People Ask That We Hear Them Out In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Dive into the world of moral dilemmas and ethical quandaries with this collection of stories. From dealing with friends, family, and love interests, to navigating workplace issues and personal boundaries, these tales will have you questioning, were they the jerk? Each story presents a unique predicament, challenging societal norms and personal beliefs. Whether it's refusing to share property, dealing with homophobia, or facing the aftermath of a joke gone wrong, these stories will leave you pondering the complexity of human relationships and the fine line between self-respect and selfishness. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother's Partner Move Into My Townhouse?

QI

“I’m the middle child of 3 siblings.

There’s my sister (19F) who is blind, me (22M), and my brother (25M). My brother got arrested when he was 18 and tried to pin the blame on me. It was a huge mess and I decided to drop all contact with him. My sister and I are really close and she is very self-sufficient.

My parents still treat her like a child. I told her that I would get a townhouse or condo and she could live with me when she wants.

My brother is due to get released later this year and I just started a great full-time career.

I just moved into a townhouse this past weekend. There are 2 bedrooms and two bathrooms. My sister isn’t ready to move in yet as she wants to finish up school. My brother has a partner that he’s been seeing before he got arrested. They have a kid together as well.

The partner and kid do not spend any time with the family. The only time the partner reaches out is for money. She reached out to me about having any space available as their rent was increased and she was having trouble paying it on time.

I told her that I did have a room open, but was saving it for my sister.

She went berserk and claimed she had a right to the bedroom just as much as my sister did. I told her that she didn’t since I already gave my sister permission to move in.

She called me a jerk and threw a few more insults at me. My parents reached out and told me to think about letting his partner and kid move in. They also think having my sister live with me isn’t a good idea as she needs a ton of help.

I told them that I wasn’t changing my mind and my sister can decide for herself where she wants to go.

Am I the jerk for not letting my brother’s partner move in with me?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did mess up when you said you had a room open.

You didn’t have a room open, you had a room for your sister. Sometimes small word choices matter a lot. All you had to say was “I don’t have a room available”. It still probably would have blown up, but maybe not as much.” Separate_Repair_1296

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ. His partner is not entitled to anything, ESPECIALLY not a room in your house. Even with him being your brother, the fact that he tried to pin his arrest blame on you is enough reason, and that his partner is insulting you, for you giving her a completely valid reason to not give her the room… absolutely not.

As you stated your sister is self-sufficient even with her disability, so moving in with you shouldn’t be as much of an issue as your parents stated. I would never want someone who only comes to me for money and insults me for not getting their way to live in my home.” chaoticbpdfairy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This person may be the mother of your nibling, but you have no legal obligation to her. She sounds massively entitled. It would be a huge mistake to let her move in, anyway, because it would be very hard to get her to leave.

It sounds like your parents are very invested in keeping your sister dependent on them. Good for you for giving her a place to start her adult life.” Arbor_Arabicae

4 points - Liked by Minxmum, Turtlelover60, anma7 and 1 more
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. but hang on if you don't speak to him how did she know about your new home and how many bedrooms there were... it sounds to me like your parents have rung her and told her about your new place cos THEY don't want sister to leave their home and they KNOW that you have a room for her... also they KNOW tnat if you have brothers partner there then when he gets out HE IS gonna want to move in woth you cos wel, you git his kid and partner there...
Ring parents back tell them that you DO NOT have a room for his partner and kid.. you have a room for sister only.. whether she chooses to use it occasionally or permanently is up to her but you have NO INTENTIONS of opening your home up for his leeching partner or him by default so THEIR little plan won't work so they need to stop NOW.
Then ring sister and explain to her what's happened and how parents have tried to set it up so there won't be room at your house for her but that you have NO INTENTION of allowing anyone to move into your home except for her WHEN she is ready
3 Reply

22. AITJ For Leaving My Partner At A Party After He Humiliated Me?

QI

“I (19F) have been with my partner (25M) for about 6 months. We don’t live together, but I spend a lot of my time at his place.

A week ago or so I was feeling quite sick. Not wanting to drive home, I spent the night at his place.

He woke me up at about 5 am, and to my great embarrassment, I had wet the bed. I helped him clean up the best I could. I had a temp of about 103.8 F and he took me to the hospital, they kept me overnight.

A few days later when I saw him again I apologized for what happened. He told me it’s alright, and that he got me a gift. He pulled out a package of adult diapers and threw them at me.

I told him that I didn’t think it was very funny and explained that I was embarrassed, but he thought it was hilarious. I decided to let it go and talk about it later.

We went to a gathering that night (not really a ‘party’, us and 6 other friends), about an hour away.

I drove, since he doesn’t have a car.

After he had a few beers he started loudly telling them what had happened, ‘forgetting’ to mention that I was sick and had a high fever, just the part of me wetting the bed and him buying the diapers.

He encouraged my friends to joke about it, and after trying to explain but being talked over or laughed at, I left and went home.

My partner is obviously quite upset I left without him, I just didn’t want to be stuck in a car with him for an hour.

He sent me several texts since then, most of which are calling me too sensitive and ‘not able to take a joke’. Some of my friends agree with him.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner took a time when you were sick and vulnerable and decided to use it to get a cheap laugh from his friends with complete disregard for your feelings.

He’s a jerk and you deserve to be treated better.” NUT-me-SHELL

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Give yourself some time to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t distinguish between a joke and humiliation.” Middle_Plantain_8431

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He was with friends, it’s not like you abandoned him in the middle of nowhere. He was being cruel, this is just natural consequences. Also, leave him. Keep in mind in the future there are not too many well-meaning, mature 25-year-olds who are interested in seeing 19-year-olds.

Sounds like this guy is going for younger because women his own age aren’t putting up with his immaturity.” 0biterdicta

4 points - Liked by Minxmum, Turtlelover60, Chull and 1 more
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rbleah 3 months ago
WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH THIS MAN/CHILD?
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21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share Ownership Of My House With My Debt-Ridden Fiancée?

QI

“I (30m) have been with my fiancée (26) for 5 years. We agreed to having a prenup separating premarital assets because I own the house we live in currently, and have a few more assets.

Fiancée also carries a huge debt of credit cards and loans at the moment from a few years ago. She is working with an advisor, and I am helping her pay it off too.

I thought we were on the same page, but she brought up the concern that she has nothing, or owns anything and wants me to put her name on the house we live in, or we should sell it, and both split costs on a new one.

I said, we should get a new one but that will be years until we both save enough. She then went on about how her mom is giving her 10k as a wedding gift and that will be her down payment then I can use the proceeds of my house to pay the rest then we can split the mortgage.

“That way it’s a fair 50/50” then adds that she knows since I’m paying for the wedding, we were gonna use part of the 10k for our honeymoon but we can just wait a few years.

I then said that what you suggested is nowhere near reasonable.

You currently can’t even afford your own debts, so purchasing a house is a risk. Then I pointed out that if I wasn’t covering her $700 student loan payments and 65% of the shared household costs she would be running negative. I said we have made so much progress and we should focus on that and save up.

She accused me of not thinking of her as an equal, and seeing her as a burden. She then said “her mom said that this is financially controlling and abusive to leave her with no safety net and this is a way to make someone not be able to afford to leave”.

I told her it was definitely not my intention, but maybe she should get a second job if that’s a worry so that she feels more secure.

She now isn’t speaking to me? AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Asking her to take a second job isn’t unreasonable cause as you say, she can’t even afford her own debt.

I would put the marriage on hold until financials are discussed cause once you marry, her debts become a material liability.” JaydenPope

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – She has nothing because she ran up debt but bought nothing. You are already helping her pay some of it off so she should not expect you to just put her name on your house.

To be honest, you might want to think about putting the wedding on hold. It’s important you guys are on the same page financially and her calling you controlling is a big deal – you sound perfectly reasonable and she is insinuating that you are abusive.

I’d also reconsider the help you are giving her – let her deal with the consequences of biting the hand that feeds her.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but if her mom has 10k to give her maybe that could go towards paying down debt or else invested to be her safety net.

I agree with not getting married until you are on the same page. And discussing financial plans for if/when either of you is unemployed or on leave (ie possibly to take care of children but also other reasons).” ButterflyAlice

3 points - Liked by Minxmum, Turtlelover60 and anma7
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. i suggest you have a conversation with your future mother in law about this apparent financial abuse and controlling behaviour of yours.. either in person or over speaker phone with fiancee present... cos either she is lying to her mom or lying to you... i think that for such a young person to have such massive debts yet not have a walk in closet full of designer clothing and bags a flash car and other material objects to show for such debt there's a massive issue if I am honest... and I assume,e by the lack of you saying she has a closet in 1 of your spare rooms she hasn't got that...
Also if mom is aware of all her daughters debt why is she giving her a 10k jerk wedding gift rather than paying off a lump of her daughters debt ? Or off her student loans etc?? Especially if she sees you as financially abusive..
Also which part of her suggestion is a good idea.. to me it smacks of you buy the new house put her name on it and then IF this 10k appears once she has paid for the honeymoon any left over MIGHT go towards the down-payment on said new home...
I think you need to hold off planning any wedding or putting her name on any paperwork... ask her mother why the jerk she thinks you are trapping her daughter ??? Seeing how she lives in YOUR HOUSE rent free.. YOU PAY $700 A MONTH off her student loans.... she is having to work with an advisor cos of all her debts and is still no closer to being able to save...and she STILL ISNT HAPPY when you suggest she gets a side job if she wants to be debt free quicker...
Then see what mommy dearest says don't forget to mention the 10k gift she is giving fiancee too... and see what the outcome is.... I have a feeling that her mother HASNT said any of those things about you... that she has NO IDEA about the extent of the debt hwr daughter is in or about you helping fiancee to pay it all off....
Now unless you have a crap relationship with her parents or her mother is a gold digging witch too.., I think you may learn a few things about fiancee that you are best off learning BEFORE you get married and buy a new house.. something that a prenuptial agreement can't save you from
I hope i am wrong but .at 52yrs old my gut tells me I am not wrong about this... sounds to me like she's only telling mummy you won't add her to the house and want a prenup etc and not telling mom the whole truth
2 Reply

20. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Unemployed Partner Move In With Me?

“I (F27) and my sister (F24) Maggie both moved from our hometown to a big city in another part of the country when we started high school (which means she moved three years after me).

We also both started to work full-time right after high school (and part-time before) as our family is rather poor. Basically, since I had a scholarship, I was almost completely financially independent since I was 16.

