People Give Us The Nuts And Bolts Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Siding With My Husband When My Kids Ruined His Daughter's Birthday?
Clearly, his daughter was not okay.
“Last week was my stepdaughter’s (SD) 14th birthday. She was in the hospital days prior for a medical issue, and now she’s better. My husband threw her a small birthday party.
Unbeknownst to me, my boys (16) & (12) decided to pull a funny prank and mess with the birthday cake that they made for her.
Instead of adding icing to the cake, they added mayonnaise. It didn’t go well, and my SD’s reaction was to cry. My husband blew up at the boys for what they did, but they said they were just trying to prank her since it’s the norm, and they always prank each other.
My husband said it was the wrong time to do this on her birthday, especially after getting out of the hospital. He told the boys they ruined her birthday, but I told him he exaggerated with this statement. He got upset and yelled at me for defending this behavior and being an enabler.
I don’t think I am because the boys love her that’s why they act like this, but my husband was having none of it.
Both he and SD aren’t speaking to me or the boys. AITJ for saying he exaggerated?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They did something that would have been incredibly cruel at any time but was especially cruel given the circumstances.
I’m sure the boys saw it as just a prank, but they should have known better. It’s not the same as if an adult had done it, but both are still old enough to know it was wrong, even if they lacked the maturity and understanding of an adult.
But what really gets me is that while I can say their youth influenced their understanding of this, you are an adult. You saw your stepdaughter crying. You knew she’d been through heck lately. You also knew that this changed everything about the party. One second she was happy, looking forward to cake, but the next she’s taking a bite of something disgusting.
And then what? Even if someone went out and bought another, the feeling’s not the same. And you saw all this and came to the rescue…of your sons. Who did this to her.
You know, kids learn right and wrong from their parents. Lots of kids do mean pranks, not realizing it’s not funny.
But they learn from the reaction of their parents. You just taught them this behavior is okay. Maybe the reason they thought it was okay in the first place was because of you. YTJ.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and you’re raising your sons to be the jerk too, by not just allowing that behavior but also excusing it when they’re confronted with the consequences of their own actions.
You definitely are an enabler, and your kids are going to grow up to be intolerable because of it.
Pranking isn’t “the norm.” It’s usually an excuse for jerks to do absolutely jerkish things and then be able to say, “It’s just a joke, lighten up!” It’s not funny unless everybody’s laughing, and if somebody is CRYING then it’s not a funny time for everyone, it’s bullying.
They managed to not only OBVIOUSLY ruin her birthday but also make it all about themselves.
And you did absolutely zero to fix it. You brushed it off, and I’m going to guess here that you also didn’t do anything to remedy your boys’ VERY BAD judgment, by for instance running out immediately to buy an actual cake and some extra presents while you were at it.
Good God.” ChurchyardGrimm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ x3, because I’m putting your boys’ behavior on you. Stop enabling super poor behavior. That was a mean-spirited prank pulled during a vulnerable time in your SD’s life. Properly raised children would recognize that and realize this is a time for support and empathy.
Any jokes should be funny and not targeted at her. But apparently, you’ve never properly taught your boys this, so they’re going to do the standard “it was just a joke!” justification horsecrap despite the obvious harm their “joke” has caused.” Apprehensive_Secret2
20. AITJ For Showing Up To A "Men's Only" Trivia Night Event As A Woman?
“There’s a small bar in my town I recently started going to.
They have trivia night every Friday night. I started going a few weeks ago, and after my second week there, one of the regulars at trivia told me that trivia was something he had set up with the bar owner and I wasn’t welcome. He doesn’t work for the bar, so I told him he couldn’t really tell me I was unwelcome.
He explained that trivia night was a guys’ thing and a safe space for them from the judgment of women. I told him he shouldn’t have it in a public bar then. Last week he left “in protest” of me being there, and his team was upset because they didn’t do as well as usual.
I told my partner, and he thinks I’m being mean to the guy and should try to see his point of view. Maybe I’m a little cold-hearted, but I don’t really care about that guy, even though he was there first.”
Another User Comments:
“Pay attention to your partner’s attitude towards this – does he think it’s ok to tell women to leave public spaces?
Does he think women should just get up and honor men’s requests? From complete strangers? It sounds like he’s interested in how men feel more than the basic rights of women to exist in a public place.
For the guy at the bar – If women are the issue, and if he wants to be somewhere where he doesn’t feel the judgment of women, then he and his knuckle-dragger friends can go to a gay bar.
That would be ok, right? Lol. NTJ.” No-Transition-8705
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he needs “the judgment of women.” And men. And anyone who has two spare brain cells to rub together. If he wants a private trivia night, he needs to pay to rent a space or have it in his mom’s basement.
Also, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with your man. I’m not sure exactly what he means by you needing to see this other guy’s point of view, but it sounds like he expects you to be a doormat. Is he going to expect you to “see his point of view” and always give up things you enjoy in favor of him?
I’m not telling you to break up, but it might be something to think about.” AgileDimension1594
Another User Comments:
“I am a man. I believe that we, as a society, would benefit if there were more spaces where men are allowed to be men with other men.
Over the past 30 years or so, we have taken any space that was a “men’s only” space and gotten rid of it. These spaces are important to men’s mental health. However, having said that, this guy is wrong, and you are NTJ. He’s having trivia in a public space, he does not get to enforce an “only one gender” rule in that public space.
In addition, I’m pretty sure that such a rule would be illegal since gender is a protected class, and a bar is a space “open to the public.” If he wants to have a men’s only trivia, he needs to have it in a non-public space.
A church hall or something of that nature would be perfectly suitable.” Miliean
19. AITJ For Calling My Daughter An Idiot For Not Calling Me To Pick Her Up From School?
“I take and bring my daughter (17F) back from school every day.
A few days ago, I went to pick her up, and she was sitting in front of the school while no one else was there. It was a very cold day, and she was shivering. I asked her why she was alone, and she said the school closed 2 hours ago, and everyone else went home.
I was so angry. I asked her why she didn’t call me, and her only excuse was that “I didn’t think you’d come.”
I told her she was acting like an idiot and that of course I would come. She called me a jerk and is refusing to talk to me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My Dad frequently did crap like saying “That’s stupid” and “You’re stupid” when I was your daughter’s age. Guess how that worked out? I developed an incredibly negative self-image and turned to horrible relationships with bad dudes, bad women, and substances.
To this day, I still can’t handle anyone calling me ‘stupid’ in any way.
That’s the future you’ve set your child up for because, I don’t know, apparently, it was too hard for you to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I would always come when you call.”” notlucyintheskye
Another User Comments:
“There seems to be more to this issue, as there must be a history here. Even if your daughter is being a typical, moody teenager, I find this situation odd. If she truly did sit in the cold, as you said she was shivering, your daughter saying she didn’t call you because “I didn’t think you’d come” is really sad.
Even if you called her an idiot flippantly, it’s still an unnecessary insult. That’s why I’m going with YTJ.
You’re the parent; she’s the child. It’s your responsibility to make sure your child knows they can contact you when there’s a change in routine or an emergency.
Your daughter wasn’t an idiot because she didn’t feel she could contact you – that’s your fault. If you have a bad temper or something, learn to control it.
You should apologize to your daughter for calling her an idiot and explain that if she needs to be picked up early in the future, you’ll be there.” eppydeservedbetter
Another User Comments:
“I didn’t think you would come… Think about those words. Don’t they break your heart? Your own child expects you to not come when you need her.
YTJ for getting angry and calling her an idiot. I get that you were worried, but then you should take a breath and assure her that if she needs you, you will be there!
Sit down with your daughter. Explain yourself. Apologize. And REASSURE HER YOU WILL BE THERE FOR HER WHEN SHE NEEDS YOU! With how you acted, you only confirmed her fears.” 2tinymonkeys
Your daughter heard YOU are stupid, not THAT was stupid. Apologize to her explain, you did not mean to imply she was stupid. Assure you will always come get her.
18. AITJ For Assuming My Sister Is Lying About My Son's Bad Behavior?
“I (35M) am a single father. My son is 8. Last week, I had to travel for work, and I was going to be busy a lot throughout the whole trip.
I simply didn’t want to drag my 8-year-old son with me through the country.
I initially wanted to ask my mother to watch my son as she usually does, but she was out of town herself, and I only have my sister (24F) in the city where I live.
So I left my son with my sister and her partner (30F).
I would occasionally call and check on my son throughout the trip, and I told him several times that he should listen to his aunt. He is a very well-behaved young man and an absolute sweetheart.
When I came back, I went over to my sister and her girl’s place to thank them. My sister told me that while running around in the house, my son had broken a vase. That is quite unlike my son; he’s never been naughty or ran in the house before even when he was a toddler.
