People Hand Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
15. AITJ For Insulting My Sister At Her Party?
“My (39F) younger sister (35F) always had a rocky relationship with our parents which worsened when she applied for colleges. My parents wanted her to be a surgeon (the science stream earns a lot of respect than commerce) and invested a lot of bucks sending to extra coaching to help her to become one.
She rebelled against them and went on to become a financial analyst much to Parents’ anger and disappointment. I sided with my parents because financially, my parents and I (my career choice wasn’t the best) were not well-off and she was our only hope.
I do admit we pressurized her a lot but it was for her best.
When she got into a top business school, my parents limited contact with her and cut her off financially. She tried to reach out to me, but I too limited contact with her.
Eventually, the only times we spoke to each other ended up being the times we’d have to wish each other on different occasions.
Recently, she threw a party with a few of her closest friends and invited me as well. She told me not to bring our parents along which hurt me because they wanted the best for her.
She tells me that party is for her birthday, her promotion, and her first house all built on the finances she earned from a career they did not appreciate.
At the party, it’s clear that she’s been leading a very, very comfortable life and so I called her out for being selfish and not helping us out.
She tells me she struggled through college and her twenties were spent cutting back costs to pay off loans when all her peers had a head start because her parents helped with the funding. I told her to look at it from my parents’ POV and she told me she wasn’t going to go out of her way to help people who’d respect her only based on her career choice and told me to leave the party if I was going to ruin her party and her mood.
I told her she must be miserable because even with all those luxuries she couldn’t find a partner or have a person could rely on. She just tells me to leave and pays no attention to me for the rest of the party.
I later get a message from her that if we could cut her off when she was struggling then she could cut us off too as in a relationship everything should be mutual. My parents and I are very hurt. My aunt and uncle agree with me (and my parents’ stance on this).”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your family treated her like crap and cut her off because she chose a career you don’t consider “respectable” and now that she’s successful, you’re calling her selfish for not throwing change at you. What the heck is wrong with you?
After your parents cut her off because of their own short-sighted pride, she still tried to maintain a relationship with you, her sister.
And you blew her off too.
She even invited you to celebrate with her and you decide to pitch into her as selfish for not giving you finances she worked her butt off to earn, no thanks to you or your parents.
And then, to show how low you are, you try the “you must be miserable because you don’t have a man” bullcrap. Seriously?
Your parents didn’t want what was best for her- they wanted what they decided was best with no regard to what she wanted.
Because you all expected her to save your sorry asses.
I hope your sister enjoys her life with her chosen family and has the wisdom and self-care to never have anything to do with your family again.” AnnieLosAngeles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
“My career choice wasn’t the best”
So, YOU got to choose? Presumably, you’re not a surgeon if you’re struggling financially.
You got to do whatever you wanted regardless of the financial prospects, while your sister, only 4 years younger, was pressured from the get-go to pursue an incredibly demanding field she had no interest in.
Given this and the attitudes expressed in the post that defies all logic or reason, it’s hard to avoid concluding that OP is a blatant golden child.
As well as everything else, the sister likely had to grow up witnessing blatant favoritism from her parents toward her older sibling. Maybe the career pressure was even due to her being expected to ‘compensate’ for her older sister’s freedom to make (poor) choices.
In any case, sister has done incredibly well in spite of all this, and still be as reasonable as she seems to be.
Seems that everybody is cool with karma until they’re on the sharp end of it.” Expensive_Amoeba3374
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I get that culturally, taking care of one’s family may be expected but your entire family failed their obligation to take care of your sister.
You never imagined she would make something of herself in spite of you all cutting her off and withdrawing your support and now expect her to support you all financially because she became successful when none of you believed she would or could.
She doesn’t owe you, your parents, or any of your family anything. You all need to humble yourselves, each of you personally and individually make the most formal and sincere of apologies, and beg her forgiveness. Even then, she still has no requirement to support or help you all financially. The apologies are just what you all need to do if you want to maintain any illusion you are good people (forget about good family).” PoPtakach
14. AITJ For Forcing My Daughter To Be Homeschooled Because Of Her Physical Disability?
I feel so horrible for this young lady.
“I feel like I did what is best for my daughter but she keeps telling us, and we are horrible parents for doing this to her. We want another POV.
When my daughter started her freshman year of high school, she suddenly got very ill and was in the hospital for weeks until they diagnosed her with POTS.
She could start walking again but only for short periods of time and needed a wheelchair. We decided against sending her back to school after the winter passed and instead tried about 7 online schools. She was failing every single one and telling us how much she hated it.
Eventually, we found one that was made for children who did careers and had no time to do school with very minimal work, and signed her up for it.
Despite us trying, she still turned in work last minute and got bad grades.
I ended up doing a lot of her work just so she could get a passing C. Once the summer started, we noticed she could get around more without her chair and decided to go on a camping trip up the entire west coast without her wheelchair, on a big road trip in our RV.
We enjoyed it so much that we have been exploring the country since. The 3rd year, my daughter had been begging us to put her back in regular high school to make friends. We told her we would think about it, but that was a few years back, so we continued traveling.
When her senior year started, she asked again to go to regular school. We told her no, it was her senior year anyways and she might get sick, so she should stay homeschooled. We also don’t think she could handle the work for regular school.
She says she would do better than at the homeschool because of the motivation and the strict time schedule since her online school is completely on her own with no reminders or set dates for things to be turned in.
Anyways, we just got home from a three-month trip and my daughter came out as trans nonbinary and refuses to be called anything feminine.
We think this is because of all the time they spend talking to strangers online. She is complaining that we ruined her life because she has no friends and did nothing her high school years except sit in our RV bored out of her mind.
She should be grateful for going on these trips. Most people her age can’t explore go because of school.
She says we ruined her and she doesn’t have any friends, no personal space because the RV doesn’t have rooms, and she shares a room when we’re home.
(We have a second bedroom but we rent it so we can afford our camping trips.)
We didn’t want her to go back to school because the kids would make fun of her for her wheelchair or oxygen machine. Because she was homeschooled we got to explore the country and still are.
My husband and I are old and don’t want to sit in our house any longer. We already did for our first daughter so we didn’t want to wait another 8 years until our second was out of college. It wasn’t fair to us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in a huge way. You have neglected your child for your own pleasure (in traveling the country). Look after them first, and when they’re an adult out of the home, you and hubby can do all the traveling you like.
I’m actually mad at many of the things you say – like telling us what they should be feeling (they should be “grateful” for going on these trips). How the freak dare you? They should be feeling exactly whatever it is that they are feeling.
Where do you get off trying to say what’s their correct or proper response? They’re a person. They feel the way they feel (just like you or me), not the way you want them to feel.
And you really sound like you’re supportive of them being nonbinary – I can tell by the way you ignore them and continue to use feminine pronouns and nouns for them throughout your post (when I got to that point in your post, I went back over everything I’d written, changing it to gender-neutral.
Because even though your child will never read this, I know how to be supportive and respectful of others, even young people. A shame you don’t). Who cares why it is? Again, that’s the way THEY feel – your job is to be supportive, and that’s all your job is.
And ohmyfreakinggosh, it wasn’t fair to you? You think the world revolves around you and your pathetic husband? The moment your child came out of your womb, your job became 100% to look after and care for them, putting your desires a remote second.
That’s what parenting is.
I really hope that somehow your child reads this so that they will learn that there are some adults out there who are (a) respectful of what children want for themselves and (b) supportive of LGBTQ+ youth. Because so far the impression they’ve gotten from you two is that adults are self-absorbed jerkheads.
Dang, I hate parents who think they have the right to ruin their children’s lives because they know better than the child what the child wants.” Vix_Satis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on so many levels. You regret having another kid and wanted to travel the country- and you don’t give a crap if they actually received an education, learned normal social skills, and had support/company of their peers? You couldn’t wait until they went off to college?
Because a wheelchair and an OX tank would cause them to be bullied? That is BS- you have treated your child like a total inconvenience.
You did their homework, and the poor kid still barely passed? Also: I’ve heard of parents who do homeschool while traveling via RV; yet, those I know of are intelligent and ensure their kids have a real and well-rounded education. Usually, there are siblings- not a bored and frustrated teen all alone while you/husband flit around with her in tow.
Lady, please know that all kinds of people are bullied. I was bullied from Kindergarten through HS (and even college), and had no physical disabilities. I excelled in school/extracurriculars/sports and was even good-looking (I can say that now looking back as a 37-year-old).
My best friend had a wheelchair in high school- also could walk around a bit with a cane, but a wheelchair for the hallways/going to the mall- etc. No one bullied her. She was very popular, in fact. We were in AP/honors classes together, had FUN with our other friends, and did things normal teens did…
occasionally got into mischief. She participated in gym class- k1lled it in volleyball actually. We did theatre and choir together.
