People Tell The Moments They Might Have Been The Bad Guy In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Some people may be stunned when they learn that someone who is perceived as soft, modest, and kind is also capable of being tough. Others might view this the wrong way and think they're a jerk. This is how misinterpretation and assumptions may ruin someone's reputation, therefore it's always important to hear someone out before passing judgment. Here are a few stories from people who want to know if they really deserved to be labeled as jerks. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister "Real" Food?

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“I (f19) was in the kitchen making noodles for myself and my sister (f9) came in asking me for perogies, we had finished them yesterday so I told her and she asked for bananas instead which I gave her in a bowl.

When I went to sit at the table, my mom (41f) was laying down on the bed.

She suddenly snapped at me and was really mad, asking me how I can make noodles for myself and only give my sister bananas.

I was shocked at why it even mattered so I asked what’s wrong with bananas? She said bananas aren’t food, you didn’t even make her noodles. I told her we had no more noodles left and if bananas weren’t food then what were they? I asked if bananas were poop that came out of someone’s butt if they aren’t food.

She got annoyed and I told her it wasn’t my responsibility to make sure her kid was fed and that if she hates bananas so much she can make my sis food herself.

She then made a comment about how I’m just like my father, so I said she’s just like her mother.

And how her mother got pregnant at 14 and had 9 kids.

She started going crazy and told me not to even mention her mother so I yelled back and told her not to mention my father.

I tried to go to my room after to eat but she continued yelling through the house and I didn’t want to hear any more of her yelling so I raised my voice while walking to drown out her words, because I knew if I heard what she was saying it would’ve triggered me even more into anger.

I wasn’t talking to her while raising my voice and walking to my room. She then called me a psychopath and I called her a jerk.

I just don’t understand why she started yelling and freaking out over me giving my sister bananas and I will admit it triggered me really badly to react in such a bad way.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your sister is old enough to make her own food.

If your mom is so passionate about the unhealthy benefits of bananas then she can get her lazy butt up and make your sister something else.” dwellingPlum

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You did nothing wrong by giving your sister bananas, which is exactly what she had asked for.

Your mother sounds psycho though. That said, raising your voice and yelling hurtful things back never really solves the problem, only escalates it. It’s especially unhealthy for your 9yo sister to be witness to that sort of fighting.

Definitely don’t leave your mom to comfort her if she got upset by the yelling, you should be one to do that if you’re up for it.” BellanaBlack

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister asked for bananas.

Should have just told your mother that.

If she did continue to shout at you then you have every right to shout back. Give respect to earn respect.

You really need to leave that house. It’s not good.” Ami1Misaki

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. If she was concerned about your sister’s diet, she could have made her something more filling. But you shouldn’t have made the trashy comment. You both turned incredibly toxic after that.” TinyRascalSaurus

4 points (4 votes)
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nael 1 month ago
Here we go again with commenters who have the same behavioral expectations of a MOTHER as they do for a teen. And y'all wonder why these kids are the way they are
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21. AITJ For "Not Respecting My Elders"?

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“Ever since I can remember my grandmother (dad’s mum) has hated my mother. She would always make very rude remarks about my mum and try to hide them as compliments. (Example: did you get a new haircut? It looks very nice but it makes you look old, you were much better off with your old hair.) She would always make sure that my dad had left the room before saying those things to my mother.

Her hate for my mother carried over to me.

She would tell me that she does love me as her granddaughter but if I ‘allowed’ my parents another child she wouldn’t love me as much and nor would they (I was 3 then).

She would also always scare me with various things for no reason. She had one of those German shelf toilets (look it up) and would always say that rats loved to climb up from inside and sit up on it (and sometimes bite) when you went to the toilet.

I’m now 21 and realized a few years ago that all she has ever said was nonsense. And that it wasn’t okay to say to a child.

Last year (with Brexit going on) my provider decided that it’s not in my contract to be able to call outside of the UK (my grandmother lives in Europe).

Which meant I couldn’t contact her other than by mail. I went almost a whole year without speaking to her, and it was nice. I didn’t have anyone make remarks on my personal life or body choices, etc.

I had to speak to her over Christmas, as I was visiting my parents and they called her up, and she said she misses me and then proceeded to tell me off for not calling her and making her cry and that she doesn’t understand why I hate her.

She also proceeded to blame my mother for me not wanting to speak to her by saying my mother is doing the same thing to me as she did to my dad where she’s taking me away from ‘the family’ and that I don’t talk to her nor any of my cousins on my dad’s side of the family.

(The reason I don’t talk to cousins is that after I met 3/4 of them, they all tried to steal from me.)

Now here’s where I may be the jerk: I told my grandmother that it has nothing to do with my mother or the rest of the family, but the reason I don’t wish to speak to her is that she does nothing but criticize me and I know that she doesn’t actually love me, she just wanted to turn me against my mother for some reason ever since I was a child.

I then told her I’m just calling to wish her a merry Christmas and that other than that I do not want to speak with her. I felt quite bad after it but I realized it had to be said at some point.

My grandmother has said that I’m being an ungrateful little thing that doesn’t respect her elders. Both my parents agree with her. Even my mother who has always had it uphill with her said that respecting elders is a priority and I shouldn’t be this disrespectful no matter what.

I refuse to go visit her and give her calls even though my contract with my provider is fixed now and I could call her at any moment.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Gotta give respect to get respect.

Now that you’re older, cameras/recording devices are the great equalizer. Should you be placed in the unfortunate position to be exposed to her for more than a few minutes or are able to observe her being nasty to your mom – simply hit the little red record button on that phone and use your newly fixed provider account to spread her nastiness around to family members who think you need to respect your elders.” karriesully

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! As a child, you can’t choose your family, but as an adult, you surely can.

A couple of basic life rules: 1) stay away from things that hurt you, like fire and mean people. 2) You teach people how to treat you. Your grandmother has been teaching people that she’s a hurtful thing to avoid, and now you’re teaching people they can’t treat you like crap.

It all looks good to me!” xirtilibissop

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I always hate that lame excuse ‘Respect your elders’. I got news for you – -anyone who does that nonsense doesn’t get respect, because respect is a two-way street. Props to you for not telling your parents off as I would have.” Sixshot659

2 points (2 votes)
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CG1 1 month ago
My grandmother ( my mother's mom ) treated my sister and I like Complete Garbage .my sister and I were the youngest of 4 kids .my older brother didn't see much of her because he stayed home with our Dad when we went to see her .she adorned our older sister and nik named her kitten . My Grandmother screamed at my sister and I at this Party one time in front of Everyone .My mom wasn't there .She called us rotten names said we were Horrible Children .I think I was my sister 6 .A couple of old people felt sorry for us because they were making home made ice cream and she said we couldn't have any . She treated my mother like crap and favored my mom's sister and her 2 kids nik named Angel And Bubby .. yup then when I grew up and had kids she wanted a Relationship with me and my kids Yup " F " That .you are right to tell her what you said .this crap of Respect Your Elders Is Just Crap
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20. AITJ For Telling My Family That My Dad Isn't Paying For My College?

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“My aunt and uncle are paying for my cousin’s college.

My dad had a college fund for me, but he had stipulations like he wanted nothing below a B for grades and to pre-approve any classes I take, weekly meetings to discuss grades, and a bunch of other stuff.

Which would be fine if you have a normal dad. Mine isn’t.

My dad has a temper and I spent 6th-12th grade stressed out about grades and being screamed at or grounded over things that sometimes weren’t even my fault like a teacher not updating online grading and an assignment being marked ‘missing’ because of it.

And getting my backpack and locker randomly searched by him for no reason besides ‘to make sure I’m not hiding anything.’

I decided to pay for school myself because of 1 not being stressed over getting screamed at and 2 I didn’t feel like constantly worrying that he’d disapprove of a class or a grade and decide not to pay.

Which I could totally see him doing. I’d rather be in debt than controlled for 4 more years.

I just finished my first year.

Well, my family got together on the 4th and… well sometimes they’re nosey.

They were talking about my cousin’s school and my uncle looked at my dad and said ‘well how much is Op’s school costing you?’

I said, ‘what are you asking him for I’m the one paying for it?’

Later on, my dad was ticked off and said that it was out of line to say that and I embarrassed him.

I didn’t do it to embarrass him, I was just being honest. He doesn’t even know how much tuition is so he was the wrong person to ask.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are doing the work of getting loans and taking care of the potential nightmare that can be college financing.

Your father didn’t help, he gets none of the credit. Maybe if he hadn’t been so terrible to you over the last several years, you wouldn’t have felt the need to take on debt in order to make him leave you alone.

