People Ask Us For Help In Judging Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Washing The Sheets Instead Of Throwing Them Away?
“I (33F) and my husband (33M) have been married 5 years. My husband is squeamish and I know this, I do what I can to mitigate.
I had a baby recently and my period has returned. I was sitting in bed taking care of our newborn when I had to use the restroom, so I put the baby down in the bassinet and went. When I got there I realized that I had bled through not just my pad, but also through my sweatpants.
I checked the bed and I had also stained our sheets.
When I stripped the sheets I noticed it had gotten on the mattress protector as well so I took it off too. My husband entered the room and asked why I was cleaning the bed so I told him.
He was grossed out (as expected) but expected me to throw out the sheets. I told him no and that I would just wash them. So I pre-treated a couple of spots with some enzyme cleaner and tossed them in the washer.
We bickered and he was mad I wouldn’t throw the sheets away.
I think we’re both just sleep deprived and this is a sticking point for him. AITJ for washing the sheets and not just throwing them away?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, it happens to the best of us. I can see why your husband would be bothered by the idea of you having bled onto the sheets since he’s squeamish, but it’s not like you’re leaking hazardous material. A simple wash and using enzyme cleaner is PLENTY.
Sure, you could get new sheets, but I don’t know your financial situation well enough to know if you have the spare funds for that. If you do have enough, maybe just get a new set of sheets for the sake of keeping the peace, besides, you’re gonna have to do that at some point anyways.” MarblelessHornets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if your husband has a history of being squeamish around blood of all kinds, it sounds like he needs a crash course in women’s health, ESPECIALLY when you recently had a child and your periods might be out of whack.
Would he throw away his favorite shirt if he cut his arm and bled through the sleeve? Probably not. Pads leak sometimes. It’s a fact of life, and throwing stuff away every time it gets bloody isn’t sustainable. Enzyme cleaner, maybe a little bleach for the smell if it lingers, and they’ll be good as new.” shanSWfan
20. AITJ For Not Helping My Roommate With Her Car Problem?
“I (25m) work as both an in-house and a mobile Auto mechanic for a moderately sized garage. Like many other mechanics, one of the first things I had to do was buy my own tools as very few garages supply them.
Rather than have two toolkits for in-house and mobile work I decided to put together a single large but mobile one that cost $5,000 to make. Due to its price and connection to my bottom line, the kit is off-limits to others.
When it comes to why I am posting here, it all started over an oil change I did with a roommate of mine five days ago.
This roommate was Jared who despite being a plumber likes to do his own auto work. While working we were approached by our other roommate Ashley (24F). After seeing us working on the cars she asked if she could borrow my tools to do her tires.
She explained how she watched a video and wanted to do it herself to save funds. In the kindest way possible I told her no while explaining that I don’t lend my tools to anyone.
She didn’t like this and started going off about how I am lying with the only ‘real’ reason being that I am sexist against women.
Luckily Jared stepped in and backed me up by telling her there is a difference between household tools and a professional’s equipment. She didn’t accept this and started cussing at us before storming off. The following day things took a drastic turn with her. While Jared and I were out she stole my tools and tried to do her tire changes.
Long story short, we came back to the fire department blocking the parking lot as she had ruptured her car’s gas tank.
In the aftermath of this, my response to her was simple, I told her that she was going to clean up her mess and that I won’t be expediting her car’s repairs.
This was fine until she realized that it would be at least a month until she could be seen with the estimate being just over $1,500 excluding tow costs. Additionally, she also learned that insurance won’t help her at all with this. This led to her demanding that I get her car seen immediately because she needs it for University and work.
In response I told her no and that not having her car serviced immediately is her punishment for stealing my tools. She didn’t like this and complained to her friends who alongside her are all saying that I am at fault and am a huge jerk.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she stole your equipment. I’ve known dope heads who would carhop, and that’s the one thing they wouldn’t even touch.
That being said. My response to her initial request would be to offer to help her change the tire.
She obviously had no idea what she was doing.
Also, I’m conflicted about expediting the repairs. On one hand, she did take your tools after getting an explicit no. But on the other, you have to live with her. It might be best for everyone if you can pull some strings to get it done quicker.
Maybe let her sweat it out for a week then get it to the top of the list.
Or you tell her to watch another YouTube video on changing a gas tank. Would be interesting to see how that one ends up. LOL.” DylanCO
Another User Comments:
“How can you be the jerk when your stupid roommate stole your tools, despite being told more than once no she cannot use them, attempted to work on a tire with no clue whatsoever what she was doing, ruptured her gas tank and then she had the audacity to throw shade at you to her friends by lying and only telling half the story to them just so she can feel high and mighty about herself.
You are not the jerk in any way. She just wants to blame you because she made things worse for herself. You should take her to court over this if you can. I hope you and your buddy told Ashley to pack her stuff and get out after this.” SuspiciousStretch7
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, report the theft to the police and let them deal with that aspect. Secondly, I wouldn’t do any work on her car if she held a gun to my head. She can get it recovered to another mechanic and fit it into their schedule.
Lastly, as a former cabinetmaker, no stranger gets to borrow a single one of my tools unless it’s a pencil and they sharpen it before they give it back.
A professional’s tools are their life. Most people only see the cost of basic tools at big DIY sheds.
They would be stupefied at the cost of professional quality tools.
It’s not just about having the tool damaged, it’s also about not being able to use that tool to earn your living until a new one arrives. It’s bad enough if you break/lose/damage your own tool but it’s a thousand times worse when somebody else does.
NTJ and the woman can take a hike as far as having her car repaired in your shop.” Funkyzebra1999
19. AITJ For Disliking My Brother?
“I (20F) am the younger sister to my brother (22M) and I currently live with him, and my mother (54F) in a 2-bedroom apartment due to some really unfortunate life circumstances that I’m not gonna entirely delve into here.
(rent is evenly split between all of us)
My brother may be autistic, but I also believe he is a lazy jerk who weaponizes his incompetence to a high level.
He’s held 3 jobs in his life, been fired from two, still chews with his mouth open, and insists he can’t put away the dishes because he ‘doesn’t know where they go’ despite us living here for almost 2 years.
For some context, my older brother was diagnosed with ‘Asperger Syndrome’ when he was 11 years old, OUR SCHOOL had a psychologist follow him around for 3 months due to behavioral and grade issues, this obviously lead to some different treatment from my mother towards the two of us, with me being expected to basically act the role of an older sibling.
Defend your brother from bullies if you see it at school, allow him to hang out with you and your friends because he has ‘struggles,’ and always make allowances for the things he doesn’t do. Like his laundry. Or any chores whatsoever.
I accepted the responsibility and did my best to be a ‘good sister’ despite my frustrations, my own struggles, and how he made so many of my friends uncomfortable that they refused to come over to my house.
I did it all because ‘well he has autism, so he sees the world differently.’
So imagine my shock at 18 when I get diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
My mom insists the doctors are wrong, a shocker to none, because ‘you’ve always been better at socializing than your brother’ as if I was ever given the option to avoid it like him.
He never would show up to family holiday events, they didn’t make him. But if I tried to skip out? I’d be dragged kicking and screaming.
And maybe it’s because all of these revelations have been rolling in my head for the last two years, but in an argument last week with my mother, when she was insisting I do my brother’s laundry since I was already doing a small load of my own at the laundromat when I snapped and told her ‘I hope you know, that when you are gone, there will be no one to do his laundry and pay his rent when he gets fired again’.
She is mad at me because ‘he’s family’ but I don’t really get it, I’ve had to learn to live with my autism, find my own resources, and do it mostly without support from either of them, and I don’t want to accept a future drain on what I’ve worked so hard for.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and that would be true even if (a) you were neurotypical and (b) your brother was far more disabled than he appears to be from this account. You may want to speak about your mom with this again sometime when tempers are cooler, but it will be best for everyone involved if you are clear about your future non-involvement in your brother’s upkeep.
I hope both your brother and your mother are able to form better plans for the future that don’t just boil down to you picking up where your mom is leaving off.” MonarchOfDonuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your mom to see her psychology doctorate, so that you can make sure she’s qualified to contradict a doctor in the diagnosis.
I’m gonna give a wild guess she has nothing to qualify her besides some decades-old account that says autism is when a male doesn’t make eye contact, has limited speech, shows no empathy, is a picky eater, can’t make friends, and has frequent outbursts.
