People Hope To Improve Themselves After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Commenting About Always Preparing Food For My In-Laws?
“Last spring, we lost my MIL to cancer.
She fought for years. MIL was big on family gatherings and we decided to uphold her tradition of weekly meetings so that we all stay connected instead of drifting apart.
Out of the 3 families, we have the most spacious accommodations and it became the unspoken rule that we’d host. The only rule we set was everyone would take turns covering dinner.
When we’d get together we’d either play games: board or video, watch movies, or occasionally go out and do an activity. As more time passed it became a just go to OP’s house and have fun.
Here’s the issue: while it was initially agreed upon that everyone would take turns getting dinner, whether it’d be making it or buying out, it’s become solely me and my husband doing it.
I brought this up to him and he said he’d talk to his brothers about it. It started off okay and just reverted back to us providing it.
Last weekend my husband went all out and made a huge breakfast buffet-style dinner. It was delicious and everyone enjoyed it.
Until my SiL’s off-handed comment ‘Oh wow, I can’t wait to see what you make us next week.’
I looked at my husband and then at her and said, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize that we were feeding you all again.’
Of course, this made the room go silent and my BiL stated that they’d buy some frozen pizzas to cover our next get-together, but I was fuming because it just solidified in my mind that they were expecting us to cover everything.
After everyone left my husband got a message from his brother stating I had been rude to his wife with my comment. My husband defended me and told him we’ve been feeding 3 families every time we get together and it isn’t cheap so my comment, while snarky I admit, was justified. I am just wondering if I was a jerk for saying anything at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand that your house is most likely the best for hosting but somehow these people forgot the agreement of everyone taking turns. Have your husband set up an online calendar and sign up for every third week. Let the others sign up for the others.
If they want to host at your place great but make it clear that your week means you provide all the food and beverages.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to keep things going, I’d write up a schedule and send it out.
That way it’s on paper who is supposed to provide food. And if they ‘forget’, DON’T provide any food. Just tell them to doordash or ‘There’s a good restaurant 10 min away. Why don’t you order and go pick it up?’ If they get snarky with you about not providing food.
Absolutely throw the person who was supposed to be under the bus with the rest of the family. ‘We’ve covered more than our fair share of meals and we’ve continued to use our space to house. Do you know how much effort it takes to do that?
I can see now that you were using these events for a free meal and not because you wanted to hang out with family. We do not appreciate you taking advantage of our generosity.'” porkypandas
21. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Don't Think Her Fiance's Cousin Would Try To Upstage Her?
“My (19F) sister (23F) recently got married to her partner of five years. It was a beautiful wedding; the ceremony went smoothly, the food was delicious, and people loved the color theme and the decor. The theme is where my sister is creating an issue.
Both parties had a theme of brown and gold. Brown was for the bride’s side and gold for the groom’s. So, all immediate family members dressed accordingly; there were no requirements for the guests.
Except that one family member, the groom’s (only) cousin, wore a gray dress to the wedding.
Obviously, she didn’t stand out in the crowd, but she did in family photos. My sister is now claiming she tried to upstage her by wearing a gray dress and not following the theme. She demands an apology from her for insulting their special day.
BIL defended the cousin; he didn’t tell her about the color theme. But my sister won’t budge.
To be fair, she has her reasons or some. She and the cousin have a history of one-upping each other. They are members of the same church and vocalists on their praise and worship team, so that’s where all their rivalry and distrust come from.
I told my sister that I doubted this woman, who likes to be the best at church functions, would try to upstage a bride and be an object of public scrutiny. That doesn’t do her any good. And if she wants to be specific about standing out, then our brother wore a brown hoodie and a cap.
In a sea of formals, he stood out. But she is being unreasonable about things that nobody thought were an issue, and if she goes on, she might come across as unhinged to her in-laws, and some might call her a bridezilla even though she wasn’t one.
Now, she is calling me a jerk sister who doesn’t stick up for her siblings and pushes them to defend a stranger. She wants me to apologize for said reason and for calling her unhinged. She is quite upset with me, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is done is done, now find ways to move on instead of creating drama on an empty spot. If your sister wants she can always make this cousin disappear or paint her dress brown, photoshop has come very far in the last 20 years, so she can do literally whatever she wants with pictures that she has so tell her to leave the real cousin alone and take a digital revenge if she feels the need for it.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s honestly funny that women are catty gossips in every. single. setting. on. earth. Schools, work, clubs, social gatherings, friends, family, and yes, even freaking church. Will we ever learn not to dunk on each other? Nope. But nonetheless, it’s immature and highly unnecessary.
Your sister needs to grow up and realize there’s actually NO COMPETITION here. Or at least, there shouldn’t be. I am not a regular church-goer right now, but as a Christian whose mother was a choir singer—it is counter-productive and inherently un-Christian.
It was a major source of annoyance for my mom that some women would behave this way.
Also… you know what Jesus had to say about this kinda thing? Turn the other cheek. And that’s what she should do for all slights, real or imagined. ” Possible-Tutor-1074
20. AITJ For Being Disappointed About The Car My Parents Gave To Me On My Birthday?
“When my (17F) stepbrother, stepsister, and full sister all turned 17, they were gifted cars that my mom and stepdad bought for them. The arrangement was that the two of them save up, the person turning seventeen tells them what cars they like within the budget of what they have saved and it is bought for them, then all we have to do is save for our insurance.
I am the youngest child and I’ve been waiting and waiting for my birthday to come, mom and stepdad saved me a total of £4500 for my car which was amazing. I really didn’t have a preference for a type of car but I did mention how much I love white cars, so whatever was best for the money and if they could get it in white was fine by me.
Last week my full sister (20) decided she wanted to buy an Audi A1, so I was under the impression she had saved up and paid for it and was selling her old Fiat 500 since it was very messed up, needed door panel replacing (or something along those lines) and had MANY dents in the body.
So I woke up this morning so excited about my first car, went outside with my family, and didn’t see any unfamiliar cars on the driveway, just my mom’s car, stepdad’s work van, and my sister’s old and new car. They looked at me expectantly and I asked where my car was and they told me that my sister’s old car was now my car.
I was very confused at this point and found out that they handed my sister the £4500 to put towards her car and I got her old damaged car. The car has not been fixed up, had not been cleaned, or even tidied up (it’s a very messy car and she leaves old food in there so there’s quite a smell to it too).
I got upset because the rest of my siblings got big reveals and the cars they wanted for their birthdays and I got nothing like it, so we had a big family argument where I’ve been called a spoiled and ungrateful brat. It hurt the most that they gave her the money for another car when she was already gifted one three years ago and I got a beat-up, smelly uncared for car for my birthday
Am I justified for feeling so upset or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, your parents were doing a nice thing for you and, yes, I can see how they thought they could kill two birds with one stone by purchasing the Fiat from your sister, but if they had just given five seconds of thought to how this would be received by you, they would have realized what a bad idea it is.
With a budget of 4500, it sounds like you weren’t expecting a brand new car, but I think – based on the experience of your siblings – you were reasonably expecting a ‘new to you’ car. Instead, you got a hand-me-down that hadn’t even been cleaned. Anyone – teenager or not – would be disappointed with this.
One thing you could do is attempt to sell the car. If you can get 4500 or more, great! If you can’t, it highlights the fact that your parents used the money saved for your car to subsidize a nicer car for your sister. Sister should therefore pay the difference between what you get and 4500.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even though getting any car as a gift is a gift in and of itself, this feels like a kick in the teeth. So all three siblings got to make some basic requests within budgetary reason. Yours was simply a white car.
Somehow all three older siblings got their cars, which included a Fiat 500. Now that the older sibling wants to trade up, she steals your car savings and puts it towards her SECOND new (to her) car while you get her old beater. That’s unfair.
I don’t understand how your parents went along with this.
I am sorry this happened and that they can’t see how three siblings got what they wanted and you literally got a car your sister didn’t even want anymore and have to look at her new car, partially paid for by the funds that should have been for your car.
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get My Mom Involved In My Wedding Planning?
“I (27/f) am getting married in 2 years and I am terrified that my wedding will be ruined by my mother.
I have seen all these videos of moms helping their daughters get ready on their wedding day or they dedicate their bouquets to their mothers.
I always get sad because I don’t see myself doing that with my mother at my wedding.
As I have grown up and become a mother myself and seen the way my MIL (who has 3 sons) treats me by helping me clean myself up to feel better after a day of cooking, making sure I am taking care of myself and being more maternal towards me than my own mother.