Recently, because of rising rent prices, my sister and I decided it would be better to move together.

We found an apartment to rent for a very, very good price. We were also overjoyed because it had three rooms so we could use one as an office (we both work from home). And if the need arises, we can always get a flatmate, right?

I have had a partner (M27), Cade, since we both were 19. He is still studying (as well as me and my sister, by the way). His parents are rather rich so he only worked for one year or so, and only part-time. Currently, he’s living with his parents who pay for everything he needs.

I don’t really care – not my parents, not my money. Also, except for the financial/working thing, he’s a really good person.

When Cade found out we have an additional room, he decided he’d love to live with us. His parents who are in their fifties and I believe would like to have a house for themselves only, said they may pay for his room.

I firmly said: NO. No living together until Cade finds work. If he’ll find a job, then we can talk.

(I’m still not sure if I want to spend my whole life with him and I definitely do not want to live with him when he isn’t able to support himself.

I would feel that his parents are paying for us “playing house”.)

My partner got offended because “I infantilized him”. His parents said I’m a jerk being all high-and-mighty while their son would be a perfect flatmate. They also insinuated I’ll use our new flat to be unfaithful.

Only my sis is happy as she’d rather not live with Cade, too.

I feel pretty bad because he’s my long-term partner, so maybe I should want to live with him. And maybe I hurt his and his parents’ feelings. But I’m afraid of taking all responsibility if, for example, his parents would decide to stop paying for him.

AITJ for refusing to live with someone who isn’t able to pay for himself?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And a word of advice: before you ever agree to live with your partner, have a trial period. Meaning, have him stay at your place full-time for an agreed-upon length of time, say… a month.

I suspect if your partner is comfortable with his parents paying his way at the age of 27 then there is a very, VERY high likelihood that he also is comfortable with his parents doing all of the housework, and he would be expecting similar enabling behavior from you.” RegularTeacher2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner’s parents are the ones who are infantilizing him. If you let him move in right now, you will become his mommy. He needs to be able to hold down a job, and you need to see him living life fully as an adult (able to clean up after himself; ideally he’ll actually live in an apartment with roommates of his own), so you can see what kind of a person he is like to people other than you and mommy/daddy.” ZestyMind

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and KayeItsMe
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... he wil never get a job cos his parents have allowed this behaviour and now they want to push THEIR manchild onto you for you to support... they don't just want a house to themselves they want the money THEY worked for for themselves too.. you need to listen to your gut feeling that you KNOW he won't get a job and keep it and you know that eventually his mommy and daddy WILL stop paying and then it's on you.. i get he's a long term partner but you KNOW deep down he is basically waiting to inherit whatever money he hasn't already spent...
You are a young driven young lady who has worked her socks off with your sister to get thru school and pay your bills with sheer grit and hard work.. but he's never had to do that and he never will do that either... its not on you to support his lazy jerk nor is it his parents now either.... he's as grown as you are but has no work ethic unlike you and sister... maybe she knows it's all going to end up on you and her to support him and that's WHY she doesn't want him moving in.. also you need to look up tenancy laws cos you may find getting him out is a legal pain in the jerk that will cost you MORE MONEY... don't risk it
1 Reply

19. AITJ For Suggesting My Sister Cancel Her Trip Due To Her Inadequate Pet Care Plan?

QI

“I (27y/o) was recently asked by my sister (24y/o) to pet-sit while she is taking a trip over Christmas.

When she first asked me over a week ago she had only two cats whom I know. Since then, she has taken on two foster cats and is trying to take on a third before she leaves in two days. I went to her house last night to pick up the key and get more information on the animals (where their food, litter boxes, and water bowls are), and she explained how all the cats would be situated while she’s gone.

Her plan right now is to lock each cat in a small cage with their litter box, food, and water bowl in a separate room in the house for the duration of her trip. My job is to stop by once a day to check up on them in addition to the 2 cats she already owns.

As it stands, each cat will be locked up for 24 hours a day for 4 days without any interaction except for when someone stops by to check their food, water, and litter boxes.

I expressed to my sister that it seemed kind of irresponsible to take on foster cats directly before a known trip where she would be gone for 4 days, but suggested that they could each have their own rooms instead of a small cage.

In addition, I suggested that if there simply isn’t a better solution maybe she should consider just not going on her trip since she decided to take on added responsibilities since the plans were made. She remarked that she didn’t want to tear the whole house apart for them and told me she would find someone else to watch them during her trip because she didn’t want to deal with me.

I also feel that it’s important to mention that these cats are strays who were recently caught (within a month), so they are very frightened of humans. So part of the foster program is to get them acclimated to humans to see if they will be suitable cats for adoption.

While I feel this is a wonderful thing to do, I can’t help but feel that locking them up like that for 4 days like this is rather cruel considering she has enough room in the home and she knew in advance that she would be leaving.

For reference, the foster cats have not been fixed or inspected by a vet yet, so it makes sense to keep them separated from the household until they can get their shots.

In addition, my sister now owns a 3-bedroom home with a basement. The trip she is taking is not a paid-for vacation, this is simply a trip across state lines to visit family with no hotel costs.

My sister does not have any children.

The cages are not large dog cages, they are enough for the cat to stand and lay down, but not much else because their litter box will be in the cage with them along with their food and water.

So, AITJ for suggesting that my sister should cancel her trip if she can’t find a better way to house her new foster pets while she’s gone?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At all. I’d go so far as to contact the rescue she is fostering from.

This cannot be what they intended for those animals when they were placed in her care. When you have high-needs animals, you make sacrifices for them. One of my dogs is an amputee with food anxiety who needs a specialized feeding and walking routine. So I don’t go on holidays unless I can take her with me.

That was my choice when I got her. Your sister chose to foster cats. She needs to step up and make a sacrifice to provide the treatment they need.” stormywhethers321

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I was fully expecting you to be the jerk but what you described is deeply concerning.

Is there a way for you to take this further and call the organization she fosters from? That is simply not the way to care for cats. It is so negligent and imo abusive. You don’t just cage your pet for days. She is not fit to foster.” raindrop349

Another User Comments:

“UHHHH. I’m wishing for this to be an exceptionally elaborate troll. Because what the heck? First off, she has no business fostering cats if this is how she treats them the second they’re not convenient for her plans. Second, her solution is cruel in so many ways.

This is horrible. Their lives are relying on their socialization and she’s going to lock them in tiny cages for four days, isolated unless fed. They’ll be eating, drinking, and sleeping next to their own waste. And for all that time, they won’t be seen by a vet.

(Which is what should be done on day 1.) The cats need to be removed from the home and shelter made aware that she’s not suitable for fostering. You’re NTJ, but please take action.” CatnipParade

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and Chull
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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
I have a friend who fosters animals with special needs. You just don't take multiple new fosters all at once. Each animal needs time to acclimate and attach to the human. Your sister won't be around which means the whole process begins anew when she returns. Too much stress for the cats!

Part of acclimation is exploring their new environment. I pray that your sister doesn't plan to keep them in cages 24/7 upon her return. Even if she intends to proceed with proper acclimation after the vacation , those first few days are crucial. This is such a bad idea that I question not only your sister's suitability to be a foster "parent" but also the suitability of the agency which would place theee cats at once.
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18. AITJ For Being Angry At My Friend Who Blamed His Inappropriate Texts On Me?

QI

“My (17F) best friend “Jay” (18M) recently came out to me & my friends. I’m really happy for him & support him all the way. But Jay has homophobic parents so they don’t know about this.

Yesterday, we had a small party with his family & a few others as we couldn’t meet due to certain circumstances before. I noticed that Jay looked very nervous; so I asked him if everything was okay.

He told me his mom recently went through his phone and found a few inappropriate convos with men on a spam account (he forgot to log out).

He panicked & told her it was MY account & that I had asked him for some help with my relationship problems. His mom has always thought highly of me & found that really disappointing. She kept asking about it as the convos didn’t sound “natural” (her words) & about how “vulgar” & “weird” the convos were.

She kept insulting me. He was worried that she would mention this at the party & ask (preach) me about it.

I love Jay & wanna help him but I’m really angry that he didn’t tell me sooner. I don’t care what his mom thinks of me but I can’t handle this if she mentions about it in front of my parents.

A similar incident had happened a few years ago with my other friend and my naive stupid self had taken the blame for her as she didn’t want to get in trouble with her folks.. I had my phone taken away for 3 years & the trust between me & my parents had broken..

(long story). After that incident, I’ve been very careful & don’t want to get in trouble at all.

I know I’m old enough to be in a relationship & whatnot but my parents are controlling & toxic. I don’t want any drama in my life right now.

I don’t even know how to deal with it if they found out (which they did). I told Jay that I’d somehow handle it as long as my parents didn’t know about this. He agreed.

His mom kept making faces at me but didn’t talk.

Nothing happened at the party but when it was time to leave, she stayed behind with mine as she needed to have a word with them. She started lecturing me in front of my parents about “how she knows that I can be better” & how she “thought” I was better than the other “dirty teenagers”.

My parents asked what this was about & I panicked and told them I had no idea why she was blaming me. She got angry & started shouting at me for lying + getting her son into this mess as well. She kept screaming at Jay to give his phone so that she could show the “proof that I’m a low-life”.

Jay just started crying & ran out. My parents keep asking me about it but I lied & told them I had no idea what happened.. I was scared that they’d tell Jay’s mother about it if I told the truth.

Jay has stopped responding to my texts & when I asked my friends, they blamed me and told me that he was not online today at all.

Some of them think it wasn’t my fault but the others are blaming me. I feel horrible. I swear I would have taken the blame if it was anyone EXCEPT my parents being involved. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, why should you take the blame for his mess, how unrightful it may be for him.

His mom is a big jerk, but he himself is a small jerk for defacing you without your knowledge, and then putting you on the spot.” Belialuin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He has no right to defame you to cover his own backside. He’s throwing you under the bus.

You might be able to explain the situation to your parents if they’d be open to it and understanding of why he doesn’t want to come out to his homophobe parents. And maybe have your friend confirm. Otherwise, no. Let him clean up his own mess.” Ropeslug

Another User Comments:

“NTJ!!! The fact you don’t know anything about these conversations is worrisome. I think you need to be open with your parents and explain why he felt the need to blame you for his messages. I know this is hard, but your friend put you in a bad spot there… these things have a way to come back and bite you in the backside down the track.

