People Long To Hear What We Have To Say About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

One of the worst things is being condemned for something you didn't mean to do. When others don't fully understand us, it's simple for them to label us as jerks. Here are some stories from folks who are unsure whether their deeds qualify them as "jerks". Continue reading and let us know who you believe is the jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. AITJ For Getting My Job Back So I Won't Have To Take Care Of My Husband's Niece?


“My husband (30M) became the legal guardian to his sister’s daughter (17F) two months ago. She lost her single mom last year. My in-laws took her in but they were too old.

That was when my husband became her legal guardian despite my concerns. He told me that he would take care of her completely.

We got married a year ago after 15 years of being together.

I had a very successful career in a very physically and mentally demanding field. I had to travel a lot. We wanted to start a family and I agreed to be a stay-at-home mom.

I quit my job a few months into the marriage when I got pregnant. Sadly, I had a failed pregnancy. Then his sister passed away and everything is on hold. In the meantime, I took a part-time job in a related field that allows remote work so that I am not bored out of my mind.

My SIL was a nurse. She quit her job to take care of her daughter full-time. Her daughter has a variety of issues including non-verbal autism, a series of developmental disorders like dyslexia, and severe sensory issues.

My husband says that he does most of the work. But he doesn’t. Since I am working from home part time most of the caretaking falls to me. She gets angry and has meltdowns all the time.

She doesn’t like the food I make and most of the time she ends up throwing food at the floor or me. I am at my wit’s end and it is just so emotionally exhausting.

Around Dec 15, my husband was working late and asked me to take care of dinner. She is very picky about food. The slightest change in texture or taste from what she is used to can cause a meltdown.

She threw the plate at my feet and I ended up bleeding. At that point, I called my husband and asked him to be home as soon as possible. He said he wouldn’t be able to.

I went up to my room and told him I am not dealing with this anymore. He came hours later and she was still crying. He was absolutely furious at me.

He called me heartless and irresponsible. I told him I have had enough of both of their ungrateful behavior and told him that I am going to my mom’s and I wouldn’t be back until New Year’s.

He panicked and tried to apologize but I left. He called me every day asking me to come back. I finally came back and he told me that my stunt had forced him to all available leaves to stay home with her.

He told me that he was glad I was back. I told him that I contacted my former company and got my old job back and it starts next Monday. It is in-office and requires a lot of travel.

He asked me who was supposed to stay at home as she cannot be left alone, he has no more leaves and full-time caretakers are too expensive. I told him he promised to take care of everything when he became her guardian and that it was his problem.

As you can guess, my family supports me and his family thinks I am being extremely selfish. So I am asking for judgment from impartial strangers.

AITJ in this situation?”

Another User Comments:


It sounds like your husband’s niece needs full-time care that neither of you can provide. His niece will be dependent on him for her whole life and it’s a situation you can’t change.

You advised him that you weren’t equipped to deal with his niece. Now you’ve got to decide whether to stay in a marriage that will see you as a caretaker (his niece will take up all that time and energy, which will leave little or no time for raising your own family), or whether to call it quits and maybe assist him financially a bit if you are able to.

I’m sorry for the loss of your baby, too.” Durbanite82

Another User Comments:

“As a father to someone with autism I have to say: Taking care of someone with Autism without knowledge is no easy feat.

It requires a lot of knowledge, without it can be the most frustrating thing in the world both for you and for the child. Once you get the knowledge though, it CAN be quite easy and rewarding even.

Op is NTJ. I am assuming you had almost no time to learn what you are dealing with.

For both of you, I would recommend reading up on autism so that you would understand the child much easier, and hopefully, all the hardships you experience today will make it feel trivial after the knowledge.

I myself have read, and still reading, and also taking courses on how to take care of children with autism, one thing at a time though. I feel like I understand any child better now, even neurotypical children.

I am now a much better father.

A good start is ‘It takes two to talk’ by Hanen since she is nonverbal.” benjivevi

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You had been with this guy for about 15 years when he decided to take on a teenager with disabilities as the sole guardian, against your concerns/wishes.

Sure family is family but this girl isn’t like a typical girl. She has special needs that she will not grow out of so it’s a commitment for life to a greater or lesser extent, as opposed to until she goes off to college or a full-time job somewhere around 17-22.

I love my nephew and niece and I think I would take them if God forbid both their parents are gone when they are still minors. But I would say no to that if one or both had a disability that requires a lot of extra care for the age of the child.

And this isn’t your family. Your partner disregarded your wishes, then let you deal with most of the extra care, and couldn’t be bothered to come home when you were injured by this girl.

I would reconsider the future of this relationship. This care for this girl is a massive drain and a danger, that’s incompatible with a job for you or with you having a baby/child (if you were to go for that).

I don’t see how you can have what you rightly want in life as long as this teenager is still living with you. Sounds like your partner needs to decide how much he’s willing to do to care for his niece. By the sounds of it, very little.” Wonderful_Ad968

5 points (5 votes)

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CmHart2008 4 months ago
NTJ. You did not agree to care for this person & your husband & his family are being unfair to you. If you continue, you will have to forfeit your own plans for the future which means no children for you and a lifetime of feeling used and/or unfulfilled.
This person needs full time care with someone skilled to deal with her special needs. Your husband & his family need to find an appropriate facility for her and with you returning to work, you MAY choose to contribute financially. If you choose not to contribute, hubby's family has to face their responsibilities and pay for her upkeep. This special needs person is not your responsibility! Your husband is being selfish and is too willing to cast unwelcome responsibility onto you. You will have to make him understand that this is negatively impacting your marriage.
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17. AITJ For Hating Unexpected Visitors?


“My cousin… we are not close or anything and he isn’t my direct cousin. I’m 24M and I live in the city and I rent a 2 bedroom house. So suddenly today in the morning I get a call from him saying that he is coming over for lunch…

mind you, I only see him during family events back in my hometown 1000 miles away. He isn’t my direct relative and I am not close to him. He, his wife, and his two children who are teenagers they all were apparently coming over.

I said I have work and a doctor’s appointment, I have a serious issue and I had a spinal tap appointment during the afternoon. I told them no I can’t and then went to my doctor’s and came back in the evening after almost 7 pm.

And they were all waiting for me with another couple that I don’t even know.

I was exhausted and had already made clear I wasn’t hosting them in any way so I wasn’t prepared at all so I asked them all to leave.

They started calling me out saying I am being rude and disrespectful since he is older and I’m being egoistic as well and that since they already told their kids that I was gonna take them to a fancy restaurant, I should do that…

I never said that I actually told them not to come. I didn’t even want to eat out let alone pay for so many people to eat out. I just told them to go home and locked the door behind me.

I told the situation to my mom and she was livid, she said not to even talk to them again. I feel bad a bit but I am exhausted and I had a very scary experience at the doctor’s as well.

Am I the bad guy in this?

UPDATE: They sent me an Uber receipt saying that I should reimburse them given I caused them so much embarrassment and they had to come here and wait and then take a ride home.”

Another User Comments:


Not only that but there is no conceivable way that any part of this story makes you the jerk.

How could you feel bad about this?

Your cousin might have a mental problem or at the very least an entitlement problem. No one in their right mind invites themselves over, doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, and brings their entire family and some friends over after being told ‘no.’

No means no, and I’m glad your mother agrees.” joefred111

Another User Comments:

“So a family member, who is not a direct relative of you, attempted to strong arm you into taking care of/hosting his family for the day/night & when they wouldn’t take NO for an answer, waited at your doorstep after making promises to their own children on your behalf that you did not make & want to know if you’re the jerk for not falling in line with their nonsense? NTJ 200%!

You don’t owe him or his family anything! It’d be one thing if he came to you & said ‘we’re in your area & hard up for cash, can you host us for the night so we have a place to stay?’ but he didn’t; he attempted, poorly, into strong-arming you into submission by being at your door when you got home.” Few-Entrepreneur383

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all.

Your cousin was rude and entitled. First of all, who just invites themselves to someone’s house? But then has the nerve to bring other guests and promise that you’ll take them out. That’s absolutely ridiculous, especially so considering your doctor’s appointments. Even without that stress, their actions are beyond rude.” LustForALostBoy

5 points (5 votes)

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ankn 3 months ago
NTJ Good for you for having the strength to say NO and not let yourself be bulldozed.
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16. AITJ For Causing A Family Fight?


“I (28 M) am gay, and my parents disowned me because of it. I haven’t spoken to them in 8 years. However, I’m still close with my sister (34 F) and her daughter (10 F).

My sister still has a relationship with our parents.

Every year, my parents host a big Christmas gathering. I’m never invited, but my sister and niece always go. A day or two after that, we do a smaller Christmas with just me, my sister, and my niece.

At our smaller Christmas gathering, while my sister was in the other room, my niece asked why I never go to my parents’ Christmas. I replied with the excuse I’ve used for years: I had to work.

My niece said that my excuse didn’t make sense because sometimes the big gathering happened on Christmas when I definitely have the day off. She was getting upset and asked, ‘do you not like to be with us?’

If she hadn’t said that, I probably wouldn’t have told her.

But I can’t stand the idea that she would think I chose not to go to Christmas. So, in a calm voice, I said ‘well, you know how I like boys instead of girls? Grandma and Grandpa don’t like that, so they ask me not to go to Christmas.’

My niece was obviously upset by this.

