People Are Interested To Know "Am I The Jerk?" In These Stories
19. AITJ For Telling My Husband I No Longer Want My Son Around "The Team"?
“First of all, and to get out the way, my husband and I got married 2 years ago.
I have a 7 year old from a previous marriage. We moved to his hometown some months ago and started spending more time with his family. Now to give some context about the ‘Team’ so the team consists of male family members, FIL, his brother and male cousin-in-law (CIL).
What they do is hang out together constantly and make jokes and play board games. That’s it. Whenever we visit and I bring my son they’d have him go sit with them to “teach” him stuff. At first, I was like whatever even though they’d cling to him and not let him play with the other kids.
They said they were teaching him so he could become “a member” of the team but what they do irritates me.
First they cuss around him causing him to pick words up, then have him take home weird-looking shirts they said they dyed for him specifically.
Then they tried to get him a tattoo behind mg back but I shut it down immediately and had a fight with them about it. FIL apologized and promised not to do anything like that again but begged me to not rob him of seeing my son again.
So we kept visiting but last week I got told by FIL to go to the store to get something for him and while I was gone they shaved my son’s head completely. I found out and went off on them including my husband who watched and did nothing.
My son didn’t even want to go to school out of embarrassment and shame and I had to deal with his constant meltdowns. I had an argument with my husband telling him I no longer want my son around “the team” and his male family members who are part of it.
He said I overreacted and that hair grow back and it’s not a reason to “alienate” my son from his “loving” family. I said no more discussion but he and FIL and his brother and MIL said what I was doing isn’t fair and even as far as say I’m making my son learn to become soft instead of encouraging him to discover and try new things.
I refused to respond to them now they’re shaming me in social media saying I’m being unfair to divide the family the way I’m doing.
Am I being unfair by standing my ground on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your son is SEVEN YEARS OLD (THEY WANTED A 7-YEAR-OLD TO GET A TATTOO?!
WHO DOES THAT?!) and them forcing him to do things he clearly doesn’t to do and its uncomfortable with is borderline child neglect.
Do stand your ground and look out for that kid’s wellbeing. And if that family keeps throwing toxic crap around such as that you’re “making your son become soft” because he is going to an adult to get help when other adults are hurting him, I think that should finish raising all the red flags in the world.
I know Reddit likes to break up marriages all the time but if I were you I’d take a serious look at this marriage. This is not okay.” Apprehensive_Sand_77
Another User Comments:
“I’m familiar with this type of group – old men playing board games to lure in children with game sessions that run so long you’ll eventually need to leave your kid alone with them to run an errand or cook a meal, only for them to then curse around the kids, “teach” or “coach” them on inappropriate adult topics, and test the waters on physical violations (they shaved his head this time to see if he’d scream and whether you’d recognize it as assault).
They’re grooming him and testing you.
What other possible explanation is there for 30-60yo men to want to get your 7yo son away from all the other kids and you for so long? A normal group of adult gamers don’t want to babysit kids too young to play or halt game time to buzz a kid’s head; they just want to play and play against worthy opponents.
That’s not what they’re focused on when they’re around your son.
This is not normal. You’re not crazy. These people are dangerous. NTJ. Protect your son.” newbeginingshey
18. AITJ For Not Saying Anything After Someone Called Me Spoiled And Privileged?
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“My husband’s best friend “Nate” got a new partner “Camilla” about half a year ago.She moved to our city recently so she doesn’t really have any friends here, but she and I hung out a couple of times and started to get friendly.
For context: we are all in our twenties, my husband and I both have nice jobs, we own a small flat, play tennis as a hobby (Camilla thinks it’s a rich people sport) and we regularly travel by finding 10€ plane tickets and staying at cheap hostels for ~3 nights at a time.
Now to the point: My husband and I were hosting a little get-together. Nate, Camilla and a few of our other friends were invited. At one point, the conversation went to topics like the current level of inflation, how the viral respiratory illness affected people and jobs, the housing market, etc. and I had something to say too, agreeing with Camilla.
Camilla cut me off and said something like “Haha, no offense, but you are way too much of a spoiled privileged girl to understand things like this. You would need a tragedy or two in your life to understand struggle. I love you, but you never experienced any hardship in your life, haha.”
The room went dead silent and nobody said anything. After some awkward silence, I stood up and said: “Well, is anybody hungry? Shall we eat?” and we never went back to that topic.
Camilla messaged me the next day asking me how could I do this to her.
Nate told her afterward that I had an abusive father and I fell ill as a teenager, spent months in the hospital, had to have multiple life-saving surgeries and it took me a month to learn to walk again. Camilla is mad at me for not telling these very personal things to her before and for making her look terrible to Nate’s friends.
She said that even correcting her at the party would have been better, because then she could’ve apologized to me in front of everyone, but I took that chance away from her and now she will never make friends here.
Honestly, this whole thing is ridiculous and I don’t really think I’m a jerk, but it never hurts to ask.
Maybe I should have gently corrected her after she said that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This reminds me of my own Camilla. Moved to my city a few years after University. I never actually knew her all that well, she was more a friend of a friend of a friend but she reached out cos she had no friends and I started including her in stuff.
One of my friends jokingly brought up how I’m not the most punctual person, and she went HAM straight in, hard-core jokes about how I’m so late I barely show up anywhere. I remember thinking hang on, I don’t know you like that, and I’ve been on time every time we’ve met.
And actually this feels unkind coming from you. She did a couple of times, putting me down in order to feel included with everyone else.
So I stopped inviting her out to places. And I suggest that you do too. At the very least don’t host her in your home again.
Because even without the backstory, this whole time she’s been judging you and then had the audacity to interrupt you and insult you after you’ve gone out of your way to make her feel welcome and included. So why bother to keep the door of your home open to her?
NTJ.” excel_pager_420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly this reminds me of a work colleague I used to have who just decided I had never gone through anything emotionally traumatic because I was unwilling to share details of my experiences with harassment at work. As far as I was concerned, I was there to work, not unload all my previous trials and tribulations onto people who didn’t necessarily want to deal with a psychological battering like that!
In the same way, both my work colleague and your friend’s gf are nasty pieces of work. I really hate the attitude that you have to be completely willing to unload every horrific piece of your past, in order to be considered worthy of sympathy or to hold an opinion or viewpoint on political matters!
Lots of people can be great allies and don’t necessarily have to go through difficult times in order to be kind and sympathetic. The fact that she’s got annoyed about Nate revealing these things just shows she doesn’t actually care about you, she just wants to look good.
A decent person would contact you privately and apologize immediately. Honestly, I’m impressed you dealt with it so calmly and gracefully. I would’ve told someone like that to get the heck out of my house!” uhohspagbol
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit For A Woman Again?
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“There’s this woman I babysit for who lives down the street from me.Due to our schedules, I babysit for her on Mondays and Wednesdays. The other babysitter, who I’m friends with, babysits on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.
Sticking to the schedule, it was Wednesday, I was very stressed out and not in the best headspace.
The kids were playing outside and I was inside, (where I could still see them) doing homework and studying. For some reason, I wasn’t feeling good. I was feeling dizzy and my stomach was acting up.
I threw up multiple times and I could barely stand up. I called the woman and asked if she could come home because something was wrong and I needed to leave. She told me to try and hold on until the end of the day.
After like 15 minutes. I texted her telling her I needed to leave. I called the other babysitter and asked if she was free and if she could come over because I wasn’t feeling good and she agreed. I could barely make it outside the house.
My brother came to pick me up. I fell asleep as soon as I got home. I woke up to missed calls and texts from the lady asking why I left. I called her back and told her that I couldn’t stay because I wasn’t feeling good.
She said I didn’t sound sick and I could’ve held off until the end of the day. I said it didn’t sound like much to her but I could barely make it to the car. I told her if she’s going to treat me like this then I don’t want to babysit for her again, and hung up on her.
The other babysitter’s schedule is often filled on days she doesn’t babysit, so she couldn’t take those days that I babysat. I got lucky she came.
She told me that she really needs someone to babysit on my days and that she can’t afford to lose me.
I told her I needed time to think about it. I feel pretty bad but I don’t want her to make me work if I clearly wasn’t able to do it. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I really think some parents forget they’re responsible for their children.
I worked as a toddler teacher for a center that was on-site only for that company’s employees children. If a child got sick, we’d call them and if they wanted to, they could come down and administer medicine. If the child still had a fever or was throwing up an hour later, they had to be taken home.
Over and o ver we’d have a parent give the medicine and then they’d not answer if we called again! Once they were on notice, we were literal lepers, they’d hide leaving these poor sick kids in the center all day. One girl was so sick I had to sit in a dark classroom rocking her for 5 hours leaving the center short-staffed. Mom, ‘never saw a follow-up call.’ Apparently six calls and three messages just didn’t get through.
We finally started bypassing a second call and sent a staff member to their cube. They always looked like trapped animals when we’d snare them. I’m with you, what crazy parent does that? I bet they stay home when they’re sick.
OP, NTJ and I’d seriously not go back unless you’re attached to the kids and she sweetens the pot a bunch.
