People Hand Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories For Us To Judge
26. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For All Our Meals Out?
“My partner (25F) and I (25M) have been together for 6 years since university and now have both worked for almost 1.5 years.
Back when we were still in university, we would take turns regarding our expenses. We would also get each other gifts for certain occasions such as birthdays, Valentine’s, etc., and overall I would say that our contributions are quite equal.
The problem is even now that we both have our own incomes, she still expects me to pay for our meals every time we eat out.
We both started off with similar paychecks so I had no issue with that since I live with my parents (I chip in for my family’s monthly expenses) while she rents a room so she has to pay rent every month. She also pays for the groceries that we would use to prepare a simple meal when I’m at her place.
So in terms of our commitments, they are pretty equal.
However, even though now that she earns ~15-20% more with her earning additional incentives and overtime pay, she would not take the initiative to pick up the bill. I have tried to discuss this issue with her in the past but she would always argue that she pays for groceries and the time and energy that she spent with me and that I should feel grateful for that.
She also mentioned that I as a man should carry the responsibility for paying for all of the meals no matter how small or large and blamed me for being a fussy person to even bring up this conversation with her.
The question is, AITJ for bringing up the conversation to her?
Or AITJ to even think about splitting bills with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on both questions. If something is bothering you then you should bring it up to your partner. And for splitting the bill, I think that’s a reasonable thing to expect in a relationship.
Eating out can be expensive and adds up quickly and I personally think it’s unfair to expect the same person to always pick up the bill. I would try finding a compromise with her. Maybe you switch off who pays the bill or whoever suggests the idea of eating out is responsible for the bill?
I don’t know. To me, it kinda sounds like your partner wants a sugar daddy, not a partner when you take into account her comment that you should have no problem picking up the bill and being grateful for the mere fact that she’s present.” IndividualCold7907
Another User Comments:
“If you were also paying rent/not living at home YWNBTJ. However, because there is this huge disparity in your financial situation because she also pays for the groceries you eat at her place and all of the rent for you both to spend time there, you’re being a whiny jerk for complaining and asking to go 50/50 on dinners out.
You are massively saving more than she is likely able to without the expense of rent. And if you want to have a conversation about choosing more affordable dinner options when you do go out, skipping buying drinks out when you’re together which really rack up the bill, that would be reasonable.
But you’re not putting yourself in her shoes at all/and are acting like your expenses are 50/50 when they just aren’t. Everyone sucks here. Communicate better.” According_Pizza8484
Another User Comments:
“If you want to go 50/50 on meals eaten out, you should also go 50/50 on groceries used to prepare shared meals in her home.
Additionally, after 6 years do you stay at her apartment often? If so, she has also potentially been covering the additional expense of increased utility bills and household goods and she hasn’t asked you to contribute towards those either? In case you were unaware, grocery prices are at an all-time high.
It seems like you have an expectation of your partner to provide more than 50 percent when her expenses are factored in. YTJ.” palebeauty613
25. WIBTJ If I Reduce Visits Because Of A Creepy Foster Father?
“Through some pretty grim circumstances, 5 years ago my husband and I adopted my half-sister, Estelle. She’s now 7. At the time of the circumstances that led to her adoption, Estelle was living with her half-sister, Carly, now 10 (no relation to me).
We have been working to maintain a relationship between the girls and they used to see each other every other weekend.
About 9 months ago, Carly’s previous foster mother got pregnant so Carly was placed with a new foster family about an hour away.
The issue is the foster dad ‘Jim’ scares the living daylights out of me.
I won’t even go into the living conditions because while they’re unacceptable to me I may be looking at it with a degree of privilege. But Jim is, for starters, a creep. He has been told more than once by my husband to back off from me (his other kids (teens) are also extremely creepy).
He frequently seems under the influence, though I’ve never seen him drink. I don’t like how he talks to my daughter. I don’t like how his wife just ignores the way he acts. My husband always comes with me when we go over there because I’m so anxious.
Recently, my husband’s business has expanded which has him traveling more for work. Because of his irregular schedule, he won’t be able to come on the visits with me all the time anymore. He’d maybe be able to manage one a month but even that’s not for sure.
I’m not comfortable going over there on my own, so we are thinking we will have to reduce the visits to weekends he can be there, even though that’s less frequent.
I’m getting pushback from my sister’s bio family (her mom’s side), saying that I’m being crazy and prejudiced by being too ‘snobbish’ to go there on my own and that the girls’ relationship will suffer.
I don’t want the girls to drift but at the same time, I genuinely don’t feel safe going there alone.
WIBTJ for going ahead with reducing the visits?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you should consider a report to the foster care agency about him.
The boundary you are drawing is unfortunate from the perspective of Estelle and Carly’s relationship, but you aren’t obligated to continue exposing yourself and Estelle to someone you consider to be harmful or dangerous. Still, if you have anything to report in terms of him being inebriated or otherwise being irresponsible or questionable as a foster parent, I really feel the agency should know.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you feel that this is a dangerous environment for your half-sister, you have the right to keep her away from it. I think you’re right to feel uneasy. Maybe you can keep the girls together by having your husband pick Carly up for a day with you?
That would give them time together without putting you and Estelle in the house. If you ever see this foster dad do anything egregious in front of you, report him.” Far_Quantity_6133
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Relationship With My Mom's Partner?
“I (21F) and my mom have been through thick and thin. My father was abusive and my mom was stuck with him for years.
After a lot of encouragement, I helped her divorce him a few years back, and of course, she got full custody of me and my sister (16).
After the divorce we had a discussion about her next relationship, and I told her I wouldn’t mind if she found someone else as long as they’re a good person, but I’m not looking for another dad, so I’d rather just keep it as a friend basis with her next partner.
Fast forward: this one guy started excessively contacting my mom, calling her at 1 AM daily, pressuring her to meet up with him, and then he confessed his love to her. She initially refused him, but he kept trying over and over and she succumbed, so they started going out.
For me, that was a huge red flag. So I really didn’t have good first impressions of the guy. But she suddenly became head over heels.
As time passed things got worse, he now calls her at least 9 times a day and gets mad at her when she doesn’t reply, he urges her to tell her every detail of her and our lives, he doesn’t have a job so he asks her to get him things sometimes, he has a son and he asks her to get gifts for him.
She even cooks some meals for them and goes to give it to them. She passes by him every single day to give him something or they go on multiple days out together and she comes back home late… And she just prioritized him over us in a lot of ways.
All of that behavior made me really suspect him and I was blunt about it, I told her I think that guy is just taking advantage of you. She kept defending him and we had multiple huge arguments where she told me I was getting in the way of her happiness.
She told me that she supported me and my partner even if she didn’t agree (she’s homophobic, not because my partner was bad) so she expects the same from me. So in the end I told her she could do whatever she wanted but I had the right not to want to partake in the consequences of her choices so I wanted nothing to do with him.
She didn’t like that.
Then she found out he was talking to other women. They fought about it and he told her that the truth was he was messing around with her in the beginning but he genuinely fell for her now and promised not to talk to the other girls again.
She forgave him instantly.
She wanted us to welcome him into our lives as a substitute father. I refused. So she started tricking me by sneaking him into my life.
Today she invited him over for dinner and I had enough so I told her my sister and I didn’t want to see him so we ate out outside, and we actually did.
When we came back she was really mad at us.
I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by refusing to support her, but I really think the guy is bad news. So am I the jerk for refusing to associate with him?”
Another User Comments:
“Protect yourself and your sister, but in abusive relationships, it really never helps to attack the abuser, the victim (your mom) will almost always get more defensive and dig their feet in more. In your position, it’s more important to protect yourself and your sister.
In these situations your mom needs to be reinforced that she is better without him but without criticizing the abuser and build up her confidence to leave him. It’s backward, I know. But also it’s not your burden to build up your mom’s confidence to leave him.
Take care of yourself and your sister first. Don’t waste time calling the abuser out. It generally only makes things worse and makes your mom more defensive. Get help from the outside and get out.” Idkthrowaway195
Another User Comments:
“Yup, he’s bad news. Sadly, you aren’t going to be able to convince her of it.
She is repeating what she knows from her relationship with your father. It isn’t going to change until it gets really bad and she finally has had enough. Then she will do it all over again. It’s a cycle and without help, she isn’t going to be able to break it.
Maybe you could encourage her to get therapy. It may help her realize what she is doing. Wishing you all the best… I know it’s hard for you and your sister. NTJ.” HappyGardener52
23. AITJ For Suggesting A Different Set Of Rules?
“Two (M/F) couples were squaring off in a game of 8 ball. 2x M38, 2x F35.
