People Want To Solve Their Moral Dilemma In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Husband For Posting About Our Daughter's Birthday?
“Ever since my brother passed away at the age of 17 on his birthday, my family decided to never celebrate birthdays ever again. It was mom & dad’s decision; but because of how much the family loved my brother, my extended family decided to do the same and stand in agreement with this decision.
My husband would refuse to follow this decision and kept celebrating his birthday. I and the family didn’t say a thing about it since he’s not blood family. But when I first got pregnant, the argument about celebrating our daughter’s birthdays occurred.
My family advised me to just not celebrate her birthday since she’s a baby and won’t even remember anyway. I agreed but my husband threw a fit and insisted that we celebrate our daughter’s 1st birthday. I caved in eventually but told him we’d have a small, secret celebration so that my family wouldn’t find out.
He agreed.
The next day, I got a call from Mom and she was so upset saying that my word meant nothing and that I have no respect for my brother’s memory or the family. I asked what she meant and she told me she saw the birthday party pics my husband posted on social media.
I was too shocked to even argue. I hung up and went straight to my husband to confront him about it. He got defensive and said that he didn’t need my permission to post pics and that he wanted to show his family the birthday celebration pics since I ‘insisted’ we have a small, secret party and ‘exclude’ them.
I explained to him how this made me look bad and a liar to my family but he said ‘They can get over it’ and called my mom ‘snobby’. I blew up at him and we had a huge fight about it.
He started sulking later and said I ruined the memory of our daughter’s first birthday for him and ‘verbally abused’ him with how I lashed out. But I solely did it out of frustration knowing that what happened caused a massive problem between me and my family.
Now he’s expecting an apology from me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and your family. This is out of control. That is an insane thing to agree to concerning people who weren’t even BORN at the time. Your children and husband did not consent to this.
It honestly sounds like your family might need some therapy all around. It is sad someone died but the living should not have to pay a price for it every year. Birthdays are about celebrating the LIFE of the person BORN THAT DAY, not about the death of a person born on a different day.
I bet your brother would be appalled this was his legacy – telling everyone that their life isn’t as important as his.
You do look bad, and you are a liar. You should have stood up and said ‘We are celebrating the life of my daughter’ to your family.
Go apologize to your husband.” Colt_kun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and so is your birth family. Whole generations should not be made to mourn someone they’ve never seen, and neither should it be binding on the decedent’s brother-in-law or niece.
I’d suggest you tell your family you’re finally done mourning your brother.
Your daughter is entitled to have her birthdays celebrated. I can just picture in 5 years the lovely conversation you’ll have: ‘I know your schoolmates have birthday parties, birthday cakes, and birthday gifts, and you can’t have one. That’s because your uncle’s dead.’ Jesus Christ on a Triscuit!
It’s time to stop the madness.” Steelguitarlane
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and so is your family.
So what if your family ‘decided to never celebrate birthdays ever again’?
Your husband probably never even met your brother. He shouldn’t have to sneak around and hide that you celebrated your kid’s first year on earth. People do that, it’s a normal thing people celebrate.
It doesn’t even matter if the one-year-old will even remember it.
I am sorry that your family has a thing about birthdays. That sucks for them. But their thing cannot extend to other people that are just going about their normal lives. I understand your husband’s frustration with your parents.” YouthNAsia63
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Co-Parenting Setup With My Ex?
“I have a beautiful daughter (5) with my ‘ex’. We were together briefly, she got pregnant, and we tried to make things ‘work’ but… well, it just didn’t. We didn’t love each other like that. We’d known each other for 10 years and had mutual friends, and got along well as FRIENDS but made the ‘mistake’ of a fling for a few months.
Anyways, we lived together early on in our daughter’s life and it worked well but eventually needed our own places. This was incredibly difficult for our daughter to understand but I think we did an OK job of explaining it to a 3-year-old.
It was hard for us too. We don’t hate each other, nor do we have animosity toward each other. In fact, we’re super close and our daughter now understands the situation much better. She’s so bright. Did I mention how awesome she is?
Anyways… so I have a fiancée I met near the end of my living with my ex.
I was transparent with my situation completely and she has always been cool with it. I celebrate holidays together often with the ex (and fiancée) and our kiddo, have gone there to help with things if needed, and recently even stayed there overnight and half a day while my daughter was incredibly sick for 4 days.
My ex needed sleep, had been off two days, and had a huge presentation to give. My fiancée was invited but declined and was okay with it. She said now that once we get married, boundaries need to be set and we need very specific arrangements for when my daughter will be at my place and when we have her under our care.
We have rough outlines, but early on made an agreement to do what we felt was right – if she calls and my daughter wants to come over for a few days or even the night, totally fine. Goes both ways.
We have nearly zero co-parenting issues. My fiancée also says that having her ‘as much as we do’ is a lot and one full weekend a month is enough. She says that spending holidays together is too much, and they need to be separate.
She knew we did that early on, and I told her that early on it’s how we did things. She has always been okay with it. She and my daughter get along great and she does with my ex as well so this is kind of out of left field – but she has made it clear things will change.
Some of it I get, but other stuff (certain things especially) I won’t budge on. She says I’m choosing my ex (I think I’m choosing my daughter). Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter is the priority. You and your ex are showing her that you are always going to be a team regarding her care and it’s amazing.
She is a lucky girl. And your fiancée should realize she is lucky to have found a man like you.
In my country, they say that you really know the person you are married to the moment you separate from them.
Dude, I think that the relationship you have with your ex is the definition of healthy co-parenting, not very easy to achieve.
Also, what’s with your fiancée telling you how much time you spend with your daughter is enough? Your fiancée is the jerk. Run, my friend.” GuanabanaDulce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Here’s the deal. Your fiancée has played nice with your daughter because she wanted to look good to you.
But she doesn’t actually want your daughter around. She sees your daughter as your connection to your ex. Your fiancée has every intention of pushing your daughter as far away as possible once you’re married so she can have your full attention.
Do not marry this woman. She is going to turn into a wicked stepmother the second the ring is on her finger. And if you two were to have kids together, she wouldn’t even try to hide her favoritism of her bio kids.” buttercupgrump
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not budging on what works for you and your daughter and ex.
You are being pretty stupid when it comes to your fiancee. She is making it quite clear that she does not consider your daughter as anything but an inconvenience and annoyance.
You have a child, you come as a package deal. How much clearer does your fiancée have to be that she wants you to ignore and dismiss your daughter? Why do you think this will magically somehow resolve itself? Your fiancée is showing you who she is and what it will be like being married. Believe her. Even if you put your foot down you know how she really feels about your daughter. You are a lousy father if you stay with this woman.” Flashy_Ferret_1819
19. AITJ For Not Telling Our Families That We Lost Our Baby?
“My (22F) husband (23M) and I lost our baby over a month ago and now our families are livid at us for keeping it from them.
Hear me out before judging.
I’ve had a lot of problems with family & in-laws. They outed my pregnancy & ruined our wedding so there are a lot of trust issues & just issues in general related to our pregnancy.
On March 2nd of this year, I was suffering discomfort for about a week. It got unbearable so my husband took me to the ER then an hour later we were hit with the tragic loss of our baby. Upon leaving the hospital my husband & I agreed to keep this to ourselves while we come to terms with what was reality.
I still had somewhat of a bump which made it easier for us to keep it from them. Although we were heartbroken & needed the space we still managed to keep it as normal as possible. Come to last week & my family started noticing I wasn’t eating as much, using the bathroom as much & sleeping less and they started asking questions about my health yet I still continued to tell them I was fine.
Until Friday (5 days ago) when my bump had gone down & that’s when both my in-laws & family started requesting me to go to the doctor and get a scan done as they were worried about the baby. That’s when we come clean & told them about the loss & how we kept it from them so we could wrap our heads around it all first as this was our first baby and it was all types of different emotions we were experiencing.
Both my family & my in-laws are now livid at us and claim we kept this from them out of spite or payback for ruining our wedding and pregnancy reveal. They are insulting us & saying we are horrible people for what we have done & by not telling them, caused them to not be able to grieve & say/plan a proper goodbye.
I don’t know, maybe we are the jerks.”
Another User Comments:
“Geesh. NTJ. These guys are going to end up losing their relationship with you altogether. You’re more than welcome to block them all for three months or 3000 months. If you want to try to preserve a relationship, get a couple of sessions with a family therapist and practice laying down boundaries.
You get to decide what you’re comfortable with but it could look like… ‘I love you guys but I’m not open to talking about my pregnancies or losses with you. If you bring it up I’ll hang up/block the chat/go home and we can touch base again next week.
If you bring it up again I’ll step back and try again in a week. I understand you are mourning the loss as well but you’ll need to work with your pastor/therapist/dear friends.’ Then prepare to go through the process 5-10 times to see if they can break the pattern.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Look up the circle of grief. You and your husband lost your baby, you are in the inmost circle. The next circle is your parents and other close relatives. It is their job to comfort you and provide you support on your terms.