Women, and just generally adults with autism present wildly different than young males, it’s no secret anymore and your mom should probably do a little bit of reading so she can pull her head out of her butt and realize her son doesn’t have difficulties purely because he’s autistic, and to suggest so just infantilizes him so everyone else will take care of him and gives him no reason to need to grow up and figure out ways to handle those difficulties that do stem from autism.” Knechttay
18. WIBTJ If I Uninvite A Friend From Our Vacation Because They're Not Paying Me Back?
“About six months ago, I and my husband were asked by another one of our couple friends if we wanted to take a vacation together.
We said yes and started making plans. After hashing out all the dates I went and bought lodging, travel, and attraction tickets for the four of us – with them saying they would pay me back in two weeks. So everything besides food is paid for.
The total was around 4k.
Well, the vacation is in two weeks and they haven’t paid me back yet, despite my bringing it up numerous times. At this point, I’m pretty annoyed. This is not the first time they haven’t paid me back a significant sum (I know, my bad for trusting them again).
So, I’m thinking of telling them if they don’t pay me back they can’t come and I was going to invite my best friend instead. I think I’m pretty justified as they keep on not paying me back, but my husband thinks I’m overreacting. So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they have not paid you, then invite else. So let them know, but give them a deadline and hold fast to it. Your other friend will need time to plan and take off. So I’d say ‘If you don’t pay me in 24 hours…’ and honestly, I think that’s plenty of time because they have had six months.
Don’t take any excuses either ‘but we don’t have it yet or we will have it in a week’. NO. They had six months and if they don’t have the budget yet then they shouldn’t be going on vacation.” Midlife_Crisis_46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you absolutely don’t need to bring this up again. It has been SIX months. Invite your best friend and get the funds from her and then text your friends that and tell them you’ve decided to go on a trip with someone else that week since they didn’t seem all that into it and that maybe you can plan something else another time.
Because screw these two. At this point, the trip is going to be awkward because it requires an ultimatum to get paid. So just nip it in the bud. And if they ask, simply say that they said they would pay you in two weeks and then let five months go by with repeated requests which made you feel awkward so you made the best choice for you.
After all, you were the one who was out four thousand dollars. They have zero ground to stand on. And if they are jerks about it you’re better off without them anyway.” kittygattochat
Another User Comments:
“Don’t think, take action. It’s been 6 months. Tell them that you need the funds in 48 hours.
If you don’t get it they are off the trip. If your husband doesn’t like it, tell him he can pay, as you know these people have a form for not paying their debts. By the way, I get really cross with people who sit on their hands, do nothing to deal with a situation, and THEN tell those that do not to over-react.
This couple is very likely to shaft you, and let you pick up all the bills, and you should do nothing?! Tell your husband that if he’s so blasé about £4K you will be expecting a very good Christmas gift this year, as he is clearly flush with funds!” Slow_Ad_7002
17. AITJ For Flipping Out At My Mom For Commenting On My Skin?
“I don’t believe I live in an abusive household. I have my basic needs taken care of, and my parents don’t hurt me or tell me extremely demoralizing things.
I would characterize my relationship with my family as distant.
My mom is one of those annoying parents that air out her grievances nonstop. She had constantly been nagging me about how bad and blemished my skin is, how much acne and how many red marks I have, etc. Just in general, whenever I converse with her (which is not that often because again, my family isn’t close), she has to fit in some complaint.
One day, we were about to go for a dentist checkup, waiting for the car to warm up. She decided it was the ideal time to complain – she started moaning about how the doctors at that quack office messed up my teeth and that she shouldn’t have shelled out 2k for braces.
A few seconds later, she looked in the car mirror, made an annoying clucking sound with her mouth, and told me that my skin looked like crap. That infuriated me. I flipped her off because I was tired of all her nagging. In return, she got mad and canceled the doctor’s appointment.
We had a shouting match inside the house. Long story short, I told her in order to stop her complaining about my ugly, pimple-ridden face, I wouldn’t be speaking to her. On top of that, I’d wear a mask inside the house whenever she’s home.
For your information, I do take care of my skin. I wash my face with cleanser and all that skincare jazz, and it DOES help me. However, my mom tells me that using skincare products will do nothing for me and they’re actually harming my skin.
I’m not taking hygiene tips from a person who washes their hair with scalding hot water daily and has a straw on their scalp. Before this particular incident, I asked if she would like to take me to a dermatologist to fix my skin. Just like skincare products and my dentist, she didn’t believe in the medical treatment of certified skincare specialists.
It’s been two weeks. I haven’t talked to her since the argument conspired, and I’ve stuck to my promise of wearing masks inside the house. Today, my dad asked me if I was going to continue hiding my face, but I can’t lie. It’s been way more peaceful this way and I enjoy not interacting with her.
AITJ for not tolerating non-abusive but very annoying parental nagging?”
Another User Comments:
“Insulting you and putting you down constantly is mistreatment OP. It’s verbal and emotional mistreatment. She’s also punishing you by taking away medical appointments – not okay at all. And airing out her grievances at you?
Sounds like she’s venting at you constantly and using you as an emotional sounding board, which as her child, not her therapist or partner, you should not be subjected to either. She sounds like she could have narcissistic tendencies.
NTJ.” EmrysTheBlue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Uh OP I hate to break it to you but retaliation because you reacted to insults? Canceling a dentist appointment on the spot? That’s abusive behavior.
You wouldn’t be the jerk for continuing to cover your face or not speaking with her but make sure you are doing those because you want to and it makes your life easier, not out of spite or to show your mother.
It’s easy to fall into passive-aggressive behavior when you come from families like this, but if you continue out of spite, you’re still letting her behavior control your actions and that crap gets exhausting real fast.” timehoodie6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is emotionally abusive and medically neglectful and you’ve found a solution that keeps her off your back and lets you live more peacefully.
Do pay attention to whether the constant mask-wearing is aggravating your skin – it does for some people. Wearing clean/fresh masks helps a lot. Similarly, changing or washing your pillow case frequently may help as well.
Talk to your dad about getting you an appointment with a dermatologist. You have two parents who should both be stepping up to meet your needs.
If he can’t get away during the day, see if he’ll make the appointment and send them a Consent To Treat form ahead of time and arrange for you to be able to go in by yourself. He can pay for an Uber if you can’t bus there.” pupperoni42
16. AITJ For Using My Cousin's Gift To Me For My Business?
“I (17f) am an extremely creative and passionate crafter. I love sewing, knitting, sculpting, and so on. Everyone knows this about me and so it always heavily influences what I’m gifted for Christmases and birthdays.
This birthday my (26f) cousin bought me a brand new knitting machine, I’d been wanting one for an incredibly long time, although hadn’t bought one myself as it’s a bit of an investment piece. I was really thankful and happy for the gift and I absolutely adore using it.
The machine has given me the ability to try many different patterns and make wildly different things with my knitting. Such as crop tops, sweatshirts, beanies, scrunchies, handbags, and so on. It took me a little while to get used to the machine and be able to use it to its full potential. Now here’s where the problem comes in.
I’ve recently opened a small business where I sell many different craft products many of which are completely funded by myself and have nothing to do with the machine, but my most popular items are often my knitting machine-made items, I buy all the wool, and yarn myself and make everything by hand with the machine.
My cousin recently found out that I use the machine in my business and says it’s unfair that I am earning off of a gift they gave to me because I didn’t need to invest the funds on buying the machine, they did and she was demanding I pay her back the full price it cost to buy the machine.
I find this extremely unfair as it was their gift to me and I shouldn’t be expected to pay them back, especially as all the other materials are paid for by me. I’m really conflicted on what to do because I really don’t want drama and am thinking of just paying them back to avoid problems but I feel that I shouldn’t need to pay them back because it was a gift in the first place.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is this for real? You’re using a tool to create products, the machine itself isn’t generating value. You’re using it to produce. I’m asking if it’s real because it’s otherwise embarrassing that a 26-year-old doesn’t understand this concept.
If someone gifts you a bike, can they then demand a cut when you do paper routes?
If someone gifts you a hammer, can they demand a room for when you build a house with it?
The only time you can demand something is usually when you have access to grant some the resources they need to accomplish something, which this is, but that is only acceptable if the person makes that part of the deal. Like if they had straight up said, ‘I’m not going to give you this.
But I will buy it, and if you make a profit I want you to pay it off with a 10% interest’. At that point, however, it is not a gift.” coraldomino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be petty and give her her gift back. You have already decided to pay her the price of the machine, so I can assume that you could buy it new yourself.
So buy a new one, and give her the machine back. that way you will be severing the cord of future arguments and entitlements of your cousin. ‘She wouldn’t be where she is now with her business if it weren’t me who bought her knitting machine’, ‘I am entitled to some part of your profit because I gave your key machinery’.
She can keep her machine and do whatever she’d want to do with it!