Also knowing she’ll totally do this again if it comes up.” Faisfancy
Another User Comments:
“Okay so I work in a public job and according to the rules, they are supposed to let me go home if I feel sick. I had my respiratory illness booster at their request a few days after moving into a new role at the store, as in I got a promotion.
I had been out for two days with my initial vaccination reaction. They knew it was possible. About halfway through my shift I had to go throw up. I threw up and came back down and asked to go home, instead they sent me to lunch.
I threw up through my 30-minute lunch and they still wouldn’t let me go home. I spent 3 hours trying not to throw up on customers before they let me go home, early, a mere 10 minutes before I was supposed to go.
If I wasn’t dependent on this job, I would have walked out or quit.
From the sounds of your post you’re not 100% dependent on this job or could easily get another job doing something similar with another family. Don’t let this woman harass you like this. Don’t go back to work for her.
You are NTJ.” the805chickenlady
Another User Comments:
“I had a neighbor whose kids I babysat once. I wasn’t her usual babysitter, but her father was very ill and was in a bind. This was a Sunday night, a school night for me, and I was like 13 or 14. It was only 3 houses down.
She was supposed to be home by 9. That came and went. She called around 11 and that she wouldn’t be much longer. My parents were that happy and kept calling me. Long story short, at 1am, my mother finally had it and called her. So she finally came home and brought a family friend to stay with the boys.
The next day she blasted my mother that she missed being with her father when he passed because she had to come back to let me leave. My mom is no shrinking violet, and reminded her of my age and that it was a school night and should have sent her friend to take over sooner.
Unless you need the money, don’t babysit for this woman again. She won’t change. Any working parent with children knows you always have to have a backup sitter in case your main sitter is ill or has a family emergency. You are NTJ.” smdrn66
16. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Mom For Donating Prom Dresses?
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“I (20F) grew up thinking my family was poor.I went dumpster diving at our local mall for clothes and shoes that businesses would sometimes throw out, stole mulch from our neighbors for our at-home garden, didn’t flush the toilet until it was completely full, never used the AC/Heat, only took cold showers, etc.
In high school, I found out my parents are very rich. I got very frustrated at them about how we were living and they agreed to make some changes including showering with hot water, and flushing the toilet.
I wasn’t allowed to get a job – my parents were from India so it was a cultural thing.
I begged and begged them but they wouldn’t let me. I begged them to let me save up for a prom dress and they promised me that they would buy me whatever dress I wanted, I didn’t have to work.
Well, prom came around and they ended up buying me an $8 dress because “they didn’t have it in them to spend the money.” I always regretted not being able to feel pretty that day – it’s stupid but my dress fell apart halfway through the night and I just went home early.
My high school just posted on their social media about how my parents had donated around $20,000 worth of prom dresses to the school and thanked them. I was extremely hurt – it felt like they cared more about their image than me.
When my mom called me, I blew up at her and told her that I was always her last priority and I was so sick of living dirt poor while she gave luxuries to the rest of the world.
My extended family has been calling me and saying I’m a jerk nonstop because it’s their money and I’m just spoiled and I’m a terrible daughter for making my mom cry.
AITA for yelling at my mom about donating prom dresses?”
Another User Comments:
“The most emphatic NTJ – I think that the way you were raised is a form of psychological torture. I understand that some parents want to teach their children the value of a dollar, especially familys who aren’t blessed with wealth. However, it’s one thing to avoid spoiling your child, teaching them the value of a dollar and becoming self-sufficient in difficult times, but it’s another to completely manufacture a destitute living situation to such a dramatic extreme that when you discover it’s a lie, it shatters not only your world view but how you reflect on the validity of your past experiences and your relationship with your parents.
It is so egregious to have the prosperity and means to provide for your child when there are so many families out there that struggle to even put food on the table. While a prom dress is most certainly not a necessity by any means, denying you the chance to EARN that dress on your own under the false pretense that they would get you whatever you wanted is just plain wrong.
They stole that opportunity from you and that is completely unfair. To add insult to injury, they donate $20,000 worth of prom dresses to others when they couldn’t even find it in them to spend more than $8 for their own daughter? Infuriating.
You have every right to be upset, hurt, frustrated and overlooked. Don’t listen to your family trying to minimize how you feel.
If your parents are so comfortable sharing this fight with your extended family, then you should feel more than comfortable telling them how your parents raised you. Don’t let them convince you that you should be grateful for what they gave you or that you’re spoiled when it’s your parent’s responsibility to provide what they can for the child they wanted to bring into the world.
My only suggestion to you moving forward is to not react with anger. People who are in the wrong use the wronged person’s angry reaction as argument leverage. Keep your cool and approach those conversations moving forward with logic and reason and they’ll have nothing to combat you with.” GuiltybutHonest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I don’t believe in spoiling my kids, I do the best I can for them and to me what your parents did was a slap in the face.
I grew up poor but never knew it. We always had food on the table and a roof over our heads.
My mom did the best she could with what she had, and I never knew just how much she gave up and went without until many many years later.
To this day I often feel guilty about the way I treated her when I was younger and am always saying how sorry I am that I was such a little twerp.
She just laughs at me and tells me, “You were the LEAST dramatic of all my kids. ” Honestly, that makes me feel worse, to be honest, because if I was as bad as I remember, I can only imagine how much of a nightmare my siblings gave her.
But she would NEVER have expected any of us to go without and then donate such a large amount just to show the world how much she had and could throw around while we went without. There were nights when she barely ate just so she could make sure we did.
At least until she remarried and then things got easier. But that’s another story for another time.
You’re completely justified in how you feel. Let ’em have it!” Ihate_People1979
15. AITJ For Telling My Cousin Nobody Cares About Her Allergies?
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“My (30s F) cousin C (late 20s F) was in a car wreck 3 years ago.Since then, it has been a constant stream of one medical issue after another. These issues extend from broken bones to nerve damage to a plethora of food allergies.
The food allergies that C has developed since her car accident include dairy (except for organic milk), raw onions (supposedly if they are thoroughly cooked she can eat them), corn, carrots, tomatoes, and nonorganic meat (organic meat is fine).
C claims that some of these foods cause stomach pain and leave her on the toilet while others allegedly cause her esophagus to “not properly open and the food cannot properly make it to her stomach.”
Every time the family gets together, it is guaranteed that at some point C will talk about her car accident and how the food is great but she can’t eat X, Y, Z but is happy to be in pain for it.
I don’t believe that she has these allergies. She comes over to my home often and eats these foods without issue.
Yesterday for Easter, as soon as we got to grandma and grandpa’s and she saw the menu, she immediately started talking about how she isn’t supposed to eat anything but broccoli salad and devilled eggs, but it’s worth the pain.
Nobody responded. We all just kind of rolled our eyes at each other and moved along. Later when the ham was done, she got herself a plate and again started saying how the stomach pain will be worth it. She loudly said that it sucked that no potato salad was set aside special for her and that she hates being an afterthought.
More awkward silence.
We ate dinner and had chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream for dessert. Both are store-bought and contain high fructose CORN syrup. Sure enough, she helps herself.
An hour later we are outside smoking and she mentions how great the food was and how full she is.
She also says it sucks she missed out on potato salad because her stepmom forgot about her.
I told her to shut up, nobody cares about her “allergies.” She just had a huge amount of corn syrup without issue. Her stepmom tried to accommodate her but forgot.
I told her that for someone with a lot of allergies, she sure is just fine with relying on others instead of putting forth the effort of making and bringing one dish that she isn’t allergic to.
I told her that for just once I’d like to have a holiday without her making it about herself.
I said if she is going to spend all her time being so critical then maybe she just shouldn’t come. She called me a witch and went on a rant about how she almost died in her car accident and has been sick ever since and nobody cares.
Today I woke up to messages from various family members saying I should apologize for the sake of keeping the peace. But I feel that this should’ve been addressed sooner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, ESH. She sounds annoying and you sound dismissive, especially if she’s right and almost died. As people have said, what she describes is pretty much an exact description of GERD.
I work as a carer and her type of food avoidance and symptoms are common to my patients with gastro issues. The consequences of her eating food at your home may not come to her until later or she might be feeling like her stomach will be fine today, and it could very well be that she can have some of what causes her trouble and is just eating more of those things during get togethers and holidays than she should.
Like, idk, every single person ever.
Just because you’re inconvenienced doesn’t mean it’s not a medical issue. If it has its ups and downs and fewer bad days, congratulations! You now understand what 90% of medical issues are like. You also sound like you’re constantly trying really, really hard to make sure everyone realizes how much you think she’s faking it, and I need you to know that this means she’s not the only one who has a knack for making sure dinners are about her specifically.
It sounds like she got stuck in a victim role and you never were very supportive in the first place. Besides that, accommodating someone with allergies is just common decency, regardless of if you believe her or not.” Skullparrot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I am allergic to a lot of foods, and my allergies only happened AFTER I gave birth to my 1st child.
Not sure how that works, but developing allergies later in life or after something happens IS a thing.
I’m allergic to tree fruit, a bunch of veggies, almonds, avocados, etc. Some of them (like apples) I can only eat cooked.