If they also need support they need to go to the next circle out, such as less close family or their own close friends. Nothing you did here was wrong. This is your loss. You get to decide how you deal with it.
I’m so so sorry. You must be in so much pain. If you need to it’s completely ok to just go no contact with them for a while. You and your husband need space to feel your feelings away from their selfish shenanigans.” wanderlustlost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m sorry for your loss. Your family is behaving abhorrently. What a bunch of ghoulish emotional vampires to turn your loss into an abusive dumpster fire of a circus all about them.
If I were you, I’d be sending out a mass text message.
‘We are still grieving. We don’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with you, your personal attacks, your anger, and your blame. We will not be explaining our decision to grieve privately while going through the painful physical loss process nor will we apologize for it.
We are confident it was the right decision. If you’d like to continue to be in our lives or the lives of any future children we may have, we are open to forgiving and moving forward. For now, we will be focusing on our healing so if you aren’t offering condolences, support, or kindness, please do not contact us otherwise we will have no choice but to block you and remove you from our lives.'” ItsMissIf
18. AITJ For Gifting My Wife Diet Stuff On Her Birthday?
“My (27M) wife (26F) and I have been together for six years and married for two. Our marriage is usually perfect and we just had a beautiful baby boy eight months ago. My wife had a tough pregnancy so she took three months off work and has decided to be a stay-at-home mom.
She and I have been very busy for the last year because of this and have both gained weight, I gained 25 lbs and she gained nearly 80 lbs. So we decided TOGETHER we needed to make changes.
I’ve been going to the gym in the morning but she says she doesn’t have time with the baby, which I understand.
I also usually work late so I assumed she would be making healthy dinners since she’s at home and she did for a couple of weeks but then she got back into buying unhealthy fast food. We spoke about this many times and she said she would try to make time and it seemed great, until I realized I had lost almost 15 lbs and she has gained 5.
We had a discussion about it and she was immediately very defensive and admitted when I am not home she gets herself fast food and does not work out at all. I know she is insecure about her body and to be honest I don’t find her very attractive anymore either, of course, I don’t say this to her face.
Instead, I decided to try and help her and this is where I may have screwed up.
For her birthday, I got her a Peloton, a subscription to a diet food delivery service, and a couple of classes at a fancy gym near our house that she could go to while I babysat.
When she first saw her gift she insisted that it was all too expensive and I should take it back but I assured her she was worth it. After a while of going back and forth, it spiraled into a fight where she said she has been struggling with the baby and I am trying to get her to lose weight instead of actually helping her.
I want to clarify that I think losing weight would help her feel better physically and mentally but she insists I am being a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You got your wife diet stuff for her birthday? In other words, to celebrate her birthday, you told her she was fat?
Honestly, all of your descriptions make it sound like you’re expecting her to be a 1950s housewife while you go and do your own thing and you are confused as to why she doesn’t have the same time as you.
Giving her exercise equipment and gym memberships is like giving her gift cards to stores that are in another country. They’re nice in theory, but if she can’t use them, then they are worthless.
She doesn’t want you to ‘babysit’ – she wants you to be an involved dad who shares in the responsibilities and time.
Just because she’s a stay-at-home mom doesn’t change the fact that you’re still a husband and father. She wants you to figure out a schedule together where you can spend regular time with the kid and she can do something for herself.
YTJ.” HolyGonzo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Seriously?! Help your wife with house chores, help your wife take care of the baby, stop being a nag about such superficial nonsense, and be the man she needs. Actually don’t ‘help’ your wife with chores and parenting, you live there, it’s YOUR house, YOUR kid.
She shouldn’t have to ask for your help, you should be taking care of those things and not just expect her to take care of everything and ask if she needs ‘help’. Ugh… Not only do you make her feel uncared for by your lack of involvement in these essential things but you make her feel terrible for her weight.
You’re SO the jerk.” KindlyAnything3000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First and foremost, you’re not babysitting. It’s YOUR child. You are caring for YOUR baby, which you should be doing a lot more of.
Second, you don’t give these kinds of ‘gifts’ to your spouse for a birthday unless they specifically ask for such things.
You just told her that she’s fat and you don’t trust her to take care of her own body.
Third, you’re a massive jerk because you’re not listening. You’re ignoring what your wife says she needs and instead deciding for her what is best.
‘I think losing weight would help her feel better physically and mentally but she insists I am being a jerk’. You’re not listening to your wife. She is telling you what she needs: ‘She said she has been struggling with the baby’ and your answer is to give her a gym membership and exercise equipment?
My dude, I’d divorce you so fast.” Optycalillusion
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister For Boasting About Her Young Grandparents?
“My (15 F) sister (16 F) and I aren’t close. We barely see each other but this time we had to for a small family reunion. I was practically raised by my grandparents while my mom was working, they are my favorite people and always shut down anyone who tries to tell me otherwise.
Unfortunately, I lost my grandma in 2015 and my grandpa in 2020, they became grandparents in their 80s so they didn’t have much time to spend with me. My sister’s grandparents are way younger maybe in their 50s – 60s I genuinely don’t know but are pretty young with no health issues.
The entire time my sister was making side remarks about how her nana was looking so young, how she was glad she was here and wished to never lose her, and how her grandfather was still in good shape and health and she was grateful to have her nana and grandpa still here.
I didn’t get it at first until we sat down for dinner and my sister stood up and said ‘I’d like to say a toast, so happy my nana and grandpa are here with us today and will continue to be for a long time’.
She turned to me and said ‘I’m sorry you didn’t have the time to have a dinner like that with your grandparents’ all while having a grin on her face. I snapped. The tears were coming and I was yelling at her for having the audacity to hit my sensitivity like that.
Our dad was telling me to sit down and apologize but I refused. I called my sister all sorts of names and she began crying. I called my mom to pick me up and I left.
At home, I got many calls from my dad and my sis calling me a raging jerk.
I scolded both of them and hung up. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, From your perspective it seems to have been intentional and if it was then she is definitely using your pain to get a reaction. I would also say that even if she didn’t think of hurting you at all, it was still wrong of her, since as your sister, she knows your situation and should act more respectfully.
I think it’s fair that you said something even if it escalated because in both cases it was inappropriate of your sister.
Of course, I would also add that saying ‘Stop, that’s very hurtful to me’ would be enough, and if she doesn’t, to leave.
In this case, though, I would just say, be proud that you stood up for yourself, but not the exact words you used to do it.” AleKess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister knew exactly what she was doing and was hoping to get a reaction out of you.
She probably didn’t think you would stand up for yourself and when you did she freaked out because surprise, you are not a doormat.
I would tell your dad that until he realizes what a brat he’s helping to raise you are done with him.
If he can knowingly sit by while she says these things about your grandparents while he knows how much it upsets you he’s a big jerk.” AmbitionEven884
Another User Comments:
“Next time she tries to say something just calmly look at her and say ‘You know it’s actually so pathetic of you to try and make fun of me for my grandparents dying, but you know what? I’m glad they raised me to be nothing like you.
I’m just sorry you grew up to be as ugly on the inside as you are on the outside.’ Then continue to calmly eat your food or whatever you’re doing, no raising your voice or anything because then you’re giving her what she wants. Anyways NTJ, I’m sorry about your grandparents.” Frogsaresupreme88
Cut your losses as much as you can with those people. They can stick it where the sun don't shine.
I am deeply sorry about your grandparents.
16. AITJ For Insisting That My Classmate Stole My Medication?
“I (20F) had my classmate (21F) over in my dorm room to work on a group project together the other night. I left her alone in my room to go to the bathroom for a few minutes, thinking nothing of it.
My room is very small and cramped, so everything I own is in full view, including my medications. Some of which I really need to function.
I realized the next morning she swiped one of my pill bottles, which had a medication I desperately need to function and depend on to live.
I know she took it. I spoke with her ex-roommate, who went scorched earth with her, and the ex-roommate confirmed she has an addiction problem and has stolen meds before.
I’m terrified for my health and ability to function. This medication is hundreds of dollars, and my crappy insurance will not cover a refill, and I’m very broke.
The effects are going to devastate me mentally and physically if I can’t retrieve my meds, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to function at school or my work.
I panicked and went to my classmate’s workplace to tell her I know she stole my meds, and that I really need them back right away.
I’ll forgive it if she just returns them. She was completely hostile and cutting, and she said, ‘Even if I did, you can’t prove it, and I would never admit to any theft.’ She told her supervisor I’m harassing her and she barely even knows me, and had me seen out of the place.
My friends, who I asked for help, said I’m completely out of line going to someone’s workplace for a petty dispute, and I could’ve ruined her life. They don’t understand my dire situation though. My whole ability to exist normally is on the line, and I have no money to get a medication refill.
