People Question Their Own Morals In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
30. AITJ For Not Inviting Babies to My Fancy Bridal Shower?
“My fiancé and I are having a bridal shower. I have already planned for my 30 y/o female cousin to be a bridesmaid. She does have a disability, so I have my aunt (her mother) involved in the wedding to help her. My upper 20’s male cousin (John) recently came out as gay.
My grandma on that side of the family is friends with a woman (Josephine), who has a son, who has twin babies (roughly 2 y/o) with his wife (Mary).
My aunt and grandma have always thought of them as family, but I have only seen them during holidays, and even then we do not speak to each other.
My bridal shower is going to be fancy (waiters taking orders, champagne, hors d’oeurves, semi-formal dresswear, the whole nine yards). Because of this, we decided to not let any guests under 5 attend.
My dad had gotten a text from my grandma asking if Mary’s kids (the twin babies) could attend my bridal shower. Mary had tried to RSVP on the website and her children were not able to. My dad told her that we were not planning on having any babies at the shower.
My grandma said, “I can’t believe that you would alienate your own family.
I thought you were raised better than this.” My dad told her that it was my choice on who to invite. She didn’t like it, but I thought that would be the end of it.
The next day was bridesmaids dress shopping. My aunt had to attend because of my cousin being a bridesmaid. My grandma and my aunt did not talk to me or my mom.
They left without saying goodbye and shut the door in my face when I tried to thank them for coming. All because I didn’t invite my grandma’s friend’s son’s kids who are babies to a fancy restaurant?
Later, my dad got a text from my aunt saying, “When I tried to RSVP for John, he did not pop up.
With what the bride did to the twins, I am not sure if my son will still be invited because he is gay.” The reason why his name was not showing is because it is the RSVP for the /bridal shower/, which only women are invited to.
My dad called her. She said, “We have always had kids invited to wedding events on our side of the family.
It is incredibly rude of the bride to not invite all children. We weren’t sure if my son was invited anymore because he is gay, especially with how the twin babies were treated.” She also told him that Josephine (twin’s grandma) and Mary were “absolutely crushed and heartbroken,” which is hard for me to believe since we never talk.
I told her that this was nothing personal, and there is a baby on my mother’s side that we are also not inviting. I told her that only women were invited to the bridal shower and we are not taking RSVPs for the wedding yet. I am afraid that she gaslit John into thinking that I hate him. My aunt let this whole situation boil out of control before I even knew there was a problem.
AITJ for not inviting the twins?”
29. AITJ For Not Wanting A Traditional Wedding?
“Me (M27) and my fiance (F25) have been together for almost 3 years now and have recently been looking at the benefits of marriage mostly for financial reasons. We didn’t have a big announcement when we got engaged. There was no real surprise or question. We just went to a ring store and picked out a couple rings we liked and got them sized and wore them out.
It was more of just fun shopping rather than an engagement. Later that night I asked her if she wanted a ceremony and she told me that she didn’t really want to spend the money on one and would rather just have a small gathering. I agreed with her as large formal functions aren’t my favorite things to attend so we decided not to.
I then suggested we instead have a camping trip on the beach for a weekend like we do for my family’s birthdays because she seems to enjoy those. She thought it was a great idea and we decided on a location.
We of course told our families about the engagement who were ecstatic and immediately wanted to know the wedding date or location.
We told them that we didn’t want a big ceremony and would rather just plan a family get together. My family was skeptical but ultimately said as long as we were happy they didn’t care. Her family however were not as happy with our decision.
Her family being extremely traditional expects us to be as well. After we told them about the engagement her mother and sisters immediately started talking about wedding dresses and chapels until we told them what we planned to do instead.
After telling them her mother immediately turned to me and asked me if it was my idea or if I wasn’t serious about marriage. My fiance immediately came to my defense saying that it was a decision made by both of us and there was no problem. Her sisters began to complain about them not being able to be bridesmaids or go dress shopping and her mother began to scold her for downplaying something so serious.
After a long argument full of explaining that we didn’t want to spend a lot of money or have a big event we decided it would be best to let them calm down so we decided to leave them to think it over and went home.
The next day I awoke to many missed calls and texts from her family cursing me out for everything under the sun.
I decided not to respond to anything until I talked to my fiance. That turned out to be a slight mistake. She decided to call them all and reprimand them for getting angry at me and not considering what she wanted. They began to tell her that she was being manipulated and I was trying to ruin their family image.
My fiance has since ignored their attempts to contact her and has not informed them of our current location we have planned.
I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong here but I feel bad for her because her family is now angry with us and she’s having to defend me from them. Did I make the wrong suggestion?”
28. AITJ For Ignoring A Mother's Expectation To Watch Her Kids On A Bus Ride?
“Recently I (23f) was on a Greyhound bus for like 15-16 hours. Not that long for an adult but there was a mom with 4 kids that appeared to all be under 6 years old. I was on the back of the bus wearing wired earbuds the whole time. I figured I had a lot of time to kill so time to listen to Coheed & Cambria’s entire discography on a loop until I get there.
I was in the back just looking out the window not even remotely paying attention. I would glance over and see the kids going crazy in the seat and the mother trying to keep them all calm and together. But I was just in my own world. All the kids are fine and nothing bad happened to them but there was a few times I guess something happened and I didn’t prevent it.
Note that the whole time I am not paying attention. I have music at full blast and am either zoning out or looking out the window. One time the youngest one was standing on top of the seat like the part where you lean on and was about to jump off(I didn’t see this happening because I was just zoning out.
It’s a long ride) The mother said I was rude for not watching out. I didn’t hear her so she walked over and tapped my shoulder and said repeated that again. I was kind of half listening and had music on still. So I just didn’t say anything and went back to what I was doing.
Another time when we were transferring to another bus she was trying to get my attention to ask ME to watch her kids while she used the bathroom. But I just had my headphones on and walked to get snacks/restroom/freshen up. When we got on the new bus she told me I was rude again. A few more things like this happened during the trip.
Don’t know why she was expecting me to watch or singling me out about this. Like to me it’s already weird enough to expect strangers to keep and eye on your kids but this was a bus full of people. Why was it up to me specifically?
Another time I was eating chips. I had a big family size bag and I guess the kids were trying to get my attention to ask for some chips.
Eventually the mom came over and tapped my shoulder and was like “I shouldn’t have to do this to get your attention?” I was like “why do you need my attention this much?” and she was upset but said her kids wanted some chips. So they held out their hands and I poured some in each of their palms.
Don’t mind sharing.
I have no experience with kids and don’t plan on having any. I am normally not this absent minded but this was a long ride so I was just zoning out to make the time go by. But even if I wasn’t I think it’s rude to expect others to watch your kids. And to expect ME specifically with a bus full of people. When I got to my destination I told my parents about this and they said I should have watched the kids”
27. AITJ For Not Quitting My Job To Care For My Mother-In-Law?
“Four years ago my (36F) MIL was diagnosed with early stage cancer and had surgery; we were told she was cured. Four months ago we learned that the cancer had returned and she likely has 2-10 years. She feels well and is working full time but is planning to retire next year.
The news of her cancer recurrence has hit everyone hard but has fallen on my husband (37M) the hardest.
He’s close to his mom, and has fallen into a depression. He’s waking up in the middle of the night panicked, calling out sick from work because he can’t focus, and is ruminating on her illness. He was in therapy before we got the news, but he says it’s not helping.
My husband wants to spend as much time with his mom as possible.
We live a 1 hour flight away and we’ve traveled there and she has been to visit us multiple times. We have a toddler, and don’t have a childcare plan there, but have juggled things so that we can work remotely. We’ve found times when my husband can travel there solo, and I manage at home alone with our kid.
My husband and I both work lucrative professional jobs. We have terminal degrees, and completed > 10 years of training after college. We moved across the country 7 years ago to take these jobs and be closer to my husband’s family (my family lives on the opposite coast). I have spent that time building a professional and personal community here.
I have been promoted and serve as a leader in my workplace. I know that my job is not easily transportable, and that I would take a big step backwards by moving cities and would have to start from scratch.
I also don’t know anyone outside of my husband’s family in the new city. I get along well with my in-laws, but they do not like to leave the house, even pre-diagnosis.
I do not fault them for this, but share it to paint the portrait.
My husband is not nearly as satisfied with his work or community here. We in part took jobs here since he had an amazing opportunity that was within his niche field. He feels that things haven’t worked out as he envisioned and that his skillset is being underutilized.