Please don’t give her funds. You’d always be attached to her entitlement around your knitting business if you do so.” kwhorona
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh heck no. Your cousin is trying to profit off of your ingenuity and hard work.
This is one of the moments of your life to learn to stand up for yourself. You can be appreciative of something and still hold your ground. You can be compassionate toward whatever your cousin is experiencing without having to sacrifice yourself. If I could share one thing with my 17-year-old self, it would be that.
If helps you could say something like: ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. It was a thoughtful gift, and I do appreciate it. But it was a birthday gift, not a business loan’.” Irmaplotz
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Adjust My Wedding Date For My Family?
“I just proposed to my partner, he said yes and we are engaged. When we got engaged my parents offered to pay for the wedding.
We didn’t expect them to offer and I know it was generous. But now I know it comes with a condition. This week the 2 of us went to look at different places to see where we want to have our wedding and reception. We had a list of the ones we are considering and the dates they are available.
We wanted to get married on a Saturday but my parents said we can’t do that and have to have it on a day during the week.
My parents want it to be during the week because my brother is in prison and the only visiting days are Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
My parents don’t live in the same city as me. The rest of my family, all of my fiancé’s family, and all of our friends do. Everyone we want at the wedding besides my parents. If the wedding was on a Saturday my parents would have to use Friday and then Sunday to travel here and then back home.
So they would not be able to visit my brother and attend my wedding. The visiting times for the prison are too late in the day on Friday and too early on Sunday for them to make it work. My parents used to live here too but they moved to be close to the prison so they could visit him every week.
They don’t want to miss a week of visiting. They don’t live close enough to travel here on the same day.
I and my fiancé told them they don’t need to pay for the wedding now. We decided on what we can afford ourselves and have set up visits to other places next week.
We plan to have a date and a place picked out by next Friday night. Even though they are not paying for anything now my parents still say I can’t get married on a Saturday (or Sunday or Friday).
My parents point out that since they are the only ones who visit my brother and he is stuck there that is unfair to make them miss a week.
Even for their son’s wedding. I understand that my parents don’t want my brother to be lonely but I don’t think them missing one week for visiting is a big deal. They say otherwise and even though they are not paying for the wedding now and it’s been the source of fighting between us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can get married on whatever day you chose. Your parents have made some large accommodations to be physically close to and supportive of their incarcerated son, to visit him weekly. They can add sacrificing being present at your wedding to the list of accommodations Your parents are not being reasonable to demand you schedule your wedding around their prison visits to your brother.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have the wedding on a weekday, literally every other adult attending would have to take a day off work. Your parents are in a difficult situation, and they will simply have to choose how to handle it. They can’t expect the world to stop having things on weekends.
Is there a compromise to be had with timing- maybe a Friday evening or Saturday morning wedding so they can return Saturday afternoon?
Ultimately you have to do what is right for you and your fiancé, so if that is a Saturday wedding that your parents don’t attend, that’s your choice.
It doesn’t make you a jerk.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents’ decision to spend every weekend coddling their favored child is not a reason to inconvenience every single other one of your guests. That said if you WANT to compromise in a way that MIGHT keep the peace, Sunday evening before Labor Day should work for you.
Everyone has that Monday off of work. If your parents can’t give up one day of three to be there for the wedding, that’s 100% their problem.” GroundbreakingWing48
14. AITJ For Canceling My Birthday Dinner?
“My birthday was yesterday and unfortunately my family and I weren’t able to go out for dinner that same night since everyone had to work late.
I said no biggie and asked my family if we could go out the next day (today) and they all agreed. I made it clear to them that I wanted to go around 3 or 4 pm since my bedtime is 8 pm because I have to be up at 3 am for work and they said okay.
I got home from work at around 2:30 pm and realized my dad wasn’t home so I gave him a call to see what’s up. Turns out he picked up a job since he had nothing to do today. Mind you he works in landscaping so his little ‘side job’ would take hours to complete.
I reminded him of my birthday dinner and he said to reschedule for a later time since he wasn’t close to finishing at all so we changed it to 6 pm. 6 pm rolls around and he’s still not home. 7 pm and still nothing. At this point I head to bed early, assuming the plans were off because he wasn’t answering my texts.
At around 8:30 pm, I get woken up and told that everyone is now ready to go and they just have to wait on me to get ready.
I tell them I don’t want to go at this time for 3 reasons. 1. I should be in bed sleeping since I have to be up early 2.
My dad picked up a job knowing we had agreed to go early so I felt like he didn’t respect the time we had agreed to 3. They didn’t bother asking me if I still wanted to go they just woke me up and told me to get ready.
So now everyone’s mad at me for throwing a tantrum and ruining dinner. Everyone was ganging up on me and calling me ridiculous when the restaurant is still open for 2 more hours so I ended up crying and going off to bed. Now I’m thinking maybe I should have sucked it up and gone anyway since they did get all dressed up only for me to say no so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just like your father thought his job was more important than the previously scheduled birthday, you can think of your job the same way. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday; why do you have to accommodate everyone else’s schedule when you’re the one that has to get to work at 3 am?
Why didn’t they complain when your birthday was missed because everyone couldn’t be there? Now that you can’t be there, they’re complaining that their dinner is ruined, but no mention of it being the father’s fault, who decided to do the job at the last minute.
Sorry, but if they want to complain, let them blame themselves because you have a life also, and you’ve already accommodated their work schedule for one dinner.” MiggyTennis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It isn’t about the restaurant being open. You have to get up in 5.5 hours.
It was rude for your dad to pick up the job last minute and expect you for YOUR birthday dinner to accommodate them. They should have done the dinner without your dad. Does the earth revolve around him that no one can do anything unless he is there and whatever choices he makes are more important than everyone else’s situations and time?
If he HAD to be there then it could have been rescheduled but it was still a slap in the face for him to last minute pick up a job when there were plans made with multiple people and expect them to accommodate him even when it is a celebration dinner for someone else.
I would say all that to anyone giving you a hard time personally.” RoboTaco_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t the priority for your birthday dinner. Your father could have said ‘no’ to picking up the last-minute job which ruined plans OR he could have likely done it another day.
You were flexible and adjusted the day/time… but 4.5 hours later was unrealistic. You were tired and disappointed, and you did not ruin dinner by declining to go. Tantrum? No worries, you were completely disrespected and they still could have gone to dinner without you.
Next year, go out with a friend for your birthday. Your family isn’t that thoughtful.” Retirednursey
13. AITJ For Refusing To Hold A Stranger's Kid So They Could Change Their Diaper During A Concert?
“I attended a sold-out mixed classical/movie music concert held by the local symphony orchestra. It was a late-night concert that lasted several hours. Next to me, between me and the end of the row, sat a couple with four kids. The youngest one was probably 3-4 years old and the eldest was probably preschool or 1st grade aged. From the get-go, the concert seemed to be way too much for the kids as they squirmed and complained (although very quietly, props for the parents).
They also complained several times that the music was too loud or scary. The seats were constantly shaking as they rocked back and forth or climbed their parents. They also crawled back and forth the foot space of the fifty-ish seat row.
Before the intermission, the kids were so frustrated that the parents had to physically hold two of them to stop them from running away, but there still was an occasional limb blocking my view of the stage or nudging me as the kids managed to squirm themselves nearly upside down in their parent’s hold.
I tried to gesture to them once that I’m not okay with this, but they gave me a shrug.
I thought about leaving during the intermission because I had missed most of the concert so far, but then selfishly hoped that the family would leave during the intermission, but no, they came back.
During the second part, two kids sat between the parents and the parents held the smallest ones on their laps. After about ten minutes to the second part, I noticed from the smell that the youngest one sitting on their father’s lap next to me needed their diaper to be changed.
After a moment the parent began reacting. The parents had their hands full with keeping the kids physically under control as they were still just as active as before. The father next to me could not hold the squirming kid still by themselves so he whispered to me if I could take the kid and hold him and they would change the diaper.
I apologized and declined as I just wanted to concentrate on the music, but told them there is a child changing station just outside the hall. This annoyed the father, but they managed to change the diaper without leaving their places.
When the concert ended several (older) persons on the row behind and in front of me began loudly berating me for several minutes for being a jerk and not helping with the diaper episode and the kids in general. Without this reaction, I would not have even asked, but AITJ for not holding some random person’s poopy, squirming kid so that they can change the diaper during a concert?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh lord NTJ.
Who changes their kid’s crappy diaper in the middle of a concert hall? It’s beyond disgusting and rude to inflict that smell on people who are trying to mind their own business and watch an event.
Not to mention, disgustingly unsanitary.