For the record, before my sister moved in with her girl, she lived in a normal house. Her partner’s house is nothing short of a museum, with many expensive decorative fragile objects, and has several collections. My sister told me my son had run around the house into the table that contained the vase and then it had fallen and shattered into pieces.
(According to my sister, he was getting ready for camping out in the garden with the two of them – which is his favorite activity.) I told my sister my son was a very well-behaved boy, and he would never run inside the house, let alone break something.
I asked her what he had broken, and it turned out to be an antique from Africa that cost about $900. Her girl told me I shouldn’t worry about replacing it (the cost is not AT ALL considerable for her; she’s quite comfortable but would be hard for me to pay), but maybe I should have a conversation with my son because they had explicitly asked him to not run around.
I asked my son if he had broken the vase when I got home, and he told me he had nothing to do with the vase being broken, and he said my sister was the one who broke it when she had a pretty bad fight with her partner.
He said they were fighting together and that the vase broke in the heat of the argument.
So I called my sister, told her what my son had told me, and called her out on using my son to get away with her bad behavior.
What they did was absolutely distasteful. She told me I was not being logical at all and that I needed to accept that my son was a kid and had simply made a mistake while he was running to the garden instead of accusing her.
I said maybe she shouldn’t have lied then. She doesn’t answer my texts now.
AITJ in this? My son is being accused of something he wouldn’t do at all, so I felt the need to defend him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You think your sister and her girl broke the vase during an argument.
Then conspired to blame your kid, BUT didn’t ask for any form of repayment, just asked you to speak with your 8-year-old – so they did it purely maliciously to make an 8-year-old look bad (or not even bad, just like a typical 8-year-old) to his father?
That makes no sense. Unless your sister and her partner have a long history of narcissistic or strange behavior, you’ve picked a totally improbable series of events over the very probable possibility that your 8-year-old was acting out a bit in a new and different environment without his dad around.
Or do you think your sister is lying to everyone? And in that case why the “What they did was absolutely distasteful.” statement?” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who grew up with a toxic parent, I am a huge proponent of believing children because I’ve lived the consequences of society believing the adult is always right.
However, you strike me as a particularly unreliable narrator. Your son has never been naughty or run in the house for 8 years? Never? Not once? I realize I am relying on anecdotes here, for all that’s worth, but even as a kid who had so much to lose from misbehaving, I still did sometimes.
Usually not intentionally: Kids can be clumsy and forgetful and sometimes they have to make a run for it to the bathroom.
NTJ for believing your kid in a he said-she said situation, but I think you seriously need to remove the rose-colored glasses before the consequences of refusing to believe your kid is anything other than perfect are greater than a broken vase.” winnie_the_grizzly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids are clumsy, they break crap, their muscles and coordination just aren’t fully developed, and they’re excitable creatures. Even if he had broken it, your sister making a thing about it would be weird. All that said, I do think it’s quite farfetched she would be trying to cover for a fight you didn’t witness and a damaged vase you didn’t know existed. Remember, your kid probably behaves differently around you; he might be more inclined to run inside when you aren’t around.
Kids also have inflated senses of potential repercussions, and it is possible your child lied to you if he had some imagined idea of possible consequences.
Perhaps sit him down and emphasize the importance of honesty and that he will not be in trouble for the vase if he caused it to break.
I don’t think you’re the jerk, but I don’t think you should assume two grown adults are lying about something if they aren’t asking you to pay for it, simply because your 8-year-old has a different take.” loopyspoopy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When they said he broke the vase, you shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions either way.
By instantly going to “my son would never do that,” you’ve backed your kid into a corner. If he had broken the vase (maybe he wasn’t running, maybe he was just being a clumsy kid in a house not designed for kids… these things happen), you instantly made it almost impossible for him to be honest with you.
Next time, keep an open mind. Be curious, ask what happened rather than assuming you know better than the people who were actually there. Don’t make judgments. Gather the facts and then work out where to go next.” Altruistic-Motor-833
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Let’s clarify though: your child is not perfect or immune to being 8, lol.
All kids make mistakes, run, and break some rules. All of them. They also did you a favor by watching your kid which they didn’t have to do. You cannot rule out he didn’t do it 100%, and if by chance he did, he now will think lying is the best option for accidents.” StrawberryChickenz
17. AITJ For Using My Husband's Card Without Permission?
She crossed the line, and she knows it.
“I 27f have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 3. We have no children together but plan on trying sometime next year. The thing is, we don’t have joint bank accounts. We decided we would each have our own.
That way, we could keep track of whose finances are whose, and we could avoid financial issues, even though he has no problem providing for me.
I had a small get-together planned with an aunt of mine that I hadn’t seen in 2 years. Initially, I was going to pay my fare; however, I lost my debit card the night before which caused me to report it lost, so I could no longer use it at that point and was waiting on a new card.
My husband wasn’t going to be able to give me a ride to the dinner since he was working, so I took a picture of his card and saved it on my Uber app, and I took out his savings to pay for my fare there and back & my portion of the dinner.
My fare was only $32 there and $46 back, and my meal was only $42.
My husband noticed the charges, and when I got home, he told me he was disappointed and hurt that I would do this. He said he’s trying to save, and it’s not about the money but about the principle.
He told me I was a thief and said this says a lot about my character for not asking. I feel we are married, and I don’t see how he could see things this way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but more than that, I’m deeply concerned that you’re nearly 30 years old, and you genuinely don’t seem to understand why what you did wasn’t just unethical or that when your husband tells you that you’re a thief, he’s not just being unkind or saying mean things to you; he’s trying to get you to understand that -you just committed a criminal act.- If I were him, I’d be VERY VERY UPSET, and it has nothing to do with how much or how little money of his you took.
It has to do with the fact that you just committed fraud without hesitation, and you either literally don’t understand what you did or don’t think it’s a big deal.
“I took a picture of his card, and I saved it on my Uber app, and I took out his savings to pay for my fare there and back & my portion of the dinner.”
This is fraud and identity theft. It’s a criminal act. Taking a picture of someone else’s bank card or credit card, and entering that information into your own apps to spend their funds is something you get a criminal record and potentially go to jail for.
I mean, probably not for this amount because it’s likely a misdemeanor, but again… What you did is an actual criminal act. And you seem to not understand that at all? You’re acting as though you don’t understand why he’s annoyed, and that it’s the equivalent of taking a $20 bill that he left on the nightstand?
(Which would still be theft but not like this.)
Again, you literally started off this post by talking about how you and your husband choose to keep separate finances. What part of “you made an agreement that his finances and yours are not for sharing freely” did you not understand?
YTJ for stealing from your husband, but more importantly, YTJ for thinking this is about the amount. It’s not. You’ve just shown the man you’re supposed to love that you are fundamentally untrustworthy and that you don’t even think that’s a big deal. Good luck with your marriage now.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“Hi, husband of 10+ years. Once again, for the people in the back: Talk to your partners! For goodness sake.
Honestly, I can see both of your sides, and this sort of situation is one of the reasons my wife and I chose to have a joint account and just not worry about my finances vs.
her finances; it’s just… our finances. We cooperate and communicate to make sure our resources are going where they need to go before spending frivolously. No, she doesn’t need my permission to buy something she wants, nor do I, but when that does happen, we tell each other about it, so we both know where the money is at.
Not saying that’s best for everyone, just what works best for us.
That being said: Being married doesn’t give you unfettered access to his accounts without asking first. The fact that you even have separate accounts shows me that he thinks of it as his money, not our money, and if you agreed to live that way, you need to respect that.
You should have at least asked. Barring that, you should have at the very least texted him and let him know what you did and that you plan to replace the funds ASAP. A bit of communication could have mitigated this whole ordeal.
Calling you a thief and attacking your character like that is going overboard in my opinion.
However, I don’t know where your finances are at, but $120 isn’t exactly a drop in the bucket for most people these days. I can understand why he’s upset.
YTJ. You need to talk with your husband about your expectations of what this situation should look like in the future, who has access to what/when, and you need to communicate with each other when the need arises like that.
How has this sort of scenario not come up once in the past 8 years?” sleepingfox307
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not telling him in advance/asking permission. You are a thief because he didn’t give you permission to do this, and he could have needed those funds for his own purchases/bills/banking.
The whole point of separate finances is so that your partner CANNOT spend your money! You don’t get a free pass to crap all over that boundary because you are married. You sound entitled and insufferable.
Generally speaking, canceling your card doesn’t freeze your bank account.
It just stops purchases on your card, so: In addition; if your online banking was still working, did you pay him back straight away? If you had the ability to do this and didn’t pay him back/are refusing to pay him back, then you are double the jerk.” mythicalkitten
16. AITJ For Talking To My Daughter's Bully?
“There is a young kid who has been giving my daughter a hard time at school this year. He is not in her class but has been harassing her during common periods like recess and lunch. In addition to his treatment, he is also encouraging others to participate in harassing her.
