People Tell All About Their Messy Revenge Stories
40. Bratty Little Sister Gets Caught Sneaking Out
“When my sister was 14, she was a nightmare. She was spoiled, self-centered, and took an active delight in ruining my life, including (but not limited to) planting bad things in my room and telling my mom that it was mine. And the worst part is that, since she was the favorite child, I could not do jack all about it.
One night, I’m talking with my ‘little brother.’ (One of my mom’s friends had a nephew that everyone joked was my little brother.) And he started asking if I would rat him out if he snuck out in the middle of the night.
I was like ‘Heck no!’ So he told me that my little sister, who was having several friends over that night, was going to sneak out with her friends, my ‘little brother’ included. I told him no, I had to be up super early the next morning. He was disappointed, but he understood.
So I wait until they’ve snuck out, and I go out, lock the doors, and take the spare keys out from under the doormat. Then I call up my little sister and tell her that she has a choice. She either pays me $100, or our mom finds out that she snuck out with everyone.
She refused to pony up the cash. And I have never heard my mother scream at my sister that loudly ever before, or since.”
39. Not Even A Bully Can Get Away With Parking In My Spot
“This may not be a ‘best’ story, but it’s one of my favorites.
Some background: I was never a ‘cool kid’ in high school.
My senior year, we were allowed to pick our own parking spots in the lot closest to the school. It was first come first served – which meant I woke up at 4 AM to get to school at 5 when the doors opened.
As a result, I nabbed a freakin’ sweat spot about ten steps from the school’s front door.
A few months later, one of the meatheads in my year decided my spot was his spot now and parked his obscenely large pickup there. At first, I thought ‘You know, maybe he was in a rush this morning.’ I even approached him with a light ‘Hey, you know… I see you in that spot there.
It’s, uh, mine.’
But when it happened several days in a row I realized this was an ‘on purpose’ kind of thing. So I did a very simple and effective thing: I drove my car riiiiight up to his rear bumper and parked directly behind him.
I don’t know what was more satisfying – the laughter of my friends, his friends, or the covert approving nods I got from teachers at assembly. I didn’t move my car until I left post-dance practice at about 5:00.
That was the last time anyone tried to park in my spot. The end.”
38. My Teacher Finished The Revenge For Me
“There was this jerk at school who for reasons unknown thought he was hot stuff, despite the almost universal disdain for him in my year level. He would constantly try and call me out on things or just be a general turd to me and I hated his guts. One day a friend and I were in the library at school finishing some homework and the jerk came up to us.
My friend Pete brushed him off and told him to go away and as he left I said ‘What a jerkhead…’
Jerk: What did you call me?
Me: I called you a JERKHEAD.
Jerk guy proceeds to punch me (more of a soft tap really) in the mouth, so I grabbed his arm and twisted it around his back; pushing him up against a table in the library.
Me: Just apologize!
Jerk: I’m Sorry!
Now I was never a muscular or physical guy at school but a fairly large group of our classmates had gathered and they PEED themselves laughing.
AHHHAAHAHAH YOU GOT SCHOOLED BY SCHEEGS!
It was glorious, I simply walked off cool as anything, I didn’t bring attention to it or say a thing because they were ribbing him enough for me.
Right as it reached a crescendo as we were all walking to class the Jerk turns around and hocks a big ole lougie at me! At this point, the adrenaline flared in my head and I was about to jump the jerk, but before I can I hear:
‘OI! COME HERE! I SAW THAT! THAT’S DISGUSTING!’ The teacher saw him spit, grabbed him, and gave him detention. A rather poetic ending in my opinion.”
37. Become A Nightmare? I'll Reveal Your Secret Man To Your Father
“My roommate freshman started out as my best friend at college – we both didn’t know anyone else at the school, had some common interests and she was rather likeable. Until she got a partner. Then she became a total jerk. She would eat my food, she wouldn’t buy any shared supplies (toilet paper, cleaning supplies), she always left the door unlocked and would groan at me when I did lock it because I didn’t want my stuff or any of our other roommates’ stuff getting stolen, she stopped flushing the toilet halfway through the first semester.
And then her partner. He was super creepy, treated her pretty poorly, and together, they were awful. She would constantly make fun of and belittle me in front of him, and they would both play really mean pranks on me and our other roommates. They would also hook up really loudly in the middle of the day when we were all home, and once when our other roommate had classmates come over to do a group project.
Anyway, some pregnancy tests ended up in the cabinet under the bathroom sink. No question about who in the dorm they belonged to. Now, my roommate hadn’t told her parents about the partner yet and when I found the pregnancy tests, it was like a sign from Satan himself. Spring break was coming up and her dad was driving to campus to pick her up. He was going to come early to pack up and move some things into the car that she was taking home for good, all while she was still in class.
I knew all of this.
And, given that she never locked any door (save for both bathroom doors, locking our other roommates out of the sink room where her contacts were. It made no sense. There was one door that led to a double sink, and then another door inside where the toilet and shower were. She would lock both doors while showering. For no reason. I had to go to class one day without my glasses since I made the mistake of leaving them by the sink after washing my face and she was known to take 30+ minute showers).
Wow, I got off track. I really hated this roommate.
Back to the story- she left for class, I was the only one home and was supposed to let the dad in before I left for my job and he would be packing until the roommate got out of class. I took the pregnancy tests from the bathroom, went into her room, and hid them where I knew the dad was likely to look.
One in her guitar case, and two in her suitcase. I left for work and then had class after, which meant I wouldn’t be home until after she left.
Ho-ly smokes did everything hit the fan. The father found the tests and was fuming by the time the roommate got home. Our other roommate came home in the middle of the argument and hid in her room until they both left.
The roommate basically got dragged out of the dorm crying while the dad was screaming about how he raised her better, how he was going to kill her partner, how she was never allowed to date, and blah blah blah.
She came back and was the quietest thing for the rest of the semester. She wasn’t allowed to see her partner or do anything but go to class and come back to the dorm. It was quite funny that she stuck to these rules seeing as her parents lived a good five hours away. It felt awesome though I do feel like it was a bit extreme and immature now.”
36. Eat My Pie? I'll Eat Your Pizza Rolls
“So I was making a cherry lace pie. I made it all from scratch. I made the crust and made it perfect. I made all the filling. I laced the pie. It was beautiful and took me four hours to create it.
Unfortunately, somebody got to my amazing pie when it was cooling
At that moment, I felt like I walked in on one of the most gruesome crimes.
All of my pie was gone, leaving only a crumb, fork, and the tin.
I was out for blood.
More specifically, I was out for pizza rolls.
Being home alone, nothing will stop me from purging the pizza rolls.
I opened up my freezer and had about half of the contents try to assault me. Heck no! No frozen peas are gonna stop me!
After my hand did a little digging, it felt a familiar shape.
The pizza rolls. A pack of fifty pizza rolls. Just waiting for me to leave them in the oven, and inedibly have them burn my tongue off.
They clanked against the pan as my cat was staring at the pizza rolls with hungry eyes.
So I just gave her a can of wet food and she just walked away.
After spreading them out like rocks, I placed them into the oven and waited.
I kneeled down at the oven and stared.
Then, BEEP BEEP
The pizza rolls were done.
I plopped them all on my plate and as expected, they burnt my tongue, but it was all worth it.
Once my mom and little brother got home, they looked at the oven in dismay as they realized it was too late, and there were no more pizza rolls left.
After being in denial about the lack of pizza rolls, their expressions turned into anger as they were not happy with me eating the pizza rolls.
Once I told them why, they started telling me they didn’t mean it, and they would make it up.
Once that didn’t happen, they sulked away from no pizza rolls.
Later, they apologized to me and now they know: never eat my pie again.”
Another User Comments:
“This is why I stopped baking for my ex. No matter what it was, pie, cake, brownies, cookies, he would devour the entire thing in one night. Sometimes I got one piece. Otherwise, it was gone in less than 24 hours. He always claimed it was because it was soooo good. No, it’s because you’re a pig with no self-control.” JanuarySoCold
35. Fill My Apartment With Smoke? I'll Fill Yours With A Foul Odor
“Background: Some years ago I was living in a semi-detached quadruplex on the top floor. My front balcony was separated from the adjacent one by only 2 or 3 feet. The sliding door leading to the front balcony had a screen door as well, the back door had none. The back balcony had stairs leading up to it with no security for the yard, the front had no access from anywhere but my apartment.
The place was small and it would get quite stuffy, not to mention my neighbors downstairs that would smoke so much that it smelled like they were smoking in my living room. Since it was situated in a pretty populated area with a substantial crime rate, and because I wanted to keep bugs out and my cat in, I would routinely leave the front door wide open to air out the place (with the screen in place).
One summer day a new guy moved into the building beside mine, directly beside me. He started the habit of smoking on his balcony. The air current would suck the smoke directly into my apartment, which was a problem for a few reasons – 1, I had smoked for about a decade, a pack a day towards the end, and managed to escape the habit. It must’ve been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life and to this day I still have nightmares that I started up again.
2, I had delicate tropical fish (about 200 gallons worth of tanks, some I was breeding) and the air pumps would push air from my place through the water columns. I had some losses. 3, I had an indoor cat that I didn’t want to be exposed to secondhand smoke either.
