People Wonder If We'll Criticize Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Not Go To His Friend's Funeral Because I'm Not Going?
“My husband’s friend ‘Joe’ passed away after a long struggle with cancer. I was obviously devastated by this loss, we were good friends but I’m admittedly not on good terms with his widow. I can’t pinpoint what the exact issue is between us.
All I can say is that we don’t get along.
The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account. I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends but she clearly had an issue with it.
She called me names and then blocked me.
Now the funeral is going to be in 2 days. I just found out I got excluded by her. My husband is still going which I found unfair and quite devastating. I didn’t wanna miss Joe’s funeral but can’t do anything about it now.
I did tell my husband that I expect him to stay home and not go after I got excluded. He snapped and said what I was expecting was unfair and that whatever ‘petty’ fight between me and Joe’s widow was none of his concern.
I told him that I’m his wife and he should stand by me especially when I’m being treated like this but he said it wasn’t his problem.
Now we’re not speaking because of it. Some mutual friends are siding with me. Others think Joe’s widow created this situation to begin with.”
Another User Comments:
“You know what’s devastating? Losing your spouse.
You having your husband go to his friend’s funeral isn’t about you.
Stop creating beef with a widow. That isn’t about you either. I can’t believe you’re putting mutuals in a position to ‘side’ with you. Also, the ones who have are jerks too.
And yeah, putting his private medical info online is egregious. I can’t understand how you’re lost as to why she doesn’t like you.
YTJ of the highest order. I really hope this is fake.” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First, you do not have any good reason to tell others about someone’s health updates unless that person specifically asked you.
That’s a massive invasion of policy for Joe and his wife. You should not have done it in the first place and you should apologize for it.
Because of that, you have caused a lot of hurt – of course you will be excluded from the funeral, it’s about bringing comfort, not agitating problems that you caused.
Finally, you are completely out of line in telling your husband not to go to his friend’s funeral because you got yourself kicked out. He deserves to say his last respects, you are only excluded for your own insensitive actions. Accusing him of being unfair? Try looking in a mirror.
The fact that you are playing the victim here when you are the villain proves the point. His job as your husband is to help you be better, not stand by you when you’re being worse.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“Oh yeah, YTJ alright.
First off, unless asked by family, you NEVER try to be the information leader when someone is dying, or seriously ill, from a disease like cancer. That’s your ego needing to be important and busy during an emotionally draining experience.
This was your husband’s friend.
How DARE you expect him to not go simply because you weren’t invited?
Honestly, from your story here, I can see why the widow doesn’t want you there. You’re the type of person who NEEDS every situation to be completely about YOU.
You likely dominate conversations, force your way into them, and then act all pouty when the focus isn’t on you.
Your actions, as described BY YOU, are absolutely crass, embarrassingly childish, those of a spoiled brat, and narcissistic in nature. I hope your husband has good cardio conditioning because should he read this, my advice is to run far, FAR away from you in your current state.” Blackhawk-388
18. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law To Let Go Of A 10-Year-Old Grudge?
“My BIL (married to my sister) is a general contractor. About 10 years ago, my dad and brother were building a deck at my parent’s home. They asked my BIL if they could borrow his skid loader but he said no.
They prepared the ground as best they could without the skid loader but got to the point they couldn’t go on without it. They went to my sis’s house to ask again but found out BIL went out of town. They talked my sis into letting them borrow it so she took them down to his construction lot and they hooked it up to dad’s truck.
This next part I’m not sure of this since I don’t know much about towing but from what I was told, dad’s truck wasn’t big enough or powerful enough to tow the skid loader on the dump trailer so he lost control and wrecked.
The truck, trailer, and skid loader were totaled. The insurance was barely enough to cover the medical costs and the truck. There was none left over to cover BIL’s stuff. When he got back to town, he exploded. He threatened to sue and things just went downhill from there.
My parents are not rich and he wouldn’t have gotten anything so in the end, sis talked him into letting it go.
However, from that day on he wouldn’t have anything to do with our family. He doesn’t come for birthdays, holidays, or anything at all.
Next month is our parent’s 50th anniversary and we’re planning a big family gathering to celebrate. We’re also chipping in to send our parents on a cruise to Mexico because they’ve never been out of the country. I spoke to sis about it the other day and she said she’s coming with the kids but BIL is not coming.
I was fine with that but when we were discussing their portion of the cruise money, I heard him yelling in the background to deduct their portion from the cost of the skid loader and dump trailer. That annoyed me so after my call with sis, I called BIL and told him to get over himself.
I told him that Dad and bro made a mistake but that was 10 years ago and he needs to let it go. He said he’ll let it go when they pay him back what he lost. I told him he was a jerk for holding on to a grudge and putting money in the way of a family relationship.
Sis called me a few minutes ago and said they were not coming and that I was out of line. We argued for a bit and that’s where it stands.
I don’t think I’m wrong for telling him to let go of the past but they’re not coming to the anniversary party so now I’m not sure.
Edit: My dad and brother are not bad people. They are good people who made a mistake. They couldn’t pay back BIL because he wanted almost $70,000 and again, we’re not rich. Dad had to buy another truck because he needed it to go to work.
On the other hand, BIL had 3 other sets of skid loaders and dump trailers on his lot that day so he could take the financial hit while my parents would be homeless. BIL and sis are way better off than the rest of us so while I understand the reasoning for paying BIL back, he doesn’t need it.
The cruise to Mexico isn’t some millionaire trip. The total cost is about $3,000 and it’ll take over 20 people to pay for that. Again, we’re not rich. We can barely cover $3,000 spread out over 20 people so there’s no way we can pay $70,000.”
Another User Comments:
“What’s missing from your story is where your father & brother took accountability for their truly jerkish behavior that caused very real damage to another person & worked sincerely to make up for it.
If the insurance didn’t cover everyone’s damages then after necessary medical costs the skid loader should have been fixed because your BIL was the innocent party. Instead, your dad put that money towards his own truck. Your BIL was extremely kind not to sue.
It’s been 10 years, so how much of the damages have your father & brother paid back? If the answer isn’t all of it then not only are they complete & utter grade-A jerks but so are you.
YTJ in this latest chapter of the story for blaming the victim for not just rolling over & accepting his awful in-laws’ actual criminal behavior.
Good for your sister for standing by the right person in this chapter.” AusNat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They stole and destroyed his stuff and refused to pay. Not even offering installments over time. It’s easy to say get over it to the one who was wronged.
You’re saying it was 10 years ago so he should be over it by now but from his perspective, that’s 10 years they’ve had to make it right and not tried. You’re calling him a jerk for putting money in the way of a family relationship but isn’t that exactly what your dad and brother were doing when they took his stuff knowing he said no rather than spend money to lease it from somewhere and then never even paid him back after wrecking it? And you expect him to spend more sending your parents on a cruise? You are being unreasonable and unrealistic and didn’t even have to insert your opinion in the first place, it’s only made things worse.” theficklemermaid
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
BIL is right. If the family was truly apologetic paying him back would be priority number one for reunification. Not suing, but also not dealing with people willing to completely violate boundaries is fair and I am shocked this didn’t result in divorce/marriage issues.
There is no way my spouse or I would override the other this way and let someone use something when ‘No’ was already the answer. You don’t get to decide the time has passed so now it’s fine, especially since no one has actually tried to make it right.” EducatorsTeach
17. AITJ For Being Mad At A Passerby For Trying To Feed My Puppies?
“I have three puppies all around a year old. My fence is not a traditional wood fence or anything, basically, it’s one of those metal fences with gaps to see in through. You can find them at home depot.
Because they are still somewhat young, they are in an easily excitable and yappy phase when they see people.
I also have cameras so I can check out to see what they are barking at.
For almost a month now, there has been this sort of older gentleman who walks past our house, stops when the puppies come, and is reaching through to pet them and whatever.
That’s one thing, but he will on occasion dig into his pocket, get out a little zip-lock baggie, and give them treats.
The first time this happened, I immediately went out but was very cordial about it. I explained to him that I don’t like the pups getting a hold of stuff unless I am the one to give them treats and such.
One of them has a pretty sensitive stomach to a lot of things, so they eat a very strict diet. His response, I thought, was one of understanding and he said he wouldn’t do it again.
A few days later, it happens again.
Comes up to the fence, and they get excited, he gives them treats, I go back out, I reintroduce myself, I ask him AGAIN to not do that, and he said that it’s ok it’s the same treats he gives his puppies.
I reiterate that I don’t care what the treats are, that I want it to be stuff only I give them. He seems like he understands again and walks away.
Then this happens three more times, sort of the same spiel, my patience basically running out each time.
