planned out for months. A divorce, an adoption (I don’t want to go into the details, but I have a daughter who was adopted and yes, it’s very open and I see her/have weekly contact with the family who adopted her.

I love her and that won’t change), failed relationships and nothing worth much where I’m from here in Canada prompted this move. I’ve since been staying with my parents for the last 4 months to sell my stuff and save money on rent. No issues there.

The biggest reason though, is I want to get away from my sister (F 26), her family (BIL, 33), her two kids 2M and a baby she just had this week, a girl I think. My parents have always clearly favored her, and she’s always been the center of attention, to her massive wedding, buying a house, and subsequent pregnancies.

We WERE best friends til she went out with my BIL whom I’ve never had a use for. Since then, we just… don’t talk much, if at all.

Here’s where… I feel I might be a bit petty. I haven’t said or done anything yet, though.

My sister was due with Baby 2 on September 7th, I flew out to Japan on September 9th. However, she had the baby sometime on the 2nd I think, in the early morning. So since Thursday, my parents have been with her and my BIL. They don’t come home til tomorrow evening I think.

The baby, nor my sister – are going anywhere. I am. I have no plans to move back here, and if Japan doesn’t pan out, I plan to move to England or somewhere in the UK. (The job I have is UK-based, 100% remote.) And when I do come back to visit, it’s really only to see my daughter/adopted family.

I have been very indifferent to my sister and her life for years, so she can do whatever she wants, I don’t care. Same as her having this second baby.

A few days before my sister had the baby, my mom said I could pick where we go for dinner Thursday night before I fly out cuz I’m leaving, and they won’t see me for a very long time (outside of Skype/video chat), but now that my sister had the baby, and they’ve spent the last almost week at her place, and likely that’s all I’m going to hear about in the 3 or so days before I fly out, I’ve lost all interest in having said dinner.

I’m burned out of hearing nothing but my sister these last few months since I moved in with my parents temporarily. I’m sick of hearing how perfect she is. I’m just… sick of her. Now, all I want to do is quietly fly out without doing anything the night before, and fade from my family’s memory like I’ve wanted to do for years.

To clarify, no, I have no issues with my parents spending time with my sister and her baby. I just have no interest in spending my last day here talking about/spending time with my sister when that has been the norm for the last 4 months.

I just want one day where I don’t have to see/hear about her.

WIBTJ for wanting to cancel a family dinner because I’m moving away for good, and have no desire to hear/be around my sister and her new baby?”

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anma7 4 months ago
ESH.. parents for having a golden child... and letting you know it... sister for lapping up being the golden child and making you feel like crap... you well your leaving for good what harm would it do to sit with parents having 1 last meal KNOWING you have no intensions of coming back to canada permanently and only nipping to see your child....
You could sit have dinner and say your goodbyes like a grown up and ignore all,the talk of GC and her newest spawn... or you could say look I get it you got a new grandkids but tonight is meant to be MY NIGHT cos i am leaving tomorrow... and when they start tell them all EXACTLY how tney all made you feel whilst knowing g you get tp hop on that plane and leave while shouting see yah
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20. AITJ For Telling On My Friend Who Stole From A Toy Shop?

“So my (ex-)friend (17F) and I (18F) went to a toy shop and we were just window shopping cause we’re broke teenagers.

My friend is a huge potterhead so when she saw these mini Harry Potter character wands she really badly wanted it but it was 80bucks and we can’t afford that. So my friend took the box, went to a corner, removed it from the box, and threw the box to the back of a shelf.

The entire time I was telling her to not do it cause I was scared if we got caught it would be a problem. Of course, she didn’t listen and took not one but 2 wands. I saw her put them in her bag so I was just praying we didn’t get caught, but of course, our luck one of the workers found the empty box and security started checking everyone’s bag on the way out.

To my surprise, the security pulled out one wand from my bag (I was carrying a tote bag so there was no zip or anything to close my bag). Turns out my friend dropped it into my bag. I immediately said I didn’t take it and to check the CCTV.

And my friend eventually got caught. Since she was a minor they took the goods back and took down her details to complain to her parents.

Some of my other friends are calling me a jerk for telling on her because I could have just taken the blame cause I’m older or said it wasn’t me instead of asking them to check the CCTV but most others are saying I did the right thing since I was innocent.

Also, the reason I didn’t snitch till they found the things in my bag was because she was a good friend and I didn’t want to break my friendship with her.

I felt bad I had to snitch but I was being wrongfully accused.


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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. because you are 18 you would have been in proper trouble and honey she ismt your friend... she KNEW what she was doing and it was wrong.... don't ever get into trouble with the police for others
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19. AITJ For Not Asking My Friend More Questions About Her Pregnancy At My Wedding?

“My (35f at the time) friend (37f at the time) since high school left my wedding early stating she wasn’t feeling well and then canceled our brunch for the next day stating the same reason.

After my wedding, I did not hear from her and noticed she wasn’t liking any of my wedding posts on social media. A mutual friend let me know, when I mentioned this to her, that my friend was mad at me for not making a bigger deal about her pregnancy when I saw her at my wedding reception.

Our entire friendship consisted of me helping her through issues, a divorce, and family problems. On the flip side when I would try to get her help with problems she was always too busy or had to take another call and though she would say she would call back, it wouldn’t be for weeks, and when she would it would be for more help with her issues.

Leading up to her first wedding, I barely heard from her because she was too busy with a new job and wedding planning (with major help). Leading up to mine, I started a new job and was planning my wedding with no help and wasn’t always around when she wanted to talk.

When she announced she was pregnant, a few months before my wedding, I congratulated her and checked in when I had time.

Our wedding had 100 people in attendance and was quite the overwhelming whirlwind. When I saw her I congratulated her again and said she looked amazing and asked how her pregnancy had been thus far, but not much else about that in particular, because it was my wedding and I had to interact with 99 other people and it was my and my husband’s day.

It’s been a long time since the wedding and she cut me out of her life because I didn’t dote on her and didn’t ask the gender of her baby when I saw her at my wedding. AITJ for this?

I’m scratching my head trying to figure out how that alone could make a friend of 15 years just go no contact immediately, but that is what the reason is according to all of our mutual friends.

Was she justified, am I the one in the wrong? Should I have paid more attention to her at my own wedding? All judgments accepted.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
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18. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Listening In On My Therapy Session?