That’s what he should be embarrassed about– that he hounded you so much you don’t even want his money. Sorry.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Good for you for paying your own way because you want to do so without your father hanging it over your head.

You told the family that you were paying for it because they wanted to see how much your father is paying to support you.

It seems that the uncle asked HIM like it’s a competition between them to one-up each other about ‘Well, I’m sacrificing more for my kid,’ sort of thing?

You had a right to tell them that YOU were paying your own way instead.” EvocativeEnigma

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

He wanted to control and dominate you over grades and personal freedom. You earned your right to declare your independence openly by paying yourself. You had every right to say what you said. You weren’t announcing anything, just correcting your uncle at his false assumption.

I would say tread carefully though since with parents like this it turns into a slippery slope. Soon he’ll throw it back in your face and say if you can pay for college, you can pay rent. Then you have to follow XYZ rules to stay there. Then rent and rules or you’re kicked out, etc. I’m sure that confrontation is in your future.” ThisIsTheNewSleeve

2 points (2 votes)
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Beenthruit 2 months ago
NTJ but your dad is.
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19. WIBTJ If I Move In With My Partner Without Telling My Parents?

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“I have been living abroad for Uni for 1.5 years. I have had a partner for a year and we want to move in together next August.

It makes sense for us financially, as we’d be able to afford a bigger place for cheaper than if we shared a house with 4 other people like we are now (different houses though), time-wise (sharing cooking, laundry, and cleaning) and roommate wise (we both have had bad experiences by getting random roommates.) The thing is, we don’t want to tell our parents about the relationship yet for different reasons.

His is mostly cultural, you tell your parents very late into the relationship, essentially when the proposal happened or is around the corner. Mine is because of my mom. She didn’t take it well when I told her about my previous partners.

She’s highly narcissistic and has used my relationships with my peers against me. Telling my partner details of my life before I was ready to open up, lying, manipulating, etc. I tend to tell her the minimum necessary about my life.

The thing is: my dad helps pay my rent and university fees. So if I moved into the apartment I’d have to lie about who I moved in with and he’d be helping me cover my part of the rent without knowing my partner also lives there.

My partner would still cover half the rent, of course. We would still have our own room. My dad would not pay any different than he is now. But would that be fair?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here as long as you’re not actively deceiving anyone, but based on what you wrote, you and your partner don’t sound ready to live together.

You and he want to do so out of convenience and to save funds, not because you want the next level of commitment in your relationship. He’s too afraid to tell his parents because they believe he should only live with a seriously committed partner (can’t say I disagree with them on that one), and you’re too afraid to tell your dad because he supports you financially, and your mom because you’re scared of her.

I think if you and your partner were really ready for cohabitation, none of these things would be barriers. Not significant ones, anyway.

I’m just a stranger on the internet with an opinion, though. It’s your life, do what you will.” AccessibleBeige

Another User Comments:

“YTJ if you don’t tell the truth to the people supporting your rent who you are living with.

They deserve to know how that money is spent. Also: If you don’t tell now, how will you tell in 2 years when he proposes? That’s a very awkward conversation. Use the truth here.” User

Another User Comments:

“I’d say NTJ or you wouldn’t be a jerk.

I have very controlling parents who are not open to me seeing people, much less living with someone. Due to this and many other controlling things, I think sometimes there is no choice but to lie.

I understand that some people in comments might not understand this, but I wouldn’t be able to survive if I told the truth a hundred percent of the time.

However you wouldn’t be a jerk ONLY because he would be paying the same amount, either way, you’d just be more comfortable in a private room.

If you asked for extra so you could live with your partner without telling your father, you would become the jerk. I would still say that if you plan to go against them you wanna stop using their money soon. I understand not being fully honest with them but don’t also try to take advantage. You cant have the cake and eat it too.” AsphyxiaOfTheSoul

1 points (1 votes)
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mima 1 month ago
Ntj you both have your own room hence roommates.
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18. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Commenting On My Cooking?

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“So I (36M) live with my Mom (62F). Just to get this out of the way I lived on my own, and she asked me to move back home because she was lonely. I help pay bills and stuff like that.

I am prepping for some friends that are coming over to play Dungeons and Dragons. There’s a crockpot of mac and cheese on the counter and chili. I was adding some cream cheese to the chili when my Mom looks at me, makes a face, and says, ‘You’re putting cream cheese in the chili?’

She always does stuff like this.

Even when I’m not cooking for her, she constantly likes to comment on it, and 95% of the time it’s negative.

I stopped, looked at her, and said, ‘I really wish you wouldn’t do that, I hate how you constantly crap on my cooking.’ Then she starts to get defensive and calls me a jerk, I respond with, ‘You just always do this, you always comment on my cooking and I feel like you’re judging me, I don’t like it.’

She responded with, ‘Fine, jerk,’ and hasn’t said a word to me since.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No, you’re not the jerk. She has been a jerk the whole time and doesn’t like being called out on it. Let her be mad. Let her be silent. When she does come to talk to you again, say I am glad that we are speaking again.

I hope I made it clear that I don’t want you commenting on my cooking anymore.

If she gets mad again let her. Let it be silent if it needs to be and stick to it.

She is acting like a child, and you would not let a five-year-old get away with poor behavior and having tantrums. You would let them have a timeout and would make sure that they understood why it all started and what has to change.

She’s your mom, but you deserve respect.” OhmsWay-71

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Relatable. My mom does that with me and my siblings about our clothing. It’s really rude and annoying. Good on you for calling her out.

A stranger wouldn’t do that. If you don’t like the food, don’t eat it, and don’t comment on it. It wasn’t her problem so she should’ve kept her mouth shut.” exmospy19

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If it’s persistent, then you have every right to establish a boundary.

She could learn a lesson on how to speak with you.

You could also find a nice way to respond to her criticism. ‘Oh, it’s great! I learned this from a cooking show (you could lie), wait till you try it!'” indigogibni

1 points (1 votes)
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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA your mom is a btch, move out again.
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17. AITJ For Not Replacing My Friend's Lost Glasses?

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“A friend of mine came to my house to confess some feelings and I gently rejected him (this is relevant to the story). When he left he forgot his glasses at my house, and I left 2 pairs of my keys in his car.

I called him and notified him Hey you left your glasses at my house, I left my keys in your car, feel free to stop by to swap. He said his car was in the shop until Monday (2-3 days from then) and he’d stop by then.

Monday came by. I never heard from him again for almost 2 MONTHS (thus why I said earlier might be relevant, maybe he didn’t want to be around me?)

I eventually just replaced all my locks in my house, got new keys, and slowly forgot about this.

He calls me after 2 months, and says, ‘Hey I got your keys and you have my glasses, when can I come by?’ I told him it was already too late, I replaced all my locks and keys, and honestly, I don’t know where the glasses are anymore as this house is full, 5 people, 4 dogs, and everything is constantly being moved and cleaned out, so I don’t think they are around anymore.

He then tells me it was MY RESPONSIBILITY to keep them safe/somewhere I knew they were, that I have to REIMBURSE HIM or buy him a new pair of glasses.

I then go off and say that it was HIS responsibility to pick them up the day HE promised and or keep them on his person, and he doesn’t see me demanding HIM to PAY for all the locks I had to replace and new keys, that I hold the same standard to myself, I lost my keys and that was on me, so I don’t expect someone to pay for my mishap.

I also told him if that’s how he wants it to go down then he should pay for all the new locks for every door and the new keys, and he went silent. He then just tells me he needs those glasses and he would just raid or search my house himself but the health crisis is getting intense so he can’t.

I just tell him well I’ll look a 2nd time but I didn’t find them. He ends the call by basically saying find them or buy me a new pair. AITJ for not buying him new glasses?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’s his problem. If he’d followed through he’d of had his glasses. After 2 months most people lose things that aren’t important to them. Don’t buy them for him. If he wants you to do it that badly he’ll take you to small claims.

But I doubt he will. In which case you could request payment for locks and keys.” Swimming-Low-6895

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, glasses wearer.

I’m legally blind, I can’t go a day without my glasses or I’ll be escorted by a police home (funny story) and I’m treated like I’m in need of a guide dog.

So if he can go 2 months without them he doesn’t need them for day-to-day and you don’t have to replace them.” withered_love

Another User Comments:

“He would raid/search your house himself? Hmm, now we know why he didn’t turn up to return your keys.

And having had glasses for multiple decades, I can assure you no adult who has any other option goes without their glasses for 2 months. Completely a plant. Totally creepy. NTJ and do not keep in touch with this guy! Ick!” Significant-Spite-72

1 points (1 votes)
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TJHall44 1 month ago
He doesn't really NEED them if he waited 2 months.
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16. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Cousin For An Incident He Caused Five Years Ago?

