People Wonder If They're Still Good-Natured After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Calling My Aunt Greedy After She Stole Our Pay?
“I (26f) am a singer and I usually do backup vocals for local artists. (I’m not American, by the way) I got a gig a few weeks ago that required 3 more people and since everyone in my family sings I invited my mom, aunt, and sister to sing with me instead of new people.
My aunt is the only one of us who has a car and since we all lived in the same area we tagged along. We went to rehearsals twice a week for 4 weeks.
During the rides back home from rehearsals my aunt would sometimes offer to get us food and never made a fuss about anything.
The gig was supposed to be for 2 months but unfortunately, some shows got canceled and we ended up getting paid for the first gig last night. My aunt got there first and got the money.
My mom, sister, and I couldn’t make it at first because of our day jobs. Our aunt picked us up and started sharing out the pay. Immediately we noticed our envelopes were ripped open.
Since I booked the gig I know it was 1500 per show, in my envelope, there was 1300.
So immediately asked where was the other 200. My mom was missing the same and my sister was missing 300. We all looked at my aunt and she then proceeded to tell us she took out a traveling and food fee on her own.
My mom started saying she didn’t know she had to pay to travel and even if she did want a travel fee, she should have made it known from the start (we were already planning to give her 100 for gas and as a thank you for the food).
I agreed it wasn’t her place to open our envelopes and take whatever she felt she should have received without consulting us first.
My aunt blew up saying that it takes 300 to fill the tank and that we just wanted free rides and she was divorced now and needed the money.
I asked why my sister was missing 300 and aunt said my sister got a ride with her every single trip so she was taxed more. I blew up saying that she was being ridiculous for taking 300 from my sister knowing that this was the way my sister had to pay rent and that was not an issue for her cause her ex-husband was rich and she received a lot in alimony.
I ended up calling her a money-hungry witch and got out of the car at the lights because she kept threatening to push me out.
She held up traffic begging me to come back and I ignored her and walked away.
I called my partner to pick me up and spent the night at his place. I started getting texts from everyone saying I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that and should apologize. I sent a mass message to the family that I wouldn’t be apologizing until I got my 200 or my sister gets her 300.
I’m starting to feel pretty bad about the whole thing. AITJ?
A little update: My family has been singers forever. My aunt is well known, she sings in a band that’s somewhat famous in my country.
So singing together as a family has been pretty normal for us. My sister, aunt, and mom are usually the ones that roll together. They actually told me there were times they have gotten paid and things didn’t add up.
So they’re now suspicious that this isn’t the first time she’s taken from them.
They have the belief that she thinks she’s better than the rest of us since her name is well known so she’s always been taking more than she is supposed to.
I too have fallen victim to her antics and been the only one to call her out on it. We have another show soon and I’ve asked the contractor to only give the pay to the person it should be going to.
My aunt hasn’t spoken to me yet but gave my sister all her pay back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your family their loyalty is misplaced and that you will apologize for calling her a money-hungry witch once she gives back the funds that were STOLEN from you.
And/or tell her there’s a $500 booking fee that she owes you and then promise to never book her again. Honestly, I think calling her out for this was pretty tame. I’d be making a police report.
Also, I would make sure that your company doesn’t give out your pay to anyone else ever again.
You are NOT the one who should be feeling bad here. She 100% brought this entire situation on herself — all you did was offer her a nice job and she screwed you over for it.
If she wanted funds from you, she should’ve arranged it first. What she did was not normal, and she wouldn’t pull that with someone who wasn’t her own family. She’s taking advantage of that.
It’s beyond rude.” KeepMyWifesNameOYFM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt is an underhanded sneaky person. She should have said she wanted funds for travel and discussed it with you all in advance. Then you could come to an agreement.
The only reason she had a chance to make these extra bucks was because of you.
Your aunt is actually a thief. She took what didn’t belong to her. I don’t want to associate with people who steal. It’s even worse to steal from family.” ContentedRecluse
18. AITJ For Wanting To Go To A Party Without My Partner?
“I (25m) am living with my partner (23F) in a flat. We have been together for 4 years and lived together for pretty much 4 years. She moved in right after we started going out (we live in a city with difficult rent so it was a financial reason as well).
My partner has been diagnosed with depression and is in therapy for about 15 years including a clinic. She takes meds but of course, she still has her bad days sometimes. She stopped going to therapy a year ago but still takes her meds.
I am really trying to be supportive of her which has pretty much consumed my entire life at this point. I don’t really have any friends anymore because I constantly have to cancel meet-ups. After all, she is feeling depressed and doesn’t want/can’t be left alone.
She is also easily jealous so being friends with other girls is always putting a strain on our relationship so I try to keep it to a minimum. I don’t wanna hold that stuff against her because I know it’s her illness and not herself.
However, I am feeling sadder and sadder and drained myself and started mapping my feelings in excel and like 60% of the days my mood gets worse because of her or an argument with her (again I know not her fault but it still hurts me deeply).
Lately, it’s gotten much worse to the point where I am thinking of leaving her. I am afraid of doing so because I don’t want her to hurt herself or lose control over her life.
She struggles with a lot of daily tasks which then I need to do.
To the AITJ question: today is one of my last remaining friend’s birthday and she is doing a party and asked us both to come.
My partner insisted on helping her brother clean his flat in the afternoon and when we got home to get ready she was too emotionally drained. I stayed by her side for 2 hours and asked if there was anything I can do for her which was a no. I asked her if I could still go alone and she said yes an hour prior.
When I got up and said that I am leaving now and that she can call me if she needs something she got super mad and started calling me a terrible partner and worse things.
AITJ for wanting to go?
My reasoning was: I don’t wanna lose another friend (because of her/her illness) and I don’t want to (even unwillingly) hold that against her in the future…
Also would appreciate helpful tips on how to deal with such situations moving forward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I don’t mean to be callous, but it’s going to sound that way… Your partner is sucking the life out of you. You’re not married, you don’t have children together, and you’re not obligated to her.
I admire your heart – not wanting to leave her for fear she may harm herself – but you are not responsible for her actions, her emotions, or her well-being. You are not her father, her therapist, or her caregiver.
You are a young man who has his whole life ahead of him.
There is little doubt this relationship will end – one can not be sustained with these issues. Might as well mosey on out before you’ve damaged all your other relationships with friends.
There are of course ebbs and flows in relationships, but they’re supposed to make your life easier and pleasant, and breathe life into you – not drain you of all joy.” LiberalHousewife
Another User Comments:
“Your partner takes no responsibility for her illness. She verbally abuses you. She isolates you from outside relationships. She prioritizes her wants and needs while completely disregarding yours. She has made you take the role of her caretaker when you are her partner.
These are not the actions of someone who cares about you. These are not the actions of someone invested in you.
Relationships are give and take. It won’t always be 50/50. But you both have to be able to step up to the plate and help the other when help is needed. She isn’t stepping up for you.
Women like her, people like her, will never ‘fill your cup’. They will drain you and take from you, and when you have nothing left to give, they will leave, and find someone else they can emotionally drain.
This is a life lesson and a relationship lesson that will repeat itself until it is learned.
NTJ. That said, you are allowing someone to mistreat you and I hope that changes soon. You’ve got an extremely limited amount of time on this earth, and all the ‘guaranteed’ days you’ll ever get will be the ones of the past. You are valuable, your life is valuable, and you should spend it with someone who actually cares about you.” inheus88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and as someone struggling significantly with failing mental health at the moment while studying to be a therapist, I will say this loud and clear:
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS NOBODY’S RESPONSIBILITY BUT YOUR OWN.
It’s one thing to offer support but entire reliance on someone else is not okay. She has to make an effort on her part. I got the following advice from a therapist I saw for five years and told me during one of our first few sessions.
I still think about it today:
Nobody in the world is going to be able to answer every one of your phone calls. Nobody will ever be 100% available to you. It’s fine to rely on the support of others sometimes but you need to be able to help yourself as well.” tosser1232123
17. AITJ For Buying Food My Father Cannot Eat?
“I (M16) live with my dad. He is not a bad guy but if you give him a chance he will eat everything in sight.
I try my best to do my share around the house.
He works pretty hard so I do most of the housework. It is just the two of us.
I work part-time at a kebab place. And sometimes I bring home kebabs for us from work.
One set for me and one for him. I always get the garlic cilantro sauce on the side because my dad can’t eat it.
So a few weeks ago I did exactly that. I wasn’t hungry so I left it all in the fridge.
When I got up to get my food it was all gone. He had eaten everything.
So now I make sure my kebabs are soaked in the cilantro sauce. And he can only eat his.
