People Request On-Point Comments For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Paying For My Son's Childcare?
“I (27 f) have an 8-year-old son I’ll call J with my ex (34 m) I’ll call P. We had an intensely abusive relationship and he regularly emotionally and mentally manipulated me to get his way in the past.
We’ve spent the past two and a half years in court since he attempted to go for full custody because I have a partner my son adores and he didn’t like it.
The court proceedings came to an end a month ago, P didn’t win, in fact, he got even less time than before and stuck with my bill for dragging out the proceedings. I got full custody and permission to move away for work.
The current arrangement means he has to collect J from school for contact.
We can make amendments to this order providing we both agree. He recently told me that he wants to change his work schedule and collect J as late as 7 pm. I told him that if he wants to do that it’s fine but he needs to have his own childcare account with our provider and pay for the childcare costs.
Nothing crazy, literally like £40 a month tops. But P would have to pay in advance and consistently (P has always had trouble with consistently providing money for J, I get pennies in support).
He lost it, and told me I pay for childcare anyway since I work full-time and he has other children to support (he has two other children with his fiancé) and I should cover the costs.
I told him no, this was his time, I’m not arranging it on my account because I know he wouldn’t pay me back and if he doesn’t pay for it we need to stick to the original order. He called me a manipulative jerk who is trying to steal his son. But it’s him that is reducing his time even more AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Causing A Kid To Get Kicked Out Of The Lacrosse Team?
“Last week we had a sub—Mr. Jay. He was so nice, so chill, and surprisingly helpful (he was subbing for my engineering class; we never get help from subs). He was supposed to be our sub for three days, as my (16 f) engineering teacher was out for an emergency with his daughter.
When Mr. Jay introduced himself to the class, he added something very sweet.
He talked about bathroom policies, and he explained to us how he’s completely empathetic to all the young ladies in our class and how he understands how our periods are urgent, as well as not a choice. He let us know that he’s passionate about making us feel comfortable in the classroom when we have our lady troubles, because of his own daughters.
He told us that if we ever need to go to the nurse, borrow a jacket, or spend a while in the bathroom, he completely understands and has our backs. I thought this was so sweet and considerate and I never experienced this with a male teacher.
Well the next day, an administrator had to sub for our class for a little while they found a new sub.
I was so confused because Mr. Jay was supposed to be our sub for the next two days. Well, today I heard a boy in my class basically explain to his friends how he told his mom how ‘uncomfortable’ and ‘disgusted’ he was with Mr. Jay’s words and mention of a period so he and his mom went to the assistant principal and demanded that Mr. Jay be ‘banned’ from subbing for our class.
He also explained that he told the assistant principal that he was going to skip class the next two days if Mr. Jay was our sub. He began laughing about how he got that gay man kicked out of our class.
This infuriated me. It’s not like Mr. Jay said ONLY girls can go to the bathroom, he just wanted to make the girls feel more comfortable about a serious thing in all of our lives.
He was so nice, respectful, and generous to EVERYBODY and did not deserve to get kicked from subbing for our class. So I decided I wanted to do something about it. Everyone knew that this boy would smoke and drink during school, meaning he always had something on him, so I decided to tell a staff member that I heard him talking about taking a smoke break during school (which is technically true because he has had those conversations right in front of me before).
Well, they investigated him and ended up checking his backpack. I don’t know what they found for sure but the talk of the halls is that they found a bottle of fireball, a dab pen, and a cartridge. What I do know for sure is that he got caught with SOMETHING, was suspended, and kicked off the lacrosse team.
I slightly feel bad because of the possibility of him using lacrosse for college but his language, as well as his clear misogynistic tendencies, made me sick to my stomach. My mom told me that I went too far and that he was just a kid who did something stupid. I’m just a kid too, and I have some sense!
34. AITJ For Insulting My Brother-In-Law At Family Dinner?
“I’m the eldest of 4 siblings (I’m 35 F) all of my other siblings are married and have kids. I’m not married (had 3 long-term relationships that ended badly) and I have no kids. It’s been 6 years since I’ve dated and my family keeps pressuring me to look for ‘my future husband’ and start a family cause I’m too old to wait any longer.
It’s hard to do that with all the trauma and hurt that I carry, They say they want what’s best for me and are worried I might end up an old lady with only a cat living with me. I do feel alone sometimes but I like it that way, at least I no longer deal with lies, trust issues, and mistreatments from my exes.
My BIL (sister’s husband) keeps commenting on my ‘status’ whenever I visit. Talking about how I need to find my ‘better half’ and have kids. Usually, I respond by ignoring him but he kept throwing more comments publicly. Now from what my sister tells us, he sleeps all day, is unemployed, doesn’t help with child care or responsibilities, and also likes to call the shot in every decision made.
They say that’s how he is. So…
Last night we all got together for dinner and BIL brought up my personal life by asking a stream of questions about my plans. I tried to ignore him but he said that I’m 35, single, childless, and don’t even date at the moment. I looked at him in shock as he went on to say that I ‘clearly’ am confused and still don’t know what I want in life.
The family looked at me and it made me annoyed. In response, I told him, ‘Yes, I clearly don’t know what I want but I do know what YOU want, what you really really want and that is child-level responsibility, and king-level authority in your family’. Then told him I’d rather spend the rest of my days single than be stuck with someone like him.
He went completely silent and what I said was enough for him to abandon the dinner table. My sister stayed quiet and dinner turned awkward. I left later then mom and sister called me saying it wasn’t right that I insulted my BIL like that and when I explained what he said to me they told me he was just trying to encourage me to have a ‘normal’ life like the rest of them.
They said it was rude and hurtful what I said and I have to apologize to him in person. I might have gone over the top but I refused to apologize at least til I see if I’m wrong with my response.
33. AITJ For Being Annoyed At A Kid I Played Chess With?
“I (M 26) was at a park playing some chess (open table, some other people playing).
I had just finished a game but all of a sudden a mom and her son walked up to me. In a very demanding tone, she asked if her son could play chess with me. Her son seemed about 9 years old. I wanted to be nice and said OK, but she whispered in my ear to go ‘easy on him.’ I was a bit ticked off about this as it was obvious that she was going to throw a fit if he lost, even though I spent MY time playing against a 9-year-old.
I set up the board anyway and the kid sat down wayyyyy to close to my face. I tried to ignore it but he seemed to keep going forward. I stuck out my hand to shake before I started the game (well-known chess etiquette) but he just looked at it confused.
I started the game and we played for a little while but in about two minutes he made an illegal move (he moved his queen like a knight).
This happens a lot on accident so I tried to tell him as kindly as possible, ‘You can’t move there, it’s illegal.’ The kid then said that he could and that a ‘newbie’ often thinks that the queen can only move diagonally, vertically, and horizontally. I could see the mom staring so I told myself ‘whatever’ and continued playing.
The peace only lasted a few minutes before he checked with his queen on a square I defended and started screaming ‘Check! Check!’ I quickly took the queen with my rook. Then silence. The kid started screaming that I did a trick. At this point, I was so fed up that I packed up and left without looking back as the mom screamed at me.
AITJ for walking out of a chess game against a kid?”
32. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Cousin's Kids?
“I (32 F), my dad (59 M), my sister (21 F), my aunt and uncle (57 F & 61 M), my cousin (28 M), my cousin’s wife (26 F), my cousin’s son from a prior relationship (7 M) and my cousin’s son with his current wife (2M) rented a cabin on a lake for a family vacation.
The cabin has five bedrooms. My sister and I shared one. Aunt and Uncle got one. My dad got his own. My cousin and his wife got one. The kids were in the remaining room.
This was my first time seeing my cousin and his wife since their wedding. The first day we all get settled and my sister and I change to go get in the water while the sun is out.
My cousin’s wife asks us to take the kids. I say we can take the older boy (haven’t seen him in a while) since he can swim and just needs to be supervised, but not the toddler because he can’t swim so would need to be held while in the water and still within arm’s reach when not in the water, so we wouldn’t be able to relax.
She argued that it was fine because there were two of us, but we said no and just took the older boy.
We all went out to dinner that night. The toddler was upset and my cousin ended up taking him back to the cabin. When we all got back, my cousin’s wife asked us to watch the toddler so she and my cousin could have alone time.
We were all tired and all declined.
For the next two days, my cousin’s wife was always trying to get someone to watch both kids so she could be alone with her husband. For one reason or another, we were always too busy for both kids at the same time. We were trying to enjoy our vacation.
Finally, my cousin’s wife blew up at me, my sister, and my aunt (uncle and dad were fishing) while we were sitting on the porch drinking in the afternoon. She said she’d been trying for days just to have a little alone time with her husband to work on their relationship and recapture the spark, but we were all selfish unhelpful jerks.
