People Open Up To Us About Their Perplexing "Am I The Jerk" Stories
32. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Wear Whatever She Likes?
“I (46 F) have 3 kids ‘Mike’ (21 M) ‘Allie’ (19 F) and ‘Amanda’ (17 F).
This issue involves my youngest. My husband and I own a second home (condo) on the beach in another state. We have owned it from the time our children were pretty young so they know the area well and also know our neighbors.
Well, my youngest will be turning 18 in two weeks and graduating high school in June.
She is a very bright young lady and thankfully, like her brother and sister, is very trustworthy. We let our older two children use our condo without us once they turned 18 and graduated from high school. Both Allie and Mike went the summer they graduated with a few friends and it was no problem. We have older neighbors (directly next door) who keep an eye on things.
They can now use it pretty much whenever they want.
It is now Amanda’s turn and she has picked her significant other and her 3 best friends to go. She is the first one to have someone go on this first trip but we are not super worried. ‘Tim’ (19 M) just finished his first year in college.
Amanda has gone to spend the weekend with him at school and will be attending a school in the same city as him come fall.
The issue that has come up is with my daughter’s choice of a bathing suit. I have never policed my daughters’ bodies, told them what to wear, and how to eat, or really commented anything negative on their bodies.
Amanda is a very beautiful girl and works very hard to stay in shape. She is very dedicated to working out and eating food that makes her feel good. I guess she purchased a new suit for the trip and sent a picture of her in it to her significant other. Either he was with his mother, Pam, at the time or she looked through his phone now that he was home from school.
Pam called me and told me I needed to take the suit away from her and forbid her from wearing it. I explained that she would be 18 very soon and is allowed to wear what she wanted. She went off on me about how I was allowing my daughter to disrespect her and her family by dressing like a flirt in front of her son.
I explained to her that I do not tell my children what to do with their bodies because they have to do what is right for them. She called me a pimp and hung up.
She called me a few hours later telling me that I have to tell her son he cannot go on the trip which I said I would not do but told her she can tell him not to go.
She said he would be mad at her if she tried to stop him. I pointed out that she wanted me to tell my daughter what to do but refused to tell her son what to do. I said I would not be getting involved and she would have to talk to them since she was the one with the issue.
She is now mad at me for refusing to get involved.
I might be the jerk because it’s a stupid bathing suit and she has a bunch that Pam has seen her in and it’s never been an issue. I don’t think I am the jerk because I don’t have a problem with it but would end up taking the heat for a fight that isn’t mine.”
31. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Lot About My Life To My Sister?
“One of my (28) sisters (I will call her Cam (30)) is a champion in one-upping and having to be the center of attention.
She can’t let anyone else have the spotlight and always has to one-up everyone. For example, our sister (I will call her May (31)) has type 1 diabetes. When we were kids Cam always acted like she had it too and had too and tried to do all the same monitoring as May. Recently May was able a monitoring device through the government where she sticks a sensor on her arm and it detects her blood sugar and lets her phone scan it and display the information.
Despite not being diabetic Cam keeps insulin on hand in case she needs it and also purchased the same device as May with help from our parents even though she doesn’t need to monitor her blood sugar. Since Cam isn’t actually diabetic the province doesn’t cover the insulin or device so she or our mom and dad pay out of pocket.
When our cousin and then when May got married Cam wouldn’t shut up about her own wedding planning even though she wasn’t even engaged yet. Like there was no wedding on the horizon for her. I’m likely getting married soon and I don’t even want to talk to Cam about it. When my uncle was in a car accident and had to be in the hospital and have surgery Cam went on and on about the time she fell off her bike when she was a teenager and it was the worst pain ever and how worried the doctors were.
She was never hospitalized. If someone is pregnant Cam will always talk about how when she gets pregnant it will be so high risk she will be on bed rest in the hospital for the whole nine months. She doesn’t have any medical problems and has never been pregnant before so there are no signs she would have a problem.
When I got into university or if anyone else talks about school Cam brings up how her teachers said she was the most gifted child they had ever met. She was never in gifted classes and got average grades. But these are examples of her one-upping. If someone is getting positive attention for something like a wedding, birth, promotion, or graduation Cam always makes it about herself.
She made herself the center of attention at our great-grandfather’s funeral and tried to make it all about her.
My parents noticed that I don’t tell her any details about life and I keep subjects light and only do small talk with Cam. They think I’m not being a good brother and should try to involve her in my life more like I do with them, May, or other family members.
I don’t want to deal with Cam one-upping or wanting attention. May is fed up too. She’s a paramedic and especially during the global crisis gets lots of praise which Cam can’t handle. My mom and dad say I need to let Cam be more involved in my life and won’t leave me alone about it.”
30. AITJ For Not Coming To My Husband's Softball Games?
“My (26 F) husband (31 M) loves softball. He generally loves sports and is competitive, but his friend group created a softball league that has grown fairly large – so he plays with them to have fun/exercise.
(The league is just for fun and only recreational). I had no problem with this until I realized just how much he loves to play. When we got married, we planned for a 10-day honeymoon, and my husband begged me to cut it in half the day before our wedding because he found out the league was starting the season during our honeymoon And wanted to support his team.
I was incredibly hurt that he wanted to cut our honeymoon in half to play softball with his friends and felt that he was making them and the game a priority over me. I told him this and he still begged me throughout the week of our honeymoon to let him go. Eventually, I gave up and we cut the honeymoon short but he felt guilty afterward and opted not to go play.
We spent the second half of our honeymoon at home.
As I got to know the friends my husband plays softball with better, I started to dislike them. One friend on the team encouraged my husband to postpone his elbow surgery in order to play softball. My husband listened to him even though I was not comfortable and felt that playing could worsen his elbow injury.
He refused to go to the doctor to at least validate that playing would not negatively affect his elbow. I also found out that the manager of the team gossiped heavily about us while we were going out which caused some awful lies to be spread about my husband. I really didn’t want to be around them anymore since it was obvious they didn’t really care about my husband or were his real friends.
Another team member’s wife was my one friend to keep my company while I went with my husband to the softball games but she and her husband ended up divorcing (long story), so I had no one there to keep me company anymore.
For all these reasons, (not feeling like a priority, not liking his friends on the team, and feeling lonely at games) I told my husband I did not feel comfortable going with him to the games anymore.
He became very upset and told me he felt like I was making him choose between softball and nothing. I assured him that’s not true and that he can play whenever he wants and I don’t feel it’s my place to ‘take away’ something that he loves so much. It’s just that I don’t feel comfortable being there anymore.
I just feel sad. He still doesn’t like that I don’t want to be there and feels that I am not supporting him.
AITJ for not supporting my husband by going to his softball games?”
29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave The Game?
“I (19 F) surprised my dad with some tickets to a baseball game yesterday. He and I love baseball so I thought it would be nice to spend some time together before I go back to college in September.
My mom asked if she could come too and invite some of our family friends. I was hesitant because it was just supposed to be me and my dad but I agreed because I was being nice. So basically it went from just the 2 of us to a group of like 10 people.
Fast forward to the game, and the family friend’s kids are getting restless and hungry.
If you know anything about baseball the games are pretty long (like 2-3 ish hours ). I offered to buy the kids some popcorn and drinks but their mom refused and decided that the entire group would be leaving early to go eat at a nearby restaurant. The game still had another 20 minutes left and our team was winning so of course I wanted to stay for the end (they play loud horn sounds and music).
My mom agreed with the other mom and they basically made the entire group start to pack up to leave. The dads just agreed and the kids were already on their way up the steps. Once I realized they were actually leaving I pulled my mom aside and told her I would be staying until the end of the game.
I told her I had spent a lot on my and my dad’s tickets (they were really close to the field) and I would hate to just leave early because of the kids. She told me I would have to leave with them because she didn’t want me to stay alone at the stadium.
I told her that was ridiculous, I wasn’t a child and I could easily meet them at the restaurant across the street from the stadium in 20 minutes.
