People Beg For Judgment In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Canceling Dinner With My Mother?
“I (m40s) have been married to my wife (f40s) Mel for 14 years and we have been together for nearly 20. We have a 12yo daughter Lucy.
Unfortunately, both my wife and Lucy have a lot of intolerances. Lucy has also been diagnosed with ADHD and is very particular and picky with her food because of this.
It doesn’t mean that she only eats nuggets as Mel is making sure she eats healthy meals, she just changes the way she cooks them, so the entire cooking process is taking longer. Lucy is also learning how to cook for herself.
Due to their intolerances, we have to check the menus of every place we go to make sure both of them have something to eat there.
Sometimes it means we can’t explore anything new without one of them having to spend the next 2 days in the bathroom, but we do have a few safe places.
My mother wanted to have a family dinner and chose a high-end dining establishment. The restaurant only had 2 menus one with meat and another vegetarian, and they had to be ordered for the entire table.
I have spoken to my mother, and she has refused the vegetarian option (it was the only menu that didn’t contain the foods my wife and daughter are intolerant to, they do eat meat too), saying she was excited to try the meats.
As this meant that my wife and daughter couldn’t eat anything and my mother was expecting me to pay for everything, I canceled the booking and booked one of our “safe” options.
We were meant to go yesterday but my mother has thrown a tantrum saying what a jerk I was to change the booking and she really wanted to go to the new place. I have spoken to her numerous times about it is saying that my wife and daughter couldn’t eat anything there and she knows about their intolerances, and it was her refusing to compromise, but she wouldn’t get any of it, even if it meant she and I would eat while my wife and daughter will have to watch.
So of course, family dinner didn’t happen and I have since received multiple calls and texts from my family calling me a selfish jerk. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother doesn’t get to pick the meal based on her preferences when others are involved and have dietary restrictions. Especially since you are footing the bill. Her lack of consideration and childlike behavior are concerning though.
NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds like a narcissist to me.
She wants to try this restaurant. She wants to try their meat dish. She wants her family to keep her company. Not friends. Just family. She wants a family whose kids are old enough to behave. She wants a family whose kids don’t eat chicken nuggets.
She wants her family to pay for the meal. She wants two of the family members that she has roped into this to eat nothing because accommodating them would deny her trying the meat she wants to try. She wants all the relatives she let off the hook to give you grief for putting your family’s dietary needs before her dietary wants.
She. sounds. exhausting.
I really liked the suggestion that you and your wife and daughter take her there, order a meat dinner for one and just prop your elbows up on the table and gaze at her as she eats this fabled meat. I do have to wonder what kind of restaurant offers only two meal options and then requires everyone at the table to have only one of those two options.
WEIRD.
Last thought. All your family who is being her flying monkeys… tell them that they can take her out and spend the evening watching their little kids be upset that they are not getting to eat nuggets and pizza. How do they get excused from paying to watch her eat a meal their children can’t enjoy while they all expect you to pay to watch her eat a meal neither your child nor your wife can possibly enjoy?
But honestly, why bother responding to them at all? No is a complete answer.
If they insist on complaining about your answer, tell them your decision is not up for debate or discussion – one time. After that, change the subject once, then leave, hang up, etc. every single time any one of them brings it up.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Why not make two reservations for two tables? One with you and your mom and the other with your wife and kid? Then they could have ordered vegetarian for their table and you and your mom could have ordered the meat option? You could have asked to be seated near each other.
This seems like a very simple solution but only got escalated due to feelings.” clear-jade220
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty ironic that your other family members are calling you the selfish one when you wanted to be accommodating to your wife and daughter.
Your mother is the selfish one, especially when you have to foot the bill for everything. Why can’t she try the meats on her own or go with her own like-minded friends? Why is she so inconsiderate of your wife and daughter.” SpeedBlitzX
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Adopt My Half-Sister?
“My (26F) mom passed away a few years ago, during that time, we discovered that my dad had been two-timing on her with a girl my age, his whole family disowned him and cut contact with him except for me. I guess that at that time, I wasn’t ready to let go of both my parents at the same time, but over these last 5 years, I’ve been able to gradually let go to the point I only see him (them) twice or thrice a month, it’s like I have no family left.
Don’t get me wrong, I also blame the girl for what happened, but the responsibility toward my mom and me was my dad’s, not hers.
They eventually had my half-sister (4F) and from what I’ve heard and know, my dad and his wife are living paycheck by paycheck, on a budget, and in a rental home since everyone in the family changed the will (both my grandparents and my mom, my dad didn’t get the house because it was an eventual inheritance from my grandparents, but since she died first, I’m the sole benefactor from both sides since my paternal grandparents skipped my dad).
Now, two days ago I went to visit him because it was his birthday and he said he and his wife wanted to talk to me, I was like ”eehh, okay?” They said that they wanted me to be the legal guardian of my half-sister in case something happened to them, mainly because I’ll have the means for it.
My dad’s wife’s parents are able to care for her but to an extent only, and I’ll have the needed income to take care of an innocent child. I said no because I just don’t want to, I’m not close to my sister and I don’t see nor want myself taking care of a child, much less, reminiscent of my mom’s last heartbreak.
I said that I was willing to pass a monthly check (like a child support payment, but less than that since she’s not my kid) but that was the only thing I was willing to do. My dad cried, saying that she was his baby, and I was able to be a good sister like I was raised to be, but I just laughed and said that he was no one to talk about good and wrong and he and his wife should’ve thought of that before having an affair.
His wife called me a monster and kicked me out of the house. I left. Later that night I sent my dad a text informing him of my decision to cut ties with him, completely, and that from now on we’ll be no contact unless it’s an emergency. He’s begging me to reconsider, but I don’t know if I’m right or wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They were just getting started. The first step was to get you to agree to be her guardian if something happens to them. Once they have established that you care about your half-sister and want to help her, then they will ask you to buy her extra clothes for her birthday or take her school shopping.
Then they’ll ask for help because they are short on rent and need to make sure your half-sister isn’t homeless.
Run, and don’t look back.” type1error
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all…
I seriously hate situations like this though, because the child didn’t ask to be the product of infidelity. Ultimately she’s the one who suffers. It doesn’t make any of this your responsibility, nor does it make you a jerk.
I just wish grown adults (dad and his wife) would consider things like this BEFORE bringing a child into a messy situation.
I hope that someone eventually is able to step up and give her a loving home if her parents pass. Expecting you to do it is a gross overstep on their part though.” isthisdearabby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
While you’re right that she’s innocent in their actions in two-timing your mom, so are YOU. And taking on the responsibility of caring for a child is a lot. If you don’t want to do it, it’s not in the best interest of the child for her to be placed with you. I can understand where they’re coming from, my husband and I struggle with the decision of who would care for our kids in the event that we both pass away, but if someone said they didn’t want to take them into their home then that’s that. You have the right to set boundaries for anything in your life, but especially something as big as this. You did the right thing, they just couldn’t accept being told no.” freshwater-mermaid
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Track My Runs For My Partner?
“My partner and I are both runners, though we don’t often run together because he’s a morning bird and likes to run at 5 or 6 am before he goes to work. And I’m a night owl who likes to run just before sunset.
Nowadays, he loves tracking his runs, he has an apple watch and loves digging into his heart rate data, speed and time data, etc…
He’s using a training plan that he sticks to and it sounds like he spends a lot of time on his runs thinking about technique and his training plan.
I’ll just go out and run at whatever speed feels good that day, for however long feels good that day. I’ll go wherever looks cool or scenic. It really varies depending on my mood and energy level, but I usually run for 30-60 minutes varying my speed a lot.
I like to think or meditate on things when I run.
I guess we always both assumed he was the better runner, till we decided to do a half-marathon charity race together. And I just had a much easier time, we ran side by side, but I just wasn’t getting out of breath as often, and I ended up slowing down for most of the race to stay with him.
And I was genuinely surprised, because I kind of just use running to help with anxiety, I don’t care how the run goes, it’s just nice to be outdoors and feel connected with my body. But my SO really wanted to know how I did it, he thought I must have been doing something to train.
I joked that I hadn’t really, I just ran whenever I was feeling anxious or restless, and work’s been making me feel that a lot recently.
Since then, every time I’ve gone running, he’s wanted me to use an app to track my route and pace or borrow his apple watch. I don’t really want to do that, I feel like tracking and analyzing things would ruin my fun.
But literally every time he’s gotten annoyed at me, even saying stuff (in a kind of joking way but still) that he talked to his running buddies and “untracked runs don’t count” and “it’s basically sacrilege” and on a more serious note “don’t you want to know your progress?”
I said how about we do a few races a year, I can see my progress that way because they time you!