Guess what? After undergrad and getting her Master, she worked for PWC and now holds a very elite and well-paying position at Harvard.
She has been married for 10 years, has a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, and a perfectly healthy and brilliant daughter.
Funny (not haha) bc you, OP, are more responsible for inhibiting your teen’s ability to “walk/run” (metaphorically speaking) because of the wheelchair.
Your own ableist and discriminatory thoughts have absolutely harmed them. They did NOT ask to be born.
YOU need to take responsibility and start guiding them in the right direction- GO HOME or let them stay with fam in a stable place.
They are older now. Enroll in a GOOD (or any, really) high school while they already have credits. YOU have not educated them, despite taking responsibility of being an educator. Maybe a counselor can come up with a good plan. Your teen wants to make friends, learn, and participate in life.
Are you expecting them to just live at home forever bc of a wheelchair? No job? No community? Disgusting.
I’m livid and can’t believe how selfish and shallow you & spouse are. Also, RESPECT your teen’s pronouns and identity. Your whole post misgenders and you’re doing it to their face. You realize this kind of terrible parenting leads to tragic consequences, right?” Lowell_1935
13. AITJ For Offering My Sister To Attend A Concert With Me But Expecting Her To Buy Her Own Ticket?
“This whole debacle happened last month.
My (57M) sister (52F) is a huge fan of Billy Joel. I’ve always been pretty ambivalent toward the guy, but I ended up seeing he was coming to NY in August and bought myself a ticket.
I figured I deserve a night out since I’ve been working hard lately. I live by myself and have a new puppy named Pepper, so I asked my neighbor to let Pepper out and feed her while I was at the concert.
I figured I would invite my sister (52F) to come along with me. Apparently, considering her was a villainous and reprehensible act. She got really excited on the phone and thanked me, which I’m not really sure why… I never explicitly said to her I also got her a ticket.
I simply asked her if she was interested in coming.
She (52F) kept constantly bringing it up over the next few weeks, and I was just about ready for this concert to come and go. The day finally came, and she popped over before the show.
Keep in mind I was already starting to stress because my neighbor had told me last-minute she had something come up and couldn’t tend to Pepper, so now I’m worried about leaving her here by herself. I asked her if she had her ticket printed already and she gave me this dumb, confused facial expression.
She asked if I had them on my phone, to which I told her, “Yes, I have MINE on my phone.”
This is where all heck broke loose. My sister (52F) shrugged and said something like, “Oh, I suppose I was under the impression you had gotten two tickets since you invited me along.”
She kept saying, “It’s fine, though” over and over again.
At this point, it was too late for her to get a ticket, but I wasn’t going to waste my own and figured she would understand that. I asked my sister (52F) if she minded watching Pepper while I was gone and she grew upset, completely acting out of line by lashing out and saying, “Seriously? You’re going to make me sit at home with the dog while you go to Billy Joel by yourself?” Which I found patronizing and honestly pretty entitled.
She finally reluctantly agreed to watch Pepper, but it was like pulling teeth.
Once I came back that night, my sister (52F) asked how the concert was (most likely to be passive-aggressive), and I told her it was decent; that Billy Joel isn’t exactly my style.
She started to go on some rant about how she had moved aside other birthday plans to come to this concert and she was disappointed. I didn’t even comment to her that night about how she had fed Pepper the wrong formula, which can give her gastrointestinal issues.
And here’s the kicker- she assumed I was taking her for her birthday, as though I had planned Billy Joel’s tour around her birthdate. I find this to be delusional, plus her birthday had been two or three days prior to the concert.
I highly doubt she had to move around much.
AITJ for expecting a grown (52F) woman to pay for her own Billy Joel ticket?”
Another User Comments:
“I think most people would assume that if they’re being invited to go to a concert that the person inviting them would get the tickets – even if they’re expected to pay you back later.
You meet up for the concert and you figure out what she owes you for the seat. Tickets sell quickly and the ones next to you will likely be gone fast. You want to go with her right? Even assuming you didn’t buy two tickets.
It would have been thoughtful of you to make sure she’d gotten hers. “My ticket is in section X… did you get yours yet?” Even if you neglect to do this and there’s the awful misunderstanding on the day of the concert that she doesn’t have a ticket; it’s her birthday (or close enough to it) that to go anyway without expressing your sorrow at the situation or trying to come up with a solution to help her is really rotten.
Did you get her a different present? Lots of people would think “My wonderful brother’s birthday gift is taking me to this concert I really want to see”. Even with this many screwups and missed opportunities to make it right, you still could have done a really big thing and given her your ticket.
“No, you go, Sis. I know it means a lot to you.” Or hey how about, “Let’s both go. You watch the first half and I’ll watch the second half.” But to go alone and then ask a favor of her on top of that is really inconsiderate.
I wonder how you’d feel if she treated you that way? I’d think not too good.
You’re going to have to work extra hard to make this up to her or your relationship could be badly damaged permanently. What’s more important, seeing a concert or having a good relationship with your sister? When you get to be a certain age, your siblings are the only ones who know your whole life story.
When your parents get sick or die they are the only ones who understand and you have to work together for your family’s sake.
Sorry but YTJ, though maybe this is just about social skills you could work on improving. I have a kid on the autism spectrum and this is the kind of thing they might have done at one time.
It’s very literal thinking in a nuanced situation. Tell your sister you’re sorry and make it up to her. Do a “do-over” and invite her to something else for her birthday and this time pay for it and treat her the way you’d want to be treated.” dbellmyers
Another User Comments:
“Wow, reading through your comments I am honestly shocked that you could think you’re not the jerk.
You know what happens when most people invite somebody to an event? They make sure the logistics are squared away. By making the plans to go to something, you are taking on the burden of planning. That includes informing people you want to bring with you the details of said event.
It’s fine that you didn’t buy your sister a ticket. It’s not fine that you didn’t tell her she would have to purchase one for herself. The responsibility of communicating that detail fell on you, and you failed. Then, when she was (reasonably!) upset, you went to AITJ to try and get other people to justify your weird sense of moral superiority.
If I were in your situation I would be apologizing PROFUSELY to my sister. Not only did you get her excited about something right around her birthday and then pull the rug out from under her, you even had the audacity to complain about her doing you the HUGE favor of watching your dog while you attend a concert she REALLY wanted to go to.
At the very least do you understand why she’s upset? Do you get why what happened hurt her?
Clearly, you just came here for validation though, if your arguments in the comments are based on anything. For somebody who is in their 50s, I am shocked at the lack of empathy you have and your lack of maturity when it comes to being told you’re wrong.
Grow up. YTJ.” Meowlik
Another User Comments:
“You are the densest freaking person I think I’ve ever witnessed. You invited your sister to come to the concert of an artist you know she loves on a date right around her birthday, didn’t think to clarify about the tickets in the WEEKS leading up to it, and had the audacity to ask her to watch your freaking dog so you can go to a concert that you got her hopes up about despite the fact that you’re playing this whole clueless act? Like what the heck?
If she went were you gonna want to sit with her? Because that concert would require reserved seats and if you wanted to sit with her you definitely would’ve asked what seats she got, effectively clearing this confusion of yours of why she’s so excited about her brother asking if she wanted to see a Billy Joel concert that he himself is going to.
If you were just letting her know he was playing in town, you would’ve said hey did you know he’s having a concert here? Not asking if she was interested in going. You she loves him. You know she’d be interested.
You’re just a jerk. YTJ
And ps, you said her birthday was a few days prior, so she “couldn’t have had to move that much around.” Have you considered she wasn’t actually celebrating her birthday ON the day? Like maybe it fell on Thursday when she had to work, so she was celebrating Saturday? You are just… so oblivious. I’m genuinely dumbfounded by how you cannot see that YTJ.” User
12. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Babysitting For A Family?
“I’ve been sitting for this family for almost a decade. They have one child who is very attached to me. There have always been issues and the only reason I’ve kept sitting for them until now is because of how much I care about their child.
They planned a couples trip and I agreed to watch the child for 9 days.
Then I got pregnant and it’s been very difficult. I’ve been off on sick leave because of symptoms and I was upfront with the parents about this and told them I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to watch the child as the child has always been high maintenance.
They assured me the child had matured and was quite independent now. They guilted me by saying how much the child had missed me and that they had no family in town and no one else to watch the child.
I agreed after being told the following about the child’s routine:
-Is completely responsible for their hygiene
-Makes own breakfast
-Packs own lunch for school
They said all I had to do was wake them up in the morning, drive them to and from school, and make dinner.
I realized day one that this was not true after the child did not brush their teeth or hair and had a meltdown when told to make their breakfast and lunch. I texted parents as I thought maybe the child was acting up.