If there’s a baby changing space available, there’s no excuse for not using it in that scenario, or at least not doing it right there in row.
As for holding their kid… just no. It takes a village, but that village is supposed to be populated by people who actually want to be part of the village, not whichever random bystanders are closest and can be forced to join the village.
And people tend to be more willing to be part of that village if you and your children are respectful and not infringing on their ability to enjoy an event.” yknjs-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The parents should not have brought children that were too young to appreciate the event, to it.
They should have known that children that young would be tired and would not be sufficiently entertained by the event to stay calm, and planned accordingly with a babysitter or not attend the event. As parents of 4, my husband and I have had to make that decision many times.
It is the parents’ responsibility to entertain and care for their children and to make sure that their children do not interfere with the rest of the ticket holders’ ability to enjoy the event. It is not the responsibility of the people around them to look after the children that have been interrupting the event that they paid to attend.” TimelySecretary1191
Another User Comments:
“NTJ dude. And I feel kinda bad for you because you paid for a ticket to enjoy the show but you had to deal with interrupting kids and missed parts of it. On top of that, I can’t imagine how gross it must have been when the dad in the seat next to you was dealing with smelly dirty diapers.
Like who does that? Why not go to the washroom? I get it must be tough dealing with four very young kids but that does not entitle them to ruin a show for someone else.” Crazybunnylady123
12. AITJ For Wanting Privacy Despite Living In My Stepdad's House?
“I (24F) have a stepdad (50s M) of around 14 years. We were on good terms at first but grew distant in my early teens because of many reasons including the horrible friction between me and his kids. Eventually, he kicked me out five months before I turned 16.
At least I was in a boarding school.
I never would have come back to this house if I had a choice. But my mum is horribly unwell and needs help doing most things. She had to stop working and so she cannot afford a nurse.
Also, SD stopped paying all bills at around the same time he kicked me out so he obviously can’t pay for her nurse or medication. I decided to move back in temporarily because 1. I’m my mum’s only family in this city and really, the only one with a flexible schedule.
2. SD works overseas and only comes home quarterly. We wouldn’t necessarily have to meet much. His kids moved out ages ago too. Plus this is not just his house. They bought it together when they got married so I think Mum deserves to have someone taking care of her even if that person is not SD’s favorite person.
The problem is, he keeps some of his stuff in my childhood bedroom. Things like old chargers, shoes he doesn’t wear often, empty suitcases, and car stuff. So Mum’s procedure is taking longer than expected. SD came back for his quarterly break on the 20th and boy has it been a madhouse.
On his first day in I went grocery shopping and came back to a ransacked bedroom. He flipped everything around including my bedding and clothes and stole my diary and bedroom key. When I say I have never felt less comfortable than when I had to sleep in a bedroom I couldn’t lock under the same roof as him…
As soon as I got my paycheck, I had a new lock installed and sent all the extra keys back to my house. The only remaining key stays with me at all times. When I leave my room even to go to cook, I lock it and keep the key with me.
SD realized this and is furious. He blew up on me and told me this is his house and he gets to set the rules and I should take my ‘privacy propaganda’ back to my house.
I didn’t think I was the jerk until I talked to my friend and she agreed that it’s his house so he gets to keep his stuff in whatever room he wants and be able to retrieve them whenever he wants.
My mum thinks I did the right thing but really, she would think I’m right regardless of the situation so I don’t think her opinion truly counts. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he doesn’t want you there helping your mother he should hire someone full time.
It’s your mother’s house too. You’re a guest there, and a family member, some baseline privacy is not asking for much considering how much you’re helping out.
I literally own a house my brothers live in with me, and I cannot fathom behaving how your stepdad is.
He’s a huge jerk. A 50-something man throwing a tantrum and stealing your journal is absolutely preposterous and devastatingly embarrassing.” TheTronJavolta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is ridiculous – it’s not ‘his’ house it’s ‘their’ house and your mom has asked you to stay.
As her guest, you deserve courtesy, privacy, and safety for your belongings. I would tell your mom you need to move back home when he’s in the country – this is really intolerable and she doesn’t seem able or willing to rein in his behaviors.
I would also strongly caution you against giving up your life to live in such an untenable situation. I would visit a local attorney to better understand your mom’s rights. If she were in the US she’d be able to file for divorce, force the sale of the house and division of the proceeds, and possibly be entitled to a part of his military pension.
Your country’s laws may be totally different but it’s time to understand her options. If she refuses to consider leaving him you need to leave when he’s home- you cannot allow yourself to get ground into this abusive situation just because she refuses to leave.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you should think of the inevitable passing of your mother and her share of the house.
To whom does her share go? Does it go to SD or to you?
If goes to you, what are you going to do with it?
Are you going to buy SD out of his half, sell him your half, or sell your half to another buyer?
What about all your mom’s things? Has she made a will so that you get certain sentimental things?
You should talk to your mom and help her get her will and things in place in case the unfortunate happens and she does die.
It’s horrible to think about but something that needs to be discussed and figured out, so that everyone can be taken care of.
You should talk to your mom and see if she has her deed set up so that her half goes to you or her half goes to your SD.
Because it doesn’t sound like you’d want to have joint ownership with your SD.” Intrepid-Database-15
11. AITJ For Going Home Because I Was Uncomfortable At A Sleepover?
“I (15F) was at my friend’s (16F) sleepover for her birthday. It was at the end of March and we were going to be sleeping in a tent. There was a few other girls there as well and we would all be sharing the tent.
Keep in mind it’s a very big tent.
When we were setting up the air mattresses everyone was planning where they were going to sleep. We had 3 individual ones and a massive one that could fit multiple people. 5 people were going to sleep on the big air mattress with someone else on an individual one beside them on the right side and on the left side there were 3 people sharing 2 beds.
When I realized I didn’t have anywhere to sleep I asked them what I was going to do they all paused and then made up some response like ‘Oh I don’t know where ever you want I suppose’.
This meant I ended up lying on the floor of the tent with nothing but a thin duvet under me and an ever-thinner blanket over me.
I wasn’t having a good time while everyone else was laughing.
At around 1 am I called my mom who got a taxi to take me home. When the taxi was about 10 minutes away I told everyone I was leaving and started to pack my stuff into my bag.
Nobody said anything for a second but then they all started offering solutions to where I could sleep, however before I said I was leaving they were all fine with letting me sleep on the floor despite the fact I’d already told them how uncomfortable I was.
I finally left at half 1 and got home around 2 am. That morning I woke up to a text from the host saying that she understood why I left but that I had been selfish after she did so much to make me more comfortable as in she gave me a duvet and offered to let me sleep inside instead of the tent.
At this point, I still haven’t responded to her message, but someone else from the sleepover texted me (let’s call her M).
M messaged me to ask if I was alright and I said yeah I was and then explained why I left. After that M immediately started saying that I could’ve slept inside but refused or I could’ve brought more stuff for myself.
I just ignored her then.
Half an hour after that another one of my friends messaged me saying that everyone was uncomfortable in the tent but it wasn’t that bad. I haven’t responded to this either. I know that they were still together when all of those messages were sent so it feels very coordinated.
I spoke to my dad about it what they said and he told me that I did the right thing by leaving but M keeps occasionally sending me texts asking if I’ve responded to the first text that the host of the sleepover sent.
I’m not sure what to do or say because I’ll have to see them tomorrow away and I can’t leave them on read for forever.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 6, 16, or 60, uncomfortable is uncomfortable. I would have left also. As for the girls, I would reply to the host. Let her know that you were uncomfortable, but after that, drop it. Don’t answer texts about the party, if it’s brought up among this group change the subject.
Who invites people to a sleepover with no place to sleep? Slowly start looking for people who share the same interests and leave this friend group. It looks like they’re ganging up on you.” extremeeyeroll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You absolutely made the right choice in leaving an uncomfortable situation and ensuring that you weren’t being treated poorly.
However, your ‘friends’ absolutely are jerks. They sound like really crummy people who are just angry that you have enough respect for yourself to make and stick to boundaries.
They knew how many people were going to be over vs how many air mattress spots there were.
They were, whether conscious of it or not, going to purposefully other you no matter what – whether that was by making you sleep on the ground or isolated away from the group in the house. Intent doesn’t really matter – they decided that you were the low-value person in the friend’s group, and now they are just annoyed that you didn’t meekly go along with it.
You did the right thing. I’ve been in the same position as you in my own youth, and I have zero regrets for establishing my boundaries and that I deserved to be treated as an equal among my friends.” Disapproving_Tremere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Look, you did what felt right at the moment. Just tell them you were feeling negative and you didn’t want to ruin the vibe. It was a birthday celebration and you didn’t want to have everyone giving you attention out of pity for your situation when it’s supposed to be a happy celebration for someone.
