People Want Us To Be Open-Minded When Reading Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Calling My Irresponsible Roommate Immature?
“So I (23 f) have a roommate, Gwen (19 f), and we share an apartment. Gwen works night shifts at CVS, from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. She typically gets home around 6:30 a.m. On days I work, I have to get up at 7 a.m. I have a really bad issue of sleeping through alarms, so she gets me up at 7 on days I work so that I don’t oversleep.
I don’t set my alarm anymore because she works Tuesday-Saturday and I work Wednesday-Saturday, so she’s always available to get me up at 7 am. She knows I don’t set an alarm.
Anyway, a few days ago she did not wake me up and I ended up sleeping in until 8 am. I was extremely late to work because of this and got in trouble with my boss because of it.
I was super mad about this so I confronted her about this when I got home. She told me that her shift relief called out so she had to stay until noon and was not able to go home. I told her she could have at least called me to try to wake me up.
She just kept making excuses about how she couldn’t make phone calls at work, even though she could have just gone to the bathroom. When I tried to explain this to her, she claimed I was ‘ungrateful’ for her waking me up and said she wouldn’t do it anymore. I called her immature for trying to avoid her responsibility and she called me self-centered. I went to my room because I was tired of the disrespectful things she was calling me.
The next morning, she was gone again when I got up for work and texted me saying she wouldn’t be back until late morning because she and her brother went out to eat breakfast after she got off work. This really upset me because it felt like she was throwing in my face her lack of responsibility, so I didn’t respond.
When I got off work and came home I told her she was being petty and that she could at least be civil since she wanted to avoid her responsibilities. She called me a horrible roommate and told me that she couldn’t tolerate living with me anymore. We started arguing, she ended up leaving the apartment crying, and now she won’t answer any of my texts or calls.
I know I may have said some rude things in the heat of the moment, but I felt really disrespected by her actions and was trying to communicate that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not her responsibility, it’s something nice she did for you because you asked her. You have no right to be mad at her especially when you do not set any alarms. You said yourself that alarms don’t wake you up, so how would a call wake you up?
You should apologize as soon as possible because you are 100% wrong here.” PieRatTheDelicious
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re an adult. Act like it. That means being responsible for yourself. You were late because you failed to be a responsible adult and set the alarm. Stop blaming others for your immaturity and grow up. Take ownership of your errors.
You mention you sleep through alarms. Then I would suggest multiple alarms that are loud and obnoxious and away from the bed so it forces you to get up. Otherwise, plan to get in trouble and get fired for constantly being late.
To be honest, as a manager, if you came in late and you blamed your roommate for not waking you up, you may have been more than getting yelled at.
That attitude tells me you are not a responsible person and do I want an employee that is irresponsible and takes no accountability for their actions?” Maurakutney
24. AITJ For Making My Daughter Share A Room With My 4-Year-Old Son?
“My wife and I live in a 4-bedroom house. We have two boys, 2 and 4. I also have a daughter, 12, who lives with us for 4 weeks in the summer and about 3 cumulative weeks during the school year.
Right now, the current sleeping arrangement is:
Bedroom #1: Me/my wife
Bedroom #2 : 2-year-old
Bedroom #3: 4-year-old
Bedroom #4: 12-year-old (though unoccupied 45 weeks of the year so it’s also my office).
But we are pregnant with another baby. My wife and I want her mom to move in with us both so she can help out with the kids and so we can help her mom out with her health issues.
The most logical option is clearly to put her in B#4, especially because it’s also the only other bedroom with an ensuite so she’ll have privacy. Her mom will also benefit from the ensuite bathroom being a little bit easier from a mobility POV than the shared bathroom. The baby can stay in B#1 with us for a while and then eventually move in with the 2-year-old in B#2.
My daughter will move into B#3 with the 4-year-old.
We sat down with my daughter and gently told her this was the plan. We did say she could still keep as much of the decor as could fit in her part of B#3 and we can try to get a bookcase or a partition so it feels separate, but the reality is that her room is very heavily decorated and furnished and there’s no way all of that stuff is going to fit into even half of bedroom #3.
She was very upset about giving up her room and said some not-nice things about my wife’s pregnancy (wishing she wasn’t pregnant, saying she hated her mom, that kind of thing) and being here in the first place. She threw a fit and slammed the door and is now refusing to talk to any of us.
She called my ex, who called me to yell at me about shoving my daughter aside and said that my daughter was now saying she didn’t even want to visit. And I will admit that when my daughter is here she spends a lot of time in her room so I certainly understand why it’s not ideal for her to share a room with a 4-year-old but I don’t see an alternative, there’s no other living space we can curtain off to make a pseudo-bedroom and we can’t afford to build an extension/add-on or move at this time.
Even if we put her on her own in B#3, it doesn’t make sense to cram 5 people into B#1 and B#2 while B#3 is unoccupied 45 weeks of the year.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter probably already struggles with being the odd one out when she comes to stay with you, now you’re taking the one thing in that house that’s hers away from her.
It must be hard for her to always come last with you and this will just reinforce it for her. I would figure something else out – I think it’s obvious you’ll lose her entirely if you don’t.” Affectionate_Ice_658
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Depending on your location, having a 4-year-old boy and a 12-year-old girl sharing a bedroom may not even be legal. Yeah, your daughter only uses the room a few weeks a year, so in a strictly local sense, it seems reasonable.
But humans aren’t strictly logical. They have emotions, and you’ve chosen to put everyone else’s ahead of your eldest child’s. You are acting like you have no other choices, but the fact is that you chose to have another child and invite your MIL to live with you while knowing exactly the space you had to work with.
Your daughter probably already feels like she’s on the edge of your new family, and now you’re taking away the space she has in the home. Don’t be surprised when she skips her visits altogether.” Classic_Special7045
Whe. Your daughter is only there part-time anyway she probably feels like the odd 1 out anyways and now you are reinforcing that by taking HER ROOM and half her belongings from her and making her share with YOUR KID while your mil gets her room and you wonder why she doesn't want to come stay.... err YTJ figure it out before you lose your kid she predates your younger kids and your mil
23. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Let My Brother And His Family Move Into Our House?
“My (36m) wife Elise (32f) is 37 weeks pregnant with a boy. The pregnancy has been rough for her and she’s been on bedrest for the past two months, but we are still excited for our first child together.
We’ve had a lot happen over the past year (first house, new jobs in our career fields, a new dog, new car, marriage, etc.) and this baby has been the icing on the cake for us.
My brother Kirk (34) and his wife Jill (30f) have just lost their home for lack of payment. Jill is a stay-at-home mom to their daughter (5) and Kirk’s job was cut down to 4 days a week, so money had been tight for them.
Kirk asked if they could stay with us for a few months. I knew about them losing their house a couple of weeks ago, so that part wasn’t a surprise, but I didn’t know they had nowhere to go. We have a decent-sized family. We have 2 older sisters (38 & 40) and Kirk’s twin (34), all married. I asked why he couldn’t stay with them.
He said the two oldest couldn’t accommodate them as they both live in 2-bedroom apartments, and our brother lives with our parents (both 67) over 1,000 miles away in a two-bedroom townhome.
Kirk pointed out that Elise and I have a 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath house, meaning there’s enough room for them to have two rooms and we can have the other two.
Plus, we live in a good school district for my niece and we are only 20 minutes from their house, so my niece can still see her friends. I was hesitant and said I’d ask Elise and get back to him.
Elise said no. She said that since it’s our first child, she wants us to have time to bond with our child and be a family.
She also intends to breastfeed and wants privacy. She said she’s already nervous about giving birth (she wants a natural one) and does not want the stress of an entire family in her safe space (house).
I’m not going to lie. I agreed. I told Kirk what we decided (yes, I said ‘we’) and he got mad at me, reminding me that when I took a year off of college for my depression, he let me stay with him for 6 months.
I told him that was different because I paid him rent ($350/month) and neither of us had a wife or children. I said my wife is pregnant and she needs time to relax after having the baby.
Kirk unbeknownst to me had me on speaker and Jill commented that Elise and I were being self-centered and that they were going to have nowhere to go if we didn’t help them.
But I said we can’t right now because we have to think of our son first and Elise’s health after giving birth. I asked Jill if she would’ve wanted to host a family at their house immediately after giving birth and then the phone hung up. This was last night. Our eldest sister Hannah called me soon after to convince me to change my mind, saying that we can still bond with three additional people in the house and this may come back to bite me in the future, but I still said no. But honestly, I’m starting to feel bad, but I still don’t disagree with Elise.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Plus, we live in a good school district for my niece’
They’re just staying for a few months. Allegedly. Why does the school district matter? Isn’t the point here simply to ensure they have a roof over their heads? Or are they under the impression that once they’re moved in, they can guilt trip you into letting them stay in perpetuity since you ‘owe’ Kirk for helping you out that one time under completely different circumstances, and you’ve got the room and resources (never mind that you might have other plans for them)?
