People Meditate On Their Values In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Allowing My Ex To Remain In My Daughter's Life?
“I’m a single mom that works two jobs with a teenage daughter. My daughter’s father hasn’t been in her life for over 11 years. My daughter became close with my last partner who I almost married.
After our relationship fell apart he still would do things for her that a father would do like take her to the mall, take her to the movies or the park, try to teach her how to drive, etc.
I started a new relationship over a year ago and at first, my new partner didn’t mind that my ex was in my daughter’s life. My partner (36) hasn’t had children of his own yet and really didn’t want to be tossed into my child’s life right away which is understandable.
My partner rarely would come over to my place because of it which was ok for a while but was getting old as we were getting close to seeing each other for a year.
About 4 months ago my ex was bringing his dog to my house during his work day because he didn’t have a fenced yard and asked my daughter to watch the dog.
My partner got angry over this after staying the night at my place and said that he was taking advantage of my kindness, and felt that he didn’t have a place in my house as there is a ghost of my ex being there all the time (his dog).
We broke up and later worked things out, but he asked me to remove my ex out of my life (and my daughter’s life). I asked my ex to step back and not be in our lives as it was ruining my current relationship.
That was 4 months ago, and my partner has still not spent any time at my house.
To my knowledge, my ex has not been around in 4 months. My partner finally decided to stay at my house this last weekend as he was going to fix my car. My teenage daughter “forgot to tell me” that my ex asked her to watch his dog and would pay her while he was out of town for the weekend.
All around bad timing and I knew nothing about it until after the dog was already dropped off at my house while I was at work and my ex didn’t answer the phone after I found out.
My daughter is a regular teenager and really didn’t consider my current partner’s feelings about this subject as he hasn’t been to my house in 4 months.
She is mad because I asked my ex to step out of our lives, the only male role model in her life, and yet my current partner refuses to spend time together as a family.
Of course, my partner had a fit, yelled and screamed at me over it and didn’t come over, said he won’t fix my car and later this week broke up with me even though I didn’t know that my ex asked my daughter to watch the dog.
I felt that I didn’t have any control over the situation since it was done behind my back, and told my partner that maybe if he would spend just a little bit more time with my daughter that she would be more considerate of his feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your partner is TJ. He cannot dictate what kind of relationship your daughter has with your ex, period. Your ex was a father figure to her and she has chosen to keep him in her life.
She has every right to do that and you have every right to allow it. Your daughter is 16 and is not responsible for a grown man’s feelings. Her relationship with your ex has nothing to do with him.
The partner has to deal, he is totally overstepping. If I were you I would dump him if he doesn’t back off and realize this has nothing to do with him.” slayerofvampyres
Another User Comments:
“Who are you concerned about being a jerk to, your current partner? Because that’s the way the question was phrased.
You weren’t — he’s a big baby and insecure as to his standing in your life and jealous of your daughter, your ex, and for some reason, a dog.
But as to your treatment of your daughter, YTJ.
She’s absolutely right that you were wrong to kick her only male role model out of her life on the demand of someone who doesn’t want anything to do with her.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’ve been with him for about a year and want to “spend time together as a family” that’s asking a lot of someone you’ve known for such a short period of time. Along with this, it seems he has little interest in being a family and also spending time with your daughter.
Taking away the one role model she had in her life for so long is inconsiderate and tacky. I really hope you let her have a relationship with your ex and tell your partner to stop being a baby.” hippydippy02
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You should’ve put your foot down and said to your partner “he’s around for my daughter, not me.” That was not fair to your daughter at all to ask your ex to step away when he’s doing nothing wrong but genuinely trying to do the right thing.
Your current partner is also a major jerk for seeing you while being unwilling to take on the role in your daughter’s life and wanting to be part of a unit. When you go out with a parent, you welcome the kids into your life as well.
And throwing a fit over your ex being around who is trying to be a role model for your daughter (mind you that your partner is unwilling to do) is just plain childish and foresight to how insecure he is.” MilkmanCrackhead
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Mother About My Wife's Pregnancy?
“This incident happened almost 2 years ago yet my mom feels the need to bring it up every time we visit her.
My wife is an amazing woman, I couldn’t possibly put into words how much I love her, and even if I found the perfect words to describe how I feel I wouldn’t be doing her justice.
However, my mom doesn’t like my wife for no reason in particular. My wife truly tried to have a lasting relationship with her, but my mum never budged on her judgment of my wife.
I began to distance myself from my mom due to this, and she still managed to spew some inconsiderate nonsense about my wife in front of her.
2 years ago, my sister unexpectedly passed away.
It was such a shock and everyone was processing their grief differently. My mom couldn’t handle living alone so I invited her to stay with us for a while because we both needed support.
My wife didn’t mind and tried to make my mom as comfortable as possible. My mom was still nasty, but my wife reassured me constantly that she could handle it.
My wife found out that she was pregnant, and when she told me, I was very very excited.
It was a weird, awful time to announce a pregnancy, so my wife wanted to wait to share the news with my mom as she was still processing my sister’s death.
I, being too excited for my own good, ended up spilling the news to my brother.
My brother told my mom when he was intoxicated, and my mom got very upset with both of us, mostly my wife. She cursed my wife out, threatened my wife repeatedly, and yelled at her until she was on the brink of tears.
Then I got mad because my wife couldn’t handle everything that she was spewing. Once I managed to calm my mother down, she packed her stuff up and stormed out.
I apologized to my wife for my mom’s terrible behavior and mistreatment of her.
I also apologized for telling my brother prematurely. She forgave me, and I haven’t truly spoken to my mother since that night. My mom has since apologized for yelling, but I still don’t feel comfortable after that night.
Every time I do visit my mother, she manages to bring it up in conversation.
I know that she technically apologized, but she apologized for yelling and cursing at my wife, she refuses to apologize for “overreacting” toward the whole pregnancy situation (it had been almost 2 weeks since my wife found out that she was pregnant, and almost 4 months since my sister passed away.
I think that everything was still fresh.) To be clear, my wife wanted to tell my mom eventually, she just wanted my mom to properly “recover” from everything that was happening at the time.
My wife felt extremely guilty for everything, and I apologized to my wife multiple times for my mom’s awful behavior and for telling my brother prematurely.
We don’t talk to my mother often, but when I do, she always finds a way to bring it up, even after the birth of my daughter. My wife ended up apologizing to her, which I wish she hadn’t.
It wasn’t like we were never planning to tell my mom, but we both wanted to give it time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh wow. NTJ.
Grief does weird things to people, but your mum is way out of line.
It seems like you’re aware that your focus needs to be on supporting your wife and standing up to your mother.
One suggestion: set a clear boundary with her about bringing the situation up again. If she brings it up, the interaction is over. On the phone? Time to remind her of what you’ve said and hang up.
In a restaurant after you’ve ordered your dinner? Get your meals wrapped and take them with you. If she thinks she can continue to paint your wife as the villain and herself as the victim, she will.
If she doesn’t change even after you enforce the boundary it might be time to put her in serious time out. Your wife has done enough to try and repair the relationship. Now it’s time for your mum to put in some work.” fancypants-macghee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
First for screwing up and telling your brother. We all know that Twain was right, two people can only keep a secret if one of them is dead. But mostly because you invited this horrible excuse for a mother to live with you and allowed her to mistreat your wife because “she said she could handle it.” Your wife is a freaking saint.
I am reassured that you didn’t want your wife to apologize and in fact express regret over that. Have you told her this? Have you expressed to your wife exactly how much you appreciate her putting up with your mother and tolerating this mistreatment and how unreasonable it was of you to allow it to happen? That’s what I see as your road forward.
You’re absolutely not the jerk if you cut off your mother completely at this point. She is trying to emotionally blackmail you over something where she was 100% in the wrong. Grief can make people behave badly, but it’s been years and she has not apologized for being an utterly awful human being to your wife who was kindly allowing her to live in your home.
If you’re not careful your wife may discover that a cat is a better co-parent than you.” AdoptsDEATHsCats
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting your mom get away with treating your wife like crap for so long because your lovely wife is OK with putting up with it.
She shouldn’t have to put up with any of it. You should have been stepping in from the get-go at any all bad behavior regardless of how your wife reacted (she seems way more chill than I would be in this situation).
You should have cut her off completely long ago until she started learning she couldn’t get away with it.
“Mom, I am going no contact with you for 30 days because you treated my wife nasty.
This is my decision, not hers. I will contact you again in 30 does to see if you are ready to apologize and change your behavior.” (Block mom on everything).