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“I (23f) have 4 maternal cousins, including Finn (23) and Matty (17). Our mothers both passed away when we were young. We lived in a rural area a couple of towns apart, when I was 17 the local authority decided that having multiple schools open with the low population of students made no sense and decided it’d be cheaper to pay for buses to and from school.

On the day of the merge, Matty (at the time 12) doesn’t arrive with Finn (at the time 18) and his friends. I’m a bit confused since my uncle had told me Finn would be driving in instead of getting the bus.

I ask Finn where Matt is and they all snicker. Finn says he was taking forever so they decided to leave without him and make him get the bus. Okay… Finn and I have a cuddle and are chatting away.

The bus arrives, and I wait… no Matty. I call him… no answer. I pull Finn away from his friends, tell him I can’t get hold of Matty and I’m worried. Away from his friends, Finn gets this guilty look on his face.

I press and finally he admits that Matty was being annoying in the car so they dumped him on the side of the road. The kicker, Matty’s bag is still in Finn’s car with his mobile and HIS INHALER!

Every bit of love and respect I had for this person seemed to evaporate as I panicked over my asthmatic 12yr old cousin, walking to school in the cold on a road without a pavement.

I lost it. I got one of the teachers, retrieved Matty’s bag, and off we went to get him. He was 4 miles from the school having a full-blown asthma attack. He went to the hospital, thankfully he was alright, cold and shaken.

I found out later that Finn’s group had been bullying him for ages. After some discussion, my uncle and dad decided it’d be best if Matty came to live with us for a bit.

It’s been 5 years now, Matty still lives with us and has come so far. Finn eventually gave him a half-hearted apology, Matty forgave him.

At a family party over Christmas Finn tried to talk to me.

I brushed him off then Finn got upset and started talking about how I used to be his best friend and he loved me and he misses me being part of his life. He also said it shows how much I loved him and that I could just drop him like he didn’t matter to me at all.

I told him I used to love him then he almost hurt my baby cousin and showed me his true colors. Matty could have been harmed and Finn was standing there laughing about it! I told him he will always be my cousin but he’s a complete stranger to me and the person I thought I knew was gone on that road and walked away.

It made the rest of the party super awkward. Matty later hugged me and told me he was so glad to have a cousin that will always have his back. While my dad and other family members all said I went too far and should let it go.

So AITJ for not being able to let it go and for calling Finn out for nearly putting our cousin in harm’s way?

Edit: Matty isn’t blood-related to me. He’s my maternal aunt’s widower’s son.

My uncle had a relationship after my aunt passed away and that’s where Matty came from. Not a reason Finn ever stated for disliking Matty or even ever brought up apparently. Matty’s mum was never in the picture, she’s alive and just didn’t want kids, so there was no jealousy to our knowledge about that.

He’s still my baby cousin.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. 17 is more than old enough to understand the danger of stranding a kid on the side of the road, especially without medical treatment. Had he lied and said Matty was getting a ride with a friend, or something that caused you to not get a teacher, Matty would have died.

That’s not a small incident.

The fact that Finn started drama over this just proves that he hasn’t changed. Were he truly sorry, there would be apologies and admission of guilt.” TinyRascalSaurus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If Finn had given a proper apology and shown he sees what he did was wrong, things would be different.

Instead, he tried to get his way – you back in his life without having to face consequences for his actions. What he did was incredibly dangerous and irresponsible. I’ve misbehaved in the car before at that age and my mum would threaten to throw me out as well, but she never did because duh, I was a literal child.

Especially since they were so far off from a new school!

I would simply tell him that the reasons Matty had to come to live with you were him and his despicable actions. That if he wants you back in his life he’ll have to show he actually regrets what he did and make it up to Matty before you even think about treating him well again.” 0B-A-E0

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SryNtSry 1 month ago
NTJ. He could have been responsible for his brothers death, and he just laughed at the situation. 17 is more than old enough to know that his little brothers health is more important than being cool.
You never, ever, have to subject yourself to toxic people, family or not. Nobody else has to like your decision, it's your life to live, not theirs.
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15. AITJ For Ranking People's Marriages?

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“I recently had a big family party for my son’s first birthday. My sister and I had been talking about some hypothetical things and just speculating about our social theories. It all started with talking about wedding cake and if smashing it actually indicates divorce.

We decided to ask people at the party if they smashed or not and see if there was any correlation to happiness. Obviously, we can’t know 100% how marriage is, but I’d say we had a pretty good feeling due to spending a lot of time around the families and everyone being pretty open.

I’d also say I am able to be objective because MIL and I have some issues, but her marriage actually came out number one in our ranking.

So we asked about the cake smashing, did our tally, and then my sister brought up another question which was slightly more personal about if you use the bathroom in front of your spouse.

I asked MIL first and she wanted to know what it was for (she was laughing, not mad). I explained what we were doing and that it was just a sociology experiment. I said MIL proved the current theory wrong because she did cake smash and she is also relationship goals.

My mom wanted to know where her marriage was. I said I wasn’t going to share the list, but MIL snatched it out of my hand and announced the ranking.

FIL’s wife was very upset.

FIL and his wife definitely love each other, but she has a temper and when they fight they fight hard, so I’m not saying they don’t love each other, but yeah they did rank beneath MIL and one other person.

My parents were towards the bottom due to having had some serious issues. My mom realized that and began to cry. I apologized and said we would stop, but my mom told me she hates me and called me stupid.

MIL announced that despite ‘winning the list’ I’m a witch for making my mom cry, and that really put a damper on the party.

My mom was super mean when she left too and said I can’t emotionally fulfill my husband.

I didn’t think it was that big of a deal because it was just a silly game, and to be honest, we are all semi-aware of who has a better marriage. I get that it is objective, but there are some hard facts.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

This is the adult version of the mean girls ranking other girls in their classes. You could totally discuss your theories about relationships, but you made a list with people who didn’t consent to be part of it and then made people aware of the list.

Why are you surprised people were hurt by their relationships being put down.” TinyRascalSaurus

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Unless this was a planned activity it’s very odd to just start ranking people’s marriages. No one wants to be the lowest-ranking couple in a game they did not volunteer to play.

You asked two questions but also ranked couples based on questions that weren’t asked. And why in the world would you write it down?!” pnutbuttercups56

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – Yeah, ranking people on how crappy you think their marriage is really awful and that’s if they never find out about it.

The fact that you did it at a family gathering and wrote it down is so unfathomably thoughtless, I can’t quite comprehend it. How are you old enough to be married?

I am not surprised you have issues with your MIL if this is how you treat people.

This is utterly juvenile behavior – you’re too old to be in the plastics, so stop trying to make it happen.” Sloppypoopypoppy

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nael 1 month ago
Idk what planet a lot of y'all come from, but on this one, people aren't going to treat you better than you treat them, no matter how people flex online. It's unrealistic. When you crap on the lives of others, you're gonna get a nasty reply most of the time.
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14. AITJ For Wanting To Buy What I Want With The Gift Cards I Was Given?

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“My husband has a very guarded relationship with my mother-in-law, keeping her at an arm’s length because she was/is a complete narcissist, she was mentally and emotionally awful and an addict when they were kids.

But this controlling/self-pity/attention-seeking behavior still permeates her behavior, however improved she is nowadays.

For Christmas, she asked us what we wanted, and my husband sent her a bunch of ideas and links. Instead of getting anything remotely similar to what we suggested, which were not demands as she asked because we don’t really see her so she just doesn’t know us very well, she went to two 2 stores and selected a gift card for 1 thing from each place.

A specific brand of shoes from one place, and a fragrance from another. She had the exact dollar amount including tax loaded on the cards because didn’t know what size/style/scent I wanted. So this is a very strings-attached gift.

I don’t like any of the perfumes from this one place, which are cheap and ugly, and I have a pair of shoes that’s the same style as the brand she wants me to use the gift card for.

I don’t like having multiple identical items because it doesn’t make sense to me.

I told my husband that I’m probably going to put both gift cards toward a new blouse or something from each store, and he told me she would probably be upset and call me out on it when she follows up.

He doesn’t care what I do, but was warning me. I don’t really care either, because she’s so distant I literally just don’t care.

But I do want to know if it is objectively bad etiquette or makes me a jerk if I don’t use the funds on the gift cards specifically for what she intended?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

She did things extremely weirdly. If she wanted you to have something specific buy it and have a gift receipt so you can exchange it for a different scent etc. (Or ya know, get something completely different).

This is honestly a weird one. When I get gifts for someone I don’t know that well I literally don’t care what they do with them. Exchange it. Throw it away. Regift.” Hugs-n-McNugs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Get what you want.