I’ve realized that my mother is not very motherly and she doesn’t even enjoy spending time with her grandkids cause it’s ‘work for her’ and it throws her own schedule off (she is a stay-at-home mom with an empty house).
My mother and I haven’t had the worst relationship or the best. We’ve always butt heads and every time I visited in college we would get in blowout fights leading me to leave early.
For my nursing graduation, I had to be at the venue at a certain time, and due to the time conflict, we couldn’t make it to her favorite restaurant for dinner due to their short hours. This caused her to throw a toddler tantrum til my dad drove her there to pick up takeout from that restaurant & be late for my graduation.
I drove to my graduation alone.
Then for my son’s 1st birthday, she didn’t eat all day and someone said ‘Maybe I can pick up a pizza from the store for lunch’. Well, she had taken it as they were picking up NY-style pizza.
When she found out no food was being picked up she started to throw a toddler tantrum. I offered to throw together lunch (even after I made all the food for my son’s birthday and decorated it so no one had to do anything) and she just went psycho and turned her nose to every suggestion I had.
This led to a huge fight cause she was yelling and cursing about how she wanted food.
Now the reason why I don’t want her involved in my wedding. She is not paying for any of it because she will complain about spending money and I also don’t want her to try to make decisions about things because she would be paying for it.
She would try to include herself in everything including my bachelorette party (she has already invited herself when it’s not even planned yet). And lastly, she would make the day about herself or throw a tantrum cause something is not going her way.
So AITJ for not wanting to include my mom in all the festivities including getting ready before the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has a long history of throwing tantrums at your events. It is very likely (inevitable) that she will do the same at your pre-wedding events and actual wedding. Including her would be foolish in the extreme. It would be unkind to your fiance to ruin his wedding by inviting someone who will misbehave.
It would be disrespectful to your other guests, whose enjoyment of the celebration will be dampened by your mother’s histrionics.
Frankly, if you include her, YTJ. You know she’ll invent some excuse to create an embarrassing and hurtful scene. Why invite her to sabotage your wedding?
You’ll be humiliated. Your fiance and his family will be infuriated. Your friends will be disgusted and your mom will be inconsolably sobbing because the flower arrangements were a deliberate insult. No one will have a good time, so why put yourself through the anguish?” Catacombs3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You owe her nothing, you owe yourself your full life – make today the first day of the life you want. You have lucked into a sweet MIL. Now is the time to make sure YOU do what YOU want to do.
Start with a complete information diet – no information at all about your wedding or planning. Set clear boundaries with her, but don’t engage.
I eventually trained my very similar MIL who started talking trash about my SILs and BIL: ‘That makes me uncomfortable and I need to hang up.’ Don’t answer the phone if you don’t want to talk.
And if you have some trusted people, put them in charge of ‘wedding tantrums.’ It’s hard at first (for my wife, I viewed it as my gift to her) but our life is calm and free of the many funeral/wedding/graduation tantrums for 2 decades now.” 2moms3grls
18. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Explain To My Kids Why I Spend A Lot Of Time With Their Sister?
“My ex and I have 3 kids together (4f, 5m, 7f) and I have a daughter (14) from a previous relationship. My ex and I just split and are still figuring out custody but right now I have them on weekdays and he has them on weekends.
My ex is refusing to see or speak to my oldest and it has been hard on her.
My oldest has an autoimmune disease. She also has a lot of trauma surrounding hospitals so I can not leave her alone in a hospital for any reason.
She used to be fine with me not being there but with my ex not wanting anything to do with her, she’ll panic if I go more than a few minutes without checking in even when she is with a trusted family member/family friend.
Last week my oldest came to me saying her back was hurting, then her head, then her neck was feeling stiff. I took her to the hospital and she has meningitis. It’s viral, which is the least severe kind, but we’ve been in the hospital for 5 days and she is still going to be here for a little while.
My kids have been at their dad’s house and spending time with family. They were getting mad at me for spending so much time at the hospital so I called my best friend, who is a pediatric nurse, and asked if she could take them out to ice cream and explain why I had to be in the hospital with my oldest in a way they’ll understand.
She took them out for ice cream and then brought them to the hospital so they could see me and her and so we could switch (she stayed with my oldest for a few hours so I could get some time with the younger ones).
They told me about what my friend said and it all seemed very age-appropriate and they seemed very understanding of the situation.
I dropped them off at their dad’s house after and he called me to yell at me for ‘guilt-tripping’ the kids about the whole situation and for telling the kids that he refuses to see my oldest (I guess they asked my friend why he doesn’t stay with her and why she doesn’t go to his house).
My parents are saying they’re too young to be talking to them about their sister’s medical conditions and say I should’ve made something up instead of bringing them into this mess. AITJ for having my friend talk to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing your best to navigate a difficult situation while trying to provide love and care for all of your children.
It was a good idea to have a trusted family friend explain the situation in an age-appropriate manner.
Your ex’s reaction seems to be more about his own guilt than anything else. It’s not your fault that he is refusing to see or support your oldest daughter, and it’s natural for your younger kids to have questions about this.
You didn’t guilt-trip them. You simply provided them with the information they needed to understand their sister’s condition and your presence at the hospital.
Your parents’ suggestion to make up a story might have led to more confusion and mistrust in the long run. Being honest with your children, in an age-appropriate way, can help them better understand and cope with the situation.
It’s not your fault that your ex is choosing not to be involved with your oldest daughter, and you’re doing your best to manage the situation for the well-being of all your children.” HaileyCelestial
Another User Comments:
“Your ex and parents are the jerks and your ex is an enormous jerk.
Your oldest calls him Dad. He has been part of her life since she was 5. You all lived together. He now discards her and she is hospitalized with meningitis and has a medically complex profile and has an autoimmune condition.
Meanwhile, you are supporting your hospitalized 14-year-old who is very sick and who has medical trauma while trying to meet the needs of three smaller kids.
He refuses to see the 14-year-old or speak to her. The younger kids picked up on it before your friend said a word. They clearly have questions and need to be given honest answers. Frankly, they may have a fear that they, too, will be discarded if they get sick.
They’re seeing what he is doing to their older sister, and it’s only natural to worry that he’ll do the same to them.
Your parents are very wrong. Your ex is a piece of work. A decent ex would never throw away a stepchild like this, and bend over backwards to help support you and the kids through this trying time.
Instead, he is all about appearances and his ego when the truth gets out.” thcitizgoalz
17. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepfather That He's A Terrible Parent?
“I (19f) am the oldest of 7 kids. My mom (40f) has kidney cancer and because of this, I am usually helping with her daily tasks. My stepdad (59m) works an 8-4 shift Monday through Friday and he is a maintenance worker for the church and school next to our house.
I usually work nights to stay home during the day, watch my baby brother, keep an eye on my mom, drive her to appointments, etc.
Before my mom got sick, she would clean the house, make dinner, you know, housewife duties, and my stepdad never really needed to help with the kids because my mom would do everything, but now since I am doing everything I ask him for help because it’s a lot of kids and responsibilities for me.
I really only ask for his help with the things I know he can do like making the kids lunch or changing my baby brother’s diapers; telling my sisters to clean up after themselves or helping them with homework.
This past week has been especially difficult because it is my sister’s 15th birthday on Tuesday and I am in charge of planning her quinceñera.
I asked my stepdad to watch the younger kids and to pick up the older kids from volleyball practice at 4 while I went to pick up the flowers and decorations in another city.
I left at 3 because it was a long drive and my sister Nemo (14) was coming with me so she couldn’t watch them.
It was 4:45ish when the school called me asking when I would be picking the kids up. The older girls are 10 and 8 and were not allowed to walk home without a parent or guardian. Anyway when I called my dad and asked why he didn’t pick up the girls, he was wasted and slurring ‘That’s not my job you should have picked them up.’
When I realized that he was wasted (he is a major heavy drinker) I immediately dropped everything and sped over to the school. When I picked up my sisters we went home and I freaked out on him. I yelled at him and said he was a terrible parent and that he was lucky that I got there before the school called CPS.
After the argument, I immediately took the kids out to eat because I felt bad they heard me say that to him. I don’t know if I should apologize or if I was in the right and should stand my ground.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t apologize. You’ve been put in a terrible situation because obviously, you don’t want CPS involved but also your parents are letting you down. Do you have any other family nearby, like grandparents or aunts and uncles who can step in to get your jerk stepfather to step up or they can intervene?
You’re very young to be looking out for your mom, sisters, and baby brother – that’s too much stress for one teenager to be juggling. The fact you’re even thinking of apologizing tells me you have been put in this position unfairly by useless adults and you just want peace for your siblings.
