People Want Us To Be Frank With Them In Giving Judgment To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

It's inevitable for us to fight with some friends or family members. We will inevitably argue with some of our friends or family members. Even though some of us enjoy drama, this is not the kind of drama we would like to be a part of as there may be an exchange of hurtful words. Although our response may have been warranted in part, when we look back on the situation, we may feel like jerks. These people have been there and have done that. Now they want us to be the judge and tell them if we think they were really jerks. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

20. AITJ For Making The Kid I'm Watching Sleep On The Sofa?


“Three years ago I moved into my current flat and almost from the very beginning, I became close friends with my neighbor from the same floor. Mostly because we’re of the same nationality and it turned out we had some friends in common.

Over the years we both helped each other out once in a while whether it was borrowing money, helping with some small repairs, grocery shopping, etc. She’s a single parent and I always felt kind of bad for her because she works two jobs and it sort of reminded me of my childhood so whenever she needed something I tried to help.

When she started working her second job about a year ago she asked me if I could pick her daughter up from school and let her stay at mine till she came home at 8/9 pm. Obviously, I didn’t have an issue with that since I finished work at 2.30 and her school was almost on my way home (she finishes school at 3 pm).

Her kid is also old enough that I didn’t really have to do anything other than heat up some food and she just spends the entire time either playing on my PC or watching TV with me and sometimes my partner.

On Friday my neighbour asked me if her daughter could stay overnight at mine because she got asked to do a night shift instead of her usual evening shift to cover for someone. I didn’t have any plans for Friday night anyway so I agreed.

I told her daughter she could sleep on the sofa because I honestly didn’t really feel like giving up my bed.

The next morning when she came to pick her daughter up we talked for a few minutes and during the conversation, I mentioned that her daughter slept on the sofa and she got mad at me and said I shouldn’t have made her sleep there and that I was selfish for not letting her get a proper night sleep.

Afterward, I started wondering if I did act selfishly or if was I justified in not giving up my bed. AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“Ok hold on. You babysit for this woman… for free, all the time. You watched her child, overnight, for free.

You go out of your way to help her all the time… and she’s angry her daughter slept on the couch. A child slept on a couch. This is supposed to be a big deal? This is absolutely ridiculous!

Who would expect an ADULT whos doing you a giant favor to give up their bed for a child? Like you don’t need to be well rested? Like a child doesn’t fit on a couch just fine?

If you haven’t guessed yet, you are NTJ and she owes you an apology.

How far out of your way do you have to go for this woman to be satisfied? Maybe you should give her your apartment too.” Fastr77

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, besides the fact that it is perfectly reasonable to have an overnight guest, especially a child, sleep on the sofa, I would absolutely not be comfortable with a child being alone for an extended period of time in my personal space.

I also wouldn’t want my child to be left alone in an adult’s bedroom. Children are curious, and no one wants her stumbling upon anything of a sensual nature, medications, going through your or toiletries, expensive or sentimental items you keep in your bedroom so the main part of the house is childproof, etc.

At the end of the day, you’re doing her a huge favor and it is on the parent to communicate any requests or requirements for the care of their child. If she was that concerned about her daughter’s sleep, she should have asked you to stay over at her place so the daughter could sleep in her own bed.

She probably didn’t because she would prefer if her neighbor didn’t sleep in her bed.” 1568314

Another User Comments:


She’s small, she fits on the sofa, and kids tend to be able to sleep in places that would cripple adults for days.

If you’re asked to watch her overnight again (and I wouldn’t fault you for saying no), you can tell mom she has the option of purchasing and dropping off an air mattress, cot, or one of those nap pad things they use in daycare. Otherwise, the kid is sleeping on the couch.” millac7

6 points (6 votes)

User Image
CG1 4 months ago
She sounds Very Entitled, after Everything you have done for her .. Nope Stop doing Anything for her ... I have kids ,if they slept on someone's couch ,that's fine ..I can't believe her Audacity!
6 Reply
View 4 more comments

19. AITJ For Not Making My Future Stepdaughter One Of The Bridesmaids?


“I (36f) am getting married to G (40m) our wedding is coming up in 9 months (We have been together for 24 months) and I am having 6 bridesmaids my friends and my sister. However, when I told G and future stepdaughter (16f I have known future stepdaughter for 18 months but we have never really gotten on well even though I have done girls’ weekends with her and stuff like that) they asked me why she wasn’t a bridesmaid.

I told her that I planned on having six and only having my oldest friends who I have known since I was 5 and my sister.

She got really angry at this and G took her side saying that it would help me bond with her and so on.

I told some friends what happened and they agree with G. AITJ?

Edit: She is in the wedding party with our parents.”

Another User Comments:

“Honestly it would be a nice gesture because she becoming your family.

I can understand both sides. However, a bridesmaid is a person you do trust and have a deep bond with.

That connection is a requirement for the position. You can spend time doing bridesmaid activities and she can join, but bond via them? That sounds hardly likely because she is then an outsider coming into a close group of people that have an existing bond and shared experiences et cetera that she has no part in/no connection to.

It is not her then bonding with you, because that connection will be an afterthought, all other bridesmaids have more in common with you and you actually want them there. Those are things the stepdaughter would need to overcome in order to just be on equal grounds.

She can bond with you via other activities, undisturbed by others.

No jerks here

Edit: She is a package deal with her dad, that can be represented at the wedding much better, as she knows her dad’s friends and him far better.” Neithan02

Another User Comments:

“I disagree.

The bride should have people who she knows and loves and who will help her with the planning and organizing of the wedding and all the other festivities. I can’t see G’s 16-year-old daughter being all that helpful. With the bride and 6 women who are all close to the bride, the 16-year-old is bound to feel left out.

Can a 16-year-old attend a hen’s night? Even bridal showers aren’t always PG, and the future stepdaughter would be obliged to hang around for hours with a bunch of people she doesn’t know. Husband-to-be loves his daughter, it’s probably one of his closest relationships – so why can’t she be in the bridal party, as one of his groom’s people? NTJ.” KeyPerspective2233

Another User Comments:


Having your future stepdaughter as a bridesmaid is the easiest and fastest way to feel her included in your wedding and your future family.

It’s basically a code.

The fact you are not even willing to do that (which basically does nothing to you) says a lot about how you view her place in your future household.

Be careful how you thread. If I was your fiancé that would be a huge issue to me that would make me even reconsider marrying you.” Ren1145

Another User Comments:


It’s one thing if OP has a special connection with her stepdaughter; they find they have something in common that they bond over or something, and it can be a great way to facilitate that bond by having her as a part of the wedding, but it’s also absolutely okay that she doesn’t want to do that.

If she doesn’t want her stepdaughter to be a part of her wedding party, there is nothing stopping dad from adding his daughter to his wedding party or giving her another part in the wedding besides bridesmaid.” Altruistic-Prize-639

3 points (3 votes)

User Image
Spaldingmonn 4 months ago
16 year old step child at the Bachelorette party - dancing with the jerk or butlers, 16 year old doing Tequila shots the night before the wedding.... NTJ. This is a job for the grown ups.
3 Reply
View 7 more comments

18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Refer My Brother?


“My brother (m 17) has recently been trying to find a job and he was hired for one about 2 days ago and had his 1st day today. However, the pay isn’t very good, I believe he said it was £4.81 even though it’s the minimum wage for someone his age in the UK.

He’s now nagging me to put a good word in for him at my current place.

For context, about 4 months ago I got hired at a supermarket that paid well and the pay was above minimum wage. So everyone got paid equally, only it varying if you’ve worked at the store more than 3 years.

I work at a branch closest to our home. A month later, he applied for a store assistant position at the same supermarket as me. His application was well done, and I was proud of him for taking a step forward.

He was emailed not too long later to come in for a group interview. He was excited and booked the interview for that week.

But later I found out that family members cannot work in the same branch as my manager.

I told him this and explained he could still work for the supermarket just at a different branch. The 2nd closest branch was just a little further away, but you could still easily get there by bike or bus.

For some reason, this information really annoyed him and I tried to get him to calm down. As he continued to rage on about it, he insulted the manager of the branch I work at and the area manager of our town.

He screamed that I should move branches so he could work at the one I was at. I explained that was impossible because I was still being trained, but I had also just gotten to know everyone at this branch.

I had already settled in. I decided to leave it at that.

The day of the group interview comes, and he didn’t go saying he didn’t want to travel to a different branch. I didn’t say anything else other than, he couldn’t apply for the supermarket for another 6 months now.

Fast forward to now, I’ve worked for this supermarket for 4 months now and I have no intention of leaving this job or branch for a while. My brother doesn’t like his pay and has been talking about it none stop.

He keeps nagging me to put in a good word for him and I keep saying no, explaining he shouldn’t have insulted the people he could have potentially worked for. He says I’m being unfair and that he’s willing to travel to another branch now.

But I keep repeating myself saying, you should have been willing 4 months ago. Our dad thinks I’m being harsh, but I think I’m being reasonable.


Another User Comments:


Your brother had a real opportunity, but he tossed it in the trash because he didn’t want to commute a bit longer.

He’ll be in for a really rude awakening when he needs to get a full-time job to support himself.

Given how wildly unprofessionally he handled it, I wouldn’t put in a good word for him either. It will reflect badly upon you if he has another temper tantrum.

Even if his temper tantrum was not at work, I still would never put in a good word for him, because I wouldn’t trust him not to do the same thing at work.” bmyst70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He let an emotional moment impact him long-term; this is a lesson for him to learn.

You did nothing wrong by declining his request because he’s acting irrationally and entitled, just like he did 4 months prior by asking you to move stores. Your brother feels he is worth and deserves more, but wants it handed to him, and it rings of narcissism.