The next day, she called her grandparents and asked how dare they tell me not to come to Christmas. Apparently, she was really harsh with them. Then, my parents called my sister and yelled at her for letting my niece around me.

My sister confronted me and said I was a jerk for causing the family fight and for involving my niece in it. I feel really bad, and I really didn’t expect my niece to call them and cause a fight.

So I wanted to know, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Any decent sister would have refused to spend Xmas with your parents. If it were me, and my parents had disowned my brother, I would have gone spare at my parents and told them they were horrible people, full of hate.

I would have refused to have anything to do with my parents after that. I would have never wanted them around any children I had either.

The outwardly homophobic people are often the ones who make the news, but I think people like your sister are just as bad as your parents.

She silently condones their actions, by doing nothing. Yet, when you politely tell your niece the truth, rather than let her think you don’t like her, your sister blames you. She needs to look at herself and the person she has become.” KarenMaca

Another User Comments:


In my opinion, you waited too long to do this. Out the bigots! Your sister may seem supportive/loving on the surface by continuing contact with you, but if she really cared she wouldn’t have sat by for years and left your defense to her young child.

Not to mention, as the one that has custody of their grandchild, I’d argue that she has more power to fight in your defense. If I was your sister, my parents would need to swallow their hate and accept you wholeheartedly or else lose access to their granddaughter, as they aren’t acting as worthy examples of compassionate, well-adjusted humans.

Also, it’s important to teach kids from a young age what bullying and discrimination look like and how to respond to them. You’re a good uncle for being honest with your niece, and I think you phrased it in a tactful way for her age level.

The REAL winner here is your niece. It can be scary for kids to stand up to adults when they’re behaving badly, even more so when the ill-behaved adults are family members with some level of authority over them.” jesslizann

Another User Comments:


Your parents caused a family fight by basically kicking you out of the family.

Your niece is old enough to notice you’re not there so consistently you not being invited or choosing not to go are the only two options. It’s absurd to expect you to fall on your sword telling your niece you don’t want to be around her and the family when you’re regularly excluded.

You didn’t say anything even remotely explicit explaining.

She’s the one who chose to call them on their hateful crap based on true things they are continuing to do to you.

Your sister just likes getting to keep her head in the sand and not deal with any conflict since she has the privilege of doing so.” Forsaken_Distance777

5 points (5 votes)

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ankn 3 months ago
NTJ for telling the truth.
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15. AITJ For Telling My Family What My Mom Said To Me?


“My mom is one of those people who had children because she wanted to have something (notice how I say something) to brag about.

I’ve been best friends with my cousin for several years and one thing to know about her is that she’s good at nearly everything.

Me on the other hand, I’m above average but in terms of vast skill sets, I’m not even close.

My parents have been telling me for years that they wish they could swap me out for my cousin, and while I should be getting used to it, it still stings a bit.

On New Year’s Eve, I was with most of my family and we were talking about stuff our parents used to tell us and I said that my mom would often say she wished she could swap me out.

No one really thought about it, and we continued our conversation.

But afterward, my mom came to me furiously. She said that I made her look like a bad mom and I said that if she didn’t want to look like a bad mom, don’t say anything that would make her look like a bad mom.

She wasn’t convinced. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are completely right. If she doesn’t want to look like a bad mother she shouldn’t act like it. ONLY bad mothers say things like ‘I wish I could swap you for your cousin’.

She doesn’t get to hurt you and then get mad about how you handle your feelings. I would tell her that if I were you. I would also tell her that if she keeps being cruel, you’re going to tell everyone everything she says and embarrass her since she hates you telling the truth so much.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – ‘my mom came to me furious’ – Awwww, why was she furious? She doesn’t like to be exposed for being cruel towards her own child, since…

well, since forever – that’s exactly why she’s so annoyed by you showing her true colors to everyone in your family. She knows exactly what she’s doing, she knows for sure that she’s behaving horribly.

She wouldn’t be furious at you if she thought she had done right. She would have defended herself – (what she does is awful and has no excuse, but that doesn’t prevent people like her to go and try to defend their actions).

Yet, she didn’t even try to defend herself. Why? Because she knows that will only make things worse for her.” P40L4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your mother is a narcissist and is annoyed you exposed her awful behavior.

She is a bad mother. You should tell her that, stand by it, and walk away. And that if she ever speaks to you like that again it’ll be the last time she speaks to you at all.

You deserved better growing up, but it’s never too late.” NothingAndNow111

5 points (5 votes)

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Alliauraa 3 months ago
NTJ Your mother is Toxic.
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14. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Cook Dinner On Her Birthday?


“My wife (f30) and I (M32) agreed to split cooking ‘duties’ between us. I cook on Friday and Tuesday while my wife cooks on Sunday and Thursday.

Her birthday was (yesterday) on a Sunday.

We had a celebration at our house and had guests but they all left after the party was over because there was no ‘birthday dinner’ included.

So when the party was over, I reminded my wife that it was her turn to cook and asked her to do it.

She was busy posting about the party she looked at me and was confused. I asked what and she asked if I really expected her to cook on her birthday. I said why not it’s her turn, and besides the party was over but she argued that I can not be expecting her to cook when it’s still her birthday and that I should just go into the kitchen and cook and she’ll cook the next day.

I refused and told her she was being sneaky by trying to weasel out of cooking this Sunday since it’s her part of the deal and she should stick to it.

She offered takeout but we need to save funds and she snapped at me about what an inconsiderate jerk I was to be ‘forcing’ her to cook on her birthday. I responded that she was just trying the old ‘smoke and mirror method’ because if this was me she wouldn’t let me get out of cooking dinner no matter what the excuse is.

She got more annoyed saying I just ruined her 30th birthday for her with my awful attitude and selfishness.

She isn’t speaking to me at the moment making me feel guilty for expecting her to do this.


EDIT: the reason I didn’t want to settle for takeout is because takeout is only allowed on days when neither of us is cooking. And also I’m the breadwinner and finances are tight right now so we can not afford any unnecessary expenses.

Also, the reason I said if that was my birthday and I tried to get out of cooking when it was my turn, my wife wouldn’t let me since she still had me come home to cook after my dad was admitted to the hospital and I went to see him.”

Another User Comments:


Why on earth wouldn’t you have thought of this in advance and made getting a takeaway part of your birthday present to her? Or even taking her cooking day as part of your present to her!!

There’s no way you thought she would want to cook dinner on her birthday, and if this is how petty you are generally in your relationship you two have no hope.

You’re supposed to be a partnership, a team, not tit-for-tat on whether the chores are done as agreed. That’s for roommates not for partners.” Jemma_2

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Giant jerk.

Everyone has different opinions about how important a birthday is, if it really means something or not, so I don’t think you are a jerk just for asking her if she would cook that day, but you didn’t just do that.

You not only pressured her to cook, didn’t accept her option of delivery (I know money is a factor, but it was a special occasion), and tried to shame her for doing so.

On her birthday.

You should’ve thought of this way before the day and asked her if she wanted to change days with you. It was more than reasonable to change, as she offered and I can see no reason for you to not accept other than wanting her to feel bad.” YbryRiuna

Another User Comments:


This is a perfect example of the expression about winning the battle but losing the war, although I wouldn’t even say you won anything here. Yes, expecting someone to do unnecessary labor on their (milestone!) birthday is petty.

At the very least you could have compromised and offered to switch days to cook for the week but you just sound bent on forcing your wife to stick to this arbitrary plan, ie getting your way. This is, by the way, the kind of thing that might not seem huge by itself but in time accumulate feelings of resentment if they keep happening.” DigDugDogDun

3 points (5 votes)

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CmHart2008 4 months ago
YTJ and a petty one at that. You had money for a party but not to take your wife out to dinner for her birthday? Grow up & stop this tit for tat or your marriage will not work!
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13. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Wear A White Dress At My Wedding?


“I (23f) am back in the states with my fiance (24m) for the holidays. While here, my best friends planned a surprise engagement party for me and my fiance where all of my close friends and family were invited to celebrate our engagement.

This party included my immediate family and family friends which consists of mostly my mom’s best friends and their families.

The party is in full swing and since I and my fiance have been in Scotland for the past few months we’re very busy catching up with family and friends.

Midway through the party, my best friend pulls me to the side and asks me if I had seen the dress my mom is telling everyone that she’s wearing to the wedding.

Confused, I make my way across the room to talk to my mother and I ask her about the whole situation. Unfazed, she very excitedly shows me this white sparkly gown with what looked like a two feet sweep train in the back.

The dress looked like a wedding dress.

I was shocked. I had barely even begun wedding planning and somehow my mother had already managed to begin to derail my wedding. I asked her if she was serious and she simply nodded her head and told me about how she went shopping the moment she heard I was engaged and thought it was perfect.

I didn’t want to cause a scene at the party so I waited until we all went home to address my mother after everyone went to sleep. I basically asked her if it was possible for her to find another dress as my wedding wouldn’t be for at least two years and I very plainly wasn’t comfortable with her wearing a white dress that had a train and basically looked like a wedding dress.

My mom then got very huffy and basically said that ‘if she looked good in it then why shouldn’t she wear it?’ and began to double down and tell me that if I was worried about her overshadowing me at my wedding then that would be my problem and I shouldn’t let others make me feel inferior or ruin my day.