We spoke to both the principal and her teacher about the issue, but I am not sure what action has been taken.
Today walking home from school with my 8-year-old daughter, she was acting odd and not wanting to cross the street. Apparently, the young boy (maybe 9 years old) who had been harassing her at the school playground was there walking home with his father, and she wanted to avoid him.
Instead, I asked her to point him out and went over to meet him. I asked his name and if he knew my daughter. The kid went blank, and I told him some kids at school were giving my daughter a hard time and asked if he knew anything about it.
At this point, the father became irate and started cursing at me. I was a bit surprised by this because if the roles were switched, I would probably apologize and have a stern conversation with my kid. He was upset not with the child but with me, and thus, we walked away.
In hindsight, I think the father became aggravated because the boy looked frightened and ready to poop his pants. Perhaps frightened by me or maybe by the fact that his father now knew how he was behaving in school. Either way, I frightened a kid and angered his father.
Maybe I am the bad guy here, but at least my daughter knows to stand up for herself and not to be afraid of some mean kid in the schoolyard.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t the jerk, but I think there could be a different approach.
Let’s take my dad and me for example. I was bashed at school, verbally mistreated, etc. And nothing was done. Their suggestion of “you go play on that side (of the whole school, blocking the bullies, and they’ll be on that side), or they’d chuck us in a hidden away-ish spot and then, as you’d expect, more bullying happened. I was miserable, and Dad was picking me up.
Both my parents were working with the school to stop this happening, but it wasn’t enough. I told Dad that I had been kicked in my back twice while trying to run away. He said, “Come on!” We walked to the office and said he wanted to speak to the principal (who is an absolute jerk) sternly, and we went in.
He asked if he was aware of what happened today. He said that there was a little incident but nothing serious. I told him EVERYTHING. His solution was the yard separation. Dad asked, “Now how does that make you feel?” I said, “It feels like I’m being punished for doing nothing.” It got better, they talked to the parents via the school, which is safer for you, and has more negotiation.
As a kid who has C-PTSD from this and other stuff, ya gotta make sure that your daughter knows she can talk to you (which it seems she does), and then, sternly talk to the school. Make change happen. Communicate fully, phone calls, and emails aren’t enough.
You need support, meetings, etc. I wish you and your daughter luck, I really do.” buckley303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think confronting the bully is always the right decision, especially, since the school is dragging its feet. Keep pestering the school until they take a firm stand and put consequences in place for the bully.
Start a daily log and record all interactions between your daughter and the children bullying her and make a time/date entry for each time you reach out to the school. Go up the food chain if you must.” Suchafatfatcat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. His dad was right there, so why didn’t you talk to the other adult?
It’s never your place to speak to a child you do not know.” Ok_Professor2620
Another User Comments:
“ESH, because of how you approached it, you should have introduced yourself to the father first and explained the situation, “Hi, I’m Emma’s mom. You must be Ethan’s dad.
I’m not sure if the school has contacted you about it or if you’re aware, but we’ve been having some issues, etc..) This allows the parent to understand the problem and address their own child without feeling like some stranger is coming out of nowhere hounding their child.
It’s not wise to blindside them by confronting someone else’s child like that without even addressing their parent and not expecting a parent to get defensive. It’s fine to introduce yourself or confront them about the situation, but it’s more beneficial to be more tactful if you want things to ultimately get resolved.” deleted
Another User Comments:
“If someone walked up to me and my kid and started addressing them without speaking to me I’d have an issue. However, I would also want to hear you out if it involves bullying. ESH.” Buffalo-Wrong
15. AITJ For Implying My Daughter's Bully Is Ugly?
Do you think this is an example of “fighting fire with fire”?
“My daughter “Tina” (13F) has dealt with this same bully “Megan” for 2 years. The school has done what they can to help. They’re no longer in any of the same classes, and their lockers aren’t near each other. Megan was suspended last year for a particularly harsh incident, and that’s what finally got the school to take her seriously.
Unfortunately, this is the only junior high in the area, and homeschooling isn’t an option. Thankfully, the girls are going to different high schools. The bullying has also decreased immensely since the school started taking measures to keep them apart.
Megan has always made fun of Tina’s weight.
Tina isn’t overweight by any means, but she is curvier. She is quite happy with her body until Megan or one of Megan’s friends makes comments about it. Again, this has decreased over the past year. However, on Monday, the girls were waiting outside for the bus at the same time.
Megan made some nasty comments about Tina’s body. Tina came home very upset.
One thing that I have always said to my husband is that Megan likely makes fun of Tina because she is insecure about herself. While Megan is thin, she is not conventionally pretty.
I’m not saying she’s ugly we all have things about ourselves that we may not like or are insecure about. I also would never say this to Megan, as obviously, that’s mean, and it’d be stooping to her level.
However, seeing Tina so upset, I told her that.
It did seem to help her feel better. I thought it was fine. However, my older daughter “Alexa” (20F) overheard. She told me I was being just as nasty as Megan, and that I shouldn’t put stuff like that in Tina’s head. I pointed out that Tina would never say that to someone, but Alexa said I had no way of knowing that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Obviously, bullying is wrong, but all you’re doing is reinforcing the idea that someone’s looks are a valid thing to criticize. Yes, Megan “deserved” it, but her appearance is not something she can control. Just as I assume you don’t want someone bullying your own daughter for her looks, you should not create an environment in your home where making fun of others, even behind their backs, is acceptable.
Attack Megan’s behavior, because that’s what the problem is. Leave the teenager’s appearance out of it. It’s mean, and it’s a bad lesson for your own child.” JohnnyFootballStar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not because the bully deserves it as others have suggested, because I don’t think any child deserves to have their appearance criticized like that (and Megan is a child) but because giving some rationale/logical framework to your daughter is the kind and helpful thing to do.
I doubt your daughter is ever going to seek Megan out to say something hurtful like, “My mom says you’re not pretty, and that’s why you’re a bully” because A: the bullied don’t usually seek out the bullies, and B: that’s a lame insult, lol.
But being able to have a thought like that in her head like, “She’s being terrible to me because she feels bad about herself. I shouldn’t take it to heart” is a relatively healthy way to cope with Megan’s treatment.
I was horribly bullied by a few boys in my class when I was in elementary school, and I distinctly remember my grandma telling me something like, “The meaner they are, the more they like you, because boys don’t know how to show it” – and while that wasn’t really a healthy mindset for future relationships, it did help me rationalize that it’s not my fault they are being mean; it’s because they don’t know how to handle their own feelings.” vandersam
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I think what matters is the lesson learned here. “She’s not very pretty either” teaches your daughter that her self-esteem needs to come from comparing herself to others. What happens when some jerk in the future makes fun of a mistake she makes at work/school, and she realizes she actually does need to improve?
Or when someone makes fun of her appearance, and that person is actually attractive? When your confidence comes from believing you are better than others, the first time you realize their comments might have some accuracy, you have no idea how to handle it.
No one should be making your daughter feel like crap; they are jerks.
But she needs to learn that her confidence comes from herself. If someone calls her dumb, she needs to know that she has endless potential to learn and improve and if someone calls her ugly, she needs to know that it’s just one person’s opinion, 95% of the population is “average” and that as long as she feels healthy and beautiful that’s all that matters.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Not Photographing My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister announced she was throwing herself a surprise birthday party, and she talked about it for months. I had never been invited to her house before, and honestly, I was a little sour about it given how close we’ve always been. My mom asked if I’d take some pictures since I am a photographer.
My mom nagged me for a couple of months because everyone was going to be there.
I won’t go into details, but the day before, I wound up in the emergency room. The ER doctor ran a bunch of tests and an MRI and ended up admitting me and called in the neurosurgeon and booked an operating room for emergency surgery.
It was now the morning of my sister’s birthday, and I texted my mom to tell her I couldn’t be there and explained why, and she was livid.
Later that evening, she texted me a picture of my sister in a wedding dress getting married to her partner.
I asked who all knew, and she said everyone except you; we wanted it to be a surprise.
AITJ for getting upset that I was basically being tricked into being a full-on wedding photographer without knowing I was supposed to do it, and everyone else knew it was a wedding and not her surprise birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“So they tried to manipulate you into being their wedding photographer instead of just asking? You may as well have said yes had they been honest or at least helped set them up with another photographer from your contacts if you didn’t want the responsibility and just wanted to attend as a guest. They are mad that you didn’t show up to an event you didn’t know about?
(You were under the impression you were backing out of a birthday party, not her wedding, and certainly not canceling as her wedding photographer). The reason you didn’t go is that you were admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery. You didn’t exactly bail on them for something unavoidable, and if you’d agreed upfront to photograph a wedding, you’d have still ended up in an operating theatre that day.
