People Get Jumpy Recounting Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Grounding My Son After He Made Mean Remarks?
“I (36M) have a son (15M) and a daughter (17F), and they’ve been friends with our neighbor who I’ll call Ron. (17M) since childhood. Recently, my daughter and Ron were hanging out with a friend, and they walked into our house as they left their friend’s place.
This is where the problem occurred.
My son, who was at home with me, let out a big sigh after seeing Ron and asked why he was here. I was confused by what he meant. That’s when my son vented about being tired of Ron’s constant presence and made hurtful comments about his sexuality(Ron is gay).
It was shocking because my son had never expressed any issues with the neighbor before and had always been close to him.
Ron was visibly hurt and offered to leave, but I insisted he stay but he said it was okay and left anyway. My daughter and I were rightfully upset and I admit we were yelling.
I asked what his problem was. He yelled back saying he couldn’t help not wanting to be around Ron all the time.
I tried being calm, asking my son why would he say something like that to Ron. At this point, my daughter had already left and went with Ron.
My son refused to answer me and just kept saying he was sorry. I told him I’m not the one to be saying sorry too. I told him I raised him better than this and this made him cry.
In the heat of the moment, I made the decision to ground my son.
I took away his phone, PS5, and all his electronics, leaving him with only the TV in his room without the remote. He started crying even more and begged me not to go through with it, but I stood firm, telling him he needed to apologize to Ron the next morning.
Now, I’m conflicted. My daughter supports my decision but when I spoke to Ron, he suggested I let it go assuring me he would be okay. I think he might be right, I tried talking to my son again, but he is straight up refusing to talk to me and keep saying please leave him alone in a quiet tone.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong for grounding my son, but I’m wondering if I went too far, considering it’s his first time saying something like this.
Am I the Jerk for the way I grounded him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for calling your son out, and I can’t really speak on the grounding, I’m not a parent.
I will say that I think a talk with your son about what those comments mean would be good. Even at 15, he may not really understand just how stigmatizing that is. And it could be bred from stuff he hears at school and online. I also wouldn’t expect Ron to step in; it feels pretty embarrassing to have received those comments.
I’d reassure Ron that he’s always welcomed, and that you’re talking about this topic with your son about it.” sick_tone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ No matter what else is going on homophobia isn’t ok. You can’t be teaching your son “homophobia is ok if you were in a bad mood at the time”, or “homophobia is ok if you are angry with a gay person”.
There are a couple of scenarios I can think of that require more delicate follow up though, despite the fact they still don’t excuse homophobia. 1) Maybe your son is attracted to men and is unhappy about it, so using homophobia to overcompensate. 2) Maybe Ron asked your son out or made a move and your son is worried he comes across as gay, so using homophobia to overcompensate.” ttnl35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What your son said was hurtful not just to Ron, but to anyone with a little empathy. Any apology should should come organically and heartfelt; but this is not something you can demand as a father from a teenager, doing so could only drive a wedge between your intent and his skewed beliefs.
Keep your daughter and her friends close, and show your son through actions, not words, that people of all kinds are capable of love and kindness; maybe he can join the group.” dolo724
22. AITJ For Reporting My Brother To The Police After He Made Me Homeless?
“So a few months ago I(24m) let my brother (21) stay at my place after he got out of jail because he had nowhere to go. He’s my only family, we were in public care as kids, and after he went to jail I was alone.
When he got out I truly thought he changed and I let him stay with me when he asked me. I was wrong. He ended up stealing a lot of my money, my roommate’s money, and also her electronics and some things that belonged to the owner of the apartment.
My friend at the time told me to not call the police, to pay the roommate and owner back for the stuff, and to try to contact my brother and repair the situation. When I paid them back I was left with nothing, I also didn’t have a computer to work and it led to losing my job (it was a company computer).
To keep the story short: I lost everything, my room, all my stuff, and ended up on the streets with only my backpack and old phone, and no contact from my brother. Police were called and everything but they couldn’t find him, and I thought the case was over, until today when I was sitting at the train station to get warm, I saw my brother going inside the train.
I called the police. A few hours ago I got a call from his new partner, who told me that he got arrested. She was calling me names and told me I was the worst for doing that and I should try to make it up with him before calling the police.
But am I the worst?
I had been thinking about this for the past few hours, how could my life look like now if it hadn’t happened, probably I’d be still in my room and not homeless typing that story in the train station at 5 am.
Or maybe I should keep trying to make my brother a better person. I don’t know and I’m confused with life now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, you should’ve just called the police. Sounds like your roommate and apartment owner scammed you and should’ve helped you solve the problem.
They took everything for you so if you could get back what your brother stole, you should get back everything you had. Don’t trust him again.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I wanted to add that I hope for the best for you.
Are you still without a job? In the current economy, workers are in high demand. I know a few places that add a flat as a bonus for signing. Or maybe someone here can give you an idea of where to try if you could post your location.
Another User Comments:
“I hate the whole “they’re family, you have to take care of them” attitude Grifters are someone’s family member, and they know that they can take advantage of good family members by saying this. He ain’t your brother anymore friend.
No brother would steal from you, send you on the street then let their partner make you feel guilty when you’ve done nothing but go above and beyond for someone who, unfortunately for you because it sounds like you still love your brother, could care less about you.
If he was your brother he would’ve given you a place to stay after you lost your job on his account. Forget him. He used his status as a family member to take advantage of you. It’s hard to hear, and probably harder to act on.
But I would have nothing to do with him.” TheRealSkelatoar
21. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Move Out After She Broke Our Agreement?
“I (25f) own my mom’s old house. When she died 5 years ago my two siblings and I inherited it equally, but it was not fully paid off and to close out the estate it needed to be sold. I had the money and was emotionally attached to the home, so I bought out my siblings and own it outright now.
I live in a different city a few hours away from home but use it for family gatherings like Christmas every year, to which my siblings and their families are always invited. I also used it for some weeklong vacations in the summer when I wanted to get away.
Last June, my sister (29f) and her husband were going through a rough period. They lost their apartment and asked me if they could move into the house with their child (2m). I told them yes under the conditions that I could come visit over the summer like usual with a bedroom to sleep in and that Christmas could still be hosted in the house.
They agreed to these terms and moved in. I did not charge rent but implored them to use that money to save and get themselves out of the debt they were in.
This August when I came to visit, I had to stay on the sofa because they were using the extra room for her husband’s office, which was not the agreement.
I understood that they were living there and just trying to be comfortable so I let it go.
Over Christmas, I asked them about plans for the holiday. My sister informed me that she was struggling mentally and did not feel like hosting the family.
She said it was going to be too much work. It was the first Christmas in my life that I didn’t celebrate at my mom’s house.
This week I asked them to move out of the house. They were not following the agreements, and so I thought it was fair.
Now she’s calling me a monster for kicking her child out of his home. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your home, you’ve been more than generous. You bought them out of the house, where did the money go? They’re not paying rent, where did that money go..
why are they not saving to buy their place or find their own home? She’s banking on manipulation for free digs and the emotional blackmail of her child. While I understand she may not want to host Christmas or want a room empty for you when you want to use your home if she wasn’t willing to adhere to the agreement she shouldn’t have agreed. Boot them out and don’t look back tbh.” DnDRobynUK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been *extremely* generous, allowing them to live there rent-free with only very few conditions. Your sister has not lived up to those conditions, therefore the agreement between the two of you has been broken. My mother had a saying: where there is support, there is control.
Your sister made her and her family dependent on your support, therefore you have a very large level of control over their lives, but your sister seems to not be able or willing to accept this. She may live in the house, but she does not own it, therefore she is subject to being evicted, this is a fact.
And they have had plenty of time to be saving money to get their place. Unfortunately, there tends to be a tendency for people who stay places rent-free to assume that they will be able to stay there forever.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your offer was extremely generous, and yeah, sometimes life happens.
But they’ve completely ignored your arrangement without discussion. You come to visit and find yourself on the couch? She turns down hosting for no reason except she’s tired? They’ve been living there for months and haven’t built savings? Yeah, they’re trying to take you for a ride.” duchessofwands
20. AITJ For Being Upset With My MIL Over Car Seat Safety?
“My MIL would watch my baby for a few hours a week while I went to work. It wasn’t something I was 100% comfortable with but I wanted to please her and my parents told me how well cared for he’d be, so I gave in.
After a few weeks, I was on my way to pick him up and she was barely getting home. I went to get him out of the car to put him in my car and when I took off the blanket his seatbelt was super loose (pretty much pulled out all the way, I’m not even sure if the seat was buckled with the seatbelt of the vehicle).