Be careful hon.” physcho_chancey

1 points - Liked by anma7
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. but if he KNEW what happened in the past and still threw you under the bus with his parents knowing there was a chance his mother WOULD say something to your parents then i am sorry honey but you really need to tell your parents the truth.. that you didn't know until he ADMITTED TO YOU that she had been through his phone and seen HIS MESSAGES and that he panicked and blamed you for them...
Are your parents more accepting of gay people than his parents REALLY ??
If so i think you really need to go tell them the REAL TRUTH of why he blamed it on you.. that since the incident that his mother was lecturing you NO ONE has heard from jay and you are all worried about him as you and your friend group think something bad may have happened to him... maybe they will go round to his home and check he's ok and if he isn't then they will get him help and FAST...
Tell them you understand why they removed your phone after the other girl blaming you cos you stupidly took the blame for something that SHE WAS doing however this time YOU HAD NO CLUE he had blamed it on you until AFTER he had done it...
I get your parents are toxic and controlling but if they ain't homophobes then tney may well be the only people that can help you navigate this seeing how I have a feeling they check your phone regularly anyways...
However gay men chat is totally different to straight girl guy chat and Jay's mom isn't stupid and this is WHY she kept telling him it was unnatural and vulgar amd weird...
The friends blaming you are WRONG this is jay's fault for not logging out of that account when he knows she snoops and he KNOWS she's a raging homophobe.. if you can't trust your parents call the police tell them what happened and ask them to do a welfare check.. they won't leave until they see jay and if he tells them he isn't safe there they WILL remove him
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17. AITJ For Reporting A Daycare Worker Who Insulted Me?

QI

“I (31F) am in a relationship with my partner (37M) who has a (adopted as a teen, not that it matters, but explains the close age) son Rob (23M) with a young daughter Angel (4F).

I know that’s a lot.

Okay, so, Rob was 18 when he got his partner pregnant. She left when Angel was about one, and my partner and I stepped up. We’d been in a relationship for about a year at that point. We helped with childcare and finances.

My partner is financially secure (not that it matters), so none of this was really a burden for us. I travel a lot for my job, but I still watch Angel whenever I’m in town because I love her so much. She is basically my granddaughter.

She’s the light of my life.

Recently, Rob got a full-time job, and my partner paid for Angel to go to a very nice daycare. This place is expensive, very expensive. The daycare basically costs more than Rob makes at his job, but my partner is proud of his son for getting his life back together and wants to facilitate this, and I agree (not that my opinion matters, because it isn’t my money.

Just saying, I think he’s right.)

I got back from a work trip yesterday morning and asked Rob if I could pick Angel up from daycare because I was excited to see her. He was happy to agree so he could hang out with his friends after work.

He said he would call to make sure they knew I’d be picking her up.

When I got there, the employee at the front desk refused to let me in to get Angel. She said that Rob had said his father’s partner was coming to pick up Angel.

She gave me a pointed look. I said that I was his father’s partner and showed my ID with my name on it. I’m unclear if Rob actually told her my name on the phone. She basically told me she wouldn’t give me Angel because she didn’t think I was the right person.

I texted Rob, who then called the daycare.

The employee got really huffy after she got off the phone and said she was sick of golddiggers acting like respectable people. She said to me: “Do what you want, but keep the kids out of it.” Then she showed me to the playroom where Angel was.

Last night, after Rob picked up Angel, I wrote an email to the daycare about the employee. Well, Rob called me on his way to work from daycare drop-off this morning. He said the employee I complained about wasn’t there. Apparently, she’s been suspended.

Rob is mad at me for emailing them without talking to him.

He said my actions might have a negative effect on Angel. Since she isn’t my daughter and I’m not contributing to daycare costs, he thinks I shouldn’t have complained. Is he right?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. (Except the daycare worker. Major jerk.) This is a tough one.

You’re not the one paying the fees or directly receiving the service, but you were the one directly insulted. The employee was rude and unprofessional. You have every right to be angry and to complain about the way you were treated. It sounds like you, partner, and Rob are very close and you could have run this past them.

Not for permission to complain, but to get their thoughts on it and to have a discussion about the potential repercussions of complaining and to consider the best way to register the concern. Rob has a point about this being taken out on Angel. It shouldn’t be taken out on her, but it could be.

As a general guideline, I don’t send emails when I’m angry. I compose them, walk away, edit, and send. Sometimes getting a trusted person to take a look.” YinzerChick70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’d be one thing to double-check for safety, but she insulted you personally after verifying with your son.

You were well within your right to complain about that. I can only imagine what she’s said to other parents/caretakers who didn’t have the guts to speak up.” intergalacticcircus_

Another User Comments:

“Rob should understand the gold digger comment was so severe you took the initiative and also acknowledge that your intention was never to hurt Angel not that it matters if she is hurt but apologize you didn’t consult him but felt it necessary so another isn’t accosted by classist insults.

Remind maybe how much you love Angel and treasure the time you have to be in her life and that decisions that may affect Angel will always go through him if you ever have to share something. I think NTJ only the employee was wrong.” [deleted]

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
If he thinks the daycare will retaliate against Angel IT'S THE WRONG DAYCARE FOR HIS DAUGHTER.!
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16. AITJ For Ignoring My Partner's Roommate After He Revealed My Pregnancy?

QI

“I (23f) and my partner (26m) T recently found out I was pregnant unexpectedly.

I did not want to tell anyone until we went to the doctor and I was out of my first trimester because I’ve experienced miscarriage in the past, and didn’t want to have to go back and tell everyone I’d lost the baby.

T agreed, however, he wanted to tell his roommates, and I did not because 1 roommate (27m) M and I already did not get along and I knew he’d be the one to tell people before we did. The other roommate (25m) J I was fine with T telling because he is quiet and keeps to himself.

Backstory on why I do not like M. He would talk down to any partner he had like they were a child or stupid, he refused to clean up after himself let alone help out with housework, he lied all the time, and most importantly he would complain about helping with house bills.

T ended up telling both roommates (with my permission) because I got really bad morning sickness, and was constantly sick. WE COULD NOT HIDE IT! M’s room was right by the bathroom. We went to the doctor’s appointment, baby is good, I get something to help with the morning sickness, and we head home.

T and I are very excited, but again only my family, his family, and 4 of our friends know. They’ve all been told if you say anything we will be extremely upset and you will not be in the child’s life. Extreme I know.

About 2 weeks go by and I receive a message from a lady who was a regular at the bar me and T used to work at that M had told her I was pregnant. I said yes, and not to say anything because we haven’t told anyone we are expecting yet and she said of course congrats and if you need anything let me know.

I tell T and he’s upset. I tell him I will not speak to M until he apologizes. T speaks to M and in M fashion lies and says he didn’t tell a soul, and why would he do something like that? T explained that he will be on thin ice and if he pulls anything else they will have a very different conversation.

Fast forward a month and we decided to tell everyone because I feel forced to share the news because of M. T and I agree we will announce it right at almost 9 weeks. After we see the baby and hear a strong steady heartbeat. I have not spoken to M at all, he will try to speak to me, and I keep walking or just ignore him.

M has asked T if I hate him and honestly I’m doing this more as you can’t just do what you want, lie and expect to be forgiven. I do not hate him, I hate what he did, the fact he won’t take responsibility for his actions.

AITJ?

NOTES:

  1. T and I already agreed to move back into my place after the new year to give his two roommates time to find either a new place or a new roommate (which T found!) even though it’s a month-to-month lease.
  2. M stated he was jealous of T because he always wanted to be a father and he’s older so it’s not fair T gets to be one first.
  3. M was trying to have a child with his partner as soon as he found out T and I were expecting.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It doesn’t matter if it was your BFF, sisters, mother, nan, dad, or M. He crossed a line when he shared something personal about you.

If you hadn’t told everyone, then it was not his business to. Also, his reason for being jealous is cos he’s older? He needs to grow up before he brings a child into the world.” HunterDangerous1366

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But man it sounds just like high school with your friends/housemates.

Especially the latter. I don’t know why you thought that anyone would keep their mouth shut. Unless you know someone really well, it isn’t going to stay secret. Your partner knows this now.

It’s also very concerning to me how others are taking this as a competition, as something to do to be the first and how “fair” is even a word in this discussion.

Nobody here has even made the effort to get married, establish an independent living situation, etc. This is going to get really interesting when you are up all hours of the night with a colicky baby and your roommates need to sleep for work the next day.

Good luck and congratulations.” [deleted]

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stargazer228 3 months ago
NTJ... M crossed a line that should NEVER be crossed. If someone tells you in confidence, and asks you not to say anything, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. I would not trust M with secrets anymore.
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15. AITJ For Letting My Niece Watch TV While Babysitting Her?

“My sister and BIL work in the medical field and twice a month have to work on weekends when their daycare is closed. A while back, I offered to watch my niece on those days as I work a typical 9-5 and have weekends off.

My 4 year old niece is an awesome kiddo and I love spending time with her. My sister insists on paying me, despite me saying not to. I only declined payment in the beginning because my niece is so go with the flow. I can take her to run errands and she’ll be quiet, well behaved. We play, bake, etc.

The one rule my sister has is no screen time. They don’t have a TV in their home and my niece has only watched a few hours of Netflix here and there when they’ve gone on flights, but for the most part, nothing else. I have never shown her TV in my house, I have tons of activities for her to do.

We don’t need screen time to have fun.

However, I had a stressful week and a migraine on and off, on top of going through a terrible breakup. I honestly wasn’t up to watching my niece but I knew my sister and BIL have no backup care, so I figured I could suck it up.

At first we did our usual errands but they completely drained me. When we got back, I tried to do some crafts with her but could barely handle it. After lunch, I eventually asked my niece if she wanted to cuddle on the couch and she said yes.

I put on Disney+ to keep her occupied and she loved it. We both ended up taking a nap on the couch.

My sister came to pick up my niece and found us both knocked out on the couch with the TV on. She didn’t say anything, just thanked me, took my niece, and left. A few hours later, she told me it was absolutely unacceptable that my niece was watching TV and that I had completely disrespected her parenting.

I tried to explain and she said “I understand, I’ve been there, but you could’ve given her a separate quiet activity while you chilled on the couch”. I tried to say one afternoon of TV won’t kill her and my sister reiterated that it shouldn’t happen again, and told me if it did, she’d hire a sitter that could respect her parenting.