This could ruin me, and I’m so scared of what will happen. AITJ for confronting someone at work to try to get my medication?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but report it to the police. Don’t let them ignore you, keep pushing until you get a police report stating all the details as you can remember them.
Are you and her both in on-campus housing? If so, I would go to the RA (or equivalent) and ask them how to go about it, given you have a police report and are 90% certain she stole them. If not, burn all bridges with her, and personally, I would talk to the professor and ask what you can do about breaking up the group project as you will refuse to work with her going forward.
If you really wanna be spiteful, spread the word to the rest of your classmates that she cannot be trusted alone for even 2 minutes in someone’s home without robbing them, but that is absolutely in the revenge category rather than the justified one.” TaintBiscuit101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she stole from you.
File a police report about the theft. With that police report your insurance should cover the refill. If it is a controlled substance prescription, they should take it very seriously.
Your friends are wrong. This isn’t a ‘petty’ dispute, she stole the medication you need to function, and she ruined her own life.
For your information, not all prescriptions are ‘controlled’. Controlled substances are the ones that have a high potential for overuse.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, file a police report and tell them where she works so they can go retrieve the meds. I’d also go back and ask to speak with her manager.
Let them know that you were asked to leave after coming to retrieve medications that were stolen and that you don’t want to have to involve the police at the workplace, but that seems to be your only option unless she returns them. If she gets fired or arrested, that’s on her.” Wide_Custard_140
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Won't Invite Her To My Wedding Because She's A Bully?
“My (27F) sister Kayley (24F) is self-centered, entitled, and a bully. And she is absolutely the way she is because of our parents. They would threaten to get teachers fired for giving Kayley a bad grade. Kayley’s behavior would get swept under the rug because the school didn’t want to deal with my parents.
Kayley was given no boundaries at home either. I limit my communication with my parents and Kayley, as their enablement of her has only gotten worse.
My fiancé Joseph (25M) and I are getting married in August. At the beginning of our relationship, I learned that Joseph was one of the people Kayley severely bullied during high school and cyber-bullied when he was in college.
Joseph and I have tried both individually and together to confront Kayley about her bullying. Kayley has never apologized for her bullying and frequently denies it ever happened. Her response is always something along the lines of ‘Well, even if I did do that, he should get over it’ or ‘That was all the way back during the global crisis, he should have learned to take a joke by now.’
Earlier this year, a friend of Kayley’s passed away unexpectedly.
Kayley and her friend used to hang out with each other every day, but from what I know, they hadn’t really been in touch since high school. Now Kayley and my parents are insisting that she’s had a change of heart because her friend’s death made Kayley realize that you never know how much time you have left with people and she wants to be more involved in my life.
However, despite these claims, Kayley still refuses to apologize for any of her bullying toward me or Joseph.
Previously, Kayley had no interest in attending my wedding. But now says that she wants to attend and expects a ‘place of honor’ such as a bridesmaid.
I told Kayley that she is not welcome at my and Joseph’s wedding. Her refusal to apologize or admit wrongdoing shows us that she isn’t sincere about wanting to be a better sister and overall person towards us. This is supposed to be one of the biggest and happiest days of my and Joseph’s lives, and we aren’t saving any seats for a bully.
My parents are pushing Kayley’s change of heart claims and are saying I should have more sympathy for my sister because of her friend’s death. Several family members are supporting my parents and say they will not attend my wedding unless Kayley is invited.
My paternal grandparents have always been there for me and Joseph and want to attend, but they cannot because they would need my aunt or her husband to take them. My grandparents rely very heavily on my aunt due to their poorer health and they’re scared to go against her and potentially lose her support.
All of our friends agree that we should not have to invite Kayley to the wedding. But I should invite her for my grandparents’ sake because they know how much my grandparents want to come, and inviting Kayley would be the unfortunate but necessary means to make sure they can be there.
Are we the jerks for still holding back an invitation for Kayley?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry OP that your parents and family members are encouraging this toxic behavior. Your wedding is about you both at the end of the day and you deserve to have it be a joyful event.
Maybe get an Uber for your grandparents? Also holy smokes in college? That isn’t even ‘just’ childhood bullying that some might grow out of. The fact that she is an adult speaks to a very serious issue with your sister, not to play armchair therapist but possibly having a cluster b malignant personality disorder such as anti-social personality disorder, etc.
Congratulations to you both and please have a wonderful day and a life full of happiness!” Narrow-Excitement-23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Firstly, it sounds like your friends know Kayley much better than your relatives do, and are fully aware of what she did to your fiancé.
I would send a clear message to your family about what you believe your sister did and why you’re pushing the decision you made.
Secondly, it’s your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want. It sounds like your sister is a totally entitled jerk and I would tell her that you won’t invite her until she apologizes for her actions.
But if it’s going to create drama and ruin your wedding, then, in the end, it’s up to you to decide whether or not it’s worth it to invite her.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has not changed at all and you know it.
Do not invite her, and I would make sure you have someone available to act as a bouncer and escort her out should she try to crash. Stand your ground, and tell your parents you understand how they feel, that if they decide to choose Kayley over your wedding, you will accept their decision, but if they choose to miss your wedding, you will be in no contact with them by the end of it. You’re done with them choosing a mean and entitled bully over you every time, and now that you are married you need to set new boundaries to protect your new family.” maidenmothercrone333
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Brother Move Into My House?
“My brother is 26 and has a 7-year-old daughter. He dropped out of high school his junior year, started going out with this girl that was the epitome of white trash, and had a kid with her. My parents got him a job and gave him a car.
He rolled the car and was fired. They set him up with a new job and he’s not made any effort to move up in the last 5 years while he continues to complain about being broke.
I, meanwhile, joined the military, was injured in training, and am now medically retired.
Bought my first house last year and let my parents move in as they are getting older and have medical issues. My mom insisted on letting my brother and his kid move in with us, going so far as to tell them that I had already said yes.
It’s not a big house. 3br, 2bath, with 3 adults already living in it. Plus, my brother had destroyed everything they’d given him. When we were still waiting to move in, he came up to me and said he was upset that he wouldn’t have carpet in his room.
I told him he didn’t have a room and he wasn’t living with us and he should just stay in the house, that’s bigger than mine, he rents for $350 a month.
For the last few months, he’s been bringing up the fact that he’d be better off if I had let him move in and he’s gotten his daughter to ask me why I wouldn’t let him have the room that is currently my office.
My older sisters have also been questioning my decision to not help him. My youngest brother is the only one on my side, saying that I had every right to stand up for myself, my house, and everything I’ve invested into it.
The constant nagging about it from everyone else has been making me feel like they care more about him than me.
My brother and I recently went to see John Wick 4, and he asked if he could spend the night, I said sure, but he didn’t have his work clothes at the house so he’d need to leave early to get to work on time.
He got all mad about that, said that it wouldn’t be an issue if I had let him live at the house, and called me a jerk before storming out and leaving.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re already letting your parents live with you, you don’t need to cram two more people into your house when your brother already has a place to live.
Any time someone complains, tell them that your house is not available for him to move into; but it’s so kind of them to worry about your brother, and they can certainly invite him to live with them if that would assuage their concerns.” gluevah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t have enough bedrooms in the house; not for two single adults, a couple, and a child.
Your brother is in a situation of his own doing, and it does appear he’s just looking to freeload – and using his kid to try and manipulate you.
He’d be better off if he’d actually put in the effort instead of trying to use others to make his life easier.
If he didn’t destroy everything he could make everyone’s lives easier by splitting bills. (But there would still be the issue of not enough bedrooms, and if you work from home, you need the office space.)
You’re already helping your parents, your sisters can help your brother if they feel it’s so important.
It’s easier for him to blame others for his circumstances than to look at his own choices. And while some circumstances are impacted by things out of your control, nothing is stopping him from getting a GED and putting in the effort to get a promotion or a better job.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to give your parents a choice: they either respect their phenomenal generosity or they can find someone else to subsidize their home and lifestyle.
They get to pick. They can continue to enable a mooch at the expense of alienating you, or they can show respect and appreciation for the only one of their children willing and capable of providing them with such a comfortable living situation. If they continue to enable him or interfere in your decision regarding your property, they will need to live elsewhere where such disrespect is tolerated.” itsjustmo_
13. AITJ For Supporting A Pizza Place That's A Direct Competitor To My Ex's?
“My ex’s parents own a restaurant that is very close to our school. A lot of people from our school go there after school. After we broke up I stopped going to his parent’s restaurant because it was awkward. My friends didn’t want to go there without me.
So we all started going to this pizza place a few streets over. After a while, the pizza place started offering a student discount meal. So we started going more often and bringing other friends too.
We sort of became regulars at this new place and one day were talking to the people that worked there about the old place we used to go to and how a lot of people from our school usually go to that restaurant because it’s closer.
Now we just found out that the pizza place is going to be moving closer to our school. They offered to pay us if we handed out fliers that included their new location and their student discount to other students.