I didn’t say anything to her because I didn’t want to offend her but I saw red and just got in the car started crying and called my partner, he called her and told her she wouldn’t be watching him anymore. My partner didn’t talk too much after cause he was also mad since we took his safety seriously.
One minute she would tell him that I didn’t let him speak with her and the next she’d be asking when she could see him.
My partner told me she needed to apologize to me for putting my baby in harm’s way. She messaged me saying that she hoped I wasn’t upset with her which I responded that I was and the reason why and that I just wanted her to acknowledge what she did was wrong.
Her response was to say that she was in the backseat with him the whole time, she didn’t notice how loose it was, it wasn’t far, and other things that had nothing to do with not buckling him in (my mom doesn’t like my bf, saying she won’t come near my child since she’s a danger, that I’m in my world and have too much pride).
I responded by defending my mom telling her that it didn’t matter if she was with him in the backseat accidents happen at any time and sending her a video saying that with how loose it was it wasn’t something that someone wouldn’t notice.
AITJ.
To add: she knew how to properly buckle the car seat seatbelt and how to buckle him in the car as we’d shown her multiple times.
My partner was just as upset with her as me so he wasn’t messaging her as much.
She wasn’t driving but I was behind them for the last couple of blocks but still managed to get to her house before and had to wake a couple of minutes which makes me wonder if he was even in the car seat. The distance was pretty much across town.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she did the wrong thing and can’t take responsibility. I would tell her to get back in her lane and mind her own business when it comes to your parents. This issue is not about your parents but about her not properly putting a seat belt on a child.
Attempting to deflect is just digging the hole bigger for her.” IamMaggieMoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s your job to ensure your baby’s safety, and MIL can’t be trusted to strap him in safely. Ultimately, it’s probably overkill to ban her forever, but she needs to earn back your trust. When you’re ready, have a face-to-face conversation with her about the seriousness of the offense.
Get a feel for whether she truly understands and regrets her actions. Get her to promise she will always follow your rules (and the laws) and put the baby’s safety first in the future. You may only feel comfortable letting her spend time with the baby under your supervision at first. Then, maybe you allow her to come to your house to babysit.
Then maybe you can allow her to babysit at her house, with the understanding that she’s not allowed to travel with him. You may never want to allow her to take him in a car again, and that’s ok. Or maybe you want to install the car seat for her, if you know she‘s going to take him somewhere.
Either way, focus on finding a way forward because ultimately children benefit from bonding with extended family. You and your partner will also make many mistakes because no parent or grandparent is perfect, so give as much grace as possible without sacrificing safety.” Forward_Dig2359
19. AITJ For Punishing My Daughter Over Assumptions?
“My (45m) daughter (12f) recently made a prejudiced comment about an Asian transfer student at her school. I corrected her on this and gave her a long and stern lecture on why assumptions are bad. I did not punish her but warned her that if I ever received a report that such comments were made at school or towards the boy she would be severely punished because assuming things about people is wrong.
Last week my son (17m) was worried because for his team to get a higher “seed” another team would have to lose to an awful team. This happened and he was excited last week, so I knew he would be this weekend too. So, this morning I asked him if his team was playing.
He said no but that the game today was going to be cold quote “like -5 degrees or something and like -30 with windchill or something like that”. I was shocked at such temperatures and asked what teams were playing. He said Kansas City, so a team in Missouri, and Miami.
I said where was the game. He paused when he was about to put cereal in his mouth and gave me an almost “are you serious” sort of look. After maybe 5 or so seconds, it clicked that the second team was from Miami, Florida and thus the game was not there due to the temperature.
So I said, oh the Missouri place, and he nodded. My daughter, who was also at the dining table asked why I “assumed” the game would be in Missouri. I said well Miami will probably never be that cold. She said, yeah but you *assumed* that.
I said no, I just know that Missouri is much colder than Miami, and Miami is hotter than Missouri but a cold game would happen there. She said, so you assumed. I said no, I know, it’s a simple fact. She said how come my assumption wasn’t then.
I told her that that was it and I was taking away her phone for the whole week, even at school.
She said that that was unfair. I said that I had already warned her about making such comments and she was talking back. She yelled some unkind words, so I made it 1 week and the next weekend.
And she stayed quiet and went to her room. My son thinks that maybe I went overboard and I think he’s right.”
Another User Comments:
“You said “assuming things about people is wrong”. A game is not a person. Assuming its location is not the same as assuming something about a person.
Assumptions are not inherently wrong as a concept but can imply certain rude things. NTJ, but you should explain the difference to your daughter. She thinks you said “all assumptions bad” and, whether you meant this or not (you referred to people), this is not true.” Much_Appointment7595
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to have another chat with your daughter about racism. I know you were probably trying to keep it simple for a 12-year-old, but the harmful thing about racism isn’t assumptions. She should be treating all humans with a basic level of dignity and respect as a minimum.
Not all assumptions are bad, as you can now see with your example.” gumbuoy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But your daughter shouldn’t be punished over the whole assuming thing. The real issue is her racism. You need to explain prejudice and racism to her, and how it is much different than simply assuming something about a game or the weather.
Perhaps teach her. It might be one comment now, but you don’t want your child on the path of hate.” Final-Mess8155
18. AITJ For Taking Away The Trash Can To Solve The Smelly Kitchen Problem?
“I (27M) recently moved into a house with two roommates (23M) and (22M). They’re great friends of mine, but it’s worth noting that this is their first living arrangement since moving out from their parents’ places. This has resulted in some odd living habits.
It’s been 3 months so far and on several occasions, I’ve noticed our kitchen smells terrible.
Yesterday I walked into the kitchen and the entire room smelled like a small animal was decaying. After some heroic field research, I identified the source as our trash can.
I called a quick house meeting to discuss the problem. Not in a judging way, not in a finger-pointing way, I brought up how our kitchen smells terrible.
They both checked out the smell and were like “Oh yeah kinda”. I then mentioned how the source was the garbage can and how my only theory is that we (they) are throwing cooking ingredients/massive scraps of food away that eventually begin to rot.
I was open to hearing other theories for the smell, but everyone immediately got defensive.
“Well, that’s what the trash is for, throwing away food. We all cook because we’re normal people. We’re not gonna stop cooking for you. This is your problem.”
I wasn’t telling people to stop cooking, I was just requesting that if they have big pieces of food that are susceptible to rot after a few days, maybe they could bring them to the outside garbage bin where the smell doesn’t matter (this would add 10 seconds of inconvenience, but like come on that’s nothing).
They shot that idea down immediately, doubled down on the “me” problem, and insisted I get over it.
After attempting to cooperate, I then took a different approach. I took the trash can from the kitchen, wiped it down, and then moved it up to my bedroom.
I replaced the kitchen trash can with a tiny one that would frequently need to be emptied, a solution I figured would prevent food from having enough time to rot. My roommates both flipped out on me, but I reminded them that the original kitchen trash can was purchased by me.
It was a fancy $100 electronic can that I thought we could all share responsibly.
But yeah our kitchen smelled terrible, nobody wanted to help me resolve it, and I took away their fancy trash can privileges. They could theoretically buy themselves another large trash can for the kitchen, but I’m not gunna let them use mine anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they’re being absolute children. It’s unpleasant and you shouldn’t have to tolerate it, replacing the trash bin that you purchased with one that will require more frequent emptying is a pretty good solution. Personally, if my kitchen trash bin starts to smell bad because of food scraps – I just spray it down with Lysol and take it out the next morning, or just take it out that day.
That being said… you shouldn’t have to parent your housemates – and this is kinda of a consequence of living with people in their early 20s; not willing to problem solve, (making an assumption here) they’re used to other people managing a home instead of them.
Their helplessness isn’t your responsibility, so their challenge is going to be learning how to share a home and practice good hygiene.” biceporquadricep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If something’s stinky and it’s early in the trash week (yes, this is nose-OCD) I get rid of it in a public trash bin.
Think seafood shells and bits. Otherwise, it gets wrapped or sealed tight in recycled food bags so it doesn’t reek…in my fancy kitchen trash can. We call these ‘clean toilet bowl’ issues. As in, everyone wants a clean toilet, but no one really wants to clean it.
So we suck it up, buttercup, and do our part for the common good. A house doesn’t stay clean unless everyone pitches in. Sometimes you gotta be brutal. We had a roomie who kept blocking the kitchen sink w/dirty dishes and leaving them—so we finally put them on her bedroom pillows.
