People Ask How We Perceive Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Even when we make every effort to keep on doing nice deeds for others around us, some people nonetheless prefer to focus on the awful things we've done. We can't be sure if they're unhappy or just plain cruel. Some of these people ask for our advice. They are curious as to whether their deeds have caused them to be jerks. Here are their stories. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Ex-Wife To Our Wedding?

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“I (40F) married my husband (48M) in 2019. I have 2 children (15M & 13F). He has 2 sons (29 & 19). The oldest son has a wife (27) and they have 2 children (7M & 2F). My children’s father was never involved with my kids at all.

(Never met my daughter and hadn’t seen my son since a week before my daughter was born and he passed away in 2018). Step-son’s mom (40sF) lives a few hours away and is involved with her sons, DIL, and grandkids. I am cordial to my stepson’s mom and my husband just prefers not to talk to her.

In the ‘conflict’, when we were planning the wedding, my now DIL who was a bridesmaid and became one of my closest friends, asked if I was inviting my stepson’s mom. I said no. And left it at that. Well, I guess it got back to her and she was upset.

Her reasoning was that her sons, DIL, and grandson (granddaughter not born yet) were all in the wedding party (groomsmen, bridesmaid, and ring bearer) and she wanted to see them all dressed up. I thought that was a stupid reason to come to your ex-husband’s wedding and never sent her an invite.

Side note 1: my son’s other groomsman, my daughter, and sister were bridesmaids, my younger cousin was the flower girl.

Side Note 2: stepson’s mom remarried years ago in Vegas so her kids weren’t there.

Side Note 3: my husband and stepson’s mom had a bitter divorce and my husband’s entire family hates her.

Side Note 4: step-sons thought it would be weird if she was there. And they both told her that.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – it’s totally ok to not want to invite them, ok for her to wish she were invited.

Doesn’t sound like she gave you any grief for it, so it’s not like she did anything to you, she has a right to be upset even if you don’t think she should be invited (again, your wedding, your right). ETA: if she gave you a hard time then definitely NTJ which implies she’s the jerk.” IfYouSeeThisTomaAqua

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…

your wedding and your choice. She didn’t even invite her own children to her wedding. I think it depends on the couple. Seeing as how husband and his family don’t like her – it would have been awkward and weird with her being there.” crazycatlady45325

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She can see them dressed up in pictures. Why would you invite her? DIL is the jerk for asking and ex is the jerk for being upset and delusional for even thinking about being there.” unionmom4

3 points (3 votes)
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BigGrandma 1 month ago
Why in the world WOULD she think you would invite her?? I'm sure they'll have pictures to show her of them 'all dressed up'. That's just ridiculous
3 Reply

21. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Commenting On My Eating?

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“Last night, I (20F) went home for orthodox easter dinner and brought my roommate along with me, because she is from Cali and wouldn’t be able to go home. So anyway, we get to my house, where my mom and our family friends had already eaten dinner.

My roommate and I eat, and after we finish, I got myself a slice of easter bread and I start to spread some butter on it. As I am spreading the butter, my mom comes over and literally rips the butter knife out of my hand.

My roommate looks at me like ‘what the heck’ and my uncle was watching and was also like ‘WHAT THE HECK.’ I kind of just stared at my mom and she said ‘that’s enough, it’s time for dessert’. I just kind of eat my bread and move on because I didn’t want to start a scene.

Later on, after everyone left, there were still some chocolates out and I wanted to try this one I hadn’t seen before. My mom then says ‘why are you eating that now? Save it for later.’ It was a small piece of chocolate, but I didn’t eat it because I know she would get worse.

After that, my roommate and I leave.

This morning, my mom calls to check in and she starts saying she wants to explain herself. She believes that I was being too impulsive when I was trying to eat the piece of chocolate and that she felt the need to stop me because ‘I didn’t know what I was doing’ and had ‘no control over my actions’.

Obviously, I was not out of control if I was only eating one small piece of chocolate. But I wasn’t even mad about that part. I was mad at the part where she ripped a butter knife out of my hand because she didn’t want me eating bread.

It was my first (and only piece) but she felt it was too much since the others had already eaten and were ready for dessert.

She refused to apologize for embarrassing me and I started getting angry because she kept claiming I was eating impulsively and am unable to control my actions.

She was acting like I was eating a whole loaf of bread like an animal, but it was one piece. If she was that bothered, why didn’t she ask me to put the knife down? Why rip it out of my hands? It was so mortifying, especially because people saw it.

She thinks no one did, but my roommate was right there when it happened. My mom is mad now because I yelled at her, but she was being so condescending when I was trying to ask for an apology and explain that what she did really hurt me.

So, AITJ for yelling at her? Should I have handled it differently?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If it was just the bread, and she hadn’t rudely snatched the knife out of your hands, I could see her side: you guys were late so everyone is waiting on you until they can eat dessert.

That’s not the right time to be nibbling on bread after your main. If you’re late, you suck it up and skip a course so the dinner can conclude at a reasonable time.

But add in the chocolate and the snatching, and it doesn’t sound like her issue was you delaying dessert – she was just stopping you from eating.” MeltingMandarins

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I think what your mother is doing is projecting her own thoughts of guilt for eating too much on you. Sometimes mothers do this to their daughters and it’s super toxic. Limit the time you spend with her if she tries this again.” friendly_cub

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re an adult, your mother is being a straight-up controlling jerk about food, and this behavior is potentially very harmful to mental health. She needed to be set straight.” Sentient-Fleshlight

3 points (3 votes)
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ankn 1 month ago
NTJ Mom sounds like a controlling jerk. Have your own holiday meals from now on. Don't go to Mom's place any more.
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20. AITJ For Nagging My Fiancé About My Car?

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“My (F35) fiance (M30) and I have been together for 10 years and moved to a new state almost 2 years now. I work from home and he does not. For about a year now his car has been dead in our garage.

He has a work car that he mostly used, however on occasion he’d use my car instead. I’ve been fine with this since I don’t need to work and haven’t been going out much anyway.

Recently his work car started having problems and for the last 4 months has been sitting in our driveway dead.

He has been using my car exclusively since then.

I have been nagging him recently to get either or both fixed and leave my car at home for me. I’d like to be able to run errands or go grab lunch on my lunch break.

In all honesty, I think I feel trapped at home since it feels like I’m actually stuck here.

Every time I bring it up he asks me why, I give him those reasons and he asks why I feel that way. I can’t explain it but I want my car here so if I want to do something, I can! I want the ability to go get food or groceries or whatever even if I don’t do it every day and it’s my car anyway!

He tells me he’s selling his car and his work car either needs to get repaired or replaced and I have to wait on his work but I know he can get them to move on it and he just isn’t.

Relevant info: he’s been paying for gas and maintenance on the car since he is using it most this past year since his car broke down. I still pay for the car note and insurance.

AITJ for nagging him about this? Am I the jerk for getting so steamed over it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

He has two cars that he just needs to deal with.

Instead of taking care of his own responsibilities, he’s mooching off of you. Come on.

You are the only one being truly inconvenienced, so I would ask him why he’s so cool with making things hard on you. That’s actually a big deal that is only shown through small things, just like this, and stuff like this is really important in relationships!” okayish_22

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Stop giving him reasons why you want your car back; that shifts the argument from ‘it’s my car and I am revoking your permission to use it’ to ‘Nah, your reasons for wanting it back aren’t good enough, I’m going to keep using it.’ Tell him you want your keys back and he needs to work out his transport options without using your car.

