People Request Our Guidance Regarding Their "Am I the Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Taking A Child's Seat On The Subway?
“I was getting on the subway and I was exhausted – very long day. I’m standing there and 3 belligerent children (all between 6 and 10 I believe) have seats in front of me as I’m standing in the aisle. Fine.
They got there before me, it is what it is. So I settle into the zone-out in preparation for the commute… when one of the kids starts getting up from her seat and running around, repeatedly running back to it as I eye it.
She looks at me with that kid-tormenting-another-kid grin (you know the one) that says ‘mine!’ While laying a single finger on the seat. Finally, she gets up and doesn’t return to the seat, leaving her plush toy on it. She’s just running around and screaming at her parents who, of course, are completely ignoring their shrieking spawn.
So I sit down in the seat. My legs were nearly buckling at this point. I hand her the plush toy and she screams a scream that makes her parents finally pay attention. Now the parents are screaming at me saying that I have stolen their child’s seat – the child that is currently doing some sort of interpretive dance (summoning the devil himself presumably) in the corner.
In response, I ignored their existence entirely and let them all scream their screams.
Now I get that people with children think the world of their kids, and that’s great, but kids who are not passing out from exhaustion should NOT have seats when tired adults are standing.
I’ve watched things like this happen on the subway over and over through the years and I’m fed up. If you want your kid to sit then sit your butt down and put them on your lap.
I’m curious to hear what parents think of my comfort theft.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You clearly don’t like children and decided to dislike this one specifically because she had a seat and you didn’t. And so you ended up feuding with her like you were also six years old. And you touched her personal belongings.
Dude. Never touch a stranger’s personal belongings.
Seats on public transit are first-come, first-serve. She came first, so you’re out of luck. It’s not like she sat in a seat to specifically spite you specifically. It’s weird you seem to think she did.” Eastern_Fox5735
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You did take a seat that had already been claimed by another person. They left their belongings in the seat when they got up. Yes, they were behaving like a jerk, running all over the train, but they had not surrendered the seat beside the rest of their party.” LissaBryan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The only thing sitting in the seat was the stuffed animal. That seems like a waste, especially if you were exhausted. It would have been nice for you to just sit on the edge and let them move the animals themselves. I don’t think you are unjustified, coming from a parent.” Zookeeper-007
20. AITJ For Resenting My Grandparents?
“I do not have any love for my grandparents. When I was little I noticed I was being neglected by my grandparents. They always gave my cousin sweets and gave me the leftovers that nobody wanted.
When I was eight my family decided to move and my grandparents came with us.
My mum’s parents passed away when I was very little. I only remember a few memories of them. So I only had my dad’s parents left. They live in a granny flat. They always have pictures of my other cousins on the fridge but not me or my sister.
When it was my 13th birthday all I got from them was a happy birthday through a window. I’ve never received any presents from them maybe just now and then some type of lollipop or toffee. But my cousins always get new and expensive things.
They could’ve just bought me a planner and I’d been happy. I told my dad this and he only said it was because I’m 16 and I’m too old for presents but I have never received a birthday or Christmas gift from them once.
Because of the lack of love from them I just never loved them and I doubt that they love me back. They don’t pay a single thing for living with us and are using all electricity and water but they still find stuff to complain about.
It was my grandma‘s birthday in January and I refused to tell her happy birthday. My dad scolded me later and ask me why do I never talk to my grandparents and I just admitted that I have no love for them whatsoever and he blamed me and told me I’m a terrible person.
I’ve also admitted to my mum that I do not want them at my wedding when I get married and kind of hope they’re gone already. I know this sounds bad right now but imagine as a kid sitting in front of a Christmas tree and receiving zero gifts from your grandparents while your cousins are getting spoiled.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your grandparents for whatever reason have neglected and excluded you as one of their grandchildren. And now you are resenting them for it. I don’t know why your parents do not see this as an issue. They are also jerks for allowing them to treat you like you are not part of their close family.
Maybe speak to your mum about why you feel like you do and ask her if she sees what you are trying to say.” VelvetMoMo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and I would turn on you even if you were my kid. That’s being petty and selfish because no one owes you anything and being jealous that someone so petty and selfish doesn’t get things shows what kind of person you are inside and out.” ygracie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was this grandchild.
My late grandmother hated me… she told me this to my face one day. I hated that woman until she took her last breath.
But my mom said something to me that helped… she gave me permission to hate her, she gave me permission to feel my feelings instead of pretending to be some loving grandchild.
She told me that I don’t have to give my love or respect to someone who doesn’t love or respect me. All she asked is that I will be civil.
Honestly, that is my advice be civil, treat them like you might a co-worker or a casual acquaintance.
Speak politely when spoken to, but don’t go out of your way to make conversation. If you see them on their birthdays or a holiday you can give a quick ‘Happy Bday’ or ‘Merry Christmas’ nothing crazy or personalized, no card or presents just polite.” crazymommaof2
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Twin Brother To Attend My Wedding?
“I (30F) am about to get married to my fiance (27M), but there’s a big problem concerning our wedding and that’s his twin brother. His brother is an addict and got into a lot of trouble in the past cause of it.
I obviously don’t want an addict invited to my wedding, but my fiance insists not only to invite him but to make him his groomsman too. He says that he went to rehab and he’s now ‘clean’, but I seriously doubt that, I know people like him, they never change.
We kept arguing about it for a couple of days, till yesterday when he invited his brother and his mom over to dinner to convince me to have a change of heart and let him attend the wedding. I was furious that he would invite that addict and their nutcase of a mom to my house without consulting me first.
I told them that I’m not gonna make dinner for an addict and to please leave my house. His brother then started sobbing, saying that I’m unfair for not letting him support his brother on his big day just because of some stupid mistakes and my future MIL started berating me about how heartless I am for doing this to their sons and being so hung up on something that’s in the past, but I told them to drop the act, these ‘stupid mistakes’ literally landed him in jail and I’m not gonna allow a former offender at my wedding under any circumstances and I also told my future MIL to stay in her lane, as this is not her wedding and she’s also a big reason for why we’ve got into this situation, as she kept enabling his addiction for a long time.
They started shouting at me, but I eventually managed to make them leave my house. My fiance was furious at me and told me he can’t believe how badly I treated his family, I told him that’s not my fault that his family is formed of a bunch of nutcases, which turned into another argument between us, with me saying that if I see his twin brother between the guests at the wedding, then I’m simply not gonna walk down the aisle.
My fiance slept on the couch that night and he’s still treating me coldly even today, but I’m still not willing to reconsider my decision, if anything, I’m now seriously considering hiring a security guard to keep that addict (and possibly their crazy mom too) away from my wedding.
AITJ or I’m justified in my decision?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Congratulations OP, you are not going to get married with that outlook regarding those that have struggled with addictions and are working to better themselves. Now if your partner’s brother was not doing any recovery, or was still in and out of recovery, then I would be more inclined to agree with you that he should not be there in case he would be under the influence.
However, your bitterness against him is one that seems deeply rooted in past experience that you have gone through some kind of trauma with someone that was an addict… otherwise you are incredibly shallow-minded toward anyone that has suffered from addictions.
You have generalized those who have suffered from addictions and painted them all with the same monstrous brush without any care for the human beings that they are.
I hope that you can take a moment to step back and see how hurtful you were to your partner’s family, and shame on you if you think you are in the right.
I would not be shocked to see your partner tell you that HE would not be walking down the aisle after how you behaved. If he does decide to get married to you, his brother is not going to go away so this will be the nail in your coffin if you continue to fight about it.
I implore you OP to try to find some love and compassion for your future brother in law ESPECIALLY if he is working on his recovery!” True-Tomatillo-4720
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So no one can come back from an addiction? My son sees a therapist for depression for the last two years, and the therapist was an addict.
Very upfront about it. It’s been years for him and he is very specific about what triggers to watch out for that can lead to addiction.
You may not have to worry about seeing your fiance’s twin at your wedding because the odds are increasing that you won’t have one.
Each statement you made is full of hate, spite, and condemnation. As far as yelling at your MIL, yes it’s your wedding. I wish I had a dollar for every self-involved bride that said that… but it’s also your fiance’s and that is his family.
He hasn’t written them off so don’t be surprised if you’re not the family he wants.
I’m sure he’s wondering how you would react if your child or children are less than perfect.” VintageSed
Another User Comments:
“I think your fiance should call off the wedding.
‘I know people like him, they never change.’
There are generally two camps of people: those who treat addiction like it’s a character flaw, and those who believe addiction is a disease. You seem to be in the first camp. I’m definitely in the latter one.