Problem solved. A kitchen trash offender will learn the day they get the stinky can shut in their bedroom for a day…” Jayseek4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But I feel taking the trashcan wasn’t the way to go, sorry, but it’s a knee-jerk move when (while not your job) you needed to explain better.
They are puppies and probably didn’t truly comprehend what you talking about. So if you’re going to call a meeting, then do it all the way, like a parent teaching a child. Put it back. and go with a sort of malicious compliance – Next time it stinks, invite their moms over for a surprise visit.
“sorry for the odor, I’ve tried to explain to your sons that food trash can become rancid, but they don’t seem to understand – maybe you can explain it” or Put a piece of raw chicken on the counter. Let it sit. Sit until it stinks – when they freak out, then you explain how yup, and it also stinks if it is in the trash… Good Luck!!” CornerSevere
17. AITJ For Refusing To Acknowledge A Daycare Worker Who Constantly Misidentifies Me As My Daughter's Sister?
“I 21f had my daughter Alicia 4f when I was 17.
Everything has been going well, my daughter started daycare about three years ago, all the people who work there have been nice and my daughter loves almost everyone there. The problem started about 4 months ago when this new girl started working there. When I came by she asked me who I was there for, I told her and she yelled out “Alicia, your big sister is here!”, I laughed and corrected her as this is something that happens every once in a while.
She did not answer me but I thought she heard me and that she would know for the next time.
However, this has happened every single time I have talked with her during pick-up, I have reminded her, tried to tell her politely, and tried to be sterner in my tone.
I have talked with two other workers and they have told me that they would talk to her, however, this has continued. It maybe doesn’t seem like a big problem, but being a young mother my role as her parent is very often disregarded and overlooked. So to me, it becomes a big deal when a person continually does something like this.
So started last week, I completely stopped talking to this girl. If she was the one to come up to me during pick up, I would walk right past her and do the pick up with another one of the workers there.
Yesterday the principal asked to talk with me during drop-off, she asked me if I had anything against this one girl as she had complained about me refusing to talk with her or acknowledge her.
She had found this extremely disrespectful and the principal told me that I had to respect all the workers, not just the one I wanted to.
I am beginning to feel like a jerk because while I found her extremely rude, being disrespected at your workplace is never fun and I disrespected her in a place where she may have worked hard to land in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her decision to ignore all your attempts to make it understood that you’re your daughter’s mother has consequences. Those consequences are that you’re not going to allow her to be a disrespectful, judgmental Judy to your face. That’s reasonable. Start shopping for another daycare, just in case, though.
You may have to make a strong statement about how that principal is allowing their employee to treat the clients they need for funds.” BeckyDaTechie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OH no she feels disrespected um does she not disrespect you as a mother? I can say as a worker I did make a couple of mistakes by calling some lady’s grandma.
I said oh I am so sorry. After that I learned who was who. if she can’t respect you as a mother then she doesn’t get respect. and that is how I would say it to her. I would say ok you want my respect when I pick my child up.
then you will respect me by saying your mom/mother is here to get you. if she can’t do that then that is on her.” Ok_Extension8822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I get teen moms at times, and I give them the same respect I give older moms. Most of the time the only difference with the age gap is giving some guidance and advice on their child’s development that a younger mom may have questions about.
I absolutely would NEVER disrespect a mom like that. It needs to be addressed with the principal, and the other staff should have raised concerns with this girl’s behavior before it reached this point. Do not let this girl bully you because you are younger.” Puzzled-Sky3519
16. AITJ For Buying My Sister A Computer And Refusing To Give Our Parents Access To Her Savings Account?
“Here’s the issue. I (19M) am a college student who lives with my parents and has a part-time job so I do not need to ask my parents for money.
My younger sister recently turned 16, and she wanted a new computer for her birthday. She has been saving up for a new computer for a while now because she wants to do some gaming and her current computer is very old and slow.
When she asked me to help save up money about a year ago (since our parents have “forgotten” a few times when she gave them her money for safekeeping) and since she is still a minor, I opened a separate bank account in my name and gave her authorization to deposit and withdraw money when she needs it.
She had saved up some money, but not enough for the computer, so I proposed an offer for her birthday: I would pitch in 50% of the computer cost as long as she contributed the other 50%. She was very happy with the offer, so we bought the computer and I helped her set it up.
When our parents saw the computer, they became furious. They demanded that I return the computer to the store, and I refused to do so as I believed that my sister needed her own decently fast and private computer. Now, they are threatening to throw the computer out of the house.
I told them that I would agree to reasonable parental control restrictions and would help set them up, but if they took it away, I would consider that theft. They also realized that my sister was using me as her safekeeper so they are now demanding access to the account I opened for her so that they can track the money.
I immediately refused the request and told them my sister has a right to entrust her own money to anyone else and have money that is not trackable by them. Here’s the moment where I think I might be a jerk: I told them “Maybe if you didn’t ‘forget’ about her money and weren’t control freaks, then she would trust you more”.
My parents have told other relatives about the story, and most of them claim that I am a jerk for disobeying my parents.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister trusted your parents with some money and they have selectively forgotten about it! What is the real issue they have with your sister having a new computer?
Your parents have told other relatives to rally supporters when it has nothing to do with them. I’d be pointing that out to those interfering, this has nothing to do with you so why are you involving yourself and why do my parents need supporters when they should be looking at how controlling they are and can’t be trusted!” IamMaggieMoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not aware of any of the legalities involved in this scenario – whether you can deny your parents access to the account given that your sister is a minor, or whether you can take any legal action if your parents throw out or confiscate the computer, etc. But apart from that your parents sound like control freaks.
Now they may have the noblest of reasons for not wanting the computer – your sister’s academic performance might suffer due to this distraction, or she may be exposed to harmful content (although, I don’t see how that cannot happen through a phone or any internet-connected device really).
But I still think the way they are approaching the whole matter is very unhealthy and detrimental to your sister’s relationship with your parents. To find a peaceful solution, I suggest you try to communicate with your folks along with a family therapist. As for the finances, your parents need to do better.
I don’t think you’re reminding them of all the times they “forgot” about your sister’s money in their safekeeping was wrong. That was not nice of them, no matter if she was a minor. If you do open up a communication channel with them, please get to the bottom of why they do this and emphasize how it is not nice of them to do this.” VioletLily2
Another User Comments:
“You are an excellent brother. You are doing what’s right for your sister, and I think you know that. You have the courage of your convictions, and you believe (I think correctly) that your parents are not doing right by your sister, are excessively controlling, and are not careful with her money.
Of course, your parents think you’re doing the wrong thing; they’re excessively controlling. And the relatives don’t get to vote. Keep being your sister’s ally. She’s going to need one until she’s an adult and out from under parental control. NTJ.” Nester1953
15. AITJ For Refusing To Remind My Partner To Pay His Monthly Bill?
“My partner (28)M and I (30) F live together with our dog and bought our first house together almost 2 years ago now.
A little background – my work hours are 9-530 and he is usually 8-3 pm.
I work in a people-facing job and I have to answer queries and solve problems all day with the general public, and he works on his own in construction. I order all groceries, household items, and toiletries regularly, I also hoover and mop, clean the kitchen and bathroom, do all the laundry, and put away and change linen in the house.
He does on occasion empty the dishwasher and put the bins to the curb on bin day.
Now.
We both make a payment to one of my family members every month, this is to pay for money lent to us. I pay this monthly as I get paid monthly and he chooses to pay the same day as myself; although he gets paid weekly.
For the last (almost) two years, I have reminded him every time to do it, and every month – yet I still get a message from my family member saying the payment is late. So, last month they finally exchanged numbers – my partner and family member – so I took that as okay, they have a line of communication no need for me to be nagging several days before I get paid and on payday (bear in mind when I do ask him I get fluffed off and he doesn’t seem to have any urgency or thanks for me reminding him).
I got a text from him today annoyed at me because I didn’t remind him to pay his monthly payment, and I need to be a better part of our “team”.
I got this text at work, and if I wasn’t at work I would have LOST IT.
The actual audacity. I know it seems like such a trivial thing but every month I have to nag him and it still doesn’t get done on time. I’ve asked him to create a repeating reminder in his phone calendar 10000000 times and he refuses.
I’m at the point now where I’m so angry he doesn’t see that I do SO much head work to keep our home clean and running efficiently without being asked, but ONE task I ask him to take care of himself and I get this attitude.