When she asks, show her. When she says that is not what she had in mind – tell her you already had a similar pair of shoes and that particular perfume did not smell good on you so you decided to use it for something that you wanted.

And thank her profusely – hopefully, that will dissipate any comeback from her.” crbryant1972

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s her problem if she wants to make mountains out of molehills. If you want to save your husband from having to listen to her, I’d get out in front of it, all the same.

Do it, and then thank her profusely for whatever it is you got, and just say that you already had those shoes, and as it happened you saw something you really liked in the store so you went ahead and got that. That’s what I’d do, but I also don’t know anyone as petty as this lady sounds.” User

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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA narcissists are all about control, they aren't happy unless they have complete control over everything. Get what you want. Fk her
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13. AITJ For Telling A Workmate That He's A Bad Husband?

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“This man isn’t actually my boss. He is pretty high up and powerful but works in a different department. So this guy ‘Alex’ is married to ‘June’ who also works here. June is extremely attractive, which is kind of relevant because I don’t know his actual intentions.

Anyway, he was hanging out in my department area lounge because he is friends with someone there. I was sitting near them but not talking to them. Alex mentioned that it is their anniversary tomorrow so he has to make a social media post.

He said he always throws one awful picture of her in because it’s funny. I internally rolled my eyes because that seemed gross, but I didn’t involve myself.

His friend made a joke about how it must be hard to get a bad picture of her, and Alex said ‘it’s an art form and requires patience but I have a gallery of them’.

He then showed him something and they both laughed. Alex then turned to me and said ‘you’re a girl, which picture would you hate more?’ and showed me a picture of her sleeping without makeup, and another picture of her squinting because of the sun I think, and just looking really tired.

I answered that it doesn’t matter which one because I wouldn’t be his wife because he is obviously not a good husband and I don’t let men disrespect me, and I don’t think his treating his wife badly is funny.

He and his friend just laughed. I heard through the grapevine he told June and she laughed and said she felt bad for whoever ended up with me. Someone told me I was way too harsh and shouldn’t have said that because he is actually such a nice guy and they are ‘so cute together’ though to be honest, I don’t know him well, don’t see them together often, and I spoke my truth.”

Another User Comments:

“You ‘spoke your truth’, which is fair if you said that you wouldn’t appreciate bad photos of you.

But it’s quite obvious it’s not their truth if this is something that has been going on for a long time. June even laughed at your ‘sensitivity’.

While I do think it’s fair that you said that you wouldn’t like it, it’s not fair to say he’s not a good husband to her.

YTJ. There are plenty of people who don’t care about a bad or ugly photo of them on social media.

And I do have to say that’s it’s quite sad that you judge someone that doesn’t fit your ideal of what someone should be.

People are different and you shouldn’t judge others for their choices.” haveitgood

Another User Comments:

“It was weird of him to ask your opinion, especially prefaced by ‘you’re a girl’. I would be extremely weirded out if I overheard a conversation like that in the workplace, with a guy saying he keeps a gallery of unflattering pics he knows his wife will hate.

There’s no world in which that sounds like loving behavior to an outside observer. He asked your opinion and you gave it. Did he expect you to laugh at his wife’s expense along with him? Because that would’ve been downright bizarre.

It’s cool that she’s chill about it, I guess (?), but you can’t be expected to know that. NTJ.” moieoeoeoist

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Your response was disproportionate to the behavior. You came across as a petty, childish, self-righteous, moralizing, rude, person who makes assumptions about people they don’t know.

You could have shut it down by saying ‘sorry, I don’t feel comfortable making a judgment here’ and gone back to your own business. His own wife wasn’t offended by his comments, and some couples do tease each other like that.

You shouldn’t project your own insecurities or your own values onto other people because you may make a fool of yourself, as you did here.

Also, it’s important for you to realize and acknowledge that you did NOT ‘speak your truth’.

What you actually did was make an ignorant and uninformed decision about a man’s character, his wife’s character, and their relationship based on a single incident. You do not have truth in this scenario because you are not part of this relationship and your opinion of their relationship is invalid.

This is toxic, bad, behavior that is only going to cause you problems in the future–especially if this is how you talk to people in the workplace.” False-Guess

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You barely know these people and he still saw fit to have a conversation in front of you about mocking his wife and putting an ugly picture of her on the internet and then directly involving you by asking your opinion.

It’s a reasonable assumption for anyone to make that he is a bad husband. Why would someone even have that conversation and involve a stranger in it and then I’m assuming he pulled a shocked Pikachu face because it bothered him enough that he talked about it to his wife amongst other people.

What did he expect people to think? I don’t know their dynamic either but if he just wrote some random sentences about it without any context or explaining how it was a joke he and his wife played on each other or anything I’d comment right back to him that he was a real poop of a husband. He asked for your opinion and he got it. NTJ.” User

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nael 1 month ago
Another case of nutty people. Don't ask people you don't know well for feedback about your partner. One would think that was obvious, but clearly not to everyone.
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12. AITJ For Coming Out To My Friends Before My Family?

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“A 15th birthday is a huge deal in my family because we’re Hispanic and it’s seen as a rite of passage to have a huge party for it. I refused adamantly to have one when asked as I couldn’t help but remember my sister’s baby shower, which ended with people wasted, me (then 12) caring for my nephew, and my sister giving birth to my nephew suddenly.

It left a big rift between me and a liking for parties when it came to family and family friends.

I am now 14 and identify as a transgender male. I came out to my mom and all my friends but the rest of my family remains.

My 15th birthday is in 3 days. I recently cut my hair very short. After I did, my mom (50 f) said I had made a deal with her (that I never remembered) that I WILL be having a 15th birthday party and it will be in HER way.

She’s at least had the decency to let me have a medium-sized party with a few friends. However, she’s recently been constantly upset that I came out to my friends first, using it to prove that I value my friends more than family.

She also accuses my friends of making my decisions clothing-wise because I had a very good friend of mine help with my outfit for my 15th birthday even though my mom was the one who encouraged me to get help from friends since I was unsure about what I was going to wear.

I don’t know whether I’m truly in the wrong for who I chose to come out to first.

So should I have come out to my family first and not have had anyone help with my outfit?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

People come out in their own way.

Some tell their best friend, others a sibling, and even other family members before their parents. Some think they are going to be turned away and they like to judge other people’s reactions.

If your mother is (truly) accepting, hopefully, the real reason was you might have been scared to tell her.

And if so, tell her that.” crbryant1972

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

With a mom like that and the possible cultural significance of this particular birthday, you’re in for quite a ride, though.

Hang on to whatever you’ve got to hang on to, and remember that it will get better.

Your friends are there for you even when they’re not physically with you at every moment. And you can get through this until you feel in control of your own life.” tonysvanstrom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your mum is being unreasonable but her upset is understandable.

She probably feels like you are the most important person in the world to her and maybe hurt that you didn’t trust her with something so important (I am assuming based on your post that she is accepting of who you are). But coming out to friends first is extremely normal and very often essential for queer people, you’ve done nothing wrong.” gojir4a

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11. AITJ For Getting Upset That My Cousin's Wedding Is Taking Place On My Birthday?

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“My cousin (29F) texted in our family group chat and said that they had set the date for the wedding, great! I asked when the wedding was and they said on my birthday.

If this was any other birthday, honestly I wouldn’t care.

This is my 18th birthday. For personal reasons, my 18th is genuinely such a huge milestone in my life. I wanted to spend it celebrating myself and how far I’ve come. I’m proud of myself for making it that far.

This wedding is states away and not anywhere close to the original date they said it was going to be. If the wedding wasn’t so far away maybe I would be fine with it, but I don’t want to be traveling all day, then spend the whole night celebrating someone else, and then travel again.

I didn’t say anything about it being my birthday, quite frankly I don’t know if they even knew that it was my birthday. I’m not upset with my cousins at all, I’m just upset with the way that the dates worked out.

My sister and my dad are both saying that if I don’t go it is selfish and I would be the jerk.

My dad keeps threatening to tell my cousin that I don’t want to go to the wedding because my birthday is more important than her but that isn’t true at all.

I love my cousin and her fiancé a lot, but my 18th is important to me. Maybe I could celebrate another day, but it just isn’t the same as the actual date.

I’m sure that I’m still going to end up going to the wedding, but I just want to know if I’m really in the wrong for being upset over it.

Edit for info: the only people who are aware and likely will be aware that I am upset about it are my dad and my sister. I just want to get others’ opinions on this.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

Nothing wrong with having negative feelings as long as they don’t inappropriately affect your behavior toward others.

Welcome to being an adult. Most adults do not get the honor of having a large group of people fuss and plan around their birthdays.

