People Ask Us To Look Into Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Just Letting Go Of What I'm Talking About When My Partner Stops Listening To Me?
“My partner has somewhat of a short attention span. Whether we’re at home sitting on the couch or eating dinner together at a restaurant or just generally talking to one another, sometimes I’ll start to talk and I notice that she isn’t actually paying attention. Here are some of the signs:
- She’s facing me but her eyes are looking at something around the corner, constantly shifting between me and whatever she’s looking at, all the while saying, ‘mhmm, yeah…
uh-huh.’
- She randomly interrupts me to point out something unimportant and meaningless, e.g. ‘OH! I didn’t know this store was at this location! We have to go there soon. My bad, go on.’
- The infamous glued to cellphone texting someone else while trying to maintain communication with me.
- And the usual stuff like just zoning out, etc.
Now I’m not an attention-seeker by any means.
I’ve learned a lot about our relation the last few years and I know what interests my partner and what I should talk to my friends about, but this isn’t even a specific type of conversation here. We could be talking about how our day has been, in fact, she could be the one asking me this question and when I answer, she will sometimes just stop listening to what I have to say.
I’ve gotten used to it by now, so I’ll even have a little fun with it sometimes. When I notice her drifting off, I’ll make up silly stuff to see if she catches it, like, ‘Yeah so Nancy got fired today at work because an elephant walked into our office asking if we sold oversized headphones it could wear and she said we don’t.’ Or I’ll just prematurely finish what I had to say, like ‘Yeah so Nancy…
Nah nvm it’s not even important. How was your day?’
And now we get to the point. Recently, my partner and I went to a coffee shop nearby and sat down to enjoy ourselves. I started to talk about the marathon my friend joined and how we should give it a try but I noticed she was looking from the corner of her eye at this odd couple sitting next to us.
She interrupts me mid-sentence and says:
SO: ‘Honey don’t we know those two people from somewhere?’
Me: ‘I dunno,’ and just stopped talking.
SO: ‘Sorry, what were you saying?’
Me: ‘Nothing, never mind.’
SO: ‘I said sorry, jeez. Why are you always like this?’
Me: ‘What? I’m just not going to waste my energy talking when you don’t care.’
SO: ‘What’s your problem?’
Me: ‘Nothing, I’m just tired of being interrupted and ignored.
Don’t you think it’s rude to do that? I always listen to you and anyone else that talks to me because I actually care, but sometimes you just don’t care, so I don’t care either.’
SO: ‘Relax, I just wanted to know if you knew who they were. Why do you have to be so sensitive about this all the time? I’m listening to you.’
Me: ‘Okay, so what was I talking about then?’
SO: ‘Fine, whatever.’
This has happened to me all my life because my family has always ignored me.
Thus, I’ve always been courteous to other people by doing something as simple as listening to them when they talk. My partner’s closest friend and cousin are exactly like this and I’ve actually had arguments with them in the past about this type of thing being disrespectful to the person talking to you but they think it’s trivial.
Am I the jerk here? Do I not have a point? I get that sometimes we all have thoughts in our heads that suck up all of our attention but this happens very frequently.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to think about this in terms of what is useful and going to improve the situation, not who is right or wrong.
Obviously, you and your partner have different ideas about what constitutes ‘respect’ and what constitutes a conversation (or even a relationship). It sounds like she has a different idea of what listening is, too.
I think you need to decide what it is you’re trying to achieve here. I think you want:
Respect: she doesn’t express respect through listening, so her listening would not really be a sign of her respecting you.
Are there other ways that you can feel respected by her or know that she respects you?
Talking: You clearly have a desire to talk to her, but what does talking mean to you? When you listen to her, is that only out of ‘courtesy’ or do you really want to know what she says? It may also be helpful for you to achieve communication (which is what you want) if you try to make your points more quickly so that she has less time to wander off and ask her opinion on what you’re saying so she feels more engaged.
To be listened to: You want her attention, but it sounds to me like she lacks impulse control. And that is something she could work on. If part of the problem is interruptions, maybe you could get her to agree to ‘hold that thought’ when something suddenly occurs to her, until after you have finished talking.
But when you have finished, then it’s okay for her to mention her thoughts. That might be a compromise.
Going Silent: This is an understandable reaction to feeling frustrated and feeling that your above goals aren’t being met, but I don’t see how it can help you to meet those goals. You’re passive-aggressively punishing your partner for interrupting, but is that going to change her behavior?
I think it’s better for the two of you to acknowledge that you have different expectations about talking/listening and that her actions mean something different to you than they do to her, and then try to compromise.” Salt-Pile
Another User Comments:
“On one hand, she’s being a bit of the jerk for drifting off not listening, but on the other hand, you might be being passive-aggressively the jerk as well, if you’re sulking off with the ‘never mind’.
You’re a bit justified, but it’s a petty bit of justified.
It sounds like you’ve got a hangup from the past that happens to get tickled unfortunately well by the annoying tendency she has. It’s unfortunate, but things happen, and you have to deal with what stuff does happen. It sounds like the two of you just need to have a constructive conversation (i.e., ask and express, don’t complain and accuse) on how to solve the problem and come to some sort of understanding compromise.
Maybe you can meet somewhere around ‘Try not to be offended if I rudely snap you back to reality, and I’ll try not to be offended if I have to.’
From what I’m hearing, you’re not to the point of divvying up ‘Jerk’ stickers yet. You’re still at the ‘unresolved problem’ stage. Your jerk-or-not distinction depends more on how you handle that problem going forward.
Continuing to stew and snipe is a poor solution (or none at all) and is definitely the Way of the Jerk. I’d avoid that.” SuperFLEB
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT the jerk.
I have a co-worker who is like this. We’ll get into a conversation and then he’ll start to read something on his PC while I’m talking and then he’ll say, ‘Oh, what? Sorry.’ As if to say, ‘Oh my god, have you actually been talking that whole time?’ Other times he won’t even hear me at all.
I’ll say something and then realize that he mentally stepped out of the conversation 20 seconds ago and has heard nothing I’ve said since then.
It’s really demoralizing. I don’t even go out with this person or speak to him outside work and just these short work conversations make me feel like less of a human being.
Plus, it’s infuriating. How hard is it to listen for one minute?
OP – you seem surprisingly tolerant of this and I don’t know why. How do you think your partner would react if she started telling you a story and then halfway through you just shouted, ‘Oh my god! We should totally go out for tacos tonight for dinner! Oh, you’re still talking. Go on.’ Would she just laugh it off the way you seem to do when it happens to you?
You’re worth being heard, even if what you’re saying isn’t always ridiculously interesting, especially by the one person who is supposed to be your life partner.” CoruscantSunset
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For The Camera?
“I was at a party last week, and it was around ~2 am. By that point, I’m near the edge of being too wasted and I wandered into the living room of this house. This girl, who I’d just met that night, hands me a camera and motions for me to take a photo of her and her friends.
I managed to drop it seconds after I move it up to take the photo. We both inspect the camera, and it turns out that the flash wasn’t working. I apologize profusely. The next day she adds me on social media and asks me to pay for the repairs since it turns out this was a $400 camera.
The guy at the shop told her it’d cost $175. I tell her I’m pretty broke, but I can spare at least $100. She tells me that it’s my fault it’s broken and that I need to pay for the entire thing.
I’m going to call around to see if I can’t find a place that will do it for cheaper, but I’ll probably just end up putting it on my credit card.
I feel that you shouldn’t be giving expensive stuff to wasted people and that she should be taking at least some of the responsibility here. Am I a jerk for thinking that?”
Another User Comments:
“If I wanted to have fun at a party where I know there’s going to be a fair bit of drinking, I wouldn’t be bringing a $400 camera to it.
I’d end up being worried about it the whole night. Not only did she bring an expensive camera to a party, but she then handed it to a wasted dude. I kind of feel like this should be an expensive lesson for her. You’re not the jerk.” kidamy
Another User Comments:
“Oh my gosh, that makes me feel so angry inside.
You were trying to do her a favor by taking a picture! She really doesn’t deserve to get any amount from you (though if you already offered to pay for some of it, you might be a jerk to rescind that offer). At the least, try to call her out on her cheapness, as politely as you can, in front of one of her friends.
Maybe they’d pull her aside and let her know she’s being a jerk.” rcrabb
Another User Comments:
“I feel she should be taking most of the responsibility if not all of it. Especially for the last reason you stated. It wasn’t like you intentionally or negligently destroyed her camera. She asked you to complete a task and in doing so the camera was damaged. If you don’t want a busted camera, don’t give it to random strangers.” Ontheneedles
22. AITJ For Wanting To Be Recognized For Saving Someone's Life?
“A couple of nights ago our dormitory was having a party to celebrate the ending of exams and semester. There was lots of booze and everyone was throwing back whiskey like there was no tomorrow. Well, there may have possibly been no tomorrow for this one girl who ended up passing out in the bathroom of a friend’s dorm room.