That being said, no one in my family remembers or cares about my allergies.
I don’t care to remind them. I know to eat other things and it’s not their job to make food around me because they are cooking for everyone. I don’t have a peanut allergy that will kill me, and I can avoid what I need to avoid.
Perspective is helpful.” Defiant_Handle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, I don’t know your cousin but using her accident that way is just complete and utter bull crap. In 2017 I had a brain hemorrhage and almost died, in fact I should have died or been permanently disabled but I wasn’t.
Instead, I pulled through and had to deal with permanent brain damage, debilitating migraines, and permanent numbness in my arms due to said brain damage.
When I came out of the hospital I swore I would not become one of those people who was ruled by what happened to me, or ruled by the pain of my migraines and I would just get on with my life.
That’s what I did. Is it hard? Yes. Do I have some days where I just want to roll over and go back to sleep because my head is so sore I can’t think straight? Yes. Is it something I bring up frequently? No, in fact most people I’ve met since then don’t even know anything happened to me.
They know I take painkillers for migraines but other than that, nope.
It sounds like your cousin has become one of those people I swore I would never be. Someone who is defined by something that happened to them, instead of moving on with their lives and being grateful for every day they get.
No matter how bad a day is, I tell myself ‘Could be worse, could be dead.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you were a little rough. Honestly, being on a bunch of different medication while recovering from things can dramatically alter what a person can eat, drink, etc. However, that person is now responsible for providing those things for him/herself.
(I had a major health issue a couple of years ago, the after-effects of which I’m STILL sorting out and are being handled by doctors. Because not every doctor that I come across is a good one, sometimes it takes a lot longer to get things under control than sounds reasonable to someone not dealing with it.
However, my food issues are my OWN. I don’t expect anyone to make me anything special and so long as they don’t mind that I brought with me food that I can actually eat, and don’t try to force me into meals that are beyond my reasonable scope, we’re all good.
I always come prepared or run back out to a store and buy things that work for me.)
I have to wonder if she feels like no one understands what she’s been through and is still going through mentally. I don’t necessarily see it as coming from a bad place but perhaps she just doesn’t think that people understand the gravity of her situation and rather than sympathy, just wants to be thought of.
It sounds like she needs therapy whether I’m right or wrong. I would apologize and tell her that you’re sorry for being so rough but that it’s time to start bringing with her the things that she needs so that entire meals aren’t spent discussing her dietary needs.
I’d also give a kind word about how you’re happy that she’s still here, dietary changes and all, but you’re just trying to give her a heads up that it’d be a good idea so she never has to worry or ask 10 questions about the way that something is prepared. It’s easy for everyone else to go back to their regular life but it sounds like she’s having problems with that because she’s having problems adjusting to the new and now.
(Again, makes therapy a GREAT idea for her.) Good luck!” Koraldanger
14. AITJ For Leaving My Friends At The Bar?
“Two days ago I went to the bar with my friends. I’m about to go back home for the summer and I really wanted to hang out one last time.
So I had planned not to drink that night so I drove. So we’re hanging out and talking and I need to go take a leak. I go wait in line to pee and when I get back they’re there with 3 guys. So I make my way back to the table.
I tell him the girls they’re talking to are my friends. They look at my friends and they say they don’t know me. It just becomes awkward as I don’t know what to do and one of the guys says I should leave.
I figured the best thing to do was just walk away.
I go sit at the bar, and I decided that I’m drinking since I have nothing better to do with myself. I get an apology text saying that one of my friends really likes a guy and if I came back to them the guys would probably leave.
Eventually, after I’m a little messed up, I decided I’m going home. I get myself an Uber and go home and go to sleep.
I wake up in the morning to a bunch of texts from them. They asked where I went, if I left, wanted me to come back, saying that they couldn’t get the guys to leave, and then that they couldn’t get home right a ride from me z.
Eventually, they said they ordered an Uber but were annoyed at me.
I called them and they said that it was a jerk move of me to leave like that. They said that you don’t just leave your girlfriends with a bunch of random guys.
I said that they left me for said random guys first. We got into an argument and now they’re not talking to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There is their (poor) argument that they shouldn’t have left these girls with random guys but c’mon dude, you’re expected to just play along and sit at the bar and wait sober for them to be finished?
I mean, I’d have asked to be paid hourly since I’m obviously not here for fun and here to just be their driver.
Also, the fact that they seriously were that insecure that they couldn’t be like, “Oh yeah, he’s just a platonic guy friend though who’s here to have a good time, not flirt or anything,” is not great- they sound like trash friends honestly.
Most normal people would’ve just said they know you, and most normal guys would be able to brush that off very easily and continue to make moves while you’re there anyway in a setting like that.” Thirsty-Boiii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s also pretty revealing that their first response upon finding OP’s car, but not OP, their reaction was “What the heck did you do, jerk?”
They weren’t concerned that perhaps something had happened to him, and only were concerned that his actions somehow affected THEM, despite having no way of knowing what had occurred.
Because I guarantee that they went into the lot looking for him. I guarantee they found his car, but not him.
The fact that he didn’t wake up to texts concerned about his own health or safety (because many people would have either risked a drive, or sat in/slept in their car until they sobered up) speaks even more loudly about how they felt.” ThatOneTrueChuck
13. AITJ For Getting A Waiter Fired Because He Accused Me Of Being Uncivilized?
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“So I (32M) am an Indian living in the US, I recently moved to this country and have just been settling in.Two days ago, I went to a restaurant owned by a friend of mine who is also Indian. The restaurant serves authentic Indian cuisine and I really needed that familiar meal since I’ve been feeling very homesick since I got here.
In the restaurant, I ordered a rice dish called biryani and it looked and tasted exactly like the biryani I’d get back home, and it honestly made me a bit emotional that I had to eat it with just my hand (no spoon or other cutlery) exactly as I would do if I were in India.
My hands were clean and sanitized and I was being neat and unhurried in the way I ate. I didn’t think anyone noticed it since it is an Indian restaurant with a lot of Indians/desi people.
But few minutes into my meal a waiter walked up to me and asked me if my spoon was dirty and if I needed one, I said no, it’s not, and then he sort of just stared at me, and I realized his question probably had something to do with me eating with my hand, I just kind of smiled and said:
“Where I come from they say eating with your hand makes the food tastier,” and went back to eating.
He then said, “Well where I come from that’s unhygienic so please use a spoon for the rice.”
I was very surprised and insulted, I told him that was incredibly rude and he should mind his own business.
The waiter went away looking mad, and I didn’t hear from him after that. I finished my meal with my hand, cleaned up and then thanked the waiter who was actually serving me, paid + tipped him and left.
Yesterday my friend called me to ask how the food in his restaurant was and if I enjoyed it, I obviously told him I loved it, but then I couldn’t help but mention the tiny incident that happened, my friend was appalled and said he was gonna fire him, he said the waiter was a very new hire too so he wasn’t completely trained, but he couldn’t afford to hire someone racist in a place where a lot of Indians would come.
I thought that’s perfectly understandable and didn’t really say anything else.
I told this whole story to one of my friends and he said while it was an insulting and rude thing to do, it’s not something that should warrant firing and I shouldn’t have mentioned it to my friend, the owner, since service workers have very hard jobs anyway and there’s no need to make their lives harder.
So now I’m confused AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“White as Heck Westerner here! NTJ. Like. In any way, shape or form. The waiter was ignorant and rude — there was a chance for redemption there when you explained why you were eating with your hands, but instead, he decided to be judgmental and disrespect your culture.
As a bonus, you didn’t even tell your friend about it with the intention of getting him fired (and you were well in your right to complain and seek that consequence regardless) but your friend decided that they wouldn’t tolerate that behavior. You did them a favor, honestly.
I’m disgusted every time I go to a non-western takeout/restaurant and the entitled way westerners (specifically us white westerners) act and disrespect the people eating AND serving. It’s awful and I’m glad you weren’t silent. Not the jerk.” faevalen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lived in India for two years. I eat Indian food with my hands (ok, just the right hand) no matter where I am. I’d lose half my enjoyment immediately if I were required to use forks and spoons. Indian restaurants are some of the only places it’s culturally accepted to eat with your hands.
I would be FURIOUS if someone told me to use a spoon in an Indian restaurant. I would absolutely complain whether or not I knew the owner.
Anyone who works in an Indian restaurant for more than a day and doesn’t know it’s ok to eat Indian food with your hands is an idiot (has he never watched someone use bread to scoop curry??) and not the person you want involved in that cultural experience.
He can go work in a diner if he wants customers to adhere to US manners/ customs.
(It was rude to call the way a customer eats unsanitary, even if it actually had been, which this was not.)” fastyellowtuesday
Aside from all that, I'd love to catch that former waiter eating a sandwich, or hotdog, or potato chips, and demand he use a spoon. Ntj
12. AITJ For Teaching My Nephew About Skincare?
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“My 17-year-old nephew approached me a few weeks ago and asked if I would help him.
He has very dry skin and he wanted to have softer skin. He’s a trainee mechanic and often gets very dirty. He’s wants to take better care of himself.
