People Worry They Were Too Harsh In These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Filing A Complaint Against My Assistant Principal Over A Misunderstanding?
“So just a while ago while walking down the hallway in my class change at HS my assistant principal (AP) walked around the corner, saw me and outright yelled my name.
Everyone in the hallway stops and looks at him and then at me as I ask him what going on. He sorta walks jogs over to me and the drill sergeant points his finger at me and yells “You better get parking buddy (PB) on the phone and get him to give me those cones back by the end of the day or I’m gonna suspend you” and then walks off as I’m asking him what he is talking about.
As he is walking away I’m trying to tell him “What are you talking about? How am I supposed to know what PB is doing? Why am I in trouble?” and he turns around about 10 feet away from me, still yelling, and says ” I leave here at 3:00 so you’ve got 4 hours to get him to come back to school or else!” and then storms off.
Everyone else in the crowded hall is just staring at me as I have a confused look on my face, wondering what in the world just happened. After the shock set in I scrambled to pull out my phone and try to find his social media to try and call him, I don’t know him very well which is why I’m really confused, it takes a second and when he picks up I immediately ask him what is going on, and that AP said he was gonna suspend me.
PB says he took some cones from the parking lot as a joke and put them in his car today because he was annoyed about them being in the way. I told him that I was going to be suspended if he didn’t give them back, he was also confused because I didn’t have anything to do with it, and wasn’t at school when he took them.
He decided to give them back because he didn’t want me to get in trouble for something he did.
Because of all this, I filed a complaint with the school because of his outburst of yelling at a student, and that he did it in such a public manner in front of other students.
I later found out that the reason he was angry at me was because I parked next to PB!!! He just assumed that because I parked next to PB we were friends and had something to do with the cones, I only really interacted with him when we left our cars in the morning, we’ve never even had a class together.
I don’t really think anything will come of the complaint, and I don’t want anything to, I just wanted to submit it so that A) there was a record that it happened and B) that he maybe sees it and is discouraged from doing it in the future”
Another User Comments:
“I left my career as a teacher because of unhinged and unprofessional adults like this. So proud you reported him. Tell your adults at home too and don’t be afraid to email the superintendent directly. Administrators will protect each other over students but the super may not.
Ask what the follow-up will be and how it will be avoided in the future and don’t stop emailing until you have an answer. Get your caregivers involved and keep everything in writing. No adult in a school setting should raise their voice at you.
Period. You were more professional than this grown man. You give me faith!!!” TallGlassOagua
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you for reporting it. It could go either way now. Either he’ll leave you alone for the rest of high school, or he can retaliate and make the rest of high school difficult for you.
Hopefully, he’ll be smart and he won’t cross the line with you again, but a lot of principals have a power trip and a holier-than-thou attitude, so be prepared if he is now looking for any and every way to get you in trouble.
If he starts to “have it out for you” make sure to report him every single time. Have your parent go to it. If it gets bad file a formal complaint for harassment and retaliation to the school district.” Katiew84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it doesn’t matter WHAT AP thought!
Even if he was right and you were friends with PB the way he went about talking to you about this issue is unacceptable! You absolutely should make a complaint!” Ixpen
20. AITJ For Supporting My Sister's Engagement Despite My Husband's Concerns?
“I’m an immigrant and lived here for 7 years in the US. I (31F) haven’t been back home since I left. My sister (25F) and I have had a rocky relationship for a lot of that time where she has treated me poorly at times.
As a result, my husband (30M) doesn’t trust her or like her but has been respectful. I accept his feelings but love my sister.
My sister applied for a tourist visa to come visit me. She came in November. Very quickly my husband noticed she started talking to and hanging out with a man who is in my husband’s friend group but not friends with my husband directly.
My husband was upset because he claimed she deceived us by telling us she wanted to come visit me. But he let it go and I supported my sister. They got engaged in December. It caused a bit of a fight because I was happy for my sister and didn’t understand why he couldn’t be.
He claims that this is very shady and she’s likely using this guy too. He’s been very mean making comments about how this is the fifth foreigner she’s been engaged to etc.
He asked my sister if she planned on leaving at the time that she told CBP she was leaving, and the time her passport said she must leave.
She said no. He told her to get out of our house she was not welcome to stay here anymore. Her fiance came and picked her up, and they’ve lived together since.
My husband and I talked about it and he claims that her doing this casts a lot of suspicion on our relationship and risks my naturalization.
He says that he worked hard and gave up his 20s for us to be together and I’m risking all of that for my sister.
He keeps bringing up that she blocked me for a year, has hidden things from me, and more. He’s bringing it up because he thinks she will do it again.
He said she hasn’t changed because everything she’s done from the moment this trip was planned has been a lie.
My sister apologized for all that. When I tell him that he says that he told me that would happen when she cut me out of her life.
He says “I told you as soon as she needs or wants something from you she’ll be back” and that I should be suspicious of her.
He has told me he doesn’t want to ruin our relationship but he said I shouldn’t trust her.
My brother passed away so I don’t want to lose my sister over something stupid. My husband said that’s her decision and I should stop jumping in front of the train for her and stand up to her manipulation.
My sister says she is going through the process legitimately here but my husband said that’s not how it works and she’s an illegal immigrant.
He told me I couldn’t go over to their house. He claims this guy is a jerk to other women, and he’s upset that this started because this guy was telling me about his problems when he was inebriated at a party we went to.
He said I should have shut him down and told him that it was not appropriate to talk to me about his problems. I introduced him to my sister that night.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I mean… they got engaged after one month. It’s the fifth foreigner she’s been engaged to?
(also… what happened to the other four?) If she’s staying past the date, she’s not exactly following the normal procedures. Your husband’s doubt is entirely reasonable and you’re foolish to ignore all the red flags. He was wary of her from the start and that’s all due to things you told him about her.
And now you’re willfully ignorant of all the hurtful things she’s done to you, and want your husband on board?” sworn2carrymyburdens
Another User Comments:
“So your husband worked his rear off to prove to immigration that he can sustain you in the US and you come here documented. Then your sister comes in, overstays, and is now undocumented. You do realize if ICE decides to look for her, the first person they are going to check on is *you* right?
And if they find out you know where she is and harboured her, you both are going to be kicked out of the country. No wonder your husband threw her out and is upset. You truly can’t be this daft and naive, can you?” SaorsaAgusDochas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are naive and in denial. All your replies show you’re not seeing the bigger picture and making excuses. Your sister is not a good sister to you and she is a user, it’s clear to your husband (and Reddit) that she is putting you at risk, you are involved regardless of your thoughts.
It’s impacting your marriage. You can love a sibling and still not support their behaviour and you don’t have to encourage it.” PsychologicalRoll705
19. AITJ For Leaving My Ex's New Year's Party Early After Hearing She Planned to Kiss Me?
“My (21M) ex (20F) invited me to her New Year’s party to, in her words, “Start a more casual friendship.” I had nothing to do last night and I figured I’d go since her place was a small walk away.
When I got there it was packed with people which already isn’t my scene, but there were only a couple of hours until midnight and I could steal some chips and people watch for a while.
I was there for about an hour before I saw my ex. She pulled me away to her room and she thanked me for coming, told me to enjoy myself and gave me a drink.
Now I don’t really drink often, but I can handle my booze pretty darn well and always have.
(the legal age where I’m from is 18 don’t come for us.) I figured it was in my hand already and I didn’t want it to go to waste. Now when I tell you that this drink was STRONG. I mean it. I could barely taste the mixer, it was horrible in the way only straight vodka is.
I ended up drinking it pretty fast so I didn’t have to taste it all night, but that whatever. I’m rambling at this point, but it was a really bad drink and it got to me fast.
Around 11 random people started coming up to me asking if I was her Ex, if I still like her and what it was like to be with her.
Everyone and their cousin was interested in her and I’s relationship suddenly and eventually, someone let it slip that she was planning on kissing me at midnight. Now it was probably just a rumour or someone’s intoxicated idea of a prank but I decided I was done for the night and would rather just watch Animal Crossing fireworks so I texted her that I had fun but was leaving.
Today I woke up to a million texts from her saying I shouldn’t have left, that I should have spent the night if I was drinking, that it was rude to leave without a proper goodbye, that no one can leave New Year parties before midnight, and that I need to go apologies to her and her sister.