I heard from other people that my ex is really mad and says his parents think they are going to have to close their restaurant once the pizza place moves and they can’t compete with their prices.
My ex is saying it’s my fault and that if I just kept going to his parent’s restaurant like everyone else no one would know about the pizza place and the pizza place wouldn’t be moving closer. He’s also saying I used my popularity to get my friends to boycott his parents’ restaurant and that I was handing out fliers to get back at him.
I didn’t do it to get back at him though. I did it because they paid me to. I also didn’t make my friends boycott his parent’s restaurant. They just didn’t want to go there without me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It seems like your ex is giving you a lot of credit for ‘single-handedly’ closing his parents’ restaurant.
I can completely understand how you wouldn’t want to eat at a restaurant owned by your ex’s parents. Saying that you alone have influence over what businesses in the community rise and fall seems pretty far-fetched. At the end of the day, you’re in charge of where you go and how you spend your money.
This other place was already willing to offer a student discount, even with the location being slightly further away. Owning your own business is difficult, but it’s your responsibility as a business owner to do marketing (like handing out fliers), and offer incentives to get people to come to your business over someone else, and while they might not have the means to do so, that shouldn’t be put on you.
I will say, openly handing out fliers for the competition is probably pretty hurtful, I’m sure he takes that personally, and I don’t think he’s unreasonable for being upset. That said, if they’re paying you to hand out fliers, that’s a job and it just so happens to be with the competition.” IAmMikki
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt NTJ.
You owe your ex and his family nothing. Also being super honest you had nothing to do with it, you are not that powerful. It is not like the pizza place moved their whole business just for 1 group and if you did not hand out the flyers they would have found another way to get publicity.
It is a shame their business could not stand losing a couple of clients and a little bit of fair competition, but that is on them.” Dramatic-but-Aware
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made a personal decision because hanging around your ex’s parents’ restaurant is weird.
You found a new place to go. Your friends went with you. That the new place realizes there’s money to be earned from students and is moving closer to the school is a business decision. They offered you paid work, and you accepted it.
You are doing everything right here. Your ex being jealous is not your fault, he needs to get over it already. And if his parents’ business cannot survive a little competition, well, ‘That’s business, baby!'” SpreadingRumors
12. AITJ For Putting My Foot Down And Not Letting My Mom Move Into My House?
“I love my mom, but she has been a very selfish, narcissistic person for her entire life. I won’t say she hasn’t ever done anything out of the goodness of her heart, but her actions are usually self-serving and have some sort of ulterior motive.
I’ve dealt with verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, guilt tripping, and an inability to respect boundaries (to name a few things) for the past 30 years. As I’ve gotten older, most of the time I ignore her behavior. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely fed up with it.
My personal feelings and frustrations aside, she is now in her 70s and has a number of health problems, including arthritis, incontinence, and mobility issues. She’s getting ready to move to the same area we are in, and has asked me repeatedly where she’s ‘going to stay while she’s here.’ She’s also asked me repeatedly if she can live with us.
I have politely but firmly told her (more times than I can count) that we don’t have the room.
And truthfully we don’t – we have an infant daughter, two dogs, and three people living in a house that isn’t super big to begin with.
She knows all of this and keeps insisting that she needs to stay with us while she ‘looks for a place to live.’
I do want to help her, but our concern is that she won’t actually look for a place to live, and it will be a lot tougher to initiate a move for her if we let her move in.
We also know that she refuses to do anything for herself and wants everyone to do everything for her, as we’ve witnessed over and over again. I have my concerns over whether she is developing early dementia. My dad had dementia when I was growing up and lived with us for a while until my mom finally put him in a facility – and that was absolute misery.
I’m not having a repeat of that.
Also, we aren’t sure if it’s dementia, something that resembles it, or just her being manipulative. I understand dementia can look like manipulation in the early stages. If she does have it, she’ll need to go into a care facility.
Today, we got into an argument because she first told me that she knew I was busy but I ‘needed to call her right now and get things squared away for her.’ Then she told me I ‘needed to buy her a futon and put it in our basement because she’s coming to live with us.’ I told her no and explained that we’ve talked about this numerous times, and she whipped out her favorite guilt trip – ‘After everything I’ve done for you, you can’t take care of me? You’re my daughter, that’s what you’re supposed to do.’
And that’s when I lost it.
A big fight ensued and ended with me telling her she was not living with us. I’m willing to get her any and all help she needs, but I’m sick of being guilt-tripped, and her living with us is not a good fit for our family.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
PLEASE don’t let her stay. With your child living with you it will stress them out as well. Kids can pick up on tension and anxiety (dogs can too). I know her age might tempt you to let her stay, but narcissists do not and will not change their behavior, so if your prediction is that if you give her an inch she’ll take a mile, you’re correct.
I would say you should stop arguing with her because narcissists love to argue, my dad picks fights with me just to win them it seems. Not only that but she may use your behavior as leverage against you, despite it being provoked and valid.
There’s also a chance letting her stay will put tension in your relationship with your partner, especially considering the size of your home. The truth is that you don’t owe her this either because of her behavior towards your ENTIRE life.
Something else to keep in mind—a boundary is NOT a boundary if it is not enforced, so don’t let her weasel her way into your life. I applaud you for how civil you are with her, it’s not so easy for me.
You sound like an empathetic person, narcissists love that quality in people for the wrong reasons. I wish you luck, be safe.” Fit_Ad5669
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She decided to move not only to your area but to your home. If you have children and animals in a small home, adding someone with health and incontinence problems will completely ruin your family dynamics.
Moreover, if she’s being that pushy when she’s trying to sweet-talk you into taking her in, you can rest assured she’s going to drop the sweet part and just be demanding.
You are absolutely right to refuse to house her in your home.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“You simply do not have the space & already know that letting her move in will be a never-ending nightmare.
If you want to ‘help her’, start contacting assisted living facilities in the area that she’s planning to move to (hopefully an hour or so away from you!). Go tour them, collect some brochures & send them to her, with a very nice note, along the lines of ‘We found a few places you might like. Let me know which ones you’d like to visit.’
You’ve already set your boundary, now enforce it. But, for your & your family’s sanity… Do Not Let Her Move In!
NTJ.” ItCanBeEasy2405
11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Fiance For Trying To Keep An Aggressive Animal In Our Home?
“I have a lot of trauma surrounding dogs (multiple scars and other stuff) and I NEVER wanted one. I was so clear about this when I started going out with my fiancé 6 years ago and he claimed he didn’t want one either.
He continued to say this for years because my son wanted one and he would always say ‘Sorry buddy but I don’t want a dog here’.
Well, my mom (who treats dogs better than her own kids and is part of my trauma surrounding them) had 8 Corgi mixed puppies.
She knew my son wanted a dog and asked if we wanted one for free. I said no, and so did my fiancé. However, 3 days later he went to pick up my son from my mom’s and showed up with one of the puppies.
I was absolutely livid and it definitely caused fights between him and me AND between me and my mother. I told him to bring the dog back and he refused. He said we had to give it a chance for my son’s sake.
I felt like I had no say in this and I honestly shut down completely. Became depressed, and hated being home because now my home smelt like constant dog pee/poop/wet dog. I couldn’t deal with the whining or the barking. My trauma is so severe that even watching my son and fiancé interact with this dog ‘triggered’ me, causing me to shut down further.
I tried, desperately, to bond with this dog. I pushed my limits daily. I forced myself to play with her. I forced myself to be a part of the training. All it did was make me want to leave my fiancé and let him keep the dog.
I fully blamed him. He shouldn’t have come home with her.
My kid doesn’t want the dog (for multiple reasons) and has been saying since the first week that he wanted to give her back. The only person who wants her is my fiancé.
The final straw was her going after an old man the other day and got his hand, completely unwarranted (she’s shown signs of being reactive in the past). I told him this was the final straw and she needs to go.
He reluctantly agreed. Then two days later he finds out his grandmother is sick, starts crying nonstop, and says he needs to register the dog as an ESA. I honestly lost it completely. I told him that he is now pulling at any string possible to keep an aggressive animal and I’m done.
He says I’m a jerk because instead of comforting him I’m just finding ways to attack what is comforting him and says I obviously don’t care about him. I told him I won’t tolerate manipulation and she still needs to go or he needs to go with her.
I’m being called a jerk by many people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this dog doesn’t sound like an ESA. First of all, there’s no registration for ESAs in the US – the only thing that exists is a doctor’s letter stating that the person has a disability and the ESA is part of the treatment for that disability.
The letter merely means that people can’t be charged a pet rent/deposit and that they can have an animal in non-pet buildings. Animals can still be kicked out or denied if they’re aggressive or for a few other reasons. If your fiancé isn’t disabled and isn’t seeing a doctor for that disability, the dog isn’t an ESA, no matter what he says.