After the event, they now only care about their wedding photos and are mad that their manipulation tactics failed. They haven’t asked about your well-being after the surgery, not even your own mother? You are absolutely NTJ.” bothsidesofthemoon
Another User Comments:
“”I had never been invited to her house before, and honestly, I was a little sour about it given how close we’ve always been.” “I asked who all knew, and she said everyone except you; we wanted it to be a surprise.”
I’m sorry OP, but you aren’t close with your sister. You need to step back and evaluate how often you are being taken advantage of by your family.
“It was now the morning of my sister’s birthday and I texted my mom to tell her I couldn’t be there and explained why, and she was livid.”
Because this is complete bullcrap. You were in the freaking ER for emergency surgery, and your family didn’t give a crap?! You deserve so much better. Please, focus on recovery. Maybe block your jerk mom for a while too. NTJ.” no_rxn
Another User Comments:
“What did I just read? Where is the concern for your health? And rushing to your bedside? Your mom sucks. I wish you a quick and full recovery. Second part, why would the wedding need to be a surprise to you? And just you? NTJ.
Your family is super messed up.” solo_throwaway254247
13. AITJ For Getting Legal Guardianship Of My Brother's Kids When He Left Them On My Porch?
“So I (23f) have a brother (27m) who has 3 children: a 5-year-old and 3-year-old twins, and he thought I was the free babysitter on weekends so he and his wife could go out, and they have just left their kids at my door.
When I say I have plans, I’m still forced to babysit, but around June last year, I was gonna go hang out with my friends, so as I was driving to get my friends I had plans with, my brother called and said that he is on his way with the kids.
I asked why, and he said he and his wife were going out, so I needed to babysit. I said I wasn’t home, so he needed to find someone else. He just laughed and said sucks for you, then your plans are canceled. I was dumbfounded and said no I’m not babysitting.
He said he would leave the kids at my door, and it’s on me if something happens if I don’t get home. I said I wouldn’t come home, and I would call the police if he left them at my door and hung up.
15 minutes later, I get a notification on my Ring doorbell, and I look at the live view and see my niece and nephews standing alone at my door ringing the bell.
I panicked and my friend asked what was wrong, and I told them, and they agreed to come back with me while they called our other friend to let them know we would be late, and I called the police.
We arrive shortly before the police do and tell them the story, and we give them my brother’s number, and they call, but he doesn’t pick up.
The police ask if we can watch them to which I say no; he will do it again if I do, and they understand and say we will have to come give an official statement at the station, and a CPS worker will take the kids for the night or longer depending on if they can contact my brother and his testimony.
So we do, and I assure my niece and nephews that it’s gonna be fine and the CPS lady is gonna take good care of them.
My friends and I end up staying at my best friend’s house, and around 4 am, my brother calls demanding to know where I and his kids are, and I tell him I’m not home, and his kids are with CPS currently.
He yells so loudly, I didn’t need to put my phone on speaker for my friends to hear. I tell him I told him I would call the police, and I did, so he can thank himself. They ended up losing custody and were charged with endangering a child on 3 counts.
5 months ago, I was asked if I wanted to become my niece and nephews’ guardian, and I ended up agreeing and have had them since, and I don’t know how (only my friends knew since our parents died), but he found out that I had his kids not where we live just that I’m their legal guardian now and has been blowing up my phone and social media telling me I ruined everything.
Our grandpa is on my side, but the rest of the family says I should have sucked it up, but I had to go nuclear, and the guilt is making me doubt if I did the right thing or not. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to say “no” and the consequences of their actions led them to where they are. CPS wouldn’t take kids into foster care if their investigation led to far more than just this one incident. I wouldn’t be surprised if they already had a file on the family.
Putting them into your care also indicates a wish to reunify, if possible, and I’m guessing that your brother needs to get some things into place before CPS will give them back. And that’s all up to your brother.” samanthasgramma
Another User Comments:
“I feel sorry for the children that they got stuck in between the two of you, but you had their best interests at heart and clearly their own father did not.
And as others have stated if CPS took them away, there was way more than you knew, so you probably saved their lives, or at least saved them from having a more horrible childhood. And good for you for stepping up to take care of them.
Your response to your family should be—why aren’t you looking out for the best interests of these children like I was? And let them try to respond. NTJ!” deleted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. CPS’ last resort is removing children from their parents. For parents (both at that) to lose custody means that there were even bigger and more serious problems. Not many foster homes have space for multiple siblings.
Your call did not cause them to lose their kids. You can probably inquire with CPS as to why the decision was made to remove the children. It absolutely sucks that you are losing your independence and freedom. But, you’re not really. You’re sharing your life with your vulnerable niece and nephews.
They need more help than you think. With parents that could so easily abandon them on your doorstep for a good night, those kids deserve way better than the home they left.” Mother-Sound-1390
12. AITJ For Keeping All The Lottery Winnings To Myself?
“Children in our country sometimes sell stuff to their schools to fund school trips, etc. I think many countries do that, so I don’t need to explain more.
Usually, it’s around big holidays, etc. We have a Christmas lottery. Something many schools do.
My partner and I have been together for 13 years, and we are happily child-free. We have good incomes and comfortable living. My partner’s sister and her husband also have good incomes and comfortable living, but I feel sometimes that she always tries to hint that we make more than we spend because we don’t have children (no crap, Sherlock) and that maybe we should give more presents and stuff to her two sons.
I don’t agree. I put around $30 to $65 on a present, and whether it’s good or bad, I don’t care. I come from wealth (well, my parents had good jobs), but we learned from a young age that it’s never the value of the present.
And I had the happiest upbringing.
Anyway, the sons get a couple of dozens or more lottery tickets each to sell and the idea is to go around the neighborhood, but they’re too lazy, and they make the family buy everything, and since my partner and I “have nothing important to spend on,” we end up buying the majority of the tickets.
Around 200-300 bucks worth each occasion. It made me mad a bit in the beginning, but my partner seemed uncomfortable saying no, and I hate making him uncomfortable, so I said oh well.
This Christmas, I won about 150k euros. I was so happy because I never win stuff.
When the nephews heard this, they wanted “their ticket back.” I was shocked and said heck no! They called me like 50 times, and my man’s sister and her sons showed up the next morning to talk then argue then fight me. Then she asked to at least split it 50/50 with them, but I wouldn’t budge.
All three left in tears saying they would take me to court.
My man wants me to split or I’m being a jerk. I usually donate 20% of my bonuses, inheritance, or any big chunk of finances I get to charity. I thought I would do that and buy the boys the bicycles they were saving for (cost around 2,500 each, I don’t know why), but now I won’t even buy them the bicycles.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like over 13 years you’ve spent thousands on these lottery tickets, plus gifts. You’ve been more than generous. They have no right to the winnings, any more than the clerk at a corner shop who sells a winning ticket. As for the ultra-expensive bikes, there’s no reason they need them.
If they are even considering such a purchase, they are not hurting financially. I’d suspect you were told about their “saving up” before Christmas in hopes you’d give them a significant monetary gift “towards” the bikes, regardless of what they then spent it on.
PS.
We have the same issue with fund-raising in the US. Raffle tickets, cookies, whatever the kids are supposed to sell. It ends up with the parents pushing the stuff on relatives rather than the kids selling to neighbors like it used to be. I used to make a monetary donation instead.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am not sure what the laws are in your country, but if this were in the United States, I would say to them, “See you in court.” And for everyone saying that your man is showing red flags by encouraging you to split the winnings, he is probably in a VERY difficult position with his family putting pressure on him, so I would not take this as a sign of his potential to be loyal to you.
Anytime there is a large sum of finances and family involved, things are going to get very difficult to navigate. He may just be trying to play peacemaker.” wildwest74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL isn’t doing her kids any favors by raising them to think they are entitled to your/your husband’s finances, extra gifts, or what have you because… well, honestly, for any reason at all.
You and your man don’t exist in order to give children presents. Not having your own children does not in any way obligate you to subsidize his nephews’ childhoods morally, ethically, or even from a familial duty standpoint (unless perhaps they are starving). Making more than their parents does not in any way obligate you to subsidize his nephews’ childhoods morally, ethically, or even from a familial duty standpoint (unless perhaps they are starving).
And doing so doesn’t do their lazy butts any favors.” HoneyWyne
11. AITJ For Spoiling My Daughter With Gifts In Front Of My Ex's Other Kids?
“My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our daughter (15). We rotate holidays, and this Christmas was her turn.
My family and I had planned a second Christmas for when my daughter comes back to give her gifts and make sure she is not feeling left out.
I make significantly more than my ex. My ex also has 2 other kids (F12, F9).