What about your mom? What’s her take on all of this?” No_Ad_770
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and he needs to get help for the drinking. I don’t know how sick your mom is even if it’s just a long-term arrangement and she will hopefully recover it sounds like he needs to get it together for the sake of the children.
I would probably give him an ultimatum ‘I will only continue to help with the family if you seek the help you need to recover from drinking addiction,’ (whether it is rehab, therapy, or whatever he needs to get over this as soon as possible.) Time to man up and raise the family he helped create.
Right now he is a terrible parent but I feel like he can fix it. He needs to do it. If he didn’t have you he would very likely lose all those children.
Also, he is the one who should apologize.” dmc81076
16. AITJ For Refusing To Reimburse My Ex Until His Billing Situation Gets Sorted?
“My ex (M 35) and I (F 35) were divorced 12 years ago.
We have two kids together, and I have provided health insurance for them through my employers since before the divorce was finalized.
Last year my ex decided that he didn’t want to reimburse me for half of the kids’ health insurance premium anymore, so he got his own policy.
I maintained my policy as well, I have a third child through my second marriage and the family rate applies no matter how many kids are on it so it doesn’t make sense to discontinue.
Now that part is fine and dandy, but our kids both see therapists regularly and I’d been noticing that the CoPays were inconsistent, some times we’d be charged $75 per my plan, sometimes $45 or $20 (not sure where those two numbers come from), and sometimes not at all.
I called the billing department to figure out what was going on, and they told me that besides my active policy, they were showing two inactive policies under my ex. The representative I spoke with explained that I needed to call my insurance provider and give them the details of the kids’ second policy so that they could set up a continuation of benefits and tell us what the copay should be moving forward.
This means that my company is billed first, and then they pass it along to the secondary policy after paying out whatever portion they cover.
The billing department was even kind enough to place a hold on collecting copays until the COB was put in place and explained we may even be due a refund.
I contacted my ex to ask for the kids’ health insurance policy info under his name (mine is the primary), but he refused to give it to me because the parenting plan doesn’t specifically state that we agree to share kids’ insurance policy information. I told him I would not be reimbursing him for any CoPays until he provided the information or set up the COB with his provider.
I ordered extra cards to provide him with his own copies of the kids’ health insurance cards through me, so he has all the info required to do so. AITJ for refusing to reimburse him until this billing situation gets sorted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Go to court. He doesn’t have insurance on them. He thinks he is clever. He owes you reimbursement for the premiums. You can also have your insurance send you a coordination of benefits form and ask him to fill this out and return it to the insurance.
Be warned that your insurance will likely stop processing claims until the issue is resolved. Providers have 180 days to file claims, so he has to get this information to the therapist as soon as possible.” Wiser_Owl99
Another User Comments:
“Oh, for Pete’s sake. NTJ.
Also, any doctor that your child sees will need to have policy information for any coverage that applies. If you know of a second policy and don’t hand over the information, your carrier might accuse you of fraud (because the second policy would decrease their financial burden).
I would go to the primary doctor and pretend you lost the kiddo’s insurance cards and ask for copies of what they have on file. If that doesn’t do it, I am afraid you may need to take your ex back to court because he is being a GIANT JERK.” Total_Vanilla_8413
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Join My Best Friend's Birthday Outing?
“I (18M) have been friends with Grace (18F) for over a decade.
Her perception of money is very absurd, especially when it comes to other people. She is financially well off thanks to her allowance (£120 a month) and birthday/Christmas presents, (she got £5K for her birthday & she does not have a job).
I am unemployed at the moment and don’t have as financially stable parents (also at £35 in my bank account and have had to terminate all my cards because of identity fraud.)
Recently, she invited me to visit her for her birthday. I already checked and train tickets would be from £20 to £30 return.
Along with the train tickets, I would need to purchase tickets to the club (not sure how much yet, depends if she wants to go to a special event or a regular club, so £0 – £40 max).
After inviting me she mentioned that we should get a hotel since we’d all be in another city and obviously we’d be out past midnight.
Sighed at first, but I asked if she was the type to leave the club early to the point we needed a hotel or if she could last until the first-morning train came (4:30 am). Very doable.
She said it’d be better to get a hotel for the night, so I let her do her thing.
She then texts me saying she found a really good hotel. The price was just shy of £300 for a single night (there would be 4 of us so the split is around £75 each AND if no one cancels last-minute). She tried to justify it saying it was a ‘pretty good price’ because guess what… there was a swimming pool & sauna!
Seeing the check-in and check-out times & that we would be out from 10 pm + a couple of hours to get ready, eat out & pre-drink, there would be no time to use the facilities. Maybe for an hour max, but I would have to bring an extra change of clothes & swimwear – all unnecessary items I don’t want to worry about and not worth £75.
She told me to get back to her and I told her exactly, ‘I can literally not guarantee you that I will have money by then, 99% chance I won’t have at least half the money to fund it’. She replied, ‘Save some then, it’s to celebrate my birthday’ with a tearful eye emoji.
She is giving me 3-4 weeks to save up £100+ when I am unemployed and don’t rely on my parents for money anymore. I reminded her that I didn’t have a job & she got £5K for her birthday, and her response was, ‘Neither do I!
You should just sell feet pics’ and also ‘I only have £300 left, which is not a lot’, LIKE EXCUSE ME?
Her lack of financial awareness really frustrates me as not everyone is privileged. She is not able to see eye to eye with other people’s financial problems. Always expects me to buy EXPENSIVE food & drinks with her whenever we go out and I am tired of her not understanding my struggles even though I tell her.
She is also asking me to save up ridiculous amounts for 3 festivals this year (in total, probably around £1K) which I in no way can afford in less than half a year. Even if I could, I would rather book myself a couple of holidays!”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. And she is NTJ. She sounds like she really wants you part of her big events and you really want to be there to support her but you just don’t have the money. She is not mad you don’t have the money – she just doesn’t understand how much you are struggling.
Maybe be clearer with her about how tight it really is.
Keep looking for a job – and I really hope you find one. 18 is still young yet. One idea is to sell plasma – gets you money and saves a life. But if you did – even that would probably go towards your bills first until you can get a job.
She seems like the kind of friend who probably understands. Even if she doesn’t understand the money situation I just mean she knows you would make it if you could but it’s not personal. I hope it works out.” More-Diet3566
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing.
You’re being too vague in your responses to her. You didn’t actually tell her you can’t go. You need to respond with something along the lines of ‘I am sorry but that’s not something I can afford at this time. I am so sorry I have to miss your birthday celebrations but maybe we can get together another time and do a homemade meal (or something else) more aligned with my current budget.’ Then keep repeating it’s not in my budget when she keeps trying to guilt you.
NTJ if you actually tell her in clear and polite language that this is not affordable but you would be the jerk if you continue to use vague and ambiguous language.” geekylace
14. AITJ For Being Upset About My Wife And Her Friend's Prank On My Mom?
“My mom hasn’t been the greatest in the past. She can be really rude and was catty.
She didn’t get off to a good start with my wife due to her own rude and self-centered behavior, but I took my wife’s side and laid down boundaries. My mom gets that she can’t be rude these days. I fully get my wife will never like her, mom probably won’t like her either, and we all just avoid each other for the most part.
Don’t get me wrong. It makes me sad as I used to be close to my family, but my wife comes first.
We recently got married and it was a nearly perfect day. The one issue that arose was that my mom had a fairly large very noticeable food coloring stain on her cheek (about the size of a lighter).
Obviously, she wasn’t happy about this and wanted it covered. She never does her own makeup and knows very little about makeup. The makeup artist was a friend of my wife’s and knew all the drama about my mom. She told her she would try but the makeup would have to be darker to hide it.
She and my wife giggled ahead of time and decided to mess with her. She made it super dark, like orange. My mom has fair skin so it looked ridiculous. My mom seemed to believe her that nothing lighter would cover it and just removed all the makeup and went on with her big pink blotch.
I didn’t know about this at the time, but we recently got back from our honeymoon and my wife hosted a dinner to look at wedding pictures. Her friends all began laughing about what they did to my mom. This was the first time I heard about it and I said that was kind of mean girlish.
My wife gave me a look. Her friends kept saying it was funny and my mom was dumb and got what she deserved.
At this point, I got annoyed and said they acted like middle school bullies and they should be embarrassed. Whatever my mom had done in the past, she was not the problem on the wedding day.
This might be way too far, but I said at least she laughed it off and moved on with her spot. They would have spent the whole day insecure and worried about Instagram.
When they left my wife became very upset and said I should be on her side 100%, not 95%, and that I humiliated her by speaking to her friends like that.