That said, your fiancé is being both a jerk and a bad pet owner. You aren’t comfortable with the dog, your son doesn’t want the dog, and your fiancé has decided his wishes are more important than y’all’s. Not to mention, with the aggression and lack of training, he’s doing the dog and anyone around her no favors.” darklingdawns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Plenty of animals can be ESAs; it doesn’t have to be a dog.
Also, it’s okay to be emotional after finding out bad news about a loved one – it means you may need extra support from friends and family temporarily, but it doesn’t mean an ESA is needed to function.
And for him to pick the one animal that he knows triggers your trauma and makes you deeply unhappy? That you said you never, EVER wanted? That he tried to leverage ‘for your son’?
Your assessment that he is being manipulative is reasonable here.
You tried to make it work even when it was hurting you – it was cruel to claim you don’t care about him.
Where is his care for you? Where is his concern for your comfort, as in not having to live with something that triggers your trauma and that deeply upsets you?
The dog also now has bitten someone and it sounds like you have reason to expect the behavior to continue.
If he needs the dog he can’t demand you stay.
It doesn’t make you a jerk – it means you have a limit; one he knew about up front.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your fiancé entered the relationship knowing a pet dog was not an option for y’all and violated your wishes and trust by bringing one home after you said no.
That was a huge jerk move on his part and he has clearly not understood yet how wrong that was.
If your kid had fallen in love with the dog since it came home the situation would be more complicated, but the original justification for the dog was for the kid, and the kid doesn’t want it.
The dog is also clearly not in the best possible home if it’s acting out by biting strangers. The longer you wait to return the dog, the more you’ll be hurting it when you inevitably do and the harder it’ll be to rehome—you need to do this as soon as possible, tell your husband the argument can be had w/o actively hurting a puppy while having it by keeping it in a home where it’s unwanted.
I do think you might want to seek therapy for your phobia, in case one day your kid does really want a dog and this argument comes up again. But that process has to start long before any dog actually arrives in the home, and bringing such a trigger for you into the home without a doctor’s go-ahead was super irresponsible of your fiancé.
If your fiancé is adamant about needing an ESA, offer to get a cat together. I strongly suspect that this will call his bluff and prove the ESA thing was just a manipulation tactic, but on the off-chance it isn’t, a cat could support his mental health w/o tanking yours.
His mental health needs are not more important than yours, and they especially aren’t more important than your child’s, which frankly supersede either of yours—this whole drama has already been hurtful to your kid, and the longer it continues the worse it will be.” User
10. AITJ For Putting Labels On Things At My House?
“I have two of my children living with me. One has graduated from college and the other is a junior. I have to purchase medicated shampoo because of a scalp condition. It is by prescription and it is expensive. It also comes in packaging that is meant to be stored upright.
Not on its side and definitely not upside down.
My daughter has her hair products in the shower and I do not touch them. My son also keeps his AXE body wash/shampoo/conditioner/woman repellent in the shower. I also do not touch it since I have zero desire to smell like a high school locker room.
I keep my shampoo in there as well since it is my house and I can keep my stuff wherever I want.
For some reason, the two of them cannot understand that not all packaging is meant to be upside down. They have already wasted an entire bottle of my shampoo by storing it upside down after they touched it for some reason.
It all dripped out the spout which is not engineered for that.
I talked to both of them and I explained that they should not touch my stuff and that if they accidentally tip over my shampoo it was meant to be stored with the lid at the top.
I came home last week to find my shampoo leaking out of the bottle again. UPSIDE DOWN.
I ordered 500 stickers that say ‘this side up’ with an arrow pointing upwards when the words are upright and I put them on everything in the house that might leak, with my shampoo being literally covered in them.
They had friends over last weekend and they noticed that the relish, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, etc. were all labeled.
My kids were embarrassed when they explained why. They think I am a jerk for putting labels on everything since they only mess with my shampoo.
Since it is $80 a bottle I said I would take off all the labels if they agree to pay for my shampoo. Thus far they have declined.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your house, your rules.
In spite of that, you’re allowing your daughter and son to keep their products in the shower.
If your children can’t respect your boundaries in your own house and are actually embarrassed by your actions, despite inviting friends over, screw ’em. They’re grown up, they can understand. Or if they don’t, the above still applies.” Reddit_Survivor9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your solution isn’t an effective one.
Keep prescriptions out of the reach of children and idiots. They obviously don’t understand how to read, so the shock value of an unfamiliar sticker may only work once, if at all. Treat them like the idiots they are and lock away your $80 prescription shampoo which cannot be sold to people without a prescription away from idiots.
There’s a reason your prescription shampoo isn’t available over the counter, and it’s because a doctor has to know the user’s (patient’s) medical condition before prescribing it. Your doctor hasn’t seen your children.
Did I use the word ‘idiot’ enough times? Because at that age, a prescription shampoo is something they won’t give a second thought about, so with respect to prescription shampoo, they’re idiots.” mofa90277
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if your children are that old and they can not understand that you have to have a specialized medicated shampoo for your scalp condition and you have spoken with them about previous incidents and they still ignore you.
You are definitely not the jerk. Your children need to respect the fact that you have to have a special medicated item, and it has to be placed in a specific manner so that it won’t leak. I think it is hilarious that you bought so many and placed them on other items as well. Good job!
What a good laugh as well. What a perfect descriptor of Axe. LOL. Hopefully, your children will no longer waste your products and will learn to respect your belongings. Best of luck!” AsheNichole
It is mind boggling to me that a COLLEGE GRADUATE is so stupid as to have to be TOLD not to store your shampoo upside down after the FIRST incident. You should tell her and your son that you clearly wasted your money on tuition for them, if they can't follow one. simple. direction. from a parent, and are disrespectful enough to continue to ignore said parent's wishes while living in your home. You're treating them like the children they no longer are. Make them accountable, or make them move out.
9. WIBTJ If I Turn My Grandma's Quilts Into Clothing?
“My grandma (88F) is a wonderful quilter. Everyone in our family owns multiple quilts made by her. Unfortunately, as she got older, she lost her ability to see and had to give up her hobby. She has many completed quilt tops that she expressed wanting to have finished one day.
However, they remain unfinished and have been sitting in storage for years.
For context, I (34F) am a small clothing designer, focusing on upcycled materials and handmade designs. Several years ago I asked grandma if I could have her fabric supply to make clothing.
She gave me a lot of scraps and unused material but did not want to give me the quilt tops.
My mom has been slowly helping Grandma clean out her house in preparation for the inevitable. Recently, my mom returned from visiting grandma and gifted me 12 quilt tops.
I want to turn these into cardigans and sweaters, to both sell and give away to relatives, but I am conflicted as I know Grandma intended to have these quilts completed. From what I understand it costs $300-$500 to complete a quilt.
Would I be the jerk if I made the quilt tops into clothing? I can’t really ask my grandma because she lives far away and can no longer talk on the phone or text.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ simply because grandma has already given you her answer – years ago when you asked for her fabric to make clothing, she did not want to give you the quilt tops.
Moreover, you’re not doing it exclusively to honor her, you’re doing it (at least in part) to sell the clothes you make.
If you can sew clothes, you can sew a quilt – including by doing simple straight stitch machine quilting yourself.
You could upcycle a bedsheet for the quilt back and get some batting on sale. The $300 to $500 price you quoted is only if you send out the quilt for professional long-arm quilting and, even then, the price seems high.
The point is if you really want to honor grandma, use your talents to finish these projects the way she wanted, not turn them into something else.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She already gave you all the unused materials, she only wanted to keep the quilt tops, because it was a dear hobby of hers.
If you don’t want them, you can give them to your other relatives. I think it’s disrespectful to ignore her wishes.
If you really want to, you can wait and ask her again if you have the chance, but I don’t think you should outright ignore her answer, that she has already given you.
I am certain that you could afford to buy the fabric to make other clothing or simply wait to get a proper answer. Or maybe you could ask your mother what was her intentions and what did your grandma tell her when she gave her the quilt tops.” User
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you did this without speaking to your grandma or, even with permission, sold them.
If you aren’t interested in finishing them, find a family member who would want them, either as they are or to have finished. If you want to make clothing from quilt tops, make your own. Your grandma gave her answers when she wouldn’t give them to you before, so unless you ask now and get a different answer (that she’s actually cognitively able to give) then you would be worse than a jerk.
The quilt tops should be treasured heirlooms and depending on where you are and what you’re looking for as far as finishing goes, you can get them finished for less than what you’ve mentioned. If nothing else, look up tack quilting, it’s pretty easy to do yourself and would maintain them as the quilts she intended.” PrimordialShade
8. AITJ For Not Knowing How To Make Coffee?
“Growing up and even now I’ve never drank coffee. Never got into it. I don’t understand how people drink it. They say you acquire the taste but I tasted it one time, thought it was gross, and never sipped it again.
I don’t really drink much other than water and I don’t need the help getting up early for work because I never built up a dependence on it. My whole family drinks coffee and most of my friends do but I’ve never made it myself.