A couple of friends and I who were just barely sober enough carried her back to her room and placed her in her bed. Afterward, we all left hoping that she would be fine. About 10 minutes later I had a bad feeling about the whole thing and decided to stay nearby just in case something bad happened.
Despite my friends trying to convince me it wasn’t a good idea, I went and sat in the room all through the night.
I’m happy that I did because, after about 45 minutes of sitting there, she begins to vomit in her sleep. If anyone is unaware, this is an extremely dangerous situation as she could have possibly choked on her own vomit and died.
I stayed there all night (eventually accompanied by another girl in the same hall) making sure we cleaned up and kept the passed-out girl safe.
Eventually, in the morning, she woke up with a horrid hangover and I continued to provide assistance for a few hours until she was able to accomplish things on her own.
I left the room and only told those who asked about what happened because I didn’t want to start gossip or any stuff like that.
But, ever since, nobody (not even that girl) has given any acknowledgment to the fact that I basically saved her life.
I’m not begging for reward or commendation, it just would have been nice to receive some recognition.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, you certainly aren’t a jerk for saving somebody’s life but from what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like you’re throwing a tantrum about it.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting, no matter how much you want something simply due to the fact that you don’t have total control over your emotions. If people did have total control over their emotions all we would do is sit around being happy for no reason, so it’s not fair to call somebody a jerk for feeling a particular way.
Even if they think they want somebody gone, they don’t become a jerk until they actually act on it so you’re good.” Spoon_Elemental
Another User Comments:
“You deserve some recognition for that for sure. But try to understand, it might be really embarrassing to her to even remember about vomiting in bed after getting too wasted. She would rather just forget it all than go around mentioning it.
I’m sure she still feels grateful to you, and if you want to you could tease her a bit about it later and she might thank you to get out of that topic.
Anyways, you’re not a jerk for looking after someone.” Jaripsi
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk, I can’t believe not one person thanked you for doing what you did. You essentially saved someone’s life, nobody except you and that other girl stayed in that room to help that person.
Even if you don’t get any recognition, take comfort in knowing that you’re a good person and don’t stop caring about others, and in the future don’t expect much recognition, people can be jerks.” GamerX44
21. AITJ For Trying To Settle An Argument Between My Daughters And Step-Daughter?
“I (48M) have 6 kids; 2 sons, 3 daughters, and 1 step-daughter. I’ve always stood by the fact that I never cater and all my kids get the same.
My oldest daughter C (23F) got married two years ago, she was the first one to get married so we were all very excited and put in a lot of time and effort to make her wedding perfect.
It was a very large and beautiful ceremony and everything went great.
My stepdaughter L (18F) recently got engaged to her partner. After announcing it, she asked the whole family if they could help plan it, we of course said that’d we’d love to.
L wants a large wedding, which is fine. So last week, we were discussing the details when she stated that she wanted a wedding exactly like C’s, from the food to the dress to possibly ‘traveling states or even abroad.’
That’s the problem, C’s wedding was very expensive but it was mostly funded by her husband’s family, who are extremely wealthy, we paid for some things like some decorations and attire but the bulk was paid for by them.
I don’t know how much my eldest’s wedding cost exactly but I know it was well over a million with everything combined.
Now, I make good money and I can pay for part of her wedding, but I definitely do not make enough to fund a million-dollar wedding, even combined with L’s fiancé’s family helping out.
We tried to say that we can help, but there’s no way we can afford that kind of wedding.
L got upset, saying that if C had a high-cost wedding, then she deserves one too. We kept trying to gently tell her there’s no way but she wasn’t having it.
At this point I was annoyed, I said that the only way C had that type of wedding was because of her in-laws. L then demanded C should pay some because ‘she has more than enough funds to spare.’
C said that she’ll pay for her accessories/makeup/hair, L then started yelling, saying that it wasn’t fair and that if it was my other daughters E or H she would do it for them.
E and H joined in defending C, and it was a screaming match for about 10 minutes before L stormed out.
A few hours later my oldest T (27M) showed me a social media post where L was trashing C, E, and H for being horrible sisters and excluding her because she was their step-sister and that they were being greedy jerks that were trying to tear her down because they were jealous.
The post was deleted, but the drama didn’t stop. L is now threatening to uninvite my daughters if C doesn’t pay.
I talked to C and asked if there’s any way she can negotiate with L like possibly giving her a loan so this can be settled. C got upset with me, saying that she might’ve considered it if L didn’t insult her.
I was told I shouldn’t have asked C at all because it’s not her place to take care of her younger sister’s expectations. Now they’re all mad at me and one another.
This has been going on for two weeks now. I’m tired and just want my kids to get along. So AITJ?
UPDATE: I apologized to C for even asking to give L funds then I called L over.
I showed her every receipt I had from C’s wedding and explained to her that if that isn’t satisfactory to her then she won’t be getting any amount from me or my family for her ungratefulness and that she should leave her sisters alone because they aren’t doing anything wrong. L wasn’t happy about it, but I think she realized she was wrong and she apologized to everyone for how she acted.
I also tried speaking to her about if she’s actually ready to get married, but she stood by that she and her fiancé want to get married and nothing’s gonna change that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for asking C to do anything at all. It’s not her circus.
You’re not the jerk for trying to find a compromise but it should not involve C and you need to sit L down and explain the reality of the situation, how much you contributed to C’s wedding, and how much you are realistically able to contribute and that she needs to adjust her expectations.
If she keeps throwing tantrums however you will be withdrawing all assistance because you will NOT be disrespected while she’s taking from you for the wedding.
Draw some boundaries. It’s ridiculous she’s getting this bent on wanting things she/you/her future in-laws cannot afford and trying to force her way. A loan is NOT the answer. Would she even keep her word to pay C back? She’s 18.
Don’t even suggest that route on the behalf of someone else. Tell her to start knocking on her fiancé/future in-laws’ door and asking them.” shzan1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’ve got to be fair to all of your kids, op.
They get exactly what you provided for your oldest. That’s it. What YOU provided. Not their in-laws. If their in-laws are broke, that is unfortunate but not your responsibility.
And the audacity to expect her sister to foot the bill. Your oldest married into a wealthy family; your stepdaughter is not. Your eldest is not her parent and neither are her in-laws. That’s life.” Minute_Box3852
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ because you shouldn’t have asked C to loan L the funds (don’t the funds belong to C’s in-laws anyway?) But I understand the urge to keep the peace between siblings.
L is definitely the major jerk here, who appears to think it’s reasonable to say ‘you only get an invite to my wedding if you pay for it’ and by threatening to exclude all your daughters she’s trying to increase the pressure on C.
I can’t think of a response to an ultimatum like L’s that would end this stand-off.
Suffice to say you’ve told her what you can afford and why a million-dollar wedding is not possible, so leave it at that.
People, especially your children, will sometimes be unhappy when you explain the reality of their situation and there’s nothing to be done about it.” Poppycorn144
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your kids aren’t going to get along with someone acting this out of line.
Why is that the priority here?
Trying to rope others into appeasing this immature baby adult is a recipe for disaster.
You said it yourself – YOU don’t play favorites and everyone gets the same.
So, line up your receipts from C’s wedding, and show L she will get the same – and if she keeps this nasty behavior up, she will get nothing (because no one is going to want to go to a wedding that is this melodramatic and doomed to fail!)
Everyone sucks here because you and L are contributing to the problem!” lobsterp0t
20. AITJ For Not Rehoming My Snakes For My Father's Partner?
“I’m a 16M and have always loved snakes. My mom and her partner own over 20 reptiles so I’ve been around them for as long as I can remember.
I live with my dad and currently own 2 adult female ball pythons and a baby corn snake that lives in enclosures in our basement/family room. They’re all very friendly and docile and love to be held.
My dad’s partner of 2 years is terrified of snakes and thinks they’re disgusting though. I’m not allowed to handle them or take them out of their enclosures when she’s here because she’ll freak out. She thinks it’s disgusting that we have frozen mice in our house too lol.
My dad is expecting a baby with his partner and she wants to move in before the baby’s born, but she insists my dad makes me rehome my snakes first because she thinks it’s dangerous to have them in the same house as a baby.
My dad and I have both tried educating her but she won’t change her mind.
She won’t compromise with my dad, and he’s tried compromising with me and suggested I keep them at my mom’s house, but my mom lives 9 hours away and I would only see them every few months. It’s caused a lot of fighting between him and his partner and she’s basically telling everyone that he’s choosing his son’s pets over her and their baby.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad isn’t choosing the snakes over her. He is choosing you over her. He is doing exactly what he should be doing.