So I decided that when I had an opportunity I would approach him and ask him politely if he would mind smoking in the back instead.
I saw my chance one afternoon while he stood on his balcony, sucking back a smoke, and casually made my way out to the front as if I was just getting a bit of sun. Turning to him I said, ‘Excuse me, sir, I was wondering if I could ask you for a small favor.’ His reply in aggressive French roughly translated: ‘What do you want?! Speak to me in French, jerk!’ I was initially taken aback, but my anger took over and I yelled at him to go screw himself, etc., and went back inside.
That’s when my devious plan took shape. I decided that if I can’t enjoy my balcony, then neither can he enjoy his.
The following day I took a 5-gallon painter’s bucket, half-filled it with a mix of orange juice, milk, old kombucha SCOBY, water, and then dumped a bunch of crushed raw potatoes and onions, raw fish, raw poultry, and raw ground beef. I think I included a couple of other assorted things that I knew smelled like death when rotten.
I placed the bucket on my balcony where it would get maximum sun exposure and let nature do its work, topping it off with water every few days to keep the mixture well hydrated and giving it a little swirl. The result after a couple of weeks was enough to make a sewage worker vomit. I could smell it from the street below. He caught me on the balcony as I was tending to my concoction one day and started yelling at me to get rid of it or something, but I just laughed hysterically and went back inside. Things were getting out of hand when I noticed that I was getting a large number of flies finding their way into my place (like a dozen at a time). I had to start taping the little cracks on the door frame where I thought they were getting in, but this was war, and war demands sacrifice.
He moved out within a month.”
34. We Convinced Our Roommate He Got Into Harvard
“In med school, my dad went to Harvard and lived with friends who either went to school with him or went to other schools in/around Boston. One roommate who went to Boston university would always talk trash about how their schools sucked, Harvard was just an overly hyped school, and how much smarter/better he was than all of them.
One day they decided enough was enough. My dad worked in one of the school offices, so they got an envelope and letter sheet from the office and went home where they (all the other roommates) typed a long letter pretending to be from the dean’s office saying they had been observing him and he was so impressive they wanted to give him a full ride and automatic admission starting the next semester.
He called his whole family and rubbed it in all the roommates’ faces. He showed up at the admissions office to get his ID the next day and was met with a terrible surprise.
They never told him it was them.”
33. Grumpy Neighbor Gets Treated To An Unfortunate Water Balloon Fight
“There was this old guy who lived right up the street from me as a kid who was a completely combative jerk, verbally abusive to anyone within earshot. One day when I was about 12 we were playing football in the street and the ball bounced into his front yard. Apparently, he’d been watching us through the blinds because before we could get it he hobbled his old butt outside and took the ball, refusing to give it back.
Recently my friends and I had made a technological breakthrough that enabled us to fill water balloons with any liquid we wanted. Basically, we had figured out that you can pee in a soda bottle, blow a balloon up & pinch it off, then put the blown-up balloon on the mouth of the soda bottle. Turn it upside down and you now have a pressurized, pee-filled balloon.
Between me and my 3 friends, we managed to fill up a few balloons and went and unloaded on that jerk’s front door. The best part was it was freezing cold outside and the pee was still steaming when he opened the door.”
32. They Were Only Supposed To Drink A Bit Of The Kool Aid
“I lived in a 4 bedroom apartment with 3 roommates. I and one guy were cool with each other but we constantly butted heads with the other two. The other two would never pay their bills or rent on time, they were filthy and worst of all…They would eat everything I and the other roommate bought. We talked to them about it several times, left notes on containers, and even about fist fought over it.
We eventually had to move everything into our bedrooms.
Well, we had grown tired of it so we devised the old routine laxative prank. We made a HUGE pitcher of Kool-Aid and smashed up two boxes of laxatives into powder and stirred it in. We used two boxes cause we wanted to get them good and figured they’d only maybe each drink one cup. Within 20 minutes of making the Kool-Aid, I go back into the kitchen, and the whole goddamn pitcher is empty.
I start thinking ‘Oh no, I’m seriously going to kill my roommates with laxative?’ So I get concerned and run to their bathroom and steal their toilet paper. Haha. Those sorry jerks were very sick for the better part of 24 hours. They asked me for some toilet paper and I lied and told them I didn’t have any. They were in a world of hurt. They went on a mean hunt for toilet paper and finally ended up using MY coffee filters.”
31. Look Down At Us? You Won't Win Yard Of The Month
“I come from a poor family and we grew up next to a fairly upper-class neighbor. They were pretty rude to us and regularly looked down their noses at us. They kept their yard immaculate and often won awards for it. One day I felt like my family had been wronged by them somehow, so I slept up in my treehouse, taking only a pair of garden clippers with me.
When the street light went out, I went to action. I quickly went down my zipline, making sure to hook my legs on the top bar at the bottom. I swung myself up onto our garage roof and hopped the fence into my neighbor’s yard (I could have walked around my front yard, but why not be a ninja?)
I wore no shoes, only socks. I started at the side yard and worked my way over to the front in both a quick and quiet fashion.
When I was done, I had clipped the flowers from over 10 flower/rose bushes. I shoved them into my pockets as I went, wanting to leave no evidence (Which is stupid, as the flower tips are gone anyways).
I made my way back to my house and quickly scaled my tree. I stashed a few of the flowers away in my secret cubby, along with my sports illustrated swimsuit edition.)
They did not win yard of the month during that summer. I had brought justice to my family name. Screw you Petersons!”
30. Surprise! Your Car Is Filled With Glitter!
“Northern United States. Snow on the ground. The dead of winter. A coworker at the local shop is a consistent jerk. Said coworker also goes out for frequent smoke breaks and, rather than standing in the cold outside the back door, likes to sit in their car.
So one day, a different co-worker of mine comes into the shop with a cardboard box in their hands and a gigantic grin on their face.
Long story short they have purchased two pounds, now think about this 2 pounds, of glitter. It came in several small clear plastic bags all within the cardboard box they were carrying. I’m sure I’m just remembering it this way, but I swear at one point somebody said ‘I have a plan.’
Said co-worker with the gigantic grin manages to slip outside into the parking lot during the shift.
They come back with an empty box.
Fast forward to lunchtime. Said jerk coworker goes out to their car for a smoke. It hasn’t been snowing, but it’s cold enough that you can see your breath. So they’re getting in their car and as the door closes, the engine comes to life. At my other coworker’s insistence, several of us have gathered by the break room window to observe this occasion.
What happened next I can only describe as a literally screaming snow globe. The howling that came out of that car, as all of the glitter came shooting out of the dashboard air vents, was filled with surprise, panic, denial, and eventually anger. For about 3 seconds the front windshield of their car looked very similar to the effect of stirring metallic paint, only vertical and multicolored.
Years… No exaggeration. No nonsense. Years later, they would come into the shop and, I am told as I no longer work there, from time to time you can see a piece of glitter stuck to their backside, or their hair, their hands, their boots, pretty much anything that would have come in contact with the interior of that car. Several of my friends still will not let said co-worker drive them anywhere, as they’re afraid to get covered in glitter from the car.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh my god, I can only imagine the stamina of that glitter.
Half-life of a million years. Back in the 90s, I was on a large campout trip during my birthday. My friends thought it would be fun to throw plastic confetti in my SUV as a birthday surprise. Fifteen years later I still find the random tiny plastic jack o lantern confetti (it was in the fall) under seats and just about anywhere. Two pounds of tiny glitter? Oh god no.” TheBestVirginia
29. I Changed The Strings On The Arrogant Kid's Viola
“We had this guy in our High School orchestra who thought he was god’s gift to the world of Viola players. I mean arrogant as ever and annoying. If he could, he would have married his Viola…the thing was, he was legitimately good at playing the damn thing. Our director’s patience with the guy was always very thin. So wanting to knock him down a peg and satisfy everyone’s urge to strangle the guy outright, I figured I’d just humiliate him.
So I reversed the strings on his instrument.
By reversing, I mean I took all the strings off the Viola and put them on in the opposite order. The strings of a viola (4 strings) are C, G, D, A, with A being the highest (the highest string also being the thinnest). His A string became the C, so in essence, his Viola’s strings were really A, D, G, C.
When he returned to class to practice, he obviously noticed that his instrument was out of tune. He proceeded to tune the instrument to its normal C, G, D, A tones. This presented a problem because a C string is WAY too freaking thick to be tuned to the tone of an A string…and thus puts way too much freaking pressure on the instrument itself.
He went a whole day trying to figure out what happened to his beloved instrument until our director finally caved and told him…at that point the guy went on an expletive-filled tirade and got kicked out of class.
That was a good day.”
28. Don't Like Your Popcorn? I'll Burn The Next Batch
“This is pretty petty, so I apologize. One very slow day at work (concession stand at a movie theater), this old couple comes in. They are very demanding and rude, asking for complicated things, complaining about prices, the whole mile. Normally I just ignore it, but the woman had such a snide tone to her voice, she made me feel inhuman.