That was pretty hurtful to me and I said she was being pretty controlling. She told me not to worry about watching my niece today (Sunday) and she’d find other arrangements. She has to think about me babysitting my niece in the future.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I think your sister’s level of “no screen time” is taking things way too far, but she’s allowed to make that decision for her child. I think she was unreasonable in not recognizing that this was an exception, due to a medical issue, but again, that doesn’t make her a jerk.

Similarly, you made the decision that seemed most reasonable to you at the time (and it was a decision that kept your niece safe, when other options might have been less safe), so even though you didn’t follow the rules, you are not a jerk.” DinaFelice

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I get and understand why you did it. Migraines are awful and I don’t think what you did was unreasonable given the circumstances. But mom also has the right to change sitters if she feels you aren’t following what she sees as important.” What_Was_I_doi

Another User Comments:

“Jerk seems like a really harsh word here but I think you should have spoken to them first. She’s not your child and they obviously have strong values in how to raise her. Based on your descriptions of her I’d be inclined to say it’s working – most four-year-olds don’t last that well through rounds of errands, chores, and crafts with patience!

Kudos to them and the kid. You’re going above and beyond as an aunt or uncle by taking the kid so often. I think it would have been best to let them know you’re not feeling great and either need another option or to have the backup of putting on a movie for you two.

Doing it without asking didn’t give them any say in the matter and when it comes to their kid they deserve a say. So because a judgment is needed YTJ but I think it’s more of a casual disrespect.” snowwhitesludge

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MadameZ 3 months ago
Hmm. Your sister is so controlling that I think you need to try to keep on the right side of her so you can remain a safe adult for your niece as she gets older. It's really important to be the one who can undermine a parent who is a crank, overprotective and unreasonable.
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14. AITJ For Being Hurt By A Joke About My Late Dad?

QI

“For context, I (17F) lost my dad/hero “Steven” when I was 7. My mom “Kristen” (51F) didn’t tell me the truth about what happened for a while on (admittedly very bad) advice from a therapist, and we’ve been to therapy before to work things out based on that, and we’re very close now.

My mom and my dad were starting the process of getting a divorce a few weeks before. My mom is currently seeing a fantastic guy, coincidentally also named “Steven.” This will be important later.

Anyway we were up at my best friend “Ashley’s” cottage for Canadian Thanksgiving a few weekends ago, and my mom’s best friend “Olivia” (Ashley’s mom) and my mom had a couple of drinks as they cooked the turkey earlier.

We had been sitting down for dinner for a bit when the subject of the moms’ romantic lives somehow got brought up. They soon started talking about how they both had romantic relationships with 2 “Stevens” in their lives. Olivia went out with a Steven in high school and then became happily married to a Steven, with whom she has three kids, including my best friend.

My mom, of course, married my dad and is now seeing this Steven.

Olivia then says that it’s obvious that both of the second Stevens they’ve each gone out with are far superior to the first Stevens they’ve each gone out with. My mom found that hilarious and started laughing and agreeing.

I was just in shock that Olivia had said that, and was really hurt. The joke made it seem like my dad was just terrible in comparison to my mom’s new partner, which could not be further from the truth. My dad was amazing – kind, funny, and understanding; nobody had a bad word to say about him.

Then seeing my mom laugh at that joke broke my heart into pieces. I quickly excused myself and went to the bedroom and just busted out crying and stayed there for the rest of the night, not wanting to ruin everyone else’s Thanksgiving.

When I confronted my mom and her friend the next day about the joke, I was so angry at them and yelled about how disrespectful the joke was to my dad’s memory.

They both said I was overreacting and to let it go. When I bring it up again, my mom just keeps dismissing it and my feelings. But I just can’t not feel hurt by this joke about my dad. So AITJ for still being hurt by this really cruel joke?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here for the original interaction. Your mother’s relationship with your father was not the same as your own. She saw him in very different ways, as she should. It sounds like you’ve really put him on a pedestal when she lived with the flesh and blood man.

They were splitting up. He was not the right partner for her. The current Steven might well be the right partner for her. It’s not wrong for her to feel that way, or to say it aloud. I think your mom might be a bit of a jerk for not having this talk with you now, a few weeks later.

It also might be worth considering a therapy “tune-up”, 3-4 sessions or so, to work through this. You’re almost an adult, and it’s time to start considering adult perspectives.” karskipellis

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. The relationship between your mom and dad was far different than the one you had with him, especially if they were getting divorced. That doesn’t mean your mom didn’t love him at some point, it doesn’t mean he was a bad person by any means.

It just means that she thinks the current “Steven” is a better fit for her than your dad was, and that’s okay. You even said yourself he was amazing, but you’ll never see him in the same light as your dad, and that’s okay too.

I can’t imagine she would’ve said any different if he hadn’t passed. you just need to explain to her why it bothered you without yelling, then ask what she meant by her end of the comment. It might help to hear that it wasn’t an intentional dig at your dad or his memory.” intergalacticcircus_

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Spaldingmonn 3 months ago
Insulting a dead parent is never cool. Mom is the jerk.
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13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Haircut I Didn't Ask For?

“I (21M) recently went to visit my parents during a small break I had from university, and today we went to get haircuts at some Chinese hairdresser’s place (I’m British-born Chinese).

My hair had been getting longer since it had been a while.

My parents got their hair cut and all was fine, and when it was my turn, I showed the hairdresser a picture of how I wanted my hair cut. He nodded, and as he started, he began lecturing me about how I shouldn’t leave my hair so long and how it isn’t good for me and whatever.

I tried kinda laughing and saying yeah it’s been a while and then he snaps at me and tells me I shouldn’t be laughing?

Throughout the entire haircut, this guy was just lecturing me about my hair and how I’m gonna lose all my hair by the time I’m 30, why I need to take him seriously, etc. And my hair is fine, the only issue was just that it was long, and it isn’t even that long, it was much shorter than getting shaggy.

The guy just doesn’t shut up about it at all, and eventually he did cut it the way I wanted to. After a pause, however, he just continues cutting and just messes everything up by cutting everything super short. I tried saying something but he ignored me and continued cutting and I just accepted my fate at that point.

And he did this all as he continued lecturing me. I think I was making a pretty obvious face at this moment and he was just going on about how I need to listen to him and that he knows better, which is why he cut my hair like this.

So he didn’t even mess my hair up because he was a bad hairdresser, he was just a jerk.

Anyway when it came to paying (we were paying separately) I refused and I told him I didn’t ask for this haircut, he outright ignored me, and he was just super patronizing.

And I get it, some dude coming in with his parents, he might’ve assumed I was a younger teenager, but I thought it was still unacceptable to treat anyone like this. The guy got angry saying that young people like me are disrespectful and ungrateful, and my parents ended up paying for me as well.

Once we left, my parents were angry that I was so disrespectful to my elders and were basically treating this guy’s words like the gospel. They told me that I looked fine, it’s just how it is and it was nothing to throw a tantrum over, but to me, it isn’t about whether I look fine or not, it’s the fact I’m paying for my hair to be cut a specific way and it was outright ignored. I am feeling a bit guilty now, especially since my parents paid for me.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m not Chinese but Indian. I’ve gotten that same lecture from my parents about respecting elders just because they’re older than you. Forget that. That hairdresser was rude and out of line. He intentionally gave you a different haircut than what was asked. That plus he was condescending and essentially harassing you…because you’re younger than him + have slightly longer hair.

Don’t feel bad for sticking up for yourself. Yeah you could’ve gotten up ifff he took the blade away from you long enough. I’m guessing he didn’t give you the chance to get up before cutting more. Either way NTJ.” ahjuicy22

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I know respect for elders is sacrosanct in many cultures, but in my view, someone being older doesn’t make them right, nor does it entitle them to be abusive and rude.

This is a cultural chasm moment with your parents, we all have them. For what it’s worth, you’re entitled to your own rights, values, and autonomy as a person.” Libba_Loo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You went in for a specific service and he failed to provide.

In my job, if I brought someone the wrong meal they wouldn’t be expected to pay for it because it’s not what they ordered. Same logic applies here. You are paying him for a service, not for advice or criticism or for him to have free rein on your head.

Also, the fact that he ignored you when you tried to tell him to stop cutting is completely unprofessional. You’re NTJ for not paying and your parents shouldn’t have humiliated you by paying either. And the NERVE of him to call you ‘disrespectful’ when he did nothing but disrespect you and your wishes is laughable.

NTJ OP and I’d recommend finding a new hairdresser.” No-Government-6326

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stargazer228 3 months ago
NTJ... The guy deliberately messed up your hair and that is NOT cool. I'd pay your folks back but don't go to that hairdresser ever again.
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12. AITJ For Enforcing Parking Rules At My University Job?

QI

“I work for student housing at a university. Most of our residence halls are apartment style but we do have a hall-style residence hall. Behind the building there is a space for emergency vehicles to park. With my job, I am a mandated reporter. Meaning that if I see something I have to report it and/or correct the situation.

If I don’t and anything comes up that I didn’t report a situation that I knew about, I could be fired or at least be reprimanded.

I was on the way to my car when I noticed a car parked in the space.

I approached the car, and knocked on the window. There was a woman and teenager in the car. They seemed startled that I approached them. I explained that I work for housing and they weren’t allowed to be parked there. The woman said that they weren’t parked there because it was for emergency vehicles only.

The woman said she was not parked there and was waiting for her daughter. I explained that she still can’t be in this spot and offered places where she could move her car. I kept telling her to move her car and then said if she wouldn’t move her car I would need to call university PD for backup.

When I said that she moved her car.

I came back from the store ~45 minutes later and there was a car parked there again. I didn’t realize it was the same car until I approached it. I again explained that they can’t be parked here.

The woman started screaming at me telling me I was harassing her. I told her I was just doing my job. She got out her phone and started recording continuing to say I was harassing her. She claimed the police had passed her 3 times and each time she asked if it was okay to park here they said yes.

I told her that simply wasn’t true. She then told me to call them then if I didn’t believe her. I told her I would do just that and when I started to call she started to drive away. AITJ for literally just doing my job.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ staying in the same spot for 45 IS parked for all intents and purposes. You know the specific parking regulations for that spot better than the police because it is the university’s policy and literally your job to know though realistically even if she did ask (which I doubt) chances are she was misleading with the information she gave them.” Sk111W

Another User Comments:

“NTJ welcome to the world of a bad job. No one likes enforcement of anything and the more entitled they are the harder they scream. Develop thick skin or good coping mechanisms.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Some people will claim you are harassing them just because you are rightfully telling them they are doing something wrong.

