People Get Infuriated By These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Weekend Supporting My Partner's Ultramarathon?
“My (31F) partner (33M) began running last year. He started from scratch and has been incredibly tenacious. This year he completed his first marathon, and I was there cheering for him and waiting with snacks at the finish line.
He’s about to run a 40-mile (65km) ultramarathon that is a 3.5-hour drive away. He planned the trip with his buddy, who unfortunately got injured and can’t go. This wasn’t unexpected since the friend had been hesitant for a while. The race is scheduled for this upcoming weekend.
A few days ago, my partner casually asked if I wanted to join him. The race lasts over six hours, meaning I’d need to occupy myself during the wait. I declined, and he dropped the topic, although it came up in conversation a couple more times.
Today he asked again. This time, he let me know how much it would mean to him if I were there—that he needs me there and my support. This, of course, makes me feel awful for declining, but here is the thing:
He never showed interest in my presence before his friend canceled. Now, it seems more about having company due to his nervousness, and I was just the next option after his friend.
It did make me feel slightly emotionally manipulated. The trip spans Friday to Sunday due to the early race start and late finish times. This will be my first weekend off in a while after a very busy few months, and I really would rather not dedicate the entirety of it to his race.
I explained my feelings, and he said he understood, but he mentioned again how much he needs me there. And now, I feel horrible and fear that I will not enjoy my weekend off. I want to support him, but I feel that this is a lot to ask, especially since he did not ask me from the beginning.
So: WIBTJ for not going with my partner to support him during his ultramarathon?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is a jerk for trying to guilt you into going. And it seems he just wants someone there, not you, given that he only asked you after his first choice couldn’t make it.” pudah_et
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t invited to support him until after his friend dipped. Also, running isn’t a spectator sport. Likely, you’ll be standing around, not in contact with him, for the majority of his race. It would be extremely generous of you to give up an entire weekend to support him running, but it’s not a requirement.
You can be supportive even if you aren’t able to attend every event.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“Based on your replies, NTJ. If he really needed you there, he would have invited you from the start. If he sticks with doing ultras, you will want to start acting in a support role because it’s a whole lifestyle.
I don’t like the way he is guilt tripping you for saying no when he didn’t include you before. The two of you need to have a conversation about his support needs versus your need to make plans in advance. I imagine that the chores you had been putting off for this weekend would have been given different priorities if you had known he would need your support with more notice.
If you decide to go, he needs to commit to helping you get those chores done, as well as proving it by making time to get some of it done in the next five days before you go. That is the support you need from him to be able to happily go and support him.” Old-Mention9632
25. AITJ For Wanting Equal Attention From My Mother And Grandmother?
“I am 16(F), and have been struggling with this for a while, and always see those AITJ subway surfers TikToks, so I thought I might get some helpful advice if anyone sees this.
I have lived with my mother and grandmother all of my life. But recently, I think I’ve started noticing how much they favor each other over me. Of course, I understand that they are mother and daughter, and I can’t really ever compete with that.
I just wish that they didn’t show it so much. For example, they always complain about me to each other, within earshot of me. I have tried to bring this up on multiple occasions, but they just tell me that I shouldn’t be listening. Side note: Our house is not that big.
So, even in my room, with the door closed, I can still hear them.
Also, whenever I try to vent to my grandmother (she is the only one I feel comfortable talking to about stuff) about my mother, she shuts me down. I have also voiced that I wish she would allow me to complain about my mother in the same way she complains about me, but the only response I get is, “Well, you didn’t want to do therapy, so I don’t know what to tell you.”
It’s like they have this special bond, and all I do is get in the way. I would also like to mention that I cannot speak back to them or anything, because we are Black. And I’m sure that other Black people can relate to having to choose your words very carefully when talking to Black parents.
Recently, my mother got angry with me and threw the mouse of my laptop at me. I will admit, we both were talking aggressively towards one another, but her throwing it at me threw me off a bit. I tried to bring this up to my grandmother, since I think it’s a bit childish to throw things at people, and she responded, “Well, she’s an adult.”
I would also like to say that, since I’m older now, I no longer get hit with a belt, but if I cause them to get angry enough, I might get manhandled a bit, lol. I often say things like “You guys are just like two peas in a pod.” And I can admit, I don’t mean anything good by this.
Seeing them interact truly makes me want to cry, because I wish I had that. I don’t have the strongest relationship with my mother, but it is in no way bad. I sort of see my grandmother as the good cop and the bad cop, but my mother is mainly just bad cop.
I guess sometimes we do have chats about random things, and she sends me lots of random Instagram reels, so I guess this is her way of trying. She knows I like things like COD and Sanrio, so she sends me things related to those.
I suppose that some part of me just wishes I had their relationship, or like a best friend or something. I don’t really know if I’m being really selfish for thinking all of this.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh Sweetie, this breaks my heart.
You are absolutely NTJ. Your mom sounds like she may be a low-key (or maybe even unapologetic) narcissist. Your grandmother either groomed her or is just enabling her. Sadly, in my experience, there’s no winning with these types. The best that you can do is hold your head high, know your worth.
Do not let these two get you down. Do not seek their validation or approval. And get that therapy — not for them, for you. You need to learn how to cope with living with these people until you’re old enough to depend on yourself.
I grew up with very similar issues with my mother. Unfortunately, I (51F) was in my 40s before I fully understood that I was not the problem. You’re not the problem. But you’re in a really tough situation. Please get that therapy and gain the tools you need to survive this home life.
Please feel welcome to DM me anytime you’re feeling alone. You’ll be okay as long as you put yourself first. All the best to you” Fatwotts
24. AITJ For Choosing My Home Family Over My Dad's Invitation?
“Last Christmas, my dad [45m] wanted to spend Christmas together with me [19f] at his house in Florida. Growing up, my dad was a trucker and wasn’t around very much. Of course, I was overjoyed whenever I did get to hang out with him for holidays, birthdays, or whenever, but that was pretty rare.
So I lived with my uncle and his aunt most of the time. I consider them my parents just as much as my dad, and they did a lot of raising me.
So recently, my dad retired, got a more stable job, and now has a house down in Florida.
Last Christmas, instead of coming up to New Jersey to spend time at my uncle’s house, he invited me to his new place to celebrate Christmas with him, just the two of us, as we hadn’t spent the holiday together like that since 2015.
At first, I was super excited at the idea of spending some time with my dad just like in the old days. It wasn’t until I seriously started thinking about it that I decided to turn down his offer. I have spent every Christmas for the past 10 years at this house; it’s my home.
When my cousins [8 and 6], who are like siblings to me, heard that I might not be spending the holidays with the family, they broke down crying.
I told my dad I wouldn’t be able to join him, but he was more than welcome to visit us, and I’d make sure we could have a second celebration with just us.
He was really upset. We got into a big fight. He explained he couldn’t take that time off work, and I felt really horrible about not having him around for Christmas. I told him I’d try to spend Thanksgiving week with him next year, and he told me not to bother.
Well, it’s been eight months now, and we’ve had some contact, but things have been so awkward since the fight. I still stand by the fact that it would have made the rest of my family miserable if I hadn’t spent Christmas with them, but I still feel really guilty about my choice.
Was I being a jerk by not spending Christmas with him?”
Another User Comments:
“I respect your dad for doing a tough job to help provide for you, but he wasn’t there for those formative years, to make those special memories that you clearly have with your uncle, aunt, and cousins.
He’ll always be your dad, but the bond just doesn’t seem to be there since he was gone for so long, and it doesn’t help that he lives so far away either.” Attitude_Inside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Uncle was more of a father than the actual father.
People are going to spend Christmas with those they consider closer family. Dad needs to suck it up and realize he wasn’t present enough in OP’s life to have her give up Christmas with the family for him.” person_antta_116
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, you’re not a jerk in this situation. You had a genuine dilemma, torn between spending Christmas with your recently retired dad in Florida and keeping up the long-standing tradition of celebrating with your uncle, aunt, and cousins in New Jersey. You went with what felt right, cherishing the family and memories you’ve built over the past 10 years.
It’s understandable that your dad might have been disappointed, but your choice wasn’t malicious; it was a reflection of the strong ties you’ve developed. Guilt can be quite the persistent ghost of Christmas past, but don’t let it overshadow the fact that you made a heartfelt decision.