I buy myself snacks that I like and I found that they were disappearing from the pantry. My dad pays for all the household food so I asked him if I could use the grocery budget to pick up those snacks since he obviously likes them.
He said no.
So now I am shopping carefully and only buying snacks that have ingredients he cannot eat. He has a soy allergy. I make sure that all my stuff with soy is well labeled and I keep it in my room away from the other food.
I also picked up extra spicy snacks that he cannot handle.
He noticed that I wasn’t keeping my stuff in the pantry anymore. He said I had to share. So I showed him the ingredients on my stuff.
And I let him try my mildest spicy snack. He drank about a quart of milk.
He says that he works hard to provide and he deserves snacks. I agree. I’ve even bought him some he likes.
And if he didn’t eat them all in one go they would last between grocery trips.
My older sister called me and said I needed to smarten up. She says he feels like I’m picking on him.
I’m not. I just don’t want to get up to get something I know I bought and it’s not there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are a minor under 18 years old. Your father is supposed to provide food, shelter, and clothing for you.
He can require you to do chores around the house but should not be requiring you to work outside the home and take your pay. Taking your food is the same as taking your pay.
The law and customs may vary by country, but especially if you are still in school what he is doing is wrong.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad is behaving very childishly about this.
It’s his job to provide food, if he wants snacks he can buy them himself. It’s unfair of him to demand you spend your funds to purchase snacks for yourself just so he can steal them.
You’re not picking on him, you called out a trashy behavior of his and he doesn’t like it. Tell your sister if she wants to butt in and give her two cents then she can start paying for your dad’s snacks.” mistaslastbraincell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your dad needs to give you a list of snacks he wants to eat, and the funds to buy them if you are the one that does the shopping. Keep looking for ways to keep your money separate from household money, and try to put it in a savings account that has limited access.
It is your dad’s responsibility to provide a home and food for his family, and you should be saving for your future. Household chores are normally shared, good for you for helping out. Being generous is good, but so is learning to save and budget.
Good luck to you.” User
16. AITJ For Advising My Friend To Get A Divorce?
“So today I’m flying back to my home city just to spend time with my friends on Saturday. There are 7 of us and it takes forever to plan anything with everyone now that we started having partners and kids.
So I told them 2 months in advance that I’m coming. They all put down the date and we started planning. Everyone is excited.
On to the problem. Today one of my friends said she can’t come anymore because her partner is going out with his friends and they don’t have a babysitter for their 3 kids.
His excuse you ask? He saw that she had put down the date in their calendar, but didn’t put a time, so he just assumed he could spend the whole day with his friends. In what world is that okay?
And then she continues to say that it’s not the first time, and she has to choose her battles in her marriage.
Some backstops, because this isn’t their only problem. He literally has the same punishment as the kids if he doesn’t pick up and clean after himself.
He calls it ‘babysitting’ his own kids. He will not put the kids to bed, because there is always a game to watch. And cooking and cleaning just magically happen. And probably a lot more I don’t remember or know about.
So I called her and we had a long chat, where I told her it was about time she left him. She said she would think about it. But then a couple of hours later I get a screaming phone call from him, calling me all sorts of names for involving myself in their marriage.
I pretty much said ‘Well, this phone call pretty much proves my point on you being the 4th child’ and then hung up.
Yes, I know it’s not my marriage, but I’m so sick of hearing about their problems and never seeing her anymore.
She needs to know she has support when she finally figures it out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As a friend, you are allowed to respectfully give advice on their romantic life (or just life in general) once.
You then let them do what they want with the information, including ending your friendship. If you remain friends, you only open the subject again if you get new information that makes a difference or they bring it up.
Once you have given your advice, if they keep complaining about the thing, but continue not to take your advice, you can also set a boundary and ask them not to bring up the topic.
You’ve shared your opinion. You’ve already told them what you think they should do. You have no interest in being their venting board if they choose to do nothing about the situation.
What you did falls well within what I just described. I honestly wish that more people gave their friends loving reality checks.
Might help more people get out of bad situations.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re a friend and you are concerned about her welfare.
You have every right to express your opinion and you’re an adult, so whatever consequences there are, I’m sure you’re prepared to deal with them.
The fact she didn’t put her foot down and say ‘no, this doesn’t happen very often, you can see your friends another time’ suggests that she’s in a coercive/controlling relationship.” jjswin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got fed up with how you saw she was being treated. So you spoke up about it. Nothing wrong with that. I liked your sign-off line too!
But, there are always consequences, so one has to think carefully before you tell a friend something like this.
A lot of people don’t like having their partners criticized, even if they agree with the criticism. And you may lose a friend that way.
It’s also not clear what your friend thought of your advice; ‘she said she’d think about it’ could be a polite brush-off.
Maybe it wasn’t, but it’s hard to tell from this description.” stroppo
15. AITJ For Moving Out And Leaving My Siblings To Do More Chores?
“I (23) am the oldest of five siblings and I am a full-time student. I also have a part-time job in my field but when I complete my degree my employer will take me on full-time.
I make enough from part-time to pay for school and put money aside. My siblings range from 20-10.
Both of our parents work full-time. I have taken on a lot of the responsibilities of keeping everything running in the house.
I do the grocery shopping, and the laundry as well as making suppers, and doing meal prep so everyone has lunches ready to take every day. I also get all my siblings to do their part with regard to household chores.
For example, my youngest brother is responsible for feeding and walking the dogs. So I make sure that there is dog food in the storage and poop bags on the leash.
My dad works very long hours and my mom works 9-5 at a hard job.
Over Christmas, I had a chance to buy a PS5 for myself so I did. The rest of my family is still using a shared PS4. I keep mine in my room and I do not share.
My parents started fielding complaints from my oldest brother about how I made so much and I don’t share the things I buy for myself. Totally true. So they had a talk with me and they brought this up.
I pointed out how much of the household work I did and they said it wasn’t fair that I was earning so much without contributing. They told me how much money they expected from me.
I went to my room and did the math. If I gave them what they wanted I would have about $800 a month left over. If I dropped a couple of classes next semester I could go to almost full-time hours with my employer and it would only be one more year until I graduated with my second degree.
But I could afford my own place and I would have way more free time and disposable income.
I packed up and moved out. Everything I owned fit in my car. I stayed at an Airbnb for two weeks until I could get everything sorted with an apartment, school, and work.
It was great.
I’m not going to lie I may have gone a little overboard on talking to people online. I couldn’t have women over to my parents’ house.
I just moved into my own apartment.
I’m staying part-time until I finish this semester. I will work full time over the summer and go to a lighter class load/higher work hours in the fall.
My oldest brother has been tasked by my parents to do everything I used to do.
His chores have been split up with the other three. They are all mad at me for moving out.
My parents are upset that I left them in the lurch. My siblings are mad that they all have more chores.
My oldest brother is especially salty because he has no free time to see his partner and she isn’t allowed in the house when my parents aren’t home.
I’m enjoying my free time. I bought myself a plant from IKEA.
I feel bad for screwing them all over but it didn’t make sense for me to do all that work and pay rent on top.”
Another User Comments:
“Lolol. I bet your oldest brother is regretting making such a fuss about you buying yourself a PS5 with your own money.
He started all of this.
I know that all parents are different and have different plans for how they can or want to support their children. Some start rent right at 18 or high school graduation, and some pay for all expenses through college.
Many of us are somewhere in between.
It doesn’t sound like your parents told you in advance that rent would start at a certain age, which I think is unfair. It sounds more like they just wanted to confiscate part of your income so your siblings wouldn’t be as jealous.
When they introduced the idea of rent, I would have introduced the concept of decreased chores. Someone renting a room would traditionally not have assigned chores and childcare, they would just tidy up after themselves.
Parents often initiate conversations about rent to inspire their young adult (or older) offspring to move out. Even when that wasn’t the parents’ intent, the rent talk often inspires the offspring to do a cost/benefit analysis and decide to move out.
That’s what happened here. It certainly doesn’t make you a jerk.
NTJ. Your parents aren’t jerks for bringing up the subject, but they definitely are for trying to guilt trip you after you made the best choice for yourself, to move out.
Good for you.” JazzyKnowsBest13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t necessarily think it’s unreasonable for parents to ask for a contribution once you reach a certain age, although I can’t say I’m the hugest proponent for that either.
However, the way they framed it made it sound like they expected this of you as a condition of ‘fairness’ for your other siblings, simply because you are spending your hard-earned money on things you love.
You could serve as a role model to them. Parents could say, ‘we know it’s hard to see people get things you want, but (OP) works for that. You can be like that too someday when it’s your time.’ It would be one thing if your parents were buying these things for you, but they’re not.