Rinse, repeat as needed. This is your fault, but not for spilling the beans to your brother.
You have essentially trained your mother to feel as though she is entitled and allowed to feel and react this way when it concerns your wife and your own little family.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but not for not telling your mom.
YTJ for failing to adequately protect and prioritize your wife at nearly every turn.
This woman is cruel to your wife and you invite her to LIVE WITH YOU?! That boggles the imagination.
And then you tell your brother your wife is pregnant breaking her trust.
And now you still hang out with your abusive mother.
You say you don’t talk to her but then you contradict yourself two sentences later and say you visit her.
You need therapy. You need to learn how to draw boundaries with an abusive human.
The moment your mom brings this stuff up you shouldn’t speak to her for months and tell her why. Stop letting her win.
You need to learn how to choose your wife and child. You’re already failing as a husband and on the verge of failing as a father if you don’t sort your stuff out.
And by the way, if you let your mother have a relationship with your child despite her mistreatment of your wife, you might as well sign the divorce papers now.” Reddit user
15. WIBTJ If I Spoke With The Court To Send My Parents To Jail?
“My (29f) parents have always been in financial trouble, something that I have never been able to understand because they both have a really generous salary (more than three times my own). Because of these financial troubles, my aunts, uncles, and grandma have had to over the years lend them funds, we were evicted a couple of times (that I know), and we have had the water, the electricity, and the internet cut…
Many things that over the years I admit have affected my emotional and mental health.
All of this has made my relationship with my parents very difficult over the years, more when they would take advantage of me making me pay for many things, with the money that I earned working during holidays to pay for college or making me call my grandma to ask her for money, all while my mum used to spend money whenever she could on purses or jewelry.
The moment I became an adult because they started to sign the bills under my name without my permission mostly because their credit was so bad that the companies wouldn’t allow them to sign with their own names.
When I figured it out I asked them to stop but they just lied about it and I just let it go because I couldn’t deal with it.
Fast forward to the present, I was looking forward to the money from my income tax return, because my salary has gone down so this money would have helped a lot.
Instead of it, I received a letter from a courthouse saying that the funds have been confiscated. I immediately phoned my mum and she said that she didn’t know anything about it but she will fix it.
Since I don’t trust her at all I called the court myself and then they explained to me that during the last year there has been a process against me by a company I owe funds from unpaid bills.
All the papers had been sent to my parents and they had signed and taken them. The debt was not paid with the funds from the tax income so part of my salary from now on will be confiscated too until it is fully paid.
So my parents stole my identity to contract a bill under my name, didn’t pay for it, and when the company claimed that debt through lawyers and a judge they kept all the papers from me (which is also illegal) apparently waiting for all of it to be fixed by itself.
My mother said that it was her right to put it under my name because I am her daughter and it is my duty to help with the family burdens.
Since then, and after really nasty words from her side and my sister (who says that I am ungrateful and selfish) I haven’t spoken to them.
My friends and partner say that I should talk with the police and stop all of this because otherwise they will keep doing it and I am afraid they will.
So, WIBTJ if I speak with the court even if it means that my parents (70 and 63) could go to jail?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Think of it like this… if someone were punching you in the face, would you think ‘Hmmm…should I do something about this?’ Yeah. You would.
You are being victimized, and in a manner that will have long-lasting consequences for your life for decades to come.
You will have trouble renting apartments, buying cars, getting a mortgage, and perhaps even getting a job as some require credit checks (government and finance mostly, but really could be any job). This will also impact any romantic relationships and legal marriages.
What they are doing is fraud and identity theft.
They need to go to jail because they are criminals. Yes, they are your parents… but as far as parents go, they are victimizing their own child.
‘My mother said that it was her right to put it under my name because I am her daughter and it is my duty to help with the family burdens.’
This is blatantly false.
It is not her ‘right’… it’s not even legal. As for your duty, this is also false. You didn’t create the burdens and you are not responsible for lifting them. None of this is of your own making.
I strongly encourage you to report them criminally and press charges.
Very few victims of identity theft get the opportunity to put away their victimizer, so you are very lucky. What’s more, I can promise you that you are not the only victim. They are victimizing businesses as well.
You do have a duty to your society at large to report them and to stop them.
I have a few suggestions for IMMEDIATE action.
FREEZE your credit immediately! You can do this through Experian or TransUnion, the main credit bureaus.
You can freeze your credit for 6 months, and at the end of the 6 months, do it again if you need to. This will prevent anyone from making applications under your name for credit.
Any applications will automatically be rejected due to the freeze, so this will prevent your parents from doing this behind your back. Keep in mind, that this will also prevent YOU from applying for credit for that time period, so if you are planning on getting new cards, financing anything, or getting a loan, then postpone it for now.
Go to court and apply to have your name changed.
Clearly, your parents are using a copy of your ID somewhere…you cannot just put a name down on a loan app without showing ID. Change your name and get new ID. This will also help reduce fallout from their bad loans and collections, but only a little as your SSN will be the same.
This process takes longer, so freeze the credit first and then worry about changing your name.
Gather everything. Pay to run a credit check on yourself and go through it line by line, separating out everything you know you didn’t apply for yourself.
This will help the lawsuit.
Consider bankruptcy. You may still have to do this, even if you were the victim of ID theft. The fact is, bankruptcy will provide you protection from creditors who don’t care that you were victimized, and this will, in the long run, likely help your situation financially.
You can get out from under bankruptcy in time, rebuild your credit, and not have debts… whereas if you don’t those debts accrue and it will become more expensive, with more collection agents after you.
Declaring bankruptcy will also be leverage in any future lawsuit you may file against them, and maybe in the criminal case against you as a victim-impact factor.
Do it now.
NOW.” DrDiarrhea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regardless of whether you call the cops on them, they have committed a crime. So if they go to jail it’s because of their actions, not yours.
I can understand you are hesitant to press charges against your parents, however, they have committed identity theft, and will most likely do it again until your credit rating is ruined.
The longer you wait with reporting this, the harder it will be to convince all parties involved that you are not to blame.
So this is not only about ensuring they pay for the damages they have done, but also for protecting your identity, credit score, and reputation.
Might be a good idea to consult with identity protection services to see if there is any way the debt can be moved to their names without you filing criminal charges against them, there might be some middle ground.
Whatever you choose to do.
Good luck with recovering from this, financially and emotionally.” Original-Psychology
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Put them in jail. This is awful, horrible, but you are you and they are them.
My sister’s friend had parents like this growing up.
They were awful. Fast forward, she was reconciling and then one day several hundred dollars in her account were withdrawn from an ATM so she contested it. They pulled the videos and there was her mom, stealing her funds.
After a bit, she finally pressed charges. She is 45 and her parents were still stealing from her. She felt horrible, but it is what it is.
Press charges, go no contact. You need to separate from them financially and personally if possible.
This identity theft is not something you did. This is not your fault. This will mess up your life for years if not decades because the federal government has zero care. Press charges, get it sorted and separated out.
If possible, get counseling, and if/when you have kids, teach them how you wish you could have been. If your relatives give you any crap, then ask them where were they for you? Because that’s on them.
Good luck.” muhanX
14. AITJ For Cancelling My Son's Martial Arts Classes?
“My son graduated from university and recently got a job. I’ve gotten in some financial trouble so I asked him to help me out a little and he reminded me of the time I canceled his membership in the sports club (it was more than 10 years ago) and told me to pay it all up myself and to not contact him again.
Some background: More than 10 years ago he was a member of this martial arts school and he enjoyed it. He went there every weekday and took part in tournaments and even got a bunch of medals and trophies.
He wanted to become the “best”. But one day they hiked up the prices. Went from an already ridiculous 30 to 40 bucks a month. I told him I can’t pay for it anymore, but he begged and bargained and even offered to give up his pocket money of 10 bucks a month just so he could stay.
I told him he can find something else as long as it’s cheap, but he never signed up for something else.
Just stood home all day long, playing video games, reading, and doing whatever. He brought that up twice in the past, such as when I asked him why he just spends all his time at home on the computer and he told me it’s my fault for canceling his membership.
He just blamed his own apathy on me? There is so much he could do, the world is full of opportunities, but all he thought about was this one sport when there are hundreds of different sports.
Or when I finally saved up enough for a big new TV for all of us, he only uses this as an opportunity to guilt trip me.
“You have enough money for a huge TV but not for my sports?” His logic eludes me, should we not enjoy life?
I thought that after more than 10 years he would have gotten over it.