He said he just wanted to know how I was training, to get some tips from me, and I told him honestly, he should have an espresso first, put on a classical music playlist, and go run wherever looks the prettiest, maybe it is the enjoyment of the thing that really helps?
But I guess he didn’t want to try that because he’s just kept nagging me to try his apple watch.
I feel like he’s probably feeling kind of insecure I ran better in that race and trying to make sense of it, so maybe I’m being too stubborn about not wanting to try it.
AITJ for not tracking my runs, when my runner partner wants to see?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him to stop turning your healthy coping mechanism into another source of stress.
He’s being absurd. I’m guessing he’s very competitive and wants the motivation of trying to “beat” your runs. The only other explanation is he wants to track you for reasons unrelated to running.” GreatFeedbackThnx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your way is scientifically proven to be better – you’re focusing on the process, not the goal, and that just works better.
You advised him to do the same. If he wants to emulate your success, he needs to do what you’re doing – not the facts and stats of it, but the process. Focusing on your facts and stats will hobble you.
Also, fun fact goal-focused people are always WAH YAH BRO DOING SO MUCH GOING SO GOOD BOOYAH while the process people casually mellowly do more than them.
You’ve found your golden path, stay on it, invite him to follow that path, and don’t be lured onto his path.” angels-and-insects
Another User Comments:
“Sit him down. Explain that it makes you uncomfortable how much he is insisting on this, and that overthinking it will ruin this hobby for you. Tell him you respect the way he runs on his schedule and he needs to respect the way you run, without a schedule or tracking.
I have anxiety. Once I start counting numbers that’s all I see. If I’m not doing well or if I do less than my best I start to feel more anxious and shame about it. Overanalyzing has ruined half my hobbies. Don’t bring numbers into things unless you choose to. NTJ” aterriblefriend0
16. AITJ For Not Returning A Ring To My Ex-Husband?
“Summer of 2021 my (f28) mother-in-law passed away due to a terminal illness. I had an extremely close relationship with her and she was sort of a mother figure to me since I didn’t have a mother and my ex-husband (m30) and I were high school sweethearts.
Before her passing, she gave me the ring that she wore on her finger for 30 years.
Not her wedding ring, but one she held close to her nonetheless. It belonged to her mother and her mother’s mother, and she wanted me to have it since she never had a biological daughter to give it to. It’s one of my most cherished items.
Months after this my ex-husband two-timed me and our divorce was finalized 2 months ago.
Since the divorce he’s been nagging me about giving the ring back, saying it should stay in the family where it belongs, that it’s more valuable to him since it was his mother’s and not mine, and that it’s what his mom would’ve wanted. Recently, his family has been putting a lot more heat on me to give the ring back and even threatening court.
I was contemplating giving it back but my ex-brother-in-law’s wife informed me yesterday that my ex-husband is more than likely going to sell it. Probably to cover all the divorce fees since I took half his things.
I understand wanting it back or wanting it to stay in the family, but out of all the women my mother-in-law could’ve given the ring to, she chose to give it to me.
It means something to me, and I don’t want to give it back to my ex-husband just so he can make a pretty penny. At the same time, I hate to keep something sentimental from a grieving family. I don’t want to keep something that’s rightfully someone else’s, even if they’re just going to discard it.
Please, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My ex-mother-in-law gave me a ring – also a sentimental heirloom. When her son and I divorced, I asked her if she wanted it back. She said no, I was the daughter she always wanted and she gifted it to me because she loved me.
Ask yourself – if she lived to see how it all ended, do you think she would ask for it back? I’m inclined to think not.” Humble-Ad4108
Another User Comments:
“You are respecting your mother-in-law’s wishes.
Keep it with a clear conscience. She wanted you to have it, and you do. End of story.
The only reason it’s not still in your mother-in-law’s family today is because of your ex-husband’s bad actions. He is welcome to offer to buy it from you at a fair market rate, but he had a 100% free way to keep it in the family “where it belongs”.
He’s the one who decided instead to shatter the family unit. The ring goes with its owner. He isn’t entitled to be gifted it by you now as profit for his wrongdoing. The nerve of him.” SearchApprehensive35
Another User Comments:
“ESH
He gave it to you it’s yours. He’s a jerk for asking it back. He gave a very good reason to ask for it back.
Whatever his true intentions are, I think there’s no need to be so picky about things, especially after you already took half of his things.” Radiant-Travel3329
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand why they’re “putting heat” on you since the only way they can get their hands on the ring is by bullying you into handing it over to them.
Do not give it to them. They don’t have a legal, moral, or ethical leg to stand on. The ring was a gift to you. You will regret it later if you turn around and hand it to your ex who will most likely sell it.” claireclairey
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband In Front Of His Friends?
“My (25f) husband (28m) and I were invited to a couples dinner as part of his motorcycle group. He tells me we are going to take his bike which I agree to. He’s an experienced driver and has been riding for about 7-8 years and has never been in any accidents or crashes. That being said, I have been on the back of the motorcycle with him a handful of times and I know he has the tendency to drive fast.
So today as we were hopping on I specifically told him not to drive crazy.
He proceeds to hop on the freeway and hit speeds between 100-105mph. He’s lane splitting (we live in CA) in between cars, and his helmet doesn’t have the visors so at this point his vision is impaired as well. And at one particular point, he let go of both handlebars to button up his jacket (I was terrified at the speed and squeezed his jacket causing one button to open).
By the time we get to the restaurant, I’m freaking out internally and shaking with fear but he immediately goes in and we grab a seat at a table with about 10-15 people already there eating (we’ve exchanged no words up to this point). My husband asks me what I’m going to want and he sees that I’m upset he asks me if I’m mad and if I thought he went too fast.
I’m not sure if it was the fear or his audacity to ask if he was going too fast that made me snap at him kind of loudly in front of his motorcycle group. I told him how he could possibly think it was okay to ride at those speeds with his wife behind him. He tried to play it off and kind of act dumb but I wasn’t having it.
I said if he wants to ride like that when he’s by himself then to be my guest but not when I’m behind. I should mention that I was stern but I wasn’t yelling or screaming. But it was enough to get the whole table quiet and hear everything I told him.
The dinner proceeded, he talked and joked with his buddies and I just sat there on my phone.
But by the time we got home, he was quiet and just on his phone. I asked him if there was anything he had to say to me. He said do you want me to apologize or what?
I told him I felt unsafe at those speeds to which he said that the motorcycle reads the speed faster than what it really is and that motorcycles always run faster than cars on the freeway.
When I brought up him letting go of the handlebars, he said he was always in control because he knows his bike and that he knew the freeway and that specific part of the road was flat and had no turns or bumps.
He then goes on to make me feel bad and say that I had no right to snap at him in front of his friends.
He says I should have pulled him aside and talked with him instead of creating the spectacle at the restaurant. I’m normally not the person to yell or get escalated at all but I tried to explain to him that I was just so upset and afraid that I just couldn’t hold it in and snapped.
He says I disrespected him and is super upset with me and he decided to sleep on the couch and knowing him he’ll probably sleep there for a couple of nights because he’s so upset. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Good, I hope the couch is uncomfy. He was completely out of line. He risked your life and going this fast without a visor on is proof that he is overestimating his abilities.
Sure, you should have taken him aside and told him alone but I think the fact that he was trying to play it off, makes it very understandable. You could apologize for it but I’d still let him sleep on the couch until he has recognized he’s too immature to have someone on the motorcycle with him.
Honestly, I’d never step on his bike again and put a life insurance form in front of him asap, so you are at least set up.” adorable__elephant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and he needs to see the results of a few crashes at those speeds. Bikers are incredibly vulnerable on the road, a bike doesn’t have a roll cage, airbags, or crumple zones.
If you have an accident at that speed, you’re parting company with the bike and skidding down the road at a minimum.
Speed aside, letting go to button up his jacket is plain suicidal! He may know the road, and he may know his bike, but objects get on the road all the time, and bikes break.
One small stone can throw off the bike just enough to cause major problems if he’s not paying attention. Even if he was careful, which he clearly isn’t, it’s not all about him. There are other people on the road, and their behavior can be every bit as dangerous as his.
On top of all this, he knew you were unhappy with his riding, but he piled on the speed anyway.
A biker should be considerate of their passenger. I would advise never getting on a bike with this man again, or any other vehicle for that matter.
My wife and I refer to misbehaving bikers as ‘organ doners’, and the nurses at our local hospital have started calling them ‘donorcycles’. Your husband just showed you why.” Entorien_Scriber
Another User Comments:
“You disrespected him? That’s his code for how dare you say or do anything in front of his buds that isn’t “my hero!!” or some such similar public adoration. NTJ and he should stay on the couch long enough to realize what a jerk he is.” Queenbee1120
14. AITJ For Locking The Door On My Roommates?
“I (21F) live in a house with 3 other girls (two 21F & one 22F). We don’t ever have any arguments or issues, but two out of the three are currently really mad at me because I locked the door.