When he starts arguing and asking you to justify why you need it, I suggest saying something like ‘because it’s my car and you’ve been abusing my generosity for far too long. I’m fed up with you inconveniencing me because you can’t be bothered to get your car fixed.'” snootnoots

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

He has been taking the easy way out and will continue until it isn’t available to him. He is a competent adult and will figure it out once he doesn’t have your car as an option. It isn’t complicated – your car is your car, not his work car.

Also, he may be paying for gas and maintenance, but the wear and tear are significant. But most importantly, this is your car and your freedom. You are completely reasonable and have been WAY more accommodating than required.” Terrible_turtle_

3 points (3 votes)
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ankn 1 month ago
Stop being a doormat. It's YOUR car. The title is in your name, isn't it? Demand your keys back, and the exclusive use of YOUR car. He's a big boy, he can call a taxi or a ride app or get his car fixed to get to work. If he won't quit using your car as his work car, break up with him. Isolation and ignoring boundaries are signs of a controlling person. You shouldn't marry somebody who leaves you stranded.
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19. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To My Friend's Wedding Because My Husband Is Not Invited?

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“My friend ‘Anna’ is getting married for the second time (or maybe it’s the third now). We were good friends in college and I was at her first wedding. Since then, we’ve both moved a couple of times and kept in touch, but our relationship isn’t as strong as it had been.

Anna divorced her husband in 2019, fell in love again, and married her wife in 2020 in a private JP (Justice of the Peace) wedding ceremony with just them, the JP, and a stranger as a witness. Now that it’s safer to gather, Anna and her wife are planning to have another wedding (so the third one) to celebrate.

Our friends and I have been looking forward to this because Anna has been on a self-discovery journey and we’re really proud of the person she is after all the heartbreak.

Yesterday, Anna called me to tell me about her bridal shower and bachelorette weekend next month.

Then she casually commented that everyone is invited to the shower but not everyone is invited to the wedding. She explained that they are individually inviting people to the wedding–if Anna or her wife doesn’t have a personal relationship with someone, they are not invited to the wedding in December.

She didn’t specifically say that my husband is not invited but she doesn’t have a relationship with him, so I get the picture. Anna’s thought process is that she only wants people at the wedding who want to be there and if she doesn’t have a relationship with that person, they will feel obligated to attend the wedding as a plus-one to a person she actually wants there.

On one hand, I totally understand not wanting people at your wedding who you don’t know–but she knows my husband, she was at our wedding. He’s my permanent plus-one, he’s the person I chose to do life with, and I don’t want to go somewhere that he’s not wanted.

(That’s my choice, he doesn’t even know about this yet, so he hasn’t influenced this thought in any way.)

If I tell her that I’m not coming to the wedding, does that make me a jerk?

EDIT: I had followed up with a mutual friend and she said our husbands were not invited.

Enough people pointed out that I needed to follow up with Anna about it, so I called her. The conversation was quick; I asked her if my husband and I were on the guest list and she said I was but that he was not.

Her words were ‘Of course, you’re on the list! (Husband) is not though.’ I thanked her for clarifying and joked that I didn’t want to assume either way.

So my question really is, am I the jerk for not going to this wedding specifically because my husband is not invited?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, yet.

Anna and her wife are free to invite or not invite whomever they wish. You are also free to decline to attend their wedding without your spouse. Anna might become a jerk if she gives you trouble for declining, but it hasn’t come to that yet.” OmegaPsyker

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, You are a pair/a team.

If only half of the team can go, then you are not obligated to go. Weddings are an expensive lot of work, but no one is the jerk if they cannot go, IMO. You can always just send a gift?” SugarFries

Another User Comments:

“So your husband is not invited to the wedding, but he is welcome to bring a present to the shower. Also only inviting half of a couple is a classless move. I would bet this is more about doing things on the cheap than inviting people they have relationships with. NTJ for not going without your husband.” Sea-Path6713

2 points (2 votes)
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CmHart2008 1 month ago
Sounds like 2 good events to avoid. It is NOT OK to accept a shower gift & not extend a wedding invite. Decline the shower, send a small wedding gift, smaller than you would if both you & husband were attending but plan to skip both events. Your friends have the right to whoever they want at their wedding but I bet they would be happy to accept a gift from those who they are not inviting. If both events are a "girls only" event, that should have been stated.
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18. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Boss's Kids This Weekend?

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“So my (22F) sister is getting married this coming weekend and I will be gone Thursday-Sunday. I’ve had this known that I was going to be gone for 7 months… 7 MONTHS! I would even remind her every month or so just so I knew she knew.

I nanny two amazing kids who are 6 and 8. This is the first time I have ever asked to have some time off. My boss has always been like ‘Oh yeah sure! Sounds like a beautiful wedding.’ However, I got a text 2 hours ago saying she really needed me this weekend and she couldn’t find anyone else.

I was annoyed but I know how to act calm since ya know it’s my job to stay happy and calm. I texted her back a quick apology but said I really didn’t want to miss my sister’s wedding as she’s my only sibling.

Well, the boss woman went off the deep end and said that if I didn’t show up to watch her kids this weekend I won’t have a job come Monday. I replied with this exactly. ‘______ I’m so sorry that you are having a hard time looking for someone to cover, I can reach out to a few nanny friends I have and see if any of them would like to pick it up.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment for my sister and if it means I will lose my job then sadly I will have to accept that. I love this job and your kids and I hope we can work something out. I think it would devastate _____ and _____.

But you do what you need and I will accept that.’

She threw a few insults at me and said I’m abandoning her kids. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to get a new job because I work so well with these two kiddos.

My mom told me I was a jerk for so quickly accepting that I might get fired and told me that work just sucks sometimes and you have to suck it up. Mom says I should be an adult and just miss my sister’s wedding… I don’t know, should I? Am I really that big of a jerk for saying no?

Edit: Just to clarify my mom and I don’t have a good relationship.

I didn’t ask her for her advice. She was in the room with my sister and me as I was venting to my sister. I would have gone no contact at 18 if it wasn’t for my dad. Can we please stop talking about it now? I have a lot of trauma from her but that’s for another day.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Start looking for a new job now, and when they ask when you can start, list it for the day you’re done with the wedding festivities.

This woman must have a lot of backup options for childcare if she can so casually threaten your job like that and talk to you in that way. She must be used to getting her way to do such a 180 on you like that.

You can be the one to teach her this valuable lesson about valuing an employee nice enough to give extensive notice in advance when they won’t be able to be on the job.

After all, you gave her plenty of notice along with reminders, and the fact that she’s in the lurch now is because she didn’t respect you and your personal time enough to make plans for this time months ago.

While it’s true that you do sometimes have to suck it up as an adult, that time is not when you’ve given your employer more than half a year’s notice that you’ll need this specific time off.

It’s very much being an adult to prioritize your sister’s wedding over a job that doesn’t value you enough to respect that you had arranged this time off months ago.” jammy913

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s not just about missing your sister’s wedding.

It’s about setting boundaries now for how your boss is allowed to treat you in the future. If you give in, she will keep making unreasonable requests whenever it suits her and ignoring your needs for as long as you work for her.

You asked for time off with plenty of advance notice, and she agreed. If she won’t honor that, get out of there. No one deserves to be insulted and threatened for holding such a reasonable boundary. There are lots of amazing kids out there for you to work with; I feel sorry for hers but it’s not a good enough reason to sacrifice your quality of life in a toxic work environment.” human61850

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You requested this time off for 7 months and you have a right to a vacation.