They hope they can intimidate the person into backing off. You noticed that she drove off when you called her bluff to call the police. I suspect if you told your supervisor about this (which you should), they would agree with you.” bamf1701

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... she knew she was lying and that's why she drove away when you started calling the police...
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11. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Doesn't Have To Come To My Wedding?

QI

“I (25F) am getting married to my fiance (28M). We are very happy with all the wedding planning but I’ve been in a fight with my mom for the past few days because of it.

Here’s the backstory. My parents divorced due to my mom’s infidelity when I was 12.

My mom then went on to remarry my now stepdad. My brother and I stayed with my father for the first 2 years of their separation but when I started having girl issues I missed my mom more than ever. My brother to this day has trouble speaking to my mom because she’s never apologized for how it affected us.

When I turned 15 I moved in with my mom and stepdad (the most emotionally abusive person I know). They ended up having two other children which I take as my family, after all, they have no fault in anything. Well, this situation left my mom embarrassed with her friends and family and she hasn’t really kept in contact despite their efforts of still trying to talk to her and ask how she is doing.

To me it was always clear that I would not want my stepdad at my high school graduation or my wedding or any special event that involved my dad and brother being present. So when my graduation came it was about one of the most depressing events in my life ever.

I told my mom how I didn’t feel comfortable with my stepdad being there especially because I didn’t want my brother to feel uncomfortable. So she said that if he couldn’t go I didn’t have to worry about her going either because I wasn’t having her in mind.

I had to beg her to come and be there for me. Eventually, my mom ended up coming and without my stepdad since he worked but she just left after the ceremony. I ended up celebrating at McDonald’s since my family came from out of town and I had nowhere to take them.

With my Wedding planning, it was no different. When my fiance and I were creating our guest list I immediately knew I wanted to include some family friends that have been in my life since my childhood and my family members in my hometown. This did not sit right with my mom since it was going to make her feel uncomfortable being around those people she hasn’t spoken to in years.

Like I mentioned this wasn’t because everyone turned their backs on her. Despite what she did my family still wanted to have her around and talk and one of her best friends even gave me a note to give to her telling her how much she missed their friendship and to call her so they can have a coffee like the old times.

I do think this is mostly due to my stepdad feeding her these ideas that her family and friends didn’t love her because they still kept in touch with my dad and that if they really cared about her they wouldn’t have taken my dad’s side.

But anyway I told her that I was going to decide who I wanted and didn’t want there. Then I reminded her that I did not want my stepdad there. She then said “then you don’t want me there either”. So I told her to not go since she always tried to make things about her on my special days instead of just being there for me.

So, AITJ for telling my mom not to go to my wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“It’s your wedding. NTJ. You and your fiancé get to decide who you want there, and if she decides that her discomfort is more important than seeing her daughter get married, then unfortunately so be it.

I got married two years ago, and trust me, it’s already stressful enough without bending over backward for people who wouldn’t do the same for you. I made the mistake of trying to cater to everyone’s needs before my own despite it being my wedding.

Focus on what you want for the day, and who you really want there.” corrodedcrystal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ sounds like your Mum’s affair just led her straight into an abusive relationship. And her new Husband has successfully isolated her from everyone and makes it hard for her to attend events without him.

None of this is your issue but that’s what I understood loud & clear from this post. I would send your Mum resources for Domestic Violence shelters (it can be abuse without being physical) and the book ‘Why does he do it’ by Lundy Bancroft with a note ‘I’m sorry you don’t want to come to my wedding.

I’m here if you ever want to leave this relationship.'” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you can’t jump through hoops for your wedding just because she has a complicated social scene. You like these people, and you want them there. The problem person is your mom.

Also, this is why seating arrangements are a delicate and well-planned thing before the wedding. She can say who she is comfortable sitting near, or who she will tolerate the most. If it is really that tough for her.. then, yeah. No one is making her go.” explicitlinguini

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... honey mom is with an abusive person you know this and he has her convinced that her friends and family have turned against her... she is always going to choose him over you and brother cos he has had YEARS to manipulate her into believing his crap... sned her the details of the wedding.. remind her that he isn't welcome and leave it up to her to decide whether or not for once she is going to put YOU over him.. even if shejust comes to the ceremony it might be long enough for her true friends to talk to her and plants seeds of their own...
Maybe talk to dad and brother.. explain what you have said to her and ask them IF she turns up and brings HIM on the hope you won't turn him away are they willing to ignore the fact or would they rather he was escorted out.. ask your venue if that's a possibility. End of the day it is YOU AND FIANCEs day and what ever she decides to do is on her but the people you invite are the people YOU want there not who mom wants there
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10. AITJ For Not Letting My Fiancé's Parents Move Into My Wheelchair Accessible Duplex?

QI

“My fiancé (33M) and I (27F) live in a duplex that I inherited from my late aunt. My aunt was wheelchair-bound, so her unit was renovated to be wheelchair accessible. The unit that my fiancé and I live in does not have the same accommodations.

My brother’s (35M) partner (34M) is disabled and uses a wheelchair. While they are currently renting a wheelchair-friendly apartment, their landlord has decided to raise their rent next year by a significant amount. They can technically afford it, but it would put a serious strain on their finances.

I told my brother that they can move into my aunt’s place when their lease is over. We agreed that I would only charge a token amount for rent and my brother would help me with the maintenance and upkeep.

A few days ago my fiancé told me that his father has been diagnosed with cancer.

While it’s thankfully not terminal, he does need to undergo chemo for a while. My fiancé asked me if his parents could move in next door since we live near the hospital and they currently live 2 hours away.

I told my fiancé that I was fine with his parents moving into our unit with us, but I’m not going back on my agreement with my brother and BIL.

My fiancé argued that this wasn’t a feasible solution. His parents need their own space. Our place also doesn’t have the accommodations his father might need. He argued that my brother and BIL can wait another year or so to move in, but his dad needs to start treatments soon.

They can renew their lease and I can help them with rent.

However, my ILs are well off and can afford to rent a place that fits their needs. Additionally, my fiancé has two siblings with good-paying jobs that can help pay his parent’s expenses.

My brother and BIL only have me to help.

My fiancé is still mad at me. He thinks I’m being unfair putting my brother and BIL over his sick dad. Now I’m wondering if I’m wrong. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This seems fairly straightforward: 1.

You told your brother and his partner they could move in 2. Your brother’s partner uses a wheelchair and the unit was renovated to be wheelchair accessible 3. Your fiance’s parents can afford to rent a place that fits their needs 4. Your fiance’s parents can both afford a place and have children that could help, if needed 5.

You were willing to let his parents move into your unit with you both. It seems like your fiance just doesn’t want to put in a little effort to help his parents find another place. I acknowledge they must be under a lot of stress with the cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment, but that doesn’t excuse his unwillingness to see your side (I’ll give him a pass on being mad generally, because he may be having a hard time dealing with the diagnosis).” Abstract_Bubble

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you already promised the apartment to someone. Someone who needs it more from a financial standpoint. It’s yours to do with what you will. You offered a compromise and he rejected it He asked, you answered, he should move on. Obviously his parents are more important to him than they are to you and the same is true with you and your brother.” jinxdrain

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
Plain and simple - you have already entered into an agreement to rent the duplex to your brother and BIL. You are now their landlord. You must abide by the agreement even if it was just a verbal one. NTJ
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9. AITJ For Laughing When I Heard My Childhood Bully Was In The Hospital?

QI

“When I was in middle school, I dealt with a girl who was basically everything that makes female bullies often worse than their male counterparts.

She was a manipulator, a liar, and all in all just acted like she was better than everyone else. I’ll call her Anna for this.

Now for some more detailed background on this. I was dealing with a lot of problems during this time, 6th grade especially – family problems, other bullies, the loss of my childhood dog, among other things that made my mental health just tank.

A lot of bad things happened with both me and my family in the span of less than a year, and despite how young I was, it still likely takes the cake as the lowest point of my entire life. By the time Anna came along, my only real source of happiness was my two remaining friends, who had been with me since early grade school.

To put it simply, Anna turned them both against me. It took some time, for a while she was just that one person in the group who didn’t seem like a big fan of me, but I soon noticed that my two friends were growing more and more distant.

Eventually, they started mostly ignoring me altogether.

When I finally decided to suck it up and ask them why they were blowing me off, I was met with; “Get away from us already. Nobody wants to be around you anymore!” Basically those words exactly. Friend #2 remained quiet and just watched, and Anna sat there laughing as I teared up and ran off.

This might sound kinda stupid now, but back then, especially with all the issues I was already dealing with, this was basically the last nail in the coffin. Even though she was far from the only bully I dealt with, the fact that she basically took away the last thing that kept me from wanting to off myself made her the first person that I can say I truly hated. And I don’t use the word “hate” lightly.

Eventually, those two friends did come back – one also came to hate Anna, and the other remained friends with her but did start talking to me again. It took about a year before that happened, though.

Now fast forward to the more recent situation.

I was at Uni, hanging around with some old friends – the one friend that remained friends with Anna was there too. She ended up bringing up how Anna was in the hospital, having nearly died. When I asked what happened, she told me that Anna had wrecked her dirtbike, and broke her neck.

My immediate response was, well, laughter. I laughed, and when I was met with dirty looks from the rest of the group, I went on about how much of a jerk she was to me and how much I hated her. I did eventually apologize, and told them that I hope Anna recovers well, but, nevertheless, they probably all believe that I am a jerk now.

Am I the jerk for this, or would you call this understandable given the background?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ it’s hard for people who haven’t experienced true bullying that leaves you totally isolated from your peers to understand the depth of feeling just hearing the name of your bully can cause.

Now if you had caused the accident or said I hope she dies then you would be the jerk but since you followed up by saying you hope she recovers I think you’re ok…BUT your friends will not be able to understand the pain your response came from so they may think YTJ.” ProfMG

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: But one serious question – and this is something you need to ask yourself: Why did you forgive those two friends? They were HORRIBLE to you – they betrayed you and they burned you for the sake of this new friend.