He approached me because I have a pretty solid skincare routine worked out, when I was younger my mum never really cared about skincare so it took a lot of time to get my skin to where it was now and I’m proud of it.
It’s soft, smooth and I often get told my skin looks amazing. This has earned me a reputation of being a bit of a princess within my husband’s family but I don’t care. My husband has recently started following my skincare routine too and he is stoked with the results.
I went out, grabbed my nephew some basics.. a face scrub, some cleanser, moisturizer, some nice natural men’s soap, and a few other odds and ends. He has been using these items a lot and loves it. He can’t stop thanking me..
My SIL found out the other day that I was helping him and she hit the roof.
She told me I was turning her son into someone he wasn’t. That skincare is for women and she also made some slurs when talking about how she didn’t want her son using these products because real men don’t do that.
I laughed and told her a lot of men are looking after their skin, it’s not a bad thing.
He approached me about it and I was happy to help him out.
SIL is fuming though, she said I’m a jerk and turning her son into a gay person. I should mind my own business and stop forcing my crap on him. I should have spoken to her first so she could have said no.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Awe. That’s so sad. I remember acne being one of the main sources of insecurity as a teen/young adult.
I recall not being able to go to my parents about my skin securities. I had scalp issues once and my dad called me dirty and disgusting.
He complained about having to buy me medicated shampoo. Your SIL reminds me of my dad. No doubt he’s probably being told it’s a waste on him and that it doesn’t matter if he’s comfortable in his skin
NTJ, he’s lucky to have you as his aunt.
Having good skin and being maintained has nothing to do with orientation preference.
That’s stupid of her to think. Just wow.
Please tell me you’re going to help this young man be the best he can be.” blueoceana_
Another User Comments:
“As a machine operator at a press shop, I have wash my hands just so I’m not leaving fingerprints on the stock.
Other times I just have to use grease and clean up plastic adhesive from cutting knives.
I have cracked fingertips basically every day, and the tops of my hands/knuckles just crack from being dry.
I never used lotion until the last couple years. I have to just to not bleed. Hate to see a kid ruin his hands because his mom sucks.
NTJ. Go you.” Apprehensive_Note248
11. AITJ For Being Mad My Husband Is Trying To Financially Edge Me Out Of My Expensive Hobby?
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“The backstory: My husband and I have always had joint accounts and up until last year when our 3rd child was born, we made about the same amount of money.
We made the decision that I would leave my FT job and work PRN so we could avoid the costs of daycare. This has cut my income in half. In addition, last year my husband started running a successful eBay store. He opened a separate account that I have no access to at all, and he started taking extra money from his paychecks each week and depositing it into that account as well.
He uses that money on whatever he wants. I manage our finances, budget and pay all of our bills. I don’t have a separate personal account so all of “my” money is poured into our mutual accounts and he can see all of my spending.
I keep spreadsheets that he has full access to but never looks at. We have savings and basically no debt aside from a mortgage and my student loans.
And now: I am a very active jiu jitsu competitor and go to tournaments frequently. I would probably call bjj an “expensive hobby.” The last few weeks several entry fees came due at once totaling close to $600.
I have always cleared with him that I am going to do a certain tournament before I sign up and then I build the fees into the budget, this was no different. And other than jiu jitsu I don’t really spend money on anything else.
He texted me while I was at work yesterday saying, “Not really happy about your excessive spending recently. I think you should get your own account with an allowance to pay for this stuff.” This was shocking to me because this has never been a problem until yesterday and I’ve never spent so much money on bjj that we can’t save or pay our bills.
Then he told me that he bought a car a few weeks ago with his personal funds.
I feel like he is trying to control me and financially edge me out of my hobby that he knows I love. I can give myself an allowance out of each of my paychecks but I make a lot less money than him and pretty much all of it goes to bills so it would take me longer to save for each tournament and I would have to do way fewer per year.
If I want to do jiu jitsu, I have to rely financially on him to do so, and again, it’s never been a problem until yesterday because up until last year I made just as much money as him. Our mutual decision for me to leave my job only affects my paycheck.
He can spend money on whatever he wants (like a car) without any oversight or accountability because he has his eBay store that he makes money from each month (he never tells me but I’d say it’s probably about $1000/month).
Anyway, it started a big fight.
He said he doesn’t have to rely on me financially for his hobbies so I shouldn’t have to rely on him financially for mine, that our mutual money should go to bills and the kids only.
Who’s the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To reiterate the important points already captured: this is completely messed up and it’s more than a little concerning that he intentionally put you in a position to be dependent and is now using that to try and limit your hobby.
(1) Go back to work FT ASAP – as others have stated the longer you’re out of the workforce the harder it will be to get back in, especially at the same level you had made it to when you left. The clock is ticking.
(2) Separate your finances – not only to make a point but to protect yourself. When spouses agree to join finances and one decides to open a separate account which they start squirreling money into it is concerning at best. (3) Watch your husband’s reactions to both of these things VERY carefully – it will likely be quite telling.
My parents were married for 18 years. My mom was a SAHM for 15 of them. She broached returning to work several times and each time my dad pointed out that she had a full calendar taking the three of us kids to all of our different activities so it really wasn’t plausible for her to work.
So they agreed she would remain a SAHM. At some point, my sisters and I started noticing that every time our dad went to the store or gas station he was getting max cashback but none of us had any idea where it was going.
This continued for several years until the day he left, when it became clear he had been putting that money into a separate account. The ensuing divorce was an absolute nightmare and my mom was screwed beyond belief financially, both because of my dad’s dishonesty with what were still (supposed to be) shared finances at that point and because his attorney lambasted my mom for being “too lazy” to work.
He brought in a vocational expert who testified that my mom had been capable of working for all of those years at x salary (despite the fact that she couldn’t make that salary after over a decade out of the workforce AND my youngest sister had learning and developmental issues that necessitated constant attention and assistance which my dad flatly refused to contribute to).
That “potential” income was taken into account when the judge determined spousal support and drastically lowered it.
I’ll be the first to acknowledge my parents’ divorce was as contentious as they come and most don’t go quite so nuclear, but when I see other people describing patterns that we didn’t recognize for what they were when my dad was doing them it makes me very nervous.
So please OP, be careful. This is the time to protect yourself and to look into anything that may be giving niggling feelings of unease. Don’t wait to hire a PI if you think there is ANYTHING to investigate. It can be the difference between catching someone red-handed in conduct that would benefit your standing if things ever went to court (i.e. unfaithfulness) or not getting evidence until after the separation, which allows them to claim it only started after.
Not trying to make you paranoid, just trying to make sure you know the worst-case scenario of where these things can go.” Numerous-Tie-9677
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right your husband is trying to financially control you. You cut your salary in half for the benefit of the family.
You use your entire salary for bills. He has a separate income which you are allowed no access to and can’t see what he’s spending it on. He wants you to stop spending on your only active hobby. He can see exactly what and when you spend any money.
Financial control to a T.
Open your own bank and only deposit what you deem as fair (proportionately based on income, so for example he pays 70% of bills and you 30% because of the amount you earn) to the shared account. Everything else goes into your personal account that he has absolutely no access to unless he shares his personal account with you.
I’d suggest going back to your FT job and again, keeping finances separate when you do.
Don’t give up your hobby at all, even lowering the number of competitions you do, because if you give an inch, he’ll take a mile. And if you do, it won’t just stay at financial control, it’ll escalate.
Obviously, communication is key. If you can talk about it and come to a solution that’s FAIR to you both, other measures won’t need to be taken. But, if you try to broach the subject and he gets angry and shuts down or shouts or twists it or anything to stop progress, keep things on the down-low and get financially secure by yourself and get out of there.” catsarebetter003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is the jerk. Please, please, please have some serious talks with him about his eBay “business.”
Also, please consult a lawyer about your rights where you are regarding his income from side businesses. Especially if you are in a community property jurisdiction, he’s not going to be able to separate out “his and hers” like that, legally.
The bottom line here is that he is not acting like a partner to you in your marriage. You and he are life partners and you are supposed to both be working toward building your joint property for the betterment of the entire family. He should be fully transparent about his income and spending, just as you are and he has NO BUSINESS TELLING YOU what to do with you all’s joint money.
It should be a discussion where you both have equal say in all decisions about how much each of you spends, etc.
I’d bet dollars to donuts he considers himself the head of the house because he’s a man and therefore he gets to be the boss of everything financial.
Also, him being fussed about $600 screams that he may have had some recent losses he hasn’t disclosed. He may be looking to Scapegoat you for his blunders.” Nynaeve224
10. AITJ For Getting My Daughter An Expensive Robot?
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“So me (45 f) and my ex-wife split about 4 years ago, we have 3 kids together (9f 12 m, and 18f).
I am a lot more well off than her although she is an amazing mother, she also has 2 kids from a newer relationship,
Around a year ago, my daughter asked me about getting an AI robot, She has always loved robotics and learning about AI , I am not very into the robot stuff but I try to support her any way I can, I asked her to send me a link to the robot she wanted, She sent me a link to Aibo Companion Robot ERS-1000, I learned everything I could about it as it was a lot of dough but I knew how much she loved robots and animals and it felt like a perfect gift for her 18th birthday, I saved for around 3 months before I ordered it not knowing how long it would take to arrive.