I’ve known addicts who’ve gotten and stayed clean. It’s not easy and support from others can be critical to healing.
If I loved my fiance, I would do anything in my power to support his family at this difficult time. If your fiance’s brother were actively using, then I could see you wanting to establish a clear boundary.
But based on your own words, this person has gone to rehab and wants to stand with his brother on this important day. And you haven’t asked any of the really important questions to really assess this situation. You’re not describing any problematic behaviors that suggest the issues with addiction are current and ongoing — and believe me, if they were, you would likely know it! Or at least there would be red flags.
Nope. He used and went to jail. I’m done with him. He’ll never change. He’s trash.
It’s all just you. You. You. You. And it doesn’t matter to you that your fiance wants him there. Your fiance’s feelings don’t matter to you. It’s your wedding. Why are you even getting married when you have no respect for your fiance and you’re doing nothing but judging his family?
YTJ.” LikePlutoComplex
It's your fiances TWIN BROTHER and you are this callous and cold due to his addiction and going to jail?? How can you even be this big of a bitch? I myself have suffered from drug addiction and made some bad choices that resulted in a long term treatment program to get help but you know what?? Every single person in that rehab is 10 times a better person than you and every jackass like you. How are you going to hold someone's past against them when they have given you no reason to believe they relapsed which would be a tiny understandable but even then your whole opinion of his family is trash and makes you look like a royal c*nt. I hope your fiance dumps you on your ass and does himself a huge favor leaving you to love the only person you obviously do love yourself.
18. AITJ For Erasing My Ex's Data?
“I had a pretty big breakup a few years ago. We were together for 7 years until she broke up with me in order to sleep with fat Jesus from the store she worked at.
She refused to collect any of her stuff from me.
We’re talking clothes, books, manga, anime merch still in the box, DVDs, etc. And most importantly, her old laptop.
Upon her refusing to collect any of her stuff, I emailed her (partly so there would be some record of this, partly because she’d blocked me on most other platforms because my being upset was apparently ’emotional blackmail’) saying that she had until X date to come and collect her stuff, otherwise I would bin/recycle/sell it all.
I gave her 60 days to come and collect it.
She replied by telling me to ‘just get lost’ and ‘stop trying to find excuses to see her’, that she did not want any of the stuff, and that I should do what I want with it.
I specifically enquired about the laptop, and she said she didn’t care because she had her main computer and all her files were ‘backed up’ on a USB stick. (I’d tried explaining before that it isn’t ‘backing up’ if they’re the only copies, but she never listened.)
I contacted her twice from this point, telling her that she had X number of days to collect it, so if she’s going to change her mind then she needs to let me know.
As for the laptop, I contacted her AFTER the given date, telling her that I was about to nuke the drives from the laptop and have them recycled. No response. So I did the responsible thing, given that it wasn’t my data, and ran DBAN (intended for individuals or home use to support data removal needs) on the drives to completely nuke them and then sent them to the drive shredding place.
Stripped the laptop down for parts, took what was usable, and sold the rest on eBay.
Forgot about it, until a few weeks back. She messaged me asking if she could have the laptop back, because her USB stick had, surprise surprise, failed, and she’d lost all her photos on there, including the only copies she had of the photos of her mother, who unfortunately passed away a few years back.
I told her that, as I said before, the laptop was gone and I’d destroyed the hard drives. The data was gone. She absolutely flipped out and told me that I’m a horrible person and that I knew there were photos of her mother on there, so how/why would I ever do that? She thinks I’m a piece of trash and was being spiteful, and that there was no reason that I couldn’t have kept a copy of her data, as I have a huge storage server to keep it on, and that it would have made basically zero impact to myself.
I know she’s being unreasonable, but… she’s right. I have around 96 TB of storage on my server. I could have stored her entire laptop’s worth of data 100 times over and not even noticed. There was no reason for me to not do so, other than me not wanting to.
I absolutely 100% could have kept the data, after destroying the laptop.
AITJ for not holding onto the data at absolutely zero inconveniences to myself, knowing exactly what was on there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — If someone flat out tells you they don’t care about their belongings and to ‘do what you want’ with them, they’ve already abandoned them and have given away their right to claim foul play.
You gave her TWO MONTHS to collect her belongings after already having plenty of time beforehand, and she made no effort to make arrangements, no request to hold for a bit longer, didn’t even suggest a friend getting them for her or having a drop-off spot for you to get her belongings over to her instead.
Your home isn’t a storage unit, she isn’t paying you to keep the stuff there, she’s continuing to keep horrible terms between you and she’s making zero effort to collect her things. Her ignorance is not your responsibility, ESPECIALLY if you already offered help and tried to correct her about the USB issue.
She needs to learn that her words and actions can have grave consequences, that she’s not going to get babied by people around her, and that leaving her belongings with anyone except her immediate family is a horrible idea if she expects to ever see them again.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You gave her every possible warning and opportunity to come collect her stuff before you got it out of your life. Her not choosing to take that seriously is on her, as is not taking basic data backup security measures on her own.
Frankly, I’m not sure how much you should even believe she’s genuinely out of luck versus this being some kind of mind game. Regardless, though, it’s not your problem, so take advantage of not having any reason to be in contact anymore and keep moving forward with your life.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, whatsoever.
You shouldn’t have kept the data. She specifically told you she saved her data. If she can’t be responsible to make multiple backups of her own stuff, that’s on her. There are SO many ways to back your stuff up these days: cloud, external HD, multiple USB thumb drives, and leave one on the shelf, images, etc.
If she can’t be bothered to do that, or ask for her stuff back, again that’s on her.
You did exactly the right thing. You told her multiple times what you were going to do. You have nothing to apologize for. If her photos and files were that important she should have done a better job backing them up.” Tim-oBedlam
17. AITJ For Not Getting My Partner A Birthday Gift?
“I’m 21F and my partner is 25M. We’ve been together for 3 years so far.
I’ve always been a person who loved celebrating birthdays. I love shopping for gifts and go all in to make great presents. I especially do it for my partner, Eddie.
For example, I got him a set of clothes he wanted and made him his favorite food for his previous birthday.
However, Eddie has never put effort into giving me presents. He’d buy me chocolate even though he knows I hate it.
He bought me booze even though he knows I don’t drink. It’s always this way. Plus, he never really appreciated my gifts – always saying ‘You could’ve gotten this instead of that, etc.’
So, a day before his birthday, Eddie and I got into a fight.
He reminded me to make apple pie for his birthday party, and I refused. It was because I was tired, and I didn’t like being the one who always put in more effort. I told him ‘You never make me food for my birthdays, so why should I?’
We had a back-and-forth argument for a while.
He eventually got really annoyed and said ‘I didn’t ask you to put so much effort into getting me presents! Just a simple one would have sufficed.’ I was really hurt and felt unappreciated.
We remained on bad terms until his birthday.
It was a really petty and rash decision, but I decided to not give him anything. Just to show him what I feel like every year. The presents I bought him were kept in the cupboard and I didn’t make him any fancy food.
When he woke up, he was shocked to realize that for the first time, I didn’t get him anything. There was no surprise – I just made him a little card and said ‘Happy birthday’. He asked me if he could open his presents, and I told him that I had none.
He looked really upset, and said ‘You really don’t care about me, huh?’ He eventually called me a jerk and left.
I honestly feel torn on this. I knew I would be starting something by purposely not giving him anything, and I ‘carried on the argument’.
Also, it is his birthday and everyone wants to feel special and get gifts on their birthday. However, I felt like he needed this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You never wanted a fancy gift. You wanted a gift on your birthday or a holiday that meant something.
After 3 years together, your (ex) partner should know what you like and be able to surprise you. He’s lazy and purposefully never put forth any effort because he never cared enough to.
While what you did for his birthday was petty, you did prove a point.
He expected presents and homemade food, all gifts that you give with love and care.
And his response, when he realized you held true to your word and did nothing (well not true, you made him a card) was to act like a giant baby because he is a giant baby.
Dump him. You deserve to be in a relationship with a partner that cares enough to give gifts from the heart, not laziness.” Emmiburr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why put up with a guy who thinks you owe him kingly gifts and celebrations when he doesn’t give a wet fart about yours? There’s a place for adjusting mismatches of what each person appreciates most (one person wants jewelry, or experiences together, or the other person taking up a big emotional labor project), but this is just the sad reality of a dude who wants stuff but won’t reciprocate and then gets petty about it.
He’s not a child in the situation where he gets birthdays planned by mommy and never gives anything back–he’s an adult with another adult who ALSO has a birthday.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants to feel special and you make him special food and give him presents, but he doesn’t reciprocate in any meaningful way, giving you stuff you don’t even like.