Sure sounds like the latter to me.
Put your foot down that this is not an option, and you need to focus on the impending birth of your child, so Kirk (and Hannah, and anyone else who insists on involving themselves) needs to figure something else out instead of continuing to waste time arguing with you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They lost their house for lack of payment and are both without jobs so they won’t be qualifying for a mortgage any time soon and getting someone to let them rent anywhere decent isn’t going to be an easy task either.
They’ve essentially already split your house half and half in their minds and planned their daughter’s entire schooling and social life based on your house’s location.
If you let them move in, they will definitely not be out in a few months.” Simple_Board_4952
22. AITJ For Asking My Niece Why She Wouldn't Let My Daughter Hold Her Pet?
“So I was visiting my SIL and her husband and family. And their oldest daughter (14) has a leopard gecko that she got for Christmas. She takes very good care of it, a big tank, plenty of plants real and fake, lots of hides, driftwood to climb on, and dirt for him to dig.
My SIL has four kids 14, 12, 9, and 3. And I have three kids who are 11,7, and 5. My oldest is a girl, who loves animals but can’t be trusted to have her own. She had a hamster and my husband and I ended up taking care of it, so we gave it to a family member that we knew would take better care of it.
My oldest we’ll call Amy and my niece we’ll call Lou. Lou had her leopard gecko out and was handling him, and letting my kids look. And was answering questions that they had about him while letting them touch but not hold him. She let her 3-year-old sister hold him, and she was admittedly very gentle with him.
And knew to hold him a certain way because of Lou.
Amy wanted to hold him and Lou said no. So Amy got upset and started to ask why, and Lou said ‘Because I don’t like how you hold things be it alive or inanimate.’ And Amy got upset because she saw the 3-year-old holding him.
They then started to argue over why she couldn’t hold him. So I asked if I could hold him, and she looked skeptical and said yes. I held him and then after about a minute or two, he started to get restless with me. So Amy asked me if she could hold him, and Lou said no once again.
Amy then got even more upset and started to cry saying that it was unfair. Lou then looked at her, and walked by, and took the gecko back saying that this was all unneeded stress for him. And that she said no, and that now Amy really couldn’t hold him because she was being immature.
So I asked why Lou was treating Amy so unfairly. And Lou said it’s because Amy is so rough with everything, and that she doesn’t want her pet to get hurt.
I then asked if she could let Amy hold him even for a second and she said no. And that I wasn’t her aunt and therefore couldn’t tell her to do anything.
I got angry with her and told my husband. He took his niece’s side and said that Amy was too rough for certain things.
So AITJ for asking my niece why she was treating my daughter unfairly?”
Another User Comments:
“You already know your daughter can’t handle pets and still wanted to beef with a 14-year-old, and even went to complain to your husband?
YTJ and maybe do some growing up too. It could have been a moment for you to teach your daughter that she needs to be very gentle with animals before she can hold them rather than just throwing tantrums every time she doesn’t get her way. But instead, you chose to get salty with a teenager.
LOL.” LittleBelt2386
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, do you even care that Lou was protecting a living breathing creature? The younger child knows the gecko, and how to handle the gecko, and the gecko knows the kid. This isn’t strictly about age, your daughter shows ZERO respect for really reasonable boundaries, which she gets from you, so clearly she can’t be trusted. Your niece never should have trusted you with the gecko either really.
Maybe help your daughter gain the skills to gently handle small animals instead of picking on teens being responsible with their pets.” CoastalCerulean
21. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Mind Her Business?
“So around 6 months ago, my fiancée (we were together for around 7 years, but were friends before that.) left me, because she ‘realized’ she never loved me and that I was ‘holding her back’.
She was not interested in therapy, and I am not in the habit of begging someone to stay, so I helped her pack and dropped her off at a hotel, which is what she wanted, and where she asked to be left.
About a month ago she called me crying in the middle of the night to say that she had made a mistake and wanted to come ‘home’.
I promptly hung up on her because I also firmly believed in the rule ‘Don’t let them tell you they don’t want you more than once’.
Apparently, my family didn’t get the memo because for a while after that my family (particularly the older women) had been pressuring me to hear her out and even going so far as to tell me her ‘side’ of the story, and how she had a breakdown and it didn’t have anything to do with me.
Blah blah blah, don’t buy it.
My sister recently called me out of the blue and started talking to me about how I don’t wanna be the reason for ‘anything bad’, so I should call and talk to my ex. I tried to brush it off, but she kept saying things like. ‘Well, you don’t want it to be your fault is all I’m saying…’ and stuff like that.
I didn’t like what she was implying so I admit I snapped and said something not so nice. Something kinda like: ‘Maybe you should worry about your own relationship, I mean, god knows it takes all of your mental fortitudes to keep your pants on’.
Which is bad because her first two marriages ended due to infidelity on her end.
After a moment, she started crying on the phone and kept saying ‘I can’t believe you would say that’ and ‘That’s so cruel, you don’t know what I went through!’
I replied something like, ‘And that’s why I usually stay out of it, you know? Try to mind my business?’
Apparently that ‘isn’t even close’ to the same thing, and since then I’ve been getting yelled at by all the women in the family, but at least the ex-talk has quit.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not responsible for ‘anything bad’ happening. She got exactly what she asked of you. To tell someone you’ve been living life with for 7 years you never loved them and they were holding you back is pretty powerful.
‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t fix that broken trust for me. I would not be surprised if she already had a backup plan, that plan being another person, and it didn’t work out; now she realizes she took her life for granted and ended a good thing.
If this was your sister’s first attempt at sticking her toe into the situation, I can see why she’s so taken aback.
But it sounds like all the women in your family are acting as a team, so she knew what she was getting herself into.” Unusual-Shopping1099
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The comment was harsh but it’s not her business and you made it clear numerous times you don’t want to hear the ex out.
Not only that but the stuff she was implying sounded a lot like emotional blackmail. I’m on your side with this one, although I will say if your fiancé was perfectly normal until that moment she told you it was over it’s possible she did indeed have a breakdown, even then it doesn’t mean you have to take her back or hear her out that’s up to you and once your family saw you’re not interested in reconciliation they should’ve left it.” fromdowntownn
The fact your sister was unfaithful to not 1 but 2 husbands proves the fact that you told the truth she can't stay faithful and as such need to worry about her own relationships not tey meddling in your previous 1
20. AITJ For Telling My Grieving Husband It's Time To Get Over His Mom?
“I’ve (F 32) been married for 4 years to ‘Andy’ (M 37).
Last June (around 11 months ago), Andy’s mother passed away in a car accident. It was totally unexpected. He was super close to her, and it hit him hard – he developed really bad depression.
I tried my best to stay strong for him and offer comfort whenever he needed it, but it has been so hard being his emotional crutch. Andy stayed at home all day, quit his job, and barely paid attention to me. I had to pay all the bills.
Soon, I realized that our relationship was dying.
Intimacy was long gone and Andy rarely talked to me. I begged him to go to a therapist and tried all the ways to help him. He refused all of them. It broke my heart to see the man I love fall to pieces.
Yesterday, Andy and I had an argument. I came home from a really bad day at work and found him surrounded by rubbish on the couch.
I tiredly asked him to PLEASE clean it up, but he refused. Something just snapped in me, and I yelled ‘I think it’s time you get over your mom!’
Andy looked at me like I was crazy, and said ‘How could you say such a thing? My mother is not like some trashy ex, it’s my mother!
And she’s dead.’ I apologised, but told him to look at himself – no job, depressed, throwing away his life and relationship with his wife. He said ‘It’s already so hard, don’t make it harder. I don’t need you scolding me at the hardest point of my life!’ I tried to get my point across but he abruptly got mad – calling me a ‘stupid jerk’ and then left.
I’ll admit – what I said was horrible. It was unfair to him. But I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel burnt out and I desperately need someone too, just like him. I feel so alone every minute of the day. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you said was inappropriate based on how it was worded and that you were feeling exhausted and overly emotional. That said, this man has refused to engage in any activities to help him heal from his loss making every aspect of your relationship with him fall to you.
Of course you’re tired, of course you’re burnt out. You are his wife, not his maid, chef, breadwinner, billpayer, therapist, or any of the other responsibilities you’ve taken on.
You’re also not the only person who is required to keep your relationship going in the right direction. If it were me, I’d make tentative financial plans to end the marriage and be prepared to leave.
In the interim, have your final chat with him about going into therapy with possible medication to ease the depression. And give him a reasonable time frame to set it up, 30 days or so.
At the end of the 30 days, be prepared to leave. He has a right to forgo treatment. You have a right to happiness.” Darwina1226
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve been supporting him for a year, and he is just spiraling into a deeper and deeper depression. He desperately needs professional grief therapy, because he has demonstrated that he simply cannot find his way out on his own. His anger at you is a function of his anger at his mother’s death, so while it’s hard not to take it personally, it really isn’t you.
