People Give Us The Details Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I come from a culture where weddings are huge. My cousin's wedding had over 1000 people in attendance and reception over 3000. In my family, even a birthday party or festive dinner has around 50 people in attendance. And I am an only child.

Due to all this, my parents have big dreams of my wedding and they are ready to pay for it.

They want to invite all extended family members to the wedding and invite every person they know to the reception. It's a matter of pride to them. They are ready to pay for it as well.

My problem is I don't like this at all.

I have attended and been an integral part of my cousin's wedding. So many people means crowded stage, horrible photo lines, meet and greet with people I haven't met in years, and worst of all, unnecessary rushing. I wouldn't be able to enjoy my wedding. My cousins and their partners barely remember theirs.

So I told my parents I would invite the people closest to me to my wedding. I will be funding it myself too. I respect their wish to show off my wedding, and hence, they can throw me a reception as big as they want.

Invite whomever they want. On a different day.

This has not gone well with them. Cause my list has only 50 people. These are the only people I want from my side. My fiance also has around 50 people. So a total of 100 people ceremony.

But my parents hate this.

They want me to add at least representatives from their extended families and I refuse to. I refuse to tell them the venue even (we will arrange transportation) so they don't let it slip.

They are deeply upset and say it would affect their social standing and relationship with others.

AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"This is a really difficult one. On the one hand, you have your own desires, and on the other, generations of societal expectations and parents who wish to perpetuate it, and also don't wish to lose face by hosting what they consider to be a substandard celebration for their daughter's wedding.

Would it be possible for you to elope and then have a big wedding to your family's standard? Is that a possibility? I have to go with 'no jerks here'. I do understand that you feel crushed under the weight of their hope, while they are frightened of not meeting social obligations that, to them, are very important." [deleted]

Another User Comments:

"NTJ but would they be against 2 weddings in general - one that you want to be paid by you and then one big one, not just a reception? If they are then just being picky. It's your wedding, do as you like.

If they are fine with this do you have a preference which would be first, would you want the intimate one first or the big one? You could also have them months or a year apart so it's much easier. I understand your parents but it's not their wedding and this would be a great alternative because you get what you want and they get what they want. Because the alternative is just you get what you want. And that only sucks for them." This_Statistician_39