Now you have realized this, he leaves because he isn’t getting what he wants from you. It hasn’t really dawned on him that what he does to you, is anything like what he does to you.
He says you don’t care and are a jerk, but that isn’t what he thinks about himself when he does it to you. I cannot see him getting it and the relationship is over. He wants to be the main event in your life, but you’re just a bit part of his.” User
16. AITJ For Not Allowing A Family Member To Drink?
“I am a 30-year-old female who lives with a family member who is borderline a vulnerable adult. It’s why I originally moved in.
They are in their 50s and have an array of medical problems and are a bit mentally impaired. People including other family members and friends will purchase them liquor at their request.
Here is the issue though…They don’t have to deal with the aftermath which almost always results in an ambulance ride and a hospital stay due to it counteracting their medication and causing an array of other issues.
There has been a big fight with friends and family that they are an adult and should be able to do what they want, especially since they are not legally deemed vulnerable adults by the courts.
I’ve since completely barred from allowing any liquor in the house and actually taken bottles of wine and beer away. I feel like a jerk because it’s not even a lot of liquor… its literally a 40 here or a bottle of wine here, but the aftermath is almost ALWAYS an ambulance ride due to a reaction.
People are also right, they are an adult but I also feel like they aren’t the ones who have to deal with the aftermath so it isn’t going to matter to them.
Am I the jerk here? Part of me feels like I might be but I also feel someone has to do something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I also don’t see a good way out of this if you continue to live with this person.
I guess you could document everything and send it to family so they can see photos/bills showing the consequences of this behavior, but honestly, I feel like people don’t change their minds about things like this unless it’s happening to them in their own home.” AcrylicTooth
Another User Comments:
“This is a difficult one but everyone sucks here.
I know a fair bit about capacity etc.
This family member is an adult and has decisional capacity. Therefore you have no right to take away the booze. It is technically wrong for you to do so.
We are taught that we must allow others to make decisions for themselves, even if we think the decisions are unwise.
It does not mean you have to stick around to see the consequences of their decisions and you are within your right to tell them the risks of their behavior (health/danger, social, financial, etc) and to not support them in their behavior.
You can say ‘if you continue to do this, I shall not continue to live here.’ Or any other consequences but you CANNOT decide for him whether he drinks or not.
It’s clear you have the best of intentions but you cannot do this to him.
Therefore he is a jerk for continuing this behavior and putting this on you. You are a jerk as you are mistreating him by making decisions for him when you have no right to do so (here in the UK this is highly illegal.)” leb2353
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And tell everyone, including this family member, that the next time they end up in the hospital related to liquor, you’ll tell the social workers at the hospital to help you bring a petition in court to have them legally deemed vulnerable. If people don’t want to see that happen, then they should stop giving this family member liquor.” BDizzMcNizz
15. WIBTJ If I Prohibit My Ex From Seeing His Son?
“I (24F) had a son (18mo) with my ex (27M).
I tried to co-parent. He’d keep the baby while I worked and even got overnights.
When I picked up the baby his diaper would be full and cold. He got his first diaper rash at 7mo when he spent the first night with his dad.
He got in a fight with his mom and she got a restraining order so he was homeless. I let him stop by my place for a few hours but he started showing up without calling.
Then he entered my apartment while I was in the bathroom.
In the huge fight, he basically threatens to kidnap the baby and leaves. I call the police and don’t see him for a long time.
At Christmas, he says he has a lot of money and asks what I want him to buy the baby for Christmas.
I tell him nothing, he should pay me back for the past year I’ve taken care of the baby alone. He told me to lick his boots if I wanted money.
So I don’t answer his calls for a few months. I knew that if he had funds he’d be doing illegal stuff.
I let him come over again yesterday for the first time in 7 months. He was intoxicated. Told me he had a lot on Christmas Eve. That he still does illegal stuff. That he got a 24k $ settlement in December and still lives in a trashy house.
He said he gave his other baby mama 8K but literally didn’t give me a penny.
He has a history of psychotic episodes from substance use and hearing everything he told me yesterday I feel vindicated in keeping him away. I want to tell him he needs to be sober if he wants to come around.
His other baby mama took him to court and they found that he was not fit enough to have her unsupervised. He was diagnosed with power and control issues. Had to complete 6 months of therapy to get visitation back. It’s been like 3 years and he hasn’t done it.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you let him anywhere near your son in his current state.
It’s actually your responsibility to keep him away. Your ex is a danger to you and your child and is in no shape to be in the same vicinity as your kid.
If you haven’t already, you need to go to court and get sole custody so that you have legal rights to back you up when you call the cops and say he’s not supposed to be near you.
Tell him if he goes to rehab and gets clean and sober, you’re happy to arrange for visitation and work up to shared custody even. But right now, it poses a danger to your son’s mental and physical health to let him around and you need to prioritize your son’s safety above all else.” BDizzMcNizz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A child should never be supervised alone by someone who is not sober. My SO is a social worker and has had multiple cases requiring a safety plan because a parent or guardian decided to drink, etc. and a child got hurt, wandered off, etc.
while they were supposed to be watching them. You are not the jerk because you want to ensure your child is in a safe location and will remain in the same condition.” Mander_Pander_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is some bad advice. If he ever comes up to your home while he’s intoxicated I suggest you discreetly call the cops so they can come to pick him up.
After that, you should file for primary/sole custody. You may feel like a bad person but the most important thing is your baby’s safety and yours cause you don’t know what he’s capable of. And if you at least do this the court will already have proof of his illegal doings and trespassing. But like some people said you should probably start doing some legal paperwork.” Living-Plastic-4579
Don’t worry so much about what he gave his other baby mama and worry about your and your child’s safety.
And for Gods sakes, change the locks on your doors if he can get into your house and keep the doors and windows locked at all times.
You need evidence. And legal advise. NOW!!!!!
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Accept My In-Laws' Gift?
“My fiancé and I have been together for 4.5 years, long distance for 3 years, engaged for 6 months. We met in an East Asian country before I moved back to the States for work opportunities, and we always knew I would move back when I was a bit more established in my career to take remote work opportunities as he is taking over the family business.
Obviously, the past years affected the timeline a bit, but we committed to me moving back in January 2023 and so I asked him what his criteria were for a suitable apartment. We’ve spent the last few months discussing our preferences and this week I sent him several options so we could identify which criteria were the most important to us.
He then called me yesterday and said he had talked over the situation with his parents. They own two apartments in the city: one where they live with my fiancé in an extremely wealthy part of town that is close to the family business and another clear across the city that is extremely old and long overdue for the apartment building to be demolished and rebuilt.
They offered to live in the old apartment while we took the new one.
He was thrilled because it meant we could save up as we wouldn’t have to spend anything on a mortgage or rent. I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea, for a multitude of reasons.
This led to a massive fight where he told me that his parents are trying to make me feel welcome into the family and that I was being rude and selfish to say no to this gift they are trying to offer us.
I said I would be more comfortable living in the older apartment because taking the nice, centrally located one from them feels wrong–they’re older and should enjoy the finer things in life. He said the 2-hour commute each way would be unsustainable for him, and I agreed–that’s why we were looking for places to live closer to work.
We have the finances to afford a place to live, but admittedly we could never afford the place his parents have.
My other concerns include that my fiancé and his family have a tumultuous relationship and while they have all improved in the last year, I don’t want to live in a house where so much hurt and pain occurred.
I genuinely feel as though I would have a better chance at fostering a good relationship with my future in-laws if I wasn’t living in a space that reminds me of all of the negative stuff that they had to overcome.
Finally, even if his parents are no longer living in that apartment, it’s still his family home and I have a hard time picturing it as ours.
During the fight, I mentioned that I did appreciate the generosity behind the offer their parents made, but accepting it when I feel so uncomfortable would be bad for all involved and turn what is meant to be a gift into an obligation or resentment.
I offered to have family dinners and other events so we could bond with them, but he tells me that rejecting the apartment will seriously upset them.
WIBTJ if I continue to insist on not moving into the nice family apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’d be in a situation where your in-laws feel fully entitled to walk into your home at any time. It sounds miserable.
His parents have intentionally created a choice where either you are permanently under their thumb in ‘their’ apartment, or you are the bad guy and the relationship is damaged/destroyed.
It’s a power play, and your fiance is either on board with it or too stupid to see it.
I would reconsider moving back there at all if I were you.” hibernativenaptosis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re battling customs and traditions as well as family trauma and all the memories that the house holds.
