People Give Us The Details Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Invite People To My Wedding?
“I come from a culture where weddings are huge. My cousin’s wedding had over 1000 people in attendance and reception over 3000. In my family, even a birthday party or festive dinner has around 50 people in attendance. And I am an only child.
Due to all this, my parents have big dreams of my wedding and they are ready to pay for it.
They want to invite all extended family members to the wedding and invite every person they know to the reception. It’s a matter of pride to them. They are ready to pay for it as well.
My problem is I don’t like this at all.
I have attended and been an integral part of my cousin’s wedding. So many people means crowded stage, horrible photo lines, meet and greet with people I haven’t met in years, and worst of all, unnecessary rushing. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my wedding.
My cousins and their partners barely remember theirs.
So I told my parents I would invite the people closest to me to my wedding. I will be funding it myself too. I respect their wish to show off my wedding, and hence, they can throw me a reception as big as they want.
Invite whomever they want. On a different day.
This has not gone well with them. Cause my list has only 50 people. These are the only people I want from my side. My fiance also has around 50 people. So a total of 100 people ceremony.
But my parents hate this.
They want me to add at least representatives from their extended families and I refuse to. I refuse to tell them the venue even (we will arrange transportation) so they don’t let it slip.
They are deeply upset and say it would affect their social standing and relationship with others.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a really difficult one. On the one hand, you have your own desires, and on the other, generations of societal expectations and parents who wish to perpetuate it, and also don’t wish to lose face by hosting what they consider to be a substandard celebration for their daughter’s wedding.
Would it be possible for you to elope and then have a big wedding to your family’s standard? Is that a possibility? I have to go with ‘no jerks here’. I do understand that you feel crushed under the weight of their hope, while they are frightened of not meeting social obligations that, to them, are very important.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but would they be against 2 weddings in general – one that you want to be paid by you and then one big one, not just a reception? If they are then just being picky. It’s your wedding, do as you like.
If they are fine with this do you have a preference which would be first, would you want the intimate one first or the big one? You could also have them months or a year apart so it’s much easier. I understand your parents but it’s not their wedding and this would be a great alternative because you get what you want and they get what they want.
Because the alternative is just you get what you want. And that only sucks for them.” This_Statistician_39
24. AITJ For Siding With My Son When My Wife Scolded Him For Playing Video Games?
“I and my wife of 20 years share a 16-year-old, a junior in high school. He is a smart, normal kid who is healthy physically and mentally and has an active social life with lots of friends.
My wife has always been very strict about certain video games, especially Fortnite. My son hated these rules in middle school but my wife was very strict about them and he eventually stopped asking. He hasn’t brought the topic up in several years.
Yesterday, my wife found my son playing Fortnite with his friends (on a Nintendo Switch that he bought with his own money).
He was playing in his room after he had finished his homework/chores for the day. She freaked out and yelled at him, saying that he was still not allowed to play Fortnite or any other video games like it. I heard the noise and came into his room.
I quickly sided with my son and told my wife that he was old enough to play a game like Fortnite, especially if he was playing with his friends. I said that while those rules were good for him in middle school, they are now outdated and need to be dropped. She stormed out of the room and has not spoken to either of us since then.
AITJ for disagreeing and arguing with her in front of my son? Should I have spoken to and disagreed with her privately? Is she right about the entire situation and that my son shouldn’t be able to play Fortnite with his friends?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your wife has a stupid rule. That’s been the rule. When you set rules, you expect them to be followed until you maturely discuss and request new rules. Your wife was a jerk in the way she lost her mind over this, to begin with (as you describe it).
You reacted very poorly too. You undermined her massively by going in there and questioning the rule, rather than questioning her reaction to it. Which is where the real issue lies. You could have calmly said something like ‘Yeah he broke the rule, do you need to react like that though?
Let’s discuss it properly’ and actually model healthy communication. Thinking of it as taking your son’s side versus taking your wife’s side is a quick way to an unhealthy relationship. And it’s likely there’s a LOT more behind her immature response to just ignore you both now.
She likely feels – in general – that neither of you actually help out and she’s stuck doing EVERYTHING. Including enforcing parental rules.
Enforcing rules on other people is incredibly frustrating… If you think the rule is outdated, fine. Bring it up with everyone at a DIFFERENT time, discuss it together, and set a new rule.
Have an actual discussion about it, a debate even, and model healthy communication.
Your communication (in this example) is awful. You really need to figure out what your wife’s underlying issues are and figure out real ways of communicating. Is she now resorting to not speaking to you both cause more often than not you’re just not supportive or helpful in any way?
Or is it all on her? Either way, there’s a lot of suckiness here.” roymondous
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for arguing in front of your son. You undermined her in front of him, teaching him her rules don’t matter if they aren’t YOUR rules. The rule is pretty stupid and while you can be against super violent games you should not forbid all games because they have guns in them or something like that.
Not to mention that you always have to be sure you are not making your child an outcast by forbidding them certain things – think of the few kids being completely left out when Pokémon was at its peak and they weren’t allowed to have a Gameboy just because the parents were against it because they personally didn’t like it or just forbid it out of principle.
One can argue you don’t have to be part of every trend and fad but you harm your child if you purposefully exclude them from big trends because children are mean.” _Katrinchen_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are two parents. Why should one parent arbitrarily make the rules without forming an agreement with the other parent about the rules?
It’s okay to disagree in front of your son because he needs to learn about conflict and conflict resolution in relationships. But it sounds like you can’t resolve this with your wife because she has significant control issues if she is giving the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Playing video games with friends in moderation is a healthy social activity. My son is in 9th grade and plays online with friends, and it’s great because I know where he is. He has two other friends who are not allowed to play video games and they were caught smoking on the school roof a couple of weeks ago.” Dry_Writing_219
23. AITJ For Going Wedding Dress Shopping With Just My Mom?
“I’m getting married next year and have zero clue what style or color or anything I want for my dress. I booked an appointment at a few places for a Sunday with myself, my mother, grandma, sister, best friend, and my future mother-in-law. The whole point was to play dress up and try literally everything.
So a few days before that, my mom came for a visit and mentioned she drove past a small bridal store in town and asked how I was feeling about Sunday. I say I was excited but was feeling a little unsure because I literally had no clue what I would like.
She said we could go and try on a few styles so I’d feel more comfortable on the big shopping day if I wanted.
We went and spent an hour there. I tried on a bunch, and found a few I hated and a bunch I liked but didn’t find ‘the one’.
Overall though, It was nice to try wedding dresses for the first time without so many eyes. It felt like it was for me, as opposed to the day with everyone where I’ll let everyone pick dresses out.
Now, my sister is upset she wasn’t there and I think my fiancé is mad his mom wasn’t there for the first time.
Now I feel like I should have waited.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like I kinda understand that they feel like you excluded them from an important part of this experience that they were looking forward to since it was already set that you would all go together.
On the other hand, they are not entitled to your time. You wanted to try a few random dresses before and as an adult, you can do just that. I mean what if during the time you were with all of them, you didn’t find ‘the one’?
Then you would have to wait for all their schedules to match so you could go dress-hunting again? So yeah, you are definitely not the jerk, and while I do understand why they are upset, I don’t think they have the right to complain or mistreat you because of it, especially since in the end you didn’t find the dress you want yet.
You have the right to do things the way they make it comfortable for you. Also if you do go later with all of them, don’t forget that this is YOUR dress and YOUR wedding. Giving feedback is good, but if you find ‘the one’ and one of them says they don’t like it and ask you to pick another one, DO NOT FOLD.
Do what makes you happy, this is something for you, not them.” SatsuJin7
Another User Comments:
“It’s your wedding and your wedding dress. Who cares if they are sad they didn’t get to see you try on dresses, they don’t sound supportive from your description and how you’re dreading the appointment later so I like that you just did a mother-daughter look.
NTJ to the max. You can have who you want there and decide where you want to shop. Hope the dress search goes well!” Livetorun123
22. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter-in-Law To Dinner Because She's A Picky Eater?
“My son has been married for two years at this point. We get along as well as water and oil.
I just keep my distance because I don’t like dealing with her.
She is a horrible picky eater, I don’t know why but truly I don’t care because she is a pain at restaurants. We try to go anywhere and we have to change places multiple times so she can have something to eat.
She makes the waiters go through hoops so she will have something she likes and if anything is wrong she will complain about it or pout in the corner.
Example: She got a quesadilla, removed everything on it, and when it came out she sent it back because there was sour cream on the side, it wasn’t touching anything and she made a huge deal about her food being wrong.
She doesn’t have allergies either.
What really made me dislike her is that she complained about the food at a funeral, they had a sandwich spread but went on about it being gross multiple times.
