People Don’t Hold Back When Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

Dive into a world of dilemmas, disputes, and decisions in this riveting article. From defending a mother on a train, to navigating family politics at weddings, to handling unexpected house guests, these real-life stories will have you questioning what you would do in these situations. As you read, you'll find yourself in the shoes of those grappling with ethical conundrums, asking the question: "Am I The Jerk?" Read on and get ready to question, empathize, and perhaps even change your mind. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Pick Me Up From The Train Station?


“I normally work from home but when I do have to go into the office I get the train.

To get to the station I either have to get a bus that only comes every hour and then walk for 25 mins or get a taxi. Normally the taxi is a reasonable price so I don’t mind paying.

I was at the office today so got a taxi to the station and got the train to work.

On the way back my train was delayed by 40 mins and then when I got back the taxi prices had increased to over 3x their usual amount due to demand. My partner was at home not doing anything so I asked if she would be able to drive and pick me up.

It is only a 15 min drive so isn’t too bad and I often pay towards petrol and told her I’d do the same today. She refused and told me to make my own way back since she wasn’t planning to leave the apartment. I was a bit upset since I wasn’t really asking for much so I walked to the bus station and it took me over an hour to get home on top of the fact I was already delayed with the train.

My partner could tell there was something wrong and asked what was up. I just said that it hurt a bit that she wouldn’t do a small favor for me and that I wasn’t asking for much. She just asked why she should have to pick me up when she was already home.

I just said in relationships you should do small things to help the other person out when you can.

I pointed out I regularly run to the shop on an evening for her when she wants something even though I wouldn’t have otherwise been going but she just said it’s different since the shop is closer.

She said I was guilt-tripping her but I just mentioned that I was only talking about how I felt and she just repeated that I shouldn’t have expected her to come and pick me up when she didn’t need to.

AITJ for expecting a small favor?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for hoping she would want to help you out. It’s part of a loving/caring relationship. Assuming you do similar for her (which you’ve noted you do), it’s perhaps an indication of how she feels about you, or the relationship, or how things will be moving forward (it’s definitely an indication of this!).

It’s not a scorekeeping thing (I did this so you should do that), but rather two people who are in a balanced and caring relationship should want to help each other out in small, and big ways.” tinyd71

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Seriously? She couldn’t drive 15 minutes to come pick you up?

And you’re in a relationship? Frankly, I’d say you still wouldn’t be the jerk if it was just a housemate. This seems downright cold, especially if you were going to pay her for petrol. Unless there’s something else going on that you didn’t mention, had she been drinking?

Had she just finished a 12-hour shift? Was it a busy and complex route she doesn’t like driving?” quoole

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The trains in my city are not the best and they break down on average once every month or two. My husband takes the train to work every day (for 15 years) so we have to deal with this pretty often.

It’s a 40-50 minute round trip to the station he’s always stranded at, depending on traffic. I’ve always gone to pick him up. Even when I had a toddler and a newborn to pack into the car. I don’t want my husband to have to deal with the mess and stress this creates.

It’s a simple gesture because I know he’d do the same for me. I also don’t want to wait another hour or more to see him after he’s been gone at work all day. Consider if this person is worth your time if she won’t spend 30 minutes making your day a lot better.” Starshinesparkles

1 points - Liked by Joels

22. AITJ For Refusing To Amend My Taxes For My Ex-Husband To Claim Our Kids?


“I 30 (f) and my ex-husband 31 (m) separated last year in 2023 after I found out I was pregnant with our second child and he FINALLY started working. He hadn’t worked all of 2022 until November 2022 while I worked the whole year at my school while attending school to get my BA.

After he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore and that I should not continue with the pregnancy. We had a couple of discussions. In the end, I told him I was keeping the baby and was going to be claiming our first child because I had worked the whole year and was considering head of household.

He claimed her anyway and told me because he made more income than I did in the 2 months he was working, he would get a bigger return. He told me he would give me half of his return. Although I was persistent in him not claiming our first, he still did.

I ended up owing taxes. And it turned out that he owed taxes as well (so he says) and didn’t get any money back.

I moved out officially with our child in March of 2023 in the middle of my semester. I couldn’t take living with him anymore.

Anyway, we agreed he would send me $300 a month as child support. I stopped working in May (work-study) and had our daughter in July. We agreed that he would claim our first and I would claim our second.

I tried to talk with him about upping child support because well $300 wasn’t doing it much and he wanted me to stay home with the kids.

He kept avoiding the conversation but sent me $500 in Jan 2024. We finally had a talk in the same month about child support and agreed that he would start giving me $650 in March and that because I need the income I would claim both of the children.

Well, here’s where I might be the jerk. He texted me and told me he owes taxes. I asked how much and he wouldn’t say. He just said it’s a lot and that I need to amend my taxes so that he won’t owe anything.

Now I’m not getting a lot but a good amount that would take care of bills etc that I haven’t been able to pay (I ran through my savings).

I know that our first agreement was that he would claim our first so I was willing to give him money to cover his taxes.

But now he’s demanding I amend my taxes and I honestly don’t want to. So AITJ for claiming our children and not amending my taxes so he could claim our first?”

Another User Comments:

“The law is very clear on who can claim who.

If he did not have primary care of the children for at least six months of the year, he cannot claim them. You could get in trouble for tax fraud for conspiring with him to violate the IRS rules of law. In no way should you amend your return or ever allow him to claim them unless custody changes.

Also, get your CS as an order since he can’t be responsible enough to pay it consistently on his own. Definitely don’t help him with anything until he comes clean about how much he owes/why he owes it. It sounds shady. NTJ.” HeartShapedSea

Another User Comments:

“From the sound of it, he’s asking you to commit tax fraud. This is a crime. Don’t even think about doing it! I would advise you to talk with an attorney to get your child support and custodial agreement in writing. This will protect you and your children.

You might also want to consult an accountant to make sure that you know what you can and can’t do around the issue of claiming children. NTJ.” Nester1953

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need to get him on child support from the court ASAP. Don’t give him the taxes from the babies.

YOU are raising them, not him. IRS sees it as who has them the majority of the time (or what a court decree agrees on). How best would that money be spent on THEM, not him? Get a divorce as fast as you can and get child custody agreement in place ASAP too.

You and your children deserve way better. Don’t amend your taxes. Keep all your texts, emails and write down anything in case he tries to claim them anyway. You need proof in case you guys get audited or for child custody too. I’m proud of you for getting your degree!

Keep at it!” Trick_Delivery4609

1 points - Liked by Joels

21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Step-Siblings To My Wedding Due To My Mom's Favoritism?


“I am getting married in April. It’s been very difficult emotionally for me. My father passed away when I was 8 leaving my mother with 9 children. It was hard growing up seeing her seeing other people and realizing just how much my father compensated for her.

My mother has good qualities, but struggles with emotional connection and has some mild narcissistic tendencies. She got remarried in 2021 to P. I’ve known him since I was 16. I want to be very clear he in no way was a father figure or involved in my life.

P has 4 kids of his own. I didn’t meet any of his kids until the day of the wedding right before my siblings and I + P’s kids walked down the aisle.

My mom got married a week before my sister because, quote “the whole family will be in town and it’ll be easier this way.” My sister signed off on it but the whole thing was sort of rushed.

I moved out as they were getting married, I was 17 and knew I couldn’t handle seeing her show up for him in ways she didn’t for me. There were other reasons, but that was a big one.

Eventually, I noticed more and more how she would treat P’s kids.

She was so gentle, attentive, and motherly. All the things she struggled with when it came to me. I asked her why. Why can she be that way with them but not me? She said “they aren’t my kids, P spends so much time with my younger kids he doesn’t see his own kids very often.

The least I can do is be nice to P’s kids. Plus P’s kids aren’t mad at me like my kids are. I didn’t mess up raising P’s kids. It’s easy with them.”

Back to the wedding.

My mom is chronically late. She was 4 hours late to my sister’s wedding, barely dressed for the ceremony at my other sister’s wedding, and was for some reason doing yard work 20 minutes before my brother’s wedding.

I am refusing to get my hopes up with her for my wedding. I called her and we spoke for 2-3 hours about expectations for the wedding. I want her on time, I want her there to help me get ready. She said these were reasonable and she would do her best.

When I told her I wasn’t inviting P’s kids she asked why. I told her this is the last thing that is mine. My wedding is the last day I will ever have where my mom is still only my mom. Where my family doesn’t feel so broken.

This day has a lot of emotion, and her with P’s kids would add another painful layer.