Maybe you can accept the apartment with the stipulation that it’s only one year while you find your own dream home. Then they can feel like they helped and you don’t have to commit to living there forever. Just an idea but yeah, you’re so NTJ.
But it is a sticky situation so a compromise might be your best bet to appease the in-laws.” prismaticshards
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think they’ll move to the run-down place, I think he’s trying to con you into living with him and them.
He’s obviously comfortable in that situation already and adding you sounds ideal for him. Not so much for you. And if you show up and they don’t move, as I suspect, you wouldn’t feel comfortable (based on your post) INSISTING that they get out, so just be prepared to all live together if you agree to this.” User
13. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Aunt's Guest?
“My living situation is a bit unusual. I (30F) and my aunt (52F) have lived together for the past few years. She raised me from age 12 onward, so we are very close and I consider her a second mom. After her divorce, we decided to pool resources and get a two-bedroom apartment together since it made more sense than both of us living alone.
Mostly that’s fine, but I’m very introverted. Surprise guests are stressful to me. There has been some friction before when my aunt invited guests over in both our names (common acquaintances, her kids/my cousins) without asking me first and I was expected to share hosting duties like clean-up, cooking, entertaining, etc.
She visited a friend in another city a few months ago and that friend (49F I guess) let her sleep over in her apartment for five nights. Now her friend is visiting our city and my aunt invited her to sleep here.
Again, my aunt didn’t tell me this until after she had already invited her. Her argument is that she couldn’t say no anyway because her friend let her sleep over too. Okay, fine, valid.
I asked how long her friend was staying and my aunt said a couple of days.
Her friend arrived Sunday, she is staying in my aunt’s room while my aunt sleeps in the living room which means the living room is off-limits from 10 pm until morning. I go to bed much later than that and have to take food and drinks and stuff into my room every evening so I won’t have to disturb aunt.
On Tuesday, her friend said she would leave Thursday night and go to a hotel for the remainder of her stay in the city. Aunt talked her out of this and said it was fine if she stayed until Friday morning when her friend had an important meeting and then went to a hotel.
I complained to my aunt in private afterward, but she assured me that her friend would go to a hotel on Friday night. Now it’s Friday, her friend couldn’t get a room at the cheap hotel because everything is booked and she is staying until Sunday or maybe even Monday, at this point I really don’t know anymore.
I found this out this morning after getting up and talking to my aunt. I was annoyed and told my aunt so. Aunt insists that it isn’t a big deal, that it shouldn’t bother me, said it would hardly kill me to have her friend stay longer, and was pretty mad at me getting mad.
She said I was being petty and that her friend promised to drive her to a doctor’s appointment in a few weeks and that was a really great favor etc. But that’s a favor for aunt. It has nothing to do with me except in the sense that I care for my aunt.
AITJ and overreacting to this? I guess less introverted people wouldn’t mind, so this is a me-problem. It’s also true that I haven’t seen much of her friend, it’s little things that disturb me like not having free rein over the living room, not being able to get cold drinks or snacks from the fridge after 10 pm, not being able to leave my room without the possibility of running into her friend.
Having to get dressed when leaving my room or the bathroom because I don’t want to run into her friend only half dressed or in a towel etc. Is that petty? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ because you can easily avoid her and it’s pretty reasonable to stay in your room after 10 pm for a week.
I’m a massic introvert myself but when my roommates have friends over I just leave the house or sit in my room and it’s not a big deal.
They don’t seem to be intruding on your privacy or asking you to do anything except tolerate her friend’s presence, and while it’s annoying that she has to stay longer than planned your aunt should be able to have friends over at her own house.” morbid-corvids
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here.
In my home, we have the ‘two yes, one no’ rule for guests. We both have to agree for someone to stay or if one of us says no then it’s a no. The reasoning for a yes or no doesn’t matter, it’s about having the bare minimum respect for the person you’re living with.
You pay for your home and have just as much say as your aunt does. She doesn’t get to keep an unwelcome guest over AND expect you to shut yourself in your room. You still live there and are allowed to use shared space even if it disrupts her.
But this is someone near and dear to you so I understand not wanting to cause tension. Having a discussion when this guest leaves about any future guests so there are rules laid out to hopefully avoid another occurrence like this would be smart. NTJ.” Tasman_Tiger
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Significant Other's House For Prom?
“I (17f) am of mixed race (Japanese and Nigerian) and for context, I wasn’t taught English until I was about 5yo. So my first language was Japanese. I also was partially taught Korean. (Parents wanted me to have more opportunities.)
A couple of weeks ago we were having a birthday dinner for my significant other (18m) at his house.
He lives with his father and stepmom both of whom are white.
And everything was going great until we were talking about a dog named Kimchi. And I was saying how much I love kimchi. But I said it the way I was taught (gim-chi).
And his stepmom ‘Anne’ asked to repeat what I said. And so I did. And again she asked me to repeat what I had said. And again I repeated it.
Then finally, she said, ‘that’s so exotic sounding, I like it.’ And started laughing.
I have slight insecurity about my accent and it hurt my feelings. But I stuck through the dinner and went home.
And I don’t think about it until four days ago we were talking about our plans for prom. Everyone wanted to go to their house to get ready and take photos.
But I said no. And it’s been a hot topic of discussion in our friend group.
And yesterday my SO asked me why I didn’t want to go with the group. And I told him that I don’t want to go there because of Anne.
And I told him how I perceived her comments. And I told him that she has a history of microaggressions toward me and that I felt uncomfortable around her.
He then told me that I would be missing out on prom but he gets where I am coming from.
This has caused me to be alone with my SO on the day of prom.
And just know that. Anne definitely wasn’t joking and she has repeatedly been micro-aggressive with me. For example, she told me when we went sledding ‘I bet you’re so cold right now because you’re used to the African heat?’ And other stuff like that.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to go to my SO’s house for prom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but his stepmom sure is. You and your SO are very young to be challenging some elders’ bigotry and microaggressions, so it’s understandable that you want to avoid it.
And he supports your desire to not deal with her. I am sorry she’s made you feel like this, it’s pretty easy not to say stupid, ignorant nonsense to teenagers.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Anne is ignorant and the worst part is she doesn’t even see it.
You should never feel obligated to be around someone like that. Your partner needs to sit down with her and have a long conversation about how her comments are hurtful & offensive.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I’ve had similar experiences with the white parents of my friends.
I’m a bilingual Black person born in the UK and have had to sit through condescending comments from them about my accent, my level of education, the way I hold a knife & fork, etc. That is tiresome so I completely understand why you don’t want to subject yourself to that treatment.
Please work on your confidence though and learn to clap back at idiots like Anne who can’t imagine a world that is much larger than their tiny little corner of sameness. You have origins in two rich cultures, plus the others you have learned about and/or lived in. You have so much going for you and have every reason to hold your head high.” BlackStarBlues
11. AITJ For Not Immediately Telling My Neighbors That The Walls Are Thin?
“I’ve lived in my current apartment for 5 years. It’s basically a converted house–I have the whole second floor and the other apartment is the whole first floor. This October, I got new neighbors downstairs. We’ve gotten along great so far (before this at least) and will sometimes have dinners or cookouts together.
The nature of the building means that it’s pretty easy to hear noise from the downstairs apartment (think of it on the same level as if you were in a regular house and what you’re able to hear from one floor above).
Occasionally, I will be able to hear my neighbors when they are intimate. This isn’t because they’re being ridiculously loud or anything, just because the walls are thin. It’s never a huge deal–I either leave my bedroom and go to the living room where I can’t hear them or put in headphones and that completely cancels out any noise.
I figure we’re all adults here, and it’s not like they’re being intentionally loud–it’s not screaming noises, just movement noises and there’s nothing to be done about that.
I’m in an LDR and my partner was visiting for the first time since these neighbors moved in this past weekend.
Naturally, we were also intimate, and I made sure to not be too loud or to be doing anything too late when people would need to sleep. A few days later, one of the neighbors and I ran into each other while leaving the building and she said ‘I had no idea how easy it is to hear things through these walls! Have you been hearing us all this time?’ I said, ‘Yeah, it’s the downside of living in a converted house but it’s really no big deal, I just put in headphones!’
She looked completely shocked and then asked ‘why wouldn’t you say anything to us?’ I clarified again that it’s because no one was being rudely loud, it was just unavoidable noise in the same way that you can sometimes hear either one of us walking around or closing doors.
And that I would just leave my bedroom or put on headphones. She said she felt creeped out and that I should have said something. I just don’t know what I’d say–again, it’s not like they were screaming. I was just hearing movement noises.