She demanded my cousin pack up so they could leave.
My cousin tried to persuade her to stay. I said I would watch the kids if they really needed it, but she said no because I was wasted (not really, but maybe too buzzed for babysitting a toddler) and it was ‘too little; too late.’ They all ended up leaving.
The house is so quiet without the kids. My aunt and I feel like garbage. We really miss them. My sister and dad said to let it go and she’s crazy. But we feel so terrible. I think she could have communicated better, but were we the jerks here?”
31. AITJ For Not Wanting To Work On A Project My Mom Forced On Me?
“My (14 f) mom has recently forced me to complete my Silver Award project. I had NO time. I was juggling online language courses, completing some high school summer credits, etc. I was a busy bee.
At the beginning of the project, I told her multiple times I wasn’t happy and didn’t want to do the project because I was so busy. I was forced to miss out on important plans as well (my significant other’s birthday celebration, a vacation trip with my friend group they had been planning for months, interning at a fantastic company that could have potentially offered me a scholarship, etc.) to work on the project.
My mom has grounded me for weeks just because I told her that I hated this whole thing. I tried talking to her about it but she never listens. I couldn’t even catch a break.
I ended up going WAY over the hour minimum of the project (50 hours was the minimum, and I got about 80.) PLUS all the undocumented hours of research she made me do.
I was miserable. She didn’t even let me pick my own project, she chose the project herself. Silver Awards are supposed to be fun. I have told her multiple times I hated the whole project and she always yelled at me.
Anyways, my mom recently unexpectedly dragged me to a meeting with some daisy troop and demanded that I told them about my experience with earning my Silver Award honestly.
So I did. I told them that it took up a lot of my time and I had to miss out on important plans. I didn’t sugarcoat it. I told them if they wanted to do the Silver Award they should make sure they have the time for it and it should be THEIR choice, not their parents.
I went on to explain how to choose an idea they would have fun with, how to connect with others, and more advice. My mom stood there like she just got shot.
After the meeting, she dragged me to the car and yelled at me. ‘How dare I ‘lie’ to those young girls!’ I told her that I explained my experience truthfully as she said.
She said my answer was ‘unbelievable’ and ‘unexpected.’ I told her not to act so shocked because I literally told her I hated this nonsense on many occasions and she chose not to listen. Did she expect me to show up to that Daisy meeting and act like I had bundles of fun? I may have been a jerk for telling the troop about my experience but I didn’t want them to have the same one as me because I was miserable.
30. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom That I Will Never Buy Her An Expensive Car?
“I hate my stepmother, who we’ll call Ava. None of my dad’s side of the family likes her either due to her being bossy, criticizing others for their opinions, trying to control people in their own houses, making events like my little cousin’s birthday about her, and blatantly favoring my 12-year-0ld step brother (Carson) and my 3-year-0ld half-sister (Katie) over my 14-year-0ld full sister (Kayla) and me.
Kayla and I were kicked out of our room as soon as Katie was born, and when we stayed over we had to sleep on the couch, and she treats us like it was such a problem that Kayla and I were living there. There are other things that she’s done to us that I don’t want to mention, but she caused me to have certain dark thoughts at 10 years old, you can probably guess what, which my dad just called me a brat for when I tried to talk to him about it.
Ever since I was 11 I’ve wanted to become a lawyer. I’m interested in law and all the help lawyers can give to people, while Ava just sees it as a fat paycheck. I can’t remember how the convo started, but at some point, she said ‘Well, when you’re a lawyer, I want (Insert expensive car here)’.
I asked her how she expects to pay for that when she has two kids (Recently I had another sister, who’s a week old who we’ll call Mia) that will be with them for a long while, along with 4 dogs 2 cats and having to pay off her nursing student loans. She replied, and I quote ‘Oh, you’re gonna get it for me since we’ve put a lot into you.’ I straight up said that that was not gonna happen and that she can buy her own car.
She called me ungrateful and my dad said that I was being a brat.
The next day my grandmother wanted to take Kayla and I out, and I told her the story and she laughed at the fact that she thought it was gonna happen. Everyone else is telling me that I’m NTJ but my dad and Ava, along with Carson are telling me that I’m a jerk and that she deserves it.
29. AITJ For Praising My Mom For Standing Up To My Mother-In-Law?
“A few years ago my dad had a pretty public affair (they thought they were being discreet but everyone knew) with a woman about 15 years younger than him.
My father was up until this point a very stoic unemotional person and this was totally out of character, and everyone was talking about it. He ended up leaving my mom for her.
My mom was totally ice cold during all of this and even as her son I can’t gauge if it hurt her or not.
She had zero reaction. She’s never said anything bad about him. Even when I tried getting her to open up she just wouldn’t (but this was around the time I began going out with my fiancee and she doesn’t like her and began to ice me out as well).
My dad married his affair partner recently, and I proposed to my fiancee.
We had an engagement party and it was probably the first time we were all together. MIL and her friends hate my dad and his fiancee because I think they worry about their husbands getting ideas.
MIL made a snarky comment about how when men leave for a younger woman isn’t she supposed to be prettier, and my dad might have done it wrong because my mom is much more attractive.
All of her friends laughed and my dad’s wife looked like she was dying inside.
My mom told my MIL to stop and she doesn’t like women who pit women against each other, and said his wife is beautiful. When we walked away, I told my mom that was very gracious and I was proud of her.
I wasn’t even talking to my fiancee but she lost it. She said I was gross for praising my mom for being gracious when she should be being a ‘petty jerk’. She said I was an affair apologist and it made her nervous, and that I should have been laughing at her mom’s comment. My mom called my fiancee an idiot and walked away.
my fiancee is still upset I used that words and keeps saying it was sexist and 1950s but can’t really explain.”
28. AITJ For Suggesting My Mom And Her Partner Stay At A Hotel Or Airbnb?
“After my parents’ divorce, my mom went crazy and married this weird dude named Rich. They were complete heavy drinking messes and I would have to go peel them off the floor of the local pizza bar and deal with the cops the next day after whatever fight they got into caught up to them.
They finally divorced a few years ago.
Jump ahead to last winter, I have moved out, got married, and have my kids. It’s been a few years since Mom left Rich and she seems to be doing ok. Mom video calls me, she’s talking about a wedding we were to attend and then she says she’s with a friend and wants me to meet them.
This dude (Carl) comes on and it’s kinda awkward. Lots of giggling ‘Should we tell him’ and stuff. Then my mom just starts waving her ring hand behind his head and I catch on that they are engaged. I had no clue that she was even seeing anyone and based on how quick she got with her last husband (several weeks after my dad moved out Rich moved in).
Flash forward to the wedding this year. All is well, the day before the party. I meet Carl, he’s ok, like bread if it was a person. On the day of the party, I see him and Mom getting sloshed. No outbursts or distracting behavior but they are getting pretty deep in the drink. This puts me out of party mode and back into crisis manager mode so my evening isn’t ruined but I am not having fun anymore.
Long story, Mom ends up sleepy wasted in a chair and this guy is retching in the bushes behind the venue. With this I am not impressed with him and my mind is made up. Mom is back to acting foolishly and I need to protect myself and my family.
Mom reaches out to me to say that she wants to come to visit for a long weekend over labor day this year.
I say cool, just you though, I don’t want Carl in the house with the kids. Queue the song and dance where it’s ‘Were not going to drink’ and when I don’t bend on it she says ok It’ll just be her. The week before she’s to come here Carl messages me asking if it’s ok if he comes.
I say ‘No, I don’t know you, the last time I saw you, you were bent over double sick from drinking. If you want to come I can look into getting you guys an Airbnb or hotel’ and the convo peters out from there. Mom calls that night to say that something came up and they won’t be traveling.
It’s amazing how often something comes up with her when it comes to visiting, but I am no longer surprised and let it roll off. Not worth the fight.
I was on the phone with my brother the other night and he brought up that mom has been going around saying that I barred her and her husband from my house.
This isn’t true, they can come here, but they cannot stay here. She can stay but I don’t want a literal stranger in my house where my kids sleep. I don’t know if they only drink at parties or if it’s an every night thing for her again and I don’t want to find out.
So am I the jerk for not letting them stay here and offering to help find a hotel/BNB?”
27. AITJ For Ruining A Friend's Birthday Dinner?
” “I am part of a friend group of 5 girls, all 20-22 years old. We live in Europe. My friend A had her birthday dinner with the group yesterday.
A’s ‘friend’ B is 22 and a stay-at-home mom.
I am a university student. Yesterday, when B arrived (late) she looked at me and said ‘You look like crap.’ Not very nice but true, so fair enough because I really looked like crap. Why? I have a lot of courses that I have to attend and I cannot delay them.