People grieve differently, but this is not healthy grief – it’s approaching hysterical grief, which is hard to get a handle on once someone is swamped by it.
Having said that, he needs to man up and take some self-care steps. You’re right – he DOES need to take some steps to deal with his grief over his mom.
His mother would be horrified at what has happened to her son if she could see him now.
I think it would be helpful if you went to a therapist who specializes in grief counseling and got some support from them and ideas on how to support your husband, what triggers to avoid, and most importantly, how to encourage him to take the steps necessary to pull himself together and heal. The fact that you lashed out at him is a symptom of how his grief has affected you, too, as well as your marriage, so don’t beat yourself up.
You are entitled to feel worried, abandoned, and stressed at the responsibility of keeping everything going. You aren’t a saint. And maybe this is a wake-up call that change is needed.” Alarming_Paper_8357
19. AITJ For Refusing To Quit My Job For My Partner And My Family?
“I‘m in university right now and have gotten the chance to work for one of my professors.
When he asked me I was so happy and excited! He works on an academic project which is halfway supported by the university but it’s also with other institutions and not his ‘main focus’. I help him with discussing literature, writing protocols, and organizing meetings with persons who could be helpful. My partner and my family were also happy for me.
Now here’s the thing: we often work in his living room on Sundays. Because it’s not his main project he has not really time for it in the week but more on the weekend. We meet for coffee in the afternoon and eat some cake while working. He’s about 50 years old, single but always very nice and professional. He never flirted with me or made me feel uncomfortable.
We really only discuss work stuff and sometimes other people (students, professors) are there. After we finished a huge step for this project and it became evening he offered me one glass of wine. We drank it and talked about the work and I went home. To present the project we will travel to another city and the costs are paid for two hotel rooms.
I told my partner and he got super angry – telling me how that’s not appropriate and that with the age difference (I’m 21) and the fact that I’m a young woman while he’s a man – it could look bad for others. He said that it would be my own fault if he tried to flirt with me and that he was not okay with people thinking it would be acceptable for him to let me go with my boss to another city or even drink wine regularly.
I didn’t think so and told him that it felt normal but even my family supported his view and told me to quit. I‘m not willing to and now they call me a jerk for making myself and my partner look bad. My father even stopped talking to me because he said I’m not respecting their worries.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner has no right to tell you to quit your job. Your professor has shown no unprofessional behavior and has never ever flirted with you. You have separate hotel rooms and this would be a great opportunity for you. Your partner is jealous – unjustifiably so and your parents are backing this jealousy.
Do what is right for you. It would be sad to quit at this point. Trust your gut.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is some serious backward and insulting thinking on your partner and your family’s part. You need to ask them just who they think is appropriate to mentor you. If their response is only women, point out some statistics related to the percentage of women in leadership roles in your field.
If they go with the age difference, ask if they would be more comfortable with a 30m (bet your partner would like that less.)” WerewolfCalm5178
18. AITJ For Staying Inside My Aunt's House?
“My parents have friends who are like my aunt and uncle.
I’m very close to them and their daughter as I lived with them for a year when I was a teen and spent most of my summers with them. My aunt loves to throw these extravagant parties which I was forced to attend pretty much my entire childhood. I hate parties so I would usually go hide in their library until it was time to go home.
I haven’t seen them in a few years as I no longer live in the same country and I haven’t had the chance to visit. They’ve continued to invite me to their parties but I never normally go. I decided to go this time because my best friend begged me to and I missed everyone.
I went to the party and tried to enjoy myself but after a while, I was tired and just wanted some space from everybody else, so I snuck away and went inside the house. I bumped into the significant other of my aunt’s son. She asked me what I was doing inside and told me I needed to go back outside immediately.
I tried to explain that my aunt would be okay with me being inside but she kept insisting I wasn’t allowed to be there and that I needed to go outside. I could tell she was getting frustrated by my refusal and I was getting frustrated too, so I asked her to just leave me alone.
She ended up leaving after warning me I wasn’t going to like what happened next.
She told her SO who came to ask me to leave but when he saw me he just started laughing and saying he wasn’t surprised it was me inside. He tried to negotiate to get me to come outside by saying he would dance with me if I did but eventually, he gave up and told me he would open the library for me if I wanted.
The next day I had lunch with them and the girl was giving me dirty looks the entire time and making remarks implying how rude I was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like the girl is threatened by the bond you have with your aunt and her family so she wanted to intimidate you into submission, that she’s ‘the favorite’ now.
She most likely thought that since you weren’t actual family and favored, she would put you in your place. It showed when she said
‘I wasn’t going to like what happened next.’
And thought you would be kicked out thinking the relationship between you guys wasn’t strong or real. Then got mad when you even had the nerve to eat with them, at the same table the next day.” Careful-Listen2277
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, snobbish girl was trying to act like the lady of the house and didn’t like that she actually had no authority whatsoever. LOL. Next time you are all in the same room, ask your aunt if they don’t allow guests into their house during parties anymore because the girl kept trying to kick you out.
I’d love to see her reaction to what your aunt got to say.” Important_Cost_7165
17. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops On My Parents?
“I (17F) have a half-sister on my dad’s side, Jasmine (27F). Jasmine and I aren’t super duper close but she’s very nice, we do keep in touch and just vent about life.
Dad isn’t very… understanding towards Jasmine. I don’t really know how to put it, but from what I’ve seen and heard he’s very pushy towards her and almost always makes some remark about how she’s not doing enough. Mom doesn’t like her much and says that she doesn’t respect them.
Jasmine has a ‘friend’ John (early/mid-30s M).
I put quotation marks because it’s obvious she and John are a lot more than friends and she has told me before that she loves him, but she refers to him as a friend in front of mom and dad (although they also suspect otherwise). John lives in a neighboring state to us. Jasmine was going to catch a train there and meet him at the station – Long story short and from the details I heard, mom got ahold of Jasmine’s phone when she came over at some point and blocked John’s number.
She has her Gmail on her phone, which mom also blocked John’s email from. Jasmine didn’t realize until way later.
This caused a HUGE misunderstanding between them – she basically went to the station, waited for hours and he didn’t show up. Jasmine was in a really bad state and I couldn’t believe my parents could pull something like that, so I asked them and mom said she and dad thought this needed to be done for her own good.
I shouted at them, threatening to call the cops if they didn’t apologize to Jasmine and try to make things right (side note: I don’t know if the cops would do anything in this case or if they’re relevant, I just said it in the moment).
Dad said I was butting into ‘adult matters’ and I was too young to understand, I said I understood enough and called him a human trashcan.
They said I needed to mind my mouth and apologize to them, which I refused to do. Mom said how she can’t believe I’d act like this and I’ve ‘picked up’ on Jasmine’s tendencies, my uncle came over the other day and I heard Dad crying to him about how he’s so hurt by his daughter (me).
I think what I said was justified but there are quite a few people telling me I’m in the wrong, so did I go too far with my outburst? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jasmine is a grown adult and can choose who she goes out with, your parents were way out of line by blocking him on her phone, her private property.
If my parents did that I’d be going low contact/no contact for a long while, not just for interfering with my personal life but also for the gross violation of privacy. Your parents sound like major jerks.” ConsiderationCrazy22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At face value, from what you’re saying, you aren’t in the wrong.
She is 27 years old and can make her own decisions. And while this wouldn’t justify doing what your mom did, she had to have had a reason to block his number and email that made it right in her head. Do you know if John has done anything bad to Jasmine that she just didn’t want to expose you to?
It might be worth the ask. And more than likely, the cops wouldn’t have done anything but also, why is your dad so upset about you calling him some stupid name? Every parent has dealt with that before.
Also, why does your mom feel welcome to look through and meddle in your sister’s phone when she isn’t even her mom?
I don’t know the situation but that seems weird. Either way, you aren’t in the wrong and you did the right thing with what you knew about your sister and tried to defend her.” PsychMajor1234
16. AITJ For Correcting My Stepdaughter's Dad In Front Of His Family?
I’ve been with my wife for 8 years now. She has primary custody of her daughter, Santana (9). Santana sees her dad, Mark every other weekend and some holidays.
As I’ve been one of Santana’s primary caretakers for the past 7 years (since I moved in with her mom), I’ve taken care of her more than Mark has and we are quite close.
My wife and I went on to have 2 children together, who are now 5 years and 18 months. I’ve been a stay-at-home dad since the 5-year-old was born. As a result, I’m the one making lunches, driving kids to activities, etc. That includes Santana.
Mark has always felt insecure about my place in Santana’s life.
I’ve always encouraged her relationship with her dad, while also being a place she can go to in order to vent about both her parents. I’ve never asked her to call me dad, but I’ve made it clear I love her the same as her siblings. And she’s also said she loves me and considers me her second dad.
Mark also mocks me for my stay-at-home dad role. My wife always shuts him down and I just ignore him. He has in the past jokingly called me Santana’s nanny and I just roll my eyes and say ‘Whatever you think, Mark’. I really don’t see him much as my wife will take Santana to her dad’s and pick her up.