My husband wants to move cities to be closer to his mom ASAP. He feels that his life here is unsatisfying and that his mom’s diagnosis is giving him the clarity he needs. I do not want to move, we have our entire lives here, also my job cannot be fully remote, so I would have to quit.
I have proposed many compromises: him taking a leave of absence, us traveling back and forth, his parents staying with us, him quitting and we live on my salary. He remains set and thinks I’m being unreasonable and prioritizing my job over spending time with his mom during her final years. The strain from all this is literally tearing my family apart.
My MIL has discouraged us from moving and has urged us to stay focused on building our own futures. My husband thinks she is just saying that and would be very happy if we moved.”
26. AITJ For Moving Away From My Mother?
“I (28F) lived with my (immigrant) mother from 0-7 and then since I’ve been 18. We’ve always had a close relationship.
From 18-24ish I was working and paying my way through school and paying the bills of the house. We started butting heads at 23ish when I tried to move out for the first time and also later when she threatened to kick me out because I was seeing someone.
I ended up no longer seeing anyone and also not moving out as she made it seem like she would not be able to afford where we lived if I wasn’t around to pay all the bills. A few years later, even though I didn’t really want to continue living together or to buy a house for that matter, I made the decision to “solve” the situation by buying a house with the agreement that she would stay with me for a year just paying about half the mortgage costs.
3.5 years later we still live together and she only paid her “rent” for the first 5 months and has paid for nothing else but groceries since. I let it go because I wasn’t in the red and she took on a lot more household duties than me. I didn’t think it was “fair” but I accepted it.
Last year I decided I really needed to make a change. I fully recognize I’ve enabled this dynamic over the years by caving to her emotional responses whenever we had a disagreement.
Things kind of aligned where a very close friend was moving out of state for work and we figured we could take on a new city together.
I agonized for months over the decision knowing it would be difficult for her but ultimately decided to go for it and started planning to make it feasible (new job, apartment etc). After making sure I thought it through, I told her in January and it was a complete mess.
She barely talked to me for weeks and I respected her space even though it hurt immensely.
I proposed she could rent out my house for breakeven (even though I could easily make 300-500 profit monthly with a stranger) for however long she wanted until she decided she wanted to move out or buy her own house down the line. A couple months later she got laid off from her job and it’s been worse.
Now I’m about to move out pretty soon and she still unfortunately doesn’t have a job (not for lack of trying). I offered to float her for two months cause that’s all I can afford. She tells me I’m messed up, don’t give a care about her, am leaving her homeless and alone without a care, and that I’m ruining both of our lives with my move.
She has bad blood with family she could potentially stay with but when I bring it up she says she’d rather just sleep in her car. She’s almost used up all of her savings and severance at this point.
I want to help her but she’s driven by her emotions and we struggle to communicate. I’m afraid if I cave again I’ll never recover from it and not get a chance to figure out who I am or what I want in our current dynamic.
25. WIBTJ If I Repose A Relative's Car?
“My SO and I have been attempting to help a family member who is a young adult- 25ish. We co-signed for an apartment and loaned money for a car. Due to getting ill and complications from the illness, we paid for most of the rent on the apartment, with the understanding that she would pay us back when she could.
We also loaned money for a car. I wouldn’t co-sign because I was concerned if she stopped making payments my credit would be impacted, so instead we took a loan and then loaned that money to her. It was communicated that we had to take a loan in order to help and so her payment to us was so we could pay the loan.
We charged no interest, but did have her sign a loan document.
In the meantime, we deferred payments during her illness, and once she got better, we suggested she move in with us to save money and make it easier to make ends meet while getting back on her feet.
She indicated last week that she doesn’t think she should have to pay us anymore and made a weird excuse about life insurance that I pay for each month (I took the policy out so that the loan could be paid even if something happens to her).
So I sent out a notice of default according to what is required by law and talked to a lawyer about the steps to repossess the car. It will cost a lot of money (approx $5k) and she will be on the hook for that and any deficiency after the car is sold, according to the loan contract.
Here is where I may be the jerk: she uses the car for work- driving for money. AND she moved across the country to where we live, an area that is mostly car-dependent, at our suggestion. I’m concerned that the lack of a car will make her life more difficult and make earning money much more difficult.
But I can’t afford to pay off the rest of the loan without impacting our finances. The balance is >$32k.
Because of the move, if she has no car, she will have limited choices for work and will likely not be able to afford to move out of our house for some time. (We don’t mind her staying here, as long as she isn’t using substances.)
I’ve offered to just take the car now- and call it even, even though the car won’t sell for the whole loan cost.
But then I don’t need lawyer fees, etc. But no response. I think she has me blocked. We haven’t talked in person because even though she lives here, she is rarely here except in the middle of the night. I don’t know where she is when she’s not here.
I love this family member very much and am concerned for what will happen next and for how she will feel unsupported if I take this action. She doesn’t feel connected to most other family members and I worry about her depression and how this could impact her.
So WIBTJ if I repossess the car, knowing how difficult it will make things for her?”
24. AITJ For Communicating With My Niece?
“I (17F) am pretty strong. I do a lot of sports and I work out pretty routinely. I am also quite tall. Because of this, I am a human jungle gym for all of my little cousins. I love this. I swing them around and ferry them on my back. We have a good time. Also, whenever they come over (which isn’t very often), I pick them all up individually and tell them they’re getting so big while pretending to struggle.
I’ve been doing this for a while.
One of my little cousins (let’s call her Claire) has gotten bit chubby.
My mom is getting married in less than a year, so her sister’s family (sis, husband, Claire, and their 12 yr old: Braxton) flew in to help plan. (Sister and husband homeschool, so they can come and go as they please without worrying about excused absences and whatnot).
When they came by after flying over, I did my usual song and dance with Claire and let Braxton dap me up (he’s in that phase rn). Everything was good, Claire had fun, I had fun.
Later that night, my mom told me that I should be a bit more conscious about using words like ‘big’ or ‘heavy’ with Claire since she is getting a bit chubby.
I said okay. The end.
A while later, my mom starts with dress shopping and I’m asked to watch Claire and Braxton. They come over, same deal as last time.
This time, my aunt pulls to the side before they leave and tells me that it’s very rude to call her daughter ‘big’ as she is self conscious about her weight.
I apologize and tell her I’ll try my best to change my language.
But, that’s not the kind of girl I know Claire to be. She’s very confident and loud from what I know, and she’s never afraid to be herself. Even so, I don’t know what’s going on at home.
So I ask her.
“How do you feel when I call you big?”
“Like I’m growing.”
“Really? It doesn’t make you feel bad?”
I asked Braxton about it too.
He said she’s been the same as ever. I even asked her dad. He said she’s not at all self conscious about it, and that there would be no reason to since our family is very body positive.
So, consensus reached; I change nothing about my behavior during their most recent stop-by with the kids.
That night, during dinner, my mom tells me I am rude a disrespectful for not changing my language to be nicer to Claire (the kids were in the living room).
I tell them all what I had been told and ask her sister where she got the idea that Claire is self conscious.
She tells me that she was self conscious when she was Claire’s age.
At this point, her husband chimes in and explains that Claire isn’t like that and they have been fostering a better environment for her, so Claire is as confident as ever.
I also explain how changing the way I talk so suddenly may make her confused or feel different from her other cousins. Because kids notice things like the way you talk.
I get called disrespectful again for talking back and now I’m grounded. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Giving Back What I Owe My Ex?
“So my ex and I were together for a year and a half. My ex has a child who was 4 months old when we got together, the father is not involved as of February except $400 a month in child support. My ex’s son is extremely large for his age height wise so he grows out of clothes incredibly fast and also eats constantly.
So after being together for 10 months, my ex was begging to live with me. I have a car and put 36k miles on in a year between taking them back and forth from my place to their parents (150 mile round trip) for weekly visits, driving 4 hours away to drop their son off with his father and back again to pick him up, and 90% of the time paying for all the gas for this.
My ex doesn’t drive. When they initially were asking to move in, they were a workaholic and were very careful that I wasn’t supporting their son financially. They moved in mid-August, and at first things were great. They were making decent money, I was working, their son was happy. One big problem however was even though they were both living with me, the 400 a month child support was being given to my ex’s mom.
They continued giving all of it to her for 6 months.
Come Thanksgiving, they stopped working all together and they started having health issues. They were constantly vomiting and passed out several times. I took them to doctors repeatedly but nothing flagged. After about 4 months of dragged out doctors visits they announced they wouldn’t be trying to figure it out anymore and would instead wait for it to go away.