He didn’t bring it up again either until recently. He wasn’t much of a talker to begin with, never talked about his day at school, his problems, or really anything. Just spent all his time on his computer, books, chatting with strangers and all that other nerd stuff, always kept everything to himself and never initiated a conversation.
He used to go out with his friends but at some point, he stopped doing that too, when I asked him he told me they moved to different places. He is always negative and gets irritated easily.
I know it’s not his fault that he is so easily hurt and only thinks negatively, but how do I fix him? He even blames his depression on me.
It’s all just so surreal, so many years he kept silent and played nice, only to lash out like this the moment he moves out? Even though I cooked and cleaned and did everything for him, just because of this one thing? I would get him to do therapy but how do I force a grown man? I got him into therapy years ago too, but he hated it because it “interfered” with his sports.
Now that he has his own money, can’t he just start doing his sports now? There shouldn’t be an issue. I didn’t have a choice back then. And now that he would financially be perfectly capable of helping me he doesn’t.
AITJ? Is he? Can I fix him? It’s been so long and he is still bitter.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
There is so much contempt seeping through your comments.
He was into a sport enough to be in tournaments and get medals and trophies, and you took it away over $10 that he offered to pay himself?!
And your reaction is, oh just pick something else, isn’t it all the same?
No, it’s not.
He spent so much TIME getting good at something that he liked, just to have you take it away for no reason. And cost isn’t a reason if he offered to make up the difference.
When you’re a child, losing something you put that much effort into is DEVASTATING. He doesn’t want just any sport — he wants that sport.
And how could he have trusted you to not take away another sport too? So he didn’t try anything else that you could take away.
It’s not apathy. He was protecting himself.
Then you call his other interests “nerd stuff” and want to “fix him” because you don’t think it’s fair. Your reaction “He can just start doing his sports now” is so not the point.
It’s different when you’re a kid. And you didn’t just take it away, you broke his trust, took away all his progress, bought yourself a fancy TV, and now are asking for money. If I was him, I’d tell you to go take a hike too.” missmistryl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You failed terribly as a parent. Repeatedly. And now, when you need something, you’re mad that you have to suffer the consequences of your own terrible decisions. You took something very, very important away from your son when he was at an age where those things matter a tremendous amount.
Martial arts can transform a person’s life for the better in many ways – the discipline, the community that you become a part of, the mental balance it provides, and the achievements that can be attained.
Many people practice martial arts for their whole lives.
You knew how important martial arts were for your son, yet when the fees went up by a small amount, you saw an opportunity to selfishly grab that money back at great detriment to your son.
You even refused to allow him to use his own money to pay the difference for his sport fees because you didn’t think it was a good enough way to teach him about money.
What you taught him is that you’re cruel and selfish and that you were willing to derail a very important part of your son’s life (something that he used as therapy), not for any good reason, but just because you could.
This was probably one of the great pains of his life and you did this when, as a minor child, he was powerless to change it. Then, you acted as though what you did was no big deal and that your son should just get over it.
Well, now you see what a terrible mistake you made. A mistake that permanently damaged your relationship with your son.” ghostforest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – as everyone has already said.
You belittled his passion as something easily interchangeable and it seems you still don’t get it even now.
How could a child simply find something else after investing time, getting proficient enough to receive trophies, and finding a community BUT with the provision it will always be cheaper than 30$/mo to suit your needs otherwise you’ll take it away again.
That’s an insane strain to put on a kid, no wonder he gave up, you made it impossible for him on all accounts. Also, stop blaming your shortcomings on his ‘mental problems’, you are his problem. The way you’re talking about him is very toxic and he’s so much better off going NC with you.” magrathea23
13. AITJ For Holding A Grudge?
“Basically, I (23F) worked with this one girl (20sF) for a day before stuff got weird. We were friendly. We started around the same time, but our boss asked me to train her for the location they stationed me at just a few days before she got assigned to it too.
She sat in the back for the majority of that first day, snacking, and playing on her phone. I brushed it off because I’m not anyone’s boss.
The next day I came in, I was tired, had a headache, so was less talkative.
She asked if I was OK, and I said I was tired. She barely works again but I still laugh at whatever she came to the front to show me on her phone. Then toward the end of the night, she got snappy with me for wanting to clean.
I brushed it off, and then by the time we were closing, she fully snapped at me, said I wasn’t explaining how to close something well enough, then verbatim said this: “You’ve been really quiet today, I feel like you’re being really mean because you’re not talking to me.
I’m really sensitive and I can’t handle that so if you could just be nice to me, that’d be great, thanks.”
I was shocked and said sorry, I just had a headache. (I know I can be soft-spoken and have a resting witch face but it was literally nothing personal.) But she kept saying I needed to be nicer.
Days later the boss sat her down since other employees and customers complained about her attitude.
She came in late, put earphones in, and started deep cleaning stuff I’d already done, but I figured it was nice she was doing something. Then she started telling me what to do. I nodded and did it, but then she followed me to the back in the midst of me doing what she told me to, and said: “Do we have a problem?”
I told her I was stressed.
(We had orders that she was ignoring since she was cleaning, therefore making me take them all.)
“Then we need to have a talk.”
“I’m making an order.”
“Well, after your order, we need to talk.”
At that point, I kind of knew she wanted me to back down, since after her sensitive remarks, she basically ran from me to the main location after close.
But I didn’t. I looked at her, smiled, and said “OK! Let’s talk!” She didn’t say anything after that. I told my boss later on, and the next day I didn’t have to work with her again.
She kept trying to sabotage my coworkers and me at that location from afar, trying to find fault in everything we did only to be debunked.
At a meeting the other day she sat by me and kept making jokes to the whole room.
There was even a slide in the PowerPoint she pointedly took a picture of about a phone # to contact in case an employee didn’t feel comfortable speaking to our boss. She literally said: “I don’t think I’ll ever need this but you never know.”
Obviously, in comparison to world events all of this is so petty, but every time I think about having to deal with her again, it makes my blood pressure shoot through the roof.
I feel like I should brush it off again, especially now, but I’m still angry.
AITJ if I keep a grudge against my coworker?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like a nightmare colleague. I won’t say coworker because apparently, she doesn’t do any work.
She sounds as if she was put out because the boss set her down and told her she actually had to get work done due to complaints. It’s possible that she assumed you were one of the complainants, Especially given her trying to boss you around after the incident with your actual boss.
Just try to let it go because it’s possible you won’t be working with her again in the future so you’re investing a lot of energy and being angry and anticipating having to deal with her nonsense again.
If you end up having to work with her again, you can consider it starting on a new page and set boundaries immediately early, and not let her try to order you around. Best not to worry about it until you actually get scheduled to work again and are on a shift together.
At that point, definitely start documenting all of her behaviors so that you have a written trail if she decides to complain about you.
Coworkers can be such a pain, they never want to ride out for the apocalypse.
Cats are so much better.” AdoptsDEATHsCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She’s lazy, inconsiderate, rude, and by the sounds spiteful. I don’t care how sensitive someone is. I cried for an hour today at work in a customer service job from current life events, being sensitive didn’t entitle me to treat the customers and coworkers like crap.
That’s not how being sensitive works. If anything an actually sensitive person would consider how you are feeling and help you. I feel like if they aren’t it’s more of a narcissist’s excuse for being petty.” Catharsistar
12. WIBTJ For Getting A Diagnosis Without Telling My Parents?
“For context, I (17NB) currently still live with my parents although I am hoping to leave for university soon. However, because of this, I am unable to do certain things on my own, such as booking doctor’s appointments which are done for me.
I turn 18 in a few months so it won’t be a problem then, but for now, it’s still something I am uncertain of.
This isn’t a situation where I’ve decided that because I cried once, I might have depression.
I’ve had days where I can’t even gain the energy to get out of bed or move, my weight has been fluctuating due to changing between not wanting to eat or eating purely to distract myself from how empty I feel.
I can zone out, or disassociate, for hours on end when I begin feeling numb and my sleep schedule is basically non-existent, sometimes sleeping for half a day and on several occasions not sleeping at all.
This is also something that hasn’t only just appeared, it’s been around since I was around 13, but due to it coming and going in waves I never thought it was an issue worth mentioning.
My parents did send me to a therapist when I was 16 after they discovered how bad I had been bullied at school – I will not be going into any further detail on this – but she was not useful in a variety of ways and eventually just dismissed me.
This is where my parents’ involvement came to a stop. They’re not the type who just dismiss mental health problems, but when I brought it up with them they said that I was just being lazy and that if my old therapist didn’t see a problem why should they? I did explain that I didn’t trust her and as such never entirely opened up about how I was.
