People Tell Us Their Harrowing "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Not Getting Some Of My Late Wife's Money For My Stepdaughter?
“I am married to Ashley. Our girls from previous relationships are both 17. My ex-wife was Sam. She and I were never a great couple, but we were great friends and great parents/co-parents so we stayed very close after the divorce. I was aware she had started saving for our daughter’s future education.
We had reached somewhat of a compromise on how to handle that. I did most of the spending on her adolescent activities and extras (so all her extracurricular activities, hobbies, and for the most part gifts that we shared) while she saved for the future in an effective way. I never knew how much was in the account until 2 years ago when my ex died.
It was then I learned she had saved a hefty amount and that aside from allowing for her funeral expenses, she had left money for our daughter to use as she saw fit outside of the college fund.
Ashley and I married 7 years ago and at the time we had discussed money for the girls, etc.
I explained I was not saving but my ex-wife was. She had not started anything for her daughter at that point and her ex was not saving either. So we started to put a little by when we could. But we were never able to save huge chunks at a time.
After Sam died money became a much larger issue. Ashley was upset to learn my daughter had a considerable amount more than my stepdaughter for college and that she had money ‘to spare’. It only became a bigger deal this past May. My daughter told me she had decided to do community college in her mom’s hometown so she could be close to her grandparents for a while, and could still follow her dreams.
Ashley then brought up how some of those funds could go to my stepdaughter. I told her no. That it was not OUR money, and even if she tried to suggest that it would be mine seeing as my daughter is a minor, I pointed out that it would be stealing to just take from her, AND I had never contributed to that fund directly and it would be taking my ex-wife’s money.
Ashley went off about Sam putting so much away when she knew our daughter had a stepsister and how she was selfish to make her so much better off than her only sibling. I told her she needed to get over that because Sam only had one child to think about and it wasn’t her job to think about my stepdaughter or even any bio kids I could have had after our divorce.
Ashley told me to think about my stepdaughter. I told her my stepdaughter is not entitled to my daughter’s money or my ex-wife’s money (whichever way she wanted to look at it). She asked how I could be so callous about her daughter’s disadvantage.
36. AITJ For Telling My Mother To Stop Trying To Make A Connection With Me?
“My mother is a great woman and has gone through more than anyone ever should. She was a child of different types of abuse. Her upbringing was in every sense of the word. She took to illegal stuff and lived on the streets to fend for herself until she found herself pregnant with me
She claims god told her not to abort me and found a house for a pregnant woman to bring me to term.
I was born and my mother and I were still living in this house when a kind family decided to adopt my mother as an adult and me along with her as a baby.
All this back story is to say from this moment my mother’s life became about healing the trauma of her past.
(Not raising me) The memories I have from this time are intense. My mother was an understandably angry person and not a good mother. I remember never being allowed in my home because of her therapy, was passed from house to house, and never felt stable. When I was home there was constant fighting and anger, I was abandoned on the side of the road at one point to the horror of my adoptive grandparents.
It’s taken most of my life but the therapy has worked and my mother is a transformed woman. She’s healing and becoming a kind and loving person. She’s made so much progress. As an adult, I recognize her strength and the journey she’s been through and respect her to the utmost.
But we don’t have the mother/son connection she now desperately wants. I see her trying to make a connection but ultimately it’s not there, so she starts to push and it creates conflict
I told her I love and respect her, but she didn’t raise me and I don’t look to her for nurture or comfort. When I needed it I never found it in her and now I don’t need or want it, so she needs to stop forcing a dynamic that doesn’t exist. AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Telling Brother I'm Not Coming To His Wedding?
“My (19 M) brother (22, we’ll call him Jay) is getting married to his significant other (21, we’ll call her Grey) of a couple of years. From everything I’ve heard of her, she’s great, kind, and makes him happier than I’ve ever seen him and I was ecstatic that he was getting married…
until I learned that she was my ex.
I and Grey dated for around 6 months when I was 17 and she was 19, the age gap wasn’t a problem for us and we got along just fine, but she kept bringing up me always being busy and I kept apologizing and saying I can’t be available all the time, but she wasn’t really having any of it and broke things off, what made it worse is a month later she and Jay started going out.
I was furious with him and told him off for pursuing my ex and then cut him off and told him ‘Talk to me again when you’re not talking to her anymore.’
He contacted me 2 months later saying they broke up, I believed him because I and Grey broke contact completely before so me and Jay started talking again.
We’re also kinda contacting each other long distance right now since he’s in the military – so I don’t really have a close look at his life.
When Jay announced his engagement with Grey (he never said her name) we were all excited for him, especially when he pulled me aside and I got even more excited because I thought he was gonna ask me to be his best man.
He told me ‘So about the girl I’m marrying… I don’t want you to be mad at me, but… you know when I said I broke up with Grey…’ I didn’t even let him finish before saying ‘I’m not attending your wedding’ and walking out. I tried my best not to make a scene but everyone saw me leave and was blowing up my phone afterward asking what happened and why I was being such a jerk walking out on Jay like that.
I pretty much responded to all of them, ‘Don’t try convincing me to attend his wedding when he lied to me for 2 years’.
My mom is mad and so is my grandma that I’m ‘making a scene out of something so small and to just get over it’.
Edit: I knew Grey for about a year and a half through a mutual friend, and we dated for 6 months within that time frame. Jay and Grey met shortly after I met Grey because she was now part of the friend group that we had.”
34. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Help Around The House?
“My (40 f) husband (51 m) is a great guy, but super old fashioned. His dad is a Baptist preacher and his mom has never had a traditional job or worked outside of the home. She did all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, and his dad worked, handled the finances, and was the disciplinarian.
We’ve been married for almost 7 years, and during that time, there have been 3 occasions where I was the only one of us working; once when we first got married (he quit a job on the road to be a husband), once when we moved across the country, and presently.
He’s always gotten up and gone to work and worked hard. When he was working 10-12 sometimes 14 hours a day, I had zero issues with doing the housework, paying the bills, doing the grocery shopping, etc without his participation.
But, he got fired in early June and it’s absolutely crushed his pride.
I haven’t been harping on him to get a job, understanding that he needs some time and deserves a break. BUT. I’m working 9 hours a day, coming home, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry, and he’s parked in his man cave drinking or sitting on the couch, drinking.
He’s critical and gives excuses for not pitching in. I don’t like his cooking because I never tell him how delicious the meal is. I don’t ask for his advice or opinion so he doesn’t know what his place in our family is. His back hurts. He knows he should ‘help more’ but then doesn’t.
The only time in the last 2 1/2 months that he’s been unemployed that he’s done anything is when his brother was coming over for a week and I was at work, with no idea the brother was headed our way.
I’m tired. I’m frustrated and sad that my partner is so wrapped up in pride and self-pity that he can’t see I’m drowning.
He says thank you and that he appreciates all I do, and while that’s nice, what I really need is for him to step up. He’s gone on a few trips with his brother, which I don’t mind because we’re not paying for it, but I’m getting resentful. I’m carrying the entire load, with little to no participation from him and it’s showing in my face.
He reads me well and asked me what was wrong. I told him I feel like I’m drowning. He asked for clarification and I told him that I’m working, coming home, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, sweeping the floors, and that thank you’s are nice but what I really need is help.
He’s got snippy with me and has retreated to his man cave. Been there for two hours now. It makes me feel like he’s a child instead of a partner. Am I the jerk here?”
33. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Makeup Artist?
“I am obsessed with makeup and skin care. It is probably one of my favorite things in the world. I’m not a professional, but sometimes I will do makeup for my friends/family for special events. Again, I’m not a professional so it is only something I do for people that I know and I am very close to for obvious liability reasons, and because I just flat out don’t want to.
I also do not like when others use my makeup for hygienic reasons.
When my brother and SIL got engaged, I was thrilled. SIL is a sweet girl and treats my brother well.
During the wedding planning, SIL asked me several times if I would do the makeup for her wedding as well as her wedding party.
I said no. I did not want all of those people using my makeup, and I explained that I was not a professional and would not do it.
SIL seemed fine with my choice, and I thought we were fine. She sent a text message telling all of us that she hired a professional to do everyone’s makeup and that we would have to send her $150.00 before the wedding.
I told her that I was not interested as I would be doing my own. She was upset with me and said that if she got ten people to give $150.00 she would have her makeup done for free. I told her that I was not interested and stood firm that I was doing my own makeup for the wedding.
My brother was super mad at me and called me a cheapskate, which caused us to get into a huge fight. We barely spoke in the weeks leading up to the wedding and during the wedding both he and SIL snubbed me.