Your dad’s partner’s demands are over the top. That being said, I don’t have a fear of snakes. I don’t understand the hoopla about them. I do know that an impending baby can make small irrational fears bloom out of proportion.
Would a climate-controlled shed or detached garage be an acceptable workaround? You could set the enclosures up in there with a mini-fridge/freezer set up for the snake kibbles and your personal drink of choice. A radio, side table, comfy chair, and tv could round out the room for a comfortable place to hang out with your pets.
The snakes wouldn’t be in the house and you’d get a bonus space of your own to retreat to when the baby is yowling. When you venture out on your own in a few years, the shed could become storage or a playhouse for your sibling.” Pandraswrath
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re not a jerk. I feel for you, the idea of losing your animal is horrible.
But your dad, his partner, and your sibling aren’t in a great position either.
She doesn’t want to live with snakes. Be it rational or irrational forcing someone who doesn’t want to live with snakes isn’t a good solution. I don’t see this sleep-deprived new mother being joyful in this situation (who’s also probably in a lot of physical pain).
If you’re in the states she’s probably screwed by the system too, where giving birth is pricy and she won’t have much time off, I also understand her for not wanting to raise her child alone.
Your father also shares half the blame if not more. Why didn’t he take more precautions if he knew you two were incompatible to live together? He’s in a position where he has to choose between his two children.
He doesn’t want to choose and I understand him. He wants to live with both of you. And I can see why when presented with the choice to live with his son and snakes or with both his children he would choose his children.
Then your baby sibling deserves to have his two parents taking care of him.
It’s not its fault it’s parents were irresponsible.
Now, maybe there are things you can do. Can your snakes be placed in a locked room? Absolutely do not leave their food in the common fridge. How unsanitary can it be to store breast milk next to dead mice? Can your father move in with her for a few months instead? (not ideal for you to have to live on your own for a while but until the baby does its nights it might be a solution.) Can you do family therapy with your father and his partner? You need to find a way to make this new life work without hating each other.
Have you had a calm and respectful talk with her about your mutual expectations? (You might not want to be calm and respectful with her but it won’t help you to act otherwise.)
In the nonnull possibility, the snakes have to go. Have a plan. Prepare your alternative scenario yourself so that it will be the less angering one. Can your mother take them and you spend all your off time with her? Or move in with your mother? Do you have close friends who could take them and you can visit often?
Again, I’m very sorry for the situation you are in, it sucks all over.” MauveCrabe
19. AITJ For Bringing A Dog Into The Apartment?
“I have a friend with a dog. Her lease is up this month and she needs to stay in the state for two months so that she can graduate college, the only problem is that while she is couch surfing, she can’t have her dog. This is where I come in. I told her that I would be willing to watch her dog, we already have pets in the apartment, my landlord gave me the OK and I talked to my roommates about it, they were down, so long as we got a trial run.
Cut to a few weeks ago, I dog sit while my friend is out of state on spring break. I tell my roommates to tell me if they see or notice anything that would turn them away from keeping the dog for the two months my friend will be homeless. I told them to tell me if there were any problems as soon as they noticed.
If he chews on stuff, if they started feeling allergic, if he was too loud, and so on.
Now today is the first day that we had the dog. I let my roommates know that he would be coming sometime this week, my roommate comes in and asks if this is the start of a long time we would have him, and I tell her yes.
And she flips out and tells me that she doesn’t think that it will work and that she thought we were going to talk about it. I tell her that I explicitly said to them that they needed to tell me if there were any problems during the one week we had him so that if it was something we could fix that we could get it taken care of; and if it was something we couldn’t fix then my friend and I could find him somewhere else to live.
She is insistent that she is allergic to him and I just tell her that she should have told me earlier. That way we could have found someplace different.
I eventually told her that I would try to find someplace for him so that she didn’t get too uptight, but until I do he has to stay with us.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely not the jerk, but hindsight being 20/20, I think it would’ve served you well to explicitly ask each roommate after the trial period was over. You’re not the jerk, but that could’ve prevented this headache.” OhMyTruth
Another User Comments:
“As long as you were as honest and up-front as you claim, then no.
The only way you might be in the wrong is if you didn’t make things super clear and there was some confusion over the details. Even then you’re not a jerk, just kinda presumptive.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you are not the jerk, you took the responsibility to not only tell them to get prepared but you also did a trial run, she should have told you upfront at the beginning of the trial run.” lizberrypie
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Sick Mom?
“My mother recently revealed to my sister and me that she has no retirement funds put aside. At 73 years old, she’s taken ill with a chronic respiratory condition that requires her to be on oxygen all the time. She needs assistance with some tasks, but (by her doctor’s advisement) is capable of accomplishing most tasks independently.
For now.
My mother is a certified narcissist. She only cares about herself, and everyone else she considers her ‘loved ones’ is there to support her and give her life structure and connection. She has always wanted only to be taken care of by the people around her.
As far as her health, my mother ignores the doctor’s advice and cancels appointments at whim.
We encourage her to be independent and active (key aspects of living successfully at any age, but particularly at her age), but she is argumentative and refuses to do anything to help herself. We offer support (logistically) when we can, but it’s extremely frustrating to deal with her, for these reasons and more.
She was awful to my sister and me our whole childhood and mentally/emotionally cruel on through young adulthood and beyond.
She was unable to help us at any stage of our life, and worse, she was a detriment to our lives for the most part. She is a horrible person who just assumed someone would step up to take her in. Our relationship is, at best, strained. My mother and father separated when we were young, and she never remarried.
She has been pushed away from her family and lives too far for them to be of help, even if they wanted to. She has had money but largely squandered it away through various bad decisions.
My sister and I live alone, and live outside the city she lives in. We don’t have the means to be the caretaker for her, even if we wanted to, which we don’t.
I feel guilty about it all the time because I think most people SHOULD help their parents out if they can. The fact that she has no retirement funds is really the last straw for us. No life insurance funds, no final expense coverage, nothing. She is smug and matter-of-fact about it, like ‘what did you guys think?’ Maybe we should have seen it coming.
But we have our own lives to live, and she’ll have to deal with whatever care agencies are available, and then a government-run nursing home when she’s not capable of caring for herself.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to be stuck with this problem??”
Another User Comments:
“Nope! You have nothing to feel guilty about. Parents should realize at some point: if you don’t want to end up being the old person in the old folks’ home with nobody calling or visiting them, don’t be an awful jerk to your kids their whole lives. Karma is real. OP, you are not responsible for this.” minasituation
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. We’re all responsible for the choices we make in life. Sounds like she’s driven away the people who are ‘supposed to’ care about her. Everyone gets sick and passes away. It sucks. It’s not your problem.” User
17. AITJ For My Comment About My Partner's Family?
“We were alone at my partner’s apartment. My partner was complaining about how everything hurts and that her family doesn’t care to take her to the doctor for a check-up. She has been complaining about some things more and her family won’t take her. I offered to take her and she said no. She started to complain about her knee feeling worse.
I lost it when she said she has never been able to see a doctor, ‘Only the nurse at her school’. I said ‘Are you freaking kidding me?’ She got annoyed and said to never swear at her or her family again. I think I crossed the line, but it’s like she lured me into it.
I then asked her if she knew why I got frustrated, she said yes, and then she said she had to study.”
Another User Comments:
“Certainly not a jerk. Whatever the reason for the medical neglect, I think your girl got defensive because she knows her parents are doing something crazy and irresponsible, and even though she initially wanted sympathy, the fact that you recognized how messed up it is put her into ‘family-defense-mode.’ Don’t know if that makes her a jerk or just crazy, but you definitely gave her what she was asking for and got your hand bitten for it.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, she wasn’t thinking when she was talking.
My girl does stuff like this all the time. It usually involves me having to take her. Don’t worry you aren’t the jerk.” 10below8
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk.
You might be a 14-16-year-old male, but showing concern for someone’s health, regardless of your age isn’t unfounded. Showing frustration or disbelief also isn’t a jerk thing to do either. Sounds like both your partner’s parents and your partner are a little loony though.” User
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For New Glasses?
“We are an upper-middle-class family ~110k a year. I am a junior in high school working minimum wage (7.25). We have 3 dogs.
So I left my glasses on the desk before. I honestly didn’t even consider the possibility of them being eaten. The last thing they ate was a glove a few months back. Anyways, I come home from work after school the following night, about 9:15, and my dad showed me my glasses, bent with the lenses broken.
So I’m annoyed. My dad asks where they were and I said on the desk. I’ve had a history of misplacing my glasses for a couple of days once in a while so I’m told that I have to pay for them myself.
$100 is a lot, especially working minimum wage. I asked if they would help pay for it and they won’t because they weren’t in a case.
Now they’re annoyed at me because I said that I couldn’t pay for them and I don’t need them that much.
Then today, my mom said that we are going to pick up the new pair Tuesday and she was bringing my checkbook.