The exams are coming. I am studying for more than 90 hours per week without counting the lectures. I am also working, although only 3 hours a week preparing at home for at least 2 more hours. I am stressed and I fear that I cannot pass these exams. I kind of developed insomnia due to the stress so I have not slept for the last 3-4 days and you can see it in my face.
I am starting to think that if I die right now at least I don’t have to do the exams but I think I will feel better again after the exams. I did not even want to go to dinner because I just have so much to do but I care about A so I went.
I said, ‘Yeah, I am very tired from studying.’
She laughed and said her usual mantra, ‘You don’t know what tired is. I have 3 kids. Talk again about it when you also have 3 kids. You could have at least put on some makeup.’
Now, I don’t really know what happened to me because we are all used to this kind of comments from her but I snapped. I told her exactly how tired I am.
I told her that she isn’t the only one tired and that her gatekeeping being tired is annoying and also shows what a selfish person she is and that being empathetic for one time would not kill her. I followed by saying that I am without doubt more tired than her since all her kids are out of the house for 10 hours a day (good daycare since her husband has a good job) and all she has to do is cleaning and not even cooking because her husband does this.
Moreover, she has her MIL taking care of night duties ‘because she and hubby are too tired’ (she told us all of this herself) while I have to clean and cook and do all by myself. I think at the end I was kind of screaming because when I looked around people were staring at us.
She asked A if she had anything to say and after A didn’t say anything, she told me I was a childish jerk and to get lost. Then she left. I think A was just too shocked to react. After that, I started crying and I immediately apologized to A for ruining her birthday dinner.
A was kind and told me not to worry about it and that she would have a chat with B later. The other girls messaged me after we left saying that I had to apologize to B, that I was insensitive to her struggles, and that it was not okay to bring her ‘home situation’ to the discussion.
I wrote this during another sleepless night and am only posting this now because I still don’t know if I was in the right for responding like that. I mean I still ruined A’s birthday dinner and I could have just ignored her comment.
26. AITJ For Insisting On Seeing Someone's Key Fob?
“I (18) am an international student freshly immigrated and this is my first time living alone.
During one of my induction sessions at the university, some safety precautions were discussed of course and we were told to not let people follow us into our buildings if they were tailing behind us.
I don’t know exactly what this is called, but it’s basically when you go in to scan your fob and/or card key to the apartment complex and someone behind you just follows you in.
Now I am a very anxious person so I would hate if someone tailing me into the building creates trouble for anyone else.
Now onto the situation, I came back from the supermarket and I see in front of me this guy come out of a car and wait there. I wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing so I just walked past him.
When I reached the door he started walking towards the entrance fast and I got scared, so I scanned my fob and then tried to enter and close the door behind me as fast as I could but he held it open.
I got really worried and got a bit confrontational and asked him if he has a fob.
He said he lives here and I still insisted on him using his fob or at least getting it out. He was in disbelief and took out his key and showed me the fob, only then did I let him in. When he was walking to his door he cussed me out.
Later when I was talking with my sisters and telling them about my day the situation came up.
They got really annoyed by my actions and told me to not do it again because it was wrong and explained to me that even postmen/delivery people come in through other tenants. My friend was present during this conversation but wasn’t engaging.
A day after that I and the same friend were heading to uni and they mentioned how someone let them in before they had the chance to ring my apartment number and then said ’cause they were polite not like you’.
Now this was all in a laughing manner but it still got me thinking if what I did was truly wrong and a jerk move.
So am I the jerk?”
25. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Brother During My Husband's Birthday Party?
“My family, including me, are all MDs. My dad is a retired ER physician (he is 67), my mom is a still working ENT surgeon (she is 66), my brother is a cardiothoracic surgeon (37) and I am an algologist (39 M).
All of my family sees our job as their only motive in life.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I really love what I have accomplished but I have other hobbies and a life outside the hospital. My brother doesn’t. He never got married because he thought ‘ladies were interfering with his purpose.’ and I was seen as the lazy one in the family when I would go on vacations at mid breaks.
My brother would go to our parent’s house and study 24/7 at mid breaks. Luckily I had sane professors at medical school who had a work/life balance contrast to my family and showed me that what they were doing was harmful in the long term. I got married at my residency to my husband (48 M) who is a psychiatrist and we currently have a really good work-life balance, we can take our time off easily and we don’t burn out.
It also helps that we operate our private clinic together so we are our own bosses.
I don’t see my brother very much and I will be honest, he turned into one of the most narcissist surgeons I have ever met. He only talks about himself, what he accomplished, and how he was a very good surgeon.
That is his whole personality. I never saw him talk to another person if it is not a family person or someone he wants to bury in the ground. I also know the clinic he works and people do not like him either
Last weekend was my husband’s birthday and we invited both of our extended families to our house.
Well, when my brother got into the house everything started to go down. At first, he stood at the front of the door for 10 minutes because no one cheered his name. Then he said he wants something strong because he is a ‘cardiothoracic surgeon’ and before the day of the party, he had a 7-hour case then he started to talk about his OR memories and said it needed the dedication but ‘Lazy OP does not waste any time to go on vacation.’ It started to crack on my nerves but my husband asked me to cool down.
After 2 hours I lost it when my brother said ‘Of course, I am your superior, you chose to sit in a clinic, I am always at OR feeling the pure life in my hand.’ I started to scream. I really unloaded all of the stuff I feel and kicked him out of my house and said ‘Maybe you can stick your butt in your OR room forever and never bother me again while I work in my lazy seat.’ My parents got furious, we had a fight and they left my house.
24. AITJ For Wanting My Mother's Husband To Get Out Of A Public Beach?
“My relationship with my mom and stepdad is tense. My mom and I used to be close, but she and my wife do not get along at all, and I just can’t seem to get along with the guy she married.
We still try to have a relationship from time to time, because I’m a glutton for punishment I guess.
Recently we met up at the beach. My wife has some body issues and some insecurities, and they have gotten worse since she had our son a year ago. My mom is very insensitive to other people’s insecurities as she thinks it is stupid.
My wife is the one who wanted to go to the beach, but I still knew she was going to feel uncomfortable wearing a bathing suit in front of my family.
By the time we got there, my mom and her husband were already there and unpacked. He was in the water and I saw him choke back a laugh when my wife took her clothes off. He turned my mom around to show her. To her credit, she did quickly turn back, but he was clearly laughing at my wife.
I could see from her face that she had picked up on it. I confirmed with another relative and decided to confront him.
I went over to where they were and asked what his problem was. He told me to lighten up and that he was trying to control it, but he thought it was funny and her bottom looked like a diaper.
He said if a woman can’t wear a bikini fine, just don’t, but her bathing suit was ridiculous (modest high-waisted bikini).
I told him to shut his mouth. She had a baby a year ago and she looks smoking hot. He laughed and said he had two kids with his first wife and she never looked like that.
My mom said I was being unfair to him as it looked ridiculous since it was white.
I said he needed to leave. He said it was a public beach and he wasn’t leaving. I told my mom to get him out, but she only offered to move their stuff somewhere else and said I was ridiculous and it was the ugliest bathing suit she’d ever seen.
I finally yelled at her that if she didn’t find a way to make him leave, I would never forgive her and she would never be close to my son, and she can watch him grow up through social media updates.
My mom called me an idiot and swam away, but they didn’t leave. When we got home she messaged me that I am pathetic, that I emotionally blackmailed and guilt-tripped her, and that I’m an egomaniac for even thinking she cares that much.
She blocked me and will not respond to anything. My whole family is agreeing and saying I was borderline abusive and she can’t control her husband (though she can, literally she just pouts and he gives in).”
23. AITJ For Massaging My Painful Leg In Front Of My Friend's Significant Other?
“I let my friend and her significant other stay with me on Friday night because they were in the city to see a play and by the time it finished it was already late and they’d have a long drive home so they were planning to get a hotel room or an Airbnb but I told them they could use my guest bedroom and when they got back from the play we got takeout, in my opinion, it was quite a good time catching up with my friend and getting to know her SO.
After eating we chilled out to Netflix for a bit and at this point my leg began to have a flareup. I was in an accident as a teenager which left me with a messed up leg so during a long day or even just randomly I can be left in horrible pain this is something all my friends are aware of as it’s just a part of my life that I have to consider whenever I make plans.
I just rolled my jean leg up to my knee as I sat on the sofa and massaged the leg and scar tissue to try and ease the pain as we watched The Sandman.