As someone who is skeptical of self-diagnosis due to a variety of people yelling at me for it when I mentioned that I thought I may have depression, I don’t want to say I definitely have it without a professional opinion.
I would like to stress that I have done extensive research into it and its symptoms, alongside taking psychology as a subject and emphasizing psychopathology which discusses mental health issues. This isn’t something I just came up with because I felt sad once, as I have had people say before, so please don’t brush it off as just teenage hormones.
This is something far beyond that.
Now for the actually AITJ part. I’m planning on organizing a doctor’s appointment or something to get myself formally diagnosed and gain help with it, but due to my parents’ previous reactions and how they were insistent that I was just lazy, tired and over exaggerating I don’t want them to be involved in this.
I bought it up with a group of friends for an opinion and multiple of them told me that I would be the jerk for excluding them from this, especially as they are my parents.
I will be 18 when I am able to do this and legally they would not need to be involved, however WIBTJ to get myself formally diagnosed without even mentioning it to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I also have depression and what you explained sounds a lot like my life story. If this is something you want to pursue and find help with, I think it’s important that you do.
Depression can differ in behaviors too. For example, some people I know get an angry raging depression that makes them not want to do anything. I have the kind that makes me fatigued and curled up into a ball, too heartbroken to cry.
I hope you make it through your journey, it’s a long rocky road for some, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m pretty sure I found mine.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your parents suck for dismissing you out of hand. It’s not like you have been to dozens of doctors and specialists. You saw one therapist. And it can be hard to find one that matches you.
If you do have depression, the longer it goes untreated the harder it can be to get on top of it. Go take care of yourself.” bec-panda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will be an adult and capable of making your own medical choices. Not all therapists are equal so feel free to find one that is a good fit for you instead of just the first one you see.” 17217
11. AITJ For Blocking A Childhood Friend?
“Backstory: When I was a kid, I had a friend named ‘Emma’ (fake name) in Oregon, but I moved to Arizona at the age of five for my parent’s new job. Emma didn’t even know, because we were only friends in pre-k, and my parents didn’t tell me until after the school year was over.
I am now a happy 15-year-old in Arizona, when I get an add on Snapchat. I don’t use it a lot, or add people I don’t know in real life, but I just started back at school a few days ago, and I gave a few new people ways to contact me for notes/help getting around/or just to be friendly, and this person had added me by searching for my username (for non-Snapchat users, it does tell you that), so I figured it was one of those new people.
Well, I get a DM asking if I knew them and I said that I didn’t know but they had added me first, so they might have gotten the wrong account.
They got flustered and asked if I was sure I didn’t know them, adding that they loved me. I got kinda creeped but I figured it was just an accident and said that yes, I was sure, because I didn’t know anyone by the name on their profile.
At this point they say, oh that’s not my name, my name’s Emma. I said, well I only know one Emma, and that’s a friend from when I was a kid. ‘Emma’ says, that’s me, hi.
I was pretty freaked, cause my Snapchat doesn’t even have that name on it, it has what I now go by.
I played it cool, but I was freaking out, wondering how she even found me. She tells me stuff that random people wouldn’t know, like what show we bonded over and our favorite characters, and our secret handshake (dumb but oddly specific for two five-year-olds, would never be guessed).
Well, she video calls me through Snapchat, and holy crap, it’s actually her.
She tells me that she had a crush on me when we were kids and always loved me. I kinda didn’t say anything but it was obvious that I was uncomfortable. She tells me that I was always her best friend and asks if she is mine.
Before I even say anything, she kisses her phone and says she wants the same. I say no thanks, and she asks if I love her too. I play it off, saying “no offense but we haven’t seen each other in ten years, you don’t even really know me, etc.” She seems upset.
I change the subject, but she just brings it back (multiple times). Eventually, we hang up.
I basically drop crap and run. I took screenshots of everything and then blocked her. From what I figure, she searched my name, found my social media, which had my Snapchat in the bio, added me, and then pretended it was fate so we would talk again because she loved me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Jesus christ that’s so creepy. The fact that you were patient is very nice of you, and anyone who says “she’s just socially awkward” needs to understand that a socially awkward 14/15 year old needs to learn what is and isn’t acceptable.
We all had to do it, and hopefully for “Emma” this is a learning experience.
Somebody else already said this, but I’ll second it. Tell your parents or at least some other adult in your life that you trust.
Let them know how uncomfortable you felt. You aren’t TJ.” complacentviolinist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s mad creepy. I would have done the same. Maybe unblock her to give the chick some closure if it’s bugging you.
But that’s totally up to you. Regardless, that’s really creepy and weird and I think you made the right call.” AlmightyLeprechaun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this girl sounds like she had some fantasy in her mind about your friendship and became fixated on the idea of being in love and it isn’t, uh, in alignment with your relationship in reality so being creeped out isn’t wrong of you.” JustJudgin
10. AITJ For Reporting My Sister Driving Intoxicated?
“My sister visited me last month and was due to stay over at my house. We were having a few drinks (she was drinking a bottle of wine by herself). She switched to beers and had 2 pints.
Following that she opened a bottle of prosecco for us and had half of that.
At this point, she became belligerent and started to verbally attack me, telling me that I was a burden to the family (because of my mental health issues) and how much I put her on edge.
This was around 2 am so I said that I was going to sleep and she should do the same.
After lying in bed for around 15 minutes I could hear her rustling around in the living room (I live in a small 2-bed apartment) so I got up to see what she was doing.
She was packing away her things and still drinking. She said she was going to go home as she was sick of me, at which point I warned her not to drive her car or I would call the cops.
I reiterated that she should just go to sleep and offered to get her a glass of water but she just yelled at me that she had ordered a cab and was leaving.
After warning her again about driving intoxicated, I went back to bed.
For another 30 minutes I could still hear her in the lounge, so I got up again to try and reason with her to just stay as it was almost 3 am at this point.
She had her car key in her hand so I gave her the same warning again. She pushed past me and walked outside, so I followed her outside.
I waited with her outside as she told me she had ordered a cab and wasn’t driving.
I made a point of taking a photo on my phone of her license plate so that she knew I was being serious. She started yelling and taking photos of her car as she said she needed evidence for when she returned to her car having been vandalized by me (I had no intentions of doing any such thing nor have I any previous).
I remained silent whilst she carried on and waited another 30 minutes or so at which point I darted back into the apartment for a pee.
When I came back out, her car was gone (no surprise) so I sent her a message to inform her of my intention as well as another to my mom and I called the emergency police number.
I can only assume she got pulled by the cops as around 11 the next morning I received a barrage of abuse on WhatsApp and was subsequently blocked.
My mom has never replied to me since and my older brother got involved and called me up raging at me calling me a hypocrite because I have driven under the influence in the past (once or twice).
My response to him was that maybe someone should have called the cops on me and if they had then I wouldn’t have blamed them unlike my sister reverting the blame to me. He told me that the whole family had now disowned me because my sister’s career (as she’s a nurse) was in jeopardy.
For the past month, I’ve had no contact with both my brothers or my parents.
AITJ because I have done similar in the past or was I right to inform the authorities given her level of inebriation and the fact I had warned her several times?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And I’ll tell you a story. A relative of mine was always intoxicated. He was not a binge drinker — the exact opposite. He kept his blood content at >0.10, 24/7. He would wake up in the middle of the night with withdrawal symptoms; then he had to drink more so he could go back to sleep.
He kept all this hidden from everyone, even his wife. I saw him many times during this period and I never suspected he was intoxicated. His doctor told him he was addicted, but he refused treatment, and kept this diagnosis secret from everyone, thinking he would cut down on his own.
It never happened. For several years he avoided going to the doctor.
Then one day he stopped at a convenience store on his way home from work, bought a can of 7Up, drank a third of it, then topped it off with booze from a bottle, then drove off, sipping from it.
Someone saw him do it, took down his license number, and called the cops. An hour or so later, cops knocked on his door and arrested him. He admitted everything.
He was soon released. Then he made an appointment to see his doctor again.
The doctor got him immediately admitted to detox. He was there for a week. He has now been 5-plus years sober and goes regularly to AA meetings.
His license was suspended for a short time; then he was given a restricted license that allowed him to drive between home and work but nowhere else.
I think this lasted a year. I suppose he paid a fine, but I don’t know what it was. He never went to jail except for that one night. (But detox is worse than jail.)
He says he wishes he could contact the person who turned him in so he could thank them.
He figures they saved his life. His doctor told him his liver was on the verge of having irreparable damage.