This felt like a slap to the face, because while they were sick I was taking care of everything. Cooking, driving their kid to whatever activity I was paying for him to do, laundry, cleaning up after them and their toddler, grocery shopping (which was minimum 200 a week), working, and taking care of my own responsibilities.
This carried on for 8 months.
When I would express that I needed help they would have a breakdown until I apologized and dropped it. Come April, tax returns dropped and my ex got a 5k return. By their choice, 3000 of it went on to my credit cards as I had accumulated about 8k worth of debt supporting the 3 of us, 1000 of it went into savings and another thousand went to my ex’s mother who was on the verge of being evicted.
An important note is my ex’s father told me he made 140k the previous year. The mom does not work but is in charge of finances and screws them constantly. She constantly asked to borrow money and never paid it back. She owes my ex 5k based on what I can remember her borrowing (my ex never bothered to keep track).
While she didn’t borrow it from me directly, her borrowing led to me paying more and more to support my ex and their son. We used a couple hundred from our savings for my new tags on my car, and then a few weeks after I finally had enough and broke up with them. They’re now saying I owe them $400 after I gave them the remaining 350. I don’t think I owe them anything. AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Calling Out An Intern Who Is In A Relationship With Our Boss?
“I (27F) work at a competitive law firm after a year of interning. We bring on a batch of new interns each year, and I am responsible for supervising a few of them. The group I am supervising is very hardworking, however I’ve had a complicated situation come up and think I haven’t handled it the best.
Last weekend, there was a work party at one of the associate attorney’s houses. At the party I found one of my interns, Isabel (26F) and a senior associate, Sam (37M), together in a compromising situation.
Now, I personally am not the type of person to care for or get involved in workplace drama. However, I felt a bit bothered.
The senior associates at our firm control which interns get put onto cases. I was an intern just last year, so I understand just how hard it is to get the higher-level and interesting cases, and how difficult it can be to show senior associates that you’re someone they want on their case.
The next Monday I asked Sam if I could have a private word with him, and asked him about his relationship with Isabel.
He explained that they met before she started working here and that it was a “casual relationship”. I made it clear to him that I don’t have any interest in interfering, but if I see any preferential treatment towards Isabel, I will have reason to speak up again and do something, out of ethics and fairness to the other interns.
He took it well and we moved on with the day.
Over the next few days though, I started noticing more at-work interactions between the two, and felt uneasy whenever Sam would let Isabel contribute more directly to case-preparation compared to the other interns. Then again, I only kept an eye out and avoided getting involved as I hadn’t seen anything that could be called blatant “favouritism”.
But at work today, I had pretty tense interaction with Isabel.
Isabel and I were in a workroom alone and she confronted me and mentioned me seeing her and Sam. She tried to explain that it was external to the firm and had nothing to do with work— but I cut her off because I felt a bit angry.
I explained that I don’t really want to hear about her and Sam’s relationship and don’t want to see it either. It makes me uncomfortable knowing that she is involved with someone who can be considered “our boss”. I told her that me and a lot of others have worked extremely hard to get into this field and reach this firm, and that I will never “understand” or find any experience that can help me “empathize” with her situation as I have never, or will ever have, enough “pretty privilege” to be in a scenario where I get into a relationship with my boss.
If it’s not affecting my work, or anyone else’s, I want to be left out of the talk or knowledge of their relationship completely.
Isabel seemed very flustered at my response, and didn’t say anything. She ended up taking her things and leaving the workroom pretty abruptly, and I didn’t see her for the rest of the day. Was I too harsh in what I said? AITJ for implying that she has or is benefitting from “pretty privilege”?”
21. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister Her Inheritance?
“I (36M) have three younger sisters named Kate (31F), Beth (29F), and Meg (26F). Our mom got sick around 10 years ago and I was forced to become a caregiver. She progressively got worse over the course of a decade. I was only 26 when this initially happened. Beth and Meg were too young to expect them to contribute, but Kate decided it would be a good time to up and move away with her new partner.
As our mom’s health declined she repeatedly asked for her daughters. She forgot my face but called the names of her other children who didn’t even come visit. Beth and Meg were unhelpful, but they still made an effort to come see her (though rarely).
Around the halfway point of this terrible process Kate started telling stories of our mom being abusive.
These couldn’t be farther from the truth. Our mom was fragile and definitely had issues (she struggled with severe depression and anxiety) but she never mistreated us. I stepped up as a kid to do a lot of the parental duties. It was me who took all my sisters to their father/daughter events and scared off the boys trying to be in a relationship with them.
The lies devastated our mom but eventually she was too far gone to understand. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone. It was just in her nature to forgive, especially if it was her children. I’m sure that if she had been all there she still would have wanted nothing more than to see her daughter.
My relationship with all three of my sisters deteriorated, but Kate took the cake. She’d call out of the blue asking for money yet never asked how our dying mom was doing. Our mom passed peacefully in her sleep. I think seeing the state she was in sobered Beth and Meg. They apologized and sat beside our mom in her final hours.
All three of us cried together, but only one name left my mom’s mouth: ‘Kate.’
Kate skipped our mom’s funeral. She came riding into town with a complete stranger expecting her inheritance. My mom wrote a will before things went downhill that left everything to me with the unspoken expectation that I’d distribute it all equally. No one else was mentioned or specified.
I divided things up between Beth, Meg and I. Their children also got something to help pay for college or whatever they decide to pursue after high school. The physical items were divvied up between family.
My sister threatened legal action over it. She said she was owed a certain amount from our mother’s estate and that she wanted the old family house.
I told her that she’s owed absolutely nothing and to enjoy living in whatever terrible place she crawled out of. Anything she’s given will be spent on harmful substances and foolish things like lottery tickets. I won’t fund that when it could go to helping my nieces attend college or give them something to lean on after turning 18.
Our extended family are picking sides and saying I’m being petty. They said my mother would want Kate to have the money, but I know that if she got even a penny from me she’d see it as an opportunity to squeeze me for all I have. She’s not getting anything, even when I’m old and senile.”
20. AITJ For Not Giving My Ticket To Someone I Don't Know?
“I managed to score some tickets to a hotly anticipated concert this week. It was a bit of effort and they were very expensive.
There was a limit of 4 tickets which was what I got, as I had in mind a shortlist of friends and family (easily more than 4 including many who unsuccessfully tried to procure tickets) who would be exalted at the opportunity to travel with me to attend this concert.
I confirm the tickets and advise my 3 lucky besties of what’s coming, let’s call them B, C and D. We’re all excited and we begin making preparations for travel and accommodation, including allowances for more than 4 of us, as the city that the concert is in is a nice one with plenty to do and eat for a week-long trip with additional non-concert going friends and the concert being only 1 night.
C and D aren’t huge fans of this artist but B and I are relatively long-time fans. Neither B, C or D, or anyone related to C, made any attempt to procure tickets and they are all aware that I only have 4. For what it’s worth and however it is relevant, I’m a dude and B, C and D are females.
We’re all good friends and have traveled together a few times.
Later that night, B asks me ‘what about [C’s fiance]’. I say, ‘what about him?’ (he’s not someone I’m particularly close with and has never made any effort to be friends with us or see us except when C is present – I have never held it against him).
B says something along the lines of ‘I think they wanted/might be planning to see the concert together’. I respond to explain/imply that I was not privy to that information and have no obligation to act on it and that our accommodation is more than able to allow for the both of them to spend the entire week and everywhere else and every meal together/with us – which I planned for – but there are only 4 tickets and if C were not interested in going it would not be a problem as there are several other people very close to me who I would offer it to next (or it could very easily be resold).
B says ‘well, in that case I think I will offer my ticket to [C’s fiance]’. This was followed by me saying something along the lines of ‘I can’t allow you to do that because I know how much this means to you’ as well as ‘it doesn’t work like that’. From there there was a bit of polite back and forth disagreement.
Somewhere in there I threw in a ‘buy them a day spa voucher or something if you want to give them some romantic be-together, not these tickets’.
B is now/still acting like it is a relatively big deal for C’s fiance not to be attending this thing with us and is relatively adamant about giving up her ticket to him. Essentially, making me feel guilty. I am firm on my stance that if B gives up her ticket, it’s going to someone of my choosing.
19. AITJ Not Making My Future Husband's Sister A Bridesmaid?
“My FH (future husband) and I (33, F) will be married later this year. I have always been close with my siblings, so my sisters will be maids and my brother is officiating. At the start of planning FH asked if I was going to ask his sister to be a maid, and I said no.
He was fine with it. Since the start of us getting to know each other, they haven’t seemed close, and would only see each other for holidays and occasional family dinners.