Typically when I miss my shot, I don’t shoot again if the target ball sinks in a random hole. My partner said that it still counts and we get to go again.
The guy on the other team agreed with me that he doesn’t play like that either, but my partner and her counterpart preferred to play their way. In order to solve the problem, I said ‘How about we will play our way, and you can play your way’.
She found this misogynistic and said there was no way there should be separate rules for men and women in the game, and I am a jerk to suggest such a thing. In fact, she made a point to make a display about how misogynistic that was, in public, and I was berated outside the pool hall afterward for not seeing it her way.
AITJ for not being cognizant of gender when suggesting a different set of rules?
I can understand that this is a pervasive issue among women, so I can understand where she is coming from, but I find this excessive, and unnecessarily gendering a simple solution to continue our match.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They wanted to shoot slop and you wanted to play by the rules. You gave her a suggestion to compromise. She can either take the compromise or play by the rules. Instead, she chose the side of ‘in order to not make the women look like fools, everyone should play a modified game of pool, or you are sexist’.
Darned if you do, darned if you don’t.” MajorMinus-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s 100% not misogynistic but can be taken as condescending, etc. But it really just depends on the skill level everyone plays at. If you are playing a doubles game the rules should be lowered to the average level of the people playing.
So when playing with people who are new to pool/kids, I don’t play with a lot of the same rules. Like the whole if you miss a shot on an 8 ball you lose rule I find a bit too hard for people who are not the best at pool so I don’t play with that and a bunch of other rules.
Like if you are not playing for money and just having a good time there is no need to be so strict on the rules. And suggesting two different sets of rules is condescending and condescension can feel like misogyny to a lot of people so I can kind of see where she is coming from.
But yeah, I think she overreacted to the situation but it would have been better to just play with rules everyone was comfortable with.” Azsura12
22. AITJ For Thinking My Sibling Ruined My Birthday?
“So I (16f) have a sibling (21) (they’re gender fluid so I will be using they/them pronouns). I’ll call them Ono. Ono and I don’t ever really get along since we’ve both had similar mental health issues and because of that, they’re always trying to one-up me.
Usually, my parents take us on shopping trips for our birthdays but this year they decided on doing experiences. My experience was a concert for my favorite artist, Mitski. Everyone is getting their own experience like one of my sisters is going to Comicon, the other a Primus concert, and Ono is getting a trip to Kentucky.
We had an entire trip to Chicago planned, it was gonna be me, my dad, my mom, and possibly my sister. But I really didn’t want my sister to come, since I just don’t get along too well with most of my siblings. My sister couldn’t come, so the night before Ono asked to take her place.
Ono didn’t come along to the concert itself but went out to eat with us, and stayed in the hotel with us.
The entire time we’re in Chicago, we’re only doing what Ono wants to do. We got pizza (which I hate), and my parents were only listening to Ono, only talking to Ono, etc.
Eventually, we get back to the hotel, and I am in tears. I feel like my entire birthday experience has been ruined, and honestly, I knew it was bad from the start. Ono and I were arguing nearly the entire trip. I ended up telling Ono, ‘It’s not that I don’t want you going out, but this was my experience and I feel like you’re overtaking it.’
My dad then walked out and asked what happened, to which Ono angrily said ‘She doesn’t want me here.’ I tried to defend myself but Ono kept… twisting my words I guess? I don’t know how to explain it. They always do it though.
I’m not on talking terms with any of them right now, and while Ono is still trying to talk to me it’s literally to only argue with me. I.e, I was talking to my sister about the solar eclipse and if we go to a certain area we won’t have to use sunglasses and Ono tried to correct me and tried to start an argument.
So, AITJ/spoiled brat?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should have a private chat with your parents separately, elaborate on your feelings, and highlight that Ono was twisting your words. Also, I don’t know in America but isn’t Sweet 16 a sort of big celebration?
I would personally ask for another slightly more inexpensive short experience to make up for the one that he didn’t ‘ruin’ per se, but it was not as good as an experience as Ono had or I’m guessing your siblings had. Also, mention that you were feeling excluded from YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE.
And that you would rather celebrate your birthday with your parents for a more personal experience, like a mother, father, daughter day out. Sibling rivalries always occur, it’s normal.” Faux_Potato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Ono isn’t to blame, your parents are. Your parents are giving Ono preferential treatment and that has caused them to turn into a brat.
I also guess that your parents have invalidated your feelings and shown preference very often, which is why you didn’t feel confident enough to fight for each decision like what to eat. And that if you did they took Ono’s side, not yours.
I suggest writing your feelings/thoughts down which will give you more time to get your points across well.
I also think you should mention that this issue isn’t just this one trip, which whilst unfair (unless for Ono’s trip, they plan on taking you and going to your favorite places?) but that it is representing a much larger issue, hence your emotional, crying response.” Buffy_Geek
21. AITJ For Not Coming To The Family Dinner?
“I’m (21f) the youngest of four kids. All four of us were adopted and we’re all close in age too. Our parents were always great about being open about the info they had on our birth families.
They knew very little about mine because I was placed differently than my siblings. But my siblings all had some info in their files about their birth families. 2/3 were placed for adoption because their birth mothers were young. My other sibling was born to a birth mother with a lot of mental health problems and did not feel capable at the time of raising my sibling.
These were all things our parents had been informed of and my siblings saw in their files. I was a little older when I was adopted. My siblings were all newborns. I was technically a foster child for a little bit after my birth and was just left at the hospital where my birth mother gave a fake name.
My siblings and I all did our birth family searches around the same time. I was 18 and had my parents with me through it. I learned I was the product of an affair and both birth parents were married with families and nobody on either side has any interest in anything to do with me.
I was also denied any medical information and told I should not have been born. It was hard to hear because my siblings’ stories were so different and while I didn’t feel like I was losing my real family, knowing that these people hated me so much that they wouldn’t even tell me loose medical history that could be important was tough.
My parents and siblings supported me through it.
So they all have reunions with their birth families (mostly birth mothers’ families). I have also met them. And there has been conflict present because some of these relatives have intrusively asked about my ‘real family’ and questioned after being told it’s not a topic I/we wish to bring up.
My siblings have had some stern words for this.
So when my parents and siblings decided to host a family dinner that included the birth families I decided to not attend. My siblings said it was a good thing because they were using getting everyone together to see if these relationships were even worth it because I guess some of the comments surrounding ‘real family’ have continued and I have been mentioned. Some of the relatives are literal kids so I get it that they might not be mature enough to understand.
But it doesn’t make it any less hurtful for me when I was rejected with so much hate. And I toned down the response of my birth family in my details above. It was brutal the responses I got.
But my siblings’ birth families, mostly the birth parents + spouses accused me of trying to sabotage the reunions by not showing up and acting like a victim and coming between them and my siblings.
One contacted me on social media and said after the dinner my sibling wanted no more contact and she said it was my fault for hiding away from a family gathering. I was told I wanted to ruin things. This made my sibling mad and led to more conflict.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The birth families were told to be respectful of you and chose not to do that. They were given a final opportunity to stop dismissing the validity of your established family and show they were worth bothering with, and failed spectacularly at it.
That has nothing to do with you. Your siblings’ birth families aren’t YOUR family, and you’re not obligated to waste a night hanging out with them when they’ve made a point of ignoring your desire to not speak about your past.
Let’s be real here: these people gave their kids up for adoption.
They were likely 100% right to do it at that time, and I have nothing but respect for those who make that choice rather than keep a child in a bad situation, but it’s beyond hypocritical to wander back years later and start moralizing about ‘real family’ when they originally noped out of that connection.
Real family are the ones who are there for you when you need it. DNA means nothing if those you share it with aren’t around or aren’t treating you well. You and your siblings already have a real family, and it’s got nothing to do with genetics.
If the birth families wanted relationships with your siblings, they needed to not act as though your family was somehow less valid for the fact your parents chose you.” Scree_fox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are understandably upset at having no information and seeing your adopted siblings reaching out to and starting to have relationships with blood relatives.
You did not sabotage anything, you simply decided to protect yourself and your mental health by not attending these meetings/reunions. Although you have no information about your birth family, and you state your bio mother gave a false name. Why not try taking a heritage DNA test and see if any aunts, uncles, cousins, or even siblings are out there?