Now I feel like a jerk for being annoyed over this situation, maybe I’m stingy but $100 is a lot to me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So your parents bought you glasses at some point, which were devoured by your dog(s) when you left them out on a table. They refused to pay, even partially, for new ones. And after you said you didn’t want to pay for new ones and would be fine without them, your mom is now forcing you to purchase new ones with your money?
The dogs eating your glasses sounds like a freak accident to me – it’s not your parents’ fault that they were eaten and it doesn’t seem unreasonable for you to think you could leave them on a table.
Sure you could have put them away, but it’s not like you were mistreating them by leaving them out on a table. Either way, it’s not your parents’ fault that they were eaten and they aren’t obligated to help you pay for new ones, especially if they paid for your first pair out of their own pockets.
Your parents are trying to teach you a lesson about taking care of your belongings by forcing you to pay for new glasses. Surely you can understand how they would be upset when you didn’t care enough to buy new ones – they paid for those glasses and you basically took them for granted, saying they weren’t important enough for you to pay for.
To them, that communicates that you don’t appreciate the fact that they bought them for you in the first place. They’re making you buy new ones so that you understand the importance of taking care of your possessions, and so that you can appreciate what they did for you.
You might think they’re being unreasonable, but there’s a method to that madness.
I wouldn’t go so far as to call you a jerk, but I think your parents are in the right here.” Jazzputin
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are jerks. They know that having children is a huge responsibility. And sometimes those children are going to lose/break/damage expensive and necessary things. They are responsible for you until you are 18.
If they want you to have those glasses then they should be replacing them.
My parents tried to do the same thing with me (when I was 13, no job). I misplaced an English textbook. At the end of the year, I thought I was going to owe the school about $200 for it. My mom and I got into a huge fight over it.
She tried to take the $30 I got for my birthday to make me pay for the book. I refused. She kicked me out. I spent the night in a park, sleeping on a bench. Over… $30. She was insane. Turns out that the book was accounted for at the end of the year and I didn’t owe any amount.
This is the kind of bad thing that happens when parents are always trying to ‘teach you a lesson’. How about, sometimes bad stuff just happens. Mistakes just happen. Acting like you can go through life without making any mistakes is seriously mentally insane.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re still living at their house, presumably rent-free. Presumably, they’re cooking your meals, again for free. Your parents might even be saving up for college for you. You’re not going to go hungry for want of $100, so cough up, and enjoy your $100s worth of food and board.
If you were an adult in the same situation with a landlord’s dogs, I’d say ‘move out.'” allbunsglazing
15. AITJ For Being Mean After Helping A Person With His Car?
“So last night I’m going through a drive-through for Cook Out at like 2 in the morning and this guy walks up and asks if I can help him jump his car that is just down the road where his wife is waiting. ‘Sure, if you’ve got jumper cables,’ I say. He does and I let him hop in the passenger’s seat while I finish going through the drive-through.
I ask if he smokes and I hand him a smoke when he says he does. He has told me his car is right down the road, but as soon as we get on said road, he tells me to turn down a different one. He then asks if I have a gas can. ‘No, why do you need a gas can, I thought you needed a jump?’ He then precedes to tell me that the tow truck around the corner has a gas can and that’s what he really needs because he ran out of gas.
At this point I am thinking, ‘God, man, why would you lie about this? We are going a different direction for a different thing you claimed to need.’ So I, very nonchalantly say, ‘If you screw me over, I’ll come after you.’ Because screw it man, people have been harmed or robbed doing nice things for other people before and this is not going smoothly as it ought to.
For some background, I have a giant beard and don’t appear super nice in the first place, though I am a nice guy in there somewhere. Needless to say, he just said, ‘This is good,’ got out of my truck, and walked THE OPPOSITE WAY he said he needed to go. Now either I saved my life or I’m an incredible jerk.
I have no regrets, but judge me anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“No need for regrets here. Sounds like you were being super-accommodating to a stranger until you had very good reason to believe he was driving you into some kind of mugging, con, or another ambush. Glad it ended peacefully, but in terms of manners, kicking his butt out of your truck is no different than telling the Nigerian prince trying to get your account info to stop e-mailing you.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“Smelled like nonsense and you called nonsense. In no way are you the jerk here. I think you acted exceptionally appropriately to conditions as they changed. I just hope this doesn’t discourage you from helping someone else in the future.” ValleyForge
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Ex Funds For Our House?
“My wife decided in early 2013 that she no longer wanted to be married. She sat me down and said she just did not love me, and she did not want to live out our ‘suburban life’ that we had planned.
I was 26 she was 24 at the time, we were married at 24 and 22, and had been married for just over 2 years when she decided this.
We both grew up in a smaller town in Illinois, went to the same college, and got married just after graduating. We went out for a total of 3 years before we got married, so it’s not like we just rushed into things, in my opinion.
We moved out of the small town less than a year after getting married to a large suburb just outside of Chicago.
I had secured a job in the town we moved to, and not long after moving my wife found a great job in Chicago, which was a decent commute on the train every day. Instantly our lives were very different, we went from seeing each other every day for breakfast and most of our evenings to me dropping her off at the train in the wee morning hours and picking her up usually after dinner.
She started spending more and more time in the city going out with her coworkers and friends and complaining that she had no friends or things to do in the suburbs where we lived.
Well, we ended up finding a great deal on a house in the suburbs and bought it. This was in November of 2013.
We purchased it for 100,000 with a 5,000 down-payment that I paid out of my personal IRA (a special rule allows for first-time homeowners to use IRA penalty-free up to 10,000).
At this time her job started to take off (she is a recruiter for accounting and finance jobs), to the level that it put her on track to make $150,000 in 2014.
I make approximately 47,000 at my job, and it is salaried, no commission will increase it like hers.
Anyway, she decided in February that she no longer wanted to be together which started a long period of me begging her not to leave, and her saying she had made up her mind and there was nothing that was going to change that.
I felt it was fishy at the time, I had not treated her poorly or done anything I felt was worthy of being divorced over, but she assured me she just wasn’t happy with where her life was going and wanted to try something different.
In May, she moved into an apartment in Chicago with a few girls, and as of next week, we will be officially divorced.
I tried to reconcile multiple times over the last 10 months but to no avail.
All of this is important because when we split she said I could have the house, as it is not paid off, I will have the benefit of keeping the house, but will incur the mortgage myself. By the time she left, we had paid off $23,000 in total, including the $5,000 down payment.
Two days ago she e-mailed me and stated that I needed to refinance and take out an additional $10,000 that is owed to her for half of what was paid on the house.
I do not think I owe her anything, she was living in the house and still married while we were paying on it, and she made the decision to leave.
So I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk for not wanting to give her that money?”
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely not the jerk. The only time I was ever in a similar situation, I left a woman I was not married to, and she kept the house we had bought together. (Literally, she bought the house alone in name, the down payment was negligible, and we equally paid the mortgage.) It was enough of a hardship for her to have to find a way to cover the entire mortgage which she only entered into based on the assumption that I would be around to pay half.
I surely wasn’t going to try to squeeze any piece of the equity we had accrued out of her.
Even though I know that leaving the relationship was the only move that made sense, I felt like the world’s biggest jerk for leaving her with more burden than she agreed to. I recognize that we really don’t have your (ex-)wife’s side of the argument, but it sounds like you married an opportunistic, disloyal, selfish child who decided to eject you the moment real life got hard and a better salary made her think she could do better elsewhere.
I’m sorry about that. It may sound like I’m being harsh, but I’m one of those old-fashioned suckers who takes vows seriously and thinks that people jump into solemn agreements too quickly and without any respect for (or consideration) of what a life-long promise means. ‘For better or worse’ and ’til death do us part’ means it’s a breach of a marriage contract for her to leave you because she wanted a lifestyle change.
If you’re willing, at the very least, she owes you the chance to move to the city with her and try to make life work.
The fact that she’s decided to be fickle with her vows and rejects you out of hand is offensive enough to make her the jerk. The ADDITIONAL fact that has decided to stick you with the burden of a double mortgage, even though she makes three times as much AND she wants to fleece you for the equity you have no practical access to makes her pretty much as low and undeserving in my book as anyone gets.
If you tell her to go screw herself; good for you.
Note: I’ve never been through a divorce and am not an attorney, so my comments have nothing to do with the law. I have no idea what is legal or customary in dividing assets. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn she could successfully sue you for what she is asking.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“Did your divorce decree settle the financial matters of your joint property? If so, and it doesn’t indicate you owe her anything, and her name is off the title, you don’t owe her a dime.
Otherwise, you may have to buy her out. Surely you could set up a small payment plan that would suffice?