Then the truth came out and they told me the child actually cannot do any of those things on their own. I was shocked because they blatantly lied and all these tasks are developmentally appropriate and that the child should be doing them at their age.
I told them I couldn’t continue to watch the child. They begged me to, saying they had no one else who could watch the child on short notice. I agreed to stay and just tough it out
There are other things but basically the 9 days I watched the child were physically and mentally exhausting.
I was not expecting to have to wait hand and foot on a child this age and deal with their behavior. I love the child, but they are now very spoiled and difficult because of their behaviors. My heart breaks for this child, but I feel I can no longer watch them.
If they could actually do the things parents initially claimed they could, it would be different.
The parents brought up another trip they were planning as soon as they got home and I was so taken aback, I stammered that I didn’t think it would work out and went home.
The parents texted me and I politely explained that I would not be able to sit for them anymore. Their response is why I think I’m a jerk. They basically accused me of pushing their child aside for my own baby and abandoning their child and called me heartless and selfish.
They must have told the child something because the child messaged me and told me how sad they were, that they missed me, and that they promise to be good next time. It broke my heart, and I honestly don’t know what to think.
I’m heartbroken and think this is my fault, but my partner keeps telling me it’s not my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“You are being gaslit and guilt-tripped to an alarming degree. You’re having your own child and called selfish for not putting theirs first? What a monster! (sarcasm) News alert: all parents put their own children first.
The audacity to think you wouldn’t do the same for yours is mind-boggling. They blatantly lied to you and then manipulated you. At this point, I don’t understand why you feel bad at all and aren’t instead angry beyond belief.
The only thing you’ve done wrong is not value and stand up for yourself more.
Stop letting people walk all over you or this will become a pattern for the future. Block and move on. They clearly do not care about you, only what you can provide them. They’ve shown you who they are. Believe them.
NTJ.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
OF COURSE YOU CHOSE YOUR CHILD OVER THEIRS! What kind of mom would you be if you didn’t!? Also how entitled are they that they risked your health and well-being as well as your baby’s after CLEARLY explaining your situation to them all to watch their spoiled kid who couldn’t brush their teeth on their own?
You are absolutely not the jerk here.
You went above and beyond for this kid and for them. Tell them to never contact you again as their behavior was inappropriate and personally risky to you and your baby.
I hope you have a healthy pregnancy after shedding their dead, entitled weight.” emotionallydented445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – hold up, you’re selfish for ‘abandoning’ THEIR child? They’re booking back-to-back holidays WITHOUT THEIR KID and expecting you to take care of their spoiled child and they’re calling you selfish? What the heck?
Stop! Just stop; letting them take advantage of you and your child.
You and your child are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Your health and the baby take priority. The longer you let them take advantage the worse it will get.
Their child is their responsibility, if anyone else (external family) feels bad then they can take care of the spoiled bratty child.
You are not their built-in babysitter.
Don’t allow them to emotionally manipulate you and gaslight you into being their doormat.
They’re terrible parents, abandoning their children and not teaching basic life skills. The sheer audacity of these entitled, lying, selfish, manipulative jerk is astounding!
If they can’t respect you and your child, they don’t need to be in your life.” a-_rose
11. AITJ For Kicking My Cousin Out Of My Baby Shower?
“I’m (24f) 7 months pregnant with my best friend’s (Hope, 23f) baby. She couldn’t carry and since I have a three-year-old, I offer to be a surrogate for her and her husband Mark.
Two months ago, Hope and Mark were killed in a car accident caused by an intoxicated driver.
I was hurt and I decided to adopt the baby after they are born. Mark and Hope’s family were okay with it since they both can’t take care of the baby. I promise them that they can be at all events and be in their life.
I also planned to do a photoshoot of the baby with Hope and Mark (ghost photography).
My family planned a baby shower so I can get items. I invited the actual grandparents and I was so excited to tell them the gender of their grandbaby.
Have them have experienced a baby shower for their grandbaby.
When the baby shower came. Hope’s mom helped decorate and make food. She told me how excited she was to be a grandma. She talked about how wonderful Hope would be as a mom and we talk about the baby’s future.
My cousin overheard and told Hope’s mom that once the baby is adopted that my parents would be legally the baby’s grandparents. She went on about how Hope is dead and we’ll never know how Hope and Mark would be as parents because they’re dead.
Hope’s mom started to cry and I yelled at my cousin and kicked her out. I called her a witch and told her to leave.
She grabbed my aunt and left. After two weeks, she got her family involved and my phone blew up telling me to apologize because she was telling the truth.
I refused and now my mom’s sister won’t talk to her. My grandma told me and my cousin that we’re causing a huge rift in the family.
But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know how any family members could really side with someone who said such a cruel thing to a grieving mother and think that’s acceptable.
To me, that is something that is completely inexcusable and sounds like she said it specifically to be cruel and hurtful for whatever reason.
Hope’s mother is grieving the loss of her daughter and her SIL, but that loss has been lessened a bit by knowing that a part of them will live on with the birth of their child to a person who was so close to them and generous to be a surrogate.
To insinuate that she won’t be a legal grandmother has to feel like another loss in potentially not being able to be close to her grandchild and opens up a whole other flood of sadness. Then to add insult to injury by insinuating that no one would know if they would have been good parents? Does the cousin have some kind of grudge?
That should have been a line that was never crossed and I am so sorry your family is even entertaining the idea that somehow you’re responsible for fighting in the family after that kind of fallout.
People have cut off family for saying much less. I am really sorry you are going through this, and I hope that you stay close with Hope’s mother and maybe remove some doubt by reiterating that she will still be grandma.
You are bonded now for life with Hope’s mother both in the joy of the baby but also the pain of both your losses. You have no blame here and you did nothing wrong.
As for your cousin, I hope that she either has a wake up call about her appalling behavior or that your family realizes how out of line she was and they distance themselves from her.” 2leafClover667788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Not to mention that you are 7 months pregnant, supporting a grieving mother, while also grieving yourself. You were close enough friends (best friends) that you agreed to carry her child. You didn’t do this for someone you just casually knew.
You had a close bond with Hope. You staying connected with her mom, and keeping her mom in the baby’s life will bring peace and love and hope to both of you. You’ll see Hope in her child and will keep her alive for both you and her mom.
I would be honest with your family that think you’re a jerk. That you are pregnant and grieving and are trying to do what’s right by everyone involved.
Sending you, your husband, Hope and Mark’s family big hugs and a lot of love.” transport_goddess707
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ.
And you aren’t causing a rift in the family; your cousin is. The fact that your cousin if factually correct doesn’t overcome her indifference to the suffering Hope’s mom is still enduring. What she said was heartless and caused unnecessary pain to a woman in the midst of bereavement.
Given the totality of the circumstances, I don’t think the cousin’s remaining in attendance would easily be tolerated, and you made the right decision. And, by the way, biologically, Hope’s mom IS the babe’s grandmother.
I wish you (and the babe) well.” HandGunslinger
And the fact you actually have people DEFENDING the cousin makes it more disgusting.
OP needs to cut contact with the cousin and anyone else who is actually ignorant enough to defend her.
10. AITJ For Telling My Step And Half Siblings That They'll Never Be Apart Of This Family?
“My parents had me (16m) and my brother Cole (18m) during their marriage. Mom died when I was 5 and he was 7. Dad then met his second wife and married her when we were 7 and 9. She had a daughter who was 3 years old at the time.
They also had two kids together. So that meant 5 of us total in the house.
Mom’s family never disappeared from mine or my brother’s life. There were tensions between them and our dad because they did not want to be grandparents/aunts/uncles to his stepdaughter or other bio kids.
They very much wanted my brother and me only. My dad wanted to put a stop to our relationship with them for that reason but was told by a lawyer that they would have a case for grandparents’ rights. I think he decided to try and bring his stepdaughter around them initially to change their mind, which they didn’t, then he did actually cut them off from us, and so they went to court and were granted visitation with us.
Over the years my dad and his wife told our stepsister and half-siblings that they should be allowed to come with us, that our family should have embraced them and left them wanting more out of my grandparents, aunts and uncles.
It’s always worse around Christmas because we spend Christmas Eve with them and then we sneak in the gifts from our family so nobody gets hurt/nothing gets broken or forced to share.
With my brother graduating this year my mom’s family decided to use a weekend with us to celebrate and we had a party and went to the lake and all.
It was great. My stepsister and half-siblings wanted to come and asked when they would get to be included in this stuff. I told my dad to address it and he said they have a right to feel like they should be included.
Which led to us fighting. Which led to him telling them that I could bring them if I really wanted to. So they asked and asked and asked even after the party was over. I decided with nobody else going to tell them that I would explain it.
So I did. I said they would never be included in that side because it’s not their family. That my brother and I are related through our mom, but they’re not related to our mom either. They asked why it wouldn’t just all be one big family.