“I (20M) am taking the summer off of school to work.

I still live at home with my parents but am doing what I can to pull up my bootstraps and become independent. I’ve had to deal with a lot of adversity and emotional trauma over the years, and only recently have I found a therapist to help sort it all out.

My first meeting was yesterday. Because they had scheduled a telemed appointment for convenience, I wanted to make sure it was private, so I went to my room and shut the door. I thought my mom was in another room when I began my session.

I vented about EVERYTHING to my new therapist after having to bottle it up for years. About me feeling like the family scapegoat, my sheltered upbringing and lack of sociability, how my parents believe in nonsense like alternative medicine and untested therapies, etc. Granted, it was a bit much for them to take in, but they reassured me that I should be proud of myself for seeking counseling and we would go over things one by one.

When I got out of my room to get a snack I heard my mom tell me about how she was astounded by all the things I had told my therapist but not her. At this point, I asked her if she listened in on my therapy session, and she said she did.

I absolutely lost it. I screamed at her at the top of my lungs about how I made sure to sequester myself away so as to keep things private, that she had no right to listen in on my medical stuff, and how behavior like this was exactly why I needed therapy and she crossed a line, I don’t feel like I can ever trust her again and from now on she can expect me to limit contact with her.

I refused to eat dinner with my family last night and haven’t said a word to her since.

This morning my mom came into my room and told me about how she’s really hurt at what I said, she’s just looking out for me as a parent, and for me to tell her what I did was absolutely low of me.

I didn’t say anything, but I think she does have a point and can’t help but feel awful for majorly overreacting like I did.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell mom that you are now as adult and she NO LONGER HAS THE RIGHT to know ANYTHING about your health UNLESS YOU TELL HER. Otherwise BUTT OUT. Great she's your mom and you love her BUT she needs to stay in her own lane now.
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17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To An Event If My Mom's Best Friend Will Be There?

“I (17f) HATE my mom’s best friend.

This all started about 2 years ago, when my mom’s best friend, Jane, had an unexpected pregnancy. She has 2 older kids, but they are 10 and 12 years older than the baby. I have always been great with babies, and super motherly, so we already knew I would be babysitting a lot.

But I assumed maybe once or twice a week, but it quickly got out of hand.

She moved down the street from us, for ‘extra help’ with the baby from me and my mom, and would call me over at any time to help with the baby.

(This was during online school, so she would make me come over during Zoom classes to watch her kid so she could go out). I would say I couldn’t, and my mom would push me to do it. I was over 4-5 days a week, for 4-8 hours each day.

Nearly all unpaid. For a year. I often expressed my frustration about how I really didn’t want to watch the baby, but she and my mom would always guilt me saying she needed the help and her other kids wouldn’t watch the baby (they hated him because he was super unexpected and took all their attention).

About a year ago, she and I got into a huge fight because I told her I would no longer work for free, and she agreed to pay me, but she was gone 2 hours longer than expected (not unusual for her at all, she is one of those people that is always late) and paid me less than agreed because she ‘didn’t have enough cash on her.’ (keep in mind, I charged her a HEAVILY discounted from my usual babysitting rate since she was a family friend.)

She came over later that week for our Fourth of July party and expected me to watch the baby the whole time, and I will admit, I kind of lost it at her. She ended up leaving early and didn’t talk to my mom for weeks.

And I was majorly grounded for snapping at my mom’s friend, in front of all of her friends. I ended up apologizing, only for my mom because I didn’t want her to lose her closest friend, but things have still been awkward between us.

I’m still furious at how much she took advantage of my time and I honestly hate her for it.

My family’s Fourth of July party is coming up, and she will be coming. I’ve managed to avoid every other event with her, but this one, my parents told me I had to be there.

I told my mom I didn’t want to go if she was there. I know I will have to talk to her, and I really don’t want to, but my mom told me it’s time to get over it and show forgiveness, and that I have already caused enough damage to their friendship.

I feel completely justified in my behavior and refusal to see her. I also know I tend to overreact and hold major grudges, so I’m also thinking maybe I am in the wrong.

Am I the jerk here?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell mom that since this is HER FRIEND then MOM can babysit FOR FREE. You will no longer allow her friend to take advantage of you. And you will no longer watch her child AT ALL, EVER.
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16. AITJ For Denying That I Was The Girl Who Went Out With My Classmate's Dad?

“I just transferred from a 2-year community to a 4-year university to finish my degree. In one of my classes, there was this girl I recognized… I went out with her dad.

When I was 18, I had a brief relationship with an older man, he was in his 50s, and he was my first relationship, it was about as inadvisable as it sounds… He was controlling and jealous and it felt like he treated me as something to control instead of as a partner.

During this time, I also went by a nickname that was a bit different than my own name. Like if my name is Lisa but I went by Lily.

He also had a daughter two years younger than me who really seemed to think highly of him and despise me.

I understand why she might not like me, it must be weird seeing your dad go out with someone your age. But I couldn’t understand why she liked and respected him, even when I was in a relationship with him I realized he was an awful person and I was trying to leave.

Long story short, I left him after 2 months, and he wouldn’t let me go. I had to get my guy friends to all get together and tell him that he couldn’t come around anymore and to respect that I didn’t want to see him.

So back to the present… I saw his daughter in my class, in college.

I had no idea she was going to the same college as me, and I was stressed to see her. I didn’t want her dad to know where I was. So when she was like ‘Lily I didn’t know you were going here?’ I pretended not to realize she was talking to me.

She said ‘Lily’ again and walked over.

I said, ‘Uhh who’s Lily?’ And she said, ‘You’re from (old town) right?’ And I was like ‘Where? I’m from California’.

She said, ‘Are you joking right now?’ And I was like ‘Wait what’s going on?

Are you looking for someone? I’m Lisa, what were you saying before?’

And she was like ‘You used to live in (Old town), right?’ And I said ‘No, I’m from California, I don’t know where that is’.

And she walked off but I heard her later talking about how she’s pretty sure I was this girl who slept with her dad even though he’s like 50.

When other people asked me if I knew her, I said that I didn’t, and I wasn’t sure why she was so convinced I was this ‘Lily’ girl.

Well, it turns out she started saying to other people that she must have been wrong, but I was a dead ringer for this ‘jerk Lily’.