The final time it happens, I do lose my cool and I am not proud of it. I basically cuss him out, tell him to stay away from my fence, leave my dogs alone, quit feeding them, and if he comes by again I am going to get the police involved.
I stated that I told him in every nice, pleasant way I could, to get lost, and yet he persists.
He flips me off, calls me a jerk, and walks away. I haven’t seen him for a few days, so I think it worked.
Hindsight being what it is, I suspect because he is much older he might have something going on in his head, or he could just be a jerk, I don’t know. But I felt really bad about it.
EDIT: They aren’t outside all day long.
They use a pet door to go play and potty whenever they want. They tend to just hang out and loaf around the majority of the day inside.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were very clear with this guy that your dogs have a special diet, and he continued feeding them anyhow.
You can’t be too careful with people feeding your dogs. There are a few people in every neighborhood I’ve ever lived in that try to poison local dogs and it’s really hard to prove when it happens.
Don’t hesitate to call the cops if he trespasses on your property again.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You told him calmly and politely several times to stop feeding your puppies through the fence before this latest incident. You weren’t losing your cool, either, given the circumstances because I think anyone would have reacted as you did after someone repeatedly violated a clearly communicated boundary.
Take some deep breaths or whatever else you need to do to get him out of your head because you don’t need him living in there rent-free. Do not give yourself a hard time, either.
I think calling the police would be completely fine at this point if this man continues violating your boundary.” Silent-Juggernaut-76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You asked multiple times for him to stop. I would be upset if someone came to feed my pup through the fence after that too. No matter how nice they are, because I don’t know what they’re giving my dog. My dog also has a sensitive stomach so other people feeding it is a no-go for me too. Maybe he’s one of those people that doesn’t get it until someone loses it at them. Hopefully, he’ll stay away but I’d keep an eye out just in case.” Sudden_Screen5233
16. AITJ For Abandoning My Friend At A Club?
“My (23F) friends (four in this story, all 22-23F) and I live in a medium-sized town. Last Friday my friends really wanted to go clubbing. It had been a huge day for me so I really didn’t feel like going, but they peer-pressured me into coming as the designated sober driver.
We all live fairly close to each other and about a 20-minute drive from the nightlife precinct.
We arrived at about 10 pm, found a club, and had a good time for a couple of hours. At around 12:30, I started feeling pretty exhausted, so I checked around with my friends if we could go soon.
All of them were happy to leave except for one, we’ll call her Tanya (fake name). Tanya said I was being a killjoy, when I told her I was really tired she said to give her another 20 minutes. We wait 20 minutes and Tanya still refuses to leave because she’s ‘having too good a time’.
I’m getting fed up at this point, so I tell Tanya that we’re leaving, and she can either come with us or find another way home. Tanya says she’ll uber home and the rest of my friends and I head off.
Almost a week later and Tanya has been ghosting me. She’s told my friends that I’m a killjoy, that I manipulated them into leaving and then abandoned her. My friends generally think she’s overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All of you agreed to leave together because you were tired.
Sounds like those friends were actually being considerate and thinking about you. Tanya, however, didn’t seem to care at all. She said she would Uber home even though you all were going to leave. She didn’t stop to consider that the rest of you could be getting tired and was more concerned about herself.
Plus, none of your friends but her think you were in the wrong. Tanya sounds like a narcissist and a jerk.” MaryHadALittleDonkey
Another User Comments:
“Tanya chose to stay when she knew you were all leaving. That’s her own decision.
Being a designated driver does not mean you have stayed out til the last woman standing is ready to go.
Because you’re not a chauffeur. You’re a friend doing her a favor.
A designated driver means the people who want you to drive home leave with you at a reasonable time if they don’t want to be left alone at the club.
Like the rest of your friends did.
NTJ.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There were four of you. Just because you were the designated driver doesn’t mean you were the only one ‘fault’. Yes, leaving someone on their own in a club isn’t advisable but other than kidnapping her I don’t see what you could have done.
Maybe if there’s a next time make it clear before you head for the club that if you’re driving when you say it’s time to leave you all leave.” RichSignal7022
15. AITJ For Telling My Neighbors They Need To Suck It Up And Just Deal With The Noise?
“I (16F) live in an apartment with my parents. It’s a nice place, but there are so many problems. One of them being the walls are practically paper thin, so I’ve dealt with some pretty loud neighbors. Back in November, we had new neighbors move into the larger apartment next door to us, a couple with their few months old baby.
Now, I’ve tried to be as courteous as possible by making little noise in case the kid is napping. At night, I turn the TV down to a reasonable volume, sing during my afternoon walks, do not argue loudly, etc. But lately, I feel like the neighbors are trying to take advantage of our consideration.
About a week ago, my mom was making dinner and she was frying it in the pans, and our neighbors came knocking on our door and told her to keep the noise down. She told them she was in the middle of cooking dinner, and she would be done soon, but the neighbors just said, ‘It better be soon.’
The second occurrence happened when they came knocking on our door because according to them, I was ‘shouting’ when really, I was responding to my teacher’s question.
(I’m in homeschool) they complained about it and threatened to report us to the office or security.
Yesterday was when things went down. The night before, my mom asked me if I could vacuum while she was away at work, and I told her I would handle it.
I started the vacuum around my lunch break in case there were other neighbors sleeping late, and not even a minute in, I heard the baby start crying. I then heard loud banging on my front door and when I looked through the peephole, it was the mother, looking beet red.
I opened the door and asked her if she needed anything and she said, ‘You need to turn the volume down on that machine of yours!’ Uh… it’s a vacuum. There’s no volume button!
I tried to explain that to her, but she continued shouting.
‘My husband and I have been nothing but nice to you and all your family does is be loud!’ I lost it said, ‘WE’RE the ones who’ve been nice to you! But the moment we go on about our daily lives, you start complaining! You can’t expect the whole world to go quiet because you have a kid, so suck it up and deal with the noise!’
I shut the door and went back to cleaning.
Later on, a few other neighbors stopped by and said they heard what happened and that I was being rude and jerkish. But when I told my parents, they both said they were on my side and that I was just doing my chores.
I don’t know, part of me feels guilty and I’m scared that next time they’re going to potentially get us kicked out for ‘multiple noise complaints’. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if they are so worried about neighbors making noise they need to buy a house and live in the middle of the woods or country.
Life goes on. They are entitled and think that because they have an infant everyone around them should work around the child’s schedule. The real world doesn’t work like that. Let them make complaints, they don’t have a leg to stand on and from now on, stop being nice.
You’re allowed to make reasonable noise until 11 pm (here anyways), so watch your tv and live your lives and they can deal with themselves.” Aves667
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Quiet hours are usually between 11 pm and 7 am at most apartment complexes and in most neighborhoods.
That is when it’s reasonable to bang on a door or call the management.
It’s nice of you guys to try to accommodate during the day, too, but you have a right to live in your house. A vacuum, quietly clanging pots and pans, TV and a normal volume, and honestly, even the occasional raised voice are all things you have to be ready to deal with in an apartment.
I sympathize with them, because the first few months as a new parent are HARD, but honestly? They’re not doing themselves any favors by demanding silence from everyone. Not only does it build ill will, but their baby is NEVER going to be able to sleep.
Babies that learn to sleep with background noise sleep better overall.” ashestorosesxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are pushing boundaries. Depending on how petty you want to be you have different options. Continue how you are now. OR check the rules in your area.
What time are you supposed to be quiet? In my home country, it was between 10 pm to 6 am eg. Listening to music/singing up until 10 pm on the dot. ‘Multiple noise complaints’ also need to be documented and can be contested.
If they submit a noise complaint, start submitting harassment complaints. And remember that as long as you stay in line YOU are in the right. The decision on what to do is yours, but still check your options and local rules.” Kitty-Cookie
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Deceased Husband's Things To His Parents?
“I (F33) lost my husband very unexpectedly 7 years ago. We knew each other from a very young age and married when we graduated college. I have known his family for almost my entire life and they are the closest I have to actual family (my own family situation has always been difficult).
I became very close with his parents in particular (I will still call them my ‘in-laws’ in this story) and we supported each other heavily through the grief process. We didn’t have children before he passed, but we were trying. I still miss my husband every day.
I began slowly seeing people again 4 years ago – mostly casual dates and nothing serious. In-laws were broadly supportive. I told them I was ready to date and they said OK, but didn’t want to know the details. I only ever spoke about my personal life vaguely and infrequently to them.
Around the same time, I got a big promotion and began to spend a couple of months a year in Paris for work. Then 1 year ago, I met Armand (M38) and started my first serious relationship since being widowed. Given Armand lives in Paris, our relationship is based there and while we have traveled quite a lot together, we haven’t been to the US together yet.