And I should add: we’re all proud of him.” JimDixon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ as while she drank too much for driving, you failed to de-escalate the situation into having her feel comfortable sleeping at your place.
So you inebriate her, kick her out, then report her for intoxicated driving (something that would put you under judicial risk here). And despite putting a 7 paragraph post about the precise list of her drinks, you do not even mention offering to pay for her taxi.
I’m sure you feel proud of having your (former) sister thrown in jail. You betrayed your (former) family, welcome to a world of loneliness.” Lameador
Another User Comments:
“I’m glad you can recognize you had a problem.
Your family took care of themselves by not talking to you.
You did the right thing by warning her and calling the police. I was in a car wreck with an intoxicated driver. I was the passenger.
I almost died. So I think you did the right thing no matter what your family thinks. If her job was soo important she should have stayed at home to drink.
Enjoy the freedom from the family drama.
NTJ.” BeenThereAteThat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your sister is a nurse. She should know better. There are so many people that die or are horribly injured due to intoxicated drivers EVERY DAY. Good for you for protecting your sister and others.
Does she think that her job would be in less jeopardy if she had crashed into another car and killed someone? What the heck?
Also, you better not be drinking and driving again. That stuff’s not a joke.
Unfortunately, it’s MUCH more likely that an intoxicated driver will kill an innocent bystander than themselves. It’s bad enough to put yourself at risk, but how are you going to feel if you kill some couple and make orphans out of their children?” CiniMiniMe
9. AITJ For Cussing Out A Teacher?
“So recently I (21f) have started tutoring my little sister J (16f) after school. Her school started back at the beginning of August. J goes to the same high school I did, and has a lot of the same teachers.
Now we live in the south, and it is still extremely hot. I am a firm believer in dressing for comfort, and I have passed that belief on to J. So she has this teacher we’ll call K.
I had a class with K in high school, and suffice it to say I don’t care for her. She is awful. This woman frequently body shames plus-size students, and is notorious for only dress coding the girls.
I wouldn’t say I’m plus size, but I’m definitely well endowed. K would constantly make comments about this when I was in her class.
So my mom (J’s stepmom) texted me a few days ago to tell me that J has been getting dress coded a LOT at school, like every other day.
She wanted me to talk to J, and take her shopping for more school-appropriate clothes. Well, I agreed, so when J was with me yesterday I brought it up. J started crying and told me that K has been sending her to the office every single class over her outfits.
Most of the time, she isn’t even breaking the dress code. I told my mom about this, but she doesn’t think it’s a big deal.
So here is where I am apparently the jerk. Today J called me sobbing because K sent her to the office again.
The office sent her back because she wasn’t actually breaking the dress code, but K refused to let her back in the classroom. K stated that J is “too much of a distraction, and she won’t be allowed back until she isn’t dressed inappropriately.” Apparently, she also said that J needs to get her act together and stop acting like her “inappropriate sister.” No one was around to hear her say these things.
Well, I lost my cool. No one treats my baby sister like that.
So I went to J’s school and after checking in at the office, went straight to K’s classroom. J was sitting in the hall sobbing, honestly, it broke my heart.
I started slamming on the door and said some not-so-nice things when K opened up. I cussed quite a lot. I told her that if she ever mistreated my sister again, I would go to the school board and get her fired.
She called me a bad name and told me that I should be ashamed of myself for setting such a bad example for my sister. I grabbed J and left, still cussing up a storm.
I apologized if I embarrassed her, and J said that it was awesome.
Around 5 I got a screaming phone call from my mom. She accused me of humiliating J and using her to get my own revenge.
Apparently, I should have just let J deal with it herself. I told my mom that if she had done something sooner, I wouldn’t have had to. Now my mom is banning me from spending time with J until I apologize to K.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but I feel like I should just apologize so I can see J again.
So then, AITJ for causing a scene at my sister’s school?”
Another User Comments:
“Tiny bit ESH.
The teacher sucks a lot. She should be fired. But you’ve made that a LOT less likely as a result of your choices.
Firstly, you’ve gone there without any legal authority as J’s caregiver. Then you’ve been horrible towards the teacher.
Not without reason, but you have. Now when the complaint goes to the school board, they will have this teacher’s statement that you verbally mistreated her and threatened her and she no longer feels safe if you are involved.
The school does still have a duty to protect its staff from mistreatment in the workplace, even if they are in the wrong.
So now, the school has to act in the interest of the teacher, who is unlikely to be truthful about what was said by her.
You’ve made it harder for everyone.
The right thing would be to have reported the teacher to the principal and to call the school board.
The principal would have had to take action if he knew a complaint was also going to the board.
You could also have found out who the next level of complaints are in the district or region so that if nothing gets done, you can easily take the next step.
That’s what gets bad teachers fired.” spunkyfuzzguts
Another User Comments:
“Oh shoot.
If the teacher is using bad words like that, she needed to be fired yesterday. You NEED to have it documented though, or nothing will ever happen to K. It’s a huge problem for the administration, and they will ignore it, as they probably have for years.
Do you think that your sister is the first student who had this problem and spoke up?
As just an older sibling, it’s inappropriate for you to get involved with J’s school problems, even if they are this severe, and unfortunately, you have a battle that you might not win.
“He said, she said” will not do anything in this situation, especially since you already had a personal problem with the teacher and used bad language yourself.
It’s really bad that you had a fight in school because this is obviously going to have huge repercussions for your sister.
And you’re not her legal guardian, which makes a big difference. So NTJ, but be careful and document EVERYTHING, just to keep for yourself. If your sister comes home upset, keep a journal of what she says.
If the outfits are a “problem,” take pictures of them to go along with your entries. You most definitely shouldn’t go back into the building, so find another place for your tutoring sessions.
You need parental support, you can not do this on your own.
Mom needs to know why you acted like this. And is there ANY possible way J can be switched into another class? I really encourage your mom to fight for that, ASAP. Even if your mom doesn’t believe you, she must at least recognize that K and J’s relationship will never be okay after this incident.
Sorry that you have to deal with this.” ISeeMusicInColor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—you did the right thing.
I WISH I had someone who stood up for me like that when teachers would dress code me in middle school and high school. Only now as an adult do I see that most dress codes (my schools’ specifically) are misogynistic in nature and only target women, but gosh, at the time I felt so embarrassed and small.
From my little high schooler self to you, thank you. You stood up for your sister when the adults wouldn’t. Parents just don’t get it sometimes. They think the child is overreacting and won’t do anything to protect them or stand up for them because they see other adults as always right.
Also, you did not go overboard.
Sometimes cussing a jerk out is the appropriate way to handle a situation and I think you did an excellent job.” VeterinarianGlobal94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wish I had a parent who gave a crap about being treated like crap by teachers.
That is absolutely ridiculous but I know exactly how she feels. In sophomore year my homeroom teacher wouldn’t stop reporting my outfits and wouldn’t let me in homeroom whenever I wore shorts. She was also the band teacher and the head of band for the school district.
She remembered that in 3rd to 5th grade I played trumpet (was terrible). During freshman year she tried getting me to join band but I didn’t want to, after that she always reported me. Sometimes teachers are the biggest bullies.” Ok_Principle_6640
8. AITJ For Not Filling Out A Claim?
“My (38F) ex (50M) and I are separated but live together. We have one child (5m).
I got a stimulus check automatically. Even though I wasn’t working, after I got my check he deemed it “our” stimulus check, & demanded half.
I still had bills and he is also working, I said no. He should file his taxes, period. He says, “I don’t know how to, I asked you to do it or show me but you won’t.”
It’s not that I won’t, it’s because I can’t! He doesn’t keep track of any of his jobs, what he gets paid, what his expenses are, etc.
I text him two links via text on how and where to claim his stimulus.
Over a month later, he called me saying he needs me to “claim” his stimulus check and today is the deadline. Because he couldn’t figure it out. I was in a 2-hour meeting and couldn’t talk.
I told him to check his text for the links I had sent. His reply was he would just wait until I got home so I could do it. I told him this is his responsibility and he can do it.
I didn’t hear anything else about it until he decided to pick a fight a week later and told me it’s my fault he didn’t get his stimulus funds since I wouldn’t do it for him.
I asked him how that was my job, and he replied that it was “free” funds I turned down. He has brought it up several times, escalating his rage each time, taking zero blame.
I keep telling him I’m not responsible for this, it’s not my job to do these things for him, especially when he just decides it’s too hard. This is a common issue in our relationship and one big reason we separated.
Today he said, “Did you say you’ve been paying X bill since you got your stimulus check?”