I feel kind of conflicted. On one hand, I hope she actually believes I’m not ‘Lily’ since I don’t want my ex to know where I live. And I don’t feel terrible about lying because she was really nasty to me every time we spoke, and gossipped negatively about me a lot in the past. And I don’t want to be known as some dummy who went out with an old man… Even though I am.

But I feel bad for lying, even though she was rude, I have just been really boldly lying.

AITJ for lying about being ‘Lily’?”

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anma7 4 months ago
Nope but you know when she goes home and tells daddy about the girl who looks like lilt and he turns up then you are going to have to confront your past you know that right... unless he has another puppet now
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15. AITJ For Punishing My Son By Not Letting Him Have His New Toy?

“My hubby (39M) and I (38F) have 2 children – 4.5M and 2M. This is about the older boy, 4.5M.

4.5M has gotten into a habit of saying some swear words for fun in our language (not English). It started with him trying to rhyme everything, and unknowingly he came up with 1-2 rhyming words that are actually abusive terms in our language. He did not know so I explained to him that these are bad words and he should not be saying these anytime or anyplace.

However, he is in a phase where he wants to tease and provoke us for fun, and so he has been saying them out loud at home or in public places for weeks/months. Every time he says the words, I scold him and explain it is not good.

It has gotten to a point where I have to shout at him to make him stop or give him a time-out or some consequence.

Yesterday we were returning from a weekend trip in our car and again he started rhyming words and loudly saying the abusive word.

I got angry and scolded our son, and he started teasing me and making faces. This angered me more and I warned him that one more misconduct and he would get a consequence. And you guess, a few minutes later, he again started the rhyming thing with the abusive word.

We had purchased a new toy for him which he had been told, he could open and play with once we were home. As a punishment, I told him the toy would now remain in the car for a few days until he learned to not misbehave.

As soon as we reached home, the boy rushed out of the car with his dad and grabbed the toy. I got out and, while my husband was unloading the luggage from the car, I told him to keep it back. The tantrums started and he refused saying he was sorry and would not say the abusive word again.

I firmly told him sorry does not cut it now and he still needs to face the consequences of his actions. He was crying and refusing, so my husband said to let it go. I refused to budge as this is not the first, second, third, or even fourth time he has done this.

This is after multiple times of misbehaving.

My husband was not happy and tried to convince me saying that I was killing the boy’s excitement over a new toy and that my husband had this done to him by his father when he was young and so he does not like it.

But I told him that I had decided on the punishment in the car and he had agreed then so I would not back out. I told my husband to go inside the house with the younger one while I ensured that the older one kept the toy back in the car or we both stood there until he did.

Finally, the older boy kept his toy in the car and we walked back home.

My husband is not talking to me now as he thinks I escalated the situation. I, however, think that some sort of consequence is necessary for misbehaving, otherwise, how will kids learn to differentiate the good from the bad?

Also, the punishment is just to delay handing him the toy. The toy is safe in the car and the boy can have it in a day or two.

AITJ for holding off a new toy as punishment for my 4.5-year-old son?”

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MadameZ 4 months ago
YTJ and you need to get over yourself. The kid is saying the 'bad' word precisely because you are being a petulant whinyarse about it. The more of a fuss you make, the more he will have a tool to wind you up with. Also, punishments (deliberately causing distress to your child by way of revenging yourself for some imagined slight) are bad parenting anyway, particularly for things as trivial as this.
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14. AITJ For Telling My Coworker To Stop Caring So Much About Me?

“My (F 33) coworker (M 43) and I run our department together. We have to work pretty closely together to ensure everything runs smoothly in our department. We have never actually met in person because everything is done remotely.

He is honestly kind of overbearing. He talks, A LOT. And if I don’t respond to his chit-chat messages, he just keeps sending more trying to strike up a conversation. He also complains about how many hours he works and how he is constantly working until 9 or 10 pm.

But I’m skeptical that is all work because of how much he talks.

He keeps doing this thing where he ‘checks in’ on me. Sending me messages like ‘Make sure you eat lunch!’ or ‘Make sure you get your workout in!’ but it’s not like a one-off thing.

This is daily, multiple times a day. Like yesterday, I told him I was behind on a project and he was like ‘Don’t use being behind as an excuse to skip lunch or work out!’ Neither of which I said I was going to do.

Yes, in the past I have worked through my lunch or skipped a workout, but, like, I don’t need a babysitter.

Today, he sent me a message, ‘Make sure you eat before the meeting with (client)!’ So I responded with ‘Hey, I really don’t need these messages.

I know you mean well, but this is coming off patronizing.’

He went immediately into victim mode with ‘I just care about your health! I want you to take care of yourself! I’m sorry that my caring bothers you so much, but you’re my partner in this department!’

I’m not slacking on my work. I’m actually the one who brings in the big clients/projects for what we do, while he usually brings in little clients (we work in PR and I bring the national/international accounts, while he brings local or regional).

So I explained ‘Look, like I said, I know you mean well, but I am a grown woman and I haven’t died of a heart attack or starvation yet. I’ve got this.’

So he retorted with ‘Dude, I’m just being your friend and I care about you,’ and just kept going on.

Like I said, I know his heart may be in the right place, but his head is not and it’s beyond annoying. AITJ here? Did I overreact?”

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MadameZ 4 months ago
Nope. NTJ. His behaviour is unprofessional and intrusive. You could try one more time to state that this is a professional relationship and your private life is your business, not his. And if he carries on acting like a lovesick teen, report him.
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13. AITJ For Telling My Daughter I Knew About Her Secret Desserts With Her Stepdad?

“I have a daughter, Chloe (21), with my ex. When she was 7 we had a messy divorce. He didn’t want me to leave and made it very clear to Chloe. After the divorce, I met my husband, Jack. We started going out when Chloe was 8, but she was 9 when she finally met him.

Chloe did not accept the relationship and wanted nothing to do with him, and my ex certainly didn’t help.

Sometimes I had to work late. So I had an idea and told Jack to basically take her out to ice cream when I was late.

While Chloe hated him, she wouldn’t say no to dessert. So basically he framed it as sneaking ice cream when Mum’s at work. The bribery worked pretty quickly and she came around to liking him. Nowadays she’s closer to Jack than her father (and even calls Jack dad!), and sometimes I think she’s closer to him than me.