On Christmas day, my daughter called me and asked if she could video chat with me during the day. I asked her why she is not spending the day with her mom and siblings, and she said she doesn’t want to go out and watch them opening their cool Christmas gifts when she didn’t get much.
Apparently, the 12-year-old got a laptop and a pet, the 9-year-old got a new phone and Nintendo Switch from their mom while she gave my daughter a bag.
I called her mom and asked her about the gifts, and she said this is her way of making things fair because my daughter gets so many gifts from me and my side of the family when she can hardly afford to buy anything for her other kids.
I told her it was still unfair for my child to watch her siblings open their cool presents when she only got a bag, and she told me our daughter is 15 and can handle this and ended the call.
I have 3 siblings who are all very generous with gifts and love spoiling the kids for Christmas, so I knew she would get a lot of good presents from them.
I told them there was a change of plans and I wanted to send the Christmas gifts to my daughter today. There is no way I’m going to let my daughter just sit there and watch her siblings open their gifts when she looks miserable.
I took all the gifts to my daughter’s mom’s home and gave them to her.
My ex blew up at me and asked me what the heck was wrong with me bringing so many gifts and giving them to her in front of her siblings.
I told her I don’t think I did anything wrong, I was trying to make my daughter happy. She called me a jerk and told me to come and take the gifts back which I refused to and said I’ll take them back when I take my daughter back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once she’s 18, you’ll be getting a call asking why your daughter doesn’t talk to her anymore. You’re a lousy parent if you sit by knowing your kid is being treated like that by her “mother” and do nothing about it.
I’d have honestly asked her if she wanted to come home with me instead of having to stay there. As a parent, doing something that comes across as the “jerk” thing is what you have to do to do right by your child and that’s what OP did, thinking of his child when her so-called mother clearly wasn’t.” small_monster_
Another User Comments:
“I was with you until you took all the extravagant gifts in order to rub them in your ex’s (and by extension her kids’) face. While she was in the wrong for making her own kid feel excluded on Christmas, she had a decent reason that you and your family can afford to give your daughter nice and expensive gifts, while her kids only have her.
The mature thing to do would have been to pick up your daughter and give her the gifts with your family later in the day. She’s old enough to decide where she wants to spend the holidays. But no, you wanted to spite your ex.
YTJ.” Xtabailurking
Another User Comments:
“Overall NTJ. Although I do think you went overboard getting your sibling to drop those gifts off as well as you taking your gifts over. That could have waited until your Christmas event, which wasn’t in the interest of your daughter, that was a dig at the ex.
Your ex is definitely the jerk who hurt your daughter badly. Those acts will show in their relationship when she is an adult. But by going so over the top by dropping every gift, you contributed to making your daughter’s Christmas day at her mother’s house worse, not better.
Although your original reasons for doing so definitely don’t make you a jerk.” Ok-Macaron-6211
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with ESH. I think that you were trying to help your daughter when she was feeling sad and hurt. From a daughter who grew up with divorced parents, one of whom is an absolute jerk, thank you for trying to be there for your daughter!
Especially as a teenager, it can sometimes be very difficult to consolidate the immediate feelings (feeling left out by Mom) and rational arguments (don’t worry, I have gifts waiting for you at home) and not let the situation affect you in the present, even when you understand the rationale.
However, I do think that you ended up in jerk territory because your action of bringing all the gifts ended up with your daughter having more for Christmas than her siblings at her mom’s place, which might have made them feel bad. I understand that the siblings are not your responsibility, but the children are the innocent ones in all of this.
While I know the mom would probably also have called you a jerk for this, I do not think you would have been the jerk if you had brought 1 or 2 gifts to bring your daughter to an equal playing field with the siblings and have something to enjoy – and then get the rest of the gifts when returning home to you.
Mom is also a jerk because she is punishing her daughter for getting gifts from your family. There is a BIG difference between getting a laptop or a puppy and a bag. Unless this was some designer/expensive very wished-for bag. The children are not the jerks in all of this.
I am wondering, is your daughter in general experiencing that her mom favors the other children?” SeveralMarionberry42
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but mostly YOU. You gift-bombed your daughter specifically to make her siblings feel bad in retaliation for something entirely out of their control. You could have done something more moderate if this was about your daughter feeling better.
(Or, gee, I dunno… reminded your teen daughter that she would have Christmas with tons of the usual gifts in a few days herself while her siblings would not.) If the only gifts those kids really get are from their mom, you’re a jerk. Because clearly, the history for years has been your daughter getting mountains of gifts while her sisters do not.” Pianoplayerpiano
10. AITJ For Making My Uncle Pay Me Back For The Expensive Gin He Drank?
“I (21F) received two very nice bottles of gin from my two brothers for my birthday in July. When I came home for Christmas, I brought the gin with me as well as one other bottle I had bought myself because we were having family over, and my parents didn’t have adult beverages in the house.
I had two of the bottles (the nice ones) in the kitchen because my brothers came to visit and they each wanted a glass of the gin they had bought me. The other bottle was in my room, unopened.
My uncle (55M) was staying with us, for free, and he drank 3/4 of both of the nice gin bottles and then snuck into my room and drank all of the gin in my room.
I caught him in my room drinking the gin there.
I demanded that he pay me back the value of the gin he had drank, and I was very hurt that he drank the gin that was given to me as a gift from my brothers and was very expensive.
He knew it was mine and was a gift from my brothers because I told him about them and showed him the bottles when my brothers and I had some. As well as the invasion of privacy that comes from sneaking into my room without permission.
However, my uncle and aunt are having financial problems. My mom had to pay for them to fly to us for the holidays and has paid for everything else for them; otherwise, they wouldn’t have been able to come.
My parents think I should just drop the issue because my uncle doesn’t have the money to pay me back and because he has a drinking problem.
I think that he still has to face the consequences of his actions. He is now refusing to speak to me after I asked for the money.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he at least owes you the bottle you had in your room, for the other bottles you could argue they were out in the open for anyone to drink.
That being said, realistically you’re not going to see a penny. He doesn’t have the money, and he’s already shown his willingness to avoid you because of it.” Zagriel55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your uncle’s drinking problem isn’t your fault, and you should be compensated for what he stole from you.
If your parents want you to drop the issue, you should demand that they pay for the drinks instead. Not holding your uncle accountable for stealing due to his addiction isn’t going to make him better. In the future, it would be wise to not keep drinks around a known addict since that is a trigger even if they would’ve been sober for a while.” allkindsofTape
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For what it’s worth, this is textbook addiction. To a T. The financial problems. Sneaking drinks. Bring fixated on going through your room to find more. He needs more and can’t afford it. And given the rest of your post… It seems like your family isn’t ready to talk about it yet.
Your parents want you to drop it because the end of all this conversation is someone accusing him of being an addict, him getting furious and storming out. And I say this as someone with six years of sobriety.
For your own sake, I’d say drop it for now, but once you’re with your parents, have a very blunt conversation about this.
Tell them you understand they wanted to keep the peace and not ruin the trip. But also explain that you dropped it for the sake of the trip, and now you expect compensation. The first thing that has to happen is the family getting on board with the idea that there’s a problem here.
And as someone who lived it for a few years… I mean this is textbook, “There’s a problem there.”” Andrew225
9. AITJ For Telling A Family Member To Mind Their Own Business About Our Parenting?
“A family member died unexpectedly last week, so we have been with the entire family a lot more than is normal for us. One nephew married a person who knows everything, no one knows more than her, even in your field of expertise.
(i.e. I work in insurance fraud, I deal with a lot of workman’s comp…she insists it’s no big deal to smoke substances as long as you don’t do it at work. Um, no!) The couple has children who they don’t parent in a way I would consider decent parenting.
I have never said anything because they are not my kids. (And in all honesty, I go out of my way not to interact with her.)
Last night, this woman started talking about how she was home-schooling her kid because the school wanted him to go to behavioral therapy and maybe be in a special class for kids who need extra supervision.
She started going off about how that kind of stuff follows a kid forever and will ruin their lives. And then. She looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “You know, like it did (insert my oldest child’s name here).” As the two situations are apples & oranges, I just said it wasn’t the same.
She kept on about how my kid couldn’t do the job he wanted to do because of being on medication for a while. I raised my voice and said, “Well, you can’t do that job if you aren’t alive and those medicines and therapy saved his life, so sit down and shut up.”
My sister-in-law is mad because I yelled at her “daughter.” I felt like she was lucky I didn’t rattle her cage.”
Another User Comments:
“She sounds full of herself, to say the least. NTJ. I’ve been on medications off and on for depression/anxiety due to surviving a violent crime in childhood.
My aunt told me that using medication is a cop-out and that I just need to suck it up and deal without it. I’m still on medication and my aunt just passed away. It hurt at the time she said that because medication has saved my life.