Tell them it’s no big deal, a tent is already a pretty limited space even if it’s a big one and there was an unfortunate miscalculation. Of course, you wouldn’t want to be left out and be the only one sleeping inside with the parents, it’s just awkward.
Your friend wanted to invite everyone which is lovely but unfortunately, there wasn’t enough space and you ended up being the one left out that night, just bad luck, no hard feelings.
Good luck!” Haztlen
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear Any More Unsolicited Opinions From My MIL?
“My (mid-30s, F) MIL yearly stays with us for 3 months of the year.
She visits from another country and stays with her other son and his family in her home country for the rest of the year. She’s a nice enough lady, and I tolerate her well for the first few weeks that she’s here, but soon enough I feel fed up always having her around.
She’ll rearrange my spice cabinet, she’ll use my expensive shampoo despite me having assembled a personal care basket for her, which she only stays occasionally because she prefers to sleep in the living room, as that’s closer to the toilet, which she apparently needs often at night and she doesn’t want to keep going up and down the stairs.
This means that if she wants to sleep at 9 pm, my husband and I basically have to retire to our bedroom at 9 pm as well. It means not being able to decompress in my own living room. Walking on eggshells to get a late-night snack.
Having her be annoyed when I make ‘too much noise’ at 7 am when I’m getting ready for work. Over dinner, I find myself grossed out every night hearing her ill-fitted denture move around in her mouth when she eats, rarely finishing my plate when she eats with us.
Several times my husband has called me a jerk for being aloof with her.
Ever since having children, I have found that she’ll undermine my rules regarding e.g. sweets (which she’ll slip to him when I’m not around), screen time, and safety-related issues.
For example, she’ll do the dishes (despite us telling her to stop doing that and just use the dishwasher) and put knives and glassware to dry on a towel on the counter, with the towel hanging off the edge of the counter so that my toddler could pull on it and have knives and glassware fall onto him.
I’ve confronted her several times, and she keeps saying she forgets. She shows no other signs of dementia.
We recently had our youngest baby, and she video calls my husband almost daily (she’s back abroad now). Every time she hears the baby crying, she’ll give her unsolicited opinion, which is always that the baby is hungry.
One time our baby was particularly fussy and colicky, and since I’m breastfeeding, she told me that ‘it must have been something I ate’. This sent me into an internal rage. My husband thinks I’m reading too much into well-meant advice. Ever since, I no longer pick up the phone when she calls me, since I don’t feel like talking to her and I feel like having her in my home for 25% of the year is enough of MIL.
I’ll send her a message afterward telling her I missed her call and hope she’s doing well.
AITJ for not picking up the phone on my MIL anymore? My husband thinks I’m a major jerk for not cutting an old lady some slack and respecting her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the problem is with your hubby. He’s seeing it as well-meaning advice when it’s not asked for. She’s becoming far too much and she contacts her son daily so you don’t need to be answering calls too. If she starts saying nonsense, start shutting her down.
‘Oh you must have eaten something bad’ ‘No, MIL, it’s colic and most babies get trapped in wind’.
When she’s there and starts about noise when you go to work tell her that’s what happens when you stay in another house. If it’s a problem tell her hotels are an option too.
Hubby should be handling his mother and not allowing her entitled behavior. If he won’t, then you need to. Also, state that she cannot be putting knives or glassware on a towel hanging over because it can harm your son. Be upfront, factual, and strong with your words.
If hubby says anything, tell him this wouldn’t happen if he didn’t let his mother overrule the house for 3 months a year. This is your home and she is a guest who doesn’t get to control your life. Time to put your foot down before your kids get harmed.” 30ninjazinmybag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Respect is a two-way street. If she wants the respect of being responded to when she calls, she needs to demonstrate a willingness to respect OP’s boundaries and requests in her own home. Respect is earned.
How much slack does an old lady deserve who continually wears down OP by ignoring requests and undermining boundaries?
Husband’s blind advocacy for MIL instead of OP is also cause for concern.” FiberKitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have a husband problem more than a MIL problem. He needs to cut the apron strings and understand YOU and your family come first. He needs to support YOU and not defend her ‘well-meant advise’.
Period.
You need to stop the quarter-long visits. Maybe couples therapy, or solo therapy for you will help.
I wish you luck, you sound like you have your hands full.” Odd-End-1405
9. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom And Being Cold Toward Her?
“My mom has been widowed twice. The first time my and my sister’s dad died was when we were 4 and 6. She met her second husband 18 months later and married him after two months of being together and then had him adopt us. My sister and I (both f, just for this to be clear) were not happy about the adoption.
Mom removed all traces of our dad and pushed us to accept her second husband as our dad, even sending us to therapy and enrolling us in bonding experiences to try and make it happen faster.
For the most part, he was very aggressive in everything he did and was forceful the whole way.
He’d make us hug him in public and was cruel to my sister when she wrote her last name as dad’s last name (I always did so he never really sad as much to me). She had two children with her second husband. Then he died when their kids were 8 and 9 years old.
Both were old enough to pick up on a lot of stuff, including arguments my sister and I had with Mom over her trying to list us as his daughters on the obituary, the fact we didn’t want to do anything for the funeral, and then us telling mom that we weren’t going.
Our half-siblings became angry at us for treating their dad that way. Things got worse when we didn’t show up to the funeral as we told Mom we wouldn’t. We were all but out of the house and then when we did move out, mom found another husband.
He was a widower and had three of his own kids. My half-siblings were furious mom would move on so fast and she attempted to have her current husband adopt them which only made things worse.
My sister and I are in low contact with Mom and have been for almost four years now.
Mom told me she needed my help recently. That her stepkids hate her and wish her dead all the time for not being their mom and that my half-siblings are angry and bitter and have been treating her the way my sister and I did.
She said I owe her as the oldest to help her get things under control. She said I have more than one sibling but nobody would ever know and I need to get involved with the others and with being her daughter again. I refused to help and I told her she needs to clean up her own messes because, at the end of the day, I’m just a whiny little brat who doesn’t know when to be grateful for a good thing (something she told me after I refused to call her second husband my dad).
Mom started ranting on the phone at me and called me a jerk.
Now I wonder because my half-siblings are involved in this and I have never really been close to them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom sounds like she is unable to move forward without a man.
She needs to address that with therapy, and she needs to learn independence. You and your sister do have something in common with your half-siblings – you understand what it is like to have someone try to erase your father from your lives. If you want to, creating a bridge between you wouldn’t be bad.
As far as helping your mom, she needs more help than you can provide, and you don’t ‘owe’ her anything, despite what she thinks. NTJ.” Sandi375
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I understand how hard it was on you and your sister with her trying to erase your dad and force a relationship.
But she lost her husband when you lost your dad. She may be desperate in these situations to take care of her children. A little empathy for her would be good. I think she needs better coping skills than going out and getting remarried so fast but maybe she sees that as the only option.
Therapy would have been helpful for all. You have half siblings and it was wrong for you not to be supportive of them when their dad died. You are asking for sympathy and consideration but are not giving it in return to your siblings. I’m not saying you owe your mother but you might want to reflect on her situation.
Sometimes people don’t do the best thing but that is the best they can do.” landshark_2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I feel a certain amount of empathy for OP’s mother, who I picture being widowed at a young age with two small children, and unsure of how to handle everything alone, her dysfunctional ‘family making’ has harmed ALL of her children, from all of her marriages.
She is, of course, free to pursue relationships for herself in whatever manner and timeline she sees fit… but her compulsion to hop from one marriage to the next seems born more out of a fear of being alone than any sense of attachment to her husbands… and her desire to erase all vestiges of her former relationships is not only unusual, but harmful to her children (who naturally have remaining feelings of grief, love, loyalty, and loss for their dead parents.)
She’s hurting her kids to preserve relationships that her kids already view as a sign of their living parents’ disloyalty to the parents they lost and still grieve for. OP’s mother needs counseling. Even if OP were inclined to help her mother, the expectation that OP’s efforts would have any hope of repairing the fractured blended family the mother is forcing on everyone is not a reality-based expectation.” cheekmo_52
8. AITJ For Being Angry At My Wife For Inviting A Couple To Sleep Over At Our House?
“My wife (32F) and I (37M) are friends with another married couple, that is much younger than us (~10-15 years). I am not a fan of either of them, but we both have young children, and my wife has become close with the other wife.
The husband is on his phone 24/7, and we don’t seem to have much in common, but I do my best to put on a friendly face because I think it’s important for my young child to have time around other toddlers.