She then went on a rant about how she didn’t understand why I was making such a big deal about the wedding since all I needed was a church and all the family there and nothing else should matter if I’m with my husband and we’re getting married in a church (she’s a very devout catholic).

Then proceeded to point out that if I was really focusing on what dress she was wearing and other small details like flowers, venues, music, and other things then I was being really shallow and maybe shouldn’t get married at all.

I reiterated my point about while that may be – it’s my wedding and I would not feel comfortable if anyone else showed up in an overly expensive white dress comparable to my white dress and I didn’t care how that made me look.

She then told me I’m shallow and should go to church to rethink my actions because obviously, I’m not ready for marriage if that’s all I’m focused on.

AITJ for asking my mom not to wear a white dress to my wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ even if you don’t uninvite her you might have to have a mother-wrangling team.

Assigned to make sure she doesn’t disrupt your day or ‘accidentally’ spill red wine during the getting ready process. Either that or ensure everyone completely ignores her on the day. Most of these people do these things for attention and if no one takes her on she’d either be embarrassed or frustrated.

so make sure even if the photographer takes pictures of her, her dress gets photoshopped or something. Probably find a way to make it a family joke before the wedding. You have time to do enough that it would bother her.

Either way doesn’t let her ruin your joy.” afi_inadaydream

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Wearing a white or wedding dress (or even something close) to someone else’s wedding is one of the biggest no-nos there is!

Maybe you could talk her around by framing it as not wanting her to make a fool of herself and have everyone laughing and gossiping about what an awful mother she is to do that to her child because it is a well-known faux pas.

If that doesn’t work you may well have to tell her if she wears that dress she will not be allowed in, and if she insists un-invite her and have security keep her out.

I’m also going to add that you should keep all vendors and locations with passwords in case she tries to overstep again, and make sure all dresses and decorations are kept somewhere secure, just in case things escalate.

Because if she’s already doing something like this, she could well escalate. Maybe consider eloping instead.

Congratulations and good luck!” Catatomical

Another User Comments:


Time to pick out a cool color for your wedding dress that she will beyond hate and you love.

Mean people are going to be mean no matter their age or their relation to us. If you’ve ever dreamed of a neon yellow or a goth black wedding dream dress now is your chance.

Go big she’s gonna look the fool either way. She’s really only embarrassing her and her husband at this point, she knows it’s in poor taste, other people know it’s in poor taste and that you didn’t choose it.

Let her wear that clown nose. You can also, not invite her or only invite her to the reception. It seems extreme but you cannot let anyone steal your happiness any longer. Life is too short. Do what you gotta.” zappa_toast

3 points (3 votes)

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Sugar 4 months ago
NTJ. Your mother, however, lacks class and respect for you.
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12. AITJ For Calling Out A Family For Abandoning Their Cat?


“I live in an apartment that doesn’t allow pets. Most of my neighbors own their homes. The house next door had this really friendly cat.

Last week, the cat came up to me, he had patchy fur and looked like skin and bones.

I thought maybe he’d been lost and was just finding his way back home and I went to the house and rang the bell but nobody answered. I brought him into my own apartment and planned to take him to the vet.

I found both parents on social media from the name on the microchip. I DMed them both saying I’d found their lost cat but nobody replied, I assumed they just don’t check social media a lot.

I rang their bell every day until one day a different lady answered saying the last owners sold the house. I was worried, maybe they moved and couldn’t find their cat anywhere? If I had to move and my pet went missing before the move, I’d be devastated.

I thought another neighbor might have their phone number or new address, so I asked on the community social media page, attaching their profile screenshots and cat’s photo.

Someone said the family moved just a mile away.

Someone else put their names with the @ so they were notified on the post.

And I got a weird message from the man saying ‘I didn’t give you permission to post me on a public page, remove this by the law’.

I sent several messages like ‘is that your cat’ and got a reply telling me to get lost.

I screenshot the message and posted it on the public post being like ‘is this a prank, is this actually the guy who used to live here?’

I was so sure it was some joke, the wrong guy since I couldn’t imagine someone finding their lost pet and reacting like that.

A few other neighbors replied confirming that was the guy.

I replied to say ‘Shameful… Kitty got fleas and was hungry, I’m treating the fleas but I really can’t keep him. Is anyone able to take him in? He was a mostly indoor cat and I’m worried he won’t make it through the winter outside’.

One of the other neighbors said they could take him in if the flea problem was dealt with, so I agreed to treat his fleas.

I was then getting kinda mad at the guy who abandoned the cat and asked on the public page ‘FatherName, MotherName Your cat got fleas and is way too skinny cause y’all put him out.

I’m out of a lot of funds. Y’all really hurt him abandoning him in the cold. The least you could do is cover the cost to bring him back to health.’

I got another unhinged private message from the dad, mad at me for being a renter coming into a long-standing community and starting beef among community members who’d been around longer than I’d been alive and would be around after I was moved out in a year.

This might be really petty but I posted it in the comments of the public post too saying ‘shameful reaction… Yikes’.

I feel like I might have been a jerk for publicly shaming the family but I also think I started by trying to genuinely help and was just met with crazy stuff.

AITJ for publicly shaming the family?”

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ! In fact, most people would probably think I am a jerk because that’s something I would have done. I care very much about animals and I cannot stand when people discard them like a piece of trash.

You were kind enough to take the cat in and the man had the audacity to treat you like that? If anything he should have been brought up on criminal charges for animal neglect and mistreatment.

I’m not sure where you live but in some states that can happen, especially since the kitty is microchipped, and able to locate the original owners.

What you did is a very admirable thing and I thank you for caring for the kitty.

I’m so glad that you were the person that found that little cat in need and that you were able to find a forever home for the poor little fur baby.

It’s sad when people treat pets like possessions instead of family members. They are jerks for treating a cat like that and then for turning around and attacking you for trying to help their pet.

You’re a great person and I hope karma is kind to you. Best wishes and happy New Year.” Consistent-Stop2383

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If anything, you could have done more than that. They are lucky that this is the only shaming they received.

In turn, you got a weird boomer response. I would find out if it’s possible to report the animal neglect where you live, if it’s a thing for you there, it should be really easy to get it to take since the cat is microchipped and you have screenshots of this unhinged individual.

They would likely be fined and I think I’ve heard of people getting some of that cost to cover animal care once it was rescued.

Whatever you do, I’m glad this cat found a human able and willing to take them in like this.

I’m sorry that you had to find out just how cruel people can be, but you are doing the right thing.

Lastly, I think we are owed a cat tax.” VixNeko

Another User Comments:


People who do this deserve shaming – one of my mom’s friends had a friend of her own say they were going to abandon their Devon Rex cat because they didn’t want to bother bringing him along when they moved.

We live in Alberta, Canada – it was early winter – They literally would have sentenced their cat to death because he was ‘inconvenient’ to bring along. Mom’s friend kept the cat and ditched the (now ex) friend.

She makes him little sweaters to wear to help keep him warm.

People who treat living, breathing, and feeling animals as inanimate objects deserve to be shamed when they cause them harm.

Maybe they wouldn’t be ‘shamed’ if what they did wasn’t absolutely shameful.

Honestly, if I were you, I would consider contacting all the shelters and pet stores in your area with their names, address, and screenshots of their nonsense to make sure they don’t do the same stuff again with another animal. Get them blacklisted from adopting another pet so they can just abandon it when they get tired of it.” GenjisWife

3 points (3 votes)

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OpenFlower 4 months ago
NTJ. People who abandon their pets deserve more than shame. Your animals are family, not just some fury toy you can throw away when you're done with it. But sadly, a lot of people do this. It's terrible and it makes my blood boil. I would have said worse because "yikes" is right. That man sounds horrible. Thank you for being a good person and taking care of kitty before someone else could take her. You have a good heart!
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11. AITJ For Threatening Not To Invite My Mother-In-Law To The Wedding?


“I got engaged two months ago and I was thrilled. Our relationship is super strong, and I’d say our only real problem is that his mom is a nightmare, but he is in agreement about putting me first and enforcing boundaries.

The first time I saw her after the engagement she took my hand and held my ring up against hers and just smiled at me (hers is considerably bigger). She told me it was cute for a starter ring and said she was sorry she threw her first engagement ring into the ocean or she could have passed it down to me.

I replied that I am superstitious and wouldn’t wear a ring from a failed marriage and MIL said well anything would be bigger than that.

A week later at her anniversary, her husband gave her some jewelry and she held it up against my ring, moved it to make it sparkle, and giggled.

My fiancé had a talk with her and let her know to knock it off. She then asked if I was disappointed with my proposal because we were just on the couch.

To be honest I was and it was embarrassing because I felt she could sense it. I said the proposal doesn’t matter and she said she feels like that is just something society wants women to believe so they have low standards.

The last straw was when she told my proposal story to her stepdaughter who made a face, and then MIL said maybe I don’t mind boring because I am an accountant.

I snapped at her that if she made one more comment she would not be invited to the wedding. MIL said that is fine and she thinks she might be out of the country anyway if we go with the date we thought we would (umm why didn’t she tell us that originally?)

MIL’s husband (enabler from the underworld) said she is just acting like this because she is mad that I got engaged the day before her birthday and showed up to her huge (think luxury wedding size) party wearing my ring.

I didn’t even think of it but that makes sense because MIL’s best friend ‘accidentally’ ruined my outfit and I had to leave. MIL’s husband said I should apologize to her.