You may need to cast the net wide and maybe take 3 different tests. It could give you at least a starting point to find your family if that’s what you want to do. Good luck!” Successful_Bath1200
20. AITJ For Slowly Planning My Move From My Mom's House?
“Around a year ago, my mother and her fiance got married and we moved to a 3-bedroom apartment. I rented a room for 1,000$ cause originally they wanted me to share a room with my stepfather’s oldest daughter to get closer to her.
I refused so now I have to rent a room so that way I have more privacy. Sadly that also means I had to downsize and rehome my bugs and corn snake. My stepfather has a fear of bugs and snakes, I was absolutely torn after losing my cat that I had to lose my bugs and snake as well as I sadly didn’t tell anyone in our family what was happening cause I was afraid of being judged cause my family disowned my mother.
And since she married my stepfather, things have been going downhill. My mother used to be strictly sober of booze and smoking. She started heavily drinking and smoking almost daily and multiple times a day. I don’t support this as drinking and substance use will shorten your life and she’s been getting mildly physically aggressive.
Now this is where I might be the jerk… I got social media, eBay, and Craigslist to start selling my stuff. So I can make extra funds quicker to move out. And bit by bit, my room has been disappearing and no one has noticed. I have made around 3,000$ from selling art supplies, old clothes, small furniture I don’t use, old games, and books.
And I recently told a friend that I’m getting rid of my things so that way when I move, I will only take my essentials and not have to bring all the random junk I simply don’t use. My friend said that it was mean and manipulative to do that, as in my plan to move.
I would be telling my mother the day of my moving that I would be moving, so that way she wouldn’t keep me trapped in the apartment. I mean, she hasn’t even noticed I sold my favorite collection of old g1 MLP toys. If she hasn’t noticed all my things are slowly disappearing.
I heavily doubt that it’s mean of me to just move out.
However, I am still taking some time to make sure I sell all of my junk first. I’ve been cashing out my checks, hiding them in my room, and paying her directly through my savings that I do keep for rent.
I have been budgeting heavily as I buy my own food and my cat’s food. I haven’t been to the doctor in over a year (I should really go but I need to save up some more money) and working overtime even these past few weeks to keep making more money but I only get paid minimum wage and even overnight shift doesn’t pay that well.
So is it manipulative to sell my stuff before I plan to move out? Would that make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Please, please, please don’t ‘hide’ your money at that place. I am getting anxious just thinking about it. You have to get it right now and go to a bank and start a new account.
Doesn’t even have to be the same bank you are using now. Maybe even best that it isn’t if your parents have access to or know about your current account. Also, make sure they don’t send statements or mail to your house/address.
No matter how well you think you hid your money it can be found, or accidentally thrown away.
PS Obviously NTJ, your friend may not be your friend and I would be careful to reveal any further information. Maybe even tell them you changed your mind and will be staying just to throw them off the scent.” rokkon-stonedar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people who haven’t been THROUGH THINGS don’t always understand those who have. Doesn’t sound like your mother deserves those things, and some people won’t understand that. Not that parents should be given any kind of first dibs on a kid’s belongings whilst they’re still alive unless the kid wants to freely give the items. Unfortunately, fairweather people can be landmines who may end up blabbing to other people about your situation (as they don’t understand the risks, not necessarily out of any malice) so I’d stop feeding info immediately or feed incorrect info that can explode in your favor.
As hard as it is, I’d stop talking about your plans whilst they’re in motion unless it’s to the wall or someone who is contractually bound to keep their mouth shut. Sometimes it helps just to write stuff out and then not save it. That way it can’t be found but you have the catharsis of writing it out.
Can save the talking to people once the deal is done and they can’t unintentionally ruin your plans.” quenishi
19. WIBTJ If I Get Married At My Sister's Dream Wedding Venue?
“I (24F) am from the US but went to university in the UK and have been in England since. My fiancé Nick (25M) is from Italy but similarly came to the UK for uni.
My sister Sarah (27F) is someone who has always fantasized about her wedding.
Pinterest stuff, hundreds of pics in her camera roll, follows a bunch of wedding bakery Instagram pages, etc. Her dream wedding location has always been an Italian vineyard.
When deciding our wedding location, Nick and I were going between NY, London, and Tuscany (where his family is from).
We chose Tuscany because: 1) we find it the most beautiful, 2) his family has a huge vineyard where they’re happy to host everyone, and 3) with the money we’d save for venue and accommodations, we could pay for the airfare of all our guests coming from the US.
It’ll be a small wedding, max 50 people (~15 from the US, 10 from the UK, so it’s doable). Anyway, it’ll be a destination wedding for some people, so Tuscany is thus the best financially speaking.
My sister however is furious. She called me selfish for doing this to her since I’ve never cared nearly as much about weddings but now I’m stealing her dream location.
My parents were on her side till I told them Nick and I would be covering all our family’s airfare and accommodations, and then they were placated (they worried family members wouldn’t want to go to two destination weddings in Italy). Sarah however has not come around, even when I’ve tried to explain the reasoning behind it all.
After talking with my mom today she suggested that we just have it in England to ‘keep the peace’ since this means so much to my sister while I’ve never cared much for weddings. She said she and my dad discussed and think they’re able to cover the cost of all the airfare for people flying from the US—which might be financially doable for them, but really not ideal as they’re both retired.
I’m not sure what to do now. Nick strongly prefers Italy, but he isn’t adamantly against London. His parents very much want to host the wedding. I don’t think I’m the jerk since this is literally where Nick’s family LIVES, but I’m willing to admit I’m wrong.
So WIBTJ if I don’t give in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Keep the peace’ means ‘Your sister’s wishes mean everything and yours mean nothing.’ Your sister does not have a wedding planned at an Italian vineyard. She’s not even engaged! There are a thousand vineyards anyway, hardly a unique location.
Your sister is out of line, as are your parents. They expect you to dump a free location that had meaning to your fiance because of a temper tantrum? No. Tell them this is the location. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to come.
You expect them to act like mature adults, and gracious guests at these people’s home. Your sister is almost 30, not 12. ” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a delulu. First of all, you are already in Europe, so having an Italian wedding is not a pipe dream like it is for the vast majority of Americans – is it even realistic for your sister to pull this off without putting your parents in debt?
Second, it’s your in-laws’ vineyard, literally your fiancé’s home. And his parents want to host you. This is a no-brainer. Third, if your sister isn’t even engaged yet much less actively planning a wedding, she doesn’t get to call dibs on Italian Vineyards just because she made a Pinterest board.
Stop discussing the location with your family, it’s a done deal. All they need to give input on now is dates/availability.” DinoSnuggler
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Mom Again?
“I (15F) currently live with my older cousin (30F). About a year ago I was staying with my mother (51F) and her partner (49M). Unfortunately, when I was staying with my mother, we got evicted from our house due to noise complaints when my mother would argue with her partner, as well as being behind on rent.
So I had no other choice but to live with my cousin. When she dropped me off she helped me get my stuff out of the car, and with no emotion, she said ‘I’ll text you later’ and drove off.
That was about a year ago and it still makes me upset to this day because she showed no emotion when she dropped her own child off to live with somebody else.
Ever since I walked through my cousin’s door, my life has gotten better. I got better grades in school. I feel safe here and it’s always quiet when I go to bed at night and I wouldn’t know what to do if I was living somewhere else.
Fast forward four months and my mother got a job and a house. The minute she signed the lease for the house, she automatically wanted me back and I told her that I do not wanna be around her if her partner is. And she freaked out threatening to come over in the middle of the night and yell in front of my cousin’s house.
After she threatened to call the cops on her that’s when I finally snapped and I told her that if she forced me to live with her, I would never forgive her. After I said that she only brings up the topic every now and again when she used to bring it up every time I saw her.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother did not perform her basic duties as a parent. First and foremost, she could not keep you housed as she got evicted. Even if she didn’t get evicted, the environment you were in was unhealthy with all the fighting.
She emotionlessly dumps you off at a relative’s house, then when she finally MAYBE gets her crap halfway together, she thinks you will just drop what you are doing to go back and live with her.
OP, it seems you are thriving in your current environment.
I wish you the best and hope you continue to thrive. I don’t know what the laws are in your state, but you may want to look into emancipation or see if your cousin could adopt you formally.” Least-Task276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, being young is hard, even without a bad home environment.
You learned by living with your cousin that a quieter and safer environment makes you perform better in life/happier all around it sounds like. Protect your peace, keep a positive but perhaps more distanced relationship with your mom if it’s possible, and always value your environment, especially as you get older and get more of a say in where you are and who you’re surrounded by.