Your father taking his side seems like a display of favoritism. You gave the logical consequences of your brother’s actions; this is not harsh, it’s how life works, and he should know that as your dad. Furthermore, it was your dad’s job to tell him not to bite the hand that feeds; again, this isn’t harsh, that’s how life works.” Actual_Storage_9709

Another User Comments:


Your brother blew his opportunity, and you ‘putting in a good word for him’ isn’t going to unblow his screwup, and could damage your reputation.

I mean, who thinks an entitled teenage guy with a temper would be a positive addition to their team? Nobody, that’s who.

Your brother is out of his mind to expect you to transfer to a different location. He’s expecting you to give him your job, and you can go get another one. No, dude, this planet doesn’t revolve around you.

Stick to your guns. He blew any chance he had.” SirMittensOfTheHill

3 points (3 votes)

User Image
rbleah 4 months ago
NTJ Just for future reference unless you have worked with someone for a good amount of time and KNOW what they are like in the workplace DO NOT RECOMMENED anyone. You don't know how they will be at work.
5 Reply
View 1 more comment

17. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Pay For What Her Son Broke?


“I (37f) have 6 kids (15f, 13m, 11m, 9f and 6f, 2m) with my husband (37m). Recently, one of my sisters (31f) asked to temporarily move in with us because of repairs being done to her home, which is not up to code.

She has a husband (31m) and a son (10m).

My nephew is not a good kid, he’s a bully and frequently misbehaves. However, I decided to let her family stay anyways.

Our 13-year-old is autistic, he’s a very bright boy and actually quite popular, but he still struggles with sensory issues, social interactions, etc.

As I mentioned, he’s still popular and social, mainly because he’s an athlete. Our son plays baseball and lacrosse and is friends with the popular group of athlete boys in his school. These boys do everything together, they hang out pretty much every day until bedtime, help each other with homework, play video games, etc.

It’s really sweet how close they are. The boys helped manage my son’s successful run for school president and are always each other’s biggest supporters. Our son is closer to these boys than he is to family, our son doesn’t like hugs, except for these boys, he tells them secrets he doesn’t tell the family.

My nephew seems to have an issue with this and has pushed my son’s boundaries since arriving.

Yesterday, I was dropping off my son at one of his friend’s houses. The boy he is friends with collects all sorts of stuff, including fragile busts of athletes.

My sister and her son decided to tag along with us while dropping him off. It turns out that my nephew is in the same class as this boy’s sister. Judging from the stories I’ve heard, my son’s friend’s sister is also a little terror.

My son went with his friend, my nephew with his friend, and we sat in the car talking to the mom of the boy and girl.

While we were sitting, the boys come rushing out to tell us that while they had left the room to go in the kitchen, my nephew went into the boy’s room and was touching stuff, he ended up breaking 2 busts.

Thankfully, with the boy’s help, we found replacements online and bought them. The total cost came to around $500, which their parents could afford, but so could my sister. My sister said she didn’t want to pay for them because she didn’t want to make her son feel bad for making his mom have to pay for this.

The other mom went in the house, while we argued in the car. I told her that if she didn’t pay back, she’d have to find someone else to stay with, so she ended up forking over the money.

She told her son about it and he said we were being unfair and this wouldn’t have happened if my son and his friends just ‘did what I say’. My sister is still upset at me and some of our siblings have chimed in to take her side, saying I was being too punitive on her son.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But your sister sure is.

Her entitlement, along with her lack of actual parenting and boundary-setting is why this happened. It’s clear that this isn’t the first time her precious baby snookums did something naughty he didn’t have to face consequences for, and it certainly won’t be the last, either.

Good luck with the rest of their stay.” ThenTheyAllClapped

Another User Comments:


Thank your siblings for their concern and ask them what date can your sister and her son move in. Because if they are not willing to deal with that and the problems you are dealing with – then they need to sit down and shut up.

Consequences for your actions are a very important thing to learn. Pity your sister is failing in that department.” User

Another User Comments:


Your nephew broke some valuable items, and he needs to learn that actions have consequences. Your nephew should know better than to touch things that aren’t his.

And the comment by your nephew that ‘this wouldn’t have happened’ if the other boys just ‘did what I say,’ makes me think they told him not to touch the busts in the first place. I’ll bet that those two busts were broken intentionally.

Your sister is enabling her son’s behavior. He SHOULD feel bad about breaking someone’s property, and your sister should make him do chores to pay her back for the damage. And yes, your sister should reimburse you for purchasing the replacements. After all, her son caused the damage.

Don’t let them stay with you again. It’s not worth the hassle.” MerryMoose923

2 points (2 votes)

User Image
Doglady 4 months ago
NTJ That is a LOT of money for broken things. No way should your sister think it is okay for her spoiled brat to get away with damaging property of others and there be no consequences! Minimum she pays for the damage with no complaints. I would throw her and her spoiled child out. After her son's statement, it is clear he is in need of some lessons in behavior and results of poor behavior.
2 Reply
View 3 more comments

16. AITJ For Placing Sticky Notes In The Bathroom To Remind My Brother To Flush The Toilet?


“I (f18) have been in a bit of an argument with my brother (16). I have a mediocre relationship with my brother, we don’t hate each other and get along quite well, but it does get a bit strained at times.

He spends most of his time in his room playing video games and doesn’t really help me or my mother around the house often unless asked specifically.

This has never been an issue in the past, but about 2 weeks ago I noticed a turd floating in the toilet.

We have two toilets, but the other is at the other end of the house and I only really use it when I’m on my period since my brother says ‘He doesn’t want my period on the toilet seat’.

I flushed it down, not thinking much of it. 3 days later the same thing happened again, a turd floating in the toilet. This time I just politely asked him to flush the toilet properly next time. He told me it mustn’t have flushed properly, so I took his word and left the situation alone.

4 days later it happened again, this time the water was brown and disgusting, I went to tell him to please flush the toilet properly, a bit more sternly this time. He gave the same excuse again, I insisted and left the situation alone.

The next day it happened again, I decided to ask my mother to talk to him about flushing the toilet properly, to which she said that he mustn’t have wanted to cause too much noise since it was night.

I told her I understood, but I am a heavy sleeper and I also just don’t want to have to flush other people’s dump down the toilet. She said she would talk to him but never did.

It happened 3 days in a row.

I figured enough was enough. I decided to leave a sticky note on the door saying ‘Please flush the toilet’. It was almost immediately taken down and obviously flushed down the toilet but my brother. I put one up again to sell the message that I will do it if he keeps on leaving his floating in the toilet.

He came into my room and yelled at me for leaving sticky notes, to which I said that there wasn’t much else I could do. He wasn’t listening to me at all and my mother wasn’t doing anything. He accused me of treating him like a baby, to which I said that I will continue to treat him like one if he doesn’t flush the toilet.

My mother told me that I was being condescending and rude to my brother, which I didn’t understand. I get that sometimes toilets don’t flush properly, but 3 days in a row were ridiculous and I was getting fed up with getting treated by his turds in the toilet and having to flush them down, especially when the water was brown.

I don’t know though, maybe the notes were condescending. It’s been two days since it happened, but was I overreacting or took it too far? AITJ?

Update: My mother has said that she has heard my brother flushing the toilet and suggested that he might just have a very light stool.

I told her that it’s quite unhealthy if the stool is always floating, but she called me dramatic. I am not happy with the situation though. Even if it is due to light stool it should not be my responsibility to be constantly flushing the toilet after someone else.

I suggested that he should double-check when he’s flushed the toilet, I’m not sure if it’s going to go forward however as she didn’t really say anything about it. If it continues to happen then I’m afraid that pictures will be sent every time it happens, because I am still not very happy about this.

It just feels like she is picking my brother over me instead of coming to an agreement that I and my brother can both agree on.”

Another User Comments:


If he’s adamant he’s flushing properly, and this is a new pattern that seemingly emerged overnight then maybe your brother should visit a doctor.

Floaty unflushable turds can be a sign there’s too much fat in the feces, which could be an indication of some less worrying (like wrong diet) and some more worrying health issues.

He could still be a gross and lazy 16-year-old, or he might be following some nonsense internet trend of ‘marking his territory’ by not flushing the toilet, or the toilet might be old and clogged.

Yet if he’s adamant he’s flushing correctly and you have no problem flushing your business, it might be worth it to talk to a doctor.” OpaqueObilisque

Another User Comments:

“First off, NTJ

Your brother is a hypocrite for not wanting you to use the bathroom on your period yet leaving his poop floating for hours at a time? That’s ridiculous.

He’s 16, he can flush the toilet.

As someone with a background in microbiology, as gross as it is, I’d argue that menstrual blood contains fewer dangerous pathogens than human feces, barring one having a communicable disease such as HIV.

While no one wants to deal with blood or poop, I’d rather wipe some blood off the toilet seat than deal with a toilet full of poop, hands down.” Responsible-Knee86

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What else were you supposed to do? If the toilet’s not flushing well and he knows that, he can friggin’ check after he flushes to make sure everything went down properly.

And if he’s genuinely having trouble remembering, the note could actually help.

I think it’s also worth noting that his attitude toward your period is really messed up. You might want to consider stopping indulging him on that front. As it stands, he looks set to grow up to be a misogynistic jerk.” AllTheCreatures

2 points (2 votes)

User Image
Bruinsgirl143 4 months ago
Ntj start using that bathroom all the time and the first used tampon he sees floating say oops It must've not have flushed just like your jerk oh well maybe next time it will
4 Reply
Load More Replies...
View 5 more comments

15. AITJ For Pulling My Daughter Out Of A School Trip?


“My daughter Bryn (F9) is going on a trip to a nearby water park with her class next week. She loves water and has been talking about it for months, so I was a bit thrown off when she came home crying a few days ago and told me she didn’t want to go.

I asked her why and she wouldn’t tell me because she thought I’d think she was a ‘bad person.’ When I finally coaxed it out of her, she said her teacher ‘Ms. N’ has forced her to be the ‘buddy’ of her classmate ‘Ben’ for the entirety of the trip.