So Chloe is currently 7 months pregnant. She was over yesterday and we were talking about everything. We talked about us as grandparents and I joked that we’ll try not to sneak our granddaughter away for ice creams. Chloe was surprised and didn’t realize I knew about it.

I explained what I said above, and that obviously he’s not gonna just take his partner’s daughter out so often without telling her.

For some reason, Chloe got really upset about it. She basically said we lied to her and manipulated her and that I shouldn’t think she’s ‘cheap’ to ‘buy her love’ and invade her privacy, and stormed off.

I honestly didn’t think this would be such a big deal. She hasn’t responded to me or Jack after she left or today. Jack is annoyed with me and says that I didn’t have to say anything, though he doesn’t seem to know why she’s so upset either.

She got along with him so well, I don’t understand why it not being a secret would ruin anything. Maybe buying her love wasn’t great, but she wasn’t giving him a chance. None of it was an insult, I just wasn’t thinking and forgot that we never explained it to her.

She clearly thinks I’m wrong, and Jack isn’t happy. AITJ? Was it wrong to reveal?”

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anma7 4 months ago
YTJ. It was their apparent secret that you werent meant to jnow about and now you blew their bond out the water by opening your mouth... cos yes you did get him to bribe her and now she feels crappy for being manipulated by her mommy.
Obviously she is pregnant too and her emotions will.. be all over the place.. but you have just told her that you can't be trusted with HER CHILD... cos she now knows you and dad think nothing of getting a child to lie to their parents... or lying to kids cos you both did it to her... yes for a good reason but you still broke her trust and now she's sat wondering if she can trust you with HER CHILD when it's older and if she says no are you going to go behind her back and do it anyways... jeez mom way to go...
I suggestyou give her a couple of days to calm down and then explain WHY you did it.. not cos you wanted her to bond woth jack but because you felt bad for having to work late and leave her with him when you knew she wasn't warning to him cos of her bio dad's input
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12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Husband's Best Friend's Wife's Counselor?

“My husband (M 36) arrived in my country when he was 20 from the Middle East. He worked really hard to create a life for himself here, and I am so proud of everything that he was able to overcome.

When he arrived, he met an 18-year-old who had also recently arrived from the Middle East, ‘Amir’. The two soon became inseparable and were really a ‘found family’ in that neither of them had anyone here to support them.

My husband and I (F 32) have now been married six years, and I do not have much in common with Amir (M 34), meaning that our ‘friendship’ is more for the sake of my husband.

He is nice enough, but we have never become close. Amir would be very happy if he were a perpetual bachelor for the rest of his life, but has been under quite a lot of cultural pressure to marry someone and settle down. Eventually, he caved, and his parents arranged a marriage with a girl from his home country.

She has been taking English lessons and arrived in our country two months ago when she and Amir were married.

I do not agree with the fact that their marriage has been arranged and that they are strangers, but I do not want them to be judged for their culture.

‘Nadia’ (F 36) also faced a lot of pressure to get married because of her age, and really came here to make the best of everything, but the idea in her head of a fairytale romance is not what Amir wants. They have zero chemistry between them, and she has become quite attached to me in that I have been the one to show her around, drive her to the shops, invite her out to coffee, introduce her to my friends, etc. She is a lovely girl, and she wants this to succeed.

My husband and I have done so much to help Nadia settle in, and we are stretched to the limit. Amir has handed her over to us, as he never wanted a wife in the first place. He is out enjoying dinner with friends while Nadia is dropped off at our house.

Recently, Amir has been asking me to spend more and more time with Nadia, and they have started showing up at our house late at night asking that my husband and I help them resolve their arguments. Neither my husband nor I are relationship counselors, and we do not want unannounced visitors at 10:30 pm on a weeknight!

I reached my breaking point yesterday when they arrived at 9:00 pm arguing about how Nadia was too shy to ask a cashier at the supermarket where they kept the rice. I pulled Amir aside and told him that it is not my and my husband’s job to integrate his wife into the community here.

I said that we are not his emotional support animals and we do not want to counsel them. They need to start figuring things out on their own.

Unfortunately, Nadia overheard and now is under the impression that I was doing nice things for her because I was under an obligation, rather than helping her because I actually like her.

She apologized for being a burden when they left, so I now feel terrible.”

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. please go round and see nadia.. explain to her that you do like her and you do want to be her friend however your anger was aimed at amir.. as HE is the 1 that should be teaching her how things work in your country.. that instead of dumping g her a,one HE should be the person spending time with her when he has finished work...that you enjoy spending time with her it's just that AMIR seems to have lied to her and expects you to solve HIS problems.... if he doesn't want to be married shy can't he wotk it in both he and nadias favour.... can he not help her get her visas etc and then they could live as roommates... he doesn't want to be married but she bless her does and SHE deserves better... can your hubby not talk to him brother to brother and explain to him that he's not being fair to this lovely woman who wants to make a good life for them both and if he gave it half a chance it could work... failing that please help her get free of this muppet and help her get a life in your country away from her stupid cultural expectations
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11. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That My Family Is Rich?

“I’m a 24-year-old woman and from a family that I’d class as fairly well off. I’m lucky in that I have the ability to work at the animal shelter full time and waive a salary as I’m doing this job because I want to not because I need to.

At work I met my partner who is 27, he is my co-worker and we hit it off and began to go out.

I didn’t divulge my family’s financial status to him at first as I’ve had people try to befriend/go out with me simply to mooch before and I didn’t want that to happen again, I’m generally very private about this so don’t flaunt it.

We’ve been together for four months and we were planning to go visit my family to introduce him to them in two weeks so I knew it was time to have ‘The talk’ so to speak. So I sat him down and explained my family’s financial situation and how I was generally wary about telling people at first as while I benefit from their money in ways like my trust fund, my flat, my car, etc, the majority of the money is very much theirs not mine.

He got upset with me for hiding it from him for so long and told me it was a sign I clearly didn’t trust him, I tried to explain it wasn’t that I didn’t trust HIM exactly but that I’d been fooled by people before and wanted to be sure and now we were getting serious before things went further and before he met my parents he had a right to know.

He feels I should have known he wouldn’t try to take advantage of me and he should have been told after we went out once or twice or even before.