In the grand tapestry of family dynamics, your choice was a thread woven with love and nostalgia.” welding-guy
23. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Navy Clothes When My Uniform Wasn't Provided?
“I was recently offered a job, for which I will be wearing a uniform.
Yesterday, on my first day, as I had not yet received my uniform, I wore plain, smart, appropriate clothes. My new boss questioned why I was wearing this, and I said I hadn’t had my uniform yet. She was apparently unhappy because my personal clothing was not similar to the uniform (I wasn’t wearing crazy colours – I wore all black while the uniform is navy blue; I was wearing a skirt and a jumper, whereas the uniform is a dress).
My boss asked me to wear navy. I told her I do not own any navy clothes, which is true, and the issue didn’t seem to get resolved. Today, on my second day, I wore similar clothes to what I did yesterday – a plain black skirt and shirt – and my boss was once again unhappy.
I told her that I do not own any navy clothes, so I’m unable to wear navy, and she asked me to go and buy some new clothes in navy to look more in line with the rest of the staff. I asked when my uniform would be given to me, but she didn’t know.
I asked if the cost of buying these new clothes would be reimbursed to me. She looked at me like I was crazy and said no. So I said that I wouldn’t be buying new clothes out of my own pocket simply because the company-provided uniform was not ready for me.
I explained that she can chase up the uniform or find some spare uniform that I can take home and wash to wear in the meanwhile, but that I won’t be buying anything new. My boss was not really happy with this at all.
AITJ?
My partner thinks it wouldn’t hurt to go and buy a cheap navy dress to keep the peace and make a good impression, but I see that as a waste of my money. They’ve had 4 weeks (of me working my previous notice period) to get my uniform ordered and only asked me for my sizes a week ago.
So if they can’t organise themselves in time, then I don’t see why I should pay extra for that.”
Another User Comments:
“They promised to provide a uniform and failed to do so in a timely manner, that’s not your fault or your problem. If it’s really that big of an issue, then your boss needs to do their job and find out why it’s taking so long, instead of laying the responsibility on your shoulders and insisting you spend your own money on an outfit you shouldn’t even need to have.
NTJ, but frankly I’d start looking for another job; if they can’t manage something as simple as getting a new employee their REQUIRED uniform, that speaks to deeper issues. Plus, odds are your boss is going to retaliate over you standing up for yourself in some way down the line.” [deleted]
22. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Keep Late Night Intimacy In Her Room?
“Me (f20) and my roommate/best friend (f21) are living together. Now I asked her to take a guy she’s seeing to her room instead of our living room after midnight.
We both rarely have guests over, but recently she’s been seeing this guy. At first, she was hesitant to even have him come over when I was home, so I assured her that it was absolutely fine for her to invite him, as it is our shared flat and guests are naturally a part of that.
At first, she said she wasn’t comfortable with that, but after some contemplation, she changed her mind and invited him. That was 2 days ago.
Now, the problem that occurred was that our walls are seemingly made of paper (roomie is very much aware of that), so even without trying, I can rather loudly hear everything said in the room my door faces… which is the living room.
They stayed there watching movies, and as things went, it eventually turned into heavy flirting and a makeout session. Trying not to pry, I put on my headphones. In the end, they stayed there until past 3 a.m. (he arrived early in the evening), and they also played music rather loudly.
I could deal with it being louder, but what really irked me was the fact that I felt somewhat confined to my room. I was not able to go to the kitchen to cook dinner nor simply go to the bathroom to pee, because for everything I would have to enter the living room first, potentially walking in on them making out (or more) on the couch.
Even if they weren’t making out, I would still find it hugely uncomfortable having to walk past a stranger at night, half asleep in my PJs and with my night mask on, because I have to use the bathroom. It feels invasive.
So that’s why I nicely brought it up today, but her passive-aggressive reaction makes me wonder whether I am being unreasonable, after all, it’s just as much her space as it is mine.
It’s my first shared living situation, so I really don’t want to overstep my bounds. Advice or opinions are greatly appreciated! So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not cool for them to make out in the shared space to begin with. Like you said, it prevents you from going into/using a space you are also entitled to, so it’s perfectly reasonable for you to ask them to vacate after a certain time.
They can make out in her room, the shared spaces are for everyone.” bordennium
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s good to set boundaries, and it doesn’t seem like you’re being pushy. Maybe ask her if she and the guest will go to her room after midnight because you feel uncomfortable with a stranger seeing you in your PJs.
Or maybe try to keep it down past a certain point. I don’t think she is doing this on purpose, so maybe just ask her nicely and maybe bring up guidelines for late night guests for both of you.” Starr_Lights
21. AITJ For Losing My Cool Over My Dad's Hurtful Comment About My Grandpa's Passing?
“So I’m likely going to delete this later, but no one has been able to give an opinion on this.
However, this happened a little while ago, and it has been eating me alive.
My (17NB) grandpa passed when I was 14. When I received the call, I was told that my dad (41M) was with my grandpa, who was currently dying and wanted me to see him before he died in his home of over thirty years.
My stepmom (31F) was going to pick me up to see him since my mom (42F), stepdad (41M), and grandma (69F) were not at my house at the time.
To keep a long story short, my dad kept giving very incoherent and mixed directions. When we were five minutes or less from where my grandpa supposedly was, we would receive a call from my dad telling us that he was somewhere else.
In the end, I was not able to see him before he passed, and we were parked right in front of his house when we found out, and I was taken home to grieve and process on my own.
Now, the third anniversary of his death was last month.
Everything was fine, and we were talking about pleasant memories we had with him; however, while my dad and I were talking, he made a comment saying, “And I know he would’ve wanted you there when he died, but you couldn’t bother to be there.”
This was back when my dad and stepmom had just split up, so I was there to handle the situation on my own. Instead of being able to stop the situation, I ended up cursing at my dad. I can’t go into a lot of detail on what I said since it was fairly hazy; to keep a long story short, I said something along the lines of, “You have no freaking right to tell me that I couldn’t bother or didn’t care.
I went on a goose chase around town looking for you guys and had to do the best I could with the crappy directions I was given, on top of not being able to freaking drive.” Among other things.
In the end, we did not talk to each other for the rest of the night and could barely look each other in the eyes for a week.
I personally think there aren’t any jerks here, or at least, I’m not a jerk for this.
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the jerk. I’m not sure that your dad is either as he was processing the loss of his father, but it definitely sounds like he wasn’t facilitating you being with grandpa when he passed – and that’s a shame.
But back to you – you were 14 at the time, completely dependent on everyone else to get you there. Sorry that you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to him and that no one was there to help you with your grief.” RealHousewif
Another User Comments:
“Sorry about your grandpa. Losing family’s hard. From what you said, your dad’s comment wasn’t cool. Emotions are high, people mess up. You had every right to be mad after getting mixed directions and then blamed. But maybe your dad’s dealing with stuff too?
Grief’s weird. Doesn’t excuse it, but gives context. IMO, you’re NTJ for how you reacted. But y’all might need a chat to clear the air. Grief does weird things to folks. Hope things get better between you two.” Anxious_Comedian8327
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad probably was flip-flopping about whether you should be there so he kept lying about where to go.
Now he conveniently remembers it as your failure so he doesn’t have to remember what a jerk he was at the time. He may have a personality disorder.” AllCrankNoSpark
20. AITJ For Calling Another Man Beautiful And Making My Partner Feel Insecure?
“I (27f) am a painter. I wish I was something useful like a surgeon, but my brain doesn’t fix organs; it just pops pretty pictures into my mind.
When I first started seeing my partner (29m), I would always tell him I wanted to paint him, take pictures for poses, etc. I will also randomly stop doing things to sketch an idea if it comes to me. I don’t really paint people—mostly scenery—so I have not yet painted him.
The issue came up when we went to my friend’s birthday party. My friend is really pretty (29f) and I had never met her husband before. He was being a great host, and we had nice conversations with my friend and partner, with no one-on-one conversations.
No flirting. After the party, I told my partner, “I just have to say that friend’s husband is such a beautiful man.” And he was quiet. I quickly explained, “Beautiful doesn’t mean hot. I’m not saying I want to have physical intimacy with him or pursue him.
I just didn’t know he had long dark hair and dimples. I wanted to explain to you why I was looking at him more than I normally look at guys.” I thought that helped, but he now feels insecure about his looks because he is white and my friend’s husband is Latino like me.