So I had a dinner yesterday and I invited everyone but my son’s wife (son wasn’t invited either but he was on a business trip).
My other DIL posted it online and I got a call from DIL. She was mad I didn’t invite her and asked why, I told her it was due to her being an embarrassment at dinners and I wouldn’t be inviting her to dinners.
She called me a jerk and hung up.
Now my son is on my butt and I am wondering if I should apologize or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is not just being picky; she could be being discreet and considerate about it, and setting limits for herself, but she’s not.
She’s acting like a spoiled child pouting, whining, and having no consideration for how her behavior affects fellow diners and restaurant staff. Said simply: Picky may possibly be accommodated (even if it’s a pain), but rude and inconsiderate shouldn’t be accommodated, especially when it’s utterly predictable.
You should make this distinction clear to anyone coming to you supporting her. When you know that she is going to make the experience miserable for everyone in a completely needless way through selfish behavior, why should she be invited? Even accommodating polite pickiness should have its limits.
You don’t waste everyone’s time endlessly and ruin the flow of the night because you can’t get exactly what you want.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s acting like a 5-year-old child who doesn’t want to eat broccoli with cheese. But even then a 5-year-old would still eat more than her.
What does she even eat at home? A piece of white bread slapped in between two other pieces of white bread? She has the most ‘just salt seasoning for my boiled chicken’ type of appetite. She needs to grow up and actually eat something good rather than eat whatever bland Wheaties stuff she has at home.
And learn to not be a jerk in public, to waiters, or ruin other people’s mood ’cause she’s being all pouty.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Living With My Ex Again?
“I originally moved out of the flat I co-own with my ex after we broke up because I didn’t want to be around him anymore.
I was hoping we would divorce and sell the flat quickly but that hasn’t happened and now money is tight so I’ve decided the best thing financially for me is to move back into the flat for the time being.
My ex didn’t want me to move in because he enjoys being difficult and his partner doesn’t want us living together.
He has the financial means to live elsewhere and even has at least one property that is empty which he could live in but he’s choosing to stay in the flat.
When I originally told him I was thinking of moving back he didn’t seem bothered by it and actually laughed at me for having to crawl back home.
I don’t think he actually thought I would willingly move back in with him, though.
Now his partner is giving him a hard time for letting me move in so he’s decided to be as annoying as possible to try to get me to move on my own so he doesn’t look like the bad guy.
He’s done things like constantly inviting his friends who I dislike over and walking around the flat without clothes.
I know I shouldn’t let it bother me because I can hide in my room away from his friends and I’ve seen him without clothes a thousand times before but I can’t help it.
We’ve had so many arguments recently and I wish he could just grow up and be civilized until we can sell the flat and I can avoid him forever. Naturally, he thinks this is all my fault because I shouldn’t have moved back in without his permission.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why aren’t you being equally annoying back? If he’s walking around without clothes, make sympathetic noises about how old age makes it difficult to keep your body together, or make a sound like you’re alarmed or concerned and tell him it’s nothing.
Tell the woman when he’s in earshot that it’s great that she’s been so understanding, you thought she would have dumped him – oh, she doesn’t know what you’re talking about? Never mind. His friends are coming over? Even (Name)? Huh. Or, you know, don’t hide in your room and just act like none of it bothers you.
Walk around like you own the place. Because you do.” WalkoffTriple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You both own the flat and you need a place to live. Why doesn’t he move into his other property? Since he’s gonna have to move when the flat sells anyway.
Is the sales market slow where you are? Or does the process just take time? Maybe next time his partner is around or he’s on the phone with her pretend you don’t know and come out of your room with your hand over your eyes and just say something like ‘You better be decent?
You can’t keep walking around without clothes all the time as I can see you get a little cold’ so you make it into someone a little fun or even flirty and I’m sure the woman will stop him from doing it even if he thinks he annoys you.
You should also invite your friends around.” CombinationCalm9616
20. AITJ For Trying To Get My Son To Open Up About Himself?
“My (45M) son ‘Jacob’ (15M) is a wrestler and in the last few months, he became really good friends with this boy ‘Trevor’ (16M) he met at a meet from another school. Now Jacob isn’t someone you’d assume is gay.
I guess he’d be straight-passing if that’s still the term? He’s not out to me or anything but he’s never really shown much interest in girls even though they show interest in him. And this new ‘friendship’ of his seems way closer than any of his other friends.
They share clothes and sleep over all the time even more than he does with his best friend. I swear I see them playing footsie and hugging/cuddling sometimes.
I’m a single dad and I try my best with my boys. Yesterday morning before his brothers got up I offhandily asked how his significant other was doing.
I was trying to open some dialog to show him it was ok. I’m kinda new to this myself. He turned beet red and asked me what I meant and I told him I was asking about Trevor. He just looked at me all bewildered and was just like ‘Very funny, Dad’.
I just told him that I wasn’t blind and that it was ok and that I loved him. He got mad and yelled at me to just drop it.
We haven’t talked much since then and I talked to my parents and they think I went about it fine.
My sister thinks I overstepped and should waited for him to say something. That I probably freaked him out. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can’t claim to understand the highly nuanced statuses of teenaged relationships these days, but sometimes kids engage in the type of stuff you mentioned but aren’t ‘official’.
So it may have been as simple as they don’t use those labels with each other even though they’re a lot closer than platonic friends. I think you’re a good dad and a decent dude who was trying to find a way to let him know that you’re ok with who he is and that he doesn’t have to hide anything around you.
To be honest, it doesn’t seem like he was trying that hard to hide it anyway. I’d let it sit for a bit and see if he comes back to you, and otherwise treat him and Trevor like you always do. You made it clear you’re an ally and now the rest is up to him.” Gonebabythoughts
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were a bit clumsy for sure, but your heart was in the right place, and it’s great that you made sure to let him know you loved him and were okay with his s*******y, whatever it might be.
You sound like a good father trying your best. Your son is likely dealing with a lot right now: as I’m sure you can recall, being a teenager is a difficult and confusing time even when you’re not ‘different.’
Both boys are at the age when they’re figuring themselves out.
They may not be labeling their relationship as ‘significant other,’ one or both of them may not be ready to call themselves gay/bi/pan/queer at all. Perhaps you could wait a little bit, then tell him you’re sorry for putting him on the spot like that and once again convey that you love him and you’ll be there for him to talk to about anything when he’s ready, but from now on you’ll wait for him to approach you with any such conversations.
Don’t make it some long talk unless your son chooses to turn it into one, just say these couple of sentences as casually as you can and move on to whatever. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready.” Ravelte
19. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom After Finding Out She Gave My Cat To The Pound?
“2 days ago I was out to dinner with my mother and the subject of my old cat came up. My cat Rosy, my emotional support cat, disappeared around 1 year and 2 months ago while staying with my mom while I was at uni. I only found out she had disappeared about a month after she had disappeared cause my mom didn’t inform me for some reason.
Back to the part where I may be the jerk: When the subject of my cat came up I said I miss her and wish she was still around and my mom out of nowhere became suddenly very serious and said she had something to tell me.
She told me my cat hadn’t disappeared but instead, she had given her to the pound cause the new place she wanted to move into didn’t allow pets. Dumbfounded, I asked if she was serious. She said she was and I started yelling at her that she had no right and that she should have told me and I would have asked someone else to look after her (she volunteered to take her).
My mother didn’t even try to defend herself. She just sat there.
After about 5 minutes of yelling, I said I think I may have gone overboard but given the situation and how depressed I’d been when my cat had disappeared I just couldn’t control myself.
I hadn’t thought I was the jerk until my sister who has always been the golden child contacted me and told me I was a massive jerk and that I should apologize to my mom and even though I don’t think I should have to I’m questioning myself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! What did I just read? Not okay! If anyone did such a horrible thing to me, that would be the END of our relationship! That she’s your ‘mother’ does not get her any leniency, in fact, she should have a higher standard because she’s supposed to ‘love’ you and look out for you!
That she was capable of doing this to anyone – let alone to her own daughter – is just reprehensible! OP, you DO NOT owe her any apology – she should be on her hands and knees begging YOU for forgiveness! Whether you want to maintain a relationship with a person capable of screwing over her own child like this is up to you… but no, you DO NOT owe her anything!
I would ghost her AND anyone who condones that behavior!” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s time to send mom to a shelter. She’s a worthless excuse for a human. I am so sorry and angry on your behalf. I know she won’t tell you which shelter but honestly, I’d say just start calling all of them.
Also, follow through. Tell her if she ever wants to speak to you again, she needs to get you the info on which shelter it was through an intermediary, and then IMMEDIATELY block her. She’s vile and you’re so much better than her, and so much better without her.” Haunting-Angle-535
18. AITJ For Getting A Christmas Tree Ornament For My Significant Other?
“My (19F) sister (21F) bought little mug ornaments for the Christmas tree that had the initials of our family members on them. I noticed that she got her significant other one which I honestly thought was cute, but also noticed that she hadn’t got one for mine (context: I’ve been with my SO for over a year, sister has been with hers for a week).