She was to ride the bus with Ben to and from the trip, eat lunch with him, and go on all the rides with him instead of spending time with her friends. She then said nobody likes Ben because he whines whenever they have to do work and picks his nose and wipes boogers everywhere.

I was horrified, not only because Ms. N had made Bryn do such a thing, but also because she had made her believe she was a bad person for not wanting to. Unfortunately, this wasn’t my first experience with Ms.

N, as she frequently used my soft-spoken, intelligent older daughter as a ‘behavior buffer’ for the naughty boys until I threatened to report her to the superintendent. It’s clear to me that Ms. N is still too comfortable with enforcing archaic gender roles on her kids and forcing girls to do unpaid emotional labor for the sake of the boys.

I immediately sent Ms. N an email condemning her actions. She sent me back an email with a bunch of nonsense that basically ended with ‘if Bryn goes on the trip, she has to be Ben’s buddy.’ Fine. I informed her Bryn would not be attending then.

I immediately booked VIP tickets the same day her class was going so she could still go to the park and see her friends.

What happened next I wasn’t expecting. Bryn is quite popular, so I have gotten to know a lot of the moms in her class.

When I let them know what Ms. N did, some of them were so horrified that they also pulled their kids out of the trip. In total, eight kids (out of a class of twenty) are either not going, or going with us.

Today I got an email from Ms. N saying that because almost half of the class isn’t going, they either have to raise the cost for the other students or not go at all. She practically begged me to let Bryn go and tell all the other parents to let their kids go, promising she wouldn’t make Bryn do anything she didn’t want to do.

I told her she should have thought about that before she tried to make my daughter do her job.

My husband said I was being a bit petty and that Ms. N clearly feels bad about what she did, and I should let Bryn go as I’ve already gotten my way.

He asked me if I really wanted to deprive children of what they’d been waiting for all year. The thing is if this wasn’t Ms. N’s first offense I probably would have agreed, but she has a pattern of this type of behavior and hopefully, this will put a stop to it.

Plus, if she has to explain this to her superiors, I have receipts. Is my husband right? Or am I justified?

UPDATE: Bryn WAS the only student assigned a ‘buddy.’ The rest of the students were free to do what they wanted.

I have taken the issue (including screenshots of the emails) to admin. Several other parents also came forward with similar stories about Ms. N. using students, particularly female students, to do her job. Ms. N. has been placed on temporary leave while they figure out a more permanent solution.

Personally, after hearing things from other parents about her, I’d like to see her fired and blacklisted from ever teaching again, but I hope this at least scares her out of treating her students this way.”

Another User Comments:

“Am I alone in suspecting that the teacher isn’t so much feeling bad about what she did, but faintly terrified of either having to explain to her superiors why the trip is suddenly in jeopardy or the backlash from other parents when it comes out why the trip she organized has fallen apart?

Not to mention that if you’ve booked VIP tickets, I’m going to guess that if you DID cancel your plans to suit her, you’d end up paying twice over – once for the school tickets, and again for the VIP tickets you’ve already bought?


I’d stick with a simple ‘Sorry, I’ve already committed to and paid for my own arrangements for that date now’ (with a possibility unless other parents ask and you actually can rearrange without significant personal loss).” ieya404

Another User Comments:


And she’s freaking out because with this many students pulling out/needing to cancel the trip it becomes a much larger, much more public issue.

The parents of the kids who are still going/won’t be able to go are going to want to know why it’s canceled.

The school administration is going to want to know what happened.

She’s scared because she knows what she did was wrong and she might have to face censure for her immoral and possibly illegal actions.

It’s really sad for the kids who miss out, but if you bend now, this teacher will continue these practices and that’s not fair to your child’s class or any of the future classes.” AnonymousTruths1979

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I absolutely love the support and advocacy you display for your child and I wish more parents were like you.

It is totally unfair for your daughter to basically chaperone this kid all day because the teacher can’t be bothered to, if the teacher needs extra help, she should get a TA involved. You know-someone whose JOB it is to chaperone kids.

I agree it sucks for the trip that so many pulled out but I do like the solidarity of it… It’s also not your fault nor the other parents, the teacher brought this on herself by singling out your child.

I had a few experiences with this myself, I was assigned to the table of noisy immature boys many a time in high school. One of my teachers even admitted to me that I usually ended up there because they wanted the quiet, emotionally intelligent girls to balance out these rowdy teenage boys. Didn’t work much. And it’s just plain unfair to your daughter.” bettingto100

2 points (2 votes)

User Image
Squidmom 4 months ago
You did right Mom. I'd do the same thing
2 Reply
View 3 more comments

14. AITJ For Transferring My Fiancé's Movie Posters To Another Room?


“My fiancé recently started collecting horror movie posters; in particular, Exploitation and Giallo; that’s his thing.

I have a 10-year-old daughter from my first marriage and asked him to please put them up in his ‘chill out’ room (where he games, does Fantasy Football, watches movies I don’t wanna see, & smokes) because I didn’t really want her seeing them all the time & she never goes in there.

He put them all up in the living room anyway as a ‘surprise’ so I could ‘see how good they looked.’

I know he loves these things, but her paternal grandparents were coming to visit and I didn’t want them staring at ‘I Spit on Your Grave’ or ‘Three on a Meathook’ when they came in and sat on the couch to watch her choir recital with us on the big TV.

I asked him to please take them down before they got here, but they were still up on ‘D-Day.’

So I very carefully took them all down while he was at work and put them back up in his chill-out space, the same way he had them on display in the LR: thumbtacks; I tried to put them back in the holes that were already there.

He was sooooooo upset when he got home and saw it. Said it was ‘disrespectful’ and that some of them were valuable and he wanted to frame them.

He’s kept them in there, but I can tell he’s upset I don’t want to ‘show them off’ in more prominent parts of the house.

He says since movies are just pretend it shouldn’t bother my daughter and that some of these films are ‘classics.’ He also reminded me she isn’t here all the time because I share custody with my ex.

I guess since he spent on them and time hunting them down he wants them more on display.

AITJ for moving the posters?”

Another User Comments:


‘He was sooooooo upset when he got home and saw. Said it was ‘disrespectful’ and that some of them were valuable and he wanted to frame.’

One of these guys. This stuff is so valuable and one day I might take action to properly protect and present it but in the meantime, I will just treat it shabbily.

This guy is a jerk for being a grown man with movie posters thumbtacked to the wall. If you have a ten-year-old daughter I assume you are both at a minimum late 20’s so he is far too old to have posters up with thumbtacks.

If he wants to have them he can take them to be framed.

Also, I guarantee those posters are not worth squat. If they are from the original release and in good shape they might be worth at most a few hundred dollars in which case he should have them framed and matted.” Tenpat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, given the content of some of these movies.

However, his behavior is making me wonder how much of ‘him’ has been allowed in your house outside of his ‘chill-out space.’ Has he been allowed any input in the decorating of the home? Furniture? Art? Decorations? Again, obviously ‘I Spit on Your Grave’ is NOT a good choice for the living room, but perhaps he is digging in his heels on this because he feels he hasn’t had much input in the rest of the house.

Entirely possible that this isn’t the case, but it would be worth asking him about.” lonelyspren

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your fiancé shouldn’t have put those up in a shared area. He might enjoy them, but not everyone that comes over is going to want to look a horror movie posters.

He has his own space to display that kind of stuff in.

The biggest issue to me is that he didn’t consider your 10-year-old daughter and what you feel comfortable exposing her to. That is your call to make as her mother and he should respect that. This makes it seem like there might be a bigger issue around your daughter in the future.” vivid_prophecy

2 points (2 votes)

User Image
Bruinsgirl143 4 months ago
Ntj ... when he says disrespectful does he mean how he put them up after you asked him not to and why and then did anyways and refused to take them down when you gave him time and a valid reason and then threw a tantrum cause if that's what he meant by disrespectful then ya he is
3 Reply
View 5 more comments

13. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Ties With My Friends?


“Recently, my friends and I went to a restaurant for dinner, where I noticed there was a cute waiter that was serving us. I told my friends, not thinking much of it.

Throughout the whole dinner, they proceeded to embarrass me about it, sometimes around the waiter, even asking to take a selfie with him.

at the end of the dinner, while waiting for a friend to use the restroom, I noticed a friend of mine talking to the waiter 1v1, and I panicked, worried they’d embarrass me again but worse. I left (the bill was already paid for ATP) and waited outside for them.

They all come out smiling and laughing, saying they told the waiter I thought he was cute, and they got his number. I felt beyond embarrassed now.

They put his number in my phone, and I said it and sent a text.

I wasn’t expecting much to come out of this, so I was shocked to see his reply. we continued to talk throughout the night, even after my friends and I parted ways.

The next morning, I was happy, the waiter and I were having a good conversation the same morning.

Later at lunch, my friend confessed that it wasn’t the waiter that I was texting, it was my friend. my friend group was in on it and even made a group chat to laugh at me behind my back, leaking the messages and such.

I was so mortified, they told me in front of most of our friend group (as I went to dinner with only 4 of them)

I angrily left, sending a message to our discord server saying ‘screw you guys’ and went off on them.

They thought I was upset at being catfished, and while I am somewhat upset, I was mainly upset for being turned into a joke and laughed at behind my back by people who I called friends. 2 of them were my best friends.

Some of them had said I’m overreacting, and some say I’m making it a bigger problem than it needs to be. My family says I should drop them, but idk what to do. Some people say I’m right for being upset, and I’m not overreacting.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your friends are making a laughingstock of you, not once but over and over. If you want to be like Charlie Brown running to kick the football over and over again, by all means, come back to these friends so they can find an even crueler prank.

If you want something better for yourself, go through your phone or your classmates and find a different crew for now and give yourself some space for a year or two.” FeedbackCreative8334

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That’s just cruel and mean-spirited.