Mom knew this and if she can’t find a sitter; then she needs to cancel her plans. You can keep those texts and any records you have asking for vacation and her approval in case you ever need to defend yourself in the future.

That all said, you need to decide what is best for you and your work. If you absolutely do not want to quit this job, then talk to your sister and see what she thinks. If she is fine with you missing then go ahead and do the job.

But just remember that if you give in to this woman now, you will constantly be giving into her because she doesn’t respect your time and personal life.

It’s easy to say there are other jobs out there so I am not going to say that. People have to make sacrifices for their jobs all the time. But everyone has to decide for themselves. but you are definitely NOT the jerk in this situation.” Sweet_Charming82

2 points (2 votes)
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GammaG 1 month ago
You called her bluff. She thought you'd drop everything and show up.

Either she learns you have boundaries and respects them or she has to find someone else.
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17. AITJ For Reporting That My Neighbor Has A Dog In A No-Pet Apartment?

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“I (28f) found the perfect apartment for me and have been living here for five years. I chose the spot in particular because it checked off all my boxes. It’s in a great neighborhood, very safe, affordable, has lots of character, and natural light, but most importantly, the building is no pets allowed which is perfect because I have asthma and am very allergic to cats and dogs.

I also work from home and am a light sleeper so I spend a lot of time inside and need quiet.

No pet rentals are rare in my city and I was very lucky to find this place. I overpay the avg square footage just to avoid noise and pets.

I renewed my lease in January for my fifth year here, But in February a neighbor (27f) moved in across from me and brought their pet dog, a beagle-hound mix. This normally would not be a problem as another neighbor of ours (32m) has a Chihuahua but the Chihuahua is mute and the neighbor keeps him well groomed and cleans up after him so my asthma is rarely triggered.

Instead of confronting the Chihuahua owner I went and saw my primary care physician and my allergist out of my own pocket and was prescribed allergy meds and an inhaler to help. The problem is the Beagle is very very noisy and sheds far worse.

The beagle apparently has separation anxiety so he barks very loudly day and night. I work from home so I am forced to listen to him bark and whine all day long and at night. I’m using my meds far more often but the constant sneezing does cause pain.

It’s disturbing my work and my sleep but I don’t want to get the beagle owner in any trouble as they could be evicted or forced to remove their beloved pet. I do not know them but I do know finding a place to live is very hard, especially in these times when rent is through the roof in our city and housing is scarce.

I need my sleep and work-life balance back. AITJ for reporting my beagle-owning neighbor to the leasing office?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – If this a non-pet apartment complex then how does that poor animal ever get out to relieve themselves? If they have to stay cooped up inside for fear of being ‘caught by the leasing department’, then how does this poor animal get any exercise?

You are doing that dog a favor by notifying the office, the animal is basically being mistreated for the owner’s selfish reasons.

No pets means no pets. This is for your well-being, you have the right to be selfish. Plus, can you imagine how bad that apartment has to smell since the dog can’t go potty outside? There isn’t enough deodorizer in this world to mask the smell of dog poo or pee.

ETA: If you want to be nice then I would confront the owner about the noise and your allergy while reminding her pets aren’t allowed. Notify her that if the day and night barking doesn’t stop and she doesn’t groom/clean better, you will notify the office.

That way whatever happens from that day on was her responsibility and she has no one to blame but herself. If nothing changes, report her because she obviously doesn’t care about your health so why should you care if she has to get rid of her dog? Don’t feel sorry for someone who doesn’t feel sorry for you!” Puzzleheaded-You7578

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You moved to this building deliberately to avoid animals.

If someone is circumventing the rules and having a pet, they need to be reported.

They are the ones who decided to bring a dog to a pet-free building, and not one well trained, so it is on them if they get evicted/have to give up the pet.” DiegoIntrepid

Another User Comments:

“I find it so crazy that pet-free apartments cost more in your area.

It’s the REVERSE where I live. You have to pay pet deposits upfront AND monthly pet rents (per pet) in a lot of places. They’re also harder to find than pet-free apartments. But I digress.

Here though, NTJ, no pets means no pets. They shouldn’t have snuck their animal if they couldn’t keep it on the down low.

(And this is coming from someone who has 2 pets and previously lived in a no-pet apartment complex.)” H-Banana

2 points (2 votes)
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kipa 1 month ago
I have never heard of whole apartment buildings being pet-free. It would indeed be a rare thing - here in Australia specific apartments might be, but I have never heard of a whole building. But basically NTJ if that is the policy of the building, although you do need to consider that if you start bringing attention to this, the neighbour with the chihuahua may well be discovered and kicked out.
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16. AITJ For Not Minding That My Ex's Family Is Closer To My Daughter Than My Own?

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“I have an 11-year-old daughter. In the summers she spends a lot of time with my ex’s family. Her grandfather on that side is retired and her grandma works for a school so has summers off. They really like that she comes over while her dad and I are working.

They’ll play games and watch movies with her, go to parks, museums, et… Most importantly she gets quality time with her grandparents.

My daughter goes out with her aunt and uncle (ex’s brother and SIL) for a week and hangs out with her cousins.

They live about an hour away on a lake. So she plays outside a lot, goes swimming and boating, etc. They enjoy having her and she really likes going.

Then her dad has his custody days with her and also takes her camping a few times every summer.

Well, last year my family came to me and said that it’s not fair that she spends all this time with her dad’s side of the family but not with them. And no wonder she’s closer to his side. Admittedly she is and they’ve probably noticed at her birthday parties or different events.

So we set up some days to go by them. My parents are older, so I wasn’t going to stick them with an energetic 10-year-old.

My sister Jane wanted her to come over. So one day I dropped her off before work.

When I picked her up my daughter said that Jane just kept making her do art projects with her all day, and said she was selling what my daughter made. My sister has an Etsy account. When I confronted Jane she said ‘well I was trying to get her to do something besides run around kicking a ball, there’s more to life than sports.’ Then I asked if she was selling what my daughter made.

She said, ‘I taught her how to do it what’s the big deal if I sell it?’

My brother said he wanted her to come over, then he made her do yard work with him all day. He said, ‘he was teaching her to be helpful and earn her keep’.

She went by my other sister Claire to hang out and spend time with her aunt. When I got there to pick her up after work, Claire’s friend was over and Claire said my daughter was hanging out with her friend’s kids (that were 2 and 5).

She said ‘she was making friends’. But what 10-year-old is friends with kids that much younger? She clearly had my daughter come over to occupy the kids so she could hang out with her friend.

So on Easter, they brought up summer break and said they should get to spend days with my daughter again.

I said no. My sister said, ‘why not? Her dad’s family gets tons of time with her so it’s only fair we do too’. I said, ‘no you just want her for free labor, it’s her summer break she should get to have fun, she’s a kid’.

Jane said that my daughter should just be happy spending time with her aunt and uncle and it doesn’t matter what they do with her. That I’m a jerk for not having my daughter spend equal time with each family.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your family is behaving awfully, and you’re right to keep your daughter safe from their influence.

They are using her for free labor, as you rightly surmised, and that is NOT right. She is a child and needs to have time to play and enjoy herself, and they are imposing responsibilities on her that are not hers at all.

