People Want To See If They Can Get Off The Hook From Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Asking My Roommate Not To Cook Certain Dishes When My Pregnant Partner Is Over?
“My partner and I are expecting. We don’t live together but we’re waiting til the baby’s born to figure out our living arrangements.
She’s 4 months pregnant. There are certain smells that she just cannot tolerate and my roommate tends to cook some meals with a smell that causes her to be nauseous.
That would result in her throwing up and getting sick.
I tried to speak to him about it but he got pretty defensive saying he has a specific diet that he sticks to and that he didn’t see how this was wrong.
I cleared things up saying there was nothing wrong with what he was doing but asked him to just not cook that specific meal that have a smell that trigger my partner’s nausea. He got upset and ranted about how he’s a resident unlike my partner who doesn’t live here and said that he can’t even consider my request since she’s here almost 4 days a week and stays til 10 pm.
I tried to discuss it with him and maybe figure out a compromise but he bluntly told me he doesn’t owe me or my partner any accommodations or compromises. I thought that was unnecessarily rude and selfish of him. He told me to ‘deal with it’ or tell her not to come which was offensive because she’s my partner and she’s pregnant and I need to make sure she’s okay by seeing her weekly.
He’s avoiding me right now. AITJ? I figured it wouldn’t be such a huge deal since it wasn’t like I’m telling him to stop cooking at all, just when my partner is over.
Info: I can’t go to her place because she’s currently living with her parents and I can’t go over there because I’m not on good terms with them.”
Another User Comments:
“Call me crazy, but I would say that ‘just had a baby’ is the absolute worst imaginable time to move house.
What are you doing, ‘we’re waiting til the baby is born to figure out living arrangements’?
No, you have a baby coming, you need to figure out where are y’all gonna live before it gets here.
You can’t ban your roommate from cooking his normal meals.
Your partner doesn’t have to visit you for most of the week.
You can go to her place. Or you can hang in your room if your roommate is cooking something she can’t handle.
But you don’t get to make your roommate’s life revolve around your baby. He didn’t agree to live with a pregnant woman.
YTJ” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why on earth are you waiting to figure out living arrangements? This is a really dumb move. She is pregnant with your child, you’re not going to have time to figure out a living arrangement once the baby is born plus the child should be brought home to a stable environment with both of you there.
Right there before anything else, this is just classically dumb. Also not your roommate’s problem, it’s yours. Again this is why not sorting your own place out is just plain dumb. Don’t project your problems onto your roommate.” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for asking, but for pushing it when he said ‘no.’ Let’s face it, your partner is over enough and for long enough that she is a third, non-rent-paying roommate. And your actual roommate has had no say in any of the pregnancy issues or choices despite him having to live with the fallout of them, four days a week from when he gets home from work until he goes to bed. And it sounds like he’s never had any say in anything that goes on so far.
He’s right – he’s a resident and she’s not paying a cent of rent or utilities despite being there most of the week.” bamf1701
18. AITJ Saying That I'd Rather Have My Mom's Husband Be The Parent Of The Groom Than My Dad's Wife?
“My parents divorced when I (27m) was 7. My dad and mom both met their spouses within a couple of years of the divorce. I met my dad’s wife first. I was introduced to her within four months of their relationship and she made it clear from the get-go she wanted a mother-son relationship with me.
My dad told me that’s the gig, you don’t have to like it but when your parent marries someone, they become your parent too. They mentioned when they married 18 months later that calling her mom would be the right thing to do, and she told me repeatedly how it hurt her feelings that I didn’t want to and then she insisted that I call her ma’am if I wouldn’t call her a mom name.
With my mom’s husband, it was so different. He started out asking me about video games and art and he told me he hoped we could be friends, and maybe family in the future, but that friends were good too.
When my dad and his wife were pushing the whole mom thing I had asked him what he wanted me to call him. He said there was no way to wear out his name so I was free to use that or his childhood nickname that only his favorite people got to use.
I used his name for a few more months but by the time he was living with me and mom, I was using the nickname.
When I was 11 dad and his wife moved to another town to take care of her parents.
So I was every other weekend with them after the move. They wanted me to move with them but I didn’t want to and I knew my dad’s wife disliked my mom afterward. She used to tell my dad and her friends when I was with them that mom was selfish for hogging me and preventing me from seeing her as my mom.
At the same time my mom’s husband would listen to me vent about dad and her, but never spoke a word, and sometimes even reminded me that even if I felt like he preferred his wife, he still loved me.
My dad and his wife had three daughters together. Mom and her husband have 5 kids. I think dad’s wife only having girls deprived her of the son she always wanted and it made her want me to be her son even more.
But today I really don’t care for her and if dad were dead or they were divorced, she would get no invite to my wedding at all. While my mom’s husband is one of my favorite people.
My dad’s wife has been all up my butt about what she’ll be doing at the wedding and how she should be treated the same as my mom.
She’s just as much my parent, etc. I said she wasn’t and she was not going to be a parent of the groom. That she’s dad’s plus one, just like mom’s husband is her plus one. She said it wasn’t fair to compare him and she’s my second mom.
I told her I would rather give him the title of the parent of the groom than her and she needed to accept she would never be the mother of the groom. She cursed a whole lot at me and told me I was an ungrateful little brat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it may have been hurtful to tell your dad’s wife that you would rather have your mom’s husband act as the parent of the groom than her, you have the right to choose who you want to have that role at your wedding.
Your dad’s wife has been pushing for a mother-son relationship with you and insisting that she be treated as a parent, despite your lack of interest in having that relationship with her. You have clearly formed a closer relationship with your mom’s husband, and it is your decision to choose who you want to have that role with at your wedding.
Your dad’s wife’s reaction was inappropriate and she should respect your wishes.” Ambitious-Ad6923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The ‘parent’ title is something earned, especially if she is your dad’s wife, not even your bio mum, your mum’s husband knew how to talk to you and made it appropriately to your age, which made you like him more and that is totally fine and what everyone who marries somebody with kids should do, go slow and never push the boundaries kids make.
She has only cared about being given the title and not about you or your feelings, only hers. Since you have shown no appreciation at all, she should just respect it and if she is THAT hurt, she can simply not go to your wedding and grow up.” Nea_73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She needs to calm down. You even made it a point that she is a plus one and your mom’s husband is a plus one. You have your parents, and you chose how you want to treat them or address them.
Like I could see if you were a kid and living with them maybe having to deal with her a bit more parent-like… but even then… At this point, you are a full-grown adult getting married. It is your wedding and you will have it your way.
Pushing this whole thing since you were young is ridiculous and for your dad to push that on you too is kinda a jerk on their part.” Pirates915
17. AITJ For Walking Out When My Aunt Tried To Give Me Oversized Clothes?
“I (15f) have colitis, so to sum it up gaining weight isn’t easy for me and never has been. My family knows that but don’t believe that’s the reason I’m so skinny. They’ve come to the conclusion I have a raging eating disorder even though they’ve seen me eat, and complain about me eating stuff they feel hurt my stomach.
It honestly still astonishes me they still think this way after the way I ate at Thanksgiving. (I legitimately ate a feast that day)
Anyways fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my family planned an early gift exchange because some of my relatives couldn’t be with us on Christmas and my aunt and I got chosen to buy for each other.
So obviously she asked what I wanted and so for and I did the same. I only really asked for makeup not necessarily clothes, but I obviously wouldn’t mind it. We originally agreed on what we were good for each other before the Exchange because we’re close like that.
But a week before the exchange she asked me what size I was I obviously told her excitedly because she has a really good style. (I’m a double 00 or an extra small just an FYI) but fast forward to the day of the exchange, and we were all opening gifts and I go to open mine and I see this really pretty sun dress but in 4 sizes too big… so I ask if she maybe had gotten it bigger by mistake but what she said next shook me to my core.
She went on to say that she had basically gotten it to encourage me to gain weight. Because starving myself isn’t healthy and she really cares about me. I literally was fuming especially because she knows about how insecure I am about my weight and about my colitis.
So I ultimately stormed out and walked home (our houses are within walking distance). Ever since I had angry texts from the rest of my family calling me ungrateful and rude. And basically some bull about how she cares and didn’t mean it in a rude way.
I honestly don’t care how could she embarrass me like that in front of everyone. I don’t even starve myself that’s the thing. I literally ate half the pie while I was at her house. I’m just really upset at the moment and having second thoughts about what I did.
I’m honestly contemplating whether I was truly overreacting, and she was just coming from a place of love or maybe she was just being a jerk. So I came to here to get you’re judgment because I honestly truly need it so AITJ for walking out on my family after my aunt purposely bought me clothes 10 times bigger than me to encourage me to gain weight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you’re 15. Meaning you’re in HS and probably taking a lot of gym lessons, on top of having the typical high school metabolism. It is NORMAL for girls your age to be a 00/x-small during that phase.