Maybe the ribbing in the restaurant was over-the-top but still at least intended in the spirit of friends giving each other crap. But the catfishing afterward which was shared even beyond the original group that was at the restaurant? That’s downright hurtful and malicious.

You deserve better friends. Don’t waste any more time on these jerks. It’s like they say: With friends like that, who needs enemas?” Eyes_and_teeth

Another User Comments:


Op… these people are not your friends or worthy of being your friend. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I’d very much drop them and ignore them.

What they did was maliciously cruel and I don’t think it was simply a ‘joke’ that got out of hand because you have a history of being picked on by these people. Don’t let them back in your life either, inevitably they’ll try to find a new punching bag for the group and will probably try to coax you back into being their punching bag again because of how much you put up with it.” chocobuncake

2 points (2 votes)

User Image
Ninastid 4 months ago
Ntj there's nothing wrong with a good joke but they took it way to far they aren't your friends drop them like a hot potato
2 Reply

12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Son To Stay Over At His Dad's For The Weekend?


“I (26F) have an 18-month-old with my ex-partner (33M). We were together for two years when I found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned and I was hesitant because I didn’t think we were ready to be parents.

I wanted kids but I work in a field I had to train in for years, my job is super stressful and tiring, and at the time I got pregnant I’d just moved up but still wasn’t making a huge amount of and needed to carry on putting in a lot of work to progress further.

He was the opposite and really excited and wanted us to start a family and we basically talked it through and (naively) I changed my mind based on his reaction.

His job is kind of intense and at times dangerous and takes him out of the country for a few months at a time regularly.

When I was 16 weeks pregnant he went away for work and was gone for three months. We’d text and call whenever he was able to but a few weeks into his being away he stopped answering my texts and would keep calls super short.

I thought something bad happened in his work situation and chalked it up to that. When he got back he was completely off and we started bickering a lot about small things. At this point I was 7 months pregnant, experiencing pregnancy complications, and becoming really dependent on him.

Just over a month before my due date, he told me he couldn’t do this anymore and left, and gone no-contact with me. I had the baby by myself, my mum and sister helped me out a lot and still do but I’ve been my son’s primary caregiver this entire time.

A few months ago he got in contact with me to talk and explain himself. I wasn’t trying to be difficult or petty, but I said no because I just wasn’t in the right mind space to see him because I think I honestly kind of processed everything by reacting like he’d died and hadn’t been thinking of him as a person who was still existing somewhere.

After that he showed up at my mum’s house, my mum is extremely nice so she heard him out. She said he just wanted to meet the baby and talk things out with me. I felt guilty being the reason they couldn’t meet so I said ok and he’s been spending time with him semi-regularly since.

Last week he told me he’s going away for work for a few months again and wants to have the baby stay with him over the weekend before he goes. I said no because I don’t know anything about my ex’s home environment, I’ve never been away from my son overnight since he was born, and my ex has never had to look after him by himself before so I don’t know what it would be like for him.

I told him this but he said I’m just using my son to punish him by keeping them apart and that he isn’t a pawn for me to use in my revenge game. I know it’s wrong to let bad feelings between parents seep into kid’s lives, and as much as I have my valid reasons for not letting him stay over I’m worried that I’m being too untrusting and deep down I’m letting our issues make decisions regarding my son’s relationship with his dad.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. While he is your son’s father he hasn’t proved himself as his dad.

Go to court and file for full custody and child support. The time he steps up financially for his child. As for meeting your son go for supervised visitation that he pays for.

He was the one who chose to leave when you were pregnant and abandon his child, so he has no right to dictate what’s happening and when he’ll be having access.” G8RTOAD

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If it were me I would try to come up with a step-up plan.

Like after he gets back he can start with having a couple of supervised visits because your son is young enough that with his dad gone a couple of months he may not remember him, then he can have your son unsupervised for 4 hours at a time maybe a couple of times a week, then move up to 8 hours, then single overnights, then weekends.

You can spend like a month on each step to build your son up to being comfortable with his dad. Before sending your son with his dad unsupervised I would make sure to get a legal custody arrangement (step-up plans can usually be written into custody agreements).” Brief_Bodybuilder553

Another User Comments:


You dropped the ball not filing for full custody or abandonment. Get your custody paperwork in order, supervised visitation if at all, and don’t let him have any more time than you have to. This man has proven to you that you can’t trust him.

At this point, he could take off with your child at any point and you would have to go to court to get him back. Any chance he would take the child out of the country? Because sounds to me like he may have another family wherever it is he goes and that’s why he abandoned you and your child.” SophiaIsabella4

2 points (2 votes)

User Image
Ninastid 4 months ago
Ntj does he give you money and such to help with the upkeep of his son? If not he's not a dad and he has no say in what YOU decide for YOUR son
2 Reply
View 1 more comment

11. AITJ For Wanting To Bring My Significant Other To Our Family Vacation?


“So we’re going to Canada on vacation with my (22) mom’s side of the family – mom, stepdad, 2 step sisters (this post is about ‘Annie’, 24, fake name), BIL, and stepbrother.

My parents want it to be a close family vacation, which I can get so no friends, significant others, and so on are invited.

I’ve would’ve liked my SO to come, but I didn’t mind until I heard my parents were changing the rules.

Annie has a medical condition. She’s a lot closer to her mom than my stepdad (her bio dad) and stepdad says he doesn’t think he can spend time with Annie if she needs assistance.

They’re allowing Annie to bring her SO because she apparently feels the most comfortable around him, and he can support her if needed.

I think it’s hypocritical of them to allow Annie to bring her SO, but not mine. She would have her dad there, also us which is supposed to be the point of the family vacation.

I told them I also feel comfortable around my SO, so if that’s the reason he should be allowed to come too. Stepdad said no, and mom said she gets my point but Annie isn’t the same as us.

I told them if they’re going to change the rules like this, I don’t want to go.

Now, mom is mad at me and said I’m being selfish about our vacation.


Edited to add: Annie is blind.”

Another User Comments:

“So, OP, you tell us your step-sister is blind, and that neither you nor your family is willing to help her while on vacation.

And then you also tell us that you think her is with her out of pity and that he’s more of a caregiver, which is something really trashy of you to say because basically what you mean is that your stepsister is not worthy of love.

Now, let’s for a mere second indulge you and that he is her caregiver than in this case according to your own judgment his presence is not only justified but necessary.

YTJ, but by all means, if this is the attitude you’d be taking with you please don’t go on the trip, your stepsis shouldn’t have to put up with it.” joyverse_

Another User Comments:

“Question: if your sister required a seeing eye dog, would you have insisted it was unfair that she has her own personal dog and insist that you HAD to have a dog too?

You cannot equate something she REQUIRES to navigate the world with something that you just kind of want to have.

If your family has said they will not provide her the assistance she needs to participate in the vacation, then she needs her there. It’s not hypocritical, they aren’t granting an exception just because, they are providing her with a resource she requires.

YTJ, and maybe spend some time researching disability accommodations and why they aren’t just ‘extra stuff people get that other people don’t get’.” ViziMama

Another User Comments:


I would say YTJ anyway because she has a valid reason to have her SO with her.

Your stepdad, her bio dad can’t be bothered assisting his own daughter for a little bit. This sealed the deal: She’s blind. She’s a bit jumpy around strangers, (we’re obviously not strangers,) but we don’t really want to have to take her around, explain things to her, and so on when we’re doing all the touristy things.

Her SO apparently understands her the best so my parents are allowing him to come.

I don’t think it’s just because ‘he understands her the best’. I think it’s because he’s the only one who cares about Annie. The rest of you run for the hills if you’re the slightest bit inconvenienced.

Honestly, I respect your parents more than you because at least they admit they don’t care for assisting/accommodating her and allowing her to bring someone who does care.

They offered an option for their own carelessness. You don’t want to admit yours and are stuck on ‘she gets to bring her SO but I don’t! How unfair!’

If you’re willing to support Annie I’m sure they’ll say no to the SO. I’m guessing you won’t be on board with that though.” Pale-Mammoth-9340

1 points (3 votes)

User Image
Spaldingmonn 4 months ago
OP isn't part of this family. She is the outsider. Her mom re- married (doesn't mention when.) 3 of these people plus stepdad are part of the original family. Two step siblings are married. Annie is visually impaired. There is no mention of a seeing eye dog so not clear how Annie gets out and about on a regular day. Annie is not bringing a visual assistant; she is bringing her SO. Everyone is coming with a partner. Except for OP. The question OP is asking is if they are a jerk for wanting to bring their SO on this vacation. I say NTJ. Why not bring a partner? Why is this considered an issue?
3 Reply
Load More Replies...

10. AITJ For Not Prioritizing My Family?


“I (19 male) had a really rough childhood. I had an incredibly abusive mom and it made me hate the concept of blood families. I hated the fact that I couldn’t change or choose who I can consider as my family and had to accept toxic people in my life only because we are related.

When I was a teen, I had the chance to go away from my mom and went living with my dad. Since they were divorced for a long time, he has his own family now. He has a wife who has two older kids.

She is pretty cool but she puts her own family on a pedestal and sees it as the ultimate form of happiness. I’m pretty sure she sees it as so important that it becomes a little toxic for her.

When I moved in, I told her on multiple occasions that I didn’t care if anything happens to my mom, and she seemed shocked, why? Because ‘she is still your mom and because she is my family, you still have to be respectful’.

And she didn’t stop telling me that I should still give her respect, even if she mistreats all of her kids (me and all 3 of my sisters). It has been almost 3 years since I moved in and even to these days, she still insists that my mom is still my mom and I should respect her.

Those comments increased my negative view of families, and it made me even ruder about it. It got so bad that at one point, after my parents told me that no matter what, family is family and I should respect them, I told them that they should stop telling me this because, in the end, the family doesn’t matter that much for me.