When it arrived, I hid it from her so she wouldn’t know that I had gotten it. Around the time it arrived she got a job and started working around the house so she could save for one herself, that was when I knew I had made the correct decision,
I wrapped it and took it our the night of her birthday that night I messaged my ex-wife telling her what I had gotten so that she knew and I asked what she had gotten her. I didn’t get a response
The morning of her birthday my ex and her kids came over (Like they do for every birthday).
We were exchanging gifts when it got to the last 2 one from the one from my ex, I made sure my daughter opened my ex’s first as I knew how she would react to the robot.
She opened the gift from my ex before I gave her 3 boxes 2 with the accessories and the robot in the other, I told her to open the small ones first, I saw her face light up as she opened it when she saw the box they were in, she hugged me and thanked me for 5 minutes before even opening the robot,
Ten minutes later she was setting it all up so I left the room to get out the breakfast that I had ordered, as I was putting it on the plates my EX came into the room saying how rude it was that I got her daughter an expensive robot when it is just a phase and that I knew she would never be able to afford one, I showed her all the stuff our daughter was doing around the house to earn extra allowance to put towards getting herself one,
I honestly don’t know if I should have spoken to my ex before getting the robot or at least sooner than the night before or if I’m an jerk for getting one at all and not letting my daughter save for it.”
Another User Comments:
“May be controversial but I think NTJ. It’s absolutely amazing and lovely that you got your daughter that gift and your ex’s comment about it being rude, while not correct, is a reasonable reaction to feeling like she’d been shown up which I’m sure she was.
I feel like it could’ve been remedied with better communication. Your ex getting that info fairly short notice is sure to make her feel inadequate about her gift. Your ex isn’t in the right but I’d feel wrong calling her a jerk as she was probably feeling slightly down about herself.” anonymous_2306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your ex is jealous because she knew you got the better gift and she’s making it a competition. It’s a gift. You don’t owe her any explanation.
However, the way I think I would have handled it, being it’s so expensive, is at the time of purchase ask the ex if she would be interested in putting any amount of money towards it to make it a communal gift. You would also have to explain to her that if she chose not to it would be fine and that you were still going to get the robot for your daughter either way.
It’s not something you have to do, but it’s the considerate thing to do and it would help to avoid the gift envy aspect.” Affectionate-Item818
9. AITJ For Calling A Coworker Bitter After He Called Me Unprofessional?
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“So I (23M) used to be a bartender when I first turned 18.I liked the job but ended up quitting because of pay. Recently I was in the bar and my old manager begged me to come back, saying I was one of the best staff they ever had.
I said there was no way unless they matched my current wage (£16.50 p/h) & she agreed. So I go back to work and there’s a whole bunch of new faces. One of the new chefs is a guy called Joey (31M). Joey seemed chill, would chuck us all free fries on our lunch etc. Enter Nicole.
She’s 19 & works with the entertainment side of things. Now let me preface this by saying I have absolutely no interest in her. I’m in a long-term relationship & even if I weren’t honestly she’s a bit young for me. Well, Joey has a crush on Nicole.
He always gives her free food; crap, always tries to talk to her etc. It’s pretty obvious.
A few weeks ago we had a staff party at which Nicole wouldn’t leave me alone. At first, she was friendly but then she started trying to cuddle up to me, kept bringing me drinks over, kept offering me smoking stuff, etc. I was nice to her but definitely didn’t flirt back because like I said I’m simply not interested. Joey came over clearly seething but trying to hide it.
He made some comments like “idk why you’re hanging with the bar team. These little guys only make £10 while I make £14. I corrected him saying I made £16.50. He called my bluff so I showed him my last paycheck in my email. He said “fair” but was clearly mad.
Since that night, Nicole has a bit of a crush on me. She always asks me when I’m working & comes in to see me, she’ll eat her lunch with me if we’re working the same days stuff like that. Well, the other day she came in and ordered a few drinks and spoke to me for a little while.
The bar was completely dead, barely 5 people in there. Joey comes storming over and has a go at me saying if “I’m gonna stand around chatting, I can come in the back and help him clean pots.” I tell him my job is the bar, his job is the kitchen & the pots are his responsibility not mine.
He keeps complaining so I just ignore him and start making Nicole another cocktail. She leaves eventually & my manager comes out with Joey standing behind her asking if I can go help him with the pots. Joey is giving me some smug look but I tell her no.
She says he says he could really use my help and I say, “If you make me clean them pots I’ll quit. I don’t need this job.”
My manager laughs and says ‘Sorry Joey, there’s your answer.’
Joey rages and goes ‘Sorry but how is he allowed to be so unprofessional’ I snap at him and say ‘unprofessional!?
You’re the one starting workplace drama because you’re bitter over a teenage girl!’
Everyone goes silent apart from the other bartender Sam who shouts “TRUE!!” Joey storms off shift & doesn’t come back. Since then he is refusing to work days I work unless I apologize.
Manager is trying to get me to but I’m refusing saying if he has a problem it’s his problem to get over. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Literally none of you are acting professional here.
Firstly, if you’re not interested, tell Nicole straight, don’t let her carry on flirting with you – she’ll just be embarrassed when she catches on and that very much makes you the jerk.
You say she stopped behaving flirty to you when you reminded her you have a partner; but that’s not the same as telling her you’re not interested in her; and it’s also clearly not had quite as strong an effect as was needed, since you’ve seen signs since that she has a crush on you.
You thought you were telling her that you weren’t interested but what she’s heard there is “if I didn’t have a gf this would all be fine” – which isn’t the same message as you intended at all. Not flirting back is insufficient to deal with this, so a polite, friendly and professional rejection is needed.
Secondly, since she likes and respects you, you’d be the right person to tell Nicole to do the same with Joey – a simple “I’m flattered but I’m not at all interested” should really be the end of this situation; by allowing his attention and taking his gifts, she’s messing with him and is being super unprofessional by encouraging him when she’s not interested. Back her up if Joey’s mean about it.
Thirdly, don’t brag about your wages. There’s no point and it was totally unnecessary to even respond to Joey’s comment at all – you just decided to get into a competitive vibe with him for literally no reason – you don’t want the thing he’s trying to compete for and his opinion clearly isn’t worth a great deal to you anyway so there’s no skin off your nose if he has a misapprehension over how much you’re paid.
Why do?
Fourthly, Joey’s a creep. Pursuing a young girl at work who’s clearly not interested is basically harassment; and causing discord with other colleagues over it is deeply unprofessional.
Fifthly, your boss should’ve been keeping an eye on all this and pulling Joey back into line a very long time before any of this got this far.
Reminding him that there are expectations on his behavior towards his colleagues is a bare minimum management function in this situation.
Sixthly, public humiliation is not a management tool – your boss should be telling Joey in private what is expected and what the bounds of your various roles are, instead of allowing you to set out your stall in front of everyone like that and throw your weight around.
Your humility and the manager’s management skills are both severely deficient there. And it’s another situation where keeping your mouth shut and letting your manager do their job should’ve been the solution.
And finally – your manager should not be trying to get you to apologize to resolve a situation that she created, encouraged and perpetuated by failing to manage it before it escalated like this.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s interesting how you realize that 19 is too young for you (because despite the few years of age difference, 19 and 23 are far more different than 27 and 31, so 19 and 31 is just worrisome) yet he’s trying so hard to pursue a very young woman who is clearly not interested.
What does trouble me is you haven’t rebuffed Nicole. You don’t have to be in a relationship to justify rejection, but it would behoove you to say you’re flattered but you don’t feel that way. If Joey knows you’re in a relationship but haven’t rejected Nicole, it can come across as you’re leading Nicole on because you enjoy the attention, even if you don’t mean it that way.” ADHDLifer
8. AITJ For Taking An Easter Egg My Sister Saw First?
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“My sisters and I were having an Easter egg hunt yesterday.I am the youngest and am always the last to finish, so much so that it gets boring for me because the others finish and go back inside and I’m left trailing the garden looking for the lost ones.
I used to never get the same number of chocolate eggs as the others because we could never find the last few ones.
This Easter,I decided that I would at least beat one of my sisters to finishing and I wouldn’t be the last one, which is why I was very grabby with the eggs.
In recent years, my Dad has started making notes of where he hides the eggs so we don’t have the same problem (though we usually still lose some as we can’t remember which ones we’ve taken), and when we’ve gotten most of them, my Dad will give hints around the garden to where they were.
(Note: there are a set number of each type of egg we can collect – me and the sister of this story both had one left of this type to collect).
We had the general area it was in, my sister was looking in a bush a couple of metres away from me, and I was looking in a tree.
I was shaking the branches and spiked myself (didn’t realize the tree was so spiky). Anyway, my sister saw the egg in the tree. She ran over to get it, but she spiked herself. I only saw it because she tried to get it, but from my angle, I could reach through the branches more easily, so I picked it up.
She then made a fuss about how it wasn’t fair because she saw it first and huffed off to the other side of the garden.