My mother got involved and basically said I should have just given the $150.00 even if I wasn’t getting my makeup done, but I told my mom that I was already giving them a gift why should I give more money? I wasn’t a bridesmaid or even involved in the wedding party at all, I was just going as a guest and I gave them a $500 cash gift.
Since then my relationship with my brother is strained and SIL will not speak to me at all except for snide comments calling me a cheapskate or making snippy remarks about my makeup when she sees me.
AITJ for not caving and giving the money for the makeup artist?”
32. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's No Longer Welcome In My Home?
“My brother and his partner were visiting my fiancée (26 F) and me (29 F) for 4 days, as we live near a city he wanted to visit. Although we offered to let them stay at our home, on the first night I happened to overhear their conversation while I was refilling my water.
They were laughing and mocking my fiancée, saying things like she had ‘dead eyes, like a corpse’, or that she ‘acts like she’s possessed’.
Now my fiancée inadvertently doesn’t show her emotions and speaks very monotone, to me these are just cute quirks of hers, but as it’s something that makes her different I know others have/will mock her for it; however the fact that it was from someone I previously considered family is unacceptable.
After speaking to my fiancée, I decided I didn’t want them staying with us (and she said it was my choice as he was my family). So, that same night, I went to his room that night and asked to speak to him alone, then I told him he is no longer welcome in my home or at my wedding.
When I told him why he got defensive trying to claim it was to help his partner ‘relieve tension because it’s all been stressful for her’. I didn’t care about his reason (especially since he didn’t admit it was wrong or apologize) so I told him as much and said he needs to leave as soon as he was up in the morning.
Since I’ve gotten calls from a surprising number of relatives who have sided with my brother and complained that I overreacted. I work full time and am planning a wedding, so I don’t have time to listen to every person who has an issue so I’ve taken to just saying ‘If it’s such an issue don’t come either’ rather than rationalizing my choice. My mom initially sided with me, but now is telling me things are going too far. AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Reporting An Employee For Calling My Son A Nepotism Baby?
“I’m a partner at a global firm. The way our firm is structured is that it has individual firms in each country, which collaborate but operate individually. All these firms are their own entities but answer to certain global leaders of the entire company.
Basically, a partner from New Zealand has no involvement with our firm in Ireland, but the chairman of our firm in New Zealand still answers to a global team, as do all other places.
We also have transfers between countries, so if someone wants to move if they’re lucky they can move from our firm in Ireland to our firm in Singapore in effectively the same role.
A few years ago I got my son an internship at our firm in country A. He did well and moved to country B for his studies.
His previous experience with our firm led him to easily get an internship with the firm in Country B, and after doing well in Uni he got a job with Country B’s firm.
While this happened I was still being a partner in country A. My son Ross through the ranks and became a senior manager of his team at country B.
I decided it was time for the rest of the family to relocate as well and we ended up going to country B.
I became a partner in country B and ended up being in charge of my son’s team. I and my son didn’t keep it a secret that we were related and I made sure to give no bias.
If anything I’m harder on him than others.
A new woman joined our team and didn’t know we were related. She found out and was immediately filing complaints and calling my son a nepotism baby, directly insulting him as well and saying ‘Without your daddy you wouldn’t even have this job’.
The complaints were rejected on the ground that I’m in a senior position but he was here first, therefore no preferential treatment occurred in his obtaining the job, and other employees said there has never been preferential treatment.
Regardless these women continue to slander me and mostly my son, saying he didn’t deserve his position and labeling him a nepotism baby.
Basically, I spoke to my fellow partners in charge of these issues and they had her disciplined for slander and she has suffered greatly.
She is calling me a jerk and saying people like me are the reason women don’t get ahead at work.
30. AITJ For Blaming My Mother For My Brother's Weight?
“My 8-year-old brother is 220 pounds at 8, he turns 9 this year. My mother has always overfed us and when she notices us trying to lose weight, she gives us more food. She doesn’t cook anything healthy etc. I (15 f) was almost 300 pounds at the start of last year.
I have worked off at least 45 to 40 pounds of it. I did small things like stop allowing my mother to give me junk food 24/7 and stopped eating what she made and made something else that was healthy. If you met me in person you wouldn’t be able to tell I was that big, since a lot of it went to my curves and arms.
My younger brother is not so lucky, my mom has always overfed him. He thinks it’s okay to be that chubby and loves to talk about how amazing and etc he is. I know he is only 8 but I know well he is gonna grow up to hate his body when he is a teen maybe not as much as me since I am female.
But I feel awful for him.
Today my younger brother thought it would be funny to call me a fattie and said he wonder how I even got a man. I went crazy on him and my mother since my mother thought it was funny. See I was always picked on for my weight growing up, my nickname in Spanish was little fat girl.
It was awful. My younger brother has never been picked on for it once. And because of that, he thinks he is hot and often says rude things about other bigger people he sees. Because of the comments he made, I got my scale out and showed him how much he weighed.
He went silent and started crying to my mom about how mean I was. My mom went off on me, and I told her she was an awful mother for letting my brother get this big, and that it would impact him as he gets older. I am worried he is gonna get bigger and bigger. I feel like a jerk since I should have been nicer to him about it but he still loves to make comments about my weight non-stop. I know he is only 8 but it still makes me angry, so AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Telling My Mom And Grandma That I Don't Love Them?
“So my significant other (24) and I (23) have been together for a couple of years now and she’s always gotten along great with my family. Except about a month or two ago when my uncle started making moves on my SO which she always shot down… now he is one of those people that have no filter and will make a joke out of anything so it wasn’t something out of the ordinary to me.
Until one night he texted her a bunch of times saying super flirty things and just being downright creepy, she immediately showed me and asked what to do. I was mad… but she asked me to just not say anything to which I agreed.
About a week later we found out he had told everyone that she was coming on to him and my whole family started saying really hurtful things and were borderline harassing her.
She was so upset because she loved my family like her own and they completely turned their backs on her.
Now here’s where I might have been the jerk, I blew up on everyone for being so hateful towards my SO who I plan to marry one day. They told me that she is a bad influence and I couldn’t bring her around them anymore.
To which I responded that if they were going to invite her to anything or want her around then I wasn’t going to be either.
I started screaming at everyone including my own mother and grandmother which left them in tears, I even told them that I don’t love them I hope I never see them again.
I later got calls and texts from family members telling me I need to apologize for being so rude. And that I really upset my mom and grandma. At first, I was just so mad I didn’t care but I’m starting to think they might have been right. And that I might have taken it too far.
EDIT: We did show everyone the messages and some of them responded with ‘That’s just the way he is’ or ‘He didn’t really mean any of that’. Most people claimed that she had deleted texts of her starting to convo and saying initiated the whole thing.”
28. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law Out For Bringing A Goat?
“My MIL has never liked me and we have real clashing personalities. My husband does have a spine and he does stand up for me but we’ve come to realize that he does need her in his life, so all three of us have come up with some compromises and boundaries.
MIL has PTSD and for most of the time I knew her it was very repressed but she recently had another traumatic event and is now struggling. She is very co-dependent and has a hard time being around us without her husband, so I made a rule that she can bring one of her comfort animals.
Honestly, I’m a neat freak and not a huge animal person, but MIL can emotionally regulate better and resist the urge to bully me if she has a pet.
Well MIL came over the other day and brought a goat. I didn’t open the door for her or I would have stopped her but she led this goat through my house.
She had a menacing grin (sometimes I think she acts out so she can get kicked out vs having to admit she didn’t want to come) I immediately told her to get that goat out.
MIL said but it’s her comfort goat. I snapped at her that her jokes aren’t funny and does she enjoy being a burden to her son.
She clapped back that if she is a burden she will leave with her goat. I told her to go but my dad wanted to pet the goat so MIL ignored me and brought it over. I began shrieking at her and telling her to get out. I feel a little bad because I think I scared the goat.
I ran to the door as she was leaving and told her to never come back.
My husband texted her to rip her a new one and MIL said that I said comfort animal and never specified. Then her husband posted a passive-aggressive social media post with the goat and said ‘Who wouldn’t love this face? Well actually someone today. Ignore the jerks, Owen (goat’s name)’ My parents thought I overreacted but she has a long history of pushing my buttons for her entertainment.”
27. AITJ For Telling My Son His Father Broke My Gift To Him?
“My (F 36) ex-husband (M 37) divorced me after I got diagnosed with cancer. He made it all about him and then blamed me for our marriage failing. Got married to a 23-year-old woman who calls me mocking nicknames
I try to have a good co-parenting relationship, I have a 16-year-old son who lives in both houses.
His 16th birthday was days ago, I bought him a console and sent it to his dad’s house in advance since I was out of town and couldn’t attend the birthday celebration.
2 days later, one day before the birthday, my ex-husband called saying he opened the gift I got for our son, used it, and broke it.