So I told them not every dynamic works like that. That it’s like stepsister’s dad’s family not being involved with the rest of us. They got it. But then got upset because they felt my mom’s family was more involved than her dad’s family.
My dad’s wife told me it was an unfair comparison because her dad is still alive, while my mom is dead and could never give them more grandkids. Which I find so dumb.
But now I am getting backlash for telling them it would never happen and making them feel unwanted/unloved and left out by a warm and loving family.
I was also accused of making it clear my brother and I don’t want them there which is not what I said but they’re kids and all…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my niece’s younger half-sister came along her bio dad’s family fully embraced her as a second grandchild/niece.
My younger brother and I were also fully accepted into our mom’s first husband’s family when we came along. However, they made that choice for themselves. No one forced them into it like your father is trying to do with your mother’s family.
Your mom’s family have every right to make their own choice and they did. Would it have been nice if they made a different decision? Sure it would but it’s still their choice and they made it. Your father needs to learn to accept it and you did nothing wrong by telling your siblings the truth.
Your father was the one that set them up for disappointment, not you.” Random-User-00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your grandparents that your dad keeps pressuring you to make them consider his children their relatives, that they have been doing this for years, that they say it is up to you to make them want your stepmother’s children, that the harassment is making you uncomfortable, that your stepmom brought up your dead mom not being alive to give them more grandbabies as a reason why they should care for her children.
You are 16 years old and your father is putting this responsibility on you to make your blood relatives love his stepwife and her children, who they do not know and have no connection to or care for. Your father is being extremely out of line.
Tell the adults on your mom’s side of the family what he is putting on your shoulders.” Either-Ticket-9238
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The harsh reality of the matter is that they are unwanted and unloved by your mother’s family. To them, they’re just children belonging to someone else.
I don’t have any love for any child I pass in the grocery store. I don’t have any water desire for them in my life. They’re just another random kid just like another random adult standing in line at the same grocery store.
This is squarely on your father’s shoulders.
Their parents want them. They’re very young and I can understand why they’re hurting. But the onus should not be put on you or your brother, as children yourselves too. Their parents failed them.” PettyHonestThrowaway
9. AITJ For Kicking My Wife Out Of The House?
“Title sounds extreme, but allow me to explain. I (32m) have been married to my wife (27F) for 2 years and we dated for 5 years prior. The first two years of our relationship were riddled with turmoil due to us being interracial.
Due to her family’s culture, we spent the first two years “long distance” as we couldn’t be seen in public as it would be a disgrace to her “family” due to the color of my skin (I’m still currently in therapy for this).
Things eventually got better and we ended up married. Prior to getting married, my wife ensured me she would get a full-time job to increase our financial stability. This has not happened and for the past 2 years I’ve been responsible for everything, we did the math and about 85% of my paycheck is going toward expenses (bills, groceries, etc).
My wife works part-time twice a week, when she is not working she is spending time chilling with friends or hanging out with her family. Due to this, she has been using her credit card more which is now an added expense I’ve had to cover.
Because I get home from work at 6 – 6:30 pm for the past 4 months I’ve been asking my wife if we could spend time together on the weekends. She has always said no she has prior plans, which is ironic because whenever we do eventually go to a big social gathering she’ll remark that our couple’s demeanor is awkward and we don’t know how to be sociable together.
As a result, I’ve spent more time with my friends and people who I’ve met on Discord that live in my city than my own wife for the past few months. But this isn’t sustainable as I have almost no disposable income left to go out and see people.
Recently she has been mentioning how her family has been asking to see me (for the past 2 months) and hang out but she has been telling them I’m busy. I asked if I could go with her the next time she sees them which is next week (family BBQ, 10+ people attending) and she said “no.” I asked why and she said “honestly when you’re around the family, the vibe and dynamic is just different.
I want to be able to actually just hang with my family, but with you there, my parents/siblings act differently,” which given the cultural differences is bound to happen and she should have known this.
Her response triggered my emotions as it felt like a call back to the first couple years of our relationship where I was seen as lesser due to my skin color and made me think this is also why she doesn’t want me to hang out with her friends either.
I told her I think she should pack some items and stay with her parents for a few days. She said I was being extreme, and it’s going to take baby steps for everyone to get comfortable and that I can attend the next meet-up instead.
AITJ? – I feel like I could be a jerk as kicking someone out abruptly is extreme and kind of a 0 – 100 moment. But I feel like I’ve been mistreated for so long that it’s justified.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Truthfully I think you should look into divorce.
She treats you like an ATM.
She doesn’t respect the agreement you two made about her working. Instead, she gets to go hang with friends and do whatever.
You’ve been together for SEVEN years. She says her family wants to see you. Then you ask to go, and she says no.
Two things here in my opinion that family is probably talking tons of crap behind your back and she also either says stuff or doesn’t stick up for you, and they actually aren’t asking to see you and she’s lying, or secondly, she’s embarrassed by you and in a sense your skin color which is ridiculous to be married to someone that feels that way.
You’re not her top priority. For FOUR months you have been trying just to spend time with someone YOU’RE MARRIED to. She’s your supposed lifelong partner, yet she’s treating you like the bottom of her totem pole in terms of importance.
OP, I think you need to take some time away from her, make sure your finances are secured to a point where she can’t spend everything while you’re taking some time off, you have a joint account, and consider what you want in life from here on out.
I’m assuming you don’t have kids, but if you want them, do you want them to have to deal with this racist family and environment? Will their mom even take them to family things or will “FAMILY act different” because of how they look.” Impossible-Quail-679
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe I’m missing something, but it sounds like only the first two years of your relationship were long distance from her family and friends, so they’ve known you for 5 years? By this point, they should be way beyond baby steps.
Clearly, they’re not going to make any effort.
If you’re asking if you were the jerk for kicking her out abruptly – bear in mind that her response wasn’t apologetic. She can’t claim she thought everything was fine and you’re asking her to leave was a shock.
Not to mention, she promised to be an equal partner financially and that hasn’t happened.
Just a warning from someone who grew up with narcissistic parents – narcissists don’t tend to do well in family therapy, as they refuse to consider that they are at least part of the problem.
I’m not trying to diagnose her from a Reddit post, but her behavior certainly smacks of narcissism.” debegray
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry. My spouse and I are different too. But, our differences aren’t the sum of who and what we are.
Plus we celebrate our cultural identities. At the end of the day – we’re just people who love each and have a family together. No. I don’t want to spend all my free time with his family. And sometimes I have felt very isolated in that group.
And yet, still, I too am family to them. (We’ve been together for a long time now. And we aren’t the only multiethnic couple from my side of the family anyway.)
What can’t happen, IMO, is that I or he be made to feel marginalized and unappreciated.
That sounds like a living death. And it’s not a love I want to share with anybody. No thanks. So, I don’t blame you for throwing in the towel. It hurts me to read the words you wrote. My husband and I will never be the same color or have the same faith. But no one is the lesser in that.
Be well. Heal. Remember to breathe. Do whatever it takes. Take your life back. You do owe yourself some peace of mind and some happiness.” AndSoItGoes24
8. AITJ For Yelling At A Passenger For Getting Upset Over My Crying Baby?
“Months ago, I(M37) started saving up so my family and I could go on vacations to Mexico. I’ve only been there one time with my wife on our honeymoon, and we loved it. So we decided to go again, but now we took our kids with us, Micha 7yo and Jonah 2yo.
The thing is, it’s the first time Jonah travels with us, so we prepared everything to keep him calm on the plane since it was going to be a 6-hour trip. Which is not bad but still we didn’t want Jonah to feel overwhelmed.
Well, he slept all the 6hrs and woke up when we were at the hotel.
We stayed for 1 week and it was great, my kids liked it. So we are packing and when we arrive at the airport Jonah is asleep, we thought he would sleep through the whole thing again, but just 1hr later he starts crying, my wife and i try to keep him calm, and even though it worked, it only did for almost 30mins.
He wanted to “walk” but my wife and I tried to entertain him with his fave toys, but he was desperate to move. At this point he starts crying, but louder than the first time. I can see so annoyed faces but none of them made comments.
We played for him those baby sensory videos of fruits dancing, and he was distracted for 45 solid minutes; however, he lost interest and again wanted to move from where we were, but we didn’t let him, so the crying comes back.
It was incredibly loud and I could see my wife frustrated and tired. I try again with the sensory videos, toys, and everything I could think of, but nothing worked. Then a passenger gets up, I thought he was going to the restroom, though he approached us.
He started reclaiming my wife for “our bad parenting” and demanded we control our baby. My wife annoyed told him that we are trying but he is overwhelmed. We are so sorry for upsetting him but we are trying. He said it wasn’t enough, he is tired and wants to sleep but our baby doesn’t let him.