My first thought was God, no, but other family members said she was just getting even and I should drop it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You and your fiancé need to have a SERIOUS discussion about what, if any, relationship to have with her.

She got upset because you got engaged before her birthday? And had her best friend ruin your outfit? Can you imagine what a beast she’s going to be at your wedding when the spotlight isn’t on her? Do you want every holiday to be about her tearing you down? You and your fiancé need to set boundaries that HE enforces, or you will be miserable the rest of your life in this family.” Pessa19

Another User Comments:


Your MIL is a child and clearly doesn’t care that you’re marrying her kid because she’s just that self-absorbed. She’s lucky you’re as nice as you are; a lot of people would’ve stooped to her level in their responses (I’m not gonna lie, my first reaction to her actions would’ve been ‘are you trying to call your son cheap?’ ‘Have you talked to your therapist about whether your need for showy, expensive parties and gifts is a reflection of low self-esteem or a lack of genuine affection in your marriage?’ And I know that’s childish!)

Clearly, her love language is gifting and yours is something else.

Maybe mention it to her next time and use that as your go-to for ending such conversations (I.e. ‘yes, we’ve already established that my love language is not gifts. I’m not sure why you continue to bring this up; is there some change you’re expecting to see on this front?’)” User

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ! If this is how she’s acting over a proposal (like another person mentioned, not even just a proposal–she’s being critical of your career and you, and getting other family members to engage in it too) then how would she act during wedding planning or at the wedding itself? I think it would be a good idea to talk to your fiancé about her not being there (and potentially limiting information shared with people who would tell her details about the wedding, and setting up some sort of password/code word with any vendors you book like someone else mentioned. She seems like the type that might try to reschedule/change things to mess with the wedding). So sorry you’re dealing with this!” notcolinhanks

3 points (3 votes)

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deka1 3 months ago
What a witch! I wouldn't think twice about uninviting her from the rest of your life! Glad your fiancé is on your side. Call the interesting out each and every time she does this crap to you. If your fiancé is OK with it, I'd recommend no contact with her at all. Who needs that toxic witch in their lives?
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10. AITJ For Being Frank With My Stepdad?


“I (21F) have always been told that I am very blunt. I never mean to be rude or outwardly disrespectful, but there have been times that my simple answers to people’s questions come off as dismissive because I do not smile or use a certain ‘positive-sounding’ tone of voice all the time when responding.

While this has never been a problem with my friends or family, it seems to be a problem with my stepdad. Although he is not my favorite person, my mom adores him so I never ever ignore him and try to engage in conversation whenever I can.

However, this seemed to be an issue yesterday, when my mom, stepdad, sister, and I went to eat out for dinner. While we were waiting for our food, my stepdad began to explain to me the benefits of not paying off a new car all at once to build credit as an adult (context: I am financing my first car soon with the help of my mom as a co-signer).

I didn’t see it as mansplaining, because it seemed like he was just trying to be helpful, but my mom and I had already had this discussion a few days prior and collaboratively decided to not pay off the car in full for the same reasons he explained.

Once he was done, I said ‘Oh I know, Mom’s explained it all to me.’

This apparently came off as curt because I didn’t smile while saying it (because I was wearing a mask at the table), and he spent the remaining time at dinner stabbing his food with a fork so much that my mom pointed it out.

He and my mom also talked in semi-hushed voices about how rude I was, even though we were all sitting at the table together, so I could hear everything. I was talking to my sister at the time of their conversation, so I suppose he thought I couldn’t hear him.

At one point he replied ‘And I explained it to your mom’, which does not surprise me because he seems to know more about cars than either my mom or me.

I asked my mom about it a bit later and she said while she knew I wasn’t being rude, it seemed that way to him. In her opinion, next time this occurs I should say ‘Ok, thank you’ and move on with the conversation, but that seems even more of a dismissive/’grey rocking’ kind of response to me.

AITJ for my response?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Women don’t have to smile or let someone explain something they already know to them, just to be ‘polite.’ What you said was perfectly fine – you weren’t being impolite.

It seems your parents’ idea of ‘respect’ is different than yours. Some people feel ‘respect’ means ‘treat everyone with basic human decency; treat people how you’d want to be treated’ kind of thing.

In this case, let him know that you already know what he’s explaining, he doesn’t need to go into it.

Others feel that ‘respect’ means ‘treat me like I am superior to you.’ In this case, let him explain and act like it’s super helpful information that you are happy to have, even though it’s not.

They’re mad that you didn’t treat him like a superior and let him feel superior to you.” Padloq

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. (If your stepdad hadn’t been moping and talking about you under his breath during the dinner, I’d have gone with ‘no jerks here.’)

My grandmother had a pet peeve when I was growing up: that it’s rude to say ‘I know’ when someone offers you knowledge.

I don’t entirely disagree (though I very much think context and intent should factor in), because ‘I know’ can be a shutdown of the other person’s attempt to contribute to the conversation, but I also don’t think it’s a problem for you to say, especially since you let him re-explain.

I think this is less an issue of jerks and more an issue of different styles of communication. I, too, am a blunt, to-the-point person. In my professional life, I’ve had to learn to add softeners to my method of communication so I come off as more personable.

It seems that you may want to consider adapting your conversation style a bit so you and your stepdad are speaking the same language. (I recommend having him adapt, too, so you can meet in the middle.)” alquicksilver

Another User Comments:


I struggle with this, too. One of the strategies I find helps is to expand on the subject with enthusiasm like it’s a shared interest. E.g. big smile, they can hear it, even through a mask ‘I know, right?! Mom and I were talking about it earlier, and I’m really looking forward to seeing all those opportunities in a few years when my credit score improves!’ And then ask a related question, like how fast they think it will improve or what mortgage rates you might be looking at in possible scenarios, etc., which should get them talking about something you might not be completely aware of, and makes it feel like you value their experience. Tweak to your own situation.

So much coddling and social effort, but it avoids the lingering passive-aggressive retaliation.” Ducking_Glory

3 points (3 votes)

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Alliauraa 3 months ago
NTJ I give you props for not walking out of the restaurant while your mother was coddling his ego to your detriment.
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9. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Stay With Me Anymore?


“I (27f) and my fiancé (29m) live in a small apartment together, it is perfect for the two of us. My mom (47f) currently is homeless. I have tried to help her find an apartment, lent her funds nonstop, and occasionally will let her stay the night by us.

She refuses to get a job and will not live in an apartment. I have to keep the lights off in my apartment because she is constantly showing up without asking if anyone is home and invites herself in for hours or days on end without asking if she can stay.

When she is here she leaves all the lights on, leaves the tv running, eats anything I have in my fridge, and turns my cat’s water fountain off (so she is unable to drink water) all while I’m sleeping.

I wake up to my apartment a mess. She has a place to stay out of town but will come back to town without a plan and just assumes that she can stay with me, without asking.

At this point, I’m tired of having to be my mom’s mom. I just want some respect from her but she can’t even do that for me. When she stays over I literally am banished to my room.

She takes over the entire living room. She sits here and acts like she is sick, I cannot afford to be out of work right now and neither can my fiancé.

She doesn’t cover her mouth when she coughs or sneezes and it’s just disrespectful to us when we actually have jobs to go to every day. She tries to manipulate me by pretending she has nowhere to go, but I know for a fact that her friend is letting her live with her.

AITJ for telling her that she can’t stay here anymore unless she asks us at least a day in advance?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – It absolutely SUCKS, but what you’ll have to do at this point, is assume any limits your mom gives you about how long she’s staying are lies.

She’s not allowed across the threshold anymore, at least right now. She will not react well to this. You may actually need to call Social Services in advance and let them know there will be a woman with issues outside your house, but right now you are literally being mistreated, and you need to protect yourself.” Steamedfrog

Another User Comments:


I can’t imagine how difficult this situation must be for you, OP

However, you need to set limits.

I saw one poster suggest not letting her in for a long period of time to break the habit. That is certainly a suggestion, but it might only be temporary even with the long-term restriction.

Perhaps you need to tell her that she gets (just an example) one 1 hour visit per month and she must call at least 24 hours in advance. She is not allowed to come over or park outside unannounced and if she violates that agreement, then she can’t come over for two months, etc. And be prepared to stick to that. Again, I know it must be tough. But you need to be fair to yourself and your SO.” One_Saturday_Morning

2 points (2 votes)

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rbleah 4 months ago
You need to set hard boundaries and STICK TO THEM. It may curious her off but TOO BAD MOM. You are NTJ
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8. AITJ For Complaining About My Family's Christmas Gifts To Me?


“For the past five years, my entire immediate family has only given me gag (joke) gifts for Christmas. I am the only one who receives joke gifts like this.

It all started 5 years ago (2017) when my family had a running joke that I looked like the monkey from Planet of the Apes.

It was honestly funny and I didn’t mind the teasing. That Christmas, literally everyone in my immediate family (mom, stepdad, bro, 2 sisters, and stepbro) got me a monkey-themed gift. I was a little disappointed to get same-y gifts but didn’t think twice about it.

The next year (2018), my family teased me for being chubby and eating Twinkies (just part of the joke). That year, everyone gave me Twinkie gear, and I got a repeat monkey gift.

The following year (2019), I got a mix of Twinkie and monkey gifts. After 2019, I commented to my mom I was a little tired of gag gifts and she said I’m just hard to shop for, so the next two years I politely sent my family a diverse list of gift ideas for me (including a range of prices and links to some specific items).