FHs sister and I don’t have a relationship, and at the start of my relationship with FH she was mean and dismissive of me. At one point I spoke directly at her, complete with eye contact, and she just turned and walked away.
Shortly after getting engaged FMIL sat me down and listed her “hopes” for our wedding:
- It wasn’t a destination wedding as it would guarantee that half his family wouldn’t be able to go (it is)
- That I wanted a big wedding because she already had a long guest list (I didn’t)
- That we’re not doing the no kids thing because that’s just rude (we are)
- & demanded that FHs nephew be in the wedding party
FH insisted that his nephew in the bridal party was a small, insignificant detail that, if agreed to would make his side happy, so I gave in.
They later insisted the nephew needed to be listed first & last name under the bridal party section, and that the parents names needed to be placed on the website as well. I added everything hoping that it would just make everyone happy.
We are 3 mos away from the wedding now. FHs father writes him a long text saying that he’s having trouble sleeping, has terrible headaches, and gets physically ill every time he thinks/talks about our wedding because FHs sister isn’t a bridesmaid.
FH tells me that he’s made a mistake and now wants his sister to be a bridesmaid.
I said no, and politely explained to FH that I feel like your maids should be your ride-or-die people. I have two best friends (15+ yrs), my 2 sisters, and another best friend of 5 yrs. All of whom I feel like love, and support me and us.
I told him that since his sister and I don’t have a close relationship I didn’t feel right having her as a bridesmaid.
I tried to compromise and tell FH that his sister can stand on his side with the groomsmen, do a reading during the ceremony, or anything else really. He believes this will send the wrong message and basically make the whole wedding think that I don’t like her.
He thinks I’m making a huge mistake and that the people I have up there with me might not be around forever, but his sister will be. That one day I will need something, or my parents will need or want something and he won’t do it specifically because I won’t do this for him, and that his feelings are hurt that I can’t just do this one little thing to make him happy.”
18. AITJ For Leaving The Dishwasher Door Open?
“My wife and I, mid 40s, married for 18 yrs.
My wife has a genetic condition. A connective tissue disorder which causes a lot of chronic joint pain and many other issues. One of those is proprioception issues, meaning the brain doesn’t accurately know where the limbs are. Because of her condition and chronic pain issues, I do most of the work around the house.
I was cleaning the kitchen, dishes in the dishwasher were wet, so I left the door open for dishes to dry.
Now my wife thinks leaving the dishwasher door open is not normal, and mentioned in the past that this could cause her to get hurt due to her poor proprioception. As a result, I try not to do that when I know she’s going to be in the kitchen, but I did not think of it today.
You guessed it, she came in the kitchen, did not see the dishwasher door open, and banged her leg on it, resulting in a hematoma on her leg.
My wife was furious. She said the dishwasher door should never be left open. She’s on blood thinner, so a hematoma could potentially be life-threatening to her. Plus she could have fallen over, hurt her head, and cause very serious injury.
She says the fact that I’m not willing to forego completely leaving the door open, and that on top of that, forgot that she was likely going to be around the kitchen when I did it, shows that I do not care for her wellbeing, that I do not love her, and that I am a jerk.
To me, I remember my mother drying the dishes in the same manner when I was a kid, so it’s normal. I know that when I left the door open, at no point did I think about her request not to do so and ignored it, I just did not think about it. So the accident was a result of both me forgetting, and her not noticing it when she later came in the kitchen.
While poor proprioception might cause her to get hurt even if she did notice, it does not alter her ability to notice the door open, close it herself, or let me know so I can close it.
I feel very hurt by the accusation that I do not care for her well being and do not love her, especially since I feel I do a lot around the house to ensure she is as comfortable as possible.
I don’t think the solution should always be for me to do more to make her more comfortable (aka dry by hand or unload on the counter first to let it dry), she should also strive to be more aware of her surrounding/ more careful, and more than anything, not go off on me when that type of accident happens.
I thought her reaction was because she was in physical pain, and thought she might apologize later for the accusation, but a couple hours later, she does not feel like her reaction was inappropriate.
I will send her this post’s link to ensure she can get her version out, as we discussed posting this in AITJ.
So, give it to me, am I a jerk?”
17. AITJ For Not Eating Anything Food With My In-Laws?
“Let me start off by saying my partner and I have been together 3 years. Prior to meeting me he had a pretty sheltered culinary experience; his parents eat mostly a rotation of 3 things and are extremely frugal to a point that they will serve things that clearly reek of rot and his mother volunteers at a food bank and often brings back expired/random things and FIL will literally just throw said things into a pot and call it a meal.
The first time I came to their house, I noticed his dad had raw chicken sitting open on the counter in a pool of its own juice and I just stayed away from it. All of my experiences since then at this house have been parallel to that. They have one cutting board (chopping block on the counter), one of those Brillo pads that already comes with soap built into it for all the dishes, they leave things cooked, uncooked and half eaten uncovered in the fridge… one day FIL got these frozen chicken balls, like the ones you’d get in Chinese takeout, and made them to put in spaghetti and meatballs… when nobody wanted them, he just put them back in the convection oven for 3 DAYS.
Another time, FIL made us one of those big Greek spinach pies but used every single rotting vegetable in the fridge including a pack of frozen spinach he had “thawing” on the counter for 3 days that smelled like sour garbage. I have tried to make food when I’m here and they love it, but the dad is a slob and will literally put his fingers and personal spoon or fork into condiments or salad bowls so even if there are leftovers, I don’t really want them.
They also don’t store those leftovers properly either; I once made a lasagna that was put in the fridge uncovered and his dad just threw the leftover salad in the section of the pan that was eaten and left it uncovered.
Problem is the FIL really believes he’s an outstanding cook. One time he made “steak” which was cooked to a crisp because MIL does not like blood in her food, when I was asked how it was I politely said it’s good, I kind of prefer my steak a little more medium and it turned into a big blow up between my partner and I later that night.
I was told I need to humble myself, that I offended his father, that I was disrespectful and the whole time I just wanted to tell him that FIL doesn’t even wash his hands when he makes meals and happily serves people rotten food. His dad also got visibly offended and started going on and on about picky eaters and how people shouldn’t care so much about germs.
I feel betrayed because my partner has expressed to me that his dad literally makes whatever and serves it to people but I don’t even feel comfortable expressing anything about hygiene or food handling standards after the jerky steak blow up. I can’t deal with this and I have no idea how to approach this situation anymore, AITJ for straight up not even wanting to politely eat the food in this house anymore?”
16. AITJ For Cancelling A Trip To Avoid Uncomfortable Situation With My Bestfriend?
“For context, I decided to use some savings I had to book a penthouse for a week on the beach for my partner, sister, best friend and myself for my birthday. I entirely paid for the penthouse; the only things anyone else would have to pay for is a split cost for groceries and whatever they wanted to buy while on vacation.
My original idea was to allow my best friend and my sister to each bring a guest so my partner and I could take off and celebrate our anniversary (it’s the same week as the booking) without feeling guilty.
A few weeks ago, my best friend, let’s call her May, brought a friend, let’s call him Prince, to an event my partner and I had.
At first, we all got along but I will admit something about him didn’t sit right; something about the way they were interacting seemed off. About halfway through the night, Prince started talking about how he and May were romantically interested in each other. Later, we all started talking about the trip; he seemed very interested and I assumed since they were romantically involved May would take him on vacation.
She also said he could go.
Now a little more context: since then, May and I haven’t talked very much. I’ve been busy working and she also has a very demanding job and also moved this past week, so she’s been very busy.
The other night, May came over for a card night and asked to bring the guy she was interested in.
I asked what happened with Prince and that’s when she informed me she had told him she wasn’t interested in him. She also told me he had started randomly showing up at her house and her mother’s house in order to surprise her.
That same night, Prince texted me he bought May a necklace he planned on surprising her with on vacation and asking her out.
After a bit of questioning, I found out the necklace was about $300. May and I talked with everyone else going and agreed we didn’t feel comfortable going with him.
Today, I texted our group chat and acted like I had to cancel the trip due to lack of funds. Prince then would not stop texting me trying to get me to book something new or offering to get me and my partner a motel room somewhere on the beach while him and May did something else.
I told him that would make me uncomfortable and that him constantly trying to call me and text me was starting to also make me uncomfortable. After he wouldn’t stop, I finally blocked him and shortly after so did my partner. He never put any money down for this vacation other than the necklace he got May, so though I did feel a bit slimy, I don’t feel completely in the wrong.