Good job, mama!” ShameOstrich

Another User Comments:

“So, you’ve listened to your daughter when she’s told you about her experiences and you’re displaying understanding and empathy towards your daughter’s experiences, ensuring you make choices as her parent that results in her having more of the positive experiences she’s told you about instead of repeating the negative ones.

In doing so you have annoyed people who are not your daughter, and therefore not people whose thoughts/feelings/opinions should be coming before your duty as a parent to your child.

NTJ.” petulafaerie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You’re completely right in not having her spend unsupervised time with them.

As you said, they clearly use her for their personal gain whilst your ex’s family actually lets her do stuff she enjoys. Listen to your little girl, and only let her sleep over during summer when she asks for it. She is a little kid, she should be able to enjoy her time just playing around.

Also, if I was in your position, I would ask my sister to put every cent she made off of my daughter’s art in a bank account under my daughter’s name. She made it, and if anyone is profiting off of her art it should be her.” keepcalmandfreud

2 points (2 votes)
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ankn 1 month ago
I'd check your sister's page on Etsy to see if your daughter's art actually sold, and if it did, ask your sister for 50% of the interesting. Sister provided materials, instruction and a place to make the art, but your daughter provided the labor, so half seems fair. I'd also ask your daughter if she wants to do more art to try to earn some spending interesting for herself. Ten is young, but talent can show up early. If she wants to try, set up an Etsy account in your name, get your daughter the minimum of art materials, and figure out a workspace.
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15. WIBTJ If I Tell A Guy To Stop Bothering Me?

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“I’m a 16f in the tenth grade. Recently I fell down the stairs and had a foot injury so I’ve been taking the elevator. About three days ago this guy wanted to take the elevator with me, which I was okay with.

Keep in mind that I have NEVER seen this guy before (I don’t even know what grade he’s in.) Then out of nowhere, he just casually asked for a picture(????!) I don’t like having my picture taken, especially if the person who is taking the picture is a complete stranger, so I told him no.

And then…

Him: But why tho???

Me, internally: UHM BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW YOU????

Me IRL: Because I don’t want to.

Then all of a sudden he raises the camera to my face! Luckily the elevator opened so I quickly got out of there. The next day, the elevator was broken (yay) and while going to the stairs next to it, I saw these two boys trying to use it.

I informed them that it was broken, while not realizing that one of them was the guy BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HIM!!! He asked for a picture again and I quickly walked away.

The day after that, this guy managed to track down where I sat at lunch, gathered two of his friends, AND TRIED TO INTRODUCE THEM TO ME (I DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS DUDE’S NAME!!!!) Naturally, I was confused and creeped out, and I asked him, not even joking, why he was harassing me.

His friends pulled him away after that. And now, just earlier today, I met him at the elevator again.

Him: Hey!

Me: (ignoring)

Him: Yo!

Me, internally again: Dude, leave me alone.

Him: Friend? Friend?

FRIEND????! I DON’T KNOW YOU OR LIKE YOU. THE AUDACITY!!!?? Now I’m writing this in my 6th hour still shocked by the nerve of this man.

But I’m writing this because (me being me) I thought of some bad situations to justify the gall of this guy. Like what if he likes me but he has no social skills? How do I let him know I am in a relationship? Will I be the jerk if I make it perfectly clear that I don’t want to take a picture for him?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but since this is happening in school you should go to a counselor or administrator and tell them that he is harassing you after repeatedly being asked not to and explain the story.

I would be concerned about being alone with him. This is rude and creepy.” unionmom4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: Can’t stress enough that you’re not at fault here, this dude needs a talking to but I don’t think you’re the right one to do it.

I think at this time you should get someone else involved like the school vice principal or guidance counselor because to me this is bordering on harassment. If you knew a mutual friend I’d suggest him/her but going to assume since you don’t know him that is out of the question, not going to suggest your partner because that is just a bad idea waiting to blow things up into a worse mess.” Flinx98

Another User Comments:

“This is like the least jerk-ish thing today.

You need to be firm with him and let him know you have zero intention of interacting with him or his friends. I’m siding with other people who are telling you to notify a teacher or a counselor. You won’t be in the wrong for saving yourself from a weirdo like him.” longlostx10

2 points (2 votes)
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CmHart2008 1 month ago
Had he just initiated conversation, it could be considered being friendly but once he started badgering you about a photo it became stalking. Report this at school. This could be harmless but he could also be a serious creep. Stay on the side of safety.
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14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Continue College?

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“There’s been a lot of tension lately between my mother, my stepdad, and me. So far I have completed two entire semesters in community college even though I had no idea what I actually wanted to do with my life. My mother rushed me (18f) to immediately join college as soon as I graduated.

Our agreement was that I did not have to pay rent as long as I am attending school, my mother however has not paid any of my tuition and it is on me besides any grants I’m able to have. However recently I have had my eureka moment and decided I would like to go to school to be a nail tech which would require me to take out a very large loan (20,000$).

My mother demands I reenroll in another semester of college. I pay for myself (about 600$) until I am fully enrolled and attend a class in beauty school.

Today before my school tour, a fight broke out with my stepdad about needing to immediately pick a school or that if I’m not in school I should be paying him my school tuition fees for my cost of living.

This is not the first time he’s insisted that I should be paying 900+$ in rent ‘to be taken seriously as an adult’. I barely make 1,000 dollars a month as a full-time student with a part-time job and my room is in an unfinished basement.

I honestly think he’s just trying to get rid of me. Seeing as I will be the sole person held responsible for this loan and my school tuition, AITJ for not wanting to pay for a semester I know I won’t finish?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you should move out.

This isn’t healthy. If you don’t want to enroll in school for something you’re not interested in, then don’t. It’s a waste of time and money.

Maybe find a roommate and see if you can get a cheap apartment? And/or work full time and save for a while.

I spent a lot of time in school studying things I thought I was interested in. It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s that I realized what I wanted to do. I hate that I have student loan debt for degrees that helped me get into the door but have nothing to do with my career.

The bottom line is don’t let people pressure you into going to school.

Again, I think you should move out of this situation. $1000 a month isn’t a lot but it’s not impossible to find a place to live if you split with roommates.” crudsandwich

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I understand the push for college, my parents did the same thing. It’s an old-school way of thinking. Many people don’t know what they want to do at 18 and that’s ok. However, there is nothing wrong with learning a trade or another skill that you can go into.

$20k isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things (as far as school goes). Don’t waste funds going to college if you don’t want to. Do what you love and if nails are what you want to do, do it! Life is too short.

Best of luck to you!” Proud_Internet_Troll

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You should be able to do what you want, especially work-wise. Your mother is a jerk, though. Parents who think that right after 18 their children should be able to provide for themselves are not taking the consequences of their own actions and are just unrealistic. I don’t think there is much you can do, except for becoming more independent from your mother.” sadsatan1

1 points (1 votes)
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CmHart2008 1 month ago
Not every person is a good candidate for college. Finding a trade that will earn you your living throughout life is just as important as college. You need to find a job & perhaps rent a room with a friend or someone who is renting out a room in their home until you can save for trade school. It is clear that your current home environment is not a supportive one. The demand for $900 per month from you is outrageous. Check with the trade school & determine if there are grants for which you would be eligible. Don't look to your parents for support or guidance. They mean well but seem to want to bully you.
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13. AITJ For Not Going To My Sister's Bachelorette Party And Wedding?

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“My sister and I have always had a very on-and-off relationship just because we’re very different from each other so I’ve never had that sisterly love. In all honesty, she loves to talk bad about everything about me and how I’m unemployed, how I’m only ever with my partner.