More than that, you didn’t agree to their terms of continued living with them. So, instead of throwing a tantrum, you packed up and moved out. I don’t think that is unreasonable at all. You’re 23 and can move out whenever you feel it is right, especially because you’re an adult.
You’re not the jerk. I hope things improve with your family.” kotedarasuum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, your whiny brother complained because you spent your money, that you earned, on something for yourself and didn’t want to share.
So in a typical petty family fashion, he complained. Your parents failed to see the contributions you made towards the family with them both working, etc. While they have every right to ask their grown adult son to pay rent, what you did to help them was fair.
So instead of paying you chose to move out and get your own place and a plant. Smart move. Bet your brother wishes he would have kept his mouth shut now.” NearbyTomorrow9605
14. AITJ For Talking About Being Fit?
“I (f29) lost over 100 pounds some years ago.
I gained weight after getting sick, having a baby, and just other life stuff. I have around 30 pounds to lose and want to get my muscle back. I was so fit and it felt amazing healthwise.
I have a couple of friends and my brother who is also into fitness. We talk about it now and again, I’ve been complimented on my progress as well. When my sister is around she gets very upset about it.
She’s around 350 pounds, so very overweight. I don’t care. Her body is not my business.
Come to find out she’s been telling other family members and friends that I go out of my way to flaunt my success and talk to people about it in front of her on purpose.
That I sneer at her and fat shame her. She says my losing weight on purpose is deeply fatphobic and bigoted. I don’t talk to her about any of it, but I don’t shush the conversation if it comes up while she’s in earshot.
Half my family and some friends have called me out, telling me I’m shaming her and I need to keep my insecurities to myself. Not everyone wants to be a gym rat with no life (I don’t even go to the gym.
I have some equipment at home). Here’s why I might be the jerk. I could make an effort to keep any fitness talk to a minimum if she’s around and I’m not making any effort to.
I don’t bring it up on purpose, but I don’t discourage it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not body-shaming her, you are not talking to her about fitness topics.
If you like the subject and someone brings it up it’s okay to continue the conversation.
NTJ, but you should have a conversation with your sister and ask about it directly and explain that you are talking about your body and a topic that you like so let her go deeper in her thought about why she thinks you are involving her.
Honestly, those are her insecurities and she is projecting on you but as long you don’t body shame her it is ok.” Independent_Exam_729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is projecting her insecurities onto you and making you a scapegoat.
You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells to not talk about something that makes you really happy because she wants drama about it. Especially since yalls other sibling is into it as well! Is she calling him out?
Doesnt sound like it. She is targeting you because you are a female as well and weight is viewed in a certain light around women. You keep doing you. Maybe have a conversation with her about her insecurities and maybe see if she wants your help.
She may be too afraid to ask and is lashing out.” BockiBear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister sounds controlling and abusive.
I know that sounds harsh to say but she is trying to police your body.
She’s angry at you for existing in a smaller body and she feels entitled to call you names because your body isn’t big enough for her. This is the textbook definition of bullying.
She’s bullying you so much that you’re now trying to hide your interests so as to not upset her.
This is such a toxic situation.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.” veni_vidi_dixi
13. AITJ For Firing The Babysitter After She Brought A Dog To My House?
“My (M33) wife (F33) and I have a 6-month-old kid. My wife and I planned a date night and we hired our babysitter we’ve used half a dozen times. The babysitter (F20) is a college student that lived in our neighborhood and came recommended by some friends that had kids.
She came over to our house, we told her our son’s schedule, then headed out. We were going to go out for dinner and then meet up with friends for drinks. We have 2 cameras in our house that we can access remotely to check in on our son.
One is over his bed and the other is over his play area in the living room. The babysitter knows about both cameras, so it isn’t like we were spying on her.
My wife gets a notification that there is motion in the play area, and she pulls it up to check in.
She sees a dog sniffing our son. We are both like ‘WHAT?!’ We don’t own any dogs and have no plans to ever own any dogs. We try calling, no answer, so we rush home.
We go inside and the babysitter is holding our son and there is a golden retriever just hanging out. Everyone is calm and fine.
The babysitter seems shocked we are already home. I ask the babysitter why there is a dog in our house.
She says it’s her golden retriever and decided to bring it today. The babysitter assures us the dog is baby and kid-friendly and is sweet and safe. I don’t want my son around dogs at such a young age even if they are ‘sweet’ and ‘safe’.
I’m getting angrier and angrier. This was not something she was transparent about and if we knew the dog was going to be there, I would have never okayed it. I just firmly tell her to grab her dog and please leave.
I inform her we won’t be using her in the future and pay her half the rate we had agreed upon, mostly since we used her less than half the time we were going to be out.
She asks for the full amount. I told her, no, you put my kid in danger, and you should leave. She says she did nothing wrong, but I don’t see it that way. So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“There are some things that you just absolutely ask permission about or discuss with a person before springing on them, and the babysitter failed to do that on multiple counts. Bringing an animal into someone else’s house, allowing an animal around a small child, bringing a pet along with you to do a job for someone.
All of those things you need to ask the homeowner/parent/employer, whatever is applicable.
NTJ and you’re generous for even paying her half rate when you and your wife had to cut your evening short because she decided to bring her dog into your house without permission and you had to go deal with that.” IAmMrSpoo
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You aren’t being unreasonable here. She was there for half the time she should have been and put your child at unnecessary risk (because the dog is an animal, its reaction to a person it’s never met can never be predicted).
I don’t care how big or small the risk is, it’s a risk that was completely avoidable.
The fact you’re paying her at all is, in my opinion, pretty generous, and that was the only way you could have even been considered the jerk.
Those saying otherwise on the risk factor should never own something they can’t turn off.” K14_Deploy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, no one else seems to care, but I think not answering the phone when you called is the most egregious violation of trust in the whole story, as being available is one of the key responsibilities of a babysitter.
You might’ve been able to work it out over the phone, had she bothered to answer.
I do find your reaction about ‘the danger’ of the dog to be an overreaction, but it’s your house, your rules.
Unless she’s handicapped, and it’s a service dog. If that’s the case, I don’t know why you didn’t know about it in the very beginning, but you can’t force an employee with a service dog to leave the service dog behind.” ckeilah
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Friends Special Treatment When It Comes To Staying At My Parents' Vacation Home?
“My family has a vacation house that over the last 4-6 years we’ve used less and less when my sister and I moved out. A few years ago we started renting it out to guests to bring in some extra income for my parents considering it was going unoccupied most of the year.
Now we frequently have guests staying there.
My friends, not great friends but friends nonetheless, asked me about using my family’s vacation house. Didn’t mention when, for what, or for how long, they’re awful at planning anything.
I told them they would have to reserve it ahead of time and that there’s a minimum stay time, I think a few weeks, I didn’t know how much it cost at the time but did convey that they’d have to pay for it.
They were upset and mad that I couldn’t take them for free like I had years ago when we were all in school. I don’t have much interest in going with them, to begin with, and am almost certain I would get roped into planning the whole trip for them.
This used to be the norm but since I stopped doing it for them, pretty much nothing gets done.
The last time I took this group there it was awful, tons of planning with no help from them, more people than I would’ve liked, too much drinking, and smoke everywhere.
I stopped drinking and smoking so I wouldn’t want any part of that. Our family set a minimum stay time to dismay people from booking for a weekend and throwing parties, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they want, plus the friend group had gotten much bigger since the last trip roughly 7 years ago.
My partner called me a jerk for this, saying she’d never charge her friends for something like this, I told her I wouldn’t be pocketing the funds, it would go to my parents mostly and she kinda changed her stance but still thinks I was wrong.
My roommate told me it was the right thing to do, making them accountable and understand the house isn’t a free space for me or them. So I wanted to get someone else’s opinion.
My friends aren’t too torn up about it and are not mad anymore but I still feel bad about it. I’m not banning them from going altogether, just if they do go they have to go through the booking agency and pay for their stay.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It could have been your house and you taking all the rent and you would still be NTJ. They want to rent a vacation home for partying, and being friends with the owner or not they should be paying to rent or doing something else of comparable value.
Everyone else gets charged, and just because they are friends does not entitle them to free things from you, nor does it make them good houseguests.” oblivious_fireball
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is your parents’ house that is a business.
They rent it out. It’s not your house. Things change over the years. It’s not because once you planned a trip there for a group of friends later they would be entitled to free use of that house.
It’s come completely normal that they would have to rent the house. If your parents wanted, they could offer a 10% friend of my daughter’s discount but it’s up to them. Don’t listen to a word they say.