This, of course, infuriated my stepmom, and acted like I insulted her whole family. They keep on and on pressuring me to love with no condition my family despite my past. But the more I think about it, I wonder if it was kind of a trashy move to tell her that family isn’t that important, especially if they mistreat you.

I know she can’t understand it because her family is rather good. And I still said it out of stress and anger.

Edit: I like my current family and show them a lot of respect and love. It is hard to express my care for them, but I try my best.

What I didn’t like at all is that my stepmother told me to respect my bio mom the same as them, because, honestly, I don’t want to respect a family that actually cares for me the same for a woman who messed up many children’s life for her own fun.”

Another User Comments:


Have you said to her exactly what you’ve said here? Specifically

‘I hated the fact that I couldn’t change or choose who I can consider as my family and had to accept toxic people in my life only because we are related.’

She has her head up her butt and isn’t respecting you or listening, but sometimes phrasing things in a different way can help get you through.

I would try to frame your thoughts on family in a positive light. She loves family, and you love family too, but for you ‘family’ is the people you choose, who act like family. You can talk about what you value in families, but within the framework of it being a family of choice.

Hopefully, she will hear that you share and respect her value for family, and that will make her more open to learning how you think about family in a different way.

If you are comfortable with it you could say that you consider her family, even though she isn’t a blood relation.

This might disrupt her pro-family rhetoric by forcing her to either accept you can choose who is in your family, reject you from her family, or get into a complicated discussion about the definition of familial relationships.” SilasRhodes

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, some people should just move on from toxic families.

It’s okay to set boundaries and keep them at a distance. Respect is earned not given.

Your stepmother is taking what you say personally because she is also family and she believes you are including them in your statement. Which you may be since it sounds like you and she keeps butting heads on this.

You said it out of anger but you still mean it so I don’t think you need to apologize but she is going to keep pushing so you may need to have a longer conversation about it with her.” Top-Butterfly-9582

Another User Comments:


You have a right to your own feelings and beliefs as much as anyone.

You’re an adult and no one has a right to dictate your relationships with other people.

Anyone with the slightest degree of sensitivity would have dropped the issue in your stepmother’s case, and she did not.

And no the whole ‘you turned to your other parent’ thing doesn’t mean you have to agree with her philosophy on familial love.

That’s absurd. You were a child who was able to escape to a less toxic situation.

You also don’t owe them anything, as a child has a right to protection by their parents, they weren’t some strangers doing you a favor.

Your feelings about your family have no bearing on her family whatsoever, and she has no right to treat you as if you were being insulting.

And you have as much right as she does to share your beliefs.” AnonymousTruths1979

1 points (1 votes)

User Image
rbleah 4 months ago
Ask step mom.... so you think it is okay to jerk someone and STILL expect them to love you? NO JUST NO. Your bio mom needs a comeuppance and step mom needs to get a clue. Why does she think you move into your dad's in the first place?
4 Reply
View 1 more comment

9. AITJ For Changing The Locks?


“When my daughter ‘Georgia’ was 13, her mother and I divorced. I didn’t want to uproot Georgia, therefore they kept the house and I moved into a nearby apartment. My ex was a stay-at-home mom, I continued paying all the bills for two years.

Currently, I’m still paying only the mortgage. Georgia is now 17 and resides with her mother.

16 months ago I met my now partner. During that time, I purchased a house to get out of my apartment. My partner moved in a few months back.

Prior to that, I introduced her to Georgia. As I expected, she had a very ‘whatever’ attitude. I understand changes such as these are hard for kids to cope with. Since the divorce, Georgia could come and go as she pleased.

Since my partner moved in though, Georgia became obnoxious by constantly trying to run her off and humiliate her. In the first incident, Georgia came over one afternoon while I was at work to say when she got home from school the previous day, I was coming out of her mother’s bedroom.

She knew this was not true as I had been with her that entire day. I sat Georgia down for a serious reality check.

Georgia was apparently snooping through our mail, she saw my partner’s DOB. For the record, we’re 13 years apart both divorced with kids.

Georgia asked my partner, ‘So what do you see in my dad, a caregiver?’ One early Saturday morning she came over while we were still sleeping. She had brought empty Depends boxes and stacked them in the living room.

When we woke up, Georgia said, ‘Wow, so you wear Depends just like my grandpa does huh?’

Thereafter, Georgia would refer to her only as ‘grams’ or ‘the old hag.’ The next incident, she used our bathroom, said she ‘stunk it up’ and used some ‘old lady smelling cologne’ to mask the odor.

It was actually a very expensive perfume, Georgia sprayed about 70% of the bottle around the house.

The final straw happened last weekend. Georgia came over for breakfast. At some point, she took my phone and sent her mother a message that read, ‘I can’t stop thinking about you, I want to work things out and get back together.’ She deleted the text from my phone.

Unbeknownst to me, she had her mother’s phone on her. Took a screenshot and then deleted the text on her mother’s phone. Tuesday, she sent the screenshot to my partner on her mother’s phone and said, ‘I’m sorry, I think you need to know.’ She then deleted that text as well.

This nearly caused her to leave, exactly what Georgia wanted. I immediately changed the locks. Before I could speak with Georgia, she showed up and couldn’t get in. She called, and we both were mad for different reasons. I told her she was not welcome at our house until she has a serious attitude change.

Her mother called, said I traumatized Georgia, and claimed the text incident was a load of crap that never happened (Georgia admitted it). My ex said to be prepared to pay for her therapy because she’ll need it after I put some tramp above my own child.”

Another User Comments:


17 is definitely old enough to know this behavior is unacceptable.

Your solution was definitely harsh, but since your daughter wouldn’t listen to reason, I can’t see another way you could have stood up for your partner. Besides, it’s not like you’ve permanently banned Georgia from your house and from your life, you just set a clear, reasonable boundary: she is only welcome if she’s able to be civil to all the residents of this house.

I do think therapy might be beneficial for your daughter, though. Not because I believe she’s ‘traumatized’ from the event like your ex says, but because this hostility has to be coming from somewhere and Georgia needs healthier mechanisms to cope with it.” cute_exploitation

Another User Comments:


This is messed up man. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. With the way your ex is talking to you, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s encouraging Georgia to hurt you on purpose. Therapy might not be bad for her though.

Just make sure you’re the one that sets it up and explain the situation to the therapist. Normal people don’t act how she’s acting and it’s clear the divorce took a toll on her.” LuckOfTheDraw18

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Considering your ex called your partner a tramp and Georgia somehow had access to her mother’s phone, are you sure your ex isn’t involved? Is this your first serious relationship since the divorce? And does the child support/mortgage stop when Georgia reaches 18?

I think family therapy is a good idea because suspect Georgia, though 17, maybe being fed tales about being replaced, having her mother left on the streets, etc, and also feeling hurt because this relationship means no chance of parents getting back together.

Still see her but by invite, because she is vulnerable, and likely hurting but at the same time you can’t let your partner be mistreated. Good luck navigating this.” Timely_Egg_6827

1 points (1 votes)

User Image
deka1 3 months ago
NTJ. Your daughter sounds like an absolute brat who needs to learn some serious lessons...manners at the top of the list. She needs some therapy for sure. At 17 this isn't all her fault but she needs to learn to behave. Make sure she knows you love her but you won't tolerate her behavior or her lies.
1 Reply
View 1 more comment

8. AITJ For Picking My Daughter Up Early And Keeping Her With Me During Her Mom's Weekend?


“My husband has a 9-year-old daughter, Maya, from a previous relationship. We have her on weekdays and she’s with her mom on weekends.

Maya has a weak immune system. She doesn’t get sick too often, usually a few times a year, but when she does it kicks her butt.

Last weekend she started running a fever. Her mom called us, told us that Maya was sick, and offered to keep her until she recovers because she was recently laid off and doesn’t start her new job for a few more weeks.

Here’s the thing with Maya’s mom. She recently became interested in homeopathic remedies and eastern medicine. We’ve gotten into arguments before about medicine for a chronic illness but as far as my husband and I knew, she didn’t have a problem with short-term otc meds like Tylenol or cold medicine so we agreed to let Maya stay with her mom.

Maya texted me a couple of days ago saying she wanted to come home. I asked if everything was okay and she said yes but she didn’t want to be at her mom’s house anymore and wanted me to pick her up.

My husband was working late so I went to pick her up. Her mom didn’t want to let me in at first but I eventually got to Maya. She looked horrible. Apparently, her mom didn’t know any ‘natural cures’ for whatever Maya had but thought letting it run its course without any medicine would be healthier than giving her medicine.

I called my husband and he met us at the house and took her to urgent care. I’m taking some time off of work to take care of her while she recovers. The problem is her mom is furious with us for picking her up ‘early’, keeping Maya home on her weekend, and disregarding her input on Maya’s health.

AITJ for picking her up early and keeping her here during her mom’s weekend?”

Another User Comments:


Regardless of what anyone’s opinion is about homeopathic vs medical intervention, your stepdaughter was clearly feeling that it wasn’t a safe or comfortable situation and she reached out to you for help.

When a child asks a trusted adult for help, then they should be taken seriously, and not just over health issues.

Bio-mom should not be able to make unilateral health decisions for her immune-compromised daughter, that’s a joint parent decision and that should be written into the custody agreement.

You sound like a wonderful stepmom, she’s very lucky to have you.” KMCINWNY

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Absolutely NTJ. Homeopathy is great when it works, but when it doesn’t work any smart homeopathic person knows to go with hospitals and man-made medicine even if they’re against it for ethical reasons.

You don’t have to separate the two. Every person is different and just as some compound medicines work with some people for some things, homeopathic medicine also works with some people for some things.

A rant for Maya’s bio mom: You can’t just say it’s only one or only the other for every person on Earth, because you know that’s stupid, especially since modern medicine has its roots in natural remedies.