I’m working and own my own home so something’s working.” deleted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman never has the right to bring up your children, especially to prove a point. As an educator myself, I find her decision to pull the kid from school, rather than address and correct the issue, extremely irresponsible.
She is neglecting her child’s needs and this will have lasting consequences. Would she rather have her kid go through life with the stigma of SPED (he/she wouldn’t), or forgo IEP and have a difficult life? She is worried about her ego, not her kid’s, and that’s incredibly selfish.” Xtinalauren12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good on you for standing up for your child. Also, I would go full nuclear, their kid is disabled in some way shape, or form and needs help to cope with that. You should document everything and send it to CPS.
That child needs to be removed from her care because of that negligence. Document everything no matter how minor or trivial it is. Please go full nuclear.” Key-Tie2214
8. WIBTJ For No Longer Cooking For My Unappreciative Husband?
“I’m an RN, and I work 12-hour shifts mostly. If you’re in the medical field, you know how tiring it is when you just want to come home, take a shower, and sleep because you probably have to do it all over again tomorrow.
Well, when I come home, I can’t sleep because I have 2 kids I have to take care of. Most days when I get home from work, I cook for everybody and get ready for bed. Recently, my husband’s been seeing me cooking and getting take-out.
The first time he did it, I didn’t mind, but now it’s starting to get to me because you obviously see me in here cooking for y’all after a long 12-hour shift, and you basically say screw you and go out to get something to eat?
It just makes me mad.
I didn’t work today, but he did, so I thought, why not make a nice dinner for him and the kids? I made steak and potatoes with cheese broccoli. If somebody made that for me after work, I’b be freaking ecstatic, but he just came home, said hey to us, and went to get food when he saw that I was cooking.
It’s starting to work my last darn nerve, so I talked to him about it, and he said he didn’t see the big deal. Now I just feel like I should just stop cooking for him period.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but I have a different suggestion.
Don’t cook, and when he starts to leave the house, tell him you and the kids will join him for takeout. Also, start looking for a counselor for yourself. I, like a lot of folks here, think your husband has some deep issues going on.
1. This sudden change in behavior is troublesome. Does he just want to get away from all of you… every. single. day? Is he having some weird affair? Does he have some other secret habit? Does he really hate your cooking that much? (By the way, why doesn’t he ever cook dinner?) There could even be a sweet, but stupid, reason (e.g., a surprise), but he’s not doing your marriage any favors with this behavior.
2. ‘It’s no big deal’ is not an answer; it’s a deflection. You can tell him that whether he thinks it’s a big deal or not, he needs to talk with you and honestly tell you WHY he wants to eat take-out every day. If he still refuses, then he’s not being a partner to you at all.
You can tell him that one way or the other, the truth of what he’s feeling and thinking and doing will come out. The simple fact that he won’t communicate with you and dismisses you doesn’t bode well for the future of your marriage.
3. (Back to my suggestion…) You don’t mention a financial concern.
So you and the kids joining him for take-out doesn’t sound like it presents a financial burden. He says getting take-out is no big deal (implying there’s no special reason he’s doing this), so your and the kids’ presence shouldn’t change that.
4. Be prepared that you may find a big deep hole in your marriage and face deciding what you want to do about it.
I’m sorry to sound so dire. It would be great for it to be a sweet, but stupid, reason. As long as he’s not communicating with you, you have to be prepared that it’s likely a more negative reason.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: As an RN myself, who has worked 12-hour shifts.
They are brutal. He should be picking up the parenting slack when you are working your shifts, including childcare and dinner. If the situation was reversed, the woman would be expected to help more if their partner worked longer days. He is also being a real jerk by not eating the dinner you cook.
Time to have a discussion about how you need to prioritize sleep and rest because tired nurses can make mistakes. Not saying you should ignore your kids, but he should feed them dinner before you even get home from work on those days. You could give them some cuddles and then eat and sleep.
Men seem to love to take advantage of nurse spouses and don’t understand how hard nursing is. Because they take advantage of the caring and giving nature of nurses.” bloodrose_80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has the energy to go out and drive for 25 minutes, but he can’t cook for his family and put the kids to bed after you worked 12 hours?
That’s the real issue. Not the food. The food makes it extra weird and rude. Like: I work for 12 hours, come home, have to do the laundry for the whole family. I come home really tired, drag myself to the washing machine, and start sorting.
My husband walks in, picks his favorite jeans, and drives off to the laundrette, to wash his own jeans. He does not want to talk about why he does that. The point – not the jeans. But why is he home and waiting for you after this 12-hour shift to start all this?” Schminksalot
7. AITJ For Making Fun Of My Friend's Cooking Preference?
“I (M25) have a friend (F25) whom I often cook with. Nothing romantic between us. We just like to get together every once in a while.
One thing we do is food prep once a month. And every single time I use chicken or a roast, she insists on washing the meat.
I have tried on multiple occasions to explain to her that meat doesn’t need to be washed before you cook it. She refuses to listen, and she refuses to eat the food we make unless I wash the meat.
We got together this morning for our food prep day.
She brought a big package of ground chicken. I had chicken thighs and pork chops. As usual, she insisted that I wash the meat.
I asked her if she wanted to use the sink to wash her ground chicken before we used it. She said I was being ridiculous because ground meat doesn’t need to be washed because the meat gets washed before they grind it.
I said she was being silly because that made no sense. I pulled up a YouTube video of ground chicken being made. Nope. The meat never got washed. She said that it was just one video. So I asked her to find one where they washed the meat.
She couldn’t.
She said that her mom always washed meat before she cooked it. I asked if her mom washed ground meat too. She said I was being a jerk making fun of her and her mom.
We made our food in silence, and she left, but she is still mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it doesn’t sound like you were making fun of her. Washing meat actually spreads more bacteria unless you’re also giving the sink a good scrub each time with something disposable. And cooking your food kills whatever bacteria is on it.
If she wants to have this hangup about her food, fine, but she’s got no business forcing it on you. Sounds like cooking might not be the best of activities to share.” stew_pit1
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say YTJ not because of the to wash/not wash argument but for the way you handled it.
You constantly went on about it, even when they were clearly becoming upset/uncomfortable and then instead of trying to find sources to re-educate or work together you made her feel stupid and goaded her for not knowing better.” deleted
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s a cultural thing as we used to do in my household when I was little.
I still wash meat by habit, and yes, I know what the USDA said and I myself am a pharmacist, but I tend to wash it because it still has some blood and feathers, and I think it’s disgusting. I clean my sink with disinfectant, and I don’t shake the meat everywhere, and we never had food poisoning growing up.
My dad has a farm, and we used to clean the chickens prior to waiting for rigor mortis and all the post-mortem transformation. I don’t get how you could contaminate your kitchen if you don’t shake the meat everywhere. I have lot of habits to avoid cross-contamination like having different recipients for meat and raw vegetables.
I’m very attached to the washing meat stuff not to eliminate pathogens cause it’s not the case but clean the surface from blood or other stuff and to remove the raw smell with lemon and vinegar, and it adds more flavor in my opinion.
I would say NTJ, but you should not laugh about stuff you don’t know the what or why people are doing something.” Panda_Usual
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ, I wash the chicken too, and I know it’s unnecessary, and I know it sounds stupid, but that’s what I had been told and how my family always prepared chicken.
It’s the first thing I do before I prepare the rest of the meal, and I wash the sink and the cupboard with bleach before I prepare the rest of the meal. I don’t hurt anybody, and I just can’t eat it when I haven’t washed it.
Just let the people be.” DetailAffectionate73
6. AITJ For Moving Out Of The Country With My Daughter Against My Ex's Wishes?
“My ex-wife and I divorced when our daughter was 3 (she is 15 now). I am gonna be fair, she has a lot of issues to the level that every member of her family (her mom, dad, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, etc.) gave testimonies against her in the case of custody.
As a result, I was given sole legal and medical custody after the divorce, she was bound to child support and it was automatically cut from her salary (it was also decided by the judge because she was found unable to handle this.). The house we lived in was her father’s, and he made her move out to a smaller flat of his, and he transferred the deed to mine and my daughter’s name.
She is also not allowed to have anything but supervised visits, but she hasn’t visited since she was 5 years old. I mostly raised her by myself with the help of our extended families.
2 months ago, I got a job offer from a university in Uruguay to be a visiting professor for 3 years.
After I talked with my daughter, we thought it was a good idea, and she said she wanted to see and experience South America. In Uruguay, I also don’t have a rigid schedule, so we can tour around South America in the 3 years. I also never went to South America other than Rio in the late 1990s for Rio Carnival, so it will be a new experience for me too.
On the 27th of December, we moved to Uruguay.
Her family was supportive and told us to enjoy this experience. But the problem is my ex. She called me and yelled at me for 30 minutes. Then my daughter got the phone from my hand and said, “Why do you care when you weren’t there?”