She told me I was acting like a spoiled child and I could always come to another game and stay till the end. At this point, I was getting frustrated and I was refusing to leave, our family and friends were waiting for us at the doors and my dad had to come up to me and tell me it was okay, we could always come to another game just us.
After eating at the restaurant we drove home and my mom mentioned how the other mom pulled her aside at the restaurant and said ‘Your daughter made a huge scene at the stadium, you should really tell her to grow up’. My mom said she was extremely embarrassed that the family friends noticed and she was upset with me.
So yea AITJ here?”
28. AITJ For Getting Sick Of My Coworker's Love For Minions?
“I (33 f) have three unit mates, Jared (32), Helga (28), and Tina (35).
Jared, Helga, and I are very close. Tina is nice but is absolutely obsessed with minions, I wish this was a joke. Her desk is covered with minion stuff, literally anything minion. Her fiancé even proposed using some minion props this spring.
Last Halloween Tina demanded our unit dress as Minions for the office party.
I told her I wasn’t into it, and she got extremely upset with me and told me I was ruining Halloween and bringing down office morale. I ended up getting sick so it didn’t matter. I find the minions really annoying and I’ve never seen the movies. This has caused an issue for Tina.
She is convinced if I watch the movies I will love the minions, she’s even gone so far as to leave the movies at my desk. She has continued to push the issue of me not liking minions only because I haven’t seen the movies this has gotten more intense as there is a new movie.
Lately, she’s been speaking minion when I ask her important questions and then say ‘If you watched minions you would know what I’m talking about’.
Last week she wanted us all to go see the new Minion movie, Jared and Helga did go but I couldn’t as I was busy (engagement party).
This morning at work she confronted me saying it was very hurtful that I don’t take any interest in her hobbies. She started getting louder and louder and begged to know why I hated her so much. I told her calmly that I in no way hate her I’m simply not interested in the minions.
Another coworker came by and asked how we were and Tina immediately said ‘Well OP hates me, so it’s toxic over here.’
I lost my mind and said ‘Well Tina is 35 and obsessed with a children’s movie and won’t stop shoving it down everyone’s throats and it’s hard to get things done around here with her rambling on in gibberish like an idiot.’ Tina immediately started crying and left the unit and did not come back for the rest of the day.
I got several texts from coworkers saying I was a jerk to Tina. Jared and Helga agree that her minion obsession is a lot but said I could just appease Tina and the minion obsession. I got an email at the end of the day from my supervisor stating that he, Tina, and I need to have a sit down about bullying tomorrow.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Asking For Help From My Sister's Husband In Picking Her Up?
” “I (M 27) moved to the same city as my sister (F 33) and her family. For a month now, she’d call me at 3 pm and tell me she’d be at the bar for a couple of drinks and to get away from the kids and the house and responsibilities and so on… then ask me to come pick her up and drop her off at home.
Her husband is usually on a long shift when this happens and the kids are usually with their aunt (my sister’s friends). I was fine with that… didn’t agree it was the best way to unwind but I just went along and did what she asked.
Well, yesterday, she called me again to come pick her up and take her home.
However this time she sounded wasted… like she had more drinks than she was supposed to. I got in my car and drove to the bar then saw her arguing with some folks there. She was obviously wasted. I grabbed her stuff and told her to get up so we could leave but the next thing I knew she started lashing out at me asking who tf I was and claiming she never met me.
I told her to cut it out and come with me but she refused and started yelling saying I was trying to rob her by taking her purse and phone. Some guys got involved and I was told to leave even after I showed them identification that proved we were family.
I was mad, I sat in the car and called her husband, I told him where she was and said that he needed to come pick her up.
He was both shocked and livid.
I went back home and went about my day. The next morning I woke up to a loud knocking on my door. It was my sister and she was furious. She started yelling at me saying I messed up by calling her husband and not only telling him where she was but telling him to go get her when I was supposed to do that.
I said I was there but she acted like I was a stranger. She said that I screwed up, exposed her, and caused a huge problem between her and her husband. I said it wasn’t my fault she was hanging out in a bar drinking while leaving her kids and home, and that she should’ve been honest with her husband.
She said that I don’t understand and that I don’t get to dictate how she lives her life.
We argued and then she left. She got our parents to call me to scold me for exposing her instead of being there for her since she’s obviously going through stuff. things are a mess now.
AITJ?
26. AIJT For Not Wanting To Name My Son "Archibald"?
“I (36 m) am married to ‘Yolanda’ (34 f) who is currently pregnant with our son.
Early on in the baby name search, my wife brought up the possibility of naming our son after her grandfather, who died about ten years ago. However, her grandfather had a very old-timey name that would definitely get made fun of now. Let’s assume it’s Archibald. I vetoed it immediately. I said we could maybe have it as a middle name, but I didn’t want our son to get made fun of.
She agreed and we moved on from the topic.
Recently, a woman named ‘Ocean’ began working at my wife’s place of work. Ocean follows a pagan religion, which I have absolutely no problem with. She and Yolanda became really good friends and after a while, Yolanda told me she wanted to convert to Ocean’s religion.
I told her if it made her happy and satisfied, then go for it. She immediately started buying things like sage, crystals, and other items in order to do rituals.
However, just yesterday, Yolanda came to me and said that she and Ocean had conducted a seance with spirits the other day while she was visiting Ocean’s apartment.
According to her, the spirits were in contact with the spirit of Yolanda’s grandfather and they told her that if we didn’t name our son after him, horrible things would start happening. Essentially, our son would be cursed for life.
Yolanda then told me that the baby name discussion was officially over and that our son’s first name would be Archibald no matter what.
I said there was no way I was allowing my son to be named Archibald, and I didn’t want him to struggle with his name all his life. She got upset with me and said that I was dooming our son to a terrible existence and we needed to listen to the spirits. I told her I didn’t care what the spirits had to say and if they cared so much, they could come tell me themselves.
She became extremely angry at that and said I was disrespecting her religion and if I truly cared about our son, I would let her name him Archibald. I held steady and refused and brought up the middle name idea again, but she insisted it had to be a first name. We went back and forth for a while before my wife locked herself in our bedroom and still wasn’t coming out.
I got an Instagram DM from Ocean berating me for refusing the name and saying I was a horrible father and all kinds of other things. I’m feeling weird about it now and just want to get more opinions. AITJ for not wanting my son’s name to be Archibald?”
25. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Making My Body Image About Her?
“So I gained some weight and in the interim discovered I’m a drinking addict. I’m working with an addiction counselor and through that, I’m starting to get my body back. It’s been tough, and of course, with every relapse, I get that bloat back, so it’s up and down.
I was at a cookout with my husband’s family where we were just catching up after a few months of scattered communication.
I like my in-laws, they’re great people.
But when MIL asked me how the counseling has been and if I’ve seen improvement, I shared some of my struggles with the back and forth. The weight gain usually centers in my stomach with the bloat, and in my face, so it’s very hard for me to ignore.
MIL said she was proud of me, and I thought that was that.
SIL got really defensive and pushed into the conversation saying ‘Oh if you think YOU’RE big, what do you think that makes me?’
I said that I’m talking about me, about my body, not hers, so it’s kind of irrelevant.
She huffed and was just like ‘Yeah but when you talk about your body you’re also talking about everyone’s body. So if you think YOUR body is big, you must think mine is MASSIVE.’
I really didn’t want to continue down this path, so I said ‘SIL, my body image has nothing to do with you.
Stop trying to make it about you. Not everything is about you.’
She got really upset and huffed off. I found out later that she went around to different groups trying to get everyone ‘on her side’ and when that didn’t work, she went on social media to rant about body acceptance stuff and accused me of ‘weaponizing drinking addiction’ which was not a phrase I ever thought I’d say or type.
I asked MIL and she said that she didn’t think our conversation was anything to worry about, but my husband did tell me it was probably a rude move because my SIL has always been bigger and more sensitive about it, and shutting her down like that it must have felt invalidating. AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Buying Nestlé Products?
“My (18f ) brother, Kyle, is 22 m. It’s fairly common to live at home well into one’s 20s where I live, so although he is employed, he still lives at home, as do I. He has a deep deep hatred for Nestlé. He even gets salty about the fact that I feed my baby (2 months) a formula brand owned by Nestlé.