She accused me of being a mama’s boy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It looks like you’re going to have to set some boundaries with your wife. After you did that with your mom she behaved. You married a mean, childish, vindictive woman. The fact that she got defensive with you and called you a mamma’s boy says so much about her.
In the beginning, my mother was horrible to my husband – both my first and second. Neither of my MILs liked me much either. But we didn’t resort to meanness or sniping. This could get to be a lifelong thing if it’s not nipped in the bud.
After getting firm with my mother, if you treat him badly I won’t come around either, she relented. In the end, she seemed to like both my first and my second husband better than she liked me! Most (not all) people can change if they have a good reason to.
Suggestion: maybe couple’s counseling is in order? If how you approached this with your wife and her friends is accurate, you were not out of order; this is your mother, for Pete’s sake! But they also sound terribly immature. Communication and respect are essential for a successful marriage.
A counselor can help with this. Good luck.” cordelia1955
Another User Comments:
“That is awful, your mom was inappropriate you set boundaries, and you said yourself she was not the problem at your wedding! That is a horrible and vindictive thing to do! And just bc she is your wife she also is not entitled to behave so poorly!
You also said you used to be close to your family and now not so much because your wife comes first! What?! Most couples balance spouses and family! I am not sure why one has to stop being close to their family because they have a partner?
I guarantee your wife would lose her mind if you did something similar to her parent and I guarantee her relationship had not changed with her family. You have a wife problem! I feel sorry for you!” Secure_Morning7464
13. AITJ For Shouting At My Brother-In-Law On Mother's Day?
“Today was Mother’s Day in the UK, and naturally as the eldest sister, I usually host. I love it and everyone pitches in to bring a dish and it’s such great fun.
So, I have two younger brothers – Mike (23M) and Adam (20M). Adam has a best friend called Gracie (19F). She is basically part of the family and it’s weird not to see her at events.
It has been obvious to anyone with eyes that Mike has had a massive crush on Gracie for the past year or so.
That girl walks into a room and suddenly he is fumbling on his words and turning bright red. It’s honestly adorable.
In the recent few months, he was grumbling about how he didn’t know how to ask her out and our sister’s husband began ribbing him about being a coward and ‘less of a man’ for not knowing how to ask a girl out.
The reason he was so hesitant was because his previous partner was very abusive and he needed time to recover from it and feel ready to start a new relationship. BIL is fully aware.
My mother has told our sister numerous times to get a leash on her husband but she insists it’s just banter.
Mike was very uncomfortable about it but didn’t want to seem weak so didn’t say anything.
Today, Mike turned up to my place for the meal and brought a dish I KNEW he didn’t know how to make. Then I saw Gracie behind him and turns out, he asked her out on Valentine’s Day!
It was the hot topic for the first 15 mins of the meal but we swiftly moved on. BIL did not and kept making nasty jokes about Mike being too much of a coward for Gracie since he waited a year and he let a woman ‘mess him up’ (his ex).
That’s when I lost it and basically started telling him off like he was a child. My sister rushed to his defense and since he refused to apologize, I made them leave.
Mike is thankful (if a little embarrassed) but my sister is furious and wants me to apologize for belittling her husband.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He went too far. You let him know. Your sister is okay with her husband belittling her brother right in front of the woman he finally got (and was crushing over for a year) and brought up his toxic ex.
The BIL sounds brutal. Not sure why he went there but I am glad you kicked him out because it could have only gotten worse from there.
Good job standing up for your brother! BIL seriously owes your brother an apology and now I think your sister does too for her allowing BIL to trash talk him in front of family like that, unprovoked, and being cool with it.
Come to think of it BIL kind of owes an apology to everyone there by making the whole event about himself during Mother’s Day.
You did the right thing – you might have regretted not saying something later and you handled it well. NTJ.” More-Diet3566
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was okay with her husband bullying her brother and defending him but the moment you spoke up to defend your brother you were belittling her husband and needed to apologize. No freaking way. He is a grown man who is choosing to make snide remarks about family, he needs to grow up and so does your sister.
Your mom warned them, it’s unfortunate it happened on Mother’s Day but I am glad your mom was happy for you standing up to your BIL for your brother, it shows she is supporting all of her children and not letting your BIL be a jerk to her other child because he married your sister.” Beautiful_Pain_7287
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancee's Mom To Bring Her New Partner To Our Wedding?
“My (28M) fiancée (27F) and I are getting married in early summer. The planning is almost done and we’re going to be sending off physical invitations before the end of the month. It is going to be a very small wedding, about 20 guests.
Closest friends, immediate family, and on each side, a pair of family friends (our parents’ age) who knew us growing up.
My MIL (60F) is a widow. My fiancée’s dad, MIL’s late husband, died many years ago, while my fiancée was still a teenager.
Fiancée was much closer to her dad than her mom growing up, and the loss was understandably devastating. MIL has been in relationships on and off, some flings, some more serious while my fiancée and I have been together. My fiancée has always been friendly to her mom’s partners.
Of course, it’s hard, but she supports her mom and wants her to be happy.
3 weeks ago, MIL started going out with someone new. We don’t live in the same city as her, so we have not met him. (According to my fiancée, she is head over heels for him).
Yesterday, MIL made a comment to fiancée (over the phone) about bringing her new partner to the wedding.
I am sure he is a nice guy, but I don’t want him at our wedding. He is a stranger and it’s a small, intimate affair.
Regardless of the context, I personally find it bizarre to ask about bringing a partner with whom you’ve been together for less than a month to something like this; it would be different if it was a big wedding.
Fiancée does not want the new guy at the wedding.
While she supports her mom, the reality is that my fiancée is on some level still going to be devastated that her dad isn’t going to be there to see her get married. (Of course, if MIL had a long-term partner, she would understand and he would be invited. Yes, there would be some discomfort, but that’s the reality of loss — and that grief coexists with the joy of our wedding).
Fiancée said this to MIL on the phone yesterday, but MIL insisted that she take some time to ‘think about it’. (There is a history of MIL paving over fiancée’s boundaries and guilting her into caving.)
We want to tell MIL that she can’t bring her new partner.
And to be clear, MIL is personally close with 6 of the 20 other guests (family and family friends), whom she will be seated with. She has previously met another ~8-10 guests (at our engagement party). She will not be alone in a crowd of people.
We know that she is excited about her new relationship, but it just feels too weird and uncomfortable for us.
So WIBTJ if I (we) called MIL and told her before the invitations go out that she won’t be getting a plus one to our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you are having a small and intimate wedding. Your wife-to-be – with you there – should tell MiL-to-be that it’s just her invitation as you have kept numbers low to allow this to be a gathering of those you know well but that’s it.
Are you having a larger gathering casually later? If yes, invite the new guy to that. If not perhaps you could arrange a dinner or lunch with MiL and her partner shortly after the wedding. To be honest the new man might not be excited about attending given the relative recency of the relationship.” au5000
Another User Comments:
“Normally I’d say let MIL bring the guy, but as you’ve explained it you do not want to meet anyone at your wedding. I didn’t either. Maybe give your fiancée’s dad some kind of role in the wedding posthumously and in remembrance.
An empty chair, a memorial table, mentioning some advice he gave, etc. Tell MIL that you’re sorry, but this is a very small wedding, there will be a memorial thing/special place for her dad, and it isn’t appropriate to bring her new partner into this.
You are only inviting those who have been with you your entire lives. Now, if she marries him, you’re gonna have to invite him.” spunkiemom
11. AITJ For Not Liking How Close My Partner Is To His Female Best Friend?
“I (25f) have been with my partner ‘Mike’ (27m) for a year now.
We have a great relationship, and I love him.
However, there’s one issue that has been bothering me, his close friendship with his female best friend, ‘Emma’ (26f).
Mike and Emma have been friends since childhood, and they’re extremely close. They talk almost every day, hang out often, and share many inside jokes. I’ve tried to be understanding and accepting of their friendship, but recently, I’ve become increasingly uncomfortable with how intimate their connection seems to be.
For example, they often have movie nights together, just the two of them, and Mike will cook her favorite meals. Emma also frequently calls or texts him late at night to talk about her problems, and Mike always seems to prioritize her needs over mine.
One time, she even asked him to accompany her to a wedding as her ‘plus one’ because she didn’t want to go alone, and Mike agreed without even discussing it with me.
I’ve tried to express my concerns to Mike, but he insists that they’re just friends and that I have nothing to worry about.
He tells me that Emma is like a sister to him and that I should trust him. Still, I can’t help but feel hurt and insecure about their relationship.