Last year (2020), there was a running joke about me being the only single child. That year, everyone (now including spouses) gave me gifts like a book on how to go out with people, a premium subscription to a website (I don’t use mingling apps), and an empty greeting card about being a bachelor.

Finally, this year (2021), I got more monkey gifts.

On New Year’s Eve, I was with my family talking about Christmas gifts. I made a passive-aggressive comment and my family got annoyed, which led to me yelling about how I’m sick of getting stupid joke gifts for Christmas and that I’m the only one no one bothers to be considerate of.

Things got heated and I ended up leaving the party early.

For comparison, the rest of my family gave each other things like gift cards, video games, nice clothes, and so on.

This is also true for the previous years (as far as I recall).

To be clear, I’m not complaining about the teasing. My family always teases each other in good humor and it’s normal for us.

I’m not the only one being teased, I just feel singled out every Christmas. I know it was wrong to lose my temper but my family says I just can’t take a joke and the gifts are coming out of their kindness so I have no right to be mad.

They also say I’m childish and entitled for being mad I didn’t get exactly what I asked for. I agree I didn’t handle things very maturely, but I think my frustration was valid, especially since it has been building for 5 years now.


Edit: I spoke with my mom today and she feels really bad. According to her, the family talked after I left. My sisters and stepbro feel bad but my stepdad and brother still think I’m the jerk but I’ll talk to them about it when I can.

As some guessed, my mom and sisters thought I didn’t mind the gifts because I didn’t directly say anything sooner, which is on me. They think I was wrong to yell and I agree.

They promise to do better next year. However, thanks to many excellent suggestions, I’m hatching a good-natured revenge plot for next year. Now that you know my family was (mostly) just oblivious feel free to reevaluate your verdict or not as you see fit.”

Another User Comments:


My mom gives me llama-themed gifts because apparently, I can never live down my ‘RaNdOm’ phase in 6th grade where I was obsessed, for whatever reason, with llamas. However, the llama gifts are little things under $5; it’s just small things she finds while shopping that make her think of me, like this year’s haul of llama bandaids, llama chopsticks, a llama folding bag, and reusable llama Ziploc bags.

Although it’s annoying to get an onslaught of llama knickknacks, it’s cute to know she’s thinking of me when she sees things. My mom still gets me real gifts, and the llama things are just stocking stuffers or little trinkets that made her smile and think of me, especially since I don’t live at home anymore.

This isn’t that.

Your family is clearly planning the year’s theme behind your back if it all matches. If your whole gift is a gag gift, that’s not cool. If everyone in your family did weirdo, prank gifts for everyone, that would be one thing, but you’re the sole target every year—and worse, these gifts are intentionally targeted at your insecurities.

They joke with each other, but they conveniently draw the line at Christmas, where the teasing stops to make way for real gifts… for everyone but you. If you’re getting legitimate, thoughtful gifts for them, and if you’ve sent out a wishlist of real things you like, you’re not hard to shop for: they’re jerks who take ‘jokes’ too far.

The planning they put into coordinating your gift indicates they’re making fun of you behind your back and still putting in the effort to make their gifts coordinate. Why can’t they put in the effort toward getting you something you’d actually like? You’ve made your point: they just don’t like hearing it because you’re ruining their fun (of making fun of you.)

I don’t know your family dynamic, but it seems like you’re always the butt of the joke.

These people don’t seem like they’re very nice to you. I don’t want to prescribe no/limited contact without knowing more, but I would challenge you to think about other things they’ve done where you always seem to get the short end of the stick.

If you’re always ‘that guy,’ they don’t seem like they’re supportive or like they have your best interests at heart.” princesshashbrown

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I understand your frustration. Your family is toxic and went too far this time.

I feel you’re overly eager to excuse their behavior by saying you get the jokes and it’s fine, but you’re in a position when they have all of the power to be tactful about it and clearly are not.

A joke is only funny if everyone, including the pranked, finds it funny. I’m glad you set a boundary. Until they can stop making you the butt of every joke, I’d refuse to attend any future gatherings, unless EVERYONE is receiving a white elephant gift, and not just you…

Maybe next year, pick something each of them is very sensitive about and do the same in kind… a scale and weights for Uncle Jimmy because HE’S fat… A psychology tape for Aunt June because she’s ‘crazy’.

A self-help book for finances because Cousin Tim doesn’t manage his finances well… While that’s likely the immature response, maybe they’ll finally understand how you feel for a change.” Jennabear82

Another User Comments:


Your family has spent the last five years giving you the gift of embarrassment for Christmas while giving thoughtful gifts to themselves. It sounds like the gift they’re really giving is an opportunity for them to get some laughs at your expense.

How long should you have to keep taking this joke?

They’ve already gotten plenty of laughs at your expense, why should they expect you to keep being the butt of their jokes during the holidays.

You go to the trouble to get them good gifts while they used the gifts they got you to call you a monkey and a loser who can’t get women. No wonder you’re starting to feel singled out.

Once it got to the point where you objected and they told you you were wrong to be upset by their behavior, it stopped being teasing and became bullying.

This is your family showing you how little regard they have for you. Next year when they waste funds again insulting you under the guise of teasing, toss their trash into the trash and find someplace better to spend the holidays.” Charlie_Parkers_Mood

2 points (2 votes)

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CmHart2008 4 months ago
NTJ. This is a joke carried on WAY TOO LONG & you're within your rights to put a stop to it. If they continue to consider you the jerk, suggest that you totally put a stop to gifts. Tell them you will be happy to send to charity, the money you would have spent on their gifts. Then, do it & decline their gifts to you!
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7. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Not Waking Me Up?


“My husband and I are dual militaries. We’re in different units on different ends of the post. My husband does not have a license but he is working on it. I usually take him to and from work except when we work different hours and his friends get him/drop him off.

We had a 5 day weekend and today is our first day back.

I told him last night that I wasn’t taking him to work at 6 am and to ask a friend because I wasn’t going to work until 9:30.

I leave at 9:15 every day unless I take him and leave 10 min earlier. His work time got changed in the middle of the night to just before me. I also told him that I planned on waking up a bit early so I could make breakfast and defrost my car (it snowed).

My alarm was set to 7:45.

His formation changed in the middle of the night to around the same time as mine. I usually sleep about 2-3 hours a night because of insomnia so I was awake until 4.

This is normal for me.

He turned off my alarm before it woke me up because he figured ‘I should sleep more’. He then got a ride at 8:40 and still left me sleeping.

He said his plan was to wake me up at 9 (15 minutes before I leave) but got busy at work. So he called me at the time I literally leave for work to wake me up.

I woke up panicking because there was no way I could make it to work on time. I was raising my voice as I scrambled out of bed. I didn’t even insult him I asked him what he was thinking and told him if I got in trouble at work it would be his fault.

I hung up and he texted me to say he was sorry but it was super insincere. He said he was sorry he was a screw-up and he ruined my life.

He said I’m right to be angry but apparently the phone call was on speaker and I’m a jerk for making him feel stupid in front of his coworkers.”

Another User Comments:


You were late because HE turned off your alarm.

Usually, I think people are responsible for their own waking up, but he did one purposeful action – turning off the alarm – that made you late. He also easily could have woken you at 8:40 am when he left, which would have given you enough time to leave at 9:15 (rushed, but good to go).

Don’t let him blow this off with big dramatic apologies ‘I ruin everything’ or change the conversation about how you embarrassed him because the phone was on speaker. Be clear that:

He turned off your alarm and that is what made you late.

He called you on speaker, you are not responsible for that.

He made a series of decisions that messed up your morning, and he should be able to acknowledge that and apologize for it.

It is not the end of the world, but it is difficult to move on from things like this if he won’t just own up to it in a non-dramatic way, say sorry, and then you can both move on.” mfruitfly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, his explanations don’t make any sense.

I’d guess it was all to punish you for not giving him a ride. He did something that really inconvenienced you for no apparent reason. You’re stressed out, you’re angry, and your day is ruined.

Then, because oh so conveniently you were on speaker phone he gets to play the victim. And bask in your undivided attention while you drive yourself crazy trying to get him to acknowledge he did anything wrong.

It’s kind of win-win for him.” redwingghost

Another User Comments:


Nobody asked him to turn off your alarm. He interfered with your set morning routine, and then screwed up afterward by not calling you when he told himself he would.

That’s a lot of extra work he gave himself when he could have just done nothing and everything would have been fine. Have you ever relied on him to wake you up before and do you regularly ask him to turn off your alarm that you’ve set that night, or is this some random thing he decided to do today to passively aggressively mess up your day or get back at you for something?

Set your alarm on your phone, don’t give him your phone password, and maybe turn off Face ID if he’s likely to use your sleeping face to get access to your alarm.

That way there’s no way for him to do this in the future. And then think about if he’s really someone you want to be in a relationship with if you have to go through all these measures to make sure he doesn’t disrespect you and attempt to get you fired.

His giving an insincere apology shows that he doesn’t think this was a big deal or that he actually really wanted to ruin your day and maybe your job. When he said he’s sorry he’s a screw-up and that he ruined your life, he was manipulating you to turn the situation back on you by making you feel obligated to say it’s no big deal, or of course, he isn’t a screw-up.