I explained multiple times that it’s not an attraction at all; it’s just that, as a painter, I found him to be a pretty guy. I also brought up that my partner has called girls pretty before, flirted with friends then deleted the messages, and we even got lap dances at the club multiple times with different girls, so I didn’t see how one comment could negatively affect him when I was fine with all of that and he happily enjoyed the dances.
It felt hypocritical and like a double standard. I can see now how that is sort of invalidating, but at the same time, how can he hold me to such high standards that he himself does not follow?
But maybe there’s some sort of relationship rule I broke, where you never admit you find someone else beautiful in an artistic way.
Like if he told me my favorite jeans, in fact, make me look fat or something like that.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t worry. I don’t think YTJ, but what I do think is that your significant other may either have some small trust issues or maybe he lacks confidence in himself.
Both of which should be talked about between the two of you. Now, I would validate his concern and not disregard it in any way. But, help him look beyond that. My wife and I occasionally point out people we think are attractive to each other.
The rule is you’re not eye freaking them or flirting. The fact you shared it with him shows that you should be trusted and you want to share ALL your thoughts with the person you love. It’s beautiful” New_Public_2828
19. AITJ For Raging At My Stepdad For Locking Me Out And Ignoring My Calls?
“I’m 19 live with my mom and stepdad for the summer as I’m a student. The kitchen in the house is very small and can only house a fridge and freezer that are also small, so my mom and stepdad have an extra fridge and freezer in the shed.
I’m working late shifts at my job, so I’m up late on my days off. During the night, I’ll go outside to the shed to grab something from the fridge or freezer, then come back into the house, making sure to be quiet. My stepdad is usually up late too, watching TV.
For context, our door to the backyard can’t be unlocked from the outside. The person who owned the house before them had pet wolfdogs, so the fence surrounding the backyard is super high and secure, making it not possible to go around to the front door.
Last week on my day off, I went outside to the shed to grab something, but couldn’t get back into the house as the back door was locked. I didn’t want to wake my mom by knocking, so I texted my stepdad asking him to let me in.
No response. I tried calling him three times. No response. I started loudly knocking on the back door, and my mom, who was still half asleep, let me inside. I was quite annoyed at my stepdad, to say the least.
I talked to my stepdad, and he said he assumed I had forgotten to lock the back door after going outside.
His phone was on silent, and he was using the restroom when I knocked on the door. I thought, “Okay, this probably won’t happen again.”
The next day, I went out to grab something from the shed again. Back door locked behind me AGAIN. This time I immediately called my stepdad.
Straight to voicemail. I tried several more times and couldn’t get through.
I knocked repeatedly on the back door, and it took 40 minutes for my stepdad to notice me and let me in. I was super mad and said he could at least learn how to answer his phone.
He told me to be quiet and that it’s my fault for rummaging around and eating so late at night. We had a super heated argument, and he called me a moron.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems clear this is enemy action. Cut a piece of wood to fit into the latch hole.
That way the door cannot be locked until the wood is removed. If you put it in when you go out and remove it when you return, there’s no way stepdad can successfully lock you out without fully revealing his malice. Whether you do this or not, do talk to your mother about the situation.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“ESH You have a freezer in your garden shed. You have a back door that can’t be unlocked from the outside, and a backyard without a gate to let you get round the front. You need some sort of system to indicate “there is a person in the backyard – do not lock door”.
Or just change the lock on the back door for one with key access from outside. You’re calling each other idiots, where the problem is that you don’t have a sensible system for using your door.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“Ok, I can’t determine YTJ or NTJ.
Can you use your brain and prop the door open? Can you unlock it from the inside, so it’s unlocked? Can you bring food/drink inside in the daylight when someone is in the kitchen? Come on dude, you’re 19, come up with a solution. Stepdad isn’t locking you out, you’re locking yourself out.
What happens when mom or stepdad go into the back garden? How do they get back in?” Traditional-Bag-4508
18. AITJ For Igniting Family Gossip Over A Horrible Incident?
“Recently my partner (M27) and I (F24) went to one of his family’s parties. His sister in law (F34) got extremely intoxicated by the end of the night and grabbed his bum and made an inappropriate comment to the both of us.
We were not offended by this, we just laughed it off as everyone has their intoxicated moments. The next day I was going to the movies with my partner’s sister (F18) and she mentioned to me a bunch of other things that the intoxicated sister in law had done and said to other people at this party.
Since she was sharing what had happened, I brought up the bum incident and inappropriate comment that was made to my partner and me. We laughed it off and after that weekend I did not even think about the incident. (My partner was aware that I told his sister about the incident, but did not seem upset at the time)
Now it has been a week and this morning I get a call from my partner that he is so upset because his sister told everyone about the bum incident at another family party this weekend (I was not at this party). He is blaming me for his sister telling their whole family at this party as it makes his brother look bad that his wife had done that.
The sister in law called me to apologize for her actions at the last party as she had no idea what had happened. I told her everything was fine and everyone has had their intoxicated moments and that I was not offended. I also apologized to her for telling my partner’s sister as I did not know she would go and tell everyone else.
Now my partner is still upset with me, saying that none of this would have happened had I not opened my mouth about the incident. I just don’t see how his sister’s actions are now completely on me. He said “Well she would have never known” that is true, but it was also her decision to take what I told her and gossip about it to their entire family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband wasn’t upset or embarrassed by the situation. It’s ok that you shared the story because you didn’t do it maliciously. It doesn’t sound the sister told the story in a mean way either. I even understand why the family is upset too.
She grabbed your husband inappropriately, and if the BIL grabbed you, then I’m sure the reactions would be just as bad.” aworte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you were at a party with other people who, presumably all have eyes and ears, any one of which could have seen or heard what happened. The SIL was blackout intoxicated and didn’t remember what she did.
She apparently has a drinking problem and needs to be aware that people are talking about her bad behavior. I hope she takes this opportunity to get sober and quit acting like a jerk. Explain to your partner that when you act like a jerk in public, people are going to talk about it.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it seems like everyone is shifting blame here. Nothing would have happened only if SIL did not get so intoxicated. The blame lies with her. Everything else is gaslighting. The family needs to stop enabling the intoxicated SIL while they try to blame others.” ReaderReacting
17. AITJ For Crying At My Birthday Because My Parents Argued?
“I, 13 years old (12 years old at the time), cried at my birthday party because I did not appreciate my parents’ hard work.
My 13th birthday was coming up, and my mom asked if I wanted to go to a waterpark for my birthday, so I said yes. The next day, we were packing up to go to the waterpark. Once I was done, I waited for them to finish, only to realize that we were not going.
My mom said that we would be late and that the waterpark would close in a few hours, so we did not have enough time to celebrate my birthday there. I was disappointed, but I did not scream at them because I understood. I changed my clothes, went to my favorite corner, and sat there playing on my phone to cheer myself up.
My dad, who walked in on me, got angry at me, thinking that I was angry at them. He had a short temper and was not around much because he was traveling to different countries to make money for us. He did not know that this was normal. He started screaming at me, threatening that he would kick me out of the house for not appreciating his hard work, even though I had not spoken.
My mom, who was in the room with me, started arguing with my dad, saying that it was normal because my birthday had just been canceled and I was really excited. Once they were done arguing in front of me, my mom apologized and said she would be okay with me being angry at them.
I started to cry, not because I missed my party, but because I saw my parents arguing about me. I hated when they argued, and their arguments were frequent. I could not keep myself busy since they could be heard screaming at each other from every inch of our house.
After that, my dad did not speak to me and focused on making fish bait. He did not even wish me a happy birthday. We ended up having my birthday at home, but I could not even crack a smile and I wanted to cry because I just wanted everyone to get along.
My mom was angry at my dad, and my dad was angry at me. My birthday did not feel happy. I felt like a jerk for making my parents argue because of me. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to cry.
Dad was mean and then ignored you. They were late when they should have been on top of this trip since it was your special day. I’m so sorry you have to endure that. Seems like mom has to step up. Their arguing really isn’t about you; it’s about how cruel he is.
Whether I had kids or not, I wouldn’t allow that either.” Fear_The_Rabbit
Another User Comments:
“My little dude, you’re definitely NTJ. I’m so sorry your father ruined your birthday. You deserved better. They weren’t fighting because of you, I promise you that. Sometimes parents can be unreasonable, but don’t you ever feel like it’s your fault!
