People Long For Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk" Questions
35. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Mother-In-Law For Taking My Kids To Watch A PG-13 Movie?
“I (36 F) am a single mother of 2 wonderful children, Jack (6 M) and Jill (4 F).
My late husband died in a car accident 2.5 years ago, and I have never had the best relationship with his mother, but I was able to deal with her. That is until his funeral, she started insulting me, telling me that it was my fault that he died and that I was a terrible mother to HER GRANDKIDS.
I would not like to give many details, but long story short, it was not his or my fault. After that stunt, I cut out most contact with her, but I would still see her occasionally as she wanted to see her grandkids.
I was somehow able to just ignore her, until about last week, when she came over to my small 2-bed apartment, where I and my kids live.
This is a weekly occurrence, and I normally let her hang out with my kids for a few hours. I make her tell me where she goes (mall, clothes shopping, etc.) so that I would be able to pick up my kids once they were done.
This week, she told me that they were going to the playground, which I allowed. Once I went to pick them up, I found that they were not there.
Of course, I franticly called and texted my MIL. After about 15 minutes, she texted me back saying ‘Hey went to watch a movie’ which was rated PG-13. I of course would not allow this, so I sped down the road to pick them up. I stormed into the movie theater and demanded to see my kids.
I blew up at my MIL and basically told her to get lost.
Now, my phone is blowing up with notifications from the husband’s side, saying how it was uncalled for, and irresponsible for me to yell at her in public. I am trying to ignore them, but it is very hard. I want some unbiased opinions, so I went on a rant here.”
34. AITJ For Letting My Puppy Walk Off-Leash At The Park?
“I (19 female) have an 11-month-old malamute that is very well trained and is a very sweet girl.
I normally always go to a certain park to walk her off lead there because it’s a big park but it also has kids there. Some people always say I should go to a different park but I always ignore them.
And let me clarify this by saying dogs ARE ALLOWED to be off-leash in this park (not a dog park but she is allowed off-leash) as long as they are under control.
My dog is always under control and I always have a harness on her as I have to cross roads to get to this park.
Well, earlier I went to the park today and took the leash off which she stayed directly at my side. She wasn’t wandering off and nor was she even paying attention to anyone.
We sat down on a bench and I gave her some water. That’s when a man walked up to me and told me to put my dog on a leash since dogs are supposed to be on leashes here. I corrected him and told him that my dog was absolutely allowed to be off lead at this park and told him my girl wasn’t bothering him or anyone else so he shouldn’t even have a problem.
He told me that his kids are scared of dogs and that it’s my responsibility to control my dog.
I told him again that my dog was very much under control and that If his kids were scared of dogs he shouldn’t even be at a park where dogs are allowed to be off the lead.
I told him that his kids’ fear of dogs wasn’t my problem and that my girl wasn’t bothering them at all.
He got mad but didn’t say much else and just walked off. While walking off he basically said he hated entitled dog owners who never have their dogs off lead. I legit watched him walk far away from me to his kids and I don’t even know how his kids noticed my dog with how far away from me they were.
Let me clarify this by saying it’s not really a kids’ park but just this big park where people normally walk or run the trails. I know the rules of the park and absolutely know that my dog is allowed off-leash. This park is also the only big park i my area that I can walk to.
There are some dog parks but they’re either super small, small dogs and big dogs in the same area, or untrained dogs there so I don’t go to dog parks.
I genuinely do not feel like I am in the wrong as she is allowed to be off-leash. But my friend said I am ta but I feel like her opinion doesn’t matter as she legit hates dogs and her opinion on dogs is normally always clouded by the fact she hates dogs.
33. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Have My Mother-In-Law Move In With Us?
“My husband (28 m) and my MIL discussed that she would be moving in with us without my knowledge. I found out she was moving in over social media. I got upset with my husband because I felt very disrespected not being involved in the decision-making.
My MIL lost her almshouse (due to a few violations) and her job around the same time. She then moved in with my 2 sisters-in-law for a few years. Both of them I guess got annoyed living with her. And moved to a 3-bedroom house with one sister-in-law’s partner. But I guess the guy wanted to make the 3rd bedroom into a computer room and said she couldn’t live with them.
My MIL’s mom also has a spare bedroom but didn’t want her daughter living with her for some reason. Please keep in mind that they all live close to each other.
My MIL is also very overweight and tried for a couple of years to collect disability but hasn’t succeeded. She takes medication and has tons of doctor’s appointments all the time.
My husband and I (30 f) are both in the military and got stationed 6 hours away from them. We bought a brand new house and wanted to start a family. My honest opinion was that it would not be a good idea for her to move in due to her doctor’s appointments being 6 hours away and we don’t have the budget to pay for all her bills and everything else.
My husband already gives his whole family money whenever they need it, which is all the time. He never has funds in his bank account. So I end up paying for almost everything.
This all happened maybe a half year ago and I thought she understood that we were trying to start a family and that we can’t afford to take her in and the doctor’s appointments, etc. but I guess not and I overheard her and my husband’s conversation and she called me a jerk and that really hurt my feelings.
Am I a jerk for not letting her move in?
EDIT: He does prioritize bills but the rest of his money is uncounted for or he uses his credit card.
This happened half a year ago and to make it clear, MIL DOES NOT live with us.”
32. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out After Her Comments About The "Feminine" Things I Am Doing?
“My wife (38 F) and I (37 M) currently live in a 3-bedroom house with our daughter (14 F), which we have had for a few years now.
With our current setup, the adults have the master bedroom upstairs, our daughter has the second biggest bedroom downstairs, and there’s an unused upstairs bedroom.
Well, recently, that unused bedroom got taken up by my sister (33 F). She recently got a divorce due to some infidelity on her part. Unsurprisingly, this meant she got the short end of the stick when it came to splitting assets, so she lost her house and most of her money.
We decided to take her in, even though the divorce was entirely her fault.
It’s relevant to the story that I mention that I’m a crossdresser. This is strictly a bedroom thing, so only my wife knows about it and we get freaky while I’m dressed up. Now, onto the conflict. One night, I had gotten all dressed up: lingerie, nails painted, shaved everywhere, you name it.
While my wife and I were doing the deed, my sister suddenly opens the door to our bedroom. I’m still not entirely sure why she was going into our room in the first place, but she obviously forgot about it as she quickly left, and I think I could hear her snickering a little.
In the days following, we all tried to keep the incident out of our minds, not mentioning anything about what had happened. However, my sister began to make little comments here and there. She would say that things I did were ‘feminine’, or she would point out clothes in magazines and say that I would look good in them while laughing.
One day, though, after I got my wife some coffee, she said ‘Wow, I guess the sissy is serving her master, huh?’, and that is when I decided that I had enough. I told her to pack all of her things and leave. She started backtracking and saying that it was just a joke, but I’d made up my mind at that point.
So, she got all of her stuff and left.
Now my family has been blowing up my phone, saying that I can’t do that to her. Luckily, my sister didn’t mention the cross-dressing, but I’ve told everyone that what she did was inexcusable and that she can no longer live in my house.
They’re telling me that she has nowhere to go, and I suggested that they take her in. Of course, they try to change the subject and get back to insulting me.
Now, though, I’ve started to question if what I did was wrong. So, AITJ?
Edit: We don’t have a door lock, so we couldn’t have prevented my sister from walking in.
We don’t lock our door/have a lock when we have a daughter because she has always learned to knock on our door if she wants to talk to us, and she is old enough to understand what adults do alone, so she never bothers us.”
31. AITJ For Uninviting A Friend From Group Dinner Because She's Always Late?
“I (44 f) have a large chosen family. ‘Family’ gatherings for us are frequently 20+ people and we do big potluck meals for holidays and special occasions. A very close and long-time friend of mine is part of this chosen family, and I love her like my own sisters, chosen and otherwise.
My problem? She literally cannot be on time. She lives over an hour away and usually doesn’t leave until after she’s supposed to be here. Her husband and I will even arrange to tell her a time of 2-3 hours before everyone else is expected, and she still always manages to be later than everyone else.
I have talked to her about this, several times, we have even fought about it before. I feel it’s disrespectful to not only me, as the hostess but everyone else here. To be clear, it’s not just our gatherings she’s late to, it’s everything, and we have come to expect it.
We haven’t had a family gathering in 2+ years.
This is the first one since 2020 started. We told them a time (earlier than everyone else) and when I confirmed ETA this morning were told they were running behind, due to circumstances outside their control (which aren’t) and would be leaving about 1.5-2 hours after their requested arrival time. Putting them here 2 hours after everyone else and after dinner was scheduled, even though they’re bringing an important side dish.
I lost my crap to my husband, venting because this would delay the rest of the dishes, and everything would be cold, everyone waiting on them, and some had to leave early so dinner would be rushed… he agreed, and messaged them don’t bother coming, to which I agreed before he sent it. They left any group chats we had together, basically said ‘We know where we aren’t wanted’ and I THINK I’m blocked.