She said it was unfair of me to not invite them just because of how I think she treats them. She says she doesn’t see them very often, but every time she is with them it makes me want to cry about how she treats P’s daughters especially.

She says my reasons are not based in reality.

I’ve spoken with my other siblings and thoughts are mixed. Some say I’m overreacting, some say I shouldn’t invite Mom at all with her track record. I’m just so confused. Would it be better to invite them and cut all expectations of my mom to actually enjoy the day?

Am I the jerk to not invite them just because of my mom?”

Another User Comments:

“You are trying to create a fantasy of a woman that doesn’t exist. You will be disappointed and you’re the one setting yourself up for disappointment. She cannot live up to those expectations for that one day and it’s silly of you to even ask that of her.

She is who she is. You either have to accept it or move on. You don’t need to invite P’s kids. However, if the only reason you’re not inviting them is to create the fantasy of your mother, then again, it’s pointless.

I feel for you. Try to find a woman that can fill your mother’s shoes, an older sister, an aunt, your mother-in-law, perhaps. Best wishes for your wedding. No jerks here.” Beautiful-Report58

Another User Comments:

“NTJ First, you’re perfectly entitled to invite anyone you want.

And not invite anyone you don’t want. Even if your relationship with those people was actually good. Second, I would highly advise disinviting your mother, as some of your siblings have already suggested. Not an easy thing to do., I know. ​”Has some mild narcissistic tendencies.” Mild?

From everything you write about your mother, she has some major narcissistic tendencies. Let’s see “She says my reasons are not based in reality.” Some great gaslighting there. In the end, it’s your wedding, OP, so you’re perfectly in the right not to invite your step-siblings.” Classic-Okra-3376

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but this may be an uncomfortable opinion. Your mother has demonstrated that she is capable of loving children and capable of being emotionally present. To those that she wants to. Which means she had a choice in how she treated you and your siblings.

She was always capable of treating you the same way. She chose not to. The fact she is arguing with you about how you feel, rather than taking ownership, shows she still doesn’t want to put you first. Not even on your wedding day. Everyone has been put before you and your siblings.

That was a conscious choice on her end. That is not what a loving mother does. Your day is your choice. Would it be worth considering a backup? Do you have another mother figure in your life or someone who treats you with respect and love.?

Have them walk you down the aisle. If your mother shows up late, carry on at the intended time. Don’t wait for her. She doesn’t show up. Hold your head high. You don’t yet realize your worth. Stop seeking approval from an adult who KNEW what she was doing and still continues to do it.

It sounds like you desperately want the validation that she knows you need. But by denying it, she always has the power to keep you hanging. It may be worth seeing a councilor before your wedding day, discuss boundaries and have a plan. Don’t risk having disappointment in your day because she would rather put her needs first.” SmartCrazy4

1 points - Liked by Joels

20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Adult Stepson To Move In To Impress His Partner?

“My husband’s adult son (from his first marriage) who has partial custody of his 4-year-old child just asked us if he can move into our house.

He currently lives with his mom but doesn’t want to live there anymore because he is seeing a girl who is 19 (he’s 27) and he is embarrassed to take her to his mom’s because her home “isn’t nice enough”. The girl’s father is wealthy and he feels he has to impress her.

His father (my husband) is shamelessly excited that his son is seeing a girl whose dad is rich because he feels his son will benefit from their wealth. Since this 27-year-old still lives with his mom – she does his laundry, cooks, makes his bed, and cleans up after him.

It’s pathetic!

My husband and I both travel for our jobs so his son wants to take advantage of this to entertain his partner. I told my husband if he moves in, his partner is not sleeping over. Ever! I am not doing his laundry, picking up his stuff (he is a total slob and doesn’t take care of anything!).

If I am cooking something for myself I’ll make food for him too but I am not cooking a huge meal for him every night. He doesn’t want to leave his mom’s home (why would he – she does everything for him) but he just wants to be able to use our house to impress his partner.

The last partner he had he got her pregnant. I don’t want that to happen again! I feel at his age if he wants to be entertaining girls every night he should have a place of his own. Now my husband is putting me in the middle of it by making me the bad guy.

He doesn’t realize that our whole life is going to change, because his son is going to have his partner and all his friends all over through our house every day. I guess I’m selfish but I don’t want to give up the freedom I have in my own home so he can impress his partner.

We’ve spent a lot helping him start his own business and several years later he still hasn’t made a profit because he doesn’t wanna work, doesn’t want to sacrifice for his own business. He is very immature and he needs to grow up!

His mom and dad need to stop supporting him or he will never grow up. But when I say that – my husband tells me I’m a jerk because I don’t have a child of my own. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your husband & adult stepson are gross.

He is 27 years old and doesn’t want to bring his teen partner to his mommy’s house, where he lives, so instead of his full-grown behind getting his own place, he wants to move in with daddy. And daddy, your husband, is encouraging this whole scheme because he is happy to encourage his adult son to manipulate & gold-dig a 19-year-old.

Both these men are gross!” KindlyCelebration223

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But it’s checkout time on this relationship. He doesn’t give a darn about you, and he will never even attempt to rein his son in. He didn’t for the first 27 years of his life, why mess with success?

Also, what’s wrong with you? Have a little self-respect. Dad is pumped that his son is seeing a teenager because he can get some cash out of it??? I know why you are with this man ($$$) but yeesh, I wanna take a shower after reading this.” According-Western-33

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Everything about this situation is wrong and will lead to bad outcomes. I almost feel bad for the kid – his parents clearly did a terrible job with him, but he is an adult now so that’s on him. Would not accept a kid in your home under any circumstances.

Would not stay with a partner who called me a jerk for perfectly reasonable boundaries. Kick this family to the curb IMO.” briareus08

1 points - Liked by Joels

19. AITJ For Not Considering My Half Brothers' Availability When Planning My Wedding?


“I’m (23f) getting married. My fiancé and I chose our date primarily based on us but also those closest to us. Mostly, that was his parents and siblings, my parents and my best friend and his.

My half-brothers were not part of the small group we checked in with before our date was chosen. They cannot attend. They called me up and admitted they didn’t need me to work with them (mom had called them about my wedding) and even if they could have made it, they would have come up with an excuse for why it didn’t work for them.

I expected as much. So this was no surprise or big hurt for me.

My half-brothers are 31 and 33. We’re not close. I can’t remember the last time they were present for something about me. Maybe my birthday before the younger of my two half-brothers moved out.

They don’t wish me a happy birthday or anything. I can’t remember if they did when we did live together. So I’m used to it. We don’t even talk really. Them reaching out to me was the first time we for sure talked in four years and it would be just as long since I last saw them.

I also don’t know their kids. I wasn’t invited to their weddings. Mom was really upset about that and I remember there was tension between them and her for each wedding because they had each other’s backs.

My mom was upset when she heard we had chosen a date that didn’t work for my half-brothers.

She asked me how come their unavailability didn’t come up when I asked. I told her I didn’t ask. And I told her it was okay that they can’t come. They never really came to any of my milestone events or birthdays, etc. Mom told me this is very different and they really should be here.

That it’s not even just them but their families, their kids, won’t get to be here either and surely that’s a big deal.

Now I’m getting mom’s anger and there’s tension in our relationship. She feels like I never really gave it a chance for them to be there.

Honestly, I have questioned if I’ll even send invites. We’re really not part of each other’s lives and I know where they stand. Mom thinks I should have checked with them since she knows I checked with my best friend.


Another User Comments:

“Why is your mom upset with you for not inviting them to your wedding when they didn’t invite you to theirs?

That seems odd. Tell your mom you shouldn’t be different just because you’re a woman, she’s being sexist. Also, as the older siblings, they should have tried to include you as they got older instead of you chasing after them. They’ve made their choice, they don’t want to be close, and you’re fine with that.

Your mom needs to get over it and stop pressuring you. You’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH

Another User Comments:

“Have you explained to your mom that when your half-brothers called you they also said that they would have made up an excuse as to why they wouldn’t be able to come anyway?

That’s the whole thing here. Even if you had asked, they wouldn’t have come anyway. So they basically told you they were not going to attend your wedding no matter what date you chose. I can sort of understand your mom hoping that the family could be more…together?

Close? Whatever, because all 3 of you are her kids (I’m assuming), but I have to wonder if your mom ever got on your brothers for not being involved in your life all these years. And if she did, she has to know they didn’t want that.

It hasn’t happened in 23 years. That ship has sailed.” Mentalcomposer

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your mom the only one who is upset is her. You don’t mind. Your half-brothers don’t mind and wouldn’t have come anyway. They’ve already said they won’t go, so why bother sending an invite?