And no, you aren’t the jerk. She screwed you over and said she would give up her share of the house. Now she’s changing her mind. Sounds like she’s the jerk.” buscoamigos
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard to assess jerks and non-jerks in a divorce. But you should talk to a lawyer to find out your rights regarding the house. If you’re not legally required to give her anything from it, then no, I don’t think you’d be a jerk to decide not to.” flippy77
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Included In Group Texts?
“I keep getting texts from strangers in reply to group texts that people include me on. My phone has gone off 16 times in the last 2 hours for a text my father sent out about my stepmother being ill and in the hospital (she is out of the woods, just under observation). I really want to tell him to stop including me but don’t want to be a jerk.
This happens all the time with baby pictures my sister sends me of her kid, plans for get-togethers, holiday wishes, etc. I turn off my ‘reply all’ feature but no one else seems to. I am tired of strangers texting me all day and night, especially since we are spread through many time zones all over the world.
Turning my phone on silent or off sucks too because I NEED to know when I get a message meant for me in case it is important.
I have mentioned not to group text me to people before but it always feels rude and awkward and I can tell they get a bit annoyed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, in my opinion, you are not the jerk.
Some people are always on their phones, and they don’t mind a constant flood of communication coming through. They see no problem with including everyone in group texts because they imagine everyone else is also used to this constant flood of communication. Personally, I limit the amount of time I spend texting and checking things on my phone, so when I get included in one of those neverending group texts, I feel there’s a certain amount of jerkery involved with not respecting everyone in the group’s desire not to be relentlessly updated about every tiny thing.
Your people might not even be as bad as mine. I get looped into conversations about plans I cannot participate in (out of town or have to work or something), and they don’t even bother starting a separate conversation about it. I will literally be in a different timezone and still receive updates about where they’re finding parking to this thing I can’t go to.” JesusListensToSlayer
Another User Comments:
“Depends on the phone you have: if you have an iPhone (or similar), then yes you’re the jerk because many newer smartphones have a ‘mute conversation’ or ‘do not disturb’ option for group texts.
You could just turn that on instead of making people feel like you don’t care about them.
If you don’t have that on your phone, then no you’re not necessarily the jerk, though making that case is difficult because you’re just uninterested in people around you which isn’t a crime but it also isn’t good quality.
Just my opinion.” amaresnape
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you’re not the jerk. I can’t turn off my group text if it’s people in my contacts. Trashy iPhone 4. I hate it!!!!!!! 33 texts in 3 hours.” MrDub72off
12. AITJ For Being Upset With My Friend Over A Loan?
“So I have this friend (let’s call her Zee). We became friends roughly 9 yrs ago when I was going through a rough patch. (I have since gone to therapy and cleaned up my act). During this time, I was sometimes difficult to be around. I’d make plans and cancel last minute (or would be super late) because I’d have a breakdown and didn’t want to go out all puffy from crying.
She was always a bit abrasive, but at that point in my life, I figure I deserved it for jerking her around.
Since then (about 5 years ago), she moved across the country, came out as trans, and comes to visit once or twice a year. She got a fantastic job out there and makes 6 figures.
She bought a house, a dog, and a new BMW so she could take her old Lexus apart and convert it to electric. Meanwhile, my SO of 10+ yrs and I are still living in a crappy apartment and barely making rent. I’m a little jealous, but I actually like my life now and I’m mostly happy (a huge step up from where I was 10 years ago).
Now for the meat of the story:
My SO started a startup that mostly crashed and burned. Zee loaned him some amount to get it off the ground (about 20,000). It was supposed to be a short-term loan, but bad things happened (including an employee that embezzled ~ $25,000) and it hasn’t gotten paid back. She’s said it was cool (she makes 6 figures and is by no means in financial trouble) and that we could pay her back when it wouldn’t be a burden to do so.
She told us to ‘think of it as a gift’ and that she didn’t expect us to pay her back.
Since then, we’ve dug the company out a bit and things are looking up (got a contract with a national chain! Yay!), but we’ve still been working our butts off and barely making rent (950 a month); All four of us in the company have been threatened with eviction in the past year.
We’re not starving, but it wouldn’t take much to put us under, even now.
Zee came to visit us this week. We were attending an event that we all make a point to go to together. It’s expensive for us (hotel and such), but we (mostly I) save up and have a good time. We (me and SO) shared a hotel room with Zee to cut costs and some other friends of ours drove up.
The SO (without talking to me or Zee) offered to let our friends crash on our bed and get me and him a cot from the front desk. I was a little miffed by this because last year we were supposed to split a hotel with these friends, but they messed up and left us with the bill (which is a lot for us).
So now I’m supposed to smile and let them stay for free this year?
This is where I do a stupid thing. I go and have lunch with Zee and mildly vent about the hotel nonsense. She then tells me ‘You shouldn’t complain because (my SO) hasn’t paid her back yet’.
Now I and the SO have separate finances, and I am not really involved in the start-up (though I try to help out anyway).
I don’t get paid by said start-up, and I had no part in the loan between her and my SO. Furthermore, she invested in a start-up and anyone can tell you that any such investment carries some risk. And to top it all off, she’s in no way hurting from this, and for him to pay her back (even 100$ a month) would bankrupt us and probably end up with all four of us in the company being homeless.
So I’m pretty annoyed about this, but I swallow my feelings and try to defend him gently, saying that we’d pay her back as soon as we could. And I even apologize for being grumpy and venting to her. But she didn’t back off at all. I let it go and try to have a good time, but 24 hrs later and back at my apartment (where she is staying with us) I’m even more upset about it.
Am I the jerk for being upset about this?
Should I just let it go? Should I tell my SO? Should I fess up to the SO and tell her and him that I don’t want her coming to visit anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely absolutely tell your SO.
She may have just been miffed that she saw you as being stingy when she’s being generous by comparison.
That said, it’s clear that she thinks she loaned your SO funds and that you think she loaned the funds since you’re both thinking of it as something that will be paid back. So the first step is acknowledging that.
Secondly, your SO and the friend need to have a formal discussion about who is owed what, and on what timeline things can be paid back.
You could even account for income ($100 a month once my income exceeds $25k or whatever). Whether or not she’s doing better financially – nobody, not nobody gives a $25k gift. She expected an ROI and has maybe been trying to be polite by suggesting anything else.
Either way, I feel like you just got caught in the middle of a crappy friend/business transaction.
It sucks, but I don’t really think it’s her fault either and you might be a jerk if you take it too personally and break up the friendship.
Tell your SO. It’s his responsibility.” User
Another User Comments:
“And this is why money and friendship should remain separate.
Zee is entitled to the amount she loaned your SO. You’ve been with your SO for 10+ years.
I can easily see how Zee would view you and your SO as a package deal, thereby assuming that you pool together and that you are both responsible for the $20k. And technically, you kinda are; both a package deal and responsible for the debt. You say you earn the money; if your SO adds little to nothing to the money, I question how he justifies this with himself.
Does he not feel he should pay it back?
She may have said offhandedly that the funds were a gift. However, $20k is not really a ‘gift.’ It’s a large sum that will loom over your friendship no matter what. If you pay it back, it will hold less weight. If you hold on to the ‘but you said it was a gift!’ thing, consider the friendship over.
It probably is anyway. Friendship and money do not mix.
The issue I’m having is that you bring up what Zee has, her possessions, her salary and that she isn’t hurting for the $20k. You’re trying to justify it to yourself; you’re trying to justify not paying back a twenty thousand dollar loan. That completely lacks integrity.
What she has, how much she makes, and whether or not she’s hurting for the funds isn’t your business. She might not be telling you everything. And even if she is, she earns her salary, not you so she is entitled to spend it however she chooses. You get no say in that. None. You have no place deciding whether or not she needs the funds that she loaned you and your SO.
But as she loaned to him (and by extension, you), it most certainly IS within her right to bring it up with you both. And when your SO took her funds, he opened you both to that. It will remain that way until you/your SO pay it back.” VexBoxx
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk, but you’re a terrible communicator, as is your friend and your partner.
You need to have a direct conversation with your SO and your friend. There are obviously expectations here that aren’t being understood or met. This is a recipe for disaster.
Of course, you should tell your SO what happened. Why wouldn’t you? Your partner should know everything that you want them to know, and you obviously want them to know this.
And your partner has the duty to confront their friend and ask exactly what they expect from them.
It’s really pointless to pretend that everything is ok when clearly it isn’t okay for you and it isn’t okay for this other person. You have to set out clear expectations and deals otherwise this is a problem that is going to keep coming back.” User
11. AITJ For Disapproving Of My Aunt's Post About My Grandma's Passing?
“My Aunty only recently married my uncle, late August last year. But before they married she made a post on social media about how my Grandmother was a wonderful woman, she loved her very much, missed her, etc, etc for the anniversary of her death.
I’m not cool with her doing this mostly because she never knew her and she passed away about 15 years before meeting my uncle or even knowing he existed.