I know this had to be done, because there’s never, in over 10 years of friendship, been repercussions for the tardiness, and it’s not like 15 or even 30 minutes ‘fashionably’ late… But I was raised that it’s rude to uninvite someone to a planned gathering, especially the day of. I am pretty sure I’ve lost a friendship here… one that I truly cherished…
but I don’t know if I should be the one to reach out and apologize… and if I do, isn’t that like giving her permission to disrespect me and the rest of our family. AITJ?
Small edit: Her side was a vegetable that nobody had yet offered, and she wanted to provide. It can, and will be done without, its not as much about the missing side, for me, as the perpetual disrespect, and while I have put up with it for 23+ years (10 years is how long she’s been joining the group dinners) I don’t feel its fair to allow her to continually disrespect others as well.
Especially with all the hard work my husband puts into every group meal, with this one being a ‘traditional’ Easter dinner, with turkey, hams etc. Usually my husband and I prepare this particular side, along with anything else that doesn’t get volunteered.
We have, several times, started/eaten dinner without them, to which they were clearly offended…
(which started one of the fights) but never enough to change the behaviors.
We are a simple group. Meat. Starch (usually pasta or potatoes, sometimes rice) 2-3 (or more) veggie sides. A few are diabetics, so there are some staples and ‘always on the table’ items for our holiday meals. Broccoli is a big one as all the ‘kids’ (youngest is 16) and adults will eat it, and it’s a diabetic freebie.
I don’t assign dishes. We ask people to bring the veggies (or salads, fruit/veggies trays when we do BBQs) the simple stuff. Because those are easier to prep ahead, and then throw in the oven at dinner time. Some will bring bags of frozen corn, some will bring carrots cut and in a casserole dish ready to be buttered and baked.
One friend traditionally brings one of the hams over ahead or asks us to pick it up for her and sends the $$. My husband and I typically do the turkey (and stuffing) at least 1 ham, garlic cream cheese mashed potatoes (his signature dish), and I will do dessert (as I bake. It’s my thing, and I’m always happy for more dessert contributions with one exception, I’m a snob about some -very select- things, I’m not gonna lie.
I make pumpkin pie and birthday cakes/cheesecakes always from scratch. If you know I’m making one of these, please don’t offer to bring the same thing – store-bought. I cannot explain it, but this renders me irrationally offended and emotional – not angry, but like… mine isn’t good enough, despite the same people requesting these dishes for their own birthdays…)
We will also make extra veggies if we know something isn’t likely to be covered, or won’t be enough for the whole group. Why do we make so much of it? We make up 6 of the adults at the majority of dinners, we are the hosts (because our home is big enough for that many people) and because my husband and I love to cook and bake for our large gatherings (we both have large families too, but haven’t been passed the hosting torch on either side, due to being too far from the rest of the family groupings for others to travel.).”
30. AITJ For Calling Out My Mother-In-Law's Gender Stereotypes?
“I have two seven-year-olds, ‘Ann’ and ‘Bill’. Ann is an active child and absolutely loves sports. Bill, on the other hand, is quiet and reserved. I love cooking, and Bill has inherited this love. He really enjoys helping me bake things and also has his own little kitchen set. Ann doesn’t like sitting still for more than a few minutes and easily gets bored while cooking.
Yesterday was their birthday. We had invited their friends and a few family members, including MIL, FIL, my SIL, and her soon-to-be husband. My MIL is a very old-fashioned woman. She disapproves of my children not adhering to things that, according to her, ‘proper boys and girls’ should do. My husband and I don’t share her views, and let our children follow their interests.
MIL often seems scandalized when Bill gives her a cookie saying he helped make it, or when Ann prefers to play in the mud than with her dolls. Anyway, so for the birthday, MIL brought two gifts, one packed in blue, and the other in pink.
When everyone except MIL, FIL, SIL, and her fiancé left, the kids started opening the presents.
The pink gift given by MIL was really big, so they rushed to open it. Inside was a huge flowery kitchen set. My MIL was beaming and looking expectantly at Ann, who just looked disappointed and started opening the other presents. I knew MIL had bought this for Ann to make her play kitchen instead of something she liked, so I said, ‘Oh, look, Bill!
Gran bought you such a big kitchen set!’
Meanwhile, Ann had opened the blue gift, which had a basketball, which was apparently meant for Bill, who MIL KNOWS isn’t keen on sports. MIL looked upset when I told Bill that the kitchen set was for him, and ‘jokingly’ told me that I was turning my son into a girl.
Bill looked really upset and I became mad. I said that maybe she should broaden her mind a bit because the world didn’t revolve around her perception of what a ‘proper’ boy and girl are supposed to do. I had spoken more loudly and with more rancor than necessary, I admit. My MIL looked really angry but didn’t say anything.
She left soon with an uncomfortable-looking SIL and fiancé.
Later at night, MIL texted me saying that she felt insulted when I had reacted defensively to her ‘little joke’, that too in front of her future son-in-law.
When I told the story to my husband, who couldn’t be at the party because he had some really important work, he too was mad at his mother for forcing things upon her grandkids but said that perhaps I shouldn’t have spoken that loudly in front of his sister’s fiancé.
I still think I am justified. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Giving My Niece A Cup Full Of Whipped Cream?
“I (m 25) have a 5-year-old niece Evie from my older sister Jane (f 32). I took her out last week to go to the zoo and give my sister and her husband a break. On our way home, we went through our local Starbucks drive-through.
Now Evie rarely gets these drinks with my sister, mainly because they’re expensive and she never finishes them, even the smaller size.
My sister also isn’t a huge Starbucks fan, she prefers simpler coffees. I asked what she wanted and she didn’t know. I asked her if she wanted a cup just full of whipped cream, and she got excited and said yes. So I order my drink and also got a pup cup, which is what people usually get their dogs (hence the name) and it’s just a small cup of whipped cream.
Evie loved it and it didn’t cost me anything, so I figured it was a win-win situation.
I drop her back home and came inside as well. My sister asks how her day was, and Evie tells her. When it got to going to Starbucks, my sister asked what she got and Evie said a pup cup and rambled on about how it was a cup full of just whipped cream.
My sister looks at me and asked if it’s the one you give to dogs. I said yeah, and jokingly said ‘Isn’t that right Evie, Evie the cutest Dalmatian?’. Evie laughed and pretended to bark, before running off to get their family dog to show me (a Dalmatian, for reference to the joke).
My sister was mad.
She said I was a jerk for getting her daughter something meant for dogs and pretending like her daughter was a dog. She linked it back to feminism and how I was somehow degrading her and her daughter. She told me to apologize and I said no and left. Our dad told me that Jane was just being protective of Evie and that I should just apologize since it wasn’t worth it.
I plan on doing so since it’s such a big deal to her, but from an unobjective standpoint, AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Taking Care Of My Partner's Daughter?
“I (25 f) have a bonus daughter (Gia 5). I’m not calling myself stepmom or her my SD because my partner Jason (28 m) and I aren’t married yet.
Gia and I have a great relationship but her mother (Amy 30 f) and I do not get along.
I am also not very confrontational but her mother is. I have tried having many sit-down conversations with her (both with and without Jason) but they always end up hostile so I’ve chosen to go no contact with her unless there’s an emergency concerning Gia. I’ve been harassed at work (childcare) and recently I took Gia to an event while my partner was working.
Amy showed up at the event with the cops and took Gia who was crying away from me when technically I legally was allowed to be with her. I just let her go and didn’t fight it because I didn’t want to cause more of a scene Gia was already super stressed out.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I know legally I’m allowed to be with Gia but should I just let Amy have the time with her when Jason is working? I just feel like Gia should get to hang out with Jason’s side of the family too. We’re on a 5-2-2-5 schedule (which I disagree with for many reasons) and we rarely interrupt her for extra visits.
I have loved Gia since she was 2. I plan on being in her life forever even if Jason and I were to (knock on wood) not work out. But am I doing what’s best for Gia by ‘keeping her from her mother?’ Jason refused the right of first refusal because Amy is a lot, to say the least, and less communication is best. He feels it’s not a problem for me to have her when he’s busy (usually falls within work hours) but I just feel guilty for some reason.
So AITJ? I really want to figure something out for Gia’s sake. She doesn’t deserve this and seeing her so upset hurts my heart.”
27. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepmother To Come With Me To Visit My Mom's Grave?
“So I (13 M) lost my mom last year. She was the best thing in the world. We would do everything together. We’d bike every day, we’d snuggle watching movies every Friday night, and she’d help me with my homework and everything.
But then she got sick and she and Dad separated and he wound up being with Aunt Maria (30 F) who was my mom’s best friend. My mom and dad got back together near the end and when she died Dad promised that he’d never replace her. But then only three months after he started going out with Aunt Maria again.