I was in dismay when he told me and I started arguing with him about paying for it to replace it but he started pleading saying he has no money and asked that I either send another gift (didn’t have to be a console) or just tell our son I didn’t send him a gift.
I told him no way I was going to lie to my son but he kept begging saying he’ll pay me back once he’s able. I ended the call with him and then immediately called my son to let him know what his father did to his birthday gift.
A huge fight ensued and my ex-husband called me yelling saying I not only ruined our son’s birthday celebration but ruined his relationship with him over a stupid console that he was going to pay for but I was being spiteful trying to one-up him.
My son went to stay at my place with my current husband and hasn’t been speaking to his dad. His dad is blaming me because our son refused to stay and celebrate his birthday there after finding out what his dad did.
My ex-husband’s wife berated me in a long text talking about how I caused a scene and used my son as a tool to get back at his daf when I could’ve worked things out like a ‘mature adult’.
She said she ‘doesn’t get me’ and that there was something wrong with my personality. She even claimed she would be a better, more mature mom than me and never involve her kids in her fights with her partner. I was upset by her lecture and felt maybe I mishandled the situation and made a hasty decision. AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Telling My Mom I'm Tired Of Being A Built-In Babysitter?
“My mother is a heavy drinker and she sleeps around a lot. As such, me and my siblings all have different dads that have (wisely) chosen to remove themselves from my mother’s controlling and manipulative grasp.
I am the oldest (19 f), with three younger siblings. Trevor (14 M), Luke (11 M), Cody (9 M).
I had to fend for myself almost since I was born, as my mom left me home a lot by myself while she went out drinking after work. Then she had my little brothers, and I was now their caretaker. I remember being 7 years old and having to change my brother’s diapers and bottle feed him (I know a lot of siblings help their moms out, but I can’t remember ONCE when my mother even HELD my brothers).
She just kept getting pregnant and bringing home more children that she dumped on me. The only time she was really sober was when she was pregnant, and even then she would lie around the house and make me do all the cleaning and cooking, using her pregnancy as an excuse to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
I’ve wanted nothing more than to get away from where I live. I’ve tried to study hard and get good grades, and I’ve recently won a scholarship to a really nice college. When my mom got home from work, I made her sit with my siblings at the table and broke the news.
I told her I had saved up my funds and had gotten a scholarship and was moving out of state at the end of the school year. She flipped on me, saying I was a terrible person to leave her, a single mom, all alone with three kids. I yelled back saying I was tired of being a built-in babysitter and that it was her own fault that she was single.
After a few more minutes of shouting, she stomped off and left the house and didn’t come back for two days.
My brothers had been quiet. I comforted them, saying I was sorry how the argument had spiraled so quickly. Cody and Luke left to go watch TV, but Trevor stayed where he was.
He then said, ‘Why do you have to leave? She just going to do the same thing with ME that she’s been doing to you.’ and he got up and left before I could say anything back.
I feel horrible like I’m abandoning my brothers with this horrible witch, and I don’t know what to do. This scholarship could mean so much to me, but I just don’t know anymore.”
25. AITJ For Giving My Nephew Ice Cream?
“My (22 m) sister (35 f) and BIL (37 m) have been going through a nasty divorce and custody battle. My xBIL is lactose intolerant and is convinced my nephew K (7 m) also has a dairy allergy. My sister got him tested, no allergies to anything, but K is convinced he can’t have any dairy at all, period.
It’s become this HUGE power struggle between my sis, xBIL, and K. Every meal, my sister tries to get K to eat dairy resulting in both of them screaming and my nephew basically only eating PBJs. She won’t let him pick off cheese on foods because she thinks it’s ‘wasting food’.
Now to the story. I’m watching K while my sister is at work, and it’s a hot day, so I suggested we have some ice cream as a treat. K was skeptical, but I had lactaid ice cream in the freezer because one of my roommate’s friends is vegan, so we try to have alternatives around, and he was so happy! We ate some then played some catch in the yard, and had a great day.
When my sis came to pick him up, he was telling her about his day and mentioned we had ice cream. She perked up and asked me how I got him to eat ice cream. I told her I had some lactose-free ice cream in the freezer and we had that together.
Guys, she BLEW UP, told me I was irresponsible, was going to give her kid an eating disorder, and ruined all of her progress getting him to eat dairy by offering him an alternative. I honestly don’t know what progress she’s talking about since I haven’t seen him eat any dairy products in years and only witness them fighting about it.
AITJ? I was just trying to have a good day with K.”
24. AITJ For Refusing To Give An Acquaintance A Discount?
“I’m an artist, and I’m pretty fortunate to get a lot of freelance work and commission pieces. This weekend, I had an acquaintance request special cards to give to their Bridesmaids – so they were personalized, and she needed 8 of them. If it matters, it was a watercolor and ink style, and I had to go out and buy specific blank cards that are a little pricier because they don’t wrinkle or bleed for watercolor.
The catch was that she said she’d be needing them by Friday (5 days later) for her party. I said that it is doable, but I’d need to charge more as I’d be rushing to finish on time and prioritizing that over my other work. She agreed and paid the deposit up front (I ask for 50% upfront because I’ve been burned too many times – it usually covers costs, and it isn’t EXTRA to the final price, it’s just like a damage deposit but for art) She did make a bit of a fuss about the deposit, but I explained that I can’t be very flexible about that due to previous bad experiences.
Fast forward to yesterday, when I message her and tell her the cards are done. I send pictures, and she’s happy with them. The problem is that her party was postponed, and now because she doesn’t need them on Friday anymore, she thinks that she’s entitled to a discount, and the deposit should cover the project entirely.
I explained that since I already committed to the deadline she agreed to, I wouldn’t be doing that. She wanted me to just drop off the cards and she would pay the remaining balance later, but I’m not comfortable with that and said I could do a drop-off once I receive payment.
She’s now telling our mutual friends that I’m extorting her for money. I’ve told her I can either exchange the cards for the money she owes, or I can keep the deposit and the cards and just take it on the chin that I wasted my time. I have this full agreement between us in text, and I’m what my friends have lovingly called ‘annoyingly thorough’ because I don’t like misunderstandings. Most of our friends are on my side for this, but a handful are suggesting that I just kind of let this go and do what she wants. AITJ for not budging on this one?”
23. AITJ For Leaving Dirty Dishes?
“My wife and I have been together for 4 years total, married for 1. We didn’t live together before marriage and I’ve realized since then that was probably a mistake. I’d been to her apartment tons of times and it was always clean. Fast forward to being married and she’s messy.
Like grossly messy. We have chores divided between us since we both work and she’d rarely do her share. I asked her what changed since she’d always had an immaculate apartment and she admitted that she had hired a weekly cleaning service because she just didn’t want to do it.
I have a couple of cousins with ADHD and knew problems cleaning and keeping routine was how it presented with them so as part of trying to remedy the problem, I suggested she go get screened.
She refused at first but then relented. Two different doctors say the same thing, no ADHD. No ADD, not autistic. So this is just her. We’ve made some improvements but one of the biggest unresolved issues that she’s not even trying is her dirty dishes.
We have to wash by hand because our apartment doesn’t have a hook-up for a dishwasher.
She doesn’t want to do them because a lot of dish soap dries out of her hands. Understandable. The issue is that she never brings her dishes/cups/utensils to the sink. She leaves them all over the house no matter how many times I ask her to please put them in the sink.
The most she’ll do is put them on the counter across from the sink, usually with food still on them or sticking to them. She’s really bad about leaving them for days in her office and she does not want me in her office since it’s also her hang-out room. Gathered them from there once, but she got upset, so I just left it alone.
At one point, I just let her dirtied dishes pile up on the counter and when we ran low, she bought paper plates and plastic utensils and called me lazy for not washing the dishes. Then it was finding crusty paper plates in every room in the house.
Yesterday morning before she left for work, she brought all her dishes from her office out and some of them had mold on them.
Left them on the counter. This has happened before and I told her I wouldn’t wash them. Here’s where I might be a jerk: I got a deep plastic basin, filled it with hot soapy water, put her used dishes in it, set it in her office with a pair of brand-new wash gloves, and left for work.
I got a call on the way home with her screaming I embarrassed her in front of her friends and they think I’m some kind of monster. Apparently, she brought a couple of friends by after work to make plans for the weekend and they all saw the basin. Now, if I knew she was going to have people over, I wouldn’t have done that. She left to stay with her sister and refuses to come home until I apologize so AITJ here?”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Dance With My Terrible Father At My Wedding?
“My (28 F) dad has been emotionally abusive to my mother my entire life, and I really resent him for that. He has made her life miserable and because of him, my mom (who is the closest person to me in the world) spiraled into clinical depression.