I do that because it’s the only formula she will tolerate without ending up violently ill for days, she’s still on preemie formula. I dislike the company too but my child’s health is more important than my brother’s dislike for the company. He knows this, and he also is well aware of the fact that I’m on a limited income at the moment, since I am receiving government assistance so I can still focus on college and my future.
Kyle is fairly unstable, he’s got BPD (borderline personality disorder) and a range of other mental health issues that lead to him being impulsive and sometimes downright nasty. He’s been seeing professionals for years now and has improved but when he’s bad, he’s really bad. His mental illness can explain his actions, but it certainly can’t excuse them.
This morning, he was going on a Nestlé tangent again, because my dad had the audacity to buy Nescafé coffee, instead of a better brand. He was tearing apart cupboards, pointing out things owned by Nestlé, and throwing them around the place. I wasn’t even here for this, but this is what my dad told me.
He did get to the formula, dumped that in the sink, and turned on the tap before my dad could grab him and stop him. This caused me to freak out because the shortage is affecting my country (people sending it to the US) and he dumped this month’s worth of food for my child (and a good bit for myself).
When I got home my dad sat me down to tell me what Kyle had done, and I pretty much lost it at him. I asked him why he did that, knowing my baby needed it and I could barely even afford it for this WEEK, let alone for all month. I told him he was a selfish jerk, putting his comfort before my child, and I eventually said, ‘If your mental health is suffering that badly, you need to be checking into a mental hospital until you can be around others without acting like a complete maniac.’
My dad actually thinks I went too far here, and my mom is a bit mad that I would weaponize Kyle’s mental health the way I did. Kyle has locked himself in his room for the whole day and says he’ll never be nice to me again. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Rejecting My Mother-In-Law's Name Suggestion For My Baby?
“I (25 f) am pregnant with my first child. Both my and my partner’s families are very excited. My partner (25 m) is the oldest grandchild on both his mother’s and his father’s side and this baby is the oldest grandchild/great-grandchild so you can imagine how excited they all are.
Initially, I had no real issues but things went down when my partner and I decided not to find out the baby’s gender. There was crying, arguing, pleading, all so that they could know what was between this poor child’s legs. In the end, we put our foot down and said, Any more harassment over this and we won’t even tell you when bean is born!
For context, my g-ma was just as bad as my partner’s g-mas over this.
Last night MIL, FIL, and my parents came over for dinner. Baby names came up in conversation and my partner and I politely said that we have some ideas but don’t want to share yet. MIL cut in and stated, ‘If it’s a boy at least we know the first/middle name will be ___’.
A record screeched in my head. I was like ‘Whaaaa?’ My face clearly showed it because she went into a long rant about how all the firstborn boys have that name to honor her father that passed away (I’ve heard he was a great man but he died about 20 years before my partner was even born, I never met him and neither did my partner) and he was named after his father and that we needed to carry on the tradition.
My partner explained again that we wouldn’t be discussing potential names for the baby and steered the convo away from the field of landmines the convo turned into. Later on, MIL followed me to the kitchen and again mentioned that if the baby is a boy we need to give him that name. I lost my mind a little and raised my voice (potentially the jerk for this) and said ‘My partner and I choose what this baby is called, not you or anyone else.
Back off!’ She left in tears and FIL told me off before following.
My mom said soft YTJ because I didn’t have to cuss at her or raise my voice and I could have just nodded and smiled politely to keep the peace. I feel guilty that I made my partner’s mom cry and now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me.
AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Going On A Trip With Someone Else?
“My fiancé (29 M) and I (27 F) have been together for 4 years and got engaged last September. I am German and moved here (America) 9 years ago, so my whole family is back home. Because of this every year, my mama gives me money to fly back home for the summer.
I always tell her I can pay for tickets myself but she always insists on paying so she ‘can guarantee I come and visit her’.
Last week she sent me funds for me and my fiancé to come visit this summer. He has been coming with me for the past 3 years and we always leave and return on the same days each year.
So I bought the tickets and then told him. He said that he actually didn’t want to go this year which made me upset because it would be the first time we visit engaged. I tried convincing him but gave up after a bit cause I couldn’t force him to go.
I told my mama what happened and she was sad and said that I could either use the ticket to take a friend or refund it.
At work on Monday I was talking to my work friend (24 F) about how I was visiting home this summer. She said that it would be nice to visit home and that she usually does too but is unable to this year (she’s from the Ukraine). I suggested she come to Germany with me since I have an extra ticket and she won’t be doing anything.
After some talking, planning, etc she accepted.
When I got home I was going to tell my fiancé but before I got a chance he told me that he’d changed his mind and he’ll come. I told him it was too late and I just promised the ticket to someone else. He got upset and started saying that it was his ticket from my mama and that it was only a couple of days how could I replace him like that?
I told him that he’s the one that declined and he just left. I’ve been feeling really bad and am wondering, AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Going Off At A Creepy Guy At Walmart?
“Yesterday I (M) was shopping at a Walmart and I noticed a guy following me and smiling at me at times saying hi to me. I’m not a confrontational person so I walk away only to see the same guy following me.
He approaches me with these pamphlets and talks about how he’s collecting donations for his country.
Before he can finish I tell him I’m not interested and I don’t have the time. He continues saying that this will be fast and that it’s to help poor kids from his country. I’m getting annoyed and I tell him that I said I wasn’t interested and to leave me alone. I try to leave but he follows me, he tries to convince me again and says ‘Please it’s for the kids’.
At this point I was livid and here’s where I might have been the jerk out of anger I said ‘I don’t care for the kids and what you are doing is creepy and uncalled for you were following me for a good while smiling at me and didn’t take a hint when I kept walking away now leave me alone unless you want me to report what you’re doing to Walmart Management because I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to solicit their customers’.
This also bothered me because I have a bad memory when it comes to people I have barely interacted with, so I thought this dude was someone who knew me but I just couldn’t remember. So making me believe that when he was just a stranger bothered me because it made me second guess myself.
He then responded ‘Wow you don’t have to be such a jerk about it’ and walked away. I like to think I’m a calm person but it really bothers me when people pester me especially when I’ve made it clear that they have to stop.
Obviously, I do care for kids, it’s just something that came out of my mouth because I didn’t know what else to say for him to leave me alone.
It made me rethink what I said to the guy and maybe I was a bit too harsh and feel bad.”
20. AITJ For Loving My Dog More Than My Hateful Aunt?
“My grandmother can’t walk and needs help. This means all her children take turns caring for her when her in-home nurse isn’t available or on holiday.
Turns are such that each of her children takes care of her for a whole day every two weeks, or half a day every week.
The day after Christmas it was my aunt‘s (61 f) turn. She said she was happy about doing it because she wanted to spend the holidays with my grandmother anyway.
My mother (60 f) and I (30 f) offered to go too and bring the food. This way we could spend a bit of quality time with my grandmother and my aunt wouldn’t have to worry about cooking. My mother and I asked my aunt at what time she wanted us there, and my aunt said ‘When you want, before lunch’.
Lunch in my country is usually at 1 pm or later.
So we cooked (on Christmas Day). Sadly, in the morning it started raining pretty heavily. Our dog, who is a true gentleman, firmly refused to go for his walk until it stopped raining. Around 9 we managed to walk him and at 10.30 we were at my grandma’s with the food for everyone.
And my aunt went absolutely insane. She called me and my mother irresponsible; she said that she really didn’t mean it when she said we could come whenever we wanted, and we had to get there earlier; She said my mother never really cared for her family. My grandmother was confused as she didn’t understand the reason behind all the arguing.
I was confused as I didn’t expect to be attacked. When we explained we couldn’t walk the dog earlier because of the rain, finally, my aunt declared – in front of my grandmother – that we love our dog more than we love my grandmother.
I didn’t say anything earlier despite the verbal mistreatment, but what I said then was ‘I don’t love my dog more than Grandma but I surely love my dog more than you’.