Upon receiving her popcorn, she slammed it on the counter, spilling quite a bit.
Apparently, it was stale and cold and ruined her day. We just made it about 15 minutes ago. She demanded I pop a kettle fresh for her. So I did.
Well, they had so many complaints, that they kept me busy while the popcorn was beeping, all done popping. By the time I could shut her up to save the popcorn, I got there, and it was fairly burnt. Not discolored, but the smell and taste were horrible, and the popcorn was sticky. I mixed it in with some of the original popcorn and handed it back to her. She harrumphed off without trying her popcorn, husband strung along like a dog. They never came back out. I hope it was disgusting.”
27. Ripping Off A Dodgy Car Dealer
“Buying an old car is always risky, and some of the dodgy dealers where I live have no morals at all. I’ve always been reasonably lucky, and my dad was a mechanic so he taught me the basics, but I know a few people who’ve been burned pretty badly. This is about the day I got a bit of revenge against one of them.
My car had developed a fault; it started and ran fine but had no power at speed, and there was a pretty nasty burning smell coming from the engine bay.
It turned out there was a common fault on this model where the oil feed pipes for the turbo (which were plastic) narrowed with the heat and the turbo started to disintegrate (it was just too late to get the factory recall). It meant at least a new turbo and stripping the top of the engine to check for damage to the bores, best-case scenario it would cost more than the worth of the vehicle to fix, worst-case I threw away a load of money to be told it was screwed.
I didn’t want to sell it privately and rip off a member of the public, but one of those dodgy dealers?
There’s one place near me that advertises that they will buy anything you bring in, but they always pay minimum value and often considerably less than the car is worth if they sense that you don’t know what you are doing, or are desperate. I rang up and acted cluelessly, got a suggested price ‘subject to inspection’ and agreed to take it in.
The day before I took it in my partner managed to clip the gatepost and knock the passenger door handle off. I carefully glued it back on, figuring it would last one or two openings before disintegrating again. Then I drove over to this dodgy dealer, and halfway there when the engine was nice and warm I pulled over, popped the bonnet, and poured a bottle of liquid air freshener (from one of those devices you plug into the wall in your house) over the engine.
Over the next couple of miles, the perfume boiled off the engine and brought a beautiful, fresh smell through the air vents, masking the smells of oil and burnt plastic. The dealer tested the car in the parking area, of course, it ran fine at low speed, but he hummed and hahed and offered me a price quite a bit lower than the one made over the phone. I made a big show of disappointment but took his money, shook his hand, and walked to the pub over the road, where I bought a pint for the old lads playing dominos by the fire.”
26. Waste My Lunch Break? I'll Make You Wait For The Bathroom
“My boss (Mark) is the type of guy who will send an email asking one of my team to do a task, then get up as soon as he sends it and walk to the recipient’s desk to ask them to do the thing in the email. It feels very micromanaging and it’s incredibly annoying. Also, another coworker and I were allowed to work from home since November due to health reasons, but we were arbitrarily called back into the office last week, and I’m still a little bitter about it.
It’s still pretty wintery here and we don’t have a break room, so I had to eat lunch at my desk yesterday. When I do this I lock my computer screen so I don’t have to look at work for half an hour. I also put in earbuds and have my book out, so it’s very obvious that I’m off the clock.
Yesterday in the middle of my break, Mark came over to ask me to answer an email that he’d forwarded to me.
This email was addressed to me with him copied on it, and it had been sent less than five minutes before. We have a policy where we have to answer emails within four hours, so I was well within this limit. He started talking to me, so I made eye contact, put down the food I was in the process of eating, pulled out my earbuds, and said, ‘Mark, I’m at lunch.
My computer isn’t on, and I’ll take care of the email when I log back in.’ He dithered around for a minute before spending the next five minutes explaining what the email was.
My break ended and I opened the email to answer it. A few minutes later Mark walked out of his office on the way to the bathroom. I called over to him as he was walking out and asked him a question that absolutely could have waited until he was back, but instead, he had to spend the next five minutes explaining a task.
Take up my one half an hour break? I will absolutely make you wait to go to the bathroom.”
Another User Comments:
“I used to report to this man who was an okay manager in that he tended to leave me alone but, would aggravate me.
I would often go to his office to engage him on a topic then would ignore all the visual clues he would exude attempting to indicate the conversation was overturning his attention to his monitor, standing as if to walk me out, verbal cues, etc.
I would just sit there engaging him delving deeper into whatever the topic was.
I did this whenever I felt like he had wasted my time on a task.” Soda444
25. I Refused To Send Clients To The Rude Banker
“I was a teller at a bank. My main job was to refer clients to bankers (salespeople), and their job was to close the sale.
I was previously a banker at a different institution, and so I knew the entire process inside-out and led the bank in referrals and referred sales companywide.
There was a new banker who was particularly rude to me. Why was she so rude? I think she was just a bad person and only showed people respect when she thought it would benefit her…
Anyhow, I stopped by her office to check on a big referral. She told me I don’t belong in her office and if she wants to update me on a sale she would do so (this meant she blew the sale – she was not only new but had little experience and was terrible at her job.) It wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to act like this, but was particularly rude because I was honestly wondering what the outcome was for our client.
I shrugged, walked out, and never sent her a client again. It didn’t matter if the other bankers had their entire week booked with meetings and someone came in looking for an appointment as soon as possible – she wasn’t getting any more business. This wasn’t at the client’s expense because as I said, this banker was terrible at her job and I could see the look of confusion and disappointment as client after client walked out of her office empty-handed never to return.
She couldn’t figure out how to create a business for herself, and so without my referrals, she posted absolutely no sales indefinitely and eventually had a nervous breakdown from stress and quit. The other bankers, however, did quite well with the extra opportunities I gave them.”
24. Keep Scamming The Pizza Place? Not This Time
“I deliver pizza, and finally got some sweet, sweet revenge.
We had a customer call in who we’ve suspected of scamming us, seeing as every other pizza order with him got messed up somehow. Generally, we don’t ever ask questions and always give the customer what they want, but one day, before the delivery, I took a picture of the pizza with the receipt (with address, name, date, and phone number).
Now he ordered less than 30 mins before closing, so I really wasn’t happy, but I always put on a kind face. He also wanted to do a split payment (part card part cash). Once I got to his house, I had him sign for the card portion of the payment. Then he gives me the cash portion in all change (about $12 or so). He told me to trust him and that it was all there.
Unfortunately, I did trust him. I counted the change and he shorted me $5. Fortunately, he only signed the card receipt, didn’t put a tip or total in there. It was too easy, I just added a tip of $5 and it didn’t look sketchy at all (I don’t do this unless I’m shorted). I drove my merry way back to the store and went home.
The next week rolls around. We get a call late at night… guess who? Same guy. His pizza had bubbles all over and looked horrible. Fortunately, I and the same supervisor were working, and I showed him the picture I took. The pizza was perfect. We kindly told the guy that we have proof that the pizza was in great shape, that the driver from last time took a picture of the pizza.
Believe it or not, he still tried to argue with us and spew more nonsense. My supervisor had to put him on hold and called our store manager. He sided with us and told us not to give him anything, and to put him on the scammer list. To my knowledge, he never called again.
It felt so good. It was the only time I’ve gotten revenge on a jerk customer, but it sure made up for several others.”
23. She Showed Her Friend Exactly What She Thought Of Her
“I once was good friends with 2 women, who were friends with each other. Call them Kate and Jane.
Kate and I had a falling out with Jane. Over what, we don’t know. She suddenly became antisocial, cruel, and vicious. The evening of the big fallout, we all had agreed to hang out late in the evening.
I go to Janes apartment and knock, no answer. Kate shows up, I tell her Jane isn’t answering the door.
She says ‘She’s probably got those damn headphones on again. I’ll knock on the window.’
So she does. Jane comes to the door SCREAMING at us. Why did we wake her up? Did we know what time it was? How hard it was for her to sleep?
We were shocked. We reminded her we’d all agreed to meet at 11. I’d spoken to her not 3 hours before and she said she was excited.
She kept berating us. We finally told her it was fine if she didn’t want to hang out with us, but she should’ve sent us a text or something when she changed her mind and we wouldn’t have bothered her and she should go back inside.
Kate and I went across the courtyard to my apartment (Jane and I are neighbors) and sat outside drinking and smoking and talking.
Much of the talk centered around how much Jane had changed, how rude and mean she’d been, and how we were sick of her nonsense and having to constantly maneuver around her easily bruised ego.
Kate was pretty wasted, so she sent for an uber to get home, but she also needed to pee really badly.
I told her to use my bathroom, but I had a large pit bull at the time (RIP Cooper) and she was scared of him.
So she decided to pop a squat outside. But being intoxicated and still angry at Jane, she also decided to take her revenge.
She walked across the courtyard, yanked down her pants, and peed all over Jane’s welcome mat, stoop, and door. Laughing hysterically the whole time.
I just sat there dumbfounded.
Kate pulled her pants up and said ‘That’s what I think of her now.’
The uber came, she left, and it was never mentioned again.”
Another User Comments:
“Surely Jane thought it was the local alley-cat spraying her door.