I was only 3 years old when she died, I hardly remember her. I just can’t help but feel like she’s milking my Grandma’s passing for social media likes.”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe she is basing it off things your Uncle has told her about the type of person she was, their relationship, etc? If she remembers when the anniversary of her passing is but never met her it’s possible she does actually regret not getting to know her.
Do you know what her relationship with her mom is like? If they’re not close she may have hoped she’d get a chance to have a close mother-in-law.
It does seem a little strange but hard to decide without knowing the full context.” girlseekstribe
Another User Comments:
“Your aunt is the type of person to post anything on social media and seek validation. Or perhaps she may, internally, feel pressured to give the appearance she cares.” ghostoutfit
10. AITJ For Blaming The Wrong Person For A Mistake?
“Someone made a mistake at work. Nothing that would have any legal consequences, but it shouldn’t have happened and was annoying for everybody.
I know that colleague A did it and she’s already having a hard time because our boss doesn’t really like her.
Colleague B recently left the company and moved in with her fiancée to a different country.
She never really liked her job here and she’s pretty much pursuing her dream abroad, so it’s unlikely that she’ll come back.
When our boss asked who was responsible, I said ‘I think it was Colleague B, she was right there when it happened.’
But now I’m thinking that it’s generally wrong to blame someone for something they didn’t do, even if they’re out of reach.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, you defended a person without hurting another person directly.
If I left Peru and people suddenly tried to blame me for others’ mistakes, I honestly wouldn’t care, because I wouldn’t be there to suffer any consequences.
Now, if this was a major error that had the potential to end a career should she try to return to her industry, then I’d say you’re the jerk.
But this seems like no big thing.” steelerfaninperu
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like affirmative action to me. You’re giving person A an unfair advantage at the expense of another innocent person because you feel person A deserves a freebie to make up for what you think is unfair discrimination. So, yes, that makes you a jerk.” horrible-person
Another User Comments:
“You think colleague B is unlikely to come back… but you aren’t certain. You’ve gone beyond helping colleague A out to actively lying. I don’t think it necessarily makes you a total jerk, but something about roads to the underworld and good intentions comes to mind. You should have kept your mouth shut.” User
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Deal With My Partner When She Goes Into Heart Failure?
“My partner has a hole in her heart and has to go into the hospital like twice a week, usually from about 10 pm to 4 am. If we’re fighting about something at this time, she’ll tell me she can’t deal with us right now and that I’m stressing her out. Whenever she has to go to the hospital I feel obligated to stay up with her but honestly, I’m missing copious amounts of sleep.
Am I the jerk for just wanting to go to bed when she has to go to the hospital? Or for not viewing her heart failure as a valid excuse to get out of arguments?”
Another User Comments:
“While her condition is absolutely serious, it sounds like a chronic condition. It’s got to be extremely tough on her, to require night-long visits to the hospital twice a week, every week.
But if she wants support from those close to her, it’s too much to ask anybody to commit to that kind of schedule all the time. Hospital beds are not especially comfortable; the chairs are even worse.
As for the arguments. As far as I see it, any reason to stop arguing is a valid reason. Why do you want to keep arguing with her? Don’t be a jerk.” rcrabb
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s unanimous that you’re the jerk here.
I can’t believe you could type that entire thing out and still feel right enough that you would think other people would take your side on this.
You’re her partner – you’re supposed to be her support. Maybe you don’t view her heart defect as serious, or maybe you think she exaggerates it, but apparently, that is who she is and what she needs.
This is what you signed up for when you agreed to go out with her, and if you don’t see yourself invested in this for the long term, I suggest you let her go.” mintlydisturbed
Another User Comments:
“See? This is like people getting pets and then getting all upset when they tear up the furniture. I don’t wanna have to deal with this kind of stuff so I don’t go looking for a girl.
Because people are people and they have all kinds of issues that you are gonna have to deal with when you get into a relationship with them. I know an S.O. is not a pet, yes. The point is that if you are not ready to take on someone else’s issues, whichever they happen to be, then don’t get involved in their lives.
It’s not rocket science. You voluntarily and without need for it decided that you were going to be a part of that person’s life, that you were going to make them believe and understand that they could rely on you for things. But what happens with some people, and it’s up to you to determine if you are one of those is that they get into relationships for all kinds of reasons which do not include being there for the other person when things go down.
A lot of us guys, and I include myself amongst one of ‘those’ because I’ve been guilty of it, love to proclaim all kinds of devotion and love for the sake of having a good time and not being ‘lonely’.
Are you the jerk? Ask yourself if this was your mother and she had this problem, your dad, or any other person that you cannot bear the thought of losing, and how would you feel doing the same thing. I for one would feel my partner doesn’t care about me if she didn’t want to be there for me when I really needed her.” f0k4ppl3
Why does she have to go into the hospital 2x/week at 10pm? If the are emergent visits, then her heart issue isn’t being handled properly and that needs to be addressed (speaking as both an RN and someone who had surgery for having a “hole in my heart”).
Her using her condition to stop arguments isn’t fair. There’s people with all kinds of medical conditions who are in relationships. People in relationships disagree. They argue. It’s called life.
Not wanting to stay with her overnight makes you sound like a jerk but I suspect that you are beginning to realize that she’s using her condition in an attention seeking manipulative manner, and you’re tiring of it. And I kind of don’t blame you for that.
8. AITJ For Missing An Important Detail?
“I was with my dad at the mall today in a Barnes and Noble. We come to a table full of vinyl records. He’s surprised and asks, ‘Do people still buy these?’ I respond affirmatively, ‘Hipsters still buy them.’ He asks me what a hipster is and I explain, ‘A hipster is someone who prefers to use obsolete technology for aesthetic reasons.’ While I’m explaining, someone must have walked up to the table when I hadn’t noticed.
My dad proceeds to ask them if they are a hipster. The guy just looks at me rather annoyed and responds, ‘No, actually my dad just got me a turntable, but thanks a lot, jerk.’ He said the last part under his breath, my dad didn’t notice. He proceeded to ask the stranger about the differences between records, and digital media.
I suspect he must have thought I was making fun of him in some way. My dad is fairly out of touch with the culture surrounding the expression. It never occurred to him that it may not be a good idea to ask. I feel kinda bad because I didn’t mean to make fun of them.
At the same time, I don’t think it was wrong of me to neglect to mention why you shouldn’t just ask someone if they’re a hipster. I really wasn’t expecting him to use it in conversation, especially not someone neither of us has ever met.”
Another User Comments:
“For the record (no pun intended), vinyl records are popular with a lot of people, not just ‘hipsters.’ The word hipster carries a bit of a negative connotation since it generally implies a person is pretentious and only doing something for the sake of personal image.
So I can understand how the guy would be a little upset, but he shouldn’t have called your father a jerk.” Jazzputin
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk at all. Vinyl Buyer was a jerk though. I was taught to respect my elders. Oftentimes, they ask questions that people my age wouldn’t simply because it doesn’t occur to them that the questions might be a little…
touchy. Your dad was asking a genuine question based on the (incredibly accurate without sounding condescending, IMO) definition that you gave him.
In short, you’re cool. Screw that other dude.” VexBoxx
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk, but you saying only ‘hipsters’ buy vinyl is pretty incorrect. Lots of people like the way vinyl sounds compared to digital. Not all of those people are hipsters.
Replace the word vinyl with book, and you can see the problem. Just because someone prefers books over Kindle doesn’t mean they’re any particular kind of person. You’re not a jerk, but you did stereotype.” ncolaros
7. AITJ For Not Waiting For The Client Interview?
“I had met with a recruiter last week for an initial interview. We had arranged to have the interview after I was done with work because I’m currently a contractor and don’t get paid for time off. The initial interview went well. As a result, the recruiter set up a phone interview between myself and the client on Monday afternoon.
By noon on Monday, the client canceled the interview, stating that they had an ’emergency’. Apparently, the manager of this small business does a lot of the work himself. The recruiter said that the client would reschedule the interview for Tuesday or Wednesday.
Late Tuesday afternoon, I get an email from the recruiter saying that it would be another couple of days before he could get a rescheduled time from the client.
By late Wednesday evening, after I had not heard anything from the recruiter, I emailed the recruiter stating that I was no longer interested in the position. The recruiter is now wondering why I’m wanting to bail on the position. After explaining my reasons, he still pushed for the interview, stating that he’d have an answer from his client by end of business today.
I’m not very hopeful. Am I the jerk for wanting to not take the interview?
Update: It’s been nearly three weeks since the date of the phone interview was supposed to be. The last word from the client is that they are determining whether or not they can afford to hire someone else on. I confirmed with my recruiter that nothing was ever said to the client concerning my desire to pull my application.
Final Update: The client has officially decided that they could not afford to hire anyone and pulled the job from the market.”