Some bodies legit do not mature until a woman is about 20 when she notices a change in curves/weight. It is NORMAL growth behavior.
On top of that, you have a disability that affects your weight gain. You’re eating as much as you can within reason.
If you’re not gaining weight, big deal. Focus on staying as healthy as you can with nutrients/and vitamins according to your doctor’s orders.
So walking out after your Aunt, who claims she is close to you, did that is 100% justified. They would have given you grief if you justifiably yelled as well, so keep that in mind.
You did what you needed to help yourself in that situation.” Impossible-Simple-62
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ, and I’m so sorry your family is ignoring the reality of your medical condition.
Do you have any family member/trusted adult who you could ask to intervene on your behalf?
I ask this because, while your family should treat you with respect without anyone telling them to, they may need some help to understand the potentially severe impact treating you the way they are may have on your mental health.
It sounds like you could also benefit from family therapy if that’s an option – your family needs to understand that their lack of support for you and their flat-out denial of your medical reality is unacceptable.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP.” Reasonable-Pen-88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That was incredibly disrespectful of your aunt to do that and the whole family is disrespecting you by not believing you. I really can’t fathom why they wouldn’t understand your health condition is the factor affecting your weight, they ignore you telling them this and try to get you to conform to their standards of what is acceptable when it’s outside of your control.
Your aunt probably wasn’t trying to be a jerk but the reality is that was a massive jerk move and you’re totally justified in storming out and being upset. Sorry, you had to deal with that.” vlad-the-inhalor09
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend With Cancer That She's Living A Lie?
“Sarah (not her real name) is my childhood friend. We’ve been best friends for over 16 years, and she means the world to me.
Since I’m not an extroverted person, the people I know are mostly the people I met through Sarah. Sadly, she’s been battling cancer for the last three years and undergoing chemotherapy for it.
She met her partner online, soon became close, and started going out.
I and Sarah’s other friends had never liked him since we first met him. I’m sure at least some of y’all have seen the cartoon ‘Courage the Cowardly Dog’ before. I was getting the same creepy vibes I got from the old man there.
I’m not joking. Nevertheless, my friend was happier than ever, and I didn’t want to spoil her happiness because I knew the difficulties she was going through.
Anyway, some time ago, she was hospitalized because her condition suddenly worsened. In the beginning, her partner often stopped by and brought her flowers.
But after a while, his visits began to become infrequent. Eventually, he started visiting once a week. I know the whole process because I was always with her. I slept next to her in the hospital several times a week.
Her parents came to visit her whenever they could but couldn’t stay with her all the time since they both had 9-5 jobs.
I often missed events at work/school but didn’t care. I didn’t want her to feel alone.
She helped me through my worst times, – if you look at my first post which is about crying, you’ll understand what I’m talking about. I knew that no matter what I did, I wouldn’t be able to help her as much as she did.
The best I could do was not to make her feel lonely. I couldn’t relieve her pain, but at least I could make her smile.
Weeks passed, and we found out that Sarah’s partner was fooling around with multiple girls.
He also made an inappropriate request to a girl from Sarah’s friend group. Then, even though he knew I was staying with Sarah, he started messaging me from my social media accounts, making inappropriate comments. When I snapped back at him and got into an argument about how he was so inconsiderate and selfish for doing this to Sarah, he told me that I was a ‘miserable girl with daddy issues’ and no one would believe me even if I told them about this because I was ‘a psycho anyway.’
Well, that hurt. I knew he was saying that just to be mean, but I also knew it was true. Yet I didn’t want to make the whole thing about myself, so I didn’t say anything not to cause any more drama.
Later on, without discussing this with any of her friends, I told Sarah about the whole thing because I didn’t want her to live a lie. She deserved to know the truth. But now everyone’s mad at me and doesn’t talk to me, including her family members, because I ‘took her only happiness away from her.’
I don’t know what to do or what to say. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t imagine a crappier situation. Setting aside my personal beliefs that someone’s happiness should never solely rely on a partner, it is obvious her happiness with him was on a limited time frame.
She was most likely going to find out about his infidelity sooner or later. Just imagine the feeling of betrayal she’d have if she found out that not only was her partner having an affair, but her friends were some of his targets and never said anything.
The way people treat terminally ill people is downright dehumanizing sometimes. People would rather the individual be disrespected in order to maintain a false sense of comfort. You were the only one who treated Sarah with respect, honesty, and humanity.
To bring you some comfort after her loved ones’ cruel words, it’s very evident you and Sarah are close and your support of her is far more valuable than some jerk’s fake love. I would argue you bring her just as much happiness through your constant support.” allmylovelyc
Another User Comments:
“Lightly YTJ.
I’ve been in Sarah’s shoes, medically speaking, and you sound like you really mean well, but are way too caught up in your own feelings to think about someone else. You need to go out and do the things you need to do for school and work, and the things that are optional too.
When I was sick, I didn’t want someone practically living with me. So I would definitely request you check with Sarah if that is really in her best interest… and with one of her nurses that will give you an honest answer.
Secondly, you don’t like this guy, and he’s definitely not great. But you start by not wanting to create drama… by creating drama. Only you can know whether you didn’t tell anyone because you were afraid they’d talk you out of it, or because you really had Sarah’s best interest at heart.
Also, in not discussing this with her family or other friends, you dumped a bomb onto an already exhausted system. Maybe Sarah did need to know, but is Sarah’s mom in a place to support Sarah through this? You downplay her parents’ involvement, but my guess is they are very involved with their daughter.
It’s been a three-year fight, and you didn’t just make a decision for Sarah, you made a decision for the whole team that right now needed to be about this.
Lastly, you give me the vibes of ‘only I love Sarah and understand her’ and that you feed off of the emotions of all of her experiences.
I’m not saying best friends aren’t special, but the way you talk about her makes it sound like she’s the only one in the world to you and that you should be the only one in the world to her.” InnerChildGoneWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In my opinion, you were looking out for your best friend and that is exactly what I would want my best friends to do for me. The situation does suck (I hope Sarah is doing well!) but you had her best interest in mind.
He is such a jerk for doing that to her, regardless of the situation, and she deserves to know the truth. I know it’s hard but I would try to shake off her family and friends not speaking to you, you ultimately did the right thing, in my opinion, and everyone else was feeding into a fake scenario, which probably would hurt her more in the end.” User
15. AITJ For Refusing To Invite My Stepson's Partner For Christmas?
“My stepson (24) has had an on again off again partner for about 3 years. Hubby & I have 2 kids together (2 & 8.) Stepson & his partner’s relationship has been extremely toxic, up until recently their drama has not involved anyone else in the family and we always accepted his decision to get back together with her, he’s a grown-up and we’ve never tried to tell him not to be with her.
During their most recent breakup (October) the drama started to involve my 8-year-old. She showed up to a school event but doesn’t have kids at that school. When I asked my stepson, he replied and told me ‘I knew this would be a problem, she’s done this before.’ This raised my concern.
I told him to tell her just leave us out of it. He did and sent me the screenshots telling her to stay away. She claimed her friend/roommate has kids that go to that school. Ok, fine. Then he calls me about a week later asking when his sibling’s sports practice nights are because she called him aww asking how his sibling’s practice is going (he described it in a taunting tone.)
I asked how this girl knew what/when/where my child’s sports practice was. He said he has no clue, but he was going to show up just in case she tries to ‘pull some crap.’ At this point, my mommy’s alarms are going off.
So, we explain to our 8-year-old to keep an eye out and if they see this girl to alert us immediately. Of course, this scared my 8-year-old and we had to explain that sometimes people can be dangerous or want to cause harm and to be aware and definitely let us know if this girl shows up anywhere.
They got back together a few weeks ago. He said this girl bought Christmas presents for my kids and he wants to bring her to our house at Christmas. Mind you, this girl hasn’t been to our house or seen us (aside from the school event and possibly sports event) for over a year, and before that she rarely came inside when she came over, she sat in the truck while he came inside (her choice.) We asked our 8-year-old and the reply was ‘no way, I don’t want her here’ which is understandable.
We told him that right now isn’t a good idea, and possibly down the road we can revisit.
I just don’t think it’s right that we just had to explain to our 8-year-old to watch out for this person, then turn around and say oh it’s ok now, she has gifts for you so she’s coming over on Christmas even though you said you don’t want her here.
Of course, stepson said we jumped the gun before we knew anything about the situation and he won’t come if she can’t come (he’s always invited and very much loved.) He also said we’re being stupid about this and of course, his father is a horrible person.
AITJ for standing my ground and not inviting her over on Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you are setting a great example for your 8-year-old by not allowing her to come to your family’s Christmas gathering after y’all have already explained the situation to your kid.