At this point, my aunt just smiled and was apparently satisfied that she was right about us all along. At 1 p.m. we sat down and ate the food WE prepared in silence, and after that, my aunt left, leaving my grandmother with us.
Since then we have had no contact. Relatives are a bit split about who is the jerk here: what I said wasn’t kind, but my aunt is often abrasive and aggressive, especially towards me and my mum, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
The other day my mother saw her again after so many months and said she looked calm and… normal. I didn’t trust it but my mother said that I had to stop being in no contact with my aunt, because in the end I was a bit of a jerk and my aunt is her sister after all.
I don’t really regret saying what I said, as my dog has never called me a jerk for wearing makeup, and has never told me I will never have a family, or that my dad died a loser like my aunt did many times. I DO love him more than her. So: AITJ here?”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Partner Unless He Starts Helping Me?
“My partner (M 33) and I (F 35) have been together for a little over 3 years. My partner has been asking if we can move in together for a while now but I’ve always been a little hesitant because I have two kids (F 11 and M 7) and I wanted to be sure we were in a solid relationship before we took that step.
My partner has no children. (Is that pertinent or not?)
My partner lives in an apartment and has since we met. I own my own home, and the kids and I have lived here for about 4 years. Currently, we live about 1 hour and 15 minutes apart. He comes down and stays with us on the weekend.
About 3-4 months ago my partner started looking for work closer to my home and started to drop hints about him moving in with us this summer.
It all came to a head the other day when I told him I didn’t want him to live here with us. My reasoning? He doesn’t help out at all when he is here.
He gets here Friday nights after work, I cook dinner for the 4 of us and then clean up, he goes into the living room and sets up his video games and pretty much does that off and on all weekend unless we all go out to do something together. Weekends are either spent out, or the kids and I catch up on chores.
Housework, meals, yard work, school projects, walking the dog, etc. I pay all of my bills, and all of the groceries, etc. (even for meals my partner shares with us). My partner stays out of the way but doesn’t ever help out. Financially or chores. And I said that I just didn’t want to add another person to the household that doesn’t contribute to the care and running and that as long as he doesn’t have any sense of partnership here, he shouldn’t live here.
My partner always says he just doesn’t think it’s fair I want him to chip in when the house is mine, the kids are mine, the mess and wear and tear is mine, and he has his whole own home to take care of which he does during the week so he can come here and spend time with us on the weekend.
Especially when he doesn’t even live here.
To him, it’s not fair for me to ask him to ‘chip in’ when it’s not HIS lifestyle to keep up with.
And while he’s not wrong, I just don’t think he’s right either.
When I ask him how he thinks this will all change when he moves in, he says ‘I guess we will figure it out as we go.’ Which sounds an awful lot to me like ‘I don’t plan to change much.’ But I could be making unfair assumptions.
So, AITJ for refusing to add my partner to the household until he starts chipping in a little? Or, is he right that he doesn’t live here yet and it’s really not fair to ask him to?”
18. AITJ For What I Wore To My Stepdaughter's Graduation?
“My stepdaughter graduated college, so my husband, myself, and our kids (the ones we have together) traveled to watch the ceremonies, take her to dinner, give her gifts, and spend time with her since she will be all over during the summer with her friends and mom’s side before she starts grad school in the fall.
We had to fly in to see her, so I was wearing a comfy matching workout set (in her school colors to celebrate) on the flight and had a dress and heels in my carry-on to change into before the ceremony.
Unfortunately, we had a delayed flight and things were very hectic. We barely got there in time for the graduation, and our kids wanted to stop and pick out flowers for her.
My young son got very sick and with all the chaos, taking care of the kids, and getting there with the traffic, I never ended up changing because it completely slipped my mind and I have zero idea how. I think I was just very exhausted.
My stepdaughter was very upset and was very warm to her dad and half-siblings, but was cold with me.
I asked her privately what was wrong and she told me she was furious with how disrespectful I was with my clothing (people were dressed kind of casually because the big ceremony was outdoors in the football stadium) and that she wanted nice pictures with everyone dressed up. She said if she were my real kid I would have never done what I had done.
She also told her dad that I was banned from future events of hers because she knew ‘I would be a terrible person’ and wear sweatpants to her wedding.
I apologized and tried to explain what had happened and that I was very proud of her and was very sorry she felt like an afterthought.
I told her we could all dress up for dinner and take better pictures, but she was angry at my suggestion.
She has not spoken to me and has not spoken to my husband since (he apologized but tried to defend me).
Am I the jerk?”
17. AITJ For Letting My Niece Keep Books She Loves In My House?
“I (36 F) and my niece (16 F) are extremely close my younger sister had her when she was 18 and I helped raise her while my sister went to university the dad isn’t in the picture. My sister married her current husband J a year ago, I’ll admit I’m not the guy’s biggest fan he’s extremely conservative and our opinions tend to clash a bit but my sister is happy so I don’t typically say anything.
My niece is not his biggest fan and has been spending a lot more time with me.
My niece loves to read, something she definitely got from me. She spends every weekend and most of the summer with me she has her own room at my place. When her mom first got married she was complaining to me that J has started becoming overbearing and inputting rules that were never in place before.
Like a much earlier curfew, policing how she dresses, going to church every Sunday, and after going through my niece’s book collection telling her that she’s not allowed to read certain things. That includes anything having to do with the LGBTQ community or mythology. She got around the church Sunday rule because she stays with me and I suggested that she send any books that would be considered banned to my house so she can read them while she stays with me.
Well, it was her birthday a few weeks ago and J got her a gift card for books she used the gift card to buy the Heart Stopper series which she sent to my house since the book is about a teenage gay romance. She was asked if she had used the gift card and said yes and my sister and J got suspicious that no books had come in the mail yet.
They pressured her into telling them about where the books were since it was technically their money and she admitted that she sends books that she can’t read at home to me.
J kicked her out of the house for this and she’s currently staying with me now. My sister wants her to come back home now that things have cooled off with J.
I left the decision up to my niece and she wants to live with me now and my sister is pretty upset. J and my sister think I was a jerk to go over their heads and let her send her books here. Most of my family is on my sister’s side except for my dad.
AITJ for letting my sister send ‘banned’ books to my house?”
16. AITJ For Not Leaving The Hot Tub?
“I am currently in Hawaii with my mom (60s F) and dad (70s M). My parents are paying for everything. This vacation is supposedly to celebrate an accomplishment of mine.
For the most part, everything has gone fairly well considering our family vacations usually have some sort of blow-up or argument. Well, that came yesterday when I went out to the beach at night.
Around 9-10 pm, mom called me and asked that I come back to the hotel room but I declined and said I wanted to stay out at the beach. She and my dad continue to tell me to come back but I refuse. My mother says that she cant sleep unless she knows I made it home safe because of her anxiety.
I still declined.
Eventually, my father came down to the beach to demand that I come back in and he scolded me for disobeying. I follow him back from the beach but then say I am going to stay at the hot tub. This made my parents mad because they TOLD me to go back to the room.
Dad even started getting loud about it, which was fairly embarrassing, and my mom is on the phone about her terrible anxiety and she can’t sleep unless I’m back.
Here’s the thing… I am 27 years old. Basically, I am a full-grown adult with my own apartment, income, etc. I feel like my parents should no longer have the authority to tell me what to do when it comes to such basic decisions and actions like how I spend my leisure time.
I said as much and stayed out in the hot tub until I wanted to leave.
This morning, my mom was ‘not angry, but disappointed’ in me because she and my father ‘do everything’ for me and I ‘don’t appreciate anything.’ She clearly had not slept well. I absolutely owe all of my success to my parents.
They paid for all of my education and expenses until I got a salaried position. However, to me, it feels like they do all these ‘nice things’ ‘for me’ so they can then hold it over me and control my life even though I am fully grown.
For example, when I was going through undergraduate, my parents insisted that I not work so I could focus fully on my studies while they paid for whatever I needed. However, whenever I would disobey them (e.g. getting a bartending job), they would threaten to pull all funding so I could not continue school or pay for housing.