Happy birthday, for what it’s worth.” Cherietjie
16. AITJ For Defying My Mom And Getting A Job?
“I (16m) decided to go look for a job, so that I can have my own money to spend on things and to stop wasting the summer using my phone all day.
I decided to tell my mom about how I will be finding employment in retail, but she tells me that she will not allow it.
She tells me about how I am too young to find employment, and should only worry about it when my bones fully mature (when I become an adult).
I was not happy about that. I brought up arguments about how I can legally work due to my age, how I get extra money so she doesn’t have to spend lots of money on me because I can get those things with my own money, and how working during the summer is better than mindlessly scrolling on the phone all day for the summer.
No matter what argument I brought up, nothing seemed to change her mind. I deciphered that there was no deeper meaning in her reasoning other than her arbitrary reasoning of “only start work when you are an adult”.
I was livid. Not obviously livid, but livid on the inside.
I decided to end the debate right then and there, and decided that I was going to apply for a job anyway. Fast forward a week or two of applying to jobs and waiting, I finally get an offer. I accept the offer and start working.
However, I make sure that it isn’t obvious to my mom, as I know how that argument went.
Inevitably, my mom notices since she realizes that I leave the house on a consistent schedule. After I come back home from a work shift, my mom immediately questions me about it, and if I was out there working at a job.
I deny it, but she knows I am lying, and makes threats. She tells me that I have to quit the job, or I will get grounded. However, I did not. I told her that nothing is happening with that. She gets mad and grounds me for a week for it.
Regardless of the punishment, I never quit the job, and am still working there to this day, as my mom doesn’t really know what she can do to force me to quit the job.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait a minute, OP, you’re a teenager that wants to take responsibility for yourself **and** earn your own money so your parents don’t need to spend as much money on you?
NTJ OP, why is your mother upset that she won the teenager lottery?” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not quit. A good work reference and your own money is the beginning of your own independent life. Ignore mother. Cover yourself by having a place away from home to keep your work related clothing, IDs, paperwork….
Be thoughtful of your privacy by disabling ‘find my friend’ or any tracking software she might use. The work reference is as important as the paycheck. Keep it up for at least 12 months.” JustAGal_Love
15. AITJ For Taking Back Free Concert Tickets And Making My Friend Look Bad?
“I had two free concert tickets to Post Malone, and due to a family health emergency, I was unable to use them at the last minute.
I asked around for someone to take them, and a friend of a friend ended up claiming them.
I gave them away for free because, by that point, I just wanted to see the tickets go to good use. I had planned to go with my daughter, who was crushed that we were unable to attend.
So, I asked these people to buy her a tour t-shirt while they were there.
They made a much bigger deal of this than I was expecting. They said things like “You said the tickets were free, this is a bait and switch,” etc. I told them I was happy to pay for the shirt; I just wanted them to get it from the stand since we couldn’t be there.
They said the price wasn’t even the point—that it was the burden of having to stand in line and having this “chore” hanging over their heads on a night that was supposed to just be fun. I was pretty shocked by their reaction.
So much so that I thought I must be misreading the situation somehow.
I took half an hour away from the situation and then returned and said I didn’t understand their volatile reaction to my request and that I would be giving the tickets to someone else.
I don’t feel too bad about that, in and of itself. I do think they were rude enough to justify it. They never even said “thank you” for the tickets, even before I asked them to pick up a shirt.
The dilemma is, my friend of a friend who connected us now thinks I’m the jerk.
Because they set us up, and their friends are now blaming them for the bad experience, I didn’t think about that when I reneged on the tickets. They are caught in the crossfire. I didn’t think about that. I do feel kind of like a jerk for putting them in an uncomfortable situation.
AITJ for making my friend look bad, or at least not consulting with them first before I took the tickets back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are your tickets to give to whom you want. Their reaction was pretty telling, and I wouldn’t feel too bad about skipping over them.” NotRightNotWrong15
Another User Comments:
“I was always taught from a young age that you don’t give something away and then ask for it back. Even if you regret giving the thing away, you stand by your actions, learn from it, and move on.” MistyMushka
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Once you give something away, it’s gone. You don’t get to take it back or add conditions without being a jerk. However, grabbing a t-shirt for a child requires minimal effort. I don’t see what the fuss was about.” Impossible_Rain_4727
14. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Pen And Getting Called A Jerk?
“At this point I’m wondering was AITJ because this took place in 2007.
It still eats at me as this is the only time in my life someone has angrily called me a jerk. Obligatory first time poster, long time lurker.
I worked at a high school for special needs kids. Once per month the whole staff of around 150 people would have to stay after school for about 20-30 minutes for a meeting.
Typically, they would have sign in sheets at a table and as people came in they’d sign in next to their printed name, then sit down. On the date in question, we all arrived before the sign in sheets. When the principal came in with the sheets, there was a mad rush to avoid having to wait around at the end of the meeting to sign.
I knew they would only have 3 pens (one per page, like normal) so I brought my own up.
Now to the incident between me and a coworker (we’ll call her Solange) who I had very little daily interaction with beyond general pleasantries like “I like your dress” or “How about that rain?” I got up to the large, round table, found the paper with my name, and signed. As I was finishing, Solange called from the other side of the table and asked to borrow my pen.
I was certain that if I reached across the table to lend her my pen, I would never see it again. On top of that, I was being crowded out by the other 100+ people waiting to sign. So I just said, “no” and walked back to the table where I was sitting with my coworker friend group.
A few minutes later, Solange walks up to me and angrily spits out, “OP, YOU’RE SUCH A JERK!” Then she walks away. My friends and I were completely floored. I later tried to explain myself to her, but from that point on she would just scowl when I came near.
We ended up having to go to in-house mediation and both apologize to each other. My apology was sincere whereas hers included “but”s and caveats.
Should I have lent her my pen and risked never getting it back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You came prepared. I always carry my own pen.
If you would have let her use it then everyone would have asked. Just like pens I don’t usually let people use my lighters. You would have never seen it again. Plus she wasn’t your friend. She was doing too much coming up to you afterwards.” Cuh_8200
Another User Comments:
“Well, the preferred way to decline a favor like that is to include the word “Sorry” in your refusal. That helps you to avoid giving the impression that your refusal is based on personal dislike or implying that you don’t trust them… But even if you gave a curt “No,” that wouldn’t make you a jerk, just abrupt.
But your coworker… Sheesh. Even the least charitable interpretation of your refusal would not have warranted her reaction. She behaved like an unprofessional jerk. NTJ. And frankly, I’m pretty appalled that mediation resulted in you giving an apology without having a better understanding of what you supposedly did wrong.
Either she was mad at you for the interaction you described in the post (in which case, what did the mediator think you were apologizing for?) or else she was mad about some other interaction (in which case, that issue should have been clarified during the mediation)” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“Wow Solange really got worked up over this! I can’t believe any adult would be that bothered by not getting lent a pen that the animosity would get so bad that mediation was required! Send her a box of Bics and a card that says “no hard feelings” and move on and forget about it.
Solange clearly has some kind of anger issues lurking behind the facade of unborrowed pen, doubt her hostility even had much to do with you or the pen incident, it was just her excuse to dump out some anger.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Confronting My Aunt And Dad Over Racist Remarks?
“I (17F soon to be 18) have an aunt (57F) on my dad’s side of my family. Last year, my family and I went on vacation. On this vacation, I didn’t have any friends who could go with me, so it was a bunch of boys and my aunt (as well as myself).
I was sitting on the bed when a discussion about me living with my mom came up. My parents divorced when I was in 5th grade, and I didn’t really have a good relationship with my mom until later in life. After that topic came up, an argument started, but I have no memory of why.
However, there was something in that argument that stuck with me and ruined the vacation for me: “If you went to live with your mom, you would probably end up hooked up and pregnant by some black guy.” (I am a white woman, by the way.)
I was shocked and appalled after what she said; not one person in that room defended me, and when I got angry after what she said, I was called “crazy.” The whole vacation was completely ruined after that. Fast forward a year later and we are going on that same trip.
My dad told me in the living room, “Don’t pull a stunt like you did last year and ruin the vacation,” which reminded me of what my aunt said. All he did was sit there and laugh. I ended up getting angry at him, and then he started to get angry at me when I told him how racist and rude that comment was; all he could do was laugh when I told him how hurtful it is to say.