Tell her to drop the subject as it serves no purpose to keep rehashing it. And cut her off if she brings it up. If she’s paying and threatens to pull her money, plan a wedding without it. If she threatens not to attend, tell her that’s her choice and your new MIL will step in.

Don’t let her bully you into doing something neither you nor your half-brothers want!” FuzzyMom2005

1 points - Liked by Joels

18. AITJ For Giving A Family Heirloom To My Biological Granddaughter Instead of My Step-Granddaughter?


“In the family, we have two female heirlooms that are given to the kids. One of them went to my daughter and the other is supposed to go to the oldest granddaughter. My daughter got the family necklace and the oldest granddaughter is supposed to get the family earrings.

Sally is biologically my granddaughter and she is 17. Jenny (18) is my stepgranddaughter who came into the family when she was 14. I don’t have a relationship with her at all. She has her own side of the family and on most holidays she chooses to see her grandparents while my grandkids see me.

I have been promising the earrings to Sally since she was small.

Jenny just turned 18 and this is when I was supposed to gift the earrings to the oldest granddaughter in the family, I didn’t. Instead, I got her a nice necklace. This started a huge argument that I didn’t give her the earrings.

I informed them that she may be the oldest but Sally was my first granddaughter. I have promised her for years and I am not breaking that promise.

My daughter thinks I am a huge jerk for this and has made it clear.”

Another User Comments:

“You made a promise to Sally and are fulfilling it. Given that you have no relationship with the stepdaughter, why would you give her a precious family heirloom? Also, you can give your belongings to whomever you wish. I am sorry you are going through this.

Family problems can be painful. To paraphrase: You can please some of the people all the time. You can’t please all of the people all the time. This includes family members. NTJ.” Admirable_Aide5558

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ignoring everything else for a moment, Jenny may be the oldest, but Sally has been your granddaughter for the longest. It’s hard enough to adapt to a new family without finding herself replaced by her stepsister for a family honor that she has been promised since she was a young child.” Material-Profit5923

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but hang onto the items for Sally until she moves out on her own. They might get lost or stolen if she is still living at home. Let her know they are hers. Make sure you add it into your will that they belong to her once she moves out of her family home and until then your estate should be used to hold them in a safety deposit box until that time.

Just in case.” mocha_lattes_

1 points - Liked by asdo1

User Image
Mawra 1 month ago
It should go to the oldest bio granddaughter.
0 Reply

17. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Husband's Friend Who Constantly Insults Me?


“So, for a little context, my husband (36m) and I (36f) have two very close friend circles, say A and B. A friend circle includes my husband’s childhood friends and their wives and B includes my childhood friend and his college friends.

In general, our friends play a very important role in our life. The one friend in question, let’s call him Sam, is from group A, and ever since I’ve known him, he’s constantly said mean things to me, judged my looks, and passed derogatory comments about me.

I chose to ignore it, because I know for my husband, Sam means a lot. He was with my husband at his worst time.

Now, for some reason even Sam’s wife, let’s call her Sally, started doing the same. They would constantly make fun of me in front of strangers, make up imaginary scenarios, just so that they could insult me and all sorts of things bullies do.

It has been going on for the last 5 years. When I finally snapped out and told my husband, he felt bad, but didn’t do anything or say anything to them. I was okay with it because I didn’t want him to break his friendship with them, but our friends from group B told my husband that 1) he should speak up 2) he shouldn’t be friends with someone who insults me.

After giving it a good thought for over 4 months, he decided to send Sam a WhatsApp message, saying he is very unhappy with their behavior.

Now the issue is, my husband isn’t asking me to forgive him, but also saying that “if you don’t forgive him… I won’t be able to hang out with him like we used to, and basically the friend circle A will fall apart”.

I don’t want to be bullied again. AITJ for refusing to forgive Sam.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you’ve put up with it for years and not one person in that friend circle has spoken up for you. Your husband should be more concerned about you and how you feel.

He should have brought it up as soon as he was aware of it…but it took him 4 months to decide to raise it!! Has Sam even apologized…what was his reaction to your husband’s message.” deathandtaxes2023

Another User Comments:

“1. Your husband stood by and watched his wife get bullied for 5 years and said nothing 2.

He did nothing when you told him it bothered you. 3. Someone else had to step in to tell him it wasn’t ok for his friends to bully you. And yet did nothing for 4 months. 4. He sent a WhatsApp message instead of confronting the bullies in person 5.

Now he is emotionally guilt-tripping you to let this go so he can hang out with his friends again. Even though said bullies never gave you an apology. What are you doing with this man? Not only is he showing you how little respect he has for you, but he is showing his friends it is ok to treat you with disrespect too.

Please leave this man. No, you are NTJ for not forgiving his friend but you will be one to yourself if you keep letting him and his friends treat you this way.” MRandomRedditAccount

1 points - Liked by Joels

16. AITJ For Sending My Lazy Twins To Stay With My Rude Parents As Punishment?


“I (45M) recently kicked my kids (16M twins) out of the house for not helping us and just sitting around and playing on their darn computers.

My wife last week asked them to clean up the house because her distant cousins were coming back to America.

They did NOTHING the whole day, just were on their computers. I asked them three times and I’ve had enough because this always happens. I told them “If you guys don’t clean up at the end of the day, I will kick you guys out.

I will send you to your grandparents.”

My parents are known to be really rude. They always criticize us for everything they do not like. My kids, even though they were warned, still didn’t do anything. So I fulfilled my promise and drove them to my parents.

They were begging me not to let them go, but I was DONE. I told them that they were only going to be there for 1 week until the cousins were gone. Right now it’s the third day and my wife was SCREAMING at me for doing this to my kids, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Honestly, yeah, YTJ. Actions have consequences to be sure, and most punishments (grounding, additional chores, taking away the computers) would have been fine. However, your parents sound abusive and that’s not cool. In addition, you kicked your kids out for a week without consulting their mother, your wife?

That in and of itself is all sorts of wrong.” Fine-Assignment4342

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You don’t really know how to do this parenting and marriage thing, do you? 1.) You don’t make dramatic decisions involving your children without discussing it with your wife 2.) Going nuclear with a punishment isn’t always necessary.

You could have literally turned off the internet or grounded your kids at any point before losing your mind 3.) Taking your children to a place you know might be abusive is absolutely insane and terrible parenting 4.) Leaving your children in a toxic and or abusive environment for a week may just destroy your relationship with them, and also your marriage.

You sir, are a jerk.” savinathewhite

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. First of all, I think that CPS would have something to say to a parent who kicks their MINOR children out of their house. Secondly, that’s very, very bad parenting. You’re not correcting your sons’ wrong behavior, you just move the problem to your parents, who you know to be rude and cruel.

I think this could be considered emotional abuse. Finally, whose fault is it if two sixteen-year-olds play video games all day and don’t lift a finger at home? The parents who raised them like this and didn’t know how to discipline them.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe

1 points - Liked by Joels

15. AITJ For Refusing A Shot From A Stranger While With My Boss?


“I (24f) was recently on a work trip in a city a few hours from my home. On the last night of the trip, my boss and a couple of colleagues went down to the hotel bar to have a couple of drinks and discuss the trip.

We had been there for about an hour when the bartender comes over and asks me if I’d like a shot. I said no thank you, and she said “are you sure? I think a stranger really wants to buy it for you”. I again stated that it was a kind offer but no thank you, as I didn’t want to take shots in front of my boss lol.

Apparently, this really upset the guy and the bartender told me I should feel bad because apparently he was a regular and he “might never come back”, she also said I could’ve just taken it because it was rude to turn it down. I know I was already having a drink, but I thought a shot in front of the boss wouldn’t be a great look.

I really didn’t think I was in the wrong but I’m curious to know what others think.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Contact hotel management. Tell them what happened. That a bartender in their bar scolded you and tried to pressure you into drinking a shot.

You were not comfortable accepting. That the bartender harassed you and made you feel like they were setting you up with a regular of the bar. If that doesn’t get a good response, talk to your boss. Explain that the bartender was harassing you. And you would recommend that the company pulls future business.

They are responsible for creating a safe space. Even when outside of the workplace. This exact type of harassment was part of this year’s corporate anti-harassment training.” fpreview

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You don’t even have to accept an offer of a shot from a mate if you don’t want to, let alone from a rando while you’re at a table with your boss.

Bartender is a jerk for trying to wheedle you into taking the shot (are they really that hard up for a sale?), and do you know for sure that rando guy really was upset by your refusal? If he did respond negatively then he too is a jerk, but the bartender is dodgy as well.