Several people felt unsafe going with him. I told my mom all this and she says I shouldn’t have blocked him and told him the truth about why he wasn’t welcome. I feel it’s not my place to tell him the real reason he wasn’t welcome and I worried about my friend’s safety since he knows where she lives and they work together. So am I the jerk?”
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Parents After They Publicly Discussed My Eczema and Weight?
“I, a 22-year-old female, was at a 4th of July party today. There are about 6 families who are very close and enjoy having block parties on nice days and holidays on my street.
I’ve had extremely bad eczema that I’ve visited many doctors for since I was a kid. There is little aside from steroids that help because of the inflammation and pain.
I’m allergic to dust, grass, oats, perfumes, certain dyes, and my own sweat can trigger hives.
I’m a private person, and I find my condition to be very embarrassing and personal. I don’t like talking about it.
At the block party, my dad was talking to another parent and it came up that her daughter has eczema that they treat with medication and oatmeal baths.
My dad started describing treatments I’ve tried and that I didn’t start to have severe eczema until I was 12.
This isn’t true, my parents used to force me to take oatmeal baths from age 3 They never believed that it made it worse until my skin had gotten so bad that I finally went to a dermatologist at 10 and I was formally allergy tested.
My dad said that I used to be skinny and petite when I was 10, but I’m overweight now and gained a lot of weight because of taking medications.
I’m 5’3 150 lbs. Growing up, my parents were always telling me to lose weight, shaming me for being hungry compared to my siblings, no one will ever be interested in me, I can’t be both overweight and have bad skin, etc.
I know I’m not skinny but I hate that word and I hate how it makes me feel.
I tried to remove myself, but my dad called me back and told my neighbor that I haven’t tried the medication because I don’t like trying new options.
My family is low income and uninsured. I was quoted $5,000 per dose for that medication and it needs to be taken every 2 weeks.
I wanted to try it, but it’s just not feasible for me.
I went home and cried.
My mom asked me what happened and I told her. She didn’t say anything and went back to the party.
After the party ended, my mom told me not to be mad at my dad because he feels bad now.
I’ve been in therapy for 2 years now for unrelated reasons.
I haven’t felt white hot, blinding rage in years. But I felt it then. I felt like all the injustices toward my younger self had resurfaced and it was my duty as an adult now to stand up for my younger self.
So I snapped at her and told her that even though it wasn’t a big deal to her, I remembered every single time I was degraded growing up.
I told her that her and my dad might not remember it because it’s not important to them, but I do and I hear it in my head every time I look in the mirror.
She just said okay and left. I’m starting to feel guilty for talking to my mom like that and making my dad feel bad. In therapy, I’ve learned to not internalize the mean comments. I’m also regretting losing control and arguing back instead of ignoring it. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mother To My Wedding Due To Her Toxic Behavior?
“I’m not entirely sure if I’m the jerk is this situation, but my family thinks that I am and apparently I hurt my mothers feelings really bad. My husband (M21) and I (F21) got married at the courthouse (small group of people) in February of this year and I did not allow my mother to come to my wedding.
My husband had his family there like his parents, sister and his maternal grandparents even made the trip all the way from Alabama (all except grandparents live in Tx). On the day of my mother texted me and asked ‘Are you going to allow me to come to your wedding?’ I told her I don’t think that’s a good idea because of that comment you made about my husband.
For context it was probably about a month before my husband and I were at my mother’s house trying to move the rest of my stuff to our apartment. She had said something about me needing to get a job to help pay for insurance which she gets free through her job at this point in time I was still on hers.
I looked at my husband because he and I had talked about me being a stay at home wife I looked back at her and told her, that he and I had discussed this and when we got married he would put me on his. She said okay, in a huff and left the room only to come back 10 min later and asked where something was because she couldn’t find it basically asking me to come into the other room with her.
I showed her where the thing was and she said ‘I knew where it was the whole time, I just wanted to get you alone to ask you..are you being mistreated?’ and then chuckled about it right after she asked. Honestly I was taken aback because that was the last thing I was expecting to come out of her mouth.
When I talked to her about the comment a week or so later she denied saying that at all. Instead claiming she asked if he was overbearing? Which frankly I don’t see how that’s any better. Not once has he ever been abusive or overbearing towards me or anyone.
Another reason I didn’t invite her to come to my wedding is because we don’t have that kind of relationship.
Since my father passed in 2011 she just stopped. I understand that it was hard for her but I was still a child at that time. After he passed she became an entitled narcissist, controlling every part of my life she could, I couldn’t leave my house or get a job. The first job I got was after I moved out the first time at 18, I moved back in after a year and things got worse.
She wanted my entire paycheck. I got diagnosed with a lifelong medical condition that I needed medicine for, she said ‘I’ll pay for it but you need to pay me back with your next check.’ I couldn’t save anything. I’m not trying to be entitled and say I wouldn’t pay anything. I was more than happy paying something to help, but my entire check? She and I don’t talk, I’ve tried but it’s all guilt trips and lies.
I did at first want her there because I couldn’t have my father but after that comment trying to salvage any type of relationship with her felt useless.
AITJ for not letting her attend?”
13. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Sister's Kitchen Messes?
“So my (18 f) sister (16 f) occasionally forgets to clean up the kitchen after eating.
She would go and eat something and then just leave. The food just left on the table. She always says that she would clean it up later and I always tell her that while she waits the food goes bad.
Now this issue started about 2 months ago and at the beginning I just cleaned up after her but if that happens like 6-8 times a day I get tired of it.
I don’t mind her having snacks through out the day I just don’t want to always clean up after her. But if I leave it and my parents see it and ask me about it, they always say that if I saw the food going bad and not putting it in the fridge I am even worse than my sister.
But they also somehow never put it away and also never tell her to put it away. When I used that as an argument, my mum just said, that she already does everything.
If my dad sees me asking my sister to do it he says: ‘No problem, I’ll just do it’ (I know that is a trap.
He always does this if I ask her to do anything. But if you leave it for him to do he gets mad and leaves the house.) After this I know the argument is over and I just have to do it.
So neither one of them listens to me. I am so sick of it. I spend 50% of my day with cleaning up the kitchen.
Today I was very tired from a lot of stress. I walked in the kitchen to get some water and literally the whole kitchen was dirty. Covered in Oil, Flour, Tomato sauce etc. The sink was overfilled with dishes and food that is supposed to be in the fridge was on the counters and table.
I was shocked.
Apparently my sister tried to make Pasta but it did not work… My parents were supposed to come home in a few hours. Called my sister and told her to clean it up, because our parents would be mad. (Sadly we both know that if they saw this they would tell me to do it) My sister smiled at me calmly and said she would do it.
(She always argues so that was weird) But I was glad she did not so I just went to sleep.
Later I woke up to my mum yelling at me to come downstairs. So I go there. Then she and my father show me to the kitchen. That has not changed one bit. I told them what happened but they did not care and both screamed at me.
Some of the food has gone bad and I had to clean up everything while my sister was sleeping in the living room.
I am so done with this I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should have just cleaned it up in the first place. So AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Speaking Up About My Sister-In-Law's Assumptions and Lack of Gratitude?
“I just went out to dinner w/ my mom and dad (both 56), I live with them while I go to grad school (me F24). I’m very grateful, I was always taught to have super good manners, & so was my brother.
My brother (28) is married to my sister-in-law/SIL (27), we just returned from a week long trip to an expensive location that my parents paid for.
We stayed at the same house, & all us sibs had to pay for was our plane tickets. I thanked my parent up & down for paying for the rental & pretty much the whole vacation.
While on vacation, my SIL assumed we’d be coming back next year & showed off clothes for her baby (that she’s currently pregnant w/) for next year.
I found it odd that she just assumed we were going next year, since after all, my parents paid for the ENTIRE thing. Also, it was never set in stone to go next year, & I also never heard her say thank you to my parents. Of course, that doesn’t mean she didn’t just because I didn’t hear it, but my dad insinuated she didn’t.
I went to dinner w/ just my parents last night, & I brought up how I thought it was weird & how I thought it was weird she never thanked my parents. Just to let y’all know, talking poorly about my SIL is a HUGE nono, specifically for my mom, my mom treats her like the daughter she never had (even though I’m her only daughter).
So when I mentioned it my dad agreed but my mom was angry, & hasn’t talked to me the rest of our time together.
Even in the car, I apologized to my mom for talking negatively about my SIL, but she’s still ignoring me. I made it clear that just because what I thought my SIL did was weird, that doesn’t mean I think she’s a bad person or think down on her.
