People Need An Outlook On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Have you ever been told you were a jerk, but someone else tells you the complete opposite? Well, were you really a flat-out jerk, or were you in the right? When you have two people telling you totally different things, it can get real confusing on how to handle the situation. That's why these people decided to share their stories, because getting a third opinion always helps to even things out. Read on and let us know who you think the jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Kid To See Their Uncle?

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“I am a mom to a 7-year-old. My kid’s dad lives two states away. He visits occasionally and wants plenty of videos from her, but in large is not a big part of her life. He’s not the issue here though. His stepbrother, who’s like his real brother since they grew up together, lives 15 minutes from me. He’s a nice guy, but he holds views I strongly disagree with.

He has an 11-year-old son who he teases about being gay for wearing scrunchies on his wrist. He has brought up how he would be ruined multiple times if his son was gay. He also defended my kid’s dad when he called some 16-year-olds working a fireworks stand a horrible name for wearing (what I thought was) reasonably lengthened shorts in July heat. He has views that strongly don’t align with how we’re raising my daughter.

The stepbrother’s views aren’t far from my daughter’s father’s views. He asked why I was trying to raise a lesbian when she went through a TMNT phase. But I can’t really block her dad from seeing her and since he’s rarely around anyways when he says crap in front of her (on her 7th birthday he threw a fit in front of her that I hadn’t shown her how to shave her legs because apparently, blonde baby hair is offensive to him), I take him to the side and tell him to please cut it out and then reassure my daughter that he was just joking around later on.

Plus, my partner, who’s like her stepdad, is a very good male role model without the weird comments so I don’t stress too much when stuff is said because she has a solid foundation at home.

The problem is, his stepbrother has been pushing us to hang out more for the last 3 or 4 years. I don’t want to. And now my kid’s dad is telling me I’m a jerk for trying to keep her away from his family.

I have no problem with his mom or older brother and have visited them with money out of my own pocket plenty. I even call and text his mom and stepdad still. I adore them. I just don’t feel comfortable around someone like his stepbrother. I love his stepbrother’s son, but he’s not my child. I have offered to take the child with me when I go out with my daughter so they can hang out together, but I don’t want to be around his dad.

Her dad is saying I’m out of line for this.

That I should accept that his family gets visitation too whether I agree with them or not. I think this is unfair since it’s also time out of my day that I would have to use to take her to see them (I work two jobs and would like some time to just veg at my own house too) and because I am and always have been the main caregiver.

I don’t block him from taking her over there, but that’s probably only because he sees her about once, maybe twice, a year for one to two days at a time (his choice, we have no formal visitation agreement and I have always had an open-door policy, he just has to give me a week’s heads up).”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Also, congratulations on the amazing parenting! I loved the part the guy said stuff in front of your daughter on her birthday and you called him out! It might be tough but wouldn’t it be better to argue about taking her to the uncle if you give a reason? Even if it isn’t the worst of the problems.

Of course, it’s absolutely on you who your daughter spends time with but maybe just an attempt to deescalate the situation.” skedaddling_ghost

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He can’t be bothered to watch his own daughter, but wants her to be close to the rest of his family? No way. Especially since their views are so toxic. It’s perfectly acceptable for them to be ‘holiday-only’ types of relatives, and just keep a relationship with people like his mom or older brother who are not jerks, or even invite the cousin over for playdates if he’s interested.

Keep your foot down. It’s bull crap that he wants a say but is so hands-off when it comes to actually parenting his kid.” intrinsic_gray

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it is up to you to create an environment that is safe and healthy for your daughter to develop in. But maybe have some conversations with her about how different adults might say and believe different things but that doesn’t make them true.

Adults can sometimes be mean and make mistakes too.

Talk about things that are ‘true’ like how much you love her no matter what, how it is good to help others and say kind things etc. Help her build up some resiliency against some of the things that may be headed her way with her Dad and uncle (like the leg hair thing… that is disturbing that he would say that to a 7 yo). Sounds like you already work on having a stable home for her so she’s got a great start in life!” griffinkatin

4 points (4 votes)
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Squidmom 3 weeks ago
Step bro and Dad are assholes. If he wants her to see them then he needs to do it when he sees her. A 7 yr old does not need to learn to shave. Also a girl playing with TMNT is not being gay. My oldest and his female cousin are 7 mths apart. We spent a lot of time together when they were young. Sometimes they would push her dolls around and sometimes they would play with his cars. Guess what? Neither turned gay because of that. The step bro sounds like a horrible parent who needs a visit from CPS. He is tearing that young man apart. NTJ.
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18. AITJ For Posting About A Terrible Customer Service Experience?

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“My SO ordered me a beautiful camera harness in May and paid upfront. After much delay, no communication without prompting, the package being sent to the wrong address (for which we paid the shipping costs to have that righted) I finally had the harness on September 20th, and a new lens I had just bought to shoot at a wedding.

Everything is great for the first few hours until I pick up my harness from a table, and the buckle snaps, sending my almost $1000 brand new lens and my also almost $1000 used camera body crashing to a concrete floor.

Miraculously, it was okay, although I was texting my husband panicking that it was broken. This wedding was at a farm and I had terrible and spotty cell service, so he was getting my messages in fragments. Unbeknownst to me, he was messaging the maker and gearing up to demand funds for the lens and then some. Anyways, somehow everything was okay, and I just juggled both of my cameras without a harness.

I wanted a full refund for the harness (and have since ordered a much better one that I love) but it was never even offered.

Instead, the maker blamed the buckle maker and offered to send a replacement buckle, and throw in some extra leather goods as well. My husband agreed, as he is not traditionally confrontational and just wanted SOMETHING by way of resolution, even if this didn’t seem very fair to me. But it was ultimately his money and his choice, so whatever. This offer and idea for resolution were made and promised in September, the day after the product failure, on the 21st.

Then, more silence from the maker. Not a single word of update. My husband reached back out yesterday after no word and told him to forget it. The maker was snide and condescending, which didn’t help.

I took screenshots of their conversations, from the literal months in between updates during the shipping process with all contact at my husband’s behest, the non-accountability when the equipment catastrophically failed, etc.

Yes, I was upset, so I compiled these in a social media post with no names or identifying features beyond a small logo that honestly isn’t recognizable, and posted a recap of my experience. The maker wasn’t even aware I did this, because I never tagged him.

The harness is still sitting in my car, we’ve never seen a replacement buckle, nothing. It cost $200 and it is fancy trash in my backseat.

I saw it this morning, got frustrated all over again, and decided to message the maker directly myself to ask for the money back. He countered by threatening to sue me for libel, whining that he is a person with a family (like I’m not?) all while doing NOTHING to rectify his own product’s defect and whining that my husband and I were just being mean, essentially.

After some quick research, I took down all the posts with screenshots to be safe. This man is not worth a lawsuit. But, AITJ for trying to get my money back and posting a non-identifying social media story?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, at all.

Two reasons. One: I’m a fellow photographer and would appreciate knowing that this person makes poor quality things that endanger our precious cameras and lenses, and also that they have no remorse or sense of how much they’ve inconvenienced you, their customer.

That’s someone I and other people in our industry need to know to avoid.

Two: After problems with shipping they should already realize that they’ve not given you a good experience and been trying to make it right (and I say that as someone who worked retail for a long time and doesn’t care about sob stories, but has been fortunate enough to be on the other side of customer service from people who really care and stand behind quality products).

This guy can’t even face the facts that his stuff sucks and is trying to shift the blame onto you and your husband.” knittensarsenal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have found with a couple of companies that they don’t respond until they are put on blast on social media. Instead of whining about his irrelevant family, he should stand behind the product.” nom-d-pixel

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – if they are this poor at customer service, other people deserve to know. I believe posting on social media is sometimes the only way to get companies to pay attention.” starwarschick16

4 points (4 votes)
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CletusSnow 3 weeks ago
Not only social media but file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau in the state where he is located.
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17. AITJ For Telling My Brothers I Don't Consider Them Family?

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“Backstory: Dad wasn’t involved, mum made me second parent. I had a terrible relationship with all 3 of my younger brothers because they got used to me doing what they said so they only ever really spoke to me to give me orders and I’d get yelled at if I didn’t do it.

When I was 18 I moved to a university in another country, as mum told me that if I was able to drive home I was to come back every weekend to help out.

When I told her I was looking at a university in another country she stopped me from sending my application because she needed help with my brothers. I sent it anyway and didn’t tell her.

I told her I was going to a different university but would be back on weekends, and then I headed to the airport instead. I sent mum a letter to let her know I was going to a university in another country but didn’t say which one and that she wouldn’t hear from me for a while.

I posted a message on all social media I had saying the same thing because mum was using social media to keep track of me.

Present-day: I’m 28 and I’ve not spoken to my family in a decade. In this time I’ve completed my undergrad and a postgrad, had a kid (3m), and I’m engaged. I’ve been using social media for networking, but with an altered last name, and kept it strictly professional.