I don’t know how you could have handled this better, OP. You did exactly what a person in their right mind does in this situation,  especially when at a bar with their boss during a work trip.” Some_kunst

1 points - Liked by Joels

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Mawra 1 month ago
You are NEVER obligated to accept anything from anyone, to be polite, or to be nice. Or for any reason at all. You don't have to explain.
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14. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother's Wedding Because My Wife Isn't Invited?


“I am scheduled to go on a work trip and it’s in the country where my family lives. I have been talking with my family about my potential trip and said the initial plan was to be there for a week but may change due to my new job and projects I have.

I had a flight booked but I recently found out a couple of weeks ago, the reason my family wanted me to come early is because my brother is getting married. It’s a small thing and has not been planned for months. It would have remained a secret if he didn’t tell me and the reason they didn’t want me knowing is because my wife isn’t invited due to family conflicts.

His wedding is on a Saturday and my plan was to fly in on the weekend before my work trip. Ultimately my wife not being invited made me uneasy and I haven’t spoken to him about it yet but now I have to postpone my trip a few days and leave during the week instead.

He and my wife haven’t spoken in years and the last interaction was not good and with part of my family that was also the case.

The issue now is that I most likely will not be able to make it and I tried to be as upfront as possible in the beginning due to my new job and work commitments that weekend may not work.

He did try to find time when I would be there but said it wouldn’t work out. I know he’ll be disappointed but I also don’t want to go if my wife isn’t invited as I think it’s highly disrespectful.

I get he wants me there but steps could have been taken beforehand to try and help solve the family issues we have so that my wife could at least be invited to it and not just me behind her back. It looks like I will have to miss it but I ultimately think it’s for the best.

Some more detail on the reason they don’t get along. My wife is from a different culture and so when I wanted to marry her my family prevented me from communicating with her in any way. She messaged my brother to check in on me as she hadn’t heard from me.

He called her a jerk and to never contact him again. It’s been a while and he hasn’t apologized to her directly. They also showed up unannounced on our doorstep last year and caused a lot of drama but not planning it with us beforehand.

Even though they said they had come to solve problems, it felt like the way in which they came was to cause more trouble.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have an out with the changing nature of your work travel. So you won’t be going to the wedding and don’t have to make that hard decision and give offense.

Perhaps when you see your family you can discuss the estrangement and see if you can make any inroads. People get older, get some life experience, and expectations change. It sounds like they’re still entrenched and you can hear their side since your wife won’t be there.” Firm-Molasses-4913

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If it was so super important that you had to be there, they would have A: invited you from the start and B: at least made attempts to smooth things over enough with your wife so that both of you were willing to attend, not invite you last minute because they found out you have a potential trip that might place you in your home country and you’d (likely) be close enough you’d be able to attend.” Efficient_Wheel_6333

0 points (0 votes)

13. AITJ For Being Upset My Dad Gave His Partner A House Key Without Consulting Us?


“I have recently learned that my dad (60m) has given a house key to his partner (59f) of around 6 months.

My husband and I have lived here for around 2 years as we are currently searching for our first house to buy.

His partner is very intrusive, and she puts her opinion across when it isn’t asked for. There was also a time when my husband and I were eating our dinner and she started taking our plates away when we hadn’t even finished eating.

Boundaries have now been put in place for this.

Now, I understand that this is my dad’s house and we are just living here but we pay our way, pay board and keep the house clean. I’m angry because it wasn’t discussed with us before he gave her the key.

We’re thinking of getting a lock for our bedroom door because I don’t trust her to not look around when no one else is here. AITJ for feeling this way?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Get the lock. No need to feel any kind of way about it except you value your privacy too.

Your dad didn’t need to discuss handing his partner a spare key, but there definitely should have been a discussion regarding boundaries because you live with him, paying or not, consideration should have been given on what is or isn’t ok for her.

If/when you talk to your dad, don’t put him on the defensive but ask him what he suggests could be done to keep from her being intrusive into your life or things because while you appreciate he has someone in his life, you want to maintain your privacy and have some healthy boundaries while you’re temporarily there.” Leather-Anybody-5389

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your dad is entitled to happiness as well. I’m happy he’s found someone to enjoy life with. You two will be gone soon anyway. It’s his home. He doesn’t have to discuss giving a house key to his partner with his tenants, which is basically what you two are.

Would it be a polite thing to do? Yes. But he is not required to consult with anyone as it relates to his home. In this same way, you and your husband won’t have to consult with anyone when you move into your own place.

Hopefully, this will serve as motivation for you to move as soon as possible. Good luck, and congratulations in advance on your new home!” These3Words91

Another User Comments:

“No, you’re NTJ for feeling a certain type of way. Feelings are natural. It’s only our actions and what we do that counts.

He only gave her a key to the house, he didn’t move her in. Tbh, your dad can do what he wants, it’s his house. If you don’t feel comfortable with her behavior, then you can ask your dad if it’s okay for you to get a lock on your door to use while you’re living there.

After you leave, he can keep the lock. Getting one without his approval is bound to raise more issues.” 1hotsauce2

0 points (0 votes)

12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Dog-Sit For A Second Week While My Friends Are On Vacation?


“14 years ago my partner’s then-roommate got a dog. My partner was very involved from early on, and when the roommate moved out, my partner (and I, us living together at that point) continued to take him for a day or two most weeks, and sometimes longer stretches when his main people were away.

On the one hand, this has been a huge privilege – the pup is a sweetie; we love him very much; we get to spend time with him without having to bottom-line. On the other, a dynamic has emerged over the years where his people – who travel often & spontaneously – started to assume we could/would take him whenever they go away.

This wasn’t an issue at first, but given the complexities of work/life/etc in our 40s, it’s not always easy to suddenly shift gears to a week of dog-sitting mode. We’ve tried to establish a schedule for regular visits – we take him for 3-4 days once a month – but the longer trips remain frustrating wildcards.

For a while, our friends worked around us by adding other friends into the care rotation. But now our pup is nearly 15, has dementia, and spends a good chunk of each day barking and whining, so fewer people are comfortable taking him for longer stretches.

Meanwhile, our friends seem to see turning to us as a generosity to us – like, aren’t we lucky we get to see the dog for a week while they vacation in (far-off place). And of course as his health deteriorates there’s an added layer of “we know you want to see him while you still can”.

Fast forward to a month ago. Our friends let us know that they were traveling abroad (for pleasure), perhaps for the last time while the pup is alive because his care needs have become more consistent. We were a bit surprised they’d plan a trip like this right now, but whatever.

They asked if we could take him for the week they’d be away. We had tickets to a film festival Thurs-Sun (rare for us in these times) but agreed to take him until Saturday and hand him off to another friend. They went away this past week, we had a great 4 days with the pup, and dropped him off as planned.

This morning, we got a text saying the dog is “having a hard time with (friend we don’t know)”, and could we take him for this week too. We were surprised because we thought they were only away for a week. More pressingly, we have appointments out of the house, so it would be quite difficult to take him again.

We said as much, and got back passive-aggressive messages arguing they didn’t tell us about the second week because “our availability has changed in recent years”, and so they had to “explore other options”.

We feel like we’re being punished for setting a boundary. My partner is terrified they’ll withdraw our access to the dog because we’ve inconvenienced them.

I’m angry because I feel like they’re always on holiday relying on us to bail them out, and it puts enormous pressure on us as our dog’s well-being feels increasingly at stake.


Another User Comments:

“First of all, NTJ. Your friends are taking advantage of you and have successfully manipulated your partner into thinking they are doing the two of you a favor.

Good for you for seeing through this. What I’m about to say may sound harsh or morbid but, if you don’t take the dog now and the dog dies while they are away, they will 100% try to blame you. If they have the gall to do that, throw it back in their faces that they were basically on vacation while a member of their family had severe health issues and was near death, so it’s completely on them.

Keep those boundaries up. Call their bluff. They have no other option besides you, and you shouldn’t be expected to do more than you’re comfortable with… Which means they can’t go on any more spontaneous overseas trips until they no longer have a dog to worry about.

Boo hoo.” yitzike

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but don’t worry, these freeloaders will not revoke your access to the senior dog, because they will happily keep using you for free dog-sitting. Of course they’re upset, you weren’t available to do whatever they wanted. Have you considered offering to take the dog for the rest of its life?

You call it “our dog” and seem to be able to provide consistent care… perhaps your flighty friends might actually be into this idea? Either way, you’re being awesome dog sitters and it’s clear you care about this sweet old pup.” LostBody3801

Another User Comments:

“NTJ these people are taking advantage of you because they don’t want to pay for dog boarding and it seems you’re doing this for free at their beck and call. Friends wouldn’t treat you like this and they are being jerks who aren’t even honest with you about how long they’ll be out of the country.