Not Kate bathing her doormat with righteous indignation.” m15k
“It’s so funny you say that because that’s literally what happened.
Her partner is an animal lover and religiously feeds all the stray cats in the neighborhood (about 15 of them) and the next day he chatted to me at the mailbox and mentioned one of the Tomcats sprayed the porch and that he needed to do a trap, neuter, release ASAP.” charlottedhouse
22. I Was The Victim Of A Revenge Plot Gone Wrong
“I ordered pizza and a diet Pepsi because I was working on a house we just bought and we didn’t have any furniture, let alone a fridge and stove. I get back to work and lose track of the time. Just as I remember the pizza is taking too long, the doorbell rings.
I look at my phone and it’s been over an hour, easy. The guy hands me the stuff and I tip my usual $5 that which is over 20% of what I paid.
I don’t know who’s at fault for the late delivery and I’m tired and hungry. I plop down on my paint bucket chair and paint bucket table to partake in my only meal of the day. It’s burned.
The pepperoni is charred and the cheese is yellow. I grab my cup to pour myself a tall frosty diet Pepsi…it’s Brisk ice tea or some ice tea, which I don’t care for.
I call the store and the manager is unavailable. I instead tell the guy that answered what happened. He looks up my order and then comes back with a very apathetic ‘sorry.’ I tell him the scenario about me just moving in and how I’m covered in paint and would’ve picked up the pizza otherwise.
There’s a brief pause and he says, ‘oh… you’re not Melinda and Mario (insert last name and address)?’
I don’t know anyone by that name, but that’s the right address.’
‘Oh. So they don’t live there?’
‘No. We just bought the place a few weeks ago and I’m the only one here.’
‘Oh, cause they didn’t want to pay or tip the driver a few times, so they kind of owe us.’
‘Yeah, well that’s not me and you guys really messed up my order. I can send you pictures and there’s no way I could’ve messed with it because I don’t even have any furniture in here.’
To which he said, ‘No, I believe you. Let me see who can I get out there and get you another order.’
I got the order in 25 minutes with the correct drink. I talked to the driver and she said the previous people were rude and never tipped. She said, ‘they probably thought you were them.'”
21. Keep The Trash Cans In My Truck? It's About Time Your Car Had A Turn
“When I was in high school we lived near the dump so we’d take the trash cans in the back of my truck to the dump ourselves instead of paying for trash collections.
One time my dad decided to take my truck before I got up and go to the dump. I don’t know why, I just would have gone to the dump myself when I got up, but whatever.
He left the trashcans in my truck so when he came in I said,
‘Hey dad, you left the trash cans in my truck.’
And he walked off. I didn’t have to work that weekend so Saturday goes by… the trash cans are still in there. Sunday morning:
‘Hey dad, you left the trash cans in my truck.’
Again, no apology, no questions, no reasons, nothing. I went to church with my mom in her car, came home and the trash cans are still there.
‘Dad, you want to get the trash cans out of my truck? I don’t plan on taking them to school with me.’
And he left them. The next morning I wake up and the trash cans are still in my truck bed. I take the trash cans out of my truck, past the place where they belong, and put them in the way back of my father’s station wagon (he did sometimes take the trash to the dump in his own car). I went to school and to this day we have never spoken a single word about it. I wish I’d seen his face when he went to work that afternoon, but I’ll never know how he reacted.”
20. Keep Failing Me? Nana To The Rescue
“My first year going into high school (1975), my mom and we three kids moved from Arizona to Delaware. We were buying a house to live in with Mom’s mom (Nana) – a tough divorce and all that required a new start.
We had lived in Arizona since I was a small child. Cactus, desert, dry washes that only ran with water in heavy rains, tarantulas and scorpions weekly in the carport (i.e.
a covered, but open garage), hip-huggers, and bell-bottoms (late ‘70’s), and one-level ranch houses. Mom knew this would be a tough transition with everything going on, so we didn’t just drive to the new home, we took two to three weeks to see what was out there in the U.S. before arriving. That road trip was Awesome!
When we arrived – OMG! We had REAL grass at the new Delaware house! It was two stories! There were trees everywhere and a creek that ran year-round close to the house! (Took a while to distinguish between a creek and a small river for us – it seemed to be of the amount of water flowing 24/7 which did not exist for us in Arizona.)
Nana, on the other hand, had lived in the area all her life.
She was surprised by our clothes, accent (we had one?), and our repeated delight in just feeling the grass with bare feet. With just two weeks before school started, she took us shopping. Jeans needed to be bought (no hip-huggers). Our sneakers weren’t exactly right and our shirts were not in the Delaware style. She was trying to help us fit in. We didn’t understand how different the two sides of the U.S.
were – but we learned the hard way – experience – in school and out. This story is about my time in school.
It wasn’t just our schoolmates that didn’t understand us and what we were familiar with, it was many of the teachers as well. Specifically, my History/Social Studies teacher, Mr. XYZ. He didn’t like me from day one. I had very little background in the history of Delaware and yet I was a freshman in high school.
How could that be possible? I must be stupid or lazy! I tried to tell him I had only been in Delaware for a few weeks. ‘HUMPH!’ I tried to talk to him about my knowledge of Arizona and its environs. ‘Double HUMPH!’ I just couldn’t answer a question correctly or finish a worksheet directly from a textbook without failing marks.
At the end of week two – pop quiz.
Draw Delaware, put in and label the major North/South highway, the counties, the capital, areas of major historical reference, specific areas of economic interests, etc. And, please include a short, written history/summation of important historical events in our fine state. You have one hour. ‘But we haven’t studied any of this!’ ‘Triple HUMPH!’
I died inside and handed in basically nothing. Went home, told Mom and Nana, and cried.
They had a conference at school with the teacher and principal. The teacher said that it was not personal; I was a subpar student. I was then allowed to do the quiz at home over the weekend to be handed in on Monday, looking up anything I needed to. I told Nana that this teacher and I got off on the wrong foot. It didn’t matter what I did – I would still fail.
I had failed everything in class – even open book items. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Cue Petty Revenge – i.e. God Bless Our Nanas.
Nana wouldn’t believe me. I wouldn’t budge on my ‘he hates me’ stance. So, she suggested we put it to a test. SHE would draw the map. She would write and type the report. I would sign it and hand it in.
Oh, Yea – let’s play that game, Nana! On Monday morning it was on his desk. On Tuesday after school, I walked into my kitchen with a big, fat, red F on ‘my’ work.
I will never forget her look of indignation as her jaw dropped and face turned deep crimson in rage. I will also never forget her escorting me to the principal’s office and demanding to speak with my teacher then and there.
It was one of the best disasters I have ever been blessed to witness!”
Another User Comments:
“What happened during the disaster? Was the teacher reprimanded?” IdealIdeas
“The teacher was told to give me ‘lee-way’ as I was new to the culture. We never got along – but Nana did not have to write any more of my papers for me to pass. Oh so proud of her – vindication rocks!” momiswow
19. Always Rudely Demand We Get Your Order Right? Next Time We Won't
“At a place I used to work at…
A lot of vendors would buy us lunch, and we would sometimes buy ourselves lunch too. This one guy always made insane demands about his food when getting the order together. On top of it, never asked just demanded. He’d call down to the shop every 20 minutes asking ‘Where is my burrito, I better get it goddammit.’ Even though we’d put orders in at like, 9:30 am and pick them up around noon…he’d keep calling.
He would then get ‘busy’ and wouldn’t clock out for lunch, so he could get meal break penalty time. Which amounted to like an extra $100 some odd dollars a week. So I started to notice this, and I was getting angry and annoyed that this idiot that barely knows anything is pulling this nonsense. So I started eating/giving away/tossing out his orders ever so often.
Given that this was my engineering internship, I was allowed to pick out a place to order food from for my last day. I picked a burrito place. I put the order in and get everyone EXACTLY what they wanted…but him. Wrong meat, death sauce, wrong veggies, extra garlic, no guac, tons of sour cream, and it was ridiculously small. So it wasn’t what he wanted, small, and soggy. Basically, you couldn’t eat it.
Nothing crazy, but it’s the small things that usually annoy you.”
18. Awful Neighbor's Lawn Revealed Who She Really Was
“Once upon a time, I was a newly married lad. We purchased my grandparent’s house from their estate, as our first home. We didn’t have kids yet, so we both had full-time jobs and hectic schedules.
Incident, the First: One day, I came home from work to find my dog out on her run, going nuts. She rarely barked, so I paused for a second, trying to find out what was going on… and watched as a bright yellow sprinkler came flying over the fence.
There was a bunch of stuff lying about my backyard, where the neighbor kid (let’s call him Evil Son) had been throwing it at my poor dog.
I walked next door and banged on the neighbor’s door. The boy’s mother (let’s call her Witch) came to the upstairs window (not even to the door) and yelled ‘what are you doing on my property?’ at me. By the way, this is my very first interaction with this woman.
I introduced myself and tried to explain what was going on. She immediately jumped to ‘do you have a video of my son throwing stuff?’
Then, inexplicably, Witch started blaming my wife and me. ‘If we weren’t such hermits, everyone wouldn’t hate us so much.’ Odd, all of my other neighbors waved when we went by… but we didn’t interact more than that. She was the only one I didn’t know.