You don’t seem to have as much in common with this group of people now (partying/drinking/smoking). It’s OK to let go of people.” MajorAd2679
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Once upon a time, you and these friends had shared interests.
You’re no longer into the drinking and smoking parties that they enjoy. So they can’t expect you to subsidize the cost of their partying.
At this point, business is business. They can either pay to rent your parents’ vacation house or pay to rent from someone else.
People naturally see little or no value in something they get for free. If you were to let them stay for free, they would probably leave the house in much worse condition than strangers who rent it from you do.
By asking them to reserve the house and pay for it just like anyone else would, you are doing the right thing for your parents.” throw05282021
11. AITJ For Uninviting My Dad To My Wedding Because He's Being Too Demanding?
“Since I (30) was a child, my dad has always said he would pay for my wedding.
About 5 years ago he started a relationship with a lady with quite extreme views. She is a vegan, which is fine but she is very judgemental of how I live. She doesn’t agree with cancer scans (like smear tests, mammograms, etc) because vegans ‘don’t get cancer.’ When I had my daughter she said I should be feeding her almond milk.
She once came to my house for dinner and I cooked a chicken for me and my family and a nut roast for my father and her. She later dug a hole in my garden to give the chicken bones a proper funeral because she was so ‘heartbroken to see us eating its blood and flesh’.
I wish I was joking.
She has also accused me of trying to steal her father’s house. I have never met her father, and I have never set foot in her father’s house. All I know is he died recently.
I had communicated some cost of living worries to my dad (not asking for money) and she ran with it and said I was trying to manipulate her into giving me her inheritance. I do not want her inheritance.
Long story short, my father will only pay for my wedding if it’s vegan. This not only includes food, but shoes, booze, what other people wear (E.g. leather), and anything else you can think of.
I might have been ok with vegan food, but I’m not ok with policing what others wear or food they may bring for their babies (even formula), etc.
This has upset me. It’s not really about the money, we are having a very small and cheap one anyway.
In the run-up to the wedding, this woman has also been extremely rude to my mother. On reflection, I have now decided it’s best all around that they do not attend.
She’s now telling my dad’s side of the family that it’s just about the money and that I am bitter because I didn’t get her dad’s house (Why on Earth would I be given her dad’s house?!) and that my dad isn’t paying for my wedding, but to be honest it’s not really about the money.
I don’t want to be controlled over what I can and can’t do on my wedding day, I’m sick of her judgment (and his, now she’s gotten her claws into him) and I just think it will be better for me, my siblings and my mother if they do not come.
I also don’t want to be lectured over milk, dairy, honey, palm oil you name it, on my wedding day and I don’t want to put my guests through it either.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – when it comes to weddings, money is power (trust me, I’ve been married over 30 years, and paying for 90% of it ourselves was the best thing my wife and I could have done!). Have the wedding you can afford, make 100% of your choices yourself, and do what is right for yourself and those you love.
If your father has chosen this person over you, it is time to break contact – you don’t need that in your life.
Don’t EVER believe those who try to guilt you with ‘he’s your father’.
You didn’t ask for that, and very often ‘blood bonds’ are used to excuse toxic nonsense. They are just people, and very often the family we choose is MUCH healthier than those we are ‘related to.'” txa1265
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go invite your dad out to lunch alone and talk to him, explain how she’s baselessly accused you of multiple things and is over-the-top judgmental. She doesn’t need to be and shouldn’t be involved in the talk.
Explain to your dad that due to her behavior and him allowing it, you can’t invite her for fear of her ruining the day by picking a fight over and a number of things with any number of people.
If he won’t listen, it might be time to lower contact.” Low-Mobile6912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he offered to pay for the wedding with strings attached. You assessed his proposal and decided against accepting his money.
You have then, based on experience with his wife, determined that inviting him would bring needless and wholly unnecessary drama to a day that you are supposed to enjoy. His wife sounds like an absolute chore to be around.
I suppose you could invite your dad without a +1 but I don’t see how that would change the ‘dramatic effect’ this would have anyway. Likely worth a conversation with him to firmly explain that it’s not about the money, it’s about being lectured by his arrogant, holier-than-thou wife on your wedding day.
He can make his own decision on whether to attend without her.” DumbestManEver
10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Nephew To My Birthday Celebration?
“I (24m) am throwing my own birthday dinner for my family and close friends this weekend. I’m moving out of state next week and wanted to hang out one last time with my entire family.
However, I specifically told my older sister (35f) that under no circumstances is she to bring my nephew (8m) to the party. Here’s why:
My partner is on medication and has gained a considerable amount of weight due to it and he has taken to calling her ‘fatty’ every single chance he gets.
This is something she’s very insecure about and I know it hurts her feelings.
The kid doesn’t know how to share. If there is a dish on the dining table he likes he empties the entire bowl onto his plate and throws a tantrum if someone tries to take some off his plate.
One time I was hanging out with him, my sister, and my mum, and I had exactly 5 leftover macaroons so everyone could at least eat one. He grabbed the box and ate all of them completely ignoring me when I told him he had to share.
Almost every person in my family has tried to tell my sister that her son’s behavior is not acceptable and her only response now is that ‘I can’t help it, he doesn’t listen’ or ‘he’s just a kid, he’ll grow out of it’.
So I told her you either come alone to the party or don’t come at all but I don’t want your kid there.
Of course, this led to her calling me immature and I didn’t care.
However, it wasn’t until my mom pointed out that I was a grown man excluding a kid from a party that I started feeling that maybe I was overreacting.
I still don’t want him at the party, what do you think?
AITJ for excluding him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You have every right not to invite him and your sister is the jerk for not actually parenting her own child! By that age, a child should know better than to do all that!
It’s one thing if he’s on the autism spectrum as learning things takes longer, but I feel like the sister would say that and you’d in return tell us. But it doesn’t sound like that.
It sounds like your sister is just a lazy parent. She’s making excuses for his behavior and he’s absolutely not going to grow out of it!
If he’s not actually taught not to do those things by her doing something about it, then he won’t know better and will behave this way when he’s older.
In return, he’ll learn that lesson the hard way by getting excluded from parties and having friends who don’t put up with the behavior and leave the friendship. She’s not doing him any favors, and frankly, if she can’t understand that her own actions also have consequences, then there’s something wrong with her.
She’s literally just making you feel guilty for her own actions. That’s probably not intentional, but it could be. She chooses not to properly parent her own child and expects that he’ll be invited to everything, even behaving that way.
Oh no, my actions require me to get a babysitter or not go to a family party. What a disaster!
Don’t feel bad about that at all. You did nothing wrong. Your sister is the problem here and I’d personally just not invite her to any further parties because I can’t stand people who have children and don’t even bother to teach them simple things like right from wrong.
What she needed to do when he took all the macaroons was to take every single one of them off of his plate except for one and he can watch as everyone else eats theirs because they didn’t have his name on them!
It might be harsh to say that he can watch while everyone else eats theirs, but I mean if everyone is sitting and enjoying munching on things, they’re not going to just discreetly eat it.
So the result is watching, but not intended as punishment. However, having that happen multiple times and not getting any attention for throwing a tantrum over it is the only way he’s going to learn.” Cool-Direction-2791
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t know why your mother is defending your sister when she knows how badly behaved your nephew is at gatherings (which makes me wonder whether or not he gets invited to his classmates’ birthday parties).
You can and should invite whoever you want to your party. It should be mentioned that you would probably be the first in your family to exclude your nephew from a family gathering, which may be repeated by other family members.
Your nephew is 8 years old. I doubt he’ll ‘grow out of his bad behavior.’
Happy Birthday! Good luck on the move!” aquavenatus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You aren’t excluding the kid from the party because he’s a kid, you’re excluding him because of his poor and hurtful behavior.
Even with being corrected by you in the past, he continues to have poor behavior. He’s used up any grace he has.
Since your sister refuses to parent her child, she’s the one to blame for him being excluded. I would recommend that you maybe exclude her too, because a) given the tantrum she’s throwing, she may bring him anyway, and bank on you not throwing a child out, and b) this way it is clear that you are excluding the behavior, and not just ‘a kid.'” feyinbetween
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share Food With My Husband?
“I (34F) am a stay-at-home mom and student, and my husband (37M) is the breadwinner. This has been our arrangement as we recently had a baby, previously I also worked as well. I’ve recently started taking more pride in my homemaking and in an attempt to help save and be more of a help to my partner I have started cooking at home and established more of a routine.
I aim to make my husband breakfast and dinner M-F, and weekends are a figure-it-out-yourself deal. I usually wake up first, make breakfast, get the baby ready, drop the baby at daycare then come home, do class and housework, cook, then get the baby.