I asked him if it really mattered as the main money wasn’t mine yet and I’m still the same person he knew before.

He has told me he needs time to think about everything and that he’s really uncomfortable with me being from that kind of life, how is he meant to bring anything to the table if we go further? I admit I was hurt at this, and still am… was it really so wrong to hide it from him?

I was just trying to be sure and I told him the moment things were getting serious and before we met with my family, surely that is plenty of time?”

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anma7 4 months ago
NJH... i get why you didn't tell him fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me as the saying goes.... he is probably worried that your family won't see him as worthy of you and will treat him like a gold digger.... and he's probably worried that he won't ever be able to meet their expectations financially and that he won't be able to match your families housing expectations as in the size etc that tey will expect him to be able to provide for you let alone any kids you may have etc... so I think you need to talk to him again explain what's happened in the past and why you have been so guarded with him up to now... and hope he will give you a chance t explain and make it right with him if you like him enough to take him home to meet your family
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10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Mother-In-Law's Grandbaby On Weekends Anymore?

“I (27f) am starting to refuse to take my fiancé’s (27m) mom’s (47f) 7-month-old baby. To start, it is not her baby. The little one is her stepdaughter’s baby. She gained foster custody over her for reasons I’ll leave out. Before she got her, my fiancé and his mom talked about how to care for her when we got the little one.

I wasn’t brought into the conversation. I did say I could take her some days for their in-between shift (she works seconds and he works first). She got her and it all seemed fine. Until my fiancé wasn’t holding up his end of watching her.

I would have her from noon until 6 am then do it again all week. He agreed to watch her every other weekend so his mom had free time, but I’m stuck with her those days too. I have a 7-year-old myself who also needs me.

What gets me is even on weekends his mom gets the little one, and she drops her off to go to bars and drink. Even on days she is supposed to be at work, she won’t tell me and go drink instead. Yet I’m obligated to take her every day at 6 am and get her at noon so she ‘has time with her grandbaby’.

Gas is getting expensive and I can’t do it by myself anymore. I’ve already done it myself with my own kid for 5 years. I just recently said I could not take her Monday and Tuesday as those are the only days I have my kid through summer.

That was a fit. I also just stated I’m not taking her every day through the week and get complained to about having time with her grandbaby. So I said I would not take her on weekends and was complained to by my fiancé that his mom needs time alone too.

I’m sorry I’m not taking a baby I have no say on for days, driving back and forth 30 minutes each way, and then on weekends just to see her on ‘her weekends’ drop the little one off and go drink. AITJ for wanting free time for myself?

Should I stand my ground?”

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ... honey you need to tell fiance that HE AGREED to help his mommy if she got custody you DIDNT say you would become the defacto carer for this kid permanently while he did whatever he wants after work and his mother goes drinking rather than go to work...
Instead of telling them you can't take the baby you need to change it to I WONT be having this baby from noon till the next day EVER AGAIN.... tell them both that you have your own child to care for you can't afford the gas to travel back and forth everyday and that if THEY don't start doing what THEY said they will, do then you WILL be ci tacting CPS and reporting them for not doing what they said they would do and expecting YOU to do it FOR FREE 7 days a week... honey this guy is using you as a free child minder for HIS STEP NEICE.... just stop why should you raise a kid that you weren't even asked to help with... you offered to watch er while HE FINISHED WORK and SHE WENT TO WORK.. not get dumped the baby at noon while she went to either work or the bar and fiance went wherever the baby wasn't.... stop letting them use you like this.. it be easier if YOU get custody of the baby and tney came to visit at least them you could get money from the government for caring for her... USE YOUR WORDS STAND YOUR GROUND on this else you gonna have this lid forever
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9. AITJ For Taking My Mom To A Baseball Game Instead Of My Dad?

“Months ago I was shopping with my grandma (I’m 16) and a store had a contest going on to win tickets to our local baseball team’s game and some ‘swag’/shirt and hat and stuff. I entered. My grandma made me put down my dad’s home phone number instead of my cell for some reason.

My parents aren’t together.

My dad called a week or two ago to tell me that I won. Tickets are for the end of June but I could change the day if I’m not available that day.

When he called he said he was going to be out of town that weekend because he was going to the cabin so he couldn’t go.

I get 4 tickets so I figured I’d just take my mom and grandparents (dad’s parents but they get along).

When I called my grandparents to invite them my grandma said that I should’ve just gotten tickets for a different game so my dad could go and he’d be hurt that I was leaving him out.

This is a regular thing with him though, he goes out of town and I always have to move my things around so that he can go. It’s annoying and I’m tired of being inconvenienced so he can do both. These trips aren’t for business either, he goes to the cabin, hunting trips, fishing trips, and fun leisure activities, not obligations.

Well, my grandma keeps bringing it up and saying ‘It wasn’t very nice’ for me to do that. My dad wanted to go but couldn’t. I said he’s the one that’s going to the cabin it’s not like he has to work or something. She said I should have compromised.

I’m not sure if this is just her typical dad can do no wrong (he’s the baby and she always sides with him), or if I really should have just picked a different game to go to so he could go too.

AITJ for going without him?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
So take your mom and NOT THE GRANDS. Take two other people instead. Tell the grands that you will not let them MANIPULATE YOU and if dad had really wanted to go then HE SHOULD REARRANGE HIS WEEKEND FOR YOU. Tell them you are tired of being managed like you were a small child. Other than that, next time something like this comes up DO NOT GIVE DAD's PHONE NUMBER, GIVE YOUR OWN. Don't let grands talk you into doing something YOU DON'T NEED TO DO.
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8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Forgive My Brother-In-Law And His Wife?

“My BIL (25) and his wife (21) have had a difficult relationship with my husband (31) and me (29). We have had multiple falling-outs over the past year.

The pattern usually is my SIL confronts me over something that is bothering her, I try and explain myself, but she doesn’t hear me and decides she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

Then she posts passive-aggressive things about me on social media, my BIL and her will eventually unfriend and block me, and then about 2 months later they reach out, apologize, accept fault, and then we do it all over again.

Causes of conflict:

1. My MIL passed very suddenly and after the whole funeral happened I asked my BIL to pick up the death certificates from the funeral home.