Now my dad has always been into pretenses.
He would treat Mom like trash but would act like such a nice person and a great husband in front of other people. He also didn’t do much to develop a good relationship with me and my siblings and was always either distant or very angry over little things. So we avoided him throughout our childhoods.
But with other people’s kids, he’s always so sweet and acts like such a good listener. It’s honestly frustrating to see. And now that I’m engaged, he only speaks to me and Mom when my fiancé Adam is there, but once Adam is out the door, he doesn’t even look at us.
This is part of the pretenses thing.
Anyways, my wedding is in a couple of weeks. Yesterday, out of nowhere, my dad asks ‘We’re doing the father-daughter dance so we should pick a song’. Now mind you, due to monetary issues, my dad has been extra crappy to my mom for the past couple of months, and I’ve been extremely angry at him for that.
So the idea of having this dance and looking like a loving father-daughter duo when literally the opposite happens behind closed doors is honestly making me sick. I know people might say I’m being cruel or exaggerating but I swear to you, he has put us through so much. And I can’t help but feel like he only wants this dance just to parade this fantasy-perfect family thing in front of people.
It’s like he wants it for the show, not because he wants this moment with me.
I don’t know how to feel and I really want to tell him that I’d rather not do the father-daughter dance, but I am worried it’ll break his heart. Part of me is thinking I should suck it up, it’s just a 3-minute thing. Another part of me is thinking it’s a beautiful day and I don’t want to ruin any part of it by dancing with the man who ruined my mother’s life.
So please tell me. AITJ for not wanting to have the father-daughter dance at my wedding?”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister's Wedding Because She Doesn't Like My Partner?
“So my (20 f) sister (24) is getting married in a few months to ‘Kyle’ (25 m). When she told me I was ecstatic for her. She’s really in love.
For background, my sister and I have always been ‘relatively’ close. Except for a bit after I came out as a lesbian at 16.
None of my family supported me at first, including my sister (her asking me frequently if I was ‘still gay’) which sucked, but things change and I thought the issue was behind us.
When the wedding invites arrived, I noticed I did not get a plus one for my partner, ‘Hannah’. If it was a small wedding, I would have understood.
But it’s not. She gave all my cousins and her friends plus ones and I am a bridesmaid, so I felt I should get one as well. It’s important to add that my partner and I are serious as well. We have been together for 2 years and we’re moving in together soon.
My sister has always been kind and welcoming to my partner too, so I didn’t understand.
When I brought this up to my sister, she said she only wanted people who were going to be in her life for the long haul to be at the wedding. I asked her if she thought Hannah and I were serious.
She said no. I asked her if she thought my cousin’s (f) significant other (they’ve been together for 4 months) would be in her life forever. She said you never know. I then got very angry because it was clear to me what was happening. I told her that she hasn’t changed one bit and if Hannah isn’t welcome at the wedding, then I am not going either.
I caused a massive blowup. I’m getting messages from my family and Kyle’s family saying that I’m ruining the wedding and that my sister has the right to decide who goes to her wedding. I am now second-guessing my decision because I’m not sure if I did the right thing. I don’t know if I should have caused so much drama before the wedding and I’m kind of panicking that my whole family is going to hate me now. Hannah says she appreciates what I’m doing, but I should just go without her. AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Shouting At My Brother-In-Law's Wife And Kicking Her Out Of My Husband's Wake?
“My brother-in-law (Andres) married his long-time partner (Bea) last year. The wedding was held 30 mins from the city by boat. During the reception, my husband (Dante) collapsed. His brain aneurysm ruptured and he never made it to the hospital.
On the first day of my husband’s wake, Andres and Bea came.
Andres had been crying, I noticed how he looked like he hasn’t had any sleep. Bea gave me her condolences and placed flowers beside my husband’s casket. Andres was always there, only leaving to shower and change while Bea would visit every night.
On the 4th night, while I was making myself a coffee, Bea approached me and started telling me how terrible things had been.
Dante died on the most important day of her life. I told her how devastated I was. We have always been careful since the day we found out about Dante’s aneurysm. He quit his job as a physics teacher at our local high school 3 years ago. We visit our GP regularly just to make sure that everything is going well.
Bea cut me off and asked me ‘So you mean you knew about the aneurysm?’ I told her yes and that he had been taking medication for it. She said Andres never told her about it. She continued saying it was reckless of us to dance and drink when we know about Dante’s condition (he only had a glass of champagne).
I asked her what she means and she basically told me that had she known about my husband’s illness, she never would’ve invited us to her wedding. She said we ruined her wedding. That after we left the island, the reception was cut short.
Andres was so worried to even focus on his new wife.
I told her to leave before I forget that she was ever my friend. She didn’t listen and continued telling me how expensive her wedding was and that by ruining it, I owe her half of the expenses. I shouted at her and told her to get over herself. My in-laws heard us and came to stop everything before it escalated.
I told her to leave and never come back unless she apologized. My in-laws who still didn’t understand what’s happened, told Andres to take Bea home.
Both MIL and FIL were upset with me for causing a scene in their son’s wake. I didn’t tell them what Bea said. They only found out after Andres told them.
He and Bea had a fight and they had moved their honeymoon which was supposed to be a month after we bury my husband.
To make the long story short, Bea didn’t apologize. Until now, we still haven’t spoken. I don’t go to family dinners anymore but I still have a good relationship with my in-laws.
I do believe that I have all the right to be angry at Bea but I also want to make my in-laws happy. They have been nothing but good to me and unless Bea and I make up, there will always be tension in our family.
So AITJ for the way I reacted? Was kicking her out an overreaction?”
19. AITJ For Leaving My Brother's Truck As It Was Over A Prank?
“Mechanic here. My brother’s 87 Toyota pickup blew its rear bearing and axle seals, spraying grease and gear oil all over the brake shoes and drums (extremely dangerous to drive on it like that) so I offered to fix it for him this weekend. I had the driver’s side rear axle off and out of the truck and was in the process of pressing out the old and blown-out bearing when he came out of the house with hot dogs that he made for lunch.
A little bit of background, my brother is, to put it lightly. An immature jerk at times who thinks smearing ketchup on the back of my sweatshirt is all fun and games, and that’s exactly what he did. When I stood up and said ‘What?!’, all he did was say ‘It’s just a prank, you’re covered in grease and dirt anyway, how much longer is this gonna take before I can drive it?’ I said, ‘Apologize and throw my sweatshirt in the wash and I’ll get back to it but I’m taking a break until it’s out of the dryer, however long that takes’, which I thought was doing him a favor because I’m a nice person I guess.
He followed that with a ‘Quit your complaining, the weather is nice, you don’t need a sweatshirt, finish the truck!’ He went back inside so I packed up my tools and left everything as it was out on his driveway, he got mad later and told me to grow up and help him because he doesn’t know how to do this kind of work on his own, I told him to find a YouTube video or two on the subject and buy a Haynes manual. Am I the jerk for leaving his truck the way it was? Or should I suck it up and go finish the job? The weather’s calling for rain tomorrow too. LOL, sucks to be him right now.”
18. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Get Out Of The Room Because My Daughter Was About To Fall Asleep?
“I (32 F) and my husband (33 M) have 2 kids (2 F and 8 M). I’m a stay-at-home mom and my husband earns more than enough for us to live comfortably so we felt it would be beneficial for me to stay home with the kids.
Our families have always been very supportive throughout our marriage and we’re ever so grateful about it.
However, my husband’s sister is not as supportive as the rest of his family. She keeps making comments about our parenting choices and my staying at home.
She says that my kids are old enough to be left with a sitter now and I should start looking for a job etc. The thing is I still breastfeed my daughter and I plan on continuing until she weans off on her own.
I have consulted with multiple pediatricians and they’ve all said that she’s in perfect health and breastfeeding isn’t doing her any harm.
Yesterday, my husband’s parents had come to our home for dinner. After dinner, I went to put my daughter to bed. Before she goes to bed, she usually breastfeeds for about 5 mins.
While I was breastfeeding, my SIL walked into the room asking me if I wanted some ice cream. When she saw me feeding my daughter, she started saying that it was not healthy, etc. I tried telling her that My daughter is going to sleep and we can talk about this later but she refused to comply.
My daughter was about to fall asleep and I didn’t want her to wake up so I told my SIL to get out of the room. She was shocked for a minute then stormed out of the room. When my daughter had fallen asleep, I went out only to see my SIL standing there glaring at me.
She started saying how rude it was to tell her to get out. I told her that it was none of her business how I parent my kids.
She started crying and left immediately. My husband’s parents and his brother said SIL was in the wrong. But I have been getting angry texts from SIL.