However, yesterday, my wife was sick and asked me to pick up Santana. She really couldn’t get out of bed and I knew Mark wasn’t going to drive out to us (he’s refused in the past). So, I went over to his place to pick her up.
He was throwing a BBQ and had some family there.
I had never met any of them. Santana ran into my arms, excited to see me and shouting my name. A few people looked at Mark curiously. He laughed and said, ‘That’s Santana’s nanny’. I shook my head and said ‘I’m her step-father, Greg. Nice to meet you all.’ Mark turned red and barely said goodbye to Santana.
I didn’t think much of it outside Mark just being Mark.
However, Mark texted my wife later saying I ‘humiliated him’ and given I’d likely never see those people again, I shouldn’t have said anything. My wife told him he was overreacting and he then texted me, saying I had no right to correct him in his own home.
He asked what was the big deal in his family thinking I was her nanny.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and not just for what you said, he has probably told everyone there at some point a story about his ex and partner, you turn up, nice and pleasant, his daughter clearly adores you, and l can see people putting together the puzzle and coming up with a different picture, and he was caught in his own crap.” Senior_Sentence6230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The big deal is that you’re not her nanny. He was embarrassed because his daughter was so excited to see you, in front of his family, so he tried to minimize your importance. When you corrected him, he was exposed as an insecure liar. His family knows how often he sees his daughter.
They also now have proof of her affection towards you, the man who lives with her and raises her. He humiliated himself.” Cursd818
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend About My Engagement?
“I just got engaged to my (f 25) partner now fiancé (m 26) of almost 6 years. We went to a beautiful national park for a picnic where he proposed. I couldn’t have been more excited. And that night we told our families about the big news, everyone was ecstatic and wanting to know all of the details, of course.
The next day we made it public on social media. We had a few congratulations from our friends and non-immediate family, including a friend (F 25, I’ll name her ‘K’) who I hadn’t heard from in around 10 months. I didn’t think anything of it until I received a text message later that afternoon.
It was from K. She stated that she was hurt and furious that I hadn’t called her when he proposed, and that I had betrayed my ‘best friend’. She talked about how we used to dream about our weddings and engagements and how they would happen and that we’d be each other’s maid of honor etc. – By the way she was the one who out of nowhere stopped talking to me and would ignore me, so I went about my life feeling that she decided to move on.
I responded by saying that we had only told our immediate family and she found out just like everyone else. She continued to tell me (in a not-so-nice way) about how I broke the ‘friend code’. I just replied saying that she was the one who cut me out of her life, that I didn’t appreciate how she’s treated me, and that I won’t be having her as my maid of honor for that same reason.
This is where she completely lost it at me saying it’s not fair I take her position as maid of honor away from her given everything she’s done for me, and that I at least owe her the title for social media because it’d be embarrassing as she posted years ago that she would be mine.
After realizing that she only wanted to be maid of honor for social media I told her she was uninvited to the wedding altogether and I blocked her.
Was I too harsh on her? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, a general thing: Maid of Honor is a role that requires a great deal of commitment to avoid stressing the bride out, and you shouldn’t appoint someone to that if you aren’t certain they’ll be up to the task.
Onto the specifics of the story. If you haven’t spoken to someone in more than 3 months and they aren’t family, they are likely not close enough to need a special notification of your life events. Clearly, she saw the social media post, that makes it sufficient. You aren’t ‘taking’ anything from her, either the maid of honor position or the wedding invite, because she is not guaranteed these things.
If a former friend ghosted me out of the blue for 10 months I would probably also not invite them to my wedding, LOL. And it’s not harsh to decide that you don’t want someone who has made it clear they care more about social media clout than you as a person at your wedding. Especially if they seem like the type to start drama (which she does).” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This girl seems like she may be going through a lot personally, and for some reason, your personal news burst the pipe.
Regardless of what’s going on with her, it’s ridiculous for most people to feel so entitled about their place in the fictitious engagement knowledge hierarchy.
Also, this gives me major Danielle on Summer House vibes.” taintlangdon
14. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend Not To Come Back Into My House?
“I (48f) have a friend (52m) who I’ve known for over 30 years. We even went out for 4 years, but it didn’t work out.
My friend Danny is successful in his chosen career, and while he’s not rich, he can easily afford his bills. I’m a single mother to a special needs boy, the father is a deadbeat who lost his parental rights. Danny is very much a surrogate dad to my son. I don’t make a lot of money, and what little I make goes to paying my rent, utilities, and all the costs of raising my son.
There’s nothing ever left from my paycheck.
Now, onto the issue at hand. Danny stays with us about 4 days a week. I’ll make dinner, and he’ll eat it, but then after I go to bed, he eats me out of house and home. I wake up to a lot of dirty dishes and evidence of his late-night binges.
He denies it was him because when he does it, he’s blackout-wasted. Now I wish I could say that was the only issue, but no. He’s a man-child who tries to run my household like he’s the man of the family. He’s not. He’ll constantly talk over me with a disrespectful tone of voice. In front of my kid.
Now I do not put up with this behavior, and we’ll argue. He acts like I’m a jerk for ‘always busting his balls and constantly calling him out’. Another issue is not only is he eating all my food, but he’s a slob who rarely helps with dishes or anything.
Things finally came to a head this weekend.
I was constantly defending my place as the head of the household. He keeps changing my thermostat, which really annoys me, and finally, this guy took what was left of my Chinese takeout, mostly full, added it to his food, mixed it all up, and put it in the fridge to eat later. That was it for me!
I’m struggling to survive and he’s really adding to my burden. I finally told him I was done with it and to get out and don’t come back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ITS YOUR HOME! Sounds like this guy actually is your husband, LOL, or at least he wants to be. It’s nice of him to be a father figure to your son but displaying gross behavior like blackout binges and talking down to you is not good for your son to be around.
Don’t let him take advantage of your kindness.” No-Giraffe-438
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why did you put up with it so long? He stayed four nights a week because you kept opening the door and letting him in. He sounds super toxic. Block his number and if he has a key change the locks. I know it’s money but better than him turning up wasted and abusive.
This was not good for your son to watch him try to bully you and constantly argue. Your son may be upset but it will be far better for him to live free from a controlling abusive mess.” Sweet-Interview5620
13. AITJ For Being Dismissive Of My Significant Other's Feelings?
“I (20F) have been in a relationship with a boy named ‘Jason’ (19M) since we got to college.
He’s a really good guy and I like him a lot, but recently something came up that’s been bothering me about him, and that’s how sensitive and needy he is.
He works for college dining services in the dish room. For the most part, everything is fine, he likes his coworkers and his bosses. For a while, the dining hall put up a Board of Honor (BOH) in the backroom where you can write a small card with something you appreciate about your coworker.
Jason told me about it and thought it was cute and he had made some for his managers, and for the other people in the dish room. The BOH had to be taken down recently to make room for other announcements after it had been up for about two months.
Jason mentioned to me that the BOH had been taken down, that some people had taken down the cards from the wall home with them, and that none of them had been written for him.
He just mentioned it like he expected me to say something, and then dropped it when I didn’t. It came up again when I found out he told his friends about it when they were talking about their jobs. I thought (and still do think) it was needy behavior, but my friends have told me that he probably felt underappreciated at work, which can suck especially for his first job.
Still, I told Jason the fact he told me and all of his friends about it showed he was being sensitive and there were two possibilities: Either his coworkers did notice his work but just didn’t feel the need to make a card, OR he’s not as good at his job as he thinks he is and that’s why he didn’t get a card.
Jason seemingly agreed I was probably right, but I could tell he wasn’t happy with me saying it, so I told him to take his hurt feelings and go.
My friends have been calling me a jerk though, for being dismissive of his feelings and calling him needy when ‘all he did was vent about something that bothered him.’ So, AITJ for calling my significant other sensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
He wasn’t saying he was going to quit and ranting about how unfair it was. He was expressing valid disappointment with his support system. You act like it’s outrageous to share something that is weighing on him with his SO and friends.
You are his PARTNER. That is why you are there.
The correct thing to do is apologize. ‘I’m sorry I judged. I’m sorry I wasn’t listening and invalidated your genuine feelings. That wasn’t okay, and I will do better in the future. I’d be happy to listen and hear more about how you are feeling if you are still comfortable sharing with me.'” Katzenheimer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t seem to place any weight on his feelings at all. Your description of his rightful disappointment at feeling excluded at work was one sentence that reads as very dismissive. Of course his feelings are hurt being the only one who didn’t get recognized. You’ve never been left out before?
Even if one isn’t selected for good reason, it still sucks. We are all looking for acceptance. Your story seems like you refused to even reassure your SO that his emotional response is appropriate and support him while he processes it, just because it isn’t what YOUR emotional response to the situation is.
If you think a person sharing their situation-appropriate feelings and looking to you for reassurance is being ‘sensitive and needy’ you are not in a place to be in a relationship at all.