Again, my wife apologizes and at this point, he starts yelling at us. He said stuff like “Babies shouldn’t be allowed to travel”, “We are irresponsible parents”, and all kinds of nonsense. I asked him to lower his voice if he doesn’t want to scare Jonah, but the dude was so mad and started insulting us.
I just lose it and yell back at him, which didn’t help because Jonah was crying at a higher pitch than before.
Then the flight attendant came and ask him to go back to his seat firmly. He leaves us alone, but I can see a lot of people looking terribly at us.
I try to ignore them and focus on my kid. After a couple of minutes, he fells asleep and stayed like that. When we came back home, my wife called me a jerk for arguing with the passenger, that I just scared our kid and made things worse.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
He should have brought earplugs and not yelled at you because obviously, you were trying your best. You yelling back obviously didn’t help. Also, why not take your kid for a little walk down the aisle?
I’ve been listening to my own kid yell and scream for over four years.
It’s brought me to the brink on more than one occasion. If that’s how I feel listening to my own kid in my own home, I can only imagine how a stranger would feel stuck listening to it for six hours.
Next time, offer to buy him a drink, or several.
My kid has a lot of special needs. I don’t take him in public unless I know he’s set up for success. I’ll be honest, you got lucky on the way there.
You didn’t plan well enough. It’s ok, you’ll learn. But don’t think that coming with a few toys and a video was good enough. Next time, wear him out thoroughly before the flight, or book a night flight. Because even if you don’t give a single crap about any strangers, I know you do care about your kids and you know it wasn’t a good time for your 2 yo either.” grockit1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You admitted yourself it was the first travel for the two-year-old, yet you picket a flight. A confined space for long hours. You had no idea how your child would react. You were lucky about him being calm. What would you have done if he got scared by the plane and cried the whole flight? Or if he got scared being away from home?
Your decision to put a child so young in this situation was selfish.
You didn’t care how you affect the flight for everyone else, as long as you can go to Spain. Next time wait until your child is older and don’t use a flight of all things as the “how will my baby react to travel” experience.
Your selfishness made the flight heck for everyone on the plane and you have the audacity to complain about the others being annoyed.” Laylilay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe a bit aggressive, but you were standing up for a toddler who couldn’t do it for themself.
To anyone who doses their kid with melatonin for flights or to “help them sleep.” That’s just messed up. First, you generally shouldn’t dose a child under age 3. It seriously messes up their sleep cycles and hinders the development of the brain’s own melatonin-producing glands.
This can lead to long-term damaging effects like insomnia down the road.
I also disagree with the folks suggesting taking the kiddo out for a walk in the aisles. For one, babies like to get their hands (and mouths) on everything. Sanitary conditions on an airplane aside, that’s a lot of potential choking hazards you gotta worry about.
A stray airpod, a discarded ice cube, a peanut, anything can easily become lodged in the throat. It’s a lot of risk for very little reward other than a temporary reprieve. It sounds like this little dude was starting to get over-tired from all the sensory overload that comes with flying.
A meltdown may have been all but inevitable.
I am probably not in the best position to make suggestions (as I am a father to a one-year-old and only one kid), but if it hadn’t been tried, it might be a good idea to get a favorite lullaby on deck on your phone. I don’t know if that will work in your situation, but I will say it almost always knocks my kid out harder than any melatonin would ever do.” SlamminSamr
7. AITJ For Making My Husband Feel Like A Bad Dad?
“I (34F) am a stay-at-home mom to a 1.5-year-old. My husband (34M) works full time, so I do the bulk of baby duty.
Today we cooked on the grill and the neighbors stopped by to watch some football. Hubby mentioned he wanted to go to the bar later with the guys, so if asked him to watch baby now so I could get my workout in for the day.
He agreed and asked me to put the baby down for a nap before I left.
I head to the gym and decide to check the baby monitor (one of the wifi ones you can check from anywhere) about 30 minutes into my workout.
Sure enough, the baby is awake and crying. I figure Dad will be up in a few minutes, so I turn it off and finish my sets. 5 minutes later, I check again. Baby is still crying; Dad is still not showing up.
I tell myself to stop helicoptering and keep working out but don’t turn off the monitor. 5 more minutes of crying goes by, so I text Hubby and say, “Go get the baby, been crying for a while now.” Another 5 minutes goes by and nothing.
At this point, I give up on the workout and drive home.
I get home, Baby is still crying and Dad is with the neighbors in the backyard. I get the baby, covered in snot and with a massively dirty diaper, clean up the mess and head downstairs with baby (Hubs responds to my text with “K” while I’m changing the diaper but never came upstairs).
He comes inside finally, sees me with Baby, says I didn’t have to rush home to take care of things and that I was being dramatic. I told him that it’s ridiculous that 20+ minutes went by before he even thought to check.
He swears he just didn’t hear the crying and gets the neighbors to say they couldn’t hear it either. I told him he should have been paying attention to the monitor, not depending on hearing cries from upstairs, especially when he’s in and out of the house and has music/TV playing.
He said I was a jerk for calling him out for being a “bad dad” in front of other people and for checking up on him, especially because the baby was fine. He even did the whole, “You’re okay, aren’t you, Baby? Crying for a little bit just makes you stronger,” talking to the kid, which was really directed at me.
I thought I handled it calmly considering the amount of time that elapsed. I also never said he was a “bad dad,” just that he wasn’t paying attention when he needed to be. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband knows he messed up, that’s why he is accusing you of calling him a “bad dad” when all you did was accurately describe what he did wrong.
If what he did makes him look like a bad dad, then that’s on him. And you are not obligated to make nice about it just because the neighbors are there.
What you say to him is “Leaving your own child helplessly flailing around in their own crap while you hang out with your pals is NOT OKAY.
Period. This is NOT about me. I am NOT wrong for caring about whether my own baby is crying. This is about YOU not paying attention to our baby, and then trying to make ME the bad guy for being upset that you left the baby lying in a crap-filled diaper and wailing for help for TOO LONG.“” Bookish4269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I mean, it sounds like he’s being a “bad dad” here. How is he not being watchful of his baby? How is expecting to be able to hear it cry when he’s not even in the same area as the baby? Why did he need the baby to be put down for a nap before you could leave?
And just because he works full time and you’re a SAHM doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be contributing equally when he is home from work.
He gets to have a late night with his friends, do you also get those nights equally as well? You work the same hours per week as him, and then when he comes home, you guys should equally be splitting the rest of the caretaking/parenting/cleaning/cooking/etc.
responsibilities. Being a SAHM does not mean you work 100% of the time and don’t get an equal amount of downtime or time off as he does.
ETA: Also it can harm the baby to leave them crying for an extended period of time (and the whole ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ nonsense he threw out made me wanna gag).
You can’t see that harm, but it begins to be wired into them biologically. They’re basic needs are not being met when they’re crying for help, and +that can have a lasting impact if done enough.” shezza314
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. It sounds like, from your comments, he realized he screwed up, and yeah, he’s a good dude and a good Dad.
BUT- please address the “you embarrassed me in front of the neighbors” comment. If he didn’t want to be embarrassed by his actions in front of the neighbors, he shouldn’t have involved them in the conversation in the first place. He needs to understand that the whole interaction was gaslighting- of course, no one heard the baby crying.
The monitor wasn’t on, and there was a lot going on inside AND outside the house. He may not be a bad dad, but he definitely had a “bad dad” moment, and he got called out on it.
I’m glad you guys were able to have a productive conversation about it. It just sucks that you had to break it down to whether or not you could trust him for him to understand how monumentally horrible his screw-up was.” ceejay413
6. AITJ For Making My Partner Leave His Sister's Engagement Party Early?
“So I (28F) used to wet the bed as a child. I stopped when I was a teenager and have only really had accidents since if I’ve been sick.
Well that all changed a few nights ago when I wet the bed for no good reason.
Somehow I didn’t notice until I woke up in the morning. I was horrified and cleaned and did a load of laundry before leaving for work.
My partner “Roger” (33M) came over in the afternoon and saw me finishing up the laundry.
I figured that I would tell him about the night’s incident, and included that I had a history of bedwetting, and asked him not to tell anybody. We had his sister’s engagement party coming up and I know that sometimes he gets carried away when telling stories, and I didn’t want his family knowing this rather sensitive secret of mine.
Well a few day’s later it’s the day of the engagement, Roger drinks some champagne, and suddenly I hear him telling his friends “Thomas” and “Chris” (30ishM) about how he found the stain on my mattress and “OMG the house stunk so bad.” And him and his friends were finding this hilarious but I was mortified, especially because I had put a decent amount of effort into cleaning up after myself and making sure that nothing showed or smelled! I could see Roger’s sister and some of her friends and family looking over at us, and I can only imagine that they heard.