AITJ for leaving early? I know it was probably dumb to walk home while not fully sober, but it was just a few blocks and I’m fine, right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she wasn’t over you and planned to get you intoxicated so she could have her way with you, (not in the intimate way, but in the predatory way because she planned for you to be intoxicated and have you stay the night without telling or asking you.) You have every right to leave whenever you want and there are no New years eve party rules, she just pulled that out of nowhere to guilt you.
Bullet dodged and don’t accept anything you can ingest from her in the future, because based off the other posts you wrote about her she sounds needy/clingy and desperate for love” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “that she was planning on kissing me at midnight.
Now it was probably just a rumour or someone’s intoxicated idea of a prank.” That kind of harassment warrants leaving without a goodbye. Tell her WHY you left: the other guests bullied you and pretended she was threatening to kiss you at midnight, and you believed them and wanted to avoid that drama.
Tell them YOUR apology will come right after her guests apologize for treating you that way.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ex is very much the jerk and so are her weird friends who were bugging you about the old relationship. That was a very weird situation and you were right to follow your intuition and leave.
You were walking, it was close, I’m assuming it’s not a neighbourhood full of people hiding in dark alleys like where I live. She made things 100 weirder with those texts. Someone who sends 11 flying monkeys to ask you about their relationship doesn’t deserve “a proper goodbye” let alone an apology.
You can leave a party any time you want and especially when stuff gets weird. This isn’t some formal situation like being presented to the King or something, it’s a casual party at someone’s home. I know you’re brushing off suggestions she was planning to get you intoxicated. At the very least, it could’ve been really weird at midnight when a bunch of randos think she’s going to do the NYE kiss–either she’s going to demand a kiss and puts you on the spot or she doesn’t try it and they all throw a fit out of disappointment.” PotentialUmpire1714
18. AITJ For Not Leaving a Tip at a Cashless Restaurant?
“I (25F) went to lunch with my partner (24F) the other day. We went to a new place near our apartment and, upon arriving, learned they were “cashless” meaning we could only pay with a card/touchless payment/etc.
This was fine since we don’t typically use cash anyway, so we sat down and ate.
Our server was a woman a bit younger than us (probably 18-20), and throughout the entire meal, she had a bit of an attitude. She subtly rolled her eyes a couple of times at questions we asked about the menu, and overall just seemed annoyed to be there.
Our food/drinks also took a long time to get to our table (about 45 minutes) despite the restaurant not being busy, but we weren’t in a rush so it wasn’t a huge deal, just a little annoying.
After we’d finished our meal, we got the check and I decided to tip in cash (out of habit because that’s what I typically do, but also because from my time working in restaurants, I know cash tips are typically preferred with servers).
It didn’t occur to me that this restaurant, being cashless, wouldn’t accept cash tips since it’s not what I was using to pay the bill. After I’d already filled out the receipt with the $0 tip, our server saw me putting the cash on the table and said, “You know this place is cashless, right?
That includes tips”. I apologized and said I didn’t realize and asked for the receipt back so I could adjust the tip. She said she couldn’t do that because it had already been processed, so if I wanted to tip I would have to start a new tab.
I asked if she could put in a drink for me so I could tip on that receipt. She rolled her eyes again and informed me that there is a $10 minimum (probably to circumvent card fees), so she couldn’t do that. The only way we could open a new tab was to get an appetizer or entree or something (which would end up being more than $10), Our server grabbed a menu, dropped it on the table (despite my hand being out to take them), and said “Get me when you make a decision” and walked away, clearly annoyed.
Since the food wasn’t that great to begin with and we didn’t want to potentially wait another 45 minutes for something we didn’t even really want in the first place, we left. I felt bad, but since we weren’t able to adjust the tip on our original receipt (something I’ve never heard or experienced) and we couldn’t do cash, I didn’t see another option.
Our friends are pretty divided. Some think I’m the jerk, and others think it’s fine given the circumstances. One of my friends knows someone who works at that restaurant as a server and said they get paid $18-20/hour, so they still get paid even if someone doesn’t tip.
So AITJ? I admit I was maybe a little stupid for assuming I could tip cash at a cashless restaurant, but live and learn I guess.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tips are supposed to be for excellent service. If they give horrible service then I think not tipping is fine.
If they give you attitude for trying to tip cash then I’d just take my cash back and say forget it. I’m Australian though and we don’t tip because we pay all servers a liveable wage compared to America so… can’t relate.
I don’t see why people who give terrible service would be entitled to tips.” WittyDoughnut99
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, I still would have left the cash on the table. Just because the restaurant doesn’t accept cash, doesn’t mean the server can’t. Also checked on the rules but since cash is legal tender if you don’t have a card and they don’t accept cards you can leave without pain because places legally have to accept cash” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No such thing as cashless tips. A tip is just that, and they can either take it in the form you give it, or get no tip at all. Based on the service, I already would have been giving a much lower tip, add in the extra attitude at the end, and you were completely justified.” jayare75
17. AITJ For Changing My Family Dinner Menu To Reduce Food Waste?
“I 49F have two sons, 29 and 27, and one daughter 26. Every week we get together at my house for dinner with my DILs, SILs and Grandkids. Everyone likes lasagna and I will make it at least once a month. A couple of months ago I noticed that a lot of the meal was wasted because the kids were picking the pasta and cheesy bit out of the lasagna and leaving the meat sauce.
I noticed a fair amount was thrown away mostly by the kids. (I have 8 grandkids under 8 years old). The same with apple pie. The kids picked out some of the apple sauce and left the crust.
The following month, instead of two trays of lasagna I made 1 tray of mac and cheese and one tray of lasagna.
For dessert, I had just one apple pie and made cookies for the kids. Everything was finished and hardly any wasted food so I was pleased with my decision.
My older son mentioned to me the following week how he and his wife had discussed that I shouldn’t make two types of dishes when I cooked, as the kids need to learn to eat what they are given and not be choosy.
This was about dinner the previous week. I noted what he said and this week I made two trays of Mac and cheese and cookies for dessert. Everyone ate, and there was just a bit of leftover. Barely anything was wasted from the plates. I noticed DIL was just picking at her food but didn’t think anything of it.
It was also less time-consuming for me and a bit less expensive.
My son later told me I was a jerk for making him come over for mac n cheese.
I intended to reduce waste as food is so expensive these days. Also, the sauce I make from my veg garden in the summer so there isn’t a huge amount and I only use that sauce when they come over so I hate to see that wasted. There was also other stuff like soup salad and garlic bread and the time we spent together wasn’t just about dinner.
The grandkids enjoy being together for half a day.
I’m thinking maybe I am a jerk because they did drive almost an hour, after packing the 3 three kids up, just to eat mac and cheese when I knew he and his wife liked the lasagna and apple pie.
I also only have everyone over once a week as I can’t afford to do this twice a week as I previously had before, so I should put in more effort.
So am I the jerk for not making the expected dish(es) when my son’s family took half a day to be with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but talk with your son as it makes no sense for food to be wasted. Find a meal that everyone likes and just make that. “he and his wife had discussed that I shouldn’t make two types of dishes when I cooked, as the kids need to learn to eat what they are given and not be choosy.
” Isn’t that what DIL was doing? EDIT: If the Mac and Cheese were homemade when what is the beef? Just that the adults like Lasagna [the kids don’t] and the kids like the M&C and DIL don’t? So you are supposed to cook for the adults and not your grandkids?” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They get to control the food rules at their own house, not at yours. If you want to prepare a second dish that you know the kids will like, then do it. You can serve as many main courses and sides as you like.
They were way out of line trying to control what you serve. This is about getting together over a meal. If it was just about the food, they could swing by and bring it home to eat. I wish I could get my whole family over once a week for a meal. Your son doesn’t even appreciate what you’re doing.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“Going with NTJ. You’re the one here with the burden of cooking for “DILs, SILs and Grandkids” and “just serving them mac and cheese instead of lasagna as they expected?” I just read that Your son and DIL just volunteered to host. Tell your son that you will trade off from now on.
Next week, he hosts the entire family. Send that text to everyone. And stick to your guns.” KronkLaSworda
16. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé To Set Boundaries With His Mother After I Snapped At Her?
“Firstly, I know that I am partially the jerk for going off on my fiance’s mother in the way that I did. However, please hear me out.
I (F29) and my fiancé (M30) have been together for 5 years and got engaged 2 years ago. However, he has an enmeshed relationship with his mom. Before we met, she called him every morning to wake him up from work and had him visit her in her home state between 4-8 times a year.