Anyhow, she went on, and it turned out that she was upset that I didn’t tell her that my grandmother had passed. Yeah… I hadn’t told someone I didn’t know about a family matter. Fine, whatever… I dropped the matter and left.
Incident, the Second: Shortly thereafter, I stopped working a regular 9-5, and started my own business, working out of my home. I noticed some mail went missing.
One day, I see the mail truck go by, and put on shoes to go pick them up from the mailbox. When I get down there, I find the box empty, and Witch walking away from it with my mail in hand.
I yell at her, and she drops it in a pile on her driveway. Proceeds to yell at me that it was blowing around her driveway and that I should be more careful.
Yeah, so I call the cops. They are reticent to do anything since I didn’t actually see her take the mail from my mailbox, but they still go over to talk to her. I can hear her yelling at them from inside my house. The next day, she runs out and stands in front of my car, trying to confront me as I am leaving. I tell her in no uncertain terms that I am ok with running her over.
Incident, the Third: A neighbor’s pet bunny went missing from its outdoor hutch. Another neighbor spots Evil Son down at the end of our cul-de-sac, looking suspicious. Bunny is found where Evil Son was seen. Cops are called, denials, the works.
Incident, the Fourth: We were getting our house ready to sell. Part of that included stripping and repainting our attached deck. I come home from work and find a can of paint has been opened and thrown across the deck, some furniture, and the side of the house.
There are a few child-sized footprints through the paint. Cops come, but don’t care at all.
Incident, the Fifth: Evil Son is expelled from his elementary school for suspicious activity.
Incident, the Sixth: Witch has an ‘extinction burst’, as they call it, blaming everyone for everything bad in her life. She puts fliers in everyone’s mailboxes, talking about a conspiracy against her. Did you know that that’s actually illegal and punishable by a fine? She does now…
Incident, the Seventh: Witch takes a different neighbor to task, out in the street.
Turns out, she doesn’t have any friends, anymore. Other neighbors join the fracas, ganging up on her. Turns out her kid harming animals, or her kid throwing rocks at their cars, and various other events, made her no friends.
Incident, the Eighth: Witch gets kicked out of a city alderman meeting, where she tried to have the entire neighborhood condemned for various imagined slights.
Results: So, after years of dealing with this woman’s nonsense, we prepared to move to a new house.
We threw one last blow-out party, as one does. I get a little inebriated and went on a rant about how little I was going to miss having that neighbor.
A friend decided that payback was in order, so we went down into the cellar, and perused my grandfather’s shelves of Stuff He Never Threw Away. Amongst it all was a bottle of herbicides. Great Depression era, block letters, ‘herbicides’.
I have no idea what was in that stuff.
Now, this is where the story gets a little hazy. My friend disappeared for about an hour and then was back, as if nothing ever happened. I never saw the bottle leave the shelf. But, a few days later, parts of Witch’s lawn started to turn brown and die. Big block letters spelled out ‘I am a witch’.
I ran into Witch a week later, as I was getting my mail. Contractors were tearing up her lawn, laying down rolls of sod. She stomped over to me and complained about my other neighbor’s kids. She clearly saw them apply lighter fluid to her lawn, and light it on fire to burn the awful message into it.
Funny thing, whatever was done to her lawn, within a week sections of the new sod died, and the message reappeared (although blobby and illegible).
And I still have that yellow sprinkler. Screw that witch.”
17. Won't Return My Concert Tickets? I'll Make Sure They're Invalid
“I was seeing a girl a while back for a bit and we decided we wanted to go see a concert that we both would have enjoyed. The concert was about six months out from the date the tickets went on sale but I bought some for us anyway. I figured it would be smoothish sailing until the concert because everything was going well between the two of us anyway so I figured screw it why not? At $100 a ticket, I think it would be a fun event to go to in the future and gave us something to look forward to.
So I bought the physical tickets and when they came in I gave them to her for a birthday present, at this point the concert was only a couple of months out no biggie right?
As you may have guessed the relationship didn’t work out so well, we shall say mutual differences occurred. Well, she started giving stuff back that I gifted her over time, but never gave me the concert tickets back.
Thinking I was out of luck I was about to count those off as a loss and get over it when I decided to call Ticket Master and see what happens to tickets that are….’lost or stolen’ as it so happens as long as you have the same credit card and an ID you used to purchase said tickets they can automatically issue you new ones.
So what happens to the old ones? They become invalidated but the person won’t know that unless they attempt to go to the concert with them.
I think you see where this is going. Now since I was very petty I called her up and explicitly asked about the tickets, hyper petty I know, but non the less she ignored the question did not even say something like, ‘screw you I’m not giving those back’ just simply pretended not to hear me.
Well, I had already issued new tickets which had she said something to me I would have let her know that, but she didn’t want to make amends about it so screw her.
I brought my best friend at the time to the concert. The show was great… Fantastic even. No, screw you text messages, no elicit social media posts. Nothing. I figured she sucked it up and didn’t go, because imagine the embarrassing feeling you’d get going to a concert assuming with someone else because you had two tickets only to be told at the gate that your tickets don’t work because they were flagged for being stolen? Awkward….
Now I have to preface this by saying, my tickets were in a really inconvenient location to get to in the arena. Meaning that the people in the section we were in really had to go out of their way to get to this section, basically one concourse in or out of the nosebleed section of the arena. If you are going to meet someone chances are good the only reason you’d see them is if they deliberately came to your section.
Nearing the end of the concert the band walks off and just before they came back on for their encore I kept getting this really uncomfortable feeling someone was watching me…. So I look over out of the corner of my eye toward the concourse and I see a figure of a woman walking down the hallway. No. Way. She. Was. There. Right?
Anyway, I ignore this odd feeling because who would after being embarrassed at the entrance to the concert go and scalp, (because the show was sold out) another ticket just to come up to the section you were supposed to have seats in just to see if your ex was actually using the tickets? Crazy right?
Yeah, I thought so too.
Welp turns out.. she really did buy another ticket. Mind you she brought her friend to the concert to go to the concert, but because I reissued tickets they would have had to scalp two tickets, but she didn’t.”
Another User Comments:
“Did she confront you?” Nell_Trent
“No. As soon as she and I made eye contact she quickly took her phone out and pretended to make a call and walk away. It was comical.” Mtownsprts
16. It Didn't Take Much To Really Set Him Off
“Back in junior year of high school I️ was sent to AEP (it’s technically out of school suspension in an alternative school), and I️ ended up meeting a super cool chick and we became fast friends. I️ decided to take a sick day and received a text from her saying that some dude was just sent there, and started getting a little creepy. Nothing too bad, just sat next to her and wouldn’t shut up.
All she wanted me to do, was sit by her and act kinda sweet on her so he’d get the message and leave her alone.
Flash forward to the last period of the next day. I️ went into class and sat next to my friend and purposefully got a little comfy with her. This dude comes in and sits next to me. He was at least 6’2 and pretty shredded.
(I’m only like 5’7 lol) He chatted me up for a bit, and I️ decided he was annoying, but not too bad. The teacher passed us our work, and everyone gets quiet.
Everyone, except for this jerk. He keeps going on and on about nonsensical stuff and is progressively getting louder and louder. He’s told to shut up by the teacher and other students multiple times, but just keeps going.
He eventually made some snide comments about my female friend, so I️ decided to mess his day up. I️ began by making small comments and started instigating him into doing something stupid. Eventually, ignorance won out. He threw a book across the room, got up, and came over to my desk. He was almost screaming at this point, and I️ started laughing uncontrollably. Balls up his fist to hit me, so the teacher comes to intervene.
The teacher was like 6’4 and had another hundred pounds of fat against this guy. He grabbed him and took him into the office.
But it doesn’t end there.
In AEP, leaving school is much the same as kindergarten. They call your names, and you don’t leave your seat to leave until you’re called. My friend thanks me, and leaves. My name is called, so I️ get up and walk out.
The office was surrounded by plexiglass and was positioned directly to the right of the entrance/exit. I️ walked by and happened to see poop-for-brains sitting in a chair with a serious scowl on his face. He looks up and mouthed something to me that I️ couldn’t hear. I️ flipped him off with both hands and sauntered out into my mom’s car.
This guy hauled butt out of the school, screaming about how he was gonna mess my butt up and ended up getting into a fight with the police that ran out to stop him. I️ asked later, and he was banned from the entire district and sent to juvie for several months. All for being an idiot. Not especially proud of it, but I️ certainly got results.”
15. Think Everyone Worships You? Time To Deflate Your Ego
“I was in a social media fan group for a video game. The admin was a jerk. She thought everyone loved her because everyone joined the group (the game was extremely popular). She annoyed me, but the group for the most part was run rather well.
Eventually, some people starting complaining about swearing. They said their kids used the group and they didn’t want their kids seeing such language.
So a rule was added that prohibited foul language.
By this point, the admin has a circle of people who worship the ground she walks on. These people often tiptoe over the edge of the rules and she ignores it. A new girl enters this circle. She hates the no profanity rule and constantly ignores it. Every other word in her post is some sort of profanity.