A few days ago, I reached my breaking point when Emma called Mike while we were on a date, and he spent over an hour on the phone with her, comforting her about a problem she was having.
I got upset and told him that I felt disrespected and that he should establish some boundaries with Emma. He accused me of being jealous and controlling, and we’ve been arguing about it ever since.
AITJ for feeling threatened by my partner’s close friendship with his female best friend and wanting him to set boundaries?
Or am I overreacting and should just accept their relationship as it is?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is putting their friendship before your relationship. He can have friends of the opposite sex, but he also needs to acknowledge what makes you uncomfortable. He shouldn’t be dipping out on you to spend an hour on the phone with her unless she is in an emergency or crisis.
If everything was above board, she’d be trying to get to know you and include you in movie nights, etc.
It’s not that they can’t ever be alone together, but things should naturally shift when a friend (especially of the opposite sex) has a partner.
It doesn’t sound like he cares how this makes you feel or is willing to make any changes. You should end things before they spiral into a fight you ‘lose’ because he is crossing lines and blaming the issue on you being ‘insecure.’ You can’t win this one.” knapen50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wasn’t sure at first but when he basically ditched you to talk to her that changed everything. You need to either sit him down and tell him that when he is out with you, you are his main priority at that moment.
If he can’t at least accept that boundary you need to end this relationship and find someone who will prioritize you. Ask him how he would feel if you had a straight male best friend who called you all hours of the night, cooked you your favorite dinners, and pulled you away from a date so you could talk to him for an hour.
And that if he told you he wanted you to set boundaries you called him jealous and controlling.” Nerdygirl1984
10. AITJ For Thinking I'm Entitled To My Late Dad's Assets?
“My dad was a horrible dad. He has been a raging drinking addict since I was young. Wasn’t involved in our life, lived to drink.
My parents and him separated a few years ago but their divorce only became final a few months ago.
He ended up being found dead in September through a welfare check.
Per his will, his assets were to go to my sister and me. This included the house we grew up in and a few thousand dollars he had in his bank account.
Turns out he never refinanced the house so per my mom’s attorney, that automatically made the house my mom’s. She put it up for sale. I didn’t question it going to her until I got a phone call from the title company the day before closing on the house telling me they needed me to sign papers saying it’s okay that all the proceeds go to my mom.
This was a red flag to me. Why would they need my permission for this if it was clear-cut that the house was my mom’s? I asked the title woman and she said as she understood it, at least half was to go to my sister and me, but that she was told we were relinquishing any rights we had to the proceeds and that she needed that in writing.
I asked my mom about this and she said it was just a misunderstanding and that her attorney assured her that the house proceeds were hers and not ours. She then accused me of accusing her of tricking us out of funds and said that the house was legally hers and that’s that.
Even if it ends up being true the title company was mistaken… Morally, I feel as though it would be the right thing for us to receive that money? My mom received her share of their assets when they divorced. His assets were to go to us.
Yes, there was a (possibly) technicality there (or we just got taken advantage of, who knows). But the man did nothing for us his entire life, and now we lose 90% of our inheritance over his failure to refinance the house before his death? My mom is upset I brought this up.
But I find it morally incomprehensible that we lose our inheritance to her and she sees that as perfectly fine?
Who’s the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your sister need a lawyer to sort this out. Don’t sign away the title until you do, no matter how much pressure is laid on you to do so.
Estate laws vary from state to state; the mortgage may have survivorship clauses, and your father’s estate has an unrealized interest in the home’s equity. In other words, it’s a legal morass and only an expert can untangle it.
Remember that your mother’s lawyer is there to represent her interests, not yours, nor honestly, what is fair or right.
Just what is legal. Your mother is definitely being unreasonable to the spirit of things, even if she may be legally entitled to do so. Your father left you an asset, and because of a technicality, she can swoop in and keep all the benefits of it?
I certainly wouldn’t be sending her a Christmas card if it were me.” Wolpfack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom may have a legal claim to the house, but that doesn’t negate the fact that your dad intended for his assets to go to you and your sister.
Lawyer up! This is a complex and emotionally charged situation, but you have every right to express your concerns and seek clarity on the matter. It’s not about who is right or wrong, but rather finding a way to navigate this situation in a way that respects everyone’s feelings and needs.
You deserve to have a chance to discuss your concerns with your mom, and it might be helpful to involve a lawyer or someone to facilitate the conversation and help everyone understand each other better.” MackenzieBlu
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Should Not Care About My Relationship With My Ex?
“I (23F) was with my ex (22M) for about 4 years.
We were friends before getting into a relationship and broke up due to him realizing he was gay. We’re still really close friends and love each other very much, just not in the way we used to. We currently live together (signed a lease before breaking up) and agreed that with our history and compatibility as friends, we’d continue to live together (in a 2 bedroom) until we both feel ready to move to different places.
My mom (62F) has never liked my ex. She blames him for a lot of the issues she and I had in our relationship. She hates that he and I are still living together and wants me to move out as soon as possible, whether that be me moving back home or finding my own place.
We’ve had this same conversation multiple times but it never gets through her head that I am happy where I am at.
In an effort to repair our strained relationship, we try to meet up and hang out once a week. Lately, it’s become a huge issue where I’ll try to update her on what’s going on in my life and she finds some way to bring it back to my ex.
I could be talking to her about work and suddenly she’ll ask ‘Oh is (ex) still at his job?’ or I’ll tell her about a tattoo I want to get and she’ll be like ‘The tattoo isn’t influenced by (ex) right?’ It’s not just once or twice either, it’s nearly constant.
I can’t get through a conversation without her somehow bringing up my ex, whether that be talking down on him or telling me about how I need to move on with my life.
This all came to a head last week, I had a really good week and had a lot of good stuff going on that I was excited to tell her about.
So I start by telling her that I’ve been doing really well and am about to go into my news when she cuts me off and asks ‘This happiness isn’t because of (ex) right?’
I’ll be honest I kind of blew up on her.
I told her that I was tired of every aspect of my life lately being defined by my ex and it felt like she was obsessed with him. I told her it was ridiculous that my joy and accomplishments in life had been reduced in her eyes to having to do with my ex in some way, shape, or form.
I ended the conversation by telling her that she could either find it in herself to stop caring about every little thing my ex was doing or she could stay out of my life. I left the restaurant at that point because I was sick of the whole thing.
My dad called me later that night and yelled at me for what I’d said. He called me a jerk and told me to apologize to my mom since she was just trying to look out for me and make sure I wasn’t still hung up on the guy.
She doesn’t want me to be taken advantage of and that I should be grateful that she was there for me.
I do feel bad for losing my temper and all but it feels like it was the only way to get through to my mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: This is actually an easy solution, but a challenge to implement. Next week get together with mom again as if nothing happened. You can apologize for losing your temper but if she mentions your ex again you will leave. So if you are on the phone and having a visit and she brings up the ex, pretend you didn’t hear and say, ‘Sorry Mom, I just realized I have to be somewhere else.
Take care, bye.’ If you are having a coffee together and she brings up your ex, pretend you didn’t hear, look at your phone, and say, ‘Sorry, Mom, there’s something I need to take care of urgently. Take care, bye.’ Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
No need to have any discussions about the issue, she enjoys those and gets to tell you her opinion. But if you just don’t listen and withdraw your presence, she’ll get the picture. I promise you, this works. But you have to be disciplined and not get angry or she wins.” cisco55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is overstepping here. Yes, as a mother she would be concerned about your well-being, but enough is enough. Have you, prior to this blowup, directly asked her to stop bringing up the ex in your conversation or just answered and then felt irritated about it?
If you had been very direct about wanting her to stop mentioning him, then I get your irritation turning into this blowup. If you had only shown irritation but continued to answer her, she might not have gotten the message.
Your mother might also be homophobic or have other reasons for feeling so hostile about your ex.
As a mother myself, I would just be happy that my daughter had a roommate who cared about her and that I felt comfortable that she was safe. But then again, I have no issues with anyone being gay. I would recommend sitting down with her and explaining what it feels like to constantly have her bringing him up.
Tell her you need it to stop immediately. Then the next time she brings him up in any way, stop talking immediately.
If that didn’t get to her, if she does it again, just leave. You don’t need to yell, just get up and leave.
If I can add this personal bit, I think you and your ex are handling your relationship beautifully.” 77Megg77
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Husband's Niece's Birthday Party?
“My husband and I had been planning for a whole year to throw our daughter’s quinceanera (a cultural coming of age party Hispanics throw for their 15-year-old daughter) party this past month.