Which he and I live together and he loves me not working (his idea).

So getting to the point I’m very awkward and I have extreme social anxiety. My sister decided to have her bachelorette party at a club so I did not feel comfortable going so I declined and said I can take you to brunch instead just me and you and she went off on me that I did not help her with anything regarding her wedding.

Keep in mind even though we’re not close I have done everything to make her feel better and that still is not enough for her. So in her rant of being mad, she said some horrible things about my partner, who she’s never met because of the way she disrespects him.

They haven’t met because I will not put my significant other in a position to go somewhere where he’s not appreciated and going to be frowned upon.

After some very disrespectful text messages, I simply told her I will not be attending the wedding until she apologizes.

I understand it’s her wedding but if I’m not comfortable with something why should I have to go party with people and spend my hard-earned money on partying? Yeah, she’s only yelling and getting mad at me for not going but so many other bridesmaids have not even made an attempt to do half of what I’ve done for her so am in the wrong for not going to the bachelorette party/now not attending the wedding.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your sister is being pretty mean to you and should have considered that a club might not appeal to everyone she wanted to invite along.

Nobody should have to go party at a club if that’s not what they want to do. Not even for your sister’s bachelorette party.

In your shoes, I wouldn’t want her to meet my partner either.” jammy913

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, it’s not about you here.

If it’s financially doable it’s the nice thing to do. I hate clubs, but I will force myself to be there if it’s important. It’s not a random night out, it’s a Bachelorette Party, which some people think is a very important part of a wedding.

(in my opinion, they are stupid and I hate them). She should stop being pushy though, and just accept the disappointment that her sister isn’t there. Most family relationships aren’t perfect, maybe she was hoping this would bring you closer together.” SugarFries

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But I am a little concerned because of the guy, his not wanting you working/leaving the house to socialize on a kinda regular basis is doing you more harm in the long run than good.

He could do all this with good intentions but also to get full control over you and your life.

The problem with social anxiety is the more you avoid being social the worse it gets. Not wanting to leave the house could spiral into not being able to leave the house.

Being social is a little like a muscle, you have to work it to not lose it completely.

Your partner encouraging you to completely socially isolate yourself is alarming. Because that could create massive dependency. You seem to be already financially dependent on him but when your fears escalate you could be completely dependent on him for anything (getting food, everything that happens outside of your home, or needing interaction with other people).

You don’t need to be super social just to do simple things like shopping for groceries, taking the trash out, and a 10-minute walk outside. Maybe meeting with like-minded people for a hobby once a month. Going alone to a cafe for a cup of tea, coffee or so.

(Always possible to lower or increase the difficulty depending on the severity of your anxiety – but you should push your boundaries just a little to get more comfortable with these situations.)

If you are comfortable with most of these situations and have no problem in everyday life just ignore my comment.” Mischungu

1 points (3 votes)
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CmHart2008 1 month ago
YTJ. Your SO is keeping you closeted and that is a serious red flag. Sounds like he is controlling & cutting you off from others. If anything, he should be encouraging you to get out more, get a job so you feel independent, develop some hobbies, meet people that you can share with him and with whom you can develop some social skills. Instead, he is keeping you from overcoming your social weakness.
That said, while your sister is not your soul mate, it is appropriate for you to gather your resources & attend the club. You are not a child. Responsible adults sometimes have to do things they'd rather avoid!
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12. AITJ For Dyeing My Kids' Hair?

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“My ex agreed to have our kids’ (6&9) hair dyed their favorite colors for the summer. Summer is long gone and I’ve continued to dye their hair their favorite colors because it’s harmless and they really like it. Just recently it was brought up again that they (ex and his fiance) don’t want the boy’s hair colored anymore.

They gave a few personal reasons as to why, but they’re not overly valid. 1 was that their aunt (whose hair is fire truck red) didn’t want them to play and bathe in her trailer and discolor the trailer, I understand not wanting your things to be even slightly discolored, but there are ways to avoid that.

The 2nd reason was that our 6yo freaks out about baths and yes he has in the past, my solution was to give him a cloth to cover his eyes because his fear was of water and soap getting in his eyes.

I mentioned that and the solution, only to be told that he says he doesn’t want to wash out the purple. I’ve never had him mention that to me in the past and my son will use any excuse he can come up with to avoid doing something he doesn’t want to do.

He’s being diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder and possibly ADHD. There are loads of reasons he wouldn’t want to wash his hair, but since finding the solution bath/shower time has been super easy, so I can’t say with confidence that it’s because he doesn’t want to lose his purple hair.

For the record, my ex sees them every second weekend and occasionally a bit more depending on holidays. I personally believe there are many benefits to allowing my kids to color their hair. Even though my beliefs are clearly different than their fathers I am trying to make a pros and cons list to it all because I think my kids should see both sides.

I know I am the jerk for continuing to dye their hair after summer and I fully accept that, but in my defense, I was doing what made my kids happy. Their schools have no dress codes in regard to hair and I take proper precautions when doing their hair.

So AITJ?

Update: Two pediatricians have said it is in our child’s best interest to keep his hair purple. I’m actually unable to properly co-parent with my ex as his fiance does not like us talking to each other. I told his fiance that we need to stop bringing up his hair because it just brings more attention to the topic.

I’ve told her that maybe if we don’t mention it he won’t notice it leaving. That being said if he does notice and really pokes and prods for his hair to be purple again I as his mom have to make the consequences of that clear and do as he would like because truthfully dyeing his hair is not harming him.

I accept that I am the jerk for breaking my promise, with that being said I was doing what was in the best interest of my child.”

Another User Comments:

“You’re very much the jerk here.

Not only did you break the agreement, which is BAD ENOUGH in the list of ‘pros and cons,’ you’re requesting everyone in the comments to justify what you did, but you’re disrespecting your ex by sitting there saying that their reasoning isn’t valid.

That’s being hypocritical. What makes your reasoning so much more important and special that theirs doesn’t matter? How do you know your reasons for ignoring their wishes and AGREEMENT aren’t completely invalid? Do you see the hypocrisy you’re setting here?

You don’t need a list of nonsense.

You made an agreement, and you broke it. You are now trying to justify breaking it and getting people in the comments to give you reasons. That’s a trashy thing to do. You need to honor the agreement you made with your COPARENTING EX and stop dyeing their hair.

You are completely stepping all over their rights as a parent because you think your opinion is more important. You don’t get to do that.

If you agree to the terms, you need to follow the terms. It’s that simple. If not, then you’re genuinely not co-parenting and you’re acting very badly.

YTJ. Know better.” AquaticStoner1996

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Children should be allowed to have ownership of their appearance to a reasonable degree, and I’d say that semi-permanent hair dye is a pretty reasonable way to do that. I’ve seen more and more kids around with dyed hair, and it makes me happy to see that parents are letting them express themselves.

If you really want to try to compromise, you could just do a colored streak in their hair. But ultimately I think you’re fine. I had my hair done without my dad’s permission all the time, partly because he wasn’t around when we had the appointment.

And I’m glad I did because otherwise I never would have gotten my hair done in ways that made me feel good about myself and my appearance.” worm_dad

Another User Comments:

“A lot of the dyes used for coloring hair are not recommended for use under the age of 16, just an FYI, you could actually be doing permanent damage to your children’s scalp and hair depending on what you are using.

I would greatly consider that you look into that.