When hubby gets home I’ve been making sure dinner is ready. I’ve even made a weekly meal plan. I started doing this consistently 2 weeks ago.
So hubby comes home from a long day, eats dinner, then winds down and watches some movies.
He’s a big snacker and he usually finishes his snacks on the same day he buys them. If I want some, he would share but I usually leave him to his snacks or have a nibble at best. The problem is I buy snacks and cereals that I really enjoy, but by the time I get to them, they are done or half gone.
I told hubby that it’s not fair that he eats all his stuff and then mine.
The last time I went to go eat cereal, it was all gone. When I confront him, he acts like I’m crazy to be upset about food and even bought 4 boxes of cereal to show how petty I am.
Today I toiled from 6 am to about 9 pm I made dinner plus his favorite dessert (which he complimented but said he would like it without chocolate chips – I made banana bread). I fell asleep and woke up to him watching a movie then he starts sighing and says ‘I can’t have chips I can’t have cereal I can’t have anything.’ Referring to my snacks I asked him not to eat.
I told him what he was doing wasn’t nice and he repeated himself but adds ‘it’s okay though.’ I blew up and told him that he’s ungrateful and that I’ve put in all this effort for him, and he still has the gall to say he can’t have anything?!
Like, who have I been cooking and baking for?
He literally eats every freaking thing I bring. I often don’t get to enjoy some of my snacks. I don’t mind sharing, but he finishes stuff all the time and doesn’t replace it.
I should add, however, that he does buy the groceries. But we’re married so it’s ours plus I still pay for many things although I don’t work. I feel I might be the idiot for throwing in his face all that I do cause he did sound like he was trying to play it off like a joke but I know he was being a tad passive-aggressive or shady at the very least. I came upstairs to our room and I’m just annoyed. I know it’s childish but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, if he’s eating a full dinner, dessert, and then snacking all night, he’s probably way overeating. Secondly, eating all your snacks is obnoxious and selfish. This has nothing to do with who earns the money.
If he buys himself multiple kinds of snacks and eats them all in one night, he needs to buy more snacks at one time or stop for snacks every night on the way home. But honestly, this sounds unhealthy.
A full dinner followed by a full bag of chips and a bowl of cereal, then YOUR snacks on top of that, sounds like compulsive eating.” SevenCarrots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is being inconsiderate.
On top of that, he’s trying to guilt you into letting him have your snacks. Tell him if he wants some snacks then to stop at the store on the way home and get them.
He’s not entitled to eat everything in the house just because he wants to.
You could get a box/locker and put your snacks in there and put a lock on it. That’s what my SIL did when my brother wouldn’t stop eating her snacks.
Now she doesn’t have to worry about him eating everything before she gets to it.” vivid_prophecy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If when you try to set boundaries around snacks and he acts like you’re crazy, that’s not cool.
It seems like you’re more than willing to respect his snacks, but he isn’t giving the same courtesy to you. He could at least ask first. Even if you share funds, you still deserve to have a sense of security in knowing that the food you want to eat will still be there.
At the very least, he could not complain about ‘not having anything’ when you are putting in a lot of work to cook and make sure he’s fed.
Why doesn’t he buy extra if it’s a snack that he likes as well?
Or he could replace something if you expressed you wanted some and he ate it all? Unless there’s a financial reason for not doing so, it seems like an easy solution.
It’s the immature reactions that are really pushing toward him being the jerk, to be honest. My partner and I both contribute to food.
We share most things, but we don’t eat the other’s snacks if asked not to, and if we want some we ask. On occasional moments of weakness, we at least apologize to the other.
It’s not appropriate to make each other feel bad for something as simple as wanting our own snack.
Also, if you suspect he has BED (binge eating disorder), being supportive of his struggles is important, but looking after yourself is also important.
It is appropriate to store food in a second location. If an appropriate time ever arises, it may be good to bring up BED and seeking treatment, but be sure to do lots of research and handle the subject with care.” sweetchiliyeet
8. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Ruining My Day?
“My son is 12 and we are very close. We always spend one day a month together.
The day is always the same. We wake up slightly later than usual, have a pancake breakfast, hang out at the rink for a couple of hours, head to the arcade to try the claw machines, then eat dinner at this Indian restaurant before heading home and watching a movie with dessert.
It’s important to us and we always do everything I mentioned. We’ve been doing it since he was 5. I always let him and my partner know the date a week prior.
On the morning of the day, my partner decided to clean the kitchen and threw out the pancake mix.
He then forgot to fill up the gas in my car so we had to go to the gas station but it took forever because of traffic. Then when we finally got to the rink, he called me about 20 times to ask where something is or to discuss something about his daughter.
We had to leave quickly so that the restaurant wouldn’t close so we skipped the arcade. When we were halfway through eating my partner called and said that he hurt himself. We packed up the food and rushed home only to find out that he hit his ankle against something but was ok otherwise.
He then refused to let us watch the movie because he was watching something and he started eating the food we brought.
My son called him a jerk before stomping up to his room. I was just in shock.
My partner has NEVER done this before and I really could not tell if he was being oblivious or if he was doing this on purpose.
My partner was all like ‘You just gonna let that slide?’
I rolled my eyes at him before saying ‘enjoy the food.’ I then went to our room. He followed after me asking me what my problem is. I told him that he knows how important this day is and he got mad and was like ‘is that what this is about?
I’m important too you know!’ I kind of snapped and told him that he isn’t as important as my son and that he ruined our day by acting like a little child.
He went quiet, said that I’m being a jerk then left. He won’t answer any of my calls but texted my son saying that he expects an apology. It’s 5 am and I haven’t been able to sleep.
AITJ here? Please be honest. I need to know if I was really being a jerk and if I overreacted or something.
Edit: We’re in our 30s but he’s a couple of years older, and his daughter is 20 and has her own mom.
We’ve been together for 4 years and we go on date nights every two or so weeks but I don’t have ‘partner-only’ days like I do with my son. Also, don’t worry, my son will not be apologizing and I’ve reassured him that he has nothing to be sorry for.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He ruined your day on purpose, be very clear on that.
Instead of wondering if you are wrong (are you even kidding me right now girl) or passively aggressively rolling your eyes at him (I’m assuming you’re not 13), may I suggest you take a no-nonsense approach of: this is completely unacceptable, you deliberately set out to ruin my day with my son and unless you can give me a rational explanation, leave and don’t come back.
Then he’s gonna throw a tantrum, try to make you into the bad guy, gaslight you saying it’s all your fault because you neglect him, and it’s either going to end up with you falling for it like a chump, doubting yourself, and apologizing to him for the fact that he was a jerk, or you recognizing it as the manipulative crap it is (look up DARVO) and kicking his immature butt out.” Broutythecat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And that final action – the guy texted the child saying he wanted an apology.
What for, the child for existing and taking his mother’s attention off of wonder boy? OK, he swore at him but that’s something you take up with the parent.
Red flags all over. One of those events causing an upset is an accident but he trashed every part of the day. He gets you 29 days a month and couldn’t respect one day when your attention is not on him.
And then he tries to parent the 12-year-old whose special day he ruined.
Do you really want this to be your life? Because it will start with your son, then your friends, and then anytime you leave the house unless to his benefit.
The man is cruel, deliberately acting to cause maximum harm.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your partner sounds like someone with a lot of underlying insecurities. He’s acting jealous of your son and the affection/attention you were giving him.
What he did was manipulative, especially when his comeback was, ‘I’m important too!’ No. No man is or will ever be more important than your child and if he can’t understand that, then he should hit the road.
The other thing that made me feel this was all a manipulation tactic is when he called while at dinner pretending to be seriously hurt, so you end your night early, just to discover he bumped his ankle and overplayed the entire situation.
Your son doesn’t owe an apology for being honest either.” Rainbow62993
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pick Up After My Husband?
“I (33f) do everything for my family, especially my husband (40m). We have 3 kids (6f, 4m, and 1m). The youngest is disabled. They take a lot of my time and energy but I still manage to look after them, do chores, and do everything else a mother usually does.
My husband works 35hrs per week from home. He has me waiting on him all day and doing everything he says. Expects me to do everything for him, make him coffee, lunch, and snacks, take his trash away, and get him whatever he needs as soon as he needs it.
I do it, as I always have.
But I’m struggling to keep up with everything now that my youngest is bigger. I asked him to please pick up after himself, take his trash away, pick up his clothes off the floor in the morning, and not leave every single thing he uses scattered all over the house.
He basically said that’s my job, he works, I do everything else and if I can’t do my job he will find someone who will.
So I admit I was feeling brave and decided to just bag up everything he left around the house and hide it and tell him that I dumped it all.