She only chose ‘damas’ (girls) for her court party and her main chambelán. (The male, I guess you can call ‘groom of honor’ whom the 15-year-old chooses to mainly dance with).
She had 6 girls in total. One of the damas dropped out after the first dance practice, so I asked my husband’s older sister if her 16-year-old daughter wouldn’t mind being part of the court.
For context, when we were asking girls to be part of our daughter’s court, my SIL didn’t want to drive far, because of gas. But after we asked her again when the other girl dropped out, she only agreed so her daughter wouldn’t feel left out.
Well, it turned out her 16-year-old daughter was a lot to handle. She had a horrible attitude, spoke rudely to me when I asked her if she could try practicing the dance she was just shown, kept rolling her eyes, and ended up giving me the run-around, not knowing if she’d stay part of the court or not.
I had a group chat set up for updates for when the practices were, and without any warning, our niece just posted ‘I am not going to be part of the quince. Sorry’ and left the group.
I know she is not obligated to be part of it, but on the day of the party, she didn’t even bother showing up because her phone broke and she apparently threw a tantrum.
Now SHE is having a 17th birthday party and I don’t want to go. I know it’s petty and even dumb to stoop down to her level. I was told she wouldn’t appreciate gifts, so just give her money because she would appreciate that more.
The fact that she didn’t show support for her own cousin, my daughter, left her when she most needed her, and didn’t even bother showing up to her cousin’s quinceanera, proves to me she isn’t someone that I want my daughter to be around with.
Also, my husband stopped liking her, and that’s HIS niece, but still thinks we should go.
AITJ for not wanting to go to her party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you would be if you went or even worse, if you sent money. (And if you go, obviously you will be giving money or a gift, so don’t go.) And you’re not being petty and dumb, nor are you ‘stooping to her level’.
Simply put, you will be demonstrating to this chiquita that actions have consequences. You get what you give. If you give an attitude of ‘I don’t care about you’, don’t be surprised if that’s what you get back. (Sadly, she is probably too self-absorbed to reach that conclusion.
But that’s not your problem.)” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound like you’re the one turning 15. The level of investment that the 17-year-old asks of you to just attend her birthday party versus the level of investment expected of her to learn choreographed dances for your daughter’s isn’t comparable.
There’s a reason older kids don’t have parties that require whole choreographed dances, and that’s because older kids have a lot of more important responsibilities like school, holding a part-time job, and having extracurriculars that look good on their college application, etc. Add in that the travel, and the fact that your SIL was the one who decided both that she should not be in it and later that she should… my empathy here is with the 17-year-old, not you.
Your kid has done nothing wrong either of course. But you don’t need to further any drama over this, grow up.” Kittenn1412
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t go to the niece’s birthday. Don’t bother sending a gift or money. Instead, use the money to ask your SIL out for a dinner or concert or something she might like as a celebration of her 17 years of motherhood.
Do not invite the niece, it’s not about her. You don’t need to celebrate her since she doesn’t celebrate others. It seems like her mom could use a few hours of being celebrated. I bet the mom would be 5 times more appreciative than her daughter would ever be.
Spend your money on someone who will be thankful and that you actually like.” OkFoundation7365
7. AITJ For Refusing To Sell A Ring That's A Part Of A Tradition?
“This is about an emerald cut sapphire and white gold ring, valued at $10k. This ring belonged to my sister’s best friend Ringo. Ringo received it as an ‘I am sorry I was unfaithful and was a jerk’ gift from a terrible partner.
She kept the ring and ditched the guy.
However, her next partner HATED this ring. She always told him if he got her a more expensive ring she would get rid of it. So when he proposed, one of his first questions was, ‘You’ll get rid of the other ring now, right?’
Ringo didn’t want to sell it, she couldn’t keep it, so she decided to make a new tradition. She decided the ring is for unmarried women, to enjoy their bachelorette years with a little extra flair and to bring joy to the experience of the ring.
However, when you get engaged you HAVE to pass it on to the next bachelorette.
She passed it to my sister, who passed it to me, who passed it to my cousin Samwise. Each time we passed the ring on, all the sisterhood who had worn it got together and made the next recipient in the chain wear a stack of all the rings (the ring, the wedding bands, and engagement rings) and vow to live her best single life.
Now, Samwise is getting married. She is one of the last of her close friends to get engaged so had been trying to figure out who to give it to before settling on her cousin Tryon. We are planning to pass the ring on at Samwise’s bridal shower since we will all be there.
Enter friend, Quincy. Quincy has been engaged since before Samwise but will be getting married after her. She has asked to buy the ring to be her something blue for her wedding. She offered $1k/person who has worn the ring and promised to pass it on to her future daughter or niece.
Samwise came to the rest of the sisterhood and asked us if we would be willing. We said no, it is not for sale. We did say we would be fine with her being the next link in the chain and wearing it to her wedding as long as she agreed to pass it to Tryon after she was married.
Quincy asked again to buy it because she wanted to resize it. We agreed it was fine if she resized it, and offered to help her find something similar.
Quincy was sad but said no thank you, she really wanted that specific ring because of its story and wanted to keep it as a family heirloom to pass on to her future generation.
So in the end, we are sticking to the original plan to pass it to Tryon. Quincy will find something else.
When I told my husband about it later, he said he would have just sold it. My coworker said it was a jerk move to gatekeep an object that is not even in my possession anymore over such a brief tradition.
So, AITJ for not accepting money to give my blessing to sell away a tradition?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think it is a great tradition that brings joy to all the former possessors of the ring as well as the current recipient. Quincy didn’t get it.
Or she just wanted the ring cheap. Good you passed on her. It’s technically Ringo’s ring and she should and did have the last word on it.” Mosquitobait56
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Not a problem to ask, not a problem to say no. What I might suggest is a document signed by all in the pact, saying that you all have joint equal ownership and that a sale cannot happen without consensus.
Upon the death of a member, their ownership falls to the remaining group. Upon adding someone to the group they gain an equal share of ownership.” poopBuccaneer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone declined the offer, it wasn’t solely your decision. Don’t listen to your husband or coworker.
This is an awesome tradition! If the group ever wants to sell it then I would get a new valuation and actually get close to what it’s worth. As stated above if you had said yes then Quincy was getting a really good deal.” blueswan6
6. AITJ For Opening Up To My Grandparents About My Mom's Comments?
“I (16f) need some insight here. So my mom and dad were never really together but kinda tried to be when I was conceived. The relationship didn’t work out but my mom did name me after my dad. That is something that confuses me but I’ll explain why in a bit.
My dad died when I was 7. I spent an equal amount of time with both my parents when he was alive.
A few months after Dad died, Mom and I moved out of state to be with her now husband James. When my mom got pregnant with her and James’ first kid, it was weird to see her act like she was a first-time mom.
She talked about never feeling that kind of excitement before and how she couldn’t wait to be a mom. She corrected herself only after she realized I could hear her and added ‘again’. But she wasn’t going to say ‘again’ and I think she wouldn’t have said it if I had been there.
When she found out she was having a girl she said she really wanted to use her favorite girl name and James was cool with that. I soaked it all up. I was 10 at the time and just seeing my mom like that made me wonder how she felt about me but then the comments also upset me.
My mom and I also had some fights about James. She told me she really wanted me to try and let James be my new dad and how important it was to her that I started calling James my dad. This started around the wedding because she wanted me to do a father/daughter dance with him but it only got worse during her pregnancy and after the birth of my half-sister.
My mom is a way different mom to my half-siblings than she has ever been to me. She reads bedtime stories, snuggles on the couch with them, and stuff like that. She also tells them how special they are to her because she loves their dad so much.
She told them the three of them make her the happiest mom in the world. I heard her make the point that having kids with someone you love makes those kids even more precious which they are to her. And my mom has told me before she never loved my dad, she mostly hated him but occasionally it was just dislike, and those comments hurt.
My mom tells my half-sister she is the perfect daughter and she makes her so proud to have a little girl.
The only time Mom and I really talk is when she complains that I call James by his name or that I talk about my dad too much.
She told me that she regrets being with him and that she wasted months of her life trying to make it work when really they never belonged together. I asked her if she regrets me and she just walked away. I heard her say a few days after to my half siblings that they make her love motherhood in a way she never thought she could.
My mom’s parents moved to be close to us recently and I got closer to them. Saturday I opened up to them and told them about my mom’s comments and how they bother me. They confronted my mom. Now she is mad that I blabbed to her parents.
James is mad that I stirred up crap and didn’t keep my feelings to myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are just a 16-year-old. You need emotional support. Your mom has clearly failed at being a good mom. I am sure that making your child feel sidelined just because they won’t accept ‘the man she loves’ as their dad is pure jerk behavior.