This is one example where I feel that they are trying to use their money and ‘generosity’ to control me because if I attempted to work my way to financial independence, they would pull the rug out before I could make it.
So tell me, was I being a spoiled brat when I stayed in the hot tub, knowing it would cause great anxiety and sleeplessness for my mom?”
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Making Me Lose Sleep?
“My (29 f) wife (25 f) and I have an almost eight-month-old. I’m on maternity and am home while my wife works.
I try my best to take care of the majority of the things.
I keep the house clean. Cook most of the meals and do the dishes. My wife does help around the house as well.
My baby is teething and sleep has been a major struggle. I try my hardest not to wake my wife during the night as I’m aware she needs her sleep. But when the baby is up 4+ times a night I will get my wife to settle her if I can’t.
The other night was our worst night yet. I was up literally all night and was an absolute zombie. My wife stepped up and got up multiple times the next night after I told her I ‘tapped out’ I was so exhausted. I still got up 2X but my wife about 4.
So now we get to this AM.
My wife leaves for work at 7:30 a.m. This means from about 6-7:30 while she is getting ready I sleep. This has been our routine for months. So I hear the baby crying at 6 and nudge my wife. I had already been up 4x and wife 1x. She said she was tapping out. I told her I had only been back to bed for 45 minutes.
She brought the baby into bed with us but the baby wanted up. So I brought her out into the living room. I was mad because my wife had to get up for work anyway and this was my last chance to rest.
My wife came into the room and could tell I was mad.
She started making small talk and I told her to go back to bed as what’s the point of both of us being up. She said I don’t want you to be mad at me. I said it just feels like you don’t care.
This turned into a big argument. She said she was up a lot the night before.
I replied that I do that every night. Yes, she will get up but not nearly as much as I do and I don’t want to hear how tired she is when she gets a solid 6+ hrs in a row and I haven’t had that in 8 months.
Here’s where I think I may be the jerk.
I told her to go to work and not to call me. She said I’ll see you when I get home and I responded ‘We will see’. I said this out of anger and I know I shouldn’t have. I’m just sleep-deprived. Part of me thinks I’m right but reacted poorly.
So AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Being Mad When I Was Made To Feel Like I Didn't Deserve The Prize That I Got?
“My school has a tradition where sophomores will put on a post-prom obviously following prom. There are games food etc. The main reason everyone goes through is because of the prizes, though they are mostly meant for the seniors.
This year I (18 f) realized right away there were not enough prizes for everyone. Usually, there would be enough for at least every one to get one or two. That’s when I found out they wouldn’t be just giving out the prizes. We all had to go play games to earn tickets, that we could put towards any prize of our choosing.
(i.e., you win five tickets you can put one in for the air fryer drawing, and one for the TV drawing, etc etc) It’s worth noting that there were around 10 or so prizes that only seniors from our school could enter.
Since there are only 7 seniors including myself I put the vast majority of my tickets into the senior-only prizes.
Well, eventually I noticed that I wasn’t earning hardly any tickets, despite playing games all night. A classmate of mine, Joe(17m), had an ever-loving ton of tickets, and looking around, so did all of the other seniors. Joe, for context, has a child who is under a year old.
It came time to do the drawing and as you would expect many people went home empty-handed while others got 2-4 prizes each.
Senior prizes get drawn and surprise surprise Joe wins around 5 prizes just himself. In fact every senior went home with at least one prize each, all except for me.
I went to leave and Joe noticed I didn’t have anything and asked me what I won. I told him nothing and after hearing that he asked what I put my tickets into.
I told him all the senior prizes and he said it was nonsense that I got jipped and gave me a prize of his. I was grateful and after feeling a lot better I walked out to my car.
On my way out I was stopped by a parent running the event. She asked why I had Joe’s prize and I explained he gave it to me.
She got mad and said that it was a senior-only prize and I would have one something if I had entered into the prizes I was supposed to. Confused I explained to her that I am a senior. I think she realized her mistake and said something along the lines of ‘Well most of the prizes were meant for Joe anyways, he’s got a family to support.’
I was furious, and left a long comment on the school’s social media post about post-prom basically saying ‘I didn’t know I had to have a kid to be worthy of prizes’.”
13. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend That I Had Been Trying To Get Pregnant?
“My one friend Heather (38 F) and I (36 F) have been friends since we were 15 and 17. I always hated kids and had no interest in having them all the way up until a year ago when I kinda just changed my mind.
My partner of 4 years and I decided to start trying and surprisingly I got pregnant within two weeks even though I had been on birth control for 20 years and only off of it for a month.
Some relevant info on Heather, she had two kids very young, when she was 17 and 19 and she ended up marrying the father.
He was extremely abusive and as a young mother, she felt trapped. She also had no support system and suffered from post-partum depression badly. Now obviously her kids are grown and she doesn’t have the same struggles, but for some reason, she looks down on ANYONE who has kids now. It was hard for her so it will be hard for everyone else.
Everyone else is selfish for having kids.
So anyway I told her I was 7 weeks along and she was shocked. Understandable, I always hated kids and now I’m having one. But it didn’t stop there. Heather kept telling me how hard it was for her and she was so glad that part of her life was over and she’s so disappointed in me for not sticking to my guns.
She told me it was absolutely horrible being a parent and since I’ve had mental issues in the past I’m selfish and out of my mind for being pregnant. She demanded to know what made me decide I wanted a baby all of a sudden, why I didn’t tell her I was trying and how could I keep it a secret ‘all these years’ (it’s been one year).
She told me I couldn’t drink anymore like that’s groundbreaking info I didn’t know already. She demanded to know what support system I had. (I have a huge support system of friends and family). She said my news made her cry and shake and want to get her tubes tied. She told me babies were awful and she was depressed constantly and I would be too.
I told Heather it was nobody’s business but my own that I was trying for a baby and that I had never spoken to her this way when she was a pregnant teen. I said there was a massive difference between a 36-year-old first-time mom and a 17-year-old first-time mom. I said she was hurting me and making me cry at work.
She asked me what I had to cry about and doubled down on what she was saying. She just kept repeating that I was gonna have a horrible time and never get a spare moment and she wished I had told her I was trying to get pregnant, and had a better job and more money and a nicer house.
She said she’s in a different mindset now than when she was younger and ‘wishes we had that in common.’ I finally stopped talking to her.
So… is she right? Did I do something wrong here? AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Letting My Kid Not Share Her Snacks?
“I have four kids (4, 6, 8 and 10). Each kid has their own little ‘snack box’ in the pantry. It’s basically a cardboard box with their name on it that they’ve decorated how they like.
Whenever we buy snacks of any kind (aside from healthy things like nuts or fruit or veggies etc.) we’ll put an equal amount of each in each kid’s snack box.
Otherwise, the box would be empty in a few days because they would all come to eat some and one kid would end up eating much more than another or someone just wouldn’t get any. We figured this way they all get equal amounts and can learn to regulate on their own how much they eat and how long it lasts.
It has led to some interesting trades between them (trading snacks for snacks or chores for snacks etc.) Thankfully we haven’t had much trouble with them stealing from each other.
So we have a few good friends who come over a lot. Between them, they have 3 kids that come over with them and play with our kids, ages 3, 8 and 12.
Last week they came over and the 3-year-old wanted a snack cake that was in my 8-year-old’s snack box. All of my other kids had already eaten their cakes and my 8-year-old had two left (they each started with three). The 3-year-old asked for one and my 8-year-old said no. She didn’t want to share because they were her favorite and she was saving them for later.
The 3-year-old threw a tantrum and my friend’s spouse was upset I wouldn’t make my child share. I said they were her snacks and she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to. My friend’s spouse said that it wasn’t fair I had snack cakes where a toddler could see them and tell her she couldn’t have one and that my snack box system was going to cause my kids to have a bad relationship with food or cause hoarding problems or something like that in the future, that they need to learn to share.
I said they do know how to share, I just don’t MAKE them share FOOD, and that the 3-year-old can have anything else in the house, just nothing from the snack boxes. She said that all the ‘good stuff’ was in the snack boxes and that if I was going to do this I should leave some out for when other kids come over so they can have some too.