He was also paying all of her bills although she was working two jobs and had alimony coming in. While he only pays two of her bills now, it’s pretty much the same.
From the moment she met me, his mother has been cold and very judgmental. She didn’t introduce herself to me, didn’t like my gifts, refused to eat anything I cooked for her (and complained when she was forced to), and made snide comments to me regarding my attitude and most things that I do and cook both to me and her son.
Up until this Christmas, however, I have been nothing but kind to her. I have given her nice gifts, tried to engage her in polite conversation, invited her to my home on multiple occasions for holidays where I do all the cooking, cleaning, and decorating, and tried to incorporate her into the life that her son and I were building as much as possible.
Finally, 3 years ago, she started to thaw and asked me the first personal question she’s ever asked (which consisted of two words: “How’s work?”)
From there, things started to change and she was nice to me, even calling me DIL, but then I messed it up.
For a few years, I have had a problem with drinking too much. Before this, however, it never affected my fiance’s family. This time, I had too much wine and snapped at her after Christmas when she wouldn’t eat what I cooked for her.
She left the next day.
Since then, her son has been moping around the house, crying, hitting things, and saying that I am the worst person he has ever met because I ruined everything. While I partially deserve this because I did mess things up, I have since taken accountability for what I did, formally apologized to his mother, and taken steps to end my drinking altogether.
She has already gotten him to cancel the birthday plans that I spent months planning so he can go up to visit her for his birthday instead. She will not listen to my apology and will not be coming to our wedding later this year.
Before this, she was ecstatic about it, and I just can’t help but think that she’s refusing to go because she’s manipulating him to end things with me while she has the chance.
So even though I know I am partially the jerk here, would I be the jerk for telling him to set boundaries with her or I walk away for good?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – yeah, you didn’t cover yourself with glory when you snapped at her, but his response to that has been verbal and mental mistreatment. Hitting things, even inanimate objects is a form of mental mistreatment. Saying something as horrible as you are the worst person he ever met is verbal mistreatment.
Do not marry this man- I’m not saying the mistreatment will escalate to physical, but I’m not saying it either. Even if it doesn’t-you’ve already seen that this is how this babyman handles conflict and it ain’t how adults do it. Let him go visit Mommy.
Take the opportunity to pack your bags while he’s gone, or throw his stuff on the curb.” Junior-Fox-760
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however… Don’t walk away, SPRINT away. My six-year-old’s behaviour is better than this person and he is dealing with a lot of stress (his father and I are divorcing).
Marriage makes these problems worse and heaven forbid you should want a family. Having children makes the problems even worse. Please do not marry this person. I wish I had followed my advice.” MonkeyGeorgeBathToy
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk at all.
A person can only handle so much before they snap like you did, and you’ve been holding it all in and putting up with her disrespect for 5 years. But I think I would be reconsidering my marriage to this man!! Anyone who says “You’re the worst person he’s ever met” and acting the way he is isn’t someone I’d want to be married to.
He will never put you above his mom, ever! You’ll always be in second place as long as she’s alive. If you’re planning on children, they’ll also come after she does. Is this the type of stuff you want to put up with for your entire marriage?
Catering to mommy dearest and being disrespected? No matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough for either of them.” jacksonlove3
15. AITJ For Insisting My Roommate Keeps Her Cat In Her Room As Previously Agreed?
“I (21F) have lived with two other roommates for four months with my cat. One of my roommates (21F) recently asked to bring her sister’s cat with brain damage to live with us and keep it exclusively in her room since it has difficulty getting around due to its condition and is prone to peeing on personal belongings.
I agreed but warned her that my cat is aggressive towards other cats, and therefore it’s important that the cat stays in her room. For reference, her room is about the size of a large studio apartment.
Skip to after winter break and I come home to find a new cat scratching post in the living room.
I asked my roommate what this was about and she told me that the new cat didn’t like to be confined in a small space and that she’s been letting the cat roam free while I was away for winter break.
I told her about my discomfort having the new cat roam the house due to my cat’s aggression towards other cats, as well as my busy schedule which prevents me from being able to introduce the cats properly (which is weeks long of a process) or monitor them together.
For reference, both me and my roommate are full-time college students and I work full-time as well.
My roommate said it was unfair to keep her cat confined in her room, while mine gets to room free, and accused me of wanting to get rid of the cat.
I clarified I wasn’t against her having the cat, but expected her to keep the cat in her room as we agreed upon. I also reminded her that my room was three times smaller than hers & wouldn’t be big enough for a cat to live out of.
In response, my roommate claimed seniority in the house, saying she’s lived here longer than me and thus gets more of a say (even though we both pay rent and she agreed for me to move in with my cat), and saying that she didn’t know about the cat’s behavioural issues until after she made preparations for the cat to be here(even though the behavioural issues was why her sister was getting rid of the cat)
She claims she had the right to have a pet and ignored my warnings about my cat’s behaviour. I told her that she is allowed to have a pet, but I am telling her that if my cat gets aggressive and attacks her cat, which he’s prone to do, I will not be paying any vet bills or be held responsible in any way since I’ve warned her and didn’t agree for the new cat to roam the house.
My roommate doesn’t have a lot of experience with cats and doesn’t understand that not all cats can get along. All I’m trying to do is prevent either cat from getting hurt.
So… AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked, ‘to bring her sister’s cat with brain damage to live with us and keep it exclusively in her room,’ and you agreed to that.
And you ‘warned her that my cat is aggressive towards other cats, and therefore it’s important that the cat stays in her room.’ You did not agree to let the cat roam free, and you shouldn’t let it roam free, especially considering its habit of peeing on personal belongings.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The initial terms agreed upon was that the new cat stays in her room. It doesn’t matter that she has lived there longer, it is not her apartment, and you both pay to live there. This could be tricky to bring up if she is a stubborn person but it’s ultimately her responsibility to keep the cat in her room or re-home it to someone else.” strawberryywafflez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The agreed-upon conditions to bring the cat in the house was to have it live in the room exclusively and, on top of that, the limitation was your roommate’s idea, not yours. Your roommate is not only breaking an agreement she agreed to but one that was her idea to begin with.
Also, it doesn’t matter who lived in the place first – you both pay rent, so you both get a say in what goes on in the place. She is making up a privilege to break an agreement that was her idea in the first place.” bamf1701
14. AITJ For Wanting To Inform My Long-Distance Partner About Extended Camping Trip?
“My best mate (17M) and I (17M) were going camping for New Year’s/his birthday, and we changed plans to stay an extra night. Instead of 2 nights, it was 3.
The second night, I said to my best mate “I’m probably going to go up the trail to get data and tell my partner (17M) that I’m staying an extra night.” (For context, there’s no service at the campsite, expect on top of a mountain)
He asked why, and I said that it’s a good thing to do, communicate with your partner.
He then said that he thought it was stupid and that he could wait another 24 hours.
I said to my best mate it wasn’t stupid and gave many reasons, such as him going through a rough time at the moment.
And since we’re in a long-distance relationship and don’t have my parent’s contacts
We ended up arguing about MY choice to inform MY partner about staying one more night, and then he said that if I wanted to tell him about my plans, I should tell him tonight on New Year’s Eve since it’s a special time.
I then told him That’s stupid because going up a mountain and crossing running water in the middle of the night.
He then said that it’s not stupid because he’d do the same, and it’s just as dangerous as doing it in the middle of the day.
I told him no, he wouldn’t because I figured out he was seeing someone.
We then circled back to the original conversation about me informing my partner about the change of plans.
He then said that the whole point of camping is staying off-grid and hanging with mates, but I said that I would only be texting my partner and then going back down.
Anyway, we slept on it, and he said that he wouldn’t be coming. That morning, I got the bike and headed up the mountain. I eventually reached the spot where I could get data and made the call. Turns out I’ve run out of data and needed my card.
So, I went back down to get my card, and I saw his bike next to the toilet but continued to the campsite. I said hi and told him I was going back up, but he said that he might as well come with me.
I said that would be a great idea because I could use his hotspot to transfer money into my account to pay for data, and we could play music on his speaker. He didn’t have data at the spot I found so another hour later we found a good spot.
He hotspoted me, I paid for data, and my partner’s phone was stolen so I wouldn’t have been able to text him on New Year’s.