So I wanted to know if I’m the jek for collecting that egg?”
Another User Comments:
“How old are you?” mary_diana
User Replies:
“I’ve just turned 18. So yeah too old for this mess.” okey_dokey66
Another User Comments:
“No, it doesn’t matter who saw it first, it matters who takes it first. Your sister is just a sore loser.” No-Year4995
7. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Turn The Music Down?
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“My husband and I live in an apartment complex where units are very close together with shared living room walls.We got a new neighbor a few months ago and they seemed very loud, the husband was always yelling very loudly at his wife/daughter, we aren’t really sure because we never ran into them so we never had a chance to say hi or introduce ourselves.
In addition to very loud yelling, they also started to play music/television VERY loudly. I work from home, so in the mornings, right around my zoom meeting time, they’d start to play music so loudly that I couldn’t participate in my meetings. This happened only 2 times, so I didn’t let it bother me very much.
Fast forward to Easter Sunday (yesterday), and around 2 pm they started playing loud music again. Loud to the point that we could hear it despite turning on our own TV to distract us from the noise. 40 minutes later, my husband and I had enough and my husband went and rang their doorbell once, no one answered. He rang it again, and this time the neighbor comes out.
He was a big guy, easily half a foot taller than my husband. He seemed very hostile, I was freaking out at this point. I was watching all of this through the peephole in the door because my husband told me to stay inside.
When the neighbor opened the door, the music was even louder so it was hard to hear anything he was saying.
I heard my husband say, “I’m your neighbor, the music is extremely loud, would you mind turning it down?” He got very close to my husband’s face and started yelling, “THIS IS EASTER SUNDAY AND IT IS ONLY 2 PM. IT IS MY HOUSE, DO NOT EVER COME INTO MY HOUSE.
IF IT WAS 10 PM I WOULD HAVE TURNED IT DOWN.” He probably said more, but this is what I could make out. My husband realized the neighbor wasn’t a reasonable guy that could have a discussion about anything, so he just said okay and came back inside.
I’m also kind of scared of the neighbor now, I’m dreading my husband or me running into him in the hallway.”
Another User Comments:
“OK, NTJ but here is a jerk answer. I had this once. But it was the same song on repeat. I worked full time+ couple of evenings in a pub and doing a diploma (we were doing 2 years in one so full-on even though it was part time).
The music from the neighbor was so bad, as I had the key to the neighbor’s house on the other side (to feed their pets) and they were away all weekend, I went there to study. I could STILL hear the music!
To make matters worse, it was my partner’s brother but he and his Mum thought I was overreacting.
So, I put on a loud rock piece, heavy on the bass and turned the bass up high. Put the speakers against their wall, put it on repeat and went out. For hours!
Noise got a bit better. If it did get too high, I’d switch on the rock and it would suddenly get quieter next door.” OkAd4358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking, everyone is entitled to ask someone for some consideration…but seems like that’s it… you have jerk neighbors. Get some noise cancelling headphones for Zoom, and if it’s still unbearable, talk to to the building manager.” tinny36
6. AITJ For Saying What I Said After My Husband Insulted Me?
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“My husband Jared and I have been married for 3 years.
He’s currently out of work (used to work at a high-paying job but got kicked out of the company over a fight with a co-worker) and I’m the one paying for rent and utilities.
We dedicate some time to seeing his family weekly. They don’t know he’s unemployed because he thought they’ll see him as a failure especially his mom so he told me to keep it a secret.
Last night, we were sitting eating dinner at the table. His cousin was talking about his fiancée going to Brazil to get a chest enhancement surgery. Jared asked if he was serious then “flattered” FSIL’s chest saying they’re perfect and that he didn’t understand why she’d go under the knife.
He then turned to me, stared at my chest while I was eating like an idiot (I have a flat chest, I’m insecure about it but can’t do anything about it obviously) and said, ‘Hey why don’t YOU get the same surgery, you’re the one who needs it the most.’
His mom gasped and was like ‘JARED!??’
I said ‘It’s fine!’ then turned to him and said, ‘I’ll get the surgery once YOU get an ACTUAL JOB since you’ve been unemployed for 6 months now!’
He stared at me in disbelief. His mom began questioning him about being unemployed and he denied denied denied then admitted it was true.
It got awkward with his mom scolding him and others shaming him for it and for hiding it. He got so overwhelmed he went outside and stayed inside the car until I came.
He started yelling at me repeatedly ‘You couldn’t have held your tongue?!!’ and accused me of turning his family against him and having them judge then shun him now he can’t even step a foot in their house from shame and guilt.
I argued that his comment about my chest was insulting, but he said he was giving me a piece of advice and that there is nothing wrong with him wanting me to look pretty and that he said what he said out of support and encouragement, but I what I did was the complete opposite and that it was intended to hurt him and I succeeded.
He dropped me off at home then went to stay with his buddies. I called him later thinking he calmed down but his friend said he didn’t want to speak to me and I should give him space.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are you with this guy?
You took his words of ‘..support and [encouragement]..’ for what it really was. A hurtful comment to ‘encourage’ you to change something for his sake.
Maybe he should’ve taken your words as ‘support and encouragement’ for him to get a job and be open to his family.
I get he feels shame. He should be ashamed of his words and not having a job. But guilt? Guilt for not helping you out with expenses? Guilt for lying to his family? The dude is way out of line.
At least he’s not as ashamed of your chest as he is for not having a job..
Since he has no issue bringing you over.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even a little. Telling the truth shouldn’t be frowned on. I could understand keeping it under wraps for a few weeks until he maybe had an idea, but for months, especially when you see his family often, is ridiculous.
That’s not even touching on his comment. Which was absolutely unnecessary, demeaning, and disrespectful, especially in front of the company. He needs to seriously pull his head out. He’s being supported by a wonderful, supportive wife and he decides to take a swipe at something he knows you’re insecure about?
No. I don’t think so.
It might be time to sit down and think about his behavior and if this is a one-off thing or starting/is already a pattern. You don’t need to be around someone who makes you feel like anything less than the queen you are for keeping your house afloat.” Character-Spinach591
5. AITJ If I Refuse To Compromise On My Fiancé's Wedding Invite Request?
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“AITJ if I refuse to compromise on my Fiancé’s wedding invite request?
Me (26M) and my fiancé (25F) had our engagement party at the start of 2021.
My fiancé’s best friend (A), of 15 years, was invited and brought her partner (B) with her. For context, both my fiancé and I are Asian, and A and B are Western.
During the party, B had a couple of drinks and publicly made a racist comment about me to my brother.
B did not know he was my brother and they got into a pretty heated argument that disrupted the whole party’s mood and atmosphere. A apologized on behalf of B and they both left the party early.
After the party, my fiancé and I had a serious discussion and mutually agreed to not invite B to our wedding based on the racist remarks he made and also because A will be in the bridal party and not be present to hold B in check.
Like every Asian family, we also have a lot of relatives coming to our wedding and I’m worried B will say something offensive to them. Respect is a huge deal in our culture.
Prior to this, my fiancé and I had already decided to not allow plus-ones if we didn’t know them.
This is unfortunately due to viral respiratory illness numbers and financial reasons. I’m also a believer in creating a comfortable wedding atmosphere, I want the day to be as stress-free as possible for my fiancé as she deserves to have the best day of her life after working so hard on all the planning.
Fast forward a couple of months, B proposes to A and she says yes. A meets up with my fiancé and asks her to be at her bridal party. My fiancé accepts but not before telling A that B will not be invited to our wedding due to the above reasons.
A becomes a little defensive and argues that B is always saying these things as a joke, and that he thinks it’s okay because he has Asian friends. A then tells my fiancé she will ask B to apologize to me formally.
Another few months pass, B messages me and asks to ‘catch-up for a beer’ (I don’t drink).
I was in the middle of busy season for work and told B I’m happy to meet but to reschedule. B doesn’t reply and it slips my mind to follow-up due to work, preparing for our wedding in November, etc.
Last week, A sends us a handwritten letter to our mailbox telling us that she will be pulling out of my fiancé’s bridal party and kicking my fiancé’s out of hers.
A explains that she will not feel happy celebrating our wedding without B being there and believes that our wedding should be celebrated with couples being together.
My fiancé is now freaking out and pushing me to meet with A and B, and also to apologize to B for not rescheduling a catch-up for HIM to apologize to ME.
AITJ for being busy and not organizing a time for B to apologize to me for his actions? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
See this for the red flag that it is. You already agreed that B shouldn’t come. Just because A decided to get engaged to B does not mean that dynamic should change.
If A is willing to drop the friendship over that, then your SO should just let it go. Part of life is learning that you won’t keep every friend forever. Tell your SO that they can have their friend, or they can have you. If his friend is saying that you both must accept B to have A, then your SO has a decision to make.
Is your SO going to disrespect you by demanding you accept B? You aren’t the one who did anything wrong. B did. And A is enabling that. Saying sorry doesn’t even always fix everything.
Your SO needs to stop pushing you. Being pushed to accept an apology is not coming from your own heart, it’s coming from your SO’s fear of losing A.