If you want to make a big deal of milestones you’ve achieved by all means do. Just don’t sabotage yourself by thinking the only way the celebration counts is if it’s on your actual birthday.” ElegantAnt

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but even you said they likely don’t know it’s your birthday.

Were there already plans of spending the whole day on birthday activities with your immediate family? If not, then go to the wedding. Spend the day with family. Don’t let an unknown date (to the bride and groom) bring you down.

There’s no rule that says you have to celebrate your birthday on the actual day. And think of it this way… your birthday gets extended. If you can’t celebrate the day of, do something the following day!” HolyUnicornBatman

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

When you get to your own wedding you will realize that it is simply not practical to start worrying about clashing with all the family’s various anniversaries.

Lucky you, you will have all your family around you on your 18th. It is in no way your arrangement so you are not under any obligation to keep it to yourself.

To be honest, I would respond to the invitation with ‘wow how lovely that the wedding will be on my 18th.” AeronwenTrewent

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for having feelings.

Cousin is definitely NTJ for scheduling the wedding, not that anyone is suggesting as much. As much as milestone years can be important, and fun to build up, I definitely feel wedding tops birthday.

I’ve definitely ‘rescheduled’ my birthday, whether it is just waiting for the weekend to meet up, avoiding major sporting events, or riding out pneumonia. Just pick the next free weekend, and pencil it in as ‘My Birthday (Observed)’ like you’re a historical figure.

I do try to have cake on the actual day, and the wedding may work in your favor in that sense as I’ve never had a birthday cake that tasted as good as a wedding cake.

Obviously have additional cake on the alternate day. Candles and all. Your father may be the jerk if he’s ‘threatening’ to tell the happy couple, and if anyone intentionally lets the cat out of the bag, they’re definitely the jerk as the only reason would be to hurt.” LimeblueNostos

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10. WIBTJ If I Rehome A Foster Cat?

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“I and another foster are struggling with whether or not we should rehome an adopted cat that was a foster of mine earlier this year. I take adopting my animals very seriously, doing a meet and greet, talking on the phone, and conducting a check-up.

While I didn’t conduct the meet and greet with the kitten being at a pet store adoption center, I did conduct a phone interview and checked in. The Adopter did not return my phone call, but it’s mostly just to make sure everyone is getting along and seeing if they have concerns.

All the adopters have my number and have reached out if they had any issues.

So background to the story. This started the week before Christmas. My foster lead (we’ll call FL for short) reached out about one of my fosters, Katy, being found and dropped off at one of the nearby Humane Societies.

The microchip wasn’t registered so it still had the rescue’s information on there. FL was able to get ahold of Adopter and found out Katy got out and was missing, and thought that they were going to pick Katy up on Saturday.

They never showed up. We weren’t getting a response back so I, being the former foster, opted to pick her up and hold onto her until we knew what the situation was. On Monday, Adopter reached out and said they were on vacation (no big deal) and didn’t have great reception.

FL responded asking when they were coming back. No response from Adopter.

After a week, I messaged Adopter and also mentioned a boarding fee since it had been over a week since Adopter had sent FL a message.

I kept it simple, $10 a day. I asked for a response by Tuesday thinking this could prompt Adopter to respond. Again, no response.

Finally, today (after New Year’s day), I messaged Adopter letting them know that Katy is going up for adoption Tuesday and considered abandoned if we don’t hear from them.

Adopter FINALLY responded with a quick, they’re back today and will pick her up tomorrow. I mentioned the boarding fee, and Adopter tried to say they only owe from the text. I told Adopter, no, that Katy has been in our custody since the Sunday before Christmas.

FL communicated this to her when we initially picked her up from the Humane Society.

WIBTJ for rehoming a former foster kitten as the Adopter is being difficult and not responding? The Adopter didn’t disclose they were going on vacation when we were trying to coordinate returning their kitten, didn’t give us a timeframe, didn’t find a way to message us until after we said we were putting their kitten up for adoption, and also didn’t ask about their kitten or showed any concern.

EDIT: I feel that I would be the jerk because they did reach out (finally), and we’re still wanting to rehome even after they messaged us about picking up their cat.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s possible that something huge could be going on with the Adopter, but I would at least expect some reference to a personal crisis in that event.

Barring that: they are massive flakes and the kitten is probably better off elsewhere.” Wizard072

Another User Comments:

“You should always do what is best for the animal. This person sounds unreliable. I’m sure they’ll be sad that they don’t have a kitten, but I’m sure the kitten would be more glad to have a reliable owner.

That’s more important. NTJ.” User

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. If they really cared about the cat, two weeks is plenty of time to make arrangements to pick her up or for her care until they get back.

But it is also unfair to hold them to a fee for the period they were unaware the fee existed. Your org. needs to be upfront that if you have to hold the animal for more than X number of hours or days, the fee will apply.” 0biterdicta

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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA they don't care about the kitty
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9. AITJ For Letting My Friend's Partner Pay For My Meal?

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“Seven years ago, I was studying for six months in Australia. I had a friend/family friend ‘Rose’ living there, which was a comfort. Unfortunately, during the Easter holiday, I was ill for two weeks and hardly ate anything and took the doctor’s pills.

When school started, I felt a lot better, so I decided to invite Rose for a girls’ lunch since that was my birthday present for her. Due to not knowing Australia, I asked her to choose a restaurant.

On the day I arrived early, I waited for her, and soon she came with her partner. I thought he was dropping her off, but he joined us. I didn’t say anything because I was so excited to see her.

We had a lovely time. Due to having been ill, my appetite was small, so I had a kid’s pizza, ice cream, and mint tea. In contrast, they drank, had starters, main, and dessert.

When the bill arrived, I said I was to pay since it was my birthday gift to her; they said they would pay. It went back and forth until I gave in.

After leaving the restaurant, I thanked them soo much for the beautiful meal and thanked them for paying.

When I got back to campus, I sent her a text addressed to them, thanked them for the lovely time, and was thankful for the meal.

I didn’t hear from her for a week when suddenly, during my break from class, I got a phone call asking why I hadn’t messaged Rose’s partner and thanked him for the meal.

I was surprised since I was taught that that was acceptable if I messaged my friend and thanked her and her partner for dinner. I apologized to her and said I would send him a message after the call.

After another week, I relaxed in my dorm bedroom when I got another call from her. She asked me why I still haven’t sent a message thanking her partner for paying for me and that her partner said he felt uncomfortable that I had made him pay for my meal.

I was soo shocked and stunned I didn’t know what to say for a while. My whole mind clocked off, and I didn’t hear her rambling. I remember saying that I told her that I sent him a message thanking him, and she said it had to be his old number.

Then she asked me why I sounded so strange… I lied and said I was surprised that he had changed his number.

After getting off the phone, I was still shocked and couldn’t wrap my head around it.

I go back and forth on the whole payment issue and wonder if I have missed something.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like he might be trying to isolate her. He’s making something up, to make you look like a jerk… And then the friendship kind of fades.

Maybe you are a threat? Maybe she talks very highly of you and he doesn’t like that.

It is very weird behavior and the fact that she is calling you about it instead of telling him that what he’s doing is weird… That’s a huge red flag.

When he brings up that it’s weird that your friend didn’t think of me, she should’ve said yes she did. When he says I don’t like that she made me pay for dinner, she should’ve said but she offered several times and we went back and forth.

When he said she still hasn’t thanked me, she could’ve answered I am sure she did and maybe still has your old number. All of it is weird.

You are right to feel the way you do.

Were there any red flags at dinner? Was she herself or was he dominating? I’m just getting all kinds of narcissistic vibes here.” OhmsWay-71

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

This sounds like it was perhaps a bit of a miscommunication, coupled with a difference in expectations about thanking protocols.

You definitely didn’t do anything wrong, and I honestly wouldn’t worry about it again. It’s just one of those things that happens.” Red-belliedOrator

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… you offered… they insisted (and multiple times at that).

You thanked them live… which was already enough. Then also thanked them over text… which in every normal situation is acceptable, regardless of phrasing, I’d add (but maybe not everyone agrees). You tried to thank the guy too but he changed his number.

I mean… at this point you are going above and beyond trying to be nice. Either she has a different problem with you and is using this to start a fight. Or maybe she has a different problem altogether and is trying to reach out but when she starts the call all she can think of is this nonsense.

Anyway… you could ask her what’s up, if everything is ok, etc, etc… and if yes, why is she so insistent on the topic. And also, they said ‘they’ would pay… not him specifically.

She made him pay and he feels awkward about it… fair enough. Maybe he also wasn’t expecting to be brought to your birthday. My money is on – she is hiding something. It can’t be just about this bloody thank you text.” justMe482

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8. AITJ For Not Complimenting My Daughter-In-Law's Haircut?