I texted his best mate to tell him the plans and one of my other close mates and headed back.
However, my best mate said he’d meet me at the camp because he was chatting with people. I said fine, then headed back. I waited about an hour and a bit until he came back
I then brought him up on it, saying how hypocritical he was being he said he might have well-texted everyone while up there.
Which I don’t care about—I’m glad he told his family—but I’m annoyed at the fact he kept telling me what not to do in MY relationship for him to then go back on his word when it comes to him.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry to say this but are you sure your best mate doesn’t have a crush on you? You did the right thing but I wouldn’t be planning another trip like this anytime soon. He sounds very opinionated and controlling. Your relationship with your partner is YOUR relationship and he shouldn’t get so involved and mad about it.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s never a bad idea to let someone you know that you’re extending your stay, especially if you’re out in the wilderness. I get how being completely off-grid is appealing, but why cause needless worry?” effie-sue
Another User Comments:
“I’ll be honest, this a lot more info than we needed but the gist of it is that your best mate basically made a mountain of a molehill over something as benign as you texting your partner something. Something that absolutely does not affect your best mate in the slightest. So obvious NTJ.
Like, what a very weird reaction overall from that guy. I agree with another commenter, it seems like he is jealous about your relationship and it kind of got to him in the moment.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Share Financial Responsibilities Even If I Earn More?
“My partner proposed a hypothetical scenario where if I was making more than enough funds for us to live comfortably and cover all of the expenses, would I still expect her to pay some of our shared rent?
I responded that yes, I would have covered the majority of it in that case but I would still hope that she would pitch in some funds to cover the rent as I believe it’s a shared responsibility. There’s less likelihood of resentment towards one another being built up IMO if it’s something we tackle together.
For example, even though I make more than her and pay for many things and spoil her where I can, I still take care of many household responsibilities because I want to ensure it’s not something she needs to handle herself and I enjoy sharing some of those responsibilities with her.
This upset her because in her opinion, if I were in a position where I was making an excessive amount of funds, I’d still expect her to work “out of principle” instead of me seeing it as an opportunity to ease her burden and not have her work out of necessity.
She said in this scenario, she may not have covered rent then but she would have still contributed to other things like bills and groceries and whatnot, but that didn’t seem clear when she initially posed the hypothetical. She’s stated multiple times in her words that this hypothetical wasn’t meant to be a realistic scenario but was to gauge what my values were and where my head was at when it came to my desire to make her life easier and want to see her not struggle if necessary.
On the other hand, I feel like it’s not hypothetical and more of a gauge to see how little she can contribute in general if we eventually marry and move in together.
As it stands today, I already provide for most of us whenever we spend time together despite us making the same relative income.
At one point, I was even pitching in for some of her rent when she lived with her sister despite her sister contributing very little if anything at all towards the rent.
In my head, a lot of this truly does boil down to our values and how we examine finances as well as dynamics within a relationship.
She touts herself as a progressive but still prefers the traditional upbringing and dynamic of the man being the breadwinner, paying for most things, etc. On the other hand, I consider myself progressive as well but I see us more as equals and I’m more than happy to contribute meaningfully towards household responsibilities and take them up as my own if it also means she steps up towards the finances a bit.
Unfortunately, the world we live in means that expenses are ridiculously high compared to when our parents were raising us and in many cases, require dual incomes to get by. It just feels like I’m being told to accept all the disadvantages of her ideal arrangement while providing all the advantages.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You guys aren’t married, your finances are separate. Even some married couples have separate finances but many couples combine finances when they have children. She may prefer a sugar daddy partner as opposed to a partner. I’m married and think it’s wild to expect your partner to share their funds unless it’s a financial arrangement like a sugar daddy.” Hereforaita1234
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Default in should be a 50% split of everything. Funds, chores, house responsibilities, etc. If you then want to renegotiate then you have to jointly decide. If she wants to pay less rent then maybe you can do less housework in exchange or vice versa.
The decision for one person to contribute more than their 50% (in any category) for nothing in return must come happily and willingly from the person who will be contributing more, not expected by the person contributing less/profiting. That’s my opinion anyway. Maybe it sounds too clinical but it’s worked out for me, generally.” Leigeofgoblins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How many posts are there when the couple fails to have a conversation about finances and goals and then wind up married and with children and the issues are then confronted? You need to have this conversation. Is there a right answer?
Yes. Whatever can be agreed upon between you to contribute to a healthy relationship. Seems like the two of you have some future discussions to have AND maybe this is the start (or maybe the end), but don’t go forward blind. The feeling you seem to have is that is a major issue of perception and that is a 100% fair assessment.
Good luck.” catskilkid
You definitey need to discuss this with a partner to make sure you both understand and agree on how you are going to divide your responsibilities. Particularly if you are planning to have children together.
12. AITJ For Calling My Sister Rude For Sending Me A Wedding Dress While I'm Single?
“My sister is 2 years younger than me (I’m 37f) and is getting married. She and I haven’t spoken very often for the past 4 years and certainly don’t have deep conversations. Due to my family continually gossiping or being judgemental, I told them 15 years ago after my first partner and I broke up that they wouldn’t be told if I was seeing someone until it was serious.
To be fair, while I tried online seeing for years and have my share of bad first-date stories, it’s never gone beyond that until this year.
I have been seeing someone for over six months. Knowing that my sister was talking about getting engaged and was planning a very short (3-month) engagement, I decided to tell my family that I was in a serious relationship.
I also wanted them to meet my partner over Christmas. I didn’t want to just show up with a date to family events without letting the hosts (one of my older sisters and her family) know.
I called my older sister in the morning and she was completely okay with meeting my partner.
I was excited to share about him. 🙂 That afternoon, my younger sister texted me that she could have gotten a free size 4 wedding dress from a social media marketplace (in the city I live in) and I asked if she wanted me to pick it up for her.
She said no, it wasn’t really her style but it would have been fun to try on. Plus, she was waiting for the dress she’d ordered online to arrive. She then sent me a Screenshot of a size 12 wedding dress for $80 with the caption “Here’s one for you.
Lol. I’ve tried clicking social media to show me less but I haven’t been successful yet.”
I assumed that she’d found out from our one sister so I sent back a pic of myself and my partner. While she had been immediately responding she now took 4 minutes to respond with, “Who’s that?” I told her “my partner”.
She said, “He looks happy”.
I got on the phone with her and asked if she knew I was seeing. She said no, she was surprised to hear it. When I said she was rude to send a wedding dress to someone she thought was single and had been for 15 years she told me that I was the one with the problem and she had sent it to me because it was obviously too big for her and something I could actually afford.
I told her congratulations on her upcoming marriage and that obviously we still have difficulty communicating with each other. We both have talked to our sisters and mom about this situation and while I know it’s silly, it bothers me that I was told I was the one being rude when I called her rude for sending it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is NOT rude to send a wedding dress picture to someone that’s single unless the sole purpose is to mock them. If you’re sending it because the person is family and you’re only sharing information, it’s not rude.
You are aware that the world doesn’t revolve around you, right?” Disastrous-Nail-640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sent it to you specifically as a dig about your weight and finances. She said as much when she spoke on the phone to you. If it was something else, like she saw it and thought it might look pretty on you, she would have said that.
But she didn’t. She seems like she is one of those insecure types that likes to put others down to make themselves feel better. I sent you a dress that was way too big for me but might fit you, and it’s cheap so you can afford it.
Staying LC sounds like the best solution.” Routine-Focus-9429
Another User Comments:
“I’m not understanding all the Y-T-J cuz I would never dream of sending a pic of a wedding dress to someone who I thought was single and not getting married any time soon. Especially if I was not close to that person.
I don’t necessarily believe in timelines myself, but a lot of people do and it’s not rocket science that someone might feel insecure about their younger sibling getting married before them. Not to mention the “it’s obviously too big for me and something OP can actually afford.” That is not a nice thing to say.
The sister might not have had bad intentions but she was 100% being insensitive. NTJ.” smileycat7725
11. AITJ For Accusing My Dad Of Favoritism Over Noodle Orders?
“I (16f) live with my parents and brother (14m). When we were young we lived near my dad’s workplace and there was this noodle shop the whole family loves.
We ate from there like 3 times a week. It was a busy shop with people coming in and out all day so the owner or waiters never really treated us special or anything but the food was good, fair-priced and the staff was polite so we kept going.