I asked her, ‘Why didn’t you get one for my SO too?’ And she only said, ‘Because I only wanted to get one for my SO.’ I didn’t argue, because I kinda understood (but still found it a little rude). I just asked her where she bought them.
It was a store that was about 45 minutes away from our house.
The next day, I went to the store (even though it was a while away, I had other Christmas shopping to do anyway), bought the exact same little mug ornament with my SO’s initials, and put it on the tree.
When she saw it, she said, ‘You really drove all the way to get your SO an ornament? You’re such a dramatic jerk.’ I didn’t say anything cause I was shocked that she was upset because I bought an ornament so my SO could feel included.
I asked my mom about it and she said ‘Well it seems kind of petty that you drove all the way to the store just to buy that ornament.’ When I didn’t even mean it that way.
I just honestly don’t see how trying to include my SO in his first Christmas at my family’s house is a jerk move?
I wasn’t ever even mad at my sister for not buying one, or said anything rude about it.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you just wanted your SO to feel included. It’s hard for me to see that as petty. Your sister calling you ‘a dramatic jerk’ was unnecessarily mean.
I guess she felt insulted in some way by you purchasing the ornament yourself? Maybe she felt called out on her ‘thoughtlessness’ towards not including your SO or something? I dunno. It kinda sounds more like she’s the one ‘being dramatic’. She can’t have it both ways.
If they are ‘just ornaments’ and don’t mean anything then why does she even care that you bought one? If she hadn’t responded so rudely, I’d go with ‘no jerks here’, but her response pushes it into NTJ for me.” DirectionEvening2566
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your sister’s job or responsibility to make YOUR SO feel included. You were doing that by getting an ornament for him.
If your mom was the one to get your sister’s SO the ornament then she would be the jerk for not getting your SO one too. But since this was a gift from your sister. Your sister is probably upset you went all the way out there and got the SAME ornament; when there are plenty of other ones.
Maybe your sister was upset at you copying her. Who knows. It’s not dramatic or petty for you to want your partner to feel included though. NTJ.” Exciting-Peanut-1526
17. AITJ For Wanting To Exclude One Of Our Friends From Our Trip To Europe?
“Our friend group has a particular friend, ‘Henry’. Henry loves living the good life (staying at the Hilton when on trips, spending $200 on a fancy Japanese dinner, etc.) and if someone suggests going somewhere to eat that’s below his standards, he throws a hissy fit.
I proposed a group trip to Europe. Henry was a yes, a few were nos but the main core was on the fence. I see the main core more than Henry and I asked what was their biggest worry for going on the trip. They all said that they did not want to travel with Henry because he would double the cost of the trip.
Henry hates being excluded and if we sneak away he’ll know and make things worse. We know he has an LDR partner in the US (we live in Canada) and Henry goes to see him on the 4th of July, American Thanksgiving, etc. So we know when Henry is going to be gone and the idea was to tell Henry and plan the trip the Tuesday before he heads to see his partner.
We think this is a good way to tell Henry and avoid him coming.
I told another of my friend groups this plan (they don’t know this friend group) and they said it was kind of a jerk move to deliberately exclude Henry. But if Henry comes, the trip is canceled so I insisted that this was the lesser of two evils.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to travel with Henry. He sounds like the worst kind of travel companion. But I’m baffled as to why you all continue to include him in your plans in the first place. Does ANYONE in your social circle actually like or respect him?
If you’re at the point of needing to play passive-aggressive scheduling games in order to exclude him, you’re past the point of needing to end this friendship. Are you not tired of this? Wouldn’t it be nice to hang out with people who don’t need to be MANAGED like this?
Henry is who he is, and you don’t like who he is, and attempts to fix who he is so he’s easier to get along with have failed. The friendship is already dead, and you’ve slapped a pair of sunglasses on its face instead of burying it with whatever dignity remains to it.
Get a shovel and put that thing in the ground, it’s starting to stink.” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, Henry for demanding that you all live up to his spending habits, the rest of you for not simply saying, ‘We can’t afford it, mate.’ If he tantrums, so what?
Is he two years old? He’ll have no friends left in the group. Sounds as though none of you would be sad about that! But this very transparent ploy of traveling around the time when he’ll be absent is very middle-school-ish and not at all the subtle master-stroke you seem to think it is.
The group should collectively wo/man up and tell him you can’t afford his lifestyle!” gytherin
16. AITJ For Planning On Not Going To My Sister's Child-Free Wedding?
“My sister is getting married at the start of September next year and I’m pregnant and my baby is due in mid-June so will be less than 3 months old at the time of her wedding.
Her fiancé told me at Christmas dinner that they don’t want any children at their wedding so I would not be able to bring my newborn baby. I didn’t really say anything at the time as I was so shocked, I expected to be able to have my husband look after the baby during the ceremony (I’m the maid of honor) so he could pop out easily if the baby needs anything but my baby would still be able to attend.
I don’t feel comfortable being away from my baby that early even if it would be left with my husband who I obviously trust. I’ve not spoken to her about this properly yet as I knew I’d just get upset but I won’t be able to attend her wedding if my baby can’t come.
I get it’s her day and that’s their choice not to have children at the wedding but it came out of nowhere in the middle of a family Christmas dinner. I don’t want to kick up a fuss and cause upset since it is her day but a wedding is a long day, especially with all the responsibilities of maid of honor and I don’t want to be away from my baby that long.
I plan on entirely breastfeeding so being away from my newborn for the length of a wedding is just not something I’m willing to do. AITJ if I don’t go to her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally, I would say ‘no jerks here’ because it is totally understandable if someone wants a child-free wedding and if parents don’t want to leave their very young baby with someone else, but this one is a bit different.
So, they want a child-free wedding, you are the maid of honor, you are pregnant (I assume your sister knows about it?), and it was her fiancé who talked to you, not your sister. I guess he said ‘We want absolutely no children at our wedding’ to say that your baby isn’t welcome without saying your baby isn’t welcome.
There is a chance that your sister doesn’t know that her fiancé talked to you, but IF she knew it’s a cowardly move not to be the one to tell you.
I know I make a lot of assumptions right now, but it all seems a bit fishy.
Are you a first-time mom? If so I totally understand why you don’t feel comfortable with leaving your child with someone who isn’t you or your husband for a day. Also, there is a chance that your baby won’t arrive before the end of June, so it would be even younger… Talk to your sister, maybe it’s a misunderstanding.
But for now, NTJ.” blueeyed94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will only be the jerk if you wait to speak about this with her. There is still time to plan if she offers you any accommodations, or for her to choose another maid of honor if you decide not to go.
The wedding is still many months away, but if you don’t voice your concerns to your sister to ‘not upset her’ and then, closer to the wedding, you decide not to go, it will be much worse. Sit down with your sister and speak about it.
Depending on her answers, make your own plans, but don’t wait more time to discuss this with her in case she has to choose another maid of honor.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook For My Husband's Kids Anymore?
“My husband and I have 5 kids. 3 are his from a previous marriage, 1 is mine from prior to our marriage, and we have 1 toddler together.
For context, I am the breadwinner in the home and am lucky enough to work from home so I pay all of the bills except half the rent and my husband will pay maybe a quarter of the groceries typically random items throughout the week that we forgot during our weekend grocery hauls.
I also cook dinner every night, some nights I don’t and we will buy dinner, the majority of the time I pay but sometimes he does. I understand I make significantly more than him and the cost isn’t the issue but important for context.
My husband’s ex-wife is inconsistent in the children’s lives and is currently living in her car. Sometimes she’ll disappear for weeks and pick them up for maybe an hour and this will continue for months and then she all of a sudden wants to pick them up constantly.
It affects the children emotionally and has brought chaos to our home. I know it’s important for the children to have their mother in their life and even though I think overnights in motel rooms all the time in seedy areas of town with an unstable parent who has a history of mental illness and substance abuse isn’t good for them, they’re not my children and it’s not my place to say.
Where I have drawn the line however is dinner. In order to cook dinner for a family of 7 I have to know how much food to cook. I have to take meat out of the freezer and there is a significant difference between feeding 4 and feeding 7.
All I have asked is that I know if she plans on taking them for dinner the morning of. On a weekly basis, I throw out food and energy because I take out meat or prepare to cook for the entire family only to find out a couple of hours or an hour before dinner that she’s picking them up before dinner.
She and my husband think it’s unreasonable for me to ask to know by the morning and that afternoon should be plenty of notice. Mind you, I work from home so I will typically do crock pot items or items that I start very early.