As far as the actual issue here between you and your ex, YTJ because you didn’t stop at the end of summer, which was the agreement between the two parents. The agreement about it being only for the summer should have been known to the kids and when the summer ended and it had to go and they complained, well, that’s when you be a parent, not their friend.” supermarino

1 points (1 votes)
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Kneidsid 1 month ago
Ok. I'm going to say ESH.
Maybe I'm misreading, but what I got from this: You had a rough break-up. Your baby daddy only sees the two boys a couple times a month. You can't talk directly to him without his new chick getting involved and causing issues (or can't talk to him at all). You seem to have a little trouble organizing your thoughts. They have personal issues with children having dyed hair that has nothing to do with what is best for the kids. And somehow convinced you that their permission is needed.
You tried out the hair dye. It unexpectedly caused no issues. And you changed your mind and let the kids keep it. And now the interfering non-parents are punishing you for not doing what they say? Plus your neurodivergent youngest son likes the hair dye so much that doctors are clearly concerned he'll be upset to the point of regression if you take away this little bit of autonomy. But you're considering doing it anyway because you are a doormat.
As long as the dye is safe for kids, stick up for your family and tell those meddling control freaks to take a flying leap.
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11. AITJ For Going Into My Roommate's Room?

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“Just got a new roommate and she felt like I broke her trust and privacy when I went into her room to vacuum it before she moved everything in. Well, she had some stuff already in and said I shouldn’t have gone in.

Which I guess I get, but I thought she was overly offended. I was cleaning her room before she moved in.

Anyway fast forward and she leaves to go camping that was sounding a little sketchy so I followed up a few hours after she left and she didn’t respond.

I saw her light was left on and I just decided to leave it on for the night. Woke up the next day and she still hasn’t responded. Text again and nothing until later that night. I gave in and assumed she wasn’t gonna be back for a while (also was assuming she just got kidnapped) so after like 30hrs of the light being on I assumed she wouldn’t even notice if I just go in and flick it off.

Anyway, she came home that night and saw her doorway cracked open and asked if I had gone in. I lied and said no, my cat went in there and dragged a toy out and nudged the door open a little further than it was when she left.

Anyway, a day passes and I’m feeling guilty I lied. So I texted her and explained all this and admitted to going in to turn off her light. Didn’t get a response. Then, here’s the kicker, I come home and her light is on and the door is cracked just like last time.

(Mind you she’s NEVER home and I had just seen her dressed up earlier like she was gonna go out) so I thought she left the light on again and said out loud ‘why did you leave the light on again dude?’ With a big sigh.

Guess I should’ve thought it through because she was absolutely home and shouted from her room ‘because I’m home!’ All I said was oh sorry and just gave up. Now it’s been a day and all I want to do is not have an awkward next year of my life in my own home.

I can’t help but feel like I’m the one that should be offended here. She’s treating me like I sifted through all her stuff and in my opinion, is overreacting.

So am I the jerk for not wanting to have to pay a bigger electric bill for her mistake? (It should be said it’s not the first time she left a light on.)”

Another User Comments:

“I’m honestly going to say YTJ.

If she made it clear to you that she didn’t want you in her room, and you blatantly went in anyway, YTJ.

You could have spoken to her about the light being on if you were concerned with the phone bill. From her point of view, you keep going into her room after she told you not to, and then literally lied to her about it.

So now she sees you as a sneak and a liar. Since you admitted it. How could you be the offended one here? You’re invading her privacy and then lying.

If your concern is the power bill, tell her when you see her not to leave the light on or she’ll be contributing extra to the bill.

If someone tells you not to go in their room, don’t go in their room and lie about it, and then get offended when they are validly annoyed with you.

I wouldn’t want to live with this, it’s childish. The light thing is one thing but lying about it and blatantly ignoring her wishes on more than one occasion makes you the jerk.” AquaticStoner1996

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

She because reasonable roommates have reasonable exceptions to the ‘not in my room’ rule.

Vacuuming before she moves in is doing her a favor.

And if she leaves the light on for days when she’s away it wastes electricity and raises utility bills for everyone.

You for the sneaking and lies. If she hasn’t responded to texts about her light being on for over a day, and it’s still on, you text ‘I’ve been reaching out to you for 24 hours because your light is on, and have had no response.

I’m going to open the door to make sure you’re not hurt/ill/etc. in there, and turn off the light. Nothing else.’ Then immediately go do that – she’s already had time to respond to your previous messages.

She very well could have been hurt and unable to call out or respond.

24 hours of no contact, with no previous communication that she’d be away, and you have to make a minimal effort to ensure nothing is seriously wrong.” Jazzlike_Humor3340

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

She set an easy boundary: Don’t go into her room. That’s her private space.

She’s paying for it so she gets to decide what can and cannot happen with it.

So she left her light on. Just leave it on and when she gets back let her know she left it on and ask her to please remember to turn it off next time.

It’s literally this simple. Just don’t go into her room. She has every right to be angry that you violated a boundary she set.” Ranos131

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I think you both should have come up with better house rules before living together.

She sucks a little for originally assuming you were snooping when you were just vacuuming but it sounds like she has some trust issues. You suck for not respecting what she asked even if it seemed silly to you. If you were worried about a higher bill I think it would have been better to wait until she was back to talk to her (because if you seriously thought she was kidnapped then you should have called the cops… but I think you were joking about that?) instead of doing the thing she specifically asked you not to do.” KeeSnickCollStew

1 points (1 votes)
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kipa 1 month ago
Ytj. You can claim this is about electricity, but you know how much electricity a lightbulb will use? Maybe 20c per 24 hours (if it is an old fashioned incandescent bulb). If it is an LED bulb it will be costing about $8 PER YEAR if it is on 24 hours a day. Keep out of your roommate's room.
2 Reply

10. AITJ For Resigning During Busy Season?

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“I (27F) just finished grad school, but during my last semester my funding had run out and my advisor wasn’t able to pay me anymore. The department offered me a job in the main office as one of two administrators, which I took because I really didn’t have a choice if I wanted to keep paying my bills.

I’m a field biologist and working at a desk for $14 an hour isn’t exactly my idea of a dream job, but I was grateful for the money and have now worked this job for about four months. The extent of my duties so far have been ‘print stuff a couple of times per day when people ask’, but the next month or two is shaping up to be nuts because the other main requirement of the job is to collect and file recommendations letters for med school applicants and those usually come in a deluge mid-May.

I got an offer for a dream job last Friday and put in my two weeks’ notice today, meaning that I’ll be leaving just as the deluge begins. All the other department administrators are now mad at me for ‘leaving my coworker in the lurch to do two people’s work’, especially since my position was empty for months before I started because they don’t pay enough to attract many applicants.

They’ve made it clear that they expected me to stay through at least the busy season.

So AITJ for quitting right before busy season when it’s unlikely they’ll be able to fill my position in time?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You gave them two weeks’ notice.

If the work can’t get done because the employer doesn’t pay enough to attract applicants, that is their problem, not yours. Too often we let ourselves get bullied into doing something against our own interests. Don’t let them do that to you.

‘I wish I could stay longer, but this is a dream job for me and two weeks’ notice was as long as I could give.'” Aylauria

Another User Comments:

“I feel for your colleague, I really do – I’ve been in their position before and it sucks.

It’s not abnormal for your former job to be upset just because it’s always hard when a capable worker quits and leaves a gap that needs filling.