It didn’t go as planned, his laptop was left by the kitchen sink, with kids, not a good place to leave it, so I hid it in the bag with everything else.
He went crazy screaming at me about what the heck have I done with it when I told him I dumped it because I begged him to please help me by not leaving his things everywhere and he refused. He laughed at me, calling me a stupid daft woman, and asked me when am I going to just accept that this is my job.
I was hoping when he saw how full the bag of stuff I had at the end of the day, that he would realize how much mess he is leaving for me and maybe change.
But now he hasn’t said a word to me for 4 days. Complete silent treatment and I’m feeling guilty now so I’m wondering was I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but we teach people how to treat us.
I expect you’ve been his maid/doormat for a while now and you’ve finally had enough. The way you handled it was immature and passive-aggressive. Go to him and tell him you will no longer be his maid or secretary.
Tell him what you will and will not be responsible for regarding his stuff, meals, etc. OP, my mom was you. Waited on my dad’s hand and foot despite her working full-time with 8 kids. If supper wasn’t on the table for him he would get mad, not eat, and not talk to her.
Very childish. Please respect yourself and end this now.” No-Personality1840
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Single mothers usually have more free time than married mothers for this exact reason.
It is not your job to wait on him hand and foot all day when you have children who actually need your attention/care.
Don’t just stop cleaning up after him. Stop making him coffee. Stop making him lunch. Either he takes care of himself, or nobody does.
I’m sorry, OP, but your husband will not be shamed into changing.
He will only change if he’s forced to do it. He’ll only be forced to do it if you stop doing it for him.
You deserve a real partner, OP. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.” toxicredox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband should have equal relaxation time. He’s working part-time while you work roughly 2 full-time jobs.
If he wants to find someone else to do ‘your job’, it might be eye-opening to him to see what it costs to get all that work done when one isn’t being a jerk to their spouse.
Look up the costs of a professional caregiver for your special needs child, cleaning services, meal preparation services, etc. Present him a bill for your time.
Until then, just keep tossing his stuff in a bag.
I might be more careful with the laptop, but feel free to put it somewhere inconvenient for him and out of your way.” pupperoni42
6. AITJ For Stopping The Remodelling Of My Daughter's Bathroom Because Of Her Husband's Attitude?
“My daughter was pregnant and wanted her bathroom redone. I have 2 contractors who are very close friends of mine. I offered to remodel her bathroom 5 months ago but her husband declined. Then a month before she was due, they asked if we could do it.
I scheduled it with contractors, even though she was very close to her due date. (We told her she should wait). Regardless, she wanted to move forward.
We started on Saturday and Wednesday night she tells us she is being induced the next day.
We work as fast as we can and get to the point where we are hooking the toilet back up and ready to set the tub. Then my contractor that does the plumbing gets sick.
So with a newborn at home by Saturday, I don’t want him in the house obviously. So daughter and husband come home Saturday morning and I suppose the guys didn’t sweep well enough so she loses her mind and starts crying about how the bathroom isn’t done and the house is a wreck.
Spoiler: They live in filth, it was always a wreck.
Anyways, I wait til Monday to reach out to her to see if we can come over to finish. She tells me they already have a guy coming to install the toilet and that she would like her car keys back.
I drive over to drop off the keys, and her husband is waiting for me at the door. He grabs the keys and slams the door in my face. Okay, so my daughter texts me later that day and says that she’s going to have a contractor finish the rest because we lied to her about the timeline and I am holding this project over her head.
I am furious now, so I calmly tell her that I will be back that day to pick up anything that hasn’t been installed and they can finish as they see fit.
I figure, if her husband can slam a door in my face when I am trying to gift a 10-15k remodel to them, then I don’t need to supply materials for this anymore and they can figure it out.
He then texts me ‘Screw you! You ruined my paternity time. I want nothing to do with you. You’ll never see your granddaughters again.’ (a longer string of insults but you get the picture.).
I calmly responded to him that it sucks to use your kids as a weapon on their grandparents, but he had to do what he had to do. Now his mom is calling us because they cannot afford the remodel AND he stays off from work like planned. My thought is why should I gift anything to a guy to who I’ve already given 10s of thousands of assistance when he talks to me like that?
I feel like I’d be a chump.
Also, side note, we offered to have them stay with us while the bathroom was being completed. It would have been done 3 days later than expected.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I know pregnancy is stressful but they made the decision to delay then ask you at the last minute. You were doing a huge favor and I would love you to remodel my bathroom for free lol.
Have they never had a remodel done before? Things get delayed and it can get messy so it should be expected.
Honestly, I would try to talk to your daughter alone if possible. Her husband was incredibly rude and I can’t tell if they are both entitled or he is just controlling.
You should also talk to his mother and explain your side if you haven’t and maybe if she is a good mother she will smack some sense into him.” MarriedLife7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This sounds so full of chaos and drama. Your daughter and her husband clearly are the types who blame other people for their own bad decisions..it does suck that your grandchildren are being used to terrorize you into doing what they want, but if you capitulate to that sort of manipulation it’s all downhill from there.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter ends up at your house with the kids and a suitcase one day really soon.” guineapickle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would say if this is normal behavior from the two of them maybe going medium or low contact would be warranted. I also wouldn’t leave my materials and I definitely would not finish the bathroom.
However, if this is abnormal for your daughter I’d be straight with her that her behavior was disrespectful and you deserve an apology. But I would cut ALL financial ties. Why help someone financially when there is this level of disrespect?
I wouldn’t.
These are things I would consider and then go from there.” dunkdizzle
5. AITJ For Unintentionally Implying To My Husband's Mom That He Had A Bad Childhood?
“My husband (30m), we’ll call him Nick, and I (26f) are currently pregnant with our first child. While making the baby registry, I was adding a bunch of classic (in my opinion) books from childhood.
Examples: Rainbow fish, goodnight moon, I’ll love you forever, the very hungry caterpillar, etc. They were just books that I thought almost everyone from the USA knew as they were popular during my childhood.
Nick said he had never heard of any of them, which I thought was crazy.
This morning MIL called us at 9 am (we were still in bed) asking if we would be offended if she continued to buy our baby girl clothes and stuff when she shops.
MIL tends to overthink and has a lot of anxiety in general (diagnosed) and was asking because she sent me a picture of a sweater she bought (which not that it matters but it was a 6-9month boy’s sweater light blue with trucks on it.
We’ll still have our daughter wear it). I responded by saying ‘that is cute! I’m excited about all the baby clothes. Look what I bought,’ and showed her an outfit that I just purchased. She got anxious that since I didn’t say anything else about the sweater I wasn’t okay with her buying things or had an issue with that sweater in particular.
That’s why she called. We reassured her she was good. She told me to keep buying the cute girly outfits and she’ll buy the outdoor play outfits.
Nick brought up how we made a registry and she asked me to send it to her mentioning that FIL might help with some big things and she’s excited about the small things.
That’s when I mentioned the books. I told her that I put all the classic childhood books on there and was surprised that Nick didn’t know any of them and that we’re definitely going to buy them.
MIL instantly got offended saying not to believe ‘Nick’s crap about how he didn’t have a good childhood’ because of course she read him books but they played outside more and how I can ask anyone in the family and they’ll confirm that she was the best mom.
She went on for a few minutes and in my opinion, there were plenty of moments where she gave Nick an opening to just say yeah I did have a good childhood, and the whole thing would have ended right there.
I was quiet and he didn’t say a thing and she hung up sounding like she was crying. As soon as she hung up I texted her saying Nick and I realize the only reason I remember the books is that I have more siblings so the books were in my house for close to 15 years whereas he’s an only child.
She sent Nick a text asking if he really thinks he had a bad childhood and how she did her best. Nick got mad at me saying I never should have brought it up and look what I’ve done.
How I turned him into the bad guy just because he told the truth. I feel like he could’ve stopped it by just saying ‘no I don’t think I had a bad childhood’ at any point but he thinks it’s my fault knowing how his mom gets anxious.
MIL and I have had a great relationship up until this point but now she and her son both aren’t speaking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but borderline, it REALLY depends on how you talked about him not having the books.
You had no way of knowing you were going to step on a wasp’s nest, your text afterward about having the books in the house longer was very tactful. Nick could’ve stopped it or, if he didn’t have a good childhood, well, good on him for not being manipulated into saying he did!
But it’s not your fault.
Honestly, the fact that he DIDN’T pipe up to reassure her suggests to me there’s some real baggage there and I would be pretty cautious about bringing up anything related to Nick’s childhood ever, at all with her.