He hasn’t met my in-laws, but I have told them I am seeing someone.
Around Christmas, we found out I was pregnant. This was a total surprise as we weren’t trying. We have since decided that I will move to France permanently instead of splitting my time between the US and France so that we can raise a family together.
It isn’t really possible for Armand to move to the US – he works in the art industry and his studio and backers are all Europe based.
I told my in-laws and they were deeply upset. They said I was depriving them of their only opportunity to have a grandchild (my husband was an only child).
They then accused me of moving on too quickly and not loving my husband. In the end, we had a huge argument and they demanded that I leave all my husband’s belongings from our apartment (his clothes, personal effects, etc) to them when I move to Paris.
They also demanded my engagement ring, which is a family heirloom. They said they should have these because while I have moved on, he will never stop being their son.
I said no, these things are all treasured memories from my life with him that I never want to forget.
They have threatened legal action to recover the ring in particular. I’m not sure they have a proper legal right. But I can see the hurt I’m causing them with my choices and maybe by giving them what they ask for, they will be able to have closure.
AITJ for continuing to refuse?
EDIT 1. After the funeral, I already gave many of my husband’s possessions to my in-laws. What I kept were some clothes that reminded me of happy times, things with his handwriting on them, memories from trips, etc.
I want to keep these. It’s not like I will be lugging a huge amount of things to Paris. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that I keep these. They’re memories WE made, not with his parents.
The ring is trickier… but it is the biggest reminder to me of the relationship we once had.
It really breaks my heart to give it away.
I really don’t want to lose the relationship with my in-laws. They have always been so kind to me (before this all happened) – for example, I’ve been spending every major holiday like Christmas, etc, with them for the past decade.
But neither do I want to bend to their unreasonable behavior. Moving to France and going completely silent isn’t an option, I do want to repair the relationship in the long term. Ultimately, I’d love them to visit us.
Armand and I have a strong relationship and he has known about my husband since the beginning.
He respects that I want to keep a piece of the marriage with me and has encouraged me to bring anything I want over to help with the transition. We are also not engaged, nor do I expect to be in the immediate future, and I’m in no rush on that front.
We’re comfortable as we are.
Finally, I do wear the ring frequently and it’s the only ring I wear with any regularity, and both Armand and I earn more than enough for selling the ring to never be a necessity or an option.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t divorce your husband, he passed away. The person you chose to spend your life with, and that was taken from you way too soon. He was taken from them too soon as well.
Personally, I would try to find a compromise, which may be giving them the ring and you keeping the rest or finding a couple of things of sentimental value and giving them those.
But ultimately, this was your husband, these are your memories with him, and you will never stop loving him just because you have found someone else to love as well.
I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you all the best in your new chapter.” ashleyrwells00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t get into a relationship for several years after your husband died.
If there are things you are wanting to downsize on to move across the world that belonged to your husband, I would suggest giving them to his parents – I don’t see why you would need a closet full of his clothes or all his childhood accomplishments, etc.
But the ring: the family ends with them. Your husband was gifted the ring to give to you, and I don’t think he would want you to give it back. If they consider your child their ‘grandchild’ (which is both kind and a little weird), they would want it to go to that child one day, would they not?
Keep in touch with them when you move and give them what you can.
But he wasn’t just their son, he was also your husband. Life is for the living, you’re allowed to move on and live your life.” No_Yogurtcloset_1020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but even then I don’t think it’s a fair assessment. This just sounds like a bad situation all around with no clear high ground.
However, ‘depriving them of a grandchild’ is a strange statement. What if the new husband feels weird about having your previous husband’s parents in that role?
The ‘moving on too fast’ is entirely subjective. It’s been 7 years, you waited for 3 before seeing someone again.
Some people would call that too long, some would say it’s not enough. It all depends on who you are as a person and how you handle grief.
The ring is a really tough situation. On the one hand, it belongs to you.
As you said, if he was still alive, it would be yours. It’s not like you got divorced and are keeping it. On the other hand, it is a family heirloom. But back again to the first hand, they have no other children, so there is one else to pass it on to. I’m not really sure there is a ‘correct’ outcome to that situation.” mcbain76
13. AITJ For Complaining About The Gym Instructors?
“So I (F22) have been going to the gym for 6 years. Throughout that time I have been deathly skinny and also a bit chunky. Since being a teenager I’ve had quite severe mental health issues and the gym has helped with that.
I was able to come off of my anxiety medication as the gym got me into a good mental space.
Until recently I still felt anxious in the gym being the fat one but I got over it enough to go into the ‘scary weights’ section where all the weight lifters go.
The gym became my safe haven and I’ve managed to lose 4 stone but I’m still not thin. I went into the gym tonight and as I passed the front desk the gym instructors were guessing people’s weights as they walked past.
They looked at me and said ‘12’ and another instructor said ‘I would’ve said a 14’ and laughed. I’ve messaged their manager and complained about this.
With my weight loss, I’ve managed to get to a size 10 but I still see myself the same way as I used to when I was a size 16.
I know this wouldn’t faze some people but it’s killed me inside and I’ve ended my membership.
So AITJ for messaging their manager?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and those people are terrible. They shouldn’t make assumptions and it’s not their place to judge. Everybody has their own pace they work at and everybody does the best that they can – and if they’re at least going to the gym, they’re making progress! They’re really trying.
Screw those pigs!
You should follow up with management and make sure that they have been dealt with and let them know that you have ceased your membership. Perhaps they will reinstate a membership for you if you can get them to ensure that you will have a safe and non-hostile space to work out in.
Otherwise, I would straight up complain on social media if you’ve got one, they shouldn’t be making judgmental comments, they possibly could be discriminating against people as well since they’re so concerned about judging people based upon appearance. It’s just a slippery slope with that type of shallow agenda going on.” PugetWitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is far too common an experience in gyms and why I won’t ever go back to them.
How on Earth are people supposed to get healthy if you’re gonna judge them and make them feel unwelcome? Ugh, stories like this make me hate humanity all over again.
Sorry you experienced this OP, you’re smashing it and should be feeling so proud of yourself.
Ignore what those jerks were saying, hopefully, their boss rips them a new one. But don’t be put off your journey. Keep being awesome.” ProfessorStrawbs
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ
They were not guessing weights. They were judging and shaming people who are trying to improve their health.
You did the right thing.
When you are ready, you go back to that gym and take back that positive space. You have worked hard and made awesome progress! 16 to 10 is a huge achievement – not to mention being mentally strong enough to kick your anxiety meds! You deserve to relish that success and keep it going. Don’t give up because some insecure jerks have no decency.” Hapnhopeless
12. AITJ To Telling A Service Dog Handler To Train Her Dog More?
“I have the common sense not to pet, or distract service animals, or bother their handlers. I have nothing against service dogs or their handlers.
I took my rabbits to a vet’s office about 2 hrs away. After concluding my business with the vet, I went to a Mcdonald’s drive-thru and had a meal, and decided to go back inside to use the bathroom and leave as I prefer to go home without having to make a stop as the car ride is already stressing them out.
It was 89 degrees in Florida, and I was the only person in the car with them. Not wanting to leave them in the car, I had no choice but to bring them with me. I told the manager sitting at the table that I’m only going to use the bathroom and nothing else, and she said it was fine.
Both rabbits were in their carriers, quiet as a mouse. As I was leaving the bathroom, I saw a lady and her German Shepherd dog wearing a service dog vest, who wasn’t there before. I didn’t think much of it until her dog started to react to one of my animals, and I pulled the carrier away before he could reach it.
The bunnies are okay.
I basically yelled ‘Oh my god. Control your dog.’
The lady gave me a dirty look and started screaming ‘what is wrong with you? Mcdonald’s is not pet friendly. Your animals are putting my life at risk. My dog is like this because you decided to be selfish and bring them into a non-pet-friendly place.’
I told her that if her dog reacts to small animals that are not bothering him then she should probably train the dog more since that dog is clearly not trained.
I think what I said maybe set her off, which then she went to the cashier and demanded to speak to the manager. I didn’t stay for this as I didn’t have time to deal with stupid nonsense as the manager from the beginning gave me permission to use the bathroom in the store.
Looking back, I felt I should have explained to her that the manager gave permission to go into the bathroom and stayed when she asked for a manager. I felt my comment might be too insensitive. And maybe I was selfish for bringing two fragile animals into a public establishment and keeping the dog from doing his job.
And that I prioritized going home safely over the lady’s safety.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, it’s technically not allowed for rabbits to be in the store, but, to be honest, you had permission, it was just the bathroom, and you are not the jerk.