AITJ for not making my kid share her snacks? Even if it really upset my friend’s kid?”
11. AITJ For Explaining To My Little Brother How Animals Become Food?
“Recently, my wife (25 F) and I (25 M) started growing our own meat, as a response to both the rising prices and the cruelty of the meat industry. Our turning point was when she discovered a big cloth of blood inside the thigh of the chicken we bought. I grew up on a farm, and I know that it was the mark of the bird being beaten while alive.
So we started growing our own.6 months ago, we sacrificed our first bird, and I made a point of learning how to do it, just so that I am responsible for the life that is taken in order for my family to eat. I reached out to a Kosher butcher, and he agreed to teach me how to do it properly (we don’t sell the meat and we have a veterinarian checking the health of the birds every 3 months, so they are safe for consumption).
I am the eldest of three brothers. My younger brother (12 M) wanted to stay with us for a couple of days during his winter break, and it just so happened that his visit overlapped with the day that we spent sacrificing and preparing the meat for the last day of eating meat until Easter (we fast of all animal products for the duration of the Lent).
My brother did not know what we were doing and came into the sacrificing area just as I made the first cut. Cue the tears and screaming. We had a job to do, so we could not intervene for an hour. After we cleaned up, my wife went to the store to buy some groceries, and in the meantime, I sat my brother down and explained what he saw.
I made a point explaining that meat comes from sacrificed animals and that we have to understand and respect the animals that died for us in order to have meat on our plates.
He, while sobbing, said that he would never eat meat again and asked to be taken back to my parents’ house. I understood his request, so I took him back, and inevitably, my mom found out.
Cue the screaming, especially the fact that I traumatized my brother, and while I understand that, I argue that he is old enough to understand this truth and that his choice is not my fault. My mom went ballistic on me. My wife and my dad stay out of it, so this is mainly between us.
AITJ?
EDIT:
1. I am Eastern European as in ‘I lived all my life here’. A farm here is not the industrial-size farm you guys have in the US. It was a ~5000 square meter patch of land that had my grandparents’ house on it and enough space to raise chickens, pigs, and a cow.
2. My grandparents sold the ‘farm’ when I was 10.
Neither of my brothers had contact with animals the way I did.
3. My grandparents hired a neighbor to help them around with the animals. He drank a lot and took his frustrations out on the chickens, often kicking them. This is why he was fired and how I learned how a bruised chicken looks like
4. English is not my native language. ‘Sacrifice’ was the wrong choice of words, I am not in a satanic cult.”
You are not the jerk at all tell mom that while you feel bad that brother saw what he saw you honestly thought he KNEW where meat came from and that's on HER and DAD for not telling him
10. AITJ For Calling My Partner Gross For Not Washing Her Hands After Going To The Bathroom?
“I (35 nb) used to be a cook in a restaurant, so I wash my hands to the elbow and quite meticulously (I am also just plain grossed out by how much dirt comes off of my hands!) I don’t expect this level of others but add it in case it skews my perspective on what IS normal hand washing.
I noticed my partner (30 nb) wasn’t running water or using soap after they used the toilet. Like not washing at all. And when they did wash their hands, which was only a couple times a day or in public restrooms, it’s only around 3-4 seconds. And at home, I’ll notice the soap isn’t wet.
One day they used it, I didn’t hear the sink, and I saw them walk to the kitchen.
I couldn’t help myself, I blurted, ‘Are you seriously going to the kitchen when you didn’t wash your hands after using the toilet?’
‘Yeah I didn’t get anything on my hands!’ they replied. I said, ‘Wow, that’s.. Um. You know you should wash your hands after you use the toilet, right? I notice you don’t even run water over your hands!’
That’s when they said, ‘I didn’t poop it was only pee!’
And I just. This is where I was called the jerk by my partner because I said, ‘Oh that’s nasty. I don’t know what else to say. That’s kinda gross. Honey that’s gross! Wash your hands!’
They got so upset. They said I made them feel dirty and gross.
And this is where I doubled down. I said, ‘Honey not to be a jerk but you ARE dirty? It IS gross?’ and I was just… Flabbergasted.
Like I don’t expect a full 30-second countdown at home after a wee, but like, ten seconds with a bit of soap? Even a few seconds of water to show you’re trying?
BEFORE GETTING FOOD ALWAYS?
After this argument and me not backing off, I noticed they’d wash their hands but when they thought I was asleep they’d stop again. So we had to talk about it AGAIN because… I don’t wanna know what’s in the kitchen utensils if they’re doing this when they think I don’t notice.
But then I saw stories on the internet about people admitting it’s fine not to wash hands when you wee at home? Some people don’t wash their hands at home at ALL?
Is it actually gross or was I a jerk for saying it was gross? I never directly said ‘You’re nasty, you’re gross’ but my partner said I made them feel that way.”
9. AITJ For Ruining My Relationship With My Sister Because Of How She Treated Me And My Husband?
“Growing up my sister and I were always very close, and when I came out as trans in high school she was supportive of me despite not fully understanding.
That’s also around the time I started going out with my now husband, Theo. He is also transgender. My sister never quite liked my husband because she saw him as competition for my affection, as she has bad abandonment issues due to our father and the way he treated her as a young child.
We’re all well into our late 20s now and our relationship was still perfectly fine until last year when she found out she was pregnant with her son.
I was so excited to finally be an uncle, it had been something I looked forward to for YEARS! Once the baby had been born she sat me down and we had a ‘Jesus talk’ (AKA laying down the law). She told me that she didn’t want my husband around her children because of us being a transgender gay couple.
She’s worried about us leaving a mark on her impressionable child and even went as far as to say we might do something bad to her newborn baby. She wants me to fully keep my spouse away from her son and said I’d be allowed to see him, but never left alone with him in case I tried to drag them down along with me.
I was greatly offended by this, because not only did she offend my husband, but she treated me like I was some weirdo that’s after the children to turn them into gay people. I told her I’d think about it before leaving her house and heading home.
I spoke to Theo about it and he said he was fine with it, but I could see the hurt expression on his face.
After our little chat, I told my sister that I no longer felt welcome around her and that if I really make her that uncomfortable I’d rather just not be a part of their lives at all. She called me and yelled at me about how I was choosing Theo over her and my nephew.
Many hurtful things were said on both sides, and I admit I’m wrong. I should have held my anger in better.
Since then I’ve gotten calls from various family members fussing at me over this and honestly, I feel guilty for leaving them behind, but I can’t stand to be treated in such a way.
Am I the jerk for picking my husband over my sister and my nephew? I feel like I can’t win in this situation.”
8. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Give Her Mom Medical POA?
“A college friend, I’ll call her Mona, called me a couple of weeks ago about a fight she had with her husband, & my advice to her is now drawing criticism from 2 friend groups.
I have a personal policy to not share negative feelings about friends’ partners & not to interfere in relationships.
I try to support my friends w/o doing anything that could ruin our friendship.
Mona & I stayed close, along with our core group, since we graduated. Senior year of college Mona met Dan (not his real name), & they married after graduation & moved to TX from So. California to be closer to his family.
I’ve never liked Dan. He’s loud, sexist, & rude. I’ve kept my feelings to myself for Mona’s sake.
Mona got pregnant last summer & is due in March/April. Another friend had something go wrong with her pregnancy (something with the placenta) & Mona, who has always been a worrier, is really scared to give birth.
Because of her fears, Mona asked Dan to prioritize her if anything happened during birth, & in response, Dan told her that he didn’t know if he would be able to sacrifice his child to save her. Mona kept pushing him to prioritize her life, & Dan ended up blowing up at her calling her selfish for being unwilling to sacrifice for their child & for trying to put that responsibility on him.
Mona told me about their fight. I didn’t share the extent of my opinion with Mona, but I am 100% on her side. I think he’s a jerk for not respecting his wife’s life or medical wishes.
I thought the best thing to do would be to give some advice to put her mind at ease.