I replied, “No, I paid it once after I got my stimulus check, X is your bill.”
Him, “No you said you’ve been paying it! You’re lying!”
Me, “I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding but the only bills I’ve continued to pay since March are bill A, bill B and bill C.”
Him, “Well, I just found out the X bill has been going on my mom’s credit card since MAY!”
He has a card in his name that is a part of his mom’s parent account, and he says “his mom’s” credit card when he is guilting me.
I don’t use this card.
Me, “So you’re upset with me that a bill in your name, that goes to your email account, was going on a card in your name, that you have the log-on info for and can check the charges/balance, that you get text alerts for when a charge is made? Because I don’t have any access to that info or any way to be alerted how the X is being paid.”
Him, “Oh, I forgot, I can’t ask you about anything without it being someone’s ‘fault’”
I let him know talking about bills isn’t a problem.
When you come to me and ask me if I’ve been paying a certain bill when you know for a fact I haven’t, that is trying to start an issue or point out fault.
The truth is that he is mad I am not paying my “fair share” in bills when I cannot, because I’m not working.
The only thing he would accept was, “You’re right, I shouldn’t have phrased the question like that.”
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Also, the economic impact payment is a refundable 2020 credit. It is being dispersed during the year, but can also be claimed when you file your 2020 taxes. So he can claim it on his taxes next year.
Of course, if he hasn’t been filing taxes, he’s also at risk of being charged back taxes or getting an audit.
Sincerely, a tax professional.” demaptchen
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
It’s a bad situation. It just seems y’all are very hostile.
He definitely sucks though. Glad you separated, sorry you’re still living together. Ultimately not your responsibility.
I don’t quite grasp the “you not working” part in conjunction with the 2-hour meeting unless you were employed for a very short time between receiving a stimulus and now.” LyphBB
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You let the problem escalate. Don’t know how long you were married, assuming that it was a while. So, basically, he relied on you too much and for everything. And, with your separation in process, it’s still an obligation out of kindness.
My honest advice, get your own place and you don’t have to deal with the bull crap.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ,
Did you file taxes jointly last year? How much was your check? 1200? 1700? Or 2900? 1200/adult and 500$ kid.
If you got the 2900 or 2400 because your child wasn’t born for taxes last year, then you do owe him half.
If you filed separately: just so you know if taxes were filed last year, you just had to log on to the IRS app for stimulus checks.
It used last year’s data (2018) if taxes were not filed for 2019. This was all over the news back in April and common knowledge.
Anyone over the age of 18 with a smartphone who knows their bank account and social security number could do it.” Reddit user
7. AITJ For Calling Out A Friend?
“My friend (A, 30/f) and I (31/f) have had some tension lately.
A few months ago, she got into a friendship-ending fight with another friend of mine C, where she brought me into their argument that had nothing to do with me plus brought up sensitive details from my and C’s long friendship.
I was very hurt and felt that trust was broken. A and I talked, she apologized for what she did, and we’ve moved forward.
Things have been normal between us until a few weeks ago.
A and I talked on the phone, a lot about the state of the world. She’s very into social issues, and I think it’s great, and truly wish there were more people out there as passionate as she is and I have expressed this to her.
The convo continues, she asks how I am, etc. I tell her, ya know, I’m okay, etc. Ended the call thinking everything was fine.
2 days later, our mutual friend S (31/f), texts me (A, S, and I are all in a group chat, and we talk regularly though we live in different parts of the country) separately to say that A had been “manic texting” her, all of this stuff about me.
She said A LOT, but the essence was that she was annoyed that I; have more privilege than most people; shouldn’t complain that my husband’s business being slow; should care more about social issues, etc.
S was really upset because everything A was saying about me could have been applied to her (and to most people we know), which is what compelled S to tell me.
Note: We are all white and from upper/middle-class families.
S and I both work full-time, as do our husbands. A has explicitly said “I do not want to work,” and hates capitalism. She collects unemployment, doesn’t pay rent (tenant strike/due to the illness, she says), and lives off of her husband’s earnings.
She recently earned a Master’s in pol sci.
I was sad and furious. She took things I told her and spun them into her own narrative (ie: yes, my husband’s business is slow but, no, I’m not complaining).
Also, when S called me to tell me these things, A was texting me like everything was fine. I was completely duped; why are you texting me normal things if you hate me so much? This, on top of what happened a few months ago, has me feeling like our whole friendship has been a lie.
I was so stressed about it, that it took me 3 weeks to address the issue.
I didn’t want to throw S under the bus, so S called A to tell her that she told me everything.
A flipped. She sent a long and nonsensical text about how we “never check in on her”, and I responded by saying what she said was hurtful, cruel, and hypocritical, and I don’t know how to move forward.
She then blocked me (and my husband?) on social, but not S. We haven’t talked since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is not the type of friend you’d want around you. If she talks about you behind your back instead of confronting you about what she doesn’t like about you to your face she knows nothing is wrong with what she is annoyed by.
While it is unfortunate S had to have some of the blame put on her for telling you, you were just defending yourself from the things she said that weren’t true and that she only said because she thought S wouldn’t tell you.” lonewanderer821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This person may have been a good person, but the groupthink of her social circle and work has warped her perceptions to the point where she literally won’t be able to rationally associate with people that make it on their own without help.
I’d let this relationship die unless they eventually return to the land of normalcy.” Starfleet_Auxiliary
6. AITJ For Being A Snitch On My Dad's Partner?
“My dad’s partner, K, and I have been butting heads recently over some things. She lives with us and I’m living at home while going to college online. I’m also working from home right now though I regularly go to the office a few days a week as well.
She has outright said that my school and work aren’t as taxing as her work since I’m ‘always home’ and have way more free time. Yes, I’m working and attending school from home but I still am working 9-hour days and have my lectures, tests, and homework to do.
She just doesn’t think it’s as important as her job.
I do nearly all the cooking, and errands, and also I take care of their pool. I keep my room clean, do my own laundry, and take care of my pets.
She does help with the pets but I never ask her, she’ll just offer to watch them while I’m out so the puppy doesn’t have to sit in his kennel (he isn’t fully potty trained).
Recently she has been nitpicking me about everything and gets upset when she has to do certain chores.
She also refuses to do my dad and me any favors. I don’t have access to the bulk store as she and my dad are the only cardholders. I asked her to go get some stuff from there since she was already running errands in town.
We just needed toilet paper and laundry soap. She refused and told me to ask my dad. He couldn’t do it either because he was at work. I ended up having to go to a different store that evening to get the soap since we were completely out.
She also refused to take out the trash for an entire day while both my dad and I were at work just because she had also done it last time. I understand we need to share chores but she was the only one home at that point.
There are more instances but this is already a long post so I’ll stop there.
She also loves to leave me notes with lists of things I need to accomplish before she gets home. They’re always just small chores or complaints and I normally do them just to keep her happy but today I was so over it.
She is always making little comments here and there about how ungrateful I am or that I’m leeching off my dad and whatnot. I woke up to another note this morning about some keepsakes I had put in the storage room needing to be moved and I just got really upset.
I told my dad because I was upset and didn’t know where to put my keepsakes if I couldn’t keep them in the storage room. I guess they had a talk and now she’s angry with me.
She’s avoiding me, won’t talk or look at me, and sent me a mean text basically saying I was ungrateful for all the help she’s given me with my pets (always offers to sometimes, but I have never asked her to) and that she was so thankful that I threw her under the bus.
I just want to move back out and get my own apartment again at this point but I really love being home with my dad too.
It’s just hard to live in a house that is so stressful and where I don’t feel welcomed by her. AITJ for telling my dad and getting her in trouble with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly she sounds like a gosh darn brat and a nightmare.
Stop doing stuff for her, go to work and school, clean your messes and do your laundry but stop helping around the house. If she thinks she can boss you around like she owns the place, then she should take care of it.” Jenbola
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She sounds dishonest and manipulative. You told your dad the truth. If in the end this leads to him breaking up with her, it is not your fault. They are both adults and she is to be held accountable for her own behavior.” CatWantsTuna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She’s a toxic jerk and you are doing your dad no favors by hiding her jerky behavior from him. Tell him how she’s driving you away from him. Hopefully, he’ll dump her before he loses his relationship with his child.” Candid-Ear-4840
5. AITJ For Ignoring A Friend Who Is Toxic?
“I (27/f) have a friend (29/m), let’s call him Roy. I’ve known Roy since I was 16 and I once considered him my best friend. I’ve relied on Roy a lot and he’s always been there for me when I needed it the most.