I worked really late & came home to an empty house, so I texted our group chat & asked where everyone was, but no one answered.
I have everyone’s location & saw that they were all at a bar. I didn’t text again until it was almost after midnight after almost 1 am saying that I was going to lock the door (I saw on our key ring that the other house keys were gone so I knew they had their keys on them) because I was in the house alone & had to be up early for an appointment.
No one answered again but it did not really require one, so I headed to bed but stayed up just in case they were too intoxicated to unlock the door. Sure enough, I get a call at 2 am asking to open the door. They were pretty upset with me that I locked the door with both locks because apparently their key only works on the deadbolt (which I know is not true because all the keys are copies of mine).
I tell them that I was frustrated that I didn’t get any response to know that they only wanted a certain lock to be locked. Until almost 3 am they kept me up by running up & down the stairs & slamming doors around the house. I did not fall asleep till almost 4 am & missed my appointment the next morning.
I was upset that I had to stay up & decided to take a walk in the morning to clear my head. On my walk, my two best friends from home call me with an emergency. I walked back to my house to talk to them in private & apparently locked the door when I got back.
My housemate (22F), who I did not know was out of the house, came back to a locked door. She had her key & was able to get in, but thought that I was intentionally locking her. While I was talking to her & my other housemate about the events last night, she (22F) told me that I am a “passive-aggressive” person because I locked the door last night & this morning.
I told her that was not true & she began calling me a liar. I apologized for accidentally locking her out & emphasized that it was not on purpose, but she continued to call me a liar. My other housemate had my back saying I would never do that, but she wouldn’t let it up.
She (22F) then went on to say I should not have locked the door last night either & that I should have called them if I was worried about them, but honestly, I was not worried about them because I knew where they were & was more worried about my safety in the house alone (which is on a busy street).
I can see how it may have come off as passive-aggressive. I was very tired & overall annoyed that I had to stay up in case they were too intoxicated to unlock the door so definitely had an attitude (which I apologized for), but at the same time, I am alone in a house by myself after midnight.
I am anxious that what I did was passive-aggressive, but am failing to view it from her perspective. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know about everyone else, but I lock my door the moment I enter my house. It’s not your responsibility to stay up and make sure everyone gets in. They have keys, and if the keys aren’t working it’s their responsibility to let you, or whoever needs to know so they can get new keys cut.
They need to grow up honestly, I can’t believe between the 3 of them, none of them had keys to open the door to their own home.” ginger3392
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I find it odd that they’re upset about you locking the place where they also live, and I would assume, all their stuff is. They had keys so there shouldn’t have been a problem.
If they were too intoxicated to use them, fine, they can be upset about the inconvenience. But they called you and you let them in. It’s not like you made them stay outside all night. Safety trumps inconvenience, every time. Maybe it’s because y’all are young and think “nothing can happen to me”, but there are lots of bad people out there and you have to be prepared.” something__clever171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It was after midnight and you were home alone and going to bed. Most people don’t leave their doors unlocked when they are going to bed. Tell them they had their keys, and it is their responsibility to be sober enough to remember how keys work. What if you had also gone out for the night? Were you expected to leave the house unlocked with no one there?
Your housemate is being the passive-aggressive one, expecting you to know when she needs accommodating like you’re a mind reader. Ask to verify (with her keys) that both work in the respective locks, so in case there is an issue with her keys, you can get whichever one is not working replaced. Then it’s a non-issue and everyone can get in as they need, and lock the door to feel safe. Win/win.” RNGinx3
13. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Husband For Canceling My Daughter's Interview?
“My daughter “Mia” is 23 years old. She’s a college graduate and recently started looking for a job. Her stepdad, my husband has been begging her to come work at his company but she refused because she said that most employees there are men and that they make uncomfortable comments about women and they make her feel uncomfortable (she went to the company many times and was feeling uncomfortable).
She said that in those 30-40 minute visits she couldn’t handle the negative vibe so she couldn’t imagine working there 8+ hours every day.
My husband insisted and basically gave her a “pros list” that he thought is enough to make her reconsider. She still refused.
Her best friend found her a job opportunity at a company that’s well-known in our area and Mia was excited beyond measure.
She even went shopping for new clothes just for the interview. However, on the day of the interview, I got a call from her crying saying her interview was canceled. I was confused thinking something must’ve gone wrong, but she said that her stepdad got home and told her he canceled the interview using her email which led to an argument.
I was livid I went home, and I flipped out at him like I just lost it on him, and he was shocked by my reaction. He defended himself saying he did this for her own good and that he was frustrated after she kept turning down his offer to join him in the company. He lashed out saying that instead of siding with her I should encourage her to join the company and help make it better instead of working for others.
I got out of the room, and he shut the door and stayed inside the whole time.
We’re still on non-speaking terms but he occasionally threw in how he just wanted what’s best for the whole family but now Mia missed an opportunity to work with a respectable company and gain the benefits that’d help her progress in her career.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband is controlling and vindictive, and if you let him continue with this type of behavior, expect your daughter to go no contact soon.
It is not your daughter’s responsibility to make your husband’s company a better place to work for women. It’s your husband’s responsibility.” babygerbil
Another User Comments:
“If your daughter still lives at home, please do what you can to get her out of there and away from your terrible husband.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she said NO, he trampled over that, and now is wondering why everyone is angry with him.
Encourage her to secure all of her electronics and change all of her passwords so this cannot be repeated.
She is going to want out of the house after this. She won’t live under his roof once she gets a job. She won’t trust him anymore. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t tell anyone about her next interview and then bolts at the first opportunity.” Elfich47
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for subjecting your daughter to this guy. Because we all know that he wants her to work for him so that he can control her and constantly remind her how lucky she is to have a job there. If I were your daughter I would have nothing more to do with him. Or with you.” Rajaboom
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate Working In The Living Room?
“I moved into a house a year and a half ago with 5 other gals in their 20s. This was most of their first time living in a non-dorm context away from their families. At the time, I was fully remote and the only person working from home (WFH) with no option to go into an office.
Five months later we got two new housemates who had hybrid work schedules and one girl changed jobs to a new company with a mostly WFH model. My desk sits in the living room because I have ADHD and got into a rhythm before everyone else joined the WFH crew. They all worked from their rooms and would occasionally pop down for lunch/when they had low-key work and it was a great year.
At the end of our lease, two of the WFH gals moved out and we got two non-WFH girls in their place. Simultaneously, one of the old roommates, let’s call her Emily, who has been here changed jobs where she has an office but her entire team is remote. So that brought our WFH count to 3 total.
Emily, myself, and the girl who shares the basement with me, let’s call her Leah.
Emily spent the first month of WFH life sitting in the kitchen for the entire workday, even when she was taking meetings. It felt very selfish that she came in and didn’t ask about dynamics or where we generally worked. One of the reasons she said she wanted a WFH job was because she saw it as fun which also irked me because I’d struggled to focus all year and she came in and acted like this was a coffee shop.
I feel so socially claustrophobic around her because it seems like she wants me to socially compensate for the fact that she doesn’t have coworkers anymore. Home doesn’t feel like a comfortable space anymore and it’s affecting my relationships with all my housemates because I feel so cornered by her and ended up working from my bed in the basement for the last five months to not have to be around her constantly.
I’ve talked to her and explained how I feel and she’s agreed to start working more in her room but I’ve heard her talking to my roommates about how she hates working from her room and doesn’t feel like she has space. I’m frustrated because she hasn’t tried to see my side or understand why she can’t just take up the entire main floor.
She shares a room so it is complicated but her roommate works in person. She claims she doesn’t have space but I also know she hasn’t actually tried to make her room work because she doesn’t care/doesn’t want to work from there so it’s easier to complain than try to make what space she does have work.
I don’t mind her being in the kitchen/living room occasionally to focus but I can’t be her outlet for socializing throughout the day.
Am I the jerk for asking her to work from her room even though my desk is in the living room since working from my room is really unreasonable for someone with ADHD?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
All roommates have equal rights to common spaces, unless you explicitly negotiate otherwise, usually requiring higher rent from people who take more than their fair share.
You may need additional space, but it’s not their responsibility to buy it for you.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Working from home with other people around can create stress for anyone regardless of a medical diagnosis if they don’t have anywhere comfortable to be.
Stop being selfish and start speaking to all of your roommates about what may be some equitable solutions.” mashleyd
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think everybody’s mistaking what a roommate situation is.
The common areas are just that — where anybody can go at any time to socialize or recreate. When you want privacy, you go to the space that is uniquely yours — your room.