Hence, YTJ.” jrsproperty7
12. AITJ For Refusing To Create Clay Sculptures For My Sister's Wedding For Free?
“I (22F) have a sister (27F) who is getting married in two months. I have a small business where I sell things I make, (paintings, decor, etc). My sister knows about this and yesterday she asked if I could make each table at her wedding a personalized clay sculpture (about 8 inches tall) based on the people who will sit at that table.
I said ‘Of course I’ll help my sister with her big day’ and she was delighted.
Fast forward to a few hours ago, I started designing the first sculpture while on a call with my sister. We were mainly talking about the wedding but then I casually told her how much I would charge her for the sculptures (she’s having 15 tables and I charge 30 USD per sculpture so that would add up to $450).
She laughed and said that she was lucky to be my sister which made me smile until I asked her if she wanted to give me the funds via cash or Venmo. She went silent for a few moments then told me that she thought I would do it for free. I apologized for the miscommunication and offered to give her a 40% off sister discount, to which she started screaming at me that I was being selfish and heartless and that we’re best friends (we’re not, I’m not even a bridesmaid).
I told her that of course I wanted her to pay me for my work and she just went on and on about how she would ‘pay me in exposure’ and all that nonsense.
I hung up after telling her that I would not do it for free. She texted me saying to not bother to even come to the wedding if I was going to be this heartless and selfish.
Honestly, I don’t know if I even want to go anymore, she always gets her way and acts childish but I just put up with it for my parents.
I just want to know, am I the jerk for not making clay sculptures for my sister for free?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family shouldn’t expect anything for free and she shouldn’t just be so quick to remove you from her wedding if you guys are so-called best friends.
Family shouldn’t even expect a discount unless they truly don’t have the financial means to pay full price. You have to put in all that work and she gets the benefit of her decor looking wonderful and people mostly complimenting her on the creative idea.
You were completely fair in telling her she has to pay you for your hard work.
Nothing in life is free. What she wanted and how she reacted was a display of greedy gaslighting behavior. She should have been proud to pay you while also giving you exposure by giving you full credit for your work.
If you don’t go, I hope it hurts her more than it might hurt you.” Positive_Yanna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s one of the pains about being an artist/creator/crafter – tons of people expect you to do it for free and/or somehow think the meager crumbs of attention they might direct your way are somehow valuable enough to make up for not paying. I mean, if she’s got a platform with hundreds of thousands of followers/viewers, sure, maybe, but I doubt she does.
Also, if you’re making 8” custom statuettes for $30, you’re badly underpricing your work. You should be making an absolute rock bottom of $10/hr plus materials and cost of things like kiln time or oven time.” KaliTheBlaze
11. AITJ For Outing My Daughter To Her Mother?
“My (50M) youngest daughter (16F) has been angry with me for a while and I don’t really think it makes sense.
When my younger daughter was a sophomore in high school (last year) our family went on a hiking trip. The two of us were about a ten-minute distance behind my wife and oldest daughter who was 18 at the time. We were discussing Christianity (we are a religious East Asian family, both my kids are second generation while my wife and I immigrated to the US in our 20s) and she started crying and told me she thought she was bi.
I was quite surprised but she also said she was part of the gay-straight club in middle school when I asked her how long she knew. I said in the end she is my daughter so I don’t really mind.
Around this time my eldest daughter found her sister’s Twitter account, where she had any pronouns and was interested in girls written there.
My elder daughter told my wife about the account but I do not think she told her about the bi part. For the past year or so I have been mentioning LGBT things to my wife in private to get her used to the possibility of having an LGBT daughter.
Last month my younger daughter had a conversation with me where she told me she was sure of her sexuality as a lesbian.
I was much more surprised about this because it is probably more like she just does not like men at the moment. I told my wife about this and both of us think it is due to that she has fought with some male friends in the past and is not friends with them anymore.
My wife and daughter went to the mall, my daughter returned and told me that my wife had confronted her about being lesbian and had a very negative reaction where she said they would not discuss the issue until my daughter graduated from college and had met some other men.
She later cried and said it was all my fault that her mother found out and it was her plan to tell her when she was independent and did not have to rely on our money anymore.
She then demanded an apology and I told her about having discussed these things with her mother for a year. She got even angrier. She has been very angry with me for the past few weeks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your daughter confided in you first, probably because she felt like you’d be more understanding than your wife.
Coming out is not easy for some people and you’ve now completely damaged her trust in you.
Also, you don’t have to agree with your daughter’s sexuality but you’ll have to learn to accept it in the end or you’ll drive her away.” Mizuyah
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You outed your daughter and that is never ok.
You also are participating in bi-erasure, saying that her lack of interest in men is temporary/because of fighting with boys she knows. That is not ok.
Your daughter trusted you and considering your stated background she was probably really afraid and with good reason. You betrayed her trust and you aren’t accepting her identity.” KkSquish17
10. AITJ For Not Including My Husband In My Health Insurance?
“Roughly a year ago, my spouse took a new job for more money that offered incredibly limited benefits compared to the position he had. His current employer offered to pay 100% of health insurance coverage for the employee, but will only cover the employee.
There is no insurance offered at all for spouses or kids.
I didn’t like it at the time. We have kids. One of the kids has some delays and is a healthcare frequent flier. My husband did not view no insurance for me or the kids as a deal breaker and took the job anyway.
He was initially told he would have insurance within a couple of months of being hired. It turned into insurance after a year once he actually started the job. I wanted him to make an issue of it since he had it in writing in his initial offer that he’d have insurance in X amount of days, but he refused to address it with his company.
Suffice it to say, we are almost at the year mark and he has heard nothing about his insurance.
To solve the immediate issue, we all got marketplace coverage. It’s mediocre at best. It’s not cheap, but we manage with it.
I’ve recently taken a job with great benefits. I took less money than I might have made elsewhere specifically because this job has great benefits.
The cost to insure myself + kids is very reasonable and it is good coverage.
The cost to insure all of us (meaning myself + husband + kids) is several hundred dollars higher. Not unreasonable, but it’ll cost me several thousand dollars a year to specifically insure my husband. Adding him nearly doubles the monthly price. I don’t make as much as he does, so basically a month’s worth of my annual income will be going to insure him.
He asked me if I was going to insure him. I said no. He’s supposed to have his own coverage and I feel like he needs to handle that with his employer rather than passing the cost of insuring him onto me. He definitely thinks I’m being a jerk.
What do y’all think? Am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He didn’t give two thoughts to you or the children when he took his new job, and he didn’t even ensure he wouldn’t bankrupt your family if he himself got sick or injured by chasing up his promised health insurance.
I wouldn’t add him to your policy unless he gives you the money that it will cost to add him to the policy every single month.
Why should you be giving up even more of your salary to pay for something he should already have via his own employer?” ewearehere
Another User Comments:
“Employers frequently pay a higher percentage of employee premiums than they do for spouses or kids. So, what you are wanting to do – each gets employee coverage and one of you covers the kids – is the one that makes the most sense from a take-home pay perspective.
Do look at this also though, from a family deductible/out-of-pocket maximum and such.
It sounds like the problem is your husband doesn’t want to rock the boat at his employers and push for what he was promised. And – that is to the detriment of your entire family if you pick him up on your plan and pay more than you should have to.
He needs to make a simple inquiry into the status of his eligibility and you both need to hope he didn’t ignore or miss notifications about an open enrollment window, as that might negate his eligibility for this year.
NTJ.” YeeHawMiMaw
NTJ
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister At My Wedding And In My Life?
“My (24F) family and I aren’t close. I moved out as soon as I could and only maintained a close relationship with my older brothers. My older sister (27F, let’s call her Rachel) also moved out when she was quite young and we haven’t spoken much since then.
My fiance (27M, let’s call him Charlie) and I met five years ago and have been together for four years. By the time I met him, it had been four to five years since Rachel had moved out and cut ties with family, this is important because I found out one year into my relationship with Charlie that my sister had gone out with him in freshman year of college.
It was shocking but mostly weird that it had never come up – he did mention her from time to time but she has a very common name and I was never curious and they went out for like less than 6 months. I bombarded Charlie with questions, genuinely confused as to how we hadn’t found out earlier.
When I found out I texted first and she replied angrily. I explained that I had no idea and she was very upset telling me that I had done it on purpose because I always wanted to have her life and I had always been after the guys she liked. She said that Charlie had lied, that they had actually gone out for much longer than six months and that she considered him her first love.
She then proceeded to continuously text me pictures of them and even screenshots of their old conversations in the span of a few weeks.
After a month or two I blocked her number and the issue ended there. Looking back, I don’t even think I should have texted her as we barely had any type of relationship at all, but I didn’t want her to find out some other way.
As the years have passed Charlie has opened up more about his short-lived relationship with her and even told me that they ended because she had an affair. He proposed to me a year ago and I posted it online, which my sister somehow saw (we only have each other on Snapchat, I guess someone must have shown her).