But you should be a higher priority. After all you’re supposed to be getting married. And why would your SO even want to be involved in B’s wedding?
I think it’s that red flag that your SO is not truly ready to commit to you in marriage and honor the vows that come along with that.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancée doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact she just lost a best friend of 15+ years. I’ve had to break it off with several people who I’d call best friends, even ones I’d known almost 10 years, and my mum’s best friend of 40+ years broke it off too, so I’d say I have my fair share of knowledge when it comes to this area.
A is not a good friend. First she’s making excuses for someone making racist comments that, per your explanation, ruined an important celebration. Then she allowed B to not follow through with an apology, which probably means B was only apologizing to please A.
Then she did the most awful thing of all: create a situation where you’re forced to do something you don’t want.
A is not a good friend. Your fiancée is failing to realize this because it hurts, because she never expected A to behave like this and probably because she just wants to keep the peace.
This is not a good way of going about things. She needs to learn to let go. Some friends aren’t made to last, and that’s ok too.
You’re completely within your rights to not want B (or A, for that matter) to be in your wedding.
The last big party was ruined because of their behavior. It’s your wedding too.” 0B-A-E0
4. AITJ For Leaving A Discord Server?
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“I used to be friends with ‘Violet’ for 3 years.While we were friends, she sent me a link to a relatively large discord server.
4 months ago, my first and only partner started being unfaithful to me with a younger and very attractive girl and telling me all the details about it, which took a HUGE toll on my mental health, since I was codependent on him, suffered from low self-esteem, as well as body dysmorphia.
2 months ago, while I was still in a bad mental state, Violet came to visit me at my dorms (she lives in another city). Since she had no money, I covered the cost of her train ticket, food and smoking stuff. In turn, she spent every evening partying in the common area (she asked me to go with her multiple times, but I usually refused because I was feeling really miserable, or had to work), sleeping through the day, and whenever she talked to me, I had a feeling that she treated it like an unpleasant chore.
After 2 weeks of her staying, I took too many painkillers, and had to go to the hospital, because I felt very weak and my liver hurt. There, they gave me some medicine and sent me home, telling me to rest. When I got back, I noticed her at the common area, partying with some newly found friends.
She didn’t even realize that I returned.
After another week, I finally built up the courage to break up with my partner. I then asked Violet if we could go partying at a club and she texted one of her new friends to come with us.
There, she basically glued herself to that friend, making out with him and leaving me alone. At 5 am, I asked if we could go home, to which she told me that I could leave if I wanted to, but she wanted to stay with her friend.
When I got back to the dorms, I picked up all of her stuff, left them in front of my room, locked the door and went on a long walk around the city, barefoot and crying. When I finally got back, I told Violet that I no longer wanted to be friends with her (or anyone), she picked up all of her stuff, and left.
In other words, our “breakup” was rather messy. I know that I messed up by dumping all of my mental health and personal issues onto her, and feel like I could have done better (I had to leave my abusive family, and while she was at my place, I was also in the process of getting a new therapist, since the one I went to had left the clinic).
Yesterday, though, a debate was hosted on the discord server that we were both active on. I took part in it, joining the platform for the first time in 3 months, and spent some time in one of the text chats this morning. About an hour ago, I got a message from her, where she said “Hi, could you find yourself another discord server?
I don’t want you on [server name].”. At first, I wanted to tell her to leave me alone and that I had a right to be there, since I didn’t break any rules, ping her, or go there to attract her attention, but then I realized that it could be a jerk move.
So, WIBTJ if I refused to leave that server?”
Another User Comments:
“Short answer, NTJ.
Long one I don’t feel like you handled her visit in the most responsible way I mean if she went out of her way to visit you and invited you to join her at parties and stuff and the only thing you wanted to do for x amount of days was wallow is self pity then is hard to blame her for eventually getting fed up with it as much as its understandable you weren’t in the right state of mind.
That being said, her message to you was unnecessary and honestly a jerky thing to do. I would recommend texting a mod or adm of the server screenshot of the conversation saying you want to stay and have no problem with her being active there but she is trying to get you kicked out.
Maybe they’ll help you.” Apgamerwolf
Another User Comments:
“If it’s not her personal server (which I doubt as she could just kick you off herself) then NTJ!
She can block you (as can you her) and still be on the same server however if she blocks you she won’t be able to see your comments.
If you feel it is necessary to reply, I would simply state no, if you feel uncomfortable seeing my messages in the discord block me and that will no longer be a problem.
I would then take screenshots and keep them in case she tries to report you to the mods and get you kicked.” Busy_Log4281
3. AITJ For Threatening To Throw My Pregnant Daughter Out The House?
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“My (F51) daughter is 22 and I love her dearly.We’re close, always have been.
But she still lives with me and it’s draining me emotionally and financially. She had a job as a teenager. We decided to put most of her earnings into a savings account, she got full access to it when she turned 18. It was probably around 10-15k.
She went on a trip with her friends, got her license and bought a car. It was gone in the span of 6 months. I was disappointed. Me and her grandparents saved money for her that she gain access to when she turns 25. I don’t think she has knowledge of this.
She likely will never truly struggle because of financial issues if she follows the right path. She’s been out of work and school since she graduated high school.
In November 2021 she told me she was pregnant, baby is due in June. Father is out of the picture.
She’s keeping it, much to my dislike but I understand not being able to go through with a termination. She’s here today because I didn’t. When she let me in on her pregnancy, I told her that while I do love her, I don’t want to be living in the same house as her and a baby.
I’ll support her but I need her out of my house. It’s not even the first time I’ve told her I want her to move. I said I’ll house her for maybe another year but she needs to actively apply for jobs and apartments and decide if she wants to go to university or not.
I’ll help her, I have contacts.
Well, now it’s the end of May. Has she done any of those things? No. I was a single mother so I know the struggle. I didn’t have my family though. I wasn’t fit to be a mother but I tried my best. If I could choose, I’d never have kids.
But I tried my best and I know she’ll do the same. I told her she has 4 months and then she’s out. I’ll help her pay rent. I’ll come by multiple times a week. She doesn’t want to work. She doesn’t want to do anything.
She wrote a post about how I am the most unloving mother in history because I don’t want her in my house anymore. Asking if any family or friends can take her in. As I said, she won’t be homeless. Just not in my home.
I won’t disappear either. I just want space. And my partner proposed to me and wants to move in.
I don’t get her – I’ll get her an apartment. I’ll get her anything she wants. I pay for her therapy. But nothing is enough.
Now my inbox is flooded with relatives calling me a jerk and a selfish witch. I just need my daughter to take some responsibility. Maybe it’s my fault that she never learned that. But it’s time now, yet I am getting bad-mouthed. AITJ for threatening to throw her out?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, you are the jerk for never allowing her to be independent and not holding her accountable for anything. You are, however, NTJ for telling her to get her crap together and get out of your house. It was long overdue and I think you know that.
I also think that you are absolutely insane for repeating the cycle over and over. I mean she literally blew through $15,000 in 6 months on bull crap instead of doing something productive or investing in a place to live. Now despite your ‘disappointment’, you are doing the exact same thing by not only offering to pay her rent when (if) she gets out of your house but you stashed away another significant amount of money that she hasn’t had to do anything to work for it.
Op, you have not done your daughter any favors. And now she’s bringing a life into the world and has no gosh darn idea how to exist on her own without somebody paying for her. I hope you figure out very quickly how to get her out of your house and support her in learning how to take care of herself and by extension her own child.
If God forbid, something were to happen to you and or your parents you know your daughter will blow through any money set aside within 6 months to a year and be unable to support herself.
Even if you guys had two million dollars sitting in a bank account she would waste it in that time frame because she has no concept of the value of money.
I hope you fix the situation before a situation like that happens. And make sure to tell any of these jerk family members that are so “concerned” about your daughter’s welfare that they’re welcome to give her a job or take her in.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You haven’t given your daughter any consequences to her lack of self-sufficiency before now, so yeah, she probably thinks that this is all just talk and Mom will still help out as she always has. Which isn’t right.
But from your daughter’s perspective… I’m not sure how much there is right now that she can actually do in her situation?
She doesn’t have a job, so she won’t qualify for an apartment. She doesn’t have an education past high school, so most of the jobs she’s qualified for are customer service/fast food/retail type jobs. But she’s pregnant, those jobs are tough during pregnancy, and she doesn’t have a work history, so her chances of finding a job are not great.
Those types of jobs don’t have maternity leave, she will not qualify for FMLA when the baby is born as she’s been employed less than a year (even if you’re not in the US then most other countries have similar restrictions on leave benefits), and daycare to go back to work immediately is going to be a) probably more than her paycheck, and b) going to be impossible to find at this point unless a family member steps up.
I get that you’ve reached the end of your rope with the idea of living with your kid and a baby when you’re in your fifties, but you haven’t done anything to prepare your daughter to be an independent adult, and I’m honestly not sure how you imagine this ultimatum of yours is going to work.” Primary-Friend-7615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s staying with you still because she’s hoping you’ll take care of the baby and still take care of her. If it were only about covering expenses she’d take your offer for a paid apartment.