Every time they come to our house, it seems to turn into an all-day visit, I’m talking like 6-8 hours.
I eventually get worn down by the other wife, she annoys me. She never stops talking and constantly says just incredibly stupid things. I stay out of most of the conversation because I’m afraid that if I do join in, I won’t be able to refrain from being very blunt.
Yesterday, as we were watching the kids play in a little inflatable pool on the front lawn, I’m not really listening to the conversation but my wife taps me and asks, ‘What do you think about having them stay over some night in the future?’ I said sure but made a mental note to talk to my wife later about it.
These people have their own home, why would they sleep at mine unless they had too much to drink? (We were not drinking). Around an hour later, I realize through the conversation they’re having that a decision has been made for them so stay over, tonight.
It immediately made my blood boil that my wife made this decision, knowing that I do not like this couple (it’s been discussed), and without really asking me about it, just asking me about a ‘future’ slumber party.
For the next 3-4 hours I was near everyone but was not really a part of any conversation, I was mad.
I took my baby upstairs around 7:30 PM to try and get her to sleep, because it was too loud downstairs. My wife came up and I immediately fired off on her and told her she was a jerk for inviting 2 adults I can’t stand to sleep over at my house, and without discussing it with me first. We argued a little and she went back downstairs.
After getting the baby to sleep, I walked downstairs and noticed they were packing up their stuff. No one said a word to me, and it was maybe the most awkward 30 seconds of my life, there was tension in the room. After they left, my wife told me that she had come downstairs and told them that I did not want them to stay the night.
My wife and I argued after they left, she thinks she did nothing wrong and I can’t believe she made me look like such a jerk, and how awkward it will be when I have to see these people again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Having spent YEARS doing forced all-day get-togethers with hubby’s best friend and wife, who was a heavy drinker I couldn’t stand, I can tell you that you definitely did the right thing to nip it in the bud.
NTJ.
Your wife, however, owes you a serious apology for foisting her friends on you for the night without warning and then throwing you under the bus when you told her you hadn’t wanted them to spend the night. You are not required to like the same people she likes, and it’s unfair of her to expect you to spend so much time with them.
Why can’t she and the other mom be friends and get the kids together without involving you? The demand that it always be family get-togethers is unreasonable and unhealthy under the circumstances.” strywever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Some night in the future’ is very different than tonight.
‘Tonight’ is okay if there is a valid reason for them needing to spend the night. Need more info on that. I think you could have handled the conversation with your wife better – it sounds like your emotions were out of control. The real problem here is that your wife has found what she considers to be an ideal friend couple.
She is close with the wife, the kids are the same age so she can hang out with her friend without childcare being an issue. My guess is that marriage and having kids have probably interfered with some of her longstanding friendships. She sees this couple as being a perfect way to manage motherhood and maintain a social life.
She just forgot about the part where they should meet your friendship requirements, or at least have basic common sense.” _gadget_girl
7. AITJ For Grounding My Son From Playing Online Games?
“I (34f) have a very spoiled 13-year-old son we will call Jr. In our home, we absolutely love gaming when we have the chance so Jr has access to all of our game systems. He mostly plays the ps5 but occasionally will play the Switch.
So a big rule I have for MY switch (he broke his on accident) is absolutely no Fortnite. He has it on every system he can get it on but I don’t want it on mine nor do I have the space.
I am currently at home with a very needy newborn who won’t nap unless I’m holding him.
This is after 5 months of strict bedrest while pregnant. As you can imagine, I’ve been getting a lot of time to play on the switch, but when Jr asked to use it to play a game, I gave it up. Upon getting it back this morning.
I went to play one of my games (Stardew) to find half of my games uninstalled and Fortnite on it. I was aggravated but whatever. I was stressed and just wanted to relax so I deleted it and its data. When I launched my game, all of my progress was gone.
I checked my other games to find the same! Long story short, I had a stern talk with Jr and grounded him from all of the systems.
As you can imagine, he was furious. He yelled, went to his room, and slammed his door. (All of which woke the baby) The next thing I knew, I got a call from my mom saying games are meant for kids and I needed to get over it and give her grandbaby his games back.
I told her absolutely not and went and grounded Jr from his phone as well.
My mom is still blowing up my phone and threatening to ‘come to save her grandbaby’ since I can’t grow up and parent properly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is coddling your son and it will not benefit him in the future.
It will certainly not benefit you if he grows up to be an entitled brat. Also, many adults play video games and it’s very close-minded to say they are only for children; I don’t get why your mom is belittling your hobbies. You did the right thing by teaching your son that he can’t do things you expressly told him not to do without consequences.
ESPECIALLY when he already has Fortnite installed on all his other devices (like come on…).” B1oCh3m
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting him get this way and letting him run to his grandma to punish you for punishing him. He’s that way because obviously if grandma says something to you after he tattles that just means you have no backbone and you backtrack on every parenting measure.
Grandma is his attack dog. And you let it happen by not having boundaries, rules, etc. Your story, asking if you’re a jerk for disciplining a crappy kid says it all. He’s a brat because he has no respect for you or your things. All three of you agree responsible for this.
No mention of a spouse, so if there is that’s another person responsible. Get him under control and start being a parent deserving of respect. Tell Grandma to back off or you’re going to end up with a monster.” merxymee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in the slightest!
He broke the one rule you had for your switch, which you could’ve easily denied him access to in the first place. Your punishment was in no way an appropriate cause for such an overreaction on his part. He doesn’t need saving from his grandmother because he’s been temporarily grounded from playing video games, and maybe (I’m so sorry if this sounds rude) he needs to learn that there are other things in life besides video games, and he should take your privileges into account too.
Seriously, you had one rule and he broke it, did he not expect a consequence?” Interesting_Past_598
6. AITJ For Leaving My Sister In Portugal?
“I (28F) and my sister (33F) planned a trip from the US to Portugal. I booked the Airbnb and hotel.
My sister asked if she could pay later, and I was fine with this.
But a week before the trip is when problems start to occur. She still hadn’t paid me, she owed me about $1000. I mention it a few times and she sends me half.
She says she’ll give me the other half in person.
Well, we go on the trip and suddenly she claims she forgot all of her cards and essentially has no funds leaving me to pay for both of us to do anything. I don’t want to ruin my trip so I agree and I believe she’ll eventually pay me back.
Now she’s my older sister and I’m the youngest. I’m sort of used to my sibling bossing me around but this trip she was being absolutely terrible to me.
I’ve literally never felt so put down in my life, if we got lost it was my fault.
She was constantly yelling at me. She said she doesn’t pump gas so I had to pump the gas every time. One of the places we rented only had one bed, so I had to sleep on the couch.
It honestly was the worst trip I’ve ever been on, I put up with it as I thought arguing would only make it worse.
Well fast forward to the day we are supposed to leave and travel to Amsterdam. She hasn’t packed so I try to wake up early so she’s have time and we can make it to the airport. She just goes crazy on me saying she knows when she needs to wake up and to leave her alone.
Then goes back to sleep.
Well, I decide that’s it and I get an Uber and leave. I also turn off my phone. Well not only does she miss the flight but she had no funds to leave. She ends up having to call my parents and they have to help.
Well, now my whole family is saying how I’m horrible and how I left her in such a dangerous situation. I thought I was finally standing up for myself but now everyone is upset with me and my sister won’t speak to me.
It’s really eating me up so I want outside opinions. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time someone doesn’t pay their flight tickets, they don’t get on the plane. If they show up without access to funds – make them wire it to you before anything else.
And if someone bullies you around; day 1 is a friendly reminder to be nice. On day 2 a serious talk. And day 3; Portugal (and the Netherlands) are very safe countries to travel alone, so leave her.
Take more care of yourself. That makes not only far more visible what a jerk big sis is, but also; it gets you a better trip.
And it shows the rest of the family they might need to help the big sis again.
Who needs an enemy if they have a big sis like this!” FutureVarious9495
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You did not stand up for yourself. You left your sister stranded in a foreign country with no funds.
Put yourself in her shoes one moment – that had to have been super scary!
Standing up for yourself would have been talking with her. Explaining your feelings, putting a mirror in front of her. Getting mad at her, not leaving her behind, and sneaking out.
You even turned your phone off, you knew what you were doing.
That being said, she sounds like a major jerk and she did mistreat you for the whole journey. She had it coming, but what you did was still a jerk move.” Severe_Band4297
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she took advantage of you – repeatedly – promised to pay – then only paid half and deliberately left her cards at home to get out of paying for anything on the trip – let alone the balance she owed you for the trip itself.