It only took him three months to move on from his soulmate who he promised he’d see again in Heaven.
They got married in January and Aunt Maria’s been trying to do all the mom things but she doesn’t get that it’s not the same. I don’t want to bike with her I don’t want to watch movies with her and Dad keeps saying I need to give her a chance and makes me do it sometimes.
But she won’t stop and then she joined our family therapy too and I feel like the outsider there now. She got upset when I didn’t want to do anything with her to remember Mom for Mother’s Day.
But anyway, this weekend I wanted to go to Mom’s grave and Dad always takes me but he told me to go with Aunt Maria cause she wanted to go too.
And then they got mad when I said I wasn’t going to go with her. She tried to point out that she loved mom too and said mom blessed dad moving on and forgave her but I just got mad and said I’m not sharing mom with her too and went to my room. Dad told me after that I made Maria cry and I need to stop being selfish and realize that mom meant a lot of things to different people.
I don’t want to hurt her but she keeps hurting me first.”
26. AITJ For Reporting Someone's TikTok Video Of me?
“I (21 F) struggle with anorexia and have been trying to recover for 6 months. One of my biggest fears is eating in public, this has a lot to do with my anorexia but I’m also insecure about the way my face looks when I eat. I also have pretty bad anxiety and often have panic attacks.
My significant other (24 M) is incredibly supportive, we’ve been together for 2 years and he does everything he can to help me and make me feel comfortable. Last week I was having a great week, I’d been feeling good about myself and I felt confident enough to go out for lunch with my SO.
We decided to go to one of those sushi places with the conveyor belts. We had a great time and I was proud of myself.
A few days later I saw a tiktok where somebody puts their phone on the conveyer belt and it records people whilst they’re eating. I was in the video.
It was only for a few seconds but I was distraught as I hate people seeing me eat and I had no idea I was being recorded. I started to have a panic attack. My SO immediately messaged the girl who posted the video asking her if she could delete it and she refuses.
The next day after I had calmed down I decided to message her myself and explain why I wanted it deleted and she refused again and said it had tons of views and it’s her video therefore she can post it if she likes.
The girl is 22 so more than old enough to understand my concerns. She argued that people were complimenting me in the comments and I should be grateful (I had not checked the comments because at the moment I am terrified of somebody saying something that may trigger me), this made me quite angry as just because I’m being complimented it doesn’t mean that I’d like a video of me up for the world to see.
At this point I had lost my patience and started being a bit rude, I called her a malicious jerk who needed to record other people without their consent to get views. I then reported her video, my SO reported her video, and so did many of my friends who I had explained the situation to.
Her video got taken down and her account got banned. She found my SO on Instagram and blamed us for getting banned, she was angry because she desperately needs money for rent and necessities and says we have just screwed up the creator fund for her. I feel bad for her, but I don’t think this gives her the right to record people without their consent.
My SO does not feel bad for her at all, he says she was an absolute jerk and deserves a ban. I’ve been in a horrible state of anxiety since this and I’ve barely been able to eat (I keep thinking about how many people saw the video) I feel like I’ve been set back in my recovery.
I feel guilty that I’ve ruined a source of income for the girl and I feel like towards the end of our discussion I was speaking to her like crap.
25. AITJ For Uninviting My Dad From My Graduation In Front Of His Other Kids?
“My graduation ceremony is being held next week. My dad had given me some money in advance to pay for the party. I live mostly with my mom but they were supposed to be hosting the event together.
Dad and I have a rocky relationship. After my parents divorced when I was 4 they split custody of me and he was able to stay a good dad. When I was 10 he met Jane. Jane had three kids, twins, and a single kid. They got married when I was 12 but I would say even before that I felt like he prioritized her kids over me a lot.
He would cancel plans with me if they wanted to do something and would either do the thing with them or force me to go and say it was even better than our plans when for me it wasn’t. Think going for a hike with me vs taking them to an indoor play area. Or seeing a movie with me vs the kiddie park.
One more example is when I was given a ticket for a concert my dad and I both love. He was supposed to buy a ticket to come with me for some father/son time, but actually spent it on his youngest stepkid who wanted their room painted. He told me at the last minute and it hurt.
There are other times stuff like this happened. He didn’t show up at the hospital when I broke my arm because one stepkid was getting their tonsils out and wanted both him and his wife there. He told my mom over the phone to tell me he was proud of me for being brave and understanding, even though I never said that crap.
When I would bring this stuff up to him he’d tell me it was natural to feel jealous of sharing his attention. That was all he would say.
In 2019 he told my mom he would split the cost of a trip I wanted to go on with one of my clubs because she didn’t have the money all by herself.
Mom had her half saved. We told my dad he needed to pay. He said bills were tight and it was the twins’ birthdays and the money needed to go on something for them. He told me we could do something as a family when the trip happened instead. I told him to forget it.
That he was making it clear who was more important and I was going to stay with my mom where I actually mattered. Mom borrowed money to cover the other half of the trip.
Dad told me he regretted making me feel less important and we were working on things and then the graduation money was given about a month ago.
Then a week ago he called and told me how one of the stepkids was being bullied, how bad of a time they’re having it, and with that money they could help cheer them up for their birthday. I was mad. I hung up.
Then two days later I showed up at his doorstep, gave him the money, and told him I didn’t want to see him or his new family at my graduation, and that he had chosen who was more important so he better stay out of my life.
His stepkids and two younger bio kids were there. I didn’t stick around. He called and told me we needed to talk it out like adults, and that I had hurt the kids’ feelings. His wife freaked out on me so I blocked her.
24. AITJ For Punishing My Stepson For Trespassing Into My Daughter's Room And Taking Her Stuff?
“I (39 M) have an 11-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old stepson. They get along well most of the time, but like most kids, they fight and annoy each other.
My stepson developed a habit of going into my daughter’s room and taking things to his room to upset her (like a T-shirt, a favorite pen, a teddy bear, etc).
I have told him to stop doing that repeatedly, and told him that each time he does it, he will be punished (the first time after that he took something, he was on trash duty for a week, next time he had to wash the car, next time he had to help me mow the lawn (which he hates), etc. He pretty much stopped upsetting my daughter after this.
My wife says I am being too strict, but I told her his behavior is unacceptable and he has to be disciplined.
Yesterday was my stepson’s best friend’s birthday party and my stepson was really happy to go and very excited about it. A few days before this party, he entered my daughter’s room and took her diary.
When my daughter found out, she got very upset and told me and my wife about it. My wife suggested we discipline her son by making him wash the dishes that night. I told her this has become a big problem and just washing the dishes isn’t nearly enough.
We sat both kids down and I explained to my stepson that what he is doing – taking my daughter’s stuff without her consent – is not okay.
Stepson said he just does it to annoy her. I said I know, but he has to stop. He said she annoys him too (like how she always sits in the armchair he likes most – this was the example he gave) and I said that I know that and she is disciplined for it as well, but what he is doing is worse.
I said I know they like each other and are happy to be siblings, and are just teasing each other, but this breach of consent needs to stop – he cannot enter her room uninvited, much less enter her room and take things. Stepson then yelled at me, saying that this is his house (my daughter and I moved in with my wife and stepson years ago) and that he will enter the room whenever he wants.
I told him that’s it, he isn’t going to the party and will instead clean the house with me and my wife that day. He is obviously upset. My wife says that was a jerk move from me, but I think it’s the only way he will learn.”
23. AITJ For Being Angry At My Brother And His Wife For Insisting On Dropping Their Kids Off At My Place?
“I (30 F) live with my husband and my pets. Unfortunately, both I and my hubby are infertile, I have endo and he has sperm issues, so no kids, and instead we help out with my brother and SIL’s kids instead (4 F & 1 F).
I’m a freelance web developer but I work remotely from home and the timing is very flexible hence why I am able to divert more care towards my nieces. My brother and SIL make just about enough to cut even and can’t exactly afford exorbitant childcare costs and would rather allocate their funds to the kids’ medical and school fees.
I have been babysitting these children ever since the oldest was born and now I also handle the care of the younger one. However, recently, something really dreadful happened that is I lost one of my closest friends and in a really terrible way do not want to divulge many details. I have been in a really bad place since then and the whole emotional fatigue has made me not even want to attend to work which is why I specifically took a 2 week leave to rest and come to terms with my emotions.
Sadly, my brother feigning sympathy at first said ‘Get some rest’ and then did the exact opposite by dropping off my nieces when I specifically told him I need this time for myself. He and SIL then countered saying that looking after my nieces would help me take my mind off things and that it was too short of a notice.
The thing is I barely have any energy usually when the kids are over I also take charge of the cooking, and cleaning up after the younger one. The older niece is now having June hols as compared to before when she’d just be at preschool. So now I have to attend to them simultaneously.