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“This Christmas Holiday my (53F) son, 27, and his wife, 26, drove 4 hours home to see us. We don’t see them very often because they are both in the middle of getting their doctorates and due to the health crisis, they haven’t traveled home much and we were all very excited to see them.

My daughter-in-law (DIL) is a gem, but I admit, for as long as they have been together (7 years) she has always worn a very unique sense of style. My two younger sons tell me she is ‘alt’ or ‘punk’ or however.

It can be shocking at first, but she is a beautiful girl nonetheless.

This year when they arrived home my DIL was sporting a new haircut, and it was certainly unique. My 2 younger sons and the other cousins called it ‘cool’ but maybe it’s because I’m in my early fifties, and I didn’t see the appeal.

That being said, I am not one to state my opinion unless prompted. I am a very honest person, but only when asked for it. So while everyone was giving her hugs and complimenting her I stood back, and when it was my turn I just gave her a hug and told her I was happy to see her.

She seemed perfectly happy to see everyone, and not upset in the slightest and the holidays went well, but later that night I got a call from my son, who was quite upset with me.

Apparently, my 2 nieces, 17 and 19, told my DIL that I had made a ‘face’ at her new hair, and this of course hurt my DIL’s feelings when she heard this. My son was upset with me but I tried to tell him I didn’t make a face or do anything rude.

My son asked me to send my DIL a text just telling her how much I liked her new hair, and this is where I drew the line. As I stated before, I am an honest person and I don’t like to lie.

I don’t like my DIL’s hair, but I never told her it looked bad, and the only reason she thinks I don’t like it is because of my 2 nieces who are very wrong.

I don’t think I should have to right a wrong I didn’t commit, but my son and even my 2 youngest want me to apologize, but I didn’t even say anything that needs apologizing! My DIL hasn’t reached out to me about this, and I’m not even sure if my son told her he was reaching out to me, because he told me not to mention him doing so if I apologize.

I feel like I have been put in a very uncomfortable and unfair situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You followed the polite thing to do – if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

I’m not sure why your nieces told your DIL that because even if you did make a face, them pointing it out to her is unnecessary and mean. You can read the situation best – I don’t think you have to lie, but if you really think this is going to become an issue, you could say something like, ‘I’m sorry if something I did was misinterpreted, you’re a beautiful girl and I truly do love seeing you, I would never mean to make you feel bad,’ kind of thing that isn’t a lie might help.” No-Recognition3929

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here except for DIL, and possibly you, a little but not much.

Your nieces, for sure are jerks. If DIL didn’t see it or didn’t acknowledge if she did, there was literally NO NEED to bring it up unless they just wanted to stir the pot, which they clearly did.

Your son (DIL hubs) is a low-grade jerk for confronting you for a facial reaction that he apparently didn’t notice either, instead of confronting the parents of two girls clearly old enough to know better about THEIR trashy behavior.

Your younger sons need to mind their business. Someone’s style isn’t always everyone’s cup of tea, and you’re not obligated to give false compliments.

That said, you’re getting a soft YTJ because it costs you nothing to send an affectionate text telling her you’re happy she visited, glad to have seen her, enjoyed the holiday, and are sorry someone misconstrued your facial expression as a slight to her and felt the need to tell her about it.” katsmeow44

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

The nieces need to be reprimanded – there was no point in telling DIL this except to hurt her. It may be helpful to cut all the middle people out and call your DIL directly.

Something like ‘there may have been a misunderstanding. I love you and I don’t dislike your hair’ (that’s true right? You don’t love it but you don’t hate it) and go into how special it was to have them over the holidays).

Two young girls are trying to start drama and it’s ridiculous.” Lilz602

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You very likely DID make a ‘face’. We can’t always monitor our first, genuine reactions, especially non-verbal ones.

That being said, you are entitled to your opinion and the rest of the family should butt out. However, there are ways to soothe things without lying. Maybe something like ‘I’m sorry if it appears I didn’t appreciate your new hairstyle.

I have to admit, it’s not my style at all but suits you fine.’ Not a lie and if she or anyone else wants more, then you can draw a line in the sand. I mean, I get not wanting to lie but unless you are a Vulcan, you tell white lies all the time.” Avocadosarecool2000

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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA but definitely call up your nieces & demand an apology for lying about you.
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7. AITJ For Calling A Guy Who Held The Door For Me A Jerk?

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“Nice lunch out at a Mexican place. On my way home with a couple of leftovers in one hand. The entryway of this place has one of those short rooms in between two sets of double doors on both sides.

I get to the inner door at the same time another gentleman reaches the outer door, just in time for it to be awkward about who goes first. I make to hold the door for him as he quickly adds his foot to hold the door for me.

I decide he wins, so I smile a quick smile, lightly salute, and hustle through the short room and out the door he’s holding for me. Now I definitely didn’t say thanks loud enough to hear, but started making for my car when I hear a clear, sarcastic, ‘You’re welcome!’ I glance back, realize what happened and holler back, ‘No need to be a jerk about it,’ as he enters the short room.

He hears me, comes back out, and asks what I said. I repeat myself and he says he can be a jerk if he wants. I declare, ‘Mission accomplished,’ as he tells me to go make love to myself or something thereabouts.

In relaying this story to my wife, she says I am the jerk because I escalated it by commenting back. However, I felt his sarcasm was unnecessary and if his pet peeve happens to be people who don’t verbalize thanks when he holds the door, he can certainly choose not to hold the door.

The backbiting sarcasm as he tried to disappear like some hero is what got my dander up the most.

So anyway; I leave it to you: AITJ for calling a guy who held the door for me a jerk after he sarcastically told me you’re welcome?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

I hold the door open for people all the time and rarely get a thank you and it’s one of the rudest things.

Have none of you been raised with the manners to mutter two quick words? It costs nothing to be polite. And the nerve you have to say of his pet peeve is people not being thankful he should stop holding the door open? So we should all stop being polite or having basic human courtesy for fellow human beings because people like you can’t be bothered to say please or thank you?” OfDogsandRoses

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here for the sarcastic argument.

I mean… might be part of the cultural background of the people involved. To me… the smile/light salute is the thank you… I get that it’s nonverbalized but it’s something that most guys do for other guys where I’m at.

So… this is an NTJ for the verbalized thank you. And anyway… sarcasm, after you insist on a door standoff, is just… weird… because maybe the person said something and you didn’t hear it (happened to me…

with an old lady… forever ignored her after that… would just walk past her and just reject her existence). Had you let him be his miserable self it would have been a different story…

it’s fair that you fought back… but that just makes you both jerks.” justMe482

Another User Comments:

“You knowingly didn’t say thank you loud enough so he could hear after he was being polite without needing to be? DO you even read out loud the things you type? You escalated that without need, not him.

So yes, YTJ. Next time say thank you like a normal human, loud enough for the person being polite to hear and go about your day.

It’s normal to be annoyed when people ignore politeness and manners, it’s not as normal to get angry when you’re purposely rude and escalate the situation without cause.

Take this a learning experience and be better in the future.” Gwennylou

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You did escalate it by commenting back and you could have moved on. He also could have just taken it as it was and moved on and didn’t say anything.

Does it suck to not get thanks because you opened a door? Certainly, but that also means the next thanks will be even better due to the value of it going up for me.

The way this post reads as if there was some sort of game you were winning, instead of worrying about that worry about moving forward and getting some tasty food that you were going to.” Dokinot

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rbleah 2 months ago
Kneejerk snowflake. Just say thank you and go on about your business. YTJ
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6. AITJ For Canceling My Wife's Mother's Day Celebration After What I Heard Her Say To My Son?

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“I (M/37) have a 13 y.o son. I was a widower when I met my now wife. She has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. The family is often on pretty good terms.

My son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. My wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposite. They both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family.

My son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. I spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted.

They apologized and promised to let him be.

As mother’s day was approaching I wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother’s day celebration. It was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare.

Yesterday I got off work earlier than usual to get the final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there). I had the key and while I was entering the house through the front door I overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son.

My wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. I paused and decided to keep listening. My son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept ‘attitude’ will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood.

He promised her that he’d be well-behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn’t buying it. He kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she’s not his mom so she didn’t get why he wanted to celebrate mother’s day with her so badly.

My stepdaughter threw some (I don’t remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. Both were staring without saying anything. I told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, canceled.

She tried to argue asking why repeatedly and I told her why. She tried to explain that she didn’t mean it like that and that I only heard part of the conversation but not all of it.

I told her I was done arguing and that the decision was already made. She yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that I was making a tremendous mistake towards her.

I ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after tantrum. Early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. Not a single call or text from her so far.