Three months ago we moved because my mom inherited a house. We now live about an hour from the noodle shop and 45 minutes from Dad’s work. My dad is now the only one with reasonable access to the noodle shop so if we want food from there we ask him to buy it for us.
The thing is, though I love the noodles there, I hate the bean sprouts they put in the noodles. Whenever I ordered I always made note that they don’t add bean sprouts. Now we can only get the noodles as take out by my dad and he always forgets to note to the shop that my dish is no bean sprouts.
I would tell him, write notes, and send messages and he would continue to bring me dishes with bean sprouts.
Now my brother never modified his noodle order and ate as is, but he would ask for several side dishes and extra condiments. My dad never gets those orders wrong.
They were not always the same, too, but he always gets my brother’s food right while he always brings me dishes with bean sprouts.
Last evening I called him and texted him to please make sure my dish had no bean sprouts because I was tired of picking them out before being able to eat my noodles.
My dish had bean sprouts AGAIN while my brother’s dish and two side dishes were perfectly correct. I told my dad he was neglecting me and it was unfair how he paid so much attention to my brother’s order while forgetting the one thing I repeatedly asked him to do.
I said I’m tired of his favoritism and next time he goes to the shop just don’t get me anything because he doesn’t care about what I like. My dad said he doesn’t play favourite but just that my brother is easier to take care of because he’s not a picky eater like me and my note just slipped his mind.
My mom then tried to convince me to eat her order (not noodles) instead but I just left for my room. My brother slipped a snack I liked under my door later that night but my parents didn’t say or do anything.
I’m not a picky eater.
Bean sprouts are probably the only thing I hate. I think I’m not the jerk for calling my dad out on his favouritism.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your request is reasonable, and it’s only being overlooked because you’re a kid and can’t make your order.
I wonder if he’s intentionally messing this up as a way to get you to eat your vegetables or something? Either way, it’s not cool but I wonder why he’s doing it because it’s gotta be intentional at this point.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You don’t even sound angry. You sound sad that your dad can’t or won’t remember a very simple request. I don’t know if it is on purpose or he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I hate bean sprouts and I hate having to pick them out.
My husband doesn’t get it but he always remembers to order my dishes without bean sprouts. Asking for extra condiments is more work than saying hold the bean sprouts. But again I think he simply doesn’t think it’s a big deal to pick them out.
I was so ready to read that your parents and brother attacked you and called you selfish and ungrateful. So it was very nice that no one attacked you. Your brother was very sweet sliding a snack under your door. Now that he knows that you feel slighted hopefully he will do better.” Banana_Puddin11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I hate bean sprouts. I understand where you are coming from. Since his lack of memory has occurred several times while he can sustain your brother’s ‘special requests it makes sense you feel unheard while your brother’s order is perfectly intact.
I wonder if Dad struggles to remember after working a long day and then has to drive 45″ to be with the family. I suppose the best you can do is hold low expectations regarding your noodle delivery or avoid disappointment and not order at all.” DesertSong-LaLa
10. AITJ For Yelling At My Step-Daughter For Cutting Up Donated Baby Clothes For Her Dolls?
“I feel like a jerk, no question there. But anyways, my stepdaughter is 12. Her name is Hannah and she is a beautiful, brilliant girl. The only issue I have is that she respects zero boundaries. I have half a mind to say she acts slightly entitled (ie: if you tell her no, it’s met with a “actually you’re going to say yes because I’m a princess” and she laughs when she says it so I think she’s joking but she’s actually serious.
When she realizes you won’t budge, she stomps off to her room and rolls her eyes at you and gives you the silent treatment). Other than this, she’s a gem.
Well, a little over two weeks ago a lot of my state flooded (Maine, if you’re interested).
The first floor of our home was filled with water, as we were right beside the river. Everything upstairs was untouched but everything downstairs (living room, nursery, my bedroom, kitchen) was destroyed. By the time we were able to go see our home, the amount of black mold already growing was ridiculous.
My stepdaughter’s room was upstairs so she didn’t lose anything. My husband and I had to start from scratch on all of our clothing and our 3-month-old daughter’s clothing. And given that we were just blowing so much money on a hotel, we were more broke than we ever had been.
We reached out to local churches and thankfully we were given a small bag of clothes and diaper help for our daughter but my husband and I have been hand-washing the 2 sets of clothes we have for ourselves. Insurance hasn’t kicked in yet but we did finally get a voucher provided by the state for our hotel stay and food so we are slowly starting to get better financially.
Well, ever since we got that small bag of clothes from the church (4 outfits and 2 onesies) my stepdaughter has been taking those clothes and putting them on her dolls/stuffed animals despite us telling her to stop. And then today (after literally 8-10 discussions) I found that she had actually cut up one of the onesies to fit her teddy bear better.
I lost it. I told her she was selfish and inconsiderate. That she didn’t take the time to listen to her father and I or our reasoning and that she’s knowingly destroying her sisters needed items for her own gain. She immediately started crying and slammed the door.
I DID apologize. Absolutely. She’s a kid and I just lost my cool out of anger. But I told my husband because I felt like a jerk and he said he will never forgive me. He told me to go stay with my mom for a while (out of state) while he figures stuff out for him and his daughter because I’m “unsafe” to be around.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…she was selfish and inconsiderate during a very difficult time. You calmed down and apologized for your outburst. The fact that her father kicked you out demonstrates where her entitled behaviour stems from. Is he less worried about his second child?” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but I’d say your husband the real jerk here. “he said he will never forgive me.” His kid destroyed his other child’s clothing to make a toy. And he’s upset with you for reacting? Maybe if he would discipline her once in a while, you wouldn’t have to.
“He told me to go stay with my mom for a while (out of state) while he figures stuff out for him and his daughter because I’m “unsafe” to be around.” If you bend to that, I hope you take the baby with you and find a lawyer while you’re there.
Leave him to his *safe space.*” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re accounting of how you responded is accurate, then absolutely NTJ. She’s 12 and should know better than to do what she did – especially after being repeatedly told to stop. Your husband’s response makes no sense if this is all that was said.
“Unsafe”? She WAS selfish and inconsiderate and enough was enough, but…..is that really all that happened?” SatelliteBeach123
9. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Conceal Her Used Menstrual Products?
“I live in a fairly large post-grad student house of mixed gender. I share a bathroom with one of my roommates, Eve, and we’re both 25F.
Our bathroom also contains the house’s washer and dryer, so even though we’re the only two people using it for bathroom purposes, our other housemates go in and out of it once a week or so.
My singular, but constant issue with Eve, is the way she leaves her used tampons/pads in the trash can, it’s very visible to anyone walking into the bathroom.
She never folds her pads or wraps her tampons in toilet paper. Eve uses this trash can often so it gets full pretty quick and it stays full for far too long. She also never “smushes” down the trash, so these bloody products are usually sitting right at the top of the trash bin, if not slightly hanging over.
I started off simply asking Eve to take out the bathroom trash (so I don’t have to risk touching her period products). I would only take it out when it didn’t overflow with bloody pads. But I would still have to look at and smell these products.
So eventually I was straightforward and asked her to wrap/cover her used menstrual products in the trash, and that’s when we got into an argument.
Eve asked if the guys in the house had a problem with it, and I said that no, it’s me.
I told her that they haven’t said anything but I’m sure they don’t love it either. She scoffed and said “so it’s just you that has a problem with it? I don’t see what the issue is then. We’re both women, we both have periods every month.
It’s a normal bodily function. What, am I supposed to only throw out my pads in my room?”
I said that I don’t expect her to stop using our bathroom bin for its intended purpose, but that she should wrap/hide her used products like I do.
She argued that I only do that because I grew up with all brothers, and that the rest of the modern world isn’t ashamed of their periods.
Since that argument, I’ve been wondering if I am, in fact, behind the times, and that my reaction was uncalled for.
That is why I think I might be the jerk- because I was raised in a strict and conservative household, while Eve was raised in a loving, relaxed, liberal one. I escaped my family and am trying to break my restrictive upbringing, but at the same time this just seems gross.
It’s also true that nobody else in the house has voiced this issue except me. Am I justified in being grossed out and complaining about her behavior? Or do I just have a stick up my backside?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are a lot of natural things humans do that shouldn’t be done in shared spaces.