I have no such energy to look after them like that as of now I barely can attend to my own needs. It is also a safety issue, kids need constant monitoring, especially with my younger niece.
Now my brother and SIL are threatening me saying that if I’m not willing to babysit for the next two weeks, I should refund them monetarily so that they can find childcare because of the ‘short notice’.
I don’t understand was I supposed to predict my friend’s demise or something? Looks like my only option is to pay them back monetarily for the childcare costs to lay them off my back. My husband thinks it is cruel of them to make me pay, but my brother says I’m being selfish and only thinking everything revolves around my problems. I’m really torn and burned out from all this, I just need a break.
I did lash out at them for calling me selfish and have yet to apologize. Do provide judgment on if they are fair, if so then I’d be willing to compensate them.
Edit: I do not get paid to watch my nieces, I have volunteered since my first niece was born cause of my flexible work hours.”
22. AITJ For Shutting Down My Friend's Comments About My House?
“I (28 f) have got a house with my partner (m 30). I also have a friend Becks (28 f) who I’ve known for over 10 years.
Most of the time Becks is lovely and a really nice person to be around. Becks has recently moved into her own house and has been making comments about the house me and my partner have a mortgage on.
She particularly mentions its size and the house is small and says we should have gotten a larger house. Becks also has a social media page about how she got her dream life because she works hard when this is not the case at all.
Becks has 2 degrees, however, over the past few years she has been working an 8-hour-a-week job, spending the rest of her time hanging out with friends or on her social media (she has about 500-700 followers tops).
Her parents are really well off, meaning she got to finish both of the unis without getting into any student loan debt. Her parents got her a brand-new BMW and pay for the insurance and any of her expenses. And the reason why she got the house was due to her parents selling their 6-bedroom mansion to downsize and giving her a chunk of money from the sale to put towards the deposit and mortgage of her new house, which they also pay.
Now the housing market is completely insane at the moment, houses go really quickly and you have to offer over an asking price in order to secure anything, in some cases up to 20% over the price originally listed. I and my partner spent a good year and a half on securing a house due to this craziness and finally were able to find and have an offer accepted on something we both like.
Since Becks moved in she kept making comments about how we should have gotten a bigger and better house as there are 2 of us and we should have followed her example since she was able to afford a bigger and better house than we did. I let it slip until she decided to make such a remark last night when we were out with a lot of friends of ours.
She said I should have gotten a more hardworking partner or worked harder and more so we could have gotten a larger property when I and my partner cut all our expenses to extremes in order to afford the house and were working 50+ hours a week for a few years.
I lost it and called out Becks on lying about her work and how she got the house and told her if we had rich parents and no student loans we could definitely get a bigger house.
I have also said if the size of our house bothers her that much I am sure her parents wouldn’t mind downsizing again and help us too if she asks them.
Becks got offended and called me a jerk. Some people from the group believe I have gone too far while others agree that Becks’ comments were not acceptable.
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepson To My Wedding?
“I (F) have been with John for 11 years. He has 3 children from his previous marriage (27 F, 23 F, and 20 M) (I’ll talk about Henry (20 M).)
John’s old marriage didn’t end in the most… healthy way I’d say and the divorce was a pretty mess. It was a legal battle for custody of the children, as his ex wanted full custody and he wanted 50/50 (this was 15 years ago).
Apparently, the kids took sides with each parent, the girls with John and Henry with their mother. And even though he spent thousands on family therapy, Henry’s relationship with John was never the same after the parents signed their divorce.
When I was introduced as a significant other by John (5 years after the divorce) as you can predict, Henry didn’t react well and at first, I tried to approach him, but eventually, I got tired of getting only spicy and rude comments, leaving him alone.
Eventually, the girls asked to move in with my husband, and the judge granted. I moved in with John after 2 years, so I have a close relationship with them, unlike Henry.
As time went on, he stopped coming on weekends, despite John trying very hard.
1 year ago, John said he missed Henry, he hadn’t seen him for months and he barely responded to messages (college).
I decided to try to surprise him and called Henry, asking if he would like to come on the x day (John’s birthday) to celebrate and that I would pay for everything. He responded with ‘I know you’re not capable of having children, but stop trying to make me yours. We’re nothing.’
This upset me a lot because I don’t have children because I had cancer and he knows it.
I told John and he got really mad and it caused an argument between them.
In a few months, it will be my wedding and when it came time to send the invitations, I was very honest with John that I don’t feel comfortable with Henry coming to the wedding and I doubt he would, and if he did, maybe cause confusion, in addition to being sad for what he said to me that day.
But I would understand if he called. He agreed for Henry not to go and said he would talk to Henry about it.
When Henry and his mother found out, they started texting me saying that I was pushing his father away and that it was cruel of me to have just excluded him (I invited the sisters).
Calling all names and trying to guilty trip on me for being the reason for his estrangement from his father (their relationship was already out of date well before I met John).
I just really don’t feel comfortable inviting someone who has never made a point of interacting with me and has said hurtful things to me.
And that from the beginning it was against my relationship with his father.And I didn’t force John to do that.
20. AITJ For Going Home From My Fiancé's Parents' Barbeque Party?
“I (M 28) am engaged to a 27-year-old woman we’ll call Anna. Anna’s parents had a barbecue about 45 minutes away, and we had agreed to attend. Everything that morning went okay, we drove there and chatted, hung out, etc. About an hour into it, I started feeling off.
I had felt fine previously but started rapidly getting a really bad headache. I attributed it to both the smoke coming from her family members and these weird-smelling outdoor candles they had everywhere. I went out to my car, grabbed some Tylenol, and came back; didn’t say anything and ate some food.
Half an hour later and my head is beyond killing me and making me nauseous.
I got up to find Anna, who was talking with some relatives, and asked her if she was okay with leaving a bit early because I had a massive headache that kept getting worse. She immediately got mad and said ‘We just got here a little over an hour and a half ago, we aren’t leaving already.
Stop being dramatic and sit down for a bit.’ I didn’t argue with her or really respond but instead went into the house to use the bathroom and splash some water on my face.
When I was on my way out, I heard Anna talking to her parents in the doorway. They must have asked her why she looked upset and I heard her say ‘I guess Matt doesn’t want to be here, since he’d rather leave than spend time with my family.
I swear he’s so selfish, I was looking forward to this all week just for him to ruin it for me.’ Before I thought about it I walked out, looked at Anna who was still pouting, said ‘I’m going home, I’ll see you tonight’, got in my car, and left.
The drive home was miserable, I ended up puking when I got home and found out later that I was having a migraine which isn’t something I’ve ever had before so I had no idea how to deal with that.
Anyways, I got an ice pack and finally fell asleep.
A couple of hours later, Anna comes storming in and screaming at me, saying that her parents had to drive all of this way to bring her home and I was a selfish jerk. She grabbed her bag, said she was going to her friend’s house, and left. Am I the jerk for leaving her there?
I wasn’t going to force her to leave or dampen the mood.
When I asked her originally if she wanted to leave early, I was respectful and not pushy about it, it was a simple question. If anything, I would have laid down there for a few minutes in their spare room, it was hearing what she said that I found hurtful.
I’ve always been very present with her and her family. Holidays, get-togethers; I’m always there and we always have a great time. This type of thing doesn’t happen, which is why I don’t understand the huge blow-up she had.
I didn’t realize how quickly she would say these things about me, and it makes me wonder how often she says them.
She tends to have ‘temper tantrums’ often and I usually just let her go or give her what she wants but this one took the cake and to me, felt like a huge overreaction. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Mother That I Will Never Let Her Raise My Daughters?
“I (29 f) am married to Chris (30 m) and we have two daughters ages 5 and 2 together. Chris is an amazing dad, and I think he is especially suited to being the dad of daughters.
He is not afraid of girly things or grossed out by periods, period products, etc.
Ever since our oldest was 2 he has been more than willing to dress up as a princess and have tea parties with her. It’s my daughter’s favorite thing to do with her dad and he owns so many of those costumes now lol.
They still dress up together and now our youngest is involved too. He’s even worn makeup done by our daughter. LOL. It’s the sweetest thing and I have photos of them playing together like that. I added them to my social media and got some backlash from my in-laws. They accused me of humiliating my husband and of treating him like a woman vs the man that he is.
I fired back that my husband does it of his own free will and they needed to unbunch their undergarments because it shows how comfortable he is with himself that he will jump in eagerly to play dress up with his kids.
MIL then pulled me up over it a week ago saying that Chris is a man, that boys/men do not wear dresses and wear makeup, that the girls are going to see him as their mother someday, and that he is going to be shamed publicly.
She told me I should never have broadcast those photos and I am teaching my daughters some pretty ‘sketchy’ things about gender and the roles everyone plays in families. I asked her what she meant and she said they would expect all men to do that when it’s very unrealistic and unhealthy to try and get men to ‘act like women’ and that they need a strong father figure in their lives and how her son deserves to be the man he truly is.