Here’s where I might be the AH: I marched over to Roger and told him that we were leaving. Thomas and Chris asked why, and I said that we had a doctor’s appointment the next day and had to be up early.
We had already been at the party for a few hours so nobody really questioned us, though the whole way out Roger was complaining that I was ruining the event.
The next morning I asked Roger why he would talk about the one thing that I explicitly asked him not to talk about.
This is not the first time that he’s brought up embarrassing things about me, and I’m tired of him doing it. He said that he was intoxicated, so he couldn’t think that clearly and that if I’m really so upset, I should just tell everybody that everything he said was a lie as he was intoxicated.
I said that I felt like I couldn’t trust him and that if he can’t trust himself to behave responsibly when intoxicated, he shouldn’t get intoxicated. He said that I can’t stop him from getting intoxicated as he’s not doing anything dangerous, and it wasn’t like he shouted in front of his entire family.
He said that most people would forget in a few days. I started crying and said that his entire family might not have heard, but they could have heard, and he told me that I was paranoid.
So, Reddit, am I paranoid? I feel like I might be being overdramatic, but this event brought up a lot of shame from childhood, and I want to trust my partner not to humiliate me in front of his family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m so sorry you had to put up with that. I would burst into tears right on the spot, so good on you for getting out of there.
Even if he’s a bit tipsy or even fully intoxicated, that’s still not okay.
He divulged your secret you explicitly asked him not to talk about. Even intoxicated he should know that’s not appropriate.
I don’t think he respects you. You deserve better.
Is he even remorseful?
You should probably have a think about the relationship and the way he treats you.
Is this the person you want to be with for the rest of your life?
Just a side note, it might be a good idea to see a doctor. Sometimes there are conditions that cause adult bedwetting, even if it’s intermittent.” Ok-Writer-774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Let’s say this was a story that wasn’t tied to something big. You told him ahead of time you didn’t want it shared. When he ignored your boundary, you told him that it hurt you. He placed the blame on you.
That’s a sign of a person who has no respect for how you feel. As long as he views it as okay, he’ll do it. That means stories, interactions, decisions… all of it. You can’t trust someone like that.
As a side note, sometimes things like this happen.
Though for her it was a one-time thing, my wife once woke me up in the middle of the night so we could change the sheets because she dreamed that she was using the bathroom and wet the bed. I got up and helped and never said a word about it again except to check in the next day that she was okay.
Likewise, I once was so ill that I was vomiting and pooed myself at the same time. My wife just helped me clean up and made sure I stayed hydrated. People who love you don’t want you to feel humiliated.” Goda6511
Another User Comments:
“I say this as someone who has been a bedwetter my entire life – NTJ – sorry you had to put up with that.
It’s extremely unfair to you by someone who is supposed to have your back and respect you.
I can relate and have always been terrified of others finding out. That worry caused me to delay telling my now-wife about it until over a year into being together.
It’s such a sensitive topic so I’m really sorry he broke your trust like that and thought using you as a punchline was okay in front of so many people like that. Really immature by him.
Has he said anything since? Has his family said anything about you leaving?” united088
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Wife To Attend A Work Dinner With My Boss With Me?
I mean, do the staff of the company normally bring their partners to dinner meetings like this? Then, yes, it’d be understandable why she’d feel hurt that he wouldn’t want to bring her.
“I’m M(32), Been working at this company for 7 years.
I’m sort of like an engineer/analyst/manager and I’m heavily involved in everything from supporting salespeople to managing product development. I’ve been told I’m being considered for promotion in the near future. I’m going to FINALLY be officially recognized as part of actual management.
This is huge for me since I’m the only one working. I have no degree, but I make about 70k a year and my wife F(33) stays chooses to stay home with our 2 kids (she has an associate’s degree and is able-bodied).
With house prices and food being what they are, it’s been difficult. So I REALLY need to kiss some butt and get this promotion.
So that being said, there is a new product launch happening. I work remotely but I’m near the factory we make or will make the product.
My boss, his boss, and the higher ranking salespeople are flying in to see and discuss the product. My boss wants me to meet them for a corporate dinner after a sales training/meeting at the factory. So I can meet his boss and upper management who have flown in.
Mostly because everyone happens to be here (he lives in an entirely different city and the salespeople live in different states throughout America).
I’ve told my wife that I need to attend this dinner on Monday, and then go physically to the factory the next day and train people during the day and evaluate some software we are developing to accompany our product.
She is LIVID that she isn’t invited to this dinner, She claims I don’t love her and other men wouldn’t do this to their wives. My being physically at the factory is also preventing her from getting some pictures taken of one of our kids (she won a photography thing) That she wants me to drive her to.
She is unwilling and uncomfortable driving downtown and would rather me do it. But these pictures are scheduled to be taken 1:30 pm to 3 pm during working hours, which is normally not an issue because I work from home and can drive places during the day if I need to.
She is now blowing me off and acting as if I’m conspiring to make her miserable. I’ve told her that this seems really unreasonable and asked her why she is acting this way? I do not understand why is she not supporting me in this, it seems very unfair that I’m the only one working, and doing what I’m asked to do makes me a bad person apparently.
Her response was to accuse me of narcissism for questioning her actions. She’s told me that “it isn’t normal and there are men out there who wouldn’t do this to their family.”
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife’s reaction is the abnormality here, and I think you know it.
I don’t know why she thinks she would be invited to a business dinner that’s going to be focused on discussing business, or how she manages to get the kids to all the other activities and errands that presumably come with being a stay-at-home-parent if she doesn’t have some kind of backup plan for you not being able to drop everything and drive her around.
If this is for real, tell her that the only further argument you’re willing to have on this is in counseling, because she’s throwing around a whole bunch of suspicious buzzwords and generalizations that aren’t backed up by reality.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
In all the years I’ve worked at various jobs, the only times a spouse is invited to a dining event put on by work has been when it’s specifically, like, a Christmas party for the department or a celebration-type event (product launch, successful IPO, etc).
Otherwise, if it’s just you being invited to a dinner with management it’s VERY clearly not a party.
I’m married, and my husband is chronically ill now, but before that, he was a stay-at-home spouse. He has literally never asked me to go to a business dinner with me because he understands that boundary.
He may ask that I order him something to-go near the end of the meal (on my own dime, not the company’s) if it happens to take place at a restaurant he likes, but he would never dream of demanding to go.
Honestly, it may be worth spending a touch less on the 5 year’s oldest birthday party to try a session or two of couple’s therapy – if only to have a mediator in the conversation you two clearly need to have.
I say that because the biggest standout to me in this whole thing and your comments is that it’s Her Way Or No Way, and that’s not a healthy dynamic. You may not hate her for it, but you’re clearly frustrated and it seems like the two of you would benefit from someone who can help keep the much-needed conversation on track.” Disapproving_Tremere
4. AITJ For Towing My Sister's Friend's Car For Blocking My Driveway?
“Backstory, I am 10 years older than my younger sister and have a house about 2 hours from my parents’ house where she lives. My sister often stays with me on the weekends because I live a few minutes from a large recreational lake.
This is fine, as long as she is quiet and allows me to sleep as I work 5a-5p shifts all weekend. My sister is very courteous, and I enjoy having her over.
However, my sister has been bringing her new friend with her.
They drive separately because the friend leaves for summer school on Sunday nights, and my sister is on summer break and often stays until Monday afternoon so we can spend more time together because I work weekends. This friend has been nothing but trouble.
She is very loud, obnoxious, and annoying. She often wakes me several times during the night laughing loudly, going in and out of the house and slamming the door, using the microwave/oven timer, etc. I have nicely told her to please keep the noise down, and she always says that she is trying to be quiet but forgets sometimes that I’m there.
The major issue is that the friend continues to park directly behind me in my driveway where I cannot back out to go to work in the mornings. I go to bed around 8pm on Fridays, and the friend usually arrives at my house later than that, so I can’t catch it as it happens.
I always have to find her keys in the morning to move the car myself or if I can’t find them, wake her to move her car. This has almost made me late for work every Saturday for the past five weeks.
I remind her the next day when I get home to please not park behind me because there is plenty of street parking, but it never fails for her to be behind me the next Saturday when I leave for work.
This week was the last straw. I set up a traffic cone behind my car last night to remind her to not park behind me. When I woke up this morning, I saw that she had MOVED THE CONE and parked behind me even though the space behind my sister was empty and there was plenty of street parking in front of my house.
I was extremely angry, as this was at least the 5th week I’d told her to not park behind me. I called a tow truck and had her car towed. While I was at work, I got an angry text from the friend asking about her car.