That way if your roommate wants company and to share stuff, she can go to the living room or kitchen and expect that others are going to play music around her, talk, laugh, etc. It’s not an office environment, and if she’s okay with that, she can stay. That means if you’re watching Jurassic Park at a normal volume, or have your headphones on and don’t want to talk but just do your thing, she deals with it.
If you need to be private and have nobody bug you, that’s what your room is for, as is hers. Unfortunately, when you have roommates you can’t camp the common areas and expect to exclude others from normal use.” MmeHomebody
11. AITJ For Making My Mother Dinner On My Wife's Birthday?
“My wife and I currently live with my mom. It is super embarrassing and we are trying to get out, but we had no option for the moment. My mom and my wife have never gotten along, and my mom is usually in the wrong. I am on my wife’s side 100% and shut it down when my mom starts.
Sunday was my wife’s birthday and my wife is huge on birthdays. We had a whole day planned and I had some extra surprises. I know from previous years that she has sky-high expectations for birthdays and gets disappointed if there is any setback.
We were getting ready to go out and my mom fell down the stairs.
It was totally her fault. She was running in heels. Obviously, we both went to her, but she was adamant that she didn’t need help. I told her she needed to go to the emergency room as she couldn’t move her wrist and was quite literally withering in pain. I felt I had to offer to drive her as she can’t drive with one arm, and I’ve heard you can’t uber if you are clearly injured for liability reasons.
I saw my wife’s face fall, but I just felt like what was I supposed to do. My mom declined and I asked her how she was going to get there. She said she didn’t know but she didn’t want a ride from me, so we went out for the day, but my wife told me I was insensitive for asking.
When we returned home to change for our big evening out, my mom was back from the hospital. She was looking for something to eat, but hadn’t done the week’s shopping and was struggling to find something she could get on her own.
I offered to make her something. At first, she declined but then gave in.
When my wife came down I said I’d be ready in a few minutes, and she looked incredibly hurt. It was just grilled cheese and it didn’t take that long. Also, my mom had been at the ER for hours and hadn’t eaten. Before we left I asked if she needed anything and she said no.
The moment we got to the car my wife accused me of catering to my awful mother on her birthday. I pointed out it was an unforeseen emergency, and she told me my mother being stupid and running downstairs shouldn’t be my priority. She said my mom has her own partner (he was out of state and did offer to fly home but wouldn’t have made it until early the next morning anyway, so still couldn’t have given her a ride or made her dinner) and now she can’t forgive me for making her second fiddle to my mom on her birthday.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow…
NTJ.
At first, I thought this story would be about you changing the restaurant, menu, or venue to appease your mother. That would make you a jerk but it WAS AN EMERGENCY. Don’t care if it’s her “fault” for running downstairs in heels. She didn’t jump down the stairs purposely to stop the birthday celebrations. And she didn’t prevent any celebration to occur.
She managed to go AND return to the hospital on her own. Asking for a grilled cheese to eat is not a 6-course meal, with 12 hours of preparation. Geez. Your mother may be annoying but she still is your mother. And she needed assistance. She DIDN’T RUIN anything. You didn’t mention any plans being canceled or delayed for more than a couple of minutes.
Your wife is the one who needs a reality check… birthdays are important and there’s nothing wrong to want it to go perfectly but the level of entitlement is over the moon. Ask your wife if the next time she needs medical assistance on someone else’s birthday you’re supposed to leave her behind without help, to be with the birthday party.
Same situation, different people.” Technical_Lawbster
Another User Comments:
“What?
Honestly, I’m going to go against the grain here and say ESH, with the exception of your mother. I don’t have the backstory of what your mother has done to your wife but I sincerely doubt she fell down the stairs on purpose. After all, she refused your help.
This makes me think she already knows there would have been an unnecessary reaction from your wife.
You’re staying with your mother, you and your wife both, but her needing help getting food after an injury is a ridiculous inconvenience that nearly ruined the whole day?
Your wife is a jerk for that, and whilst I’m really glad you actually made your mom food, you’re a minor jerk for not stopping that nonsense immediately.” Commercial-Pear-543
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like it doesn’t matter what happens between your wife and mom there’s always going to be drama. Whether or not your mom faked her injury, you’re a good person for trying to make sure she was okay. Your wife, on the other hand, is kind of awful.” Adorable_Accident440
Another User Comments:
“You know what, I’m going to go against the majority here and say ESH but your wife is an even bigger jerk.
So your mom fell and broke her wrist and neither you nor your wife, both of who are living in HER home bothered to take her to the ER. Your mom broke her wrist, dinner plan could have been postponed due to an emergency.
Your mother seems very nice and she keeps trying not to bother you, honestly, your wife seems to be the problem here.
How, just how do you leave an elderly woman with a fracture alone in the house, and then your wife has the AUDACITY to scold you for offering your mom to take her to the hospital? What if the roles were reversed? Would you have gone with your mother to your plans if your wife had fractured a bone?
This is just wrong and your wife is the problem here. Being a problematic mother-in-law is different, this woman has given you and your wife shelter and your wife can’t even be bothered enough to care to take her to the hospital or offer her food during a medical emergency.” sbilly93
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepsister In My Life?
“So I (19F) have two half-sisters, “Haley” (30F) and “Sarah” (32F). Before my dad met my mom and had me, he was married to “Mary” (60F) and had Haley and Sarah. My dad wasn’t happy in their marriage, and after around 15 years of being married, they filed for a divorce.
2-3 years later my dad met my mom and they fell in love.
My dad didn’t want to start a relationship because he didn’t want to hurt Haley’s and Sarah’s feelings but eventually decided to have me with my mom. Which didn’t turn out to be a problem, since Haley and Sarah were ecstatic to hear they were getting a baby sister. They also never had a problem with my mom and my mum is always there to help them when they need help.
I saw them a lot growing up, and our relationship was pretty good. Sarah was especially fond of me, inviting me to her place a lot and doing a lot of fun stuff together like going to the movies. Which is why I was devastated when she didn’t invite me to her wedding. In 2018, my dad told me Sarah was getting married and I was overjoyed.
I knew her fiancé and he was really nice, and I was super excited to go dress shopping since I thought I would be invited too. I wasn’t, because Sarah’s mom Mary never wanted to see me, she’s basically been ignoring my existence ever since I was born. My dad and sisters always took care so that I wouldn’t run into her when staying at Sarah’s place, for example.
Sarah never told me I wasn’t invited to go dress shopping, I found out by Haley telling me what a nice dress they picked out. I was taken aback but didn’t think too much of it.
My sister’s wedding was in Italy, and when my dad booked the ticket to go, I realized I wasn’t invited – since he only booked one.
My mum had warned me after they got engaged that I probably wouldn’t be invited and to not get my hopes up, but I didn’t think Sarah actually wouldn’t invite me because her mom can’t cope that my dad moved on and had a child with another woman.
What hurt the most though was that Sarah never told me I wasn’t invited.
No text, letter, talk, nothing. She just moved on with her life like it never happened, she never tried to talk to me about it. When I saw her at family gatherings after, she only made small talk with me, as if nothing happened.
Ever since then I kind of detached myself from her and didn’t go over to her place with my dad or anything.
After a couple of months, I completely stopped talking to her, because I noticed that my mental health was suffering and I decided to do what was best for myself, which is going no contact and avoiding her at family gatherings or not going altogether.
It’s been 4 years, and my dad asked me to maybe talk it out with her.
He doesn’t want to pressure me into doing anything, but he says that family is important and that he would like it if we got along. He also told me he never knew she never told me I wasn’t invited, that she told him she had talked to me. He understands I’m upset and he doesn’t want to get involved, he just told me how he felt.
She’s also been trying to reach out to me for a couple of months ago by asking my dad if he could ask me to have a talk with her (which is why he brought it up in the first place).
AITJ for not wanting to talk to my sister since it’s been so long? Should I just “get over it”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s been 4 years and she didn’t reach out to explain or apologize. And now your father wants to sweep it under the rug and make it your responsibility for something that hurt you and you had no fault in? She knew what she was doing was hurting you, because she didn’t even have the courage to tell you in person that you weren’t invited.
Yeah, no. If it happened at the wedding, it’s going to happen when she has children, and it might happen with your other sister as well. You don’t owe her a talk. Your feelings are valid. If your father cared, he would’ve spoken to HER back then.
NTJ. I hate it when people tell the wronged party to be the bigger person and accept things because of “family”.
Where was “family” when you weren’t invited to her wedding?” Selenophile91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand completely why you’d be really hurt. Sadly, I can also understand why Sarah felt like she was backed into a corner, essentially having to choose between her mom and you. What I don’t understand is why Sarah didn’t reach out to you to discuss it.
Even if she chose to not invite you to spare her mom’s feelings, she should have talked to you about it if she wanted to maintain the relationship.
At this point though, it’s less about what happened then… and more about what you want moving forward. Life is too short to hold grudges against people you care about.