Yes, the woman expects to not see animals in the store. But, service dogs are supposed to be well trained, so that they don’t go after distractions. You never know what you will see in public. Dogs have to be calm, solid, and non-reactive.
Handlers are often cautioned against using German Shepherds as service dogs because they are often particularly sensitive and reactive to their handler’s emotions. That can make them unreliable. If you go to many stores, you might see a small animal or rodent.
Malls, craft stores, hardware stores… a properly trained service dog needs to be able to leave them alone. No, they don’t belong in restaurants, but the dog needs to take them in stride anywhere.
I have a service dog. Had my dog done this, I’d have been embarrassed.
I might have been annoyed that rabbits were in the store, to be honest, solely because it’s not allowed, but not because it was distracting my dog. That has nothing to do with it. That distraction reaction would be our fault.
Had her dog been well trained, she wouldn’t even have noticed you.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she probably bought the vest online.
Real service animals are trained very thoroughly for specific tasks and are trained not to react to anything.
Emotional support animals are not and are not allowed in most places.
Many people buy vests online so they can take their pets anywhere because businesses are so scared of being sued they won’t ask.
However, you can ask – ‘what service does this animal provide’ and they have to tell you.
Real, actual service animals also do not have to wear a vest, there is no legitimate entity that sells them.
They do not have to be identified in any way and the person with them may need to carry some sort of ID for legitimate authorities to verify the animal. A lot of people who have trained service animals just use the vest so people don’t ask about their animals all the time.
Bad apples like this make it hard for people who actually need service animals to go places comfortably.” Top-Butterfly-9582
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her dog being that easily distracted by other animals is actually dangerous to other people with well-trained service dogs and giving all service animals a bad rep.
If it is that distracted by rabbits just chilling silently in their carrier, it might start barking and trying to go after other service dogs if they cross paths, I’ve seen plenty of videos on that, causing unnecessary distraction and disruption.
She shouldn’t have blamed you for her dog’s reaction, while yelling at her may have been an inappropriate response it’s understandable in the situation. It wasn’t insensitive because honestly, it’s true, it’s for everyone’s benefit.
Who is she going to blame if she’s outside and her ‘service dog’ sees a wild rabbit and tries to chase it? She reacted like that, not caring about the insufficiency of her dog’s training, that her service dog lost focus so much at the mere sight of a small animal when her life is supposedly ‘at risk.’
Suspicious to say the least. Probably just a regular pet they are claiming is a service dog.” astrohale
11. AITJ For Laughing At My Mother-In-Law After She Asked If She Could Move In?
“Husband and I were financially well off in 2019. Things turned sour in 2020 when I became jobless after having to homeschool our kids. Couldn’t afford the rent. We got evicted 6 months later. My MIL, who offered us two bedrooms, backed out as soon as we became homeless and we ended up living out of our van for 4 months with our kids before a homeless shelter opened up.
During said time MIL had very little contact with us. SIL was also tense about us asking to come to her house to shower, despite our offering payment. We were looked at like we were scum because we were over the age of 30, had 3 kids, and didn’t have our lives figured out.
We were told how we were going about life all wrong and that if we had planned better we wouldn’t be in this situation. Coming from SIL mostly, who was given her house after her father died and hadn’t paid taxes in 4 years.
Fast forward, we were able to get back on our feet times ten. We built a house from scratch with our kids and gained a ton of experience for all of us. It came out perfect. The kids are ecstatic because they built their own house.
We are happier than ever. We even started our own business. We did this together, without help from any of his family despite their promises and I will admit that I grew a nasty taste in my mouth about the whole lot of them, despite the end result turning out the way it did.
Well, MIL is down and out currently. She was moved to part-time employment due to her slow-paced work style, her retirement was taken away apparently after the government stripped it from them, and will likely be evicted soon, as she has already received two notices and a lease termination letter.
She came here yesterday afternoon and asked us if she could stay here if she became evicted. I will admit that my first reaction was to outright laugh at her and her audacity. She looked immediately offended and uncomfortable, especially after I stated there wasn’t a chance of that happening.
My husband just stood beside me with his arms crossed, glaring at his mother – as he is very resentful of her allowing her grandchildren to live out of a van and homeless shelter after promises had already been made.
Anyways, she left crying after saying the situation was entirely different.
SIL however called us later and said that we were ‘trash’ for not allowing her soon to be evicted, elderly mother to move in. My only response was that a nursing home just opened up down the street and she can go there.
However, a few friends say it was kind of mean. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She’s right. The situation is different! You had children to provide for. This takes extra income, and means their decision punished not only the adults but three innocent children! She’s an adult and has no dependents; she is now being forced to face the consequences of her own actions.
Not just against you, but more importantly against her innocent grandchildren who she punished to make a point. When there really shouldn’t have been one to make. Not everything can be prepared for, looks like it’s her turn to learn that lesson.
Give her the address to a homeless shelter and a nursing home and call it a day. She doesn’t deserve to be near your home or your children. If sil has an issue with it she can take her in.” Few_Screen_1566
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly don’t give these people any further time in your life.
They let your kids sleep in a van for months. They didn’t have to help and under the same circumstances, you don’t have to help them. Moving her in isn’t going to work anyway because both of you are actively angry at her.
The first time there is the slightest disagreement, you’re going to evict her because why put up with it? And unlike you all that turned yourselves around, she’s not likely to do that.” slendermanismydad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mother-in-law was horrible to all of you when you were in need and now she’s experiencing karma right back at her.
Tell your sorry SIL that she can house her mother in the home she was given and the two of them can live with each other and that they both are to never bother you, your husband, or your family ever again as they don’t exist to you anymore. They are vile, sorry people and just go no contact probably for good. NTJ.” Pinkieforty
10. AITJ For "Disrespecting" My Partner's Sister?
“My (24F) partner, ‘Zack’s’ (24M) mother passed away when he was 11 years old. His father worked a lot, so Zack’s older sister, ‘Elise’ (now 30F), basically became the ‘woman of the house’ for lack of a better term. She cooked all the meals, cleaned the house, drove Zack to school and other activities, etc.
She was extremely parentified and I do feel for her on that front. She went to a local college. Because of all this, Zack and Elise are very close, he has a lot of respect for her.
Zack and I have been together for nearly a year.
We are very different in terms of backgrounds. He is much more reserved than I am. Before me, he spent a lot of his weekends gaming or just hanging out with a small group of friends. I tend to go out.
I work hard all week and want to enjoy the time I have off. Zack is a shy, somewhat nerdy guy and I do think I’ve broken him out of his shell a little, pushing him to do things out of his comfort zone.
Elise and their father have made several comments about him changing. She’s very nice and cordial when we see each other, but she’s made several comments about Zack not needing to change who he is.
Sunday, Zack invited me, some of his friends, his dad, sister, BIL, and niece over to watch the game.
At one point, vacations got brought up. I mentioned I was trying to convince him to go on a 2-day, local cruise with me as he’s never been on one. Zack reminded me he’s not the biggest fan of boats. I pointed out he’s never been on one and we could rent one to take out so he could get used to it.
He was somewhat on the fence. I and one of his buddies were trying to help him see it’s not so bad.
Elise butted in and said, ‘If he doesn’t want to go, then I’m sure you can find something else to do’.
I said I was pretty sure I could talk him into it. She asked why I would want to go if he really didn’t want to. I said of course I would never try to force him to go, but it’s just something to think about.
She repeated that he doesn’t like boats and that I should respect that. I rolled my eyes, not really understanding why she was so adamant on this, and said she needed to relax, she’s not his mother, she shouldn’t care this much about the situation.
Elise was clearly upset by the comment but didn’t say anything else. The subject got changed and I thought all was well.
A little later, Zack asked for my help getting something out of his room. Once in there, he told me I was out of line for how I spoke to his sister.
I said she was the one that was getting up in our business. Zack said that I kept pushing it and I got upset and said, well clearly she and your dad didn’t push you enough to try new things. He said I was being disrespectful and needed to apologize to Elise.
I laughed and said no, she needs to butt out. Zack finally asked me to leave. I did, aggravated.
I really thought my friends would be on my side, but they said I crossed a line. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She was advocating for her shy brother because she felt he was being badgered into something he wasn’t enthusiastic about.
If you wanted him to consider it more, putting that pressure on him in a group setting isn’t cool. I’ve been pushed into doing things I don’t like because I was in a group and didn’t want to be the party pooper.
I didn’t appreciate it.
You’d made your point. He wasn’t unable to carry on thinking about it afterward. You could have stopped talking and just left him to consider it.
On top of that, you then challenge his sister, roll your eyes at her – absurdly rude – and tell her ‘you’re not his mother’.