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, just entitled. You seem aware that you’re not the jerk. If you decline, don’t explain that it’s because of ‘mutual respect’ and gloat that it’s not even a job you need.
They will hear negative louder than silence and they won’t interpret it as something the company needs to improve like you’re probably hoping. Don’t hurt your business because of rules in your head.” cattlebro
Another User Comments:
“I get that it seems flakey. I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I also think that any opportunity to interview is a good one.
If nothing else, you get to practice interviewing. You have no obligation to take the job, after all. And it might be something you love. But if you have a gut feeling that this is not something you’re interested in, don’t bother.” VexBoxx
Another User Comments:
“Are you a jerk? No, probably not. Are you potentially harming your business (and if you’re a contractor, you ARE your business)? Yes.
You say that the client is a small business owner that does much of the work himself. Sometimes that takes precedence over less important things such as phone interviews. You don’t know what this emergency was. Maybe their store caught on fire. Maybe they had a death in the family. Maybe business is booming and he has to get personally involved.
Don’t jump to conclusions and shoot yourself in the foot just because things aren’t moving as quickly as you would like. Unless you have other clients pounding on your door and your time is too valuable to waste on this business, you owe it to yourself to give the client time to get back to you. Otherwise, you’re essentially saying, ‘My free time is more valuable than my potential income.’
Are you sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for the phone to ring? Are you losing out on income while waiting for this guy to get back to you? If not, what’s the harm in waiting?” User
6. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Replace My Computer Screen?
“So recently my roommate shot my computer screen with an airsoft gun. No big deal, he said he would replace it, life is good. Today, while he was replacing it himself, he broke the ribbon cable, meaning now I need a new cable. While he already ordered the part, he thinks that I should bring it somewhere and have someone else do the labor.
While I’m not opposed to this, he wants me to pay for the labor. His partner has expressed similar views. It’s worth noting that I had no problems with the screen before he shot it and that we are 4th-year engineering students, neither computer, so a PC is kind of important. Am I the jerk for wanting my roommate to do all the work right or pay for the labor to fix my laptop?
EDIT: Just for the record, I am a Mechanical and he is Civil.
If I felt comfortable doing the repair myself, I would, but I have no experience with computer electronics, just black to brass to save my butt. Additionally, I don’t think either of us is trying to be the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Not really, it’s just a mild grade of low responsibility from him. Broke screen, tried to fix, broke a component.
The end goal of ‘fix that thing you broke’ still hasn’t been achieved, he still owes you the fixed compy screen, one way or another.” Onyxdeity
Another User Comments:
“I’m surprised that it isn’t obvious he’s the jerk. Well, not a jerk, just dumb. He’s saying because he broke your computer screen and while fixing that broke your ribbon cable he isn’t responsible for the cable because he was fixing the screen.
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” ZanyNarcissist
Another User Comments:
“Not really, even if it was an accident, he damaged your property. But it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to be a jerk. How difficult is it to replace the ribbon?
YouTube a how-to and change it yourself… or change majors.” benito823
5. AITJ For Wanting To Go Off To A Big University When I Graduate?
“My parents want me to go to the local community college, but like a lot of teenagers my age, (I’m a junior in high school) I want to go to college at a university in a larger city. My parents however aren’t going to help me pay for college regardless of what I do, and they think I’m being ‘rebellious’ and that I ‘just want to party with my friends’ by wanting to go somewhere else for college.
They also think that I’m going to end up with thousands in student loans because I’ll be in college for 5-6 years because I’m partying so much. The student loan is a legitimate concern, but partying and extending the time I spend in college? Not so much. My grades are pretty decent in school (mostly A’s, a couple of B’s, no C’s, D’s, or F’s) and I’m taking AP and DE classes.
(which are college classes that you can take in high school for those who don’t know)
My brother went to this community college, got a job, and is now well off without any debt. However, he encourages me and wants me to follow what I want to do and go to a university. He told me that he feels like he never had the ‘college experience’ and he would’ve liked to.
He also told me that even though he graduated debt-free, if I were to keep student loans to a minimum (around $5,000 or less) it wouldn’t really be a big deal at all to pay off.
Am I wrong for wanting to do something different from what my parents think is best?”
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. There’s much more to college than getting a degree and a job.
You’ll learn much more about people and life by leaving your town for something bigger, even if it’s just for a few years. You may come to regret the decision to leave for all sorts of reasons but that same nebulous outlook can be applied to staying local too, just look at your brother.
Just be smart financially and be sure that you’re someone that can actually function away from Mom and Dad (many birds can’t fly yet when they try to leave the nest) and you’re good.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for wanting to do things your own way. And when you are legally an adult paying for your own stuff, your parents officially have no say in what you do with yourself and your future.” SuperFakeUnidan
A thought…do your “base” courses at CC and then transfer to university for your “major specific” courses.
4. AITJ For Saying Awful Things During An Argument?
“A friend/acquaintance/friend-of-a-friend/someone I know/not sure of the relationship and I got in a fight. During this, we both said some things that we shouldn’t have, and I for one regret it. I’m definitely the jerk in that right.
However, since then I’ve tried everything I can to make it right, I’ve apologized 30+ times in the last fortnight, saying I’m sorry, I was wrong, I’m a jerk, what can I do to make it up to you? but they just continue to ignore me.
I wish to make this right, especially for the sake of a mutual good friend but they just refuse to talk. Then yesterday she messaged me for help with her studies, I gave it to her but after that, she went back to ignoring me.
I feel like the jerk, but I also feel that I shouldn’t let her make me feel guilty because I tried to fix things and she’s being stubborn.
I’m autistic and clinically depressed, I’m not trying to make excuses, but sometimes I say things without thinking of the consequences.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“There are few better things you can do than admitting you were being a jerk. So there’s that, one good point in your favor.
Anyway, she is proooobbbably the jerk here, but it does kind of depend on what you said.
If you said something absolutely out of line, like ‘that kind of attitude is why your father left,’ then she’s not really obligated to forgive you, like ever. But if you didn’t say anything that offensive, eventually, the task of forgiveness falls on her.
Nobody is ever obligated to forgive anyone, but the fact that you’ve tried so hard to apologize should be enough to show that you regret it.
Where I would say she is in the wrong, however, is asking for your help on something. That’s a pretty lame display, on her part. It says that ‘I want you to offer your abilities that I find valuable, but you still don’t deserve to be personally acknowledged by me.’ IMO that’s a minor form of emotional abuse, basically taunting someone with the idea of recognition.
Chances are, you’re both the jerk. But depending on how far she takes this neglecting/shaming thing, she might be the bigger jerk in the end. Your last-ditch effort is to say something like, ‘Hey, what I said was wrong. But I’ve tried to apologize to you and that’s all I can do, I can’t take it back.
Tell me if you’d like to fix this.’ Once you’ve laid it all out, she has to make the final decision on whether or not she can forgive it.
(For what it’s worth, I think some people take advantage of the power of regret. Instead of resolving conflict, some people like to keep the person in a state of regret for as long as possible because it gives them the social upper hand.
If she’s doing that, you don’t need the forgiveness, she is the jerk.)” Onyxdeity
Another User Comments:
“It depends what you said in the original fight. There are some things that are unforgivable. You say you’ve tried everything you can to make it right, but not everything can be made right. Maybe you really hurt her in a way that can’t be repaired.
If that’s the case, she’s not a jerk for declining to accept your apologies.” flippy77
Another User Comments:
“If you told her she’s always treating you like trash, she is annoyed because you called her on her nonsense more than because of what you said. Users hate to be told they are users and based on her ‘forgiving’ you just long enough to get help with her homework, that’s exactly what she is.
I think she is using your social skills against you and thinks if she cold shoulders you long enough she can continue using your regret to her advantage (like asking more favors).
You’re not the jerk. I know it might feel bad and awkward because of your mutual, but this chick has got to go.” girlseekstribe
3. AITJ For Wanting To Toss Away The Gift?
“The MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online) I’ve been playing for around 4 years now. It’s a bit older than I’ve been playing and ever since I started, I’ve wanted this rare costume set. I’ve only been able to get the necessary in-game funds to purchase them a year ago. They were one of the first sets to enter the game and they’re next to impossible to find now.
My SO’s decked out in its polar opposite, same scenario. He had wanted his set ever since he started and he’s been watching the market like a hawk for the pieces. I found out that he and a friend had also been watching for the pieces that I wanted.
A little while previously, they had an event where you could wear the full set I wanted for a single day.
I ran around in it, enjoyed it, found that I liked the look and feel of the cheap costume that I had been wearing up until then better, and generally let my craving wash away. I told my SO this, but it seems to have slipped his memory. I first realized that he and our friend were watching the market for the pieces when they rushed excitedly to me to announce that someone was selling the top part of the costume.