17. AITJ For Not Giving My Daughter's Clothes To My Pregnant Sister?
“My sister is currently pregnant with her first child, who’s a girl, which she revealed at a gender reveal party earlier this month. She and my BIL have trouble with finances at times, usually due to poor planning or gambling problems, so she relies on our family to mainly supply the needed things for her baby, which is fine and all, but the real problem comes here.
At the party, I gave her a baby stroller and a few other things, which she looked at first happy, but then disappointed once she realized it was the only things I was giving her. She pulled me aside and asked me about the lack of baby clothing, and I guess she saw my look of confusion as she then became more blunt and asked me about my daughter’s clothes, specifically giving them away to her.
I’m only going to share a little, but my daughter, unfortunately, passed away two years ago due to illness, and I still have a lot of old baby clothes in my attic as I really can’t bring myself to throw them away nor give/donate them to someone else. They were her clothes, and I just really can’t see myself departing from them as they remind me of her.
So of course, I told her no, and I was getting a little heated as the loss still feels sore to me and that’s when she sorta blew up at me, calling me a bad sister, that I really don’t need the clothes anymore, and much more. At that point, I left the party, and I guess my sister told the rest of the family, as my phone has been getting blown up and my family has been split apart as some agree that I should give the clothes up as ‘my sister needs them more and that I need to move on.’ while others disagree.
I’m feeling guilty, only because I know my sister suffers from financial problems and probably needs the clothes, but I just really don’t wanna give away the clothes that remind me of my daughter.
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Come To My Sister's Wedding At All?
“My sister (27 f) and I (25 f) always had an okay relationship. Not super close though, so I was surprised when she not only asked me to be in her wedding but to be her maid of honor. I told her I would be honored and was upfront about the fact I would need some advance notice of dress shopping because I’m a mom of two kids, and my husband and I aren’t rich.
She was like sure, that’s fine, dress shopping will probably be in three months (from when she asked). I was there with her when she found her dress. And I was there with her for some venue tours.
Once that was over it became more extreme. She told me she wanted a bachelorette party in a specific spa venue, she wanted dinner at the fancy restaurant next door to it and she wanted to go to a bar.
She had already costed everything and handed me an itemized list of all expenses for this bachelorette party she wanted. It was, down to the people she had mentioned, $ 4000 USD. The spa package alone was $3200 and then the restaurant (which could have been off if people ordered more food or something different than her plan) was $600.
I expressed that it was too much for me to pay. She told me they accepted payment plans and to speak to the other bridesmaids. They all said that was a cost the maid of honor gets.
After that, she dropped shopping for dresses on me with three days’ notice and sent a photo of the dress she felt she would want me to wear.
It was a $450 dress that would cost more to get in my size potentially. I told her I wasn’t going to be able to afford that. She told me not to sweat it. Then the day comes and she decides she has found the dresses she wants us to wear and the store asks for an upfront payment.
She said that would be no problem. I told her I couldn’t afford it yet again. She told me she was really disappointed I was trying to make a big deal out of it. I told her I literally didn’t have the money. She said how could I be the maid of honor she wanted if I couldn’t even afford the dress.
She said it was the cheapest expense. I told her I probably shouldn’t be her maid of honor then. She was so mad about that.
And ever since that, I have been hearing all about it from her. My parents asked if we could find a way to work it out. I told them I had tried to be honest and accommodating but I couldn’t magic money from nowhere.
She had a last-minute change of venue and when the invitation came it was for an out-of-town expensive hotel and no kids are allowed. I had brought up that I wasn’t sure we could go. She was furious and said I was making her wedding all about me.
It makes me not want to go. Not only would we need to travel for it, but we would need a babysitter for our kids, and to stay at least one overnight if not two, because we never fully figured out how far everything is from one venue to the next.
WIBTJ if I don’t go?”
15. AITJ For Kicking My Brother-In-Law Out After He Barged Into Our Dinner?
“I do not like my BIL. He treated my sister terribly and when my nephew (4) was born, he disappeared. I mean, he completely disappeared. For almost 4 years, I never heard from him and we all assumed that he had started a new life in a new place. I also think he’s inappropriate, very opinionated, and hits on every woman he sees (including my wife.)
According to my sister, he’s come back as a changed man.
He’s reflected on his past behavior and wants to make amends. As for now, I’ve been able to tolerate him.
My sister is seriously injured in the hospital and is unable to care for my nephew. As a consequence, my nephew has come to stay with my wife and I. We are very close with him and my sons love hanging out with him.
My BIL is not ecstatic about the arrangement, nor the fact that we are very close to his son. He is very vocal about this opinion and has gotten some family members on his side.
My wife invited my BIL for dinner in order to ‘ease the tensions.’ My BIL would get to see his son and reassurance that his son is in good hands, which would hopefully ease him off our case.
The morning of, my son (5) woke up with a high fever and was throwing up. At 5 am, my wife and I rushed to the hospital with my nephew and my other son ( 4.) It’s an understatement to begin to describe how stressed we were that day and I’m sure our kids unfortunately felt it too.
We were in no state to host a dinner party and my wife texted my BIL about rescheduling and apologized for canceling.
My BIL showed up anyway.
He barged in, demanding that we serve him a world-class dinner as promised and that we do not deny him his son. My wife and I were not prepared at all and were caught off guard.
My BIL sits down on my dining table (on the actual table) and starts yelling for ‘the witch.’ (my wife apparently) to serve him ‘classy’ food and for my nephew to come out.
My wife starts pleading with him to stop yelling but he refuses to listen. He’s growing aggressive and for a moment, I think my wife was genuinely afraid of him.
Instead of trying to rationalize with him, I yell at him to get his, ‘insecure, foolish, loud-mouthed,’ butt out of my house.
He slammed the door on his way out.
In all honesty, I think he’s been ridiculous and I think his behavior coming into my house was inappropriate. But I might be the jerk for the name-calling when he might have been well-intentioned. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Mom And Telling Her She's Not Welcome At My Home Anymore?
“My wife gave birth to our baby boy four months ago. My wife ended up having an emergency C-section. I don’t want to say how but it left my wife in bad condition afterwards.
When my mother found out that my wife had a c section she started saying disgusting things like.
‘Pft honey you shouldn’t be complaining, imagine having to birth your child through your coochie’, or ‘(wife’s name) so when you guys have a second kid are you planning to have a real birth or the other kind?’ or ‘Sweetie I don’t mean to offend you but you are insulting to the parents that actually gave ‘birth’ to their kids for 24 hours by complaining about an easy C-section’.
Even ‘You should be grateful all you have left is a scar, I couldn’t walk for days after labor. ‘
I offered to my wife that she not come over to the house anymore but she said that she didn’t want to open up that can of worms. However, I did talk to my mom and told her to stop with the unnecessary comments.
Last week my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and she was in a cropped top and boy shorts.
My mom stopped unannounced and she went into the kitchen where my wife was. They said hello then my mom asked why she was wearing that.
My wife explained that she had just woken up.
My mother said that she should put on a longer shirt to cover up ‘the thing’.
My wife asked why she had to cover it up and my mom went on a rant saying that she is being disrespectful to people who went through the hard part in labor and she is flaunting to people who went through actual work to go birth because she got off easy.
I told her to leave and she tried to say she was just speaking the truth. I told her that her truth was just ignorance and she needs to leave. After I sent her a text message saying that she is no longer welcome at my home over this and we will be deciding if we even want to contact her after this.
My wife went through a very difficult pregnancy and we are very lucky that she’s okay right now. It obviously left a gash across her stomach and she’s already very self-critical about it.
I found out afterward through my family that my mom ended up having a panic attack after I sent her that message and I’m now being told that I’m a jerk and I handled this wrongly and immaturely and sending her that was wrong and we should lay off.”
13. AITJ For Helping My Partner's Son's Significant Other Fix Her Hair?
“My (32 f) partner’s (45 m) son (Sam, 14 m) and his significant other (Katie, 14 f) were over at our flat hanging out on Sunday. It was just me at home and they were mostly hanging around in Sam’s bedroom. At about 2 pm, I hear Katie crying and go to see what was wrong, and apparently, she’d decided she wanted to cut her own hair to give herself an undercut, and she’d completely messed it up.
Her hair looked absolutely ruined, shaved on one side and hacked off on the other and bright orange from bleach. She was in tears worrying about school on Monday and absolutely distraught.
I’ve been there and done that when I was young, so after comforting Katie, I decided to call up a few mobile hairdressers/salons to see if there was anyone who could fix it at very short notice on a Sunday.