Again, natural is good when it works, but when it doesn’t work you don’t just sweat out a chronic illness – you use what works: the compound/man-made medicines! You don’t ignore a disease because you’re against pharmaceuticals, it’s not just one method or just the other! Everyone’s biology is different, all illnesses are different, and humanity is not a blanket sheet of illnesses and medicines, and that’s not even counting that neither method is a cure-all for everything! That’s why there are different remedies! That’s why there are different medicines! That’s why there are different doses!

Shame on you, Maya’s bio mom.

You should have known better. Homeopathic medicine goes back a long way, and let’s not forget that some people died from chronic illnesses before compound man-made medicines were created for the purpose of saving those people with chronic illnesses.

You don’t put your daughter’s health after your anti-establishment and anti-pharmaceutical-corporation beliefs, you put your daughter’s health first, then you can be mad later that your daughter’s medicine is being used as a cow machine, but you just don’t do that until your daughter is alright.

That’s like Jehovah’s Witnesses and not giving a blood transfusion even if the person would die without it.

God didn’t create us to die, death and disease and sickness only became a thing because of sin. God gave us a brain, and with the gift of intelligence, people have invented things and created medicines that help us where nature doesn’t.

So why isn’t Maya’s bio mom using her brain more fully? That’s your daughter, your God-given daughter. Ugh. I hope Maya’s Mom learns from this, I really hope you do. Do better, Maya’s Mom. Do better. I’m shaking my head.

So disappointed.” WelpOopsOhno

Another User Comments:


I do understand a reluctance towards medicine, and I feel less is always better than more when it comes to it. Let the body fight its own fight and all, but if it gets as bad as this sounds, I put my trust in actual medicine and not in the natural or homeopathic stuff (it’s not all bad tho).

But especially with kids, take no risk and give ’em what a doctor says they need.

Anyway, you’re definitely not the jerk; frankly, nobody really is here. You all did what you think is best for the kid. Even the (slightly misguided) mom.” duckyduckster2

1 points (1 votes)

User Image
Gothicprincess89 4 months ago
Honestly you did the right thing. However I would get the custody agreement amended to where bio mom has to give the child actual medicine. I'm not bashing home remedies here because I use them myself but I also have enough common sense to know when to go to the doctor and use man made meds it doesn't sound like she does and in my opinion she neglected that child by not giving her the proper medicine and I would stand by that even if this child were not immuno compromised
2 Reply
View 1 more comment

7. AITJ For Not Telling My Grandpa That I Won $100?


“My grandpa was a notoriously ungenerous man and the extent of his Christmas gifts most years were bargain bin age-inappropriate toys for the kids and hallmark store tchotchkes for the adults, and a lottery scratcher for each person.

What added insult was his stern insistence that if your scratcher won he wanted half the winnings.

This was a common joke at his expense told behind his back.

The Christmas after I turned 19 I got my first Christmas scratcher. I didn’t get one the year before because he forgot I was 18.

It won 100 dollars.

He asked me if it won and I lied to his face. I said it was a dud. Broke college student disinclined to share the winnings I told him no. I took my out for a nice dinner with it.

When the family found out I got the mother of all guilt trips. I was told to pay him back the 50 bucks I ‘owed’. I refused, and thankfully they didn’t pressure me further but the whole family said I was a jerk for lying to my grandfather intentionally.

I say his gift was given in bad faith if he was gonna insist on taking half the winnings.

This was many years ago and my grandpa has since passed. But my perfidy is still brought up from time to time.

I didn’t get any scratchers again.


EDIT: clarification. They found out because my partner accidentally let it slip that I took her on a date with lotto winnings, not knowing that I had lied about it.’

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – But make sure he knows where you’re coming from, it’s only fair.

Not gon na lie it seems petty to take $50, it’s not life-changing or anything, but I get it’s more about the principle than anything. grandparents suck sometimes but they ain’t around forever, it’s not worth letting another day go by where you’re both mad at each other over this.” SmoogzZ

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I would’ve done the same.

You don’t give a gift and then ask for part of it back. If you are that way inclined scratch them yourself. He did this because it looked like a good gift… but he was too cheap to buy his own scratchies so it was a benefit either way – a gift done with the bonus of getting back.

Your relatives are probably upset that they didn’t stand up to him for all their ‘winnings’ and just gave them to him like he wanted when they didn’t want to.” KitchenDismal9258

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your family won’t stop harassing you about it, give them $100 and tell them that since grandpa gave a gift expecting the winnings himself (which makes it not a gift after all), here are the winnings and they can fight out who gets what from it now that grandpa is gone.

When they point out it should only be $50, tell them that it’s the principal of the matter. He was demanding the winnings even if only in part so there are the winnings. Also point out that true gifts don’t come with strings attached, and that includes demanding part of the winnings if there were any.” ToriBethATX

1 points (1 votes)

User Image
Ninastid 4 months ago
Ntj but he sure is why does he think he's entitled to half the winnings on a Christmas gift? I wouldn't have lied but I also wouldn't have given him half of it either
1 Reply
View 1 more comment

6. AITJ For Ruining Our Vacation?


“Me (F17) and my sis went on vacation to our neighboring country with our uncle and aunt. They’re both in their late 40s, they have no children and live that bohemian life cause my aunt has a really well-paid job.

I think you should see both sides of the story, so keep in mind they paid for the whole vacation.

It was the second day of our vacation and we went to the swimming pool. I’m ginger and of course very pale, and can’t be in the direct sun for long.

But my aunt wanted to get a spot in direct sun, cause she wanted to sunbathe, I agreed cause I didn’t want to sound ungrateful for paid vacation. I was feeling dizzy after a while but didn’t make a big deal out of it.

My skin was burning as but I stayed quiet.

Later that day we went for dinner. I wasn’t feeling good, cause I’d spent the whole afternoon in direct sun but again, my mouth was shut. Just told them I’m feeling a little bit dizzy.

Neither they nor I made a big deal out of it, cause it’s a known fact I have very low blood pressure. So we assumed that would be it. But I started to feel worse and worse during dinner.

I’ve started asking if we just can’t go back to the hotel, cause I’m really feeling unwell. They didn’t really care cause they said ‘I’m an adult, I can do it’. I mean I was really close to fainting.

But they were like ‘Have at least one shot, it will raise your blood pressure.’ When I actually started to go even paler, that it really looked unhealthy, and weak in general they finally, after my begging, took me to the hotel.

At the hotel, my head was spinning like never. I knew that, if I had the opportunity to lie down sooner my bp would stable itself and I would be okay instead of trying to go over it by pushing myself over my limits.

The next day was terrible, I was so weak, and felt like I will throw up everything if I ate. They didn’t want me to stay alone in the hotel room, so I had to go, with them to see the monuments.

I was so quiet about feeling unwell but when it became unbearable I told them and they said I made it up cause I looked fine to this moment.

My sis and aunt had lunch and my uncle took me back to the hotel.

When they got back, my sister told me secretly, that aunt was all the time talking about, how I ruined the lunch, and why can’t I overpower myself, and so on.

I felt so bad that the next day, having a fever, quick breath, and other symptoms of heatstroke but they still left me in the room because they were on vacation and (this is my aunt’s words) ‘they won’t let me ruin it’.

In the evening I got so bad, that my other uncle picked me up and drove home.

I think I should mention that this brought my anxiety back, along with hypochondria, and I had to go through that terrible process of starting the new antidepressants again, just because they made drinking their priority.

It’s been two years. But every morning when I have to take the antidepressants, I think about it.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. It sounds like you had sun poisoning which I also get if I am in the direct sun for even a few minutes.

You should have spoken up and used a hat, drank water, and gotten out of the sun. They have protection wear for this reason. Your aunt sucks for not being worried and saying you ruined the vacation. Overall it sounds like your family has communication issues and it needs to be worked on.

You should be able to speak up at any time.” Calm_Opinion_7112

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ. While I agree you should have advocated for yourself against having to sit in the sun for hours, your aunt and uncle are old enough to know about sunburns and heatstroke.

They put you at risk and could have had a much worse vacation if you wound up in the hospital.

You sucked up pain and discomfort like the most macho of adults. And now you know about heatstroke and what that’s like, you can avoid it next time.

My spouse is super-pale and burns if in the sun for more than 30 minutes. Now they are adamant about shade and sunscreen. But it took a couple of bad experiences like yours to teach them a lesson.” cliopedant

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, if this is still bothering you after 2 years you don’t need an AITJ judgment, but you need therapy.

You were 17 at the time? It’s not your fault at all, but you can stand up and go find some shape at 17, you don’t need permission for that. And if you don’t have a good relationship with someone: don’t go on holiday with them.

But again: you were young and sometimes this stuff happens and you learn the hard way.

But if you are still thinking about it on a daily basis there is a bigger problem. And also: one incident doesn’t bring depression or anxiety or stuff like that back for years and years.

So it’s not helping you to call that moment the moment it all went wrong. You suffered from those problems before and the trashy part is they always can come back. You can’t blame that on a vacation, being sick, or your aunt.

It just happens and it’s not really preventable.” User

Another User Comments:

“Alright, so I’m admittedly torn between NTJ and maybe ‘everyone sucks here’. It sucks when you are not feeling well and have to put on a brave face for other people.

It was not kind of your aunt to complain about you not feeling well.

However, you mention you struggle with anxiety and hypochondria. Do you think either of these played a role in how you felt? Were you actually unwell, or do you think what you were feeling could have been a manifestation of these things? I only say this because you said you were certain you brought enough sunscreen, water, and a hat for shade, and still think you suffered from heat exhaustion.

I feel like this means you did not bring enough things to handle the heat and were really unwell, or you had enough stuff and only believed you were unwell as a result of anxiety, etc.