He said I was being overdramatic just because my aunt had a different opinion about what race I should partner with, even though I was always taught to love anyone no matter what their skin color was. This is where I might be the jerk.
I told him, “Isn’t it the same insult if I called your sister a pig?” After that, my dad blew up and told me I was getting personal—even though she made a racist remark and degraded me into believing that would happen to me?
After the argument, the mood has been tense and I don’t know how to approach it anymore, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. Find a new family, you’re better than all of them.” mraetzel
12. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With A Drama-Filled Teen Friend?
“So I’m 21F and I go to college.
I’m in cheerleading and this past summer semester I made a friend. She’s 17F. I’m going to call her Maddie. Maddie and I have so much in common; we both love One Direction and cheerleading, of course. We started hanging out when I joined cheerleading in January.
We got along so well. One night I went to a party in college apartments, and I saw her there… We were excited to see each other. And we were going to go upstairs at the party, and she asked if my partner and I could take her home instead.
We said yes and drove her back to her dorm.
Well, now every weekend she started asking us to pick her up and drop her off. I didn’t mind. But then in May, we were at Target together hanging out, and my partner drove us.
We were in the dressing room trying on bathing suits, and she started shoving clothes in her bag. I was like, “Um, what the heck.” Then we went to Dollar General, and she was shoving stuff in her bag in the middle of the store.
She also made me skip a line of about 100 people at a school event because she didn’t want to be alone. She will also steal my phone and argue with the other cheer girls and my coach in our group chats. Maddie gets into drama with everyone and tries to fight people.
My school made a secret confession group chat, and she kept posting about herself, saying she’s so hot on the confessions. This summer, she told me she had a miscarriage because she accidentally got pregnant.
I felt bad for her, but she posts about it every day and got a tattoo for her baby.
She was only pregnant for 2 months. I feel bad for her, but yeah. She keeps saying she’s excited to hang out with me, but I don’t feel comfortable with her in my apartment. I’m scared she might take my phone again or steal something. I don’t want to be her friend or talk to her, but we’re both in the cheerboard.
I don’t know how to say no to hanging out. And I don’t want to be her personal driver everywhere or babysit her at parties. But I feel bad because she has no other friends because she starts drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds very exhausting and not worth your time.
She’s going to get you into trouble if you keep hanging out with her (either through your Cheer by imitating you in the group chat, or legally by possibly getting caught shop-lifting). I wouldn’t be surprised if she throws you under the bus too if she is ever caught.
Are you up for the possible consequences by staying friends with her? It’s your life and you get to choose who you want as a part of it. Edit to add: I just realized her age too. You should probably stop hanging out with teenagers.” DeepSeaUnicorn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Given the sequence of events and numerous interactions, don’t YOU have any scruples? Do YOU have any friends? You clearly have no boundaries, which are not ‘you can’t do this thing’ but more like ‘I will do this thing if you do/don’t do this thing.’ You can’t be such a huge pushover and get mad someone is, I don’t know, a teenager hot mess.
Some days you don’t know how to say no, but you do. You just won’t. And now you’re here complaining to her to a bunch of strangers on the Internet to hear how much she sucks and how great you are. Well, you suck.” dhwriter51
11. AITJ For Bringing My Own Toiletries On A Road Trip?
“My two friends and I are planning to go on a road trip next spring. I don’t really know one girl that well, but the other is my best friend. The other friend (the one I’m not that familiar with) lives close to where we will be starting our trip up in the Northeast, and my bff and I will be flying there.
Both my bff and the other girl are super type A personalities: they plan every detail, stress, plan some more, stress, go through what-ifs, stress, and so on. I’m the opposite; I do the necessary planning but nothing overboard, and I go with the flow, so whatever they want to do is mostly cool with me.
Here’s the difficulty: The trip is still a ways away, and one of the things that came up was that they were going to order toiletries and other things, send it to the girl’s house or have her pick it up, so we wouldn’t have to pack those things in our suitcases.
They also decided that we will be sharing shampoo, conditioner, and toothpaste. They asked me what kind of soap I want, etc. They didn’t ask me, but when I had my input I said, “No, that’s okay, I’ll bring my own.” I then got pelted with, “Well, there’s only one bathroom in most places, and space is limited in the suitcase,” so I said, “Fine.” It came up again this evening, and feeling irritated I still said calmly (and not snarkily), “That sounds cool, but I still think I’m going to bring some of my own.
I just like to have my own stuff.” I just got hit with a deadpan “Okay,” and then an awkward goodbye. Maybe it’s just me, but I like to use as much shampoo and toothpaste as I want without having to worry about conserving it for the next person.
I like my own toiletries and brands. I’m not concerned about space, as I’ve traveled a lot and have always brought my own toiletries. I also have a bag so I can bring them in and out of the bathroom. I’m okay with sharing some things, but I just overall feel more comfortable having my own.
The response just makes me feel like maybe I’m being too selfish. Maybe I am? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sharing toiletries in the situation you describe is weird. There’s no reason you can’t pack your own travel sized toiletries in your bag. Even if you’re going on a long trip, you could carry solid shampoo.
Frankly, your friends sound controlling. Hold off on making any non-refundable purchases or deposits for this trip. If they get even nuttier about plans, bow out.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. They are being really weird… Are you staying at hotels or even (the terrifying) AirBnB, with a normal size bathroom?
What’s the big deal bringing your own small toiletry bag?! Is space THAT much of an issue? I wouldn’t want to share toothpaste with anyone but my husband….but I do admit I’m a germaphobe. Either way, it’s YOUR right to bring your own personal toiletries.
Maybe you like a diff soap or shampoo. Still doesn’t make you a jerk…. I don’t know why they’re being that weird.” floggysog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People have different hair types, skin types, and kinds of toothpaste… I would be so annoyed at having to share that kind of thing with a group.
Plus, you’re going on a road trip. Do they think there will be no stores or ways to buy stuff where you’re going? Shipping toiletries ahead sounds really impractical and extra unless they’re using really specialty products.” oopsometer
10. AITJ For Wanting Space From My Overbearing Granny During Recovery?
“For context, three days ago I was rollerblading and got hit by a car. My injuries were far from life threatening (nothing broken, no concussion by some miracle), but the injuries I have are still excruciatingly painful.
I have physio therapy in a few days, and my entire left knee is covered with burning road rash, and I can’t put weight on it. My right leg is more bruised than anything.
My parents have been okay during this process. I know everyone is worried about me, so that’s why I feel like a bad person in this scenario.
I get it. I can hardly walk four paces in a minute. Yesterday, my parents told me I had to keep my bandages off in order for the wounds to heal, which is absolutely agonizing because every time they touch anything, it feels like my leg is on fire.
As well as that, every time I bend my leg, the muscles ache and burn, and the healing scabs shift and crack, which only adds more pain. Regardless, I did as they said.
Today I woke up to my grandparents here. This isn’t the first time they’ve been here since my accident.
They are the sweetest old couple ever. My granny is the nicest person ever, but I don’t like being fussed over that much because of personal reasons, and she fusses a lot. She won’t let me do anything for myself. I’m not a morning person, for starters, and I know that doesn’t excuse much; but adding that to my injuries means please don’t expect much from me.
I know she means well, but she’s constantly around and she’s so overbearing, and I’m overwhelmed already because of everything happening. I was stressed before I got hit, and now I’m even more stressed.
I don’t want to tell her to leave me alone because I know she means well; however, it was clear during her visit today that I wanted to be left alone, as it was a particularly painful day.
My mom noticed I was being antisocial, and now she’s upset at me. I mean, my granny got me flowers both now and the last time she came. I know she means well. I just can’t handle it right now.
AITJ for not wanting her around when I’m in recovery?”
Another User Comments:
“YNTJ. Whenever I’m in pain of some sort, I don’t want to socialize; I can’t even imagine how it must be for you. I wouldn’t worry too much about it and just relax. I hope you get well soon!” ghxstbxr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; It’s normal for pain to affect mood and make you less social. That said, I would maybe next time say something like “I really appreciate you guys coming and wanted to take care of me, but what I really need now is some rest and time alone; I’ll make sure to come visit you once I’m healed”” itsastrideh
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom She’s Just Like Her Mother?
“Me and my mom have never had the ideal mother-daughter relationship. She just wasn’t the typical mother you see normally. In her defense, her mother (my grandma) divorced her husband, ignored her children, and got with 7 different men while my mom was growing up.