She never intended to pay you – and her mistreatment would have had me leaving her at the airport gate after her ticket was canceled and refunded once I learned she didn’t have the funds to pay it before departing on the trip.” sandim123
5. AITJ For Causing My Annoying Neighbor To Get Evicted?
“I (27f) live in a small village in the UK in a terraced house. My property is the only house on the street that’s privately rented, as my landlord bought her house from the council a long time ago. Every other house is council owned. I’ve lived here for about 2 years now.
I have a neighbor, Helen (63f) who has been a nuisance since I moved in, and apparently the entire time she’s lived here. She harasses all of our neighbors about little things like what time they take their bins out, how empty or full their recycling bins are etc.
When I moved in she made a few comments about how she hates that young person moved in and how I’m probably going to be a party animal. That’s not true, I have a full-time job and I’m studying for a Ph.D., I don’t have time for parties and I’m rarely home during the week.
A few months ago she complained that she didn’t like that a tree in my front garden blocked the light coming into her garden, so I cut the branches short so it wouldn’t be an issue. Then she complained they were too short.
She complained about the noise from a dinner party I had at new year’s to everyone but me. Since I moved in she’s found something to complain about at least once a week. But my SO moved in with me 6 months ago, and since then it’s been constant.
Almost daily. Her biggest complaint is that my SO always comes home dirty and sometimes there’s mud on the communal path (which we always clean). My SO is a field archaeologist, obviously, she gets dirty. No one else minds this (I’ve asked).
The final straw came last week.
I’ve had various people over to interview them for my thesis, all men. She told my SO I was having an affair because I’d had 10 gentlemen callers this week (it was 3 elderly French men). My SO freaked out and we had a massive fight where both of us were confused before we realized. I filed a complaint with our council.
Unbeknownst to me, our council has 3 strikes and your out policy. I was the 3rd complaint. Now she faces the possibility of having to move or being evicted in her 60s. I didn’t intend for that to happen. She’s been accosting us every time she sees us since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t you who got her kicked out – she knew she already has two strikes to her name, and yet she didn’t change her behavior. At this point, if it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.
Also, you made your complaint to a third party who made the actual decision and decided on the punishment. Once you filed the complaint, it was out of your hands.
Of course, she will blame you – people like her are masters at not taking responsibility for their own actions.
If she didn’t want to be evicted when in her 60s, then all she had to do was to be civil to her neighbors.
Also, unfortunately, I think you are also being made a scapegoat by the council – they’ve probably wanted to get rid of her for years, and are using your complaint as their excuse to do so, and are also letting you take the heat for their decision.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor KNEW she was on the Council’s Naughty List. She knew the rules and what was at stake. Instead of behaving herself, she continued to be a rude, invasive person trying to micromanage everyone around her. You did nothing wrong – you were only the most recent complaint on the list of people who were being harassed by her.
You did not do this to her, she did this to herself. If you hadn’t complained, someone else would have sooner or later.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The other 2 strikes are not your fault or your business or anything to feel guilty of.
She got herself into that mess. The fact that she told your partner you were ‘having an affair’ when you are innocent is completely disgraceful.
Before she did this, you were as good as you could be to her, you even complied with some of the demands she had no right to make just because you are a good neighbor.
Even after that she didn’t see that you were kind to her and still chose to ruin your life with your SO so please don’t go feeling sorry for her. Judging from her past behavior and lack of acknowledging how you have tried to make it comfortable with her, I’m sure she will still be ungrateful even if you withdraw your complaint to help her.
It’s up to you what you want to do but I think it would be unwise to withdraw your complaint. Let her sort her living situation by herself.” stargazingartist
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My SIL To Come Over Anymore?
“In 2020, my partner and I were confined to working from home. My other half invited her sister and her 2 kids to come to stay a week – their house was several hours’ drive away.
Sure whatever, the house was big enough and I could do my own thing.
This short week stay in our house turned into 3 months because the schools were closed and because her sister was unemployed, she had no reason to go back to her own home with her kids.
My partner and I still continued to work through 2020. This 3-month period was MISERABLE. For me, I’m quite an introvert and I love my routines and hate changing plans last minute.
The first thing that I struggled with was the mess. My partner and I are generally somewhat messy anyway, but it’s our house, our mess, and a lot of the time, we’d clean up after ourselves.
Not talking about anything awful here. A day or 2’s worth of plates next to our desks that we’d shove in the dishwasher one evening. When her sister and kids arrived, this multiplied by 3x.
Suddenly, cereal packets were left out, plates stacking up in the sink, there was dropped food all over the floor, every room was full of discarded packaging from Amazon or takeout, and clothes covered every inch of the floor possible.
If I complained about the mess, the mother would lazily tell the kids to clean it up, which they didn’t, then she’d forget about it and continue making her own mess.
Then there was the lack of silence. It was nice walking around our house knowing that I can go and sit somewhere to scroll through Reddit.
But now there were 5 of us in the house, doors slamming every 5 minutes, kids around the hallway laughing/screaming/crying/fighting. We’d be in bed at 10/11 pm at night and you could hear the uncontrollable kids sprinting around and jumping up and down on the beds because the mother couldn’t be bothered to control them.
After endless arguments, tears being shed by the sister and me being accused of being a jerk, they eventually returned to their own home.
After those events, the sister would come back for 2-7 days multiple times per year, even though I would beg and argue with my partner to try to stop them from coming around.
Each time would come, make a mess, cause arguments, then leave.
I hate her coming because of the severe lack of respect for my home and for the indifference to how upset this makes me (I’ve burst into tears on multiple occasions). It’s my partner’s sister, my future sister-in-law.
No matter what I do my partner will not prevent her sister from coming to the house.
Today it has hit boiling point. My partner begged me to come out of my office to come to say hello and spend some time with her sister.
I did everything possible to prevent that from happening and stayed locked in my office (in the previous house, we had a shared office so I couldn’t avoid them).
I hate confrontation. I just want to relax in peace in my own home without being terrorized.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds terrible! I would be in tears also. Yes your SIL and her miserable kids are terrible guests. The large amounts of time they stay in your home are problematic also.
The root of the problem now seems to be your partner.
Your partner is not seeing your side in all this. A home should be a safe and comfortable place for both of you. Your partner is not providing that for you.
Talk to your partner when her sister is not in your home. Maybe consider couples counseling?” Narrow-Natural7937
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You need to have a calm discussion with your partner when SIL is not there. Write out a list of things you find difficult to deal with when SIL and family visit. The 2 of you need to agree on how to handle each problem.
If you cannot come to an agreement on when SIL visits and for how long, you need to decide if marital counseling would benefit the two of you. You need to be very firm on what you can tolerate and how you will decide to interact with SIL.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is a jerk.
From now on when they come to stay say this, ‘Since you don’t care about my feelings or wants then YOU will now be paying for me to stay in a hotel the entire time they are here.
YOU will be responsible to entertain and deal with them. Then when they leave I will not return until YOU clean up the mess they made. You disrespected and disregarded me your wife so now why should I give in to you or care about your wants on this?
I come first and instead of them staying at a hotel you get mad. We’ll as you surely don’t treat me as your wife and put first then you now can deal with them as if you’re single.’
Then go to a hotel and stick to it.” tiny-pest
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sorry. You are because of your reaction to the SIL (yes, I know, not yet, but it’s easier to write.) Are you planning on hiding from her for the rest of your life? You have to figure out a way to deal with her face-to-face.
What you’re doing now is not sustainable.
Your partner sucks because she doesn’t do anything to make your home livable for you when they are there. If I have company over that my husband isn’t all that fond of, I do my best to have their impact on his life be a minimum.
Doesn’t sound like your partner is doing that.
And the sister for obvious reasons.” rbrancher2
3. AITJ For Snapping At A Disabled Girl In My Class?
“I (M16) am disabled myself. I use forearm crutches due to Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) and occasionally a wheelchair when it gets bad and an injury I had as a kid that never healed right.
I’m also neurodivergent (autism). This girl I go to school with (F17) is the most obnoxious girl I have ever met. She likes to compare our disabilities and say hers are worse without ever actually disclosing what she has. I physically can’t walk without support, she can walk just fine.
She will interrupt class to talk to the teacher about personal issues. everyone I’ve talked to about her has disliked her as well.
She is fully capable of using a backpack but she instead uses this box. A rolling box that gets in everyone’s way and is always a mess.
The last time I saw it, it had trash from a field trip we went on a month ago. It always gets in the way and gets upset when I need the accessible class seats cause I physically cannot walk. She complains about her box all the time.