Situation is full of tension. I’m upset still but more hurt to be honest. I mean yes I did say I was going to have this celebration but I thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your poor son.

Please tell me you went to talk to him after this.

Your wife wants your son left out. I’d be having a serious conversation about that. If she doesn’t drop it, if she doesn’t start treating your son as a part of the family, I hate to say this, but divorce her, because no woman is worth losing your child over.

You’re a dual package.

Her excuse about him being an introvert was crap. No way in heck he’d ruin a dinner by being polite and keeping to himself. She just wanted him out of there.

Please be there for your son. She poked a bad wound with her comments.

Being reminded you don’t have a mother to celebrate on this day is… terrible.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You caught her expressing her true feelings about your son, and she tried to cover her butt when she realized it.

And then threw a fit when you didn’t buy her excuses.

I don’t like to advise divorce under most circumstances, but the truth is you would be a jerk to your son if you didn’t divorce this woman.

She will never value him as she should, and will keep trying to leave him out and treat him as if he isn’t part of the family. As I’m sure you’re well aware, that is completely unacceptable.

As is the case in so many situations; She’s shown you who she really is, believe her.” winsluc12

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – as an introvert who regularly has to force socialize, that is so cruel to say to your son.

He even said to her he would try to be social. That is the best an introvert can do! The conversation shouldn’t have happened but since it did it should’ve ended when he said he would give his best effort.

I would be doing more than canceling mother’s day for this, but to me, this is just a red flag if you’ve already asked her to respect who he is as an individual.” Beveragesandfries

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BigGrandma 1 month ago
That was absolutely horrible for her to do to him, poor kid. You are certainly not the jerk. I have to agree that it sounds like she is most definitely NOT the woman for you. You should have added that maybe the marriage needs to be cancelled too. Hope just you and your son went out to dinner that day, to celebrate his mother
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5. WIBTJ If I Choose My Best Friend Over My Partner?

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“I (28F) have a partner (25M) and a best friend (31M).

So, I am into making audiobooks. And I like it to be as lively as possible so what I usually do is record the narrator’s voice, and the female voices myself, and ask some male friends to do the male voices.

I then add music and sound effects, it is a hobby of mine.

Last month, I decided that I wanted to offer an audio fairytale as a birth gift for a friend, in which there are only male characters.

So, I asked my partner to help me with the male voices, he came over and we started recording. He is not the best actor + it was his first time, so it took us the whole evening, and I was being quite directive.

But he was super cute and willing to help, we overall had a great time and a great laugh.

My best friend is used to making that kind of project with me, I asked him to make some other voices but he ended up sending me all the male characters so I can pick and choose what role I want for him.

My best friend is a way better actor than my partner. So I am considering choosing my friend’s version over my partner’s for the main character…

I am currently making the final voice soundtrack and my partner is supposed to help me next week with the music soundtrack.

I am afraid that he would be upset that I pick my friend’s over him and that I basically throw away something he put effort into…

WIBTJ if I chose my best friend over my partner?”

Another User Comments:

“As far as I can tell – NTJ.

But would definitely come clean to your partner. You being sent all the voices by your friend in secrecy is only going to make your partner suspicious of you two and cast doubt on why it became a big enough deal to hide from him when it’s a small thing to help with a hobby.” Dramatic-Dish8009

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – When someone dedicates time to a project, especially as a favor and then you throw it out it will be incredibly hurtful.

If you really prefer your friend then you should make two separate versions.” FateTuRed

Another User Comments:

“It’s your project, so I think in the end it’s an NTJ situation no matter what?

But I would urge caution here.

If your partner is one to be hurt by something like this, you might hurt him for little to no gain on your part.

If he just enjoys working with you, and wouldn’t be upset who you pick? No one is hurt, so move on.

If he IS going to be upset? Then I would ask you if this is a hill you are willing to die on.” eesdonotitnow

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4. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Keep Her Cat's Litter Box In Her Room?

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“I (19F) currently live in a house of six girls. There are two cats living here as well with two different owners. It is only one cat owner that is the problem.

This cat has pooped on my roommate’s bed and broken items in the house without the owner (referred to as C) (21F) offering to pay or help clean.

C initially kept the cat’s litterbox in the laundry room, but this grossed us out because she rarely cleans it and the laundry room is meant to be a clean space. Also, the cat food was being kept in the kitchen where kiblets would be all over the floor and C wouldn’t sweep it up.

My other roommate (referred to as E) (20F) and I had a conversation with C about moving the cat’s litterbox and food into her bedroom but it did not go well. C claimed that she didn’t feel safe in the house and did not address any of our concerns.

C struggles to keep her room clean and often leaches her mess into common spaces. One time, when her mom was coming to help her clean up her room, C and her mother consulted the rest of us and requested that the litterbox not be moved into her room but rather into the furnace room instead.

We agreed to a trial period as long as she cleaned it more often.

This did not last very long as fleas were found in the house. The cats were locked in their respective owner’s rooms, and different methods of flea removal were attempted.

Currently, it has been over two months and we are waiting to see if any fleas appear on the cats. If so, the girls have agreed to hire an exterminator. During the conversation where we discussed an exterminator, C had the audacity to request that we pay for it, claiming that it is a ‘house issue’.

No one else agrees with this.

During this conversation, we discussed the litter again and decided that it needed to be removed from the furnace room as there are some serious health concerns with it being kept close to a furnace.

We agreed that the only place for the litter was her room. C did not like this, however, agreed.

Recently I found a flea on my bed. I texted my house the next day and C responded saying that it didn’t make sense since she hadn’t seen any.

That night she came into my room and said it didn’t make sense and accused my hamsters of being the ones with fleas. We checked and no fleas were found. She then accused me of lying and when I asked if she was serious she told me that this is what she would believe for her peace of mind.

After this, C then told me she wanted to have a house chat to move the litter box back to the laundry room. She said she’s been feeling miserable and that it wasn’t fair for it to be in her room.

This conversation was sparked because earlier that day I had stepped in cat pee and told her that she needs to keep her door open at night if she wants to let the cat out.

Neither I nor E is comfortable moving the litterbox back to the laundry room. Am I the jerk for not wanting to take responsibility for C’s emotions and requesting that everything remain in her room?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Due to the layout of our current apartment, I and my partner keep our cats’ litter box in the bedroom and we’re perfectly fine. If you scoop it at least every other day it’s quick and there’s no smell.

If C were taking responsibility then the box could be left in the laundry room, if everyone agreed. My point is that it shouldn’t matter where it is because if you’re taking care of it properly then you don’t notice it (as with most things).

It seems to me that your roommate C hasn’t had to take care of a cat before, perhaps her mother did instead. I’m also not sure why she ‘doesn’t feel safe’ in the house.

Does she feel like the rest of you are ganging up on her? It sounds like C may not be mature enough to handle sharing a space with other adults. Try to be nice, let her lay out her terms, and she should let the rest of you lay out yours.” TheRedJester45

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If she struggles so much with keeping her own room clean and can’t properly care for her cat, why doesn’t she rehome it for the time being? Also if it’s her cat then it is fair for the litterbox to be in her room.

You all need to have a talk because it can’t continue like this, she is being irresponsible and everyone else has to pay for the consequences (poop/urine in the house; destroyed items), and that is not fair to you guys or the cat.” strawberry_blueberry

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If C can’t properly take care of her pet, the messes it makes, or the flea situation, she shouldn’t have a pet. I mean, she can’t even keep her own room clean without having her mom help her. Also, you are not responsible for someone else’s emotions. C is overreacting for having to take responsibility for her crappy pet parenting.” HolyUnicornBatman

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TJHall44 1 month ago
NTA if she's not willing to take 100% responsibility for a pet, then she shouldn't have one.
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3. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor's Noisy Dogs?

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“My neighbor’s (let’s call her Alice) dogs have been barking non-stop at night. This has been causing us sleep problems. I have talked to Alice about this and she said she will see what she can do, but nothing has changed.

Another neighbor left Alice a note, then she ranted about how unreasonable her neighbors are on social media. One day I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I reported this to the authorities and Alice got an oral warning.

Our country isn’t very kind to dogs, in the worst case, she might not be able to keep the dogs anymore and god knows what will happen to the dogs. She didn’t know I am the one who reported it.

Alice was furious and posted about this on social media again. She wrote that she couldn’t control the dogs’ barking and doesn’t understand why people chose to treat dogs as such. I don’t think Alice understands the situation.

I love dogs, but the noises are just unbearable. I don’t want anything bad to happen to the dogs, I just hope that Alice can train them properly or do something so that they bark less.

There are senior citizens staying in this neighborhood who are troubled by this too because they can’t get their sleep.