I lived with roommates for a bit but recently got my own small rented house. I am the only one who lives there and there is an extra bedroom. When family comes to visit they’ve been staying with me which is fine.
I enjoy them staying with me and enjoy having a house with extra room. This has happened a few times with people that stayed with me but for this post, I’ll use the most recent one.
I still live in the same area I grew up in but my parents moved down to Florida as many parents with no kids to take care of anymore do.
Recently they stayed with me for four days and it was great. Besides the fact that I do not have a coffee machine and to them that is somehow a crime against humanity. They say that even if I don’t drink it I should have a machine and buy coffee which I think is ridiculous.
I have enough things to keep guests comfortable and if someone wanted coffee they could take a short drive and get some from any drive-thru. My parents are one of those ‘dead without coffee’ type of people in the morning and they brought it up every morning.
In the past, a cousin stayed with me and one morning was like ‘Where’s the coffee’ and was upset. My parents bought coffee quickly and kept it on the counter but one morning asked me to make them some coffee. Which, again, I have no idea how to do that.
They think this is rude and that everyone should know how to make coffee. But I said this is like wanting smoothies in the morning and being mad that I don’t have a blender. My parents, my cousin, and my aunts (two separate occasions) stayed with me and all made coffee comments.
But my parents kept it up as if it is some mark against my character.
I don’t drink liquor but nobody has ever whined because there is no beer in my fridge.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I think this all comes down to how often you are hosting.
If you are constantly having family over, it might be worth investing in a small tea and coffee station. Nothing major, but why not a jar of instant and a box of tea?
Even the most basic AirBnBs make sure there is tea and coffee on-hand.
But I get it, I do. You’re not an AirBnB, so you don’t really need to overextend like that right? Well, you are admittedly a non-coffee person in a family full of coffee drinkers offering to host them, so you might as well save future arguments and buy some provisions to keep on hand.
I think the demand to buy like a Nespresso is outrageous and shouldn’t be capitulated to, but I also think having at least something on hand can pre-empt an argument and is ultimately a small price to pay.
If they keep at you for not going above and beyond, you should ask them to buy you a coffee machine.” addisonavenue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s normal and polite to have items in your home for guests that are generally expected to be there.
It’s also not unusual to shop SPECIFICALLY just for items that you know your guests like. For example, we don’t drink juice but we buy orange juice when my in-laws come to town. Coffee is so universal that I would personally have a basic French press around the house and would be buying coffee when guests come to town.
I won’t say YTJ, but you are missing some basic hospitality etiquette. If you are going to host, be a good host.” mac2885
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not just buying a jar of coffee so you can make the odd cup for your guests.
I was going to be less harsh, but the put-on learned helplessness of claiming to have no idea how to make coffee instead of just asking them how they like theirs is just a bit ridiculous. Your parents even bought a jar and still, you pretended that making a cup using it would somehow be forever beyond your ability to learn.
To be clear, you certainly should feel under no pressure to buy a proper coffee machine or even a cafetiere, but a small jar of coffee is only a few quid, so presumably is also only a few of your local currency and takes up almost no cupboard space.
You can of course keep this as a line in the sand to die on, but part of being a good host is covering the absolute basics like this – unless of course, your budget is so tight that it would tip you into the red, as no one should expect their drink preference to do that.
Though as your parents bought some coffee that doesn’t apply in your case this time.” bowak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would maybe warn friends before they stay overnight. I love coffee and need it in the morning so I’d appreciate a heads up but I also wouldn’t be mad at you if you didn’t have a coffeemaker.
If your parents think it’s such an issue then buy you a cheap coffee maker and supplies for when they visit. You can store it away when they aren’t there and let them prepare the coffee when they are visiting.
It’s your house and your life.
You make the rules. Parents really struggle with seeing their adult children as real adults sometimes and I think this is a case of that. It’s their problem so they can create a solution or stay at a hotel.” 0YaKnow
Second, it's your house and you can do what you want. They know you don't have a coffee maker, so they can either buy one or go get one. They shouldn't be s**tting on you for what you do in your house.
7. AITJ For Telling My Daughter That She Shouldn't Pursue A 9-5?
“My (62M) daughter (24F) graduated college two years ago. She commuted, so she’s always lived with us. I think she got a bit burnt out from her study of choice (music) and is taking a break from it.
Growing up, we always told our children to avoid the 9-5, rat-race life precisely because it is so soul-sucking.
And because they have talents they can offer the world instead and make their aim to turn into a successful business. That has been my wife and I’s goal when we started our small business almost 10 years ago (we self-publish our books).
We had soulless day jobs that we both have retired from, but the whole point of this side business (while it’s been unprofitable so far) is to give our kids an example of entrepreneurism. We all contribute so it can one day grow legs.
With that, my daughter has never had a job and has only done school, and now, helps out in our business. We have never had a problem with this – first we wanted her to focus on school and now we’re letting her explore and hopefully make her own income without the pressure of bills.
A year ago, she picked up a freelance ESL position where she talks to people online from around the world to help their English. I would say she does it 2-3 hours a day and she told me the pay is $10/hour.
I recently helped her with her taxes and saw that she only made $5000 last year.
When I told my wife that, in short, she went into a panic. Said she’s not making enough. To me, I think my wife is just worrying and my daughter will do alright.
We’re in disagreement.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re setting her up to fail. Pushing her to pursue her dreams and go to school for the degree she wants is perfectly fine. However, not teaching her to get the soul-sucking 9-5 to PAY HER BILLS if her passions aren’t is you failing as a parent.
Little kids babysitting make more than 5k/yr. Your wife is right to panic. You and your wife had to do the 9-5 to be able to afford the reality of life, now that you’ve retired you get to really pursue your passion.
She’s 24, and if you keep feeding her this pipe dream she will only suffer. It’s great to tell your kids to dream, but it’s crucial to teach them how to survive if their dreams aren’t profitable.” 2Boredatwk
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is a wide gulf between the soul-sucking race and owning your own business.
You can teach her to be more discriminating in her employment choices. But as of now she’s incapable of surviving on her own it seems. You’re teaching her about entrepreneurship with a business that’s not profitable.
If you want to support her while she finds her way without the pressure of bills that’s fine.
But 2-3 hours of work a day isn’t going to get her any kind of meaningful income. So while you’re paying her way she’s not actually getting any closer to sustaining herself.
Plenty of artists and entrepreneurs support themselves with day jobs while pursuing their passions or their interests.
By demonizing this you’re crippling her unless you plan to support her until she starts her own profitable business.” wittiestphrase
Another User Comments:
“The reason you and your wife are able to follow your dreams now and pursue your entrepreneurism is that you both built a financial foundation to do so for decades that allows you to support a business that brings in NO REVENUE…
but you are using your savings while potentially setting your daughter up for failure. There is a reason that people work the 9-5 while pursuing their dreams on the side… it’s called survival. What happens when you run out of your savings and your daughter’s dreams don’t come to fruition and you can no longer financially support her? YTJ.” Laxlady911
6. AITJ For Eating All The Toppings Off My Partner's Pizza?
“Earlier tonight I ordered a Hawaiian pizza with my partner. We’ve only been together for a month so it’s the first time I ate pizza with him. We only finished about half, and then we went to watch TV. I was still hungry, so I ate all the toppings off the pizza.
When he saw it, he absolutely flipped out. He said that he was saving it for lunch tomorrow, that he had never met anyone who would do anything like this, and was just generally really upset. I thought he was joking and laughed it off, but it’s been a couple of hours and he is still upset.
He’s talking about how he was looking forward to having the leftover pizza for lunch, and now I’ve ruined his lunch.
I offered to buy him another pizza, but he kept saying that it wasn’t about that and that I just ruined his day.
Is he overreacting or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think it’s perhaps odd, but definitely not something he should have a fit about (which I think is a red flag). It sounds like they both ate their fill and then OP continued to pick away at the toppings and did not know that her partner was saving the rest for lunch.
It’s just a simple miscommunication and definitely not a big deal. I think it’s concerning that he’s making such a fuss about it after you apologized and offered to buy him another one. If he’s this upset over pizza toppings then what else will trigger him.” sowhat-sueme
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s a weird thing to do on your end, and if it was leftover it’s always wise to just ask if they’re going to eat more, to which you would’ve learned he was going to eat it the next day. However it’s not like you kicked a puppy or something, you just ate toppings off of a pizza (which again, weird but whatever), but he has the emotional range of a toddler.
Personally, I would have been puzzled as to your thought process, and then probably laugh. It’s funny because it’s so weird.
There is nothing wrong with eating a cheese pizza, unless of course you mean you ate the ham, pineapple, and cheese.