I moved back to my home country for a job. I recently was told that mum passed away a couple of years ago. Knowing she couldn’t find me I made myself a social media account in my real name for social stuff and added my fiancé’s family and friends from the second country.

A week or two ago I got a request from Brother1. I ignored it, but presumably, he told the other two because all 3 of them sent me friend requests.

Today I said ‘screw it’ and added them all because I wanted to see what they would do more than anything.

I got a lengthy message from Brother3, asking how I was, apologizing, and asking that I don’t hold what they did as kids against them now. It was signed by all 3 of my brothers.

I left it on read while I figured out if/how I was going to reply, and then the account messaged again and said ‘wow so you just really don’t give a crap about your family.’ I quickly typed back and sent off ‘Family is meant to give a crap about me, too.

Far as I’m concerned family equals my fiancé and son.’

I then got a follow-up message from Brother1’s account saying ‘Brother2 wrote that. He’s just angry. Please don’t take offense, he’s lashing out because we all miss you.’

Then they said, ‘It looks like you’re a couple of hours away from us. (Town about halfway between us) is doing the Christmas fair again this year. Bring your family and we’ll get hot chocolates and talk.’

I replied that I wasn’t sure that was a good idea and they replied that was a shame but please think about it.

I feel like my mind is made up but my brothers stressed that they’d love to see me and talk.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is so sad that you were forced into that role and had to take such extreme measures to escape it. I’m glad you got out. It is understandable that you would be very wary.

This is not necessarily a decision you need to make right away.

Life for your brothers was so different than what you experienced that they are unlikely to fully comprehend how traumatic it was for you. They seem to be trying and have some understanding of their own role in making you so miserable that you had to disappear in order to escape. How they handle social media contact now may give you the time and space to decide if you would allow closer contact in future.” terrapharma

Another User Comments:

“I’m gonna say NTJ only you know what is best for you and if this doesn’t feel like it then it’s not.

Being related doesn’t mean anything and it sounds a little like they are just wanting a replacement for their mom. Grief affects us all differently and that’s okay it’s on them to heal how they need but they cannot force you to be a part of their lives or journeys. If they were crappy immediately I would assume they haven’t learned or grown or really changed and that they are expecting more of the same to some degree.

I do not talk to my family and I know how difficult it can be. It’s heartbreaking and I am sorry but you have begun creating your own family and if that’s what feels best for you focus on that and ignore your siblings. You don’t owe your presence to anyone and if someone feels entitled to it I would definitely suggest staying away.” teddybearbundy

Another User Comments:

“You WNBTJ if you don’t want to see them.

You don’t owe people anything who treat you like that. Plus, they’re pushing for quite a bit very quickly. The holidays are stressful enough without a big family reunion.

If you’re open to further contact, you could keep them on social media, and share occasional messages, with the proviso that if you receive any more abusive messages you’ll cut them all off forever. Maybe eventually you’ll work up to a one-on-one meeting, but maybe not. Personally, I wouldn’t start there. They have trust to build up first. But you don’t owe them anything.” Revwog1974

4 points (4 votes)
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LiaMckellen 1 month ago
Your feelings are valid. Your traumas are valid. I do want to say though, that keeping them away may not be thr only way. It is possible that one or more of them has changed and you would be missing out on it and their kids and your kids will be missing out on cousins. I do want to let you know this because I am a cousin who missed out on mine because her parents are abusive and it hurts. Start slow and with one, don't meet up with them all and especially not with all the family... but either way, keep thinking on it because all of you were kids, things do change always. Not always for the better, and your peace is what is most important.
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16. AITJ For Being Dismissive Toward A Guy Trying To Give Advice?

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“Bit of background: I (21F) am a hobbyist weightlifter, and have been lifting since I was 17, though you might not be able to tell at first glance because I don’t lift extremely heavy and I have a pretty average kind of-athletic build.

Today I was squatting a low bar in my university’s gym, my last lift of the day. As I was finishing my final set, I see in the mirror in my peripheral view a dude staring at my squat.

Like, this guy was right behind me. Alright, whatever, you kind of get used to it, I ain’t judging. Finished my set, and immediately noticed the aforementioned dude walking forwards. I avoided eye contact, fiddled with my earbuds, and raised the volume. Didn’t work, and I realized social interaction was inevitable.

Now, I pretty much knew what was coming. Guys will approach with advice, but usually pretty nicely, and will sometimes ask if they can give tips first so I don’t really mind.

I have trouble squatting upright because the bottom of my rib cage is about two inches at most from the top of my pelvis; I’m mostly leg. I’ve worked with a coach on it. I squat wide and still have some forward lean but after four years the only time I’ve ever gotten hurt was trying to listen to a random’s advice on keeping upright against my body’s will which ended with me overarching my lower back and the subsequent pain (after which the coaching came in).

I know for a fact it was nothing major like my knees bending inwards or whatever else one could glean from a perspective directly behind. Probably butt wink below parallel plus the lean if I had to guess.

So the guy approaches me with a tight smile and says, verbatim, ‘Hey, I don’t mean to offend you or anything, but you’re doing it wrong.’ Not gonna lie, I didn’t expect that opener.

So I just responded in a friendly tone, ‘Okay,’ and started putting away my weight.

Pause. The dude repeats himself. ‘Yeah, you were doing the movement wrong.’ Again, I say ‘Okay,’ focused on my task. This man lingers in my periphery. I finish what I’m doing and ask ‘You want the rack?’ despite knowing exactly why he’s still there. ‘No, I was saying you were doing the movement wrong so if you want I could show you.’

Now, I wasn’t gonna waste anyone’s time, so I replied with a neutral, ‘Nah, I’m good, thanks though,’ followed by a signature white person lip purse of acknowledgment.

And he was like ‘oh ok’ and I went on my merry way to the locker room.

I relayed this interaction to my partner and he said the man was just trying to flirt with me, to which I replied that if that was an attempt at flirting, the dude needed to work on his approach. My partner replied ‘Your approach wasn’t much better,’ and said that I didn’t have to be that short and could’ve just said I was fatigued and knew or listened to him for a minute or something.

Now I’m unsure. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He shouldn’t have bothered you at all, especially when you had earbuds in. There is that certain type of man that thinks he should ‘correct’ women and oddly never seems to correct men when they’re actually doing something wrong. I’ve had men at the gym try to ‘correct’ me over the stupidest crap. My favorites were the jerk who tried to ‘correct’ my stretching (not a formal stretch, just a run-of-the-mill stretch my arms type thing) and the way my headphones were on my head (he insisted they were uncomfortable).

Him hanging out in your periphery to watch and waiting until you were done is creepy and negates any claim of concern. If someone is doing something dangerous and you are concerned, you don’t let them keep doing it, you approach them from a direction they can see you easily and are not startled, signal to stop then talk to them.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am also a female weightlifter, and I cringe every time I’m approached by someone random.

Possibly he was just trying to be helpful, but he was rude in his approach and you don’t owe him anything.

I would personally be annoyed at your partner though, for perpetuating the myth that a man automatically deserves to be given the time of day by women. The gym guy was rude, you remained polite while being uninterested. You didn’t owe him anything.” kaia-bean

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – there was nothing wrong with what you did. As a fellow woman who often times finds awkward interactions at the gym inevitable, it’s hard to constantly be overly/outwardly rejecting of everyone. I just try to ignore them and continue with my workout. Aside from that though, it’s weird that your partner seems to be defending the guy?” Tjordds

4 points (4 votes)
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Wodkabottle 3 weeks ago
NTJ. I don't go to the gym, but I do a heavily physically demanding job that requires lifting. I'm 5'0" and 95 lbs, but I can out-lift most of my strapping male coworkers. I'm consistently underestimated, and not gonna lie, sometimes it's fun. Mostly, it's irritating. Yes. This thing is heavy. For you. It's not heavy for me. If you try to help me, you're just going to make it more difficult. Leave m to do my job, please.

And no one is under any obligation to stroke someone's ego by acquiescing to an unwanted conversation.
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15. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister To Grow Up?

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“My sister and I (both 20F) are twins that are roommates in the same dorm at the same college. Our parents had set up a college fund for both of us so that we wouldn’t have to worry about going into too much student loan debt. And for some context, I will admit that my parents make quite a bit of money, so it’s never really been the biggest issue for us.

For the first two years, my sister and I had enough scholarship money that we didn’t have to take any student loans because we were able to pay the remaining amount from the college funds. However, after a financial hiccup in our family and because my sister lost a good portion of her scholarship due to low GPA, we had to start applying for them. We did for the first semester, and everything worked out.

But when the spring semester started to roll around, we had to reapply for them.

My sister, about two months into the fall semester asked me how to go about reapplying for the loans. I figured we had a few more months to go and said that I hadn’t known yet, and then she never said anything again. Fast forward, about a month before tuition payments start to get sent out by the university, I reapplied for student loans.

My sister never again asked me about the student loans or even about tuition. Until last night.