I can understand if you don’t want her in your life, but you might want to consider being the “bigger” person and burying the hatchet. You might find, later on, that you’d regret if you didn’t.” tysontysontyson1
Another User Comments:
“No NTJ, but I will say your relationship doesn’t have to return to super duper close. Maybe you keep casual contact instead? I also feel like it’d be nice for u to tell Sarah how hurt you were and then see what she says and where your relationship goes from there. Maybe it can’t be repaired, maybe it can.
Either way, your feelings are valid and a talk is necessary because I think it’s better to know where you stand (good or bad) with her than to not try and regret it.” behating
9. AITJ For Not Helping My Mother-In-Law Unlock Our Front Door?
“My wife and I have our 5-year anniversary this week. As a celebration, we are taking a trip to the same place we had our honeymoon after we got married. My mother-in-law is coming to stay at our house to watch our 3-year-old son and our dog. She was supposed to come today, but she said her plans changed and asked to come yesterday.
Not a huge deal, it doesn’t really change our plans at all. But both my wife and I had things to do at work that we both wanted/needed to get done before we leave for the rest of the week.
My wife told my mother-in-law that neither of us would be home when she arrived. My mother-in-law doesn’t drive so she was planning on taking an Uber to our place and wanted to avoid traffic so she was planning on getting to our place around noon.
So my wife told her where a spare key is located so she could get in. My mother-in-law asked if we could just leave the door unlocked, but I told my wife I don’t feel comfortable with that.
At the end of my lunch break yesterday I noticed that I had numerous texts from my mother-in-law. She couldn’t find the key.
So I did a video call with her and talked her through where it was. I again told her it was for the side door, but that I had a meeting so I had to go and to call my wife if she needs anything else.
Just as my meeting is starting, my mother-in-law tries to call me again but I ignore it.
She then starts texting me. I excuse myself from the meeting and call her back. She said the key isn’t working. I know the key works because I tested it before I hid it to make sure. She says she can’t get it to work and asked if I can come home quickly to help her since my office is only 10-minutes away.
I told her that no, I can’t leave work to help her with a key and that I have to go back to my meeting.
I turned my phone on silent for the rest of the meeting (a little over an hour). When I left the meeting I had texts and missed calls from both my wife and my mother-in-law.
Apparently, my mother-in-law still couldn’t get the key to work and called my wife. We had a small storm come through and my mother-in-law was stuck outside so my wife left work to let her in. My mother-in-law and her stuff were pretty soaked by the time my wife got there.
When I got home, both my mother-in-law and my wife were mad at me because according to them, if I had just gone home when my mother-in-law first asked, none of this would have happened.
My mother-in-law was still complaining that the key didn’t work and that it was my fault for setting her up for failure when we could have just left it unlocked like she asked. So, I took the key to the side door, put it in the lock, and turned it. It worked first try. I asked my mother-in-law what she was doing differently and she just scoffed that she did the exact same thing but that it wasn’t working.
Now my wife is mad at me for “embarrassing” her mom like that. She’s also mad that she had to leave work (her office is 30-minutes away) instead of me when I could have been there before the storm came. My mother-in-law is super upset at me for everything. Now our anniversary trip is starting off on the wrong foot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your MIL came at a time you specifically told her you’d be unable to be at home, she chose to come at that time by her own choice.
You made it very clear which door the key was for, if she didn’t listen it’s not your fault.
You were busy at work and couldn’t leave which is not your fault and she was aware of that. She is the jerk for making a fuss out of this and blaming you for her own lack of common sense.” MamzYT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but, do you have anyone else you trust to watch your son and dog sit? If she really can’t figure out the door (or if she is feigning incompetence), then should she really be watching your son for however long, alone? I could understand her being upset if you were not about to go into a meeting and simply decided not to go let her in (although I’d allow that you’d be right to be miffed about it if you did let her in), but work is work and part of adulting.
I do not see where your wife had a meeting and honestly, I think she should have called your wife first since that is her daughter.
As for your wife, I don’t understand why she is upset. At most, she should have pinged you for not reaching out to her yourself, but beyond that, I don’t see her POV and why she’s mad.” CylintStep
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The storm totally changed the situation, she could have health issues because of that. They’re right, and proving that she was just not able to use the key was not very helpful. MIL also came to help you with the kid, I don’t understand why you didn’t try to get out for a few minutes.” AhoraMeLoVenisADecir
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You shouldn’t be expected to leave a work meeting when you’ve informed her you wouldn’t be home, but also older people’s memories sometimes don’t work great. This could be an early warning sign. I’d be sure to video chat a few times a day while away just to make sure baby’s okay.” mystical_princess
8. AITJ For Getting Upset My Friend Canceled Movie Night With Me?
“I (26M) have a best mate (26M) and have been mates for about 15 years. We are currently recording a studio album together and do heaps together. Recently, we organized to do a LOTR (Lord of The Rings) movie marathon and have been planning it for months. We did it 8 years ago when we were about 17 and we failed and only made it about halfway.
We’ve been meaning to do it again for ages and had it planned for earlier in the year but I sustained a concussion 4 days before the event and as I was recovering and I couldn’t drink so we delayed.
We finally get a day that fits us both well, we get all prepped and begin.
I’ve NEVER done all 3 films in a row and have always wanted to and for nostalgia, my friend wanted to do all 3 again like we did years ago as we had the best time and still talk about it to this day.
We start, and an hour in, my friend starts going on about wanting to only do 1 film, as he wants to go outside and do stuff, or go home and do stuff as he feels he is “wasting the day.” I tell him we will just keep going and I’m sure he will get into it.
We get through the first and I convince him to stay as planned and we start the second film. It is going awesome until he starts to say he won’t do the third as he has work the next day and has things to do. I’m surprised as it’s a weekend and he wasn’t meant to have work but then he calls his boss and asks if he can’t work tomorrow and his boss says it is fine.
Then we are getting near the end of the second one and he again says, I’m gonna go as I have someone coming over (a girl). I’m a bit annoyed at this as we had planned the entire day MONTHS ago. I had the day off, I mentioned it to my partner so she knew I was going to be out for the day and was looking forward to it and was happy for me to do it as I planned it months in advance.
And then my mate says, “oh she wasn’t meant to come she just did,” so I was like, “mate, tell her not to come because you are busy.”
Anyway, my mate leaves after the 2nd film and while he was waiting for his ride I was a bit upset and ignored him as I was like, “Just go then.”
I was guttered he left as it was our special thing and was all planned.
I am a person who is big on commitments. If I make a commitment, I stick by it. I HATE when people cancel things last minute unless it is for good reason.
I’m not upset so much at the fact he didn’t watch the final film, more that he backtracked on a WELL planned event that we BOTH put aside a day for and that we agreed we would have nothing else on that day because we were going to be watching movies and drinking for 12 hours.
I’m at the point right now where I don’t feel like talking to him and we have JUST started recording an album and I feel like saying to him I can’t be bothered finishing the recording anymore because that is how he made me feel.
Is that just spiteful? AITJ? Should I apologize? Or am I right in feeling upset?”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is flaky, and that’s not really your fault.
What this is over is a bit ridiculous, though, and some people don’t want to sit through 12+ hours of movies.
I have ADHD, and I can only do one movie at a time before I completely lose interest and want to do something else.
Your friend was in the wrong for making plans with you and doing everything he could to get out of it.
I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this particular incident, but I also would be questioning my friendship only if he has done this to you more than once.
The important thing is that he did show up and he stayed a while. At least he didn’t stand you up, and once he left, you could have done other things that you enjoyed since you took the day off and should have used it to your full advantage.
I would still record your album, but I wouldn’t hold this against him if he’s not always flaking out on you like this.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, though you’re getting close. Sometimes things that are fun at 17, when you have no obligations are not as fun once you’re an adult. Like spending 12 entire hours drinking and watching movies.
It’s also ok to change your mind and decide something isn’t as fun as you thought, and you want to do something different. Watching two long movies back to back is the reasonable limit of what you can expect of someone. Try to relax your expectations and understand that not everyone enjoys the same things you do to the same degree.
And finally, be careful spending the present trying to recreate the past. It will end in disappointment.” GrandMalort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – My best friend and I do this at least once a year, watching the extended collection, so I know the hassle of finding a time and date as well as the whole prep thing. I’d be really disappointed if he’d just tell me we’re only doing one, or want to leave after a second for a random girl. I’d have a serious conversation with him about how he sees this friendship because if we’re planning something for a long time and he just leaves, that’s just disrespectful.
NTJ and I hope you’ll soon be enjoying this masterpiece in a marathon session.” traxos93
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate Use My Dishes?