So am I the jerk for refusing to remind my partner to pay his bill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s an adult and can take responsibility for himself. That said, since you live and own property together, why don’t you just have automated payments from a joint account?
Weirdly, you are each doing separate payments each month, I assume you’re not also each doing separate mortgage, bill, and grocery payments.” coffeemom23
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight: You’re the jerk for not reminding him, but would it be ok if you asked him to remind you to remind him?
Can you put him in charge of reminding you about something that is your sole responsibility? If he can get mad at you for not reminding him about his responsibilities, then I say you get mad at him for not reminding you about responsibilities. NTJ.
You’re not his parent or the alarm on his phone. You have your stuff to worry about.” slackerchic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ vis-a-vis your husband; he should be handling his own business. YTJ vis-a-vis the family member as you know this is a recurring issue and you are washing your hands off it for your family member to resolve.
I am assuming this is your actual family, not his, as he didn’t have their contact information previously. I don’t think you get to dump this on your family member to collect from your husband when the family member probably only loaned the money to you two because of your family connection.
Had the family member known they would have to do collections I wonder if they would have still loaned the money.” daphreak1
14. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Her Loudness and Poor Communication Skills?
“One night I (41m) went to bed earlier than my parents (~23:45), and just as I was falling asleep, I heard my mum (66f) talking loudly as they came to bed (~00:15), as if no-one else was trying to sleep.
My dad was quiet; it was only my mum’s voice that disturbed me.
The next afternoon, I gently asked my mum if she knew how loud she was when she came to bed, and she said “no”, so I let her know she woke me up when coming to bed. Rather than apologize or even acknowledge being loud, she just said “I don’t think we were that loud” (I corrected her on “we”; it was only her), and then when I told her she was loud, she started some whataboutism about the dehumidifier being loud anyway (it wasn’t bothering me; she was).
By the end, she still never apologized or expressed any intention to try to be quieter in the future.
A few days later, she was getting frustrated while trying to do something on her phone. This irritates me because she won’t stop whining about the problem, but also won’t let anyone else help, and she’s terrible with communication.
She doesn’t read error messages or explain the actual problem; just keeps repeating “It’s not working” while not letting anyone else try to solve it.
Even my dad was getting frustrated, so I told her I could only help if she either let me see the problem myself or improve her communication skills, otherwise don’t bother me with it.
She replied that there was nothing wrong with her communication skills, so I brought up how poorly she handled me telling her she woke me up, and how she never acknowledged or apologized for it. So then she started getting upset about how we (my dad and I) were always “picking on” her as if she were the victim and guilting us to feel like we were bullying her.
Then she went to bed and didn’t talk to us.
The next morning, she acts like nothing happened. But similar things have happened many times in the past and she makes no effort to learn from it. I’ve even mentioned this, but she’ll say things like “I’m too old to change”, which I interpret as “I don’t care about you and I’m not going to make any effort”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Like yeah, your mom sure sounds annoying. But you’re way too old to indulge like this. You can’t stand her for that long? Make the visit shorter. Find solutions. Nobody is forcing you into this situation.
Theoretically, she might still be able to change but it’s also kind of childish to expect her to. She’s 66. If she had intentions of changing she’d have done it by now.” Illustrious-Tap5791
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/no jerks here bro you are 41, and while that doesn’t make what you’re saying less valid necessarily, you should have the tools to navigate this.
Just stop engaging. You know how she is so why are you still surprised she acts that way. If you don’t like her behavior and communication, then don’t engage” BigNathaniel69
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. You’re a jerk, but your dad and mom are too.
You both ARE picking on her for very minor things. If you’re worried about being woken up by her, and she has a history of it, either get a hotel room or some earplugs. If she’s bad with tech, walk out of the room if she won’t let you help, don’t criticize her.
Your mom is being petty here, too, yes, but you guys are only making it worse by picking on her.” lokilulzz
13. AITJ For Refusing To Return A Family Heirloom Necklace My Stepdad Gave Me?
“I 22F was given a beautiful necklace by my stepdad Jake when I graduated college last year. It was from his grandma’s jewellery collection and I wear it every day.
Jake proposed to my mom when I was 12 and we were close. I have only met Jake’s family a couple of times over the years as they live very far away and initially didn’t approve of my mom.
They tolerate my mom and me on holidays and are civil to Jake.
A few weeks after my graduation, Jake and my mom passed in an accident and the last year has been really hard on me.
I fell out with Jake’s extended family when I was organizing their funerals- Jake was brought up Christian and his family wanted to hold his funeral in their family church.
My mom and I are atheists and I know she wanted to be cremated, so many of their funerals would be separate.
I asked James’ family if we could have a joint wake for my mom and Jake but they insisted on doing it in their church hall which I refused as my mom was not religious and wanted to do it at my mom and Jake’s house.
We fell out over this and I haven’t spoken to them since as they decided to hold a wake for Jake in the church and not invite me.
Yesterday, I got a message from Jake’s mom asking for the necklace Jake gave me.
She said it’s a family heirloom, to be added to the oldest daughter and she wanted to give it to Jake’s sister who is pregnant. I refused as Jake gave it to me, and she got very hostile and threatened to sue me.
I am not sure if she can as Jake was never married to my mom or officially my dad, but he was my dad regardless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you have any documentation (text messages, anything??) about the necklace that would demonstrate that Jake gifted it to you?
And did Jake’s mother ~~(presumably the former owner of the necklace)~~ see you wearing it any time after it had been gifted to you? Did she make any comment on it? You may need to get in contact with a lawyer as well. In the meantime, is there any way you can go no contact with these people?
I’m so sorry you have to deal with these people, and I’m truly sorry for your loss.” SheBrownSheRound
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, sincere condolences for your loss. That’s extremely rough at any age but more so I think for someone so young & just beginning adult life.
As to your issue with step-granny, please forgive my crassness but, if I were in the same situation I would tell step-granny to kick rocks. Based on what you posted, your dad had possession of this necklace at least for some time, and he decided who it would go to.
Step-granny is just upset (and more than a little bitter) that her son didn’t match with a person Step-granny would approve of. She is so cliche & childish acting like this. If you can find any documentation showing when your dad first had the necklace in his possession (value estimates, emails from the previous owner, etc) that may help you IF the toddler tantrum-having step-granny follows through on the suit threat.” Ichiere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it was a gift to you, they have no claim to it unless they are suggesting that Jake stole it from their family. Make sure to only communicate with them through messages from this point on since they have mentioned a lawsuit and record any other interactions you might have with them (it will be much easier if you can make them acknowledge that Jake gave the necklace to you).
Also, take pictures of the necklace and anything else they might claim as theirs in case they somehow manage to steal it or otherwise get access to the house/apartment (never underestimate what people are willing to do when they think they are in the right).
Lastly, get a copy of the will if possible and you might want to look for an attorney to review the situation. Sorry for your loss and best of luck in dealing with the situation.” Shy_guy_Ras
12. AITJ For Buying My Partner Off-Brand Christmas Gifts Instead of Her Requested Brands?
“Christmas was a few weeks ago, but I’m still getting grief for this.
My (29M) and my partner (25F) recently spent Christmas together. We’ve been together for two years, but this is the first time we’ve celebrated together. We both decided to exchange lists and we each got a couple of things from the list to keep up with the “surprise” of it all.
My partner’s list was very descriptive. A couple of the items were “Nars foundation” with her color, “Lush bath bombs”, and “Puma running shoes”. Just to name a few. I was happy to get her these things, but I didn’t, and still don’t, get the obsession with the brands.
For Christmas, I did most of the shopping at Target for everyone, not just her. They didn’t have a lot of the specific brands she wanted, but I got her what I found and what I thought she would like. I got her a bottle of foundation in her color, it was from the brand Wet and Wild.
I got her a big bag of Dr. Teal’s bath bombs, which I know are a good brand since I use the salts often. I also got her a pair of running shoes. I can’t remember the brand name, but they looked fine to me and were in her size.
I also got her a couple of other things, but I just listed these to save time.
On Christmas day, she seemed a bit confused opening the presents but thanked me nonetheless. Later that night, she asked if I had trouble reading her handwriting or if I was confused about the list. I picked up on her talking about the brands and I just told her I don’t think we should buy brands just for the name, but rather the quality and price of their products.
Since these products are cheaper, and she got more bang for her buck, like with the bath bombs, I didn’t see an issue. The price I paid for a whole bag would have only gotten me one from the company she wanted me to buy from.