The admin ignores it as per usual for one of her circle of sycophants.
My friend ends up posting something and in the middle of a few paragraphs writes the word ‘damn’ once. Admin goes a rant in a comment about how she is tired of people breaking the rules and bans my friend. Sycophant quickly responds in the comments cussing out my friend.
I decide that I am going to do something.
That particular girl is getting banned from the group. I quickly decided the admin’s ego would be the best target to use for my goal.
I make up a bunch of photo-shopped messages that look that they’re from that girl. I made sure pixel by pixel everything looked right. The messages were all threatening and cruel, with some rather crude remarks about the admin throughout the whole thing.
I sent them to the admin pretending to be a member of the group the girl sent those messages to because I said something to her about watching her language because I didn’t like profanity in a group where kids might be present. She barely seemed to buy it, so I was worried there would be little fallout.
The admin posted a huge post in the group about how she felt betrayed by the girl and how that kind of talking behind her back was a bannable offense. The admin banned her.
I ended up leaving the group after I got into an argument with the admin about a new rule prohibiting mentioning any other games besides the game of the group in a good light. I still got my petty revenge and laugh about it to this day.”
14. He Nailed A Fish To The Messy Roommate's Bed
“Not me, but my roommate and I used to live in a house together with 3 other guys. One of these other roomies was especially messy and never cleaned his room that attached to the kitchen, therefore leaking his mess into our cooking/dining area.
The summer after I moved out, my (now) roommate, we’ll call him D, and this messy one were the only ones living at the house.
Messy roommate decides to throw a huge work party without telling D, who has to work at 6 in the morning. All of Messy roommate’s work buddies are loud and rowdy until the wee hours of the morning, and they eat all of D’s food out of the fridge and cabinets (even going as far as to cook bacon and eggs and bake a cake with more eggs & milk). This does not make D very happy.
Turns out the next day while Messy was at work, D took a fish, cut it up, put it under his mattress, and hammered it to his box spring. Messy still doesn’t know and probably will never clean his bed. We still talk about what it must smell like now.”
13. Don't Like Our BBQ? Your Lake House Is About To Smell Fishy
“I had a bible-thumpin’ neighbor who would always call the cops on me and my friends when we were having BBQs when I was about 17. They could never find us doing anything illegal, and after about the 3rd week of summer, the cops started calling ahead so I would throw some burgers on the BBQ for them. Well, I had had about enough of having to not drink during my BBQs, even though the cops were very nice, and hated the lady as much as I did.
So I waited till they went on vacation one week. Now they lived in this split-level on a hill, so it was easy to get under, and it was on a lake. So I caught some trout and saved em up for about a week, I think it was about 30 of them. I froze half and left the other half fresh. I crawled under their house and proceeded to push the trout into their insulation, up their dryer hoses, inside their water heater, in their woodpile, basically everywhere I could hide them.
And to top it off they left their bathroom window just enough open to put a package of 1500 fire ants (including the queen) into their bathroom. The fresh fish they found pretty quickly when they got back, but the frozen ones in the insulation took a couple of weeks to rot. Needless to say, they left me alone after that.
Another story from the same neighbors, their septic system had failed and was running into my yard, and they were refusing to fix it, so I dug a curtain drain in front of it, and routed all that fresh junk right back under their house.
They hate me to say the least, but they don’t mess with me anymore.”
12. Refuse To Let Me Make A Driving Range? I'll Make You Change Your Mind
“Apparently my Grandfather was an absolute legend…
This pretty revenge story takes place sometime in the mid-1980s. It has been told to me by my father so exaggeration isn’t exactly out of the question.
A little background – my grandfather was father to 10 kids. He owned and operated a small-scale dairy farm as well as many hayfields throughout a small town in New England. He was quite savvy and purchased land that would be prime for development in the future – e.g.
land along a busy thoroughfare.
One of my uncles, who was about 25 at the time, approached my grandfather and proposed opening a small Driving range on one of the existing hay fields. My grandfather thought it was a good idea so he agreed and wanted to help his son start the business. For those unaware, a driving range is a place to practice golfing.
The setup would be simple – keep the hayfields as they are but keep the grass trimmed short, add a few flags, distance markers, netting along the border, a small gravel parking lot, space for about 15 tees, and a 20ftx20ft (6mx6m) shed.
The field chosen was adjacent to the commercial hub of the town which was just a small strip mall at the time, town-owned forests, and one residential neighbor.
Plans were drawn up and the process was moving along nicely. The town was friendly to small businesses however the land needed a zone change from Agriculture/Residential to Open-Space recreation. In order to change the zoning from Agriculture/Residential to Open-Space recreation, all abutting neighbors must agree to the change.
The hayfield in question is about 9 acres, rectangular in shape, and surrounded by forest on 3 sides and a road on the fourth.
In the end, all abutters agreed except the one residential neighbor. This neighbor vehemently disagreed even with a 30′ forest buffer, guaranteed zero disturbance from the driving range (e.g. stray golf balls), and the simple fact the site would remain as an open field.
Without their approval, the business could not move forward even with the approval of 99% of the abutters.
My grandfather soon came up with a somewhat diabolical idea to change the mind of this particularly
stubborn neighbor. Every Sunday after church my grandfather would load up the manure spreader and take his tractor directly toward the hayfield in question.
Typically only done once a year, my grandfather fertilized the life out of that hayfield each and every Sunday.
He would pile on the rank-smelling cow manure and be sure to fertilize when the wind was blowing juust right.
Over the next few months, my grandfather continued this process like clockwork. Long past the appropriate time to fertilize and well in the hot summer months.
After months of tasting cow poop with every breath they took, the neighbors finally agreed to the zoning change. In the end, the driving range opened successfully, the neighbors were happy, and the grass was very, very green.
40 or so years later, the driving range is still operating successfully and the neighbors happily lived out their lives in the home.”
Another User Comments:
“Had a similar issue in a town I lived in. There was a guy who had undeveloped land zoned ‘agricultural’. He wanted to split it up into lots and build houses (probable under a dozen homes). A small development was already next to it. The neighbors objected to the rezoning with the usual NIMBY nonsense as they preferred the area as it was (either open or wooded space). So he said that he would open a pig farm instead (more of a threat but, I gather, the cost of doing so is minimal). Not sure how it ended as I moved away.” Zoreb1
11. Call Me Names? I'll Start Calling You The Sweet Nicknames Your Mom Gives You
“This happened around 7th/8th grade, so probably around 2012. The kid I got revenge on will be referred to as ‘Nate’ here.
So, in grade school, I and a majority of my friend group took the bus in the mornings. It was fun, we’d screw around in the back, etc. But there was this kid about two grades younger than us who thought he was hot stuff and liked to bully/call names/generally bother us.
In particular, I got called ‘Raccoon’ a lot, he’d dump his snacks in one friend’s hoodie pretty regularly, and other basic dumb kid stuff. In retrospect, he probably didn’t have any friends on the bus and wanted attention, but it was annoying nonetheless.
Now, my city has an annual week-long fair to boost tourism, and when it was still a new thing I’d go with my family.
Well, I just so happened to run into this kid and his mom there. She recognized my mom from parent events I guess and they stopped to chat; pretty normal. This kid avoided me the whole time this was going on, so I didn’t really care. Until. It happened.
As I’m finishing up the game I had been playing when they walked over, half paying attention to my mom’s conversation, I heard his mom refer to him as ‘peanut pants’ and immediately the conversation had my full attention.
She kept referring to him by ridiculous, goofy nickname after ridiculous goofy nickname, and by the time the conversation ended I had a full arsenal. As they turn to leave, I hear his mom use one last stupid pet name. ‘Alright Pumpkin Pie, time to go!’
Do you know that slow grin from the old animated Grinch movie? I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to my face.
I made direct eye contact with the kid. I knew. He knew I knew. I could see it in his eyes.
But by the time Monday rolled around, he’d either forgotten it happened or figured I had. He started in on his usual nonsense.
What he didn’t know was that every single one of my friends now knew the dumb names his mom used for him; no longer would he be ‘Nate’ at school.
From that day forward, he was ‘Peanut Pants’ or ‘Honey Bun’ or ‘Sugar Bear.’ That’s what Mommy called him after, all.
It started with just the kids on the bus, but soon it spread. My friends and I watched as this poor kid slowly descended to despair. He absolutely COULD NOT get away from this rash of awful nicknames. It lasted about a month before people got bored, but the damage was done.
He never bothered us or anyone else after that month was over. No one would have taken him seriously even if he tried.
However, the one name I never told my friends about was ‘Pumpkin Pie.’ And on the last day of that year, on the bus ride home, I gave him an extra-special send-off. As he hopped off the bus, ready to start his summer, I opened the window, and yelled as loud as I could: ‘SEE YA AROUND, PUMPKIN PIE!’
I’ve never seen someone whip around so fast in my life. He ran after the bus screaming for about a block, while my friends and I cackled as the bus drove away.
Looking back on it, I do feel a bit bad, but damn if I didn’t feel vindicated at the time.”