He immediately jumped to saying he’s the worst and he doesn’t deserve to be with you so that suddenly you are the one who needs to comfort him and placate him when in fact he was the one who messed up and needs to take ownership responsibly.

Then he says you’re the jerk for making him feel stupid in front of coworkers, but he chose to call you on speakerphone knowing he was doing this too late for you to get to work on time, so he’s clearly the jerk here.

No one asked him to put himself on speakerphone, most people would put a phone call they know is going to be sensitive at a normal volume. He’s doing DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender), where he denied he made a mistake, attacked you, and reversed the situation so he’s the victim and you are the offender now.

This is jerk behavior and toxic if it continues in the relationship.

His behavior seems like he deliberately wanted to make you late to work and then turn it around on you to make you feel bad for getting mad at him.

In order to feel comfortable with him, you should require an in-depth discussion about what he did, why he did this, and how he’s going to behave in the future. Do not stay in a relationship with someone who’s clearly willing to ruin your career for either egotistic or passive-aggressive reasons without apology.” Lumoseyne

2 points (2 votes)

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jojow 4 months ago
Sounds like he is trying to screw up your military service and get you in trouble so you get kicked out. Military is different than civilian. He is being the jerk. It is all on him. Hope you did not get written up. He needs to be responsible and get his driver's license. And if he ever pulls anything like this again move into the barracks. Good thing you two do not have kids yet.
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6. AITJ For Comparing Period Pain To Back And Joint Pain?


“I (20f) have been with my partner (John-23m) for 3 years but we’ve known each other for over 15. John has a number of illnesses but the worst is his chronic back pain as it severely limits what he can do physically.

His birthday was yesterday and we planned to cook his favorite meal together, however his back said no and he was in pain and unable to move or stand for long periods of time.

Instead, I cooked whilst he helped as much as he could. His back pain causes him migraines and major discomfort.

Then my roommate and her partner (both 23f) came home. My roommate’s partner (Sarah) asks what we’re doing and I reply ‘we’re making dinner together.’ Sarah looks me up and down and says ‘no, you’re making dinner.

John was just sitting there like a fat sack of poop. I can’t believe you dumped your girl to be with him.’ For some context, my ex was incredibly toxic.

I could tell John found that insulting by his body language, and I jumped in to defend him.

I said ‘John has chronic back and joint pain, Sarah. Next time you’re complaining about your period pain, I expect you to come make me a full 3-course meal. If you can do that, then you can complain about John being lazy.’ This wasn’t the first time Sarah has made a comment about John being lazy or being ‘overdramatic’.

Sarah looked super offended and stormed off. I got a text from her partner a few hours later saying that it was super wrong to compare her period pain to my partner’s back pain and that as someone who gets period pain, I should know that’s not a fair comparison.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your roommate she’s got a point: you shouldn’t have had to make any analogies to get Sarah to quit talking trash about your man, and if she can’t keep whatever her problem with him is to herself, then the two of you need to talk about whether she’s still welcome here.

Or whether it’s time for you to move out if your roommate really doesn’t see the bigger problem with that exchange and all the ones that have come before.” mm172

Another User Comments:

“I get crippling period pain, and crippling back pain from scoliosis (fortunately not at the same time).

Unfortunately, there is no way to know how much pain someone is in, and both period pain and back/joint pain can be crippling for some. They can also both be overblown and used as an excuse to get out of things.

I don’t think you were wrong with your comparison. Your roommate only does this because she knows her own period pain and believes your partner is lying. So NTJ. Also, and I say this as a lesbian, there’s probably an element of biphobia to her dislike of your man, and possibly just a dislike of any man in her personal space/home.

You may want to have a discussion with her about her feelings about men in your shared space and whether or not you are still compatible as roommates if that wasn’t something you discussed prior to living together.” Ducking_Glory

Another User Comments:


My period pain is debilitating.

When I worked a normal office job most of my PTO days had to be saved up for when the worst of my period didn’t fall on a weekend.

No one has any right to minimize or assume what a person’s pain level is or isn’t.

Also, different types of pain result in different limitations on what a person can or cannot do. With my period pain I can’t sit up but with my chronic hip pain (sports injury) I can’t lay down or stand during a flare-up.

Also, I hate to say this but the comment about your ex and current partner came across as extremely bi-phobic. It seems their issues may not be with John but with the fact that John is a guy. (Saying as a bi woman who had the audacity to marry a man).” cymbalsnzoo

2 points (2 votes)

5. AITJ For Letting My Mother-In-Law Wear Something White On My Wedding Day?


“I’m getting married soon, and we’re having a traditional wedding (I’m Indian, my fiancé isn’t but he was fine with having an Indian wedding).

My MIL-to-be asked me if she could wear white to our wedding, I said sure and now my fiancé is really mad at me.

He says she is going to try to steal the spotlight, and she’ll definitely show up wearing a long white dress and it was very irresponsible of me to just agree like that.

The thing is I’m not going to be wearing a white bridal dress, I’ll be wearing a traditional red dress that due to the design (lehenga – a form of ankle-length skirt from the Indian subcontinent), type of silk, and embroidery is very distinctive so even if my MIL does wear a white wedding dress it’s not like it’ll be the same? Also, this may be dumb but I don’t really get what the big deal is if my MIL wears white even if I was also going to.

As long as the groom doesn’t get confused and marry the wrong person, how does it matter?

Sorry if this is dumb but my fiance is really upset that I didn’t stop my MIL, and I just need some help understanding, I didn’t mean to upset him.

Edit: My fiance knows what my wedding dress looks like, he has seen it.

For those asking if MIL knows how my wedding dress looks, I’m not sure. We have discussed what the wedding will be like (she hasn’t been to an Indian wedding before), but I don’t think we explicitly discussed what I will be wearing, I feel like she was confused when I said she is free to wear white but that might be me projecting because the whole conversation was a bit confusing for me.

So as you all suggested, I talked to my fiance about why he was concerned. He explained that his mother had previously ‘joked’ that she would wear white and he had told her point blank that she wasn’t allowed to do this.

(He didn’t tell me about this because he didn’t want to stress me out, apparently, she has a tendency to steal attention throughout his childhood which left some trauma.) So basically when I told MIL she could wear white, he was very upset that I had given permission when he had categorically refused, but he admitted it was wrong of him to get that upset when he hadn’t shared any of the background information with me.

We agreed that going forward we would be better about communicating, and made up… but then he wanted me to call up MIL and tell her she couldn’t wear white or else she was banned from the wedding.

Which, I didn’t really want to do because that sounded like a surefire recipe for open hostility, and as I said earlier I don’t actually have a problem with MIL wearing white.

I told him that he was welcome to tell her if he wanted, but he was insisting I have to tell her because I was the one who gave permission.”

Another User Comments:


Your fiancé is probably upset because it’s the ultimate in cliché monster-in-law moves. Unless she’s just naive, mothers tend to do this because they want to be the center of attention.

She may have something against you or maybe she just can’t handle not being the star of the show. There’s also an ick factor because wearing white at a wedding kind of makes it look like she’s trying to marry her own son.

It sounds like your fiancé is trying to make sure you’re the star of the wedding. He might also be expecting some more bad behavior on her part and thinks the dress is just the first step.

Sit down with him and ask him to explain WHY he is specifically upset about this. Let him know you aren’t concerned since your lehenga is red, not white, so her attempt to steal attention is pretty weak.

He might still be upset because of his mother’s behavior. I’d suggest letting him address it with her.” GloomyMarzipan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and you are not dumb. In most of the West, where the bride wears white (or sometimes off-white) it is considered very bad for a woman to wear a white dress as it is seen as upstaging the bride.

It’s a sign of deep disrespect, dislike, and even hatred. MIL is usually the guilty party. Now here is where I agree with you: one, you won’t be wearing a white dress so no conflict there as your gown is distinctive.

Two, I LOVE your comment as long the groom isn’t confused, who cares? You have a quick wit and a delightful perspective.

Three: You won’t be able to stop her. She will wear what she wants.

I have heard of MILs sneaking a white dress in an oversize purse and changing in the restroom. If she’s determined, not much you can do.

Four: If she does wear a long white gown, like a bridal gown, she will make herself a laughing stock.

Everyone will be either ‘horrified’, laughing at her, or pitying her for being so pathetic. Especially if you are nice, say she looks lovely, and do not react to her, you will be the height of graciousness and she will be seen for the petty, bitter, attention-seeker that she is.

And if she’s in the photos you’ll have documentation to last a lifetime.

My MIL wore close enough to white that by the end of the day all of the comments I got were of apology and sympathy from her relatives and they could not believe she did something so crass.

I just smiled. It was my day and she couldn’t hurt it. Just like it will be your day.

Congratulations. I bet you will be a beautiful bride.” ohsogreen

Another User Comments:


It’s just a matter of different cultures, for white Americans it’s the height of rudeness to wear white to a wedding.

It’s something that’s only done by people that are looking to steal attention away from the bride and to be disrespectful to the bride.

And honestly, I’ve never met a real-life white American woman that would wear white to a wedding, It’s seen as very inappropriate.

If your fiance comes from this background he’s going to see it as his mother disrespecting you and embarrassing him in front of his friends and family.

If she wears white to the wedding other white guests will notice and will talk trash about it.

Chances are they won’t care that you gave permission for her to wear white because they know it’s disrespectful in your husband’s and his mother’s culture.