I am personally fed up with paying all of the children’s expenses and working from home all day with a baby, cooking for a family of 7 for her to randomly show up and take them to McDonald’s. They won’t eat leftovers and they always end up in the trash so every day has to be a fresh meal. They are very picky children who up until a couple of weeks ago didn’t even know what BBQ sauce was.
They, I’m assuming, had limited variety introduced in their lives and their father is also crunchy so most food in our home is organic AKA expensive.
She doesn’t pay child support or any of the expenses and each time I try to ask for a crumb of stability or structure I am being accused of trying to keep them from their mom and being difficult.
This is all being said in earshot of the children so at this point they hate me as well and I don’t want to be responsible for them anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ because it sounds like those poor kids are being put through the emotional wringer, but honestly, I find it disturbing that what you are focusing on is the food.
The kids’ safety should be more important than cooking a bit more than you need occasionally. The dad needs to get full-time custody with supervised visits for ex only. Please put the kids’ needs first. Your husband frankly sounds like a jerk too. He’s taking serious advantage of you.
He needs to step up in a big way, financially and emotionally for you and his kids.” OverRice2524
Another User Comments:
“Leave. Your husband isn’t a good father or husband. This man doesn’t care about his kids or you. You’re his babysitter, maid, cook, AND ATM.
It’s not keeping a mom from her kids to insist they don’t sleep in a sleazy roach bag motel with an unstable addict, it’s called good parenting! It’s not abuse to insist that his children either eat what’s on their plate or don’t BUT you’re serving leftovers at least once a week!
Tell them it’s so YOU have the money to pay for the other luxuries like hot water and electricity since their dad doesn’t pay for it.
If you insist on staying with someone who values you less than his addict ex-wife then at least understand that his kids missing one or two meals a month isn’t going to hurt them.
Plus, if they’re truly starving, they’ll eat the leftovers. Once you’ve put your foot down and serve leftovers regularly, they’ll either start eating or maybe they won’t but they’ll eventually realize whining isn’t going to get you to make a whole other meal and give up.
But your best operation is to leave the freeloader! You’d be much happier and wealthier without this loser!” crystalmarble00
14. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Condo For Not Paying Rent?
“I (28F) own a two-bedroom condo and have been living comfortably by myself. When my sister (25F) went through a tough breakup six months ago, I offered her my spare room rent-free for a month to help her get back on her feet.
I made it clear that after the first month, we’d need to discuss a reasonable rent because I’m not exactly swimming in money myself.
The first month passed, and when I brought up the topic of rent, she told me she was still job hunting and asked for an extension.
Wanting to be supportive, I agreed. However, this pattern continued, and now six months have passed with her not contributing a single dime.
I’ve covered all our living expenses, including her share of the rent, utilities, and groceries. When I finally put my foot down and insisted she start paying rent or move out, she accused me of being heartless and unsupportive during her time of need. She even got our parents involved, who think I’m being too harsh on her.
Feeling like I might be the villain here for expecting my adult sister to contribute financially in some way, I gave her a two-month notice to either start paying rent or find another place to live. She’s now telling everyone in our family how I’m evicting her when she’s vulnerable, making me out to be the bad guy.
So, AITJ for expecting my sister to pay rent and choosing to evict her when she refused?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Gracious of you to help her out, but at 25, she’s a grown woman who needs to stand on her own two feet. Was she living rent-free with her ex and not working?
Regardless, she’s being a freeloader and needs to accept her new reality, get a job, and find a place of her own. If your parents think you’re being so mean, they can take her in. Don’t let her take any more advantage of you than she already has.
Also try to get her a formal eviction notice in case things get litigious, which I hope they don’t.” passingtime369
Another User Comments:
“A villain is not a person who lets someone else live with them for 6 months without paying one red cent toward their living situation.
You’ve let this go on long enough. Your sister is 25, you cannot tell me there is no work she can do to bring in some cash. No, she just doesn’t want to do anything. Tell your parents they are more than welcome to house their deadbeat daughter if they feel you are treating her so harshly.
Do not go back on this eviction. I wouldn’t let her stay even if she does find a job and can pay rent. She’ll find a way to be jobless again shortly afterward. NTJ.” lonelysilverrain
13. AITJ For Prohibiting My Roommate From Using My Pots?
“I (20F) and my roommate (18F) live in my parents’ two-bedroom apartment.
She’s the daughter of my mom’s friend.
Our relationship was never great and we both weren’t perfect in terms of cleaning and being respectful (especially for the first two years of living together).
During the third year of her renting the room, I finally fixed my depression enough to keep the apartment clean, go to bed early, etc.
My roommate however stayed the same, she never cleans anything except for her room (and even that happens rarely), she often uses my pots and leaves them in the sink for a week or two.
I am extremely annoyed by having to do all of the chores myself but I usually keep my annoyance to myself.
At the end of 2023, my roommate stopped talking to me after I told her off for smoking in her bed.
After that, she pretty much ignored my existence. So I decided to finally set some boundaries. I stopped sharing toilet paper with her (I was the only one who had been buying it for the last year) and I asked her to not use my pots anymore.
She completely ignored my request and told me that I had no right to tell her not to use my things since she was renting my parents’ room so it’s up to them to decide. She also called me stupid and a psycho, and promised to tell my parents about every single thing that I’ve done wrong during those three years.
I am not gonna lie, I don’t want my parents to know about guys visiting me or about the depression mess my apartment was when I was 18.
I know I’m not the perfect roommate, but AITJ for asking her not to use my things, when she’s not even talking to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would talk to your parents FIRST BEFORE the roommate spills a bunch of negative information to your parents. If it comes from you, it won’t be as bad. Start it off by saying you are ‘in such a better place now but at one time I was depressed and didn’t take as good of care of myself and the apartment, but I’m better now and am responsible and trying to stay organized and grounded…’ (not verbatim, but you get the idea).
You are NTJ, but you also need to be aware that your roommate probably can and will do what she threatens. I would stay one step ahead of her. If you talk to your parents first, then the roommate has nothing to hold over you.” MyGutReaction
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, why is having depression something you’re afraid of your parents finding out about? It sounds like they never came to your apartment during the last 3 years. So never saw the mess. And you’re cleaning it now so if she ‘tattles’ on you who cares?
She has no proof and your parents will only care what the apartment looks like today, not last year.
Also… your roommate is a slob. I’m assuming she’s been a slob this entire time. She’s literally 50% responsible for all chores in the apartment so 50% of what you’re ashamed of is her fault anyway.
She’s showing you no respect, acting like a child, and attempting (badly) to blackmail you. You should tell your parents and her mother about the smoking, slovenliness, and her bad attitude and ask for a new roommate whenever her lease is up. Also, if you can and haven’t already go see a therapist regarding your depression.
You don’t have to handle all that alone. It’s perfectly ok to seek help.” Oh-its-Tuesday
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Ex-Mother-In-Law's Birthday Party?
“My (28f) husband (31m) and I are separated. We were together for nearly a decade and have two sons (both under 18 months). I have primary custody of them and he has them 2-3 days per week, depending on his work schedule.
We have had our rough patches (due to him having an affair, being controlling and abusive, substance abuse issues, you name it). He’s sober now and we’re in a decent place co-parenting. The problem is he (and his family) still expect me to attend important events and parties ‘because we’ve been family for so long.’ They think I should be a part of it, with our children, and don’t understand why that is uncomfortable for me.
Recently my MIL was ‘very offended’ by my ‘no-show’ to her birthday celebration. I reminded her that I was no longer a part of their family, but wished her well. I said I was glad that the boys got to go with my ex and spend time with them.
I want them to have a good relationship with his family just like they do with mine.
She complained that she ended up ‘having to help with the boys because (my ex) couldn’t handle them alone.’ She usually does help with them anyway, and she has always babied my ex as well.
So, I’m sure it was as much for her as it was for him/them. I do understand I’m their main caregiver, and I could’ve given them a break and helped out, but it’s also uncomfortable for me because I don’t want to be around my ex any longer than I need to.
They have me feeling guilty though like I should be able to******* up for special events. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are no longer your family. Nor are you their babysitter when your children go to visit them. Sorry about their luck of having a son with issues who lost his wife and has young children.
This is on him. If he can’t manage the kids without you, then you shouldn’t be sending them off with him. Tell them that’s what you are hearing them say, not that you have to be at their events. This will get really bad when he wants to bring someone else to meet his family.
When the kids are older, they won’t need you there either. Then you’ll get the boot and your kids will be the ones in the middle.” Potential-Power7485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it doesn’t matter if she wants you there. You’re an adult and you don’t have to attend an event you don’t want to go to.
