People Hand Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories For Us To Judge

"My partner (25F) and I (25M) have been together for 6 years since university and now have both worked for almost 1.5 years.

Back when we were still in university, we would take turns regarding our expenses. We would also get each other gifts for certain occasions such as birthdays, Valentine’s, etc., and overall I would say that our contributions are quite equal.

The problem is even now that we both have our own incomes, she still expects me to pay for our meals every time we eat out.

We both started off with similar paychecks so I had no issue with that since I live with my parents (I chip in for my family’s monthly expenses) while she rents a room so she has to pay rent every month. She also pays for the groceries that we would use to prepare a simple meal when I'm at her place. So in terms of our commitments, they are pretty equal.

However, even though now that she earns ~15-20% more with her earning additional incentives and overtime pay, she would not take the initiative to pick up the bill. I have tried to discuss this issue with her in the past but she would always argue that she pays for groceries and the time and energy that she spent with me and that I should feel grateful for that.

She also mentioned that I as a man should carry the responsibility for paying for all of the meals no matter how small or large and blamed me for being a fussy person to even bring up this conversation with her.

The question is, AITJ for bringing up the conversation to her?

Or AITJ to even think about splitting bills with her?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ on both questions. If something is bothering you then you should bring it up to your partner. And for splitting the bill, I think that’s a reasonable thing to expect in a relationship.

Eating out can be expensive and adds up quickly and I personally think it’s unfair to expect the same person to always pick up the bill. I would try finding a compromise with her. Maybe you switch off who pays the bill or whoever suggests the idea of eating out is responsible for the bill? I don't know. To me, it kinda sounds like your partner wants a sugar daddy, not a partner when you take into account her comment that you should have no problem picking up the bill and being grateful for the mere fact that she’s present." IndividualCold7907

Another User Comments:

"If you were also paying rent/not living at home YWNBTJ. However, because there is this huge disparity in your financial situation because she also pays for the groceries you eat at her place and all of the rent for you both to spend time there, you're being a whiny jerk for complaining and asking to go 50/50 on dinners out.

You are massively saving more than she is likely able to without the expense of rent. And if you want to have a conversation about choosing more affordable dinner options when you do go out, skipping buying drinks out when you're together which really rack up the bill, that would be reasonable. But you're not putting yourself in her shoes at all/and are acting like your expenses are 50/50 when they just aren't. Everyone sucks here. Communicate better." According_Pizza8484

Another User Comments:

"If you want to go 50/50 on meals eaten out, you should also go 50/50 on groceries used to prepare shared meals in her home.

Additionally, after 6 years do you stay at her apartment often? If so, she has also potentially been covering the additional expense of increased utility bills and household goods and she hasn’t asked you to contribute towards those either? In case you were unaware, grocery prices are at an all-time high. It seems like you have an expectation of your partner to provide more than 50 percent when her expenses are factored in. YTJ." palebeauty613