His mother. Who is dead. Her mother. Then SHE had the good grace to cut the scene short rather than make a further scene and you don’t think you owe an apology for your rudeness and obliviousness?” Cha_r_ley
Another User Comments:
“When someone comes off as shy and introverted… they can be non-confrontational.
They stay silent when pushed. You want him to come out of his ‘comfort zone’ and he did… he expressed more than once he is not fond of boats. THAT’S coming out of his comfort zone. Standing up for himself while you apparently keep trying to railroad him into doing your bidding ‘for his own good’.
Maybe you don’t know this… but an extrovert is not an ‘improved-on shy person’. They are someone who gets energy from people and people-related activities. They are internally wired to be energized around people and activities.
An introvert is not someone who just hadn’t learned to not be shy.
They literally get their energy from being away from people… and alone time to recharge. Putting an introvert onto a boat trapped with people will not make them comfortable. It will trap them in an environment that will make them anxious and exhausted.
Not an ideal vacation for a person who is wired to need solitary… especially when they are literally trapped with no way to escape.
His sister watched you continue to railroad and hammer away after he outright voiced he did not want to go.
So she tried to add to his voice. To which you not only blew off his comfort zone, his right to say no, and his entire personality but threw it in her face that she was not her dead mother… while rolling your eyes at her and telling her you could ‘fix’ him.
OP… you don’t respect your partner or his sister and are doing a lot of damage. Break up and find someone who loves what you love… not bully someone who doesn’t while insulting him and his fellow orphan family member.
Geez… YTJ.
Times a hundred.” Ally_and_empowerer
Another User Comments:
“I think YTJ but probably not irredeemably so. I think Elise is just being protective of her brother but if you could just calmly explain to her that you aren’t trying to change who Zack is, you just think it would be beneficial for him to broaden his horizons a little and convince her you actually have his best interests at heart, just as she does, she would relax a little.
What will NOT help is being hostile against her, or trying to push too hard against Zack’s boundaries if he’s told you boats are a firm no. It will make you look selfish and bull-headed in both Elise’s and Zack’s eyes.
And honestly, the mother comment was way out of line and you should apologize for that if nothing else.
So I think keep doing what you’re doing if it’s truly motivated in good faith, but do it gently and know when to back off.
And try not to alienate Elise, even if you consider her to be ‘in your business’ nothing good will come of trying to get in between her and Zack as you’ve already found out. Try to put yourself in her position instead and think about how you’d feel if you felt a friend was being controlled or manipulated by a partner because right or wrong that’s probably Elise’s fear right now.” DaTupperwareThief
9. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Bridesmaid At My Brother's Wedding?
“My brother is 13 years older than me and I have known my whole life, all 19 years, that he would have preferred to remain an only child. We are not close. He has never had time for me, never wanted me in his life or to be in mine.
When he moved out he stayed distant from me. He’d speak to our parents, visit them, but it was like I wasn’t there. Over the years I got used to it. One time when I was like 12 our parents asked him if he would let me stay for a weekend because they were attending an adult-only wedding.
He said no but he didn’t just say no, he was clear that he would never want that kind of contact with me. They argued back then over it, not sure how bad it got, but they never asked again and nothing changed between me and him.
It always stood out to me that he was almost disgusted to be asked and by the idea that he would need to spend some time with me. He never showed up to my birthdays, never got me anything for Christmas or my birthday.
My parents were bothered but always told me once we were both grown our relationship would be more equal and could grow. I think they wanted to believe that more than they actually did.
My brother has been with the same woman for like 8 years.
I’ve met her a grand total of two times. Now they’re engaged and everyone is all excited. His fiancee came over while I was at my parents’ house for Christmas and asked me to be her bridesmaid. She brought up how they needed to include me since all of her siblings were bridesmaids and groomsmen.
I asked if that was the only reason and she went silent because I mean she was asking a stranger for the sake of appearances. So I told her it was nice to offer and all but I couldn’t accept and that I wouldn’t be attending the wedding.
She freaked out and went crazy about how my lack of attendance will overshadow the day and sometimes you go for family, even if you’re not close to or know the family, because family is important. I ended up having to leave my parents’ house because they were also unhappy when they heard that I was planning on not going.
They told me he’s my brother and I should be at his wedding even if I’m not a bridesmaid.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Every other (very good) reason aside, there’s not a chance your absence would overshadow the day. If this is how he treats you and talks about you in your presence, I’d be willing to bet that plenty of the attendees don’t even know he has a sister.
‘Thank you for the invitation, but I can assure you my brother will only be relieved by my refusal. Have a wonderful day and a long, happy marriage.’
And remind your parents that if your brother was clear on the importance of family and had treated you like more than an inconvenience throughout your life, you’d probably be going.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t fall for that ‘family’ crap.
It’s just an excuse people use to guilt you into allowing abuse.
Family obligation is a farce. Your only obligation is to yourself. Also, being a bridesmaid can be expensive.
The bride is upset that there will be an ‘overshadow’ because you’re not there? Well, maybe they should make an effort to see you as a person and form a relationship with you rather than see you as a prop on their special day.
Of course people are going to wonder why you’re not there. That’s THEIR fault for not treating you like family. And that’s just it. If they don’t treat you like family, then you aren’t family. Which means no obligation. This ‘overshadow’ on the wedding is THEIR doing.” it_takes_alkines
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He gets to reap what he sowed. I’m sorry your parents are so deep in denial over his jerk behavior. You, very literally, owe him nothing. Although you are giving him the gift he always wanted: acting like he doesn’t have a sister, it’s probably worth it.” Irishwol
8. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Just Accept That I'm In A Relationship?
“My (26f) roommate (25f) and I have been friends since we were 11. I know what everyone says: ‘don’t live with friends’ but it’s really worked out for us for a while! We survived the global crisis together locked down in our tiny apartment and didn’t bite each other’s heads off the entire time.
Fast forward to now— I’m going out with people, which she hasn’t seen from me since we were in high school, and have started seeing this guy recently! It’s started to get pretty serious, and I really think I’m falling for him.
We see each other about once a week due to work schedules and he’s amazing in every way. But the issue is that my roommate hates it. She hates that I’m seeing someone, and gets really annoyed when I tell her I’m going to dinner or a show with him.
She’ll literally roll her eyes and get visibly annoyed. She’s never been in a relationship and doesn’t really date despite complaining about being lonely all the time. She’s on apps and people will ask her out and she’ll say no or ghost them.
My current partner has never been over to our place, but we are going out on Friday and I wanted him to come over and meet her. She’s important to me and I value her opinion, but when I brought this up she point-blank said that she didn’t care to meet him and would prefer that he wasn’t in our apartment.
So, I snapped at her and called her out on her attitude and jealousy of the whole situation. I should’ve kept my cool, but it had been weeks of her getting annoyed that I was seeing someone. I apologized immediately after she called me a jerk, but she said that I had ‘no consideration for her feelings and that it’s unfair to be flaunting my relationship in front of her.’
I’m at a loss.
Should I just accept that I’m the jerk here and keep my relationship away from someone I considered my best friend? Or is she the jerk? Are we both the jerks? None of us? I have no clue. Tell me!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I think it’s loneliness and jealousy.
She feels like she is losing the only person she has. I bet seeing you break out of 7 years of singleness and leaving her behind upsets her but that’s her problem to deal with.
She might actually like you as well.
Nothing you can do about that either if you are not interested in her in that way.
Chat with her, tell her how excited you are about the new relationship, and how perhaps sometimes the three of you can do things together.
Work out what it looks like to have guests in your apartment. She cannot be the sole person to say guests can come over or stay.” aitadeliveryapt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said it yourself, you shouldn’t live with friends. It’s because it works…
until it doesn’t.
Your friend is jealous. Maybe of the fact that you have a significant other. Maybe of the fact that you have less time for her. Maybe of your partner, period. It’s not your fault that she can’t cope with this change.
Maybe it’s time to start planning. Doesn’t have to be immediately, but what will you do if your living conditions continue to deteriorate or if she tries to sabotage your relationship? What if she tries to perma-ban him from your home? If you’re leasing, plan on what you’re going to do when your lease is up, you’re moving on to a different phase of life, and living together isn’t healthy for either of you anymore.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is super common among friends who grow older, often when one of two less-social people becomes more social, but it can happen in a variety of circumstances. When one person starts to get in shape, or starts seeing someone, or starts succeeding at a shared dream career, it causes a lot of emotion in the person who thought you both were ‘in the same boat.’ Clearly, she wishes she were in a relationship, but has some sort of block on getting into one.