Which is even weirder but still, hilarious. You offered to buy another and honestly, that should’ve been enough, it’s such a non-issue to be so mad about and you should take a long hard look at this red flag and consider whether this is the kind of person you want to be with.” alcapwn3d
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s a bit strange to eat just the toppings however he was planning on eating those slices for lunch. It was a shared pizza. So technically they were both assuming ownership of the leftovers. And I would be less inclined to blame the person who continued eating the dinner they ordered together rather than side with the one who assumed the rest would be his.
He should have told her or asked her if he could keep the rest. If she offered to buy a new pizza and he is still mad, it’s not about food insecurity it’s about assuming control.” tothmichke
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yes, OP, eating all the toppings off perfectly good pizza is a jerk move. The way you phrase this is that you ordered the pizza, but regardless of who paid, it was purchased for the group (you two). You effectively just ruined any leftover pizza, and it’s especially rude that you ate off ALL the leftover slices.
Eat another slice, sure. Take a slice and eat all the toppings off of it, whatever. But you ruined it for anyone else.
Your partner also sucks for assuming the leftovers were his to eat and already making plans for it to be eaten for his, and only his lunch. The polite thing to do would have been to ask if you were done or wanted to take any home since there was so much left over.” cthulhusmercy
5. AITJ For Not Going On A Family Trip Because I Didn't Like The Itinerary?
“Last month my parents planned a trip with my husband and decided to invite my uncle and his family too.
I (24f) was planning to visit all historical sites along the way to the resort they were to book and while returning, we could change our route and visit the rest of the places I wanted to.
Yesterday my dad told me they have booked a mountain resort that doesn’t have any historical sites on its way. It has made me very upset over the fact that they booked it without consulting with me and now are blaming me for never communicating my plan with them when they were the ones who never asked for my opinion before booking everything.
Now only excuse they have is that I should visit a new place rather than revisit those I have already seen multiple times.
I have refused to go. My husband has told my dad he won’t go without me and my mom thinks if we aren’t included it won’t be a family trip for her so she isn’t going too.
My dad asked me to modify my plan a bit and we can add some places I want to visit by cutting their stay at the resort short. But I have lost all interest in this family trip now and I believe I should better have a solo vacation.
I already wasn’t comfortable with joining 11 people who do not know how to shut up while traveling.
Dad is going to call this whole trip off and I am relieved but can’t help feeling a little bad because everyone was really excited.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s planned to be a family trip (that you mention people being excited about), and it sounds like people genuinely were thrilled that you’d be a part of it.
Yet, you don’t seem to care about the family get-together and are willing to spoil everyone’s fun because you don’t get to do things that you have already done before (you said ‘revisit’).
It also sounds like you made these plans for yourself and didn’t communicate them out loud to your family, so they could keep your ideas in mind.
They’re not mind readers. If you had spoken up, they may have made different plans. And it’s not like they weren’t willing to cut THEIR TRIP SHORT to fit in your stuff. But you seem to be ‘all or nothing’, ‘my way or no way’.
And now everyone is bailing because you won’t be there.” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your husband planned a trip with your father. You assumed they would go to a place you’ve been to before. Instead, they plan something else and you’re upset because they didn’t define exactly the trip you wanted to do? If you cared about the location – you should have been involved in the planning
Your husband should have said something but perhaps he is tired of the same place over and over.
You are only 24 – hopefully, you will be 74 before you want to repeat holidays.
Solo trips are great – you get the holiday you plan.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How are you an adult behaving like this? Did you expect the people planning the trip to read your mind? Adults need to communicate.
THAT is the expectation. If it was that critically important then the onus was on you to share that information.
You were fine having other people do all the work that goes into planning a vacation, so long as it catered to your desires.
You were only upset not being consulted when you realized they didn’t do exactly as you wanted.
When you go with other people on vacation, the expectation is that there is a degree of compromise. But you’re unwilling to do any of that.
It screams immaturity and entitlement.
I can understand disappointment but you should also recognize the efforts your father went to to organize all of this and apologize for behaving like a spoiled child.
If you can’t even see how any of your actions were wrong, then by all means – do everyone a favor and go on a solo vacation. It’s not surprising that would work better for someone who doesn’t know how to get along with others.” Drama_Queen2013
4. AITJ For Allowing My Younger Kids To Go On Dates Before They Turn 16?
“When I first had kids, I was one of those parents that had a ‘no relationships until age 16’ rule. It was partially cultural, but I thought it would allow my kids to be more mature and go about it more safely because they’d be older.
I didn’t really take into account that my kids were going to be in school all day 5 days a week, what technology would be, or even just that development doesn’t have some kind of set age.
The rule ended up creating an environment of secrecy and the real rule became ‘Just don’t let Dad find out’, which is the exact opposite of what I wanted.
It created far more problems for everyone, got my oldest into preventable situations they shouldn’t have been in, and required my youngest to lie to herself and to me for trying to follow it.
I realized that I needed to change my opinion.
More than anything, I was trying to keep them safe, and having a hard and fast rule was doing the opposite. My youngest two have a wide age gap from the oldest, so when they got to the age, I decided to not have a hard minimum but to foster open communication so that there could be reasonable supervision if things came up.
My son ended up going on his first ‘date’ at 13 (ie. seeing a movie while his mom and his friend’s mom tagged along). My oldest two found out and were furious. They’re claiming that I ‘got permissive’ and am allowing the younger kids to get away with things they would never have been allowed to do.
Which I guess is true, but it’s not because I got lazy or gave up. It’s because I realized that my approach with them was a mistake and now I’m trying to learn from it, which made them more angry that I ‘used them as guinea pigs’ and say that I’m favoring the younger kids.
We’ve been arguing all day and now they’re dragging my siblings into this and it’s a whole thing.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think what you need to tell your kids is something to the effect of ‘I’m sorry that my rules caused a rift with us and caused you two to have to lie to me.
I apologize for the rules that hurt you when all I wanted to do is keep you safe. Seeing how bad those were for you, I learned my lesson and altered the rules so nothing like that would happen again, but I’m truly sorry I didn’t learn to do that back with you.’ Something that apologizes and acknowledges what you did wrong and that it hurt them, and emphasizes that you’re doing what you are now because they taught you better and you didn’t want anyone else to feel the way they did.” Devourer_of_Sun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
All you need to do…
is validate them.
Every first child or two ARE guinea pigs, simply because they are the first. It IS unfair to them, even if it is unavoidable! By reacting with defensiveness, you are making them ever more frantic to prove the validity of their feelings.
The power you have to defuse this bomb is immense by simply saying ‘You are right. I was a new parent and I made mistakes, mistakes that hurt you. I am sorry and I don’t want to repeat my mistakes with the younger kids.
But maybe we can talk about anything right now that might be bothering you or maybe something that’s in my blind spot. I value your feedback.'” craftygamergirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Since being a perfect parent is literally impossible, learning from mistakes is the best-case scenario.
The question becomes what are the older siblings expecting/wanting? If it’s just a direct and sincere apology that the rules they had to follow were unreasonable, etc, then go ahead and do that. Even if you think you’ve already apologized they may be looking for key phrases like ‘I was wrong’ or ‘You’re right it isn’t fair that you had to go through those experiences before I figured out how to better handle these areas’.
If, however, it seems they want you to impose the same rules on the younger ones because they think that would be fairer to them, you might have to emphasize that all of your children were raised the best way you knew how to at the time.
If you were to continue enforcing rules you knew were unhelpful and harmful you would NOT be raising the younger ones the best way you know and that would be unfair.” Double-Correct
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Had you just taken a second to step back and think about how your older kids probably feel slighted that they were denied something their little sibling was given, and just told them that you were in the wrong and still learning how to be a parent, then gave them a genuine apology not just some short ‘I’m sorry’ that shows you actually feel remorse you wouldn’t be in this situation. I just hope for your sake you can solve this now because with getting your family involved it sounds like resentment is already setting/has already set in and that’s not a feeling that they can just get over.” Diresword504
3. AITJ For Not Shaving My Armpit Hair?
“I (17f) currently live at my parents’ house (like most teenagers) and am pretty much stuck at home for the next few weeks because my final school exams are coming up (I’m from Europe so I don’t know how else to describe it, I’m currently finishing high school).
So as you can imagine I am mostly in my room studying.
Logically I don’t go anywhere or meet anyone so I neither feel the need nor the necessity to shave my natural body hair. I shower every other day and use deodorant, I take care of my body so you can imagine my annoyance regarding my mom’s disgusted grimaces and remarks whenever we cross paths in the kitchen.
I mostly wear tank tops because they’re comfy and breezy enough, so my armpit hair is always slightly visible. I don’t understand why she is seemingly unable to mind her own business and not shame me for a natural part of my body.
Every time I dare raise my arms she HAS to tell me how disgusting I am and that I should shave.
Armpit hair isn’t unhygienic, much different from what most people think, when you take regular showers and use deodorant there isn’t an issue.
So I told her to leave me alone and that I won’t shave my hair just because she can’t get over her own biases. My mom just told me that I am a jerk for running around like this and that it’s ‘common respect’.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your body, your choice. Your mom has some deeply ingrained misogyny here and it shows.