It’s not your dog. They aren’t really your friends. Your partner should get their own dog and y’all may need to distance from these people.” Hot_Box_4574

0 points (0 votes)

11. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Messy, Disrespectful Flatmate?


“My (19F) friend Lewis (19M), our other flatmate Jennifer (19F), and I moved into a flat together in September of 2023 at the start of our 2nd year of University.

Once we lived together it became clear Jennifer never cooked and when she did she left her dirty dishes around the house and the only time they would get washed was if Lewis or I washed them. Both our living room and hallway were full of takeaway bags and Lewis and I were constantly cleaning up after her.

Next she told us that she had been smoking in her room for the duration of our tenancy, which was against the singular rule we had as a flat. Adding to the stench of smoke the odor of rotten food constantly leaked from her room.

We did repeatedly attempt to bring this up with her, but every time she would be aggressive and confrontational and eventually, we gave up.

By this point, we were aware that uni was not going well for her and by Christmas, we were aware that she was more than likely dropping out.

Therefore we needed a new flat and new flatmates.

On a personal note, I was told by Lewis that in private she had been ruthlessly slagging me off. Saying that I faked the very serious eating disorder I had throughout high school and called me an attention seeker as well as other smaller criticisms.

After this, my friendship with her, at least for me, was over. However, as we were in the same fairly large group of friends, I maintained a civil attitude for the sake of the rest of my friends.

Another thing that was important to note is Jennifer started the year off with a fairly large sum of money and she, by Christmas, had burnt through her entire savings and was well in her overdraft. So her paying the rent, and bills was a serious concern for both me and Lewis.

Lewis, Terry, Nadine (our new flatmates), and I mentioned to Jennifer that we would eventually be moving out as she would be leaving to go home and asked her when she would be thinking of moving out, suggesting a date approx 3 months in the future.

She blew up, calling us awful people, and accusing us of kicking her out of her home, amongst other things. She then came into my room the next morning telling us she wanted to hand in 28 days’ notice that day and leave. After telling her that would make us homeless she said “that’s your problem”.

She then got intoxicated and screamed and cried at us saying we were her best friends and she was angry we didn’t defend her from Nadine and Terry (who were being kind and reasonable with her), and fully emotionally blackmailed us for an apology.

After this she decided she was going home, she left without telling us and emailed the estate agent to end the contract.

After realizing she could not end it alone she ordered us to end it. We said we would not end the contract until we had somewhere to live. Because we did not have the option to go home as it was midway through term.

She called us selfish, blocked us on everything and now we have to email her if we need anything.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Jennifer sounds like an absolute nightmare to live with! It’s astounding how disrespectful, inconsiderate, and immature she has been throughout this entire situation. It’s clear she has no respect for you or your living space. Her inability to manage her finances and the uncertainty surrounding her ability to pay rent and bills would be concerning for any reasonable person.

You and Lewis were well within your rights to question her plans and consider finding new flatmates to ensure your housing situation remained stable. The fact that she refuses to communicate like an adult is just the cherry on top of this messy situation. You have been more than patient and understanding, but enough is enough.

She needs to take responsibility for her actions and learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her. I hope you and Lewis can find new flatmates who are respectful, responsible, and considerate. Good riddance to Jennifer – you both deserve a peaceful and stable living environment without her chaos and drama.” ZoeyFairyDust

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, was gonna ask whose names are on the lease as if you are equal tenants she has no right to try to evict you but sounds like the estate agent set that right already. Sorry you are going through this and it sucks to lose a friend but absolutely go through with finding new tenancy for the new semester.

She’s proven she is NOT someone you should give leniency to and will take advantage of it.” Secret-Background-89

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Jennifer created this mess, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for standing up for yourself and your living situation. From her lack of cleanliness to her disrespectful behavior, she made your home a nightmare to live in.

Her emotional manipulation and complete disregard for your well-being by threatening to end the lease early is selfish and unacceptable. You and Lewis have been patient and understanding, but it’s time to put your foot down. Jennifer can’t expect everyone to bend over backward for her.” RileyLace

0 points (0 votes)

10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Socialized While Our Daughter Was In The Hospital?

“Our young daughter was in the hospital recently with pretty severe pneumonia.

I had recently had the same bug and knew how intense it was. First two days her oxygen levels were down and she was quite unwell.

On the second day, my husband announced he would be going home (which he was supposed to, as he was on the ‘day shift’).

He then mentioned his parents were coming for dinner and they would be having food and wine. I was so stressed I wasn’t eating or drinking, so the thought of socializing to any degree seemed crazy. This was over a month ago and I can’t shake the feeling it was wrong.

I have brought this up with him recently as I couldn’t stop thinking about it. He can’t see the issue I had with this, as in his mind he was worried, but knew she would be fine. Therefore, he thought it was ok.

He told me he doesn’t stress about things like I do. I am highly anxious but am feeling icky about this. Thankfully our daughter is fine, but am I the jerk for questioning his decisions when our child was in the hospital?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Apparently, in your mind, what he did “wrong” was to have dinner with his parents. What’s wrong with that? Was he not supposed to eat at all? You weren’t concerned enough to ask him to stay at the hospital with you, so he was going home as you all apparently agreed (per your reference to “day shift,” which implies to me that you had the “night shift”).

I wouldn’t call having dinner with his parents “socializing.” In fact, I would guess that he was filling them in on the details of your daughter’s condition. Honestly, I get that you’re someone who stresses out more, but I don’t see what on earth he did wrong, given that you made no objection to him leaving in the first place.

I’d also say that we all handle stress differently. You wanted to be at the hospital fretting. He, after having been at the hospital all day (from the sounds of it), wanted to de-stress by having a nice meal with his folks. If you don’t get over it, then YTJ.

Move on. He did nothing wrong by eating with his parents, you did nothing wrong by preferring to stress out. Harping on it, though — that’s jerk behavior.” WestCovina1234

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. He ate a meal. He did his shift. Was he not allowed or expected to eat?

Most likely he was updating your in-laws on their grandchild’s condition, as the hospital probably wasn’t allowing a lot of visitors for children. They probably decided to make a meal of it as he had been at the hospital all day, and the food isn’t great.

You’re seriously overreacting to all of this. Not everyone handles stress the same, & being upset a month later isn’t normal. Sounds like you’re upset he didn’t do something your way, and that’s not ok. Let it go.” GoreGoddezz

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. He was already going home, which you were ok with.

The fact that his parents came over doesn’t really change much. I assume they came over to help him and keep him company through a difficult time knowing he’d be alone and not to celebrate and party? I think there’s some missing context here.

Are his parents generally sympathetic people? Or do you feel they were all selfishly indulging themselves and they should have been worried even if they weren’t? Are his parents jerks? Does your husband neglect you and your daughter in favor of them? I think you need to drill down on what’s underneath and what the real problem is.

Then talk to your husband about that and not the dinner and wine because it comes across as petty. When under all that I’m guessing is something deeper.” ResistSpecialist4826

0 points (0 votes)

9. AITJ For Reporting A Bullying Classmate To The Dean?


“I (16F) have had a problem with a boy at my school Adam (16M).

Adam and I used to be friends in middle school but had a falling out because he tended to make the girls in the friend group uncomfortable.

That was in middle school now in high school he started to write my phone number (he had it from when we were friends) with inappropriate words above it all around the school.

The most recent time he had written it, he even called me a slur that is offensive to gay people (I’m gay btw but that’s not the point). I had gone to the deans about it, and they said they didn’t have any proof. It was him so they had to just wait to see if he would write anything else.

Our school caught him writing something about someone else the next day and asked him if he had written the thing about me. He had admitted to it and got ISS (in-school suspension).

My mom filled out a bullying form, this had been happening for months.

This wasn’t the first time he had done something like this and my mom was getting super mad.

Now here’s where I might be the jerk, I got called into the dean’s office and got asked questions about the incidents leading up to my mom filling out the bullying form.

The whole time the woman was asking me about the events with Adam, she clearly did not think that I needed to fill out this form, grant you I even told her about the time he took a photo of me in the parking lot, about how he kept showing up out front my class last year just to watch me and how he has written my number all around the school and she did not care.

This started to make me think that I was unjustified for going to the dean about this and that it was a jerk move.

I asked a few of my friends what they thought, some say I took it too far and that it was a bad idea to go to the dean, and some other friends say I should have taken it further.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like the dean is trying to talk you out of an official report and is minimizing the harassment. This is unethical at the very least, and most likely highly illegal. Do not back down, and make sure your parents are aware of this.