Especially if Nick is around. You don’t want him in a position where he has to decide if he should lie to take care of her emotions or be honest/quiet and deal with her escalating.” kaylola
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband and his mother clearly have some issues with interpersonal communication. He could have easily de-escalated without lying by saying ‘mom, it isn’t a big deal. I just don’t remember the books.’ He doesn’t need to say he had a good childhood if he didn’t, but he could still have helped. And his mother shouldn’t be putting you in the middle of taking out her anxiety on you all.
If she messed up when he was a kid, that’s hard, but it’s a matter for her therapist. It’s above your pay grade as her kids.” FlaxFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you will never be the jerk for something like this, however, you need to 1.
Tell hubby you are not responsible for his mother’s anxiety and you can not possibly anticipate everything she is going to freak out over. 2. Work out a better communication system w/ her b/c you can not be putting this much energy into calming her.
I would suggest just not saying anything extra to her ever. Just the bare basics and leave the rest to your husband.
And yes, if she acts like this, your husband had a terrible childhood and you 2 need some couples counseling to figure out how to set boundaries w/ your MIL, because as much as you 2 think you can handle it, she will do this to your child too and no child should have to deal w/ constantly re-assuring grandma’s insecurities.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
4. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Move His Wedding Date?
“I’ve been in a relationship with my fiance for 7 years. We broke up several times but we always found a way back to each other. We’ve been through heck and back and we’re more in love now than ever.
My brother Joey has been with this girl Lana for 5 years and they have 2 kids together. She got pregnant with their first kid only a few months into their casual relationship and they got serious after that.
My family and I tolerate her for the kids. She’s kind of loud, competitive, and self-centered and she copies me all the time because she’s jealous I guess.
Last October my fiance finally proposed to me, and a couple of months later to everybody’s surprise, Joey proposed to Lana.
He always said that he didn’t want to marry her so this totally came out of left field. Lana claimed that they agreed to get married for tax reasons and they were in love too but I call nonsense.
She couldn’t stand that I’m getting married first so she forced my brother to propose.
Next, she set their wedding date to 1 month after mine to one-up me because that’s how she is. I thought that was not fair to our guests because some of them live out of town and they can’t afford to fly here twice in 1 month for 2 weddings.
My mom agreed with me and we went over to Joey’s house to talk them into pushing their wedding date out further.
Joey and Lana got very defensive. Lana said that she always dreamed of a summer wedding and she had the perfect dress for it which was bright white and my mom made an unnecessary comment about how she shouldn’t be wearing a white dress.
It only annoyed my brother more and he screamed at us. I tried to get them to understand that they already have a wonderful family life… a house, kids, everything and I haven’t gotten to start that life with my fiance so the least they could do is let me have my dream wedding in peace without her trying to compete with me.
Joey called my relationship a sham and kicked me and my mom out of his house.
Joey and Lana aren’t talking to us. They uninvited us to their daughter’s birthday party next weekend. I just want us all to live in peace with each other without any competitiveness or ill feelings.
I will apologize if I’m wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeaaaaaa YTJ. Do your thing, let others do theirs. Your post makes you sound just as competitive with her as she supposedly is with you.
If someone can’t afford to come to both weddings then that is their choice and their responsibility to communicate to the parties but it has nothing to do with you. Instead of making this a fun family year of wedding planning, you’re going to cause huge riffs because what, your attention is being stolen?
Hopefully, you can find a way to be the bigger person and focus on your own party.” Sandpipertales
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You know how you stop a competition, don’t compete. It’s their life and their choices.
It’s not up to you or your mother to try and dictate them.
Jealousy is screaming in your story. And guess what?! It’s coming from you.
Let the guests decide if they want to travel.
Stop pretending it’s for their benefit. Because you’re the one with the problem.
How would you feel if they decided to tell you when to get married?” Prudent_Border5060
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re allowing your dislike of your SIL to affect your judgment.
One month’s separation is more than enough time to ensure that the weddings don’t impinge on each other. What’s more, if you were really that concerned about family and friends having to come twice for the weddings, you’d have recommended that they be held together or on consecutive days.
Your mother’s comment about her daughter-in-law wearing white is cruel and unjustified. Or are you going to pretend that, strictly speaking, you’re entitled to wear white for your own wedding?
I wouldn’t blame your brother and sister-in-law if they didn’t go to your wedding, uninvited you and your mother from their wedding, and went no contact with you until you apologized.” Individual_Ad_9213
3. AITJ For Exposing My Sister's Lies About Not Liking A Food?
“My (20f) sister (12) has this habit of saying she doesn’t eat or like a certain food when she doesn’t feel like eating it at the time.
She insists she has never liked that food and then the next day she eats it like it’s her favorite thing ever. She doesn’t do it too often when mom cooks, she mostly does it to me when mom’s not around.
And it’s always when I have already prepared everything for a certain meal so I’ll then have to scramble to find something else to make. If I don’t change the meal my sister will not eat and mom will get upset with me for letting her go hungry.
On a day it was my turn to cook my sister shouts from the living room asking what was for dinner. I tell her we are having hamburgers and of course, she says she doesn’t like hamburgers.
I’ve seen her eat burgers hundreds of times before so I know that’s not true. Not wanting to let her continue this I pull out my phone and start recording. I go to the living room and ask do you not like hamburgers or do you just not feel like having them for dinner.
She says she doesn’t like them. I say ok and make tacos with the meat instead. I keep the recording of her saying she doesn’t like burgers if I ever see her eat one later.
I finally get my chance two weeks later. It’s mom’s turn to cook and I tell her don’t cook any for me I’m going out with my friends to Five Guys. My sister asks if I could bring them some for dinner.
I say sure do you want a grilled cheese or a hot dog. She asked for a cheeseburger. I said but you don’t like burgers. My sister tells me she does like them. I then take out my phone and play the recording of her saying she doesn’t.
I tell her I will gladly get her something else but I won’t spend money on something she doesn’t eat. She gets upset and mom tells her they will make their own burgers.
When I get back home, mom confronts me. She says what I did was extremely mean. I tell her my sister needs to learn she can’t always get her way and this is a consequence of her actions.
Mom says she’s just a kid and kids can be picky eaters. I tell her if that’s the case then you can do all the cooking from now on. It’s not fair for me to be the only one who has to bend for her.
Mom insists I apologize and be more understanding but I think my sister has to learn her lesson.
When I asked a friend about it they said he gets where I’m coming from but the way I handled it was wrong.
My sister is only 12 and what I did is probably not going help her learn and will only get her to be more of a problem.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your mum needs to start parenting your sister.
She’s playing a power play with you and it’s one you’re losing because she can always play the ‘muuuuuum, she is mean’ card. Sit down with your mum and tell her that you can’t go on like this.
Here’s what I do with my kids, who are just a little older than your sister (and never behaved like that): make a meal plan together. If your sister said ‘Mac and cheese on Wednesday’ she cannot claim not to like that come Wednesday.
If she still doesn’t like what’s on the meal plan, she can make herself a sandwich. Relatives are not restaurants.” Infamous_Control_778
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your friend is right, you have a point and honestly, you did mostly the right thing, but embarrassing her isn’t going to be a learned lesson.
Just remember she is 12! She will make mistakes and say silly things.
A potential option here would be to say, okay, so you don’t like hamburgers. I will mark it on this sheet and put it on the kitchen wall so I don’t forget.
If in the future she asks for hamburgers just say, but it’s on my Does Not Like list! She’ll get the point gradually about the difference between ‘I don’t like it ever’ and ‘ I don’t want it today’.
If your mom doesn’t support you when your sister is being difficult, just make her aware that you will no longer be feeding her, and your mom can have things ready for her. Or she can compromise with you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 12 is PLENTY OLD enough to discover consequences to lying. Your mom should really stop treating your sister like a very young child, she’s an adolescent and she also is plenty old enough to cook dinner for herself or the family.
I started helping my mom cook really young and when I was 9 prepared a whole dinner for my family. By 15, I did a HUGE Thanksgiving dinner for 12 people and it turned out amazing. Sister needs to stop telling tales and learn the world does not revolve around her wants.” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your sister is already 12, but she behaves like a toddler. Your mom should really have a talk with your sister about this behavior and tell her she should eat what you cook or go hungry.
Maybe you can decide together what you will cook for her and/or let her help you cook the meal. You should have played the tape to your mom and let her deal with it.
Playing it for your sister is not solving anything and I’m wondering what lesson you think you taught her?” AppeltjeEitje1079
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother And His Partner For The Name They Plan On Calling Their Daughter?
“So, my twin brother (M23) and his partner (F21) are going to have a baby, and they found out that it’s going to be a girl.