I found a mobile hairdresser who said she could come over and try to sort it out, and she thankfully did and was able to sort out the undercut, fix the color, and generally make Katie’s hair look presentable for school and stop her feeling so awful. I paid for it (and it was not remotely cheap, it came to £170), but I was happy to do that because I know how it feels to be a teenage girl and to ruin your hair.
I should also say at this point that I asked Katie if she wanted me to find a hairdresser and she said yes and was very grateful about it – I didn’t push her into it at all.
Anyway, cut to last night and her parents apparently got in touch with my partner to complain about what I’d done, and how I hadn’t asked their permission.
They said that I had no right to do it and they were even talking about speaking to the police or a solicitor about it (although, what crime they think I’ve committed is beyond me).
Am I the jerk here? If it were me, I think I’d just be grateful, but I’m not a parent so I’m not sure if I overstepped the mark. If I’m in the wrong, I’ll happily go over there and apologize.”
12. AITJ For Complaining About The Loud Noises My Neighbor's Son Makes?
“I (24 F) moved into an apartment with my partner (29 F) back in October 2020. Everything was going great, but the one thing that irritated me was this constant stomping that would shake my entire unit. The ceiling would rumble, and so I assumed it was the upstairs neighbors. We tried to resolve the issue amicably, buying a pack of beer and attaching a note about the noise and how we’d appreciate it if they were more mindful of the disturbance.
However, our neighbors come to us shortly after claiming that the noise wasn’t actually them and that they’d been hearing the same noise BELOW them since the previous year. So after several weeks of trying to figure it out, I finally shot a text to my apartment manager about the whole situation.
The manager said she had asked all of our surrounding neighbors and, as it turns out, everyone had similar complaints, though no one ever said anything. Apparently, the noise was coming from the unit NEXT to us. The manager then told me that she talked with those neighbors and informed me that they had an autistic son, and told them about the complaints.
They apologized and told the manager that they would try to keep the noise down and make sure their son was taking the meds he needed. It sounded good to me, so I left the situation confident that it would end there.
The stomping noise stopped for a few weeks until it started again.
I tried to brush it off, but after a few months, it became too much for me since I am susceptible to really bad headaches (nausea, dull pains, sensitivity to light/noise), and I finally shot another text to the manager. I was pretty upset because it was around June 2021 now when my initial complaint was back in February 2021.
The manager relayed the complaint over to them and the stomping, as expected, went back down.
This happened 2 more times within a 7 month period, with my last complaint in January 2022. This morning, July 2022, I sent yet another complaint after hearing several weeks’ worth of stomping at times around 8 am, 2 pm, and even 5 am.
I know it’s not their fault that they have an autistic son, but this apartment is also my home and I want to be able to relax without having to worry about stupidly loud noises that persist to upwards of 30 mins at a time, triggering my headaches. I try to take painkillers and turn up the volume on the TV when I can to drown out the noise, but the vibrations travel so deep in the walls that I literally can’t ignore it.
I’m just upset that the parents aren’t being considerate of their neighbors, especially since they’ve gone through gaps where they’ve been successful. So I know my requests aren’t impossible, but maybe they’re tired too and can’t put in that kind of effort sustainably.
My partner and I are also entertaining the idea to move out by the end of 2022, but our financial situation isn’t the best and we’re currently paying $1575 for a 1-bedroom apartment (767 sq ft) in the SoCal area.
EDIT: I understand living with an autistic child is very stressful and super difficult to handle. I don’t go and report every small noise I hear from next door, and I don’t want to. I try to give the family some slack and I try to dismiss the stomping episodes as much and as long as I possibly can.
I do have a limit on what I can handle though, so I will report the noises if I deem it excessive. For example, I reported a complaint this morning because I heard the stomping in intervals of 15-20 minutes from 8 am-10 am from my bedroom, which is distanced from the neighbor’s unit by two sets of walls, and I was still disturbed from my sleep by the noise.
Another thing to note is that I am ALWAYS open to educating myself about things I have little to no knowledge of, which includes autism. I am trying my very best to be as sympathetic and compassionate towards this family as I possibly can, because I also suffer from my own mental problems, so I know the importance of being understanding of someone’s mental health needs.
My complex does not have ground-floor units, as the parking garage is on the bottom floor. We do have a separate unit on the ground that is detached from the main complex and is attached to the laundry room, but I am unsure whether it is able to be leased out as I have not witnessed anyone coming in or out of that unit.”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Reprimand My Son And Telling My Mom She's Being Mean To Him?
“My kids (12 M & 8 F) are in gymnastics and eat a high-protein diet. Most of what they eat is meat and dairy. They usually have yogurt and fruit or turkey bacon for breakfast. My son is old enough to make his own lunch, so I let him make whatever he wants.
Even though I don’t supervise his choices, he almost always makes something like a chicken and cheddar sandwich on whole grain bread or tuna salad. My daughter is learning to make her own lunches too and usually copies her brother. Dinners are usually fish, steak, chicken, or turkey with a vegetable.
My mom came to visit yesterday and we took her out to dinner at a nice steakhouse. My son got steak and mushrooms which comes with a baked potato, but he asked it to be substituted for a side salad. My daughter got surf and turf, which also came with a potato, which is fine.
My mom teased my son for ordering a salad, which annoyed him. I told her to stop. She also tried to get my daughter to order off the kid’s menu, but my daughter wanted shrimp and refused. I again told my mom to let them eat what they want.
This morning my mom made pancakes for breakfast before any of us got up.
When my son woke up he went to the fridge and got yogurt and blueberries. My mom told him to put them back because the pancakes were almost done. My son refused. They started arguing, which is when I came out and, again, told my mom to cut it out. She said it was rude to get something from the fridge when someone is cooking for you.
I said that the kids can eat what they like.
When my daughter came out, she got some yogurt and sat with her brother to split the blueberries. My husband and I ate the pancakes, but my mom was upset. She said she wanted to take us all to lunch to thank us for dinner.
She took us to a pizza place.
My son wanted the chicken parm. My mom said, ‘No, he’ll have pizza.’ I told the waiter to bring us the chicken parm on a separate check and I’ll pay for it. My mom, again, accused me of being rude. My daughter asked for a slice of meat lovers pizza.
My mom gave me a smug look and praised my daughter, which I could tell annoyed my son.
When the food arrived, my daughter asked for some of my son’s because it looked yummy. My mom said, ‘No, eat your pizza.’ My daughter said ‘I will. I wanna try the chicken.’
My son cut her a portion and put it on her plate.
He said, ‘I’ll try some of your pizza too so grandma stops being mean to me.’
My mom scowled at him and told me to reprimand him, but I refused and said she was, in fact, being mean to him, and kids aren’t stupid and can tell when someone is rude to them.
The rest of lunch was awkward, and now my mom is hiding in the guest room.
My husband thinks I should clear the air with my mom before the kids get back from practice. He said I ‘didn’t help anything’ and should apologize otherwise might as well get her a hotel because the rest of the trip will be miserable. I may have been hard on her. Was I a jerk to my mom?”
10. AITJ For Asking The Photographer For My Wedding Photos?
“I hired and paid my wedding photographer in advance, signed a contract, all that good stuff. The contract stated I would have the photos within 6 weeks. No problem.
So this photographer has a whole team that works with her and sometimes they post sneak peeks a few days after an event to stir up interaction on social media.
A few days after our wedding I was hoping to see some but she never posted them. Didn’t think much about it since it wasn’t required. In the following weeks, however, she was posting weddings that happened after ours without getting us our photos. (Pics of programs, etc were included for date reference) Again, she didn’t have to post us, but she hadn’t sent me anything either.
I sent her a message after four weeks asking if she had a sneak peek and never got a response. It’s all good, still within the contract, but continuously posting other, more recent shoots.
At 6 weeks I was expecting the photos as stated in our contract. When I checked in, she stated that her mother had been in the ICU for weeks and that’s why she hadn’t been responding.
I told her I completely understood, and I hoped her mother got to feeling better soon, and that I was looking forward to seeing my photos.
Days later, I still didn’t have my photos. I message her and she says she’s out of town for another shoot and only has some of them and she’ll send me the rest when she gets back in town (in 3 days’ time) She sends me what she has.
Five days pass and I hear nothing. I message her again to follow up. Nothing. I let another week pass and I message her. She responds and tells me that her car had been stolen. I express how sorry I am to hear that, but also how her lack of communication is incredibly frustrating.
She says she understands and that she will have my photos to me by 7/21 (yesterday). I heard nothing from her yesterday. I text her today, ‘Good morning, when can I expect the rest of my photos?’ The text is read moments after it is sent.
This afternoon I get a text from her number saying that it was her partner and she (my photographer) is in the hospital from an attempt to self-harm a few days ago.