As much as “Anna” sucked, they were worse. So, no, I don’t think you were the jerk for laughing, not at all. I think your “friend” is the jerk for ever betraying you in the first place. Explain your stance, and don’t feel guilty about it just enjoy the Schadenfreude.” Acrobatic_Business49

Another User Comments:

“YTJ slightly, for laughing and then speaking ill of her by way of explanation. Just not the time and place for expressing those feelings. But categorically NTJ for feeling that way! Enjoy the schadenfreude, but maybe just keep it to yourself.” [deleted]

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stargazer228 3 months ago
NTJ for feeling the way you do... Laughing might have been a tad much. I was bullied by a lot of people horribly, but I'm not sure I would laugh if I heard they were in the hospital.
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8. AITJ For Refusing To Open The Door For My Father To Prove My Loyalty?

QI

“For the majority of my life my dad (51M) has always insisted on very traditional Asian values in our family.

He demanded respect from me and would always emphasise the hierarchy between me (19M) and him. Whenever there was a conflict I had no say in anything no matter how logical and righteous my argument was because it would always end in him losing his temper and him using the same argument over and over again that I was the offspring and as an offspring I am below him and should respect and submit to his authority because he raised and fed me growing up and that I wouldn’t be here today without him.

I won’t pretend that I was a model child, a lot of his anger at me was definitely justified growing up, but the idea that I had to submit to him regardless of the context of the situation/conflict no questions asked PURELY because he brought me into the world has always made part of me resentful towards him.

I didn’t ask to be brought into the world. It was his decision to have a child, so it’s his responsibility to raise me. Is it some sort of special privilege to be raised with food on the table and a roof over my head?

Because the alternative would be for me to be starved and/or left behind in a dump. Why do I have to feel like I owe him anything for simply not abandoning me and doing what’s expected of any parent?

The reason I’m bringing this up is because I feel that a lot of my dad’s behaviour is due to this need to be feared and respected. He would get me to do very trivial and pointless tasks for him for seemingly no reason other than to get me to prove my loyalty and respect to him.

An example of this is getting me to unlock the door whenever he’d arrive home. He would stand at the door, key in one hand and a light bag on the other shoulder, but would refuse to unlock or open the door himself and would wait outside while glaring at me through the window until I got up to unlock it for him.

I’ve always hated doing this because I always saw it as pointless. We fought about it many times when I was younger until I gave up and just started to comply.

His reasoning behind getting me to do this was that he works hard to provide for me so therefore I must open the door for him to demonstrate my loyalty and respect.

I have no problem helping him do any chores or tasks when he genuinely needs something to get done, but I absolutely hate doing trivial chores that serve no purpose other than to boost his ego, so recently, I just stopped opening the door whenever he’d get home, I just look at him through the window until he unlocks the door himself.

I will admit that this is petty of me and I wouldn’t blame any of you for labelling me the jerk for this, but honestly I’m just fed up and my resentment is at an all-time high. I’ve done this every night for the past week, and each time I do it we have a fight about it afterwards, but I still refuse to open the door the next day.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…. And as a fellow Asian here, that’s just insane. Respect needs to be earned, although he’s your father. You didn’t ask to be born into this world, he and your mother decided that. So it is their job to provide till u are 18.

Here’s some advice, move out, and break free of his abusive control.” reena3883

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The unlocking the door thing is a power trip thing for sure. I can’t imagine wasting someone else’s time (or my own for that matter) waiting for that.

I don’t get waiting to be waited on when it’s taking more time than it would to just do the couple-second thing yourself. I will help my parents out with anything they need but they don’t ‘test’ me.” Kris82868

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Still, the problem is that you apparently still live in his house.

It sucks, but until you are independent, you don’t have that much of a choice. Once you live under your own roof, you can never have any contact with him again if that’s what you want. “his need to be feared and respected.” That’s contradictory.

One precludes the other. That’s funny how the more he demands you prove your loyalty, the less loyal you become…” Djorgal

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. but till you no longer live under his roof and he no longer pays for you he IS going to treat you this way... and perhaps he will demand an arranged marriage cos its his right.. then he may demand you financially support him and mum cos you owe them.. the question is where and how do you stop this treatment...
Is it by leaving home as soon as you are able and cutting him and any extended family that sides with him off.. amd possibly mother too...
Thing is this is a part of the culture you were born into and unfortunately your only way to escape his crap is leave and ostracise yourself from all family who are the same or put up with it until he dies?? The choice is yours it's down to whether you can live without seeing any of them ever again.. maybe be grateful you are male eh cos as a female I can garentee that his treatment of you would be 1000x worse
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7. AITJ For Getting My Coworker Fired After She Kept Skipping Shifts?

QI

“I (22F) am a uni student but I also have a part-time job. I used to work 2 full days a week with this lady, Helen (40F).

I did get along with her since we spend more than 15 hours a week together. She kept telling me I was her best friend. She used to tell me about her personal life, which was a bit weird since her age was pretty close to my mum.

But I tried to not make it weird since again I had to work with her every week.

Now even though I’m pretty young, I’ve been with this company for 5 years and I was a key holder and the “manager” for the days I was in.

After Xmas, the owner goes on holiday for the month and leaves me in charge of managing the roster and shift changes, etc. (During that period I work every day). During the month Helen called in sick last minute more than 7 times. All this time she posted on her social media that she was out for brunch/with friends.

Not a big deal if she had given a bit more notice. I spoke with her and told her if she is feeling sick to please give me at least an hour’s notice so I can get someone in to cover if she doesn’t manage to cover her shift. She calls in sick again 5 minutes after her shift started. I give her a warning.

She got angry at me. Doesn’t show up to her next shift and I couldn’t contact her. So I spoke with the owner who instructed me to take her off the roster for the rest of the month, so I did.

Helen started texting me nonstop about how she needs to work for money, how we are best friends etc. When I didn’t reply (cause I was working) she would call up the store and demand I reply to her.

I started feeling a bit uneasy and stopped replying to most of her msgs.

Owner ended up firing her. Which caused her to blow up my phone. She kept texting me nonstop and calling me for 4 days straight. So I blocked her. When she realised I had blocked her she kept calling the store when she knew I was working.

This really scared me so I told the owner and decided to block her number.

That was pretty much the end of it apart from some “No caller ID” phone calls I received. But not a big deal I just don’t pick them up anymore.

Fast forward to today I was telling some of my friends the story and they called me the jerk for getting her fired and that I should have covered for her as she saw me as her best friend.

Now I feel super bad as I didn’t mean to hurt her or her feelings.

I just got creeped out by her behaviour which caused me to overreact.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She would’ve been fired at any other place she worked with the way that she acted. You’re the manager and if you show her favoritism then you aren’t doing a good job.

You did your job and the owner did what he wanted to do which ended up with her getting fired. If she wants to act irresponsibly then she shouldn’t expect to keep the job.” Dylaquill

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The way you’re describing it, Helen behaved improperly when it came to her job responsibilities, and she faced job-related consequences as a result.

You didn’t go out of your way to increase these negative consequences, so you weren’t doing anything mean-spirited or otherwise inappropriate.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You gave her clear feedback about what you needed from her and she didn’t listen. She’s the jerk for not respecting your feedback and trying to play on your emotions.

I’m proud of you; you sound like a good manager. And you’re a good person for caring about Helen, but it sounds like the friendship was meant to end due to her behavior. She did this to herself.” tandemcamel

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. tell so called friends you didn't get her fired at all HER actions got her fired... that her delusional thought that you were her best friend didn't give her the rights to abuse that fact and call off work the way she did... you could justify it as owner KNOWS you well and that OWNER caught her out on her lies when THEY saw her posts on SM after her suddenly being sick so much and they realised she was lying so THEY told you to take her off the roster so you did.. then she blew up your personal phone and the work phone once tney fired her...
That at 40 yrs old she should know better than to risk her job if she relies on it so much to pay her bills etc..
You warned her that she needed to ring earlier if she wasn't gonna work... she didn't so boss sacked her...
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6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Partner's Dementia-Ridden Mother While Working From Home?

“My daughter (10), and I (46) live with my partner (48) and have for 4 years. My partner’s stepdad passed away a couple of weeks ago from COPD complications. His mother has severe dementia and has for the last couple of years, which has quickly worsened in that time.

Knowing that his stepdad was getting worse (in and out of the hospital, falling down and the paramedics or family would have to rush over and help him up daily) my partner tried to help get something set up for his mom so when his stepdad passed it wouldn’t be so difficult to get her situated. She can’t be left alone; she has trouble with stairs and bouts of incontinence.

She often doesn’t know where she is (she called the police a few weeks back because “there is a strange man in my bed” which turned out to be her husband of 30 years) and thinks she needs to “go home” – she will grab her purse at all hours of the night and go wandering.

His stepdad kept saying that everything was handled and that his daughter (partner’s stepsister) had power of attorney and would take care of everything.

So, stepdad passes, partner’s mom goes to stay with her sister and sister’s husband. Stepsister takes up residence in their parents’ home and begins the process of getting it ready to sell.

She arranged memory care residence for mom but is still waiting on medical paperwork (?) and the date mom can move in keeps getting pushed out.

My partner gets a text today from his aunt, “you need to take your mom from Thursday to Sunday. Please and thank you.”

We have a 1 1/2 story house with 2 bedrooms and a basement. 2 adults, 1 child and 3 cats live here. Construction began today in the basement (Bathroom remodel, full floor pipe/drain relocation). I work from home (the 1/2 story is the office), partner works outside the home and daughter attends school, which I take her to and from daily.

My partner wants to have his mom share my daughter’s room and sleep in the lower bunk. I’m expected to babysit her while I work from home and he’s at his jobs. He wants to set her up in the office with me during the day.

My partner also has a part-time evening job from 7-11 pm, so he is gone from 730a-5p, & 630p-1130p. (No paid vacay avail)

I am not qualified to provide care for his mom, nor do I think it’s safe for her to be here.

She’s not violent, just confused, and tends to make weird inappropriate jokes and comments out of nowhere. I don’t know what to do.

I finally gave in, and my daughter said she’d stay upstairs and keep the cats up there and his mom could have her room; her only request was we get different sheets for his mom to use on her bed. I mentioned that to my partner and he said, “your kid could just stay with a friend for the weekend”, which I think is obnoxious.

AITJ here? I feel like this is asking way too much in an unsuitable environment, unfair since I need to work, and not right to demand my daughter just up and leave to accommodate.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. His mother needs to be in a care facility.

As you said it is not safe for her to be at your place, but also there is no room. You won’t be able to do your job while she is there as you will need to constantly supervise her in case she tries to wander off which will put your job in jeopardy.