The problem is, my ex doesn’t have any power over me and my daughter, so I can do anything I want. She also doesn’t own the house she is living in right now, and FIL can kick her out if he thinks she is out of line.
So, I might be taking advantage of the power I have. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for me, I reckon. I’m a little confused as to what the problem is that you describe at the end. It looks like you and your child are perfectly fine to move away to Uruguay.
The anger that your ex-partner has seems likely to be driven by their own shame, rather than anything based on the situation. If they had a good relationship with your child and exercised the visitation rights then it would surely be a difficult situation to manage.
But that’s clearly not the case here. I think their living situation shouldn’t really be a concern when you and your child make this decision. It’s really up to the FIL whether they boot them out. I think you don’t have to feel guilty or responsible if their own actions cause them negative consequences.” Ouzelum_2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most of the comments are about the wife but to me, children come first. You talked with your daughter and SHE wants it just as much as you do. Your ex has nothing really to do with the picture not because of you but because of HER actions… she can’t nor should have a say in anything given she gave all of that up and continued to not care.
If my bio dad (absent since birth to this day) tried to dictate my life ever the answer would be simple – Who does he think he is? Enjoy life with your daughter and make so many happy memories! Living abroad is so worth it!” Mystic_ryder
5. AITJ For Joking About My Wife's Family Being Dead?
“My wife (Anna) lost both her parents in middle school and after that was raised by her maternal grandparents until she went to college. Anna was an only child, and her parents didn’t have siblings either. None of her grandparents are living at this point either.
We’ve been married 3 years and she rarely talks about her family. I on the other hand have a huge family with 16 nieces and nephews. Naturally, we spend all holidays, birthdays, and celebrations with my family. Which works great as they all love Anna, and she loves them back.
Recently we had dinner with another couple we’re close to, Kyle and Lisa. They were talking about how deciding whose family to see and when is such a challenge and no matter who they spend time with they feel like the other family constantly guilt trips them.
The conversation was definitely bringing the mood down as Kyle and Lisa both looked stressed. I thought I’d try to lighten the mood a bit and said they should have just done like me and marry someone whose parents and grandparents are all dead so there’s never any argument over who to visit.
I was trying to make a dumb joke to make everyone smile, but it backfired. Kyle kind of got it and said, good tip; I’ll keep that in mind for next time. Anna practically ran out of the restaurant, Lisa followed Anna and called me and Kyle both jerks as she left. Lisa also later texted us both that she’s staying at the house with Anna for the night and suggested I either sleep on the couch at her and Kyle’s place or get a hotel for a few days.
I wasn’t trying to offend anyone or upset Anna, my intent was to lighten up a tense atmosphere and give everyone a laugh. Now, Anna won’t speak to me or respond to my texts, Lisa is the most angry I’ve ever seen her, and Kyle is the only one who sees any humor in my joke but still wants me to apologize to Anna and find a way to make it up to her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even if you were in the same position, where everyone you loved who was primarily involved in your care as a child was dead – this would still be a very inappropriate joke, and I’ve got a reasonably dark sense of humor.
She doesn’t talk about her family much, it’s probably because she’s still got trauma about it. The fact that you’ve STILL got a big family adds a whole other layer of jerk-ness to it – you have absolutely no idea what it’s like to feel that alone in the world.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you made light of the fact that everyone she has ever loved in life is dead! What is wrong with you? And that you’re grateful for it because it makes your life easier? Those are probably the most painful things she has EVER gone through and you laughed, then tried to share it as a joke in public?!
Would you like it if every single one of your family members died only to have your significant other find it funny and laugh at your pain, in public, with friends? You SCREWED up. She might actually leave you for this and the blame would be solely yours.” Just-Throat-348
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Joking about your wife not having any living family left isn’t a way to “lighten the mood.” It’s a cruel reminder that the people she loved the most are dead and that her parents died when she was a CHILD.
Your friend Kyle is also a jerk for going along with it and not calling you out for the callous jerk you are.” Glitter_Voldemort
A better response would have been, be glad you have that problem.
4. AITJ For "Slacking" As A Parent?
He and his wife have completely different perspectives on this one.
“My wife and I have a two-month-old, a one-year-old (sixteen months), and a six-year-old.
Every weekday morning when I take my six-year-old to school we leave twenty minutes early and grab breakfast on the way to school. I use this time to talk to him about whatever he wants to talk about (the Owl House, he wants to talk about the Owl House) because we are so busy at home and don’t always have time to chat whenever he wants.
Then I go to work and after work, I pick him up from his after-school program.
Our six-year-old has to go to the after-school program because his school ends before my work. His program ends at five thirty, but I usually get there around five fifteen.
The program allows for early pickup, but my son doesn’t like leaving early, so I usually wait for him, or I swing by the store and pick stuff up before getting him. All this amounts to an “extra” thirty-five(ish) minutes of me out of the house five days a week, so about two and a half hours a week.
My wife said she is getting frustrated by this. She said I’m slacking. I’m not slacking. I’m spending time with our kid or running errands. It’s not a huge chunk of time, but it’s important that he doesn’t feel like he’s being forgotten because of the babies.
She wants me to leave in time to get him to school and me to work on time, but no earlier, and to pick our son up at five fifteen instead of five-thirty. I think that’s silly. Those twenty minutes don’t make a difference. It’s not like I leave in the middle of feeding the toddler.
She’s always changed, fed, dressed, and in her playpen when I leave. I don’t just run off with her still in her highchair or something crazy like that.
The after-school thing I can see her point a bit better, but it’s just fifteen minutes. If she wants me home for something specific, of course I will get him early, but if it’s just for the sake of being home fifteen minutes earlier, why deprive him of saying goodbye to his friends with all the other kids?
She says I’m being an inconsiderate jerk, but I don’t think I am. I think it’s important to remember the older lower maintenance kids have needs too, even if they aren’t making them known with loud screaming or stinky diapers.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think that your wife is stressed by having two small children at home.
Your 15 minutes alone to do errands, after being with adults at work all day, might seem mighty luxurious to her when she’s been with two babies all day. Does she have any help? Does she get time away? Are you one of the few adults (or the only) that she sees all day?
If so, maybe compromise? Your special time with your 6yo in the morning stays, but you do get him the 15 minutes early in the afternoon. Then your wife can go and do errands if they are needed to have a little alone time to herself?
She sounds overwhelmed not entitled, at least from how I’m reading it. I’m sure she would love to have a little alone time with your 6-year-old, too? Even a 6-year-old is a better congratulations than a 2-month-old and 16-month-old…
Going with nobody’s the jerk. Three kids that young must be difficult to navigate.
Y’all are outnumbered. What you are doing is not bad or wrong but maybe feels a little unfair to her when she’s the one dealing with the far more needy children when it’s happening? If I were you, I would just talk to her and get her POV.
I think we all know that you aren’t gallivanting about town, but sometimes even getting to go to the store on your own can feel like a vacation for parents of young children…” Ladygytha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We had baby twins and NO extra finances.
I was a SAHM. Hubs worked then came home and we parented together. Plus, he did ALL the night bottles. Thanks again, love! I was always waiting eagerly for him to come home because: see twins, above. About 4 years later he admitted he cut himself 10-20 minutes most days before leaving to play Tetris; this was the early 90s so our computer didn’t have it.
It DID have floppy disks, though…rim shot. Did this sweet man deserve a few minutes between responsibilities? Betcha. Was I upset when he told me? Nope. Is he still a great dad? Yes! You are a great dad. Your 6-year-old has 2 little siblings and clearly thrives on a tad of one-on-one time.
Your wife is frazzled to heck. Maybe you and the 6yo can plan a surprise for her on one of your chats…a small nature project, stopping to buy her a treat, etc. Families need watering and sunlight to grow strong.” Leftoverfleek13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re actually doing something very important for your oldest child. Giving him time, attention, and a safe person for him to rely on. It sounds petty for 35 minutes but it’s that bonding time that will make all the difference when he is older.
I don’t think it’s truly about the 35 minutes, my guess is your wife’s resentment towards the situation is because she doesn’t get a break, breakfast, or a few minutes of downtime waiting for the oldest to get out of his after-school program.
It sounds like she’s resentful about your freedom more than your actions. Maybe try to discuss with her if she needs 2.5 hours of free-ish time as well. After all, babies are a lot more work than a 6-year-old who’s in school all day.” Gorgeous-Angelface
3. AITJ For Choosing To Spend My Birthday With My Partner Instead Of My Family?
“My 20th birthday was a few days ago. As the eldest daughter I was always responsible for my siblings’ birthdays, even during times when we couldn’t afford cakes/sweets, I’d still be the one to come up with something to save the situation, and they always had friends throw them parties and they’d come home with a ton of presents.