In saying that, 100% NTJ. You do you, and if your dream job called, don’t ignore it for some form of misplaced obligation.

They’ll be unhappy for a bit, but they’ll get over it and find someone to replace you (and if they don’t that’s extremely unfortunate, but not something you should plan your future around), but if you ignore this new job you might not get another call anytime soon for something in your field that you want to do.” BetterSavings6

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and if you are in an ‘at will’ state, ask yourself if they’d give you the courtesy of two weeks’ notice if they were going to let you go.

(Not even just fire you for negligence at work or frequent tardiness or any other fireable offense, but simply let you go).

We’re trained to think we owe jobs and employers loyalty. No more of that mentality. If you’ve found your dream job and it pays you what you’re worth (or you find something worthwhile about it that offsets the lack in pay) then go for it. YOLO.

And if your soon-to-be ex-employers wanted the position to be filled, they’d find it in their budget to pay their administrative staff accordingly.” allthingsconsidered5

1 points (1 votes)
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ankn 1 month ago
You'd be a fool to pass up your dream job.
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9. AITJ For Making The Worker Wait For Me?

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“I’m getting new security cameras installed. The company gave a window of between 8-10 AM. At 9:45, the installer calls and says he’s on the way and will be at my place in 10 minutes. I wait until 11:30 before I figure he’s not going to show up so I head out to get lunch before calling the company to reschedule.

I’m standing in line to order my food when the installer calls and asks me where I am. I tell him I went out and that I’ll be back home in 10 minutes. It’s going to be longer than that since I’m sitting in a Mexican joint eating my lunch while I’m writing this up.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for telling him you would be home in 10 min, and then sitting and eating your lunch.

You should have been honest about how long it would take for you to get home, or just asked to reschedule for another time because he missed the window.

He’s obviously already running late and now you’re making him wait around and be even later for the next customer. The guy’s just trying to do his job, don’t be a jerk.” human61850

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I don’t blame you for making him wait.

You were waiting at the time given and yet he decides to show up, not only an hour after the latest time you were given, but then thinks that you were not busy with your own plans and that you had to be there all day for him.

I understand if he is running behind and communicates with you earlier that he may be late and gives you a window of when he thinks he’ll be there, but to do nothing of that, tell you at the last 15 minutes he would be there in a few and still take more than an hour to show up? Yeah, he can wait, or better yet, call the company and tell them that you waited, he never showed and you would like to reschedule with another technician for the job.

You don’t want to trust your security to someone like that.” Ambitious_Moose_7078

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Having been on the other side of this the biggest reason these techs are late is bc they were overbooked or one of the previous jobs wasn’t as easy as it was supposed to be.

I would have said not the jerk if you’d actually gone back like you said you were going to but instead now the tech is having to wait even longer. Most techs at the company I worked for were paid by the commission which was a flat rate per installation regardless of how long it took.

So now you’re not only making him wait and the next customer wait, you’re potentially making him lose money as well. All because you were hangry and wanted to be a jerk.” NoLaw9

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – Unfortunately when you make plans with these companies, you kinda need to take the whole day off, reasons:

  • They overbook techs
  • Customers’ jobs aren’t as straightforward as they should be
  • The tech is just lazy

You either had the 1st or 2nd timeslot of the day (if there’s a 7-9 am slot), so if the 1st slot, I am betting on the last one.

The reason I am giving you an ‘everyone sucks here’ is that by making him wait, the next person like you has to wait too. I’d wonder if the person before you did similar, just to stick it to the tech and company, but as I said, you had the 1st time slot. You aren’t screwing him, you are screwing yourself because what goes around comes around, and if you are doing it, think of how many others are as well.” elvaholt

0 points (0 votes)
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8. AITJ For Not Revealing Where I Get My Clothes?

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“So I work a retail job with basically no dress code. I really like working there and I like the people I work with, however, I’m having a conflict with one of my coworkers. I want to preface this by saying I have a kind of unique way of dressing and my outfits tend to draw a lot of attention.

People ask me where I get certain pieces all the time and I have no problem telling them, however, a lot of my pieces are thrift or second-hand. I honestly spend way too much of my time looking for clothes. I’m good at remembering where I got stuff if it’s retail but I don’t take the time to remember all the random brands if I thrifted it or something.

Recently a coworker of mine has been asking where I get my stuff every time I work with her and showing up with that same item a week or two later, which I honestly don’t mind, I think it’s cool that I’m influencing another person’s style.

However, when she asks about something and it’s thrifted or from Depop or something she gets really mad and ignores me for the whole shift.

Recently I’ve noticed that she has been copying everything about me, from my slang to my hair to my everyday jewelry.

So I’ve been telling her my stuff is thrifted or don’t remember where I got things from because it’s kinda freaking me out. However, I overheard her trash-talking me to a few of my coworkers saying I’m a pretentious gatekeeper and I think I’m better than everybody, etc.

I honestly don’t know what to do.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – ‘oh, are we beating that dead horse again? Surely there are more interesting things to talk about than copying my style… oh there’s Susan, I need to talk to her about next week’s schedule, excuse me…’

If she’s copying you, believe me, other people have probably noticed too, and know she’s a creepy weirdo.

Just try to avoid her as much as you can and don’t worry so much about her trash-talking, because it says more about her than it does about you.

If people say anything, just say you find it weird she always has your name in her mouth, and creepy that she’s obsessed with trying to copy your lingo and style, and leave it at that…

just change the subject.” SuperSassyPantz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you’re not wrong, it’s cool to influence people but when they start copying every little thing; that’s when it gets creepy. And then for her to get mad at you for not remembering what brands because you thrifted it? That doesn’t make any sense and you told her where you got it from before, she could easily use those same brands.

She’s being a baby.” RezeTheGreat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have to get a ride to go to church, and last Sunday the woman who picked me up complimented my skirt. I said thanks and that it took me about 20 minutes to make.

She was really surprised that I know how to make clothes. You go to thrift stores because sometimes the coolest stuff is there and it’s like a treasure hunt for you. Your coworker is probably ticked because she wants to go to non-thrift stores for clothes and your other coworker is siding with her because maybe they both think that thrifting is a sign of a lower social economic class to be considered even with people on welfare and food stamps. Just my $.02.” felismater68

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7. AITJ For Starting A Fight?

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“My partner (25) and I (F21) woke up early to go to the gym and he told me I was acting weird when we went to bed last night. I didn’t think I did anything weird so I asked. He said it seemed like I wanted to say/ask something but I said no I didn’t.

He said he asked if I was ok right after but I don’t remember this, I may have been more focused on him saying I was being weird and didn’t hear it. He left to make breakfast and came back to drive to the gym together, and when I got in the car I told him I didn’t really appreciate how he told me I was being weird and that he could’ve just said it sounded like I wanted to talk.

I thought it would be quick and simple. He told me he didn’t mean to call me weird but that I was acting that way, and that he wanted to make sure I was ok. I told him he should’ve asked if I was ok then instead of saying I was acting weird, which, in my opinion, feels worse but he said it’s the same.

He said if I didn’t stop he would take me home and that I’m ruining his morning.

We argued until he was ‘yelling’ at me, he said he was just raising his voice but it didn’t feel that way. And swearing at me multiple times, and telling me the way I act about these situations is disgusting.

He shook his head and was more frustrated when I started crying. He told me I was doing this on purpose and that I wanted to fight. We ignored each other at the gym and I ended up crying again on the way home while he ignored me.