I didn’t think anything of it until today my friend told me she hadn’t appreciated me showing off my leg in front of her SO and massaging it I asked her what she meant and she seemed to be under the impression that I’d done it to try and catch his eye, which I laughed at as I was so shocked and I asked her how a lot of scar tissue was meant to catch his eye and reminded her I have leg flareups and I’d been just trying to ease it and when she asked me why I hadn’t gone into my room to do that I told her because it’s my apartment and we’d been watching something, it’s not like I took my jeans off I rolled the leg up.
She wouldn’t back down and demanded I apologize and when I told her I had nothing to apologize for and if it had made her that uncomfortable she could have gone into the guest room with him. After that, she ended the call.
My friend has always been a bit insecure in her relationships so maybe I should have been more thoughtful but doing that is by far the least great thing I could have done it never even crossed my mind that it may upset her at the time and when I learned it did she seemed certain I’d done it on purpose then demanded an apology which made me less inclined to give one, I honestly didn’t think that I did anything I should apologize for but maybe I’m being too stubborn right now.”
22. AITJ For Not Eating The Steak That My Friend Cooked?
“I went on a trip with some friends recently and each of us took turns cooking on various days.
One of the days, my friend made everyone garlic steak and potato wedges. Just normal cheap cuts from the store, nothing fancy.
Normally, when I go to a steakhouse, I prefer to order my steak medium, as I get grossed out by too much redness. But when I eat when a non-professional chef is cooking, I order my steak medium-well because I find that most non-pro chefs tend to undercook it compared to what you order, so if I ordered a medium, a non-chef would cook me a rare, and if I order a medium-well than I receive a medium like I want.
So that’s exactly what I told my friend, that I’d like a medium well. Of course, he gives me the spiel that steak lovers do when they tell you that steak is meant to be eaten raw and bloody and anything else is a sin. I roll my eyes and don’t engage in that conversation because it’s pointless.
Long story short, my steak comes, and it’s definitely medium rare, if not straight-up rare. It was waaaay too red for me to be able to power through eating to not cause a scene. So I ask him to throw mine back on the stove for a couple of mins and he refused to do so, telling me he cooked it like it should be eaten.
I suppose I could’ve cooked it further myself, but I was tired of the situation, and seeing the red made me lose my appetite for steak. So I gave mine to my partner and made myself a sandwich and chips. The friend called me a jerk in front of everyone because I refused to eat his food.
Most others were on my side because I didn’t get it like how I ordered, but a couple were on his side and said I should’ve powered thru, and raw steak isn’t that bad anyway.”
21. AITJ For Helping A Friend Who Got Injured?
“I (23 M) was at a pool party at my best friend Greg’s house. There was also a slip n’ slide set up and people were using it. My friend Amy used it and screamed. The whole party turns to her and she’s clutching her breast and there’s blood just pouring out of her hand.
She had slid over a rock and cut herself. I’m in nursing school so I run over to her and ask to see the cut. She pulls her hand away and I see that it doesn’t look too serious but it definitely needs attention. I turn to Greg and ask him if he has a first aid kit and he says yes, in the bathroom inside the house.
So I walk Amy into the house and grab the first aid kit. I pause for a second and ask her if she’s okay with me helping her with this or if she wants to do it herself because of where the cut is and she says ‘No I trust you and I want your help’ so we go into the bathroom and wash out the cut, I look at it more closely to make sure it isn’t serious.
I put some Neosporin on it and bandage it up nicely. Amy thanks me and we go back outside.
A couple of women come up to Amy and ask if she’s okay and one of them, Sarah, gives me a dirty look and they kinda lead her away. I go back to where I was sitting and Greg sits next to me and says ‘Some people were talking trash out here.
I did my best to defend you but I figured you should know that they were talking trash about you helping Amy’. I asked him what he meant and he said that Sarah was saying it was creepy how I ‘sprung into action when I saw an opportunity to play with a breast’ and a few of the other women and one guy agreed and were making fun of me.
I was pretty upset about that but I didn’t want to make a scene so I just ignored it for the time being.
Later that day though I was sitting by the fire pit and Sarah was sitting across from me and nobody else was around the area so I asked her why she was making fun of me for helping Amy.
She said ‘I guess that was a little mean of me. I’m sorry that I did that. But I just thought it was kinda weird how you saw her breast was hurt and you ran up to her and insisted to help. I know you’re in nursing school but I think you should have let a girl handle it.
We all know first aid too’. I thanked her for her apology and I don’t like confrontation so I just said ‘Alright I guess I’ll keep that in mind from now on’.”
20. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Let My Grandchild's Birthday Party Be Held At My House?
“My son, Josh, and his partner of 4 years, Sheila, just parted ways. Sheila has been accusing my son of having an affair. She has been living with us for the entirety of their relationship.
Since 2020, Josh has been staying in his place of work along with some of the employees and is rarely home.
When Sheila told me about her suspicion I told her that she could go and stay with my son in his accommodations since his company allows wives to stay there so she could confirm if her suspicions are correct.
She declined saying she is afraid of what she might find out. I said she shouldn’t be afraid and that if she could get just one piece of proof, I would personally whoop my son’s butt in his workplace and would ban him from ever coming home to us, and disown him.
Sheila still declined. But I was made aware that she has been maligning my son and the supposed other woman on social media to the point that both have been harassed and the woman in question was contemplating filing a case against Sheila.
Sheila was the one who ended the relationship and moved out of our house with no warning. She just came home from work one day with some of her co-workers and gathered all her belongings and took the baby without a word. I cried for a week.
That was 3 months ago and my son has stopped giving financial support because Sheila is keeping the child away from him.
He was anticipating that Sheila would file a case and show up so he could ask the court for time to see and be with his child at least once or twice a week or a maximum of 4 to 5 days in a month which Sheila is vehemently against. She is only allowing 1 day of visitation on the condition that my son should be the one to go to the place where her whole family lives to visit the child and not take the child anywhere else.
They are set to resume mediation next week.
Just this morning, Sheila called me to ask if she could use my house, which has a fairly large garden, for the child’s upcoming 1st birthday. She said she thinks our place is the best venue since my 85-year-old mom (who can’t walk without assistance and has comorbidities) can attend the said event which she won’t be able to do if the event is held elsewhere.
She also said she would be inviting most of her co-workers and friends (some of whom have left hurtful comments on her posts) hence the need for a big space.
My daughter heard our entire conversation (was on loudspeaker since I was busy cooking) and was bewildered why I would ever consider Sheila’s request. To think that since she left, Sheila has never contacted any of us nor agreed to let my Mom see her great-grandchild during my mom’s birthday a week ago when I invited her and her parents to come.
She may be right in saying that Sheila is only using my mom as an excuse to avoid paying for a venue.
So WIBTJ if I decline Sheila’s request considering that the party is for my grandchild that I haven’t seen for 3 months now?”
19. AITJ For Telling A Coworker About How People Get Pregnant?
“I work with this guy (call him Jason) who hasn’t had much social interaction before. He’s a nice guy but seems somewhat unaware of certain things. He’s older than I am but never causes any trouble.
One of our coworkers announced that she was pregnant and that she and her husband were very happy after trying together.
Jason congratulated them but said he didn’t understand why her husband would be trying too.
Everyone stared at him, but luckily my coworker didn’t care and was pulled away by some other people.
I asked Jason to elaborate on what he meant, and apparently, he believed that pregnancy is just a spontaneous thing that happens to you at random.
I asked how does anyone have fathers, and he said he didn’t know. His parents never told him.
I asked if he wanted to know, and he said yes.
I said are you sure, and he said yes.
During our break, I searched for some health class era, how to explain videos. They were classroom-level, but Jason got extremely upset and left early.
The next day, today, at work – I get a phone call from someone who said they were Jason’s mother.
She screamed at me about how I ruined Jason’s innocence, subverted her parenting, and now Jason is going to be ruined. She said apparently he was very upset, and that she would be contacting my boss about explicit conversations at work.
I listened to her yell for a while, said goodbye, and hung up.
I told my boss, and he thought it was funny, and told me not to worry about it. He’ll have a word with Jason, and tell his mother to not call me again.
My coworkers, however, said I was out of line.
That it’s a parent’s job to tell their kid, not mine, he was obviously homeschooled for a reason. Any parent would be angry if I went behind their back like that, and considering he lives with his parents, I could have jeopardized his living situation.
After a few people said that, even with my boss on my side, I felt extremely guilty and awful.
I didn’t do well with getting yelled out on the phone, I’m not good with conflict. Every public school kid pretty much has to learn the process, but I still feel like maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.
Am I the jerk?
Edit: I didn’t talk about it inside the workplace, because it was a nice day we were outside.
(There’s a nice green spot not too far) He wore earbuds while he watched, so I don’t think it bothered anyone.”