I’m a woman who grew up in a house full of women and none of us ever left our used menstrual products out in the open, not out of shame, just because it’s unclean and not exactly a pleasant thing to encounter.” GratuitousSadism
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As others have said it’s not about shame it’s about being sanitary and considerate of shared spaces. Maybe start leaving dirty toilet paper at the top of the bin and see how quickly she changes her tune. A covered bin wouldn’t resolve the issue of accidentally touching her soiled sanitary products.
She’s a jerk.” Prestigious_Elk353
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, we all poop and should not be shamed for it, but you do not leave your waste on display because you cannot be bothered to flush it. I am certainly not ashamed of my period, but I make sure I clean up after myself, just like I do with the toilet after use, tissues, dishes, and everything else.
This is very stupid way to cover her laziness and ignorance, trying to dress it up in feminism. It is blood. I would even cover a bandaid or cotton from a cut when I shared a flat because some people find that repulsive, and you need to be mindful of that when sharing accommodation.” Business_Divide_5679
8. AITJ For Not Clearing My Partner's Windshield Every Time It Snows?
“I (34M) have been seeing my partner (36F) for some time on an accelerated timeline since we both have homes, good careers and are “seeing each other to marry”. I plan to move into her home eventually. She lives within a mile of her parents who are always coming over to work on renovations.
I take every opportunity I can to join her dad in home projects, helping with carpentry, cleanups, decorations, etc. in addition to domestic tasks like cooking, dishes, and all maintenance for my own home. My partner told me yesterday that “I do way more” than her.
I replied, “We do different things”.
**Incident:** Last night was the first night that I would stay at my partner’s house for a couple of hours without her. Her dad picked her up to go watch football as they were in a fantasy league.
I planned to spend Friday as my first “me time” in months, but her dad texted me that he would work on the house, so I joined from 6-11 PM and would rearrange “me time” for Sunday.
Saturday was the first time it snowed in weeks.
Sunday morning, I spent two hours cleaning up the latest renovation project and stacking wood at her dad’s request. When her dad picked her up later, he asked her why I hadn’t scraped the snow from her truck. She said I normally do when we’re both leaving or when I’m shoveling the driveway.
When I met her at the door, she immediately started with this and said her dad mentioned it twice. I couldn’t tell if she was serious as it seemed so bizarre that it was my duty to clear her windshield. She said that her family considers it the man’s job to clear off the windshield.
I asked if her family expected me to do this every time it snows and if she also expected me to do it. Yes to both. (Note: Her dad does so much for her mom – to what my partner has described as an abusive degree).
“Just to be clear, you expect me to do this for you every time it snows?” I said in a matter-of-fact tone. She seemed to realize I was taken aback and nestled in for a hug, smiled, and told me to forget it and she “didn’t want to argue”.
I pride myself on the amount of things I do for my partner already. It was uncharacteristic of her dad, whom I greatly admire, and I was hurt. Making it worse, my partner told me that she’s been criticized by her mother her whole life and that I am now fair game for that criticism and mistreatment since we’re in a relationship.
I “have to have thick skin” to be in her family. I reminded her that I’m here to help her, not be a victim with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you are moving WAY too fast towards marriage. Things like this are going to come up more and more.
Do you want to be the designated servant? Such a stupid little thing and they’re jumping all over you like you left a broken window sitting unattended in a blizzard! Not only her but her dad? Come on, dude, this is not normal.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless both of her arms are broken, in which case, she probably shouldn’t be driving. Is it a nice gesture to clean off your partner’s car if you’re doing yours? Of course. Is it a requirement that warrants being chastised for not doing it?
Not. Her dad needs to stay in his lane.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“Woah. Slow down, my friend. This timeline is absurd! You are still barely getting to know somebody after six months together. Then you are trapping yourself with a baby by getting her pregnant within the first year?
There is nothing organic about this relationship. It is all a pretest and script and you were just plugged into the role of future husband. It sounds like you are already a servant to her. How much of this is what YOU want? I spit out my water when I got to the part where you sent a groveling message to her father, insisting that you will be scraping her windshield for her every time it snows.
You seem to have no problem with him inserting himself into your relationship. Step back and look at things. You are in for a wild ride if this is where you are at three months.” TeachingClassic5869
Edit to add: how the heck do you already admire her dad when you've been dating 3 months? Do you not know how easy it is to hide behind a nice persona for a short time and then bring out the worst when you're trapped?? Get a clue dude.
7. AITJ For Not Defending Myself After Financially Supporting My Roommate?
“Me (20f) and my roommate (18f) were best friends. One day when I was at a birthday party she called me after her dad kicked her out, and asked for help.
I left immediately and went to get her, I brought leftover food and bottles of water. Still living with my parents, after they learned the situation did whatever they could to help, even my aunts and cousins helped out. She stayed with my aunt for a few days and my parents let her stay in my room with me.
She had a car but it was totalled due to lack of maintenance. And we eventually got an apartment together.
I paid for the first 2 months, a down payment, and all the utilities. In the total 8 months we have been there she has paid only 2 bills, 890 on rent, and 445 also on rent.
She worked with me, then quit for another job that refused to pay her. My mom has been helping me with food and gas because all my money has gone to rent and utilities. My partner moved in with us, I asked multiple times if she was comfortable with that, and she said yes every time.
She drove me even when I told her if she had things to do I could go myself. I had to drop out of getting my certification and associate because all of my money was going to rent and electricity, I had to cancel wifi, which she owed 200$ on.
In total, I have spent over 4500$ because she couldn’t pay her half.
Thursday, I left early for work. Her mom asked if she was awake, I wasn’t awake at the time and she couldn’t take my roommate to school.
My roommate asked if I could take her but I said no because I had to get food before work, talk about scheduling with my second job and possibly full-time, and see if I could clock in early to earn extra money for living.
She then stated everything she had done for me thus far (for which I always told her my appreciation and showed through desserts, fruit, and many thanks) I have never once brought up what I have done for her, I consider it rude on my part.
Then stated how uncomfortable she was with how me and my partner are in front of her, which the most we have done in our apartment is forehead kiss and hug. She stated how what I did was messed up cause she never asked for anything, she hadn’t for the past couple of weeks due to her mom taking her everywhere.
Saying her peace is ruined, when before my partner even moved in she would hardly stay more than a night or two in a row at the apartment.
AITJ for not defending myself or apologizing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done lots for her and you asked her many times if she was okay with your bfs living with you guys and she said she was (even though she wasn’t).
Unless you declined multiple times (taking her to school) you are not a jerk.” jjrlkuma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but is she a friend or just someone who gaslights and uses you? I would be done with her. Time for her to grow up and figure her crap out.
You’re not her parent and therefore it’s not on you to support her.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“If her peace is ruined, she can move out. She’s not paying the bills anyway, she’s just sponging off you. She’s 18, she can get herself to school even if she has to walk.
I’m wondering if your partner is also sponging off you though, since you don’t mention him paying for anything. With three adults living there, each should be paying 1/3 of all the bills. Get rid of any roommate who isn’t pulling their financial weight, including your partner.
NTJ, but you are being a jerk to yourself. Stop it.” LuckyFishBone
6. AITJ For Skipping My Last Week of Work, Forcing My Boss to Cancel Her Vacation?
“Long time ago now but as I have thought more about it now maybe I was a tad bit of a jerk here.
So years ago now my first job out of college was at a bank on a college campus as a personal banker. The setup was myself, a senior teller and the branch manager. Well, summertime is our busy time with new students which warranted an additional staff member.
This branch manager treated this poor girl like rubbish for months until she quit.
A thing to note is her lazy management style. On more than one occasion she would refuse to help if you were struggling with a difficult transaction and if she did help she would end up berating you for not handling it yourself.
One of her favourite sayings was “That sounds like your problem and not my problem” which she has used on me several times
A thing of note with this bank is they need two employees to open the bank
Fast track a few months the senior teller has vacation planned and I coincidentally have lined up another job.
The branch manager also happened to want a vacation during the same week as the senior teller and had to move mountains to get another local branch to loan her one of their employees.
So on my last 2 weeks which coincided with part of the manager’s vacation, I decided to take a week break before starting my new job.
To clarify, her vacation started on Saturday out of the country and my final work week started that following Monday. The result was her phone and subsequently my phone blowing up because they couldn’t open the branch since I didn’t show up.
So after numerous calls, I finally answered and got an ear full about how I needed to fulfill my last week of work and if I didn’t she would need to cancel her trip and catch the first flight home.