Honestly, they might feel that MIL is taking advantage of you being from a different background in order to slide an insult in under the radar while pretending she’s guiltless.

Ultimately it sounds like you don’t care about her wearing white but your Fiance does.

But it’s his mom so it’s his job to talk to her about it if he feels it’s inappropriate (the comment he made about her trying to steal your spotlight means he does).

Also heads up if she wears a black dress that’s a sign of disrespect as well.

Black is a mourning color here and while this isn’t as widespread of a rule as not wearing white it’s seen by many as an insult for a close guest to wear it.

For white Americans, it would signal that she is sad that her son is marrying you.

It’s not a big deal if just a random guest does it, but a mother of the bride/groom, an aunt, cousin, sister etc would be seen as rude.” gabbydearest91

2 points (2 votes)

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CmHart2008 4 months ago
Your MIL IS THE JERK. Her son has expressed his displeasure to his mother about wearing white and still she insists on doing it. This is your husband's wedding too and his wishes should be respected by both you and the MIL. You need to call her & tell her that after reflecting on the issue and after discussing it with your fiancé, you would appreciate her wearing another color. If she gets hostile, ask her to discuss it with her son. Remind her that her son has voiced his wishes & you feel that his feelings should be respected.
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4. AITJ For Not Warning My Partner About The Rats In The Freezer?


“I (27 F) am a snake owner, and my partner (26 F) is coming around to the idea of snakes though it’s very new to her, her idea of pets are the typical fuzzy creatures you know cats, dogs, etc.

Today I was busy setting up a new enclosure in my spare room where I keep all my snakes as a local charity had called me to let me know they’d had an adult Green Tree Python surrendered and asked me if I could take it in which I agreed to do, I’m well known to them as I’ve gotten most of my snakes from them and I tend to be their go-to for more ‘exotic’ animals, sadly snakes don’t get adopted as much as they should.

This is important as I was distracted while doing this and my partner who was over hanging out told me she was hungry and asked if she should call a delivery, I told her I had leftovers in my fridge and to help herself to a snack while I did this then we could get delivery later.

I figured she’d stick to the fridge and not go into the freezer.

A short while later I heard a scream and rushed to see what had happened thinking she’d hurt herself and instead found her staring shocked at my Ziploc bags of frozen feeder mice and rats and she demanded to know why I had that.

I am ashamed to admit I couldn’t help myself and laughed at the situation though I was quick to reassure her no I’m not some weirdo who likes to keep frozen rodents in my freezer for no reason and they’re for my snakes.

She was very shaken by this and I asked her gently what she thought I fed my snakes, it apparently had never occurred to her.

She ended up leaving disturbed by this whole situation upset at me for letting her just find this, it was an honest mistake on my part but maybe I’m the jerk here? Especially since I laughed though that was more a reaction than anything…”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

It’s not common knowledge to think about what pet snakes eat. If you don’t own snakes, your first thought is not going to be that you’ll find dead mice in the freezer when you’re looking for snacks, and it would probably be a big shock.

I wouldn’t be happy to just run across bags of dead rodents without warning. Especially if you’re used to pets that eat tinned anonymous meat.

And if you are used to snakes and feeding them, you may not realize how big a shock it is to see that freezer.

Maybe just check up and see how she’s doing. And go through everything that is involved in the day-to-day practicalities of taking care of a snake, no matter how obvious it is to you, so there are no more surprises.” AzureBlueSea

Another User Comments:

“100% NTJ

Honestly, I would’ve reacted the same way as you, laughed, and explained the situation.

Was she disgusted that the snakes ate rats and mice or that you kept them in the freezer?

If it is that they eat rats and mice then unless they’re vegetarian or vegan it’s hypocritically of her to criticize the snake’s eating habits.

If it’s because they were stored in the freezer and was shocked at finding them then hopefully that shock wears off and the two of you can laugh about it.

If not and they turn this into an issue then that is a bigger fight you’ll have to decide if worth fighting about.

No matter what you’re NTJ and this was a fabulous story.” SeriousLingonberry83

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

As a snake owner, I know how it is trying to get others to warm up to the idea of having a snake as a pet, one of the biggest questions I get from family is ‘do you actually feed them rats?’

On the flip side, I understand that the thought of feeding cute little mice to a snake is not a very fun one, I feel sad for the little guys myself.

I and my partner usually cope with this by imagining the rat had a good long life beforehand.

I don’t think it was your responsibility to ‘warn’ her, especially since you figured she would just grab a snack from the fridge and not the freezer.

But I do understand why seeing dead mice unexpectedly would make her upset.

I would say that if it’s something you want to avoid in the future, maybe cover the clear Ziploc bag with something like a brown paper bag, or just keep the mice in something not see-through?” ChapelGr3y

Another User Comments:

“Yes, a heads up would have been nice.

But it would have been weird to be like ‘Snacks in the fridge! Mice in the freezer!’ I get that it’s embarrassing to get laughed at (from her perspective) especially when something was so surprising.

Most people don’t think of frozen mice when they think of snakes. I don’t think most people realize that storing mice is necessary.

Anyway, NTJ, but explain the situation. Let her know that if she felt embarrassed that wasn’t your intention at all (and maybe explain why frozen). Good luck!” TestSubject147

2 points (2 votes)

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deka1 3 months ago
NTJ. I'm laughing here because I'm the person whose husband has asked when the dead birds and the squirrel were coming out of the freezer. If I see a small dead critter, I double bag it, date it and freeze it to take to the Natural History Museum. He thinks it's weird. I think it's helpful. A few rats in the freezer wouldn't bother me unless they weren't wrapped very well.
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3. AITJ For Giving My Wife Who's Bad At Finances A Daily Budget?


“My wife (36f) is a stay-at-home mom while I (35m) work. This was her choice, I didn’t expect her to work when we had kids, but I made sure it was her decision.

It’s been 12 years since she had a full-time job. Being the stay at home parent is hard. We homeschool – she works hard.

As a single-income family, we do pretty well.

I get paid my commission the first week of the month and then a small paycheck every week. The commission check pays all the bills, and gives us the opportunity to put money aside, the weekly checks are supposed to be for food and day-to-day needs.

My wife has never really been good with finances, but neither have I. We both said we would notify each other if we spent more than 50 bucks on anything other than groceries and fuel.

I use to make a budget every month, at her insistence, but it’s useless because she doesn’t follow it. I have tried the envelope system (she has lost the cash and she is always misplacing her wallet) so I don’t do that anymore.

But she gets mad at me that I stopped making a budget, or when the account gets overdraft. I tell her, honey I don’t use the debit card except to pay the bills.

It isn’t my fault the account gets overdraft.

I didn’t flat out say to her face that she is the reason it drafts but she got very upset. I don’t know what she spends the money on, and honestly, I don’t care, she is the one that’s at home all the time so I trust that she knows what our house needs for the most part.

Her big thing is seeing something on sale – probably something we wouldn’t use or buy if it wasn’t on sale, getting it, and saying o0o I saved 20 dollars on these snow pants.

They were still 65$. We get snow about once every 2 years. It doesn’t stick.

But I recently told her that in all seriousness, including groceries, you can spend on average about 65 dollars a day.

As long as you don’t go over that, you can be assured that we won’t overdraft the account. We wouldn’t need to use a budget, I wouldn’t be frustrated that the account overdrew again.

Life would be easier. But she flipped out on me and walked out saying I didn’t trust her and called me a jerk.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


And $65/day is a lot of money.

Geez. If she has that amount to spend and is still over-drafting the account, she really does have a problem with spending. You guys will never get ahead. That’s like $455/week.

That’s a lot of money, even if you do include groceries.

A tip (maybe) might be to unsubscribe from the store’s email. If she doesn’t know things are on sale, then maybe she’ll be less inclined to spend.

I signed up for a store email so I could get a deal on a Christmas present and since then, that store has sent me a handful of emails alerting me of more sales/deals.

It’s very enticing to buy more stuff.” MikkiLake

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here; regardless of being a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling, she’s bad with finances and needs to be held accountable for that.

But at the same time, you also need to be doing something to stop it, rather than just passive suggestions.

I am also a stay-at-home mom and have been for 9 years.

I homeschool both of our children, and I’m in charge of all finances. Back in October, I sat down for two straight days, compiling an Excel database tracking every single expense since January 1st, 2021.

I then kept it entirely up to date to the New Year and reviewed our incoming and outgoing income. It was very telling as far as where we were draining our income.

I suggest you do the same. Then, rather than saying ‘X amount of spending a day pretty ppllleasssee’ and expecting her to follow through; you have the hard facts right there.

‘No more fast food, no more buying needless stuff just because there’s a sale, etc’.

If you must give her an allowance, set it reasonable based on your finances. Say, $50 a week that she can spend on WHATEVER she wants, no judgment.

But as soon as that $50 is gone, it is gone. Put the $50 on a gift card that’s accepted anywhere, and take her debit card away if it doesn’t stop her.” Sad-Raise-754

Another User Comments:


She’s right. You don’t trust her. And you’re right not to trust her. She has a proven history of being bad with finances. The problem is that, if she has access to debit cards, you won’t be able to keep her from overspending if she chooses to do so.

Are separate accounts for groceries and kids, and your individual spending, an option? If so, you could lodge a set amount of personal funds in each of your individual accounts on a weekly or monthly basis, and if she spends it all in one day, she has to wait.

