People Ask Us To Hear Out Their "Am I The Jerk" Narratives

"I (F 36) have a baby (10 weeks) with my husband (M 36).

Our son is amazing and a pretty easy baby. My son already sleeps through the night which is a godsend.

However, this does require a strict nighttime routine of bath, bottle, and reading a story. About an hour and a half before he sleeps, but then he sleeps like a grown adult through the night.

The problem is that my MIL has the habit of calling later in the evening when my son is already asleep.

She will video call and insist on seeing the baby and then end up calling him until he is awake. We talked to her about calling earlier, but she says she can't call earlier because she is eating dinner and then has to decompress. I have also discussed this with my husband that he shouldn't bring the phone to our son if she calls that late or picks up at all, but he has a hard time saying no to her. I told him that I wouldn't resettle our son, just because he couldn't say no to his mom.

A couple of nights ago I was readying myself for bed after putting down our son when the phone rang. My husband does pick up and is saying no to seeing our son, but my MIL insists and begs so I hear my husband slowly caving.

She can look, but he isn't going to turn on the lights nor can she wake him up. (Spoilers: he does and she will).

When he is walking to the bedroom I pop my head out and shake no. He shrugs like 'What can I do?' and I tell him: 'If you wake him then you will put him back to sleep'.

Another apologetic shrug. MIL actually says that she will be quiet and it will only take a minute.

By the time my husband did turn on the light (because she couldn't see) and she had called our son awake (Because she wanted to see his 'pretty little eyes') I was already in bed. Hearing the entire thing unfold.

The phone call ends and my son is crying and fussing. My husband takes him back into the living room to calm him down, but after half an hour comes up and asks me to do it, since he is tired and wants to sleep, and he has to work tomorrow.

I told him I warned him many times. He insists that I can do it because I don't have to work tomorrow. So I tell him: 'Neither does your mom and since she is the one that woke him she could settle him back down if my husband wasn't going to do it, but I am NOT going to do it.

He did end up putting our son back to bed. But it took a long while apparently and made him really tired the next day at work. He went to bed early the next day and is now a little distant.

Friends are divided. So now I feel like I'm the jerk.

BEFORE PEOPLE JUMP ON MY HUSBAND: HE IS A GREAT DAD WHO IS THE ONE SETTLING OUR SON DOWN MOST DAYS SINCE I'M TIRED AND STILL RECOVERING. We split duties equally and if our son was fussy and didn't want to sleep I would've had no problem staying up late to take him to bed. Just not when he is awoken."

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Your son doesn't change his face every single day. She doesn't need to call daily and needs to adhere to the schedule of a newborn child because it is difficult for new parents. She is selfishly obnoxious and has no excuse for the way she is behaving.

As for the son, he is your husband and you are defensive of him but he needs to have boundaries. These boundaries are not only not unreasonable but perfectly adhering to them is going to save the both of you from a world of sleepless nights.

Since it is his mother being a jerk it is his responsibility to be firm with her. Otherwise, it will cause other problems as well. Your MIL though is a stupid idiot for not using her decompression time now. She can delay that. What is wrong with her?" PeaStreet6542

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Your MIL selfishly demands what SHE WANTS which is to deliberately wake your baby up, which goes directly against what THE BABY NEEDS. Your husband knows there's a very simple way to prevent this, and you've tried that. Ask MIL to call earlier (she refuses, because it's not what she WANTS).

Ask your husband not to answer when she calls so late (he does anyway). Ask your husband to tell her baby is asleep and not take the phone into the baby's room. (He does anyway). Ask your husband to at least mute the phone and not turn the light on if he insists on taking in the phone so the baby hopefully won't wake up (He ignores this, and deliberately wakes the baby so she can see his eyes). And now it's supposed to be YOUR problem that your baby's sleep is disrupted and the baby is upset? Nope. This is entirely on your husband, and he should be entirely responsible for dealing with the consequences." Sha-Nanegins