As someone who has attempted myself, I was very shaken. It’s a terrible mind space to be in and I felt empathy for her. I expressed that to her partner who had provided me with their number. I also asked if one of the team members could send me my photos so I was one less client they had to worry about.
The message has not been responded to or even read.
Then, as I scrolled through social media this afternoon, I came across a live sale post that she (my photographer) hosted the night that she was supposed to be in the hospital recovering. I’m not trying to jump to conclusions, but something doesn’t add up. At this point, I just want my wedding photos.
So AITJ for asking for my photos?”
9. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance With My Half-Sister?
“My family recently lost our father to cancer. He had an interesting past before he met our mother, he was a crew member for some big hair bands back in the day so you can imagine what he got up to in his early 20s. He always used to joke that he wouldn’t be surprised if we had a half-sibling running around somewhere because he couldn’t remember a whole lot of his time on the road, but I could tell under the joking it always bothered him.
My siblings and I did a DNA test just to see. For years nothing more than cousins popped up until well after he had been diagnosed and was on hospice care. In the last six months of his life, we were suddenly DNA-matched with a half-sister almost a decade older than me, the eldest.
The year of her birth matched his time on the road.
Before we answered the message she sent us, we spoke to our father first to see if he even felt up to speaking with her as he was very, very sick at this point. When we told him, he broke down and said we confirmed his worst fear, that they were a child of his out there that he never got to help raise and support, and that he wanted to speak to her as soon as possible.
That’s when the trouble started. We passed on his phone number to her after a message explaining his condition and that he genuinely didn’t know she was out there until now. She began calling him constantly and harassing him, sometimes we could hear her screaming through the phone, demanding to know why he abandoned her and her mom, why he never thought to look for her, why he was so irresponsible, etc.
We begged him to hang up but he never would, he said it was the only thing he could do for her this late in life, to listen.
When we let her know that he passed she immediately demanded to know what her share was, I was shocked. I told her nothing.
His medical expenses drained all his savings and after we paid for his final arrangements, there was only one thousand left a piece for my siblings and me. I also told her that the way she harassed my father on his deathbed was something I could never forgive, that it wasn’t his fault alone that she grew up without him, her mother had a part to play as well.
My mother and sisters tell me that I’m not considering her feelings or what she must have felt like growing up without a father, but my dad put me in charge of his estate and I won’t budge. Those were the last months of his life and he was wrecked after every phone call with her. They say I should just give her what’s left of the money since it’s not much and she does not have a very good life from the info we got out of her but I just can’t bring myself to.”
8. AITJ For Telling My Parents That There's A Possibility I Might Not Want To Have Kids?
“I (22 F) was talking with my parents during dinner, as I returned home from university for the weekend. The conversation went from my grades to politics, to gossip about neighbors to the topic I hate the most – having children.
Now, I am still pretty young, I don’t really want to have children nor do I think I should be having children for at least 10 more years.
Pregnancies gross me out, and because I have very messed up eyes, (-11/-12 plus astigmatism) I was being told since I was 15 that if I had a natural birth, I have a high chance of going blind from all the pressure – so it’s a lowkey fear of getting pregnant.
At the same time – I am single. I don’t really feel the need to find a partner, and even though I do feel attraction to the opposite gender, so far my one and only crush was on another woman – so that is a whole another can of worms. Also, my parents keep asking if I am seeing someone more frequently because my brother (18) has a significant other and now they kind of compare me to him almost in a ‘he got a partner already and you still haven’t, so you better find one soon’.
I guess because I am the oldest and a female – they look at me as the first one to give them grandchildren.
So, as I started to feel that my dad is going towards the topic, I quickly cut in, casually mentioning how I would love to do some kind of a genetic test to check if I do not carry some kind of genetic sleeper disease or terminal illness, and that I would decide if I would have children based on the results.
My parents looked at me as if I just told them that I kick puppies for entertainment. It took them a while to understand and I explained that if I was informed that I was carrying a disease that will be transferred to my child at least 70% chance – I would not have children.
My mom said that this was ridiculous and that you should always hope for the best. I replied that it would be beyond cruel to both the child, who might live in constant pain, and myself, if that said child would die at the age of 7, causing me to go through tons of emotional and psychological trauma.
They still could not comprehend that, saying that ‘there still would be a 30% chance that the illness would not show up’ and the argument got more and more heated until I snapped and said that it is beyond selfish to just give life to a child just because you want one, especially if you know that the child will be born with a terminal illness.
In return, I was called immature and stupid, and how ‘you will change your tune once you find yourself a man and you settle down’.
I do have to say that my mom had me after 3 failed pregnancies. Not full-on miscarriages, but they were early-stage failures, and apparently bringing me to life was a long struggle.
Since this convo, grandchildren talk has become a taboo, but still, my parents like to mention it, with a follow-up of ‘Fine fine we won’t talk about that because you clearly do not understand the topic’.
7. AITJ For How I Responded To A Coworker Who Told Me He Is Gay?
“One of my colleagues (H) (technically I am his boss, not sure if that matters) came into my office today. I have an open-door policy to encourage team members to come forward and share their ideas, so this was not that unusual.
H came into my office and said ‘I am gay.’ I thought there would he would be saying something else, so I waited for him to continue.
After a moment I made a sound of assent to make it clear I heard him., but he still didn’t say anything. Since he was staring at me, I assumed he was trying to convey something I wasn’t understanding.
Here’s where I might have messed up. The first thing I said (my friends specifically scolded me because this was the first thing I said) was to ask if he had had any insights into marketing to that demographic (we work in a marketing firm).
H said he hadn’t.
I asked him if he was getting married and needed time off (this too, I have been informed was a jerkish response). H said he wasn’t married. I finally said that if H had nothing else he wanted to discuss, he should leave as I had a meeting starting in a few minutes and needed the office. He left.
Shortly afterwards a mutual friend scolded me and said I was a jerk for the way I responded to H.
AITJ for how I responded? If so, could you please explain what I did wrong, what should have been the right response, and how I can fix this?”
6. AITJ For Not Paying The Kids Who Shoveled My Driveway Because I Didn't Ask For It?
“I am one of the many in the midwest hit by the snowpocalypse. I think we got like 14 inches where I live.
I also don’t like kids. I don’t hate them, I just don’t have any experience with kids and haven’t felt the need to produce any of my own (26 F).
I work from home and received a knock at my door today. There was a group of like 4 12-year-old-ish boys, and they had shoveled my driveway and sidewalk and were now requesting payment. They expected $15 each.
I was really confused because they never knocked to ask if they ‘could’ shovel my driveway.
They just did it without asking and were expecting to be paid.
I was really just dumb-struck and kind of said ‘I don’t have any cash’ and one of them pulled up a smartphone saying they had their mom’s Venmo account.
Again, just being extremely confused, I started saying that I never agreed to pay them for anything.
I was going to shovel my driveway at lunchtime. If they had asked, I would have said no.
The kids got really upset, and were like ‘You’re not going to pay us for our work?’ But again, I didn’t ask them to shovel my driveway. They started yelling at me and I just kind of shut my door.
Fast forward a couple of hours, and their mom comes and knocks on the door. I open it and she started screaming at me for not paying their kids. Her points were:
– It’s only $60 and clearly not going to break me (not wrong).
– They put in the work and should be paid.
– Her boys did a nice thing for me.
– She was proud of her boys for using their snow day to help people, and I was being really ungrateful and going to make them turn to illegal substances next time.
This is where I started to get kind of mad. I said that I never asked for their services, and it was nice that they shoveled my driveway, but I never agreed to pay them and they really should have asked first.
She insisted I pay them this time and they’ll ask in the future. But I don’t want to re-enforce bad behavior. Just because they’re children and people feel the need to let them get away with whatever, this is just not a cycle I want to perpetuate for these kids. You can’t manipulate people into paying you for something they never asked for.
I don’t know, so far I’ve refused to pay and I’m now getting torched on NextDoor for being a heartless monster who took advantage of children.
So I’m turning to you, AITJ here? If I am, I’ll just pay them I guess. I don’t know if I’m not seeing the situation clearly because I just don’t have any experience with kids.”
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Wife For Taking Too Long To Get Ready?
“My wife is in the habit of always putting on makeup whenever she has to go outside. In the three years we’ve been married, I’ve never seen her leave the house without any makeup on. Even if she had to go to the neighbor’s house, she’d still put on her makeup.
I’ve spoken to her about this many times as I find it absurd, to say the least. But the only answer I get from her is that she just likes to take extra care of the way looks. It gets even more frustrating whenever our plans are delayed because she spends so much time on her makeup.
Yesterday, my wife had to go to the supermarket and asked me if I could take her there. She’s too nervous to drive ever since she had a minor traffic accident over a year ago, so I have to drive her around. I had a lot of work piled up for that day and I didn’t want to be disturbed when I was in the middle of it, so I said that we’d have to go right then and return within an hour.