There are 6 costume pieces and two accessory pieces. The accessories are wonderfully expensive and completely out of my price range, the top part, bottom part, gloves, and shoes are feasible. The hair part and weapon I never expected to get. I never planned to wear the set unless I had the weapon part or else it would break up the current set that I have.
All in all, I considered it a pointless endeavor. When my SO came to tell me about the piece on sale, I told him to forget about it. I didn’t have enough funds at the time to buy it anyway, but he did. He told me over and over to get one but I refused. Eventually, after I had gone to sleep for the night, he logged onto my account, transferred the funds, and bought the item.
I thought, well, might as well go for it now. We managed to get the gloves and shoes, but his enthusiasm dropped after that. He used to watch the board constantly for it, but now doesn’t care about it at all and I learned from others that the bottom part had come for sale but it was long gone.
I searched halfheartedly on my own with no luck.
Now a new costume set has come and I want to attempt obtaining it, but when I mentioned to my SO that I wanted to sell the costume he got for me to get it, he got upset. I told him that I hadn’t wanted that costume before he got it for me nor did I want it afterward.
He had been the one truly excited about it but he puttered out and now it’s rotting in my inventory. He told me that he thought I was refusing to purchase the top in the first place because I had wanted to try to get it on my own.
I feel like a jerk but sometimes I just want to toss the costume on the floor and walk away from it.
All it’s caused me is pain.”
Another User Comments:
“Even though you feel like a jerk for this, you aren’t one at all. The only reason you are in this mess is because he assumed you still wanted it when you really didn’t. He’s going to feel hurt because from his point of view, he went out of his way to get you something you wanted with his own funds and now you are throwing it away.
But that’s not what happened at all.
When you assume somebody isn’t telling the truth, anything that comes out of that is on you. He made a conscious decision to assume you weren’t being honest about not wanting the costume, and so he bought it anyways. If it turns out that you actually don’t want it, then it is his fault for not listening to you.
Of course, he’s not a jerk for trying to do something nice, but you’re not a jerk just because he went off and did something against your wishes that you aren’t happy with.
I would suggest just letting him choose what to do with the pieces that you have. Tell him that you probably aren’t going to use it, but because he’s the one who bought it, you won’t sell it if he doesn’t want that. It seems like the fairest way to deal with this situation.” Cuddles_theBear
Another User Comments:
“It’s not a jerk thing to change your mind. It’s your SO, so you should be able to tell them that you had changed your mind and would rather sell the pieces, etc.” izziev
2. AITJ For Getting Mad That My Friend Ate All My Strawberries?
“I went to whole foods and bought some fruits the night we were having friends over. One of my friends ask if he can have some and I said yes to an unopened package of strawberries that the person took out of the bag I bought them in. Later on in the night, I noticed the strawberries are in the dining area and there are only 5 left, I haven’t even eaten one.
So I immediately ask are those my strawberries, and I get snappy in front of everybody asking him why he ate most of them and I ask why would he take the package into the room where everyone else is hanging out. Yeah I know they’re just strawberries I can buy more but where is the common sense at.
It seems like common sense to me to not take it upon yourself to feel you’re entitled to eat a majority of the food someone else shares with you or to share it with other people.
AITJ for getting snappy with him in front of everyone?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for being mad he ate your strawberries.
You didn’t intend for him to eat that many, or to share them. You’re probably a chill person who happens to be kind of possessive. I’m like that. I’ll get things for the group no worries, but what’s mine is mine and I get upset when people mess with it.
He might be a bit of a jerk for eating too many, but you did say he could have some, so it’s best to just let that go and just look like a really generous person.
Whoever took them out there and started having the group chow down is definitely a jerk if you had them in a separate spot from the normal group food.
You are kind of a jerk for snapping at him and embarrassing him in front of a group of people. Strawberries ain’t cheap, and you wanted some and now they’re gone.
However, it’s not that big of a deal, and you should have just waited for a better moment to say something one on one. I can understand if you may have just gotten annoyed for a second in the heat of the moment though.
You should probably apologize for calling him out.” Greybear93
Another User Comments:
“You’re both the jerk.
He shouldn’t have eaten most of your strawberries or offered them to anyone else, but you shouldn’t have called him out and embarrassed him in front of everyone.” aleanas
Another User Comments:
“He’s the jerk. When someone shares their food you’re supposed to take a little, not the majority. He’s inconsiderate.” shook22
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you’re the jerk. A friend, over at your house, shouldn’t have to ask for some of your delicious strawberries–you should have offered.” rcrabb
1. AITJ For Not Selling My House To My Old Tenant?
“My tenant Stacy and her 2 children have lived in my townhouse for 8 years. I used to live in the townhouse but after I bought my current house I decided to rent out the townhouse and Stacy moved in. I haven’t increased rent much as Stacy is an ideal tenant and keeps the house very well maintained.
Last year I told Stacy I was retiring and I wanted to put the house on the market so she had 3 months to find another place.
She agreed but a few weeks later came back and asked if she could buy the house. I said ok but I would be basing it off the asking price of a realtor’s assessed value and if she could pay the asking price I would sell it to her.
It was in a hot area where lots of houses were going 100k over asking so I thought this was fair. After the realtor got back to me he said he would post it for 460k and Stacy said she couldn’t get more than 400k from the bank (she was also co-signing with her mom) and she didn’t have enough for a down payment to pay me asking.
She tried to convince me to take 400k instead of 460k and while I wanted to do her a favor I knew I needed the funds for retirement. I told her I would take 3% off asking for the realtor fee which would mean the house was still 446k. She tried to borrow funds from family but in the end, she couldn’t afford it and I wouldn’t sell it for 46k less than it was worth.
She begged me to take into account the years she had paid me rent to count as her paying me the 46k but that didn’t make sense because it also went towards paying property tax and interest and we didn’t have a rent-to-own agreement.
She thankfully left on the date I gave her but she was crying and yelling that she couldn’t afford rent anywhere else.
I did sell the place 4 months ago for 505k which was way over asking and I was pretty happy. My husband and I officially retired 2 months ago. Stacy texted me a few weeks ago asking if I had another place to rent since she had been kicked out for not being able to afford the rent and her family is in shelter housing now.
I sold my 2 rental properties in 2020 and only have the primary residence. I told her so and she got angry saying I was the reason she was homeless because she only had to pay $1200 for a 3 bedroom whereas now that same place went for $1800-$2000. She also couldn’t find a place period because she has kids and most people don’t want to rent to them.
I do feel guilty but I don’t think I can just turn down the 43k extra (excluding realtor fees) over what I offered Stacy for.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were being very generous and renting below market. Your tenant felt entitled to your continuing to do that in perpetuity. Despite her feelings, you weren’t.
She continued to request you reward her long relationship with you with a reduced rate. She’s allowed to ask that. But you said no. You’re allowed to say that, too. Her continued appeals were a little inappropriate. Blaming you afterward for her situation suggests a mindset of victimhood – you’re not obliged to house her below market rate in perpetuity simply because you did it in the past.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“People on here saying Stacy is the jerk for being screwed by a global housing crisis should thank God for their privilege and take their children to live in a shelter for a week to see what it’s like.
I’m obviously kidding since the wait for most shelters in American cities is well over two weeks. OP, you’re NTJ for not being a total capitalist and exploiting housing for profit while being a landlord. But YTJ for not realizing that your pursuit of an extra $100k for an even more comfortable retirement did actually lead to someone else and their children becoming homeless because it was the loss of yet another rental unit owned by a human rather than an investment company.
Sometimes when we’re all being victimized by the same systems we do need to look around and ask who will have the greater loss vs our gain. You know this because you’re asking.
No jerks here, but this is a real situation facing most of the world and folks can act like Stacy is ‘entitled’ while being a good tenant for 8 years and a single parent with a job (until recently but you know, screw the poor.
If they lose their jobs they probably deserved it), because she’s angry that now she’s raising her kids in a shelter, is a real sign of what’s to come.” arl1822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s been saving on market-rate rent for years because you didn’t give much of an increase over the years due to her being a good tenant.
It’s her problem that she can’t afford the rent/took a place where she knew she would struggle to afford it.
She basically asked you to give her 50k off a home. Unless you’re loaded, 50k isn’t a bit of change, especially when you were selling the home to fund your retirement.
It’s also not your problem that you sold your other properties.
Why on Earth would you keep one on just in case she needed it? And even if you did, what were you meant to do if that property had tenants in it? Evict them for her?” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she lived there for how long? Like taking a little cut for one of your many properties was going to hurt your pockets or your retirement how? This woman was a single mom making it until you selfishly pulled the rub from under her… you’re very greedy & super heartless. I pray as a single mother she can bounce back, sad she & her kids are homeless & staying in a shelter now all because of you not being willing to take a cut. Sad this is how people are nowadays.” jmc48001
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