I responded that her son is exactly who he wants to be and he is amazing and wonderful and is adored by his children.
She mentioned how tough life would be for the girls if both Chris and I died because nobody is going to keep that up for them or teach them that it was okay.
I told her she didn’t have to worry because I would never let her raise my daughters. This started somewhat of a chain reaction with her yelling at me, then her yelling at Chris and telling the whole family what I said. The consensus is I’m a jerk. Chris told them to shut up because she was spewing nonsense at me and I shouldn’t have to take it.
AITJ for what I said?”
18. AITJ For Cutting My In-Laws Out Of My Son's Life Because They Accused Me Of Having An Affair?
“I (29 F) married the man of my dreams (34 M) two years ago. We’re having trouble having a baby, and my parents-in-law, and brother-in-law and his wife aren’t helping. Before I go any further, my husband’s family is from a wealthy background, and having a boy as a first child is essential to them, which adds to my stress.
Because my husband’s older brother is infertile, we are the ones who are under pressure. I became pregnant last year and gave birth to a healthy baby boy at Christmas last year.
My father-in-law forced me to quit my job and stay at home just to make sure the baby was safe. When we announced that the baby would be a boy, everyone was overjoyed and began showering us with gifts, making my sister-in-law envious.
Christmas has arrived, and we are seated at the table when my sister-in-law begins discussing IVF, which is not openly accepted in our country.
When my father-in-law said no, she became enraged and vented her rage on me, who was 8 months pregnant at the time. She insults me and shows my husband and in-laws a photo of me and another man hugging at a birthday party I attended before becoming pregnant.
My in-laws believed her and began calling me names, as did my husband, who stated that he wished he had never married me.
My water broke as a result of too much stress, and I had to give birth despite being only 8 months pregnant. I gave birth alone because my husband was too disgusted to even look at me, but they immediately took a DNA test after the baby was born.
(Luckily he is healthy and has no health problems)
My parents, aunt and uncle, and cousins came to see me and discovered that the man I’m hugging is my cousin who is gay and had cancer. I hugged him that time because he announced that he is now cancer-free and in a happy relationship, which made me happy because he is one of my close cousins.
The DNA test results have arrived, and it show that my husband is the father. But when my father discovered the reason for my premature birth, he began to yell at them. He was so upset that he demanded that I divorce him and cut ties with them. I didn’t let my husband’s grandparents see my baby after I was discharged.
I don’t want to divorce my husband because the only mistake he made was saying hurtful things without first hearing my side of the story. I’ve been quiet and preoccupied with caring for my son for the past 6 months. My brother-in-law recently divorced his wife.
His family is still attempting to contact me and apologize, but I’m not giving in.
I’d already suffered enough trying to please them and follow all their traditions and stuff.
They always write me letters telling me that I’m making them suffer by not allowing their grandchild to meet them and that I’m denying my son the luxurious life he deserves.
My husband is on my side and tells me to ignore them, and that we have agreed not to spoil our son with material things, but rather with the love and care that every child needs.
17. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Have My Ex's Child Support Reduced?
“I’m a single mother with daughters who are 11 and 13. Their dad and I broke up a decade ago (we were never married) and there has been a lot of conflict between us over the years. This only increased when he met his wife, Jen. She’s got a son and a daughter as well as a niece she raises.
Together they have a son. Jen told me she would adopt my girls and I could move on with my life and leave them to be a family the day after she married my girls’ dad. When I told her no she told me I better get used to hearing my kids call her mom.
I told her I was always going to be my kids’ mom and she needed to get over that.
For their first wedding anniversary, she faked a letter from my girls saying they loved her and wanted to be her daughters and not mine. The girls saw the letter and said they didn’t write it.
Which I knew. Because both have dyslexia and struggle with writing even today, let alone back then. I told Jen that she was not getting my girls and she better not push the issue more.
The girls’ dad told me Jen was just trying to love on the girls and I should appreciate her more.
He brought me to court 5 months later saying I was poisoning the girls against Jen and her kids. I had proof of her behavior and the fact she was pressuring the girls to call her mom, and had brought up adult issues in front of her. The judge threw his case out and said Jen better watch herself.
Six months after that we returned to court and she was no longer allowed to take part in medical appointments or school-related meetings with my ex and me, per the judge. It was also stated by the judge that if things continued she would not be allowed to have the girls without ex present for even a single hour.
She backed off somewhat after that. But continued to target me with hate. The girls’ dad has always been on her side.
The girls hate being at their dad’s. They hate Jen. They have no bond with the other children. Their relationship with their dad is fractured too. But now they (ex’s family) have fallen on hard times.
Ex lost his job, and got a new one that pays far less, Jen got a job but her hours got moved which meant paying for childcare. Ex tried to get child support reduced and was denied. They have been turning to shelters for help with food and clothes.
Ex has asked me to let him off the hook on child support and has asked that I send some stuff for the other kids.
I told him to get lost. This has resulted in more conflict between us. The judge does not find what is going on enough for me to get more custody, but for a second time refused to reduce child support. I have been told I am a terrible person and mother to allow my girls’ other family to struggle so badly while they never have to worry.
Some of their dad’s family have told me I should help them like they do also.
16. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That She Ruined Our Date?
“I (27 F) and my husband ‘Seth’ (30 M) have been together for over 5 years. Last week, Seth had to travel out of state to attend his sister’s wedding. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend due to work-related issues.
Seth was gone for a whole week, and of course, I missed him terribly.
Seth and I don’t get much quality time together due to our stressful work schedules. I was still happy that he got to spend some relaxing time with his family. Yesterday, Seth and I finally got the opportunity to spend a day off together.
We decided to go for a cruise downtown in our new car and then go out to eat at our favorite restaurant.
Seth posted about our date night plans on social media. The day started off very well until we got to the restaurant. As soon as we got to the parking lot, we see my MIL (51 F) standing near the entrance.
She bolted towards us and gave Seth and me a big hug. She said that she saw our plans on social media and decided to join us.
I was already very upset, but I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to make a scene in public. I just tried my best to hide the fact that I was not having a good time during dinner.
After dinner was over, we all headed out to the parking lot and I said goodbye to my MIL.
My MIL said that she would join us back at our place to have some drinks. After she kept insisting that she join us at our house, I finally snapped at her!
I said, ‘Look, I want to spend some ALONE time with my husband. We almost never get to be alone together. You just spent a week-long luxury vacation with him, while I was stuck at home alone.
You already ruined our date by barging into our dinner plans. Just get lost!’
My MIL look horrified. She started crying and power-walked back to her car. Seth was stunned and started scolding me about how cruel I was to his mother. He said that I should’ve just expressed to him how I was feeling, instead making his mother feel unwanted. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law That His Mother-In-Law Is Not Invited To Our Wedding?
“I (28 f) got married to my fiancé (29 m) last August. BIL (35 m) is his only sibling.
For the guest list, we made it very clear to both of our families that we were inviting only people we were close with.
3 weeks before the wedding, BIL RSVPs that he, his wife, 2 kids, and his MIL were attending.
I told him his MIL was not invited. He started arguing that she may take the seat of one of his kids or that he would pay for her seat. I explained she was merely an acquaintance (seen her 5 times before). I asked Fiancé if he wanted the MIL there, and he said no.
BIL messaged me saying his wife was pregnant and very hurt that her mother was not considered family by Fiancé and me.
I DMed his wife and apologized if I made her feel bad and explained it has nothing to do with her mom but we wanted only people close to us at our wedding, and that she and the kids were family and very important to us. She said she invited her mom to help with her kids, I told her we had hired babysitters and had activities planned for them.
An hour later, his wife called my fiancé to say I was rude to her and told her I didn’t care about her mom. My fiancé told her that was not true (he saw the DMs) and repeated everything I said before word by word. BIL then called my fiancé demanding an explanation for our rude behavior towards his wife.
My fiancé told him to see the messages and that the call was recorded so he could see there was no rudeness at all. BIL refused.
BIL and his wife said they were not attending the wedding if they were not considered family, blocked me from social media, and told everyone how hurt they were by my actions.
I was very confused as that was the exact opposite of what I told them in our conversations. A few of Fiancé’s aunts and uncles contacted me telling me I should invite the MIL, that I wouldn’t even notice her there, and that it was the right thing to do. I got mad and just answered it was our event and that we choose who we wanted there.
BIL, his wife, and the kids didn’t attend the wedding. I was very upset at how they were portraying me and the situation, so I uploaded the screenshots from our conversation and this made them very mad as this proved their narrative was untrue.
They cut contact with EVERYONE, saying that we were toxic and that they cannot be around people that do not consider them family.