It was two nights before payment is due for the spring semester, and my sister asked me about paying for them. Things had been going on in our lives and in our family, so we had both sort of put that off to the side. I called my mom and let her know that with scholarships and the student loans, how much I have to pay left over and how much my textbooks were going to cost.

We go over how much I can pay, and how much they can pay and get it all sorted. My sister, then, comes to my door sobbing and yelling. Apparently, she never reapplied for student loans, nor had she even checked how much her spring tuition was going to cost until that night, and it was over the amount that my family could afford. I worked to help her reapply, but told her that there’s no way it’ll be added by the time tuition is due, so she’ll have to set up a payment plan and then wait for the loans to eventually be applied and/or until she gets sent some kind of refund.

I also tell her that it’s a good idea to go to the bursar’s office sometime soon because they could probably help with the situation.

She continues to cry and yell at me, telling me that I never told her to do it, even though she asked four months ago. That I had said that I didn’t know how to do them, so how come I reapplied without telling her, and that she doesn’t have time to be dealing with all of this right now.

I finally snapped and yelled at her back. I told her that this was in no way my fault, that she can’t blame me for her own mistakes, and that I’m not her mom.

She called our parents after that, and they are telling me that yelling at her and what I said was out of line and that I should apologize. I am refusing.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Hard NTJ.

Your sister was yelling at you because she is probably super nervous about the whole situation, now… your parents, seriously. The recipe to raise a dysfunctional adult is to allow your young kids to put the blame for their problems on someone else.

If anything, your mom and dad should have asked your sister when she would figure the whole finance stuff out with them, because you were ALREADY doing so.

You could have given any of them a heads up, but that would be a kindness and NOT an obligation.

People cannot count on other people to remind them of their responsibilities.” randomfirefly

Another User Comments:

“Obviously NTJ – She does need to grow up. Does she expect people to clean up her disasters for the rest of her life? Frankly, I am appalled that the parents are enabling this irresponsible and entitled behavior. It’s like they don’t want her to be able to take care of herself.” a_tyrannosaurus_rex

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister is learning what being a responsible adult is like. I mean if you knew she was flaky, you could have been nice and given her a heads up, but you’re NTJ for leaving her to deal with her own responsibilities.” ponewood

4 points (4 votes)
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kipa 3 weeks ago
Ntj. She is a 20 year old woman, capable of being responsible for herself. It is no way your fault.
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14. AITJ For Suggesting My Roommate Leave His Cat At Home?

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“This is the second year I’ve lived in my apartment but my roommate moved in this past August at the beginning of the school year. When he first found out we were rooming together he told me that he has a cat and asked if I would be okay with him living with us and I said that it was perfectly fine because I love cats.

Shortly after he moved in though I realized I had made a grave mistake.

His cat would pee on EVERYTHING. He peed in my clothes basket, on my bed, just on the floor everywhere, and on our pre-furnished couch. The main reason for this was because he hadn’t been neutered yet. (he has since been neutered thankfully) But also because my roommate only cleans out the litter box approximately once per week.

This is not the only sign that my roommate is not responsible enough to own a cat though.

He is never home. He wakes up at approximately noon every day, leaves after showering, and doesn’t get home until about 3 in the morning. In the time that he is gone, the cat makes a complete mess. When my roommate does get home he sits out in the kitchen and eats food that he brings home but he doesn’t throw away the box when he’s done eating so naturally, the cat knocks everything on the floor.

Sometimes it takes over a week for my roommate to clean it up.

The cat also scratches all of the furniture and since it is a pre-furnished unit the apartment management is going to charge us to replace the couch and chair in the living room. After informing my roommate of this however he informs me that he never paid the deposit to have a pet so he doesn’t want to tell the front office that a cat did the damage.

I truly believe that the cat is not at fault for any of this I am just so tired of my roommate not taking care of it and now I have to live in a disgusting apartment because of it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Pets deserve proper love and care. I would tell the office about the cat and possibly get proof of the cat doing the damage. He should be responsible for the damages. I would tell him not to bring the cat and report him if he doesn’t comply. Damages get expensive.” Adultingexpert

4 points (4 votes)
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Squidmom 3 weeks ago
Keep your bedroom door closes so the cat can't get in there. Tell the office about the cat. He's a total jerk and doesn't care about the cat.
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13. AITJ For Not Speaking To My Mother?

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“My parents divorced when I was 7y old (now 26). I got some money and my mother took a loan for me to buy an apartment. My mother met a guy when I was approximately 12y old and since then she doesn’t work. She always has the latest iPhone, tablets, newest AMG Mercedes car, and got a house which she upgraded to luxury. My little sister’s kindergarten one-year payment was more than my whole university study although my university was expensive and yet my mother always complains about having zero money, not having time, and my brother and I never helping her.

So here is the story:

I have a normal life, not as luxurious as my mom has. My wife lived with me at my mother’s house for 1.5 years and it was terrible. My wife worked that time and whenever she got home my mother always spoke with her for hours, then we babysat my sister for hours and we barely had time for each other. We bought everything for ourselves to cook because my mother is terrible in the kitchen but we always said that we don’t want to be a burden and for her to buy everything for us so she doesn’t have to buy anything for us.

This resulted in the problem that we don’t like her food which is true but never told this to her.

I never had a good relationship with my mother. She is that kind of mother who buys everything and I do appreciate it forever but whenever I tried to speak with her that money doesn’t buy love she never understood me and always said ‘I bought everything for you.’ It is true but she never did anything else, I never felt we were doing something together or that I was important to her.

We had our wedding this September and I got some nice messages from my mother like ‘I am her biggest failure in her life.’

So we had our wedding this September and while my mother lives a luxurious life but is poor (a contradiction in my eyes) my wife’s family is a normal average family.

We got zero personal or financial help from my mother and my wife’s family took a loan for us to help pay for the wedding.

Apart from my mother, her sister and my mother’s lover who has all the money, everyone (96 people) loved our wedding. My mother showed up late to my wedding even though I said to her a month ago that we will start it whether they are there in time or not.

Of course, this was another problem but this was the only day in my family that was about me. Not about her being in the center aim.

All in all my mother said a lot of things that were rude to me and to my wife and my wife’s family. I’ve listened to these for years and now I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to speak with her anymore.

Am I the bad guy?

The latest news is that the loan she took to buy the apartment for me we have to pay back with interest, because of how rude I am.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you don’t have to be close to someone just bc they’re family if doing so causes you pain. On the other hand, while it may seem unfair, it’s not right to expect money from her.

What was the original agreement on the loan she took out for you? Whatever that was is what should be honored.” International-Aside

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Just because she is your mother it does not mean you have to deal with feeling like crap when you’re around her. You have a new family now, you and your partner. Look after that and maybe one day she’ll change, maybe she won’t. Either way, you and your partner would be happy and that’s what is important.” Free_The_Pee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. OP, life is too short to tolerate negativity. Her comments were horrible. You seem to be doing you and your spouse a huge favor in my opinion.” Reddit user

3 points (3 votes)
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alohakat 1 month ago
NTJ...if it were me, I would pay off the "loan" that mother gave, just so she would not have that to hold over my head like a sword of Damocles. Then I would go full NC, change phone numbers if necessary and delete her from all social media. On top of which, If there are any kids/grands involved, they would never see her. Is that harsh or mean? Maybe, but mother is being very manipulative here and some people are just too thick/narcissistic to hear it in a nice fashion. With these types, full on scorched earth is, unfortunately, the way to go.
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12. AITJ For Telling My Mother I Can't Visit Her?

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“I (32 F) live about 2 hours away from my family. My husband and I have been married a little over a year, and I have not lived in my hometown where my family has lived for almost 6 years now.

I teach high school and am very busy throughout the week. On the weekends I spend time running errands, doing chores, occasionally going out with friends, and relaxing.

In January I will be even busier because I will be starting grad school for my M.ed program for an administration degree which means night classes, tons of reading, and homework.

I already go back to my hometown to visit my family every time school goes on break. For example, if spring break is a week, I will pack a bag, leave my husband and dog for like 3 days and go stay with my parents.

This lets me spend time with my family and catch up with all the friends that still live in my hometown. This works out to visiting about every 6-8 weeks. During Christmas and summer, I usually stay at least one full week.

Well, I was up for my mother today. She started talking about how she (60) and my father (65) were discussing their mortality. She especially doesn’t feel like she will be around in another 14 years when my nephew graduates due to poor health.

She started crying and talking about how much she misses me, and how she has never gotten over her empty nest feeling from me leaving the house at 18. My mother is one of those women who always felt her whole purpose was to be a mother. She’s also incredibly melodramatic and sensitive, so the crying isn’t anything new. Well, in the middle of her tears this time she tells me she wants to ask me something.

Immediately I get red flags… especially when she tells me my sister told her not to ask me. And then she drops the bomb. She asks me if I would start coming up to my hometown and staying the night once a month, maybe on a Saturday, so I could spend as much time with her and the rest of the family as possible. She tells me she has never gotten over me leaving, and it would just mean the world.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, but part of the reason I only go visit on break is because they’re exhausting.