I feel it’s important for your kids to see that bad/weird actions are not ok and that if they ever feel a situation is uncomfortable or has a bad vibe, to stay away from it and be hesitant in the future.
Definitely think there may be some manipulation going on by the woman on the stepson. He even had weird feelings about what she was doing at one point in the story so how did he flip it around on you and his father so quickly?
Coincidence? I think not.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a good mother, and following your gut on this is the right call. Plus, it was a house decision, and your 8-year-old was involved. The girl sounds like a walking red flag, and your stepson is never going to willingly cut her from his life completely.
She’s visited before but stayed in the car. Gave you no ground for trust, and now trying to invite herself into your home with gifts and ‘good intentions’ is fishy.
If your stepson is happy in this relationship (even though he clearly isn’t) he can stay with her for the holidays, and it’s no skin off your nose.
He’s an adult and can decide for himself. Like he did with getting back with her over and over. They’re stuck on a broken record, but that doesn’t mean you should endanger your family by placing blind trust in her, just because stepson says so.” AlienAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and would almost have law enforcement involved.
Her showing up to your 8-year-old’s school unannounced and without permission is entirely inappropriate and frankly troubling.
That does not demonstrate trustworthy behavior or judgment, nor does she need to be in your home around young kids to cause drama.
Frankly, a restraining order doesn’t seem out of line.” WholeAd2742
14. AITJ For Not Going To My Father's Funeral?
“My mom and dad had 4 children.
My dad had a child while they were together. He passed his ‘outside’ child off as his cousin’s son. Eventually, the truth came out and they divorced. We were 2, 3 (me), 4, and 12. The ‘outside’ child was 8. After the divorce, my father moved out.
He started going out with another woman in the neighborhood and cut us off. I was in middle school when I found out my dad was only a few blocks away. My father leaves the state, starts another family (has a daughter and a son), and moves on with his life.
Fast forward: My oldest sibling got married when he was in his early 20s. He invited our father, his mother, 2 of his brothers, and the ‘outside’ sibling. I was around 12. This is the first time I’m meeting these people besides my father.
After the wedding, my siblings and I went out of state to get to know my father’s side of the family. While visiting we found out that our father’s mother took summer vacations in our home state and was only a half hour away from us for several years, and she never tried to see us.
A decade later our mom passes away. My father attends the service and again brings his mom, his 2 brother’s and his son. Due to the time-lapse, I didn’t know who they were. My father was extremely offended that I didn’t recognize him.
After the service, they leave and everyone goes their own way. A decade later I get a call that my father passed away and his family wanted his original 4 children to attend the service. I was told they will hold off on the funeral until we agree to attend.
He died two weeks ago and his family is asking me to forgive him. The original 4 children are in our 40’s and 50’s. I feel he and his family had time to reach out to us BEFORE he died.
AITJ for refusing to attend his service?
I don’t know him. I’ve only been around him a handful of times. The last time we spoke was 9 years ago when he berated me for not attending his mother’s funeral. I explained to him I’d only been around his mother 4 or 5 times in my life and didn’t feel comfortable attending.
He said I was selfish. Several family members stated my other siblings will go if I go. I don’t want to, but now I’m thinking my siblings might need closer and maybe I should reconsider.
Update: I contacted my 2 siblings who are close in age to me this afternoon.
I asked them if they wanted to go to the service and if so, did they need me with them. They said they didn’t need me to go, but they were considering going, but need the funeral date for work.
They both drive trucks. I contacted my niece to find out if my oldest brother wanted to attend the funeral. She replied, ‘we already went’. His service was this morning.
How did this happen you ask? Well, the only person I was talking to was my half-sister.
She was the one relaying the information to me. And I was disseminating the information to my siblings. This entire time she has been blowing smoke up my behind to make a fool out of me. None of my father’s siblings cared if the original kids showed up.
My oldest sibling knew about the service and took my niece. He didn’t see a need to tell the rest of us.
Why am I upset? Number (1) she made a fool out of me to my siblings and (2) all of them took the choice away from my 2 siblings.
I don’t know if they wanted to see our father before he was buried, but we’ll never know because they were never given the choice to go.
To add insult to injury that heffa had the audacity to say we need to let the past be in the past and come together as a family.
That is a hard pass. As my life goes on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What earthly reason would you have to bow to pressure to attend the funeral of a father who abandoned you, whose family made no effort to maintain a relationship with you?
Don’t bow to these people trying to guilt you into helping them pretend your father was a good guy. He didn’t treat you the way a father treats a son; why should you say goodbye to him the way a son treats an actual good father?
Let them postpone the funeral forever. Let them face the reality of who this man really was.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is all for the show, so his family can say ‘how much he was loved by all his children.’ Talk to your siblings, and ask them if they actually want to go.
Chances are good that those family members either haven’t talked to them or figure if you go, they can be pressured into it. Tell your siblings that if they want to go, great, but you won’t be going. You owe nothing to him or his family, and they’ve certainly done nothing for you.” trappergraves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His family can choose when they bury him – that’s not on you. Them trying to guilt you into coming is super manipulative. If you don’t want to go, that is absolutely your right.
If you’re close with your 3 real siblings, you might want to make sure that they understand your reasons, so that there isn’t any weird tension between you (regardless of whether they choose to go to the funeral or not).
Your decision is your own. You don’t need to justify anything. And even if you did go, that has nothing to do with forgiveness, so I’m not sure why they’re linking the two things together. You do what is true to yourself.
NTJ.” SassNCompassion
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepdad To Christmas Unless He Apologizes?
“I (f20s) am hosting Christmas this year with my husband (m20s).
My parents split up when I was around 5 years old. My dad is pretty much out of the picture. When I was 16, my mum (f50s) met my stepdad ‘Tom’ (m60s).
They met online and got married after only knowing each other for 3 months.
Teenage angst was probably at play but I never really liked Tom and at the time I thought my mum was ridiculous for marrying someone who she only knew for such a short period of time.
Anyway, a few days ago, my mum invited me over. I helped her put away some shopping when I got there.
There were some small bottles of Pepsi that I forgot to put in the fridge so they were just sitting on the counter.
A couple of hours later, Tom gets home from work and he sees the Pepsi bottles on the counter and he starts flipping out. He goes on about how he can’t drink room-temperature Pepsi and that it should be in the fridge.
I told him it was me and that I just forgot to put them in the fridge and apologized. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough and Tom went off about how stupid it was to not put them in the fridge and that I have no common sense.
I sarcastically told him that this is a disaster and how ever will he recover from this. Tom called me a ‘useless witch’.
I decided to just leave, and later I texted my mum and Tom and told them that unless he genuinely apologizes for calling me a witch and being so rude to me over PEPSI BOTTLES, Tom’s not invited to Christmas anymore.
My mum sends me paragraph after paragraph making excuses for Tom and saying that I’m being unfair.
She said I’m making her choose between me and Tom and that I’m unfairly putting her in a difficult position, and accused me of punishing her for a situation she didn’t cause.
I told her I don’t care and that no apology means no invite for Tom, and that I don’t want him attending if he can’t apologize for his actions.
She said I’m being petty and acting like a child with birthday party invites, and said I’m being a Scrooge.
She keeps sending me pictures of Scrooge and the Grinch and saying ‘that’s you!’.
I really don’t know if I am actually being petty or going too far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You apologized for your mistake and he blew it out of proportion.
He berated you and you decided to leave the situation. You set a boundary for yourself to avoid someone who treated you unfairly. All healthy things.
To some extent, you are making your mother choose. That must be difficult for her, especially because I bet, based on his actions towards you, Tom is making her feel bad for your behavior.
That being said, she’s being childish. She doesn’t need to apologize to him but she could have recognized the wrong he did to you and validated your feelings; she could have said you were both being unfair and that apologies could be exchanged like adults.
But she didn’t. She chose to be the immature and petty one.” thegoldendragon7678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — you were her guest putting away his food, helping his wife, and he attacks you like this — of course, you don’t have to invite him to your house.
You were, at the very least, his wife’s guest. If I had a friend over who was helping me put groceries away I’d be furious if my husband yelled at her for doing it wrong.
We can all understand getting exasperated when a person we live with has a fairly divided chore and doesn’t listen when we tell them how we want it done.
But you don’t live with him — teaching you how he wants his Pepsi isn’t relevant here.
I say stick to your guns. She chose first that putting up with mistreatment is the cost of you having a relationship with her, you’re not the baddie if you say that’s not a fair decision.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It makes me sad to see so many people asking if they’re the jerks for not putting up with parental mistreatment. OP your mom might not have been at fault originally, but she became at fault when she gaslit you.
Uninvite her too. Sending you memes of Scrooge saying ‘that’s you!’ Reminds me of when I was an actual child in elementary school and our friends would point to weird stuff in our book and say ‘that’s you!’.