If she wanted you there then maybe she should have raised her son with morals and he’d be married and not separated?! Honestly, it doesn’t matter what she thinks you should do, it’s your life and her grandkids were able to make it, you did your part so you can tell her as nicely or not that it’s your life and you’ll choose where you spend your time, which was not going to be at her party.” Beautiful_Pain_7287
11. AITJ For Not Wanting Kids At My Birthday Party?
“One of my (nearly 30) friends put together a get-together at a restaurant for my birthday. The place has a bar where we’re going to be hanging out. The plan was to get a bit tipsy and order appetizers. My husband and I have a 3-year-old, but we’re hiring a babysitter for the night.
We rented out a private room with a bar.
My other friend, Missy, has a 5-year-old daughter. She mentioned she was going to bring her. I offered to pay my babysitter extra to watch her daughter. Missy said no because her daughter is in daycare all day and she doesn’t want her to have to then be with a sitter.
I said I understand but I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to come. One, I know our group. We’re going to get rowdy and I don’t want to censor myself. Two, Missy’s daughter is like a lot of 5-year-olds: she doesn’t sit still and wants to run over the place.
Missy admits she doesn’t bring her out to restaurants much because she doesn’t know how to act. But I also know Missy will just sort of let her as she’s very permissive.
I spoke to my friend who put it together and said I don’t want any kids there.
There’s a reason I got a sitter for my own kid. That friend agreed and told Missy not to bring her daughter. Missy has now thrown a fit and said she’s not coming. I said I completely understand. There are events I have missed because I don’t want to leave my daughter and the group understands as we all have kids.
I told Missy I’d be glad to have a play date/lunch another time with our kids so we can still hang out. I told Missy I couldn’t stop her from coming to the restaurant but we absolutely would not allow her to come into the private room.
She’s very hurt that we’re excluding her.
AITJ for not wanting a kid at my party and telling my friend she can’t come if she brings her?
Also, if it’s relevant, Missy didn’t pay for the rented room. Two of my other friends did as a gift to me.
So, it’s not as if I’m telling her she can’t come to something she paid for.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered reasonable solutions and she refused. When a person chooses a lifestyle, they have to deal with whatever comes with it.
But they aren’t entitled to special treatment, especially when people of a similar lifestyle have adapted. We’ve all had to miss out on something for one reason or another. Plenty of parents have had to make this choice before. She’s not letting herself be an independent adult outside of parenthood, this could have been a great evening for her to blow off steam and come back more ‘parent-y’ than ever.
I have a couple of friends who regret not taking up babysitting offers earlier in their parenting journeys to allow themselves to be grounded. It’s a shame, really.” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your birthday you can cry if you want to, girl.
Basically what you want at your party goes especially as this friend was not involved in the rental or planning process. If she allows this to stem off into a larger discourse between you two I say good riddance. A friend would respect your wishes and if she can’t even try to understand then it comes off as slightly manipulative and even a little like she’s taking advantage of your fun night out.
Not that it is that way but it says a lot about a friend who is more concerned with their own wishes and wants during your birthday.” AshesAndRoses97
10. AITJ For Playing Dungeons & Dragons?
“I (25m) have two little boys (one 2 years and the other 5 months) with my wife (24f). I have been playing D&D every other Sunday for the past year, minus the semi-frequent cancellations that everyone in the tabletop role-playing game space is familiar with.
When our second son was born last October, I took a 2-month hiatus from playing but I went back about 3 months ago. However, my wife has been increasingly frustrated with me for continuing to play.
She is frustrated that I work all week (she is a stay-at-home mom and I have recently been working 6-day weeks) and then still disappear for 4 hours on some of my days off.
She is also frustrated that she doesn’t get out of the house or get a break from the kids. Now this point I completely understand, 99% of the time I don’t attend sessions, it’s because I want to stay home and help her with our kids.
However, at the same time, I have regularly encouraged her to get out and do things with her friends or her mom on the weekends, and there have been times when she did do so while I stayed home with our boys and that has never been a problem.
However, those instances are few and far between due to the fact her friends are all also mothers so there are often scheduling conflicts.
Today she asked me if I could quit D&D. She said she has begun to resent the game as it takes me away for hours on my few days off.
I feel so awful and guilty, and I am considering it. But at the same time, I feel conflicted, as that is the only time I see my friends, and also my work recently declared we would not be working any Saturdays for the foreseeable future.
I suggested maybe cutting myself back to one session a month, and just missing every other session, but she didn’t seem satisfied by that suggestion.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I say this as a childfree person: when my friends had kids, I just understood I wouldn’t see them much the first few years.
In fact, I’d go out of my way to visit them on their own schedule which was always changing. If you work six days a week, your Sunday NEEDS to be spent with your wife and kids. I’m not saying you can never have a life again, but until they’re school age socialization is going to be minimal.
Your wife isn’t taking time for herself because she’s prioritizing her kids over protecting a social schedule. You need to do the same. Maybe stick to D&D one-offs only for a few years, and only ones where it’s ok for you to skip last minute.
Or figure out what needs to happen for you to only work five-day weeks. Whatever it is, you can’t be spending half your days off away from your family. Sorry, you signed up for this.” FKAFigs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is part of the adjustment of having children.
Your time is no longer yours. And I hope you understand that your wife staying at home with the kid is NOT a vacation. You and her need to sit down and hammer out a schedule that works for both of you and works so that both of you get your downtime.
I don’t think this necessarily excludes your gaming activities, but it might. Either way, taking for granted that your wife will care for your child while you’re off engaged in an activity solely for your own benefit makes you a jerk. You need to pick and choose what you’re going to do, and what the highest and best use of your time is.
Right now, it’s having decided playing D&D is a higher and better use of time than giving her a break, or even better, getting a sitter and you both enjoying an activity together.” Illuminator007
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Ride An ATV In The Mountains?
“I (28f) have a partner (29m). His family owns a chalet in the Swiss Alps and he took me there for a vacation.
I’m not used to high altitudes, and during the first day, I already felt altitude sickness.
Firstly, my partner’s brother (19m) came unexpectedly along with his significant other (18f). It wasn’t a problem since we shared rooms with our respective parents, but still, I wasn’t expecting him.
On the first day, I felt sick and barely left the house, just took a small walk to admire the views.
On the second day, I was already somewhat used to the elevation and I felt less tired and nauseous. My partner and his brother wanted to take the ATVs and ride them in the mountains.
There is a trail that is ATV-safe, but the issue is that I’m scared of both heights and ATVs. Plus I still felt a little bit dizzy.
I said no and the brother’s SO (I’ll refer to her as fSIL) said ‘Why, you’re chickening out?’ I said that I don’t feel very good, my body isn’t used to high altitudes, I don’t like riding ATVs and I’d rather just take a little hike around the area.
The fSIL said that it wasn’t a big deal and that I was being a buzzkill for staying at home while everyone was having fun. My partner came and started pressuring me saying that I should just come along with them and eventually, I caved.
Turns out he and his brother wanted to take the same ATV that is more fast/powerful and I was supposed to ride with the fSIL. Neither I nor the fSIL had any experience with operating ATVs before. And the trail was high in the mountains.
I really didn’t want to risk my life to have some fun. I said that I was not getting on an ATV with an inexperienced driver and I was not taking responsibility for someone else’s life by driving it. I wasn’t feeling well, so I excused myself and went back to the chalet.
They went on their ride.
As they returned back, my fSIL was in tears. Apparently, they took the scariest trail possible while having an extra passenger. She was terrified for the whole ride and my partner and his brother badmouthed her in French (she’s German like me) the entire ride.
I told her that it was okay and that it was over. She said that I should’ve come along to make the experience more comfortable for her. I said I was sorry she was scared, but I was not making my stay less safe and more stressful for her comfort.
Not to mention it was a more difficult trail and we could’ve both gotten hurt or worse. She said that I was a jerk and that I lacked female solidarity. I said that I just wanted to have some safe fun and not risk my life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But believe me, if your partner and his brother badmouthed her, they badmouth you too behind your back. Also, I’m from here, and in my opinion, your partner is a huge jerk for the ATV thing. He is reckless and has no respect for anything or anyone.
If you go to the mountains, it’s extremely important to know your limits and if you are unsure better don’t risk it. Pressuring someone into a risky activity up here is a jerk move. We have a great rescue system, but it’s very hard to rescue injured people in the mountains, especially in the snow.
The rescuer has to risk their lives to help someone. We are very grateful to have them, but we know very well it’s also our responsibility to prevent accidents that need risky rescue operations. And that’s why I say your partner has no respect. He doesn’t even have respect for his own life, he also has no respect for the people who would need to risk their lives to help him or someone he pressured into risky behavior.