Still, she’s upset w/ me. This isn’t the first time. Not to bring up a The Office joke, but if my mom had two bullets & had to shoot someone, she’d 100% shoot me twice, it’s no doubt in my mind. My mom complains about me non-stop to my SIL which I’ve overheard many times, so I don’t have much of a relationship with my SIL.
She’s also assuming my mom & her mom are paying for this elaborate & expensive baby shower & sends them links to different venues all the time, which I also think is weird. On top of it, my mom blamed MY DAD for my SIL being greedy, & that he put it in her head so he needs to suck it up & pay up.
I’m fed up with this. I hate how I can’t talk to my mother about my SIL, & ngl I’m jealous of their relationship, since my mom pretty much hates me. I confronted her, but it’s all the same as the past, my mom is mad at me for saying anything negative about my SIL and I’m the bad guy. I gave up a long time ago trying to please my mother, but it still hurts. I feel guilty for upsetting my mom and saying anything in the first place. I just don’t want my parents to be taken advantage of. AITJ for speaking up about this?”
11. AITJ For Restricting My Mother-In-Law's Driving After She Almost Caused An Accident?
“I (f26) am married to Jo(30m) – using fake names for privacy. We have a 2 year old son (Dean) together and I’m pregnant with our second child.
Recently my mother in law Marie (55f) moved from Russia to here in Australia and has been living with us the past three months.
She has also asked that she drive our car, to practice driving here.
I had no problem with this. Jo, Marie and I all agreed for safety that she could start off with local roads and then move onto larger roads as she barely speaks English and used to drive on the opposite side of the road.
Up until last week she had been driving on roads that went a max of 60kph (37mph).
Last Monday I drove myself, Dean, Jo and Marie to a park where the speed limit was 70kph (43mph) at some moment and other moments reached 80kph (49mph)
Anyway she asked to drive back.
I was reluctant. I and Jo told her that she wouldn’t be driving locally and would be going at much faster speeds and faced with different situations.
I even used Google maps to show her the roads she would be taking
She was persistent on the issue and argued that she was ready and could handle it. She also raised the point that she would have to do it eventually. So I handed her the keys, up until that point she had been doing really well.
The first thing I noticed though was that she seemed to be missing important road signs like the speed limit. She went 50kph (31mph)when she was meant to be going going 80kph (49mph).
I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt though.
Eventually we got onto a road that was 70kph (43mph) and had to tell her to go the speed limit.
On this road is a massive roundabout and I told her to go straight to get on a specific road.
I think she must have panicked because she came to a complete stop and almost turned into traffic. I pointed (admittedly a bit panicked) and told her to go. She quickly took off and I consider it a miracle she didn’t cause an accident.
When I got home, Jo and I talked about what happened. I decided it would be for the best if Marie stuck to local traffic only whilst either myself or my son is in the car as I felt she was an unsafe driver.
If she wanted to challenge herself she could do so by herself. I would also be more then happy to change my mind if she got several professional lessons.
Jo wasn’t happy about it and tried to tell me she has 20+ years driving experience. Whilst I acknowledge that’s a lot, it was experience in Russia not Australia.
Eventually Jo agreed with me and we told his mum together. She is very unhappy with me and has been giving me the cold shoulder since.
I feel bad and feel like a jerk for imposing the rule in her I’m starting to think maybe I was too harsh.
10. AITJ For Not Adjusting My Sister's Visit Schedule To Accommodate My Partner's Sleep Pattern?
“I (32f) have been seeing ‘Aaron’ (37m) for 8 years. He has always been an insomniac and it’s been a source of several arguments over our relationship.
Aaron lost his job and started working for uber. He sold it to me as it would be better for his sleep schedule because he could take off the days he needed and work longer on other days to make up for it.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt and let it ride even though I was really uncomfortable with it. Long story short he ended up working 3 days a week and overnight shifts. He slept in until 2pm and would go to bed at 5 am. The only reason he stayed consistent with those times is because I put my foot down and said sleeping in until 5 pm and going to bed well into the morning was unacceptable and immature.
All he did was play video games when he wasn’t working.
My sister ‘Stacy’ (41f) is my best friend in the universe and my most favorite person. We talk pretty much every day and when we lived in the same town we were inseparable. Stacy has a lot of medical problems and has to take pills with breakfast around the same time every day.
She wakes up at 6am and eats around 8am. She’s usually asleep by 9pm. When she would come to visit me, Aaron and I would fight over schedules. He felt excluded and that everyone should be accommodating his sleep schedule because of his insomnia. He would get mad that we went and did things without him.
I told him it was rude to make us wait all day for him. Eventually he compromised on waking up at noon when they were here and I would have to approve my outings beforehand just in case he wanted to go.
Fast forward to now, he has a regular 8 to 5 job. He wakes up at 7 am with me Monday through Friday.
He does still have insomnia but he is usually medicated for it now. (I gave him an ultimatum to either get it together or find a new partner because I hated our life. He got it together.)
Stacy is coming to visit. Aaron still sleeps in until noon at least on his days off. So I told him I’d go to breakfast with them and bring him home food so he didn’t have to wake up.
He threw a fit that Stacy couldn’t wait until 9 or 10am to eat and that I always pick her over him. I pointed out no one was asking anything of him except to not argue with me about me myself and I accommodating Stacy’s schedule. He accused me of excluding him again and not being respectful of his insomnia.
I pointed out that he could come and that he just needed to wake up at 7 like he does Monday through Friday. He said that its stupid to ask him to wake up early on what’s supposed to be a relaxing staycation and Stacy needed to accommodate him because she was the guest. I still think that’s rude and backwards. We have not resolved this and I am so confused on if I’m actually in the wrong here.”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Inconsiderate Cousin Again?
“Am I the jerk for never wanting to see my cousin again and making it clear I never want to see him again? I (18F) despise my cousin. I’m not sure how old he is I just know he’s in his 20’s and I hate him. Back when I was in middle school, my cousin (let’s call him DEE) my cousin was kicked out of his house.
He was an unemployed adult and had gotten kicked out of his parents house. So when he was kicked out my parents decided to take him in. At the time I was around 13-14. KEEP THIS IN MIND!! I had an extra bed in my room but the room was fairly small so he got the top bunk in my room while I slept on the bottom bunk.
The first few days were okay. Then he started to ask me for money.
I was used to lending out money to others and I just assumed I would get it back. I didn’t. He asked to borrow money from me many times and never gave it back. I was naive enough to believe that I was getting my money back so I continued to “loan” him money.
He never bought anything for the house but he could buy himself an entire pizza five days a week and eat the entire thing by himself. He would blow his nose and throw the tissues on the floor and dresser. He wouldn’t help me clean the room but he was the biggest contributor to the mess.
Pizza boxes, tissues, used dishes all lying around because of him. This was all during morning time. At night it got much worse.
Even though I’m 18 now I can’t get over my hatred for him. Dee came over recently and since I’m an honest person who can’t control their facial expressions, he knows that I don’t enjoy him being around me.
He asked me “do you still hate me”. Clearly my answer was yes. I told him I did still hate him and asked when he was going to pay me back (yes I’m still angry). Every time I see him I snap. I can’t be nice to him and I never will. He told me he would give me money the next time he sees me. I haven’t seen him since and I don’t want to see him ever again. Am I the Jerk?”
8. AITJ For Protecting My Grandpa's Space?
“My grandfather who is 89 years old, was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. I am really close to my grandparents and the news hit my family pretty hard. I (24 yo F) recently moved out of my parents place and rented a place for myself. Since my grandpa lives in a smaller city, he came here for his medical consultations.
He is staying with me for now, because my brother (26 yo M) is constantly making a mess out of my parents apartment and there is actually no space for my grandpa to stay.
I recently started a new job and can’t really take time off. Yesterday, my grandpa needed some documents he had at home, for his doctors here.
The drive to his place and back was about 4 hours total. I asked a very close friend of mine, who knew about the cancer, to drive him. Since he is unemployed and I would pay for gas, plus whatever he considered his time was worth, he accepted.
This friend of mine is very close to my entire family.
But he recently started getting close to a girl I know(they have been talking and spending time together for about a week). She is annoying, but not intentionally. He told her about my grandpas cancer and she is a vet student. She tried to make me feel better about this situation by telling me the complicated operations she had on animals and made a full recovery.
I honestly could not believe that she could compare an operation on an older dog or cat, to my grandpas cancer.
And when my friend was about to drive my grandpa to his house and back to mine, he asked me if he could bring that girl also. I told him that I was uncomfortable with this and I’ve had bad experiences with her regarding delicate situations.