I will also use noise-canceling headphones when sounds are too overwhelming and she’ll come to me and say stuff like ‘It’s not fair you can use them when the school says headphones aren’t allowed in class.’ She’s reported me to security for wearing my favorite ninja turtles hoodie to school cause it has weapons on it.
One day I sat in the accessible seat in my chemistry class. It’s low to the ground with shorter seats to accommodate wheelchairs and a clamp on the side to hold crutches/canes in place. I sat down and as soon as this girl came in she started getting all mad at me.
She said ‘One day I’m gonna get here before you to get that seat. I need the extra space for my box.’ I’ve been dealing with her for 5 years at this school and I finally had it with her nonsense. I looked at her and started yelling ‘Oh my god dude.
You do not need that box. You are not special. Shut up please. I hate you. Stop acting like we’re friends. We are not. I hate you so much. Leave me alone. You annoy me so much. I need this more than you I can’t walk dude.’
I had tears dripping down my face from how angry I was. She started crying and left the room taking the BACKPACK she kept in that box. My friend walked me out of the room and took me on a walk around the school to calm down a bit.
I feel really bad about what I did but I don’t know if I’m the jerk or if I went about it the right way. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ— ok, she has problems, but this is a teacher/administrator problem. You shouldn’t have to fight everyone who feels entitled to accessible everything— that’s why parking permits and IEPs exist.
It’s not your job to evaluate how much she needs that box—it should be on her IEP if she needs it and then the teacher has to make sure she gets it. And your accessible desk should be on your IEP and your teacher needs to make sure you get it.
So ‘Sorry but it’s on my IEP, you’ll need to show the teacher your IEP to get the furniture you need’ is the best response, but I understand that when you’re left to sort this yourself why you weren’t so polite.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s an absolute jerk. She complained about your hoodie? Like why is she so obsessed with you? Seems like comparing your disabilities is because she has an inferiority complex or something. She is trying to make your life harder for what?
It is completely unjust that she makes it less comfortable for you. Wear your hoodie every day proudly, please. You could have handled the situation better but you are NTJ, you are only 16 so just take it as a life lesson to stick up for yourself before it escalates to the point where you have rage bottled up for years to go out in one moment.
That’s it. Just keep people like this far from you and don’t hesitate to tell them if they are bothering you. Have a great day!” thetaurustherapist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she wants to go out of her way to take the seat which is for you.
I wonder if she’s trying to do the ‘gentle ribbing’ she sees friend groups do but she’s failing and it really sounds like she’s jealous. Her behavior from what you’ve written should be reported. She is singling you out and I imagine school and life in general are already more difficult than it needs to be so idk why she’d want to pile on.
I also wonder if she is neurodivergent and just doesn’t understand what she is doing is unacceptable. Doesn’t make it ok she just needs someone senior to talk to her.” Nombie18
2. AITJ For Visiting My Parents At The Same Time As My Sister?
“I had a baby in January. Crazy enough, my sister also had a baby a week earlier. She works on commission and decided to take only 2 weeks of maternity leave. I wouldn’t do that but to each their own. But to do this, she moved from the East Coast to Southern California to live at my parents’ house for 3 months.
She also has a night nurse. I live in the Seattle area. I have 12 weeks of maternity leave. My sister said she needed all the rooms in my parents’ house so she and her husband can work. My mom is helping watch the baby every day.
My mom visited for a week in Seattle to help us. I didn’t plan to come down originally but got tired of the cold. I also would like to meet my sister’s baby – my first niece or nephew. So I decided to come down and rent an Airbnb for the 10 days overlap with my sister before her 3-month stay is up and she leaves.
For some reason, she is totally against this. I asked to hang out for Easter. She is now saying that I’m so selfish to come to steal the time with my parents that she had planned months in advance and that I don’t need help because I have maternity leave.
That she’s super busy at work and I’m stealing her childcare. AlTJ for visiting at the same time? I mean I have a baby too…”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you barge in on her time when she’s asked you not to. Why can’t you just wait a week or two?
She was there first and made it clear that she doesn’t want you there at that time. So, don’t horn in on her time. You can’t say you MUST be there right then to meet her new baby, because obviously it’s a terrible time to visit your sister’s baby and there is ZERO chance of you getting a ‘happy baby worship experience’ on your target dates.
Your parents aren’t going anywhere, so visit them at a less disagreeable time. She was there first. She doesn’t want you there. Why force yourself into a land mine? Just wait your turn, then go visit. You do not need to know why it’s a big deal to her.
You may never know why. Just let her have the win, just this ONE time. For YOUR sake, don’t go!” Traditional_Fold1177
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Send your parents a text or email apologizing for bothering them. Apologize that as much as you would love to visit over Easter so they could see your baby in their Easter finery, you are aware that your sister isn’t comfortable with your presence.
Because your sister would prefer that you stay away, that is what you will do from now on. Then, apologize again for your ‘intrusion’.
That way, if your parents aren’t aware of your sister’s nonsense, they will be. Also, there will be the implication that you might go no contact.” butterfly-garden
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I am sure your parents know why your sister hates you and may probably agree with her. Maybe you know as well or your husband does but refuses to acknowledge it.
Either way, your parents asked you not to come to the house.
So don’t go, regardless of Airbnb being paid by parents. Go at a later time and discuss with your parents how you can repair your sister’s relationship. Maybe they’ll tell you what’s wrong if you don’t already know.
Your sister and parents are jerks for not wanting you in the house, you are jerks for insisting to go when you know it will cause problems and drama.
The babies do not need this.” Fycussss
Not mention that OP has done something in the past.
I don't think OP is the jerk for addressing this with their parents. She wants to visit her parents for some of the last days of her maternity leave.
Truthfully i think the sister who received housing and 24 hr free child care for a newborn for 3 months is feeling very entitled... but then i dont have the full story.
1. AITJ For Going To The Pharmacy With My Dog?
“I was running some errands with my small dog (1.5kg, I was buying things for her at the pet shop and crafting supplies) when the pharmacy called me to say the order I made in the app was ready to pick up.
I was surprised since it was scheduled to be ready in 2 hours. I asked if it was ok to bring my dog, and the attendant said it was ok.
When I got there, I stopped at the entrance and signaled to two workers to ask if it was alright to go in, and they also said yes.
There were no signs or warnings against animals, they don’t sell food either. I carried her all the time and she made no noise.
When I was at the counter, two ladies came in and started giving awkward glances toward me. Then one said to the other in a ‘whispering but I want you to hear’ tone that she couldn’t stand those people who would bring their animals everywhere.
I took some steps further away from them but couldn’t leave as we were in the middle of the process.
I didn’t engage with them nor did they come directly to me but I was very uncomfortable the whole time, and I wonder if I was really in the wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yea, YTJ. The staff said okay because they don’t want to annoy a customer. Often the complaints from telling a customer ‘no’ are worse than just letting them get away with it.
Your dog isn’t a service animal, it doesn’t belong in stores where dogs aren’t otherwise allowed, period.
It makes life for service animal handlers harder when your dog acts up or makes a mess or noise and people assume this is how all ‘service’ animals in stores act.
You also could have just dropped your dog at home, man. Or not take it with you, to begin with.
It probably hates being carried around, anyway – there’s a huge issue with small dogs and aggression/behavioral problems because they’re not treated with any autonomy. They’re picked up, and carried around when they don’t want to be, whereas with a larger dog that’s not possible so they get more physical autonomy in that regard.
Part of why small dogs are considered weirdly aggressive sometimes – they’re just stressed because they’re not being allowed to be a dog and do dog things, like… I don’t know, walking around on their own.” Kai-ni
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really like people bringing dogs into establishments that other people also need to use – although I do love dogs.
However- I feel like you were very respectful and careful to make sure you were allowed, so you didn’t do anything wrong, so I’ll say NTJ.
Unfortunately – when you do choose to take your dog into indoor spaces used by other members of the public, I feel like you kind of need to accept that some people won’t like it.
For some it’s a hygiene thing, other people are fearful, and of course, there are allergies to consider. I don’t think you REALLY did anything wrong but I think you did something that you KNOW some people don’t like.” Cha_r_ley
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You mention not understanding ‘unwritten rules’. The unwritten rule is that dogs aren’t allowed anywhere where they aren’t specifically allowed. It’s like going into a business without shoes or a shirt just because they didn’t put the sign. Ew. Businesses post ‘no shirt no shoes no service’ and ‘no dogs’ signs when they’ve had repeated issues with people not following those unspoken rules.
It sounds like you were specifically allowed to come in with the dog, which is fine, that’s the pharmacy’s call. But it makes sense that people thought you were being rude. You also said you went to the craft store with the dog. Ugh. Stop bringing your dog into random businesses.” EmbarrassedCommand27
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