Last week BIL sent me an email saying I should apologize to his wife as she is really hurt by me posting the DMs, that she almost had a miscarriage because of me, and asked what his MIL did to me, for me to not want her at the wedding. I told him I was not apologizing for whatever story they have created in their minds a year later.
So, was I the jerk?”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Nephew?
“I (16 F) have a half-brother (37 M) Adam and he has a child (5 M) whom I’ll call B.
B is autistic and requires constant attention. Now, I don’t have a good relationship with my half-brother, it’s not that bad, but he doesn’t care for me nor my mom (54 F), or his ex (34 F), sometimes he visits B, but since most of the time he’s out of the country they don’t see each other that much.
He doesn’t have a normal job or a degree, he never went to college and made my mom pay all his expenses until she stopped spending on him. He can’t provide child support, he lives with his dad and friends sometimes.
Now to my problem;
This summer I signed up to work, I was able to get a job but I got really sick and I decided it’s best if I just call it off this year.
This means I’m home most of the time, but I also like to go out and meet up with friends for a movie or something like that.
Last week we planned a 3-day trip to a lake, got everything ready and just waited until the day came. The day when I was supposed to leave Adam called me saying he was coming to drop off B.
I told him I can’t watch him today since I’m going away for a trip, he said it doesn’t matter and I can bring him with me and ended the call. I was furious, so I called my mom but she didn’t pick up. Adam and I argued for a good 15 minutes before he said that I’m a lazy b-word who got nothing to do and the least I can do for him is watch B till he comes to get him.
I said absolutely not, he stormed off leaving B with me. I took him with me and walked back in crying. When my mom came home she was surprised and also mad, kept calling Adam but he didn’t pick up, so she called his ex, and she came and took him.
My brother arrived at around 11 PM and started screaming at me and my mom about how we’re so irresponsible, and that he will never let his child near us anymore.
He seemed like he was wasted, so I told him to get the f out and that he doesn’t deserve to be a father. Now I’m getting bashed on social media by his family members, some cousins, mostly his stepmother, and her side of the fam. I’m starting to feel like I went over the line and I should’ve just helped him out.
So, am I in the wrong here for not wanting to babysit my nephew?”
13. AITJ For Refusing Help From My Mother-In-Law?
“My mother-in-law has been living with us for 10 years, which I haven’t been happy about (she’s finally moving at the end of the month). It’s been a disaster of her interfering and me not always standing up for myself so she won’t get hurt and my wife won’t get mad.
There were times when I’d be playing with my son and my MIL would come into the room and tell him it’s time to go to bed. She interferes in other ways too – like if I’m cooking something for my son she’ll come and push me aside and just start taking over.
Same with dishes, laundry, etc… My wife said she just wants to help but from my perspective, I haven’t asked for her help and if I tell her I’m fine she should not insist and push to take over what time doing.
I enjoy washing and folding clothes. I suffer from severe depression and this simple activity (and other household chores) help me feel better.
But I have to wash in the middle of the night because if I wash during the day my MIL comes and asks what I’m washing and then just says she’s going to do it and fold, etc… even if I say no I want to do it she keeps insisting until I give up.
Today I was washing my clothes and my mother-in-law comes from lunch with my wife and goes straight to the laundry room to ask what I’m doing. What am I washing and what I am drying? I told her, kind of coldly this time, I’m doing it you don’t have to do it just let me finish.
She left and got sad. My wife told me I was rude and her mom just wants to help. I appreciate the gesture and she can still help at times but when I’m doing something I don’t want her coming and taking over or I could ask for help if I wanted it.
Like if I want to do dishes or the laundry what business is it of hers? We’ve had many talks about this over the years but MIL hasn’t changed. AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Feeling Excluded From My Partner's Group Of Friends?
“I’m 36 weeks pregnant and my partner is really into drag racing. Occasionally we go up to the track to watch them and his friends along with their significant others attend.
My partner and his guy friends head off into the pits to look at cars and whatnot so I stay on the bench with the girls. My feet are really swollen, it’s super hot and I’m dying a little I feel like and I’m ready to go home anyways.
Well, the girls all decided they want to take a group photo.
They set it up so that all of us are in the picture and I’m seated at the end.
We are getting ready to leave to go to dinner and I needed to use the restroom so I go. When I return my partner mentioned he saw the group photo but was curious where I was in it.
I told him I was sitting at the end. He showed me the photo they had posted and they cropped me out of it.
I was really hurt by this. My partner ended up asking them why they took me out and they told him that ‘I didn’t look like I fit in the picture.
They were all dressed a certain way and I made the picture look off.’
That gutted me even more when he told me on the ride to the restaurant. I was near in tears and told him I didn’t want to go in and wanted him to take me home. He was upset and told me not to take it so personally and that they weren’t my friends anyway and I could go just be with him.
That hurt me even more and I said a few mean words to him about choosing them over me.
I ended up being taken home and he’s still mad at me. AITJ here?”
11. AITJ For Being Concerned About Someone's Drinking?
“A new woman joined my mom’s group about two months ago, Sherry. At first, she seemed great. Nice, funny, smart, and has three young kids who are awesome.
We like having her around.
Except me and Lauren noticed something… every single time we’d get together, Sherry would try to make it into a ‘wine’ night. Hang out to let the kids play at the playground in the evening? She’ll bring the wine! Hanging out after school sign-up day? Wine time! Kid’s birthday party come around?
Well, she’s got the beverages, including the wine!
Every single time we hang out, she HAS to have a glass in her hand. The glass turns into a bottle. The issue is that she does NOT seem like she’s had an entire bottle of wine.
So about two weeks ago, we had all planned on getting the kids together and going to a great water park.
Obviously, water + liquor is a dangerous combo, especially with kids, so when Sherry pulled out a pint of Tito’s and waved it around telling everyone she had a ‘little treat’ for the moms, I felt like I had to say something.
I said, ‘Oh I don’t think it’s good for us to mix liquor at a water park like that, especially with the kids around.’
She said it would be fine, she does it all the time.
At this, I was kind of more alarmed. So when it was just the two of us, I said ‘Sherry, are you okay? Do you maybe need to talk to someone about your drinking?’
She looked shocked and said no, and then acted like I was absolutely crazy.
She said she had no idea where I got that idea, that her drinking was absolutely normal, and that ‘where she’s from’ (Atlanta?) it’s perfectly normal for people to drink at social gatherings.
I said okay and that I was just concerned because I’ve never hung out with her when she hasn’t been drinking.
She got defensive and told me that she didn’t like people up her butt monitoring her. After that point, her mood was soured for the day.
Lauren told me that it was a good thing that I said something, but two of the other moms said that it was going to cause a HUGE issue and that now Sherry’s talking trash about me being a busybody.
I was not trying to shame her. But I know how being a stay-at-home mom can turn people into addicts really fast and I didn’t want to see her end up that way. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Sleep On My Bed?
“My ex (35 m) and I (34 f) split up nearly 3 years ago as he had an affair. We have a 5-year-old son together and have remained fairly amicable considering.
He has had a rough time since I asked him to leave as he lost his job and for a time had to live in an unsuitable housing arrangement. When he wanted to visit our son he frequently had to stay at my place as his arrangements weren’t suitable for a child.
I only have a 2-bedroom place so he would sleep on the sofa.
He is in a better place now and has a job again, so everything is better and he doesn’t stay over as much. He has a habit of breaking my boundaries when he stays over so I try to minimize our time alone together (nothing super sinister but he will often ask about us getting back together, try to hold my hand, or make inappropriate comments).
This weekend I went away from Friday to Sunday with some friends. Our son was meant to stay at my ex’s place but I could tell our son had been feeling unsettled and he said he just wanted to stay at home with his own bed and toys. I have been feeling bad about all the moving around our son has had to do on weekends since we split so I agreed that my ex could stay at my home while I was gone instead.
Ex came over on the Friday and all was fine, but he made a passing comment before I left about finally being able to sleep in my bed rather than the sofa. I said in no uncertain terms that he was not allowed to sleep in my bed. He got a bit mad and asked why since it was his bed once too and I’m not going to be there anyway.
I simply said it is not your bed anymore and you can’t sleep in it (I did not remind him that he had an affair in that bed and the idea of him being in it again made my skin crawl – it’s bad enough I haven’t been able to afford to replace it yet).
He reluctantly agreed and I left a bit later.
I came back today and I instantly knew he had slept in my bed. I could tell my things had been moved and the room smelt strongly of him, and so did my pillowcases (he wears a very distinctive scent). I asked if he did and he denied it of course.
I didn’t want to get our son involved so I didn’t talk about this in front of him. But I was really angry.
I had asked him to do one thing and he couldn’t do it. I had to come home from a tiring weekend and strip my bed and change the sheets. And the fact he moved my things and touched who knows what.
It felt very violating.