For the record, even if you felt unwell from anxiety, etc., your aunt still should have been kind to you. It’s just that the treatment for heat exhaustion and anxiety is different. As an adult, you have to learn how to advocate for yourself in these situations and take better care of yourself.” YearOneTeach

1 points (1 votes)

5. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Step-Cousin About His Job Loss?


“So my (31F) husband (32M) was laid off a couple of weeks ago and his severance only consisted of one month’s worth of salary. He is an advertising guy who was making close to six figures one day, and now we risk losing our house that I was close to finishing the renovations for.

Even though we saved, we are going to be behind on contractor bills and my husband has been telling me that most of the he gave me to run my own consignment business may need to be used to tie us over, which made me very anxious and upset since I have been leasing space for four months already and I assumed business would be picking up soon if people buy used during recessions.

I was previously a waitress and tried to contact my old restaurant but they were not hiring. I have also sent out an application to another restaurant and have not heard back, so I feel like nobody is hiring in my area of expertise.

My husband told me to give him time to figure something out and that he did not want the members of the extended family to know, at least not for the next month or so.

My husband’s mother and stepfather are both blue collar, but his stepfather’s late brother was very successful and his son is as well.

My husband’s step-cousin (49M) owns many businesses, among which are a rehab facility and a moving and storage business. His rate of business has actually accelerated in recent months and he has been giving me advice on my business as well.

His step-cousin was judging a business competition last weekend and I was volunteering for the organization that puts it together, so after the event we got to talking. I broke down and decided to tell him that my husband has been laid off and so we were in a dire financial situation that meant I might have to close my shop.

I asked him for advice.

He told me he wouldn’t tell anybody and gave me advice regarding marketing and insisted on giving me the to cover rent and a marketing budget/other bills.

I was grateful for his help and used some of the he gave me to pay down a few credit cards and my husband ended up looking at my desk and finding out he wrote me a check.

He was furious and called his step-cousin, and his step-cousin asked why he didn’t just tell him that he was in trouble – because he could have floated him a job. My husband and I got into a big fight, as a result, two days ago and he said I basically announced his job loss to somebody he thought was pretentious and overbearing.

He accused me of humiliating him and claims that his step-cousin told his mother and that she is a gossip. I maintain that I had no ill intent and was just trying to be realistic and ask for help.

Now my husband has told his step-cousin off and tells me I need to get a job. AITJ? I now feel bad for investing some of the funds in my business.”

Another User Comments:

“Really?! Yes YTJ.

Not only did you break a promise to your husband by telling someone about his loss, but you also took from someone with no intention of taking your husband about it and paid your credit cards.

Your husband made six figures, had a month off severance, and only been laid off for a few weeks and you’re already worried about losing your house? How is that even possible? Like they don’t take a house from you in a few weeks.

I can’t quite place my finger on the type of person you seem to be but whatever it is it doesn’t feel good.

You and your husband need to sit down and look at your finances because I’m not entirely convinced that you know anything about money.” ChaosNHamHam

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Job loss sucks. I’ve been there. You feel worthless and like a failure. It’s very depressing. These are the issues and emotions your husband is likely feeling. For some people, accepting help can feel like confirmation that you screwed up.

I see why you accepted the money. It makes sense from a survival point. Your husband can’t see the survival aspect through his emotions right now. That said, your husband’s reactions are over the top. He shouldn’t be treating a step-cousin or anyone like that just bc he needs help.

You probably need a job, but not because your husband says so, because you need help from family. I’m sorry you are going through all this. It will get better.” Ickyhouse

Another User Comments:


You and your husband should always be a team first.

However, he’s making you hide something incredibly stressful and life-changing which is a heavy burden to carry alone. I understand why your husband feels he wants to keep this private but it’s not like you sought his cousin out to ask for it – it sounds like the conversation came out in a natural way and you really needed at least the advice and emotional support.

Ultimately what tipped it is how your husband reacted – a massive fight, yelling at you to get a job, and telling off his cousin for helping? He’s letting his fragile ego dictate his response and that’s not okay.

Would he rather you two get into a financial hole you might not be able to dig yourselves out of?” MadoogsL

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I feel for your husband about losing his job. That’s never easy.

And I get why you need to speak to someone and get advice.

But borrowing from a family member is not usually an advisable idea, and if your husband already has an issue with this man… you could have picked better.

Your husband sucks because he can’t put his head in the sand and not deal with this. He needs to swallow his pride.” Nessie51

0 points (0 votes)

User Image
Squidmom 4 months ago
He's an AH. He can get a job making way more than you can. I'd ask for help too.
3 Reply
View 3 more comments

4. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Grandma's China Set?


“My grandmother recently passed away. I received her china as per her will. It’s pretty rare and fairly valuable from what I understand. But that’s not why I want it. I want it because it was my grandmother’s, I love to entertain, and I am thrilled at the prospect of using her china.

I know my grandmother left me the whole large set because she thought I was the only granddaughter.

I say thought because my cousin Robyn came out as trans last year. Grandma had dementia at this point and never knew about Robyn, though I highly doubt that would have changed the china situation.

Robyn is now demanding that I give her a ‘share’ of the china so that she can sell it to finance surgery. I’m refusing. Robyn says I am the jerk, but I don’t think so. a) china was willed to me.

At this point, it is legally mine. B) it might be different if she wanted to keep it and use it, but she is just going to sell it. I don’t want my grandmother’s china just sold off.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


It was willed to you and you plan on keeping it as a family heirloom. Robyn wasn’t willed it. She has no claim to it whatsoever and is a jerk for even asserting as such. Moreover, her claim isn’t even about being a granddaughter to your grandmother, it’s a cynical, vulgar, transparent grab.

I can’t imagine your grandmother left it to you with the hope that you would sell it. Keep it and tell her to drop it. It’s not up to discussion, not now, not ever. Don’t entertain it further.

I would also recommend making sure you store it safely as I’ve seen too many spiteful jerks destroy treasured things because they didn’t get their way.” ElonDiddlesKids

Another User Comments:


Look, this is a difficult situation.

The assumption you’re making is that you were gifted the china as you were the only girl and that as you no longer are, it’s fair to share it. I’d like to challenge that. I think your grandmother gave you the china because she knew you’d love, cherish and use it.

She probably knew that you loved how she entertained people with it and that you’d continue the tradition.

Out of curiosity; did Robyn get anything from the will? Because if she did, then she absolutely got her fair share, gender, and monetary value regardless.

Inheritance isn’t entirely about – it’s about sentimental value too. Your grandmother’s death isn’t something to in on.

At the end of the day, the china was left to you. You love it, you’re going to use it, and you want to honor your grandmother by keeping it as a complete set.

That is perfectly fair. I understand that Robyn desperately (and fairly) wants her surgery, but guilting you is not the way to go about it.

While I’m here; lock the china up. If you live with your parents/family, find somewhere else to keep it, and tell no one (or keep it in your room and get a lock).

If you’re on your own/with roommates, don’t let anyone related to Robyn (AKA her mother) into your place alone, and tell your roommates the same. If Robyn does come over, don’t use that china set. By the sound of it, she might just break something on purpose, out of pure spite, and that would be devastating.

I am truly sorry for your loss, and that you are having to deal with this drama while you are grieving. I hope that you get to use the set as much as you had planned and that it brings you as much joy as it did when your grandmother used it.” endearinglysarcastic

Another User Comments:


The thing about china sets is they were at one time a status symbol. A way to show you were middle class. Now, most people don’t have the space or desire to have it.

There have been a lot of really good articles written about older generations downsizing and younger generations not wanting the stuff. The younger generations just don’t have the space.” Face2098

0 points (0 votes)

User Image
deka1 3 months ago
NTJ It's YOURS. Don't even worry about your cousin and her demands. She wasn't a granddaughter when your grandmother made the will and she has no rights to demand something that is yours. Maybe your grandmother wanted YOU to have all of it. Do you really think she would've wanted it split up? KEEP IT!
1 Reply
View 2 more comments

3. AITJ For Not Taking My Wife's Silly Questions Seriously?


“My wife (26F) will neurotically ask me (29M) questions for reassurance. For example, when we leave the house for several hours, she will ask me whether our dog will be alright (while we’re gone). When I provide an honest answer (‘I don’t know’), she becomes extremely hostile and upset toward me.

Therefore, my lone option is to say, ‘yes,’ or else an argument will ensue.

Obviously, I suspect our dog will be fine, but cannot guarantee it (e.g., house fire, burglars, etc). It is an average dog being left alone in an average home located in an average neighborhood.

The question irritates me because I have no additional insight into whether our dog will be alright. My wife knows that. I am not a veterinarian, nor can I see into the future. So, why continue to ask me the same asinine question?

Accordingly, AITJ for responding with, ‘I don’t know’?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

It must be annoying to keep hearing this when the dog was obviously OK the last 500 times you went out. She seems anxious and looking for reassurance. You could set up a webcam so she can check the dog, but then you’d have to put up with her checking it every 5 minutes, or she may move on being anxious about something else.

I would suggest therapy for her anxiety.” DesperateinDunharrow

Another User Comments:

“YTJ— I think you’re just being way too literal about this. You know she’s suffering, why not just ‘of course Fluffy is fine — I fed her, you took her for a walk, and I checked the door was locked’ — that’s hardly a lie.

She isn’t asking for a crystal ball, she’s asking for assurance that every reasonable precaution was taken.

Why not work with her to help her with a list or a schedule instead of a philosophy lecture? You can go through the list before you leave the home to reassure her.

You can even get a camera and watch Fluffy.

Is it possible OP that she’s not even asking for assurance but factual information like ‘did you walk Fluffy?’ I feel like men sometimes think I’m asking for assurance when I’m just trying to ask if they actually did what they were supposed to do.” Pumpkinkra

Another User Comments:


Everyone seems to be locking in on your example, instead of seeing the bigger picture. It’s exhausting being hounded by an insecure person who is always looking for reassurance. I would suggest you get your wife into therapy – because she must also be exhausted from being insecure and afraid all the time.