I said I was sorry and she didn’t reply, just walked back inside, and now she and her husband both avoid me. They tried to involve my landlord by telling him they felt ‘violated’ by me not saying anything to them.
I guess I’m just confused because they’d have heard just as easily on their end that it’s not insane, permeating noise. It’s just unavoidable noise. I assume they’ve been able to hear walking and doors closing just like I have. The only solution would be if all of us never moved around in our apartments again.
But they clearly think I’m a creepy jerk. So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this situation really infuriates me because of just how ungrateful it is. It was incredibly classy of you to switch rooms and wear headphones to give them privacy when they had no idea you could overhear them in the first place.
You could’ve easily gone the other way and been a jerk about it, and instead, you worked overtime to respect them specifically so she wouldn’t be embarrassed. You’re the opposite of a creep, OP. She’s flustered and is coping with her humiliation by lashing out at you because anger feels better than embarrassment.
Also just in general, I’m confused by the people who can’t figure out that sound travels in a quiet house. Just the way your footsteps sound on the floor/the way your voice bounces off the walls tells your subconscious brain how thin the walls are.
Vents also play a big role so like… if she’s so terrified that someone will hear her, why not invest in a fan or a white noise machine? Human ears pick up on rhythms real quick.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say everyone sucks here.
They’re naive to not understand what living in an apartment is like, but also, if you knew or suspected they didn’t know, it wouldn’t be a big deal to tell them. You didn’t even have to mention the nasty part: you simply could’ve said ‘the walls are thin here just FYI!’ Or something like that.
No, you weren’t obligated to but I can kind of understand your neighbor feeling uncomfortable knowing you’ve been unintentionally hearing her sleep with her partner for months. If she knew, she could’ve done whatever made her comfortable, even if it was hard to change the thin nature of the walls.” throwRAstickypast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Had you brought it up to them first they might have thought you were creepy then and honestly it could have been a worse outcome? Sure they feel violated now, but at least they did get to enjoy themselves several times while they were still ignorant of being audible to others.
There’s really no winning when people who chose to live in a shared building feel entitled to the same privacy they would get in a private building. In the end, they are upset that people can hear them now that they are in an apartment and they want to blame someone other than themselves.
You can’t make someone like you or think you’re a good person, so do your best to not let their opinions get to you. It sucks they talked to your landlord but I’m guessing your landlord sided with you since you specified they ‘tried’ rather than you’re in trouble with the landlord.
Noisy people are gonna be noisy, that’s how it goes. You heard them having fun, now you’re hearing them be upset. They’re just gonna keep being noisy as it’s their nature. It would happen regardless of how you chose to interact with them.” panthereal
10. AITJ For "Stealing" A Name For My Dog?
“I am a 23F, and I just got a dog with my partner. We were helping this family re-home him. We didn’t like the name he had, and we knew we wanted to re-name the dog when we got him. We ended up picking a name we thought was fitting for the breed and was similar to his old name so it wasn’t a weird adjustment for him.
A few days after I got him, my friend reached out to me & asked why I named him what we did & that things like this happen in our friendship a lot & she wanted to talk about it.
I didn’t know what she was talking about at first, but then I remembered that she had mentioned wanting to name a new cat the same thing.
I had forgotten about this when my partner & I were naming our dog.
I apologized and explained why we named him what we did, said I had forgotten about that conversation & offered to brainstorm a different name for our dog.
She said that we didn’t have to do that but she wishes that we would’ve asked for permission before naming him. She & her partner decided not to name their new kitten this that they’re getting next month (not bc of the dog, prior to this.)
I didn’t reply for a few days, but I said that I was sorry if what we did hurt her feelings.
I said I didn’t think it was a trend in our friendship (because my partner & I had forgotten about the conversation & the name we picked is a fairly popular pet name). I said I was willing to discuss it more but I was sorry & hoped we could work through it.
She said that she wishes I wouldn’t have said anything. She was just going to get over it. She wasn’t as upset about the dog as the way I responded to what she sees as a trend in our friendship from me.
(She never came out to say what she was referring to, but my best guess is this feeling that I ‘steal ideas’ from her. My only two examples of this, are the dog name & 1 time when I used a caption she liked a few years ago).
She said she just wants to take a break from our friendship so I ‘liked’ her message & moved on.
I have been sad about it for a couple of weeks, but don’t know what to do because I apologized, and offered to change the dog’s name.
I also genuinely wasn’t thinking about her when we were naming our dog.
I also don’t really agree that there’s a trend in our friendship because this has happened 2 times in the last 4 years (and we’ve been friends for 12) unless there’s something more she’s upset about in our friendship and hasn’t talked to me about.
My partner and my family (mom, dad, and brother) all think she’s being kind of immature and doesn’t think she’s a good friend in general to me.
My therapist said that everyone has a lesson to teach us, and maybe I should just lovingly learn that lesson and detach from her or maybe I’ll just have to learn she’s this way and keep being her friend.
I kind of feel like I’m reaching a point where I’m starting to outgrow my childhood friends and maybe there are some growing pains there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even if you named your child a name she had discarded. She didn’t copyright the name.
Your partner and family are right that she’s immature. Maybe in your friendship break, she can find some grown-up things to fill her time so she won’t fixate on stupid things like a caption from years ago and a name she thought about using but didn’t.
Find fun things to do to fill your time without her… and post the heck out of them — oh, wait was that part immature of me?
Seriously, it’s time to respect her wishes for a friendship break and move on from this one.
You have people in your life who care about you. Spend time with them. Don’t squander another minute with this one until she matures into a normal human.” AngryWriterGrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, my best friend got a cat, the same color as my car, and named her cat the exact same name after I’d had my cat for a while.
She didn’t ask my permission, and I felt a little awkward about it at first, but it was whatever because we were adults and this is a trivial thing.
If your friend wants to end the friendship over something this petty and trivial, then good riddance because clearly, your friendship mustn’t have been very valuable to her.
That is very painful, but best in the long run because life is too short to have weak friendships with petty people.
The name was a fairly popular cat name and, just because one person chooses a name, it doesn’t give her a monopoly on the name.
And she didn’t even use it!” CapriciousPenguin
Another User Comments:
“There’s nothing really else you can do… you apologized and you offered to change the name. That’s really all you can do. She doesn’t own the name. She didn’t name her cat that anyways.
I wouldn’t expect my friend to remember all the names I picked out for an animal but didn’t go with. I also agree she is being immature.
If your partner and family think that she isn’t a good friend in general, this must not be the first and probably won’t be the last time she acts immaturely like this. I think the best would be just to detach from her because life is too short to have to worry about a friend being upset that you ‘stole a name.'” brit31400
9. AITJ For My Tattoo Choice?
“I lost my Dad pretty unexpectedly about a year ago, he and I were very close. I’m not much of a tattoo person, though I have been looking to get more. I decided to get a tribute tattoo for my dad, with a baseball bat, a ball, and his initials.
Pretty simple, baseball is/was very important in my relationship with him. I found an idea online, talked about it with my wife and the changes I wanted to make to it, and after a number of months, finally booked an appointment.
We had talked about it a few times in the days leading up to it.
On the day of, she was not feeling great and was just being generally mean to me, though she admitted at the time, that it wasn’t for anything I had done.
So as I’m trying to get some last-minute advice from her (both as my wife and also because she has had a number of tattoo work done) she tells me she thought it would look better on a different part of my arm than I had originally intended and after some thinking, I agreed and took her advice.
Otherwise, she just pulls out of the driveway and drops the conversation.
So I’m pretty confident in my decision anyway, so I go and get it done. It ended up bigger than I had originally planned. I had planned roughly 4 inches long and it ended up closer to 7 and about 2 inches tall.
I absolutely loved it and I think the work is really nice.
When I came home, she immediately laid into me about it. She told me it looks like a phallic symbol (it is a baseball bat and baseball after all). She told me I should have sent her pictures of the temporary outline, talked to her about it more, and that I made a terrible life-long decision without consulting her.
She told me that I’ve ruined family photos forever, that she finds it (and thus me) extremely unattractive, and that we can basically stay together for the kids but that’s all. In addition, she took a photo I had of it, sent it to her friends (some mutual), and proceeded to make fun of me, make fun of the tattoo and when I confronted her about it, she said that the way I went about getting this done, she had every right to talk trash about it and me.
I’m crushed by this, especially since this tattoo was so important to me and will be there forever. I admit that I could have sent pictures throughout the process but we had talked so much about it, that I didn’t really think I needed to.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a tribute tattoo that was very meaningful to you, that you discussed with your wife beforehand. Heck, you even took her advice about placement when you wouldn’t have had to. This was not a big secret from her or anything inappropriate at all.