18. AITJ For Not Giving A Stylist A Tip After She Transferred Me To Another Stylist?
“I (27 f) see a regular stylist at a salon I go to who we’ll call ‘Ann’. Ann is a good friend of my twin sister and she recommended I see her and I love her work, I’ve been a regular for about two years now and I usually request her every time.
Today was just kind of weird though. I scheduled to get my hair done well in advance and request her Ann like I always do. A couple of minutes into the appointment she says ‘Oh, by the way, Jane is gonna take over the remainder of this in a few minutes.’ I was really confused and said ‘But I requested you when I made the appointment.
Why didn’t you tell me before we started?’ All she said was she had to do something else. I thought maybe Jane was new and Ann would be supervising. I was upset but I didn’t want to argue and she already started so I said fine.
At the end (Jane did great, by the way) I was given the tablet to pay and when it asked for a tip I saw Ann’s name on there instead of Jane’s so I asked Jane ‘Wait, so is Ann getting the tip or you?’ She said she was pretty sure Ann would.
I silently hit zero. Why should Ann get the tip when she was here for like ten minutes? In the car home, I realized I should have at least offered to give Jane a tip in cash or something and felt bad, but lesson learned I suppose…
I called my sister about it and she was calling me a jerk for not giving Ann a tip.
Even after I explained why she said ‘Grow up, this happens all the time and when she finds out she’ll remember it the next time she does your hair. You should ALWAYS tip no matter what!’ I feel bad but I really think it’s stupid that she left kind of abruptly despite specifically requesting her.
I think she was still in the salon so I don’t think it was an emergency, but I don’t know if I overreacted.”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Baby "Jacob"?
“My wife and I (both early 30s) are expecting our first baby, my wife is due in July. Our closest friends (also early 30s, let’s call them Tim and Tess) also got pregnant at about the same time (she was due in June).
A few months ago we got talking about baby names and we discovered we all liked the same name for a boy (both babies were boys). It’s a really common name, think Jacob or something like that. Eventually we both (both couples) chose the name Jacob for our sons because we all loved the name so much.
And it’s a really common name where we live, so we thought it won’t be weird – we were going to call him Jake for short, and theirs Jack, so it wouldn’t even be exactly the same.
Tess had a stillbirth three weeks ago. They are both obviously devastated, and my heart absolutely breaks for them both.
We are still very much in touch, and I’ve talked to Tim a lot in the past weeks. One day he told me that he doesn’t know how they will ever be able to be around our baby boy Jacob after having lost theirs.
Last night I brought up baby names with my wife and I asked her what name from the list should we consider for our son, now that naming him Jacob would just be insensitive.
My wife said she still wants to name him Jacob, and maybe even call him Jack to honor our friends’ loss. I told her I think that’s just in poor taste, because Tim and Tessa had their baby, named the baby, and buried their boy Jack (Jacob). I told her to just go with another name and not make a big deal out of this (I know she really loved the name, but it’s just a name), and she called me a jerk for making her ‘put our baby second’.
I said that we should pray to God we have a healthy baby, and the name really comes second here. She said she won’t reconsider and I, Tim and Tess are gonna have to deal with it. I said I will not agree with the name Jacob and am willing to take any measures to prevent her from naming him that.
AITJ for not agreeing with the baby’s name?
ETA: just to clarify one thing, I will NOT pick my son’s name on my own and forge my wife’s signature on my own.”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Nephews To Have A Relationship With Their Late Dad's Family?
“I am raising my nephews who are 1 and 4. My sister (their mother) died when the youngest was three months old. Four months later my wonderful BIL died as well. He had already arranged for me to take care of the kids if something happened to him. We just weren’t expecting it.
Both were so young (23) and it’s so hard to believe we lost them AND the boys lost both their parents. It’s been hard for our family. BILs family was estranged from him when he died. They never liked my sister and discouraged BIL from marrying my sister and settling down young like he did. But he adored my sister the same way she adored him and he told them to learn to deal with it or risk not having him around.
He was mostly estranged before my sister died but the final straw for him came after and he told them if they showed up to my sister’s funeral he would make them leave.
Despite what happened nothing has changed with them. I tried to maintain a relationship with them and my nephews but they despise my sister even more and it’s clear they think she’s the reason he died and it was dumb for someone so young to die because his spouse died. They said nasty things about my sister to the boys and they kept calling BIL dumb and saying he was wrong.
I asked them to stop. I tried setting harder boundaries. They were determined to keep saying it. So I told them the contact would end.
They were angry. They hate us about as much as my sister. My husband and I got a lot of mistreatment, and so did my parents and two of my brothers.
It subsided a little. One of BIL’s brothers is now divorced and his wife has been lovely and has said if we ever feel comfortable, her kids would love to know their cousins, so we try to facilitate something around her former in-laws.
A few of my and my husband’s friends believe we should keep trying for the sake of the boys, to facilitate some relationship between the boys and their paternal family, even if it takes years.
They think we gave up too quickly. I do feel bad about this but AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Family How Much I Earn?
“So I (32 f) and my husband (30 m) have been together for 12 years now. Since the first day of our relationship, his family had something against me. On top of that, he was always the black sheep of the family. So, all we heard from day one was ‘You two won’t achieve anything’, ‘Her career is useless’, ‘You will be the beggars of the family’, ‘You better learn a useful skill than go after a University degree’…
As we progressed over the years, they always had something negative to add – you’ll never be able to go on a vacation (since we worked throughout the year when we were broke, saving up), you’ll never have what (insert someone else) has, your relationship can’t be strong with this or that…
But, over time, we got to a point where we are well off.
We founded a business together that brings passive income, we both have high-ranking managing positions in our companies, and we bought an apartment to rent from what we saved – no credit, no mortgage, and we don’t have a single cent of debt… And still, these people keep talking down to us.
So, I snapped a bit.
When they, once again, started with their nonsense, along the lines of me not being a good wife as I don’t cook for my husband, and I pay a woman to clean our house, and I work long hours, and we will never last… Well, I said that, actually, thanks to working long hours, I have the monthly salary I do (which is their yearly income), and my husband as well, and we have been happy for 12 years, and he never asked for another wife, and we don’t fight over every cent, and we are making a future for ourselves.
Suddenly, when I mentioned the number I’m making, there was silence in the room, and his aunt made this… sad, pitiful expression.
They stopped. But their annual income is very low. And they are financially unstable. And I feel like I hurt them with this, made them feel bad about themselves, just so I would vent a bit.
Did I go too far?”
14. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of The House After She Told My Husband To Help More With The Kids?
“I have two children with my husband, a 3-year-old son, and a 4-month-old daughter.
I was visiting my parents and my mum made a comment about how I looked exhausted. I admitted to her I was.
My sister asked me if my husband wasn’t helping me and I told her he did when he could, but he’s also working so I can’t keep asking him for help during the day and during the night our daughter is breastfeeding so even if he wakes up, I still have to wake up too most of the time.
My sister still felt he should be helping me more considering how tired I looked and that I was making excuses for him.
My sister came over yesterday for the first time since we had that conversation and made a comment that I looked even worse now. While we were having dinner, she asked my husband why he didn’t help me more.
He told her he did help me which made her angry and she told him he was spewing nonsense and he needed to help more. They started arguing with each other in front of my son, so I left them there so I could take him to the other room.
When I went back, they were still arguing.
I ended up asking my sister to leave because I didn’t have the energy to deal with both of them. She was upset with me for making her leave since she was just standing up for me and trying to make my husband help me more. They both felt like I was avoiding a conversation we clearly needed to have.
My husband is also upset with me because he now thinks I was complaining about him to my family even though he offered to hire a nanny to avoid this before our daughter was even born. He’s now insisting he’ll be hiring a nanny since he thinks I can’t handle it.
13. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Stick To Our Previous Schedule In Terms Of Watching Our Kids?
“My wife and I have 3 kids and try to split childcare evenly. We both used to get one night a week to see friends while the other was home with the children and then about one full weekend day a month.
I had two best friends ‘Greg and Diana’ and we always hung out in a group of three.
My wife never liked Diana and always felt that she was catty to her. I didn’t see it, but we had multiple conversations about how men just don’t see that stuff and Diana was being catty. We fought over this for a long time, but from what she told me and what other people were telling me, men really can be blind to that and women are very good about being subtle.
She felt Diana looked down on her for being ‘frumpy and middle class’. She told me I was prioritizing another woman over our marriage and that if she was really uncomfortable I needed to distance myself, so I did.
The issue is Greg won’t talk to me anymore. He said he only has so much free time and he isn’t going to dinner with me one night, and dinner with Diana the next, so he is just going to end our friendship.
He said I proved I’m a crappy friend, and that he can’t respect a man whose wife has his balls in his purse. It really hurt.