She got a bit cold after that and said next year we just shouldn’t do lists since I don’t want to gift her what she wanted. We argued for a bit more, and more or less dropped the issue after a couple of days. However, I’m still getting a comment or two from her and now I’m wondering if I was in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re too old not to know why this was a problem. To analogize: “he asked for an RTX 3080 so I got him some kinda video card, and he asked for a specific Irish whiskey so I got him some Jack Daniel’s.” They’re fundamentally not the same thing.
Puma running shoes have a specific feel and shape that many women want, not for the brand but for the feel. Makeup foundations are going to have vastly different performance and color from brand to brand.” RelevantJackWhite
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. You picked the worst of both worlds.
You could either have gotten her something actually on her list, showing that you’re paying attention to her desires and want her to be happy, or you could have gone rogue and gotten her something not on the list at all, but that you think she’d like.
Either of those would have been more thoughtful than what you did, which was to get her cheap knockoffs of the things on her list, showing that you *don’t* care enough to pay attention to her desires but you also didn’t put any thought into her presents.
You were being lazy, OP. And FYI, if a woman asks for a specific makeup shade or shoe brand, it’s because she already has done her research and knows what works or doesn’t work for her! You may not care about brands, but there are differences.” coffeemom23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ especially with the foundation. Foundations have vastly different formulas and finding a good color match is hard to do. I’d never ask for a foundation as a gift without giving an exact one I know works for me. There’s a good chance that that foundation you bought is gonna go to waste.
Also, quality>quantity. Instead of getting a lot of things that were kind of what she asked for, you could’ve just gotten a few what she wanted. Like, imagine a child asking for a Disney movie and instead you bought them a whole bunch of knock-off titles.” rainbow_city
11. AITJ For Accidentally Upsetting The Librarian At My New Job?
“I (27F) recently started a new job working with kids at a local high school. I was situated in the library and worked very close to the librarian (65ish F), who is a sweet and friendly older lady.
I was nervous about fitting in but she (let’s call her Susan) made me feel comfortable right away. We would chat sometimes when it was quiet and after a month or so I felt comfortable enough to ask her questions like: “Hey Susan do you think I should set up a desk in this corner?” Or “Susan I brought this little cabinet so I have somewhere to lock things up.” She seldom complained or criticized, and when she did (like when I kept forgetting I couldn’t eat in the library) she was always polite about it.
I thought we were on friendly terms. I was wrong.
A few weeks ago I overheard Susan and a student talking about book recommendations and, to be outgoing, I joined them. Susan pulled the student away, and I got the message and sat back down.
A minute later Susan approached me and she. Just. Exploded.
I was shocked. The kind and friendly librarian was in my face, aggressively calling me inappropriate and unprofessional. She said I “didn’t belong” and to “sit at your desk, work with your students, and leave everyone else alone.”
I learned later that she went home and broke down. She called the principal crying because she didn’t want to go back to work while I was there. She said I was terrible to her and I was ruining her job by being in her environment.
In the end I was almost fired before somebody asked my side of things.
So now I am just. So confused. I just can’t reconcile this version of me with my past behavior. I like Susan and I genuinely thought she liked me. But while I thought we were getting along, she was staying up all night crying about how much she hated being around me.
I work in the hallway now because Susan can’t stand to have me in the library anymore.
So AITJ for unwittingly ruining Susan’s work life? Advice would be appreciated because I legit don’t know what to do about any of this.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s (most likely) had autonomy and authority for a long time in her position and was told very little about your presence. Sounds like two need a mediator to establish roles and responsibilities in your shared space. What you consider “helping” may be viewed as “encroaching” on her.
What she considers “inappropriate” may be exactly what you’ve been “mandated” to do. Is there anyone who can help you navigate this? No jerks here” alk_adio_ost
Another User Comments:
“If this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, then Susan has a mental health problem and you are NTJ.
But you are 27 years old. What do you mean you don’t know what to do? What do you mean by “I just can’t reconcile this version of me with my past behavior”? If you were just normal, and this happened, it’s not you, you need to have a polite adult conversation with your leadership, and then you stay out of Susan’s way and do your thing while Susan does hers.
If everything is as you said, this is not the first time Susan has lost her temper and the school knows that. But you’re an adult, you can look at your behavior and identify whether you’ve done anything out of line. I do question your butting into a discussion between Susan and a student.
That was not “outgoing”, that would be annoying for a lot of people.” Cjack66
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Many librarian positions require higher education and training that you do not have. It was incredibly inappropriate to try and butt into the exchange between her and a student.
She was performing the tasks of her profession, not socializing or gabbing about books. Just because you were placed inside the library, does not make you part of the library. So ‘your side’ of just being friendly does not matter, you were interfering with how she performs her job.
Also with the food thing- I’m sure the students can manage to follow the rules of the library, I would be incredibly frustrated with an adult who had to be reminded multiple times.” justalittlelooksy
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Bring Their Dog To My House?
“My parents live about half an hour from me, and though my husband and I normally go to their house for visits, sometimes they come over to visit or help with home repairs. My husband and I are new homeowners and appreciate their input and help.
They have an energetic dog that is known to express its anal glands often. The last time they brought their dog, the “butt juice” came out when she was sitting in one of our chairs. This is disgusting and stinks to the high heavens. My mom used the upholstery cleaner to address the issue, but it still grosses me out to sit in that chair.
Another issue is that I have 2 cats. One cat is terrified of dogs, and the other seems interested in figuring out what a dog is. Anytime she has sniffed around the dog, it’s snapped at her and barked a bunch. She’s never been hurt by the dog, but it makes me anxious that something will eventually happen.
I also hate that my cat has to get spooked like that. My mom wants the dog and cats to get along, but I just don’t think her dog is well-behaved enough to make that happen.
Overall my parents have a very weird relationship with the dog which they blame on not having grandkids yet.
They treat the dog like a baby. She’s a mini border collie, and in my opinion, does not require the amount of attention they devote to the dog. She’s never left alone, needs constant attention, and doesn’t leave my mom’s side.
Since the last visit when the dog blasted rear juice on the chair, I asked them not to bring the dog anymore. They insist she will wear a diaper while being here, but they also tell me that she’s having this anal gland issue at their house regularly.
I have to imagine that they’re putting a diaper on her there too and it’s just not cutting it. I also feel bad mentioning the cats because my mom insists that she thinks her dog is getting better at not snapping at the cat.
My mom is supposed to come over and help me with some house organizing today. She asked if she could bring the diapered dog because my dad is working from home and doesn’t want the distraction. AITJ because she’s coming over to help with things and thus should be able to bring the dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even without the gross anal glands thing and your cats, if you don’t want dogs in your house you don’t want dogs in your house. If she insists on bringing her dog, tell her “Thank you anyway for the offer to help today, but I’ll find someone else to help me.
I do not want dogs in my house.” Put your foot down. It’s your home. Your cats’ home. Your parents can comply or not visit. Period. And why is your mom prioritizing her darn dog over you? That’s pretty poor.” Katiew84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dog owner here. I spoiled my dog rotten because I wasn’t able to have kids. I live within a minute’s walk of my family and I never bring my dog to their house. When my mom requests to see my dog, I’ll bring her over.
But I would never insist on bringing my dog to other people’s houses especially if my dog had that issue. You need to be firm and if they show up with the dog say I’m sorry you cannot come in to visit come back later without the dog.
They live a half an hour away the dog will be fine while they’re gone until they get back.” Winter_Dragonfly_452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to make rules for your own home. I would not allow a dog into my house to terrorize or risk the injury to my cats.
This has to stress them a lot and you could start seeing inappropriate behavior from them. A wall is not an adequate barrier as they can still smell the intruder. Do you have a fenced backyard? In any case, they live fairly close by and can leave him home alone for a few hours.
I would not want rear juice all over my furniture either, but maybe that is just me being unreasonably picky. LOL The bottom line is that it is your home and you get to make the rules just as your parents did in their home when you were growing up.
I would also put on a hazmat suit when visiting their house. That rear juice is going to be everywhere.” Maximum-Swan-1009
9. AITJ For Reporting My Flatmate's Freeloading Partner To Our Landlord?
“I (20 f) have been living in a flat for four months with 3 other flatmates, ages ranging from 20-23. All of us are random international students and don’t share the same interests but respect each other’s boundaries and privacy. We all have our room. When I was looking for a room to rent this flat was available and the landlord told me that there were two other girls living in, when I moved in, a new guy also moved in the same day as me.
So we’re only 4 people.