I moved out at 18 and never looked back and it doesn’t mean I don’t love my mom and value what she’s done for me and our relationship, and I hope the same can be the case for you. Wishing you luck, it gets better!” riddler_69
17. AITJ For Not Ignoring Our Friend Who Had An Affair?
“My husband and I used to be ‘couple’ friends with Charlie and Amy, until about a year and a half ago when Charlie and Amy split up due to Amy’s infidelity.
We were obviously appalled at Amy and didn’t want to continue a friendship with her. We have remained close with Charlie and his daughter, Emma. Before this past Saturday, I hadn’t seen or spoken to Amy since we found out they were separating.
Charlie and Amy are cordial and they decided that it was in Emma’s best interest to host a joint party for her fourth birthday, which took place this past Saturday.
When we arrived at the party, I greeted Amy but didn’t engage her in conversation. Throughout the party, Amy sought me out several times. I was polite with her but kept my responses short and tried to avoid conversation. My husband didn’t talk to Amy at all but she also didn’t try to talk to him.
When we got home from the party, my husband told me that he was seriously uncomfortable with me talking to Amy during the party. He feels as if I should’ve ignored her and walked away when she tried to speak to me. I felt like I behaved appropriately.
I wasn’t warm to Amy and I didn’t engage with her, but I didn’t feel that it was right to be rude to her at her kid’s birthday party, especially since Charlie and her are cordial. My husband says he’s not sure if he can trust me if I’m willing to talk to an unfaithful person.
I think he’s overreacting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t catch unfaithfulness. And you can’t catch cooties. I will say that Amy didn’t do anything to you, and if you’re at a joint party then it’s important to be polite to the host and make small talk.
And while I know you’re not close with Amy, it was rude of your husband to not say anything to her. Even a ‘thanks for the invite’ would have been enough.
Personally, I maybe would have done more small talk with her, but as long as you did the social niceties then I don’t think you did anything wrong.
It’s appalling and hyperbolic of him to accuse or suggest that you would be unfaithful to him for deigning to speak to someone who was unfaithful to her partner. Not only is that ridiculous but illogical as well. Just going to work you probably speak to a few people who have had an affair before.
The difference is that one wouldn’t know about it. If it were me I would call him out on it. And make it clear if he continues to hold you suspect that he can find somewhere else to stay and expect to see you in couples counseling.” Choice_Werewolf1259
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk, but she’s a human who made a mistake. I don’t agree with infidelity either. I’m sure Charlie has done something horrible in his life to someone at some point in time too, maybe just not to his wife.
We all make mistakes, she’s suffering her consequences whether you see that or not. Everyone that knows about her mistakes doesn’t need to punish her. She didn’t harm you personally and therefore you handled the uncomfortable situation like an adult. Your husband doesn’t realize it maybe that he is taking what she did to Charlie personally.
You were at a party for a child, her child! Being rude could have taken the attention off the little girl you were celebrating who did not have anything to do with her mom’s mistake. Hope my perspective helps.” Brynnly777
16. AITJ For Telling My Baby Daddy's Mom My True Feelings?
“I (27f) found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks after my ex (23m) and I broke up. It wasn’t a bad breakup, we just had different plans for the future and he had some general growing up to do. But, when he found out I was pregnant, he really stepped up and is working hard to improve himself.
The problem comes from his family. They are very religious and conservative and are less than pleased about all this. As the pregnancy has progressed they are slowly coming around but it is less than ideal.
The main issues are his mother (63f) and sister (25f).
Both are way too emotionally dependent on him and both hated me as soon as they found out we were in a relationship (before they even met me!).
Recently his mom was having a go at me, about how I ‘ruined’ her son’s life and Sis was backing her up.
Even insinuated that I ‘baby-trapped’ him on purpose. I eventually snapped and asked if she really thought he was such an ideal baby daddy. He is 23, with no education (is now joining the military), works an okay job, makes much less than I do, lives at home (they kicked him out when they found out and he moved in with me), etc. oh and that it takes two to tango and he was a very active and willing participant in this child’s creation.
He wasn’t in the room when this conversation happened but is backing me up. His mom and sister are on the warpath for what I said, but I didn’t lie and think they needed a wake-up call. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why do you interact with them?
They are toxic and honestly, moving him out from under them was the best thing for him. Even if they are family, having them as occasional babysitters isn’t worth spending holidays with them or having them be an influence on your child.
With the baby daddy going into the military, it doesn’t sound like he’s going to be able to be around much unless you move and follow him (a lot of military people get married young and early due to housing benefits).
Are you two working through your goals together? The baby changes things, but so will the military.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“You need to have some serious reflection about what you want for your future. Do you want a lifetime of your MIL and SIL doing this?
If I were you I would tell my partner that I wanted nothing to do with his family and wouldn’t welcome them in my child’s life. I’m not dealing with drama when I’m giving birth, on holidays, on special occasions, or in my day-to-day life.
If my partner didn’t completely shut his family down or completely shut them out of our lives (and by extension, our child’s) I would not stay with him. NTJ.” holliday_doc_1995
15. AITJ For Not Liking My Uncle's Christmas Gift To The Family?
“Like every year, the whole family meets a few days before Christmas to spend the whole week together at our grandparents’ house. It includes my uncle, whom I will name ironically, Shakespeare.
He is a quite well-known author in my country, like the kind to be interviewed on TV.
Every year when he releases a book, he gifts his new book, and each member of the family gets a copy (I assume a free copy since I don’t think he pays for those).
When he doesn’t have a book to offer, he doesn’t bring gifts (his wife does).
A few months ago, I saw on social media he will release a book in the new year.
When I saw him at our grandparents’ house, with a few people in the kitchen, I told him laughing ‘I hope you will not get us a draft of your future book’.
He looked at me like I was dead or Satan and left the room. He apparently complained to some other members of the family about my ‘personal attack’ and how it’s not respectful of the Christmas spirit.
His real gift? A draft copy of his future book with the clear mention that he wants members of the family to read it quickly to correct potential mistakes/typos.
Nobody complained about this weird ‘gift’. I couldn’t either since apparently, he burnt my copy but I asked my mother loudly so anyone could hear ‘And where is the real Shakespeare’s gift?’
Everyone thinks I’m the jerk for disrespecting the Christmas spirit and attacking my uncle, which I should be grateful he let us read his books for free since he is so famous.
I obviously disagree.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ all the way. Not only is it egotistical enough to give everyone nothing but copies of his own book, but to also give them nothing period on the years he isn’t releasing a new book, and then now he’s telling everyone they’re his proofreaders?!
The nerve of this guy! He deserved to be called out long before this! Good for you for saying what everyone else is thinking. That’s not a gift, it’s ego at best and demanding unpaid labor at worst. You gave him the best gift of all in the form of a long-overdue reality check.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He sucks because gifting someone something they know you got for free and then expecting them to do unpaid labor is obnoxious. You suck because complaining about a gift, or telling someone how nice a gift you expect from them, is also obnoxious.
He’s probably worse in the grand scheme of things, especially if he does this every year, but you’d both be getting side-eye from me.” chapkachapka
Another User Comments:
“Unless the gift recipient is huge into reading that type of book, the book seems like a rather crappy gift at the moment.
I would happily accept the gift and ask him to sign the book each and every time he gave me one as a gift. It would then go into my bookshelf and probably never be read. A signed first edition from a famous author could become valuable in the very distant future.
A signed personalized unpublished version could be even more so. Take the gift, Get it signed, and fake your happiness. Side note, I would not be reading it and fixing the grammatical errors though, not unless that was something I enjoyed doing.” Turtle_ti
14. AITJ For Not Allowing My Partner's Ex To See His Cat?
“I (F 25) have been with my partner (M 31) for almost two years. He was with his ex for 5 years and they got a cat and when they split, he kept it.
After they broke up, she would constantly text him to Facetime ‘the cat.’ This kept going on even after we started going out for a few months then I put a stop to it.
10 months later, she says she’s in town and wants to see the cat.
I told my partner she probably just wants to see you… so tell her you’ll leave a key for her under the mat so she can hang out with the cat while my partner is at work. The ex then said ‘Oh, I can’t see you?’ which confirmed to me that it was never about the cat.
Whatever – she ended up coming and seeing the cat anyway like planned and didn’t see my partner.
This was last December. Now just yesterday she texted him asking to see the cat, and I told my partner that he doesn’t see me messaging MY ex to see the cat I used to have with him (I was with my ex for three years).