Tell him that if he wants his mother staying in the house he needs to have a carer there for the hours of your work at a minimum.” Mishy162

Another User Comments:

“NTJ “your kid could just stay with a friend for the weekend.” This isn’t obnoxious, this is pure uncut jerkery, from the purest turd hole.

My dude you have a whole 10-year-old who’s being treated like a 3rd class citizen in her own home. He 1st tries to kick her out of her room, now the house altogether? He’s also not taking your work seriously too, his mom wanders around, you’ll have to keep a full-time eye on her, especially since there is a full-on renovation happening at your home, what are the chances of her wandering into the work area, and getting hurt smh.

I get that she’s his mom, but he’s also a parent. And so far he’s steadily erasing whatever years he put into being good to your daughter.” AsuraRathalos

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Call the stepsister. “I’m very sorry, but, without very advanced notice we simply can not take care of mom.

Partner can not be here to help without very advanced notice and he works 730a-1130p most days. I work from home, but, am completely unavailable to mind her or clean her up, should she need cleaning up, during work hours. As our house is a construction site, partner is working, care of mom will be 100% on me.

The absolute best I can manage is after work hours Friday evening until Sunday evening bedtime.”

Caregiver burnout is bad and I’m sure step-sister needs help, but, partner’s “no big deal” attitude about this is making him the jerk. It’s HIS mom. No you can’t just not work to take care of her.

Especially if partner can’t/won’t just not work to care for his mother. Putting your kid out of routine for 4 days, 2 of them school days, is also not to be taken lightly. And heck no!! The 11-year-old can’t just go elsewhere for 4 days!” Senior-Term-635

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. tell him that he is not being fair YOU WORK TOO.. he's not going to be there and he KNOWS IT.. personally i think the step sister is dragging her heels on paperwork issue cos she wants the jerk then she can wash her hands of stepmom cos legally she ain't her problem let's be honest...
i don't think if mil moves in to your home she will be going back on the sunday... tell Aunt that you have no idea what the hold up is but is she aware that partner works 2 jobs is gone from 7am to 11-30pm EVERY DAY and that you have construction crews in too and that YOU WORK TOO.. that maybe she can get step sister to hurry stuff up.
Tell partner you can't physically manage work and caring for his mom and kiddo seeing how it's her home too.. also first he expects her to share her room then it's kick her out for the weekend.. like he cares he won't be there anyways...
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5. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Own Wedding Reception Due To Severe Allergies And Religious Violations?

“I am getting married. We had to push the wedding back. Weddings are expensive and my parents offered to help pay for it.

My mother picked her favorite restaurant for the wedding reception.

The wedding is in two weeks. I found out the menu this week, I am allergic to everything she picked. It’s also a religious wedding and she picked food that violates the religious requirements. She’s not religious so we assumed it was an accident, but she refuses to change parts of it because she doesn’t think it matters.

It matters to my fiancée, who feels the religious violation is further proof she’s not a good person. She already doesn’t like her. I have a horrible time even getting her to spend time with my parents. This only further agitates her.

I called the restaurant to find out what could be done so that I could actually eat at my own wedding and it turns out I can’t even walk into the building. I am deathly allergic to the oil that they use and it will fill the room with air.

I have had to use several EpiPens this year because of that oil filling the air in a closed-in space. It’s rare, but I’ve seen many specialists and no one can figure out why I’m dying.

I explained this to my mother multiple times that I can’t even walk into the building but she keeps telling me I won’t die.

The doctor says otherwise. My allergies are extremely bad and just being around things I’m allergic to is dangerous and my fiancée and I are terrified of any allergy attack.

So I don’t want to go to the reception, I’m not willing to die so mom can throw a party.

My fiancée is on board, she also wants to go no contact. We already don’t talk to her side, they’re homophobic and racist and after meeting me my fiancée finally realized both. I just don’t know what to do. When I tried to talk to my mother about it she told me she would just cancel the reception and I could figure it out.

The wedding is in less than two weeks, what could I possibly figure out in that timeframe?

I just don’t know what to do. If I make a big stink and we don’t go, I know she won’t be honest with the relatives and tell them that I’m deathly allergic to the entire restaurant.

So if we don’t go we have to be prepared to tell every relative and guest that my mom picked a restaurant I am deathly allergic to because… That’s the best part I can’t figure out why she did it. I can’t figure out why she picked a restaurant the bride is allergic to that also violates the religious values of the other bride.

I really don’t know what to do. If I put my foot down and refuse to go I will start a war. My mother tends to win those.

But I don’t want to die. Is refusing to go and having to explain to all the relatives what happened going to make me the jerk?

I just don’t know what to do.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At the end of the ceremony, make an announcement that you will not be attending the reception your mother organized for the reasons you listed and wish everybody a merry time. Then dump your toxic relatives and live a happy life.” weako4luckychrmz

Another User Comments:

“I honestly don’t understand why this even is an issue. Tell your mother no. It’s your wedding, not hers. If anyone even dreams of mouthing off at you for your obvious decision, place them on a ‘time out’ until further notice. NTJ, enjoy your day the way you want.” Metorjetta

Another User Comments:

“Oh Lordy. Elope. I don’t know how many guests are coming. But if it’s a lot you could text/email the Chatty Cathys of each family and friend group and say something like “I’m deathly allergic and will be hospitalized if I even go in the restaurant, and fiancée’s religion forbids that type of food.

Mom insisted on this place as she paid for it. Don’t ask me why, ask her.” Let these chatty gossips spread the word and let it go at that. Have a nice dinner just the two of you at your favorite restaurant that means something to you both.

No contact seems logical at this point. Let the chips fall where they may. NTJ.” SugaredZebra

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. as someone else suggested...
after the actual ceremony call for everyone's attention explain exactly that you are deathly allergic to the oil that the restaurant that MOTHER chose that you have proof FROM YOUR DOCTOR if they want to see it and that you have already risked your life too many times this year by going to mommy's favourite restaurant cos she DOESNT BELIEVE your allergies are as serious as they are...
that even if you could go into the restaurant MOTHER has also chosen food that she KNOWS your wife CANNOT EAT, so the pair of you hope they all enjoy the party that mommy has planned but you and wife are going elsewhere...
PLEASE go see your specialist asap and explain to them what she has done and ask for a printout or letter that you can take with you to your wedding so that relatives dont take moms word over yours ...
I could give a reason why momster has done this but you probably won't like it but hey here goes....
Mom is as bigoted as your fiancées parents and she is EITHER a closet homophobe.. or she is against fiancées religious views hence the reason she is downplaying the religious reasons your fiancee won't eat certain food.. that was evident with the comments of its only because of religion so it doesn't matter if wife ears the food...
So it sounds like your mother is a homophobic racist the same as fiancées parents.. amd let's be honest she has grown up with them so can spot them a mile off... you say If you go you need reasons... you know the reasons you just don't want to accept them...
So drs report get the ceremony done and tell them all we won't be attending MOTHERS PARTY.. the reasons are XYZ.. if anyone wishes to see my drs report about my allergies and the seriousness of them come see me... oh and even if i could enter the reception my wife would have to sit and eat NOTHING because of her religious views.. but mom knew those too and CHOSE TO IGNORE THEM...
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4. AITJ For Scolding My Father-In-Law After He Gave My Baby Spoiled Milk Without Asking?

QI

“We just had breakfast 8 hours away from home…we were on a family vacation for my sister-in-law’s wedding. We were getting ready to take my FIL to his daughter’s to house-sit while she went on her honeymoon. FIL is in the backseat with the baby.

Decides to grab a bottle off of the floor of my car and give it to the baby. He did not ask me or the father if the baby could have it. She wasn’t crying or acting hungry as she had just eaten pancakes, hashbrowns, fruit, like a lot of food for breakfast. I don’t hear her so I think she’s gone to sleep as she normally does in the car as soon as we hit highway speeds.

The second we drop FIL off, I hear the sucking of a now empty bottle…asked where she got the bottle….turns out FIL gave it to her…duh. So it was then a waiting game of when my kid (who isn’t even a year old yet) was going to become a puke fountain.

Sure enough a couple hours later it happened. Everywhere..copious amounts of it…in the car…in LA. On the way to the Bay Area.

I sent him a message because if I were to have called him I would have cussed him out. I told him

“when it comes to food or drinks my kid needs to ingest please ask before you decide to give it to her. Now she has food poisoning because you simply did not ask. This is not the first time we have told you to not just give her something you find because sometimes we do not know how fresh it is, so please don’t feed her without asking anymore.”

Now my hubs and his mother think that was too mean to tell him that he gave my 10-month-old baby food poisoning. And everyone is mad at me! If it had been my parents that had done that my partner would never let them live that down.

And I’m just expected to “get over it” …get over him giving my 10-month-old baby food poisoning.

So please tell me, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need to tell your husband to grow a pair. He needs to be on your side completely here.

His kid just got sick because of his dad’s negligence, the last thing he needs to be doing is pretending like you went too far (you didn’t, I would’ve reacted much more strongly). Sit him down. Tell him this is a big deal. He has a responsibility to not treat trivially behaviors from his parents that harm y’all’s baby.” NeedAFriend888

Another User Comments:

“Ntj. Your message was not rude or mean in the slightest. This is your baby, a 10-month-old getting food poisoning is horrible and the fact that they don’t seem to care is shocking. You’re not asking for a lot, just that they check with you before giving your baby any food.” Invisibleamber

Another User Comments:

“NTJ it was milk sitting in the car for hours, it’s pretty clear to anyone with a brain that it would be spoiled. It’s obviously understandable why you forgot about it or didn’t get to emptying it out, it’s a lot of work and stress traveling with a baby.

It’s not like your baby could reach it on their own.” Reddit User

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
It's amazing how many people say it's mean to tell people the truth. He DID give your baby food poisoning and he does need to stop giving the baby questionable food.
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3. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex's Partner Wear My Wedding Dress?

QI

“I (35F) have been divorced from my (41M) husband for 3 years. We have one son(5) together. My ex (we will call him K) started seeing another woman (we will call her G). K and I have a great relationship with each other.

We still love each other as friends. K started seeing G about 10 months ago. G and I have become really great friends and enjoy being around each other. Everything seemed to be going great until the other day.

G and K have started talking about marriage.

I know K is really hesitant, but G really wants to be married and have children of her own. I guess G saw some old pictures of me in my wedding dress and has been raving about how pretty my dress is. The other day we had coffee together and G brought up getting married soon.