For the past few months, I noticed the girl from room 2, let’s call her Z. I noticed that Z is extroverted and has a guy coming over often, at first I didn’t see the guy that much as he was always in her room.
It didn’t bother me because maybe he was just visiting and he wasn’t bothering the other people. Keep in mind, I don’t care if my flatmates bring people, it’s not my business.
But I noticed that he started to be here around more and started using the common spaces which was not a problem.
The problem started happening whenever he would use the common space he didn’t clean it, I caught him using my stuff in the kitchen like my dish soap, sponge, some utensils I own, and some food products. I am not being selfish, if people want to use my stuff they can as long as they ask and have acceptable reasons.
Z has her cleaning materials, food products, and utensils so I don’t see why he is using some people’s stuff.
Today was my last straw as I headed to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast, the kitchen was a total mess. We have a rule in this flat and we are scheduled to clean, one person per week to clean.
So the kitchen was a total mess and he was the last person to use it because I saw him yesterday when I went to the bathroom, it was the second time he left the kitchen in a mess after using it. It is also unfair for the next person to use the kitchen and the current person who is assigned to clean the common areas.
I already talked to them about this but it seems like they are not taking it seriously. So, would I be the jerk if I tell my landlord that my housemate lets her friend sleep and stay in our flat when he doesn’t live here?”
Another User Comments:
“Depends on your lease. Is he staying over against the lease? Do you all have a joint lease or an individual lease? If you have an individual lease for your room with the landlord and this won’t impact you, NTJ. A petty way of solving this would be to just take all of his messes and dump them on her bed. Dishes in the sink?
On her bed. Unwashed pots. On her bed. Crumbs on the counter? On her bed.” Witty-Stock-4913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ take pictures of messes he makes, take pics of you all in the house (get him in them as well), note down all conversations with her about him and his behavior.
You’ve already mentioned to her that he needs to adjust and pull his little squatter weight if he’s going to be there. Chat with the other housemates and see what they think. Draw up a cleaning schedule and include him since he’s living there now.
Give it another two weeks if no change call a house meeting with the other people and bring it up. State your case and make the ultimatum that he starts being clean and respecting the actual rent payer boundaries or you contact the landlord with your evidence and get him and his partner out of there because she’s breaking her lease agreement.” Obvious_Jackfruit_40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what I gathered, you already tried talking to them and it didn’t help. Having a new roommate without him paying for rent or utilities isn’t great already, but the fact that he is taking your stuff without permission and making a mess is unacceptable.
But be aware that they might make your life miserable after you talk to your landlord just for revenge, so make sure you have another place to live just in case.” Red-Octopus91
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law At The Birth Because She Disrespects Our Baby's Name?
“I (31f) and my husband (32m) are expecting our 2nd baby girl in 10 days.
Last night, his mother texted me telling me I am not allowed to name her granddaughter Mavka because she googled it and didn’t like the name interpretations she found. I told her I was aware of the Ukrainian folklore, but that was the name my husband and I had agreed on after many many months of debate and searching for a name that fit all our criteria.
She then proceeded to tell me I was being selfish, careless, thoughtless, etc and she refused to call her that or tell anyone that was her name. I told her she didn’t have to like the name, but it was not her decision to make.
I tell my husband his mother is arguing with me about the baby’s name and he asks me if she told me why. I told him she had, but me and I had already discussed those meanings when I first stumbled across the name (children’s movie on Hulu).
Of course, he has no recollection of this due to his reaction, I asked him if she had already spoken to him about this and he said yes! So I asked him why he thought it was appropriate for her to approach me about it instead of him and he claimed to not know she was going to say something to me.
And he didn’t say another word about it, so I don’t know where he stands on the name anymore but I know he’s not going to argue with me about it this close to birth, especially since I’ve already ordered her personalized swaddles with that name on them.
I continued texting with his mother, trying to assure her the name was fine, crying in frustration that he ignored, until she told me she’d lost all respect for me. At that point, I no longer want her around for the birth. My friend told me that was going too far, but honestly, I feel like if you have no respect for me and aren’t supportive, then you have no business being there.
I haven’t told my husband or his mother yet, but I’m sure it’ll be a fight. I’ll have them both removed from the room if I have to, but of course I don’t want to have this kind of drama during a time that is supposed to be joyous.
Thoughts??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are the parents and your MIL is not. You decide the name. I would also have a stern word with your husband since he is part of the problem. Your husband should stand against your MIL (his mum) for you in situations like this and not weasel out of any conflict like he did here.” A_way_awry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all, my son has a Norwegian name. It’s spelled a bit funny, and if you try hard enough it sounds like a bad word that people made a big deal about before he was born but he’s 7 now and no one cares.
I, for one, think Mavka is cute and if she doesn’t like the name “Mav” is an adorable nickname. My wife and I dropped the ball when it came to my mom. We told everyone we didn’t want anyone there except one friend for support (for me mostly, my wife is both stoic and private and I was losing my mind) and just expected people to respect that – but they didn’t.
My entire family found out and waited in the waiting room the whole time, including watching her be rushed by for an emergency c-section. My wife hated it. We should have told the staff!! My mom then, right after an emergency c-section, dared to ask when we’d be having another so our son could have a friend.
The answer ended up being no more births, but it was the last thing on our minds at the time. Tell the staff you don’t want any visitors until after the birth is complete. Tell your husband you need this lack of stress. The baby’s birth is the priority, and if he disagrees he can stay with his mother until you call and bring your own family or a friend, but that means he won’t be there if there’s an emergency.
Let him tell his mother she’s not invited unless he refuses to. And trust me, he’ll want to be there if there’s an emergency, and *having his mom there won’t make him feel better anyway.*” badbrother420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Giving birth is not a spectator sport.
Also, why is your husband not defending you here and pretending he knew nothing about any of the conversations that he’s had? This is kind of ringing alarm bells for me. That said, if the name is not from your culture and there are negative meanings to it, it probably is best avoided.” Sloppypoopypoppy
7. AITJ For Buying My Wife A Video Game I Thought We Could Enjoy Together?
“I (29m) and my wife (27f) have been married for 3 years so far, and never had many problems before.
However, we’re in the middle of a huge fight which I think could’ve been avoided.
I am an avid gamer and spend a good bit of my free time playing video games. My wife also plays some video games, but not as much as I do.
We often play different types of games (ex: she plays Sims I play COD). However, we always make sure to spend a lot of time together and have hobbies outside of video games.
Recently I’ve been playing a game called Stardew Valley. (For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a peaceful farming sim with a very expansive co-op system).
I’ve loved it so far, but none of my friends have it. It seemed like the type of game my wife would like, so for Christmas (along with other gifts) I bought her Stardew Valley.
We opened our Christmas gifts with my family this year (we spent Christmas with her family last year), and she seemed polite then, but when we got home she was livid.
She said the only reason I got her Stardew Valley was so I could have someone to play with, and I wasn’t thinking about her at all. I explained to her that it was more than having someone to play with, that I thought it was something fun we would both enjoy together.
She said I should’ve got her a $15 Steam gift card instead, and let her choose what game she wanted to play. I explained to her that I felt that gift cards were impersonal so I promised myself I wouldn’t use them when gifting, and the point of my gift was to spend time together using (what could be) a mutual hobby.
Eventually, she just stormed out yelling that I embarrassed her in front of my family. I was confused because she gave me a nice “gaming keyboard” last year. (It was very obviously for playing games as we then discussed the video games I play, and more).
She has not touched the game so far (I sent it as a gift via Steam during Christmas) and every time she sees me playing it she gets in a bad mood. It’s made me stop playing it altogether because of how mad it makes her.
Every time I try to discuss it she ignores me.
So, AITJ for buying my wife a game that I like?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s clear that you bought her plenty of other gifts. She’s free to ignore this one if she doesn’t want to try it, but she’s acting like a brat over what appears to have been an extra little gift you thought she’d like.
I bought SV for myself and my wife and she played it far, far more than I did. Generally, I game far more than her, but now and then a game grabs her attention, so I’ll find something and gift it to her. Some she’s played for hours, some for 5 minutes.
She’s never annoyed that I could have spent the money on something else, just happy that I thought of her.” TheTrueBobsonDugnutt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like you were just trying to find an activity y’all could do together and genuinely thought she would like the game.
You also got her quite a few other gifts it sounds like. I have no clue why she would react that way… have you tried to get her to play that game in the past or get her to play other games and she didn’t want to?