I’m not sure how your schools are structured, but there should be a school board or a board of education that is above the dean. Go to them to make a complaint against the dean.” tatersprout

Another User Comments:

“OP, Adam has not just bullied you.

He has repeatedly assaulted you and your friends, stalked you, harassed you, and potentially outed you. He is behaving in a predatory way toward you, and his behaviors have been escalating. I don’t know where you are or what the laws are there, but you should make a complaint to your local police if you can do so safely and seek a restraining order to keep him away from you and improve the chance of meaningful action to protect you the next time he does something.

At this point some adults might consider him more of a nuisance than a threat and not take him seriously; don’t make that same mistake.” notashroom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have every right to file a complaint, and the right to attend school without being bullied. That they are too lazy to want to deal with it is just too bad.

That’s their job! I don’t know about where you live, but here they’re required to act on it. Type out every detail you can recall about this conversation. Include when your appointment was scheduled and when she arrived. If someone else was present, write down who it was.

The sooner you do this the more details you’ll recall. Email to yourself and/or to your mom. This way it will be time-stamped. Print a copy and store it somewhere safe. Also, keep it saved in its own file on your computer. From now on record every interaction with school personnel OR THE BOY about this in the same way.

This provides documentation for future use if it comes to that. Your mom needs to do the same with the interactions she has with your school. If you or any of your friends can get a photo or video of this boy vandalizing a wall (writing your name and phone numbers on walls is vandalizing, along with being harassing) or bullying you in person, get copies.

You need documentation and proof. I hope all of this documentation becomes unnecessary because the school actually does the right thing, and this boy gets smart and stops. That would be the best-case scenario! The dean should be doing something about this.” Intermountain-Gal

0 points (0 votes)

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Mawra 1 month ago
If you're in the US, school won't do anything. File a harassment charge with the police. Document everything he does. Document what the school says. Try to get what the school says recorded or in writing. Sue the school for not providing a safe learning environment.
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8. AITJ For Not Accommodating An Uninvited Child At My Son's Birthday Party?


“Yesterday was my son’s 8th birthday party, we held it at a huge multi-level soft play area and invited 15 kids.

The soft play is still open to the public during the party, you just get a party table and they have access to the soft play frame.

My friend (Nora) turns up with her two invited children, another invited child (Luke), and that child’s not invited younger sister (Mary).

I go over to say hello and say I notice Mary is with them, has Mary paid to come in separately? She said she’d just signed her in as a party guest and explained that Luke and Mary were playing over, she asked their mum whether she should take them to the party and the mum said yes.

I explain that my son hadn’t invited her, I’ve confirmed 15 guests for the party, that’s how many they’ve arranged food for, etc. She said she’d go pay.

In hindsight, I do think that’s where I was a jerk. I should have just explained to the owners and asked if she could add an extra child on.

However, I didn’t as I didn’t have a party bag for Mary and a lot of my son’s friends’ siblings were there too and their parents had paid for them to come in. I felt bad making an exception for this one child.

However, I do think I’ve got my point across and this is the end of the story.

Food is served, Mary grabs an extra chair and starts eating. I mention to Nora that I’m a bit concerned that the venue is going to think I’m taking liberties as there are 16 kids eating, but I’ve only paid for 15.

She explains the situation to the owner and I just leave Mary to eat, I figure there’s plenty for everyone to eat, nobody is going to go without, it’s fine. I explain to Nora that when they serve pudding (dessert) here, they put plates out with one biscuit (cookie) each, a marshmallow, a strawberry, etc…basically there is one item each.

She says she’ll get Mary a separate pudding, I say cool and think we’re all done.

Pudding is served, Mary sits down and starts eating. I once again pull Nora’s attention away from the conversation she’s engrossed in and ask if she has a pudding for Mary.

She gives her a bag of sweets and continues chatting. Mary eats them and proceeds to eat multiple biscuits leaving several children without.

As Nora is going to leave, I grab party bags for her kids and Luke. Nora tells the kids that she’ll just put all the bags in her bag and they’ll share them when they get home.

I feel terrible! I have 4 kids, I’ve done many parties and I always bring spare bags but they never get used and it’s just more stuff to transport home, so I didn’t this time!

After they left a close friend can see I’m stressed, I briefly explain and she tells me not to worry about it, at least I know Luke and Mary ate today, I realize there’s likely some neglect going on there and that’s why they’re always at Nora’s house.

I feel like the world’s biggest jerk, go home, have a cry and send Nora a message apologizing for how I handled it.

AITJ for not just putting down an extra party guest and making such a fuss?”

Another User Comments:

“You didn’t exclude anyone but rather had uninvited guests try to cuckoo your children’s birthday party.

NTJ Nora however is a bit of a nuisance. She may well be the sort of laid back everything will be fine watcha worrying about sort of parent but she needs to understand we are not all like that. Like any party, there is an invite list and you don’t get to unilaterally add plus 1s.

She could have taken the other kids away whilst the party was going on.” Famous_Specialist_44

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you didn’t exclude Mary, she was an uninvited guest. You had no food for her because she wasn’t expected. Nora is the jerk here as she just expected a child she was babysitting to be catered for, she didn’t think of the kids invited to the party, she didn’t bring anything for Mary, she just expected you and the place to cater for an uninvited child.

Invited kids were left out of some foods because of Nora’s selfishness and blasé attitude. It is Nora who should be apologizing.” Crafty-Gardener

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You should have made sure that Nora paid for her child before allowing her daughter to take things that belonged to another guest. You should have made sure every child that was invited had been given what they were supposed to and then gave Mary anything that was left. This was an event that you put your time and money into for your child and the guests HE invited. Once Luke arrived and you saw Nora had Mary as well and clearly had no intention on leaving you should have put a stop to it then.

I understand times are rough but that doesn’t mean putting yourself in an uncomfortable, stressful position. In the future, I hope you pick up Luke yourself instead of letting Nora come knowing she is going to include Mary. Nora needs to realize that just because one kid is invited to an event doesn’t mean they both are.

I despise parents that are like that.” annaanguzza

0 points (0 votes)

7. AITJ For Being Upset My MIL Keeps Entering My Home Unannounced?


“I want to preface this by saying I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law as well as my husband. I’m a nonconfrontational person and tend to let a lot of stuff slide but I put my foot down on this and need to know, am I just being a jerk?

My husband immigrated here (legally FWIW) as a young boy with his parents. His only real family that he knows are his parents and sibling. I was born into a large extended family who has always been close, but it’s not in our nature to just stroll into one another’s house.

When we see each other, it’s because we made plans to. That’s what I’m used to.

After my second child was born, my MIL started taking some liberties after we gave her our garage code while she was watching our older child while I was giving birth.

It started with me ignoring a door knock during my first hours home after a 5-day hospital stay after birth because I was trying to concentrate on breastfeeding, and I wasn’t expecting anyone. Then I hear my garage door open. MIL comes in and just sits on the couch and starts visiting.

Didn’t like that, expressed it to my husband, and he seemed to get it. Then she did the same thing – came over unannounced and let herself in while I was having a tender moment with my older child decorating the Christmas tree. She sat down and started bossing them around about where to put ornaments and I got so frustrated I just put an end to the decorating and made it so awkward she finally left.

After this, my husband was mad that I was mad. He said “I’m just glad she at least wants to see me” (I have a strained relationship with my mom, so low blow IMO). I love my MIL and am very close with her, but I really feel like this is just crossing a line and I’m not okay with it.

I think my husband should respectfully have my back.

I know a lot of cultures are used to multi-generational living or even just close family, where this type of thing is normal. Maybe for some, it’s normal but it makes me so uncomfortable and I hate it.

I don’t want it to cause a strain or disrespect my MIL or husband or discount their unique relationship in being such a tight family due to the rest of their kin being in another country, and I don’t want to be a jerk. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. 1. Change your garage code immediately. It’s being abused. 2. Change your husband. I’m tempted to leave it right as above without expanding. You have a husband problem. He’s the one who’s supposed to have your back, and he’s the one who should be the primary contact with his mother.

Instead, he’s fighting against you with low blows. Not having her drop in without notice is a perfectly reasonable stance. You are now your husband’s primary family. Let him know that what was okay when he lived alone is no longer okay when he has a family.

If he still won’t support you, insist on marriage counseling, because this disrespect needs to be seen by a professionally impartial third party.” extinct_diplodocus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! I had the same issue with my inlaws who lived two houses down from me. I completely understand how you feel.