It hurt my mom to see different men living in her home every month and to not have her dad around. Later on, when I was 13, she told me she would never do that to me. But she did. She divorced my dad because he was “boring” and she was talking to someone else.
I immediately moved in with my dad because he is your typical loving father and I couldn’t live a day without him. My mom didn’t talk to me for 8 months after that.
Those were the most peaceful 8 months I had, until my mom started caring.
Apparently, she got rejected by multiple men and started drinking and partying. Heck, she didn’t even fight for custody of me and my sibling, but suddenly she wanted a relationship. Even my grandma started trying to talk my dad into remarrying her. Over time, I got angry that she only started to care when she didn’t have male attention.
She thought I was stupid, but she forgot that 4 years had gone by. I’m not the dumb 13-year-old she assumed I was; I’m a 17-year-old who is very aware of who she really is. So last night, I burst out in anger at her and told her that she did the same thing to us that grandma did to her.
So why should I forgive her?
Why should I trust her? She became manipulative and tried to say that her phone wouldn’t work, and that’s why she wasn’t around for 8 months. A broken phone? Really? All the photos and videos of her drinking and partying on social media contradict her excuse.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but she has so many screws loose that she’s lost my trust and my respect. I still feel bad for what I said. I have family members telling me that what I said was horrible, and other family members say that I was just being honest and that someone had to say it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- As some have pointed out, someone had to say it, and since no one else did, you did. Those saying what you said was horrible didn’t have to live through it, and even if they had to some degree, that doesn’t mean you have to sweep it under the rug.
Your mom basically abandoned you to get male validation, but when that didn’t work out, she came back to try to get that validation from you.” TypicalAd3575
8. AITJ For Considering Contacting My Bio Dad And Half Brothers?
“I’m almost 26F, and I’ve not known my biological father’s name or anything about him. Every time the subject was brought up around my mom, she became very angry and would scream that this isn’t a topic that is discussed. Growing up, I would always ask a family member if they would tell me, but it was always a unanimous “it’s not my place, I’m very sorry.”
Well, a couple of days ago I asked my grandpa, who is experiencing memory decline, if he remembered. He hyper-fixated on not remembering my bio dad’s name and started calling all family members to ask. Of those family members, he decided to call my mom, the expert on this.
Well, she then texted me the details of what happened and my bio dad’s name…26 years later, over text.
So the story goes, she had an affair with a married man. That married man is and has been married to her cousin. So she got as close to keeping it in the family as physically possible.
I apparently have 4 half brothers out there, who also are biologically my, like, 2nd cousins??? (edit: the half brothers have all graduated high school, with the youngest graduating 2 years ago)
Now, I don’t and haven’t wanted a relationship with my bio dad. But knowing there are siblings out there is really hard to walk away from.
So here’s where I’m struggling with the next steps. My mom would clearly love to keep her affair hidden and never mentioned. But at what point do consequences of actions come into play, and at what point am I allowed to at least introduce myself to them?
My mom hasn’t exactly been the best. She’s in an abusive relationship where both parties are having physical/emotional affairs and somehow I’ve always been in the middle of it all. The family secrets run deep, and the family dynamic is to just accept all the bad and never talk about it.
I guess, WIBTJ for making contact with my bio dad? WIBTJ for contacting the brothers? Or WIBTJ for just walking away from this mess and leaving it be? This secret just affects so many people, and two people (bio mom/dad) made decisions without allowing others’ input.
I’m just stuck in a never-ending thought cycle, and none of my closest friends are really able to offer insight. So, Internet, please help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you wanted to reach out to your biodad, but very, very seriously consider discussing this with a therapist first because there’s a solid chance it will go poorly and that could be really traumatic.
Are your cousin-siblings adults? I would not consider reaching out to them until they are through their schooling, because that is potentially a life-shattering event. They are innocent bystanders to their father’s transgressions, and the kind thing to do would be to wait until they finished with college and are on their own, not dependent on their parents.
But again, talk to a professional first to suss out 1. what your goals are and 2. how you will process rejection if they decline to be a part of your life.” B0xyPandora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for opening the box. I think most of us want to know where we came from.
The question is, will you be okay with the fallout? I’m assuming Mom would not be happy with you. Is this worth your relationship? No judgement (I’m NC with my parents). Also, what do you hope to gain? A relationship with half brothers? I think it takes strength and courage, but don’t go into it further without looking at all potential effects.
Good luck!” reddit_fake_account
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do what feels right for you, but know that your desires may change. Maybe not contact him now, but definitely have a way to do so. I say this because a very similar thing happened with my husband — even in his forties, he’s still the black sheep just because his father made his mom seethe.
Without going into details, after decades of misdirection, he finally got a name and photo through a DNA test via one of those sites. His dad passed a few years back. This is definitely traumatic, but one of his biggest issues is knowing his health history now that he has a child.
So do what you feel, but keep the option in your back pocket if you ever need it.” iDoWeird
7. AITJ For Not Sharing My Baby News With My Volatile Bio Mom?
“So I was taken away from my biological mother when I was three years old due to her substances and booze addiction.
I ended up in the foster system and found a home with a wonderful family that I lived with until I moved out 16 years later.
My birth mother, of course, technically had a right to see me regularly, but due to her substances problems, health issues, and prison stays, she was in and out of my life until my 13th birthday, when she pretty much disappeared completely.
I didn’t mind losing contact. Our meetings always felt forced and uncomfortable to me. She was always very emotional and sometimes even on substances when around me.
But when I was in my 20s, she found me on social media and messaged me. We’ve been having some contact on and off for the past year or so, purely through messages.
She keeps asking for calls, but I’m honestly not interested in that. Luckily, I moved to a different continent a few years ago, so I use that as an excuse for not talking on the phone or meeting up.
After a journey of infertility and several treatments, we are finally pregnant now!
Our baby girl is expected to arrive in October, so it’s pretty close now (and we could not be more excited!).
But I have not yet told my birth mother I’m pregnant. I don’t want to add this as another reason she might want more contact or meet up when I go back to Europe to visit friends and family.
Honestly, I don’t even plan on telling our daughter that my foster parents are not my “real” parents until she is old enough.
My biological mother seems to be doing okay right now, but she’s unemployed, posts on social media about drinking beer at 11 am, and still makes me feel weird.
But she takes care of an elderly dog now, so maybe she’s halfway stable.
The question is: AITJ for not wanting to share news of her first (and perhaps only ever) grandchild with my birth mother? Is it wrong to keep this from her?
I really don’t want any more extensive contact than the occasional superficial text message, but maybe that’s wrong too. I don’t know. Maybe I should just let bygones be bygones and try to give her a chance, even if it makes me uncomfortable?
Obviously, I would never ever leave my child alone with her btw. That’s completely out of the question.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congrats on the impending birth of your child! You have valid reasons for not bringing her into things and if what’s best for you, then that should be your priority.” Fairmount1955
Another User Comments:
“It’s ok to tell your bio mom you don’t want to meet up or phone. You don’t have to make up excuses. And you don’t have to tell her about your baby if you don’t want to.
You don’t owe her anything. I suggest you be open about your foster parents from the beginning. In my family, there were secrets like that and it wasn’t a good thing.” atbftivnbfi
Another User Comments:
“Absolute NTJ. You are not only protecting yourself but your baby as well, and that is all that matters most. Okay, your mom might have changed, but the damage is already done, and you’re clearly not attached to her (which is understandable in your case and that’s fine), but if you really want to reconnect with her (which I don’t think that’s the case), ask for solid proof of sobriety, regret, and that she’s not wanting to reconnect with you because of ulterior motives.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Refusing To Lend Money To My Greedy Mother?
“I’m in my early 20s. I don’t really have a good relationship with my mother, but I still always try to make it work. I work, and she asks me to pay her $200 every fortnight, which I do.
Sometimes, she’ll give that money to my brother; sometimes, she’ll use it for herself. I don’t mind at all. It’s her money once I give it to her.
However, one thing I never liked is when she demands a large sum of money from me.
I have trust issues with my mum, and it has to do with our past. Once, I used to work at her old business. I got paid $50 for any day I worked there. When I was 14, turning 15, I worked there a lot to save for a 7-string guitar.
I also got a lot of money from extended family as a birthday present—way more than enough for a $600 guitar. She asked me that time if some of that money could be used to buy an uncle a cheap phone, and I agreed so long as the rest went into my savings account.