My response: that sounds like a you problem and not a me problem
The reason I’m asking here is over time as I’ve shared this story some side with me but it seems more people think that while she may have had it coming I was a jerk for pulling this on her and ruining her trip”
Another User Comments:
“Potentially justified petty jerk? Agree it seems more like petty revenge towards an actively rubbish manager lol. Not the path I would have chosen, mostly cause I know my own brain would have guilt-tripped me for YEARS after lol.” akilanon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that feeling of sweet, sweet revenge. But it was completely unprofessional and you’re extremely lucky that it didn’t follow you into future jobs. If your new job hadn’t worked out, you would have been left explaining that you had no references because you just decided to not show.
I’m sure, with hindsight, you can see how bone-headed this move was.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dude, just because you’re leaving one job and starting another doesn’t mean you’re entitled to just skip work for a whole week. Also, you’re not entitled to blow off the whole week because you don’t like your boss.
Especially not when your presence was essential, the business couldn’t even open if you weren’t there.” CoverCharacter8179
5. AITJ For Asking My Flatmate To Wear Earplugs?
“2 months ago my flatmate started work in the emergency services. Since then, our friendship has changed and I need someone to tell me if I’m the jerk! FYI we live in a 2 bed flat with our own bedrooms and bathrooms, and a shared kitchen lounge.
The first incident was when I asked her if I could have someone over from a social app. She refused and said she was too tired and that her refusing wasn’t unreasonable as she was in a new job. I was disappointed at this as I would understand if she had an exam or someone had died, but to refuse because you are tired seemed silly to me – aren’t we all after a day of work!
This triggered a conversation where she expressed she would only be happy if I had people she did not know round on Friday or Saturday nights only. It also triggered a conversation where she told me it would be nice if I could clean and unload the dishwasher more often, all of which I have taken onboard and quite literally lived by to the point we now live in a spotless flat.
Since then there have been multiple incidents where she will sleep in the lounge from around 9PM. I have asked her not to do this as it makes me feel bad or awkward if I fancy a snack, drink or need something from the kitchen/lounge and she is in there as I either go without (hunger at night is atrocious to experience) or have to enter and wake her up anyway.
Her justification is that I am too noisy calling my friends (which rarely happens after 9-11PM) or chilling in my room so she needs to sleep in the lounge (bedrooms next door to each other). Our building has a no noise policy from 11PM-7AM which we have always adhered to with each other also with no issue.
I was toning down at 11PM but now in an attempt to be considerate I try to quiet down by 9PM (I finish work late afternoon so this isn’t much time to FaceTime and do what I would like too.)
Now she has a new job her shifts are currently 7:00AM-3:00PM but will soon be all over the place as is the nature of shift work.
I have suggested time and time again she use earplugs as this would mean she can sleep, I can do what I would like within reason in the afternoons and evenings and have also mentioned to her once she is doing shift work I will undoubtedly be making noise ie if she finishes at 3PM and comes home to sleep I am unfortunately going to need to cook and so the reasonable activities I am carrying out are going to create noise which I can’t help.
I also don’t want to have to put my life on hold or stop calling my friends, watching TV etc (I do all of this before 9 ish now FYI but when a FaceTime has gone on 10 minutes longer until 9:10PM it has still caused issues).
She outright refuses earplugs and says she will miss her alarm, no matter how many times I ask her to try them.
So, please please tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If she needs this much quiet space, she should be living alone. That aside.
She’s demanding you make all the compromises while she makes none. Not an adult approach to the world IMO. You can’t be expected to just not live your life and walk on eggshells all day long in fear of disturbing her. She needs to “wake up” to the world and adapt her lifestyle to her situation… and also sleep in her own darn room.
NTJ.” David-Kookaborough
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her expecting free use of the common area where she can sleep and you can’t use the kitchen is entirely unreasonable. She’s the jerk for this one. She also shouldn’t be able to decide when you have guests as long as you’re within reason.
Obviously, you shouldn’t be bringing home a date to see who can win a howling competition at 1am 6 nights a week. But restricting your extracurriculars to Friday and Saturday isn’t reasonable. You live there, you have as many rights as she does.” thesweeterpeter
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here It sounds like when you are watching TV or calling friends, you’re doing it in your room. And that your rooms are next to each other, so your noise disturbs her, and that’s why she’s napping in the lounge. One solution is to do your chilling/calling in the lounge, so the bedroom area is quiet(er).
Another one if for you to wear headphones while you watch tv/call friends, and to leave the apartment if your call is getting loud. Yes, your roommate could be doing things on her end, too. But I don’t blame her for not wanting to wear earplugs between the end of your workday and 9pm-ish every day, and noise canceling wall panels are expensive.” Tattedtail
4. AITJ For Not Congratulating My Dad On His Engagement?
“I (19f) have divorced parents (41m) and (40f). I had moved in with my dad and his partner (not sure how old she is but I don’t really care since I don’t like her for reasons soon to be explained). His partner used to be super nice and supportive of me and my siblings, but something had changed and she seeks to cause issues between me, my siblings, and our dad because there is always some kind of problem with her and one of my siblings.
She gave me a lot of bs while I lived with her and my dad and gave my dad an ultimatum: me or her (even going to the lengths of threatening to break up with him and harm herself if she did not get her way, which she had threatened to do and even attempted to do multiple times when he tried to break up with her before).
They even told me in their words “we don’t care where you end up, but you can’t stay here”. This was about 2 or 3 years ago and I had my dad cut out of my life for most of that period. I had also moved back in with my mom to finish high school and start college online.
I tried to start giving my dad a chance in my life again, only seeing him twice in person since I moved out with the condition that I did not want to be around his partner despite how unhappy he was with it. I thought it was a good idea to try and talk to him again but I regret that now.
I was on my way home from celebrating New Year with my mom and siblings when my Nana, aka my dad’s mom, sent me some pictures. I looked at them and saw that she sent a picture of my dad holding up proposal balloons saying that his partner said yes to him proposing!
I was angry from this since my dad never talked about it and vented to my bestie (f19) about it. I ended up asking my dad why he didn’t tell me or my siblings about it and he first defended himself by saying my Nana was sharing information that she had no right to share, but then got mad at me because that was the first thing I had said and didn’t congratulate him.
My Nana then also went on a tirade, saying that she regretted telling us the news because someone was jealous, talking negatively on my mom after. My dad then apologized to me in private messages and I blocked them both. I feel bad because I know my dad was divorced for over a decade and my Nana barely leaves her house anymore, so I doubt she barely talks to anyone anymore.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like his now fiance at some point said “it’s me or OP” and he chose her and not you. That’s a horrific thing to do to your child, and he has no right to expect any relationship with you or congrats on his engagement.
“Thanks for sticking the knife in harder, and twisting it, dad”.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will soon be getting married and I was angry my parents did not co gratulate me, but the difference is that you didn’t congratulate your parent because they’re a bad person, and my parents didn’t congratulate me because they don’t like how I want my wedding to look like.
In my opinion, there are good and bad reasons and yours was a good one. You don’t owe them anything.” Xtrems876
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Your dad obviously sucks, but you hardly have a relationship with him, so why would you expect that he’d talk to you about his plans to propose, especially when you and his partner don’t get along (not blaming you for that, just stating that fact).
Get on his case for choosing his partner over his own kids, absolutely, but don’t call and start issues because he didn’t include you in his proposal.” well_this_is_dumb
3. AITJ For Asking My Parents Not To Visit Me In The Hospital Until I Knew My Room Location?
“I 28f went to the hospital as an emergency a couple of months ago.
I was moved from unit to unit as they were unsure if my liver, bowel or kidneys were the issue. I got a text from a sibling asking where I was as my mom wanted to bring items. I explained I didn’t know, and to tell her not to come over yet as I don’t know where I will be.
My sibling asked where I was and I thought nothing of it.
5 minutes later and I hear a nurse shouting at me as my mom phoned the unit to ask where I was going. I rang my mom afterward and asked her why she was phoning the ward when I had explained to her I was being moved but unsure where to less than 5 minutes prior.
I asked verbally this time for her to please not come to the hospital right now as I don’t know where I am being moved to, and would let her know once I knew. My mom started shouting and told me I was selfish and to ‘stop being silly’.
2 hrs later another nurse comes up to me and states I’m being moved to another unit and that my parents will be there. As I’m being wheeled to the unit, I see my parents and asked why they had come as I wasn’t sure what was going on.