She texted me to congratulate me and apologize. She said that she had been in the wrong and that she was glad me and Charlie had found each other. I accepted her apology and we have been civil for the past months, she has been sharing wedding Pinterest boards with me and recently she texted me asking if she could be a bridesmaid which I thought was such a mad request since I am not considering even inviting her.
Charlie says it’s up to me as she is my sister but I do not want her there, not even in a mean way, I don’t want to actively exclude her as a punishment, I just don’t want her to be a part of my wedding or my life, which she has never been. However, my brothers think that I’m being petty and that I should give her a second chance since she apologized and is making an effort.
A few of my friends agree that because she is my sister I should at least invite her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she’s not a part of your life, and also the ex of your fiancé, then you don’t have to invite her to the wedding.
Regardless of that, it’s your wedding and your choice who you invite.
I don’t know your sister or what her regular and prior behavior and personality are like but if she reacted in such an intense, toxic way when you told her: spamming you with screenshots and photos of her relationship with your fiancé, then something seems a bit off about her sudden change of heart.
Either she has been seeking therapy and/or working on herself, or she just wants an invite to the wedding, or she wants an invite to the wedding so she can do something intense and toxic.
It’s your call at the end of the day, but don’t let anyone pressure you or make you feel bad about whatever choice you make.
It is your wedding.” wanesandwaves
Another User Comments;
“OK so NTJ. It’s your wedding and it’s your decision who to invite. Now I see your choices as follows:
- She has really never been part of your life as an adult and so nothing really changes if you don’t invite her. Your life will continue being as it is and if you’re happy with that, then there’s no reason to invite her.
- If you do want a relationship with your sister and you think she has changed, the feeling is mutual. Then by not inviting her, the idea of having a relationship will take a huge step back and maybe not even possible because you are basically rejecting her. Now I only mean inviting her, the whole bridesmaid thing is crazy she doesn’t really know you and doesn’t deserve that role (if she makes it a big deal, go with option #1 lol)” Carjavier
8. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law Out Of My House Because Of Her Smoking Habit?
“I (24F) just had a baby, 3 months old. Throughout this whole time of my pregnancy, my MIL has been very overbearing. Don’t get me wrong I’m not ungrateful, she’s just a lot. She feels this entitlement over my baby. Which is a no for me. Classic lines like ‘Oh but I’m a mother too’ ‘No don’t do it that way’ and ‘No have a natural birth.
Don’t use an epidural.’ When I was in labor, no one was with me aside from my husband. She got escorted out of the hospital because she continued to try and sneak in multiple times after both my husband and I said no. Again I thanked her for the help but some things needed to be left to me and my husband.
She is a heavy smoker, but she cannot smoke around the baby. I’m sure a lot of people are unaware that it causes SIDS, and ear infections, and makes health problems that she already has worse or creates them.
Therefore, she can’t smoke anywhere near the baby, she can’t smoke on the patio, and if she does smoke, she either has to leave, or do it and take a shower, I’ve bought her clothes in her size and everything so she has spares.
We have a bathroom outside of our house connecting to our pool. It has a door, lock, AC, it’s a normal bathroom.
While she doesn’t come around too often, this is what she has to do when she does. She has agreed to it, and we told her this before the baby was born.
Yesterday, she came over. Halfway through she wanted to go smoke. Alright. She snuck back in, through the back. Then tried picking up the baby. My husband stopped her (I was in the restroom) when I heard the commotion.
My MIL was trying to get to the baby and my husband wasn’t letting her.
I told her that she could take a shower or get going and come back another time.
She yelled at me saying that this was ridiculous and she was getting tired of this rule. I told her that either way, this is how it’s gonna have to be till she gets older. She continued by saying that we are hogging the baby and she’s the grandma and we won’t even let her sleepover.
She feels that we won’t let her have ‘her share’ of the baby?
We bickered for 30 minutes before I took away the option to take a shower and escorted her out, I got her stuff and put it in her car, while she was screaming at me the whole time. While she was trying to follow me back inside I closed the door.
She tried to push her way back in and go through the front and back door.
She’s now gone and told everyone that I kicked her out and denied her her grandchild. And boy, multiple people are in my messages, inbox, social media, etc.
I have one person who agreed with me and other nine who don’t.
I don’t think I was being mean, I thought I was patient but I’m second guessing if I was doing what I thought I was.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds super overbearing. This is your child, not hers. Telling you to ‘have a natural birth, not an epidural’ is inappropriate – how is that any of her business?
Trying to sneak into the hospital repeatedly after being told no multiple times is also inappropriate. It doesn’t sound like she’s respecting your boundaries at all.
Telling her to take a shower or get going sounds like a reasonable ask, and her yelling at you, saying she’s tired of this rule, sounds to me like she’s testing this boundary.
Also, that comment about ‘her share’ of the baby? It confirms to me that she feels like she’s entitled to your child.” composingmusic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like you’ve been pretty accommodating. If she can’t respect your rules in your presence, she likely won’t when you aren’t watching over her.
I don’t think you’re asking for too much. Your baby is your top priority. Tell those berating you that you aren’t going to argue with them and if they continue to push it, you’ll remove their access to your life.” just_ducky295
7. AITJ For Wanting My Partner And His Family To Give A Heads-Up Regarding Their Visits?
” “I have a wonderful partner and we rarely fight. However, when we do it’s about two things. 1. Him not cleaning up after himself.
2. His parents overstepping boundaries.
I am a very organized and contentious person and I like to accommodate people as much as I can, without compromising my boundaries. For example, I am known as a great hostess, but I like to have a heads-up before guests visit so I am prepared. My partner and his family are not planners and there are loose boundaries when it comes to visiting or scheduling events.
The parents have a habit of showing up unannounced and on multiple occasions stating they will stay with us without notice (I’m talking like a day in advance – without asking if that’s okay with us). They also often try to extend their stays without asking and are generally disruptive (that part isn’t intentional but it does make it hard to work while they stay with us).
I find this behavior really inappropriate and disrespectful when it’s been communicated to check first before assuming they can show up and stay without warning. I also find it even harder to manage because I do 85% of the housework which means, without proper notice the house won’t be ready for guests.
Over time, the annoyance has built up for me.
I really have a problem with this and I told my partner it was a sign of disrespect. He says they’re not trying to be rude and says it’s just how they all are. He did speak to them repeatedly to ask them to change their behavior and it’s only slightly improved. I think that one should think of others as well as themselves i.e. coming to a home as a guest.
My compromise is that we don’t accept them staying without them asking and providing advance notice. I need time to prepare, arrange my schedule to accommodate them, and clean up when they leave (they have pets). I don’t think that’s unreasonable. AITJ for expecting guests to play by my rules in our home?
Am I overreacting by reading this situation as disrespectful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But this is a partner problem. He should be handling this and setting and enforcing the boundary. They call a day in advance, he needs to tell them ‘That won’t work for us, sorry, we need more notice so we can make arrangements.’ They want to extend ‘Sorry, that’s not going to work for us.’ Or just don’t open the door.
Or tell them to get a hotel or Airbnb.
I doubt they’re trying to be purposefully disrespectful of you but they, like your partner, seem to play everything by ear and expect that everyone else will just work around them—because that’s what people are doing!” UsuallyWrite2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your real problem here is your partner who does not respect you enough to be an actual partner in the household.
You accept that he can be an overgrown adolescent, expecting you to clean up after him and he in turn is fine with the disrespect his family displays. There’s no compromising with disrespect, your partner needs to learn that. ‘That’s just the way they are’ is code for ‘I don’t want to do the work required to reset our relationship’.
The first step here is an adjustment in your attitude. Start by reading She Divorced Me Because I Left the Dishes by the Sink, it’s a brilliant articulation of the reason ‘minor’ issues lead to major conflicts and ultimately separation. You probably want to read Matt’s other articles and/or his new book to get a perspective on what you should be expecting from a partner.
Then sit down with your partner and discuss that and your expectations going forward. If he isn’t willing to step up, there’s no point in arguing about his parents’ visits – you’ll eventually have to jettison the whole lot of them.” 5115E
"I am a very organized and contentious person and I like to accommodate people as much as I can"
6. AITJ For Letting My Neighbor's Neglected Cat Hang Around My House?
“About 2 years ago I was working on my car outside and I noticed a cat that was just sitting there staring at me. She’s a golden striped/spotted leopard-looking cat that has bright green eyes, a very small build (very skinny when we met as well, could not have been more than 6 lbs full grown), and a skittish nature.
She also at the time had a lot of fur missing from her rear end which I came to find was her pulling it out in tufts (apparently called ‘stress grooming’).
At first, I thought she was just curious or maybe wanted water because it was a hot day so I gave her some water and thus began our relationship.
So it went on like this for a few weeks until one day I was exercising with my window open (a window that has a missing screen) and she jumped into the window and scared me. She sniffed around the room and then left. The next day, the same thing. I thought maybe I should shoo her away.