I’m an introvert that needs my own space, especially since I have a high-stress job. Also, it’s impractical given that I only have a finite amount of ‘free’ time. I told her I probably couldn’t do it, which made the waterworks even worse. I apologized and told her I loved her, and I kind of tried to make a concession and say I would try and visit more often, but couldn’t come and stay once a month.

After hanging up, I started to feel bad. What if she’s right, and she really doesn’t have many years left and I blew off her request to spend more time together? Especially since for about a decade our relationship was pretty strained until we made amends about 5-6 years ago.

AITJ for telling my distraught mother that it wasn’t really feasible for me to spend more time with her?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You aren’t a jerk for not wanting to go slumber party at mom and dad’s house every month, and she’s not a jerk for wanting to spend more time with you. Could she maybe visit you once a month or alternate months visiting or could one of you do a day trip monthly rather than overnight? I get that it’s a hassle, but if you have a good relationship with your parents (which it looks like you do) then once they are gone you will look back on this conversation and wish you had at least tried to meet in the middle somehow.” vodka_philosophy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It seems inconvenient and exhausting for you, and you already visit her quite often. You told her the truth and you told it gently. She’s dealing with some tough feelings and was understandably upset–but that’s not your fault.” montanachill

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were honest with your answer and neither you nor your mom got ‘nasty’. From what you said, communication seems on point as you felt comfortable being honest with your mom. Good for you both!” Tomorrow_Too_Late

3 points (3 votes)
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ankn 3 weeks ago
NTJ. It's normal for kids to leave home. It's been 14 years, and your mom has never gotten over it? She needs therapy. You've only been married about a year, so I'd expect you to spend most of your limited free time with your husband. Plus, you're about to start grad school, which will reduce your free time to almost none. Why don't mom and dad ever visit you, instead of you visiting them?
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11. AITJ For Expecting My Parents To Buy Me Food?

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“In my family, we have an understanding that as long as we are in school our parents will take care of us. They have explicitly stated it multiple times since my older sister was in grade 12. The plan for all of us was to graduate and go to university, and while we are in school they will house and feed us.

(For context my dad is a provincial lawyer and teaches law at the local university, so that’s two good-paying jobs.

My mom has been a stay-at-home mom on and off my whole life. When she does work it’s part-time just for fun and extra spending money. )

I’m 20 now and I know that I am incredibly lucky to have parents who can do this, and want to do this for us. And I am so grateful. But things are not quite going to plan. My mental health has been getting worse and worse, to the point now that I can’t stay in school and I can’t work.

I can’t take care of myself.

My parents say they want to help and support me, but they’re actions don’t always reflect that. A large part of the problem is financial. We can’t afford to get me all the help I need, we can’t afford to even get me properly diagnosed for potential disabilities my psychologist thinks I might have. The only diagnoses I have at the moment are depression and general anxiety from when I was 13 and a new diagnosis for ADHD.

I understand that we can’t afford to get more testing done, but we can afford groceries.

My parents do the grocery shopping with an app as the grocery list, and they tell me to add food to that list. But then they don’t buy the food I ask for, or they don’t buy it in the quantity I need for two weeks’ worth of food.

This food issue has been a point of conflict for months, to the point in which I’ve gotten into multiple arguments with my sisters over it.

They don’t have the same problem, because my older sister has a job, and my younger sister gets whatever food she asks for. Recently I mentioned my frustration after I ran out of food again, and my sister started arguing with me and called me selfish. I started wondering if my whole family felt that way.

Anyways I just want to know if in this situation, my parents not buying me food leading to me eating one meal a day, am I being unreasonable? I don’t want to push the issue, but I don’t have many options here.

I can’t make money on my own, I can’t even start the process of applying for disability without the help of my family.

We aren’t doing bad financially and we aren’t doing awesome. But it stresses my parents out to talk about this stuff. Would I be a jerk if I brought it up with them? I know it would lead to an argument, but I think I have to start that argument and I think I’m going to do it.

Does that make me a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Had to go back and reread parts of your post to make sure you weren’t my 20 y/o stepson who lives at home and has the appetite of an insatiable garbage disposal. Confident you’re not so I’ll go on…

Personally, I see no problem with buying food for an adult child who lives at home BUT there are rules:

  • Don’t finish food without asking or knowing you can
  • Don’t polish off so much of something there’s hardly left for others
  • If someone else has food allergies, don’t eat their specialty diet-specific food unless it’s offered to you (this issue was actually upsetting…

    had to send my 1 y/o to daycare with a barely packed lunch because his older bro helped himself to a toddler’s dairy & nut-free lunch items)

  • If you use the last of the coffee creamer you better replace it before my eyes are open
  • Use common sense, be considerate, and clean up after yourself

My husband on the other hand thinks it’s ridiculous that his 20 y/o son with a job doesn’t buy his own food… so we compromise… I don’t buy as much for him as I did and he gets his own snacks and stuff.” last1yoususpect

3 points (3 votes)
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crafteeladee82 3 weeks ago
NTJ. But sorry to say, it sounds terribly squewed that your parents can afford to pay for college/university, but are UNABLE to afford getting you properly diagnosed when you AREN'T going to college/university. Unfortunately, other options, free clinics, etc are few and far between and many will REQUIRE using your parents income as a factor for determining eligibility. If I were you, I'd start the process anyway, because proper diagnosis is VITAL to not only your well being, but you getting any and all services available to you. Good Luck
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10. AITJ For Refusing To Live With My Parents?

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“I got into a University which is in the main city. I don’t live there so we decided to get an apartment for easy access. This was not only good for me but for my mother who works in the main city and sometimes would get home extremely late and get up early the next day. So we bought an apartment and I moved in. Mostly I live here and I’m happier here.

Two quick things; 1, I have insulin resistance and I have to keep a diet if I don’t want it to worsen. I can also easily get fat which can worsen it and make me become diabetic. Which is a problem since I am a stress eater. 2, I have been going to a psychiatrist since Jan., was diagnosed with depression and I’m taking antidepressants for it.

Since University started, I had been gaining weight and by the beginning of October, I gained 10kgs (~22lbs).

I forced myself to stop eating snacks when I saw the numbers but it was showing. When my parents saw it, they told me that if I don’t lose at least half of it by Christmas, they will make me live at home again. They believe that I gained weight bc I don’t know or don’t want to take care of myself. They always had this view of me that I ‘couldn’t be able to take care of myself for long,’ always thinking if they didn’t tell me to do something, I wouldn’t do it and I became doubtful around them bc of it.

I told this to my psychiatrist.

She sided with me and that was relieving. She was actually the one (and only) who complimented me for holding it together with Uni and my work (I work in a theatre as a cloakroom attendant and a ticket collector), and she told me that she sees the positive changes, like me not biting my nails anymore. She told me that even if I gained weight, the fact that I had the power to stop eating snacks and not gain more was a sign of positive change.

I went back home last weekend to visit my parents.

I knew my weight didn’t go down more than 1-2kg. They told me that they think the best for me would be if, after the exams, I came back home and lived with them again for a while. I told them I wasn’t going to put up with their opinion. I told them how the psychiatrist complimented me more than them and that they don’t even see how this choice would make it harder for me to get to school and go to work, that their pressure and assumptions about me would make me more stressed.

They tried to argue, but then I told them that if they try to force this on me, I won’t come home until midnight and I will leave every morning before any of them woke up, so they wouldn’t see me all day, tiring myself out which will lead to me struggling in Uni and bad grades and them paying for every Semester at the end if I fail.

I went back to the apartment as soon as I was done telling all this.

I have answered some calls of theirs since then but lately, it’s been getting harder and harder to do so. They have been saying that I was irrational with them all the way and I’m having doubts. I don’t know if it was even remotely good that I said all those to them.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Not because you are doing anything wrong with your health, Uni attendance, or Work, but because of the way you are treating your parents.

Your parents own the apartment in the main city. They get to decide whether you are welcome to live there or in your family home. If you feel that you are better off living in the city, you better convince them. You are not entitled to make demands of them, give them ultimatums, or give them the silent treatment when you are unhappy.

Don’t like it? Then move out on your own and start paying your own rent.” CheesecakePi3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You need to do what is best for your health.

Maybe look into some clean eating diets (doctor approved) and exercise plans that you can give a copy to your parents to get them off your back. (Plenty available online or maybe your university/college has this available). Maybe your mental health professional can (with your permission) speak to your parents assuring them that you are doing well.

Obviously, they are concerned, but this approach is more likely to cause you more issues.

As a parent of a young adult of similar age, I recognize both sides here and feel your parents need to give you more space but assurances from medical professionals may ease their concerns.

Good luck.” BBAus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not healthy to rely on your parents to save you from your mistakes. If you went along with their wishes, it will only stunt your ability to fend for yourself when you inevitably move out.” fading__blue

3 points (3 votes)
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LiaMckellen 1 month ago
I would say bring them to meet your psychiatrist, let them talk to your parents. It might be better to hear from an outside source that being on your own would be better for your health. That way you can still keep your adult boundaries without throwing a kid tantrum to get your correct way.
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9. AITJ For Not Being Helpful?