I was angry that I had been ignored, I didn’t say much my mom gave me a bag I thanked her and they left.
Later that night as I knew I would, I rang home and explained I needed meds and tampons, etc. My mom wouldn’t take the call.
4 days later I was out of hospital and me and mom were arguing and she told me how ungrateful I was and how dare I tell her not to go to the hospital. I was crying and explained I said no thank you, told her the information I knew at the time so why did she go over me and start phoning the nurse’s station and attend when I didn’t know where I was going or what was needed. My mom said I’d really hurt her, but as someone nearly 30 and self-sufficient, I didn’t think saying ‘no thank you’ and asking someone not to come right now would be received that way.
I’m still thinking about this now…. I am very grateful to have a family that cares but I also feel a bit ignored and quite upset that when I said ‘no thank you’ I got called names. Am I being the jerk here? I feel if it was my child in their late 20s was alive in hospital and it’s not life-threatening and they asked me not to come at that moment, I would respect that.
Or am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked your mom not to come yet as you didn’t know where your hospital room was going to be and that once you knew you would let her know. Mom being impatient and showing up against your wishes is crossing a clearly set boundary in the situation.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get your point. I’m not sure you get how scared parents can get when their kid is in the hospital. It might seem to you like you’re an independent mature adult person (and you are) but to your parents you’re still their kid.
It feels like you were just learning to ride your bike a while ago. Besides people in hospital might be in pain, on meds, people take what they say with a pinch of salt. If it was my kid, I’d be at the hospital. I might be in the waiting room, but I’d be there.
It’s not like I’d be sleeping or relaxing at home.” Agnostic_optomist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t know anything, so how could you say anything. Your mother needs to relax and take a chill pill. It’s sweet she wants to bring things and check on you, but seriously, at least wait until you know more instead of going over your head.
You aren’t some child that needs watching over.” mina03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. your mum is a little bit jerk but you were in hospital and she was freaking out, maybe give her a bit of slack and try to explain that you know she was worried but it would have been better if she had waited until after you had been moved to your room so she could bring the stuff you actually needed and had time to be able to sit and talk then (i presume they were told to leave as you wouldn’t have had a room yet?)” Arkayenro
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Fiancé And Friends Ignored Our Birthday Plans?
“I (25f) had a birthday party today, it was put together by my fiancé (27m) and he invited over two other couples we are friends with to celebrate my birthday. I am not usually a big party person so we agreed to keep it small.
My fiancé told everyone because it was my birthday I could pick what we do for the night.
Shortly after everyone arrives, me and the other girls talk and decide we want to watch this new movie Saltburn, and afterwards we will all play board games as a group.
The guys in the group said they didn’t want to watch this movie but instead would go and play their own game in a different room. We said that was completely fine for them to do their own thing and we all agreed we would just all play together when the movie was over.
So me and the girls proceed to watch the movie. When the movie is over we go and tell the boys we are done and ready to play with them, as we had agreed earlier and had told them how long the movie would be so they knew how much time they had.
The boys decided to play Monopoly, and while they had been playing while we were watching the movie, they were nowhere close to the end of the game. We told them we had discussed playing as a group and to please hurry up so we could play a group game together.
The boys proceed to play the game for approximately 2 hours longer, ignoring our several attempts to get them to hurry up. By the time they finally finish the game it is close to 2 am. I am exhausted, one of the other girls falls asleep from waiting.
We are all clearly irritated, but especially me as we had all agreed to get together as a group for my birthday and it felt like the guys just used my birthday as an excuse for bro time and spent no actual time with me the birthday girl, or their respective partners.
Everyone just ended up leaving after this, as it was late and it had began to snow outside.
At the end of the night I was pretty upset with my fiancé as well as his pals as he and the other guys totally derailed our plans, and I had had bad experiences with birthdays in the past where I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to invite people over and my fiancé had convinced me to do it this year and it would be a great time,
I do I could be the jerk for being mad and should be grateful that these people even came and they did bring me small presents as well, AITJ for being mad about how it went?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They couldn’t put aside their own wants to actually pay attention to you on your day.
This is a very selfish energy to have and I hope there haven’t been more cases like this before where fiancé and his friends pushed you off for their own fun time. He should’ve put everyone in check to give you a good day instead of acting like toddlers only wanting to do what they want.” SeaworthinessKooky50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your birthday party, they should be there for you. And if they’re not, then why are they even there? If expecting affection from the people you love is selfish then I guess we’d all be jerks, I mean you’d hope your fiancé could dedicate a few hours of his life to a gathering organized for you…just me though.” Adventurous-Diet1690
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Grow up. You and the girls could have played your own game when you saw they weren’t even close to finishing up. You give off mega main character vibes. Who cares if it was your birthday, it doesn’t give you the right to demand everyone stop what they’re doing just for you.” The__Oubliette
1. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Return Unused Grocery Money?
“My (30M) partner (33F) asked to hang out tonight and came over around 5 pm.
While on her way, I asked her to grab a couple of things (<$10) to go with the dinner I was making and to get a couple of things I needed anyway (~$15). She doesn’t make much money. I already got anxious asking this so I Venmo’d her $25.
The store didn’t have some of what I asked for, so I said no problem, just send back some of what I sent. In the past, she’s just kept it in these situations and I did not appreciate that.
Long story short, she started acting weird and was bothered that I asked for money back.
She thinks I should pay for everything I asked for and all of the dinner since I asked her to go. Mind you, most of the food I had already bought.
This irked me. Just last week I showed up at her house, with steaks and sides, and wine in hand.
I make everything. My treat. I do this at least once a month. I also take her out 1-3x a month. So, it feels offensive to me that she doesn’t try to reciprocate. To be fair, she will make dinner for us once in a while.
On the other hand, she feels like I’m the one who asked her to go to the store and she’s broke. But let me tell you when she wants something – she’ll pay any price. Hence the financial problems. Well, that and her aversion to work.
She’s in debt and has minimal income, but no bills because she lives with her mom and does not contribute at all. Nothing. She even drives a car her mom bought and pays the insurance for. Her mom pays for her cell phone too.
She is in grad school but she does not plan on using it to work full time. The ROI is not positive. Just more debt.
For reference, I grew up really poor. I’ve worked my whole life. I have never had a dollar of financial support.
I went into finance and make a high income now, but I live like I don’t because it’s part of my path to r/fire.
Once it became clear that this was what she was upset about, I was pretty upset and offended. I tried to explain my frustration.
She tells me if this is how finances are going to be for us, then she doesn’t see a future for us. “So you mean, if I don’t support you like your mom? You’re 33!” It didn’t get better from there. She said she didn’t feel respected so I reminded her that she could leave.
I wish I hadn’t spoken while upset, and I have since apologized for that. But I do stand by my feelings about the larger situation.
Are we just incompatible? I know even in today’s age, it’s common for men to still pay for more.
I’m comfortable with that, but I don’t think I can accept a partner completely inept financially.
Is this reasonable? Or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is like you hand her a twenty to buy some stuff and she doesn’t give you back the change.
Like her hands are glue-covered and money just sticks to them and won’t come off. When money flows only one way, regardless of circumstances, there’s a problem. You should be the one who sees no future for you two. Your partner is doing you a favour by stating this.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sounds like you want an equal partner and not a child that you have to take care of. I’m sure that this is just one example of her questionable behaviour. If she can’t contribute just a few bucks for food that you are both eating, then to the curb with her.
Do not wait. You shouldn’t have even had to apologize for just expressing your feelings. I’m sure she twisted it so that she felt like the victim. She will never be the person you wish she would be. She is old enough that her personality is set, and she will NOT change.
Set boundaries and do not let her cross them. A quality partner wouldn’t even try to make you move them. You can do better.” IsThisRealLife0000
Another User Comments:
“If you sent her to the store asking her to pick up certain things for the dinner you planned, then in that particular instance you should pay.
She’s already running the errand for you; her time is her payment. But for the rest of it, yes you are incompatible. You are looking for a partner in self-sufficiency and she is looking for someone to support her financially. No jerks here but at the end of your post you answered your real question: you can’t accept her as a partner so it’s time to end it.” gotogodot
Edit to add: those saying that the extra money goes towards her TIME at the shopping centre, then who the heck is paying for HIS time cooking the damn meals??
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