Her reaction is so completely over the top, and so outrageous that I have to wonder what’s really going on with her, I doubt this is actually about your tattoo.
I’m sorry for your loss.” DuckInMyHeart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your body and if you like it and it isn’t offensive or vulgar then she shouldn’t be offering her opinion.
Love and partnership are much deeper than physical form, if a tattoo is enough to ruin that for her then you should seriously consider if this is the person you want to spend your life with.” WednesdayBBB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why does she get any say in your own personal cosmetic decisions for your own body? She sounds controlling, I wouldn’t go so far as to say abusive but this is a pretty big red flag.
You guys both definitely need to go to marriage counseling if this is how she handles any kind of issue like this. I would put my foot down and not budge, both on changing the tattoo and also getting marriage counseling.” r2bl3nd
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dog Anymore?
“I do love my dog a lot and despite my feelings currently about having a dog he’s still well taken care of, happy, and very loved in my household.
Basically, 3 years ago my brother (25) brought my dog home without asking me first, he was staying with me because he and his dog had no place to go.
I had this tiny upstairs apartment and wasn’t supposed to have any pets there but thankfully my landlord was understanding. When he told me about the dog he had already brought him home and I was at work. He said he was both of ours and, to be honest, I fell in love with him instantly.
The problem is even though I wanted a dog I wasn’t ready for a dog. I wasn’t mentally ready for one, financially, nor did I have the space or the time (I was working full time + mandatory overtime regularly), but I figured since my brother would be helping it wouldn’t be too much on me.
But he didn’t help at all, I ended up buying everything and having to take care of him myself which took a toll on me.
Another reason I didn’t want a dog is because I planned to go teach overseas for a few years and would have no one to look after him for me.
Now I’m in school and still planning to go overseas, I live away from home and so my family takes care of him even though my mom didn’t want him to stay at her place. I had to beg her just to let him stay with her.
They always get mad at me because I’m not able to do much for him because I struggled to find a job where I go to school but they never treat my brother this way or ask for anything from him.
Today my sister (22) told me how worthless (something she always does) I am because I said that I don’t want him anymore.
AITJ?
One reason I think I might be the jerk is because he is really attached to my family and displacing him would most likely be a difficult transition for him and my sister loves him more than anything in this world.
Edit: (more info) my dog is staying with my mom because I was evicted because my brother got too far behind on his portion of the rent and I wasn’t notified until I got the eviction notice and I didn’t have the funds to pay it.
My only option was to go to school and live in residence
My brother didn’t just leave the dog on my doorstep. We were living together and he was supposed to help but didn’t and he didn’t ask me if I even wanted the dog.
My sister is the one taking care of my dog at my mother’s. She wanted him there too because she is very attached to him and so we wouldn’t have to rehome him and promised to take care of him but all she does is complain about it and call me names and make me feel worthless for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have cared for the dog well even though you pretty much got stuck with him, so good on you for that.
However, that should not stop you from your plans to teach overseas. I think you should make an active effort to re-home the dog to a good and loving home, and feel no guilt for it. Yes, the dog is attached to you, but if you find him the right home, he will adjust and thrive.
Your sister can pass judgment left and right, but I notice she’s not helping you take care of the dog that basically got left on your doorstep — if she loves him so much, why isn’t she offering to take him?
Oh, her apartment doesn’t allow dogs? Ha! Your parents aren’t willing to care for the dog, your sister isn’t willing to take him, and your brother has already abandoned him — so who, exactly, is supposed to care for the dog while you are overseas?! Poor pup — but find him a nice home and you can go overseas with no guilt.” Alarming_Paper_8357
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
As the person who brought the dog into your home in the first place, your brother by default is obligated to bear the brunt of the responsibility of keeping it. You’re not at fault for not being ready to make a choice that you never had a say in. And your adult sister complaining about having to take care of the dog and verbally assaulting you but not letting you give it another home is not very logical on her part.” selenethemoontitan
7. AITJ For Being Extra Cautious About My Children?
“I am a 28-year-old father of a 9-year-old and 2-year-old, and for the last two years, I’ve been raising them alone with the help of my family. My ex and I met in high school and we had an immature relationship that gave us two beautiful children.
10 years now, and we are now married but separated the last two years and she’s been an absent parent majority of the time after running off after lying about having a kidney failure which was actually just a cover for a weight loss surgery and there were some funds stolen by her as well by using this story.
We were fooled, unfortunately, and when confronted about it she just shrugs it off as no big deal.
My anger for that situation has vanished and I have moved on from it, as I’ve put what is important to me as my priority which is my children, now she’s currently on probation and has missed court numerous times and has an active rearrest order.
Today she asked to see the kids and have them spend the night, after her being gone so long and helping very little, I told her citing the reasons that we don’t have an agreement in place and that she’s non-compliant with her probation as well.
AITJ for wanting security in place before handing my children off to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has an active arrest warrant against her and has a history of running away. Leaving your children with her will either lead to her taking the children so you can never see them again or taking them to dump them in a random location to put you in a bad light.
Don’t take her bait. Lawyer up, divorce her, and get full custody of your children. Your children will not be safe with her.” Alistor3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. God, you’re young and carrying a lot I’m sorry. The fact that you’re torn on this means you are a good and intuitive parent.
Not everyone knows what it’s like to see your kids’ pain over loss and know that they need something you might not be able to provide. A mom is a mom, and this sucks for them. I hope she can stabilize enough to be a consistent and healthy presence in the kids’ lives at some point.
You’re right that she needs to be in order to have contact, everything we know about kids’ development points to the importance of secure connection and the detriment of insecure attachment. IE if she can be consistent once a year that would be healthier for the kids than frequent exposure to inconsistency.
Tell her what she needs to do clearly, and start small. The rest is up to her.
Alienation is so hard for kids and—while unfair—the burden to create boundaries w mom plus process with and support the kids in that is on you.
It sounds like you already know that. At some point, you are probably going to need to facilitate communication for their sake, not hers and your job is going to be to create contact that centers them and their needs, not hers.
If she has a family that is safe, that can be a good connection point to their maternal identity. At this point it could even maybe be something like a one-sided letter box, so your kids can write their feelings, put down their questions for her, and know they’re seen and kept safe by you.
Get your kiddos into attachment therapy as soon as possible, ok? You all need the support and trust me that healing should begin now, not wait until they’re much older.” DissociativeBurrito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You may want to contact her PO or the local authorities.
Your job is to protect those kids. Who knows if you’d see them again if she had them with her? You may also want to seek a family attorney to figure out divorce options and attain full custody of your children.” SilentCounter6750
6. AITJ For Selling Something I Got For Free?
“So recently my friends and I won tickets to an event. Not gonna say which specific event cuz it’s not important and I don’t wanna show too much detail about myself, but think along the way of a book fair. We went and had fun but it wasn’t really our thing.
A couple of weeks later we all get an invitation in our mail, with a letter from the organization that we had invitations to an exclusive pre-event that happens like a day before the actual event. I converse with my friends and none of us really felt like going.
After a bit of thinking, I decide to hear whether people are interested in buying the tickets.
I found a couple of people and told them that I would ask for the normal entry fee plus five bucks because the invitation allows you to go to the pre-event (which is invite-only) and the event.
I asked them whether they agreed with the price and they said yeah.
Once people fixed me the funds, I gave them the invites. But now that they have the invites suddenly two of them asked me why I asked so much for a ticket that I got for free.
I’m kinda irritated because I said I had tickets that I wouldn’t be using, and asked them whether they were okay with the price I suggested. Now that everything is done, they suddenly start nagging. The reason is because you have to rsvp your ticket online, and with the code attached to the invite you can select the 0$ option.
And they feel bamboozled, but I don’t see how I made it seem like I wasn’t earning out of this deal.
I don’t really get how I’m in the wrong here, because I was transparent from the start.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the whole concept of a free market.
You had something that someone else wanted so you named and price and they agreed.
Goodwill and many other thrift stores thrive on this concept. Just because OP didn’t pay for it doesn’t mean it no longer has value.” RoaneStudios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They agreed to a price.
Same difference if it was a car, boat, or house. These things have market value and you didn’t take advantage of anyone. The price they paid was because they wanted to go to something that they may not have been able to go to before.
People are weird about these things. Along with returning clothes that you tried on at home.” MilkCartonDandruff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s supply and demand, as well as fair market value. They paid what they were willing to pay, and you sold it for what you were willing to sell it.