Does she feel embarrassed about playing games as an adult? (Hence being embarrassed in front of your family).” username698321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what a bizarre reaction! Stardew Valley sounds like a game far more in her basic wheelhouse than yours, which makes it sound like the perfect choice of a game to play together and a very thoughtful, sweet gift!
If she doesn’t want to play it, fine, but she doesn’t have to be a jerk about it, sheesh. Unless she specifically mentioned how she didn’t like that game before or something, but even then, seems like an overreaction.” Living-Highlight7777
6. AITJ For Lying To My Partner About My Car Accident Out Of Embarrassment?
“So I (20f) was friends with my current partner (20m) for around 8 months before we started going out. During that time, I crashed my car into a ditch. I’ll spare the gory details, but in short, I was lucky to walk away with my life.
All I walked away with was some bruises and a few stitches. The stitches were in the middle of the bend of my wrist, so the doctor suggested I wear a cast until they were taken out just to avoid accidentally opening them. During the 10 days I had the cast, I had seen my partner a few times and he had questions about what happened. I told him the truth about the injury, just not how I had gotten it.
I lied and said that I cut my wrist on some broken glass. The reason I lied was purely out of embarrassment.
I know that crashing your car isn’t something to be embarrassed over, it happens to everyone, but I think at the time I just didn’t want to deal with the reality of it.
I had already been getting calls and visits from family members asking if I was alright and to recount the whole story. I think I just wanted to be able to escape the prying and the constant reliving and I could create that environment with my friend.
Fast forward a couple of months and now we’re in a relationship. I want to let him in because I feel closer to him and it’s still something I struggle with. I still have flashbacks, I can still smell the smoke and airbags, and I can’t even hear a car screech outside with flinching.
I want to be able to talk about it, but I’m scared that he’ll be mad about me lying. I mean, if I lied about a car crash before we even started going out, what’s to stop him from thinking I’m lying about other things?
I’m worried I’ll lose his trust if I tell him, but I also want to be more open. So would I be the jerk if I told him?”
Another User Comments:
“Aww, no jerks here. I think if you explain it exactly as you did here, he’ll understand.
I would. You weren’t concealing something with the intent to be hurtful. That’s an objectively traumatic experience and, understandably, you wouldn’t want to go into detail with everyone so soon after, especially if you guys weren’t super close at the time. How he reacts will give you more information on his personality.
It’s fair he might be a little hurt, but if he tries to make you feel bad about it, I’d consider that a red flag. Good to get it out in the open now that you can talk about it. It might be awkward if someone else brings it up before you do.” FolkySpice
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you also didn’t lie. You just weren’t ready to talk about it with him and that’s okay. I would just lead with that. Say hey, remember the time I cut my wrist? I wasn’t mentally ready to tell you the whole story, but I’d like to now and then tell us.
Did he not notice you didn’t have your car though? Also, if the accident is affecting you, I highly recommend therapy to help! It can make a difference.” Piaffe_zip16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had a traumatic experience, but instead of lying, you could just say that you don’t want or are not ready to talk about it.
However, it’s understandable why you did. I was doing some regrettable things because of a trauma before I met my husband. I didn’t lie, but it took me some time to start trusting him and reveal myself. We’re now married. So I get where this comes from.
You should tell him the truth and explain why you lied in the first place. And I would also apologize for lying. I’m sure he would understand.” Shladki_kot
5. AITJ For Not Being Happy About My Husband's Promotion Due To Restaurant's Issues?
“I (26F) and my husband (26M) have been together for about 6 years and I love him very much and just want the best for him.
We also live in one of the most expensive cities in the US.
He has been working for a chain sit-down restaurant as a cook since it opened at the location. He has been the guy on the grill flipping the burgers for 6 days a week for the past year and a half.
The kitchen manager (KM) of the restaurant has been problematic for many reasons (unhygienic, attendance issues) and the general manager (GM) finally told my husband that they are going to get rid of the KM so he can become the KM. Yes, it would be a pay raise, but at what cost?
The reason that I’m not happy about the promotion is because of the many problems of the restaurant. The place has had pest problems, equipment problems, and a recent yellow on a health inspection (not a complete pass). The GM and the assistant manager have had many arguments in front of customers which was embarrassing for the whole staff of the restaurant.
I’m afraid that him becoming the Kitchen manager will not be a lot of stress from the responsibilities, but also be taken advantage of more because he would be tied down to a contract. He already works 6 days a week and I don’t want it to become 7 days a week.
They have taken away days off that he had for a later day so we don’t spend that much time together (I’m also busy with 2 jobs and work 6 days a week myself).
After he told me the news he asked, “Why aren’t you happy for me?” Which makes me feel like I’m the jerk.
I explained to him but he still believes that this restaurant is his only hope. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – he is a grown man who has just got a promotion and has accepted it. He may feel a bit down that this is the best he can do at the moment.
He might feel hurt/ disappointed that you couldn’t just be happy about the promotion part. However… your concerns are valid and does sound like you have his best interests at heart. So you aren’t a big jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I understand your concerns, but this could give him enough managerial experience to eventually advance his career at another place.
If you guys prefer to continue to live in an expensive city where he needs to work at this restaurant and you need two jobs, you’re just going to have to keep supporting each other’s hustle. Good luck to you both and I hope you will eventually level up in your careers enough that you won’t have to work so hard to get by.” shuckyducked
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re right; bad places like that do often give “promotions” just so they can work you more without paying you overtime because you’re salaried now. He’s not wrong to feel hopeful about it, and maybe if he’s in charge of sanitation now, he can improve it.
Give it a little time and see what happens.” greeneyedwench
4. AITJ For Cancelling My Parents' Surprise Anniversary Celebration?
“So, yesterday my (18f) parents had their 20th anniversary (very cute). My auntie (Mary) (late 20s) moved abroad with her husband but was very close to my parents (her father died when she was young so they took her in and she grew up with us like she was my sister and they paid her school fees, housed her, etc), so she organized a surprise delivery for them.
She told me that she was sending something and asked for a cake flavor, so I rightfully assumed that she was sending a cake and perhaps a bouquet. Mary then gave me the number of the lady (Lucy) handling the delivery (in our country of residence).
I told Mary that I wasn’t going to be home at the time, cause I was braiding my hair but my sisters were home, then Lucy called me she told me there was a “saxophone guy” too. I assumed it was one guy playing a saxophone to accompany so I let it be since our day was very hectic and my parents were very tired.
When I directed him to my place I told my mum to step out for something but she said that, first; my dad wasn’t home, and second; she was very tired and didn’t want to attend to anyone. I then told my sister to tell him to only give her the cake, then I called the guy, knowing I was gonna let him down, to give the bad news and offer compensation.
To my surprise, it wasn’t one guy but a whole band! With multiple instruments. I wasn’t aware of that detail but laid it to them anyway.
Lucy then called me saying that I disorganized everything and they had been paid by Mary and everything. I explained how I was unaware and that I wasn’t home but she got very upset with me and said that it was my fault for not effectively communicating beforehand that one of my parents wasn’t home and that my mum wasn’t expecting anyone.
I apologized and offered compensation but she did not want it saying that it was the surprise that’s the price or something. I accepted but I want to know whether I was actually in the wrong and if I should perhaps just send compensation anyway because I live in a place with awful roads and I couldn’t imagine sending back a group of people with bulky instruments on a motorcycle.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The people involved in the surprise didn’t effectively communicate to you what it was, didn’t make it at a time when everyone needed (you, Mom, Dad) was available, and didn’t coordinate with anyone who was more available than you even when you told them to talk to your sisters.
None of this is on you. Your aunt had a nice idea (provided this is something your parents would enjoy), but it was a complicated thing to try to achieve even if she’d been living in the same house as you guys, Mary dropped the ball on communicating with someone who would be home, and her proxy Lucy dropped the ball on getting everything lined up.
If you’re going to try to organize this sort of thing you need to roll with the punches – sometimes people have to work late, or get sick, or make their plans since they don’t know about the surprise.” Primary-Friend-7615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The risk of planning a surprise that requires people to be in a specific place at a specific time is that it’s all going to fall apart and that only becomes more likely when there the planning doesn’t have everyone involved specifically looped in.
Their poor planning is not your fault in the least and anyone trying to blame you for it is just wrong.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sounds like an understandable messy situation. You did what you thought was right… can the surprise just be rescheduled?
Like you can plan it together for a time when you know they’ll both be home and when they’re likely to be in a good mood. Perhaps before a night out or something like that?” Living-Highlight7777
3. AITJ For Asking People To Stop Mentioning My Stepson's Late Mother?
“I have been married to my husband Will for 3 years now, went out for 2.