So when they were asked about what they would name their baby, they said that they were planning on naming the baby ‘Amelia.’
Now I wasn’t happy about this, but I wanted to give them a chance to explain themselves, so I asked why they would give their baby that name.
My brother’s partner said that she has a coworker with that name and that she loved it because of how unique and quirky it was.
This really upsets me (and her reasoning for giving her that name made me even angrier), because I was hoping to name a future daughter of mine ‘Amelia’ after a late childhood friend who passed away from cancer when we were 12.
Her name is extremely important to me because Amelia and I made a promise that if she was going to pass away, I would name my daughter after her so that she can be remembered and would ‘officially’ be part of my family.
It’s even worse in my opinion because this is no secret and my brother knows about that promise, and I have talked about it multiple times beforehand.
So, I voiced my disagreement over the name and told them why I didn’t like for them to give their baby that name, and asked if there was any way that we can pick a different name for their baby.
But they told me that I was being entitled about it and said that they weren’t going to change their minds about it because I don’t have the right to ‘claim’ the name, especially since they were having a daughter first and they don’t know if I’ll ever have a daughter in the future anyways.
My brother did try to compromise by stating that he’ll be the one to uphold that promise for me and that he’ll make sure that Amelia will be properly remembered. But I told him that won’t work, because I was the one that Amelia asked to make that promise, and it wasn’t going to be the same since he never made that same promise to her.
However, in the end, they insisted on naming their future daughter ‘Amelia’ and I just walked away in anger over the whole thing.
I haven’t talked to them for about a week, and I have been intentionally avoiding them because I really don’t want to deal with them.
But friends and family are telling me that they are really disappointed in me that I’m acting so childish and to get over myself over a name, and to apologize to my brother and his partner for making a scene about it.
AITJ and should I apologize to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother knew how much that name meant to you, and he is going along with his wife’s choice to use it anyway.
Mentally, let them use it, but tell yourself it was your choice. It’ll make you feel better. If you have a daughter, use the name, as you always would have. Chances are they’ll be years apart in age and rarely see each other.
They can’t get mad at you for still using the name when they used it against your wishes. I’m sorry they hurt you this way. Keep your distance from them, they’re untrustworthy.” SchminksMcGee
Another User Comments:
“I understand that there is a lot of emotion behind the name. And I understand that as a kid you made a promise, and it is super important for you to honor it.
Unfortunately, here comes the ‘but’. What happens if all of your children are boys, so you can’t fulfill your promise? Or what if your potential daughter’s father loathes the name Amelia? Plus no one has the ‘rights’ to a name, so if your niece is named Amelia, that’s her parent’s prerogative to call her that, which also doesn’t stop you from calling your potential daughter Amelia.
I suggest that you talk to your brother and sister-in-law calmly and respectfully, stating that having a niece called Amelia won’t stop you from honoring your friend when the time comes, and ask that you both come up with middle names that flow with Amelia, like (Amelia-Jayne or Amelia Bess) so that the cousins can be distinguished by family (either by double barreling their first and second names or by using initials like AJ/AJay or AB/Abby).
I would hope that your brother and his wife will understand the significance and importance to work with you to find a way to make peace with this. A child should be a source of joy, not conflict.
No jerks here.” Mouse589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you one day have a girl, there will be two Amelias in the family. Your brother and his wife can’t complain about them having the same name, especially when your brother knew about your friend who passed away.
Maybe his wife didn’t. You told them, and they can do with that info what they want. Maybe an option would be to have the middle name be Amelia. Although they can name their kid whatever they want, I really kind of think this was mean on your brother’s part.
It is true that you may never have a daughter, but if this was one of my siblings, I wouldn’t touch the name knowing how special it was to them.” Shakeit126
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If your brother knew it was a big thing, they should probably have looped you in before making the hard decision to keep it. But they’re right. You may not even have a kid to name that, and you’ll need to get over it eventually unless you plan to disown your family over a name.
If Amelia was as nice as stated, I highly doubt that would be what she’d want over something as petty as which person said the promise. Figure out what could be worked in (like if her fav color was green, maybe the compromise is a green nursery) because the tantrum won’t get them to budge, and Amelia will be remembered either way.” Petty-Penelope
1. AITJ For Causing My Friend To Lose Her Scholarship After I Found Out She Stole My Essay?
“I (19F) am a sophomore in college and have a friend, Tia (18F), who is in high school and applying for colleges and scholarships. I helped her throughout the college process and she ended up getting in early action to her top college, and she got a full scholarship.
I was happy for her until recently.
I was talking to a mutual friend of ours and she started gushing about how Tia’s essay was so heartfelt and beautiful. I asked to see it because I thought she had just forgotten to show me (she showed me many of her essay drafts).
But as I was reading it, I was completely taken aback. The essay was one of MY college essay drafts which I’d shown to Tia for reference on writing TECHNIQUES ONLY. I made this clear.
I was livid. The essay was really personal, and she barely even tweaked it up. It was almost entirely copied and pasted. I trusted her with it, and this is what she did.
In a fit of rage, I gathered all the evidence of me helping her with the college process, including evidence of me sending the specific essay to her, and I showed it to the school.
She not only lost her scholarship, but she also lost her seat in the school.
Now, people are calling me dramatic and shaming me for robbing her of her education. She’s the only person in her family to get into college and receive an academic and athletic scholarship, so everyone was rooting for her, including me at one time.
And while I didn’t expect the outcome to be so severe, it was.
Right now, I feel bad. I feel terrible. I feel like she took advantage of me, but I didn’t want to be the cause of something so horrible.
I did myself a justice, but at the cost of someone’s dreams. Now I’m wondering if what I did was justified or not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend was absolutely in the wrong to submit your essay without telling you and you were 100% justified in being angry with her.
But what did you think was gonna happen by turning her in like that? That the school would just tell her not to do that in the future and move on? It sounds like you did it purely to get her in trouble.
Which again, you were fully justified to do if you wanted. But did you expect her and your friends to applaud you for it and for no one to be mad at you for getting an amazing opportunity in her life taken away because you were mad she violated your trust?
Everyone on here is saying your friend is simply facing the consequences of her actions, well so are you. And those consequences are knowing that your actions helped contribute to your friend losing this opportunity and, in turn, ticked off your other friends.
And it sounds as if you’re feeling guilty because you’re starting to feel like you maybe overreacted by going fully scorched Earth without fully considering what the ramifications of doing that would be.
Again, in a black-and-white moral sense, you were in the right, but the world doesn’t always work like that.
You should just own up to your decision one way or the other. Copping out behind ‘I didn’t expect this to happen’ will only tick people off even more. Either stand behind your decision because you feel you did the right thing and accept that you may lose some friendships over it, or talk to your friend and apologize if you feel guilty about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, I’m surprised you didn’t realize how serious the consequences would be. She lied to get a full scholarship, something that is highly prestigious and coveted. Academic plagiarism and fraud (because this is what she committed) are something every serious educational institution takes extremely seriously and for good reasons.
Saying all of that – I don’t blame you. How dare she steal your work. You’re NTJ here OP, Tia is a thief, in that she stole your work and passed it off as her own after you had worked hard to help her.
How absolutely dare she, I’m angry on your behalf.
Next – she didn’t win that scholarship. She wasn’t the first member of her family to get in and win a scholarship because she didn’t win the place or the prize with her work.
That’s why she was kicked out. It was your work that got her the place, taken against academic rules and without your permission. She conned her way in and you were right to alert them as she also robbed someone else of a scholarship they might have earned for themselves.
You didn’t rob her of her dreams, she gambled them when she stole your work.
I understand why you feel bad, honestly. You’re obviously a very compassionate person who cared about your friend, but you are NTJ here.” Popular-Syllabub-491
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I hope every time you do something wrong there’s someone there to report you and make sure you’re punished. Grow up. Nothing is fair, the world is hard, and everyone is trying to get ahead.
Hard work and honesty don’t get you anything. Take a look around and ask yourself why they needed the scholarship. No one is perfect and honest all the time. You’re morally policing. College doesn’t do crap anyways.
Most people who go come out just as stupid and useless as they were before. It’s just a piece of paper. Grow up and move on. Your feelings were hurt and now you want to act stupid about not knowing the consequences.
You knew darn well. Stop acting so self-righteous. She doesn’t have an opportunity now, and what, you feel a little bit better? If you saw someone stealing food, are you gonna try and stop them from leaving the store cause it’s the right thing?
No. Cause that doesn’t hurt your little feelings. You’re a huge jerk. Massive jerk. JERK.” harshshrimp
Academic plagiarism is a serious crime. What she did was wrong and she shouldn't be rewarded for her bad behavior.
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