Not going out with anyone between high school and 26 is pretty atypical, to say the least.
She’s going to need to get used to it because it’s unreasonable for your partner not to have seen your apartment. Hopefully, she gets past it, and you’ll need to have a talk with her, but this might just be a rift in your friendship.
People just become different, and mid-20s is often when that’s most visible. I mean, when you meet people at 11, you’re nowhere near the same people you’ll be at 25 or 35.
Also, I’m guessing people are going to assume she’s in love with you because they correctly guessed that a woman’s husband was gay and in love with his best friend one time, but I don’t really see anything here to jump to that conclusion.” Hairy_Dirt3361
7. AITJ For Being Angry At My Dad For How I Was Treated During My Teens?
“I (35F) lost it and yelled at my father (67M) over decisions/events that happened when I was 13-18 years old, and my sister (31F) says that even though I’m right, I was a jerk and need to apologize.
The fight started when discussing the high schools I went to, the 1st being an advanced boarding school (college classes), and the 2nd a private Christian school.
I said that my education stalled because the teachers focused on religion instead of academics. He got defensive and said, ‘I’m sorry I failed you as a parent because of (school name)’. This made me mad because I wasn’t talking about him or accusing him of anything, just saying that this particular school was a waste of time.
But he went to his parenting, so now we’re fighting about my stepmom (SM). Not exactly sure how the shift happened, but honestly it was inevitable. I’ve avoided the topic for years to ‘keep the peace’ and to be able to see/talk to my father.
The Stepmom Background: My mother died when I was 13 (cancer), and my father remarried a year later. Ignoring that particular trauma, SM then caused enough trauma that the mandated reporters who saw evidence of what was happening to me had me live in a hotel, then I was sent to a wilderness program (same one in the ‘troubled teen industry’ that Paris Hilton went to), but then I tested high enough to get into boarding school.
There is a book an alumnus wrote on how dangerous schools like this are for teens, but for me, it was better than home.
As soon as my SM came up, my father asked me ‘When are you going to get over this?’ I snapped.
My inside voice escaped, and I told him that she should be in jail. That living in the house was torture, that I have trauma responses and PTSD, and that I don’t trust her around my kid. I just word-vomited all my frustration and let him have it.
I told him that I’m done with him blaming me. For years the story has been that I was an out-of-control teen, but after years of therapy, I now see that as gaslighting and denial. I told him that I can’t have a relationship with him if it means exposing my family to her, and I don’t want a relationship with him if he continues to deny what she did.
He said she apologized, I said that the letter SM wrote me said that she realized God won’t love her if she hates me, so she no longer hates me. I said that that’s not an apology, and he said that’s just how she is.
After a few minutes of this type of back and forth, I hung up on him.
My sister says I’m not wrong, but I was a jerk for yelling at him. That since he’s older, I should try to have a relationship, and keep the peace, so I don’t have regrets later.
I said that it was too damaging to my mental health. I can’t get over it. I want to defend 14-year-old me now since I couldn’t back then.
I’ve had a few days to calm down. I don’t want to call him, but maybe that’s immature.
So AITJ, and need to call and apologize to my father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need to apologize for anything. Enduring trauma like that, especially at a young age, is, unfortunately, gonna eventually come out in a way that may very well be beyond your control.
This doesn’t mean you outright hate the person (in this case your father), however, you had built up trauma and frustration in you and you had to let it out. It’s better you let it out than continue to let it build up.” superkevinguru
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was obviously coming for decades.
While raising my voice isn’t an avenue I usually take, I understand why you did. I tend to drop my voice into a deeper register and speak pretty quietly but pointedly; it forces your audience to really listen to what you have to say and understand how deadly serious you are.
That’s just my natural response, but it works.
It needed to come out, though. What happened to you was absolutely messed up and they need to understand why your relationship with them is contentious, and why you don’t trust them.
I wouldn’t apologize for what was said, but I would for the delivery.” vorticia
6. AITJ For Announcing My Engagement At The Same Time My Cousin Planned To?
“I (28M) and not close to my cousin, we don’t talk at all outside of family events. We both got engaged to our partners at similar times (within a few weeks) but it was a complete coincidence. Proposed to my partner, and her partner had proposed to her, and she had no idea it was going to happen.
Now when I proposed to my partner (26M) I used an unconventional piece of jewelry, it’s something we had discussed before as this would be extremely important to him, however, it’s not something he can really wear in public, so we were talking about getting some rings.
However he doesn’t like wearing rings a lot due to sensory issues, and he’s lost a lot of rings and would be so upset if he lost this ring.
So we decided on me getting a ring and him getting a ring on a necklace, the chain itself also locks in the back so it can’t be undone.
My family is very traditional when it comes to this sort of thing so I wanted to wait until we got the rings sorted to tell them about the engagement.
We had a big family dinner last week and I called my grandmother (whose house it would be at) to ask if I could announce some important news at dinner.
She understood what I meant and was very excited, said I could, and promised she wouldn’t tell anyone.
The day of the dinner came and my grandmother said that I had an announcement to make, I stood up with my partner and announced we had gotten engaged and showed off my ring.
Everyone started congratulating us except my cousin but I didn’t think anything of it. Then people asked to see my partner’s ring and he showed off his necklace, and then my cousin slammed her hand on the table and walked out.
I was so confused, then her partner pulled me aside and said that he knew it wasn’t on purpose since I had no idea, but they had also planned on announcing their engagement and my cousin had gotten a necklace instead of a ring.
I told him I had no idea and that I had asked grandmother about a week in advance to announce this. He apologized and went outside to get my cousin. Screaming and yelling could be heard. Which also included her throwing some insults about my partner and his work.
She ended up leaving and her fiancé came back, he apologized for her behavior and said she was just stressed. We continued with the dinner and everything was fine. About an hour ago I got a text from my cousin asking what she had ever done to me that made me copy her engagement just to embarrass her and ruin a big moment in her life.
I explained how this was a coincidence and it was just what I and my partner wanted. She started going off on how my partner doesn’t deserve to get married, how he’s not worthy, ruining the sanctity of marriage, etc, to which I blocked her.
I started thinking from her point of view and while I still think she’s out of line, I would also be upset if something ruined my engagement announcement. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first off, congratulations on your engagement, I wish nothing but the best for you and your future husband.
As for your cousin, it sucks that the timing is throwing things off for them, however, they can easily wait a couple of weeks and then announce their engagement. OR, they can say ‘OMG us too!’ and it can be a joint celebration.
She sounds completely over the top, and the fact that her fiancé is apologizing for her behavior tells us everything we need to know. I’m glad you blocked her, you don’t need that kind of toxicity in your life. Just keep an eye out because I could see her trying to sabotage things in the future.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t do it on purpose, and wearing a ring on a necklace wasn’t invented by your cousin.
I could understand her feeling a little disappointed that someone else was announcing their engagement when she had probably planned on being the center of attention, but her response was out of line. Also, I would keep screenshots of the things she said about the sanctity of marriage so that when she inevitably tries to turn the family against you, you have proof of how she’s really acting.
Congratulations on the engagement!” partylupone
Another User Comments:
“Ugh! You need to ask?
Of course you’re NTJ!
First, you asked permission to make this announcement. Chances are your cousin did not. Otherwise, your grandmother might have addressed this.
Your cousin had an infantile tantrum. Her partner might want to take a serious look at going forward with this marriage if this is how she acts.
Her partner showed a great deal more maturity. By the way, don’t be too surprised if this insight into her character prompts him to dump your cousin, who will, in turn, blame you for that, too.
And compounding her offense, your cousin made some uncalled-for, homophobic remarks about your partner and your marriage.
It sounds to me like you proceeded with all the propriety and manners this situation called for. Even more so. You asked your grandmother’s permission, which was very polite and respectful. If I were at a family get-together and wanted to announce my engagement, I might not even think to ask permission.
(Unless it was a celebration of someone else’s major event, like a new baby, birthday, or engagement. In which case, I would keep my announcement to myself.)
I wish you a very happy and fulfilling marriage.
I’m really trying to fathom how your cousin could act like this.
I would like to think, if I were in your cousin’s place and you made this announcement, I would have stood up, and said some nice words congratulating you and your marriage, wishing you happiness, and then added that I also have an announcement and then announced my own engagement, so everyone can be happy for all four of us.
I really don’t see why this engagement announcement of yours would undercut hers. Why can’t there be two joyous announcements?” RighteousVengeance
Congratulations!!
5. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Comedy Routine After He Said Some Hurtful Jokes?
“First off I’m gay and have known this guy for almost a year or so. I met him in a class at my college and we’ve been friends since, he said he had no issues with me being gay. This happened over the weekend.