Before me, Will was married to his high school sweetheart Anna for 3 years. Tragically Anna passed away during the birth of their child, a little boy they named Damian.
I met Will 3 years later.
He was my older cousin’s college friend. Will wasn’t looking for a relationship but we somehow hit it off. I met Damian 2 months into making our relationship official.
I adore the little one with all my heart. And he is just the sweetest little man in the world.
Always smiling and happy and polite. I would say I fell in love with Damian first and Will later.
His parents and siblings were happy for Will and me and always thanked me for being there for Damian.
Anna’s family however, did not like me.
They thought Will was moving too fast and that I wasn’t a good influence on Damian. For context, I’m Muslim and Anna’s family are very strict Catholics.
Their attitude towards me kept getting worse as Damian began getting more comfortable with me as a constant presence in his life.
And because he was so young and Anna’s family lived kind of far away, they weren’t much of an influence in Damian’s life. Will did take Damian to visit them once every month but as a young kid, he obviously preferred his dad and later me.
I want to have kids later (in my 30s) so for much of his childhood, Damian will be my only kid of sorts. And as a result, we got really close and he started calling me mama.
This enraged Anna’s family as they felt like Will and I were trying to erase Anna from Damian’s life.
That wasn’t true but you couldn’t really explain the concept of a stepmother to a 5, 6 or 7 year old. Damian would get upset whenever someone said I wasn’t his “real” mom and so I requested others to stop mentioning Anna until Damian was a little bit older.
When I made this request, not only were Anna’s family members enraged but Will’s siblings also agreed and said I was trying to take Anna’s place and that it would be a very jerk thing to do.
But I don’t think I’m being cruel or mean by trying to be a good mother figure to Damian and think of his feelings.
Like, Anna is gone but Damian is the one here right now. Shouldn’t his feelings/thoughts matter more? Am I being manipulative in anyway? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I was with you until this “I requested others to stop mentioning Anna until Damian was a little bit older”.
Now it DOES sound like you’re trying to erase Anna, whether you meant it to come across that way or not. You’re not a jerk for Damian calling you mama, but to ask other people to essentially pretend like Anna never existed is incredibly unfair, especially on her family.” New-Pea-3721
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trying to be a good mother for Damian. Soft jerk for trying to cut the memory of Anna out of his life. A 7-year-old boy gets the meaning of step mother. Or of ‘I have a mother in heaven and one who takes care of me’.
Do not erase Anna from his life. But be open with this as much as it is appropriate for his age and let him have two mommies.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. I think asking everyone not to mention Damien’s bio mother is doing a disservice to her memory.
Not talking about the elephant in the room doesn’t make it easier to deal with years down the road. It would be normal for a family who lost their daughter to be upset. Especially since you asked them not to mention their deceased daughter/his bio mom around Damien for now.
If he wants to call you “mama,” that’s up to you all. However, you can explain that he has two “mamas” or something along those lines. Kids are perceptive and smarter than you think. I think it should be handled better. You can create space for both you and her.” True-Mousse4957
2. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Wedding Reception After My Husband's Friend Proposed?
“My now husband Lucas (26) and I (F,25) were getting married.
We decided to tie the knot as we were having a little girl together and were madly in love. So leading up to the wedding day Lucas told me that his best man (Jacob) wanted to propose to his partner as it would be a great time and it is a nice venue to do it at.
I said that I didn’t want him to propose at our wedding as it is our special moment, not theirs, and that they can do it sometime else. Lucas told me that his friend was mad that I didn’t agree. I just wanted the wedding to be about us because it was our special day.
After that disagreement, I thought nothing of it.
Fast forward to my wedding day. We had finished the church service and now we were at the reception and were all having fun eating. I’m eating my food and then Jacob stops the music at the DJ booth to make an announcement.
I just knew from that moment he was going to propose. I looked to see where Lucas was and he was holding red and white roses walking out to stand in front of Chloe (Jacob’s partner) spelling out “Will you marry me?” I was shocked that they went behind my back when I said no. I got up out of my seat and walked out.
It’s been 2 days since the wedding and my husband cursed me out for not letting them have a special moment. I responded with “I wanted the day to be about us because it’s our wedding, not theirs and I am happy for them but the worst thing was even though I said no you went behind my back about it.” Since that argument, he moved to the guest bedroom and now most of my friends are cursing me out on all my socials.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ. They are SO many posts on the revenge forums about jerks who propose at other peoples’ weddings. It’s a terrible thing to do and I’m surprised his partner didn’t turn down the engagement for doing something like that.
If he wanted a nice venue, he should have paid for a nice dinner or something, NOT use a celebration you just spend thousands of dollars on to make it about him. I would be requesting the cost of their meals back. The fact that your new husband went behind your back is also pretty terrible.
Your friends who are cursing out on social can be easily removed from your life. Your husband, though. I think this is something that will have to be discussed in couples’ counseling so he can see what a selfish backhanded thing he did.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The friend is a jerk and a cheapskate and he should have backed off the minute he realised you didn’t like the idea. Your husband is the bigger jerk. If your husband can’t respect a simple decision like that on your wedding day, see it as a sign for your future.
Get this marriage annulled – it won’t last long if you aren’t prepared to be a doormat. (I’m going to go with what typically happens as well – you as the bride probably put more effort into this day than the groom so truly this should have been your choice).
If you care about people’s opinions, send out one mass text explaining what happened and how your wishes were disrespected. Then go silent.” kiwi-sparkle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry, but you just married and disrespectful idiot. This is a black flag. Any man with any ounce of morality or respect would never have even approached you about his friend proposing to his partner during YOUR wedding.
How incredibly rude and disrespectful! If you have already signed the marriage certificate, find a judge to start the annulment process. You can’t be married to someone who so fundamentally disrespects you. You are in for a lifetime of hurt if you do. I’m so sorry.” SpruceOaks
1. AITJ For Considering Uninviting My Best Friend From My Wedding Due To Her Toxic Behavior?
“I (26F) have been friends with F (28F) for a little over 10 years.
We spent a good chunk of that decade inseparable! We lived together, worked together a few times, and told each other everything! We’ve both been in solid relationships for a while now and both recently got engaged. Exciting to be engaged at the same time, right?
Wrong. She got engaged in mid-September 2023, and I got engaged in mid-October 2023 (two completely different ways, if that’s important). For the short month that she was a fiancé and I wasn’t, I was very hands-on and helped where I could with anything she asked. We had planned to go dress shopping in the next state over, she asked me to be her MOH and was overall her soundboard.
When I got engaged, her response was “About time!” making it seem like she was excited for us! Within a month, she uninvited me to dress shopping, stopped asking me questions or for help, informed me that she had chosen a different MOH, and stopped talking to me.
I made attempts to reach out and ask how things were going, how life was, or opinions of certain ideas I was debating for my wedding. When my FH and I decided on a date, we took into account her wedding date to ensure it wasn’t too close to hers.
Hers was 2 and a half months before ours was, and hers was a destination wedding, where ours was in the next town over. Plenty of time IMO. We were trying to “rush” our wedding due to ill family members who were important to us to have there.
Once she found out about our date, she proceeded to throw a tantrum that we were trying to “steal her spotlight”. I had already booked our venue by that time, so I simply apologized that she felt that way, and that it wasn’t the intention.
She stopped replying to me again, and we haven’t talked since then (that was roughly 2 months ago). Today, she posted on social media that she had changed her wedding date for undisclosed reasons…the weekend after our wedding. For someone who threw a fit about our 2.5-month gap being too short, she threw that idea out the window.
With the toxic behaviors that have been exhibited over the last 3 months, I was debating taking her and her fiancé off the guest list. The last thing I want at my wedding is unnecessary drama. Does that make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It appears that she’s threatened by you upstaging her wedding and wedding plans. This is a bizarre way to think unless you’re a jealous, insecure person. I had friends get married a month before me and a cousin the week after and I never gave it a thought.
But then I also don’t think the world revolves around me and I don’t compare myself to others. It’s not a competition, and if she sees it that way, then perhaps it’s better to uninvite her. Especially if you know her well enough to suspect she’s capable of pulling shenanigans.
I’d say making you un-MOH was enough of a vibe.” BellaSquared
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. However, keep in mind that uninviting people will always create more drama. Especially if you share with friends. Sometimes protecting your peace means extending a courtesy invite, hoping they don’t show up, and seating them down the back if they do.” throwaway345789642
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