1st off you have a husband problem. He isn’t putting you, his chosen family/life partner first. 2nd your MIL is crossing boundaries cause she can. Your husband needs to grow a spine. His farm his cow or his circus his monkey. You also need to stand up for yourself.

Not gonna lie, it’s scary and nerve-wracking at first. But it’s also liberating and empowering. Give zeronopes to what others think, say, feel… about you. You stand your ground and protect yourself, your children, and your safe space. You need to always look out for #1.

And #1 is you, when you learn that it will be easy for you to also protect your children with no regrets. You need to learn this cause as the kids grow there will be more obstacles thrown at you. Good luck, I hope you can get through to your husband and he realizes he is in the wrong.” zeronopes

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are entitled to determine who comes and goes from your own home. Your MIL doesn’t need access to your home without your permission. Start by telling MIL how happy you are that you two have a good relationship. With two little ones at home, you need more peace and privacy than ever before.

That you would appreciate her letting you know when she’s coming over. Hearing the garage door in the middle of the day, you’re worried for your safety and that of your children.” nothisTrophyWife

0 points (0 votes)

6. AITJ For Not Using My Daughter's Trust Fund To Pay For Step-Daughter's Surgery?


“I (30) am married to my husband Tony (35). We have one biological daughter together Claire (5) and he has a daughter Ana (10) from a previous relationship.

Right before Tony and I got married I went on my bachelorette trip to Vegas and won a huge prize. The funds were a pre-marital asset so it went into my account and I paid off some debt and then took the remaining funds and put them into a trust for Claire.

Recently we found out that Ana needs surgery. So Tony’s ex-wife asked for help since it’ll be very expensive. Tony talked to me about it and asked if we could use some of the funds I won in Vegas. I explained the funds were in a trust for Claire and we couldn’t take it out.

Tony got upset I only thought about Claire and never put anything aside for Ana especially since it happened right before her becoming my stepdaughter.

We got into a big argument and he’s not speaking to me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think you are the jerk for setting up a trust for your daughter, but never mentioning it to your child’s father and husband??

That is odd. Unless you knew your husband would have asked about his older daughter. I’m also a little confused by the timeline. You won before you were married, so it does mean they are your funds to do with as you wish. Was your daughter already born?

Either way, it is weird you would lock in those funds for the daughter. It seems like you knew you didn’t want it shared.” Cappa_Cail

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Both children have two parents (currently living) who can support them. You did not know about this surgery prior to putting the funds into a trust fund for your biological child.

I am certain that if your bio child needed surgery, his ex would laugh if you asked for her help to pay for it. Yes, you were together when you won, but that isn’t relevant in my opinion. The funds were put into a trust because it WAS a smart financial decision.

Would it have been nice to have put something aside for your future stepdaughter? Yes. Was it your responsibility at the time? Emphatically NO.” zeeelfprince

Another User Comments:

“I’m not saying that I think OP is the jerk, but a few posters have made the comparison of, if OP’s daughter had needed funds would her husband’s ex step up?

That is kind of apples & oranges. There is never an expectation that someone would contribute to an ex-spouse’s new family, whereas the argument could be made that OP created a family with her new husband when they married that included his daughter. It would be more in line to ask OP – if her daughter needed money for a medical issue, would she want her ex-husband’s new wife to kick in some money if she had a windfall?

OP is not obligated to pay for a child that isn’t hers, so I wouldn’t go so far as to say she is the jerk, and there isn’t any info offered about the severity of the medical issue – is it elective or life saving – and what the financial situation of the bio parents is – is it life saving surgery that is out of reach due to financial limitations & OP could kick in without taking too much of a hit due to winnings?

There is too much missing info, IMO, but I guess I will stick with NTJ.” TabithaStephens71

0 points (0 votes)

5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Roommate's Future Baby?


“I, a 23-year-old female, have been living with my roommate, a 21-year-old female, for just about a year now. I wouldn’t consider us friends, but we get along well and she’s been nice to live with.

She just approached me today and told me she’s pregnant, multiple tests have been taken. I asked what her plan was and she told me that the situationship has been told and wants nothing to do with her or any baby and wants her to get rid of the baby.

She told me she’s going to give it a week to think it over and then make a decision.

I don’t want to put more pressure on her or influence her decision negatively, but I don’t want to be living with a baby.

I also don’t want to be the one moving out since the apartment was mine first since she moved in with me. I don’t know if I should talk to her about this before or after she makes her decision. I think she should at least hear what I think since it impacts my living situation.”

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to go against the grain here and say….you would be the jerk. You aren’t demanding anything. She has every right to decide if she keeps this baby or not. You’re simply stating your boundaries, which are very valid and sensible boundaries.

You had agreed to live with her under the proviso that it would only be her as your roommate, nobody else. I saw another comment which said they think you should be the one to move out, which is utterly ridiculous to suggest. Firstly, your name is on the lease.

Secondly, you shouldn’t have to leave your home because your roommate failed to use protection. I’m not sure what a “situationship” is, but it seems to be a double standard to expect you to take responsibility for this baby (via housing) yet nobody expects the father to step up and support and house his child and the mother of his child.

I think the earlier you tell her, the better it will be. It gives her more time to process, find somewhere else to live, and to have better options.” majesticjewnicorn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The ‘situationship’ threw me, had to read this over a few times to ‘get it’.

She needs to be informed of the consequences of keeping her baby, and that will help her plan accordingly. Let her know in a gentle, calm way how you feel about this. If she doesn’t know you will be planning on her moving out with her child, she NEEDS TO KNOW ASAP.

She might need to move in with her own family, or another friend. She might even be thinking you would be free childcare, and her entire demeanor could change by the time she is in labor. Finding childcare, an apt, help, all of this takes time.

Most daycares will not watch your child under three months and she needs to be aware of all of this, so she can plan, and it takes time for everything to come together. If she decides to keep it, and where she will live, she will need to get on waiting lists ASAP, if she has nobody to help her otherwise.” 4_Science_U_Monster

Another User Comments:

“You should absolutely let her know immediately that you do not wish to have a baby in the apartment and if she has it, she will have to seek new accommodation. Yes, this might influence her decision, but she has to face the reality of the situation.

A baby would drastically change your living situation. Screaming at night, toys and baby gear all over the place, plus you would no doubt be conscripted to babysit “just for a couple of hours” because no one else is available and she just has to do something important.

Some people might love to have a baby around. If you do not, you have every right to tell her so. Babies make their presence known! NTJ.” Maximum-Swan-1009

0 points (0 votes)

4. AITJ For Assuming My Cousin And His Best Friend Are In A Relationship?


“So I (25M) just came back from living overseas the last couple of years. My little cousin Xander (19M) and his “best friend” Mikey (20M) needed a roommate to help pay the lease while they’re in school so I moved in with them last week.

Now I pretty much assumed they were a couple. They have a two-bedroom apartment but no one has ever used the second bedroom. All their stuff is together and they sleep in the same room. They’re always hugging up on each other and acting all cuddly and coupley and playing footsie.

They still have those expensive “friendship rings” they gave each other their junior year that they now wear on a chain. Plus even growing up they’ve been inseparable since they were like 3. They did everything together sports, clubs, double dates with partners, sleepovers, sharing clothes, etc. To this day I don’t think either of them has been on a lone date with a girl without the other there with his girl.

Sooo I thought with the living arrangements they have now they must be out and it’s all official now. Last Thursday I told Xander that hey I met this girl and we were probably gonna get drinks and go to the club Saturday and maybe he’d want to come and bring his man with him.

Like a double date type thing. He got really red in the face and just goes “what are you talking about?” And I’m like your partner Mikey? Again he just gets really flustered then mad and just goes off on me about how he’s not gay and I’m being a jerk for assuming.

And I’m just like what?? I didn’t even necessarily say you were gay but like you clearly at least have a partner. He just tells to stfu and his eyes get a lil wet. I’m just like I’m sorry never mind.

He refuses to speak after that and just hides in their room.

I’m like super perplexed on why he reacted like that cause no one in our family is homophobic especially not my aunt and uncle. I talked to a buddy of mine who is openly gay and he thinks I shouldn’t have said anything but he can definitely see why I had reason to think so.

AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, You misunderstood their relationship and invited them to a social event. He was upset by your interpretation. People can get their feelings hurt without someone HAVING to be the “Bad guy”. If 2 people sleep in the same room and have friendship rings, they are “partners” of SOME variant.