They’re just being cheap.” Lux_Brumalis
5. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband About His Screen Time?
“My husband and I have had multiple arguments about the amount of time he spends in front of the screen.
We used to carpool to work together because we work 5 min from each other, but he would be on his phone in the morning in the bathroom doing his duty for 15-20 minutes, not allowing me to get ready on time.
Because of this, I started waking up 30 minutes earlier so that I can get ready faster, which didn’t help because we were still rushing out the door, so we don’t carpool anymore unless we have to.
When he comes home from work, he’s either on his phone or watching tv most of the night until he goes to bed.
I have to actively ask him to not spend time in front of the screen after work because he’s in front of the computer at work 8 hours a day. I get the most annoyed when he doesn’t help clean up after himself after dinner and just goes to the living room to be on his phone or watch tv again.
Although the amount of times he does this has gone down, it still happens. When I remind him, that’s when we argue or he gets annoyed.
I understand he needs his ‘space’ and ‘break’ to not think about anything, but I get so exhausted doing the day-to-day stuff, and when I bring up that I’m exhausted doing the daily things, he argues back and brings up things that he does that I don’t help out much on.
AITJ for feeling this way and always arguing about the amount of time he spends in front of the screen? Do I need to suck it up and let him have his space?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the problem isn’t so much the screen as that he’s just checked out on treating you with respect and being present in his relationship.
He’s just existing in the same space with you, but without any sense of obligation to participate, notice or contribute, just totally self-absorbed, down to hogging the bathroom without a crumb of consideration that anyone else needs to use it.
What does he bring to the table here? Why should you ‘suck it up’ and be a maid and bend your day around cleaning up after him?” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“The issue with the bathroom was understandable since it was impacting you getting ready for work on time, but it doesn’t seem like he was doing it maliciously.
He also should be picking up after himself, that’s just a basic thing people should do without being asked.
If you want his help with more things around the house then you should ask instead of indirectly saying he should have less screen time.
No jerks here.” craptinamerica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband is treating you like a maid. Doing chores is something you both should do, and even if he needs his break, you do too and it’s not fair that he’s treating you like this, and especially the fact that he gets annoyed when you bring it up.” Creative_queenangie
4. WIBTJ If I Don't Share My Notes With My Friends?
“I have some friends in uni who attend the same lectures as I do. The problem is that I attend every single lecture and take notes of what our prof says along the script they hand out to us, while they miss every third lecture or don’t pay any attention at all when they do attend.
Instead, they text on their phones and never take any notes. They already mentioned that they don’t understand anything when just looking at the script and that they need our prof’s explanations to understand the topics.
Now I am very indecisive because I spend A LOT of my time reviewing my notes and adding info/pictures at home, sometimes multiple hours.
They have asked for my notes last semester and I gave them to my friends as I felt sorry that they couldn’t attend a lot of lectures due to work or being sick. But both of them constantly send snaps of hanging out with friends, booking vacations, or something else even when they said they don’t feel well or have too much to do right now.
So it starts to feel like an excuse to me but of course, I don’t know if they actually just don’t have time.
They also decided to do a solo/partner project together after telling me that we would do it individually and meet up because they wanted nobody to feel left out which made me a bit sad.
So a few days ago I couldn’t attend a lecture and asked them if they could take some notes for me but neither of them sent me anything, instead, another friend who doesn’t attend the other lectures sent me her notes.
Especially after this I just feel a bit weird because they ask me to send them notes but wouldn’t even take any for me. I take my notes on Goodnotes so they wouldn’t just be gone if I shared them but the whole situation makes me feel used.
So WIBTJ if I refused to send my notes to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like they don’t respect you or take into consideration how you feel or how much time you spend on these things.
They don’t seem like friends at all, just people who take advantage of the hard work you put into your studies for yourself.
As someone who used to be this kind of person, I can tell you they’re being lazy because they CAN and because they know they can just get notes from you, and still get away with it.
Giving them your notes would be a disservice not only to you but to them – they need to wake up and understand the amount of work it takes to go to college.” thrwawayneedadvice2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Nothing wrong with sharing notes if someone is sick or can’t make it a couple of times for work. I shared some of my notes with classmates but usually just 1 lecture’s worth. These people are taking full-blown advantage of you.
Despite what some may think, college is for learning, not partying. It doesn’t matter if your notes are digital & won’t be lost. They just plain don’t deserve them. They need to earn their degree, not ride the coattails of someone else’s hard work.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Don’t share if you don’t want to. They are all hanging out without you and no invite? Are they just pulling the friend card without actually being friends? You’re young so this is a lesson that not everyone who smiles at you is a friend. Friendship is a wonderful thing but like all relationships requires work. They don’t want to put in any effort and you are within reason to simply not give them the notes.” WoofingtonSpiff
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Dye Her Hair?
“I have not known/been friends with this girl for very long, but we have gotten pretty close. So I’ve had virgin, brown, boring hair for my entire life so far. Not because I don’t like hair dye but because I’ve never really liked anything enough to drastically change my hair for it.
But recently, I came across a style I really really liked. It would go perfectly with my brown hair so I wouldn’t be damaging too much and it was pretty unique! I was super excited about it but decided to make my appointment to get it done during the summer, so if I didn’t love it I wouldn’t have to have it in prom and graduation pictures.
I started showing my friends what I was gonna do to see if they approved/avoid catching them by surprise. I showed this friend last and she seemed to really like it. She asked me to send it to her and talked about how much she loved it.
The next day she reveals she made an appointment to do that hairstyle before prom because it ‘matches her dress’ and she loved pink in her hair. I was, obviously, pretty disappointed and I think she could tell. She justified this by saying ‘it’s ok we can just be twins!’ I feel selfish and obviously can’t tell her what to/not to do with her hair, but if I get it later, I’ll look like a psychopath and obsessed with her even though it was my idea.
Am I the jerk for being mad at my friend for stealing my hairstyle?
(The hairstyle is like these chunky pink highlights) (I do not plan on ending our friendship at all… I’m just annoyed.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She only decided to change her hair when she saw what you were gonna do.
I mean I see people saying you’re the jerk here but I don’t get it. It’s not that you don’t want her to dye her hair or have a similar hairstyle at all, it’s the fact that right after you showed her she decided to get it.
Some people don’t wanna dress up like twins and I mean that’s her only save is you’ll be twins. She didn’t say ‘hey best friend, would you mind if I got the same style.’ As friends do care especially if you make this decision to change your hair first.” Final-Mail-6959
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
If it’s important to you to be first or unique, don’t share with the class. As soon as you do, it’s natural that others who like your idea will want to participate. You don’t get to hold a style hostage that your friend group is discussing because you saw it first and introduced it.
You have basically released it into the wild at this point.
If you really think it’ll matter, do your hair at the same time. There are apps you can get to try on hairstyles and makeup before committing. Do one of those if you’re not sure.” Ayaruq
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I’m glad you don’t want to end your friendship over it, but I get where you’re coming from. You’re NTJ for feeling like that, but you WBTJ if you were to angrily confront her and demand she change her hair or yell at her for doing it.
People aren’t jerks for feeling negative emotions, we’re just being human. It’s by acting on those emotions that can make us jerks.
It sucks that you wanted to do this for yourself as something special and she scooped you. But it does happen, unfortunately.
It sucks but it happens.
I don’t think you will look like a psycho-copycat by still getting the hair color. When I see people with matching hair I don’t think they’re copycats I just think they must have similar tastes or are really good friends. But if you’re really worried that other people might think like that you can either try and find something different or change it up a little to not be the same.” User
2. AITJ For Messaging My Ex?
“So my partner and I broke up about 3 weeks ago (I broke up with him). While he was great to me, things just didn’t feel right for me and I could feel my mental health declining so I ended it.
I thought we were on good terms frankly.
He called me yesterday saying he needed to get some things off his chest. Essentially he told me that he thought I was a manipulative jerk because I was on the internet, talking to guys, what he says was a few days after we broke up (was actually 2 weeks) while still talking to him.
For context, after he and I broke up, we didn’t block each other. Maybe we should have, but he mentioned at one point that he wanted to be able to talk to me every once in a while so I didn’t block his number (unfollowed/blocked on all socials, however).
He had a really big event coming up he had worked hard on, so the day of I messaged him saying I was proud of him for doing it with a heart.
He said thanks, and everything seemed okay. A couple of days later he called me and told me all his friends and his mom (that one hurt) think I am a manipulative jerk for messaging him while messaging other guys.