I feel it is inappropriate and I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone where the ex can come in and out – or even come up in conversation.
My partner has a gentle heart and literally cried when he told her she couldn’t see the cat this year because of how bad he felt.
But I just want him to block her so she can’t even ask and make him feel bad.
So am I the jerk for not allowing her to see the cat?”
Another User Comments:
“I actually completely understand not wanting your partner’s ex popping up randomly in his life.
It’s not normal and people who say they’d be totally cool with it and that you’re insecure are in the minority, have never actually experienced it, or they’re trying to sound chill and new-agey.
Also, I love animals and I have 4 cats (I’ve had 8 in my life), let me tell you; The cat doesn’t give a toss if it sees the ex or not.
She’s being selfish and needs to get over it. However, if banning the ex from seeing the cat is making your partner really upset you need to have a frank discussion with him about the whole situation. It’s odd. NTJ.” eebieteebie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, frankly his ex still wanting to come to his house and see him after being broken up for 2 years is strange, to say the least. He kept the cat and it’s unfortunate but she needs to move on.
Sure visiting the cat would be nice but your partner is in a relationship, and expecting to go over to his house when he’s there and his partner probably won’t be is just inappropriate. And him crying about the whole thing is even weirder, in my opinion, who cries because their ex can’t come over and see their cat?
The whole thing is just weird and makes me feel like neither of them has completely moved on.” Alternative-Pea-4434
13. AITJ For Not Paying For My Meal?
“I (21f) went out with a group of my friends (21-23 m & f) to a restaurant to celebrate the end of the fall semester. The restaurant was medium-sized and had a bar in the middle. We were all sitting in a slide-in booth and I was at the end seat.
We ate our food and chatted when one of my friends asked me if I could grab the drinks from the bar since I was at the end. I left to go to the bar and when I turned back I saw that my friends were looking at me while whispering and giggling amongst themselves.
I asked what was so funny and they just brushed it off.
A few minutes later I went to the bathroom and I noticed that I had a huge period stain on my pants. I was wearing white jeans. And it was not a small stain that could be covered with a sweater, the stain had started to go down my pant leg.
My friends were laughing at the stain and never told me I had gotten my period.
I was absolutely humiliated and I did not want to go back to the booth. So I messaged my brother and he picked me up. Not one of my friends texted me asking if I was coming back or if I was alright.
Not until two hours later when they asked if I could Venmo them for the meal and drink. I didn’t respond to them.
So AITJ for not paying for the meal and ghosting them?”
Another User Comments:
“While I normally would disagree with leaving without paying, I believe you’re not exactly in the wrong here.
Did they just expect you to sit in your soiled pants and ‘enjoy’ your meal while they laughed and humiliated you, without even telling you why? What kind of friends do that, and what did they really expect to happen? Of course you wouldn’t want to stay, and shouldn’t be expected to.
They can consider it a bill for being a jerk, and I’m sorry you were embarrassed like that. This is definitely not a misunderstanding on your part. You understood things exactly as they were, which is your friends are jerks and were laughing at your misfortune.
Please don’t feel the need to apologize to them, you’re the one who deserves an apology.” Tokeahontis
Another User Comments:
“Ditching friends: NTJ, if no one told you the situation it’s hard to call them friends. Now that I’m writing more, sounds like it was a big situation before anyone knew what was going on but they still should have told you.
Not paying them: I don’t know, I’m split. On the one hand, you ordered everything with the intent to pay. On the other hand, seems like you need to think about whether or not you want to stay friends. If you pay them, they’re going to forget about this faster than they will.
If you don’t pay them, you better find a good way to justify it and not be surprised if you start getting excluded from things down the road.” little_runner_boy
12. AITJ For Saying Our Divorce Made My Ex-Husband A Better Person?
“When we were married my ex was an absent father and husband. He valued his business and status over us and so I made the decision to leave. Deep down I was hoping the divorce would be the thing to knock some sense into him so he would realize our kids were more important, which it has.
He’s a much better father and person now. We have a wonderful co-parenting relationship and we no longer fight because the resentment I felt for him while we were married has faded. We married shortly after graduating and it feels like he’s gotten out of whatever fog he was in during our marriage and is back to being the guy I agreed to spend the rest of my life with.
My former in-laws see that we’re getting along much better now so my former mother-in-law brought up the possibility of us getting back together. We had a long conversation about it and at one point I said something along the lines of the divorce making him a better person and father.
I’m not sure who told my ex, as there were a few of his family members who could’ve easily overheard our conversation, but someone did as he asked me if I really thought that and I think he hates me now.
We haven’t fought since before I asked him for a divorce and he clearly has had some pent-up feelings because he told me I was selfish and that I had ruined our children’s lives because instead of admitting I needed more attention I ran away from my problems. He’s being cold and standoffish now.
I’ve tried apologizing and being extra nice to him but it only leads to him treating me worse.
My former mother-in-law said he was hurt and I should give him time but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Divorce does make some people better – it forces them to take responsibility and become someone they, and often their children, can rely on.
Some people also don’t work as romantic partners, even if they work as friends. Somehow, I also doubt you asked for a divorce simply because you ‘needed attention’ – it sounds more like you were tired of carrying his weight and yours. Also, if he’s going to accuse you of not fighting for your relationship, it may be time for him to take a good hard look in the mirror as it doesn’t sound like he fought very hard for it either.” honey-smile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You told your truth. Your ex is hurt because he believes that if you communicated with him, the marriage could have been saved, but I imagine you told him plenty before you finally decided to leave, and he just did not think you would go.
That’s not your fault. You probably grieved the marriage during the marriage, and he had to grieve once he realized the divorce was real. If you can talk to him, remind him that you fought for the marriage but he would not change until you left. He broke your heart as well.” Beachrabbit123
11. AITJ For Drinking My Brother's Wine?
“I (23M) agreed to spend a week in my brother’s (30M) house to look after his dog while he and his wife (32F) visited her parents in another state. I didn’t charge them anything for my time because it’s convenient for me to spend some days in their place – it’s a nice house, it’s closer to my work and it’s also a chance to take a break from my roommates.
When they left, he told me to make myself at home and that I could use whatever I wanted while I was there. So one night I opened a bottle of wine. I should also say that I don’t know much about wine and can’t tell a cheap wine from a good wine (from looking at the label, at least).
Well, apparently I got one of the expensive ones that they were saving for a special occasion because later (about 2 days after they came back) my brother texted me to ask if I had consumed it. I said yes, and that they told me I could use anything in the house.
He said he meant I could go to the pantry to get any food if I wanted to cook, and that he didn’t think I’d go after an expensive wine without at least checking with him if it was ok.
I said I didn’t know it was expensive, and he didn’t specify what I could or could not get.
He told me to forget about it, but I can tell he’s still mad and still believes I was out of line for not asking first. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you don’t know about wine, you know Google is free, right?
But what makes you the actual jerk is you still haven’t offered to replace it. You didn’t know, sure not everyone knows everything. You didn’t think to ask, eh depends on your relationship with your brother. You didn’t bother to look it up, getting into jerk territory.
But you now know you messed up, didn’t even apologize, and then excused all of your behavior with ‘I didn’t know’ and ‘He said I could help myself’. Actually apologize for your mistake, then offer to replace the bottle.” StevieB85
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This falls under common sense.
Foods and snacks are perishable, when you start getting into the stuff that can be kept for a decade or is used for a celebration you should ask yourself ‘Would I want someone rummaging around in this if it were mine?’ Especially if it’s unopened. You wanted some wine and now you don’t want to feel bad about it, pay for it or you’re the jerk, also I’m guessing $100 is worth less than your relationship with your brother, food for thought.” Otherwise_Stable_925
10. AITJ For Not Ordering McDonald's With My Family?
“I (22m) was staying with my parents for a week and we had family over for party games, etc. last Saturday before I went home. It was 8 adults and 5 kids in total, and we decided to get takeaway food. This was my last night at my parents’ house before flying home, and I missed all the nice takeaway options in my parents’ town, so I was looking forward to enjoying something nice.
But then the kids started shouting for McDonald’s and everyone decided it was easiest to give in to what the kids wanted and decided that’s what we were getting.
So I told them to leave me out and I’d get something for myself. I made an online order at a local Indian restaurant for lamb vindaloo, mushroom rice, garlic naan, and papadam, which I had to collect because I couldn’t meet the minimum order for delivery on my own, and no one else wanted anything.