“I (25) have two roommates, Mel (25f) and John (23m). Mel and I do all of the household chores and buy most of the house’s supplies. We all suffer from depression, but John has it the worst of all. I won’t get into his issues because that isn’t what this is about. He pays his bills and that’s it.
We don’t ask him to help around the house partly because we understand what it’s like to be that bad, and partly because it simply isn’t worth fighting him over it.
The only thing we ask of him around the house is that he cleans up his immediate mess (like if he cooks he can’t leave trash, crumbs, juice, or whatever all over the counters), and that he brings the dishes he uses out of his room so we can clean them.
Us, not him. He doesn’t have to clean. All he has to do is bring them out of his room.
He almost never does it on his own. Over the course of a week or two, Mel and I will notice we are missing almost half our dishes. At one point we were missing over half of them.
We have to hound him to get them back so that we can have something to eat off of. One time we had to get them out of his room ourselves (yes, I know this was crossing a line, but we were at our wits’ end). And the dishes we found in his room were all crusted over, covered in hair, cat fur, dried food, and mold.
To say we were upset is an understatement.
Please note that I own all the dishes/cookware in the house and that all these items were gifts. I cherish and value my things, especially gifts, and am beyond upset about the way he treats my things.
We’ve told him several times that he can’t hoard the dishes, had multiple talks that this behavior is disrespectful and not okay, and given him suggestions on how to help himself form the habit of returning the dishes to the kitchen.
But he isn’t changing his habits.
After the last event, the one time Mel went into John’s room to get the dishes, we told him this was the last time we would talk with him about this. If he did it again, he would either need to eat outside his room, or Mel would make checking his room for dishes a daily habit.
I am not fond of the idea of going into his room. It’s his sanctuary after all. But this HAS to stop.
I am missing a number of dishes again and am thinking about confronting him and telling him that if he can’t treat my things with respect, he can’t use them.
What I want to do is ban him from using my dishes, except for the cookery.
He has to be able to make food somehow, and they never leave the kitchen. I plan to take him to the store on his next paycheck (he doesn’t drive and is broke atm) and make him buy himself disposable plates, bowls, cups, and utensils.
I hate being as angry as I am about all this and don’t know if I am being extreme or not, but the problem with the dishes is only one of several problems Mel and I have with John right now.
I just… don’t know if this is too far, but I can’t take this anymore, either. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But encourage him to get cheap dishes and utensils rather than disposable ones. That way he might eventually clean them to use the next time he needs dishes, rather than turning his room into a disaster zone and attracting bugs (hopefully only bugs).” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Disposable plates that stack up in his room aren’t any worse than the moldy food he lets stack up in his room…
And it lessens the impact on the two of you and the chances for contamination given you won’t be handling mold regularly.
That said John is in a seriously bad situation. And now that you’ve got the dishes problem settled (and hopefully a big trash can he can toss trash into in his room, and a big case of trash bags)…
You need to talk with John about getting help… A free peer online support group… If he’s paying for stuff maybe he has income and/or insurance and can get some professional help (or at least get on a waitlist).
But your friend is in serious trouble. He’s living, eating, sleeping, and breathing around mold all the time…and willing to do it for so long that he uses every dish in the house while doing so…
And there is an animal in the mix (please tell me that it’s not his cat and that the animal is fed and has a clean liter box regularly)… He’s not able to regularly contribute anything to the house short of paying his share… And that means things are really bad. And he needs help before things potentially get worse.
Because right now already sounds pretty bad.
Do you all have a plan for if things get worse? What does worse even look like for John? Does his cycle usually pass pretty quickly? Or is this kind of just the plan until something happens?” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
One of my roommates would not wash dishes at all and would let them mold in the sink if we didn’t clean it. He also left things in his room. After a while, I packed away all my dishes and purchased an obnoxious hot pink set of plates and forks, etc. I would wash them and take them straight to my bedroom because I was just so sick of his behavior.” Auroraburst
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My SO To Pay His Mother?
“My SO (26M) & I (25F) have been together for almost 7 yrs. We grew up very differently. I grew up in an upper-middle-class household w/ a close-knit family. He grew up as an only child in poverty w/ a single mom. For most of his life, he was always taking care of his mom. Throughout our relationship, his family issues were our issues.
Mainly, his mom has who’s been “filing for disability” with no luck. She has a ton of health issues & wants to live off benefits. My SO & I constantly helped her with our low income. He even appealed her case & found a lawyer for her when her disability was denied. We paid her bills with no issues.
At the moment my SO and I lived together, and we are in school. He and his mom got an inheritance & I worked part-time as a hairstylist. Eventually, things became tight. I asked my SO to get a job & he said he wanted to focus on school. Since our income was low, he asked his mom to help & she did.
I wouldn’t be able to pay her back until next month but she hounded us to pay her back which I thought was really odd because we paid for everything in the past.
I’m petty and I calculated how much we’ve spent on her. It was more than she loaned us but never said a thing about it.
Backtracking to when they received their inheritance, his mom gave him extra from her cut with no issues or so we thought. When she asked us to pay her back, she also asked for him to pay back what she also gave him months ago. My SO was shocked because he didn’t know his mom would be like this.
We were still struggling and it caused a rift between my partner and me since he wouldn’t just get a job until he lands his dream job. We decide to take a break and move out of our apartment because we just couldn’t agree and argued. For a while, his mom had been trying to convince him to move home.
She said she can help and he doesn’t have to worry. After moving home, my SO tells me “my mom has nothing and wants me to get a job”. I was shocked because she just manipulated & lied to him.
Now, it’s been 10 months and his mom still doesn’t have her life together. My SO finally landed a job in his field with a good salary.
I have a better job and am making more. We are finally ready to find a place together and we started a joint bank account to save. Even though his paychecks are bigger, he can’t save because he pays for everything for his mom and uncle.
Now, my partner is constantly complaining about his mom because she just won’t do anything and no one helps him but me.
I told him to do the bare minimum, stop giving his mom extra cash, and save the rest. He thinks I’m mean to think that his mom is taking advantage of him. I have always told him he must help himself so he can help her and never told him he needs to pick me over her.
He has prioritized helping her over himself which makes me really mad as his partner and as he claims, his future wife since we are planning for our future. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your boy’s future will always revolve around his mother. Is that the future you want for yourself? Do you want to not be able to live the life you want because he is funneling your paychecks to his mommy? Do you want your future with MIL as full-time childcare? Your child will become MIL’s therapy pet.
That will be a win-win for your SO and his mommy because you will be paying her for the pleasure.” Bitter-Conflict-4089
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I see both sides. I don’t think he’s the jerk here either, but his mom is headed deep into jerk territory if what you’ve shared is accurate. Between asking him to pay back inheritance/a gift and the manipulation over the job – she’s not looking great.
I would highly encourage couples counseling and seeing a financial planner because this is a thorny issue. In the meantime – I’d recommend setting up a ‘yours, mine, and ours’ style system. Figure out how y’all want to apportion out your salaries that feels fair to you and meets your goals. And set the boundary that he can only give his mother cash from his own cash, not yours or the shared funds.
If he can’t make peace with that – it’s probably over for you two.” Massive-Emergency-42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will say that as an only child growing up in pretty much lower class/poverty you grow up seeing your parents struggle to raise and provide for you. So I totally understand the SO’s point of view because I would do anything for my mom, and in return, my mom would do anything for me.
We have a give-and-take relationship.
I also see your side. And if he has his dream job maybe have him consider talking to his mom about “her” going to counseling and him also talk to a therapist. It’s not uncommon for people who live in poverty or lower class to have some past trauma. Also not uncommon for them to be terrible with finances. Maybe all of you attending a financial class together to help build some skills will help.
If that doesn’t go over well, highly suggest getting your own bank account and think about is this the type of relationship you want to be a part of.” theravenscall
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Child After My Wife's Late Husband?
“I’m 41M, my wife is 38F. She is pregnant with our first child together, and he was a big surprise. She is due in November. She has a daughter from her first marriage (18F) who goes to college now. I have a nephew (16M) who has lived with me since he was a toddler and I consider him my kid.
My wife and I got married 8 years ago. Her first husband passed away 15 years ago.
We are finally making a shortlist of baby names for boys and my wife has her heart set on Thomas (her first husband’s name). I don’t want to name our child after a deceased person, because I feel that it’s just so much baggage to put on a child.
I don’t want it as a first or a middle name.
I told her that I am fine with whatever name, as long as he isn’t named “after someone” (anyone). She likes other names too: Daniel, Chris, James, … I like them all, I will love my son with any name. I just don’t want to name him after her late first husband.
We talked about it the other day and she told me all the reasons why she wants to name him Thomas. It will be her way of honoring him, of remembering him, it’s a great name, etc. I think some of her reasons are super valid.
I told her I really don’t want our son to be named after her late husband.