Our friendship started to become toxic a few years ago. Roy started calling me while intoxicated, wanting to talk to me for hours on end. He has a drinking problem which I and other friends have tried to talk to him about.
Roy would become incoherent a few hours into these phone calls so I would eventually have to hang up on him. He would often try to call me back so I would then need to turn off my phone.
I started ignoring Roy’s calls as much as possible but would still occasionally answer. Roy then started telling me he was in love with me and would ask me to meet up with him in a romantic way.
This made me feel uncomfortable and I told him that I don’t feel the same way. Even after multiple rejections, he continued asking me out.
While this was going on, I started to reflect on my relationship with Roy.
My ex, Akon, would tell me he thinks Roy likes me but I would brush it off. I’ve realized Roy had been sketchy when it came to relationship advice. Regarding Akon, Roy would make me doubt if I could trust Akon or not.
Roy would tell me things like “Akon might be texting other girls.”
Also, Roy did tell me a few times to break up with Akon and would give me reasons to do so. Akon and I broke up for our own reasons but I think Roy added some fuel to the breakup.
Roy also has other problematic behaviors.
He can be touchy-feely when he drinks. On my 24th birthday, we went out drinking in a group and Roy put his arm around my shoulder as we were walking out of the club.
I remember laughing together and then Roy grabbed my bum. I don’t remember the context but I remember feeling very uncomfortable. I largely ignored this for a few years but I think it was very weird and wrong of him to do this.
As I was reflecting on the past, Roy was continuing to call me while intoxicated.
One evening, I told Roy I no longer wanted to be friends with him but we could be friendly in group settings. It was a very sad conversation and I felt bad but I stood my ground.
However, it’s now been over a year since that conversation and Roy still tries to contact me every few months to catch up. He has since apologized to me for his behavior and I accepted his apology.
I guess maybe because he’s apologized, Roy thinks we can rebuild our friendship.
I’ve continued to ignore his calls completely and only reply to his messages with simple answers if needed. We share a lot of mutual friends so logistically, it would be difficult to block him out completely.
I feel bad for ignoring his calls but I just find him very draining to talk to and frankly, it would make my life easier if he never contacted me again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this guy is toxic beyond belief.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. If you let him back into your life things will be OK again for a month or six months or a year, but he will slide right back into those habits of how he treats you.
If you are only considering it because you “feel bad” and not because you actually miss his friendship, that says it all. He’s still managing to make you feel this way even without being in your life.
If you’ve managed to be civil in a group setting for this long, it shouldn’t affect your group of friends. Cut personal ties with Roy and move on for good.” obsessedmermaid
Another User Comments:
“Roy has the old unrequited love thing going on and has had for some time now.
You should let him go, you aren’t interested in him in that way. You can tell him that and then refuse his calls. Especially intoxicated calls. Oh, yes, so romantic, the drinking, rambling, incoherent calls.
Oh, and the groping, something to make any girl’s heart go aflutter. NTJ.” Servantofbosco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I believe that Roy thinks of you as an “ideal girl” or “dream girl”. It’s pretty tough for guys to forget about their first crush. And, it’s harder when the guy’s friend went after their crush.” Reddit user
4. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Spend More Time With Me?
“I’m 19F, close friend is 19M. Went to the same school and have been close friends for 2 years. Neither has other IRL friends but both have online ones. Lately, our friendship has been 99% online even though we live close to each other.
He just doesn’t seem to care if he spends time with me, even though he makes it a point to spend time with his other friends. He plays video games with them for hours daily, and often just doesn’t invite me to join.
Before you write me off as a jealous girl, it’s not jealousy. Doesn’t bother me that he needs some time with just the guys, I respect that. But I enjoy his company, too, plus I’m the only friend he knows in real life.
I’m not skilled at gaming and don’t expect to be invited to things I can’t do. But I want to spend time with him. He says it’s not that he doesn’t want to be friends or doesn’t want me to hang out with him and the guys.
In fact, he said he doesn’t usually mind if I join. Just that he “doesn’t think to invite me.”
I stopped inviting him to in-real-life things because it’s obvious he’d rather be online. I usually have to ask if I want to game with him, which makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I invited myself to someone’s birthday.
He’s not rude, he just invites them and “forgets” about me. They (guys and girls) invite me more than he does. He calls them just to chat for hours but doesn’t like to when it’s just me.
He tells me sometimes that he doesn’t want to call while we game because he’s “listening to music” only to call his other friends.
I know our friendship is different since we’re close in real life, but I don’t flirt or act differently than his friends.
He knows I like him but we have never mentioned it.
He/his friend make plans in front of me. They go on about the happenings of a group chat I’m not in, don’t share context, then brush me off when I ask.
He has certain things that are special, “just him and one particular friend” things that he won’t let me join in on, but he has no such things with me. He joins me if I ask, but it’s always like he’s doing me a favor and he’d rather be with them.
He texts them the whole time we’re together (in real life or in-game) and often leaves me for them. He sometimes texts me when he’s with them. But it still seems like he always wants to be with them instead of me.
I understand that he’s been gaming with them longer than we’ve been friends, and don’t want him to always feel obligated to let me join.
That seems like a jerky younger sibling sort of move. But he often makes me feel unwanted as a friend. He knows I feel excluded, he’s joked about it before. His friend recognizes that he doesn’t invite me around, but doesn’t know why.
I mentioned the “just the guys time” thing and the friend called bull.
So, I can’t tell if I’m being a jerk and asking too much, or if my friend is being a bit of a jerk.
Or something else. You tell me: AITJ for wanting my friend to spend more time with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to have a genuine discussion about how his actions make you feel and stop letting him make excuses every time.
You said you two are each others’ only in-real-life friends? He might be only talking to you because he didn’t have any other friends in real life, but I don’t want to jump to that conclusion.
Please talk with him.” mosttruethyme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just have these feelings.
But you mention he ‘knows you feel more.’ Have you ever stated how you feel to him?
Also, let him know how you feel, that you feel excluded most of the time and that it makes you feel really bad.
Try to work things out. Also, he is TJ if he games 24/7 and by default forgets his real life…” OscarrNL
3. WIBTJ If I Left My Ex With An Outstanding Bill?
“So this needs a bit of backstory. I (31f) have been broken up with my ex (45m) for 6 months.
We were together for a little over 4 years. We move into a 3 bedroom duplex.
He has 3 kids. Due to financial constraints on his end, I put up the initial 3k for the place. After that, we split the 1,500 rent evenly between us. We split all bills 50/50.
After a year of living in this house, we knew we needed a more affordable place that was centrally located for kiddos. My parents (MP) made the incredibly generous offer that they would purchase us a house so we could have enough space and we could work towards building equity through them.
We fell in love with a place. This house was at the very top of the MP price range.
At this point I need to clarify MP was able to fund this because of my paternal grandmother’s passing, my ex and I knew this because MP explained the financials to us.
So we get the house, rent will be 1,100 a month. At this point, we (ex and I) have a joint account. Ex then shortly quits the new job that paid enough that we had all bills covered.
I take 2 jobs to help supplement income. Ex is unemployed for the next 2 months. My two low-paying part-time jobs are all we have as income. Rent is not getting paid in any amount.
Eventually, ex gets a job. We rejoice!
Well, things are financially tight. MP also helps us pay bills and loans funds for groceries.
Our breakup was bad. I lost my cool in a phone convo with him a couple of days after he lost his other job for good.
He breaks up with me unless I apologize. I refuse. Cleans out the bank account (okay, to be fair he left me 90, very gracious) and forbids me from using the vehicle because it’s his.
He knows we have $700 of bills in the next two days. This is kinda TJ on me but the following day I know he gets paid, I keep checking the online banking and as soon as the check comes in I pay the $424 utility bill.
He freaks out on me. I don’t engage.
Also, I should note I took out a Costco credit card (he didn’t get approved) we just used it for all the groceries and his truck stuff.
When we split it was maxed out at 2000. Well, he got the cash-back rewards from the membership (not the credit card) and he pocketed the 250 (approximately) which still ticks me off.
He still owes MP over 30k for his half of the rent, which doesn’t even touch all the other funds loaned.
So I have the house.
Well MP does but I still live there. I took him off the utilities. The internet is in his name and had past due on it when we broke up. I have been paying via phone system but I need to upgrade my internet for my schoolwork (I start school next month) and since it’s all in his name all I can do is pay the bill.
So WIBTJ if I just set up a new account and leave that outstanding one in his name?
As for the gift, for Father’s Day/his birthday MP and I got him a grill (I put fifty towards it they did 150) and he used it once.