That wasn’t a problem since the restaurant was just up the road, and it took me less than 10 minutes to walk there and back. Their McDonald’s was delivered about 10 minutes after I got back.
My parents, aunt, and grandma were whining about how I was ‘being awkward’ and ‘attention-seeking’, but everyone got what they wanted and I wasn’t making a deal out of it, so I don’t see the problem?
I figured they would’ve dropped it by now, but two days later they brought it up in the family WhatsApp as if I broke some unwritten rule. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The benefit of a takeaway rather than an in-restaurant is that you can eat from a different menu without anyone kicking off.
Or, that’s the theory. Since it sounds like you made them aware that you were ordering from elsewhere, gave them the chance to order, and fetched it yourself, I don’t see the issue. It might have been a little awkward for them to sit in the house feeling hungry with a lovely smelling takeaway for 10 minutes BEFORE their McD’s arrived, and they may have experienced buyer’s remorse when their own meal arrived, but that is their lookout.
NTJ.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You mentioned you weren’t in the mood for McDonald’s, and instead of giving in to everyone else pressuring you into what you didn’t want, you chose to take the high ground by being an adult by not making it everyone else’s problem and ordered something else you were more in the mood for, using your own money and time to pick up your food rather than having someone else do it for you.” vibronicpoppy82
9. AITJ For Not Getting My Brother And His Fiancee A Wedding Gift?
“Three years ago I (29F) told my brother (30M) he could borrow my car because he needed one and he didn’t have the funds to get one.
I told him he would be responsible for the taxes and insurance and I put the car in his name so I wouldn’t have to pay any fines, in case he got any. I also did this because my other brother (16M at the time) stole my car keys and used my car for a joyriding trip which ended in the car being a total loss (he didn’t kill anyone thankfully).
I didn’t put anything in writing, which was my mistake I guess. I believed he would give me back my car whenever I needed it because I never expected him to do what he did.
He didn’t return my car. He sold it after one year of usage and kept the money and used the money to get an upgraded car.
The car was worth 3k. I had a Peugeot and he bought a Mercedes. My parents didn’t reprimand him and they think I’ve overreacted over the situation since I have a good job and it’s just money. I can honestly survive without that money, but the blatant disrespect is something I can’t get really over.
I never got a heartfelt apology. I also believe I don’t have to give him any birthday gifts for a very long time.
My parents were asking what kind of gift I would give my brother for his wedding. I told them that not sending an officer after him was my gift. I don’t think I’m the jerk, but his wife is innocent and doesn’t know about any of this.
Should I maybe get her something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely do the toy car idea, along with a nice card saying nice things and well wishes and whatnot. And feel free to put the toy car in a largeish box, beautifully wrapped as befitting a wedding gift. And if your parents have the audacity to call you out, tell them they’re overreacting and it’s just money.” DrTeethPhD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Give them nothing. But I would explain exactly what he did to his partner BEFORE the wedding. Of course, you learned a valuable lesson. DO NOT do business with family and NEVER loan anything you cannot live without. Observation: If you signed the car over to him, calling the police would be a waste of time.
Once you signed it over to him, it became his.” BlueGreen_1956
8. AITJ For Telling My Grandma It's Not My Responsibility To Keep My Uncle Sober?
“My (22F) uncle (32M) has struggled with drinking my whole life, it got worse after my mom died 14 years ago.
He has been constantly in and out of rehabs and hospitals due to his drinking since I was eight years old. Let’s just say there’s a lot of trauma involving his drinking that I won’t disclose here.
A few days ago my grandma (60F) called me and told me I need to ‘call my uncle more,’ that ‘he is lonely and will drink again if he’s lonely’ and that ‘his sobriety is on you.’
I am 22 years old, 200 miles away at college. My grandma is across the country and my uncle lives at home with my grandpa. I told her ‘It’s not on me to keep him sober, I am 200 miles away, I have classes, I am working and have my internship.’ She responded, sobbing, that I ‘was the most selfish person on the planet and that my mom had such a big heart and how can I be so different from her.’ And then hung up on me.
I love my uncle with my whole heart and I try to call when I can. I forget to call a lot, but I try to text him but he’s not much of a texter. And like I said earlier, I am taking 15 credits, working, doing 20 hours a week in my internship, am the Vice President of my sorority, and am trying to keep good grades to remain in honors.
So am I the jerk for ‘telling my grandma off’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you are not responsible for someone’s behavior or sobriety. You are not responsible for the behavior of someone who harmed you. You are not responsible for the guilt someone feels from harming you when that guilt registers because they are now sober and are realizing all the things they need to do to make amends.
You need to take care of yourself first.
It’s really unfortunate that you are having to deal with a mother’s guilt. Your grandmother is 100% in the wrong but she’s dealing with the grief of losing her daughter and now having to fight to try and keep her son alive.
She is putting all of that guilt on the hope that if you talk to him he will magically become a healthy person again. This is a false narrative that she has developed to try and cope and it’s not fair to you.
Please do the things that bring you joy and give you good memories of your mom.
Let them figure out what to do about themselves and you go and live the exact life you want to live surrounded by people who love and value you! You’ve done so well coping and healing from this type of pain.” pandatron3221
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to justify why you don’t speak to him more often, to her or the internet or anyone else. And loving him doesn’t make you responsible for him. It is completely unfair for anyone to put that on you, nor does it help your uncle in any way – he is the only one who can help himself.
Your grandmother is projecting her feelings onto you and that is not okay. You aren’t responsible for your uncle’s drinking and neither is she. If you’ve never been, you should check out Al-anon. You could benefit from it and your grandmother needs it desperately.
Next time she tries to put that crap on you, be direct and tell her it’s not up for discussion.
You aren’t responsible for him and neither is she. Tell her the next time she feels worried and is looking for answers or solutions, she needs to go to Al-anon or therapy, because you are breaking the cycle and are no longer a dumping ground for your family’s trauma.
Again, it serves no one and you ALL deserve better. You are incredibly strong and resilient.
It’s incredible how much you’ve gone after what you want in life and how you haven’t let your family trauma hold you back. Just be careful not to go too far in the other direction; it’s okay to take breaks and not be in control and on top of everything at all times.
It doesn’t serve you to put too much pressure on yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself… and get REALLY good at boundaries. You got this. NTJ – internet hugs to you.” Living-Highlight7777
7. AITJ For Kicking My Sister-In-Law Out Of My House For Not Putting Away Leftover Food?
“My SIL Stacy (26) is in recovery and needs a place to stay. I regretfully let my wife talk me into letting her move in. She also moved in roaches. We never had a problem before she moved in.
Over the last six months, we have spent thousands on exterminators.
I keep telling Stacy to clean up the kitchen and put food and dishes away right away. She never listens.
Stacy relapsed and lost her job. I came home from a night out and the kitchen was a mess and Stacy left a pot of mac and cheese on the stove.
Guess what? Roaches just crawling in it. I have taken that stove apart twice and had an exterminator look at it. Stacy just doesn’t get it.
She’s passed out in the living room wasted. I tell her she needs to leave. I’m done.
Stacy refuses and acts like there’s nothing I can do. I see my lawyer for an eviction notice. I also see my lawyer on a preliminary divorce quote because of my wife’s enabling of her sister.
I’m over these roaches and tell my wife that these are Stacy’s eviction papers or these are your divorce papers because I’m not living with roaches and an addict.
After much crying my wife agreed Stacy needed to go. Either on her own or with the paperwork. Stacy may end up homeless on the streets because no shelter will take her because of her relapse. My wife has been crying all day and Stacy and I got into a huge argument saying I’m evil.
I think I have been more than enough kind allowing Stacy to stay her but I’m sick of the situation and the fact she thinks it’s perfectly fine to have roaches living in my home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s very sad, but Stacy shows no sign of recovering and will continue to be a problem and even a danger in your home.
The bugs aren’t the worst thing that could happen, sadly. Think if she is on substances and decides to use the stove? She could potentially burn the house down. She also could attract thieves or dangerous people to your home. It’s not hyperbolic to suggest that having her there could put your family in very real danger.
Stacy is not going to get any better or change her ways if you continue to let her live there. She needs an incentive to change, having your house to live in is allowing her to avoid changing.” laurasdiary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, install security cameras around your home and lock up your valuables.
I would honestly be tempted to offer her money, or something she wants, to get her out sooner, but if she won’t take it, go through the formal eviction process. I would either lock up all the food and pots and pans in your home or hide everything and just eat out until she’s gone.