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“So, I work in a plant/flower shop.

Today as I was closing, a young lady came in, declined help, and picked up a hard-to-access cactus. Unfortunately, some tiny spines got stuck on the top of her hand. She came over and showed me the damage. To be honest, it was not that bad, localized in a spot the size of half a dime. But, she was touching them with her other hand and they got into that hand too.

I was not sure what to do, so I tried to remove some with tape. She decided to do the tape thing by herself, and I offered her our bathroom to use and advised her to wash her hands. Unfortunately, we do not have any tweezers on-site and were not able to help her much. When she came out, another customer and I suggested using a pair of tweezers to pick them out and keep it clean.

I also told her that they weren’t too deep and that they would be irritated for a few days, but eventually work their way out. She said she did not have tweezers at home. I was not sure of what to say…

She did not seem angry, per se, but she seemed upset that we did not have a sign to warn customers about the cactus spines.

But we have hundreds of customers and we haven’t had this problem before… I mean, it’s a cactus, right? Accidents happen, and if it was hard to get she could have asked.

I have been up tonight feeling worried like I did not help her enough. I guess at the moment I was a bit shocked and in the middle of finishing up a project. I guess I didn’t know what to do.

I have been poked by that type of cactus a few times, and realistically, you do what you can and it gets better eventually. It kind of sucks, but it isn’t the worst thing. I also get scrapes, irritants, soil, and spines in me all the time. So I’m used to the pain. Later on, I felt bad and realized that it was probably pretty scary and she isn’t used to getting pricked all the time.

I have been going over my head everything I could have done – call my boss, find her some tweezers, give her a free plant… is this on me? I still feel bad about it. I was just kind of startled and didn’t know what to do.

I did not get her contact info, in retrospect, I should have, so I can’t offer any more advice.

AITJ?

I did put a sign up afterward.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ anyone who knows that a cactus has spikes should know not to get pricked, and if some accident happens don’t immediately panic.

I doubt she was upset afterward and you shouldn’t feel bad for her either. She didn’t accept any help that you were trying to give and thereby you shouldn’t continue trying.” ploshuskies

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I’m not a lawyer, but I feel like the store could maybe get in trouble if you gave her bad medical advice after something happened in your store? Best to just put the sign up. Maybe do call your boss and give her a heads up.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would like to think most people know cacti have spines and can be harmful/irritating. Accidents do happen though. She can get tweezers at the dollar store.

Also, give her a free plant? I’d slap a cactus for a free plant.” Reddit user

2 points (2 votes)
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ankn 3 weeks ago
NTJ, but CYA. Put the sign up, and keep tweezers on hand. You've found one person so far dumb enough to mess with a cactus. There are more idiots out there.
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8. AITJ For Suggesting A Cancellation To My Friends?

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“I have a group of close friends who I’ve known for over a decade. We’re all massive geeks and frequently play video games together even though most of us live in different cities, with full-time jobs. We got into a huge argument about D&D and Clash today, with both sides calling the other side selfish.

Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) is a fantasy role-playing game where you build a character and experience a story with your group, and make choices along the way that affect the outcome.

A Dungeon Master puts a lot of work into creating each session and making the experience fun for everyone.

Clash is a game mode in League of Legends (League) that is a competitive mini-tournament. League is the game that we have all played together for years, and still do play multiple times a week. We wouldn’t even be friends if it wasn’t for League, and we all agree that Clash is the peak of League experience.

The catch with Clash is that it’s been a developmental nightmare, and the last time Clash was available was in May 2018, with the release date as ‘sometime in 2020.’ We love playing Clash, but it’s not functional often due to the technological challenges. This was essentially a once-in-a-year opportunity; I cannot emphasize enough how fundamental to our friendships this game has been, and how infrequent yet satisfying Clash is.

A portion of my friend group plays D&D and has been running sessions for something like 3 years now, with a somewhat erratic schedule; sometimes they play one every 3 weeks, sometimes they play multiple times in one week.

Meanwhile, Clash is available essentially once a year, for two weekends, and the time that Clash is available this weekend on Sunday falls into a scheduling conflict with their D&D session, while the Saturday one is an unskippable conflict for two of us.

My point was that they play D&D quite frequently and that since Clash only occurs once a year, I would appreciate it if they could either move or cancel their D&D session this week.

They have stated that it is nearly impossible to find another time that works, so if they play Clash this Sunday then they’d probably be canceling the D&D session entirely, but they have also stated that they frequently cancel D&D due to conflicts.

Their point was that I’m being selfish for not considering that they might rather play D&D than Clash and that the fact that sometimes they go weeks without playing D&D due to conflicts means they need to prioritize it now.

Also, they’re already going to play Clash on Saturday, which as previously mentioned is an unskippable conflict for me (my roommate is moving across the US the next day).

So, I know we’re all nerds with an inconsequential problem, but the way people treat each other is important, at least. WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“This hits close to home since my dnd group constantly reschedules and has a few people within our group that’ll make plans without us.

NTJ I can see both sides of the argument. One being that this is a really sentimental game for you all and that it seems like a very rare opportunity. The other side though maybe haven’t played dnd in months (which can be really disruptive) and the idea that everyone’s free but not making progress is frustrating. I think you need to make it more clear how much this game means to you, and that you wouldn’t be asking your friends to reschedule if it wasn’t important. You might’ve just offended them by assuming they could reschedule.” FlamboyantMooseyy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if your friend group was nice they could do the clash. But I guess it depends on how often you’ve settled for their way and how often they settled for yours in the past and how balanced it should be.” TomBomb988

2 points (2 votes)
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alohakat 1 month ago
I get that people have different hobbies and interests, but if one wraps their whole existence into a gaming schedule and others' lives, but all of these people should consider getting out more. Video games are not the be all and end all of one's life. ESH/no jerks here; everyone involved should get out and get a life.
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7. WIBTJ If I Didn't Buy My Family Christmas Presents?

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“I was talking to my grandmother earlier on about my student finance coming in and how I am still waiting on it to be processed after she asked about it. She asked about who I am buying Christmas presents for, I said I don’t know yet but I am not buying anything, for example, for anyone that got me something when I was 5 and never saw again.

She asked me if I was going to get the aunt and uncle I hate anything to which I said I don’t know, she then asked about my partner’s family and I said yes as they get me something every year and that I have to do the same. The way I was thinking of it is my family is more understanding of situations but those outside of my family – like my partner’s family might have a different mindset about these things and my partner’s family is so good to me and have actually spent more on me in 7 years than my godmother aunt has in 22 years.

My grandmother was offended and said how my uncles and aunt always get me stuff for Christmas which isn’t true but I didn’t want her to try and prove me to be a liar only for me to defend myself and it ticks her off.

My uncle who I hate never gets me anything but it’s not Christmas unless I get him a shower set and socks which my grandmother provided every year until I was able to buy my own Christmas presents for people, now I have to carry on the tradition.

She brought up my dad’s side of the family which I hate talking to her about because I know she doesn’t think highly of him because of him leaving my mum when she was pregnant with me.

My dad has only been in my life for 5 years now and she made everything awkward.

I brought up how I am only getting people I can afford presents and how I can’t waste all my money on Christmas presents, I am getting £500 and she is getting half of it towards the house so I have £250 to last me until March/April. I know I sound selfish but I should be able to get presents for whoever I want to get them for and I feel like a 12-year-old being told I am rude for making a decision that wasn’t hers. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I was you at one point. I used what money I had and baked chocolate chip cookies. I had to do this for a few years until it got to the point family wanted to have cookies and nothing else so that’s what I did and still do. I’ve branched out into doing other cookies but they’re still cookies.” DiligentPlatypus

2 points (2 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
NTJ Tell gramma if she wants to pay you will get the gifts. Your school money is just that..SCHOOL MONEY. If you HAD money you would more likely buy more gifts for family, HOWEVER I would STILL NOT buy for the uncle and aunt.
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6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear The Coat My Mom Bought Me?

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“A bit of context – my mum and I had an argument about this incident and now I’ve been banned from all internet for a week. I’ve convinced her to let me make this post.

Today, my year went on a trip to a German market. We wandered around in small groups by ourselves, trying the food and buying things. My mum happened to have a job in the area at that time.

She thought that I would be freezing (because it was quite cold) and she looked for me.

My mum’s side:

This morning I forgot to tell her that she should wear a coat. I have to tell her because otherwise she wouldn’t and I usually force her. I finished my job and stepped outside. It was freezing! I immediately thought that OP must be freezing and I called the school to check if they’d arrived.

I decided to look for OP and if I found her I would buy her a coat to wear.

When I did find her (after searching for a while), I thought that she’d be fine at first but after I thought about it, I knew that she would be cold. When I looked at her, I knew that she was cold. How could I go and leave her like this? She is a child and not aware of herself.