A couple of months later I found out they had never been picked up. Then they didn’t respond to me following up and asking if they had gotten them. So I got them sent to me (I live out of town), and they later found out I had done that and blamed me for it.

This resulted in my SIL cussing me out.

2. They accused us of never attending any of their events even though they have always made an effort to attend our events. I explained that their events have all occurred in 2020 and we have not been comfortable with traveling or gatherings during this time.

This led to them saying we make no effort in the relationship and that they want nothing to do with us. This was followed by her ‘unasking’ me to be her maid of honor and my husband was no longer the best man.

3 (part 1). My SIL invited me to go wedding dress shopping with her and asked me to stay with her prior and drive her to the appointment.

A couple weeks before she informed me that her mother would be driving her. I explained that I felt like her backup plan and was easily replaced. She stated that I was selfish and this was ‘low’ for me, and uninvited me. We talked the next day, cleared things up, and I was re-invited… but no longer welcome to stay with her.

3 (part 2). A couple of days later we (my husband and I) were uninvited from her bachelor/bachelorette parties because her best friend did not like that she and I disagreed and no longer wanted me to attend. My SIL continued to push me to talk about how I was feeling and when I voiced feeling uncomfortable sharing my feelings for fear of being misunderstood (a common theme), she said I blamed her for everything.

This was followed by posting online that I was the ‘devil in disguise’ and uninviting us from the wedding.

Skip to the present: she has reached out and apologized. My husband wants nothing to do with them. I am torn between severing the relationship and holding them accountable and then moving forward.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Just stop responding to the control freaks and BLOCK THEM/GO NO CONTACT. Just because they are FAAAAMMMMIIILY does not mean you have to let them crap all over YOUR LIFE. BE DONE WITH THEIR GAMES.
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7. AITJ For Letting A Friend Believe That My Partner Pays For Everything?

“My (27F) partner (30M) and I met 7 years ago and have been together for 5. We met through this very same friend (Nicole, 28F) because my partner had a crush on her but she rejected him because he comes from money and she didn’t want to be degraded to a mere ”trophy wife/partner’.

It turned out that my partner doesn’t come from money and he has worked from a very young age for what he has, he’s doing well right now because of his job.

Now, he doesn’t really pay for everything PER SE, I opened a bank account when I was 24 to build up my credit, almost at the same time we decided to move in together so I offered to use that card as a ‘joint card’ for things like dates, house supplies and other stuff while he opened one for our savings.

The card is both ours, we both put money toward it but he’s the main holder because he’s usually the one buying groceries and paying utilities, so it’s easier for us if he has it.

There are times when it’s absolutely his/mine treat, and we pay with our personal cards, but someone who doesn’t know our system might believe that’s just another one of his cards.

Now the issue; We usually go out with my friends once or twice a month and Nicole is there every time, I’ve noticed that when the bill comes in, she gives us a bad eye because my partner and I pay for our stuff together (usually with that card, sometimes he invites me, sometimes I do).

Yesterday, we went out to a small dinner because one of our friends got engaged, after we finished, my partner pulled out the card to pay for our stuff and Nicole rolled her eyes and said ‘I can’t believe you let him do that every time.’ I was confused and asked what was she talking about and she said ‘That, he pays every time, are you short on money OP?

I can help you. Ugh, I told you he only wants a trophy wife/partner, that’s so not feminist of you’ and I just shrugged and said ‘Cry then’.

She got visibly mad and when we were walking to our cars she just left without saying anything else, I apologized for the scene to my friend and she said no biggie, but my partner said that maybe we should’ve explained to Nicole our system.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS and she seems to be JEALOUS. Just tell her that she has NO IDEA what your relationship truly is and you are tired of her trying to run YOUR LIFE. She may not be as much of a friend as you think. People like her make me tired.
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6. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Spend Less Time Talking To His Friend?

“My husband (31m) and I (27f) moved to the Midwest a year ago. He works two part-time jobs, one of them being a paid internship and the other being a weekend job where he can do whatever he wants as long as he’s on-site.

I work a full-time stressful job and a part-time job as well. He is in technical school using his GI BILL in a field made up of mostly females.

He became friends with a lot of people in his class. I love his friends for the most part.

Out of his 20+ new friends, there is one girl I’m not a fan of. She is very rude to me and says she’d rather spend time with just my husband.

She came to our house and was just very standoffish with me but the entire time she was laughing and flirting with my husband.

It got to the point that I felt that I didn’t belong in my own home. Especially after working 6 days straight and that being my one day off I was very upset. I ended up going to our room.

He feels bad for her because she says she has a hard time being friends with females and that she really only likes to have guy friends.

She is engaged but is constantly venting to my husband about how awful the guy is and how she wishes her fiancé was more like him. She constantly asks my husband for validation and compares herself to me. For example, ‘Oh I like that activity too.

We’re practically the same although I’m skinnier’. These remarks really jab as I’ve been working hard to lose weight which of course he told her. She now calls him one of her best friends and they talk on the phone or text all evening (which is the only time I see him) sometimes until midnight.

He gets distracted or doesn’t hear things I tell him, which are sometimes important like dates I’ll be gone for work, because he’s texting with her. We got frisky the other night and as soon as we were done, he rolled over and started texting her.

My husband has a hard time expressing things and it is pulling teeth to get a compliment from him. He tends to joke around a lot which is fine but we recently had a conversation about how sometimes I would like to hear him say something sweet or nice.

However, I get his same jokes or running commentary, but he tells her how beautiful and smart and fantastic she is.

We’ve talked a lot about the situation lately and he feels that he shouldn’t have to step back or cut back on what hours he talks to her (when he talks until midnight and we get up at 5 am) just because I’m not a fan.

He said that his friend feeling secure in their friendship is more important than my insecurities and that I need to stop being so insecure. He wants me to try being friends with her but doesn’t want it to happen by his interference but for us to just hit it off naturally.

I did reach back out to her and ask if we could talk but I am really anxious.

So am I the jerk for asking my husband to cut back on the time he talks to his friend?”