She said I am being insecure and jealous of a dead man. I said that’s unfair to say. His picture is on the wall of our family pictures, we visit his grave together sometimes, and his parents still come over to visit my wife sometimes. She still has her wedding ring from their wedding (she doesn’t wear it though) and wears a necklace he bought her.
I am okay with all of it.
She said I am being a petty jerk for not even wanting to use it as a middle name. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am a widow. Your wife didn’t finish grieving her husband.
She married you before she finished putting her first husband behind her. She is still grieving and hasn’t moved on.
This is why his picture is up, this is why she still wants to visit the grave… she isn’t finished grieving the loss.
It is a terrible idea to name him after her late husband. Your child will grow up with the baggage of being named after the man that was in mom‘s life before dad (you).
She doesn’t want to name him after you but after her late husband. That tells me that she isn’t over her late husband. You are the second fiddle to a ghost. The child will eventually ask how he got his name…
It seems to me that she wishes her late husband was the father of her soon-to-be son, and not you.
It seems like you are a stand-in for the late husband. She was 23 when her husband passed. She still longs for the marriage that could have been but wasn’t because of his early death. The name is her way of keeping her late husband alive. This is absolutely cruel to you as you are the biological dad, not the late husband.
You have been married to your wife for longer than she was married to her first husband. So, when does she put the first husband in the past as a distant fond memory? He is not in the past if she is visiting his grave and visiting with his parents…
When my husband passed, our son was a teen.
I know a lot of widowed people. After my mom passed (my dad’s childhood sweetheart), she was always first, he visited her grave, etc. he had partners as companions because he needed a “sidekick”. One SO was desperate to marry when he finally said that is not happening, and she left. They stopped seeing each other because he couldn’t put someone else first as a partner.
You have a bigger problem than the name of your child…” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“Yeah definitely NTJ. She doesn’t need to honor him by naming the child of her new husband after the old one. She needs to let go. She needs to know that the other things she’s already doing are ways of remembering him. But she also needs to remember that if it weren’t for his passing and then meeting you that this baby would have never happened.
The deceased husband will have no emotional or sentimental connection to your new baby. He’ll be nothing to the child (sorry). It would be weird for her to ‘push him’ onto the future upbringing of your child. She’s maybe feeling guilty for moving on and starting another family. Whatever is going on in her head the baby and you are in the now. All the best.” Flaky_Sleep
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. A name is something you guys should agree on mutually and I don’t think she is wrong for wanting to honor her dead husband. As the father, you, of course, should have equal say but TBH I think the middle name is a perfect compromise.” RumSoakedChap
That kid deserves to live their own life without that baggage, and that husband deserves a wife who sees him as an important and beloved part of her life, not just a substitute baby-daddy.
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Husband's Cat?
“So, about a month ago, my husband adopted a cat. He has wanted a pet for a very long time and at one point adopted a dog even when I had repeatedly told him I didn’t want one. It didn’t work out with the dog. It had severe separation anxiety and the noise it made sent me into a panic attack.
So, we had to take her back to the shelter. A few months after, a close friend of his mother’s abandoned their dog and he offered to foster for the time being. I told him that I did not want to take care of the dog. He forced me to go with him to his mother’s and took the dog.
He tried to convince me to adopt it but I was firm that we were not to keep it for longer than a week. I had eventually spoken to his mother and we both agreed that she would come to get the dog if the original owners did not show up by the end of the week.
Thankfully, the original owners came back for him. In both situations when it came to dogs, he blamed me for being the reason for not keeping them which is kind of true. But, he always framed me as this cold witch who broke his heart to his friends and it made me feel really bad about myself.
After moving to our new house, he brought up the idea of having a cat. I told him a cat would bother me a lot less than a dog, but I still did not want one. I told him that I do not want any pet, regardless of what kind of pet, because I don’t want that responsibility.
A few weeks later, he came home with a cat anyway.
As of right now, he has taken the entirety of the responsibility for it. So, I’ve said nothing and done nothing. The only thing he has ever asked me is what to name him. I had jokingly said that “Oliver” is always the first thing that pops to mind when I see him sitting on the stairs for some reason.
He likes the idea of “Oliver” and if I had thought of anything else. I told him that it didn’t matter what the cat was named because it isn’t my cat and thus, not my responsibility. Then he said, “well, I expect you to pick up on the responsibility when I go off on deployments and such” (he is active duty military).
I said nothing. I didn’t know what to actually say to him since we were having a good day and I didn’t want to ruin it.
Even when I told him to his face, he still didn’t get it. I don’t know why he seems intent on never listening to anything I say. Sometimes it feels like I am meaningless to him.
I guess I was in error to think that when I said I didn’t want any responsibility that he would rightfully assume that that would include any deployments. I don’t want the little guy to suffer. But, actually taking care of him means that I am capable of going back on my word and my husband now knows how to get me into doing things I don’t want to do.
Making this the hill to die on means that little kitty suffers and I don’t want that either. WIBTJ if I told my husband that if he does get deployed that he should make other arrangements? Or, should I just suck it up and take care of him anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
So I have two directions to come from this.
First, I foster cats and one of the first questions I ask a potential adopter is who else is in their house and do they have agreement from everybody in the house to adopt. I have rejected people because they did not have “permission” from their spouses.
Second, I grew up in this household. My father always wanted pets and my mother didn’t want them.
I can tell how old I am in a photo by what dog I see because my dad kept convincing my mother to get a dog and then they would end up rehoming it because it created tension in the marriage. I hated it and it traumatized me in a lot of ways. So please resolve this before you have kids.
He never should have brought home an animal without you being involved at the beginning. If having a pet is a deal breaker in his relationship, then that’s something he should have discussed and should have been resolved before he brought home a cat.
You have the right not to want the responsibility. He has the right to want a cat.
He needs to figure out some way to negotiate where his wants don’t overshadow yours.
I don’t know how long you’ve had the cat but if he adopted it from a reputable rescue, they may be willing to take it back. I’m not writing off the rescue because it’s a possibility that he lied to them and said he had your permission.” DarcyKnits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but..
why are you with this man? He doesn’t respect you or listen to you and you feel meaningless to him. If he’s doing this with a pet imagine what it will be like if you have kids. You’re right to assume that he’s trying to figure out how to manipulate you with these animals.” tweedcheerios
Another User Comments:
“You do not have a cat problem, you have a marital relationship problem.
Your husband may be amazing in so many other ways…but do you really want to be with a person who makes you feel meaningless?
NTJ for not wanting the cat. But if he deploys and you have to take the cat to a shelter, think about taking yourself off to somewhere better, too. You deserve a better life, just like the cat.” claireclairey
3. AITJ For Siding With My Mom Against My Fiancee?
“My mom isn’t a bad mother-in-law (fiancee agrees) though we aren’t particularly close and my fiancee isn’t crazy about her. She treats us ok, but I’ve been told she is a pain to work for. My mom is an executive in an industry where people tend to be jerks to begin with, and she is extremely materialistic.
I can imagine she is not pleasant at work.
My fiancee works there as well as an administrative assistant (not my mom’s). My mom got her the job to help her out as she needed something with set hours so she could attend online school in the evenings. She has a lot of friends from work and apparently there is a group chat where they heavily bad-talk my mom.
That actually doesn’t even bother me as I view it as just letting off steam, but here is the issue.
We recently went on a family trip and my mom got really sick. My fiancee gave her her phone so she could watch Netflix and then we went out for the day. Apparently, someone texted my fiancee something bad about my mom (so it popped up while she was watching Netflix) and my mom opened the chat and read everything they say about her.
When we came home she was sobbing. My sister ended up saying such nasty things she got uninvited from our wedding (we have a bad relationship anyway and she was just an obligation invite, what she said really was bad). To be fair some of it was really sexist and gross.
My fiancee tried to apologize to my mom, but my mom just screamed at her.
She says she isn’t coming to our wedding and if we had any decency we would give her what we owe her for the wedding back. My fiancee got mad about how my mom shouldn’t have gone through her phone.
When we went into our room I asked why she would give my mom the phone if she knew she had those messages and could get more.
She demanded to know if I was defending my mom violating her privacy. I said no, but she never should have given her the phone, and I do think it is human nature to snoop if you see something about yourself. I said we should at least consider reimbursing her for the wedding, and my fiancee became very upset as we could not do that without canceling our wedding.
She accused me of only caring about my mom’s feelings, and blaming her for everything.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your fiancée was doing something nice to leave her phone with your Mom, but she should have had her phone locked down like Fort KNOX before she handed it over…especially knowing that the messages were easily accessible, and her notifications were on.
That’s on her.
Yeah, it wasn’t cool for your Mom to go through your fiancée’s phone…but if I saw a disparaging message notification about me pop up on the screen of the phone that belongs to my future daughter-in-law, I’m clicking on it. It’s not like she just decided to randomly snoop.