The problem was, instead of doing so, she used the rest of my money to buy shoes, and when I argued with her, she called me ungrateful and said that I should be giving the money to her instead. So, as a result, years later, aside from the $200 every fortnight, I don’t ever give her any more or less unless it’s like birthdays.
Even if she offers to pay me back, I don’t give her money. If she asks, I always shoot it down and refuse.
Last week, she was overseas and called me one day. I was doing some crazy overtime, so I was drained and exhausted. She called me and said, “Can I borrow $500, I’ll pay you back when I get back home.” I shot it down and said no and explained I don’t trust her, to which she replied, “Screw you.
I don’t know where you get those accusations from, but I am not your mother anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have done a happy happy joy dance that she won’t be asking for money any more. LOL Seriously, maybe some counselling would help you get over the insecurity of dealing with your mom.
She is greedy and controlling. You don’t deserve conditional love; it should always be unconditional.” Lucky-Guess8786
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s already proven she thinks she’s entitled to your money, even when you were a kid and got it as a present from someone else.
Heck, if I were you, I’d revoke that $200 every two weeks as well. Or, give it directly to your brother.” TransitionDry2148
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is a total jerk. Stealing money from a 14-year-old and selfishly wasting it. There is no good reason to continue giving her money when she completely disrespects you the way she does.
You don’t owe her a thing. She is not entitled to your money. And please stop feeling bad about it. This is financial mistreatment. Your mother is not being a good mom.” Embarrassed-Math-699
5. AITJ For Being Disappointed In My Friend For Backing Out Of Our Dream Trip?
“My friend (Ben) and I have been talking about going on a big international trip for years. We’ve both talked about it every time we see each other. It’s something both he and I truly wanted to happen. And it wasn’t just a regular “vacation” — it was a 2+ month stay in a foreign country while working remotely.
A true dream “guys’ trip.”
Ben recently found an Airbnb/short-term apartment rental for us in our destination city. It was super expensive for us (about $6,000), but we decided to splurge on this big penthouse apartment in an ideal location. Although Ben has a high-paying remote CS job and earns more than me, he’s saddled with more student debt and isn’t as cash flow positive as I am, so at his request I paid for the deposit ($3,000).
The rest is to be paid upon arrival later this year.
Beforehand, I texted him: “No backing out now, right? Even if we lose our jobs, we’re making this happen.”
To which he replied: “Yes, of course.”
And I fully meant it. If I lost my job, I’d still go, even if that meant freelancing, bartending, or even just racking up debt.
Lo and behold, a few weeks later Ben actually loses his job. Understandably, he’s devastated. Throughout those first couple of weeks, I checked in on him every day to provide support and help him stay on track during his job hunt.
Then, he texts me: “When is too late to get a refund on our apartment in case we have to cancel?” I didn’t morally blame him for anything, but I expressed disappointment.
I was crushed that he was ready to back out. I told him that I felt like he didn’t value the trip the same way that I did, and that he was only ready to follow through if all things had remained equal. He was prepared to back out if he lost his job or got a new job where he couldn’t work remotely, whereas I was truly committed even under these conditions.
Now he thinks I’m being a crappy friend and we’re currently not talking. He lied to me, but there’s also no doubt that he’s suffering more than I am right now, so honestly, my heart breaks for the guy—he knows that. Ben claims that he was blindsided by the lay-off.
But his company was downsizing, cutting positions constantly, in an industry currently being gutted. I expected this possibility, but for some reason he didn’t. I said he was either naive or acting in bad faith by thinking this outcome was totally outside the realm of possibility when he agreed to take this commitment on with me.
Ben isn’t without options. He’s a brilliant guy who could freelance online for 3 months, earn good money, and it wouldn’t be a blip on his career trajectory. But he’s committed to a job search, and it doesn’t look like he is going to snag another high-paying fully remote job.
We’ve committed to a 9-week stay and can get off the hook for 5 of those. The 4-week deposit ($3k) is gone. Am I wrong to be angry about this, especially by Ben casting himself as a totally blindsided victim? Am I being too insensitive to his perspective?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t help but notice that he had you fronting all the money and taking all the risk. I especially liked that touch of “in case we have to cancel” as if it weren’t already a foregone conclusion. And no, you’re not the bad friend.
You had agreement on an unconditional trip which he suddenly made conditional. The real proof is whether or not he sticks you with the full deposit or finally pays his half. My guess is that his anger at you is his excuse to not pay.
Please let us know how it goes.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“Gentle ESH, you’re both in a tough spot. It’s understandable that you’re disappointed and frustrated that he wants to back out, but neither of you should have promised (or expected each other) to go on the trip no matter what, because life happens – there can be unexpected illnesses, or a death in someone’s family, or, yeah, a job loss.
It’s not reasonable to expect him to prioritize a two-month luxury trip over finding a new job. That said, he did make a commitment and it sucks that he’s bailing, so at the very least he needs to repay you for his half of the deposit.
Or, ideally, you’d reschedule the trip for a later date (maybe your Airbnb would be open to that?).” coffeemom23
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Easier said than done to say you’d blow through savings for this trip. It’s understandable with all his financial commitments that only now that it happened he realized the gravity of the situation.
The friend thing to do is realize this and settle the money matters later. With that said, his inability to foresee this and plan his finances accordingly have now put a financial strain on you. He should not have calmed your worries when you asked regarding backing out, but he did.
As I see it, you’re both right and wrong, and as such ESH.” shaft_curl
4. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Engagement Dinner Over A Racist Tirade?
“Last week a good friend of mine (35M) got engaged and a group of us went to a nice restaurant to celebrate.
While I love the friend and their partner, they are friends with a couple I know but am no longer friends with (due to a lot of really homophobic interactions with my husband and I). My husband and I sat at the other end of the table, away from the people who we aren’t friends with (let’s call him Mike) and had great conversations with everyone else at the dinner.
At one point, I got into a conversation about the state of foster care in the US with my recently engaged friend, as my husband and I are looking to foster. This conversation went on for quite a while until Mike began to chime in from the other end of the table.
He started out okay, but it didn’t take him very long to launch into a very racist tirade about how people of color are lazier and selfish and that’s why there are fewer white children in the system. I calmly, but very strongly, attempted to correct him, but he didn’t budge.
In fact, he dug his heels in and started on about how people of color can’t pay for their kids because they never bother to get jobs and just take welfare. At this point, I couldn’t be calm anymore. I raised my voice and told him he was being incredibly racist and to just shut up.
He started yelling back, explaining why he wasn’t racist, saying, “I’m just sensitive,” and quoting made-up statistics about black communities, saying things like black women are more careless and more likely to abandon their children. At this point, I was yelling at him and told him he was being a racist and terrible person.
He interrupted me again, and I just got up and left. I couldn’t stand sitting there with him any longer. My husband stayed to pay for us both and then also left.
That evening, we received a message about how I ruined the couple’s engagement dinner and that I should have left it alone because Mike wasn’t actually hurting anyone; I was just getting offended. Every friend at that dinner agreed we were the problem, not Mike.
They allegedly told Mike that I was being inappropriate at dinner and he had nothing to apologize for.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hard, hard NTJ. Mike inserted himself into a conversation and then spouted racist crap off. In my friend group, if nobody called Mike out, we’d all be rethinking our relationships.
It’s incredibly rude and dehumanizing to not speak up when someone else is dehumanizing a group of people. Not doing so is so beyond the pale, it’s crude and gross. A person’s worth as a human is never “up for debate,” as these people seem to think.
You weren’t “debating.” YOU were standing up for something worthwhile, and the reactions you received from your friends is a reflection of them, not you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the engaged couple are not your friends and never were if they willingly stayed friends with people who were openly homophobic to you.
Also, maybe all the people defending the racist dude may not make great friends to you. You’re better off making new friends.” AstronauteAquatique
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, I’m going to go with both you and Mike are the jerk here. Mike had some nasty comments, but instead of understanding that this was not the time or place for a debate and also that Mike would likely not be changing his mind no matter what you said, you began a heated debate.
This should have been a celebration for the couple, not a debate about racism. If you wanted to challenge his ideas, you could have easily said we disagree and, after the meal concluded, offered to send him some information showing where he was misguided.” Lemongirl11
3. AITJ For Refusing To Join My Family In Excluding My Sister?
“So, I have been feeling uncomfortable in the family dynamics lately because my step-uncle has not been liking my sister more lately because of my aunt helping her out. My aunt is happy to help her out and she feels happy to help her out, but he and a few other family members have been in her ear about it.