I explained to her that I’d had it towed and that she was not to block me in intentionally again, or she was no longer welcome in my house. My sister and her friend both think I’m TA, but I feel that after so many reminders, my actions were justified.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You repeatedly asked her not to park behind you, you left a cone out to remind her, and she still blocked you in. I wouldn’t even give her another chance to come over if it were me. You need to sleep and you need to be able to leave the house on time for work without stressing about someone blocking you in.
Also, you deserve basic human decency and respect from anyone who is staying at your house. Since she can’t manage to do that, she has no place in your home.” Alarming-City8035
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have been incredibly accommodating to her by offering your house to her when you are working all weekend.
She has shown a pattern of disrespect and parking in front of your driveway is intentional disrespect (this does not happen on accident, especially multiple times). I am surprised you have been this patient thus far. I would have already told her she is no longer welcome.
She continued to disrespect the very simple boundaries you established. If your sister cannot understand your frustration, she can find a place to stay other than your house for her weekends.” Dismal-Staff-1842
Another User Comments:
“Both your sister and her friend are jerks, your sister is a guest at your home and you have been extremely accommodating with her, even allowing her to bring a friend .
Your sister should have been the first person in line to address these issues because it is HER friend and therefore HER responsibility. The fact she is siding with her mate instead of backing you up, is so ungrateful.
You would be remiss in allowing this girl to return to your home because how can you trust her not to get revenge on you?! Stupid people who are angry make ridiculous decisions and also your sister isn’t exactly known for ensuring her friend doesn’t step out of line, besides which she doesn’t think what her friend does is wrong so she can’t be trusted. NTJ.” WelshWickedWitch
1st strike I ask her not to do it again.
2nd strike I warn her that I'll have her car towed if she ignores me again.
3rd strike I have the car towed and tell her not to come back to my house until she learns to respect me.
And if she never comes back, so be it.
That's one less headache for me.
3. AITJ For Telling The Bride It's Not My Fault I'm Prettier Than Her?
I feel like that’s one of many things you shouldn’t tell a bride, let alone your sister.
“I (23f) and my sister (25f) have always had a good relationship, that’s until she began a relationship with her now husband (25m). I never really knew what started the downfall, but through lots of thought and intervention from friends and family, I now know it’s because he had a crush on me when we were teens (we all went to the same high school).
I was quite happy when she introduced him to the family since she had some rough times in her life, and she seemed super happy with him, and a plus was that he was MUCH nicer than the other guys she was with.
But as we continued to see and talk to each other at family functions, she just kept getting more cold towards me. It was a surprise when I had gotten invited to the wedding, let alone as the maid of honor.
I thought maybe she knew she was in the wrong by being jealous for no reason since I had no plans to try and “steal” him from her or even bring up his high school crush on me. But once plans for the wedding began, that’s when everything goes downhill quickly.
She had made plans for the dresses. Everyone’s dress was to be low cut and fitted, but I was to wear a scoop neckline and long sleeves. I accepted because I was doing whatever I could to get my sister back.
Then everyone was to wear extravagant makeup with bright colors (yellow and pink) while I had to wear the minimum of that (more natural looking). I felt really out of place, but I’d do anything for my sister.
The wedding went smoothly! Everything went to plan; everything was beautiful, but then the reception came, and my sister was mad at literally everyone.
Not talking to me and trying to outcast me even more! I eventually pulled her aside and asked her what I did wrong. She completely went off and yelled at me about how her husband had always had a crush on me and how I shouldn’t have even been at the wedding and it was only for the family that I was even there since, apparently, my mom forced her to make me maid of honor and how apparently her husband was looking at ME the entire time! Me being the sarcastic person I am and being completely done with her bullcrap had the fantastic decision to say, “Well, it’s not my fault I’m prettier than you.”
I left right after that and later got a bunch of calls and messages from family and friends saying that I need to apologize and that she shouldn’t have to feel bad on her wedding day.
I’ve been thinking about apologizing, but I also believe she deserves it, so AITJ? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Although your sister is a bit more sucky than you.
Your sister clearly has serious jealous issues that she should be in therapy for.
If she’s seriously worried her now-husband still harbors feelings for her sister then why the crap would she marry that person? And why would she think he was still harboring feelings from a high school crush when you’re now in your 20s? She has to know her jealousy is unfounded on some level to go through with the marriage, but logic is losing out to anxiety and fear, and that’s therapy time.
If he is still harboring feelings for you, she should be angry at him, not you – you’re not responsible for the way people feel about you, just the way you treat them.
But your response was unnecessarily cruel. All it did was reinforce all her anxieties and insecurities about herself compared to you.
It sounds like you’ve been hurt by her behavior and waited until her actual wedding day to decide to air out these issues, which is inappropriate. You should have spoken to her about it before or after the wedding, rather than at the event.
There’s a time and place for difficult conversations, and a wedding with the bride is not that time or place.
You should both apologize to each other and I think your sister needs a therapist for her insecurities and jealousy problems.” petulafaerie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Don’t apologize because that would be admitting you did something wrong or doing it simply for their or her peace of mind. What about yours?
This situation had nothing to do with you. YOU didn’t reciprocate any feelings, and you made a concerted effort to be in the background.
You accepted ALL of her conditions because you love your sister. It is a harsh reality when you realize the feelings are not returned.
If HER HUSBAND was looking at you, then that sounds like a her and husband problem and has NOTHING to do with you.
You didn’t start this. They did. And this is not high school anymore; time to grow up.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – It’s clear when you read the post that your comment of, “Well, it’s not my fault I’m prettier than you” is exactly how you think.
You said, “I thought maybe she knew she was in the wrong by being jealous for no reason since I had no plans to try and “steal” him from her.” Notice the reason your sister shouldn’t be jealous isn’t because of the strength of her relationship.
It isn’t predicated on her connection to him or her husband’s love for her. To you, she shouldn’t be jealous because you don’t want him. Which means if you did want her husband, she should be worried because clearly you think you could take him.
This speaks volumes about you as a person.” Antidote_to_Chaos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You went through the wedding from heck and didn’t say a word or rebel against her in any way? You have much more patience than me! It wasn’t the best way to react, sure, but she suddenly blew up at you for a weird reason and you can hardly be expected to be on your best behavior after all that.
From everything you said, it seems like you only see her husband at the occasional family event, and you’ve made no mention of his behavior towards you being anything other than friendly. If he does still have feelings for you, then he seems to have kept quiet about it.
Your sister’s behavior borders on obsessive paranoia. Giving you the cold shoulder just because you spoke to him at family events? Trying to make you less attractive at the wedding? Definitely not normal behavior. Was her husband staring? I somewhat doubt it.
This was their wedding, they were the focus of everyone’s attention, you would think more than just the bride would notice if the groom couldn’t keep his eyes off someone else!
Your sister is being a jerk but a jerk who might benefit from support and therapy.
You hinted that her past partners were not so nice; it’s possible she’s been left with trust issues. Maybe sitting down with her and apologizing for how you handled the situation and reassuring her that you want to see her happy might help. Also, have a word with your mother because if she really did force your sister into having you as her maid of honor, then she’s being a jerk too.” Entorien_Scriber
Should you have said what you did? Hard to say. Your sister was dumping on you again and again. It must have been exhausting putting up with that crap. You are not the jerk but I think that you need to build a case against your sister that your family understands.
2. AITJ For Essentially Taking Our Childhood Home Away From My Brother?
“My wife, 30F and I, 32F were living in a 2-bedroom condo in the city. Pricey due to the location but small.
My mom, 66F was living in the home she’d inherited from my grandparents with my younger sister, 24F.
We were looking to upgrade to a bigger place since my wife was pregnant with #2, and my mom suggested that we trade houses.
Initially, she was just going to move into our condo while we moved into the family home. We got pretty far in the legal/financial process, but then she had a major health set back and we all decided that she would benefit from actually staying in the mother-in-law suite of the family house, and then she would rent out “her” condo for retirement income.
So nominally she does own our old condo but she doesn’t live there. The house was worth 750k and the condo only 600k, but since she’s also living with us rent-free, we were making upgrades to her “suite,” and we’re helping administrate the condo as a rental property, we all decided it comes out in the wash.
My sister also still lives here part-time when she’s not with her SO/traveling for work.
My older half-brother, 44M who lives in another part of the country is very very upset about this. He’s my mom’s son from her first marriage. He didn’t really catch what was going on until the move was well underway, he and I don’t talk much and I guess my mom didn’t mention it to him.
I think initially he thought we were just moving in with her.
Now he’s upset at being denied a home that’s his as well. It’s technically both our childhood homes but he only lived in it full-time from when he was 11 (when my grandparents died and my parents married) to when he was 14 (when he decided to live with his dad for the most part).
I lived in it 0-22, and even before we moved here spent way more time there and with our mom since I still live in the area. My wife and I are very active in my mom’s life, while my brother lives thousands of miles away and has kept my mom at arm’s length since he was a teenager.