He is your typical fratboy. Loud-mouthed, disrespectful, reckless, a bully, and likes to watch down on others and badmouth them, doesn’t he? Don’t waste your time with a dude like this. I’m way older than you and met tons of ‘jacks’ so far. None of them got less embarrassing as they got older.” Every_Caterpillar945
Another User Comments:
“Yes, let’s operate an all-terrain vehicle you have no experience with when you are nervous and dizzy and uncomfortable with the situation… what could go wrong?! (Sarcasm.) Then your partner and brother terrified the brother’s SO while making fun of her and YOU are the problem?
‘She said that I was a jerk and that I lacked female solidarity.’ She wasn’t asking for female solidarity for starters and secondarily the problem is she needs to stand up to her jerk partner and your jerk partner for doing that to her.
I wouldn’t be impressed with my partner in your case. You’re fine but your partner (former hopefully?) and his brother suck.” KimB-booksncats-11
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell My Family Everything About My Prognosis?
“I (33F) have breast cancer. I saw my oncologist today & we talked about survival/recurrence stats. Afterward, I sent a text to the group chat I had with my parents, as they like to be updated. The actual conversation is pasted below but to make the long story short, I gave a brief update, dad responded by saying we could talk further about it tomorrow (my partner & I planned to stay there tomorrow with our 7-year-old to do Easter-y things), I said I didn’t want to talk about it, my dad didn’t like that.
Me: Just saw an oncologist. He’s increasing my chemo dose again and extending the time to the end of June. That puts surgery probably at the end of July. He’s going to start me on infusions for bone loss. Still no to topical estrogen.
My chance of recurrence-free survival in 10 years is 89%, about 70% I’ll make it to 55 so that’s cool.
Dad: We can discuss this tomorrow, but please don’t dwell on his statistics as he does not know, only god knows.
Me: It’s just weird.
I don’t really want to talk about it tomorrow. I think we’ll be there ~5-6. We have some errands and stuff to do in the morning.
Dad: Why do you bring it up but can’t talk about it? As your parents, we deserve to know what’s going on with your progress or degrees.
We hear bits and pieces and it’s always negative. It would be good to talk about it and to hear in more detail about your recent visit other than it’s cool that you may or may not make it to see 55 years old.
Me: It’s always negative??? It’s cancer! You guys told me that you wanted to know about my appointments, so I told you. Sorry if that’s ‘negative’ but I can’t help that oncology appointments aren’t super duper fun. How do you think I feel?
If you don’t want to know things anymore or only want me to talk about things on your terms, fine. But I do not have the energy to be centering other people’s feelings about my cancer and I don’t think it’s fair to ask me to do so.
Dad: We do want to know about all of your appointments and would like to talk about them. You send us a message that deserves to be talked about and you don’t want to talk about it. I don’t quite understand the intent of your message ‘If we don’t want to know about your appointments and only my terms’???
That is just stupid talk on your part to even waste the time typing? I have tried numerous times to reach out to you to see how you’re feeling and progressing without even a call back. We think about you all the time and deserve a discussion other than a text message stating the worst-case scenarios.
Nobody’s asking for you to go out of your comfort zone to discuss your feelings, that would just not be fair of your parents to ask right?
To clarify, there was only one time that he called me & I did not call him back.
I haven’t responded yet because, thinking about it as a mother, maybe I was a jerk by just dropping that info & not wanting to talk more about it right now. But I’m also really upset by the ‘negative’ comment & my dad loves to gaslight & argue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have cancer. Not him. You get to dictate what you share, how you share it, when you share it, and whether or not you ‘want to talk about it’. If you don’t, then cool, we can talk about the weather, the recent ball game, a funny story from work, or whether you like Game of Thrones or not.
There is a theory called ‘Ring Theory’: When someone is going through something the person in the center gets to dump out. For every ring around that they are the closest people to that person in the center. They can dump to the outer rings, but can only comfort the inner rings.
So in your situation – you are the center. You don’t have to comfort anyone or make anyone feel good or better and you don’t have to explain yourself or how you’re feeling, etc. if you don’t want to. The next ring is your husband and child.
The ring after that is your parents. The next ring is friends. Your husband and child comfort you, they can dump out to your parents. Your parents can comfort you, your husband, and your child. They can dump out to your friends… so on and so on.
I wish you the best of luck in this battle. You’re stronger than you know and those numbers they gave seem really optimistic! Keep working to evict cancer and take care of yourself. You’ve got this!” CheeSupreme1743
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so sorry you’re going through this, my mom went through the same.
Best of luck with treatments and the path forward. Your parents are very selfish if they can’t understand you don’t always want to talk about it. Maybe they don’t get updated immediately then. Maybe they only get updates when you have the desire to talk with them.
They aren’t entitled to the info or your energy in this regard, and you’re absolutely right. Everything surrounding cancer is negative, there’s no getting past that… Ever. Parents need a come to Jesus talk, for real. Again, good luck with everything! ” tsweetsie
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents My Wife Was Visiting My In-Laws?
“My wife and I (both 30) live 5 hours away from our hometown and moved to our current city four years ago. My mom has always been historically clingy and we’ve always felt like we had to walk on eggshells. She frequently gets upset about perceived wrongs when we try and evenly split time between my parents and my in-laws for holidays and the frequency at which we see each other.
It’s currently Easter long weekend and I’m stuck at home alone due to my work schedule. It’s also my mother-in-law’s birthday. My wife was thankfully able to carpool home with her brother (who lives 3 hours away from us/8 hours away from our hometown) and arrived at her parents’ early yesterday evening.
She’s spending the weekend celebrating her mom’s birthday, visiting with her grandparents (whom she hasn’t seen in over a year), and catching up with her brother (who she hasn’t seen in a year as well). My parents just visited us at Christmas time for the additional context of when we saw them last. We haven’t seen my wife’s parents since late last summer.
I got a text from my dad this evening saying he saw my car in their town and that my ‘mom must never know as it would break her heart.’ I explained that my wife was visiting her parents for her mom’s birthday and carpooled with her brother.
My dad doubled down and insisted I never tell my mom because it would break her heart. I told him this isn’t healthy but he’s quite upset, says it’s ‘very healthy’ and that ‘one day I might understand.’
I wasn’t trying to hide it from them and was literally scheduled to Facetime with them tomorrow where I’m sure it would have come up organically.
Now I feel like I’m forced to keep a secret so I don’t ‘break my mom’s heart’ when from my perception this isn’t even a big deal.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not responsible for another adult’s feelings. Imagine a parent with a grown son being upset that his wife is spending time with her family.
This is not healthy. You and your wife are grown. What you do is literally none of your mother‘s business. If it comes up organically in conversation be honest. If your mom has a problem it’s HER problem, not your problem. If your dad gets butt hurt that’s his problem.
If either one starts guilt-tripping, controlling, or trying to manipulate you or your wife tell them that you will be taking a break from them until they can learn to manage their emotions and expectations. Your mom needs a hobby.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mother’s feelings are hers to manage. Your dad is clearly enabling your mum. No this is not healthy. What your dad means is… ‘one day you will see what I am trying to avoid dealing with, because it’s easier to have a quiet life than challenge or acknowledge the actual issue’.
Your wife has every right to spend time with her family, it’s her time and her business. Please do not keep any secrets. Everyone is an adult, and quite frankly, if your mother is upset that another adult has plans that don’t involve her, she needs therapy to navigate this.
If she doesn’t like you tell the truth, that’s on her. You don’t need to lie. Your dad does not want to deal with the fallout of a healthy family non-issue. He needs to grow up or accept things are not always going to go his way.
You’ve not lied to anyone. You are an adult couple making your own choices. Hope you both have a great weekend.” SmartCrazy4
6. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Truck Moved?
“I (F 25) and my husband Jim (M 28) have been living in our home for 2 years now.
Since I met him he’s had a four-door, large pickup truck. In August of 2022, it broke down & would cost up to 10k to fix. Since then, it has been sitting in front of our home basically rotting (we have a driveway & then gravel in the front of our home for more parking, the truck is in the gravel).
His mother had bought him the car, and it is ‘technically’ hers so he wanted to see what she would like to do with it. She said she wants to try to sell it but no action has been taken. Well, it’s been over a year and the truck is still sitting in front of our home.
It came to a head today when I asked him for the 10th time what is going on with the truck, I would like it gone by the end of the year. He became annoyed with me and told me to back off because he was handling it.
I told him he clearly isn’t, it’s been over a year and he has done nothing to sell or move the truck. He has barely had any conversations with his mom about the next steps. I kinda lost it and told him he was a lazy piece of work and if the truck was not gone by the end of the year I was calling a tow truck (the tags are expired and it does not start).
He told me I was a jerk, that it wasn’t a priority for him, and that I had no right to tow his truck.