One day I was working on my car and she was sitting there sunbathing and her owner (woman, mid-30s) from down the street came up to me on my property and said ‘You have to stop hanging out with my cat, she’s not your cat, she’s not coming home at night, you should get your own cat’ and picked her up and left. Mind you at this point I had ONLY had her jump IN the house twice and never given her anything other than water and she had never spent the night so I have no idea where she was going all night.
I didn’t particularly have any attachment to the cat at that point but the general thought I had in my head was A. Your cat is way underweight, B. it’s stress grooming and actively seeking out company from other people, and C. You’re being aggressive towards me for being friendly to an animal that YOU LET ROAM AROUND the neighborhood.
So as any spiteful person would do, I started feeding her. And this is probably where I’m a jerk, but I don’t like being spoken to like that, and after all, I didn’t come and steal your cat from your house.
After a while, she seemed happy to just hang around and get a meal and a spot to chill.
Also, she started gaining weight and stopped stress grooming. Her fur came back and we are great friends. She may as well have dual citizenship between my house and her house at home. I haven’t heard anything from her owners in a year but they must know that she goes somewhere all day. I don’t know what I’m going to do either way – if I don’t let her in she sits at the door crying until I do, and I’m a softie for animals so I don’t have it in me to stop and ignore her.
She’s getting old anyway so I guess I won’t have to wonder much longer if I should stop, but I’m going to pay for this anyway because eventually one day she just isn’t going to show up and it’s really going to suck to not even know if she’s gone.”
Another User Comments:
“Cats choose what people they want to be around.
Simple. However, as to your involvement, this is a cat that is let outside to wander freely so the owners really can’t control who is, or isn’t, friendly to their cat on their own property. If you were entering their house or, even, yard to pet the cat, then it would be an issue. You’re not.
You can put food and water out on your own property as much as you like. NTJ.” BengalBBQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bring the cat in and presto – you have a brand new awesome roommate. If she has a problem with it then tell her you’re reporting her to animal control for neglect. It’s hilarious that she thinks she can tell her cat who to be friends with though.
Cats don’t care about our silly human feelings obviously. Also, rescue pro tip for putting weight on a cat- kitten chow has milk protein and is super helpful.” Soft-Worldliness-308
5. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Listen To Her Mom's Medical Advice?
“My MIL was pretty toxic and controlling when my wife was growing up and they went low contact for a while when my wife moved away after high school. They reconnected later in life when my wife and I moved back to our hometown in our 30s. To give credit where it is due my MIL has been to therapy and has been working on her relationships and has genuinely improved and their relationship is much better than it was.
A sort of lingering side effect of my wife’s upbringing is that her knee-jerk reaction is to not listen when her mother tells her something to prove her independence. Which is not a big deal when it’s something not relevant like my MIL saying ‘I got you this blue dress because I always thought blue looked good on you’.
This will guarantee my wife will wear nothing but red for the next month.
The issue that has arisen is that my MIL is a doctor, and my wife has recently had some semi-serious health concerns. This has created a situation where my MIL will make a suggestion of something that could help my wife’s condition that is medically accurate.
My wife’s response then is to do the opposite to prove she doesn’t have to listen to her mother which is a problem when it’s actual legitimate medical advice.
Recently an instance of this occurred when my MIL made a suggestion about how avoiding certain foods high in certain things could help with some of my wife’s symptoms. My wife has responded to my doubling down on those nutrients and has correspondingly been feeling worse.
I pointed out that the diet changes my MIL recommended could help improve how she’s feeling. She reacted poorly and accused me of invalidating how traumatic and controlling her childhood was and said suggesting she needs to listen to her mother is damaging to her mental health.
AITJ for telling my wife she should listen to medical advice for her own health?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I think you have this wrong. Your wife isn’t refusing to listen to medical advice, she is refusing to follow medical advice from her mother. Your MIL needs to stop giving advice, and you should tell your MIL that her advice is negatively impacting her daughter given their history because she might not even know.
Seek medical opinions that aren’t from within the family. That’d be the best way to validate MIL’s input rather than just taking what MIL says at face value because your wife clearly isn’t interested in that.” Good_From_70
Another User Comments:
“Your MIL should stay out of your wife’s medical issues. She probably is aware of how your wife reacts to any recommendations she makes, so I guess she is aware of what happens if she gives advice.
She is actively harming her daughter! Your MIL just enjoys being right and playing one-upmanship with her. Don’t support her in this.
You are harming your wife, as well, if you side with your MIL.
Also, you are endangering your marriage and the trust your wife has in you. Please don’t do that either. Suggest to your wife to discuss these topics with her doctor.
They will be able to give her advice which she feels she can trust and accept.
Your wife is ill, she needs your full support, and that also means supporting her against her mother if your wife so wishes.
I had pretty much the same relationship with my mother. If my husband had sided with her like that, I would have been really hurt, mad, and disappointed in him.
And felt left alone.
YWBTJ if you continue siding with your MIL, regardless of her being right about some things.” Beneficial-Sense2879
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Neighbors To Have A Copy Of My Apartment Key?
“So I recently just moved into my new apartment complex less than 60 days ago. There are only 4 units in my complex, two downstairs and two upstairs. I reside downstairs in the second apartment. Everyone here has lived here for at least 5 years whilst the oldest resident has resided here for 8. Everyone knows everyone and has been good friends with each other for as long as each one has been a resident.
Everyone in my building has children besides me, majority are single mothers, I am the only man.
Apparently, there is an unspoken agreement I at first had no knowledge of between the rest of the tenants that the hallway door is to never be locked. No one ever locks the hallway door. That is until I arrived. From my knowledge, no one in the building has a hallway key just the keys to their apartments.
The cost to replace a key is $70 for each quoted from my landlord. I just finished up my place and have officially moved in for about 3 weeks now. Each time I leave and come back from my complex I always lock the hallway door. I always need to lock all doors behind me.
My neighbor who works night shifts has arrived home for the past couple of weeks to a locked hallway door which is a surprise given that the door hasn’t been locked for years.
Apparently, everyone lost their key their first year or so living in the complex. I will hear continuous knocking and banging until someone comes to open the door.
The first few nights I was awakened and got up to unlock the door.
After the first week, I’ve since stopped and my neighbor will be up to unlock it to let our neighbor in.
If my neighbor isn’t home or doesn’t wake up to come to the door she will knock and bang on every window and yell until someone comes to open the door.
Yesterday my neighbor asked I I could please leave the door unlocked given it has always been that way and would like me to continue doing so.
I expressed that while we live in a dangerous neighborhood (rated one of the top 5 most dangerous in our city) I feel more safe knowing strangers can’t enter the building. Whilst she understood my concerns she assured me no one ever comes here but residents and invited visitors and my safety is not to worry.
I had to beg to differ. She then asked if would I mind lending her my hall key so she could make a copy and let others make their own copy from hers. I politely declined because I wasn’t comfortable with that. She offered to pay me to make a copy myself which I also declined.
For the past week my neighbors have barely spoken to me, we usually tell each other good morning and chat a little or just a hi and bye but not even that nowadays. My neighbor who volunteers at the food bank in our community would come back with goodies and share with everyone in the complex.
She hasn’t knocked on my door to deliver me a box as she usually would every Wednesday. I don’t care for the food but the change in this routine leads me to believe I may have upset the rest of the tenants and I honestly don’t want any bad blood.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She made a reasonable request so that she and the others could accommodate your wishes and you said no. Yes, they have a preference to leave the door unlocked, but they will lock it for you as long as they can also return to their homes.
They have already agreed to allow your comfort zone of having the door locked. Why on Earth would you be uncomfortable about letting them have keys to the door that you share? You have said that they could get new ones from the landlord but they would be $70 apiece. For some people that’s a lot of money.
Your comfort is not the final deciding factor in all matters of shared safety and justice. Get over yourself and make a copy of your key for her.” Competitive_Cod_3843
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Look, I get it. You are following the rules and they aren’t. They should not have lost their keys and when they did, they should have replaced them instead of compromising the security of everyone living in the building.
But $70 is a lot of money for some people. And if these are all single moms, then they are single-income families and they just might not have $70 to spare.
You are upsetting all of your neighbors to prove a point. And your sleep gets disturbed frequently by people who are just trying to get into their homes and go to sleep.
And your taking a stand on the matter isn’t working.
Have a tiny bit of compassion. Take your key and find out how much it costs to get it copied. Landlords frequently inflate the cost of replacement keys so that people will keep track of them and not bother the landlord for copies.
If it is a regular key, just get copies made and inform your neighbors they can have the keys if they pay for them.
Feel free to add a bit to the cost to cover your time and effort in getting the keys made.
Problem solved.
If the keys cannot be copied or are super expensive, suggest to one of the other tenants that the cheapest way for them all to get keys is for someone to figure out a way to get the landlord to replace the lock in the hallway door.