That’s soooo funny she’s calling you a child when she’s literally acting like a 5-year-old.
Oh and if he blew up at you like that, he’s doing the same to your mother but probably worse when no one’s around.
She’s in a bad relationship. I’ve been there myself and if she admits that what he did to you is wrong, then she has to admit to herself that how he treats her is wrong as well, and she probably doesn’t want to be alone at her age.
I’d reach out to her when things die down and ask her if she needs help getting out of this relationship.” dovechocolatebar
12. AITJ For Not Forcing My Kid To Exercise With Us?
“My (28) partner (28) has always been huge into the outdoors, it sort of became our thing when we started being together 10 years ago and every spare moment we have we are doing something – like caving, hiking, or camping.
My partner grew up in a neglectful house and often spent nights sleeping outside in the park, they say it’s what ignited their love for the outdoors – I say they adapted, but that’s neither here nor there (am I using that saying right?)
My youngest (7F) is super into exercise with me and their parent, my eldest (9F) not so much – at this stage, they’d rather be on the Xbox than outside – even just at the park.
We’d been planning on going on a hike when my eldest just decided they didn’t want to go, my partner is insisting they overheard me say that I didn’t want to go – eldest will usually side with me on my preferences/likes, etc, I disagree but my partner let them stay at home.
It’s been the case every time we’ve gone, my partner is now insisting we take the eldest out no matter what – going to the extent of removing the Xbox, I say we can’t just force her into something they don’t like.
My partner asked me to add the fact that we’re having problems with the eldest being so invested in the Xbox that they’re messing or wetting themselves, she’s had bladder/bowel problems since she was a baby… I didn’t think it was relevant but apparently, my partner thinks it is!
They attend a doctor every month, so don’t feel the need to add medical advice.
Partner’s side; ‘eldest won’t go out, will reluctantly agree to the park, and will sit there not interacting… I don’t want to let her just sit on the Xbox and I don’t want her feeling left out’.
My partner even went out to get a hoverboard/scooter and skateboard in hopes to get her outside.
How can she feel left out of something she doesn’t want to be involved with?
On my side; the eldest goes to school, therefor they get time out then and if they don’t want to go out forcing them will just make them resent it more, she’s 9 so she’ll come around soon.
Doctors and even a child therapist have said it’s just an age thing/a phase and not to be concerned.
My partner has accepted this, we still takethe youngest on hikes, etc because as I said she loves outside, but partner is insisting I’m the jerk.
AITJ? I don’t want it to come across as my partner being a bad parent; they spend a lot of time with the children doing art, my partner has taught the eldest to knit and they’re currently teaching both children to play guitar… they’re a good parent, it’s just this one disagreement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is kind of a weird one. Like, you shouldn’t force your kids to do things they don’t wanna do, but at the same time, your oldest is 9. She’s a child, and part of being a child is having to do things that aren’t fun because an adult said so.
She’s 9, she doesn’t need to live in front of the game console, and she should absolutely join the rest of her family in an outdoor activity.
Now, that being said; if she was like 17 or 18, no it would 100% be your eldest daughter’s choice whether to go or not.” softandflaky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ is my call, BUT there’s a need for communication between you and your partner to get on the same parenting page, as it sounds like the 9-year-old is learning to play you and other parent off each other and that’s going to go downhill fast.
Different parenting styles but 9 is still ‘this is a family activity – you’re coming, like it or not’ territory for me. At the park and the kid just sit and mopes? Fine. But you’re coming.
This is probably a good teaching opportunity for ‘there are activities we prefer (x-box), but there are also commitments and obligations that need to come first (homework, chores, family events).’
Another thing to look into is if seasonal allergies are starting to appear and if they’re avoiding being outside for that reason – just to rule it out/eliminate and excuse.” Trifecta_life
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s important to respect your child’s preferences and to allow them to make their own decisions about whether or not they want to participate in certain activities.
It’s definitely natural for parents to want to encourage their children to try new things and to be active, but it’s not healthy or productive to try to force a child to participate in activities that they do not enjoy.
This could lead to resentment and negative feelings towards the activity, and can ultimately just make the child less likely to participate in the future. Instead, it might be better to find activities that your child enjoys and to support and encourage them in those activities.
It’s also important to remember that children’s interests and preferences can change over time and that it is normal for children to go through phases where they are more or less interested in certain activities. Ultimately, the most important thing is to communicate with your child and to listen to their needs and preferences.” 7th_Spectrum
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Go To A Party Because Of Bad Weather?
“There is a party that my 17 has been excited about going to a Christmas party for weeks. One of her good friends is throwing it. She is very responsible. I trust she won’t drink and will be home by curfew.
The parents will be home as well. The issue that comes in we are going to get bad weather. Ice and snow during the night. She does not have a lot of experience driving in snowy/icy weather since she got her license in the summer.
Her father and I don’t feel comfortable having one of her first solo driving experiences in icy/snowy weather be at night. Her friends’ parents don’t want anyone staying the night. My husband is an EMT and will be on duty.
He has stated multiple times when the weather is snowy and icy it is safer for everyone if people who don’t need to be out driving stay off the roads. We told her it would be safer if she stayed home and she would have other parties.
She is mad and not speaking to me right now. She yelled that I broke my promise and how I say a person’s word is everything and to not promise something if you don’t mean it and that’s very jerkish.
EDIT: The friend lives about 30 minutes away. The road crews and first responders are advising people to stay off the roads. If it is what it is predicted to be it will be bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can’t control the weather, and if it’s bad enough the authorities are recommending people stay home then you should stay home.
These calls aren’t made lightly.
Yes, it sucks for your daughter. But endangering yourself and others for the fun of it isn’t a good look.
That said, if you’d be willing to jump in the car and run to the grocery store in similar weather, then you should consider that it isn’t so bad.
At that point, driving her yourself is a fair compromise.
Good luck training her for driving in inclement weather in the future!” Thayli11
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ
If the authorities say not to go outside, you don’t go outside.
It is unsafe, especially for a party. You are just looking out for the safety of your daughter. Driving in the middle of the night is dangerous enough for a new driver, but icy roads in the middle of the night are just not safe.
You should not be on the road either.
Is there any way to talk to the family to do a rain check on the party? I understand why you don’t want it.
Another way to handle this is to let her sleep at a friend’s house who lives closer to that other friend whose parents don’t want her to stay over.” TheRunningMD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When weather warnings are issued for a snow/ice storm they should be heeded. Balancing a severe weather warning with everyday responsibilities is something adults have to do. A party is not a responsibility that should override health and safety concerns.
Even in the most prepared winter weather states/locations snow and ice removal/treatment is performed on a road priority list. Highways, interstates, primary roads, and emergency service locations are priorities. Secondary, country/back roads, and farmlands are all lower on the cleanup list.
If the route an inexperienced driver takes consists of any secondary road travel then the chances of a weather-related accident increase. Also the chances of a more delayed response time to that accident increases. Add in traveling during a storm at night with much lower road visibility and the chance of a severe accident increases even more.
A party is a huge social event for teens. Not being allowed to attend a party due to a weather warning is going to be a severe drama reaction from a teen. Missing many major teen events the rest of the school year because an under/unskilled driver was in a car accident coming home from a party would really suck.
Someone, teen driver, passenger, other driver(s) being killed because a party was more important than heeding a weather warning is just plain stupid.” ShelbiLee
10. AITJ For Not Calling My Best Friend's Mom "Miss" Nancy?
“I (18f) have had my best friend ‘Charlie’ (18f) since we were 11 years old. I’m also friendly with all of her brothers, some older, some younger, and we basically grew up together so I spend quite a bit of time with them.
This family is very involved in my family’s lives.
There are several differences in the ways our households are run. One of them is that Charlie and her brothers were all raised to refer to every adult as Miss or Mister, and then their name.
So ex. ‘Miss Jane’ ‘Mister John.’ Whenever they come to my house they refer to my parents this way. We think it’s a bit funny but never really commented.
The other day something happened, and I’ve been thinking about it since.
I was helping Charlie’s mom ‘Nancy’ bring some groceries & stuff into the house & asked her something like ‘hey Nancy where should I put the paper towels?’ and she stopped, turned around & then in this sort of casual but disapproving tone of voice she said
‘Yknow OP, I really do wish you’d show me the proper respect as your elder & call me MISS Nancy. But it’s fine, I know that’s not how you were raised.’
It honestly took me so off guard that I kind of just stuttered sorry and then she waved it off and went inside with her bags.
When she said it was fine, it didn’t at ALL sound actually fine. I feel so SO weird about this… in seven YEARS this woman has never expressed to me in ANY way that she felt I was disrespectful to her or that she had a preference for what I called her.
It was kind of… humiliating? And I ended up driving home early. I haven’t seen her since but I’m due to on Wednesday. AITJ for not calling her Miss Nancy? I just feel so awkward now.