My aunt let her stay at her other house, as she just left an abusive relationship, and this has been irritating him. It’s her place that was left to her. He has recently been more vocal about it.
She recently confided in me that it makes her happy to be able to help her out, and that she wishes the family members would stop stressing her out about it all the time.
The thing is, the rest of us are fine, and I know that she would help us out if we were in that situation. It’s just stressing her out, and she wants them to stop.
His irritation has been stronger lately, and it was obvious at the last holiday event.
I have just noticed that he makes a point to leave my sister out lately, and it has become obvious at this recent event, as he said that she is not welcome, putting his foot down, and won’t budge. My sister doesn’t know, as my aunt does not want her to know.
She casually mentioned the event to my sister, but she didn’t talk about it to her after finding out she wasn’t invited. He mentioned this yesterday, the day before. I just am afraid that she will see if they post photos on social media.
I just noticed that my uncle has made it a point to leave her out when we were invited over. I do not want to hurt my sister, as she is unaware that she is not invited. I am his favorite family member, and I feel like I could say something, but I am afraid.
I do not want to participate in leaving people out. Our family is small, as we lost a lot of people since the recent health crisis; it just makes me sad that we are divided on this. It just makes me feel uncomfortable, as I already made the commitment to go to this event before we found out that my sister was not invited. My aunt feels it is best not to tell her, as she is hoping he won’t be like this at every event.
Would I be the jerk if I tell them that I would no longer be participating in isolating another family member.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why is it anyone’s business what the aunt does with her property, and how does this affect the uncle??
Everyone is being a jerk by not supporting your sister through this difficult time. It is none of their business if she is getting help, it affects no one else and you all should be there for each other in difficult times, that’s what family is for.
You are all failing her by seeing her in a bad light for what? Receiving help? Are people jealous or something? Is there information you left out?” tittyFritters
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – The fact that you have to ask a bunch of strangers on the Internet to stand up for your sister is CRAZY.
She just left an abusive relationship and you need validation on whether or not to stand up for her? Also, an enabler like yourself, and the rest of your family is as bad as the person who’s inflicting the mistreatment. Your uncle has been keeping your sister on the sideline out of spite for whatever reason (thank goodness she doesn’t know) but no one has stood up to him?
That’s your sister—how could you not say anything this entire time? SB: Your aunt is a gem. Everyone else is trash for allowing this to occur” ButterflyDestiny
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don’t Want Her Wedding Ideas?
“Me (24F) and my fiancé (25M) got engaged three months ago.
A few weeks after the engagement, I told him that I wanted to wait at least a year or two before the initial wedding. This is so that we have as much time to plan and think out what we both would want for that day.
Now, here is the problem. When my fiancé and I were in a relationship, my mom always made it her mission to complain to my dad about my fiancé. It was always petty things, like my fiancé not greeting her (but when he did, she would ignore him) or my fiancé always being at our house (yet they always asked him to come and help with things around the yard), etc. So, she always had a problem and she would always tell me that she never wanted to see him at “her” house.
Fast forward to the proposal. We decided to throw one big party with both our families present so that we could announce it. Everyone was happy, including her. I couldn’t stand how fake she was being towards my mother-in-law, talking about how excited she is for the wedding and finally going to be getting grandkids.
Like, excuse me, you don’t even like her son. Anyway, I started looking at themes as a start so that we would know, when planning, what colours and vibes to stick to. Someone, please tell me why she was sending me Pinterest boards for different themes and decor that she liked that were clearly not of my or my fiancé’s liking.
I stopped responding to her messages and suggestions because I could no longer smile and say “nice” any longer. She called and asked me why I was ignoring her, and I told her to stop sending me Pinterest boards because I didn’t want her help or input for MY wedding.
She lashed out and cried about it to my dad and the rest of the family. Now, everyone is calling me, telling me to apologize. I don’t feel like apologizing, though. I do feel that because she never liked my fiancé and made us miserable every time we were at her house before, she shouldn’t try and fix it now just because there is a wedding and she wants to be seen as “a good mom” to all our relatives.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Continue to ignore your mother. The first step in helping to plan somebody’s wedding is to ask them what they would like help with, then to ask for their preferences, then to gently suggest things that align with those preferences.
Your mum getting excited about the wedding is not her ‘building bridges’ or ‘finally coming around’ to your relationship; it’s just another way that she gets to try and control you and insert her opinions into your life. Definitely, password-protect everything with your suppliers. Do not give her a chance to make a speech, and nominate a strong, cute nephew she likes to run interference on the day so that you never have to spend time with her” E_III_R
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You suck for not communicating better with your mum. Politely feigning interest and then harshly telling her to effectively shut up and sit down is not good communication skills. She sucks for being rude to him, but now you’re getting married; perhaps she’s making an effort to try and make amends for her prior behaviour.
It’s time to sit down with her and both apologize for your previous actions. That said, if she persists, consider using the age-old trick of having password protection with your wedding suppliers when you get to that stage.” Fwoggie2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand up for yourself now or she will meddle in your marriage.
Your wedding. She has no rights to anything about your wedding. Stand firm. Tell her no, then refuse to discuss it further. Who cares if she cries to other people? If they complain to you, just tell them you are going to make all the decisions about your wedding and have already explained this to her.
Do not continue any conversation with anyone on the subject. Grow a spine and stand up for yourself. If you are old enough to marry, you are old enough to make your own decisions about the wedding and about your own life.” Important-Pay-7459
1. AITJ For Gifting My Partner A Carrot Instead Of A Real Birthday Gift?
“So me (25 NB) and my partner (25F) are born 5 days apart. It means that we tend to have joint parties or even birthday trips together (we’ve been together 5 years) and get increasingly competitive about elaborate gifts for each other. Last year, I got her a gorgeous woven blanket embroidered with her childhood cat’s portrait so she’d always have something to remember him by (he was euthanized last year at 19).
She literally cried when she saw it (although possibly this was lingering sadness over the cat). She got me a custom suit of armour to wear to my local LARP group (it took 6 months to make, everyone on the battlefield cowers before me).
This year, I confessed that I was feeling rather anxious about the gift-giving process, as I feel I have used up all my good ideas.
She laughed and said “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll love whatever you get! Get me a carrot for all I care”. I protested because I knew she probably had something big planned, but she was like “Nah, get me a carrot, it’ll be great”.
For my birthday this year, she got me a genuine samurai sword (my birthday is first).
I felt a bit embarrassed but I decided to stick with the carrot idea. I made sure to get a nice-looking one that was very orange from my local organic grocer. I wrapped it up in super fancy wrapping paper in a box with a massive bow.
When I handed her the present last Wednesday, she looked really excited and surprised at the nice gift wrapping (I’m not usually one for gift wrap). When she saw the carrot, she laughed and asked where her real gift is. I was like, babe, that is your dream gift. She did a double-take and threw the carrot at my face, then ran out of the room crying.
I haven’t seen her for 5 days and she’s staying at her sister’s place. I tried to text her but she told me to screw you because I clearly don’t value her enough to make her gift more than a dumb joke. I figure she shouldn’t expect lavish gifts every year, especially since there are only so many sentimental, cute things I can think of, but my brother told me I need to do some grand romantic gesture to win her back.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP YTJ only for taking her seriously about the carrot as a gift. There are SO many possibilities between that and the expensive grand gestures that would have been better. You could have taken her out for a nice meal at a nice restaurant that didn’t cost you an arm and a leg.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She got you a thoughtful and presumably costly gift days before. NTJ for getting her a carrot – that’s actually really cute, but you had time to react and get her something else as well. If you all were the type to not make a big deal of presents, it wouldn’t be an issue.
But she got you a gift that took 6 months to make the 1st year and something expensive the second year- there is precedent set. Best to have an honest and nonconfrontational conversation on setting some limits for future gifts.” Idlecuriosity90
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A joke gift only works when it’s not the only gift. Bringing out a carrot and then the real gift would have been an amusing story.
Just giving her a carrot when you know how much effort she puts into birthdays (and given how much effort you normally put in) is a slap in the face. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and pressured about gift giving, you need to sit down with your partner and tell her that you don’t want to continue this extravaganza anymore.” annedroiid