If she can’t eat at your place, it should make it harder for her to destroy it. And tell your wife she can also work to help find her other places to go, but that’s her responsibility.” crystallz2000
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Allow My Cousin To Walk Down The Aisle At My Wedding?
“My (27f) cousin (23f) was diagnosed with leukemia and is not doing well.
I feel terrible for her, but I was never close to her growing up. We grew up in different countries.
I’m getting married in March 2024. My aunt came over two weeks ago to discuss something. She wants me to let my cousin walk down the aisle with her dad before I walk.
I don’t feel comfortable with this because, yes, it’s sad that she won’t get to experience this, but isn’t it my day to shine?
My aunt says that I’m being selfish for not doing this. She spoke to my parents about this, and they don’t seem too happy.
My in-laws are not pleased too. But they still want me to decide. My fiancé doesn’t feel
comfortable either.
My aunt brought my cousin to my place to discuss it last week. Cousin cried, saying she wanted to walk down the aisle and that I should let her.
I told her it was my wedding day, so it was not right for her to take over. She then called me selfish and a bridezilla for not caring about her. Like I said, we were never close, so I don’t know why she’s trying to do this on my wedding day.
I told her I needed more time to think, so she’s on IG posting cryptic stuff, obviously attacking me.
I talked to my friends for non-biased opinions, and they were divided. Some want me to allow her to walk down the aisle because she would never get to experience that, and I’ll be doing something nice.
WIBTJ if I say no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is she walking towards? There’s no partner at the other end, there’s no one for her dad to ‘give her away’ to… by your story and the fact that she’s so focused on the ‘fact’ that she’ll never get married, I’m gonna assume she’s single – she needs to stop focusing on the marriage she doesn’t have and start focusing on enjoying her own company in the time she does have left.
This request (and I’m using that word generously since your aunt and cousin have made it clear that it was far more of a demand) is very weird, and you are 100% within your moral rights to say, ‘With respect, heck no.’ It’s not her day.
She doesn’t get to be the center of attention, she doesn’t get to do the things the bride does, and she doesn’t get to try and guilt-trip you for saying no. ‘Cousin, I’m sorry about what you’re going through. But my empathy doesn’t extend to going against the wishes of myself, my fiance, and both our families in order to give you this experience… Considering you’d be walking to the altar where MY fiance is waiting for ME, asking feels uncomfortable on so many levels – and your tactics to try and convince me feel cheap and tacky.
Please don’t ask again, I’m not going to change my mind.’ I’d be fully prepared for her to wear white to the wedding. Or for her to try and spill something on your dress.” yalldointoomuch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my bil died at 23.
It sucks doesn’t begin to cover it. New pain happens daily. He never got married. He never had kids. It sucks. It was sudden. We had plans. I miss him. My husband was shattered. His mother is still nuts. But part of the sorrow is the never.
They should throw her a family celebration of life party. One where she is the center of attention. She can plan it. I bet a church will donate space. Where everyone can sign her dance card. Say nice wonderful things to her. Have family bring her favorite foods on fancy dishes.
Bring her comfort items as gifts. I bet Moms and Aunty have linens. The kid is scared and needs love and attention. Aunt is a bit nuts at the moment, but losing your kid does that sometimes. With this, be grateful. You are only responsible for your behavior.
Make it behavior you can be proud of.” 14thLizardQueen
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Wife To Get Out Of My Room?
“I (34m) work as a hospice nurse in my country specifically for children. This job means a lot to me but it can get very overwhelming and hard to function especially seeing small children suffer.
My wife (37f) is a stay-at-home mom to our kids (10-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter).
After work, I need to spend 30 minutes-1 hour by myself to just let go of all the negativity, sadness, and stress that I have. And before you jump to conclusions about this time to myself, I give my wife a break. I take over the cooking of dinner, making snacks for the kids the next day, helping with homework, washing dishes, and any other pending housework.
My wife has recently just been slamming into my room (it’s just a tiny room with a bed and a mini fridge with Coca-Cola in it) and demanding I take over or do something instead of just sulking in my room.
It’s especially annoying when you’re meditating and someone just starts screaming at you non-stop.
I have talked to her but she says it’s selfish that she has to take care of the kids while I act like a kid and cry and get wasted over my job. I told her that it is hard for me and that I don’t drink and it is emotionally draining so I don’t want to bring that negativity into my family.
She just started to scream at me so I snapped at her to just get out because she’s acting like a brat.
She went silent and is now giving me the silent treatment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you should use that snapping trick more often.
Her silent treatment is doing you a favor. NTJ. It’s reasonable to need some downtime between work and home. Your job especially needs some downtime. Can you do it before you get home? Maybe drive to a park and spend half an hour meditating? You might see if your wife needs something to do to get her out of the house.
At 6 and 10, your kids are in school all day. Even on school breaks, they aren’t of an age where they need the constant work that babies and toddlers need. Maybe your wife needs a vacation with her friends? Are you having romantic nights out? Does she get to get away and have some relaxation time?” CocoaAlmondsRock
4. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Neighbor's Kids For A Few Hours?
“My neighbor asked this morning for people to watch her kids (7 and 9) this week.
It is spring break, so they are out of school. She had a sitter lined up but things fell through at the last second, and she cannot take time off work all week at the last second without being fired. A number of our neighbors agreed to watch them for certain periods of time, ranging from a few hours to a couple of full days, so it seems like she’s mostly covered but just has Friday afternoon left to go.
My immediate next-door neighbor, a retiree who is watching the kids today, chimed in that ‘OP works from home on Fridays. You should ask her to watch them.’ She tagged me in the comment, and then the mom replied by tagging me again and saying that would be great and she’d really appreciate it.
I said, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t watch them.’ It quickly turned into the Inquisition – Why not? Am I going into the office that day? If I’m going to be home, what’s the problem? If my house isn’t childproofed, I can watch them at hers, so what’s the problem?
Firstly, I don’t want to. It isn’t just that I know nothing about kids (which I don’t!) but also I am actively uncomfortable around them. More importantly, I will be in my home office actually working. I can’t supervise them. I don’t know how much active supervision 7 and 9-year-olds need, but my house is full of expensive things.
I also have zero childproofing and couldn’t even tell you for sure where all my chemicals and rat poison are kept. I have an enormous dog who is clumsy, excitable, and has never been around kids except from a distance on walks. And I can’t just watch them at her house instead, because I NEED to be in my home office working.
It isn’t the kind of job I can easily do on a laptop screen. (I use a 45-inch monitor at home.)
I explained this all briefly in response to questions (‘My house is the opposite of child-proofed’; ‘I can’t go to her house because my job requires the set up I have in my home office’).
I didn’t mention the I hate kids part. The neighbors are all piling on and commenting negatively. Saying it’s ‘just excuses,’ that if they worked from home/wouldn’t be at Disney World/didn’t have a softball game/whatever they’d absolutely watch her kids for her.
I am tempted to comment ‘What’s stopping you from taking her kids with you to your softball game if it matters that much to you?’ but I haven’t.
I’m not going to watch her kids either way, but I need a sanity check here.
Am I really that big of a jerk for not stepping up and watching a neighbor’s kids for a few hours, or have I just accidentally moved into a hive of mama bears who all have the same mass delusion?”
Another User Comments:
“Your neighbor can’t take their kids to work and neither can you.
WHERE you’re working is irrelevant. Working is working regardless of where you are. It’s not ‘take your neighbor’s kids to work day.’ Some people have passive jobs where this may not be an issue but you do not. You don’t have to explain yourself.
NTJ. Whether you like kids or not is also totally irrelevant. Your job doesn’t work with kids. You don’t have to sacrifice your job for the day just because your neighbor can’t sacrifice their job for the day.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“OMG NTJ! Your neighbors however are a bunch of jerks. They are not entitled to your time, for any reason. Period. Full stop. Also, why would anyone want to put their kids in the care of someone who doesn’t feel comfortable taking care of kids?
Also, this one struck a nerve, I don’t understand why people think working from home = hanging out at home and doing whatever. Gosh. I’m so annoyed at friends and family thinking I’m available to do all kinds of stuff last minute because it falls on my WFH days.
My team is international, so I’m on calls like ALL DAY, and I have to you know, work.” Indigo_Kiwi_2657
3. AITJ For Telling My Younger Daughter Her Sister Doesn't Like Her Because She Won't Leave Her Alone?
“My youngest daughter (14) is three years younger than my oldest (17) Sam. Sam doesn’t like her youngest sister and it’s to the point where I don’t think she would help in any setting.