EDIT: We’re not Texan.
We’re not even American
I have NEVER called her Miss Nancy. It’s always just been, Nancy. And this is the first time in SEVEN YEARS she’s said anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her response was passive-aggressive and condescending. And a great time to finally make an issue out of it 7 years later.
I mean, maybe the fact that she insisted her kids address adults in a certain way should have been a cue that she’d like the same form of address in return, but you were 11 when you first met her and I wouldn’t expect an 11-year-old to draw that inference.
And your parents never directed you otherwise.
This could all have been solved 7 years ago if she’d said to you nicely, ‘Can you call me Miss Nancy, please?’
There’s nothing disrespectful about how you addressed her. People are brought up differently and have different perspectives on forms of address.
It’s like some kids are brought up to call their own parents Sir and Ma’am. It doesn’t mean kids who don’t do that are disrespectful.” RonsGirlFriday
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here…
She raised her children to address adults this way because she believes it is the proper way to show respect to your elders.
You were not her child so she did not tell you she felt your mode of addressing her was disrespectful until… haha you grew up.
If you respect her and value her opinion then you should certainly use the honorific she is requesting.
I am in the USA so this is an unusual request but not an unreasonable one, in my opinion.” 4games1
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ since seven years is a very long time to keep quiet about how someone speaks within their home/to them, especially when the dynamic had the power angle of adult vs child.
Did your parents never communicate back and forth? There was never a moment for her to pull yours aside and mention that she’d appreciate the respect of being called Miss Nancy when you visited. I don’t know what her endgame with that comment was, outside of insulting your parents’ parenting and consequently, your behavior.
This whole situation is on her; kids aren’t great at picking up on social cues and she should have guided you toward what she considered appropriate speech in her home. A group of adults will notice other adults speaking to or about someone in a certain way and will either ask or follow suit.
Kids just don’t have those social cues at the forefront of their minds. It’s like she’s held a grudge against you for something you didn’t even know you were doing ‘wrong’.” MiskatonicUAlum
9. AITJ For Letting My 9-Year-Old Sister Take A Shower On Her Own?
“I (17f) am responsible for showering my sister.
She’s 9 years old and I thought it was time she learns to shower by herself. My mom doesn’t seem to like the idea, I did remind her that at her age I was able to shower by myself and in fact I started when I was 7 and by 9 I was able to wash my hair by myself (I had a really long and thick hair).
I’ve told my mom I’ll train her to start washing herself and she agreed but I have to be there to guide her and we’ve been doing that for a few months now.
Since my sister is turning 10 in a few months and I think she’s capable enough to shower herself by now, I left her unattended and she was okay with doing it too.
Later my mom found out and she was not happy at all, she claims I did that because I’m lazy and that it was very irresponsible for me to leave a kid unattended. I did remind her that I used to wash myself at her age but she doesn’t want to listen or she keeps making excuses.
Now my grandma and aunts are saying that I’m in the wrong for doing that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is old enough to shower by herself. Sometimes kids can need a little guidance to make sure they’re doing everything they need to do (like my 8-year-old always asks which is the shampoo and which is the conditioner!) but they will survive if they don’t do everything perfectly.
It’s nice of you to help your sister, but if your mother wants your sister supervised in the shower then she needs to do it. That’s her job as a parent.” rockpaperscissors67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is old enough to do this and your mother should stop smothering her, she is causing more harm than anything else.
She is a child, not a baby, not a toddler. If your sister was struggling then she would have told you, she was probably pleased to be left to her own device. If she can wash her hands, she can wash her body.
For the hair, I am sure at 9 she knows what shampoo is, and all she needs is the basis. In any case, her body might start changing soon and she definitely won’t want someone watching over her.” Whatever-and-breathe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you may have made a mistake in leaving your sister to shower unattended, it is not uncommon for children to start showering independently at around 9-10 years old. You have been training your sister to shower on her own and she was comfortable with doing so, so it is not fair for your mother to accuse you of being lazy or irresponsible.
It is important for children to learn to be independent and to take care of themselves, and you were trying to give your sister the opportunity to do so.” Ambitious-Ad6923
8. AITJ For Being Offended At My Coworkers' Talking Behind My Back?
“I work in a fast-paced pediatrics office as a receptionist with about 5 others. The girls are cliquey and they gossip about others, are judgmental, and overall vulgar (jokes about having affairs, loudly making gross inappropriate jokes even when kids are near).
Due to this, I’m extremely antisocial. I’m polite and cordial but I never tell anyone anything personal, and I don’t try to join in on their conversations.
One girl in particular (let’s call her Z) has been rude to me ever since I started. She comments on my physical appearance saying things like your skin is way too pasty to wear that, your hair is dry and looks like you don’t brush it (I was depressed at the time and struggling to take care of myself), and that being blonde was ‘off-putting’.
Due to being understaffed work has been intense. I work 10-hour days and there is never a lull. I’m in charge of scanning which I do all day non-stop. I also take phone calls, schedule people, handle faxes, and prescription lines, check patients in, and do the admin inbox.
I get about 90% of all office scanning done before I leave. Even with me working really hard there is still a little bit left over at the end of the day.
The scanning is not time sensitive at all, whether we have the physical copy or it is in the computer, we have the info.
The intention is to be paperless but none of it is emergent. Yesterday was really busy. The majority of scanning got done but it was 5:30 and I needed to leave as I’m also a full-time college student and I have finals.
As I’m leaving, Z in front of everybody starts implying I haven’t done any scanning at all. Which is very frustrating as I do it like a robot non-stop. I told her calmly ‘I know you’re busy with your own work, but if you had been watching me today you’d see that I do it from the time I come into the time I leave.
I’m only one person and I can’t stay any later because of school’. She then compares me to her, which I respond to by saying ‘that’s really nice but I’m not you’. She only gets her separate tasks done because she gets to sit in a certain spot so as to not interact with patients, she gets the opportunity to focus on only one thing while I’m juggling what feels like 100 tasks.
I walk out without saying good night. I got a pit in my stomach, and I stood by the corner and listened. When they thought I left they all joined in on how terrible they thought my work is and laughed about me.
It killed me because I try my best and I never feel like it’s good enough no matter what. I walked out of my car and just sobbed. I feel terrible and like I’m not enough.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now you know why it’s understaffed. Report them to HR and move to a job elsewhere. And make 100% sure your boss knows why you have left, too. Let them be even more overworked and understaffed… not your problem if their behavior causes this.
Causes problems for the business? Well, maybe they should have been more proactive to prevent bullying and to break up the cliques that formed. If you work with ANYONE decent, get some contact info and a letter of reference from them and head out.
You don’t owe them your sanity and unless you’re being paid really well, you don’t owe them that level of high-stress effort either.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Start looking for a new job. Talk to your boss, and if one of them IS your boss, ask them point blank how you’re doing, what you could be doing better, if they have issues with your work, etc. Then if they try to obfuscate the answer, you can say, ‘Well, I heard that people are unhappy with my work, but no one has actually said anything, so I wanted clarification’.” Lost-Mathematician85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not okay for your coworkers to talk behind your back and make negative comments about your work performance. It is clear that you are working very hard and doing your best, and it is unfair and unprofessional for them to criticize you without talking to you directly.
It is also concerning that they would make these comments in front of others, which shows a lack of respect and professionalism.
You did not do anything wrong by standing up for yourself and calmly explaining your situation to Z, and you were justified in leaving without saying goodnight if you were feeling upset and overwhelmed. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that you are doing your best in a difficult situation.
You may want to consider talking to your supervisor or HR about the situation and seeking support from friends and family to help you through this difficult time. You are not the jerk for standing up for yourself and doing your best at work.” Ambitious-Ad6923
7. WIBTJ If I Think That It's Unfair That I Get The Same Amount Of Inheritance As My Cousins?
“My granddad amended his Will after my (F31) dad died seven years ago. He did this in case he (my grandad) died before my grandmother because all the money would go to her and she doesn’t have a Will (and has been in a care facility with dementia since not long after my dad passed).
So when my grandmother dies, because she doesn’t have a Will, the default inheritance laws would split the estate three ways—between my two uncles and then me as the only living child of my dad.
Well, my granddad died in June and I got his Will in the mail and was… upset.
My granddad wanted to make sure all the grandkids were treated equally, so his new Will splits 80% of the estate between my two uncles, then 15% between the grandkids, and the last 5% to the great-grandkids. So… 97% of the estate is being split between my two uncles and their children/grandchildren.
I understand that when the Will was written, the reality was my dad was dead and I would get significantly more than my cousins… and my grandad didn’t feel like that was fair to my cousins. But I told my uncle on the phone that if he and his brother were in a car accident together next week, the Will still dictates that their shares be split between their living issue… So all the cousins except for me would get a piece of that 80%.