10. Stingy About Heating Costs? Fine, I Can Work With That
“I once used to share an apartment with another girl. It all started out fine, but within just a few months, she’d eat my food, walk into my room to eat food that I kept there or to borrow stuff, including walking in when I’m sleeping to borrow something without asking me, have friends over all the time, listen to the same two songs on repeat for months, never clean, etc…
I could go on and on about it.
We had initially agreed on heating times. Eventually, I realized that the heating was turned down and I was freezing. She had changed it to be on during exactly those times when she wanted it to – just a couple of hours every evening or so. I’d wake up to a freezing room, or go back earlier than her a few days per week.
Even when the heating was actually on, it wasn’t enough to heat up the apartment until it was turned off again. Needless to say, I tried confronting her, but she pretended to not know anything, and she’d turn it back down if I tried changing back to the times we had agreed upon. I guess she was just stingy about the heating costs.
Game on. Freezing in the morning made me unwilling to get out of the blankets, therefore I always risked being late for class.
Freezing in the evenings and weekends made it impossible for me to study or relax. I knew I had to do something.
My solution was the hairdryer. I only needed to turn it on for a few minutes and then my room would be nice and warm for a while. I was careful enough to do it while she was sleeping or absent, so she never noticed anything. Our shared power bill went slightly up, but she said nothing about it. So, if she didn’t want to pay for a warm home, let her pay for a cold home.”
9. Try To Cut In Line? Deal With The Angry Mob First
“I went to a huge Oktoberfest Celebration and as is tradition, there weren’t enough outhouses for the size of the crowd. Many lines being 10-15 people long. Well, as we all know, hours of drinking means it’s all gotta go somewhere. So a couple of people in my group all go and stand in line at the same time.
Lines are moving decently well but lines of 10-15 people with a full bladder are still a long time no matter how many times you hop up and down.
Well, we get to the point where we are almost next and this one girl, you know the kind that is just hot enough to get by on her looks but not hot enough to really make money off her looks, starts kinda doing this cutesy walk up sideways perpendicular to the lines. She tries flirting with the guy in front of us who promptly told her the back of the line was way over there.
She gets all annoyed and complains to her partner who had walked up. One of the outhouses opens up and she dashes in saying ‘sorry not sorry.’
Well, there was a wave of anger built up from the discomfort of a full bladder and waiting 20 minutes for some girl to just cut and expecting special treatment so my buddies and I started chanting ‘What a jerk! What a jerk!’ at the top of our lungs.
A decent amount of other people who saw what happened joined in until she exited the outhouse where there were quite a bunch of ‘screw yous” exchanged back and forth.
Well, her partner keeps trying to encourage her to leave and let it be since the angry wasted crowd was starting to turn and he didn’t want to get dragged into where he was going to have to defend her, but she refused to let it go.
That was until she got struck by a sopping wet ball of paper towels or toilet paper that came from the direction of the outhouses.
Everyone was pretty shocked as she let out a blood-curdling scream over it. I actually felt bad for her for a few seconds. We were all annoyed for being forced to wait but I didn’t think it warranted a presumably pee-soaked ball of paper towels to the head.”
Another User Comments:
“I once saw the opposite of this at Katoomba McDonalds.
Said location is a pit stop on the way home from a major annual motor race for many people. A few years ago we stopped to refuel and use the toilet on the way home. The toilet line was already out of the door.
A guy jumped out of a car, pushed past everybody in the line, barged through the toilet door, and squeezed his way between the two men standing at the small, 2 person urinal, before letting out a loud, satisfied, ‘ahhhhhhhh.’
Obviously, all of the people in line were pretty angry.
They had been waiting for 10-15 minutes. Most were largish, semi-intoxicated men. Would the man make it back to his car?
The man finally left the toilet and addressed the line with:
‘Sorry everybody, I’ll line up behind you all to make it fair if you want, but that was just not going to wait.’
The crowd was satisfied, had a good laugh, and gave him a round of applause as he left.” valiantfreak
8. Group Showers Are Never Fun
“When I was in 6th grade, we all had to spend 5 days and 4 nights at a rented campground as a class ‘wilderness experience.’ More like wilderness torture.
At school, I was constantly being bullied by a very aggressive larger classmate who I shall only call ‘Jeff.’ He would trip me, punch me, steal little things from me, and I couldn’t stop it as he had his ‘gang’ who idolized his bravado, because Jeff loved to fight.
After the first day of summer camp awfulness came the biggest terror of the week: Group showers! No one warned us about that, they just explained the process to us as each group of kids entered.
I ducked in before most of the others had arrived, rinsed off for five seconds, and proceed to put on a clean pair of clothes.
As I’m leaving the shower locker room, I hear Jeff screaming, at the top of his lungs, ‘Where are my pants?’
Glancing down at my laundry, I noticed I had an extra pair of jeans.
Guess who they belonged to?
Revenge was now close at hand! A few handfuls of mud from just outside the door were randomly applied to Jeff’s jeans and pockets, then somehow they ‘accidentally’ wound up back in the shower, where they stopped the drain.
Jeff had to go back to retrieve them after the next group to use the showers discovered them there.
Until now, I’ve never told this story. As they said in Star Trek, The Wraith of Khan: ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold.’
As for Jeff, you could hear him scream for a mile!”
7. Keep Punching Me? I'll Cover You In Ketchup
“Let me set the scene… this was eons ago.
I had a sweet deal with my parents that they’d pay for my apartment as long as I was in school and worked part-time for utilities. Stupid me went through some boy drama and dropped out of college. So, obviously, parents pulled their financing, and rightly so. Desperate to not move back in with them, I went out and got some jobs.
I had 4 total, all part-time. One of which was at the Golden Arches in our local mall. (Hopefully, you guys remember malls.)
This story involves: Me, 19f, hard up for cash Manager 1 (M1) – turned out to be one of my best friends after my stint there. Manager 2 (M2) – was the epitome of corporate. Manager-in-Training (MIT) – 16-year-old who thought she was all that (and a bag of chips.) Other misfits that worked there including a cousin of mine, but don’t really fit into the story.
I do have some epic tales about the misfits, but that’s for another story.
Our grunt uniforms were black pants and turquoise t-shirts with the list of ingredients for a particular item we sold. I’m sure, in your lifetime, you’ve heard the songs they’ve made with the ingredients. The Managers had blouses (yes they were all female) with these derpy bow tie-like things. MIT also had a blouse/derp tie, just in a different color.
This is relevant.
At 19, busting my butt as much as I could at all of my jobs that I didn’t give two flying cares about, I just kept my head down and worked. I didn’t really talk to that many people at any of my jobs (except previously mentioned cousin and M1), I went in, did my job, went home.
Working at night at GA was fine.
The people were more laid back, M1 was the closer, and we all just did our thing. Plus, there was a candy shop in the mall we traded with. We’d load up GA bags and run downstairs and get pounds of Jelly Bellys. This was, by far, the best perk.
During the day was a whole different story. People actually fought to work breakfast and lunch because it was a better schedule for them.
I was a floater as I had to try to eek in as many hours as I could. M2, being uber corporate was just a tough cookie. I, again, didn’t care that much about the job. She started hating me after I refused to be an MIT. I had no desire to do their training program and become what she was.
Enter MIT. Remember, she’s 16. She was always really chipper and bubbly (cheerleader at the local h.s.) to the Managers, but a complete jerk to the rest of us hamburger grunts.
Put the fries in the fryer too fast? Threat of a write-up. Didn’t dash out to clean tables as soon as they were empty because there was a rush? Threat of a write-up. Didn’t have your obnoxious turquoise hat that no one looked good in at the right angle? Threat of a write-up. See where I’m going with this? You’ve never seen such a power trip.
The best part is, she had no actual authority over us. To the other Managers, she was one of us grunts in prettier clothes.
MIT had this absolutely awful habit of socking you in the arm before she talked to you. Not a polite tap… no, full-on punch. As you can imagine, I got hit a lot as I was always there. Obviously, I went to the Managers after asking her to simply stop didn’t work.
They said, ‘Oh, she’s just like that. Just ignore it.’
After a month solid of ‘ignoring it’, I’d had enough. I talked to M1 about it at closing and showed her my arms. She agreed something had to be done, but as she was (A.) Not there when it happened (God forbid you just take someone’s word about abuse at GA) and (B.) The lowest Manager other than MIT there, it was really out of her hands.
The Wednesday I worked next (yes, I remember the day of the week), MIT came in and when she finally came around and punched me again, I bent down and got in her pimply braced out face (she was shorter than me by 5″) and told her very calmly that this last punch was the last punch.
An hour… just a mere 60 minutes went by. She came up to me while I was making hamburgers and punched me again.
If you’re unfamiliar with the workings of GA in the backend where we make the food… we had these squirters (I’m sure they have a term for it, but I don’t care that much) for ketchup and mustard that squirt a very precise amount of each condiment onto your burger. It held about a liter of condiment (give or take, I don’t do measurements well) and they were both recently filled.
Anyway, when she punched me, I had the ketchup squirter in hand. I whipped around to face MIT, told her, ‘I warned you.’ And proceeded to empty the ketchup on her from head to toe. It was in her hair, running down her face, IN her blouse, just… a mess.