She said okay, and sat down to put on her makeup.
I was mad when I saw that and told her that we had to hurry since I knew she’d take more than 40 minutes at the supermarket, and the drive to the supermarket could take anywhere between 5-10 minutes.
Five minutes went by and she was still not ready; said she was putting on the finishing touches.
That’s when I lost it and yelled at her. I said that people didn’t care about how she looked and that she should stop deluding herself and wasting my time. For a moment, she just stared at me. Then, she broke down and started sobbing.
We didn’t go to the supermarket, needless to say. Also, she hasn’t been talking to me at all since yesterday. I don’t know what to make of the situation. On the one hand, I feel bad for her, but on the other hand, I feel like she was being unreasonable and needed a wake-up call. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Birthday With My Friend With A Baby?
“I (16 m) have been friends with ‘Rose’ (16 f) since we were 5. Over the summer, she and her significant other had a baby, and ever since she’s been less fun to be around. I’m not complaining that she’s tired or stressed, I understand kids are stressful, but all she wants to talk about at school is whatever new outfit she’s bought the baby, all she posts on social media is about the baby and whenever we see her on weekends she only wants to do baby-related activities.
She’s obsessed. I have two little brothers, so if I wanted to do kid activities I’d hang out with them.
It was my birthday over the weekend and two of my friends (15 m & 15 m) and I went bowling and out for a meal where we could relax and have fun without thinking about babies crying.
Rose, meanwhile, turned up at my house with her baby to ‘surprise’ me as she didn’t think I was doing anything, so my sister (18 f) had to tell her I had already gone out with friends. She was disappointed and texted me telling me I was a jerk for not inviting her as she felt bad for me, being alone on my birthday.
However, I had never told her I didn’t have plans, she had assumed it because I never mentioned it to her.
I explained that I wanted to have time that was about my 16th and not her baby and she was offended, saying that if I don’t want to hang out with her son I shouldn’t hang out with her either.
She’s now refusing to accept any messages from any of the three of us and our mutual friend (16 f) says that I should have invited her to make her feel better about how tired she is all the time. I never intended to make her feel bad but I did want some time to relax, which I suppose was selfish.
Edit: We have asked her for time/conversations that are baby-free multiple times. Despite agreeing, she has not kept her word and brings him/brings him up every time anyway.”
3. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Pay Me Back?
“My (48 M) daughter (21 F), Aria, abandoned us (her stepmother, younger half-sister, and me) when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, Sandra, and her husband.
Until then, we had 50/50 custody, but Sandra has always been less ‘strict’ than me. She’s always let Aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules.
She also buys Aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her.
Sandra lives in the same town where Aria’s high school was, while I live 25 mins away. So, one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend there (meaning I had to drive her), the next time they met it was her friend’s turn to come.
If the friend’s parents didn’t want to drive the kid here, then Aria wasn’t allowed to meet them again while she was with me. Everything was fine that way for years.
The major fallout happened in her last year of high school (she was 15). She went on a trip to another country with her school and didn’t bother to send more than a couple of texts when she was away for 5 days.
So I decided to ground her because she had to learn to respect and show some love for her family. She insisted she had sent messages to her mother but we had barely heard from her. She’s never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited to some popular girl’s birthday party.
This was my punishment, not going to that party after forgetting about her family.
She got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it was illegal to get her if it was my week. Plus, she wanted to go to her mother’s because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party.
Her mother came by the end of the week and I told Aria that she didn’t have to come back if she didn’t want to. I waited, but I heard nothing from her again. Her sister kept asking me why she didn’t come back, and I didn’t know how to explain to her that she didn’t love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties, and her free-of-rules life.
Over the years we’ve communicated through lawyers because Sandra has 0 intentions of helping me get my daughter back (she finally has her to herself). They’ve been demanding that I pay for child support, even now that she’s 21 years old. I have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses (by law).
When Aria turned 18, an adult, I started adding up everything I had to pay in an Excel that I send to Sandra when I update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (I expect Aria to pay her debt, but I gave Sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused).
We are now at 18K.
Aria has been trying to get in touch again. I told her that we can’t fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. She needs to prove to me that she doesn’t only care about the money. Sandra says I’m a jerk but I think she is, since she has done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. So, AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Sitting Next To My Husband?
“So, my husband is very sociable, he has many friends from different backgrounds. He’d hang out with this group of friends that consists of 6-12 guys. When we started going out, I used to tag along in all of his hangouts, but after we got married he told me that I didn’t need to be present for every hangout with his friends.
Like not sitting with him and his friends when having their ‘guy time’ playing or talking. I found this insulting because in a way… I felt like I’m being excluded and unwelcome to be around. He said it’s not like that but just cause we’re a couple it doesn’t mean I have to be glued to him especially since the guys would need some ‘privacy’.
Not only this but he requested that when he’s having ‘his guests’ over, I shouldn’t treat them as my guests and sit with them oddly. And instead, I asked that I leave them alone and give them space. I told him it was unreasonable and unfair because I like sitting with his guests and besides none of his friends complained.
The other day; he had a few friends over, and there were 2 new guys in the group. I greeted them and then sat next to my husband while they talked. He then started moving his eyebrow and clearing his throat constantly. I asked if he needed anything and he said some water.
I brought him a glass of water and sat down. He started asking if I had something to do and I said no. There was a lot of silence and pauses in their conversation. My husband then took his and texted me saying ‘Can you give me and the guys some time alone?’ I read the text but ignored it and remained seated because I felt like they wanted to talk about something shady otherwise why would they need me to leave the room? I sat through the entire visit until they left.
Soon as my husband shut the door he unloaded on me saying wtf I decided it was a good idea to sit with his guests and refuse to take the hint and give them some privacy. I argued that it’s my home too and therefore not his guests alone but he said that I was being unbearable and making the new guys feel uncomfortable.
He said he already asked that I start giving him and his friends alone time but I reminded him that I didn’t find this reasonable, besides, what was he so upset about? I don’t get it because it’s not like I was behaving inappropriately and his friends were being too sensitive. He said that he always gives me and my friends privacy but I said I never asked him to do this. He snapped saying I was unbearable and rushed upstairs and has been sulking since then.
1. AITJ For Suggesting My Sister Puts Her Baby Up For Adoption?
“My (31 f) sister (27 f) was married to A for 3 years. Prior to their elopement, they were on and off for about 4 years. Because of their unstable relationship, my sister never introduced him to our family until they were married. Our family is very tight-knit and traditional, so with this late introduction, I and my family never formed a close bond with BIL and our relationship was strained because of it.
About a month ago, my sister called me and told me that BIL was in the ICU at the hospital being treated after he was hit by an irresponsible driver. He unfortunately passed a few days after and my sister was understandably devastated. My sister held a funeral for BIL and my parents graciously offered to cover the cost of the funeral and burial.
A week after the funeral, my sister didn’t show up to my mother’s 60th birthday party which was odd since she had helped me and my brother (34 m) plan the party. I went over to her house after the event was over to check on her and found her place a mess.
There were takeout boxes and trash spread around the entire kitchen and an entire sink full of dirty dishes. I offered to help clean since my sister was in a rough state. While I was cleaning, she began to tell me that she and BIL had been trying to conceive for the past year and were unsuccessful but she was late and decided to take a test today and it came back positive.
I asked her if she was sure and she said she was confident and that she was going to schedule an appointment with her doctor. I told her not to get her hopes up until the doctor confirmed the results with her.
For the past few weeks, I hadn’t heard anything about my sister’s ‘pregnancy’ so I thought it was a false positive and that the signs were just from the stress of her loss.
Today, during our Sunday dinner with our parents, my husband and brother, and SIL + their kids, my sister announced that she was pregnant. My parents were shocked, to say the least, and my SIL immediately began congratulating my sister.
After dinner, I asked my sister if we could talk in private and brought her away from the rest of the family.
I expressed my concerns for her and asked if she was truly prepared to be a mother right now if she can’t even take care of herself. My sister got mad at the comment and said I have no right to comment on how she chooses to grieve and that her baby is the last piece of her late husband.
I asked her if she was truly prepared to be a single mother even though it would ruin any chance of her moving on since no man wants to date a single mom. I suggested that she should put the baby up for adoption so that it could be in a healthy, stable home with two parents.
She stormed off and told the rest of my family what I said to her. My family thinks that I am a jerk, and my husband thinks I should’ve chosen a better time to talk with her about this, but I really don’t think I am a jerk for trying to protect my sister. She is still so young and she shouldn’t have the burden of taking care of a dead man’s child alone.”