My one uncle kept emphasizing to me that my granddad did it so that all the grandkids were treated equally. I don’t feel like it is, though, as I’m the only one singled out. I told him I was upset and it didn’t feel very fair, but he just kept saying my grandad wanted the grandkids to benefit the same.
I am upset that my cousins are entitled to their father’s share but my dad isn’t represented at all and I told my uncle that. I can’t hide that I’m upset about this and it makes me feel like a jerk to bring it up because I’m essentially arguing I’m entitled to more money than my cousins.
I don’t want to ruin my relationships with my family so the Will isn’t something I’m willing to fight. But, I really can’t imagine ever feeling like this is fair and I’m a little worried I’ll resent my cousins and uncles.
I did get some money when my dad died, but I don’t think that should count because it’s not like my uncles don’t plan on leaving their kids money when they die, I just got mine ‘early’ because my dad died when I was 22, not 52 or 62.
(Also what I got from my dad is not even in the same ballpark as what I would be getting if my dad was still represented in the Will.)
WIBTJ if I refuse to hide that I don’t think this is fair like my uncle keeps insisting it is?
Edit: I love my granddad and I don’t want to contest anything. I’m grateful to be included in the Will.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk for the way you feel. You thought things were going to go a certain way, but they didn’t, and that’s upsetting.
And of course, there are ramifications about how this will impact how you interact with the rest of the family.
But you’ve got to feel the pain and work past it. Your uncle didn’t make the will. Your uncle also just lost his father.
This is not the appropriate person to continue expressing your frustrations to.
The person to take this up with is gone. I’m voting ‘no jerks here’ for now, but you’re bordering on jerk territory if you don’t start dealing with this disappointment appropriately.” flashlightblues
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
I get that you feel like your dad’s share should have been factored in, I truly get that. Feeling hurt is understandable.
But inheritance is for the living. Try to remember that.
Apologize to your uncles and any other family you spoke to about this.
Also. Who’s to say that your cousins see any of their dad’s shares? Your uncles might use it to pay off bills, their homes, cars, and debts. Because if they’re smart, they will.
For all you know, that money might get blown on the horses, illegal stuff/drinking, and lewd acts in Tijuana.
I know my uncle did that (not the Tijuana part, I think) and ended up losing 2 houses, a successful bar, and all his funds, and built an impressive criminal record that went from DUIs to eventual attempted bank robbery and substance trafficking.
I’m still mad about him selling grandpa’s bar to support his substance and gambling habits.
Either way. Inheritance is for the living.” Fit-Establishment219
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it isn’t fair, and I think your grandfather was wrong. While no one should feel entitled to an inheritance, it seems vastly unfair that your father’s share wasn’t automatically passed on to you.
It’s quite standard for an inheritance to be split equally between siblings, and if any of them pre-decease the parent for their share to be held in trust for their children.
Unless you plan on seeking legal action there’s nothing you can do except suck it up, but I don’t blame you for feeling resentful.” No-Cranberry4396
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for bringing this up when you don’t plan to contest it. What did you imagine the outcome of the phone call would be? ‘Why, yes, niece, let me send you a boatload of money to make up for it.’ Yes, some wills are split per stirpes, closer to what you’ve described as the laws of inheritance in your state.
But estates can be split however the testator/testatrix sees fit, according to state laws. It could be your grandpa felt that you’d received other financial help from him after your father’s death; it could be that your grandpa doesn’t feel you’re responsible with money.
Either way, this is what he wanted. And now you’re just stirring the pot for no reason.” ladytypeperson
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Kids To Come To See My Wife's Family?
“I (35f) am going to be on call over the holidays, and I agreed to do so months ago since I don’t really celebrate Christmas.
I consulted my wife (32f) before taking this on and while she didn’t love it, she agreed.
Her family, who have been absent from her life for the past 10 years since she decided to marry a woman, have contacted her through her cousin to invite us over for the holidays.
I have never met them. The invite came through her mother. Her father has been diagnosed with lung cancer, and currently is in very bad shape since he had a stroke recently.
My wife is rather keen to take this opportunity to see her family and father in what they’ve told her is the final weeks of his life.
She really wanted me to accompany her but I’m a neurologist and I’m going to be on call a lot so there’s no way I can do that.
She wants to take our kids (6M and 5F) with her so they can meet her parents and reconcile over this whole issue.
I’m concerned the environment around her parents’ house is the same toxic one that she described before and can potentially hurt our kids so I told her while I respect her wishes to see her father, I don’t think kids should be there.
At least not right now. Maybe after she had a chance to see them and determine if they’re accepting enough of our family to bring our kids into the picture.
She got pretty mad, teary-eyed and said I am being unnecessarily pessimistic about this and that they wouldn’t even invite her if they wanted to behave like before, and that I should have some faith and stop acting like this.
She said she expected me to be there with her but I’m suffocating myself with my job.
She currently has set her mind that she and the kids are leaving together. I’m trying to at least talk to her and be by her side at this difficult time.
She’s basically too mad at me and won’t talk to me which is a very rare occurrence in our marriage.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but your wife is living in a dream world. Okay, so her father is dying and maybe he wants to make amends.
I think it would be best if both you and your wife go on a Zoom call with her parents and have a nice chat. She gets to introduce you to her parents as her wife and you get to explain how wonderful being married to their lovely daughter has been for you.
Start talking about your family and how pleased you both are that they have changed their ways and are now so very accepting of your relationship. Then, let the cards fall as they may.
If they seem to be genuinely contrite about their past behavior and gushing about how nice it will be to have you and your family visit for the holidays, maybe they did have an epiphany.
If otherwise, let your wife decide what she wants to do next. Yes, it may be hard for her and be there to support her, but she needs to see things how they really are, and nothing is better than seeing and hearing people up close and personal. If she still feels she should go with the children, then allow her to make this parenting decision.
It is hard, but you have to let go and allow her to make decisions about your children as well. Best of luck!” No_Pepper_3676
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they haven’t been interested in her life for 10 years, and then she gets an invite that’s not even directly from them but from the cousin?
She hasn’t been there in a while and should definitely find out if it’s going to be a hostile or passive-aggressive environment before bringing children into the picture. It would be different if she went on her own first for a little scope out on whether they had indeed grown to accept her.
My assumption is that if the dad is terminally ill they want her around for support and are ‘grit your teeth and bare it’ with the LGBT thing, which would definitely lead to passive aggression and bitter comments.” likeits1698
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Regardless of your job, this might be the last time she, and the kids, can see her father while he’s alive. If she wants to try and reconcile before he passes, that’s her decision. And, seeing family, even a toxic one, for one trip isn’t going to harm the children unless it’s a physical abuse situation, and, you would think if it looked like it would turn into that that she would take her and the kids and leave.
Right? So, yeah, right now, she needs your support, not another fight on another front.” valeran46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are not a jerk for not wanting to bring your children into a potentially toxic environment. It is important to prioritize the safety and well-being of your children and to make decisions that are in their best interest. You are not suffocating your wife by being on call, it is a responsibility you agreed to take on months ago.
You are not responsible for her family’s behavior and it is not unreasonable to want to protect your children from harm. It is also understandable that you are not able to drop everything to accompany her in this situation.” Ambitious-Ad6923
5. AITJ For Slamming The Door At My Neighbor?
“Me (27f) & my partner (27m) have an 18-month-old daughter. We live in a top floor flat in the south of England & have lived here for 3 & a half years.
Our previous neighbors below me moved about 5/6 months ago & we now have new neighbors.
They are a couple in their early-mid 20s I’d say for the purpose of the story I’ll call them John & Jane. We had seen them a few times in passing on the stairwell & they seemed nice enough.
A month or so ago, Jane knocked on the door & asked if it was possible that we could keep the noise to a minimum as she works from home & can hear sounds in her living room & is trying to work.
I told her I would do my best to accommodate her however I have a toddler that doesn’t understand how to be quiet really & so that may not always be possible. She seemed okay with that answer & went back downstairs.
I have begun to place thick blankets on the floor in the living room & her bedroom to hopefully mitigate the sounds & until recently I thought it was fine.
Well recently my daughter has been sick with a chest infection & it’s been a rough time while she gets better.
Last week John came up & knocked on the door & began to complain about the noise again, I informed him that I’ve been trying my best to keep the noise down while she’s playing but there is only so much I can do.
He then proceeds to tell me that that was not the issue but that my daughter crying is.
I told him that I’m really sorry but she’s been unwell & I can’t stop her from crying when she’s not feeling well.
I explained that it’s not something I can control & I’m doing what I can because she’s just not sleeping. He wasn’t happy with the answer I gave him & started off on a tirade of really horrible things calling me all the names under the sun & saying that I must be a trashy parent if I can’t comfort her enough for her to stop crying.