I do have some other friends, but nowhere near as close and I don’t see them often. they are mainly work friends, who I might text outside of work but we don’t meet up.
I am struggling right now with feeling like I have nothing for myself. My wife actually called Greg up and tried to fix this, which made it so much worse.
Anyway, I recently realized I wasn’t getting my time off from the kids anymore since I wasn’t going out. I told my wife that one night a week, she needs to do all the childcare while I just chill since I still do weekly childcare when she goes out with her friends.
It isn’t fair and yeah I don’t have friends right now, but I still deserve a break. She says it is different because I’m just being lazy vs she is actually going somewhere.
I told her if she doesn’t go back to our previous schedule, even if I lost my friends, then I would stop taking care of the kids on her days to go out.
She said I was being petty and controlling. She has big plans this upcoming Saturday and now feels forced into doing what I want, so she can still attend.”
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Niece The College Fund I Saved Up For Her?
“I (M 35) have 2 sisters that I’m close with. I also have a niece (Leah, 16).
After my ex-wife decided to split up and get a divorce due to infertility problems that lasted for 5 years, I started a college fund for Leah to help her go to her chosen college. That was in 2019.
Now I visit my mother’s home (where my sister and Leah are living) every week to spend the weekend together.
This past weekend I was asleep upstairs while my mother, my sister, and Leah were in the kitchen. I came downstairs to grab a glass of water and heard my sister talking about my ex-wife expecting a baby with her new husband. This struck a nerve and I kind of froze from shock. I then heard Leah react to the news repeatedly saying ‘I told you so I told you so’ then explained she’s always thought that I was the one with a problem for not being able to have a baby with my ex, but that I was too ‘afraid’ to admit due to fragile masculinity.
I could not believe what she said but what made it worse is her following statement about how my ex was smart to get a divorce before it was too late. I went upstairs and into the room and shut the door and stayed there for hours.
Mom and sister saw me about to leave and insisted to know what the problem was.
I didn’t want to argue but I told them that I heard what Leah said about me. Leah stopped eating and got quiet. My sister tried to play dumb but I told her I heard their entire conversation about my ex-wife and her pregnancy news. My sister tried to backpaddle saying Leah is just a kid who doesn’t know much about this stuff and was just ‘spouting nonsense’.
I told them I don’t wanna talk about it and they refused to let me leave but I left eventually.
I later sent my sister a text telling her about how hurt and devastated I was because of what Leah said and told her I will no longer be responsible for funding her education. My sister kept trying to call and then texted saying Leah didn’t mean what she said and offered to make her apologize but I didn’t feel comfortable being in the same room with someone who blamed me for something that was out of my control and, something that literally turned my life upside down.
My mother tried to get me to come over so we could talk saying Leah doesn’t deserve me turning my back on her like that.”
11. AITJ For Kicking My Sister And Nephew Out Of My House Over A Fish Tank?
“I (F 22) live in an apartment and my sister (F 30) is divorcing her husband and had to leave his place together with her four-year-old son.
Even though I hardly get along with her, I thought I’d try to do her a favor more than anything for my nephew (S). From the beginning I told her that it was okay to split expenses and that we could take turns for dinner, I would clean my space and she would clean hers.
My only very specific rule was to stay away from the terrapins that I have had for almost three years.
I specifically told him that I only feed them because I know how much and how much, not to mention that they are prone to trying to bite anything that comes close to their face.
She told me, yes, it was my problem.
That’s how I was between my work and study with just enough time to take care of my girls in these processes S he asked curious about them so I answered every question and I always warned him that for everyone’s safety, he should stay away from the turtles if I didn’t was.
He is a smart boy so he always promised me not to worry.
Until when I got home one day I found the exact place of the fish tank completely empty, the ground still wet and not knowing what to do I went crazy looking for them. Finding them all my energies turned into a tearful mess, I called a friend who took me to his vet for a checkup and they stayed for the night.
I ask my sister what happened, but she drags me out saying that the fish tank broke by itself and how I forced her to clean up my messes, that I was only spending on nonsense and wasting my life taking care of useless animals instead of having a partner or a family like a decent person.
She told me everything that happened between sobs.
That afternoon my sister decided to invite a friend with her son to play with my nephew. The visiting boy wanted to take the turtles out of the fish tank and when he refused the boy went to cry with his mother that they did not want to share with him.
S told my sister that he was not allowed to take them out because she was not there, but my sister ignored him by telling the boy to go play with them. Obviously, he can’t reach it and ended up knocking over the fish tank and breaking it into pieces. When she left, her friend took it upon herself to clean up the broken glass and kicked one of the turtles.
I appreciated her sincerity.
I told her that it was her responsibility to take care of her son and that if they hadn’t been careful, the glass in the fish tanks would have hurt them too or even received a pretty strong bite for their irresponsibility. Therefore, I asked him to find a new place and leave as quickly as possible.
She was offended, but still she took the things from her and she left with S saying that she is the victim of all this. She is now staying in a hotel while my nephew stays with his father or with my older brother.”
10. AITJ For Telling My Husband He's Going Overboard With Being My Kids' Stepdad?
“Been with my husband for 6 years, married for 2 (live in for 5). I have a daughter (10), and a son (13) from my first marriage.
About 18 months before 2020, hubs started picking kids up from after school program cause they liked it and he got off work at 4:30, whereas I didn’t get there til 5:45 – never asked him to except on a few occasions where I had to work late or got stuck in traffic and was going to be late (pickup required by 6).
He decided they needed more structured schedules so had a ‘system’ until I got home. Fast forward – been working from home full-time since 2020 and am in school full-time online. My husband has been a great help in cooking dinner, etc because it’s a lot of homework.
He’s been setting rules for kids’ schedules without my input because he says that since he’s ‘in the trenches’ and I’m doing homework, he should have more say.
Some of his rules I agree with, and some I’m not okay with.
I agree kids need structure – but they are my kids. (They both get good grades – son gets straight As, and daughter gets Bs). If they’re not bothering him, bothering each other, damaging the house, or making messes, isn’t it my right as a parent to decide if screen time is too much, etc?
These aren’t issues over chores – it’s issues over how much they should read, study, explore new things, and if they’re watching too much tv/YouTube.
Feel like it’s basically him disagreeing with my parenting style and deciding to change things and crossing a line.
He feels that if I don’t opt to provide acceptable levels of structure then it is his right to do so.
We had a big blow-up because he told my kid to read and do homework and then find something educational to do before dinner. My kid wanted to read his Taekwondo workbook- hubby said that was extracurricular not educational so would have to cut into post-dinner screentime. I disagreed – granted kid mouthed off to him – which I agree wasn’t okay but I thought the restriction was petty and dumb.
Now, we’re not talking because he says I’m too busy to parent but want to assert my will anyways.
EDIT: For clarification – my kid’s dad is very much in their life, and we co-parent these children. Per our child custody agreement, we come up with major parenting decisions together. My husband cannot be a part of that – again, per the divorce decree.
Some of the things that have led to these arguments are in opposition to decisions the kid’s dad and I have made together. I just wanted to be very clear that he is not in the role of my kid’s father – they have one and he parents.”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughters To Have A Relationship With Their Half-Brother?
“Last month my husband died. A young man came to my house, claiming to be my husband’s son. He hadn’t known about me or my daughters (12 and 8) until my husband’s death when he found the obituary.
This boy had pics of himself and my husband. He lived at a boarding school and my husband visited. I have no reason to doubt his story.
The boy asks to come to the funeral. I feel like I have no right to say no. The boy was born before I met my husband. So he didn’t have an affair. But I still feel betrayed. What else did he not tell me?
At the funeral, the boy lurked in the corner but when lunch was served afterward he approached my kids and was playing with my 8-year-old.
I didn’t think it was appropriate and when I told him he apologized and said he did it to cheer her up; what people did for him when his mom died. Something about his answer irked me. I felt he was manipulating me.
My mom said the boy might want money. All of our important assets were in both of our names and I am the only beneficiary of his life insurance policy.
But I was not sure what could happen if he tried to sue. I asked the boy frankly if money is what he was after and he said, ‘No, I couldn’t take any of your money. You have kids to take care of.’
Apparently, at the funeral, he told my 8-year-old he was going to ask me if he could take my girls to the aquarium.
I said yes only if my mom or sister went with them because I wasn’t about to let my girls go with a strange man. Over the next week, he also took my girls to the park, ice cream place, and the lake, with my sister chaperoning. I agreed because it gave me a chance to cry to my mom without the kids around.
When he left he told my 8-year-old he’d come back to visit. I said it would be best if he didn’t come back. My sis asked me why I told him not to come back and I told her I don’t know this boy or his intentions. My sister says I judged him unfairly and he seems like a good boy.