He insisted that he had previous plans to spend time with her that day and he would guarantee that she would behave. I insisted that I was not comfortable with him bringing a possible bad experience of 4 hours to my grandpa. He gave me the impression that he would not take her, and I later found out that not only he took her, but her sister too.
After all that, I thanked him for the ride he gave my grandpa, but if he wasn’t able to separate my ill grandpa from his date, I would be much more comfortable to drive those hours myself, even if it meant I would later be able to sleep only 3-4 hours before my next shift at work.
I don’t feel comfortable making my sick grandpa spend time with a girl I still find annoying and don’t want to be a part of my life. And for sure I don’t want her as a witness to what my grandpa is going through. I don’t want to parade his condition to people who are ignorant, don’t have any idea what this situation means and are not close to me or my family.
When I discussed this with my friend, I kept my cool and spoke in a kind manner. He thought me not being comfortable with that girl being on the road with them, was an overreaction. Is he right?”
7. AITJ For Not Reaching Out To My Sister?
“My sister (26 F) and I (31 F) have been very close since childhood. We shared more of a best friends relationship than typical siblings one.
I identify as a queer woman. Last year, I met and fell in love with my current partner who was assigned female at birth but identifies as a man. Back when we met though, he was struggling with his gender identity and still identified as a woman.
Being a panromantic person, my partner’s gender identity doesn’t affect how I feel about them.
It was a very fast paced romance for us, where we met on an app, decided to meet in person for a 2 week trip and realized we were great together.
After coming back home from the trip, my sister was the first person I shared this experience with.
I was excited for her to meet my partner and told her all the stories from the trip. She didn’t seem too excited but tried to be supportive. Her concern was our parents who didn’t know I am queer at that point in time (I had only been with 2 cis-men prior to this).
My sister had known about my queerness since I was in school and was always very chill about it.
I decided to come out to my parents as my partner and I were planning on moving to the same city. I told my elder brother and even though he seemed confused, he tried his best to understand and be accepting. He arranged a long drive for me with my mom, my sister, and him, so I could talk to my mom about it.
When I came out to my mom, she was very dismissive and angry – something I had expected. But to my shock, my sister joined her and said very hurtful things like, “You’re being extremely ungrateful to our parents. Is this what they get for being good parents to you”, “You are pansexual so you can decide to fall in love with a biological man, so why don’t you break up and do that”, “you are choosing a person you just met over your own parents” and more.
But it wasn’t about me choosing someone over my parents but finally being who I have always been. My brother kept silent, which I appreciated to be honest because at least he wasn’t adding fuel to my mother’s anger, unlike my sister.
Honestly, I wasn’t expecting my parents to understand from the get-go but what my sister did felt like a stab in the back, a betrayal.
Someone I had shared everything with, to turn around and discard me at the moment I needed her the most was a shock and hurt that is not easy for me to overcome.
The moment I got back home, I blocked her on all social media and we haven’t talked since. It’s been more than a year.
The last time I met her was about 7 months ago when my partner was meeting my parents for the first time on a vacation. She created a whole ruckus because she didn’t want to stay in the hotel room I had paid for her and my parents (she wanted my father to pay for it).
So, AITJ for not trying to reach out to her first?”
6. AITJ For Not Taking My Kids To See Their Dad?
“Some backstory: my husband and I have been together for 2 years. We got married in October. His brother is in prison and his sister-in-law was diagnosed with a terminal illness so in February we adopted their 3 kids (6f, 3f, 10 mo f). We knew the girls beforehand and he was always a great uncle/dad to them.
We also had a little chihuahua mix that the girls adored.
Something to note is that my husband has always had poor impulse control. If he wants it and he can afford it (he can always afford it) he gets it without thinking about anyone else. I admit, it used to be fun while we were seeing each other.
When we took in the girls, the purchases continued but became more kid friendly. I’d come home and the older two had new bikes, the older one got a bow and arrow, roller skates, and most recently, a mini rifle. Then they became more self-centered again. He said he wanted chickens and I came home a couple days later to a chicken coop and 4 chickens in the backyard.
He got a boat, then he said he wanted another dog.
I told him we should wait until the summer (this was in April) when I’d be off but I only wanted a small, low energy breed. My birthday was a week later and he left a half hour before my entire family came over and came back in the middle of dinner with 2 Belgian Malinois puppies.
The kids and I lasted a week. The puppies chased the kids around the house, tore up their clothes and toys, and they bit my 3 year old (she’s okay). The day they bit my 3 year old, I packed our bags and took the kids and our chihuahua to stay with my parents.
Once I got the kids situated, I called my husband, told him where we are, and said he has to choose between me and the kids or the dogs.
He said he needs time. I agreed to take the kids to see him for 4 hours every Sunday. So far he canceled 2 Sundays because the dogs had training and a pacifier and comfort toy have been eaten. He hasn’t visited us once. The kids don’t like these visits and they’re starting to fear dogs now.
They don’t even like being around our chihuahua anymore. Because of this, I’ve been skipping visits. We didn’t see him the week before last, they only saw him for 2 hours on Father’s Day and I specifically took him out to eat that day so he couldn’t bring the dogs, and we’re not visiting tomorrow. I’ve made it very clear that he’s more than welcome to visit us but his dogs are not allowed.
He texted to confirm that we will be visiting on Sunday and I made up an excuse about my car being in the shop but he could come visit us. He said no, we agreed that I’ll take them to him and that I should borrow one of my parents cars. I told him I won’t be borrowing their cars and that if he wants to see the kids he has to come to us without the dogs and now he’s accusing me of keeping him away from his kids.”
5. AITJ For Not Spending Time With My Sister's Husband?
“Last week my sister’s (30f) husband (32m) asked me (26f) if I wanted to hangout & I said no.
My sister has been married to him for 4 years & he and I have not always gotten along. It’s caused obvious problems in the past but we have worked through it.
The last 2 years we have been able to move on & coexist really well within my family because I thought it was understood what our dynamic is supposed to be.
Last week he texted me asking if I wanted to meet up & get coffee. I honestly have no desire to hangout with him like that so I tried to deflect the invite by suggesting he bring my nephews too & we could go to the park or something & he doubled down on wanting to hangout with me individually to “connect and find common ground.”
Personally, I feel like we don’t need to hangout alone because, 1.
We have a history of getting into it & I don’t want to put myself in any situation where that could happen again, 2. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be hanging out with my sister’s husband by ourselves, and 3. I don’t particularly like him & we have legitimately nothing in common so it just doesn’t feel natural for us to hangout.
I told him that while I appreciate his offer, I don’t think we need to hangout. I said it doesn’t feel like an appropriate relationship to have with an in-law in my opinion & things have been good lately so I don’t think we need to make this relationship any deeper & risk messing anything up.
He was so upset with me & said that he will need to “reflect and think about how this will impact things moving forward because I cannot accept a sort of false reality where we pretend things are good when they are not.” He said he will be setting a new boundary with me & now my family is really worried he is going to withhold my nephews from me as ‘punishment.’ (Yes he’s that type)
I just wanted to set a clear boundary of what I am comfortable with & I don’t think I should feel any sort of obligation to hangout with him just because he got married into my family.
I’d also like to add I have 5 other siblings that he has never asked to hangout with alone, only me. And I have a sister-in-law who has been a part of my family for 9 years now, who I adore, but we’ve only ever spent alone time together less than 3 times.
It’s now turned into a big problem between me & my sister because I refused to spend time with her husband.
I told her this was my attempt at keeping the peace & meant no harm by it.
I shared with her that I would feel more comfortable if we went through her if there are any future problems between him and I & she told me she does not want to be in the middle.
I made it clear that this does not mean I have any issues with him, I just want us to continue to maintain our relationship the way it is & grow from there.
Hanging out individually is not something I am comfortable with & I was trying to set a boundary with him. AITJ for not wanting to hangout with my sister’s husband alone?”
4. AITJ For Keeping My Sister's Secret?
“A month or so ago, my two sisters(we’ll call them C and B) moved to an apartment near C’s college. B paid for some of the furniture and for the apartment as well and later my parents paid her back. She’s my eldest sister so at this point, she’s working on her resume and looking for a job.
Now that they live a little far away, my parents have been constantly missing them and we visit them frequently.
Skip to a few weeks later, we meet up with them again and B tells me something. She says that she recently found a place that has tattooing classes and that she had enrolled. I ask where it is and she answers that it’s somewhere a little away from our house.
Her plan is to take a cab from the apartment every week to attend the class. She also tells me that she didn’t inform our parents and I took that as a sign to keep it a secret.