I lost it & told him that I refuse to be spoken to that way & that I have been more than accommodating to him & Jane when it comes to my daughter playing & that I’m sorry that I cannot control when my daughter cries.
That I’m doing the best I can & I wish I was also getting more rest. I then proceeded to call him a few more colorful names myself & slammed the door in his face.
My partner was at work so I called a friend of mine who said that although he agreed with me I shouldn’t have slammed the door in his face & should have tried to be more respectful of him & that I should knock downstairs & apologize to him.
So, AITJ?
Edit: my partner knows about what happened. I’m not usually a confrontational person & tend to back down a lot (I’m usually a little ball of anxiety) so he said that he’s proud of me for standing up for myself.
He’s quite angry about it. He asked me not to talk to either John or Jane because in his words ‘they don’t deserve to talk to you or our daughter’. He wants to get the police involved & was waiting on me to decide what I want to do.
Also, I will send an email over to the letting agent & block management to let them know what’s going on.
We took my daughter back to the doctor today & she has been given some antibiotics to hopefully help clear the infection so her breathing should start to get better soon.
She’s currently cuddled up with me watching some bluey before I attempt to get her to eat some dinner.
Edit 2: I made the report to the police via their online chat & they will be calling me to make a statement & send over the video footage that another neighbor got on their door cam.
I am only reporting it so that there is a record of what happened to make sure there is a paper trail in case either John or Jane retaliate towards me & my daughter or do this to someone else in the building.
I have also emailed the block management & the letting agent just to inform them of what is happening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were trying to be accommodating to your neighbors by making efforts to reduce the noise in your apartment.
Your daughter being sick and crying is not something you can control, and it is not fair for your neighbor to criticize you for it. Furthermore, his response was completely inappropriate and unacceptable, and you were justified in standing up for yourself and shutting the door in his face.
You are not a jerk for doing so. It may be helpful to have a conversation with your partner about how to handle future interactions with your neighbors, but you are not in the wrong for reacting the way you did.” Ambitious-Ad6923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…
Don’t lose your time and energy with this guy. You can’t control your daughter crying and if she’s ill or not (fast and complete recovery to your little angel, by the way). This guy is just plain stupid to believe that if a mom could do something to soothe her kid’s cry she wouldn’t just to annoy the neighbors.
You’re English so I believe you were raised to be very polite but there are times you don’t need to be polite and just get rid of stupid people. Like you don’t have to be polite if the guy in front of you of calling you names.
In your situation, I would have said ‘dude if you’re not smart enough to understand that a sick toddler is not a TV, I can’t do anything for you door slam shut…’
Being polite is a thing but standing your ground is also important.” MilanaSokolovaSims
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Working from home is wonderful and I’m glad society is embracing it but it comes with its own challenges – it is insane for a neighbor to expect everyone to recreate a silent office environment just so they can work at home.
I think office space was created for two reasons – ‘collaboration’ and a distraction-free working environment. The neighbor should find a job in an office if a crying child next door inhibits their ability to work. I can’t count how many lawnmowers and tree cutters and shenanigans have interrupted my meetings.
If I don’t like it then I should relocate, not ask neighbors to stop living their personal lives.” prevknamy
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Consider My Son's Partner's Kid My First Grandchild?
“I have 2 sons. Jason (26) and Grant (31).
Jason has a significant other, Kelly (26). Been together on and off for a couple of years.
Jason tends to change girls like he changes underpants, and this one has been quite the ride, full of tons of drama.
She also can not stand to not be the center of attention. I will add that both have had multiple other relationships through this with other people.
I am not for the relationship, especially since Kelly has a 10-year-old son that is being dragged through this, but, my son is an adult, and he can make his own choices.
Grant also has a (now) fiance, Tory (28), but she had not become a fiance at this time.
They have known each other for over a decade, were in a casual relationship, or ‘just friends’, and have also had an off/on type thing over the years, but it was more of a ‘the timing was always wrong’ thing.
For example, she left to go to school in another state, then she came home, then she left for a job. When they were younger she wasn’t ready for anything serious and was too busy with school or work.
I know they both kind of dated other people but they always stayed close.
Recently, he went to visit her and… a few weeks later I found out I was going to be a grandma.
I adore Tory, and she and Grant are great together. I am SO excited. Especially when I found out that Tory had decided to move back and that she was moving in with him so that they could be a family.
Come Thanksgiving dinner she was at about 5 months pregnant.
Jason brought Kelly along, they got back together a few months ago… again.
Tory, had just officially moved back 2 weeks prior, so a lot of the family was excited to catch up with her, as she has come to a ton of family functions through the year and knew everyone.
We started talking baby showers and things like that, and I made a comment about wanting to go all out for her because this was my first grandchild (this is also something I want to do because Tory’s mom died when she was 14 and after that, she bounced around the foster system and doesn’t have any real family support, so I wanted to make her feel loved and supported).
Kelly jumped in and mentioned her kid would always be my first grandchild. I told her ‘no, that will always be your child, and if my son decides on you, I will see him as my grandchild, but they won’t be my first. Tory’s baby will always be my first grandchild.’
She threw a fit, said that my son chose a woman with kids, and they should be accepted by the family, and then said Tory basically baby-trapped Grant.
I told her to get back to me after they got married, or at least managed to stay together for more than 6 months.
She stormed out, son stormed out. Son and her say I’m the jerk.
Dinner was completely awkward for the rest of the night.
ETA: over the years, we have only seen her child a handful of times, and he was not present at this gathering.
She only gets visitation with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right that Jason and Kelly aren’t married and the child she had when she was 16 is not your grandchild. It’s a shame that he has to witness his mother still acting like a child and throwing tantrums, but you can’t help that.
If they get married, a big if of course, her son will be your grandchild then but he isn’t yet, and all of Kelly’s theatrics won’t change that. But let the boy know it isn’t his fault and you care for him and want him in your life.
Don’t promise to be his grandmother because if they break up, his loss will be worse. Give him Christmas presents even if they don’t show up for dinner, but you don’t have to apologize to Jason and Kelly.” Malibucat48
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re entitled to be happy about your first biological grandchild. That girl has not married your son and you’ll have no link to her child when they inevitably break up. Likely to happen, unless she traps him.
Sounds like she failed to trap her first baby daddy and is projecting…
She owes an apology after being accepted and treated like family. Drama is unacceptable at family events. She isn’t entitled to an explanation, your excitement has nothing to do with her child.
Selfish and manipulative to make it about her. Don’t bother trying to reach this girl, talk with your son privately. Make him the middleman and sort her out. She’s more than welcome at events if she can act like family.
Well handled. Firm, but still polite. If you let her get away with this episode, then she’s got the whole family by the balls. I wouldn’t have been so nice, she would have left crying…” BluntBebe
Another User Comments:
“So in this specific situation, I think you’re NTJ for the content of messaging. At their core, there’s really nothing separating Kelly’s relationship with Jason from Tory’s relationship with Grant; neither couple is married. But Kelly’s son is her son, while the baby Tory will have is also Grant’s: that makes you the grandmother of their child.
You can have a friendly and doting relationship with Kelly’s son, but he’s not your grandson.
However. I do want to say that your story is dripping with disdain for Kelly while giving a pass for Tory and Grant doing pretty much the same thing.
Both couples have been on and off over the years and dated other people, but Jason ‘tends to change girls like he changes underpants,’ but Tory and Grant ‘both kind of dated other people but always stayed close.’ You make excuses for why Tory and Grant have not stayed together stably (‘it was just timing’) while using the lack of stability in Jason and Kelly’s relationship as evidence of its invalidity.
Perhaps you have good reasons for disliking Kelly if the ‘tons of drama’ you mentioned are accurate. But your bias is so glowingly evident here that I have a hard time assuming that your kids and their partners aren’t picking up on this.” roseofjuly
3. AITJ For Excluding My Cousin From Friendsgiving?
“My cousin’s (M28 Let’s call him A) parents died in a car wreck a few months ago and he is an only child.
My other cousins and my parents asked me to invite him for Friendsgiving since he is alone but the truth is I don’t like him. He is arrogant and my aunts, uncles, and grandparents fawn over him cause of his career and education which went to his head.
He thinks he is successful cause he had a good start to his career. One time at a family gathering he showed up in a suit bragging about his job and how he just got back from a business trip after so he could attend.
He only did it to brag.
We hosted at our house while my parents were out of town. And all the people I invited came. Other cousins and friends and we had a great time. My cousin Z (M25 and prob the one he’s closest to) asked where is A.
I didn’t invite him and I didn’t want to say I didn’t invite him so I told him he didn’t want to come. So the day went on and it was great.
Ever since the accident he has been quiet.
Family gatherings, social media, etc.