I still don’t want him around my home. He is proof of my husband’s lie. It makes me sick to look at him.
Sis says I don’t have the right to deny the girls their brother. She pointed out social workers don’t separate siblings. I said it’s not the same because my girls have only known this ‘brother’ for a week.
My sis said it’s also important because my girls’ brother is now the only person they know of ‘their culture’; my husband was 1/8th Hawaiian (the rest white and Asian) and so the girls and their brother are 1/16th. But this boy is from the UK and isn’t part of Hawaiian culture and in my opinion, culture is something natural and not something to force because of your genetics.
I don’t force them into African culture just because I’m black.
I thought my 8-year-old would get over it but she asked me again yesterday if she could see her brother again. Am I doing the right thing?”
8. WIBTJ If I Report My Coworker To HR Because He Keeps Using My Special Dish Brush?
“I am one of few women in a company that is male-dominated. I also happen to be a nursing mother and pump at work.
The problem arises when I wash my pump parts. For those of you who don’t know, there are several plastic parts that need to be washed after each use. I pump, store the bags of milk in a bag in the freezer, wash the parts in the sink then bring them back to my office to dry.
The one thing that doesn’t return with me to my office is a special brush. I found a spot in the back of a rarely-used cupboard to stash it, as it has a spongy end that would make a mess bringing it back and forth to my office. Plus it’s more convenient.
Once I was going through my cleaning routine and a coworker came in the break room.
We chatted politely and when I reached into the back cabinet to grab the brush he asked what it was. I told him that it was for cleaning pump parts, and he was obviously grossed out and left immediately. (This is pretty common. Most of the men I work with are single and/or don’t have kids and they are uncomfortable with the concept of lactation.)
The next time I came into the break room I saw my bottle brush out on the sink. It has bits of cheese on it and had clearly been used to wash someone’s dishes. Since the culprit wasn’t around, I left a note saying please don’t use my brush in the cabinet, it’s for breast pump parts only, but use the one on the sink.
I just decided to sacrifice it and bring in a new one the next day.
The next day about noon the note was gone and my new brush was out on the sink with the old one. I didn’t know if it had been used or not, so I didn’t risk it and just washed my parts by hand with a paper towel and brought in a third brush.
The following day I happened to bump into the coworker from before, using one of the two brushes to wash out a coffee cup. I ignored him and waited for him to finish at the sink, but he took forever, clearly just wasting time. He even scrubbed out the sink two-handed with each of the brushes on the sink.
Finally, he stopped and told me that anything kept in the break room is fair game, and I didn’t have privileges for a ‘special dish sponge.’ In my one on one with my boss later I told him the situation and that I was going to bring it to HR, but he said my coworker was right and I should just keep the brush in my office.
He said he’d talk to my coworker about it, but he’s not this guy’s manager, and they’re friends and I doubt he would tell him to stop.
I already decided to keep the brush in my office, but I still wrote up the HR complaint. I haven’t sent it yet, and now I’m not sure.
That guy is a jerk, but I don’t know that I have any solid grounds for a complaint. WIBTJ if I sent it anyway?
(Some context: I had mastitis, a common infection, early on while I was on maternity leave. It was painful and miserable and the best way to prevent it is to keep the parts clean and wash them with a clean brush, which is why I’m so diligent about keeping a brush ONLY for pump parts.)”
7. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Decide If She Wants To Stay With Her Dad Longer Or Not?
“My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years. Our relationship was toxic but we try to stay on cordial terms for our daughter (15 F). He remarried and now they’re trying to get pregnant. Objectively they’ve had a heartbreaking time for the last few years and I do feel sorry for her and my ex, even with everything that happened regarding the divorce.
On paper, my ex’s custody/visitation is much more limited, he also lives out of state, but after the dust settled and he and his partner had a stable home I became comfortable letting my daughter visit for longer, and he’s happy to have her. But it’s still conditional on both me allowing it and my daughter wanting to go.
His wife had another fairly traumatic miscarriage recently, and it’s been a particularly tough six months for them in other ways as well, as his wife’s sister also died after a long battle with cancer. My daughter just came back from spending spring break with them. Last year she also spent 3 weeks of summer with them, and we’d vaguely talked about the same this year though nothing had been committed yet.
A day after she came back from being there for spring break, my ex called me to ask if they could keep her longer this coming summer because it had been such a comfort having her there and they’d so enjoyed it and she’d been such a joy and a light, especially for his wife.
I was reluctant but went to my daughter and conveyed her dad’s invite.
My daughter said ‘Actually I had a pretty crappy time, I missed you, missed (stepdad) and I missed my half-/step-siblings. Dad/Stepmom were a bummer the whole time and we barely did anything. Not only do I not want to go for longer but I don’t even really want to go there for 3 weeks either, can you talk to Dad about that?’
I don’t think it’s fair for her to say ‘Well these people aren’t as fun so I don’t want to spend time with them.’ And while she’s not a cruel or selfish person, but she’s not the sensitive type either and (thankfully) hasn’t yet experienced a lot of personal tragedy beyond the divorce.
So part of me did want to say ‘Yes sometimes our loved ones aren’t fun and we have to still be there for them, it’s up to you but I think you should still go.’ But I also don’t think it’s her job to be an emotional support blanket for her dad, and respect her right to choose where she wants to spend her time.”
6. AITJ For Leaving My Dad At The Hospital Because He Didn't Like The Food That I Brought?
“My dad (74) was diagnosed with colon cancer 8 months ago. He had surgery and underwent chemotherapy. Prior to his cancer, he was an active person despite his age. Due to his disease, however, he has a lot of meds, diet, and lifestyle restrictions, and the chemotherapy took a physical toll on him.
I just finished a contractual job in January, and my mom requested that I go home and assist Dad while I’m applying for my next job. He had bouts of dizziness and was generally weak so he needed assistance around the house.
Dad was used to being independent, so his current status had made him very irritable, demanding, and kind of a jerk.
He was impatient and inconsiderate of the other family member’s time and effort. When Mom wasn’t able to give him something he wanted, he would shout at her and call her names. He would insult the food that my mom cooked (low salt, low fat, renal diet) and would refuse to eat. There was one time when he accused Mom of stealing his money because Mom had to withdraw some cash from his pension ATM to augment the payment for his special milk and medications.
In the past 8 months, we’ve had 4 hired caregivers walk out on us because they couldn’t handle his behavior. My two brothers had also already distanced themselves from the house because of my dad.
We tried to understand where he was coming from – it must have been very frustrating to have your body taken away from you and you are reduced to being dependent on others.
But there were times when his words and actions would hurt us, and my mom often cried about his attitude. I’m also not proud to admit that on several bad days, I’d wish that he would just die because of the mental and emotional strain on all of us. Mom and I have tried to talk to him about his attitude and the effect on us.
I’ve tried different approaches – from coaxing, compromising, and threatening, to guilt-tripping – but after a few days, he just goes back to having a horrible attitude.
6 days ago, Dad was admitted to a hospital. The bill was quite big – because he had a lot of tests and his medications were not cheap – so the family was going to be struggling with finances for the next month especially since I didn’t have a job yet.
I had to cut some corners with his meals and I did the meal prep myself (we used to put in a subscription at a nutritionist center).
During mealtime, however, he didn’t like the food I had prepared. I tried to explain why it was like that and to try to endure in the meantime due to financial reasons.
He wouldn’t let up and we got into a nasty argument. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding but I feel like he’s just thinking of himself and being inconsiderate of me and my mother’s efforts.
I was so angry and fed up that I packed up and left home that night. My mom has called me several times since then, pleading that I return because she can’t handle Dad by herself.
I feel bad for her but I don’t know if I can return. AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter See Her Father Anymore?
“I (36 F) have a daughter ‘Ariana’ (14 F). Her father ‘Shaun’ (34 M) had an affair 3 years ago, and left me and Ariana to be with his new partner.
At first, I was irrational, and didn’t allow Ariana to see him, mainly because I didn’t know anything about this girl or how she lived (Shaun moved in with her) and also because obviously Ariana was grieving. After a few months, we worked something out, and now she goes to visit him on the weekends, but we have no official custody order.
October 2021, Shaun and the girl (who I should probably give a name to now, so we’ll call her Jessica). Shaun and Jessica had a daughter. Since then Ariana has been noticeably more upset and reluctant to go see her dad, even saying a few times that ‘he barely pays attention to her at all’. I unfortunately don’t know exactly how she’s treated when she’s at their house, only that since her new half-sister she’s been less happy there.