I also agree that if you are decent people, you will return what your mother gave you for the wedding.
Your fiancée got caught blowing off work steam at your Mom’s expense. That’s a deal-breaker as for any potential relationship between your Mom and fiancée, right there.
I should also add that you’re not the only one screwed here. I’m sure your Mom got to read all kinds of stuff from coworkers and other business associates. It could easily cost people their job(s), or make their work life bad.” ItsStrib1978
Another User Comments:
“Yikes! I think YTJ for not thinking the trash-talking about your mother was okay.
It isn’t. These people were saying hurtful things about your mother and she found out. Not only that, but your fiancée (also a jerk) was part of the group. Yeah, your future with your mother is totally jacked. You and your fiancée totally hurt your mother terribly for no good reason. Your fiancée is now doubling down, saying that what she did isn’t bad at all.
Yes, it was. Seems like your fiancée will also be out of a job shortly, along with those other trash-talkers. You really screwed up royally.” No_Pepper_3676
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t care that your mom read it – your fiancée knew that notifications could pop up. She didn’t care or isn’t very smart (you know which).
It’s really gross of your fiancée to talk about another woman that way – the woman who got HER the job to help!
Blowing off steam would be specific to the job/professional aspects – picking on your mother in a personal way is disgusting, bullying, and sexist (like she doesn’t deserve her role because she’s a mean lady boss – in an industry you say is known for jerks).
You don’t seem majorly bothered that your fiancée talks about your mom like that – after taking a job, taking her handouts, AND going on holiday with her. How does she not feel like a slimeball looking her in the face? How do you look at her and not feel disgusted? One day, that’s coming your way (because all relationships hit issues – and she doesn’t have a line for decent behavior).
Reimburse your mother and get your fiancé to quit. If she can’t keep a basic level of respect, she shouldn’t be taking from her.” Sel-Reddit
2. AITJ For Getting Upset My SO Didn't Invite Me To His Graduation?
“I (21F) was at my SO’s (21M, Mark) house for dinner with his family. His mom told me at the dinner table that I’m invited to Mark’s graduation which was 2 months away. I said of course and was happy that Mark finally had a date for his graduation. He went to university in another city so we would have to stay overnight.
I asked him if we could get an Airbnb together so we could spend time alone before his graduation as since he has returned from university we’ve not had time to ourselves. I thought it would be nice and I could give him a surprise graduation gift as well. He told me no because his parents had already paid for an 8-bedroom Airbnb for him and his family, and that the room I would be filling was originally for his grandparents but because they can’t make it I am their replacement.
When I began to think about it, I realized that he would not have invited me if not for his grandparents not being able to come and this really upset me. When I confronted him, he told me it was because he forgot about it because he doesn’t care about his graduation and he was busy with a lot of things that overwhelmed him.
He also said that he didn’t think I would want to travel 5 hours away for his graduation and that I would find it annoying. This is not true because when we were in university I used to travel to see him every other weekend, and not once did I say anything. I asked him if he would do the journey for me and he said he would, so I asked him why wouldn’t I and he stayed silent.
Anyway, a conversation we had 2 months prior to his mum talking to me showed he had the perfect opportunity to tell me about his graduation and just didn’t do it, and it’s really upsetting to me that his mum told me about the graduation and not the graduate himself. I told him I don’t believe his excuses because we talk literally every day, every chance we get, and not once did he think to ask me when if it was the other way around I would have flown to him.
I also told him I’m not going for the same reason of feeling like a second choice to fill a room and not because he actually wanted me to be there. Now every time I see his mom and she confirms if I am still going I don’t know if I should tell her how I feel or just say nothing, because this should be between me and Mark but his family will most likely end up knowing and I don’t want to seem like a jerk but I’m really hurt that he just didn’t think to talk to me about it when I know for certain he was sitting with his mum planning everything for his graduation.
Could he really not send me a text saying “I know when my graduation is, do you want to come?”, am I overreacting? Am I the jerk?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – his family rented an Airbnb for their son’s graduation. How do you not understand that family would absolutely come first in this situation? The parents made the arrangements and the choices.
The fact that you were invited because they have an open space now is very generous of them.
You are making his big day about you and it’s incredibly selfish. This is his graduation and his family you are upset about. Stop making it about you.
The main reason you aren’t going is because of the Airbnb drama.
That should be irrelevant here. Your SO and you not communicating about his graduation is a separate issue. But to literally make Airbnb the final straw is not a good reason. Your SO’s actions may upset you but you have to put in perspective that this is a major milestone you are missing, so talk to SO and leave the family and Airbnb out of it.
It’s the family’s right to book however large Airbnb they want and to invite whoever they want to it.” squirreltrap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling the way you do. You’re looking for a mutual sign of respect to each other that you are both equally into making the relationship work. When things seem one-sided, it’s hard for the person who puts in the most effort to feel that their partner needs them.
I get his side though. Lots on his mind regarding whatever was going on in his life at university. Possibly only just a mistake he forgot, and his mother probably had to remind him.
Don’t let this discourage you from being there to celebrate such a joyous occasion. Be the better person.” RidgyFan78
Another User Comments:
“Not overreacting. But there is a bigger issue here.
The fact that he didn’t tell you raises the question about his intentions toward you in the future. IMO you should have been the first to know and the first to be invited but didn’t make the list. Dump him, without explanation. He doesn’t deserve an explanation.” harleybidness
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I guess he really didn’t care about his graduation although the point he states as being too busy to think about you is kind of weird. Anyways you wouldn’t be a jerk either if you were to refuse because you feel like a replacement. I guess if you tell them everything will somehow get along.” Reddit User
1. AITJ For Not Helping My SO With Her Flat Tire?
“Around this time of year, our car’s tire pressure drops so we have to fill it with extra air. My (27m) partner (23f) of a year+ got a warning on her car that one of her tires was low on air after work the other day (I helped her with this last year and showed her how to do it).
She let me know, and I offered to come once I was done with work while she was sleeping. She works night shifts, and I work days, so there are about 2.5-3 hours of after I’m done working before she starts working. She also asked if I could come in and say hi and I said sure.
The plan I made up was that after work I was going to spend an hour running then shower, come over, fix the tire pressure, and spend 40ish mins hanging out with her until she has to go to work then I’d go to my buddy’s house till 8ish, then head home and have dinner. As I’m finishing up work I text her the plan and she insisted that I run after dinner so that we can have more time together.
I told her I am fully motivated to run right now (and it was still nice out) so I want to get it done. After some back and forth, I asked her how much time she wants to spend with me before work, and she said that she wanted more time, but didn’t specify (also note that with her schedule, she should be asleep right now until she has to leave for work).
After letting her know how much I want to run first she said OK and told me to not worry about the tire, she will take care of it. I asked her if she still wants me to come over, and she said, do whatever, not like I have to tell you. Now, this is something she constantly brings up in arguments, that I do whatever I want and only account for hanging out with her when it suits my schedule.
So I did whatever I want. Instead of limiting my running time to an hour, I ran for an hour and a half. Instead of rushing into the shower and to her place, I took my time. After she tracked my location, she saw that I wasn’t going to be there at the time I said I was when I suggested the main plan and texted me annoyed, to which I responded, well I’m doing whatever I want, running how long I want, and not rushing.
I told her I would come to fix the tire and then go to my buddy’s house without hanging out with her. She said that if I’m not coming to hang out, don’t come to fix her tire, and I said ok. She then said that she hopes it was a fantastic run and that I don’t care that she is going to drive in on a flat tire.
She then insisted I come to fix her tire to show I care about her safety and that I care about her, and I told her I offered but she shut me down multiple times, so I’m not coming. I told her she should think twice before insulting me if I’m “the only one that can fix the problem” especially since she already told me she would fix it herself at one point.
So, AITJ for refusing to help my SO with her tire problems?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s throwing a tantrum because she didn’t get her way from the beginning. You were gonna run, shower, fix her tire, and spend time with her. She didn’t want that, but you stuck to your plan, and from there she just started acting dumb.” SnooSongs7226
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
She should have told you she wanted to spend more time with you, but also realize that she can organize time with you and it doesn’t have to be tonight when you want to run.
You should have gone over at the original time you texted — regardless of her outburst — and then leave if it didn’t go well.
You both don’t communicate with each other. That’s something to work on if either of you wants to stay in the relationship and for it to work.” throwaway37865
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you seriously put running, which you could postpone for later, before spending time with your partner, why are you still with her?” Selenophile91
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go with NTJ.
I hate when anyone uses the “do whatever you want” argument. I would go with ESH because you took a longer time to run, shower, etc. but since you said it’s common for her to behave this way and not communicate her needs straight, I understand that you had enough of this “do whatever you want” attitude.” Easy-Locksmith615
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