Then everyone will get new keys.
But while your locking the door protects everyone in the apartments, it puts those who are not home at that time in more danger than if the hall door were just unlocked.” krankykitty
I don't blame them for not wanting to spend $70 on a key for an issue that was never an issue until YOU made it one.
You could solve this entire debacle by choosing one of three choices...Either stop locking the door, go to Home Depot or Wal-Mart and get 3 keys made for $3, or continue to be an @$$hat and have your neighbors hate you.
Also, the your title is deliberately misleading. They don't want a key to your apartment, they want a key to their hallway. That makes you an @$$ too.
3. AITJ For Not Letting A Random Woman Use The Common Fridge During A Private Event?
“I live in a condo where there are several amenities. Some of them (like party rooms and movie rooms) require a reservation but are not locked so it’s common to see people there when no one has it booked.
Yesterday was a family member’s birthday and we booked one of the party rooms. Due to summer, these amenities are very busy and we need to book it weeks in advance.
We even put a sign on the door saying there was a private event going on (this is common so people who like to hang out in the places when there is no reservation know they should look for some other place).
At some point, a lady enters the room with a few beers, opens the fridge, and starts putting her stuff in there.
We had the fridge full of food, desserts, and beverages, so it was annoying to have someone we didn’t know just entering and going through our stuff. Then I, as the host, went to talk to her:
Me: Excuse me?
Lady: Yes?
Me: What are you doing?
Lady: I am putting beverages in the fridge.
Me: I can see that but can’t you see we are hosting a private event here?
Lady: So?
Me: So you can’t just enter here like that.
Lady: Why not?
Me: I just told you we are having a private event. There is even a sign at the entrance.
Lady: But the fridge is public.
Everyone can use it.
Me: When there is no reservation, maybe, which is not the case right now.
Lady: You are telling me I can’t use the fridge?
Me: Right now no, you can’t. At least not like that.
Lady: So I can’t use the fridge?
Me: As I just explained to you, when there is a reservation going on like right now, no, you can’t.
Lady: You are REALLY telling me I can’t use the fridge? (here I got tired of her attitude)
Me: Yes, I am telling you that you CAN NOT use it. Is it clear now?
Then she got her stuff and left.
After a while, another lady came over and asked to talk to me.
Lady’s Friend: Hey what happened? Why did you kick my friend out?
I just explained to her that there was a private event going on.
Lady’s Friend: And what is the problem? Everybody shares the fridge.
The problem is that we need to book this place in advance before you can start security comes in and makes an inspection and I also need to leave a CAD 500.00 cheque with the property manager as a guarantee for any damage, so I think it was fair for me to just want my guests to be using this area during the time I reserved it for.
Also, we are having a family gathering so having people we don’t know wandering around the room, and going through our stuff is not something I want to happen.
Then she apologized and left but her attitude showed she thought I was being a petty jerk. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some condo owners suck and EVERYONE knows a reserved room is off-limits.
The property manager needs to make it more clear because that definitely shouldn’t have been on you. She and her friend are complete morons. She should offer up her own fridge if she was so insistent on inserting herself into the situation.” Commonspence33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were in the right as long as you reserved the room – including the fridge – as your condo association requires.
As for the person’s attitude ‘showing’ this or that, don’t fall into that trap. Until someone says something directly to your face, it’s better to act like it never happened because it didn’t. She didn’t call you a petty jerk. Don’t take on problems or insults that you don’t have.
Hope the party turned out well.” j4ckb1ng
2. AITJ For Refusing To Go To Therapy For An Addiction I Do Not Have?
“I (F 35) have a complicated relationship with my family on my father’s side. I met them at 17 after my mother died and most of the time I feel like we are from different worlds.
I have ADHD and, for people who don’t know me a lot, I can come off as a bit strange and quirky, though most people get used to it as they start to know me better. The issue is I feel that they have never tried to know me much. They are always talking about money, inheritance, business… Coming from a humble background, I can’t add much to the conversations and feel usually pushed aside.
I am doing well in other aspects. I graduated from med school, got married, gave birth to a happy child, and love my job and friends… but still, my family on my father’s side (mostly grandparents) worry that I have a super terrible issue because of the way I dress, that I am a huge nerd and most of my hobbies.
After 18 years of being the black sheep in the family, I am used to it and barely give it a thought. But, a month ago, things changed when my grandfather was hospitalized.
I visited him during my work hours and through the scrubs he noticed the huge phoenix tattoo I have on my back (which I usually conceal under clothes).
My grandparents are very traditional and hate tattoos.
When he told my grandmother she went ballistic. She called me an addict and threatened to call child services. She genuinely believes that people with tattoos are addicts and, apparently, my hobbies, my clothes, and my personality confirm it.
I had a calm conversation with her and explained that I don’t even drink or smoke or do illegal stuff, and I was sure that she had listened and understood, though it was clear she wasn’t happy about the tattoo.
Days ago, while visiting my grandfather, she came to my workplace and confronted me in front of my coworkers and boss, saying that she had paid the best therapist specializing in substance abuse in the city to help me. I felt embarrassed and humiliated and didn’t know how to react. I told her that she wasn’t allowed to be there and asked her to leave while she threatened again to call child services.
My coworkers understood the situation when I explained it (they know me well and believed her claims were absurd) and advised me to accept to go to therapy to please her, saying that she’s ‘probably not well in the head because of her age’.
My family and friends agree (all but my husband, who is even more upset than me).
I have a compliant personality and try to please everyone, but I am drawing a line here. I still feel humiliated, but I also feel like stealing from my grandmother by taking expensive therapy sessions that I don’t need (I already have a trusted therapist) and, if I don’t draw a line here, she’d escalate everything and become more demanding like she has done in the past. But I don’t want to turn my back on my grandparents now that they are in a vulnerable phase of their lives.
Am I the jerk for refusing therapy for an addiction I don’t have?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your coworkers’ suggestion to go to therapy to ‘please’ your grandmother was not good advice. Going to therapy for a non-existent problem is a silly waste of money. Your description of yourself sounds confident and successful, but your family still sees you as the black sheep based on outdated perceptions.
I might suggest you distance yourself from that side of the family if they can’t accept you for who you are.” stubborn_panda26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she continues to push, I might say something like, ‘Thank you for your concern, but I already have a therapist that works for my needs’.
On the other hand, the addiction specialist will probably be able to tell from talking to you that you don’t have the issue your grandmother thinks you have.
You’re not the jerk for being taken aback, but going to one meeting might be the simplest way to resolve this. Hard to say, though.” westerlies_abound
1. AITJ For Hating My Father-In-Law For What He Did To My Fiance?
“I (27f) was living with my fiance (29m) on his family farm. One day my FIL decided to leave his wife of 37 years to go back to his ex-wife.
While he was leaving he asked me if I wanted a hug as this was a man I deeply loved and respected. I told him no as he is leaving his family. Crushing his son’s dreams (whom he didn’t even have the guts to say goodbye to) and therefore he was no longer anything to me.
I also told him I couldn’t believe he was so selfish as to not even say goodbye to his only living son.
A couple of months later he messaged my fiance to tell him he was sorry and wanted to see him. I told my fiance I would be there for whatever he decides, but I no longer am going out of my way for him as we lost the home we were working towards owning, his mom lost her only home, and he made a choice to go meet his ex-wife because he found out that her daughter might be his.
I told my fiance I would do what he needed me to, but I would not contact FIL or be a part of his life as I could not support a man who could not even be bothered to tell his family what was going on.
Now FIL is sick and my fiance says he will see him if there needs a decision made as my fiance is his only POA.
I feel like maybe I am being harsh, but I can’t help but be mad at the man who hurt the man I love so deeply, or took away the only future my fiance was working towards as we had one more year of working on our credit before buying the farm. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, you need to keep separate your own feelings of abandonment by your FIL and whatever your husband needs to do in order to have a clear conscience. FIL’s behavior sucks abysmally, there’s no denying that. As long as you aren’t preventing your husband from doing what he needs to – and it seems like you aren’t – and as long as you aren’t trash-talking his dad all the time (same), I think you are okay.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It doesn’t sound like you’re upset for your fiancé but what you potentially lost. You’re not being supportive of your fiancé when you tell him you won’t contact FIL. If you’re supporting your fiancé that means being there if he needs you to while he hashes it out with his dad, not saying one thing but putting conditions on how it’s going to happen.
Honestly, your feelings don’t matter here, it’s your fiancé’s first and foremost. That doesn’t sound like it’s happening.” Misty5303
You need to let that resentment go and IF hubby wants to go see his dad and would like you to accompany him you may have to do so FOR HUBBY... if however he decides he's not going then support that decision too...
I think he needs to explain to his father that his being suddenly ill doesn't renage him of the hurt he caused his son or his sons mom.
Sounds like he threw away his marriage to meet his ex to find out if her kid was his.. doesn't he realise there are dna tests that can do that without throwing away 37yrs of your life ?
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