Last week Z’s wife (24 let’s call her J) came screaming at me about how I lied. Apparently, she has been in contact with him for the past few months. I flat told her I didn’t want him there cause of his ego.
She said, ‘what are you talking about? What ego?’. Last night in the group chat everyone was upset with me. Nobody shares my opinion of A. My other cousin (F19 let’s call her B) was really upset with me cause A helped pay for her dad’s medical issues.
B’s family isn’t well off and the medical issue came out of nowhere. I told her, ‘he only did it to rub it in your face. B said he never did that and even refused
they pay him back.
I kept telling them he was only doing cause he thinks he was better than us. Everyone kept saying he isn’t arrogant. J and B even called me a jealous jerk. Z said, ‘you only hate him cause he worked for everything he has gotten and you were handed and still rely off your parents’.
I replied, ‘Even if I am. It’s my house and if I don’t want someone there I don’t need him there, I’m sorry he lost his parents but that doesn’t make up for his actions’.
I do feel for his loss but death doesn’t make someone a good person.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not only because you lied but because you’re a jealous freeloader. Your parents gave you everything and still support you and you don’t deny that.
He doesn’t ‘think’ he’s successful he KNOWS he’s successful and you seem very jealous of the fact.
Boohoo he went to college and got a good degree so he could pursue a good career while you didn’t do any of that.
He’s proven to be non-selfish in many ways and you are the only person who thinks so rudely of him. You sound bitter, resentful, and honestly exhausting. Grow up and stop acting like somebody taking initiative in their life is somehow a direct dig at you just because you won’t do it.” pastapearldesaucer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
He paid for someone’s medical treatment, refused to be paid back for it, and isn’t holding over their head like you claim was the only reason he did it… I can understand why you’d be so jealous of him.
He seems to have worked hard to get to his place.
You are right, it is your house and you don’t need to invite him, just like all your family that sees you as the problem don’t need to invite you to anything.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if you want to exclude him you should at least have the courage to own it.
He’s clearly going through a rough time and being a little conceited (even though this seems to be a product of your own insecurity since no one else shares your opinion) doesn’t qualify as some kind of horrible behavior that should permanently exclude him.
You are absolutely a jerk for deciding that anything kind and good he does is evil, grow up and look at your own petty bias before treating someone like crap for existing! You saying that he’s not being a good person is especially gross when it seems like you are only excluding him because he’s a better person than you!” RLB4066
2. AITJ Telling My Son His Dad Is A Liar?
“My ex has been telling our children that he’s going to bring me home so we can be a family again. It’s confusing and upsetting to our son who keeps insisting I go with him whenever he goes to visit his dad.
I tried to speak to my ex but he was ignoring all of my calls and my son was getting more and more upset each time he had to visit his dad and I wouldn’t go so I finally told him that his dad was lying.
He was devastated and angry with his dad since he was 5 so this was a huge betrayal to him.
The last time my children went to see their dad, he apparently kept yelling at his dad and calling him a liar.
It was so bad my ex sent them home early as our son kept getting himself worked up and making himself sick because he wanted to come home.
My ex confronted me a few days ago after work. He wanted to know what I had said to our son to make him so upset with him.
I told him what I had said and told him off for lying to our son. He’s furious with me and has accused me of trying to turn our son against him. He claims I’m the one who’s lying to our son and told me to think twice the next time I try to turn our son against him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is this one of the reasons you’re no longer together?
BUT, this isn’t healthy for your son no matter who is lying.
Kimochis or generation mindful are great tools to start teaching emotional regulation and explain what emotions mean as well as positive and productive ways to show emotions.
Having meltdowns is exhausting and just because you set the record straight doesn’t mean your son isn’t experiencing conflict and all kinds of other exhausting emotions. You don’t want your kid to end up traumatized by all this.
I suggest you sit and explain things at an age-appropriate level and then do so with your ex.
You don’t want to be ‘right’ while also screwing up your own kid.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Calling him a liar was wrong because this could be what your ex truly believes, and isn’t intentionally lying.
I can’t imagine he got to feel you had feelings and may be coming back to him on his own. It takes two (most times) for him to feel so much like you may get back together to tell your kids about it.
How the situation should have been handled was you speak to your ex about this first, even if it took days or weeks to get ahold of him. Just the two of you talk, then after you talk alone sit down with your kids and talk together about it.
He shouldn’t be giving the kids hope you’ll get back together when it’s clearly not what you want. You can’t go around calling him a ‘liar’ to a 5-year-old. This is clearly an issue between you and your ex that needs to be resolved. You are BOTH jerks for getting the kids in the middle of it.
In the future, if your ex tries to get the kids involved in your relationship drama don’t stoop to his level and get them more involved.” RandomThoughts36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should be documenting this because your ex has been feeding your young children’s heads with so many lies and trying to paint you as a villain.
You do need to look at the fact that your ex kept getting your son worked up, and then because he wouldn’t stop and your son kept fighting back he dropped your kids back off at your house.
He refused to do the right thing by your kids and tell the truth because he’s going to aim to get what he wants, and if he isn’t given what he wants, he is willing to ditch your kids.
You need to get one of those parenting apps and refuse to contact him in any means that is not recorded. Your final sentence was a threat. Your ex threatened you. You need to treat him like he’s a threat and the enemy who is messing with your kids and threatening you.” JCBashBash
1. AITJ For Refusing To Uninvite My Husband's Cousin From Our Skiing Trip?
“Every year our friends go on a ski trip in January. It’s something my husband and his friends were doing before I met him but my friends and I have joined.
My friend, Samantha, was engaged to my husband’s cousin, Dante, but their engagement ended because he was caught having an affair with a mutual friend, Julia. Samantha and a few friends have told me to uninvite them from the ski trip since my husband and I are the hosts this year.
I’ve made it clear to Julia that she’s no longer welcome but things are trickier with Dante. There’s no way my husband is going to be okay with uninviting him and knowing Dante, he’ll show up regardless.
I told my friends I can’t uninvite him but I offered to speak to my husband so he’ll make sure Dante stays away from Samantha.
They said that wasn’t good enough and I was clearly siding with Dante.
Samantha is mad at me and keeps insisting my husband is just as bad as Dante if he doesn’t agree to uninvite him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’ve been clear this is a group of your husband’s friends and that you and others have been invited to join.
This is complicated now due to personal choices outside your control. You cannot force your husband to uninvite someone whose membership precedes yours, even if you wanted. You can demand your husband not attend (and can choose not to attend yourself), but that likely will not go well.
But you and your friends are not obligated to join that group and the lying individual. Make your own group. Go separately so you can support your friend.” FeeOverall1497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re being put in an awkward situation that isn’t your fault.
Cousin’s actions affected your entire friend group and his family (you and your husband). That is the risk of being in a relationship with a friend, especially one in your family circle. He knew that and made the choice anyway.
Being with that friend, and then being with the 2nd friend, were more important to him than preserving this friend circle and ski trip. Not being able to go is a consequence of that.
Telling him he can’t go isn’t on you though, and your friends shouldn’t blame you for that.
Your husband (and/or you if you really want to) should talk to him about how his actions affected you both and the friend circle, and let him know the right thing to do is skip this year. Maybe make plans to ski with him another time, if your husband really wants to maintain that relationship.
I doubt Cousin cares about what is morally/ethically right (given his actions thus far) but maybe being confronted about it will make him stay home anyway. Or realize what he’s done.
If not, have your own ski trip (not a gender-split one though).
Maybe husband and cousin will be by themselves.” BloodedBae
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but the cousin. It’s easy to say you can just uninvite him, but in the real world, we often don’t have that kind of control over others.
This guy is your husband’s family too, not just a friend which is yet another barrier to getting him out of the trip. I hate lying and liars, but unless we are going to start shooting them on sight, at least some of us are going to have to learn how to coexist with them now and again.
In this instance, he has a stronger history with this trip than both you and your friend, your husband doesn’t agree, and since he is family to your husband you don’t have as much leverage. Sometimes there is no just solution.
Sorry for your friend for sure, but when things like this happen, the loss and pain don’t start, and stop with the lying. I think this trip may just have to be a loss for her or evolve into something different over time.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ – because whether you and your husband like it or not, Dante and Julia have both put Samantha (and everyone else) in an awkward, unresolvable position where Samantha and Dante simply can no longer be in the same friendship group.
Imagine for a second what it might be like if Samantha and Dante both went on the trip. It’ll be colder inside the cabin than out on the slopes. Simply getting them to ‘stay away’ from each other won’t work.
There’s not enough distance in the world for that.
Your proposed solution is unworkable and unreasonable. At the end of the day, it’s Dante putting you all in this position. If you choose to ignore that and offer a solution that’s plainly unpalatable to Samantha, then you’re prioritizing Dante by definition.” jbh01
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