I suggested Mona give her mom medical power of attorney if she was really so afraid of Dan sacrificing her life for their child, & Mona thought it was a good idea.
A few days ago, I found out from our group chat that Dan found the forms in Mona’s purse before Mona could sign them in front of a notary/witness.
Dan is furious. He has accused her of not trusting him & undermining their marriage. I haven’t been able to talk to Mona too much, but it seems he is giving her the silent treatment & might be staying at his parent’s house.
I feel awful that Mona is going through something so stressful while pregnant but didn’t think I was at fault.
But our friend group is pretty clear in blaming me (only 1 friend privately agreed). They’re all married/have children, whereas I have been open about not wanting to be married or have kids. They insist I ‘don’t understand how marriage works’ & I ‘shouldn’t have interfered in their marriage.’
I was pretty overwhelmed by their response, so I asked a separate friend group for perspective, & that group was overwhelmingly critical of my decision not to get even more involved in their marriage.
They say Dan might be abusing Mona & I’m wrong for not doing more to protect her.
I feel horrible for failing Mona and I don’t see how I’m not the jerk, & I want the internet to settle exactly how I am the jerk in this situation.”
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Play With My Partner's Dog?
“I (26 F) am not a dog person. Or an ‘untrained’ dog person, is more like it. I have a firm belief that if you as a dog owner fail to train your dog anything other than fetch and ‘give me your paw’ type of crap, you shouldn’t have a dog.
Period. With that said, I also never saw myself having a dog. It wasnt really something I wanted.
My partner of 3 years just basically inherited a dog about a year ago. His aunt passed on and his family didn’t want the dog so he took her. He was fully aware of my stance on dogs because roughly 5 months prior to that, he was begging me to get a puppy with him and I told him no. I’m way too busy with work and med school.
But this is his dog now and I don’t really mind. Him and I have no plans of moving in together anytime soon anyway.
But here’s my problem… he comes here usually every other weekend, sometimes more and he asked if he could bring this dog with him obviously. I was very vocal about yes, she can come here but DO NOT push the dog on me.
I have boundaries. I do not want a dog in my face (she is a small dog so she constantly bashes her face off yours or digs/nips your face to get your attention and has drawn blood multiple times), on my clothing (I work at a hospital so it’s unsanitary), jumping on me, etc. If I’m not in scrubs it’s one thing but if I am, hard no. He was really good about it at first but now he is just being a jerk.
He doesn’t understand why I don’t want this dog jumping on me or in my face. He’s constantly saying I’m being mean to the dog because I refuse to pet her every 5 seconds – which leads to her whining because he has not trained her to have boundaries at all and her anxiety is messed up because of it.
He doesn’t understand why I do not want to spend every second of my time with the dog (literally every second – even if I’m on my laptop doing school work he thinks I should be giving this dog attention).
So last night I had just gotten ready for work and he was at my house with the dog.
He kept saying ‘get her’ to the dog telling her to go get me. With my scrubs on. So I told him to cut the crap. I’m in my scrubs, do not tell this dog to jump on me. Period. I dont like jumping regardless but definitely do not do this when I’m wearing my scrubs.
He said it several more times until I finally snapped and called him a disrespectful jerk. He goes silent. 20 minutes later he said he was going to drive me to work in my car because of the black ice (my brakes are messed up) and he was going to catch the bus home.
On our way to my work, the dog started climbing up onto the center console in the front seat.
I told her no. My partner then said ‘She does this when you aren’t in the car. She just leans on me and looks out the window. Watch her, it’s funny.’ I told him no, I have my scrubs on, once again and I do not want a dog climbing on me and getting dog hair on me when I have to go into a sanitary environment at a hospital. He then told me I’m making a huge deal out of nothing, despite me constantly stating what my boundaries are and then he told me I just hate the dog.
At this point, I admittedly was starting to because of him. So I told him if he didn’t stop forcing this dog on me, which was leading to me wanting absolutely nothing to do with this animal, she would not be allowed at my house at all under any circumstances. He was saying I’m a jerk because she’s ‘just a dog’ and I was apparently overreacting about it and being mean.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Have One Of The Houses My Grandma Gave To Me?
“I (25 f) recently had my grandfather pass away, his wife (not my bio grandmother) passed away 4 years prior. That meant he chose who got what in the will.
My grandfather and I were very close. He raised me since I was 12 years old and I’ve always been his favorite. My mom never really got raised by him because her mom was crazy and a terrible mom.
My mom had 4 kids, her first when she was 15 and the last (me) when she was 25. All completely different fathers for all. My father has been in prison for over 40 years so I think you can see her choice in men.
When my grandpa’s wife passed away my partner (of 9 years) and I decided to move in with him to keep him company.
We had our own place and loved it there but I knew he’d be happier with someone there. As for my siblings, two of them I don’t even know. But my brother who I’m fairly close with isn’t close to my grandpa. My mom never really checked up on Grandpa at all, just called a couple of times a year.
His passing was unexpected, he was healthy. He had a sudden heart attack and the next thing I knew he was gone.
After my partner and I continued to stay at the house till we figured out who got what. I knew he left me the current house we were living in because we had talked about that together.
What was unexpected was that he also gave me my childhood house his late wife’s best friend lived in. Then every grandchild who was actually in his life or his wives (most of them on the late wives’ side) were given $10,000 each besides me and the wife’s daughter who got $50,000. He tried to be as fair as he could.
He basically tried to give the most to the ones he thought deserved it the most. Also, the reason why the daughter didn’t get a house is that she said she didn’t want one. They both are big fixer-uppers, but the one I’m currently at has 2 acres of land and the other has .7 acres.
So obviously my mom knew I got two houses and she started asking about the second one and what my plans were with it.
I planned on kicking out the best friend who lived there because she had been using Grandpa that entire time. Paying only taxes to live there, never paying him rent or anything (so like $200 a month for a 2 bed 1 bath house with an insane huge yard). Then I told her I was unsure, I thought maybe letting my brother live there or fixing it up completely and then deciding which one I wanted to live at and then renting it out (I have too many memories to just sell it).
I told her no that I wanted to keep my options open and she got mad. Calling me selfish etc. Her house is VERY small, with the tiniest backyard ever. I know why she wants to move but she is very unclean and would ruin that house for sure. I got a few calls from the family saying I should just let her live there and that her dad just passed away, etc.
My brother (30 m) currently lives with my mom. They have no idea I’m considering letting him live there. But I know 1000% I don’t want my mom living there. So AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Refusing To Sit Next To Doesn't Want To Sit Next To A Boy?
“I (15 F) am on a teen tour right now. Basically, it’s like 30/40 teens and we get to go to these cool places and then we ride the bus every few days to our new location. On the first day, they said they needed 5 people for the luggage crew and that if you did it you’d get your own seat on the bus as well as some other perks.
I volunteered and was the only girl chosen.
This morning we have a 3-hour drive. I loaded the luggage and put my stuff in my spot on the bus like normal. Then some people were having a hard time finding seats. This girl (who, by the way, is extremely entitled and annoying) came up to me and asked if she could sit next to me.
I just replied ‘I’m luggage crew sorry’. She then said there were no other seats. I looked around and pointed out 3 different boys who were not on the crew who had open seats next to them. She then said ‘But I can’t sit next to a boy.’
I asked why and she said it made her uncomfortable.
I really wanted to call nonsense because she’s been completely fine around boys this whole time and literally talks about her crushes all the time but I just told her to switch with someone who would sit next to a boy. One of the counselors heard this and said that I should just let her sit with me anyway.
I said that it’s unfair that I signed up for crew just to get my own seat and now there are people with their own seat who aren’t even on crew. A girl near me who was sitting with a girl offered to switch seats and sit next to one of the boys.
I of course thanked her and apologized but it felt like she and the counselor were acting like I was completely unreasonable when I don’t think I was. Yeah maybe it would’ve been the nice thing to do but I don’t think it makes me a jerk for not doing it. But I don’t know, what do you think?”
4. AITJ For Commenting About A Teacher's Incompetence With Teaching?
“I (50s M) am the head of the mathematics department at a private high school. Last year in May we had job openings for a teaching position.