The move is all complete, our family is settled in the house, my mom is settled in the newly refreshed mother-in-law suite, and we have great renters for the condo, but he is still very resentful. He visited for the first time recently and was openly complaining.
He kept making passive-aggressive comments like how he was forced to sleep on an air mattress “in his own house” and things like that. I said it had been a fair trade not a gift and he hadn’t been around, and he said I’d scammed our mom into it and he should have had a cut of it and been informed.
We ended up getting into a shouting match about it. He said he was the eldest and he should have had a cut of it and been informed about my mom’s plans. I told him to grow up and that it was a you snooze you lose situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Seems like what has effectively happened here if you leave out the part where you are all related is this :
Mom sold her house, bought a condo.
You sold your condo, bought the house.
Mom gave you 150k (in equity), you took care of your mom’s needs as an elder, which people either normally pay for themselves or their children do.
In this case, seems like Mom paid a fixed fee of 150k for the services of in-home care AND rental property manager, and room and board for the rest of her life. Really there’s no way to know wether or not she will get the full value of that exchange in the remainder of her lifetime.
Depending on her care needs, she might’ve hit that number real fast.
Maybe see if you can find the average cost for whatever her needs are. Show that to your brother and tell him either one of you takes care of Mom or you three would have to split that bill every month to be fair.
The national average for assisted living is 4,300 a month, so a hair shy of three years.
While you are at it, maybe suggest he think about how selfish and unreasonable it is to be fighting with his siblings about his inheritance while his mother is still alive.
That firmly and undoubtedly makes him TA.
Your mother’s assets, including what is now her 600k condo and whatever earnings she has from the rental income she gains, should be split amongst you all however SHE sees fit, end of story.” imfamousoz
Another User Comments:
“I’m conflicted.
Somewhere between ESH and nobody’s the jerk here. Your brother is acting like a jerk and is clearly overly concerned about the inheritance piece, but I feel like you’re handling what should be your mother’s conversations with him.
We have a very similar family structure.
When my dad died, my brother and his family moved into my mom’s house, built out a garage apartment, the whole deal. That house is the legacy to be left to their children and my mom isn’t shy about making her intentions around the house clear for when she’s gone.
We have had issues with this over the years because my brother absolutely benefits from the living arrangement, unfairly at times. My mom had major issues with her seven siblings when her parents passed and she didn’t want that for us so she has been 100% clear about what goes to who when she passes.
If something feels unbalanced, that’s between me and her. It’s created an open dialogue about her final wishes and why she wants them. Strangely, it works. I do feel a little left out sometimes and wish I had boundaries instead of “my whole family together or not at all” but overall it’s okay.
I feel like your mom needs to step in here and field this conversation with him and why it makes sense to her. Regardless of how you lived in the house longer or if he lives nearby, if that’s her legacy, he isn’t wrong to want to feel included in the conversation at a minimum.
I wouldn’t want my brother speaking alongside my mom about inheritance concerns and assisting with those decisions and yours may very well feel that’s what’s happening here.” Comfortable-Zebra279
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You all need to learn to communicate with each other. Your half-brother is being a total jerk in his response to the situation and in his behavior toward you.
But I see phrases like “I think “ and ” I guess mom didn’t mention it to him.” It sounds like your arrangement was a total surprise to him. You or mom should have told him of your initial arrangement up front and let him know right away when the plan had to change.
You really should have checked to see if mom told him. If not it would have been up to you to communicate with him. He probably feels like no one cares enough about him to even let him know what’s going on.” The-Crone
1. AITJ For Criticizing My Teacher's Teaching Skills
Well, they technically aren’t a teacher, so I say give them a break.
“I (16f) am taking honors geometry. This is because the school never hired us a teacher, so instead, they hired a long-term sub. The substitute herself is really nice, but she is basically learning the curriculum along with us.
It’s very frustrating being in an honors course and knowing more about the topic than your teacher, which isn’t saying very much because it’s new material. I ask her a question about the homework and I get “I don’t know how to do that.
Let me work it out, and I will tell you the answer tomorrow.” For 3 weeks since school started, we have been learning off of videos made by other teachers, and if we don’t understand it, oh well, we have to wait until the day the homework is due to even get a clue on what to do because our teacher doesn’t even know how to help us.
I always end up having my dad tutor me. The only reason I have a low B in that class is because of my dad (IT software and engineering guy) I really need to keep this grade up because both my swim team and my marching band require passing grades to participate.
Today in class, she gave me the answer to my question from yesterday, which my dad already answered. I said, “I figured it out already, thanks.” I’m not proud of what I said next, but when she told me she should check it anyway, I told her “I’m sorry, but because you are unable to provide your class with help when they need it; we have to get it elsewhere.
I found someone who can help me without giving me a 24-hour waiting period to figure out a solution.”
She kind of glared at me and continued on. I apologize to her after school but informed her I would be speaking to the counselor about transferring to another class where the teacher could actually teach me properly.
She said it wasn’t her fault the school never hired a teacher. I agreed and responded with “But it is not our fault you cannot teach us properly because you yourself are learning the material with us. I need to pass this class so I can keep doing my extra curriculars and I cannot do that here.”
I left after that and told my parents what happened.
They said I was in the wrong for making her feel like she wasn’t qualified to be our teacher. I told them that she was, in fact, unqualified to teach HONORS geometry. They said they agreed, but I didn’t have to be so insensitive.
I did what I thought was best for me, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You may be an honors student. But you do not have an ounce of tact. That is going to bite you in the butt in the future when you go college and will likely bite you in the butt now if you do stay in her class.
So I hope you are serious about leaving now that you opened your mouth.
She is subbing your class. She is covering for someone else, and obviously, she is the most qualified of those who applied for this position.
But no matter her qualifications she won’t be able to get ahead of the entire class (25+ kids probably?) in learning the material thoroughly on top of marking and assigning the homework.
If you are in honors, you should know that.
Would you rather her make up an uneducated answer to your question on the spot? What she did was be transparent with you, and got back to in 24 hours. Teachers aren’t good teachers because they know all the answers.
It is because they are dedicated to getting the correct info to their students even if that means they need to do some extra checking or tell you they don’t know. And they are dedicated to continued learning and growing. They are still people and you did not speak to her like you should speak to a person.
You sound stuck up honestly. Her reaction was appropriate I’d say. Even if you are right and she is the worst and knows nothing. You were extremely rude and downright demeaning. I wonder if it makes you feel better to act that way toward others.
Your post makes you come off as though you think you are superior to others. I hope you adjust yourself. Your parents are right.” Chickandaduck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you were rude at all. You were upfront and clear. You even apologized.
It sucks that sometimes the truth hurts and she probably didn’t want to hear she wasn’t being helpful, but like… it’s an honors class. They need the right teacher to teach it. They can’t literally have students needing to get class help elsewhere because that class’s teacher can’t do the curriculum.
You weren’t calling her stupid, you didn’t insult her. You just stated a fact. “You’re not qualified to teach this, I don’t blame you for the school hiring you, but it’s also not my fault that you’re in this position.”
Frankly, the school needs to fix this problem and actually try to benefit their students, otherwise, why bother having an honors program? This is whack and your parents are looking at the personal aspect of it instead of the professional one.
Which, to be clear, you weren’t rude about. “I need you not to train my dog because you’re currently learning yourself how to train my dog and it’s hindering my ability to train them because neither of us knows what we’re doing” would be a viable thing to say to someone trying to train your dog.
The only difference here is that you’re given, as a student, no real recourse in teacher selection. Yes, teaching is a hard, usually thankless job. It’s underpaid. That doesn’t magically erase that a teacher shouldn’t be teaching a class they aren’t prepared for.
I don’t want Ms. Appleton teaching me Spanish when she’s a French teacher.” DNRmyDNA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you are making the problem worse for a teacher who is already probably stressed to the breaking point. I strongly recommend that you apologize sincerely for your rudeness, acknowledge that she has been put in an impossible position, and express appreciation for her efforts.
Then offer to help so you can make the best of this school year.
As a retired math teacher, if I were advising your teacher, I would tell her to complete all of the homework assignments one or two days before assigning them to you.
It’s the best way to prepare for class. It would give her the opportunity to ask her colleagues in the math department for help with difficult problems. However, you are not in a position to offer her any advice.
When you have gotten help from your dad, do you offer to explain it to the rest of the class? Are you willing to try to demonstrate a positive attitude in class every day in order to help the class stay calm and focus on the math? You, the teacher, and the rest of the students are going through this struggle together, and if you all make the best of it with a good attitude, you can help each other.
It’s best to have a teacher who knows what they’re doing, but you can still learn geometry this year. The process of figuring it out, especially if it involves class discussions, is very valuable for learning the underlying principles.” IncessantLearner
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