If she’s somebody who would use the groceries account for personal spending, I don’t see an alternative other than online grocery shopping or using prepaid gift cards specific to the grocery store.” Mysterious-System680

1 points (1 votes)

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deka1 3 months ago
You don't trust her...and with good reason! If she is that irresponsible with money you need to protect yourself and take away her debit card and do NOT give her a credit card with more than a few thousand available. She has a problem. If she continues you will have an even bigger problem. I mean, what adult has overdrafts? Not one who is responsible. Take away those cards now and when she runs out of wacky because she wastes it, so be it. I'd also suggest therapy for her. She does have a problem.
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2. AITJ For Saying I Don't Regret Not Inviting My Parents To My Birthday Dinner?


“My birthday is in October. My wife hosted a small dinner for my birthday. It was a small thing and she invited my best friend and her parents. She said she didn’t want to invite my parents and I understand.

My parents are very loud and intense people. They are extroverts and they love to be the life of the party. I am a quiet person and they would have made me uncomfortable.

I have at least 5 memories of my parents throwing me surprise birthday parties with all their friends when all I wanted was a quiet dinner with my parents. I have social anxiety and they tried to cure me by making me take part in the parties they used to throw when I was a teenager.

I remember the time when my dad’s boss hit on me and they laughed it off.

If I had been hosting the party I would have invited them but because my wife was hosting it I decided that it was up to her if she wanted to invite them.

I like her parents and I have gotten closer to them over the years so I was glad they were invited. We had a great time and I posted about it on my social media.

My parents were upset and they made a huge deal about it. They accused my wife of controlling me and it was a difficult situation. They didn’t invite me to their anniversary which was in late November.

They called me after the party to make up with me and I told them that I was still glad that I didn’t invite them and I was happy I missed their party.

They think I am being controlled by my wife and I told them that I didn’t care if she is controlling me and I told them to stay away from me.

I feel bad because my sister said our parents are heartbroken and they are very upset that I haven’t apologized. I have been harsh with them and I know that I should try to sort out and communicate but I just don’t have it in me to try anymore and I should try, they are my parents.”

Another User Comments:


Too many people keep their toxic families in their lives out of obligation, but you have valid reasons for wanting to create distance between your parents after a history of them forcing you into uncomfortable situations and pushing your boundaries.

I would recommend at least one conversation with them to better explain what happened, but only to take the target off your wife’s back. Your parents believe this is the result of your wife being controlling, and you haven’t corrected that perception.

This means they don’t understand where they have made a mistake and will continue to blame your wife for any further distance between you. To avoid having your wife end up as the scapegoat, at least explain what happened with these particular instances and that your wife really was just trying to support you and your choices.

She sounds like a gem.” __hiphopanonymous

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. YTJ for throwing your wife under the bus & being passive-aggressive with your social media & just not communicating properly with them.

They’re jerks for ignoring your needs as a child and then being petty by not inviting you to their anniversary & when not getting their desired effect, still nagging you, recruiting your sister, and still expecting an apology.

If they cared so much about your bday, why didn’t they throw you a party or invite you over or take you to dinner? Have you actually EXPLAINED to them what your resentments are?” NonaOrganic

Another User Comments:


You knew they would ruin your birthday dinner and so did your wife so she gave you the birthday dinner you actually wanted. Instead of just acknowledging that you are an introvert, or even just giving you a birthday how you want, they went over the top repeatedly.

Their behavior led to you not wanting them there. And then, to punish you, they didn’t invite you to their party, which ended up blowing up on them because you didn’t feel punished at all.

Your parents should be heartbroken for realizing that they have failed as parents but instead are heartbroken because you failed to become the person they wanted.

I’m really sorry your parents care so little for who you actually are, and I’m really happy your wife cares so much.” voluntold9276

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, so your wife decided to invite friends and her parents then told you she didn’t want to include your parents? That seems deliberately hurtful, did she give you the option of not inviting her parents to spare your parents’ feelings? If she didn’t want to invite your parents she should have kept it to just friends but inviting her parents seems calculated to hurt.

Also, I find it odd that you say it was your partner hosting so she got to decide who to invite, it sounds very like your parents chose the guest list for your parties growing up.

What do you actually want?

Your parents seem like they’ve massively overreacted out of hurt and they should communicate with you properly but honestly right now I feel like you and your wife are the biggest jerks.

Your wife designed a situation to be hurtful and you posted about it on social media. Why on earth not just keep it to friends only and you’d have had no issues?!” katherinemma987

0 points (2 votes)

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rbleah 4 months ago
NTJ and neither is your wife. Your parents only want what THEY want. Seems they don't care about what YOU WANT. That is on them for being selfish and uncaring of you.
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1. AITJ For Bringing Outside Food To A Restaurant?


“For my niece’s (my sister’s child) 10th birthday a few days ago we went to a restaurant. I am pretty picky about food so I thought it would be easier rather than complain about the burger place she wanted to go to I’d just take along some of my own stuff.

The actual meat is okay but they do horrible over sweet brioche and fancy-named complex burgers and it makes the food basically inedible it’s so disgusting. I ordered their most basic burger with just some lettuce and had brought my own bread, some cheese, and some BBQ sauce.

Nobody said anything at the time, none of the staff cared, and honestly, I think the guys at the next table were pretty jealous but afterward, my sister told me I was being a total jerk and ruined the evening and drew all of the attention away from my niece on her birthday.

My niece didn’t seem unhappy, basically, nobody commented beyond ‘haha don’t you want one of these fancy burgers’. I got to eat food that was actually edible and I don’t think I was being a jerk but I don’t know.

Was my sister just being weird or does she have a point?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t understand everyone else’s issue. I’ve worked in restaurants and literally, no one cares including the owners.

You paid for the bread from the restaurant and then replaced it with your own. The restaurant didn’t lose out on any money. It’s not like you brought a whole burger up in there and didn’t buy anything.

You paid for the meal and customized it yourself. It would be different if you dropped by Burger King on the way there and ate your Burger King burger while everyone stared at you.

You brought bread.

There are people that have gluten allergies that bring their own gluten-free bread places and no one cares. Honestly, most places I’ve worked at had people come in and ask if it’s okay if they bring fast food while everyone else eats the restaurant’s food and the owner didn’t care at all.

I mean if you’re gonna do that you definitely should ask first but I don’t think you should have to ask about a piece of bread. Honestly, it’s crazy that your sister said all that.

It’s not like you stood on the table and started screaming, you literally just brought some bread. I don’t see how that affected anyone else at all. Maybe they were jealous.” rnybombs

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, and ‘the staff’ may not have said anything (and if they were waitstaff, who are employees, they may not have cared because it doesn’t affect them), but I guarantee that the restaurant owners/management would have cared if they were aware because what you did is a massive legal liability for them.

You don’t bring your own food into an eating establishment. Period. Trust me, I get the desire to do so. I’m not just ‘picky’, I am autistic with major food aversions, and over the course of my life, it has been a massive challenge for me to eat in certain places.

But it’s not just about being a ‘jerk’ or socially inappropriate. Restaurants can be legally liable for what people eat on their premises and anything that happens to them as a result of ingesting those foods.

So right from the outset, you’re a jerk for putting their business at risk. On top of that, it’s obnoxious to go into a place of business and literally bring for yourself the things they’re trying to make a living selling.

It implies to other customers that there is something problematic with the food that the restaurant is selling. It’s actively raising questions about the quality of the business’s product while you sit on their premises.

So that also makes you a jerk.

If you didn’t like what they had to offer, you could have eaten before or after and just gone to be there for your niece.

A restaurant isn’t your personal kitchen table. It’s a place of business. You don’t get to walk in there and make yourself a meal with your own food, for myriad reasons.

YTJ, and shockingly lacking in social graces.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

Another User Comments:


What some people fail to realize is that while what you did was unconventional it is fine. Who cares. It’s no one’s business and you weren’t bothering anyone.

The truth is many people have allergies (ie. gluten) and bring their own bread with them all the time. They want to be able to enjoy a meal out with friends and family and want to ensure that they are prepared just in case the restaurant that they are eating at can’t provide a gluten-free bread product.

While some people eat gluten-free for other reasons, those that are severely allergic can actually get gluten poisoning from cross-contamination and the results can be long-lasting.

So, don’t worry about what other people are thinking, and I hope you tipped your waitstaff well.

It might have been a nice gesture to acknowledge the waitstaff to let them know that your burger itself was cooked just right. At least that might put all the naysayers at ease.” gramelynne

Another User Comments:


A picky eater, like me, would request no onions or lettuce on a burger that comes with those things.

A jerk, like you, brings their own food into a restaurant to put others at risk.

Also, calling food from a restaurant ‘inedible’, when they clearly serve good and edible food, is a jerk move in itself.

What is wrong with you? They earn more as a business in a month than you make in a year because they serve FOOD. If other people are eating it just fine, so can you.

Not to mention, if something YOU brought into the restaurant caused you or another person to become ill, the responsibility lies on the RESTAURANT. Your selfishness is putting an entire business and community at risk.” User

-2 points (4 votes)

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PHF54 4 months ago
Severe allergies allow me to take my own food into ANY VENUE per the ADA. To the YTA people, you don’t know what you are talking about and you need to stay in your own lane. NBA, NFL, Theme parks, movie theaters, MLB, and more are REQUIRED to accommodate me.
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