It’s quite sad and I know the cause of it, my youngest will copy everything she does and not give her any space.
At this point, she is a mini Sam, and I know Sam hates it. It also doesn’t help that my youngest doesn’t have a large friend group so she is bothering Sam at school.
The biggest thing this year was her copying the electives Sam was taking and now they have one class together. It’s a problem and the relationship is getting worse.
I have talked to my youngest and even made her stay away at home but I can’t stop her at school.
Sam has a good relationship with me and her dad just not her sister and she has made it very clear to the whole family why she doesn’t like her younger sister.
Today my youngest came home and was upset that her sister didn’t want to work with her on a school project.
She was ranting and didn’t understand why they didn’t have a bond.
I told her I’ve explained this a million times but she dislikes you since you won’t leave her alone. That you will never have a good bond if you don’t stop copying her and actually become your own person.
She started crying and my husband said I was too harsh. They both think I am a jerk besides Sam.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the admiration of children in general is cute to a point. But everyone needs their own personal space. It would be bad enough if Sam only had to tolerate a clingy friend at school, but having someone that you cannot avoid even after you get home would grate on anyone eventually.
Your youngest just needs to understand that everyone needs a break now and then; even from friends and family.” Taru-Shinkicker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Do you love your two daughters the same? There’s a reason the ‘youngest’ wants to be like Sam because she lacks love.
She has seen since she was little that you pay more attention to Sam, that your relationship as mother and daughter is more solid and she doesn’t have the strength to enter. And to help with the situation, Sam apparently never accepted her sister. They are 3 years apart, so they could be best friends.
When a person we love has problems, we help them, we don’t push them away. Sam may not have the emotional capacity to deal with the lack of attention that the ‘youngest’ feels, but she has two parents who need to intervene now. And the youngest really needs to go to therapy so that you all realize that it’s just a lack of love that the ‘youngest’ feels.
I hope everyone can be more patient and attentive, and work as a team, because right now it seems like everything is going against a 14-year-old girl, for too many years… Have you imagined how she feels instead of judging her behavior? With love.” Justanotherprsnhere
2. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor's Chickens?
“I live in the suburbs and the law around chickens is that you have to have so much space and need to not be loud.
My neighbors have chickens and I know they do not meet the space requirements for this. Truly I didn’t care until they started to be very annoying.
In the winter there was an indoor setup and it blocked out most of the noise. The weather is nice now and my god they are so loud.
It is also getting hotter and I can smell them now. It’s not a pleasant smell. I have spoken to the neighbors before and asked them to find a way for the chickens to quiet down. I also asked about cleaning more often so it doesn’t smell as bad.
They have done none of these.
I have asked them three times to do something, but nothing has changed. Usually, they tell me it’s not that bad or I am overreacting. My breaking point was coming home from a long shift at work and trying to sleep.
The chickens wouldn’t shut up. My doors/windows were all closed and I could still hear them. It’s mostly the stupid rooster.
I called and reported them. A few days later my neighbor came over angry that they had to remove the chickens.
She called me a jerk for reporting them, that this was their food source in hard times. I told her this was her own fault. She called me a jerk and I am questioning myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like it’s not only a statutory nuisance (the noise) but the excrement that doesn’t get cleaned often enough is a health hazard.
It’s probably cheaper to get the same amount of kcals from dried/tinned beans, so in no way is this their only available food source. Now they no longer have chickens, they can grow food in this space, which will probably save them more money than not having to buy chickens.
They are just trying to guilt trip you but they are wrong.” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s wrong. Roosters are never allowed in a suburban neighborhood. Prove me wrong. She had something nice. She could have had the chickens and eaten the chickens, too, if she’d just sold or given away the rooster.
She’s ignorant about owning chickens, and she’s the one who caused the chickens to be removed.” yourgirlsamus
NTJ they should have reduced the numbers of chickens to be legal, and cleaned up after them. Not sure how to keep them quite.
1. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom That I Was Planning On Graduating Early?
“I (15F) was forced to move away from everything that I knew because my mom married a man and he forced us to move so he could be closer to HIS family but we had to be separated from MINE.
The first day I went to my new school I just knew it was gonna be a messed up year because I got in trouble the first day I went there.
But anyway, some people were nice to me and told me that if I wasn’t happy I should try and graduate early and that’s what I did.
I went to my counselor and she set me up on Edgenuity and I’m taking all my junior classes in hopes of graduating early.
I did not tell my mom or her husband about this as I’ve just been struggling to try to balance doing my actual work and my online classes as I started late in the semester and my classes are due on May 17th so I’m kinda behind.
But with Edgenuity I can kinda find some of the answers on the internet so it’s been getting a lot easier for me.
The problem is my mom’s husband’s son (17M) is graduating this year and they were talking about how the house was gonna be empty when he’s gone and stuff but they were joking around saying that at least they had me for another two years.
I told them that two years was crazy because I was graduating next year.
They asked me what I meant and I told them that I was graduating early as I was taking my junior classes online and I was planning on taking the other half during the summer.
They got upset with me and asked me why I never told them and I just said that they never asked and I didn’t think it was a big deal.
I told them that my mom’s husband’s son already knew so it’s not like it was a secret.
I just wasn’t verbal with it. I told them that I don’t understand why they’re so upset because they know now and they would’ve found out soon when I started doing it over the summer as well.
My mom told me that she was just hurt that I wanted to get away from her so quickly.
I told her that I wasn’t doing that to get away from her I was doing that so I could be closer to my friends and family as I missed them. My mom told me that she knew I didn’t want to move but she just felt hurt knowing that I would be gone sooner than she anticipated.
My mom’s husband is upset with me too and I’m genuinely confused. They are acting like I was keeping this huge secret from them when it wasn’t that deep.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother and stepdad should be pleased you have at least thrown yourself into your studies in your new home, even if you feel like a fish out of water in the new environment.
There are far less productive things an unhappy 15-year-old can do than spend their time studying hard as their chosen mode of rebellion. Frankly, as the parent of a teen myself, I think you, Mum, and Stepdad should be counting your blessings. Now let them stew on it for 6 months while you crack on with your school work.
Give your mother a chance to really process how seriously she failed to consider your strength of feeling about this move. By the start of the next school year, you will be in a position to be really sure you can graduate early and start seeking out college scholarships.
A decent scholarship and a high school cert will deffo help swing the judge in favor of emancipation if it turns out you do have to go down that route. It will also make it easier if finances have been playing a bigger part than you currently realize in your parent’s decision-making of late.
2 kids 2 years apart hitting college age is a rough time for a lot of families money-wise. 2 kids wanting to head to college at the same time could be part of the reason your mother seemed upset.” Calm_Ganache5140
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You will still be a minor at 16.
You won’t get into college at 16, it’s a liability, and you won’t magically be free to move back with your grandparents without your mom’s consent. You are unhappy you moved – you aren’t being mistreated, you aren’t being treated unfairly, you are struggling with change.
You need to talk with your mom about being able to spend summers and larger chunks of breaks with your grandparents so you can spend time around friends. You should also make new friends – you’re 15, you will move past a lot of the relationships you have now and will make new friends in college anyway.
There are a lot of ways to lessen the suck of having to move and you are doing none of them. Don’t mess up your long-term future and prospects, especially since you do want to go to college, over angst from a move.” mark_b_real
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. Deciding to graduate early and move back with your grandparents is a major life decision. Of course, your parents are going to be upset that you decided to spring this decision on them all of a sudden. Because family that cares about each other would of course want to know what’s going on in each other’s lives.
Not being told about an important decision or update can be pretty hurtful. Just like how you were hurt when your parents suddenly moved your family out here, of course your parents will feel hurt that you are taking steps to move away from them early without even letting them know.
Also, do your parents have intentions to support you through college? Deciding to graduate in early May means they have one less year to prepare financially, so they may be stressing over the impact on finances. And when you graduate next year at age 16, you’ll still be a minor.
Your parents are still legally responsible for your care. So you can’t exactly move out without letting them know, as that would be basically running away from home.
Talk with your parents and discuss your future plans with them. Even if they might not approve, at least they’ll know where you are and that you’re safe.
Even in my twenties, I still let my parents know where I’ll be going. If I go on vacation or stay out late, I still give them a heads-up. This is not just for their peace of mind but also for my safety. So that if I don’t come home one night, they’ll know to call the police.
Or if I call them from a foreign country asking for help, they’ll know it’s actually me.” Cats-in-the-rain
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