Anyway, a week ago he texts me and says he was trying standup at a local comedy club for the first time that weekend and was wondering if I wanted to come along. I said sure even though standup comedy isn’t really my thing but I didn’t have any other plans and I wanted to be a supportive friend.
Come the night of the routine it starts off well until I hear a joke about gay guys. I won’t go into the details but it was pretty distasteful. I shrugged it off but they just kept coming. The most low-effort and overused stuff I’ve heard time and time again was being said and laughed at and I kept getting increasingly uncomfortable.
Eventually, I just left mid-routine and went home.
He texted me that night asking why I had to go in the middle of it and I told him I was uncomfortable with the jokes he was making and that I wouldn’t have gone if I had known that’s what he was going to do.
He told me he thought I was being too sensitive and that he doesn’t actually believe what he said, it was just a part of the skit. I told him joke or not it wasn’t funny to me to hear that from someone I thought was my friend.
He told me I need to grow up and that he won’t be inviting me along anymore. I didn’t care anymore and just left him on read.
I’m pretty sure I’m not in the wrong here but wanted to hear other people’s perspectives.
The stuff that was said was akin to bullying I endured in school over my sexuality and it hurt, whether it was a joke or not. AITJ for leaving?
Edit: He isn’t gay, and I don’t plan on continuing to be friends with him anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You likely weren’t the only person in that room that was uncomfortable with his so-called ‘jokes.’ You probably weren’t the only one that got up and left in the middle of his performance, either.
I don’t remember who it was that said it, but they pointed out that if you tell a joke and not everyone in your audience laughs, then the problem is not with the audience, the problem is with your joke.
If your (hopefully by now ex) friend wants to pursue a career in stand-up comedy, he needs to learn this lesson now.” jupiter235
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there are sooo many great comedians who can crack jokes at anyone and don’t make it distasteful, or even better, they don’t even have to make jokes attacking any group at all to be funny.
What your friend seems to be lacking in the ‘creativity and empathy’ department he found in the ‘being a jerk’ department.
You are certainly not in the wrong here, people using a stage to talk down on people and defending their actions is so wrong especially if they can’t be held accountable.
If the jokes were good the story would probably be very different, but I would have probably done the same.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Solomon5515
Another User Comments:
“I think there is a fine line when it comes to certain topics being used as jokes, or as a soapbox to express opinions.
I’ve gone to comedy shows where people have joked about hard stuff that applies to me, and I’ve been in between finding certain jokes funny, and others not. It depends on a lot of factors to depend if the joke is going to come off as just that, or a jerkish comment made to be ‘funny’.
If this guy was going on and on and on about gay people, it seems more like an attack vs an off-kilter joke, which is where I can see why you were uncomfortable and left.
His follow-up message to you is also super insensitive.
If I’ve ever made a joke or comment that a friend took as offensive, I’ve apologized. If your ‘friend’ really cared, he would ask you your thoughts and maybe ways to make it seem less offensive to those he was joking about.
I don’t think you’ve lost a friend, more like dodging a bullet. If you’re ever uncomfortable and take yourself out of the narrative, and someone finds that offensive, they aren’t the friend for you.
NTJ.” andreaak88
4. AITJ For Wanting To Pick The Restaurant I'll Be Celebrating My Birthday At?
“So my (F28) dad has a tradition for birthdays for my brother (M25) and me where every year he picks us up a dessert of our choosing from our local bakery, takes us out to eat ‘wherever we want,’ and then we go do an activity like bowling or movies or whatever else we pick.
I know I’m very lucky to have a dad that does that even after we’re adults and have moved out of the house.
The only thing is, my brother is an extremely picky eater, so since we were kids I’ve sort of always gotten stuck only choosing places to eat where he’ll actually eat.
My brother will pretty much only go out to eat at steakhouses or burger joints. So every year for my birthday since we were kids, that’s where I’ve ‘chosen’ to go because he won’t go anywhere else. Or I’ve ‘chosen’ to eat vanilla cupcakes because he won’t eat the coffee cake I like.
This year, when my dad asked me where I’d like to eat, I told him there was this new Indian place I’d heard about that I really wanted to try. He asked if I could pick somewhere else because my brother won’t eat Indian food.
I told him I was kind of tired of eating cheeseburgers for my birthday just because my brother is picky, and asked if my dad and I could have dinner together, and then pick my brother up to go out afterward.
He accused me of being selfish, so I sort of just dropped the point and stopped texting him about it.
Am I being a jerk? I know it’s not that deep to go eat burgers or whatever, but I do kind of feel like it’s not fair that I’ve had to center birthday activities around my brother’s preferences my whole life.
I don’t know though, I might be being super immature. WIBTJ if I insisted on doing what I actually want, or should I just suck it up and drop it and go eat what my brother likes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is forcing everyone to bend to his will because he is a picky eater.
At 25, he is old enough to find something he can eat at a restaurant. If he can’t, he can certainly drink a cup of tea until you can swing by a fast food place on the way home. I understand your father wants to have the family together to celebrate, but your brother is creating the problem, not you.
Since you have been accommodating for years, your father may depend on you to make allowances for your brother’s selfish and unreasonable behavior. But this expectation is not fair.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is spoiled. Let him go get a burger before you all go to lunch.
He can sit in an Indian restaurant and eat a piece of naan or some white rice. I assume he can cope with simple white carbs? And of course, you should get the cake you want for your birthday. If he MUST have cake and can’t cope with coffee cake (did someone beat him with a cinnamon stick when he was young?), you get your coffee cake and daddy can pick up a vanilla cupcake for his widdle boy.
(I don’t think having a very narrow set of preferences is inherently immature. I think insisting everyone cater to your preferences, even on someone else’s birthday is incredibly immature.)” Miriamathome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, but your dad has a tradition of taking you out to eat where your brother wants for your birthday as well as his and ignoring your wants for your own birthday.
You ‘choosing’ the places your brother likes and the flavor of cakes he likes are simply you likely not realizing that you’ve been bullied into it by your family (‘but brother really doesn’t like that, can you think of someplace you can both find something to eat?’ or ‘can you not choose a flavor that both you and brother will eat?’).
Tell your dad going forward that he can continue his tradition for your brother, but you are tired of being overridden for your brother’s sake and not actually going to eat and get the flavor cakes that YOU want all because your brother’s desires are clearly more important even on what should be YOUR special day.
Tell him you do not want to go out to dinner or get a cake for your birthday anymore since it wouldn’t matter anyway and you’d be forced into his likes anyway, although you’d be willing to continue the outing (movie, bowling, etc.) so long as it is truly what you want (don’t be bullied into a movie if you’d rather go bowling or bowling if you’d rather go roller skating, etc.).
Afterward, keeping in mind any of those potential activity plans, start your own birthday traditions that you celebrate by yourself or with your friends. There will likely come a day when you are married, or at least have an SO, and you will prefer to spend your birthday with them and/or your own kids so your dad’s ‘tradition’ will end for you anyhow.” ToriBethATX
3. AITJ For Being Honest With The Bride?
“I (24F) tutored a young child. The parent sat in on tutoring in case they needed to administer emergency medication. The parent began talking over me. I noted the child would become confused and lose focus when the parent interjected. Their response was, ‘You think I don’t know how to help my child?’ I insisted that they stop interjecting, which they did, and I thanked them for it.
Then I asked to change one of our tutoring sessions to another day of the week one time, as I had a prior engagement that I had signed up for. The parent sent me an email stating they were displeased and didn’t want to switch.
I told her assertively that their options were to switch to another day or cancel for that week. They agreed to switch days and we left it at that. It’s the only time an adjustment had to be made on my end.
The parent’s niece (the bride) is a friend of mine, and the bride hired a vendor who I occasionally work for, and I told her I would volunteer my time to help the vendor as a gift to save the bride and vendor money (I had already RSVP’d as an invited guest, but this felt more efficient and I would still be there to celebrate her wedding).
The bride was thrilled. The wedding took place recently during winter break when tutoring was in recess.
The parent wrote me an email asking me not to come to the wedding because the child (the flower girl) might feel stressed because of the repeated issues they’ve had with me as their tutor and that stress could trigger a medical episode.
I reached out to the bride to let them know that the vendor would have to hire someone else to help them in my place. I offered to cover the extra cost and send a separate gift. The bride asked why and I told her that her aunt had asked me not to come for the sake of the child’s health.
The bride agreed that I shouldn’t come to the wedding, but noted it was because she didn’t want her aunt to cause a scene. I did not mention my prior frustrations with her aunt.