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anma7 4 months ago
OMG... honey your working a full, time job and a part time job he's working 2 part time jobs so i assume the bulk of the financial burden is on you and yet you cant even get a conversation out of YOUR HUBBY... you have intimate time and herolls over and starts texting HER... are you sure they are just friends? Have you met the crappy fiance ? Are you sure he exists?.. Cos if my hubby was talking to a female friend way more than to me but I was paying for everything or the majority I would be meeting g her for coffee and asking her if she was screwing my hubby and then asking if she wants to get 1 demanding full time job plus a part time job to support his jerk and sending him to her and getting myself a lawyer and divorcing his jerk...
He cares more about her feelings than he does yours !! He's told you this.. or is hubby another blind male who can't see when a woman is blatantly flirting and throwing herself at him...
I think you need to be having a come to jesus conversation with him too about her blatant throwing herself at him and if he dares tell you you are imagining it tell him you ain't and he's either got something to hide or he's really alot stupider tha. You thought cos any e with eyes can see what her game is and he's playing right into it
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5. AITJ For Telling My Dad To Stop Pushing My Daughter To Eat?

“Growing up, there was a lot of pressure on me about food coming from my family. The whole ‘stay at the table till you finish eating’ and ‘you’ll eat what we made or no food for the rest of the day’ type stuff.

When we moved out of the house I grew up in our kitchen table was stuffed full with food I hid as a child so I wouldn’t get in trouble for not finishing a meal. I developed severe disordered eating that was ignored by my family for many years.

It got so bad that I was hospitalized during school and they couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Because of these events and more, I want to raise my daughter (2f) with a healthier relationship with food. To be able to listen to her body and make good decisions for herself.

When she first started solid foods, I sat down with my parents and basically told them that I didn’t want us putting any pressure on her about food. Set down the food and let go. If she doesn’t want to eat, she doesn’t have to.

Don’t force it. She eats what we eat pretty much all the time. But some days, she doesn’t feel like eating. Or she doesn’t want what I made. I tell her ‘Okay, we can try again later’ or something similar. Basically, I let her know that it’s okay, she can listen to her body.

Here’s where the problem comes in.

My dad cooks often for the family and takes great pride in his meals. He gets offended when I tell my daughter that she doesn’t have to eat what he made if she’s not feeling it.

He’ll constantly push her to ‘just try a bit’ and will even hold it in front of her mouth until she takes a bite. I’ve told him multiple times to not do that. It goes directly against what I’ve asked and it makes my daughter start to cry and scream because she doesn’t like things shoved in her face.

Today I was feeding my younger baby and heard my dad at the table going on and on about how my daughter wouldn’t eat, she was being bad and hurting his feelings. Trying to guilt her into eating even though she clearly said ‘not hungry’ and pushed her plate away.

Annoyed by his actions, I went to the table and said ‘Can you please stop pressuring her, I’ve told you over and over again I don’t want you doing that. I tell you this at least once a week so just stop.’ He proceeded to get angry at me, screaming how I was disrespectful and ungrateful.

Said that I’m a jerk for constantly nagging him when he’s helping me. That he did the same to my brother and me and we both turned out fine. (Untrue but that’s beside the point) That he did so much for me growing up only for me to treat him like trash and how I’m going to mess up my kids and it’ll be all my fault.

He said that if I don’t want him to help the way he wants to, then he won’t help at all. He left the house and when he came back, he refused to talk to me or my daughter.

I can’t help feeling like I’m a jerk for always getting onto him about this.

I just don’t want my daughter to grow up feeling insecure about food.”

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LilVicky 4 months ago (Edited)
Why do you keep going over there then? Or do you live with him? Either way you need to either stop going over there or move out. He’s not going change. NTJ but you will be if you keep putting your daughter in these situations
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4. AITJ For Not Liking My Fiancé's Heirloom Ring?

“My fiancé (35m) and I (30f) recently got engaged. I have never been subtle as to my aesthetic preference in my ring.

I’ve shown him several pictures and we have gone to multiple jewelry stores to pick out my engagement ring. We have a very communicative relationship and discuss things thoroughly as we are both adults and our relationship is healthy with mutual respect and understanding.

Now here’s the problem.

When he proposed, I assumed it would be in a similar style to the dozens of rings we looked at, but alas it was not. He proposed with his deceased grandmother’s ring. This ring, simply put, is horrendous. It has a thick bulky band and it is gaudy and ostentatious.

I’m a petite person with little hands which makes this ring look even gaudier.

I love my future husband and I love how honest and transparent we are with one another so I asked him why he didn’t decide on one of the rings we chose together.

While I love the symbolism and the sentiment that the ring possesses for him, it is not my personal taste. I was respectful and I did not insult his family heirloom.

When his mother asked if I loved the ring, I respectfully said ‘It’s a beautiful ring, but it is not my personal taste and I asked ‘Andrew’ if it were possible to pick out a ring together for me to wear on a daily basis’.

Now his mother thinks I’m an ungrateful jerk and started screaming at me that I was a gold-digging jerk and his grandmother is rolling over in her grave and I’m a terrible person. AITJ in this situation? I don’t think I could have possibly been more polite or direct.

I’m not going to lie and I’m not going to wear something I don’t love on a daily basis.”

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LilVicky 4 months ago
NTJ his mother can kick rocks
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3. AITJ For Telling My Husband That He Should Tell My Parents Himself That He Doesn't Want To Spend The Weekends With Them?

“Over the past decade, my husband (36m) and I (33f) had been spending 10ish weekends a year at my parents’ cabin, WITH my parents. For your information – he gets along great with my parents and is honest if things bother him. The cabin is a 3-bed/2-bath home built in 2017 – very nice/new.

A few years ago, my husband finally told me that he doesn’t get a ton of enjoyment out of being at the cabin. He’d rather stay home. So we compromised and I asked that he come up just some holiday weekends (4/year) and maybe one or two more.

He agreed.

In the meantime, I still visit more often and take our dog and 2-year-old daughter with me, as they both get a lot of enjoyment out of being there, and my parents love spending time with my daughter.

Here is the problem I’m running into.

Last year, my husband ONLY came up for the 4 holiday weekends. I asked him to come all the other times I went, and he declined. Quite frankly, I was fine with that and didn’t argue. But last month, my PARENTS asked us ALL to come visit this month.

I asked my husband to go, and he wouldn’t give me an answer. After days of asking and trying to discuss it with him, I figured out that he was trying to create ‘good’ excuses not to go. I confronted him about this, and he just smiled and laughed and said ‘You’re good’ because I had figured him out.

He said that telling my parents ‘I just don’t want to go’ is a weak excuse and he didn’t want them to be upset.