She is also very very very stubborn. So I decided to buy her a coat. Luckily after I bought the coat, I spotted her straight away. I offered her the jacket but she refused it and she ran, saying that she was going to be left behind. I ran after her and caught up to her. This time I begged her ‘Please take this coat for me and if you respect me.’ I got really upset.

After going through so much trouble, she didn’t take it. I was angry and decided that I would give her a punishment when I got home.

My side:

The teachers let us wander around in groups and I was with some friends. When my mum first found me, she asked if I was cold and whether she should buy me a coat. I told her that I was fine and that she shouldn’t bother with the trouble.

I thought that that was the end of that.

I happened to run into my mum again and she told me to wear a coat that she bought for me. I tried to tell her no politely but she kept insisting. My group was, annoyingly, walking away from us. If I lost them then I would be toast (not very good with directions). I told my mum that I had to go or I would lose my group so I said bye to her and ran towards the traitors.

One of my friends wanted something from a stall so we stopped there. My mum caught up to us and I told her, again, that I wasn’t going to wear it when she insisted that I should. None of us wanted to be late to meet up so we had to go and I said bye to my mum again.

When my mum picked me up from school, she took my phone off me and said that I was banned from technology for a week.

I thought that I didn’t do anything that bad so I argued back and here we are.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If there is a jerk here, it is you. But I mean that lovingly, because in reality? YTT! (YOU’RE THE TEEN!)

I have three kids, one is 20 and one is almost 17. We haven’t gotten to the fun part with the youngest yet though.

This is something that I could see my 16-year-old daughter doing.

She will wear a hoodie when it’s hot I swear, but trying to get a teenager to wear the proper outerwear for the season? Well, it just wasn’t the mount I wanted to die on I guess. I figured if they got cold often enough they would figure it out. It’s just one of those things that I don’t understand and boggles my mind, so I quit trying to figure it out.

Maybe your mom would have done the same in another situation, but as parents, we do care how your outerwear reflects on our parenting. It feels like the teacher may be shaking their head and thinking about how that child should have a coat on.

At the end of the day, your mom is the right one here. I can understand how you were distracted and rushed, but Mom trumps all.

You would not have been screwed, your mother was right there and you would have found your group again. The better choice probably would have been to holler to them that your mother needed you and to wait with you.

Maybe you didn’t want the coat, maybe you didn’t like the way it looked or whatever, but I think that you should just apologize for the disrespect, whether it was intended or not, and if it ever happens again, say thank you and take the coat and then proceed to tie it around your waist when she’s out of sight.

Then mama’s happy which means everybody’s happy.

Because really, mama is the one responsible for you and she answers for you. Therefore, when she is still legally responsible to answer for you, respect and listen to her.

In the bigger picture, this really isn’t a big deal. This is not the battle that you want to take on and throw your passion behind. Much more complicated things and fallouts with mom probably lie ahead that are worth spending the energy to argue with her on!

I think that your mom probably felt like you disrespected her in front of people, which to me personally, is more upsetting than the alternative.

And I think she wants to make sure that you understand that this was important to her, that she was thoughtful and took the time to provide and you walked away, (and by the way: COATS ARE EXPENSIVE!) and therefore she grounded you so that you would definitely remember next time and not be so distracted. She probably felt unappreciated as much as disrespected, and probably started out already worn out before she even settled on buying the coat, considering she had just gotten off of work, you know? It really sounds like you pulled something that is pretty typical for a teenager or adolescent, and that your mom is trying to show you why it was not acceptable to her, the parent.

Mama holds the keys to Freedom! What she thinks is really all that matters until you’re out from under her roof and financially independent, know what I mean?

And (please know I don’t mean to belittle your question) we see some stuff on here that makes you question the parent’s sanity. Some of the things they do are just cruel.

This feels like something that comes out of love and a desire to feel respected in front of your peers.

So no matter how it could have been handled, she knows you best and I think it’s clear that this was not something that was malicious. I feel the same way about you. Nothing seems cruel or incredibly rude, but yes it does fall under the lines of disrespect to me as well. Maybe it wouldn’t seem that way to another person, because we all kind of base our perception on what we have experienced in our own raising.

But my parents were very very very serious about respect. I got arrested twice as a teenager and they did not come down on me as hard as they had for not calling someone mister or using yes sir, so that should give you an idea LOL. Meanwhile, my husband grew up in a house that was more flippant about communication and respect between the parent and the child.

So he doesn’t blink at some things that I do not tolerate when it comes to our own children.

But our parents set the stage for what’s expected and that’s what your mom is doing here. If she thinks that taking away the phone or whatever for a week will help you to remember not to pull that in the future, just roll with it. I don’t think anybody is right or wrong in this situation, but try to remember that it’s up to the mom herself to decide that.

And she has.

Spending the following week arguing with her won’t really help. The best thing you can do is communicate just like you are right here, and accept and move forward. Sometimes kids throw big old fits and end up being grounded 10 times longer than they would have! So I think it’s good that y’all have a dialogue going, based on this!

Good luck to both of you, it sounds like when it comes to all the possible conflicts that can happen between parent and child, y’all are doing pretty alright!” Sorryyernameistaken

Another User Comments:

“From a loving parent’s perspective, I understand.

Were you cold? Would it really have been that terrible to wear the coat? Why did you refuse to wear it? I think it would have been much simpler if you just listened to your mother, who was only looking after your well-being.

However, I do understand where you’re coming from. You didn’t ask her to buy the coat, and she expected you to wear it. Also, I do think that the punishment is, indeed, harsh for what occurred.

I guess ESH.” the_battousai89

Another User Comments:

“First of all, this is really weird.

You are NTJ though and your mom’s punishment was harsh. If you’re old enough to wander around a German market yourself, you’re old enough to tell if you’re cold or not. You told her that you were fine and she went ahead and bought you a coat anyway and then made it really awkward for you and your friends by harassing you in the street with the coat that you had already told her you didn’t want to wear; I usually tend to side with parents in these posts but your mom needs to cut the proverbial cord here.” TravellingTrex

2 points (2 votes)
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pamc4 3 weeks ago
This mother sounds crazy. She was working near the site of your field trip so she stalked the event until she found you, then didn't believe you when you said you weren't cold so bought you a coat you didn't need or ask for, then got mad at you for being ungrateful? Damn, is she still trying to breastfeed you too? And the comment "she's a child and isn't aware of herself" is creepily infantilizing. If you're old enough to go to an outdoor market on a field trip, you're old enough to determine your own body temperature and comfort.
Tell mom I said she should get some hobbies and adult friends because this level of obsession is going to drive her over the brink when you leave for Uni.
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5. AITJ For Not Liking The Way My Son's Partner Dresses?

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“I’m a mom. My son (22M) moved back to his hometown after graduation. His partner (22F) who he met in college moved in with him last month when she found a good job here. She doesn’t have many friends here, so she has always tagged along with my son whenever he comes home to visit his family.

His partner is, by all means, a swell lady, however, I have a problem with how she dresses around us.

She frequently wears clothes that show off her thin waist and big chest. I get that she’s proud of her body, but I have a son and a daughter living at home who are still in high school. It’s either cleavage for days, a small top that stops at her belly button, or both at the same time. Not only that, I don’t think I have ever seen her wear a bra once.

I excused her the first time because maybe she forgot I had two children living at home who would stare and think naughty thoughts or be influenced to think that her outfit is appropriate to wear for a first impression.

The next two times, I let it slide because I was still getting a feel about her dressing habits and my husband had me slightly convinced for a while that it was not as big of a deal as I was making it out to be.

The fourth time she came over, she was wearing a belly shirt and no bra. I complimented her figure, but I asked her if she could please tone it down and dress more modestly around us because I have two children here.

She agreed without arguing. I didn’t say this to her but I think it’s a little inappropriate to dress like that in someone else’s home, whether or not there are children around.

The last time she came over, she was wearing the most she has ever worn. She wore a long-sleeve crew neck, but again no bra. I must have not made it perfectly clear about her issue, but I made sure she knew today.

I asked her to wear a bra whenever she visited us. She agreed without arguing again. I asked her if she wears a bra at work and she said she does. I was happy that it was so easy.

However, I heard from my daughter today that my son’s partner complained about my prudeness to her and my two sons. I asked my daughter if she thought it was inappropriate of her to wear those outfits at our house and she doesn’t think so at all.

I think I’m being totally reasonable. I taught my daughter that it actually is a little disrespectful of my son’s partner and told my daughter that she better not dress like that in any similar situations in the future. My husband isn’t too invested in this matter even though he still thinks it’s not as big of a deal as I made it out to be.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I don’t understand why YTJ. Honestly, it’s your house, your rules. If you ask me to take my shoes off I’ll take my shoes off. If you ask me to jiggle the handle twice when flushing I will do so out of respect. She is an adult, not a child. She can handle being told No you can’t do whatever you want in someone else’s sacred space.

You handle someone saying ‘hey I would prefer if you do this in my house.’ If she doesn’t like it, she can leave. If we are talking about respect, just like the way you can respect the way she dresses in public she can respect your wishes in your home. She knows what she has and I’m glad. More power to ya. But there is time and place and someone has set boundaries and said not here.