I use it all the time and so does my dad when my parents visit. WIBTJ if I keep it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Let him stick with the bills that are in his name if he behaves like a jerk.
Get your own accounts/contracts, if the other ones are in his name, you cannot be held accountable for the bills (at least where I live).
You can try calling the companies for the existing contracts and tell them that he no longer lives at this address. Sometimes they even agree to cancel the running contracts.
Get your own bank account asap and use it for all your income and bills.
When that is done, try to get out of the joint account, if possible.
Try to be the better person and avoid playing the same crappy games he tries to play. If all goes down badly you can still have the moral high ground.
That could help you cope with things in the future.
If he wants the grill just give it to him to avoid unnecessary more stress.
Best luck to you.” CatWantsTuna
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Although, he seems more like a jerk.
I wouldn’t feel sorry for him if you kept the grill and left him with the bill. Just make sure that the bill doesn’t fall back on you.
If he isn’t rushing to take the grill, keep it.
Like you said, he’s used it once since it was given to him.
He sounds like he’s trying to ruin your credit like he already ruined his (since you mentioned he wasn’t approved for a credit card).” oSanitizedo
Another User Comments:
“Don’t keep the grill, it’s a gift, and he doesn’t need to split the bill anymore if he doesn’t live here so you would be TJ, if there is no evidence of him owing your parents anything, you can’t do anything (unfortunately).” gameboji
2. AITJ For Arguing About Locking The Door?
“Okay, so some context, I recently turned 18, so I’m an adult now. I just spent a month with my dad (divorced), who practically told me ‘grow up. You’re going to college soon’ thirty days in a row, so I kinda grew up in that month.
Now, back at Mom’s house, I have a young sibling with Autism, YS, and my mom’s partner, MB. MB has been in my life since I was 5, so it’s not a new partner or anything.
Mom’s at work, so that only leaves me too. MB came into my room and woke me up to say ‘Lock the door, I’m leaving for work.’
Now, I’m told to do this a lot, as if he doesn’t have a key or something.
But I’m fine with it. The thing that I’m not fine with is that 9/10 times after asking me he isn’t ready to leave. I have to stand awkwardly by the door for a solid minute before I have to lock it.
And it’s not even for a good reason, it’s so he can smoke before he leaves.
I say ‘I’ll do it after you leave.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘You’re just going to fall asleep again. Lock it now.’
I tried the whole ‘I’ll lock it after you leave bit’ a couple of days ago and got rejected.
I felt like he didn’t trust me, but I think I could handle locking a door. So, MB left the room. I sat up at the edge of my bed, now wide awake, so his excuse was invalid.
And guess what? I sat there for a solid minute because he was smoking. He came back in and told me ‘lock the door.’
‘After you leave,’ I say. There were a couple more back-and-forths like this, then he started complaining, and raising his voice slightly, calling me a jerk.
He’s saying that he should just call my mom and whine to her that I’m a jerk. That got me begrudgingly to the front door, but he wasn’t done calling me a jerk, oh no no.
He started guilt-tripping me. Saying that by asking to lock the door later, I would put innocent little YS in danger, since the kid has the tendency to leave the house if the door’s open.
Yes, that is kinda true. YS almost got run over once (I wasn’t home so it wasn’t my fault) because he left the house, but that was years ago. She barely does that anymore.
YS was on her laptop, unmoving as can be. Regardless, he was blaming me for letting her loose, even if that didn’t happen yet.
Then he flat-out said he didn’t trust me. An adult. To lock the door.
Do you know why? Because a couple of days ago he told me to do the dishes and put them away when he was gone, and I didn’t. Firstly, he said it would be great if I could, but he didn’t tell me directly.
Secondly, I tried, but I didn’t know where the soap was, so I gave up rather easily, but I did try. Thirdly, I don’t think locking a door and doing/putting away dishes can be equated.
One is clearly more effort than the other. Then he left and I locked the door.
The point of the story is I think I can lock a door after he leaves, and he thinks I’m a jerk for insisting that.
So, what do you think? Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“I lean more towards YTJ. Although you want everyone to know that you are now an adult (barely hit 18), you sound very childish.
Here is why I say that. This is what you come across like.
Clearly, it is important to know that you are an adult, cause you know finally 18… can’t be bothered to do things anymore.
It is too much to lock the front door, to prevent your younger sibling, who has autism, by the way, from possibly getting out and getting hurt or lost.
Did you consider he wants you to physically get out of bed, while he is still there, to make sure you are awake to keep an eye on your sibling?
Even doing dishes isn’t possible, because you know, as an adult now, you are incapable of finding dish soap…
You didn’t find the soap because you didn’t look for it…
If you want to be seen as an adult, you need to act like one. If you want to act like a child, keep acting like one.” nrivas80
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
He has a key. He should lock the door himself. If I were in your position, I would either ask my dad if I could move in with him or I would strike out on my own.
That having been said, I find it ironic that you’re so fixated on the fact that you’re technically an adult now while picking a fight over something as stupid as locking the door. You’re both acting like kids.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
1. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Little Brother Come To My Wedding?
“So, to preface… I am 26, and my mom and stepdad started over when I turned 18… so I have an 8-year-old brother. I love him dearly, however, he is pretty rotten, probably like any 8-year-old boy would be…
but aside from the typical rotten behavior, my brother has begun stealing things and when he is caught, he just fibs about it. Even though my mom can see right through it, she nor my stepdad do anything about it.
Some examples include: Taking a crystal from my home that my fiancé and I got on a trip together… this has since been “lost” so, instead of punishing my brother for it when we initially brought it up, she decided to just buy us ones that looked like it.
He also took $100 from my stepdad’s wallet… and when confronted, said “Oh! I found this in the driveway from the man that came in the house and took it!” Again, nothing was done about it…
my parents just brush it off.
I basically feel like my mom is just worn out, because not only does my stepdad not really help much at all with him, they have their own marital issues too…
and she literally doesn’t punish or parent him at all, and depends on my sisters or someone else to watch him when she doesn’t feel like it.
Back to the main point. Because of how my brother is..
(those were only a few examples), my fiancé and I decided strictly no children at the reception AT ALL. (We also want our friends with children to enjoy our wedding as well.) The reason I say reception and not “wedding” in general, is because I am having 2 flower girls.
The mother of the flower girls is a good friend of mine, and her mom is picking the girls up after the ceremony. I brought this up to my mom and every single time I do she just brushes it off like it doesn’t matter to her.
It isn’t that I don’t love my brother or want him involved…
it’s the fact that 1. There will not be any other children there at all for him to play with or to keep him entertained, 2. He doesn’t listen, so when he does grow bored, my mom and stepdad will let him just run wild without punishing him or telling him to calm down, etc., and 3.
He has a tendency to be a klepto, and I don’t want guests’ belongings to go missing or something from the venue.
My mom keeps saying things like, “It’s too early to discuss this now” (my wedding is in October of next year…), but the reason I am is so she can find a darn babysitter since my grandmother will be at the wedding.
Then she makes excuses about how the venue is an hour away, so I just suggested maybe he doesn’t take part in the wedding at all and just stays behind. I didn’t suggest it in a mean way, just realistically, because there’s no way I am giving him my fiancé and my’s rings to carry down the aisle…
so he will just be walking with the flower girls. This made her upset and she snapped at me and now doesn’t want to discuss it at all.
What do I do, and AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You need to be firm and have this conversation with your mom and stepdad. Tell them your brother will not be allowed to the party so they need to arrange a babysitter for that night.
Also, depending on the state, some kids as young as 8 can go to a juvenile detention center. If he were to steal from someone at the wedding and that person is a jerk about it you could even have cops coming to your wedding.
He needs help and soon to change this behavior.” Mikasa_EsSukasa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get someone with a steel spine to stand at the door greeting guests and let them know if mum and stepdad show up with the klepto they’re to be turned away.
I’d also not let him in your house anymore and make a point of locking handbags and wallets in the car when you visit. Hopefully, the overt mistrust will make mummy dearest realize he needs discipline before he ends up in juvie for thieving from the wrong person.” seajay26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sure your guests will appreciate not having a little thief running riot while they try to enjoy themselves with you.
That sort of behavior is not normal eight-year-old behavior. Stealing and completely ignoring instructions are not okay in a child of any age.” Tinywrenn
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion, but YTJ he is your brother even if it is half.
He will never forgive you and that is the ultimate in excluding him. In 1 year a lot can happen. Or you eventually get a babysitter for the wedding. Who your parents must pay.” gloryofsatancats
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