I told her how happy I was for her. Things changed though when she asked if she could wear MY wedding dress. I was really shocked she even asked. I immediately told her that I was flattered, but no. She immediately got extremely pouty and started to ask why.

I explained that I just wasn’t comfortable with her wearing my dress to marry my ex-husband. She got really upset and started to cause a scene. I walked out knowing that she was not going to calm down.

About an hour later my ex-husband called asking what happened. When I told him, he completely understood and was on my side, but it didn’t end there.

G has been having her friends and family call me and my work calling me a jerk for not “sharing”. G is claiming that I’m not over K and that I’m just doing this to ruin her wedding. While it’s true that I’m not over K, part of me just doesn’t feel comfortable having her wear my dress.

This whole argument has really put a strain on my and my ex’s relationship and the relationship around my son. Part of me feels like I should give in, but I still just don’t feel comfortable with it. So, am I the jerk for not letting her wear my dress?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. How can people be this weird? Also, what is it with everyone in these posts getting their friends/family to call random people they don’t know and berate them? I’ve never come across this in real life.” IHaveSaidMyPiece

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s honestly creepy that she wants to use your dress. What’s going on in her head that she doesn’t see this as weird? The best advice I can give you is perhaps advise your ex-husband to try to encourage her to make buying a dress a big sappy event.

Advertise it like it’s a say yes to the dress moment that as a bride she can’t miss out on or something.” PugRexia

Another User Comments:

“What on earth? Why would a woman ever want to wear a dress that their partner’s ex-wife wore? That just boggles my mind.

That’s some super bad juju right there. She needs to buy her own dress. She and her family are out of their mind to think that having yours is the right way to do this wedding. Surely she can find another dress that is either the same or similar.

Better yet – a dress all of her own. I’d be asking her why she wants to look like you on her wedding day. NTJ at all.” crayzeelikeafox

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
She's immature (evidence getting others to bully you) so I'm guessing she's superstitious. Tell her it's bad luck to wear a dress that was once worn for a wedding that ended in divorce.
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2. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Stop Complaining About Her Job After She Rejected My Help?

“My friend (F27) started working at a local pharmaceutical manufacturing company about a year ago. Ever since she started, she complains about how awful it is, how terribly people there treat her, and how she would rather get hit by a bus on her way there.

She’s told me that she’s been looking for other work but hasn’t even received a call back from anywhere.

Last week, she called me (M27) sobbing saying that she’s getting moved to a different department and she can’t mentally handle it, saying she’d rather just be homeless.

It’s all she talks about, but we’ve probably all had soul-crushing jobs and I sympathized with her. She begged me to help her find ANYTHING else.

I spent an entire day in between classes and my own job sending out emails and making phone calls to places I’ve worked at or volunteered for.

Basically using any connections I had because my friend seemed so beaten down.

I managed to get her an interview at my old job, which is cleaning office buildings. My previous supervisor there is a great guy and I loved working there (I only quit because I went back to school and moved away).

This supervisor moved his day around in order to make time for this interview and did it as a favor for me.

Interview day comes and my previous supervisor called to let me know that my friend didn’t show up for the interview. No call or anything.

I contacted my friend to ask what happened and she told me that she decided to just “stick it out” at her current job… despite the fact that my previous job offered more money and was closer to her home.

Cut to yesterday, I’m stressed out from my placement, mountain of school work, and working a lot in order to afford school.

My friend sends me numerous texts about how much she hates her job and goes far enough to say that she would rather “fall off a cliff” than go to this job and she doesn’t know what to do anymore.

I ignored the texts as I was busy dealing with my own stuff, but then she sends me more texts this morning while I was in lecture.

All stating the usual “I hate my job, poor me” drama.

I eventually responded and asked her to stop complaining about her job and maybe seek out some help. I explained that I’ve already pulled numerous strings, spent my own time attempting to help her, and vouched for her and she didn’t even bother showing up to the interview.

She wasted my time and my old supervisor’s time and it really seems that she would rather complain than actually do something about it.

I told her “It just feels like you’re surrounded by fire and screaming for help but when I hand you a fire extinguisher, you tell me you’d rather just live with the burns and there isn’t anything more I can do, and listening to the constant negative comments is stressful.”

She never responded to me, but I got a message from a mutual friend telling me that I should “be more sympathetic” to what she’s going through.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is an energy vampire sucking you dry. You’re going so far out of your way for her at all times and she can’t even show up to an interview you arranged for her, making you look bad?

I’d put some distance in that friendship. What do you get out of it other than stress?” MadoogsL

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You went above and beyond the call of duty as a friend to get an interview, staking your own reputation and calling in a favour with your previous supervisor, and your friend didn’t have the common courtesy to call them to say they couldn’t make the interview.

Your friend is addicted to being the victim of her own drama. She won’t fix it herself and she won’t ever change. If you keep her in your life, she will suck your energy dry until you are a husk of a human. You would not be wrong to cut off all contact with them and burning down the bridges over this.

In fact, I encourage it.” ElectricMoccoson

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She didn’t just refuse your fire extinguisher, she burned the bridge between you and your old boss. You’ll probably think twice before recommending another candidate to him, and even if you did, he would probably think twice about meeting with them.

Her job issues are affecting your life, which makes her a toxic friend.” JeepersCreepers74

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. ask the mutual if they called in favours, got her an interview, vouched for her just about got her a new job ? When they say no tell, them well I did do all that and she didn't even bother calling to cancel the interview she basically just ghosted it... then told you she would rather stick it out where she is...
AND then texts you whining as always so now your sympathy has run out seeing how she doesn't want to leave she wants a pity party and you are too busy trying to manage your own work/school/life in general and she is becoming toxic...
See what mutual says to that cos I bet you tney don't know about the ghosted interview and have on,y heard her version of how you had ignored her all day then sent her a snotty text... make sure the mutual knows exactly how you have been trying to help her and how she threw said help back in your face..
I am sorry but when someone like her starts affecting you and your mental wellbeing you need to think about lowering contact for a while to recharge your own mental health.. not worry about hers cos she isn't as good a friend as you think
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1. AITJ For Uninviting My Family From My Daughter's Christening Due To Their Homophobic Outrage?

QI

“So my wife (29f) is from Ireland and is catholic. I’m (32m) originally from a Christian conservative Texan household. I moved to Kerry a few years ago for a job and met my beautiful wife.

I not only fell in love with her but her amazing family.

When we got engaged she suggested we get married in America so my brother who was dying of cancer at the time could attend. Our families got along till they found out her brothers/dad/uncle/grandfathers made a plan for us to go on a wild night out bringing my brother along.

I didn’t sober up till a few days after the wedding.

They ended up disliking my wife because she found it hilarious that both her grandfathers were behind us going to multiple “clubs” and heavy drinking to the point our wedding was a stand-up show with all the comments from her side.

We had a baby a few weeks ago and decided to have her christened. I invited my family because I thought they could put everything in the past and love this amazing woman like I do. But no, since they got here everything is just “not right”.

I bit my lip at my wife’s advice because she wanted our daughter to always embrace her Irish and American family.

Well, we thought everything was going smoothly for the christening till they found out her godparents would be my wife’s sister and her partner (female).

I wanna say her sister and her partner have been amazing to both of us throughout the pregnancy/birth so who better could we pick? Out of everyone in this world, we know if anything happened to us we’d want no one else to raise our child but them.

There was outrage and tantrums from my family to say the least. My wife was called every name other than a lady so I told my family (parents, sister, grandmother) that if they can’t be decent people for a day for my child’s sake they weren’t invited. The Christening took place and my mil said she saw my mother crying outside the chapel, she told me they had come a long way for my sake.

I could have at least given them a second chance and let them attend.

I’ve had to delete social media due to the hate I got from my side. It makes me wonder if I’m a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think so.

Sounds like your family was being hateful towards your wife and didn’t like the consequences of their own actions. I don’t know how they thought it would be ok to insult her back and forth and you’d just sit back and be like “well everybody gets to have an opinion I guess.” If they didn’t want to travel all the way to Ireland to be turned away from the christening, they probably shouldn’t have shown up insulting their grandchild’s mother and your choice in godparents.

That they’ve now resorted to blowing you up on social media further cements their stance in the Camp of Wrong. NTJ. Hope you and your remaining family had a good time at the christening. Congratulations on the birth of your firstborn!” Tralfamadorians_go

Another User Comments:

“I’m voting NTJ but I do feel that you probably knew in advance that your family would be weird about this. You could have saved everyone thousands of dollars, a week of holiday time, and the fights, by letting them know the names of the Godparents in advance, or even letting it slip that it was two women.

You must have known they would be weird about it, so I see you as being partly responsible. They could have just stayed in Texas with their hate and that would have been that.” Wader_Man

Another User Comments:

“YTJ you knew this would blow up, you set it up.

Your comments about the wedding suggest you love the drama and there is some sort of inner feud with your family. It sounds like your wife’s family got proper Irish intoxicated…and it probably made everyone else uncomfortable and upset. Saying it was like a stand-up due to all the “comments” suggests there was a lot of snark flying about…speeches interrupted etc. You mentioned your family is conservative and neglected to tell them that a lesbian couple was going to be the God parents…I am not religious or conservative and I absolutely know that would be like throwing a Molotov cocktail onto them.

Did it not occur to you to have a conversation with them…resolve the issues?” [deleted]

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... but it sounds like your mil is a better catholic than your family are christians... maybe you could have had the BEHAVE while your here or dint come conversation BEFORE they made a transatlantic flight.. however i would think that the chance to see the newest family member in person would be enough for them to keep the peace start anew with wife etc.. but sadly not.... so mom got to the doors of the chapel but didn't come in.. so basically it was her own stupid pride that caused her to miss the actual service am i right... a house of god is a house of god.. whether it be a catholic church and evangelical church a a wesleyian chapel... its still a bloody church !!! You all pray to the same god !!! So rather than swallow her pride come in the bloody doors and see her grandchild be christened she stood outside crying.... well the females of your family played a stupid game and got themselves the stupid prize....
Right now you reinstate your SM and blast everyone with what really happened at YOUR DAUGHTERS christening and be sure to tag mom sis and grandma in it and set the record straight you told them IF they couldnt be nice for 1 day then don't come and THEY CHOSE not to come you didn't tell them not to you just asked them to be civil... you need to stand your ground OP else mother is going to spread her version farther than the gospel and because your not pulling her up on it she's getting away with blaming wife AGAIN
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