On the other hand, my birthdays aren’t celebrated, I do get wishes if one of my younger siblings remembers and mentions it. My mom would take me out for lunch and that’d be it. Never had friends to celebrate with me after moving out 6 years ago and I know I should be grateful to even have a nice meal out, I’m also very happy to see my siblings have good friends but it gets pretty lonely and really upsetting that I don’t get a quarter of that effort from anyone on my birthday.
My partner (m21) and I have been together for almost a year now and this was my first birthday since we got together. None of my family members seemed to remember my birthday and I didn’t remind them anyway but I had the best birthday ever in years and possibly the best I’ve ever had.
I went back home holding present boxes and that was when my mom remembered and got really upset because I chose my partner over her and spending time with my siblings especially since it’s my 20th a milestone to be celebrated with family. I reminded her how she didn’t even remember it was my birthday until that moment but her excuse was being busy and stressed and how I was using this against her when I could have kindly reminded her.
Am I really overreacting and being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Happy birthday. It is your mother’s responsibility to not only remember your birthday but to make the effort to celebrate it no matter how broke she may be. I am so sorry she left you to do this for your siblings and then did not even bother to do it for you.
A lunch out is something you do for a friend, not your child. For your child, you make every effort to celebrate with a cake, a cupcake, some ice cream, or just a honey bun from the gas station. You make decorations. You sing Happy Birthday.
You play games or watch movies. You tell them how much you love them. A lack of money is not an excuse to ignore a child’s birthday.” familydogsandwine
Another User Comments:
“Happy birthday, friend! I’m really glad you got to have a good birthday with your partner.
You certainly more than deserve that. You are 100% NTJ, but I’m hoping you already know that. Your mother is making your birthday about her. I get the feeling this is standard for her since you were responsible for birthday-ing your siblings. The fact that you had to do that is absolutely crappy parenting (or not parenting, I guess) in my opinion.
That she wants you to remind her that it’s your birthday and got mad because you didn’t? That’s her projecting her bullcrap right there. You are Teflon. Let that crap sliiiiiide right off. (And get out of there as soon as you can!)” VexBoxx
Another User Comments:
“I am THE DEFINITION of being forgetful, especially when my 3 kids are around (so all the time) and I set a billion reminders for everything and even ask my SO to schedule texts to remind me of something. BUT I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN THEIR BIRTHDAY.
The worst has been, “Oh crap. Their birthday is 2 weeks from now, not 3.” They know we always do a small thing on their birthday and a bigger one to come. I couldn’t imagine not remembering my kids had a birthday until AFTER they had celebrated with someone else.
I’m so sorry, Op. You deserve so much better! All the happiest birthday wishes to you. And seriously, consider going NC/LC because you deserve better. NTJ and all the mom hugs to you.” not2day2018
2. AITJ For Refusing To Bring My Newborn To My In-Laws' House?
“I (f24) have a little one just over 2 months, we’ll call him Harry, and my SO (m25) who we’ll call Eli.
Eli and I don’t live together at the moment as we’re in the search for a house, we both live in our parents’ home. Each of us has a good relationship with each other’s parents and our parents are polite and respectful to one another so all in all, no bad blood between any involved parties.
Eli’s parents have only seen Harry twice since his birth which was via emergency c-section. Once in the hospital, once during the holidays when I brought him over to their house for maybe an hour and a half. Eli’s parents have yet to come to my home to see the baby themselves despite it only being a 10-minute drive across town.
They have no car problems, no health issues, nothing keeping them from coming here on their own time.
I held out the olive branch by bringing Harry over the first time since they were so adamant about not coming to my home (difference in faith/holiday celebration), yet since then they haven’t made the effort of coming to visit their grandson.
It’s been over a month and now they’re starting to ask about seeing Harry again, and I’m holding my ground in saying that I won’t be catering to them every time they want to see him because of how long it takes to get ourselves ready to go anywhere, and because it’s not right that I have to go charter the baby around at their beck and call when they can easily come here instead.
I just won’t make the extra effort if they make none themselves. Simple.
Eli has already spoken to them on the matter, but they refuse to change their minds. I’m being called the jerk for not letting them see Harry in the comfort of their home
AITJ?
Edit: His parents smoke within the home but clean it regularly and make sure the immediate area of the home is smoke-free. The previous time I took Harry over they had aired out the house for 2 days, and it smelled completely fine; they didn’t smoke around him, and everyone was happy.
Additionally, I didn’t include this in the original post because it’s not my main concern since we sorted that issue out before. The main problem is their expectancy of having me always bring the baby to them instead of reciprocating and taking turns to visit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“I’m being called the jerk for not letting them see Harry in the comfort of their home.”
Wait a minute, then their son, your son’s father, needs to get off his butt. Why is it you are the jerk when your kid has two parents?
You’re not holding your child hostage. But frankly, I think it’s ridiculous that they expect you to come to them at all when taking care of a baby, getting all the supplies ready, in and out of a car seat, etc. is MUCH more work than them getting in their car and driving over.
You’re dealing with enough having to take care of a 2-month-old on top of healing. They can put in a little effort and graciousness to someone who is doing the tough work of parenting. Putting more work on you so they can have fun times with Baby is a jerk move.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I wouldn’t want my child of any age spending time in a building with smokers. I can’t stand the smell of smoke and I resent smokers who think they can hide the stink. No amount of paint and water can clean it away.
It sounds like Eli does no child care and there are no arrangements for Eli to be responsible in this respect. Is this their beef? That they want this baby to spend weekends or half the week in this house of smokers and this is their way of raising the point.
This arrangement of you doing 100% of all child care can’t last and while the argument can be made short term, I’ve seen where the change in arrangements down the line, one person is suddenly not doing any child care and their unwillingness to be involved comes to light.
It’s not your loss. It’s their loss and their choice.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“His parents smoke within the home but clean it regularly and make sure the immediate area of the home is smoke-free.”
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s not how that works.
Third-hand smoke is on every surface of that home, settled into dust, and off-gassing back into the air. Every time your child is there, they’re being exposed to thirdhand smoke. Breathing it in, when they start putting things in their mouth it’s going to be ingested. Not smoking that day and “airing out” the house does nothing to protect your baby from being exposed to cancer-causing chemicals.
I’m confused as to why you’re more concerned with them not coming to you than the health risks you take with your child every time you do bring them into their house.
Also, they very obviously don’t go to your house because it’s not actually your house.
It’s your parents’ house, and they don’t want to have to share the time with your child and try and bond with your kid under the watchful eye of your parents.” Ok-Preparation-2307
1. AITJ For Being The Reason My Sister's Hair Turned Blue?
“So I (21) have blue hair, and I was told by a hairdresser that the color sticks better if you put a little bit of hair dye in your shampoo.
This was all good until my 12-year-old sister decided to swipe and use my shampoo.
She is blonde, and the result isn’t pretty.
My mom is mad at me for putting dye in my shampoo and not telling anyone. This is my shampoo that I bought, and I had placed it in the shower that only I use, and my sister took it and used it in another shower.
She has done this before with other items, and my mom also thinks I did this as a way to teach her not to steal my stuff (I didn’t).
So yeah, the whole family is mad. Should I have told them about me putting hair dye into my shampoo?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your shampoo, kept in a shower only you use, and while she has stolen other things, she hadn’t taken your shampoo before. The fact that you didn’t anticipate this particular theft, when presumably she has her own shampoo to use and no reason to come near your shower, isn’t on you.
In one way, warning about the shampoo would be like giving permission to steal. “You might not want to use this as I’ve put some dye in it to maintain my hair color.” (Unspoken message: If I hadn’t, you could have just taken it.) The simple answer is for her not to steal and ask before taking anything.
That would give you the chance to say no or give any instructions or warnings on the off-chance any were needed.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go against the grain and say nobody’s the jerk. All this talk of theft is ridiculous. You don’t live with roommates; you live at home with family.
Did you ever mention anything to your sister about not wanting her to use anything of yours? (That is easily accessible, of course. It isn’t like she went through your stuff; she was out of shampoo, so she used her sister’s… Big deal!). I can’t imagine what a horrible, dysfunctional family people grew up in to consider this theft.
Now, if you did it on purpose, I would say yeah, YTJ, but since you didn’t, and it just skipped your mind like you said above, this was a (possibly very funny) accident. Your family is overreacting and so are the snowflakes responding to you.” AccomplishedPie603
Another User Comments:
“Perfect example of ESH. We all know you knew there was a chance someone COULD have used your shampoo. It would have been very courteous of you to give your family a heads up that you put blue dye in it just in case they needed to borrow yours in a pinch.
There have been times I have run out of shampoo and used a bit of my wife’s. Should your sister have asked? Yes, but she’s 12, and she’s your sister. Be a better housemate/sister.” deleted
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