She started screaming at me that I ruined her blouse and she’s a manager, how dare I, and on and on.
Then she starts crying and runs to the bathroom.
The other misfits started giggling, then chuckling, then full outfall over guffawing. M2 happened to be there and raced to check on MIT as all she saw was a flying red disaster when she went to the bathroom. I turned back to my ketchup squirter, refilled it, and waited.
20 minutes later, M2 pulled me aside to get my story. I told her I’d tried to ignore her and warned her not to do it again. I didn’t get a writeup… funny enough, they couldn’t figure out a way to word it where ketchup would sound… abusive?”
6. He Drank A Whole Bottle Of Spoiled Milk To Enact Revenge
“Years back I decided to go to a university none of my friends went to, to pursue a career in teaching. Because I didn’t know anyone at this school I had to make new friends, something I usually found easy. Well, it wasn’t easy there for whatever reason. I did end up kind of hanging out with this group of metalheads who were all kind of jerks, but they were the best available.
A few times my first semester they actually took all their instruments and amps and such to the middle of the quad and blasted Motorhead or classic Metallica or whatever to mock all the jerks playing Wonderwall/Dave Matthews on their acoustics. All in all a pretty hilarious thing to do, but it annoyed a lot of people.
Well, one day early on in the year (early September) we were all hanging outside smoking and talking when one of the guys who lives on the first floor turned his huge speakers towards the windows and started blasting various annoying techno remixes of songs.
Really really awful music. I mean, this trash was so loud we couldn’t talk. You could tell we were all going to go inside when we saw Garrett start walking towards this bench where someone had left a quart of milk, like a week ago. No one sat near this bench because it smelled so bad, and no one wanted to clean up someone else’s stinky milk.
Now Garrett was quiet, but he was a total jerk when he talked. Honestly, I didn’t really like him, outside of the fact that we were the only two non-metalheads in the group and had similar taste in music. But he was funny at times too.
So where was I? Oh, right we’re all watching him walk up to this bench, and then grab this quart of spoiled, week-old milk that’s been sitting in the hot autumn sun.
Our faces lit up thinking of him throwing the milk in that room and making it smell as horrible as it did, so we weren’t shocked to see him sneak to the side of the window out of the sight of the guy with awful taste in music…
Then he unscrewed the cap, put it to his lips, AND DRANK THE WHOLE BOTTLE! He ran to the open window and stuck his head in and barfed the milk all over the inside of the guy’s room.
Not sure what happened to him because I left that school shortly after for other reasons, but man… that was one of the most messed up, awesome, disgusting, and mean things I’d ever seen happen.”
5. Mess With My Water? Get Your Phone Dumped In It
“Eating lunch with some friends at the food court at work, one of my co-workers drops the pickle spear on the floor. She picks it up and asks, ‘who wants my dirty pickle?’
Another female co-worker excitedly exclaims ‘ooh! I do!’ As she receives the floor pickle, in one motion, she plops the pickle into my Nalgene water bottle. The whole table of 6 people erupts in laughter at my misfortune.
I know only a half-second passed in real-time, but my mind executed the plan and outcome of dozens of scenarios… Dump the water on her? No, she’d have to go home and change… dump it in her food… not good enough. I then notice her cell phone sitting unguarded on the table. I swiftly pick it up and place it in the bottle with the pickle.
The laughter ended instantly and I sat back with a huge grin on my face as I watched everybody at the table scramble to recover her phone, handing her any utensils they could find to assist her.”
4. Get Fired From The Circus? Time To Act Like A Clown
“I worked for Cirque du Soleil when they moved into my town for an extended stay. I was put in charge of shipping and receiving. I was fired for three reasons, none of which were my fault. Truthfully, 100% not my fault but was blamed for it anyway. I liked the job and tried to talk to corporate to get a position with another troupe, but had been blacklisted by my supervisor and the site director according to my friend who was still employed there.
Now, my uncle was brilliant. He grew up in the same small town my dad did but came up with infinitely more ways to screw someone over. He had taught me a trick called the ‘sponge bomb.’ Buy a very porous sponge (one that holds a lot of water) and get it absolutely soaking. Wring every ounce of water out of it, and start squishing it; get it as small as you can.
Wrap it in twine as tightly as you can, then let it sit. I did for two weeks, as I had the time to wait from their extended stay. When it’s fully dry and you cut the twine off, the sponge will hold that smaller shape.
Then, find a toilet.
The nice thing about the site was that once the box office was open (it was all outdoors) anyone could use the bathrooms.
so, I did. The trick is to flush and then drop. Not the other way around. Flushing and then dropping will make the sponge go further before it swells up and blocks the pipe.
I made 6 of them and deployed them into separate toilets (I think there were 10 in all). Two days later I contacted my friend who still worked there and asked how bad it was. Apparently, the damage was reaching into the $50K range. They had to replace all the fancy satellites (and they were very fancy) as well as clean the river of poop I’d caused right at the entrance.
Then, totally random, a week later they fired some guy who proceeded to throw gasoline onto the site director’s trailer office. What a bunch of jerks.”
3. Won't Share Your Pizza? I'll Throw A Boot Filled With Water Down The Stairs
“One night, when I was four, my dad sent me to bed ‘just because.’ I then watched through my window as he left and then returned with a package. The old Victorian house I grew up in had floor vents to allow heat to naturally rise from the first to the second floor, so I peeked through one and saw that he had brought home a large Pizza King pizza to share with my mom, but not with me.
I was flabbergasted as to why he would do such a thing. I whined, ‘but I want some pizza.’ To which my dad responded by running up the stairs and closing the vent.
I don’t know what made me think to do this, but I went into his room and got his beloved cowboy boot, went into the bathroom, and proceeded to use the bathtub faucet to fill them to the top with water.
I then balanced them on the banister railing above the steps and yelled ‘Hey dad, guess what!’ As soon as I heard him nearing the stairs, I pushed the boots over the railing and ran back to my room giggling my butt off. The sound of those boots and water hitting and falling down the stairs is still one of the sweetest noises I have ever heard and I still chuckle slightly when I think about it 33 years later.
Even as he came into my room, soaking wet, and began to yell at me, I was still laughing so hard I could barely get the words ‘no, dad, please, I’m sorry’ out of my mouth. He started laughing at my own laughing, then took me downstairs to share his pizza and watch Raging Bull with him.
And this is how child-me learned that revenge gets you what you want.”
2. We Sent Unwanted Cabs And Pizzas To Our Bad Prof's Place
“I don’t want to say that this is the best or cruelest story, but it’s the one that I find the most amusing.
In my undergrad days, several of my friends and I had this jerk professor that had a number of shortcomings. The one we were most focused on was him being a condescending tool and a pompous windbag.
Our solution was to send pizzas and cabs to his house.
Definitely a high school prank (probably junior high, for that matter), but the tradition continued through grad school, and into our late 30s.
Making the calls was the only observable part of our Machiavellian scheme. Typically the taxi dispatchers would be informed that ‘Dr. Jerk’ was a narcoleptic with short-term memory problems. It was very important that he get to the university promptly at 2:00 a.m., in spite of the fact that he will not recall having called for a cab.
Physical force was always authorized in advance.
The pizza places were also quite funny. Typically, we would order a large pie, and that was about it. Some perpetrators of the pizza prank like to go for the big-ticket, but for us, it was more about the inconvenience. At times, my buddy would follow up with ‘a kind of odd request.’ As it turns out, he’s Dr. Jerk’s brother, and it’s his birthday.
They all used to call him ‘pee-head’ growing up, and for a fun prank, he’d like to add on a small cheese pizza and have the delivery driver take a whiz on it. When that request was met with resistance, the order taker would be reassured that it’s an old family joke, and the driver would get a really nice tip. After that, he’d ask if maybe there was some dog poop behind the restaurant. For some reason, they pretty consistently refused, but proceeded to deliver the regular order.”
1. Ditch Me When The Going Gets Rough? Here's A Gross Father's Day Gift
“In high school I was FWB (friends with benefits) with a guy and we would hook up pretty often – we were always safe – but one month I was ‘late’. Told my best friend, she told her partner, and of course, he told my FWB (silly me thought he was my partner – in hindsight, it was just me being used for hookups). FWB disappears, won’t take my calls, nada.
I get my period but say nothing for a month.
June rolls around – his birthday is coming up and so is father’s day: always a sad time for him since his dad had skipped out on him at an early age. I decide when to strike and how: bought one of those small plastic containers of chicken livers, took it home, chopped some up, put it in a gallon ziplock, and poured in some bloody liquid for good measure.
Then, I make a card and put a message on it. Put the card in the bottom of a small box and set the bag on top of it. Throw in some blue wrapping tissue and wrap it nicely. Wait for a day when he isn’t home – a nice hot day – and leave the gift on the steps in his carport.
Wish I could have seen the look on his face with the bloody chunky bag in one hand and in the other hand the card which said ‘Happy Father’s Day! Love, your son.’ No one messed with me in general – this only led to adding to the degree to which I was not messed with. It became somewhat of a local urban legend. No internet back then to debunk and mess up my plan.”