Plus everyone claiming YTJ what the heck? Clothing is optional, respect is not. Why say mom should be respectful toward son’s partner when the partner is entering HER home? Have respect for Mom she’s allowing you to be in her house and she discussed with you on an adult level and even gave you a reason which she didn’t have to do.

Saying ‘oh how dare you talk about this woman?’ Cut the crap! We know it’s attractive, she knows it’s attractive, heck, I flaunt my attractiveness when I want to and know how and when.

But I wouldn’t do it in front of my grandma and my partner’s mother out of respect.

Telling her to look away in HER OWN HOME? This is MOM’s Space.

Not everything has to be about fighting the patriarchy.” TrytheHalibutt

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Of course, your kids aren’t going to notice. You’re the only one who cares. I get it. I went to parochial school. Middle school sucked because I was already busty.

The teachers would chastise us based on how our uniforms fit to help make us aware of modesty. Unfortunately, they did this by punishment and not by adjusting uniforms for the fact that not every 12-year-old is 4’10” and pre-pubescent. Instead of allowing larger blouses or undershirts, we’d get punished for the uniform blouses not covering us properly.

I’m a prude but no one realizes it because of a big bust and small waist so clothes don’t always fit as intended.

Bras can hurt terribly, as I’m sure you’re aware. Lower cut tops are more flattering with a larger top and smaller waist. It feels awful to try to dress conservatively and fail only to wind up looking like either a bowling ball or a naughty librarian.

She is respectful enough to comply. I don’t think she should have complained to anyone but her partner.” lavasca

Another User Comments:

“This can’t be real.

I refuse to believe that an adult woman thinks she can lay down a dress code for another adult woman.

But just in case you’re a real and serious person;

Yes, yes you are the jerk. You are delusional to think for a second that by banning what you deem to be improper clothing around your other two children, they won’t be around that and even less to zero clothing.

Have you heard of the internet? I guarantee your children have seen less clothing on many other people online. Movies, YouTube, music videos, conversations with friends, etc.

Take the kids out of the equation (because really this is just about your need to control). She has every right to wear what she wants to wear. You want to dictate if she wears a bra or not? YOU are the one being inappropriate.

Do you want to create a horrible relationship with her and your son? Because that is inevitable.

Grow up, realize how ridiculous you are behaving, and let it go.

YTJ. Also, you are setting your other children up to have distorted inappropriate perceptions of a woman’s body. You could have had a positive reaction, and used this issue to help your kids feel more open and safe with coming to you with their lives. Instead, they are probably going to duct tape their body parts down in fear that you’ll ridicule them.

Sheesh. You have no right to complain that she is talking about you either, you started it. Be glad she’s been so civil with you. You’re going to make it so that you never see your son as long as he’s seeing her. What if they get married? Mommy doesn’t trump partner, and certainly not wife.” glass_heart2002

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Her body is not inappropriate. Her clothing is not inappropriate. Her body is not going to hurt you or your equally ludicrous daughter or your other son. I suggest learning and teaching not to look at women’s bodies, which is frankly really creepy and the actual inappropriate thing in the situation.” EclecticSpree

1 points (5 votes)
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LiaMckellen 1 month ago
I'm trying to imagine this female and all I can think of is Anna Nicole Smith. Is it Nippleage that bothers you? The fact that she has two boobs instead of one? Having a navel? A crop top usually has a bra or shelf bra in it, I think you're intimidated.
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4. AITJ For Asking For A Favor From A Nurse?

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“I was fired last year unceremoniously following an emergency hospital stay. I wasn’t able to call work and let them know during my stay but they were my first phone call the second I was discharged. My boss didn’t really care why I was gone three days without calling and that was that. It took two months to find a new job and between regular bills and hospital bills, I was flat broke by the time I got a job as a Tray Aide at my local hospital.

My department assembles the meals according to patient and diet and then we get assigned a unit and take the cart and deliver.

I was given the East Wing Second Floor, Labor and Delivery, and Postpartum. We don’t pass out the trays on L&D because food is the last thing on a woman’s mind when there’s a head in her cervix. Anyway, my former boss’s wife had given birth earlier yesterday and she’s staying in Postpartum until tomorrow morning.

I learned this when I bent down, grabbed the tray, read the name and room, and thought, ‘wow, that name sounds familiar, oh crap, it’s his wife.’

I hate my job. I hate my managers. I hate most of the people I work with in the kitchen. Everyone is out to get each other here; like most hospitals, it’s about saving yourself. It was a bad day.

Our department head ruined everyone’s day and one of my coworkers was bullying me. I was already in an emotionally bad place and then I saw her name on that tray and realized Former Boss would probably be in there, and even if he wasn’t, his wife knew me because she also worked at my former job as his second-in-command, and she would definitely mention seeing me because we live in a small town.

So I went up to the nurse’s desk and spoke quietly to one of the CNAs, explained the situation, what it would mean to me for her to just do me this favor, and promised to bring her a to-go plate full of fresh French fries.

The CNA took the tray for me, but she was not happy and she made sure I knew it when she called downstairs and reported me to my manager.

They were not busy on Postpartum this evening, there are only two new mamas on the census and only one mama-to-be in L&D. I realize being a nurse and a CNA is difficult so I’m not discounting anything they do.

But my job isn’t hard and it takes me two minutes: knock, say hello, ask for name/birthday, put tray on table, put table over patient, say goodbye, and leave. And I had twenty-two other patients to deliver meals to. But, again, I’m not saying my job is harder, I’m just saying, it’s tough, and kindness goes a long way.

I took the CNA a plate of fries fresh from the oil as an apology, and also apologized verbally as well, but the CNA threw them away in front of me.

Was I inadvertently a jerk today?

For clarity: I wasn’t avoiding the wife directly, though that was part of my goal, my main goal was avoiding the former boss.

Based on what I know about him and how desperate he was to be a father I had good reason to believe he’d be in the room and previous run-ins with him haven’t been pleasant. I try to avoid him and he seeks me out and belittles me in the situations.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The CNA was rude and throwing the fries at you was terrible. Humiliating for you but doesn’t covet her in glory either.

I suggest you do some work on yourself. On how to be more assertive, responsible, and courageous. You were hospitalized for 3 days and got sacked because you didn’t contact your boss about your absence. You didn’t want to do your job delivering the tray because you were fearful of encountering someone who sacked you. Unless you work on some basic life skills, you will continue to be marginalized in life.” brownbird8888

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

You should a) be a grown-up and do your job and b) have more respect for yourself and your position. That lady means nothing to you or your worth. It’s immature to let something this minor hinder your job.

The CNA sucks because she could have said no. I don’t work in a hospital but reporting you to the manager seems extreme and throwing the fries out in front of you is so petty.” beaarthurismymom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That CNA should’ve been more empathetic and realized what you asked wasn’t going to take more than three minutes of their time. Of course, their time is important but as you said it wasn’t busy. The extra rudeness of dumping the fries was not cool at all.” mollymadness

1 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 3 weeks ago
Time to be an adult. Something like this happens again just act PROFESSIONAL. If they start something just walk away.
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3. AITJ For Being Impatient Toward Car Repairs?

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“On Halloween night, I hit a deer in my ’16 Audi S3 doing about 60mph. The deer took out the bumper, the driver’s fender, the hood, and an intercooler behind the bumper. I’m a big car guy so I was pretty devastated when it happened, but I knew insurance would cover it so it’s no big deal.

The next morning, I dropped my car off at a local body shop that was recommended to me by a mechanic I trust.

The owner was upfront with me that it would not be a quick fix as they already had a few cars waiting and Thanksgiving was coming up, so he guessed it would take about a month to complete. Another reason it would take a while is that Audi parts are hard to source here and our town of ~150k people doesn’t have an Audi dealer. Also, the car would need to go on a truck and be driven 2 hours to the nearest Audi dealer to recalibrate the forward-facing radar.

Between that and the parts maybe having to come in from Germany, I was ready for a long wait.

Insurance was quick about sending an estimator out and authorizing the repairs. After the insurance cleared and the check came, I didn’t hear much from the shop. I emailed the owner on the 30th to see how it was coming along but didn’t hear anything. I emailed again on the 2nd and received a response that they had been waiting on parts that finally arrived and now they can proceed with painting and putting everything back together, then getting the car to the Audi dealer and back which would take an extra day.

I was told to expect the car to be ready by the 6th. I called them on the 4th to see if everything was still on schedule, and they told me it wouldn’t be ready until the 9th. I called on the 6th and they told me it would actually be ready on the 11th.

I should note that after the insurance cleared, I had to initiate all contact with the body shop.

They never called or emailed me to let me know how things were progressing, I had to ask them, and then they would give me more information.

Today I called up the Audi dealer since I knew today was the day they were getting my car for the calibration. The service department told me they weren’t told they had to do a calibration and were only told to do an alignment and find the source of an error code being thrown by the newly installed headlight.