The part that is confusing to me is I really am proud of him. He worked really hard on the event and I was really happy to see it come to fruition. Maybe I should have blocked him, maybe I shouldn’t have been mingling with people on the internet 2 weeks after I broke up with him, maybe I shouldn’t have messaged him at all.
But having trouble knowing if what I did was as wrong as he says. Curious what your thoughts are.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You’re trying to be a supportive friend. That’s a good thing.
But you also dumped the poor guy. Give him time and space to lick his wounds.
Let him start any future conversations.
This isn’t jerk behavior on your part, just mildly dumb/wasn’t thinking this through behavior.
And regardless of what he thinks: if you’re not actively in a relationship with someone you have the right to decide how long to wait before getting back into the ocean and finding a new fish.” toketsupuurin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like the guy thought you two could be friends after the breakup, but just wasn’t ready to be after a few weeks. I do think he’s a jerk for acting like you’re being manipulative, instead of taking care of his own feelings and setting up a boundary.
Like ‘Thanks for the encouragement, but I don’t think I’m ready to be friends, yet. I’ll hit you up once I’m ready.'” bananagoatman1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re fully allowed to move on, but it makes sense that he’s hurt and not thinking rationally right now.
I will say that it’s really hard to immediately go from a relationship to being friends. It works best if you take time apart before trying to have a friendship. Unless you want him out of your life for good, I would maybe say ‘I think we need some time apart.
Let’s not talk for a few months and see how we feel about a friendship then.'” finsternis86
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk. Just because he’s your ex doesn’t mean you can’t be nice to him still. Also, why is he acting like you’ve committed a crime for talking to other people? It doesn’t matter when you started, you did what you felt ready to do. He doesn’t own you and he can’t control what you do. If anyone is manipulative it’s him.” Weird-Acanthaceae-38
1. AITJ For Telling My Kids Their Grandma Has Cancer?
“Last month, my stepmom found out she has breast cancer. Thankfully they caught it very early, so the odds are very much in her favor.
I then told my children (15M, 8F) about her diagnosis. I explained everything as gently as possible.
Basically said since the doctors found it so early, Nana was going to be fine. Reiterated that they can come to me if they ever have questions, or just needed some cuddles.
Two days before her surgery to remove the tumor, Nana told me she didn’t want the kids to know.
Trying to be transparent, I explained that I’d already done so, & was sorry if that upset her. She immediately started going off on me, yelling that I had no right.
I told her I did have every right, as their my kids.
She was having none of my logic, so I did the only rational thing I could & ended the conversation.
For a bit of context, my parents have always believed that you shouldn’t tell kids about these kinda things – they legit will wait until the funeral to explain that your aunt/uncle/whoever had been extremely ill.
I wholeheartedly do not believe that you should hide the truth from kids about that stuff. Kids have crazy imaginations & know when bad things are happening. If kids don’t know the truth, they get stressed out & their anxiety will make up some wild excuse as to what is going on.
Anywho, the next day, she sent me a barrage of angry texts, telling me I traumatized my kids & am untrustworthy now. To the point where she threatened to remove me from her will.
I don’t care about the will stuff for reals, I’ve never cared & it’s not like she’s over there sitting on a gold mine that I desperately want to get my hands on.
But, it did infuriate me that she’d stoop to that level of petty nonsense.
In response to her tantrum, I told her again that I was very sorry it upset her, but there was nothing I can do about it now. Said I was sorry if she feels like I’m untrustworthy, and if she wants to take me out of her will, that is her prerogative.
Tried to explain once more, that they are my children & I absolutely have every right to determine what I tell them. Told her that both my husband & my ex (kids’ father) agreed with my decision & that their opinions on how to raise the kids, were the only ones that really mattered.
Reiterated that while I understand she’s upset, I didn’t feel like continuing to argue over who was right or wrong would be productive & stopped responding to her texts.
Now my dad is mad at me too and has more or less stopped speaking to me.
Even though I still don’t think I did anything wrong. So, AITJ in this situation? Is my stepmom right – did I really traumatize my kids? Cause tbh that’s the judgment I’m really here for.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she didn’t want your kids to know then she should have said something right away, because it’s pretty normal to tell kids about stuff like this.
I googled how to tell your kids that their grandparent has cancer, and there are many results stating how you can bring this up to children in a way that doesn’t traumatize them.
The fact that she brought it up way later is her own fault.
If she didn’t want her grandkids to know about it then she should have informed you. She might think that everyone thinks like her and that it’s normal for people to not tell kids about their grandparents having cancer, but that’s obviously not the case.
Whatever weird world she lives in, she can’t expect everyone around her to just be in the same flow.” r2bl3nd
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s close to NTJ but I will excuse your parent for the disproportionate reaction due to the cancer of it all.
But know children are not traumatized by the knowledge that cancer exists. Fifteen-year-olds are certainly old enough for that information and eight-year-olds might depend on the individual child and it’s on adults to make that call. And surely it’s better than them finding out all at once when a relapse gets really bad and you have to prepare them for a death in the family.
That said I can see an understanding in which some people prefer to keep medical information very private and maybe you should have asked how she wanted to handle it. I can see why she’s upset. But I don’t think you did anything very wrong.” Starfleet_Intern
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s her medical condition and her right to privacy and confidentiality. Of course, she has the right to be angry at you. Your entire post was you saying that you broke it gently to your kids. Yes, you’re a good parent, but where in this post do I see your regard for her feelings?
She’s the one going through a scary time right now, having a tumor in her body.
Stop beefing with her right now and apologize, say that you didn’t know she wanted you to keep it quiet. If she wanted people to know, SHE can choose who to tell and tell it to them herself. What you did was take that decision out of her hands, and when she got upset, you defensively lashed back.
You showed no regard for her feelings. She’s disappointed, afraid, and going through a hard time — maybe she doesn’t want to have to deal with the reality of her grandkids looking at her like she’s about to say goodbye.
Maybe them not knowing would’ve made her feel better.
She is the patient, not you, not your kids. Yes, with your children, you have the right to parent them however you want, you have the right to tell them information and educate them the right way — but you don’t have the right to divulge information that is not yours.
You’re already treating her like she’s gone, that’s why you wanted to tell your kids — so they’re mentally prepared to deal with it. There’s nothing wrong with it, but you didn’t get her consent to do so.
I ask you this if you’re sick with a scary illness, wouldn’t you like to be consulted as to who and how people speak of your condition? It’s not always about you or your amazing parenting skills — and she said all that to hurt you because of how off-balance she feels with everything changing so fast.
Why did you rob her of the opportunity to pretend like nothing was wrong while she went for treatment? Why did you take that decision out of her hands? You were not a jerk for accidentally saying it to your kids without knowing she didn’t want you to divulge that information, but you became a jerk when you started fighting her over it.
I accidentally leak something a friend doesn’t want to share, I apologize.
You had no right, you should have apologized and you should be reassuring her that you’ll tell your kids she will be fine and that they won’t treat her any differently.
That’s what you should have taken away from her nonsense about ‘they’ll be traumatized!’ She doesn’t want them to act differently around her. That’s the takeaway you should’ve had. It’s not about you, it’s about her.
I’m really sorry if this sounds harsh, but I’m taking the time to type this because I’ve recently lost a close one to cancer.
I accompanied her through every emotional upheaval and all her tantrums. You can expect them to be afraid and to be irrational at times. ‘I don’t care about will stuff for reals I’ve never cared about gold and it’s not like she has a gold mine’ — good.
If you know you’re not after her money, then your conscience is clear.
People can get quite irrational when they’re about to say goodbye, and my loved one also started accusing me of being there for her just to get her money (amongst other terrible things).
‘I didn’t love her,’ she said, ‘I just want her property after she’s gone’. It hurt a lot, but I told her what she really wanted to hear from me with her ‘tantrum’. I told her ‘I’d rather see you forever, I don’t want an empty house, I want you to get better.’ She cried over it and we were right as rain the next day.
Sometimes you ought to sit back and think a little before taking everything too personally. Why is your stepmom mentioning wills, of all things? She’s contemplating passing away. She’s probably wrenched about having to update it. Every plan she makes right now is fraught with existential anxiety.
Sometimes when people aren’t feeling 100% in control of themselves, they get irrational and say hurtful things. It’s less a criticism of your personality than a reflection of the turmoil within them. Forgive her, tell her you’ll make sure your kids don’t treat their Nana differently, tell her she WILL recover, and don’t waste this time with her fighting to get your piece of justice.
Does it really matter that she does right by you 100% of the time when she’s emotionally compromised right now?
Consider her feelings and teach your children to care about yours, when you’re old and sick and need their understanding. Good luck OP.” bananaspilled
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