The bride confronted the aunt. The aunt emailed me again, saying that I made her sound like ‘the bad guy of the family.’ I tried to reassure her that everyone (myself included) wanted to keep the environment stress-free for the child and that I simply told the bride the truth when I explained why I wouldn’t be attending.
She emailed me back, calling me some names.
I gave her referrals to other tutors with immediate openings and said that I was ending my services, effective immediately. They responded with a lengthy paragraph about my unprofessionalism and selfishness.
The bride also reached out to me and said her aunt is still giving her a lot of grief over it.
The bride said she wishes I had not told her that the aunt had uninvited me.
I feel bad for the child and my friend for having to deal with the aftershocks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells with people like this, this is frankly immature behavior on their part.
Particularly: ‘WAHHH I’m being unreasonable and weird and you told someone the truth about how weird I’m being!’
And, somehow more pathetically: ‘WAHHH this situation is somehow your fault for being honest and communicating directly and promptly so I could make adjustments to my wedding plans, and this situation is definitely not my sister’s fault for being weird and unreasonable!’
I hope your next tutoring job is with more amicable people.” Rude-Ad8706
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Simply tell the bride you understand how she feels and are sorry it blew up, it was never your intention.
Explain that you only shared due to the financial impact on her if you weren’t there and you agreed to the request since the aunt/kid is her family. Additionally, due to some tense interactions with the Aunt, you knew doing as she asked was better for the bride.
You hope that by removing yourself completely from even tutoring that it will help her put it aside to enjoy her special day – and that hopefully, you two can meet up after the wedding. (maybe really spill all details then – or maybe you won’t hear from her – but you can’t change what’s already happened and handled to the best of your ability.)” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the Aunt/your former client is the only person being a jerk.
The aunt is just deflecting because she knows she’s in the wrong. She has absolutely no business hassling the bride and the bride is the one who told her aunt the ‘truth’ so it’s on her to deal with that. You were professional in ending your business with the aunt and the business relationship is between you two so she shouldn’t be harassing the bride.” CommunicationFew8340
2. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom Out Financially?
“Ever since I (25F) could remember my mom has always shown favoritism to my brother (21M) and treated us differently. She basically babied him all my life.
She’d do everything for him, cook, clean up after him, whatever he wanted she’d get for him, etc.
If my brother and I got into a fight she’d almost always take his side over mine. If my brother did something wrong she’d always drag me into the situation and discipline me too for whatever reason. If I got so angry with my brother, because growing up he was a little jerk, and I started yelling at him she’d get mad at me for yelling at him and not the action he did to make me upset.
If my brother asked me something and I said no, she’d get mad at me for saying no.
When I was 18 she started charging me ‘rent’, my brother is 21 and lives with her rent-free.
When I was 18 I started working at my dad’s business (my parents are divorced) and ever since then, the treatment from my mom got worse.
She was always short with me, made passive-aggressive comments all the time to me and just clearly didn’t want to see me succeed. When I was 20 I moved out of my mom’s and went to stay with my dad, which extremely offended her and the relationship was never the same.
We had very low contact.
Fast forward to today, I pretty much run my dad’s business. Dad is semi-retired and travels between my country and his home country every month. I make good money here at the business, own my own condo, have a new car I paid for myself, and am just overall doing good.
Ever since I can remember my mom has had financial issues, she’s always lived cheque to cheque and can’t save. The past few months my mom has been contacting me more, last week she asked if we can have a serious conversation.
She explained to me that she can see that I’m doing well for myself and she needs financial help. She is in a lot of debt and possibly could lose her house. She said she asked my dad for help, and he refused.
I asked her why she doesn’t ask her husband. (she’s remarried, but they don’t live together because she refuses to let him move in, whole other story).
She started going off on me saying that’s her business and she’s asking me, not him.
I said no, you treated me like a piece of trash growing up, barely contact me and now you want me to help you out financially? She said after all the things she did for me growing up this is the least I could do for her.
She’s been telling my other family members how I said no and they’ve been up my butt messaging and calling me saying it’s the right thing to do, and to have some compassion. Even my brother has been telling me how that’s so cold that I refuse to help her because financially I’m in a good place.
I feel awful because my mom could possibly lose her house, but I feel like that’s not my responsibility and I’m being taken advantage of if I say yes. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has a husband. She has your brother. Just because you’re doing well financially does not mean you have the responsibility of helping her out of a mess she has created.
Not only that, she didn’t help you get where you are today, your Dad did. She wants to have her own house AND a husband that doesn’t live with her, that’s her choice. Don’t bankroll her choices.” fairyduck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult that she pushed out of the house.
You even paid her rent while you were there. Your brother lives there and can help. You were not the only person she could have gone to. She’s chosen to take advantage of you and you’ve chosen not to let her.
She is an adult and you don’t need to be responsible for her poor decisions (you didn’t say this was medical – I’m assuming her issues are by choice). NTJ” dontwannadoittoday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pretty much made a life for yourself working hard and receiving no support from your mother, and being treated like a reject by her.
She’s now fallen on hard times, instead of asking her favorite child (son) to help her she is asking the child she rejected because the daughter is financially independent. OP, let me tell you, blood is not always thicker than water.
Your mother treated you appallingly. Her reasoning about how much she did for you when you were growing up is laughable. You didn’t ask to be born, she chose to have kids and it is her responsibility to be the best mother for all her children, which she failed by having a favorite child (your bro) and ignoring you.
She is an adult, she got herself into this mess, and she needs to get on her bike or pull up her bootstrap and sort her crap out. Do not help her. And tell the other family members who are giving you grief about how it’s your duty to help her and have compassion.
Where was their compassion for you when you were treated like dirt by your mother? How come they don’t offer to help your mother instead? Tell your brother he can help her if he wants to but he has zero right expecting anything from you.” Specialist-Cod-7750
1. AITJ For Talking To The Midwives Behind My Partner's Back?
“My partner is several days late and having serious anxieties with dealing with a potential C-section/being induced. I have been off work for two weeks and this evening I phoned the midwives to ask them how I could help, my partner wasn’t aware.
I can’t stress this enough, I do not want my partner dealing with any additional stress this late in pregnancy so I spoke to the midwives about my issues and how I could help.
They stated that they could call my partner and see what’s what and see how they could help.
They phoned up and offered an appointment for tomorrow and a potential sweep. Apparently, this is amazing news.
Laying in bed she noticed that I had their number in my recent call log (she wasn’t snooping/we were both looking at my phone and I forgot) and put two and two together.
I confessed and now she is extremely upset because I went behind her back.
I feel guilty about it but I genuinely don’t believe I did anything wrong. She’s upset that I didn’t talk to her. Which I stated earlier why I felt I couldn’t, and now this late in pregnancy she’s upset and angry with me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Absolutely nothing wrong with taking initiative to get a mom help especially when it’s your partner and your child. So many moms get forgotten and it’s great that you are looking out imo.
It’s not like anyone could have done anything without her knowledge or consent, she’s still carrying the child.
The midwives spoke to your partner before making any plans and she was happy about the appointments. The worst that could have happened is she told the midwives she didn’t want whatever they suggested doing.
It’s valid that she is upset that you left her out, but you were trying to help with good intentions, so it’s more of a lesson learned to always keep her in the loop when it’s regarding her healthcare and your child than you being a jerk.” dontdontbesuspicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, yes your wife is the one pregnant but you weren’t controlling her, dobbing her in, etc.
You called and asked for advice for you. Then called her and gave her the choice of an appointment/sweep which if she felt she didn’t need could refuse. She is pregnant. I got upset and didn’t even know why I was upset at times.
Pregnancy is hard and being worried about being induced/C-section is hard. Getting good information from a reliable source not googling and forcing someone dangerous is the best choice.
Good luck with the rest of this pregnancy and baby.” Ok-Inevitable-6397
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you did the right thing and it’s great you did.
Prenatal anxiety and depression are so incredibly real and can be so devastating. Calling for advice on how to support her and then offering an appointment to elevate some stress is the perfect route. Her feelings are also valid you know.
The end of pregnancy is tough and she’s already dealing with anxiety about it. I would just let her know you only did it to get advice on how to support her best and that it’s her well-being that’s the absolute most important thing for you and you’ll absolutely keep her in the loop in the future and just ask if there is anything else she needs support in.
If she would like you to ask some questions to the midwives for her or any other way she feels she could be better supported. Also congratulations on the baby!” User
Another User Comments:
“You know what’s a great way to keep someone from stressing? Not going behind their back and speaking to their midwife about them and then having the midwife lie to them for your benefit. As someone who stresses about everything, I prefer being told things, even if they’re stressful, instead of my partner deciding for me what I can or cannot handle. YTJ.” QueenOfTheSnarkness
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