Yesterday Shaun texted Ariana on her phone if she wanted to come over, she then proceeded to come over to me and ask for an excuse not to go. This has happened twice in the past 3 weeks (one time I made her go). At this point, I was done, and I asked her if she wanted to stop going over, which she disagreed with for a second but I could tell she was lying from some telltale signs, the most obvious one being the fact she was literally tearing up.
I texted Shaun myself saying that Ariana wouldn’t be coming over to his house until he had enough attention to spare both her and the new baby. That it wasn’t personal and she still wants to see him but doesn’t want to be ignored. To this, I was called a ‘jerk’ and apparently was lying because I didn’t want him to see Ariana.
My mother believes I should make her visit because Shaun is her father and deserves to see her.
I asked Ariana again what she wanted to do, and just broke down into tears about wanting to spend time with him. I know she WANTS to see him, but there isn’t any point in sending her down if it’s just going to hurt her.
I’m not really sure what to do here, so here I am. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Arguing With My Sister At Our Family Christmas Dinner?
So I (28 M), my wife (23 F), and our daughter went this past Christmas to my side of the family for the first time in 2 years. I had work the previous Christmas. Anyhow, I have not seen my family at all last year due to working. I barely get to see my wife and daughter once a month due to working 400 kilometers away.
Now my sister (37) has been having a lot of anger problems, so much so that both of our parents, older sister, and older brother have been losing their cool with her. She is VERY entitled and thinks the world owes her everything.
When we were there on Christmas night, while eating at the table, she turned to me and asked in a very toxic tone what my excuse was that I could not come and visit them at all in the last year, and why I could not call them at all during that time.
I told her that I am busy with end-of-project stuff and can barely see my wife and daughter, let alone my family which is an extra 200 kilometers away. She told me then not to talk nonsense and give valid reasons.
This is where I might be the jerk: I looked straight at her and asked her what is her excuse for not coming to visit.
What is her excuse for not even coming to visit my wife which is closer than I would be? (Here is where I pushed it a lot) I also asked her why she thinks my relationship is toxic if every one of her partners left and said they can’t handle her attitude.
She was very quiet after that, my brother-in-law laughed, my older sister just smiled, my older brother just hid his face, and mom was mad at both of us.
My dad said at that moment it was not needed to talk like that but afterward in our room, he said well done.
3. AITJ For Not Giving A Family Ring To My First Daughter-In-Law?
“I (54 F) have four kids, Milo (27 M), Dylan (25 M), Sean (22 M), and Tania (18 F).
Milo and Dylan are married, Milo’s wife, Olivia (26 M) married my son 3 years ago, while Dylan’s wife, Allison (27 F) married my son last year.
I will be completely honest, I don’t like Olivia and she doesn’t like me either, I don’t like how she behaves, how she dresses, and how she looks and she has called me snoopy and controlling because I care for my son and visit him regularly.
They’re childfree and while I now understand that it was my son’s choice too, I know that it was because Olivia refused to lose her body over a man or a baby, which for me was completely egotistical and selfish, if my son is not in the house, she doesn’t open the door (mind you, my son bought that house ALONE), she says that since we don’t have a relationship, I don’t need to be there if my son’s not there and what’s worse, he agrees.
She’s only close with my husband which is totally inappropriate and I don’t like it.
Allison is totally different, we’re close, we share a lot of interests and she does try to have a relationship with me, she’s super sweet and caring, she’s appropriate and we can spend hours and hours together watching series, knitting, or cooking and having fun.
Now, my husband’s family has a beautiful ring that has been passed down for at least 200 years, it’s supposed to go to the wife of the first son during their 5th anniversary, that’s why it’s mine, it’s emotional and monetary invaluable. I know it’s supposed to go to Olivia, but she doesn’t deserve it, she doesn’t even know about it and I think it’s my right to give it to Allison since she’s also the wife of one of my sons and will have children to pass it down.
I made the mistake of commenting about it with my husband and he went incredibly mad, he said that the ring belongs to HIS family and it should be Olivia’s, whether I like her or not, I tried to talk some sense into him, but he reminded me that while Olivia might not know about the ring, Milo does and he’ll be expecting the ring in two years, I said we could offer to buy another ring for him, but he said no and called me a jerk.
He said that if I don’t give it to her, he will since he has all the papers, and legally, the ring is his.
AITJ? I think it’s totally reasonable that the ring goes to Allison because she’s still the wife of one of my sons.”
2. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Wife's Constant Switching Of Hobbies?
“I love my wife, but recently we’ve been at an impasse. She loves to try out new hobbies and abandons her old ones. It seems like she can never figure out what she wants to do with her life.
She’s currently in college to become a nurse and has a 4.0 GPA. She plans on finishing her degree and becoming a nurse, I fully support this and think she should focus more on this and maybe do more around the house. She does volunteer at the animal shelter often.
She doesn’t work and I support her fully.
I am fine with it, we can afford it. I want her to be able to focus on school and have time to do the housework. For a while, she was doing woodworking, and she’s very talented. She made enough money doing that on the side to pay for all of her tools, and then some.
But then she quit it. She got really into baking which was nice at first, but I gained like 40 pounds. I asked her to bake less so we could both lose some weirdness, and she did. I thought she would go back to woodworking, or maybe start going to the gym like she used to.
Instead, she started writing recently. She’s finished a book and is publishing it somewhere. I just find it annoying that she’s always trying different hobbies. She used to be into tennis too and that was nice.
Anyways she’s annoyed with me because I brought up the fact that she’s always switching up her hobbies. I can never keep track.
When we met she just played tennis and went to the gym here and there. I liked that, being with a fit woman was nice. She’s still healthy now, but just not like before. And I just don’t like hearing about all this stuff she wants to try doing. Apparently, she wants to learn how to sow.
When I brought up how I don’t like any of this and she should just go back to tennis, she said she just wouldn’t talk to me about her hobbies anymore. She also hasn’t cooked for me for the last two days, and seeing as I work to pay all of the bills I don’t really feel like it’s fair for her to not keep her end of the deal.
AITJ for being annoyed at my wife’s endless hobbies?”
1. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Brother's Kids In?
“We’re in a bad situation. My husband’s brother Jack and his wife Linda passed away in a car accident and left behind two kids (14 F and 11 M). My in-laws are devastated, as are the kids’ other grandparents but since they’re all living in assisted living, they can’t take in the kids.
They want the kids to stay in the family, so they want the kids to go to one of Jack or Linda’s siblings: Sam, his sister, or Linda’s brother George or sister Amy.
The kids are currently staying with George, though his wife only took them in because she thought it would be temporary.
Finances are tight for them, and recently she told him that she’d leave him if it turns out he tricked her into taking the kids permanently. Now George wants out. Sam’s sister lives with roommates in New York, so it’s down to us and Amy.
Amy told the grandparents that Sam and I will without asking us first. All five people have called Sam at some point to tell him it’s the right thing to do, but we really can’t.
Our house only has three bedrooms and we have three kids. We cannot afford a bigger one, and there is no basement. Amy says we are the only ones who can take in the kids because she and her husband are ‘child-free’ and so don’t know how to take care of kids, and if we don’t, we’ll likely be responsible for her brother’s divorce.
She says since both I and my husband work, we have the extra income and we already have three kids so what’s two more? The income part is not true. We’re tight on finances too.
Also, Linda’s sister is married to a big four consultant who makes more than both Sam and I combined, so I don’t understand why she can’t take the kids and learn to parent.
She just says she and her husband travel a lot (he travels for work but she likes to tag along).
Last night my in-laws called again to beg us to take the kids. Sam is thinking about giving in, but I told him no. I’m already working longer hours just to make sure our kids have a college fund.
Also, I didn’t work those all-nighters just so my kids could either not go to college or take out huge debts. I said I still think Linda’s sister should have to give up her traveling with her husband before we make our kids cram into the same room and spend their college funds on their cousins.
Sam said we should ask the kids to see if they were okay with it, which really made me mad. I’m not passing the guilt to my kids so some flighty woman can vacation with her husband while everybody else struggles to make ends meet.
At the moment, I considered telling Sam that if he dared to involve our kids, I’d leave him too.
The only reason I haven’t is because I don’t want Jack and Linda’s kids to think that they’re causing everyone’s marriages to break down. Still, this is a really bad situation and I feel bad for the kids. I told Sam we need to convince the grandparents to either find distant relatives (we can help search) or get Amy out of her permanent vacation.
EDIT: To clarify, Jack and Linda did not leave anything for their kids, not even life insurance or a house. This would not be a problem otherwise. Nobody except Amy’s husband has the extra budget to help us out financially. Amy has said already she does not want to help, including getting a bigger space.
We do not have the budget or space for the kids, but would take the kids if we did.
If Sam and I die, our children will go to my parents because that’s what it says in my will and I have life insurance.”