A few days after her first class, my mom receives a video call from my sister. During the call, B reveals the truth and shows my mom the tattoo she had just gotten.
My dad then comes down and my mom calls him over. I could see my dad’s face twist in slight irritation when she explained what was going on. As the conversation continues, C chimes in from the back with, “Didn’t you want us to be spontaneous?” (context for this: a while back, my mom mentioned how the three of us were too well-behaved and she wished we would be a little rebellious) My dad then replies in a passive-aggressive manner, “Spontaneous? I can do something *really* spontaneous right now, too.”
My parents begin to lecture my eldest sister.
They raise many points such as “How can you not tell us before getting a tattoo?” (she wasn’t planning on getting one, the person offered to give her a free tattoo when she got there and also she’s 22 alrdy) “How could you not tell anyone? You could have been in danger!” (she sent a message in our sibling gc with her location and everything) “Why didn’t you stop by if you were so near to us? Your mom cries every night because she misses you guys so much!” (like I mentioned, we visit them so often and they have only been away for a little over a month) “How can you be so careless with spending our money?” (she paid with her own savings)
Before things had hit the fan, I had mentioned that I knew everything already and my mom was visibly surprised.
Then, one of the things my parents brought up seconds later was how nobody would be there to help my sister if she was in serious trouble, nobody but her parents and they made a point to highlight “not even your sisters” which I felt was aimed at C and I.
Thing is, I understand why my sister kept this from my parents.
My parents, despite claiming to always be there for us and supporting us in our interests, don’t really keep their promises in that regard. They say they would have accepted it had B told them but all three of us know that they would’ve opposed it. But despite this, I still feel guilty for not saying anything especially when they seemed genuinely hurt by this. AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Make A Guest Room In My New House For My Family?
“I’m moving from a 1 BR apt to a 2 BR house. I’m excited to move because I’ve never had this much space before; grew up poor in 1 BR apt with 3 other people. I moved away for college (16 hr drive/3 hr flight from home) and that was spent with unpleasant roommates/housing. I saw my parents once a year for the 5 years I was there.
Now I’m in a state closer to home (6 hr drive), so I’ve seen my family more times this past year than I have the 5 years prior to that.
I’m in grad school now and have finally found a large place I can afford. I signed a lease recently and have been trying to figure out what furniture I need.
I’ve been looking for a new place for months and if I got lucky to find a 2BR I could afford, my goal was to make the extra room my work/exercise room. I’ve been talking to my mom about my plans and she got upset with me not wanting to create a guest room for when my parents come to visit.
I told her I don’t want to make it a guest room, since the space would be unusable for most of the year and that would negate the whole reason for me wanting the extra space to use for myself/cats.
We’ve been arguing about it and anytime I try to have a normal conversation, she just brings it up and tries to change my mind/guilt me into making a guest room.
Her reasoning is that I’ll finally have a large enough space to house them in comfort, so I wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch. I said I could buy them a hotel room or I’ll just sleep on the couch again, but my mom doesn’t care. She’s calling me inconsiderate and comparing me to my friends in my cohort that both have a guest room set up for when their family visit.
I told her one of them has it because her family is 2.5 hrs away, so they visit often. The other friend regrets setting it up since her family is a lot further and the room isn’t getting much use. My mom argues that after everything they’ve done for me (we immigrated here for better opportunities) they should be warranted to have a space for when they visit.
I understand where she’s coming from, but I don’t want to compromise my own space/sanity for her comfort. She’s making me feel bad about my decision and like an ungrateful daughter. She brought up my grams coming to visit often. This didn’t make sense to me because my grams lives out of the country (13 hr flight) and it’s hard for her to travel.
She came to the states in May and that was the first time I saw her in 5 yrs. My mom decided to tell me in the midst of the argument that she is trying to convince my grams to move to the states and thus they will be visiting and need a guest room.
As much as I like seeing my family, I cherish my personal space and autonomy which I don’t get around them. If I make the space a guest room, my mom would visit more and stay for longer than I could tolerate. AITJ for not wanting to make a guest room to accommodate my family?”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Social Events With My Husband's Ex-Partner?
“My husband and I are both 32, married 1 year, together for 7. Early on in our relationship, I had the misfortune of meeting his ex-partner. They were on and off for about 9 months before he pulled the plug, a year before we even met.
She is extremely unpredictable and leaves a path of destruction in her wake wherever she goes.
She deceives her partner (the one she started seeing after my now-husband) constantly, intentionally seeking out married or committed men.
She would make fake accounts to message me on social, drive past our house, show up in places I frequented, etc.
A few years ago, she approached me at a social gathering and let me know that she had sought professional help and wanted to extend an olive branch.
I was apprehensive, but also tired of feeling like I had to look over my shoulder constantly, so I accepted her apology.
Immediately she’s love bombing me, including being inappropriately touchy, and then divulged to me that she was having a secret relationship with someone I knew’s spouse.
I told her I would only keep the secret for as much time as it took for her to come clean, and in that time I did some detective work.
I found out that she was also attempting to convince my now husband to deceive me with her. He didn’t take the bait, but we did have a discussion about the hurt caused by not being upfront. I also outed her secret relationship to the partner of the man involved.
We worked through it and made the decision that she was not welcome in our lives in any capacity and in my hurt and anger, had a serious confrontation with her.
I was harsh, but certainly didn’t threaten her. Unfortunately, she used this as fuel to play the victim to anyone who would listen. It fell on deaf ears for most, but there were two new partners in our group that she managed to win over before I had met them.
I am now on a friendly level with the two partners, but keep them at a distance.
I asked kindly to not be invited to events she may be attending. That request went smoothly for three years…until it didn’t. I attended an event that the host said she would not be at, but she showed up anyway. I felt blindsided and hurt but the host and some friends downplayed the issue. They said after three years it’s annoying having to accommodate my request and since it’s their gathering and we are both their friend, I need to play nice and stop being difficult.
Her boyfriend forgave her for all the deception and even came back around to being friends with the man she had a secret relationship with which feels absolutely absurd to me, but others see it as the problem being solved and we should all just move on.
I feel like after three years of reprieve, I’m back at square one.
If I continue to hold my ground, I fear losing the connection to our whole social circle because of it. So, am I the jerk for not getting over it and expecting to be able to attend events without her if I happen to be invited?”
1. AITJ For Feeling Betrayed When My Partner Went On Vacation With Her Family While I Stay Home Working?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years and lived together for 1. We moved out of our home state for better opportunities and schooling. We will be living here for a year in August. I have been the only one working full time to support our household, bills, food, gas, etc. I told my partner not to worry about a job until they felt comfortable working while in school or to wait till graduation.
I know what I signed up for and I genuinely enjoy my job and I am fulfilled working where I am, and the income isn’t bad.
We’ve had problems with her parents before, they become very aggressive if they don’t get their way and have been caught multiple times trying to manipulate their kids to do what they want, excessive exclusion, trash talking to their other children about their current “problem child” which has seemed to become my partner’s role within their family since we moved.
My partner was ghosted by her parents after we left, not being in contact with her for months on end. I blame myself for most of their parents aggression towards her because her parents never really seemed to like me before we moved and now after, it’s been even worse. I’ve always tried my hardest for her parents approval.
I’ve persevered blatant disrespect from her parents, cruel jokes, names, and aggression. I want them to have a good relationship, I’ve tired to set boundaries with them, nothing has changed the past 3 years.
Recently we talked about her getting a job over the summer, nothing has come up for a while and we’ve been barely keeping afloat for a month or so.
Now her family invited them on a vacation states away. We both were super excited to go west for a trip and seeing how I’ve been working non stop a break is really needed before I burn out. A week after we were invited I calculated our income and realized, we don’t have the income to go, so I did the adult thing and I canceled to stay home for work.
I told my partner to do what she wanted knowing I was going to be home, I expected her to take the bullet with me and stay home, opting out of leaving me alone for a week and a half to work and supporting me here at home. Hopes were misplaced because she is with her family for this vacation days away from me and our home.
My partner and I talked about this for days but she couldn’t make up her mind, until her mother sent them messages that guilted her into going, and her father threatened to cut communication again if she didn’t go with. I truly want my partner to be happy and do what they want, but I also wanted my partner to respect me, my feelings and especially all the work I’ve been doing for us here. I feel very betrayed because of the disrespect and I feel like this situation has been super unfair towards me, my mental and physical health. It seems no matter what, their parents will be the choice while I’m left with the bad end of every deal.
I don’t know if I’m justified or AITJ.”