He couldn’t understand my frustration and basically called me a jerk for overreacting. I didn’t scream or shout but I did make it clear I was unhappy. He said he was sorry but I couldn’t reasonably expect him to not sleep in it. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Not Forcing My Daughter To Be Vegan?
“I (35 f) have a daughter with my ex-husband (35 m), Lina (16 f). I never really liked eating meat, so after my pregnancy, I decided to go vegan. My then-husband didn’t mind and decided to also try being vegan as he saw many health benefits in that decision (he liked it and switched to being vegan).
However, we decided to not make Lina go vegan as well as we thought that it should be a decision she should make when she’s older – being vegan is a lifestyle choice unless there are other factors requiring it. So we let her have a bit of meat when we were at family gatherings/parties when she stayed over at my sister’s place with her cousins etc.
When we ate out, I also encouraged her to get whatever she wanted to have. At home, she had vegan meals and if she wanted, I would make her chicken nuggets. Now being 16, she has not switched to being vegan which I don’t mind. Once again – I think it’s her own choice.
My ex and I divorced but he continued with his vegan lifestyle and our stand on Lina was still the same. Two years ago I married my now husband (37 m), Peter. Peter has been a vegan since he was 15 and for him, it has always been more about animal rights. I respect his stand and don’t mind.
It seems that he had never noticed that Lina was not vegan.
Recently, Lina came back home after hanging out with friends. While eating dinner, we talked about our days and Lina mentioned going to this restaurant with her friends. Peter was surprised and said that he didn’t know that the restaurant offers vegan meals too.
Lina said that they do but she had picked steamed rice with Chinese lemon chicken. He was surprised, and asked her ‘Aren’t you vegan’ and she replied that she had never been vegan.
The conversation died down and after Lina went to her room, he burst. He asked me how could I allow her not to be vegan, how could I give her pocket money knowing that she could go out and buy meat and stuff like that.
I calmly explained to him that my ex and I agreed to let Lina make that choice by herself when she’s old enough and obviously her choice now is to not pick the same lifestyle her parents have.
He was really angry and said that he doesn’t think he can have children with me (we had been thinking about having a child) if I don’t respect his veganism and plan to let our future children also be vegan.
I answered that I don’t understand why he was so upset. He doesn’t mind when our relatives at family gatherings eat meat. He said that it’s different because we should teach our children to do better and I obviously have ‘failed’ to do that with Lina. I told him I’m not sure I want to have children with him if he doesn’t respect my parenting choices and opinion on this matter.
This has caused a strain in our relationship and we haven’t talked properly since that conversation. I refuse to apologize since I don’t think I’m wrong. But maybe I am wrong and aren’t looking at this properly.
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Foster Dogs With My Mom Anymore?
” “I (18 F) have divorced partners. Half the week I’m with my mom (52 F) and her wife (57 F) who we’ll call J.
It took me a while to warm up to her due to her own personality. She is very sensitive and cares deeply about animals. She’s sometimes very stuck in her ways and hard to talk with regarding certain subjects.
My mom and J decided to foster dogs in January 2019. Despite how much I enjoyed helping dogs in bad situations, I always find it to be stressful.
Within the last month, we got Lotus. She’s tiny with no aggression but has bad behavioral issues. About a week after we got her, my mom and J went on a vacation and I was left with Lotus for more than a week. During that time I had to discover a lot of issues we didn’t know about like her habit of chewing furniture and shoes.
She ate my friend’s pair of very expensive ones we had to reimburse her for. She’s caused over $700 of damages.
She jumps on me HARD, licks me constantly, chews everything, chases the cats, DUMPS EVERYWHERE, fights our other dog, and causes so much stress for my mom who is a clean freak due to trauma.
This stress in my mom made her decide to return Lotus and our other foster Cowboy, but J confessed that she loved Lotus and wanted to keep her for longer, so we only returned Cowboy who was INCREDIBLY behaved.
I have had increasing stress these last few months especially because it meant whenever I go and see my mom, she’s angry and upset.
Yesterday night I caught her eating the remote which we already had to replace before and I lost it. I became a sobbing mess. My mom and J woke up from the noise and I exploded. I told them about how I had sacrificed my time, patience, things, and social life because of fostering. One of our previous foster dogs had bitten my best friend and then none of my friends wanted to hang out for a while.
The same friend from earlier said she didn’t want to come over if Lotus was there, meaning I’d have to sacrifice my social life again.
Most importantly, I was risking my happiness while being with my mom. The only thing I’d accept to fix this would be Lotus gone. My mom agreed we should get rid of her.
J refused and said that we should give Lotus another chance. I told her I was fed up with feeling like my opinions weren’t respected. I told her if she really loved me and wanted me to be happy that she would get rid of this dog. I told them that I will be staying with my dads until they decide to get rid of her.
I left my mom devastated and J in tears. Later that night she called me and said she was disappointed and that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to give the dog up but my mom wants me back. I feel awful for wanting to give up a dog but it causes me so much daily pain.
I’m sad I have to make my mom go through such a hard decision. I’m worried I’m being too harsh and that I should just go back and try to make things up. I want to be happy and have a good relationship with J nonetheless. AITJ?
7. AITJ For Rejecting A Student Petition?
“I (27 M) am a data processing operator, I work 9 hours every day from Monday to Friday in a school.
My position is unique in this school because while I am staff my orders come from the governing board and not the school administration. I am responsible for making sure all user accounts and computer systems are in-line with government and governing board policies. This is important because it is how the school gets official accreditation from the government.
If there are any violations there is a risk that the school could lose accreditation and the students could be robbed of their diplomas and attestations.
The problems began recently when I got a request to join a meeting on LGBT affairs. I normally do not attend these meetings because I view them as irrelevant to my duties.
This time was different as I received a joint email from the heads of several departments asking for my attendance.
The first half of the meeting was fine, the teachers were discussing how they run their classrooms. The real issues started in the second half, this was when I received a petition from both the student union and the LGBT union.
In their petition, they asked for transgender students to have the ability to change their names on school records and user accounts.
In addition, they asked for the addition of a pronoun option on user accounts for some services. Unfortunately due to my position and duties, I had to reject their motion and petition. I had to reject it on grounds of legality and governing board policy.
Under the law, educational records and accounts must follow a person’s legal identity. I can only change names and designations if there is a court order to do so. I had to reject the addition of pronouns to user accounts because the IT department does not have the authority or the resources to make the changes.
What really set things off was when they asked if I could submit a policy change request to the governing board. I, unfortunately, had to deny this request as well, I rejected it on these grounds. Firstly, the request is not legal because I would be asking the board to violate government policy/law on name/designation changes.
Secondly, I can not fulfill this request personally because I feel that the request is unprofessional as I am violating my neutrality. This did not sit well with the unions and the school. Since then both I and my department have received some not-so-friendly emails which did prompt an investigation and some consequences for certain students.
Am I the jerk for rejecting the petition and not sending a policy change request?”
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Inheritance With My Nephew?
“My grandmother recently passed away and I was the sole benefactor of her will. She wasn’t a rich woman but she was comfortable enough and she left me her house, car, and savings. My father is her only child but he’d made it clear early on when the will was being written up that he didn’t want anything from her will so to give it to me which she did.
I have an older brother who I haven’t seen in five years, he was disowned by the family for things he did which included stealing from various members of the family other stuff I can’t say without breaking this subreddit’s rules but it’s bad. He and his then-partner had a 1-year-old son when I last saw them but honestly, they had no interest in him being around our family in the first place and would often use him as a bartering chip against my parents.
His partner who is his ex apparently now reached out to me on social media the day after the funeral and was all sweet and called me ‘Babes’ and used x’s and emojis which, ew, get lost, we’re not friends. To sum it up, she asked when the will was being read so she could come.
I asked her why she’d be coming and she said to find out her son’s share of the inheritance obviously. I was beyond shocked at the audacity of this jerk and I told her as much stating there was nothing in the will for him and it had already been read to get the funeral plans she’d set out in it.
She was mad at this and demanded to know why he’d not been included in the will and asked who’d gotten the things in the will, I pointed out how she’d not acted like family and my brother had been disowned so really how could she think he’d be in the will? I also told her that I had gotten the stuff in the will, a mistake on my part but whatever.
She began to demand I split it with him stating that that ‘Nice House’ was much too big for a single 21-year-old girl and how I didn’t need it as much as her as she had a child to take care of and how I was being selfish and should sign it over to her, or give her a cut of the money for my nephews future and that it was my ‘responsibility’ as his aunt.
I told her no and to not contact me again. I’ve heard she’s apparently talking on social media about how I’ve stolen her sons future and food from his mouth and a roof from over his head I won’t lie it’s stressing me and I’m starting to feel guilty.
I don’t care about her, she can go curl up in a gutter for all I care for what she put my parents through years ago but I feel guilty for my nephew, he’s only a kid and none of this is his fault but I have doubts on if anything I give her for him would really trickle down to him.”
5. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Constantly-Fighting Neighbors?
“I have PTSD due to a previous relationship and aggressive men are a trigger for me. I am in therapy and getting help. I have lived with my husband in our apartment for over a year. New neighbors moved in a bit after us and have been fighting non-stop since. I usually ignored it. Until now.
A few months back, late one night our neighbors began to fight, like the woman was slamming doors and beating on walls so hard it was knocking stuff off our shelves and walls. I’m not sure what they were fighting about but I could also hear their two small children hysterically crying. I’m not one to call the police on people but when I heard the kids crying I couldn’t help myself.
After the cops came nothing happened and they settled down for a little bit. Until the other weekend. The wife and husband were arguing in the morning, the husband left and then I could hear the mother screaming at her child and throwing things so I called the police again and went back to cleaning my house.
I took the trash out and I guess the mother’s friend saw me, assumed I was the one who called, and then a while later the husband and wife showed up at my husband and I’s threatening us and told us they called leasing and complained about us.
The husband was being very aggressive and here’s where I think I am the jerk.
I lied to them. I said I didn’t call. I don’t know why I lied. I guess I was scared. I went over later and spoke with the wife and apologized and here’s where I am the jerk again… I told her I only called the other month. I feel bad that I lied but AITJ?
I called the leasing office to see if we could get in trouble and they said we were fine. I guess these neighbors have had tons of other neighbors call and complain and have had the cops come several times to their apartment… I just feel terrible and like I messed with something I wasn’t supposed to.”
4. AITJ For Making My Wife Reschedule Her Doctor's Appointment?
Tuesday, I was covering a night shift and came home in the morning at exactly 10 AM. I was so exhausted and was about to go to bed when my wife told me she needed me to drive her to her doctor’s appointment. This is not what we agreed upon, as far as I knew she told me her mom was coming to pick her up but, she said her mom called and said she couldn’t come.
I told her I just got off work and wouldn’t be driving her to the clinic and also told her to reschedule. She argued that she couldn’t reschedule because she has been feeling pain in her lower belly (she was 4 months pregnant) and needed to see the doctor. I told her she should’ve told me beforehand, otherwise, I would’ve just skipped the night shift altogether.
She insisted and I told her to either find her own ride or reschedule cause I was too tired to get behind the wheel. She was upset but ended up rescheduling and going 2 days later.
When she came back from the appointment she started yelling names at me like irresponsible and selfish. I asked what was wrong and she said that the doctor told her her pain needed early intervention and that she could’ve had a miscarriage after I refused to drive her to the clinic.
I was shocked to know that but she insisted that I apparently don’t care about her or the baby to be acting so carelessly and neglectful. I told her she should’ve told me that her mom couldn’t drive her that day but she blamed me solely saying this is all on me and I’m treating her as 2nd class citizen.
I had it I said yes she’s pregnant but she isn’t disabled and can use public transportation, not have me driving after working all night. She didn’t like any of what I said and couldn’t reply just left the room.
She’s still mad at me acting like this is all happening because of me and refusing to accept that part of the blame falls on her.
She keeps saying she could’ve lost the pregnancy and I’m responsible for this.”
3. AITJ For Wanting My Wife And Son To Eat Healthily?
“My wife likes to buy my son a lot of unhealthy fast food stuff and overbuys a lot of snacks and sugary stuff like soda, which I don’t think is healthy for a 10-year-old to be drinking. Literally almost every time my wife picks my son up from school, it’s Dunkin Donuts or Wendy’s, or Five Guys
I got tired of this so, I told my son (10 M) That he should start eating a lot healthier and that eating fast-food and sugary foods, and processed food will make him sick and you will get diabetes (Diabetes runs in the family, I don’t have it, but my dad & his sister & their father has diabetes).
After I told my son this, I talked to my wife about cutting out fast food and eating healthier foods. She did not want to do that because eating out and making microwaveable food is easier and more convenient and she doesn’t have time to cook every day.
I did not buy that excuse and I kept telling her that the food she’s eating & what she gives my son is unhealthy and that they will have health problems. and that it doesn’t take long to prepare basic healthy meals & snacks, and that you’re being lazy & uncaring.
She then proceeded to blow up at me and said some things that I won’t get into detail about because some of it is personal.
She then stormed off to her car & left. Now, here is the thing that really made me mad. 40 minutes later, she comes home with KFC for her & my son out of spite.
I stopped my son from eating that garbage & I bargained with him that I’ll make his favorite food instead of the KFC (His favorite food is lasagna).
My wife then pulled me into the garage and yelled at me saying that I’m a jerk and to stop being so controlling.
Am I the jerk here?”
2. AITJ For Invalidating My Fiancée' Reaction To Llama Spit?
“We made plans to go to this event that a mutual friend was putting on, and were excited.
Until she found out there would be some sort of mobile petting zoo there. Complete with llamas.
Upon hearing this, she flat-out refused to go. She just said, ‘No, I’m not going anywhere near llamas.’
I thought this was very bizarre behavior, she’s not scared of animals or anything.
After more prodding, she revealed almost tearfully that a llama spat on her once when she was 14.
I said… well, ok, did you wipe it off, or what happened? She got a little upset and said I was being insensitive and that it was so much worse than I could imagine, it was the sickest she’s ever felt, she’d rather get the flu than ever have to smell that again, etc.
I said, ‘Well you don’t even need to go near the llamas there, can’t you just do other stuff?’ She said no because even the sight of them might make her remember the feeling and smell, plus if anyone else upsets one and gets spit on she’s worried she’d still smell it if they came around her later in the party.
Well, this was still bizarre to me. Llama spit isn’t some sort of apocalyptic nightmare, as far as I know, you wash it away and move on. I did some research and it looks like it can stink if they’re really mad, but all the same… she’s never been particularly squeamish.
I asked if it was some sort of llama-specific phobia, but she reiterated no, it’s not about a fear of llamas, it’s just that the spit really IS that bad, and I was being ignorant for acting like her concerns were ‘invalid’ and that if anyone else at the party knew how bad it could be that none of them would ever dare to get near a llama.
I was upset that she made us change plans last minute and she’s upset that I’m not taking her llama-spit fears seriously
1. AITJ For Not Helping My Friend Explain Things To His Daughter?
“My (37 F) friend Darren (40 M) has a daughter Hannah (8 F) from a previous marriage. Hannah lives with him full-time and sees her mother Nicole (38 F) on weekends.
Nicole treats Hannah like her 25-year-old BFF.
On Sunday, Nicole took Hannah to a pro-choice rally. I was at Darren’s that night when she got home. Nicole opened the front door and Hannah walked in holding a cupcake in a clear plastic container, head down staring at it, she asked ‘Why does my cupcake have a bull on it?’ Hannah’s mother responded ‘It’s not a bull, it’s a uterus’ as she left. I bit my wrist to stop myself from laughing out loud.
Hannah looked up from her cupcake and innocently asked ‘What’s a uterus?’ Darren turned bright red.
I silently laughed. Hannah had her back to me and was none the wiser, but Darren looked at me with daggers in his eyes. He stumbled over his words and developed a stutter. He started about 70 sentences and didn’t finish a single one.
He was Billy Madison-level incoherent. I offered no help beyond throwing in a few ‘Go on Darren tell her’ and ‘It’s a simple question’ jabs. I believe a grown man should know the basics of human anatomy & reproduction. He eventually told her to get ready for bed and they could look it up tomorrow.
After Hannah went upstairs, Darren flipped out on me saying he’s a man, he doesn’t know about ‘lady parts’ or how to explain them to a little girl. As a woman, I should have stepped in and answered her questions. I countered that as a father, he should know what a uterus is.
He’s raising a daughter to which he’s going to have to explain periods and tampons. I asked him what was going to happen when he needs to buy her tampons. I told him men like him are the reason there is this stigma around periods and why women are afraid to openly talk about their reproductive health.
That it’s his responsibility to normalize talking about that stuff with his daughter.
He told me he has a few years before all that, she’ll be older so he’ll be more comfortable, and I should have just helped him this time because she’s only 8. He kept harping on this idea that at her age, any information should come from a woman which I completely disagree with.
I told him his argument was everything that’s wrong with society right now, he’s her father, and I’m just her father’s random friend. I asked him what he was going to do when she asked questions while he doesn’t have a female friend over.
He was really heated and glanced up at a clock, so I took that as my cue to leave.
It’s been 4 days and it appears he is still fuming. He hasn’t picked up when I’ve called and is very short when I text, giving me 1-word answers, if he responds at all. We had plans for tonight but sent a text saying ‘Can’t make it tonight’ with no explanation. I asked why and haven’t received a response.
His anger is making me question if I took it too far. Is it my responsibility, as a woman, to explain the female reproductive system to my male friend’s kids? AITJ here?”