People Look To Us To Help Them Solve Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations

"My (23f) mum had me with one man and 2 of my other siblings with another. I didn't know my bio dad and up until I was 5 I thought my sibling's dad was my dad.

He was a massive piece of work and left when I was 6. As you can imagine knowing 2 fathers abandoned you really messes up a young girl.

When I was 7 my mother started seeing a man, my now stepdad. He was amazing but I couldn't see that and just thought 'oh great, another man to let me, mum, and my siblings down.' Over the years he and I would fight a lot until I was a teen and realized he was the one putting up with all my crap and still loved me and wanted the best for me, a true father.

Now I see him as my real dad. I still don't call him dad and just by his name but we both understand that's just a habit and that he is and always will be my real dad.

Recently I found out I'm pregnant. My dad is over the moon and trying to decide what variation of grandpa he wants to be called. We decided on pa since that's what we call our grandfathers in my family.

I was talking about this with a cousin on my bio dad's side and she asked why would my kid just call him by his name like I do since he's only a step-grandpa. I said because he is my child's grandfather, not step-grandfather. She got all offended and asked, 'then what does that make your real dad'. I told her 'a stranger, even though I haven't met the jerk'.

Now I have my bio father's family contacting me on social media to tell me off. I don't even know most of these people but it's starting to get to me. Since my bio dad did pass from cancer a few years back they are probably really sensitive about anything to do with him no matter how bad of a person he was.

AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Anyone with the right reproductive organs can donate sperm. Doing so doesn’t make you a father. Reserving a title for a person who will never and can never be present in your child’s life is an asinine request. The man who raised you and showed you what a good dad is like is your family even if you’re not biologically related, and will likely play an important role in this new child’s life.

Call him what he wants to be called." Keepcalmandreadon81

Another User Comments:

"Father/Dad is not just a title that you inherit when you have a child. It is a role that is filled by caring for that child, comforting that child, and raising that child.

It is putting time, effort, and love in. This man did this when two others gave up. I'm glad you have someone like this and are willing to think of him as such and present them to your child (congratulations on that) as such.

NTJ

If your bio dad's family has a problem with this just ask them where they and your bio dad were when you were growing up and could have used one." thanto13

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. The person who does the job gets the title and gets all the benefits/perks when they do the job well.

Either block the family entirely or send them a polite-ish but firm message that you are sorry that they lost someone they loved, but that you never knew him. He never provided for you in any way. Your stepfather stepped up and helped you through the pain of having a father that abandoned you and gave you the love and support you needed to grow into a decent adult.

It is offensive to all of the sacrifices made and love given by your step-father to NOT think of him as your dad. If your father had wanted a daughter, he could have, but he didn't want one. You are going to honor the man that did." Corpuscular_Ocelot