She neglected you and tried forcing James as your father. You finally reached the breaking point where you couldn’t take it anymore. A child needs some sort of support. Now, people might say ‘Oh, she is almost an adult. Just move out if you dislike them.
Not a big deal.’ But they fail to see what psychological effect this neglect must have left on you. Overall, you needed support and that is why you turned to your grandparents – who tried standing up for you.” _Just_Here_TimePass_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, but your mom is not a very good parent and not a stellar human being either. There are certain things that should never be said aloud, and absolutely NEVER said in front of your child, because of the damage it will do. Whether your mother is clueless, or just doesn’t care, she clearly does not have your best interests at heart and is not on Team You.
At this point, you need to advocate for yourself as best as you can, because she is not going to give you the emotional support or guidance that you need. You have NO obligation to keep your feelings to yourself – obviously, your mother never has.
Keep talking to your grandparents, they at least CARE and are TRYING to do the right thing by you. Push for therapy/counseling if you can, because so far your mom has been twisting you all up, and you need someone to help guide you through this mess.
Good luck.” TrainingDearest
5. AITJ For Telling My Wife She Needs To Contribute Something If She Wants To Be Included In The Deed?
“My wife and I have been married for 3 years and have generally kept our finances separate. We were both working when we got married although I make significantly more. She stopped working when we had a kid, at which time I set up a joint account funded entirely by me for her to use for her expenses.
We both owned homes prior to marriage and kept both, we’ve been living in my home and she didn’t want to rent her home out and uses it more or less like a vacation property.
We recently found a new home to buy together, but it would require at least one of the homes we own to be sold in order to afford it.
She does not want to sell her place, nor does she want to contribute any of her very substantial liquid investments to the new house. She claims her contribution is staying at home and taking care of the baby. (For what it’s worth, I have never discouraged her from going back to work and told her we could arrange child care).
I told her that I did not expect her to pay half of the down payment since we have a disparity in income, nor do I expect her to contribute to the monthly payments since she is not working, but that if she wants to be on the deed she needs to contribute a reasonable amount of her savings.
If she wants me to sell my premarital home and pay 100% of the down payment and all of the upkeep on the home while she sits on her cash mountain of investments and contributes 0, then the house needs to be in my name only.
She is accusing me of not valuing her work as a mom (incidentally I work full-time and contribute more than my fair share of child care on evenings and weekends) and said if I wanted things to be fair I could carry and deliver our next baby (to be clear, I am a man).
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“‘She does not want to sell her place, nor does she want to contribute any of her very substantial liquid investments to the new house.’ Then she doesn’t get to be on the deed. Sorry, that’s how it works.
She is either a part of this partnership or she isn’t. You’re being forced to sell your home to pay for this. If she is not willing to do the same, then she doesn’t get to be on the deed. Going with NTJ. Her being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t enter into this.
Her unwillingness to contribute when she could is the issue. That said, depending on your country or state of residence, shared assets can be a thing. Anything bought during marriage and not otherwise covered in a prenup can be contested as a shared asset. I am not a lawyer, though.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“A little ‘everyone sucks here’ – and, more importantly, you guys need to go talk to a lawyer. It is unfair that she wants you to essentially convert your separate property into marital property while she is unwilling to contribute her own separate property.
However, she is correct that her contributions to the household are worth something. My personal opinion is that, if it is possible in your jurisdiction (and this is why you need to talk to a lawyer first!), the equity in the house should be divided as follows: (1) you retain the value of your down payment as your separate property, (2) you make all the mortgage payments but this contribution is counted as community property because, while you are working to earn income to make the payments, your wife is working as a stay-at-home mom, and (3) any gains/losses in the property when you go to sell are divided proportionately according to the value of category (1) versus the total payments made in (2).
Of course, if you pitch this complicated scheme to your wife, she may realize it’s just easier for her to pay 50% of the down payment and for you to own the home jointly. Good luck!” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like she isn’t being appreciated for her work at home or ‘compensated’ if she is keeping tabs like that.
She doesn’t want to sell her home so the new home would be fully funded by you so why shouldn’t your name be the only one on the deed? I would be very careful moving forward and would possibly just keep your current premarital home.
Her stance is pretty alarming so I could see her trying to screw you over at some point if things go sour and you now have a ‘marital home.'” dunks615
4. AITJ For Calling My Sister Stupid For Giving Her Significant Other $1500?
“Yesterday I found out my (18f) sister (17f) recently gave her significant other (16m) $1500 to help him pay for a car.
For some context, my grandfather passed away a few years ago. I and my family were lucky enough to come into some money at the start of this year after the will was settled. My two sisters and I all got 10k and my mum got 20k.
This was a HUGE deal for us because we were not doing well at all financially previous to the money and it helped us out so much.
My sister and her SO have been together for 5 months and he has been wanting a car for a while, I knew about this and found out he had bought a car for around $2000 last month from an online marketplace that he didn’t do any research on or check before buying so the car has many issues that are going to cost a few thousand more to fix.
I had no idea my sister helped pay for it and the only reason I found out was that we were shopping yesterday and she wanted to buy something but offhandedly said she couldn’t afford it. I asked her why considering we had money and she let slip that she had given her SO some money for the car.
I asked how much and she refused to tell me but after some pestering, she told me $1500. I think it’s also important to note that he is not paying her back or anything so she gave it to him for free.
When she told me I genuinely had to stop and stare for a couple of minutes to process what she had said because I could not believe it.
I asked her why on earth she thought that was a good idea and she said that he needed it and she doesn’t regret it. I got mad and told her that it was a VERY stupid decision to do that and she should never do something like that again considering she essentially bought him a car when she doesn’t even have one herself.
She got mad at me and said this is why I didn’t want to tell you. My mum knows she gave him money but doesn’t know how much. I think she thinks it’s probably like $200 or something. She also plans on giving him more to fix it.
She only has $4000 left out of the $10,000 she was given. I don’t know if I should’ve been less harsh and I do feel kind of bad because I can understand that she loves him and probably thought she was being kind and it wasn’t a big deal. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I will go with NTJ because it was your sister and not some random barely known person, so close family member and you have the right to show her how upset you are with her decisions, calling names might not work for all families but you know better.
Also, it is her money and her decision so you have to respect that.
One thing to note here – she didn’t want to tell you in the first place about this money because she knew that her actions were on the silly side and she didn’t tell your mom the amount she actually gave to her SO for the same reason.
She knows exactly what she did but she doesn’t want to acknowledge it, so let her play with fire and see if she was right or not, we learn better from our own mistakes and 1500$ is not a huge price to learn that relationships and finances rarely mesh well together.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, you need to also let your mom know how much your sister gave her SO. This is not reasonable, nor is it right.
She is 16 and it’s a good time for her to learn some important lessons:
1. Don’t support a man you’re not married to.
2. Don’t give money to someone you’re just going out with.
3. Don’t give money to people you don’t know well.
I have a brother who started this cycle with girls when he was 15, 16, 17 years old. Guess what? He is not with a single one of these girls today.
They used him for what he could give them and it helped to ruin him as a person. My mom didn’t stop it, the girls’ moms didn’t stop it. He was their sucker and was just someone to use for what they wanted.
How will your sister feel if he breaks up with her right at the point she uses every last dime on him?
Stupid. Very, very stupid. And where on earth did the rest of the money go? She should have saved that for school and to start her future especially if your family wasn’t well off. When the money is gone, where is she ever going to get that money again?
And your mom needs to be proactive in this. She needs to contact the boy’s family and let them know that he needs to pay her back. This is not the type of mindset you want to foster in either of them at this young age.” moew4974
3. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up After My Husband?
“My husband (32M) and I (29F) have been together for 6 years, married for 2 of those years. We both grew up in Michigan and that’s where we lived for the first 4 and a half years of our relationship.
A year and a half ago, we moved to Plano, Texas for work.
My job transferred me to the office down here and he works as a freelance personal trainer so he can live anywhere. The pay is higher for both of our careers here, plus being near Dallas he has way more clients than he did in Michigan.
Overall it was a great choice, not only for our careers, but we also love the city.
Unfortunately, Texas also has a lot of cockroaches. A few months ago we noticed little German roaches starting to show up. It became a problem very quickly and we ended up with an infestation.
After hiring an exterminator and also doing various DIY methods like boric acid, traps, etc, as well as keeping the place clean, we were able to reduce the amount of them by a lot.
We determined it was our fault for them showing up in the first place.