I called the body shop and told them they had to call the Audi dealer and tell them they needed to do the calibration, otherwise, they were going to have to spend another day and send the car back AGAIN to the dealer.

There’s a local car group on social media that I’m in and I posted my experience there. I did not trash the business, however, I was frustrated and shared my experience because I wanted to know if this was normal or if I was right to be worked up.

Some people say that 5+ weeks is too long to wait for autobody repairs, while others say I’m being impatient. One of the employees from the shop who’s working my car actually commented basically saying I’m being too impatient. Maybe they’re right?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You’re not a jerk for wanting your car back and they haven’t done a very good job communicating with you.

However, even in a big city (like when I lived in DC) it can take time to source parts and do the work.

4-6 weeks seems pretty reasonable to me since they just got the parts last week.

In a lot of shops, not everyone is qualified to do ‘all the things’ so especially this time of year, repairs take a long time.” CheyBridgeMan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they told you how long it would take and now it’s almost a week later and they didn’t explain what was taking so long. The fact that you had to chase them down means they’re the jerk not you.” MaddTheSimmer

1 points (1 votes)
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Realitycheck 2 weeks ago
Allow me to say just one thing as a mechanic's wife:

Sometimes it is hard to deconstruct the vehicle and it can take longer than expected. That doesn't exactly sound like the case here, but my husband has had plenty of jobs that should be completed in an hour or two and something won't come off. He had a bolt once that he couldn't get to budge. He couldn't get to it to cut it off either. It was hours of labor to finally get it off. Things like that happen often.

Your car being a mangled mess, there could be problems. It doesn't help, but, you never know what is happening.

Now, if you drive by and it is sitting outside in the same spot, definitely worry.
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2. AITJ For Refusing To Contact Family More Often?

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“I live abroad and my mum and brother live in our hometown. The three of us see each other in person twice a year. We don’t call often either. We live quiet lives that don’t have many milestones (no children, we don’t celebrate anything, etc) and rarely have family-friendly updates. Also, my brother simply detests sharing anything personal.

When I do call, we end up having somewhat tedious 2h long conversations (we all do something else at the same time like computer stuff or cooking).

My mum forgets what we talked about so twice a year I get to hear it all again. She’s also a nanny so her work stories are about the children she raises. It can be weird at times to have to get emotionally involved in the personal stories of kids we don’t know, or really care about. We care because they’re a part of her life but beyond that…

they’re strangers.

Problem is, I often get the ‘you don’t call’ guilt trip thrown at me. But my mother never called me a single time since I left the family home. That was 15+ years ago. She has a phone subscription that allows her to call in my country of residence for free, while I pay 50ish euros for each conversation (long story, no cheaper options for international calls where I live).

My brother also has never called but he doesn’t complain about me not doing so either.

When I mention that to my mum, she says ‘normally it’s the children who call’ and evidently she’s married to the idea given that she never called since I left. So I’ve come to realize I get to decide how often my family and I talk simply because none of them will ever call if I don’t.

Yet I’m the only one who’s made responsible for this. So when my mum accused me of not giving them news recently, I told her that. I also told her that she can call me when she wants to tell me something because when I call her out of the blue the default is I get updates about her surrogate grandchildren. Finally, I told her that perhaps she could care more and we’d feel like sharing more.

For example, my brother is 29yo and until I snapped at her one time, she kept telling people he was a student. He is a teacher. And she pretends she has no idea what job I do. Customer service, so hardly rocket science. So it’s not like I mind phone calls with my family mostly being about random kids. It’s her work after all. But I feel if she’s going to guilt-trip me into calling more maybe she could work on making these calls interesting for her own children rather than the ones from her stories.

After I said all that she didn’t say much and I don’t think she’s super mad (we all get along pretty well regardless of the above).

I’ve been feeling like crap though because I see people struggling with horrible situations but they power through because of family. I have a personal pet peeve with people not putting effort in relationships which always leaves me to do all the emotional labor for them but perhaps I should treat my family differently. AITJ for not just shutting my mouth and handling it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – The responsibility to connect with each other should be shared. It shouldn’t rest solely on you, but since it does, do whatever you want, if they want that to change, that’s on them.” torikino

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Relationships, family or not, are a two-way street. No one should put in more effort than the other.” jeberargonaut

1 points (1 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
If she had to pay for the call and could not afford it I would understand. However you said the call for her would be free. YOU have to pay. How is this fair to you? She should be the one to call you AT LEAST half the time. You? NTJ
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1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Talk To My Friend?

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“So it all started when my friend of 20 years (F28) got me a job at a graphic design firm, granted I knew barely squat about graphic design but had a BFA in Studio Art so I thought I could learn the ins and outs while working there.

Fast forward 8months, our boss is gone on a business trip for two weeks and comes back and terminates me from the company.

I was distraught because it was a bit out of the blue, but I wasn’t producing at a fast enough rate for the company’s needs? I honestly don’t know why I was let go other than the fact that I was unqualified for the position.

Regardless, my ‘friend’ of 20 years waits an ENTIRE week and a half to call me and she doesn’t ask ‘how I’m doing’ and she doesn’t ask ‘what happened?’ No ‘I’m sorry you got fired’ Nope.

Nothing of that sort.

Instead, she complains for 20plus minutes about how she got shingles since I left and she can’t hang out with her partner until it’s gone because her partner’s never had chickenpox.

Literally, our phone call ended with her saying ‘oh yeah, your last paycheck will be to you in a couple of weeks,’ there was no other mention of my termination throughout the entire call…

and I was like ‘great…. thanks…’ Then I abruptly wanted to get off the phone with her cause I was driving and didn’t want to be distracted by her complaining about her life and how awful HER life was.

I get it, it’s a weird situation, but wouldn’t a friend of 20 years at least say ‘I’m sorry things happened that way?’ Or act like she was curious about why I was let go from the job she got me?

I moved to a different state for that position and thought I was moving closer to a friend but now I don’t really want to talk to her because it always feels like her issues are put in front of mine.

You can recover from shingles, it’s harder to get a nice paying job out of the blue without any financial planning.

I finally took a job as a waitress to pay the bills, but it’s not really my ‘dream job’. I’m making half of what I previously made, which wasn’t much in the first place.

Just wondering if my friend is the jerk for not asking how I was doing since I got fired or if it’s me for not wanting to sympathize with her health? I’m sure shingles sucks majorly but she didn’t lose her source of income because of it.

On the phone call I said things like ‘Aw, that sucks. I’m sorry you got shingles, etc.’ but she mentioned nothing of my termination except when my last check would be in the mail. (She is somewhat high up in the company.)

I’m super bummed about how everything turned out.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I feel like the fact that you didn’t call her to talk about it gave her the impression you didn’t want to talk about it.

She called you to talk about what’s been on in her life and possibly wanted you to continue the conversation with what you were willing to share. I understand how you were hurt, however, this is a good friend of yours, maybe think about where you would like the relationship to go in the future and if you both value each other as friends. I would suggest calling her up and ranting to her about how the loss of your job affected you and seeing how she responds.

If even after you do that and she still seems indifferent, maybe then make a decision. But as it is, I feel as if you’re looking at it solely from your own point of view. Good luck to wherever this may go though!” TheCatSaysWoof

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If she has been sick with the shingles for 2 weeks, I will assume that she is out of the loop and has not been at work and probably doesn’t have a solid hold on exactly what went down if you did not provide it to her as her friend.

The first thing I would have done is call my friend. I don’t know y’all’s dynamic but I will say that if you did not do that when you got canned, maybe she perhaps thought that you did not want to talk about it or that it wasn’t as big of a deal as it appeared initially?

When we have friends for a lifetime, a lot gets shrugged away.

It just has to because we are dealing with human beings. If we don’t communicate, it really isn’t fair to judge how they reacted. I think the best thing to do is to be honest and sincere and gentle and to have an adult conversation about it if this is a friendship that you want to have continued. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe this is just one piece of many that are basically resentments that have been built silently.

If so straighten your shoulders and walk away classily.

You can still be kind when you run into her. But you don’t have to necessarily make that person a big part of your life. At the end of the day, your friend has been sick and they did not have the say when it came to whether or not you kept this job. So I don’t think that I really see any jerks here, because I think that I also understand why you would be stung and hurt.

But I don’t think that your reason reflects that you have a friendship with someone who is just a butthole.” Sorryyernameistaken

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That friend isn’t a friend at all. Sure, you might bump into each other in the future, and sure you shouldn’t write it off if it was a meaningful relationship to you, but if it is to recover, it’ll be through her apology.” YuunofYork

0 points (2 votes)
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LiaMckellen 1 month ago
Gonna be bad and say singles is THE WORST!! That stuff can seriously screw you up! It can be way more that a minor inconvenience to downright body bursting out of your skin! It's like having poison ivy overtop of sunburn! Seriously bad stuff! Now if after she's feeling better and y'all have time, she doesn't have a heart to heart with you including two pints of ice cream, never talk to her again. There also could be stuff she can't talk to you about contractually.
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Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's not! You be the judge about who's the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)