For more info, we live on a street with 6 other houses & no neighbors have complained.
AITJ for wanting the truck moved & threatening to do it myself?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He made it very clear he didn’t want the truck towed. You admitted it doesn’t actually affect you in any way other than you’d like it moved or sold. Towing his truck will only cause resentment and an argument and probably lead to extreme tension and cost unnecessary money.
It’s not your truck, you and your husband didn’t use your money to pay for it. I don’t understand why you’re so upset over the truck being there. Unless it was blocking your cars, costing you a lot of money or an HOA said you have to move it then pushing so hard is honestly just ridiculous.
He or his mom obviously have an attachment to this truck and going behind his back will not go down well at all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Both of you are being unreasonable. The root problem here is that the truck is in your MIL’s name, but she ‘gave’ it to your husband.
Neither of them is clear on who owns it. Your husband doesn’t want to make the effort to sell it when MIL won’t name a price or even say whether she wants part of the proceeds. It currently isn’t costing anyone anything to store it, so there’s no rush.
Yes, your husband should have taken care of the truck a long time ago. No, that does not make it right for you to ‘threaten’ to take unilateral action. My suggestion: Decorate it with outdoor Christmas lights. Put a sleigh and reindeer on the hood and roof.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, YTJ here. Your husband and his mom should be doing more to get rid of the truck because they’re taking up a surplus parking space and losing resale value sitting on it. But that doesn’t really make them jerks; they aren’t breaking some social convention or acting immorally by not prioritizing this.
As far as what you’re doing, though, calling him a lazy piece of work and threatening to have the truck towed because… I dunno, you haven’t really given a reason? is over the top. If not selling the truck was causing financial issues or preventing y’all from parking or even causing HOA issues then yeah, it’d be justified to push hard on it, but going straight to (effectively) scrapping the truck as a threat is unnecessary if you just don’t like that it isn’t sold yet.” Milskidasith
5. AITJ For Asking My Family To Give Me Back My Money For Thanksgiving?
“My wife (29F) and I (29M) decided to go to my side of the family for Thanksgiving.
We asked what they wanted us to bring and they told us that the food was going to be ordered instead. They asked for $100 from each family and it seemed a little high to us but we said whatever and gave it.
A couple of days before Thanksgiving I texted them and asked what they would order.
It was something my wife and I didn’t eat and they refused to change it so I had to play the pregnant card in order for them to change the food. They did but reluctantly.
A day before Thanksgiving I asked what time the food was getting picked up and what time we should be there.
They told us to be there at 6:30 because they were picking up the food at 6. So when the day of Thanksgiving came we decided to take our son to the park for a bit and do some chores.
Around 4:30 I got a call from my mom telling me to go now because they picked up the food early and everyone was there already.
None of us was ready, we all needed to shower and shower our 4-year-old. So between them not wanting to accommodate the food to the point of having to pull the pregnancy card to then them picking up the food early, I decided to text them and tell them to give me my money back because we didn’t want to go eat cold or reheated food for Thanksgiving while everyone else had already eaten.
So AITJ for asking for my money back and spending it with just my wife and son?”
Another User Comments:
“$50 a piece does not sound like a lot of money for a dinner if you went to a restaurant. But, since I bought two turkeys this past Thanksgiving for less than $10 a piece, I don’t blame you for not wanting to be treated like a patron in a danged restaurant.
Plus in a restaurant, they cater to your needs because you pay them to do so. So, NTJ. If this is a fiduciary transaction – you get to decline to do business with folks. I doubt they will return your money because they already spent it.
But, I don’t think you are in the wrong for wanting it back. Why does a holiday meal have to be a circus?” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“On the question of demanding a refund, YTJ. Their lack of planning/communication was horrid, but – speaking as one who’s been splitting holidays across my and my spouse’s families for 30+ years while raising four kids – you’re really blowing this out of proportion.
The time will come that you’ll arrive late to (or miss out on) some aspect of an extended family celebration because of some issue of your own; trust me, this WILL happen.
I’ve eaten reheated holiday meals more times than I can count, for various reasons; sometimes the ‘fault’ was ours, and sometimes it wasn’t.
Arriving at a reheated meal is not a big deal; the food is not (or is not supposed to be) the reason for the family gathering. Demanding a refund means YTJ.
While we’re at it, your planning wasn’t the greatest, either; your parents originally told you to be there at 6 pm, you live 40 minutes away, and you were in a park with your wife and 4-year-old at 4:30 pm, getting dirty enough to require showers for all three of you?” wesmorgan1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This sounds like many failures of communication, if all the food was prepared and purchased I can understand it being kind of pricey and also difficult to change once the order has been made.
This past year I decided to do this and it was about $150 for everything but with more people, it would have been more expensive.
It seems to me like you all should have spoken about this beforehand, and figured out the food, the costs, and the timing. It seems odd that you skipped out on a family get-together because you didn’t have time to shower first, it was what, 90 minutes?
I personally wouldn’t miss a holiday dinner over that, I’ve lost family and friends, I don’t mean to sound morbid but you never know if a family get-together might be someone’s last.
I guess I don’t understand why you would skip out because the food was ready early, if everyone was already there it’s because it’s not unusual for people to gather before the food is actually served. It sounds like you all could have communicated better and you could have been more flexible.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Telling My Wife I Don't Want To Work On Her Friends' And Family's Cars Anymore?
“I’m a diesel mechanic by trade, in the heavy equipment field. I work 40-60 hour weeks on a variety of construction machines, 5-6 days a week.
People my wife or I know are regularly asking me to work on their cars, and it always starts with something simple like ‘Hey, my car’s brakes are making weird noises, can you take a look at it?’ or the never-ending ‘do you think you can do my oil change?’
An example of this was with my neighbors, they had a beater old minivan and when I say beater, I mean this thing’s last good day was when it left the showroom in 1995. It was tired. And it started with simple repairs, then ranging to more complicated ones, and when I quoted them prices they always seemed to haggle them.
Eventually, I told them I was no longer willing to work on their vehicle because a) it was taking up all my free weekend time and b) the money wasn’t worth the headaches. They didn’t take it well but ended up buying a newer vehicle after that.
Currently, my wife has a habit of volunteering me to do repairs on her friend’s cars. One friend needed brakes and rotors, all around, so she asked me if I could do them since I was cheaper than a shop. I didn’t want to, but I did because my wife asked me.
The next one was for a family member of hers, who originally only needed brakes and an oil change, which turned into a nightmare of also needing an alternator (which half of the front of the car had to be removed to even access) which went from 1-3 hours and turned into an all-day process.
I wasn’t thrilled about that. The final straw was when she asked me if I could do a brake job on one of her coworker’s cars.
I asked my wife if her friends and family see me as a person, or just cheap labor because that’s all it feels like.
I then told her that after I do this brake job, I’m not doing it anymore. I do this 6 days a week to pay the bills, I don’t even want to work on my own cars anymore because it just takes so much out of me.
I used to love modifying my own vehicles, it was fun, but now that I do this 5 to 6 days a week I don’t consider that hobby fun anymore. AITJ for telling my wife that I don’t want to do any more work on her friend’s or family’s vehicles anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your work is as good as a shop, charge it out at shop rates. If they’re asking to only pay 60%, then ask which 40% of the work they want you to skip. Don’t forget that many places will charge extra for weekends or rush work.
Your personal (shop) rate includes more than your hourly wage. It’s your tools, your extra time (getting parts, disposing of their oil, etc.) and wear on your body and mind. Pick a rate and stick to your guns on it. If someone is willing to pay because they know you do good work, then great.
If not, then it’s not your job to subsidize their vehicle.
It’s one thing if you’re going in on a project together – if you and a friend are building a buggy or something as a project that you both use, then that’s a different story.
But, ‘Here’s the car, I’ll be back by 3 to pick it up’ isn’t a friendship, it’s a business deal. If you lose some ‘friends’ over all this, then you find out who your real friends are.” chess_1010
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk at all.
Just communicate it to your wife politely but sternly. She won’t know unless you tell her. If people still want help, you should be charging the full rate. You will probably still get business because they trust you more and because they can buy their own parts at cost. However, you are still well within your right to turn down work for time/mental health.
I’m actually kind of surprised your wife is volunteering your time for pennies on the dollar… this is money and time she is losing out on too. Maybe pointing that out will help get her on your side. No jerks here.” sawdeanz
3. AITJ For Naming My Daughter "Mary"?
“I (35m) had a rough introduction to my mid-twenties.
I caught my then fiancée ‘Jane’ (35f) with my brother ‘John’ (38m) together in the bed that I bought in the home that I paid for. I did not react well to the situation and just barely escaped getting locked up. I am very grateful to my best friend and mentor.