You aren’t doing her any good with ‘reassurances’ because that’s ENABLING this behavior and really doing nothing to help her get better.” TrainingDearest

Another User Comments:


Dude. Your wife is asking for you to assuage her fears. All you have to say is ‘He’ll be fine.

I bet he’ll sleep the whole time we’re gone.’ or something like that. She’s not asking you to make a guarantee that there will be no Act of God. She wants you to reassure her.

What kind of jerk husband increases his wife’s fears instead of understanding them? In fact, if you wanted to be really helpful, offer to set up a webcam that she can check from her phone when you’re not there. Then if she asks ‘do you think he’s ok’, you can suggest she check her app.” MaggieMae68

0 points (4 votes)

2. AITJ For Making My Neighbors' Dog Bark?


“I (25f) live in an apartment complex. Our neighbors keep their dog outside on their balcony at night every night. We live in Colorado and, during winter, nighttime temperatures get below freezing.

The dog is a short-haired, medium-sized dog who doesn’t have a coat for cold weather.

The dog is also not wearing any clothes and has a dog bed for comfort outside.

I’ve recently learned that if I yell ‘shhh’ from my balcony, the dog will bark. I will do this until they wake up and bring their dog in.

I assume they go right back to sleep and the dog doesn’t come out until morning. It usually only takes about 5 minutes of this for them to bring the dog in.

I do this because I feel bad for the dog being outside all night until past sunrise.

We have left a note on their door explaining how unfair it is to the dog to keep them outside but nothing has changed. We also have a useless leasing office that has done nothing for the dog.

My husband pointed out tonight that I might be a jerk for doing this around 1 am or whenever I come out during the night and that I’m probably waking others in the complex.

AITJ for making my neighbor’s dog bark and waking them, and potentially others, up?

Edit and update: We live in a major city, Denver, so sounds through all hours of the night aren’t uncommon, that’s why I didn’t originally think of the other neighbors.

We also contacted animal control today to let them know the situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s rare at least in my area for the humane society or police to do anything useful about animal suffering. Also, you are 100% right to differentiate between a dog with an undercoat and one without.

An undercoat might be a bit uncomfortable in very cold weather. Without an undercoat is like a person wearing a long sleeve shirt in those temps. That becomes more true the smaller the dog is. There are morons who think ‘animals are supposed to be outside’ and don’t realize that we’ve altered the dog’s gene code to the extreme.

They also don’t consider the fact that we used to live outdoors. There’s a reason we built houses.” GoOnandgrow

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Find out who you need to contact in your local area for animal (and it sounds like a clear case of animal mistreatment, but I don’t know anything about dog breeds and winter.) and give them the information.

Let them handle it. They probably see more cases of this than you do and can help the dog better than you can.

You kind of suck for waking up the whole complex, but your neighbor sucks way more for putting the dog in that position.

Edit: Also, if your neighbor neglects their dog like this, I’d worry about what they’d do to the dog if he annoyed your neighbor for barking so late at night. If your neighbors are also violent, you might be doing the dog more harm.” Sparkism

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for me, but I might be heavily biased because I tend to put the pet’s comfort above everything else.

I see it as having a child, but they don’t grow up. If you’re not ready or willing to take care of them, don’t get them. And it’s true they’re ‘just animals’, but why would you leave them out in the cold if you have the chance to keep them safe and warm?

I guess if your neighbors are indeed getting disturbed, they’re gonna take it up with the dog’s owners instead of you anyway.

Knowing the situation I doubt anyone would think that it was your fault, if anything they’d think it’s just the dog asking to be let in.

I hope the situation can be resolved soon!! Both the dog and your other neighbors deserve better.” Sincline96

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your wife makes the point about waking up others on the complex—that could present unknown problems. Call animal control for an investigation—they are qualified to evaluate the situation and enforce remedies. I really don’t know if they’ve set up such a cozy situation on their patio that the dog might actually be comfortable. But if your assessment is correct and the dog is being mistreated, let the proper authorities take over.” Zorkanian

-1 points (1 votes)

User Image
IDontKnow 3 months ago
NTJ. At all. Call whatever authorities you can that can help. But in the meantime, h3ll yeah, keep shhhing the dog to make him bark to make the owners bring him inside. Until someone of authority does something to help that dog, you need to help him.
I doubt your neighbors are that bothered by it especially because you live in a noisy city. But even if they do, so what. We're talking about possibly a dog's life.
I'm not even a "dog person" (I'm more of a "baby person" lol) but I still value a life. I still wouldn't want a dog suffering. I still believe helping those who are unable to help themselves is the right thing to do.

I wish the dog could lock the owners out for just 1 night maybe. To see how they like it.
1 Reply
View 1 more comment

1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Cousin For Ruining Our Holidays?


“I (27f) have a cousin (30f) who has pushed my last button. We were close-ish as children, she lives in a different city but we were thick as thieves when we were together. Into teenagerhood and adulthood, her attitude started to affect me and our family more.

Her mom never really said ‘no’ to her much growing up and she got away with a lot because she had a rough childhood in general and they never had money.

This didn’t affect me until we got older and she started making everything about her.

For example, one year at our GIANT family Christmas she was going around pulling people aside telling them she had Post-Partum Depression (PPD) after her first child. I sympathized with her, but it was so inappropriate for the setting.

She also didn’t really need to be telling our extended family and taking up time they could have spent catching up with others they hadn’t seen all year.

Her behavior is so bad, many family members have cut her out of their own lives for the purpose of mitigating drama.

She never gets invited to weddings. She also takes advantage of family members that still give her attention.

Her son’s first birthday was on my college graduation date. I was the first grandchild to graduate with a college degree and my grandparents were so excited to come to see me walk.

She scheduled his party for the same day knowing my graduation was that day. My grandparents told her they wouldn’t be at the party and you guessed it, it caused a complete blow-up on her part.

I brushed it off until 2 years later.

Her parents moved out of state. Our moms (sisters) planned a whole Easter weekend so her parents could see their daughters/grandchildren, and we live halfway between the 2 cities. My mom spent time and to make it PERFECT and magical for everyone.

Our grandparents were also coming (which they don’t do often due to age).

3 days before they were supposed to be arriving, I find out my cousin has canceled the whole weekend because she had a panic attack. No one was coming.

If this was an isolated event it would be one thing. But it seems over the last 5-6 years, something always happens that sends our ENTIRE family into a tailspin based on 1 person.

I’ve struggled with mental health for 10 or so years but have never let it affect family affairs.

I called my cousin because my mom was crying and mad. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back for a lot of us. I got on her about this constantly being a problem. I suggested in the future if she didn’t feel comfortable attending a holiday to keep it to herself.

She got mad at me & told at least 20 other extended family members that I yelled at her for having mental health concerns (which isn’t at all true).

I haven’t spoken to her in almost 2 years because she refuses to do anything but sweep it under the rug.

I, however, want an adult conversation before moving forward.


Another User Comments:

“YTJ, but barely. You seem to be blaming one person when the entire family has issues establishing and respecting boundaries. Your family sounds massively codependent.

She sounds like a lot, and I completely respect that you do not want a close relationship with this person.

(I wouldn’t talk to her either.) At the same time, you are making her responsible for the behavior of others.

Why do you care if she wants to share her PPD journey with extended family? Why are you blaming her when others made the choice to cancel the event? You don’t get a vote in how other people interact – all you can control is the boundaries you enforce and the way you interact.

I get that you don’t want to pick up after her, but guess what. You don’t have to! You never had to! You could discuss these things directly when folks in your family ask you to change plans or emotionally accommodate her.

I say this lovingly. The family dysfunction is the real problem. What do you even want from this person? What do you hope to gain from this ‘adult conversation?” Anon_bunn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. She sounds like a real piece of work.

If you really want to have a conversation with her, focus less on her mental health, and more on her specific behaviors. It’s important she understands that mental health issues are not a free pass to act like a massive jerk.

If she continues to act like that, soon enough she won’t have any friends left to complain and be horrible to.” bordennium

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ to call her out again and YTJ for your prior call. You seem utterly unsympathetic to her mental health struggles because of how you perceive them to impact you.

You dismiss the rest of your family’s agency in choosing how to respond to her. Just as some have chosen to cut her off, others are still concerned about her. If you feel overshadowed, take it up with them instead.

If your mom is upset because her parents canceled a visit, she can talk to them directly.

If someone is callous enough to feel annoyed that a family member sharing their PPD is preventing them from catching up with others, that someone can excuse themself from the conversation.

Your cousin either had a panic attack (her view) or manipulated people into thinking she was in crisis in order to cancel a family celebration (your view). Whichever perspective is correct, there was nothing to be gained by calling her while you were heated.

I don’t know if you yelled or just ‘got on her’ but you certainly did criticize her for being open about having mental health issues, and she’s not wrong for sharing that with others.

What do you hope to gain from an ‘adult conversation’ now? She’s willing to sweep it under the rug and be civil.

What more do you want from someone you don’t like or respect? I understand that you feel she ruins things and makes life more difficult for you and your family. Perhaps you could consider that her struggles likely have far more negative impact on her own life than on yours.” no_good_namez

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here and you both have the main-character syndrome.

I’m fairly sure her narrative is quite different, but even telling your story, you’re not very sympathetic. You’re very judgemental about her mental illness (while comparing your own to try to make yourself seem better). And frankly, if she’s so awful, your family needs to go low contact and stop planning holidays for her side of the family.” AffectionateBench766

-2 points (2 votes)

User Image
Ninastid 4 months ago
You are definitely ntj she needs to grow up and stop being a stupid spoiled entitled brat that makes the world about her definitely cut her off completely
3 Reply

Sometimes, being kind is really not enough, but this doesn't justify being a total jerk. You now get to decide who you think deserves to be called a jerk in these stories. Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)