We’re generally clean people, but admittedly we had been slacking a bit. We were also used to living up north where roaches aren’t as common. We agreed to be on top of the cleaning from here on out. I’ve been holding up my end almost religiously.
I am cleaning every single day, taking out the trash every single day, as well as keeping any food in airtight containers. The problem is roaches are coming back because my husband has been leaving food out overnight. He likes to snack before he goes to bed and he constantly leaves the container of food open on the counter.
I make the effort to seal it up before I go to bed, but this isn’t possible on the nights I go to bed first. He also leaves dirty dishes in the sink even though we agreed we would never leave dirty dishes overnight.
I am the one on top of the daily cleaning and taking out the trash. I feel like it’s a losing battle cause even if I stay on top of the cleaning, he’ll just make messes anyway. No amount of communication has worked. He promises to clean but then doesn’t.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I’ve just stopped cleaning up the food that he leaves out. I’ll leave it out on the counter and then the next day when he tries to eat it I’ll remind him the roaches probably got to it.
He gets disgusted and throws it out. I’ve stopped the daily cleaning and only take out the trash as often as he does, which is once a week. I let the house go and we had a roach problem quickly again. This started an argument as he was saying I let it happen on purpose and I told him I did.
I wanted him to see what happens if we live like him. I wanted him to see firsthand just how little he contributes compared to me. I said ‘Clearly you don’t mind living with roaches considering you’ve not been making an effort. So at this point, why even bother?’
Unfortunately, the consequence of me not cleaning is now we have a lot of roaches again, so I am having second thoughts about whether I should’ve done things that way.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – You have shot yourself in the foot big time.
You literally cut off your nose to spite your face. I live in Plano too. I have lived in this area for over 20 years now. You allowed your home to become infested with roaches to prove a point and you’re going to be fighting this battle for the rest of your time in that house, ‘even if your husband immediately straightens up his act’.
Your husband needs some kind of counseling or help to get him to behave like a responsible adult. The only sure way to get rid of German roaches is to burn the place to the ground. Good luck.” GoodTodd1970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, except it’s going to cost money to get rid of them again.
Tell him you’re going back to the cleaning you used to do, but you won’t be doing his. You’re done banging your head on the wall trying to clean up a problem that he is NOT helping with. Any cockroaches you see will be HIS job to get rid of.
And you’re serious enough that if he can’t commit to helping ensure your house is tidy and cockroach-free, you are moving out. Then do it. This is cockroaches, what next? What about if you get a dog? Have a baby? He is already showing you how much he values cleanliness AND your wishes.” Canadian_01
2. AITJ For Demanding My Broke Sister-In-Law Pay Me Back?
“I (18F) have a SIL (31F) and a brother (28M). In 2022 they lost their home due to a wildfire, I’ve been helping them financially since the age of 16. When they lost their home I let them borrow 400$ alone at this point and also started a GoFundMe and raised 5k for them to be able to get a place.
They decided to blow that money on vacations and fast food while living in a hotel with 3 children.
I was at this point saving up for a car and my brother tried to gaslight me by saying if I cared for my niece and nephews (13, 3, and 1) I would send them my car fund (3k) so they could get a place for their kids.
I told them no.
They got a camper and have been living in it since. They both refuse to work and bum off of their family. After I turned 18 I refused to send them any more money and that’s when they started treating me even more like garbage.
I decided to calculate how much they owed me and it was 600$ but because earlier in 2023 I needed a new phone they sent me a 2020 iPhone SE. I decided to subtract the price it was when it first came out. So they owed me 400$. I told them they needed to pay me back.
They argued saying they only owed me 120$ and refused to pay me back.
Since I have been no contact with them I have gotten my own apartment. My SIL has sent a single dollar a day and would call me a whale each time (I am 5’3 and 195 lbs).
It got to the point I decided to brag about how I am 18 with my own place and they are 28 & 31 without a place or job. I work full-time as a daycare teacher. My SIL argued it’s hard to work with 3 kids but I know there are people on here that would say otherwise.
SIL called me a jerk for demanding her to pay me back when she is homeless and jobless with 3 kids so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sis, I am glad that you stopped ‘giving’ your money away to these jerks. But you are way too involved in their life.
I understand they are family, but they are using you. Life can be brutal! Save and invest your money in case there’s an emergency. We never know if or when, but there could be job loss, health issues, costly car problems, etc. It’s suggested we have 6 months of savings for emergencies.
Go no contact and prioritize YOU. Focus on doing the things that make you smile and happy. You got this, Sis!” shyexgi1977
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but for Pete’s sake, stop with the petty stuff. It’s not a contest. They’ve had their challenges and you’ve had yours.
They’re selfish, entitled, and jerkishly mean. That doesn’t mean you need to stoop down to their level by waving anything in their face. The money you lent them is probably gone. It’s a hard lesson, but you’ve learned it at an early age so you’ll be able to recover eventually.
They’re not the kind of people you want to be in close contact with, so chin up, soldier on, and don’t look back. Let them sink or swim on their own while you live your best life.” Thingamajiggles
1. WIBTJ If I Take A 23 & Me Test?
“So I (32/F) was adopted as a baby. It was supposed to be a closed adoption, but my biological parents’ names were visible on the paperwork that came from the hospital/adoption agency.
I was able to track down my bio-mom about 10 years ago. We exchanged a few emails and talked on the phone, and she sent me photos of my bio-siblings who were not placed for adoption. I expressed interest in meeting my bio-siblings and my bio-mom said she was sure they’d like to meet me also, but she needed time to break the news of my existence to them because she felt some type of way about having kept it a secret for 20+ years.
As I said, that was 10 years ago. Bio-mom never reached out again to let me know she’d told the rest of the family about me, nor did I hear from any of them, so I assume my existence is still a secret. And when I did try sending her an email (about something unrelated, it was actually a medical history question) at one point after that, I never got a response.
So my read is that she is not interested in further contact with me, which is understandable and more than fine.
But on the other side of the coin, I was never able to find my bio-dad although I did try for a while. I’ve recently been considering submitting my DNA to 23 & Me on the chance that maybe I can find him or family members on his side, and also I’d just like to know more about my ethnicity and heritage.
But I know that if I do so and anyone on my bio-mom’s side has submitted DNA or does in the future, they’ll see that I exist.
I’ve respected my bio-mom’s wishes not to reach out directly to my bio-siblings even though I have their contact information, and I can’t shake the feeling that doing 23 & Me is just a sneaky way of circumventing that and acting all innocent.
It feels kind of crappy and like it would be a betrayal. I considered trying to send my bio-mom a heads up that I was planning to submit my DNA, but since our interaction ended with her ghosting me I worry that sounds like a threat or an ultimatum.
So WIBTJ if I submitted to 23 & me, and/or should I try to warn my bio-mom first?”
Another User Comments:
“You WNBTJ, and nothing about getting on 23 & Me is sneaky. Your bio mom could control whether you get to contact bio family through her, but she does not have any say over you getting your DNA tested on a site where it may be shared. Given that she brushed you off ten years ago, I would not give her a heads up—and I think you’re wise to expect that she might not even take it well if you did.
But the main point is that it is not a betrayal for any person to look into their own DNA.
Your bio mom’s secret about your birth is not a secret you need to keep. Your birth story is yours, and your genetic medical history is something you have every right to seek.
So just go for it and let the chips fall where they may. And best of luck! I have had a lot of fun with 23 & Me. Found out many things I kind of suspected, some I did not. It was all good to know.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. 32 years ago there was no idea that this technology would exist. Your bio-mom went through a closed adoption, with all the reassurances that this would remain private and she would never have to reveal your existence. I do not fault her for that desire as that was the norm back then.
But now the technology exists and you are well within your right to use it to search for your bio-dad. I suggest you send her another email, indicating that you’ve been searching for your bio-dad and that if she is unable or unwilling to give you that info, then you want to give her a heads-up that you will be using DNA testing to search for matches.
If she hasn’t told anyone since your first contact with her, this gives her the opportunity to do what she feels she needs to. But her desire to keep you ‘hidden’ does not supersede your desire to learn about your heritage and relatives.” TossingPasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can tell her what you plan on doing but honestly, you seem to be okay with no relationships happening. Your mom ghosted you and that’s fine but your bio brothers and/or sisters and bio dad may choose to have a relationship… they may not.
As long as you’re fine with it swinging either way, go for it. You don’t need her permission and it’s not scummy at all! Honestly, if you put up a child for adoption there is always a chance your kid will reach out.
Just how it is. Nothing dubious about it. It’s natural to want to know your heritage. ” No_Material5630
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