Body hair is natural. It’s not disgusting. She is disgusted because it is shining a light on arbitrary beauty standards that she has internalized.
Just because she is uncomfy doesn’t mean you’re wrong. She needs to deal with it.
Fun fact, while hair removal has been practiced for thousands of years across the world, it only became really normalized in Western cultures during the 20s because new more revealing clothes (flapper dresses) bared more skin, and razor companies and advertisers seized the opportunity to increase revenue by marketing to women that they should shave off their hair.
Don’t let her shame you for your body, especially for a ‘problem’ that was created with the intent to sell products.” manonaca
Another User Comments:
“Even if you were going to work every day you don’t need to shave. If you are clean and don’t stink it’s fine to have armpit hair that reaches your feet.
I would ask a friend or relative (who will be honest) if you do actually smell. Hair holds onto odor better than skin so if there’s sweat trapped in your hair it will smell bad quicker. A deodorant doesn’t stop you sweating, it just adds a nice fragrance on top which is why it has to go on clean skin.
Even when sitting around studying you still sweat and shed skin cells and you can get so used to your own smell you don’t notice body odor. 17 is a tough age for this too, I had to shower a lot more often at 17 than I do in my thirties.
Hormones are a pain in the butt.
If someone you trust says you have a bit of a whiff, either shower every day or have a ‘pits n bits’ bath where you wash your armpits with a soapy flannel. Takes five minutes.
If they say you smell fine, tell your mom to go take a leap. I suspect it’s this that she’s on at you about shaving rather than washing, but it’s always a good idea to check. Either way, she could have approached this better so NTJ.” MakeTheYuletide_Gay
2. AITJ For Telling Someone Not To Bring Their Baby Into The Kitchen?
“So I work at this ma and pa sports bar and a couple of days a week I do expo. For those who don’t know, that position is the one in the kitchen where you put together the orders, send food out, and make sure everything is being made on time.
I was expo-ing last night and one of the managers had a baby about four months ago. She was off work and brought her baby in. For some reason she handed it off to a server – let’s call her Server – and Server comes back for ranch dressing.
Carrying the baby in its carrier.
Immediately I tell her not to bring an actual infant back there, and she starts arguing. I said it’s a dangerous environment (not to mention we were busy and none of the guys back there cares about seeing a baby right now) and she’s basically saying I’m overreacting.
So she stands a few feet away from the line and waits for me to give her ranch, still holding the baby carrier.
Then like ten minutes later, the manager who birthed the kid strolls through with the carrier. I looked at her and asked if she really thought this was the best place to bring her child, and she just looked at me like an idiot.
I don’t think you should bring infant children into restaurant kitchens. There are hot, sharp, and heavy objects at every spot. But every time I say this, I get looked at like I have three heads. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s OK to be concerned about a child loose in an industrial kitchen. To forbid it might be going a bit far. If a parent is comfortable in a particular environment, that parent might feel it’s OK to bring a baby in a carrier into that environment.
What would be more dangerous is to bring a toddler into the kitchen. But what is a baby in a carrier going to do? Generally speaking, if it was too dangerous for the baby in a carrier, then the kitchen staff itself should probably go on strike until the place is made a bit safer.
I don’t think you were wrong for voicing your concerns though.” Background-Lab-4896
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was on a power trip after you rightfully told her it was dangerous. What if she slipped on the floor while carrying the baby because she wasn’t wearing the right type of shoes, or someone knocked into her while carrying something heavy?
Also, she is lucky you were so polite because it is a well-known fact that with how dangerous it can be in the kitchen most chefs don’t speak they bark when someone is doing something they shouldn’t.” Secret_Double_9239
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
A baby that age is like a potato. They don’t do anything. They don’t grab stuff really, they can’t sit up or move of their own accord. It’s like holding a potato that screams a lot. It also sounds like the baby stayed on the server side of the pass, where there won’t be any knives flying or hot oil splattering. And the baby was there for a very short period of time. This manager is not bringing this baby to work every day.” mks01089
1. AITJ For Going Off At My Stepfather When He Prohibited Me From Taking My Sister Out For Fast Food?
“I (27f) have a little sister (half-sister 13f). I moved out about 4 years ago and ever since then I’ve been taking her out about once a week to hang out and get food; usually sushi, Chinese food, or Subway (my sister’s favorite).
This is our bonding time. We both love food and getting out of my parent’s house gives her the opportunity to vent about what’s going on at home or just relax and watch youtube videos and browse memes on Reddit. She’s told me how much she appreciates it and I often get text messages from her asking to go out when I’ve missed several weeks in a row.
My step-father (M53) hates when I take my sister out. He’s been in my life since I was 2 and he started making my life miserable when my half-brother (M18) was born. I could write a whole novel about the things he did but the relevant issue here is he caused me to have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food.
When I moved out at 22 I was just shy of 300 pounds and had absolutely no skills when it came to regulating my eating/habits. In the past few years, I’ve done a lot of work, I’ve been seeing a professional and I’ve managed to get my weight down to 230 which I consider a huge step in the right direction.
My sister is an athlete, and I don’t say that lightly. She’s in the highest level league for her sport of choice and if everything goes well she’ll probably have a full-ride scholarship when she does eventually go off to university.
As a result, my step-father has gotten obsessive about what kind of food they keep at home. My sister often complains to me about how stifling it is and she’s even expressed to me things that make me worry she might start developing an eating disorder.
I’ve told all of this to my mother but she’s a bit of a wet blanket sometimes when it comes to my step-father.
Well, I brought her home the other day from one of our outings and I get a text from my step-father.
He basically said I’m not allowed to take my sister out for ‘fast food’ anymore as I’m messing up her sports and he doesn’t want her to get fat like me.
I BLEW up at him, and told him he was a piece of work and a complete jerk.
I laid out all the things he did in my childhood that caused me to be overweight and have an unhealthy relationship with food and said if it wasn’t for me my sister would probably already have an eating disorder with how controlling and obsessive he is about food.
He told the whole family that I was disrespectful to him and now everyone is divided. Part of my mom’s side of the family (who knows how my stepdad can be) is proud of me for standing up for myself and telling him the truth.
The rest of the family is on my stepdad’s side, saying I’m disrespectful and that he’s just doing what’s best for my sister. He’s demanding an apology and while there’s no way I’m doing that, I’m wondering if I went too far in telling him what I thought.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First of all, you are spending time with your sister in a way you both enjoy. Providing that outlet for her is good and lets her know you are someone she can trust.
Second, it sounds like your sister is enjoying the food you get together.
This is important to consider because if you were forcing her to eat food she didn’t like that would be completely different. You are also providing an outlet for her to eat ‘not allowed’ foods in a non-judgmental environment and allowing her to make her own decisions.
Both of these are going to help her long term because unhealthy relationships with food are very easy to develop, especially at her age.
While I understand concerns about athletic performance and the importance of scholarships for college, it is very easy for parental figures to overlook the child in front of them when planning for the future.
If you’re super concerned about your bonding time and dinners affecting her performance, you could consider touching base with her school or coaches (if she has any) and getting their observations on the matter. It’s likely that what they see is going to have a lot less emotional baggage attached and they can be a good outside perspective.
OP, the only thing I would query would be what you mean by you ‘blew up’ at your stepfather. How you deliver a reality check may be rude, but overall your actions are based on compassion for your sister with no foreseeable downsides and that means no jerk-ery has occurred.” EMary16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Where is your mother in all this? Hon, why are YOU at 27 having to duke it out with a man in his 50s to protect your sister?
Stepfather did a horrible job on you since you were 9 years old, and now he’s doing a slightly different horrible job on his bio daughter.
He’s got massive control issues around food. And she’s stuck in that household for at least 5 more years…
Tell your mother to get your stepfather off your case or you will tell EVERYONE in specific detail what it was like to share a household with the Chief of Food Police.
And what it did to you.
Also, tell your sister that from now on, what you two get up to on your outings is none of her dad’s business. Like, she needs to become a master of Grey Rock. If she blabs at him about what you two do or eat, those outings will be taken away.
Good for you for standing up to him, OP, it was a long time coming!” little500HondaCBR
Another User Comments:
“Honestly YTJ. As a parent, you should 100% be on top of your children’s eating habits. Have you never heard people talk about parents with obese children being abusers? He’s looking out for his child’s health and future.
You are fat. You clearly don’t show healthy eating habits. I’m not blaming you I am a fatty too. But you can’t blame it all on your stepdad either at your age. We have to take responsibility for ourselves. Because your sister is 13 she isn’t responsible for herself.
There are plenty of healthy options. Knock off out there. Why do you have to feed your sister junk food? Is it really what she wants or is it actually what you want?
I’m not saying your stepdad isn’t a jerk too, because from the sounds of it, he could have made his point way better, but you sound like one too.” HawweesonFord
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