My mentor knew the right people and made a few calls to get me out of a situation where I would’ve been royally messed over and instead got a slap on the wrist. My best friend, whom I met during basic training, became my rock when I was grappling with not only the betrayal of Jane and John but also the betrayal of my parents and sister.
Jane and John had been going on for at least a year, and my sister and parents knew for weeks. My sister was the one who actually found out when a friend of hers snapped a picture of John and Jane out together and sent it to her.
She told my parents who then in turn confronted John who denied it until he was shown the proof. Then, instead of telling me, my parents wanted John to man up and tell me himself. John and Jane kept putting it off until I caught them.
Part of the reason that they were able to do that was because Jane was pregnant and would get physically hysterical. Basically, they were more worried about the baby than me.
Extended family members reached out on my parents’ and sister’s behalf but I did not care and refused to speak to any of them, and didn’t care to hear any news about them.
Eventually, my extended relatives got the hint and I only heard from my family once more in the form of an invitation to my sister’s wedding. I never responded. The only thing that I can say that I’m grateful for is how my parents got John to take responsibility for Jane’s first child ‘Mary’ (15f), who I thought was mine, and Jane’s other (then) unborn child ‘Kevin’ (13m), so I was legally off the hook.
It took a lot of work but I was able to make a new life for myself, learned to trust again, and married my wife ‘Camilla’ (38f). We recently had a pair of twins ‘Erik’ and ‘Mary’. The name ‘Mary’ was my late grandmother’s name who passed away when I was 10.
I loved her dearly and swore that if I ever had a daughter I’d name her that, so when Camilla had our daughter it was a no-brainer for me to use that name. The problem now is that I’ve recently started to repair my relationship with my parents and sister and upon learning my daughter’s name they were shocked but didn’t say anything.
My aunt on the other hand called me up and told me how inappropriate it was for me to name my daughter that given that it was my niece’s name.
I told her that I could name my daughter whatever I wanted, that I have no relationship with my ex’s kid, and that my children have Camilla’s surname so I didn’t see the big deal. Allegedly, my ex’s daughter heard about the name and is having some feelings about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is your ex’s child, who you have never had a relationship with. There’s no reason to think you would start now. The teen can feel however she wants to, but she isn’t the first Mary in the world and certainly won’t be the last. Anyone who questions how to tell them apart, ask them if they have any friends with common names and how they navigate that.
Then tell them to do the same. It’s really not that hard. If all else fails, go LC again.” alv269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Based on the information provided you are not the jerk. You can name your child whatever you want. HOWEVER, when you say that you “thought” Mary #1 was yours I wonder if you had any say in naming Mary #1.
In this case, you would be the jerk if you intentionally named Mary #1 and then abandoned her only to turn around and name another child Mary. This behavior would showcase to Mary #1 that she was a mistake and Mary #2 is the more favored child and could be seen as a dig to her mother and family.
It’s not like Mary #1 can change her name or take back what you gave her (if this is the case).” Christinaaacaaats
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Grandparents For Selling My School's Drum Set?
“I (20 NB) and my brother (M, minor) have been using a drum set that my local school district lent me a handful of years ago while I was the drummer who played the set in my high school band.
My brother has now taken that position, and so the school said they would like it back once he graduates. It has been in my grandparents’ basement since we got it because they said it was alright for it to be there, as my house is just too small.
Today, my brother and I went to their basement for him to practice and get some tips, only to find that the entire $500 drum set had disappeared from where it was. He came back up and asked where they had moved it to, to be told they sold it because it was ‘in the way’.
It had been in a back corner in their decently large basement, in an almost empty room. I jumped in and said that isn’t theirs to sell, it was the school’s, and proceeded to get yelled at because it was their house and they could do what they wanted with it because it was in their house.
Not only that, they sold this set for $20.
Now, I can’t say it was still worth the $500 the school paid for it, but I am from a small town, and the drum set that they have currently is falling apart.
Recently my brother was told that we may need to bring it back early if that one breaks.
My grandparents proceeded to guilt trip me saying I haven’t used it in years (I’ve been at college for the past 3 years), that there was no use for it (even though my brother is also a percussionist), and that they needed the space (they have a large basement and it was only taking up the corner of a room).
I proceeded to yell back at them and it turned into a huge argument. According to them, it’s all my fault because I made my grandmother cry and I turned this into a much bigger deal than it was.
I know this seems small, but my family doesn’t have the money to replace it and it will end up falling back on my brother.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m assuming they knew it was a school loaner and not your set (which would still be a crap move). You need to protect yourself and your brother by turning them into whatever authority should handle this. And don’t let anyone make you feel guilty over it.
They didn’t feel guilt. If any family member tries to guilt you, let them know they can help grands pay for the replacement to avoid legal issues. As for value, when something happens to an item, I believe the judgment is usually based on replacement cost, not used value cost. So, you probably would be looking at several hundred dollars to replace it.” bestgmomever
Another User Comments:
“I mean. This is awful of your grandparents, but you were the one who originally borrowed it from the school, and you are the one who was responsible for its safety. It doesn’t go back on your brother – it goes back on you.
You didn’t keep the drums safe. And you need to make it right. You need to furnish the school with an equivalent drum kit.
The best thing to do is to make a GoFundMe or similar and get people directly to help you or throw a little fundraiser (like if there’s a local bar, ask if you can do a percentage of sales on a certain night for people who mention the school’s drums and then really promote the heck out of it among alumni and make it a mini-reunion at the bar).
Get some money, and work yourself, and donate a drum kit or $500.
There’s no doubt that the grandparents are the jerks. But you are the one who had the school’s trust. If a flood had happened, or they were damaged some other way, it’s still your agreement with the school that is the guarantee of their safe return.” imtchogirl
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Uncle's Partner To My Wedding?
“My fiancé (30m) and I (25f) are getting married next year, and I’m so excited. I literally can’t believe my luck that I’m marrying this man, he is the only person I know who can out-weird me, and truly the kindest most genuine person I’ve ever met.
Anyway, we finally got around to sending our save the dates recently, and my dad offered to hand deliver some to my family. Apparently, when he got around to giving one to his brother, his reaction upon opening it was to express firmly that he was bringing his partner.
My uncle has been separated from his wife for a couple of years (I think) and they have adult children and grandchildren together. He and his partner have been together for at least a year. The reasons I didn’t address the save the date to her as well are as follows:
1) I’ve never met this woman. She’s met all my other family but not me, through no one’s fault, and when I created my guest list I included everyone I wanted to share my wedding day with.
2) If she came to the whole day it’s another head to pay for, and we are desperately trying to keep costs down in any way we can.
3) My auntie (the ex-wife) is still not really okay with the separation. She drank a lot at the last family wedding and seemed very upset about it, and the new girl wasn’t even there. I can imagine she would probably feel even worse if I invited the girl.
I texted my uncle, saying we are really sorry but are trying to keep costs down, so only he is invited to the ceremony and meal, but his partner is more than welcome to come along to the reception in the evening. I was reluctant to invite her at all, partially also because I really resent my guest list being dictated to me, but I thought this was a good compromise.
After a day of my uncle ignoring my text, I sent him a message on a different platform asking if he received it. He replied saying he would read the text and has gone right back to ignoring me for over a week now.
So AITJ for not inviting my uncle’s partner to my wedding?
Am I just being petty and stubborn or am I justified in leaving her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope you know your uncle absolutely plans to bring his partner and is just not responding so he can claim he didn’t know and hopes you’re too ‘keep the peace’ to put your foot down, right?
‘His reaction upon opening it was to express firmly that he was bringing his partner’. Something tells me with my limited knowledge of your situation that he knows you’re inviting his ex and he is very intentionally making this a firm demand because of that.
He knows it’s going to cause drama and likely spark a reaction from his ex, and he’s trying to set it up so that he’s the ‘good guy’ when the inevitable encounter happens. And he plans to use your wedding as the stage for his little piece of performance art.
Again, I don’t know your family beyond those few paragraphs so I may be completely wrong, but something to consider if that sounds like something they’d do…” Abstruse
Another User Comments:
“As of technical jerkery, NTJ. You are allowed to invite whomever you please. But as for etiquette, you are in the jerk territory.
If others can come with their serious other half, it is rude to exclude your uncle. It would be a different story if the woman was an affair partner but my understanding is that this is not the case. Your aunt is responsible for her feelings and should behave like an adult would.
Basically, you are punishing your uncle for your aunt’s inability to cope with the separation. Furthermore, what you wrote to your uncle made you look cheap. One head is honestly not that huge of a cost. In any case, it is a jerk move on your uncle’s part to text back that he’s bringing the woman regardless… If I was the uncle, I’d decline the invite and most likely have some resentment towards you.” Judgmental_puffer
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