Platonic or not. It is not a “jerk move” to assume they have SOME kind of special connection when you clearly SEE that they have a special connection. Just apologize, but I don’t think this is a “you” problem so much as a Xander and Mikey problem.” rugdg13

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, but I feel that at your age, you’ve moved in with them, at some point I would think you’d have a conversation with your cousin so you could understand the relationship. ‘Hey, so obviously I’ve been out of the loop with you while I’ve been away, and I can’t help but notice how close you and Mikey are…you can tell me if I’m overstepping or up to you if you want to share, but are you a couple?

I mean I’m happy either way, but just with the room-sharing and everything, I just thought I’d bring it up, you can share or not.’ I mean I can see why you assumed, but before actually putting your assumption out there, I think a convo would have happened.” Canadian_01

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s understandable if you feel a little bad about the interaction; sounds like it was pretty awkward, but I definitely don’t think you’re a jerk for extending an offer of friendship and acceptance. Who knows why he reacted the way he did?

He might be afraid of his parents finding out or such. There’s definitely a great opportunity to have another conversation about it and mend things – just say you’re sorry if you overstepped and that you’re available if he ever needs someone to talk to about relationships or anything else for that matter.

No problem in the long run – it’s just one of those little hitches in what are otherwise great long-term family relationships.” TheFries114

0 points (0 votes)

3. AITJ For Defending A Mother And Her Crying Baby On A Train?


“I was traveling by train and I was sitting next to a guy. In front of us was a woman and her baby.

The woman was prepared with toys and everything for the baby but the baby was crying the whole time anyway no matter how much she tried to stop him.

The guy next to me wanted to sleep and snapped at her “why would you bring a baby with yourself on the train? I’m trying to sleep.” The poor woman turned red and apologized but I couldn’t just sit there and watch him treat her like that.

I snapped at him “what do you expect her to do? Mail the baby? If she wants to go somewhere and she has a baby then the baby will go with her. You have a problem with that? Get a private jet. You can’t? Then be quiet like the rest of us.”

Needless to say, we got into a fight and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Thank you so much for standing up for her. Think of it this way: It’s really hard and a bit scary for mums to head out alone with their little ones.

If you hadn’t stood up for him, this could have caused her to isolate herself and not leave the house much with her child, as well as increased anxiety in public. It’s not great to fight around a child either but of course, you can’t control his response.

Hope you are feeling better about this after reading everyone’s reassurance.” phoe_nixipixie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Good on you for sticking up for that poor woman, she tried her best, and she had all the things prepared, but babies sometimes will not be soothed. It’s life.

It’s a shame that man couldn’t sleep, but firstmost, a train is public transport, and everyone is entitled to use it, baby or adult. I’m sure the mum didn’t enjoy having a crying baby either. It’d be different if she ignored the baby totally.” hollyjazzy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I get his side a teensy bit. I dislike crying kids too. It’s one of the reasons I don’t have them. And do I wish someone else’s crying kid would be quiet? Sure. But it’s not like the mother was just letting her kid cry and doing nothing.

She was obviously trying to keep the kid occupied and quiet. But the kid wasn’t having it. Because it’s a baby. And babies cry. Good for you speaking up.” wanderingstorm

0 points (0 votes)

2. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Babysitting My Niece After My Brother-In-Law Spread Lies About Me?


“I 31 (f) have been watching my niece (8) for my brother-in-law (34) for almost a year now. I am the only person he has to watch her because she has behavior problems. I also have three kids of my own.

My niece doesn’t go to the same school as my kids. That’s a big part of the story. I have her five to six nights a week so her dad can go to his night job. I also take her to school, on the opposite side of town from my kids’ school.

I only charge him $40 a week, just so I have gas money.

Here’s the problem, I have found out he’s been complaining and trying to tell people that I’m trying to get him to pay my rent and how he doesn’t understand why she’s a few minutes late for school.

He hasn’t said anything to me but has been complaining about me to anyone who will listen. I found out that he’s been doing this the entire time I’ve been watching her.

Again I’m the only person he has to watch her and take her to school.

So my question is would I be the jerk if I stop watching her since he’s done nothing but complain about me and tried to spread lies?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. In fact, you should politely confront him. “Hey, so I heard through the grapevine that you’re unhappy with how I watch your daughter and take her to school every morning.

It’s a long drive, but I believe that family should help family, and that’s why I’ve been asking you for gas money. It’s hurtful to hear that you’re saying such things about me to other people, and it makes me feel like you don’t consider me family.

So here’s the way it’s going to go: Either you quit gossiping about the free labor I’m giving you, or you can say whatever you want and pay me a fair amount. Room, board, and transportation come out to $350 per week. Your choice.”” Naethe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He wants to be the victim let him be. So he can figure out that childcare and babysitters are much more expensive than 40$ a week. Also, tell him directly why you are refusing to do so. If he is annoying the last person, who helps him and bad-mouthing this person, it is his own fault.

Maybe he will rethink – most likely he will start complaining more – but then he has at least a valid point. And if someone asks you about it, tell them the truth. That he was complaining about paying gas money for an otherwise free full-time babysitter.” Trevena_Ice

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I felt myself become angry as I read your post. Your BIL’s antics triggered a pet peeve of mine: IDK if there is an actual name for this act, but it is when someone wants to be pitied and woo-woo-woo’ed as an aggrieved person, so they lie about an occurrence or they make a mountain out of a molehill.

I agree with the others you should kindly confront your BIL about his antics. But I think you should stop watching your niece. I’m a lot harsher though.” Bubbly_Satisfaction2

0 points (0 votes)

User Image
Joels 1 month ago
Are you sure the source you are hearing this from is reliable or are you just looking for an excuse to quit babysitting?
0 Reply

1. AITJ For Leaving My Mom Alone After She Criticized My Decision To Move Abroad?


“I live around 300km away from my parents and I’m currently visiting.

Spent the day with my mom in a nearby city, doing some shopping for her and my dad and while walking back to the train station, she started questioning me about my future plans which will include moving away to another continent.

It basically all came down to her starting an argument about why I would want to leave my home country anyway, which has been on my mind for years by the way, and blamed it on my closer surroundings.

Sure, I’ve had friendships fall apart, people becoming more flaky and so on in the past year, work has been bad, my education suffered and I dislike the city I live in. But it’s the bigger picture for me. Simply moving to another city won’t do the trick for me and she doesn’t understand it.

I’ve grown out of the mentality most of my fellow countrymen and women have and I enjoy living in my other language. I already got a taste of it and it’s absolutely clear to me that I don’t want to stay here.

She said I’ll be all alone and I told her that I’m well aware of this and she said, “well if that’s what you want”. She said she can’t understand why I’m abandoning my family and she will act “accordingly” by never visiting me.

She said something along the lines of “you don’t want us, so we’ll act accordingly”. I told her I’m abandoning nobody, I’m simply moving away to live a hopefully good life in a place where I feel like I could actually belong and asked her what difference it would make to her if I moved to city XYZ in our country or a different place a couple of thousand kilometers away and she said “you could get in a car if something is up” and I said “what would I get in a car for?” What’s trains and cars now, would be airplanes in the future – where’s the difference?

Then she said it again, that I’m abandoning my family and she’s never gonna come visit me so I dropped her shoppings (I carried a bag of shirts we bought for my dad) and said “you can go home alone” and walked off.

She shouted after me “but you have the ticket” and I said “I know” and kept moving. We’re going by train and she’s sitting nearby so if anyone checked for the ticket, I would’ve told them there’s a lady (in her 60s) in a white coat, she’s on my ticket.

It’s a group ticket on my phone and I would explain to the conductor if someone comes!

But I’m generally just so incredibly disappointed. I’m a grown woman, who maybe doesn’t act accordingly all the time, but for her, nothing I ever do is right or good enough…”

Another User Comments:

“I’m slightly ESH here for I’ve had manipulative parents/family. The guilt tripping by your mother, sheesh. My family of origin wasn’t good and luckily I moved countries and have enjoyed my life. The thing to remember is that you take yourself to a fresh start.

So if you need therapy or counseling, you need it wherever you live. But moving can get you away from a dysfunctional family and their patterns of behavior. Just make sure you learn healthy ones. Info cause I’m curious: you currently live 300km away from your fam.

Does your mother make the effort to visit you now or is it always you making the effort? If it’s always one way, that would have me giving her side eye.” lifeinsatansarmpit

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for leaving your mom hanging like that. She sounds like she’s very unhappy about you moving and unfortunately not very good at sharing her concerns.

If you’re mature enough to make such a decision why is it so important that she agree? You seem to realize it’s an unusual move for your family/community so you shouldn’t be surprised at her reaction. Maybe try reassuring your mom, acting like a grown-up, and showing her you can still care from a distance.” PeppermintWindFarm

-2 points (2 vote(s))

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