Anytime relatives complain about one family member not financially supporting another, I suggest asking them to take responsibility.
However you did offer to financially support her. The fact that she misconstrued her post to seem like she was being abandoned means she’s likely banking on someone always taking care of her- she takes no responsibility or initiative, instead, she’s blaming you even though you are helping her.
Send an email to all these relatives and state that what you offered your daughter, but also bring up the option for them to house her if they are so concerned. Consider CC’ing your daughter their embarrassed responses as well.
Also that money that she’ll have access to- consider adjusting the terms if you can such as putting it in her child’s name and saving it for the child.
She’ll blow through it and keep expecting handouts if she doesn’t learn financial responsibility first.” Spicy_Alien_Baby
2. AITJ For Suggesting Sit Down Pees?
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“I (31F) live with my partner (39M).He has two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and I have two slightly younger boys from my previous relationship. We have a baby together, but he doesn’t use a toilet yet so he’s off the hook. We’re lucky enough to have two bathrooms, a small one with a toilet, a sink and only shower in, and a large ensuite one with a tub.
The big bathroom became “my” bathroom, and it stays spotless. The shower room became the lad’s bathroom, it gets grim. I understand that the shower bathroom gets more traffic, so more dirt, but it’s been an ongoing issue for years that nobody tidies up after themselves.
We have mutually agreed upon chores, the bathroom is mine and I don’t grumble at that one bit. I have to shower too, so I have to go in there – avoiding the room isn’t an option.
However, I have repeatedly grumbled about the lads peeing all over the joint.
Everyone has had repeated talks about wiping down after themselves. It has not improved. It’s currently the school vacation here so the house has been full and the bathroom stinks of pee. It’s on the floor, the back of the toilet, and worst of all – all up the wall.
After cleaning it, I approached my partner with a suggestion of encouraging sit-down pees. It ended in a blazing row. I’m limited by the word count but some notable features include : they won’t do it. He definitely won’t do it. It’s embarrassing, their friends would laugh.
I’m overstepping boundaries by policing their pee. It’s the kids, not him. I shouldn’t insist, he/they can clean it instead. I’ve crossed a line and nobody should be this involved.
My responses were: of course they will. Why won’t you do it? Why is it embarrassing, who would even know?
I am not policing your pee, I haven’t crossed any line and I’m involved because I don’t want wee on the surfaces. I am not insisting, you can go clean it then, but this is bizarre. It is him too for reasons I can be sure about but will not post here for his modesty.
Making them clean up has been what they should already be doing and it ain’t working why the F are you getting so mad and resistant??
My 8 Yr old came home from his dad’s at this point and I asked him if he’d rather wee sat down or clean up the bathrooms. It was a no-brainer, he wholeheartedly agreed to sit with no hesitation.
The man of the house is the only one resisting so far, and passionately. During the row, he said I should just give up the job of cleaning instead and heck do it weekly – sure, but that still means 6 days of accumulated rankness, and why are we not just fixing the issue of unhygienic pee everywhere instead and why are you so angry about it… I’ve left to cool off but honestly I do not understand.
AITJ for even asking this?”
Another User Comments:
“I swear I don’t mean to laugh, but this is so grim. What is going on? What are they holding, fire hoses? I get why the little ones might have trouble, but the teenagers? What house fire are they all trying to put out?
NTJ for feeling frustrated about the bathroom situation, but OP, you can’t police the physical potty habits of a teenager. Unless it’s a medical concern, that’s not your jurisdiction. The only thing you can police is who cleans the bathroom and how they clean it.
As someone whose job it is to deal with this kind of behavior on the regular, may I offer some strategies? I’d suggest fitting the bathroom with a few things and being extremely rigid on a rotating chore roster. A small bathroom sponge-mop that hangs on a nail, a spray bottle with a solution they can spray on the walls/back of the toilet/floor, and a roll of paper towels for them to dry up.
Each day it a different boy’s day to clean the bathroom. Sweeten the deal with weekly rewards for compliance — they’re still kids after all — but make it a reward they all get or nobody gets. If the bathroom for that evening passes inspection, a star is earned. If they get at least 5 out of 7, they all get something they want.
(i.e., game cards, a trip out somewhere, a set amount of money for them all, sleepovers with friends, whatever.) If they don’t mutually meet that goal, then they all lose out. And it will become noticeable among them real quick which one of them is costing them those rewards.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, men don’t pee seated unless already pooping.
Now, I don’t like a rank bathroom as well.
Don’t talk to your husband but the kids. They’re the reason for this.
Let it rank for a couple of weeks. Then gather them and tell them if they like the smell + dirt + stains.
The same day do a deep clean and gather them back. Ask them now which one they like more.
If they like the clean one more (should be obvious), then let them know that to keep it that way as long as possible, they should take care of not spraying everything or not letting it point where it shouldn’t.
If that happens (which it will), they can grab some paper, clean it and then wash their hands.
If your husband doesn’t want you to give that education, then ask him to educate them.” moroco1829
1. AITJ For Making My Daughter Use Dollar Store Shampoo And Conditioner?
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“My wife and I have 3 daughters.Oldest is 16, middle is 14, and youngest is 10.
My entire family and my wife’s family all have straight hair. My oldest and youngest also have straight hair. Then there’s my middle with curly blonde hair and green eyes. The rest of the family has brown hair and brown eyes. I admittedly am not very close with her because I had doubts that she was mine and I had a hard time bonding with her due to that.
My middle daughter insists that she needs special shampoo and conditioner because of her curly hair. She found some that weren’t too expensive so I bought them for her, but she goes through the conditioner like water. She came to me after a little over a month and said that she needed another bottle.
I told her she doesn’t and that her conditioner should last her at least another month but probably longer but she insists that you need to use a lot of conditioner for curly hair. I bought her another bottle and told her to use less because she wasn’t getting another one for at least two months.
She used it again in a month so I bought her shampoo and conditioner from the dollar store. She had a meltdown about how this is going to ruin her hair and that she just got it to a place where she liked it and it was manageable (she blames us for her hair being uncontrollable for most of her life because we didn’t learn how to take care of curly hair, even though it’s not different than straight hair).
She even threatened to shave her head, which I know she won’t do because she’s obsessed with her hair.
Now she’s refusing to speak to me and she’s being extremely disrespectful to me and my wife. My wife thinks we should give in but I think she needs to learn her lesson.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for a number of reasons:
-
Curly hair is different than straight hair.
-
You apparently don’t know how genetics work and assume that your child isn’t yours (did you do a test to see? Talk about it with your wife? Or did you just assume and hurt your relationship with someone who is biologically your child?).
You can pass down different traits that don’t usually show up but can become active under the right circumstances. For example, everyone in my family has green or blue eyes, but I have brown eyes.
-
I’m a dude with shortish straight hair, and I go through a conditioner bottle in about a month and a half.
Someone with longer hair or curly hair I could totally see powering through a bottle in a month.
-
In some of your comments, you said that you aren’t poor, can afford the product, and it isn’t an expensive product. Are you just too cheap to spend a few extra bucks a month to make your child happy?” IKnowFewThings
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Curly hair requires products specifically designed for curly hair, and she needs to use more product in general to maintain it. Curly hair is more work and money to maintain than straight hair, that’s just the way it is. That is not her fault, and you are required to provide her with the products she needs.
I’ve got curly hair and my bottle of conditioner does not last me months, it is one of my biggest investments. I also go through curl cream pretty fast too.
By the way, curly hair is different from straight hair. It does not retain moisture as straight hair does.
It has a somewhat different texture, and requires different products and brushes if you want it to be healthy and manageable.
You also cannot brush it through after it has dried in case you are like my mother “here’s a hairbrush, brush your hair, it’s messy, it looks like a rats nest, blah blah blah.'” wowwhatagreatname700
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Curly hair IS different and needs to be treated as such. Curls are high-maintenance and everyone’s curls are slightly different so it takes a long time to find products that work. I promise she’s not being vain, this is a self-esteem issue.
She really does need a ton of conditioner (the curls get dry and frizzy) and she does really need nicer products. Cheap conditioners and shampoos have ingredients that are damaging to curly hair (sulfates) or cause build-up which makes your hair look greasy or limp.
I used cheap hair products as a teen and it caused a fair amount of hair loss that reversed once I used better products.
It may be worth asking her about her experiences with having curly hair especially in a family that doesn’t have it, and genuinely listening.
Having hair that’s different and hard to manage is a very sore topic. I remember every negative comment from my parents or friends when I was younger and still trying to figure out how to manage my hair with no help and cheap/bad products – it can be pretty hurtful and made me feel pretty “ugly duckling” sometimes.
I’m still self-conscious about my hair to this day. The one good thing I remember is that my dad liked my curly hair and would get a little sad when I straightened it (in contrast to the dozens of people telling me to just fry my hair straight every day and I’d look prettier that way.)
I would guess your daughter has similar stories and it could be a good opportunity to bond with her by having a heartfelt discussion about how she feels, really listening to her, and then maybe taking her out to get some nice products for her hair or asking her to teach you about her styling routine.
It’ll make a world of difference to her.” tiredjavelina
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