We had several promising applicants, but we decided to hire a woman fresh out of graduate school (mid-20s F). I was excited to have her work for us because she had infectious enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, starting from the earliest assembly last September, my patience for her began to wane. She is the most two-faced individual I’ve ever seen.
During meetings and private conversations, she’s fine. But if you put a 16-year-old student in hearing distance, she immediately becomes intolerable.
I do a lot of disciplinary committee work at my school. During our first assembly when I instructed the students on manners involving their phones and classroom etiquette, I saw some in her general area snickering.
I later learned from a colleague that she was sarcastically saying ‘OK?’ after every sentence I uttered.
Later, when I supervised one of her lessons, it seemed fine. She was obviously new to teaching, but it was passable instruction. On my way out, I overheard her saying ‘OK he’s gone everyone, do whatever you want,’ met with laughter from the students.
Earlier this year, I realized that while I had finished our department textbook for 11th graders and was moving into exam preparation, she had only done half. I happened to share a student with her who is in one of my advanced courses, and when I asked him what they did in her class, he awkwardly answered a lot of chatting and free time.
I warned her about class time management.
At the end of May, we had our year-end tests. Since my school has an accelerated curriculum, we do not actually make these tests; they are written by a college prep school with the SATs and IELTS exams in mind. Any student who fails to achieve a certain score on these tests must go to summer school.
My students did fine. 91% pass rate, which is about normal. Her students did terribly. 54% pass rate. This is the lowest I have ever seen in my 20-year tenure at this school. She offered to teach summer courses to them but I informed her she would be doing no such thing. Instead, I divided the work among other teachers.
Last week I had a student complaining about summer courses and asking me why we couldn’t amend the rules. I told him that once his grades were satisfactory he would be fine. I then tacked on, ‘And I apologize for your previous teacher’s conduct and incompetence. I’m sure you’ve noticed many of the other students here were in her class.’
The next morning I got a call from her. Apparently, my comment had spread like wildfire and gotten back to her. She was furious and called me unprofessional. I responded that she has caused a lot of trouble for our department and the students aren’t happy with her, which she denied.
Now I wonder if my comments went too far against her, despite her poor teaching.”
3. AITJ For Wanting A Yellow Gold Engagement Ring?
“My fiancé and I have been together for almost six years. As we had been going out and nearing signs of engagement, I informed him that I wanted a yellow gold engagement ring. He always tried to convince me to change my mind to white gold, but I continued to tell him that it wasn’t my style.
All of my jewelry is yellow gold and white gold just wouldn’t match.
When he proposed to me a little less than three months ago, I was thrilled to see a yellow gold engagement ring. It wasn’t anything similar to the photos I had shown him, but it was beautiful. I was very appreciative of the ring and am so happy to be marrying the love of my life.
About a month into wearing my ring, I noticed it started to change color. It was starting to look white gold, but I thought I was just losing my mind. I continued on, but after inspecting it one day, I noticed chips where I could definitely tell the yellow gold was chipping away.
Upset with this, as my fiancé had spent his hard-earned money on this ring, I told him about it.
I asked him how this was possible if he had gotten a yellow gold ring. He informed me that the jewelry store did not have any yellow gold, only white gold, so they bathed the ring in yellow gold. I became slightly upset as this was something I would be wearing for the rest of my life and would like it to be able to last. I asked my fiancé why he did not go to another store to get one made entirely from yellow gold and he shrugged. He told me that he would go back and get it bathed again.
Although I do love my ring, I am finding myself upset with this. I do not want to have to bathe my ring in yellow gold every three months for the rest of my life. I would like to exchange it for a ring made of yellow gold that will last. My fiancé is very upset with my opinion on this.
Am I the jerk?”
2. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out?
“My (20 f) mom (60 f) has been working from home since the start of 2020. This change meant that I had to be more aware of the noise I made around the house when I was home and whatnot, but over the past few years, her behavior and demands have become unmanageable to live with.
She insists on having her work area downstairs, right next to the kitchen and the staircase.
We live in a small apartment, which means that sound carries really easily and that when she’s on work calls – which is most of the day – I can’t really use the lower level of the house at all. There have been times when she has snapped at me for accidentally dropping something or turning on the sink at a bad time, she’s told me that I walk too loud downstairs and that I need to tip-toe if I’m gonna be down there.
She’s also told me that I can’t use the last three steps on the stairs because they’re in the view of her camera on her computer, and people would see me in the background of her Zoom calls. I’ve even been yelled at for ‘looking inappropriate’ when I’m using the kitchen while she’s on Zoom.
My being there in comfy clothes embarrasses her and makes her look unprofessional.
She also has a bad habit of pushing me around when I’m in the kitchen. She’s knocked me into the cabinets pretty hard before, and when I’ve tried to say something to her or let her know I’m behind her, she just shushes me and points at her phone.
It’s gotten to the point where the only room in the house I feel allowed to be in is my bedroom, and even then, I’m not allowed to play anything out loud in here during the day and I have to keep my door shut.
The thing is, we have a spare bedroom upstairs.
I’ve asked her many times why she doesn’t set up her office there – it would be much quieter and private. I’ve even offered to move everything upstairs myself and rearrange the stuff we have in there so it all fits. Her response is no, that she likes where she’s at right now, and that it’s rude of me to suggest that when it’s her home.
But it’s my home too, and I feel like I can barely do the most basic things here. I go most days without eating a full meal until the nighttime when she’s off work and I can use the kitchen.
The most frustrating part is that she doesn’t expect the same consideration of herself when I am on the phone.
There have been times when I have come downstairs while being on the phone with my partner, friends, or other family, and she has deliberately made a bunch of noise or started trying to push her way into the conversation, usually while laughing at me when I get upset.
At this point, I’m not sure what else to do.
I can’t afford to move out, and I’ve tried all that I can to work with her and accommodate her working from home. But, I just can’t do it anymore. I’m angry and tired of being controlled so much, I’m considering just putting my foot down and saying whatever. Would I be the jerk for telling her I’m no longer going to put up with her behavior while she works from home?
Edit: I pay rent, I go to college and I’m here between semesters. I can’t afford to move out – I pay for my own school and all I can cover right now is housing on campus while classes are going. The rent she charges me is much lower than the average in the area, and if I were to move out I would have to ask for help in covering school.
Mom is against me moving out, my staying here during breaks is her preference. To make up for the low rent, I help with a lot of the cleaning and I run errands for her when I can.”
1. AITJ For Showing My Ileostomy Bag To A Stranger?
I have an Ileostomy. This means that I have had my colon removed and I have a stoma. This is on my stomach and it’s where my poop comes out from into an attached bag.
You usually can’t see it and it doesn’t look as though I have any kind of disability (although it is legally classed as a disability).
To empty it I need to kneel by the toilet and I rinse it out with water. I fill a travel bottle up in the toilet and use this to rinse out the bag. Not rinsing is gross! Because of the need to kneel and have water on hand, I need to use the disabled toilets whenever I can.
I have a radar key to get me into them – it was given to me after I had my surgery. Using a non-disabled toilet is very difficult. Hard to kneel, very little privacy, and no sink on hand.
Today I was at M & S and had to empty my bag so used the disabled toilet as usual. (Almost all disabled toilets have signs on them that say ‘Not all disabilities are visible’!)
When I tried to come out of the toilet my way was blocked by a woman who started to berate me for using the disabled toilet. Apparently, she saw me go in and had been waiting for me to come out. She was stopping me from leaving and threatening to call the staff.
I tried to tell her that I needed to use that toilet and showed her my special radar key.
She just kept getting angrier and angrier and louder and louder. We had a crowd by this time!
In desperation, I finally pulled up my shirt, slid my trousers down a bit, and showed her my Ileostomy bag. I pointed out the sign on the door that said not all disabilities are visible. I told her she was ignorant and needed to learn to mind her own business.
I then told her to eff off and get out of my way.
AITJ for being so rude? I know I should have been nicer but she would not stop blocking me in the toilet.”
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