Most of her social media friends sided with her, and only a few asked about the details before judging, but Alice’s replies are very defensive.

AITJ?

EDIT: I reported her one week after I talked to her, not long after I saw her post on social media where she said the dog’s bark is uncontrollable and made a false allegation that nobody has talked to her face-to-face.

Yes, the dogs might be harmed because of my actions.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’ve never understood why some dog people think their desire to keep a particular pet means that everyone within earshot should just have to put up with the racket.

They’d be the first to complain if one of their neighbors got a drum kit. Sort out the barking or move, basically.” FloatingPencil

Another User Comments:

“Ok, I’ll go first on the other side then. Yes, you are a jerk.

I get it. You want to sleep. I get it there are older people that are trying to sleep too. But, I live in a big city. My dog can be quiet all night and I will be woken up by cars and trains and whatever other noises created by all sorts of things.

I don’t need a dog barking to be woken from sleep and if it did it would not be different than being woken by any other sound.

Dogs bark. It’s what they do. And training a dog not to bark takes A LOT of time.

Most dogs don’t just switch off in a day. They have the intelligence of a toddler. It takes time to change a behavior that is natural to them. She said she would see what she could do and she may well have been training the dog as you filed your complaint.

How long did you give her to train it differently? A year? Because it can take that long. And if the dog is older (5+) then the dog may never stop depending on the breed.

But, you knew that the government would likely harm the dog rather than rehome it. You’ve brought it up as a counter to people who have said you aren’t a jerk. From your talk of them getting rid of stray dogs – sounds like the dog could get hurt from your complaint.

Not everyone can afford to move to the country – the city is where the jobs are, and they shouldn’t have to in order to have a pet. Sounds like you sentenced the dog to death purely for being a dog.

Perhaps it depends on each person’s opinion but, I love all dogs even the ones going through a hard time who have mean neighbors so… I think you’re a jerk.” Savelives4love

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If Alice needs to live with untrained dogs that bark all night, she should move her way out to the middle of nowhere and do her thing.

Otherwise, she should follow the law and keep her dogs quiet. A majority of my neighbors have dogs and they all keep them quiet at night. Usually during the day too. It is totally doable and the norm when you live near others.

OP, you seem to be thinking of the welfare of these dogs more than Alice does—which says a lot.” velma-solved-it

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Icyday 1 month ago
Definitely YTA
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2. AITJ For Not Caring About My Relationship With My Dad's Partner?

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“I (M/35) have been married to my wife (F/32) for 5 years and we have a 3-year-old son. My parents divorced when I was 4. My dad (M/64) never remarried, but now has a partner (F/62) of about 3 years.

They don’t visit often at all. My dad averages about once a month, and I think I’ve seen his partner less than 10 times in 3 years. The frequency and length of their visits are determined by them, not us.

We don’t restrict their time.

My dad is convinced I don’t like his partner because I don’t really interact with her when they’re down. I’ve told him that’s not the case, I’m just not a very talkative person, and that they are down to see my son, so I try to let them have as much time with him as possible (both of these are true).

I also tell him that I’m the same way when my in-laws are down (also true). This has been a conversation several times, that has now blown up in the last 48 hours.

They are sick, and I simply told them no one in my house is sick, so I said ‘if it was contagious, you (guys) got it from her family’.

That set him off, after texts about being sick he added ‘by the way HER name is (her name)’.

After another long text from him, I told him:

‘As I’ve said time and time again, I don’t dislike her.

I am happy you found someone that makes you happy. But also as I’ve said before, I am not a very talkative person. When you are over now, the focus is mostly on my son, where it should be.

I don’t interrupt that. It’s the same way when my mom’s over, and the same way when my wife’s parents are over. I don’t know how to phrase this right, so it’s going to come out poorly and harsher than I intend, so I apologize for that.

I don’t dislike your partner, but my relationship is with you, not her, and I don’t really care if I have one with her. That’s nothing against her at all, as I’d feel the same way if Mom started seeing someone.

A parent’s significant other is much different when the child is older than when the child is younger. Even if you guys eventually get married, she may legally become my stepmother, but it’s never going to be that kind of relationship with someone I only see a few times a year, that isn’t raising me as a child.’

Well, that sent him off on another long string of texts.

He’s now called me anti-social, rude, mean-spirited, and saying a whole lot of other things. I haven’t responded to any of it yet, as I find the whole situation to be ridiculous.

What I sent him was the honest truth.

If she makes him happy, then I am happy for him. I don’t dislike her at all. I just have no desire to forge a relationship with someone that I see so rarely just because my dad is with her.

Am I really the jerk for that?”

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ

I don’t think anyone wants you to see her as some sort of mother figure, but your child is growing up with her as a grandmother figure and will start to notice your indifference towards her.

You don’t have to bond with her on some deep level, but she’s been in your father’s life long enough for this to not be a casual thing, so maybe a little effort to be friendly is in order.

Kinda like meeting up with distant cousins that you see once a year. Or the spouses at work parties, if those are still a thing. The other parents at your kid’s school. Pleasantries and small talk: how are your kids/grandkids, did you see that popular movie/book/TV series, etc.” RoxyRockSee

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – it would be one thing if your dad had a new partner every few months, but they’ve been together for years and she’s an important part of his life.

You don’t have to become best friends with her, but you form some degree of a relationship – even if it’s a superficial and casual relationship – because you both love your father and it’s important to him.

You say you don’t dislike her, so why not make the barest effort to not make her feel uncomfortable when they visit with a little bit of small talk? It really isn’t much effort.” sra19

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, borderline YTJ.

She has been around for 3 years. She is someone important to your dad and probably knows your dad more than you at this point (if your behavior holds for your mom and in-laws, then this is also how you are interacting with dad).

Now I’m going to take a turn to drive my point… if dad were to pass away… the woman would likely be involved in arrangements and know more of what dad wants.

I hope that doesn’t sit right with you and hope you see you need to get to know her a bit (not just this example but tons of other reasons).

Same with in-laws and mom. Reevaluate your relationships and what they will look like in years to come. Also, recognize your son will learn by example… is this the relationship you want with him? If not, then do better OP.” scininja99

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

I’m not sure you’ve actually done anything wrong, per se, but being aloof toward your dad’s long-term partner despite his requests for you to make more effort is enough for you to be the jerk, in my opinion.

You are correct that you don’t need to have a relationship with her, or even to like her really, but if it’s not costing you very much and it will make your dad happy, you should probably make more of an effort. Maybe with the in-laws, too.” gojir4a

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rbleah 2 months ago
NTJ You know your limitations and are NOT actively spurning her. Dad needs to get over himself. You ALREADY told him you are happy for him.
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1. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter That My Sons Don't Want To See Her Period Products On Full Display?

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“I have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. She’s 19, almost 20, and I have three sons aged 18, 16, and 15. She’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, I really enjoy having her around.

My wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. My stepdaughter’s father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. All four children share a bathroom.

My sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long-term partners.

They had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them.

My eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which I think is reasonable.

My sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsister’s period products on full display.

A few nights ago I went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university.

My wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so I took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. I told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet.

She laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who ‘sheds like a gorilla’ and has produced ‘three skid marking sons’ which I thought was just an unnecessary attack. I’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison.

My sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. She went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which I think is just an excuse.

I called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what I say goes.

I later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me I was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing.

When I told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep.

This is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it.

I asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. Both of them have told me to stop being so silly but I don’t see how I’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Sorry but what? I’m a guy and realize this is ridiculous. You need to help yourself and your sons become better men and accept that it’s a natural process.

Are you uncomfortable with your wife’s use of the same? I assume not so teach your sons to be better.” manwithoutaplanTO

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Your sons are way too old to be such sensitive little babies about a natural part of life.

You shouldn’t be encouraging their idiocy. Even if they are all gay and will never go out with a woman they should still understand this as part of life.

It’s her bathroom too. Tampons are ready to be thrown out on their own.

They don’t need to be covered and it’s worse for the environment to do so.

How is this even a debate? Tell your kids to grow up and stop making their step-sister feel weird about a natural part of life.” CheruthCutestory

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

No, it is not reasonable to be disturbed by period products that are in a trash can. It’s not like she’s finger painting on the wall with her period blood. She’s just disposing of her menstrual products.

Your sons need to grow up.

I understand their discomfort because they’re young and not used to living with women. But what on earth is your excuse? And why would you want to encourage your sons to remain immature and childish about this?

You’re also incredibly ignorant for suggesting that she should flush them. Menstrual products are never supposed to be flushed.” strikingfirefly

-1 points (1 votes)
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almc1 1 month ago
YTJ, but seriously, did it occur to anyone to get a trash can with a lid?
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