So I told him, ‘If you really don’t want to go, then you can call or text and tell them’. He told me I was being unreasonable, and that since I talk to my mom almost every day, I should just tell her.

I told him that was a nonsense excuse and that I’m not his messenger – he should own up to his choice and the consequences of it, which may likely lead to sad, disappointed in-laws, and a frustrated wife… but that’s on him. If he wants to avoid that, he can come along and spend time with his family – who knows!

May even have a good time!

So am I the jerk for making him tell my parents himself, and being so frustrated about this?”

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LilVicky 4 months ago (Edited)
YTJ for expecting someone to just “enjoy” being at the cabin with your parents all the time. He’s told you that he doesn’t enjoy himself so quit trying to control him & his feelings
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2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiance's Dog In My House?

“I (28f) have been with my fiancé ‘Dan’ (29m) for 2 years. Over the past few weeks, we have been discussing Dan moving into my house since his lease is soon up for renewal and at a higher rate.

Now I am very lucky being able to have inherited the house from my grandparents when I was 20 and I have done a lot of redecorating since then and in 2020. Also as my mental health started to degrade in 2020, I decided to adopt a cat.

My baby has helped me tremendously and I made sure she has the best home since she came from a not-so-nice household. It is important to note she is an indoor cat only and doesn’t really like being outside and because of this has a lot of space in the house dedicated to her as her play area.

Now Dan is aware of my cat and never said anything about it, in fact, he and my cat went along really well, so I thought his moving wouldn’t be an issue, but apparently it is.

Dan’s mother passed away about 1.5 years ago and left her dog, which Dan has been taking care of since.

The dog is 9 years old and is one of those reactive dogs. His mother never bothered training the dog to behave and when Dan started caring for it, the dog would still misbehave. By reactive I mean it is aggressive towards everything and everyone, including Dan himself.

Even when we take the dog for walks it would try to attack not just other dogs, but people too. And since Dan is responsible for it, he is fully expecting to move in with the dog.

Now I love dogs, but as mentioned this dog needs training and I don’t trust it being around my cat.

So I have told Dan his dog absolutely can not move into my house and how dangerous it is to my cat (who is very small in size too and has a few medical conditions). I have asked him to consider other options, like giving the dog to his aunt since she lives in the countryside, has dogs, and has significantly more experience in looking after ‘problematic dogs’ and correcting their behavior (that’s a part of her job).

Dan understands where I am coming from, however, his entire family and friends have been contacting me and he was calling me a jerk for ‘wanting Dan to give the dog away when it is family and the only thing left from his mother.'”

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Spaldingmonn 4 months ago
... was that meant to be a brag? All that's left of mommy is this horrible dog? There's nothing else? No photos? Old clothes? Meh. Have these nay sayers ever met the dog? NTJ for not having bad dog move in.
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1. AITJ For Telling My Stepsister To Help With Dinner?

“I have a stepsister ‘Maddie’ who I have never gotten along with. My mom married her dad when we were 12 and 13. My dad was pretty wealthy, or at least comparatively, so I got a lot of material things Maddie didn’t, mostly clothes, nicer cars, and fancier prom dresses, and it made Maddie insane.

I wasn’t showing off, but I feel like life isn’t fair and I have a right to accept gifts. It hurt Maddie’s self-esteem to the point she became sullen, depressed, and wouldn’t talk to any of us.

We are currently adults and Maddie is I’d say definitely a millionaire.

She threw herself into school and work and was determined she was going to have more than me. I’m middle class and don’t really care. I mean sometimes I get a little jealous of her clothes and jewelry, but to me, nothing is worth working like she does.

Maddie is obsessed with things to the point it seems really toxic. She specifically said she doesn’t want kids because she can’t imagine taking the time off work to give birth and heal (I don’t care if she doesn’t want kids, but the reasoning was a bit weird for me).

We both went to our parents’ place for dinner last night, and Maddie was clearly tired. She could hardly keep her eyes open and was falling asleep in her husband’s arms. We were both supposed to be helping with dinner, but her dad said to let her sleep.

It didn’t seem fair, so I tried to wake her up. Maddie yelled at me that she physically couldn’t make dinner and to leave her alone.

I told her that wasn’t an excuse and no one cares if she is tired, she does this thing to herself and it is ridiculous.

It isn’t like she needs to work these hours. Her husband began yelling that we were the reason she needed to work these hours, and how could her dad marry my mom and let her grow up around all of my things, and that since it was our fault we should let her sleep.

Her dad agreed and told me to leave her alone and Maddie ended up crying. She screamed at me that I’m mean and it doesn’t take three people to make dinner anyway. I said that isn’t the point and no one cares about her sob story about not having designer clothes as a kid.”

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anma7 4 months ago
YTJ... you knew you got more than she did.. i get it wasn't your fault however to a kid who sees her step sibling getting high end things that her dad couldn't or wouldn't buy her that stuff us IMPORTANT to a kid and you know it !! .. people KNEW she was your step sister and she ended up depressed etc cos her dad fell in love with you mom and she got the raw end of the deal...
So she works her jerk off to make sure she is never EVER in the position that she was as a kid never being able to have the nice things you got.. so yes she's tired cos she is obviously still troubled by the way she felt as a CHILD.. the fact that your mom and her dad didn't parent her better and get her therapy and possibly try to make sure that SHE didn't feel as left out as she did....
So while your dad's financial worth wasn't your fault maybe her dad and your mom need to own the fact that her feeling the way she does even now is partly THEIR doing...
I don't believe her hubby should have shouted at you however that's what a GOOD HUBBY DOES.. he defends his wife when she is exhausted and yet still goes to spend time with her parents.. i get it you were both supposed to make dinner but you KNOW she's killing herself by wor,img the hours she is would it have killed you to let her sleep and YOU cook the dinner....
Have you ever thought that your dad worked similar hours to what maddie does now to earn the money he spent on you... but as a child you wouldn't know this and again. It's not on you.... but she is determined to never feel the way she did as a kid
You owe her an apology cos if it had been her getting the designer clothes Nd high end prom dresses etc and not you as a kid then YOU WOULD have felt the same as she did an maybe you would be working the hours she does while sleeping at her dad's from pure exhaustion when she said she would help you cook dinner
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