He told me multiple times that he doesn’t feel bad about what he said, refuses to apologize because he didn’t do anything wrong, and is still mad because it’s been going on for a couple of hours. He originally asked what I wanted and I said he could at the very least rephrase what he said so he was no longer saying I was acting weird.

He said standing his ground and being correct were more important than my feelings on something I’m wrong about.

He raised his voice and called me fragile and sensitive and said that I don’t ever listen to him. I did end up apologizing even though I thought I wasn’t wrong for expressing how I felt about what he said, and I told him he wasn’t wrong.

He didn’t accept my apology and wanted me to get opinions from other people. He wants me to know from other people that I’m overreacting and wrong. I probably am for starting that conversation/fight and overreacting, and want to hear it if I am wrong.

I want to fix things between us. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I think you were a bit oversensitive with the insisting, but then, I think ‘weird’ is fun.

Your partner was way worse. He could have just said he’d try to remember you don’t like when something you do gets called ‘weird’; raising his voice and cursing and insulting you and giving you the silent treatment is way overblown.

If he’s that stuck on having to be right, and that bad at compromising, honestly I’d reconsider if he’s partner material.” owl-bee

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You did overreact a bit, but he is way worse. You could just ignore the one word.

But he should definitely apologize if you said he hurt your feelings, even if it’s just a word. Also, his saying those other things is way out of line. We don’t know why you reacted so strongly to this one word so it is hard to judge you, maybe this is a sour spot, being called weird as a child? If so then you are NTJ.” Ok_Faithlessness2205

Another User Comments:

“I think a lot of people will disagree with me here, but YTJ.

He misspoke and you just kept picking at it until you both blew up. He asked from a place of care but didn’t use the proper terms.” BonjourCheriex

Another User Comments:

“Wow. Ok well, neither of you looks great here. Your partner’s temper got the best of him but what were you doing??

Why does the phrase ‘acting weird’ bother you so much?

Because you did kind of run that point into the ground and your partner got fed up with it and then started losing his cool.

Him swearing multiple times is not great at all.

And do you cry a lot during your arguments when it might not be warranted?

Finally, I think he was fine in defending his usage of ‘weird’. It feels harmless and unless I am missing something he is fine there.

I think there’s definitely more going on here and it needs addressing. The communication just broke down.

You don’t need to nitpick and he shouldn’t swear at you like that.

Everyone sucks here but you DID start it over something pretty trivial.” stainglassaura

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Jhef2012 1 month ago
ESH- Arguing over semantics is stupid. Get over yourself. He was a jerk for yelling and swearing at you, but you were a jerk for nitpicking his words to death.
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6. WIBTJ If I Sue For Custody Of My Brothers?

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“My family moved from the Dominican Republic to a small city in Upstate NY about 20-ish years ago. My mom had me here at 17 and because of that, she couldn’t finish college so she ended up getting her GED (General Educational Development) and becoming a hairstylist.

She began working in someone else’s hair salon but she ended up building a massive client base. She ended up leaving that hair salon and started doing people’s hair in her apartment so that way she didn’t have to pay for child care and rent at the hair salon.

She ended up meeting my stepdad. They had a kid (younger brother who is 7). They were married for 9 years until my mom ended up having an affair with some other guy who she had a kid with (youngest brother who is 2).

My stepdad moved to Boston and my mom and this new guy were together for 2-ish years but broke up because he was awful (another story) and my stepdad and mother got back together-ish. I guess.

He moved back to this city and lived with us for a while but moved out to a nearby apartment.

Throughout all of that my mom was still building an amazing life. She bought a nice house in the nice part of the city and she bought two very nice cars (a 2021 Hyundai Highlander and 2022 Honda Pilot) but then her best friend who she partied with every Friday and every weekend (they are extremely close) moved to Florida.

So for the last couple of years, that friend that moved has been in my mom’s ear trying to get her to move to Florida and recently she has decided to move to Florida but there’s nothing for my mom there except that friend and my mom won’t be able to get a good job in Florida with a GED.

So minimum wage, and she will barely have enough funds to get an apartment with enough rooms for all of us. She won’t have any of the hundreds of clients she built up over 10+ years to start a salon over there.

She will have to completely start fresh if that’s even possible and I know she will be partying a lot and will not be able to give my brothers a decent life over there. I know I will be able to at least give them a decent life, at least a better life than my mom will be able to provide in Florida because I have all my aunts, uncles, grandma and their father (my stepdad) here plus I’m going to trade school soon for my advanced welding certificate so I will have a stable income to provide necessary things for them (food, water, clothes, living space and etc).

I’m ready to commit to them until they are ready to be adults themselves.

So tell me, WIBTJ if I (M17) sue for custody of my brothers (M2) (M7) when I turn 18 if my mom (F34) moves to Florida?

EDIT: She is extremely awful.

3 CPS cases have been opened against her 2 times by schools and 1 time by police.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

You can try, but don’t expect to win. No family court is going to award custody to an 18-year-old instead of their mother, not based on everything you’ve explained.

Your mom is doing well for herself, is doing well for her kids, there’s no proof that your siblings would be worse off with her than with you.” QuackLikeMe

Another User Comments:

“You are most definitely NTJ here and I’m so sorry you’ve been put in a position where you feel the need to take on this responsibility.

I’m so sorry kid. Your mom sounds like a bit of a hot mess who lives ‘in the moment’ without thinking about the big picture and long-term consequences. It’s very unfair that at 17 you have to be worrying about this stuff…

but for your brother’s sake, I completely understand why you are. I’ve been there, growing up too fast with too much responsibility.

I’m definitely proud to say what a good guy you sound like and thankful that your brothers have you in their life looking out for them.

I don’t understand why your mother would jeopardize what seems to be a really great life that she worked really hard to earn… To go to Florida and start completely from scratch just to party it up with her bestie… at the expense of her children’s well being no less.

This is heavy stuff for sure, but you certainly are NTJ!” Sounds_Gay_Im_In_93

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and you’re not going to succeed in court anyhow.

Your stepdad could sue for custody and possibly keep the kids in New York because he has the standing to sue for custody.

He is their father.

You do not have the standing to sue for custody. Your suspicions that your mom might mistreat or neglect your brothers, or your belief that she won’t be able to get a place without enough bedrooms are not reasons that a court would even take into consideration.

Your mom is not mistreating or neglecting your brothers now, and she can stuff them into a 1 bedroom apartment if the landlord allows her to.” PurpleMarsAlien

Another User Comments:

“I’m no judge but I can’t imagine handing over custody of children to an 18-year-old without something like both parents being dead at play.

Your best bet is to find out whether their father wants custody and support him in that application with the reasons of having their support system where you are, and the documented ill-treatment of the kids. All the stuff about minimum wage won’t cut it. NTJ, but I don’t think you will get what you want.” Classlass1045

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MamaC 2 months ago
NTJ. So your ex has the boys a couple times a month and thinks he has a day over their hair? Screw that. This is absolutely harmless. Keep dying it. If they love it and they’re not getting in trouble at school, who cares‽ It’s hair! He can get over it.
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5. WIBTJ If I Try To Break Up My Sister And Her Partner?

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“I (20F) live with my parents and sister (24F). For around 6 months or so she’s been going out with this guy (~27M) and I can’t stand him. He’s one of the blandest unintelligent people I’ve ever witnessed (had to ask multiple times which way was left and right, didn’t recognize basic English terms which I know are his native language, etc.) I’ve never spoken to him directly except when necessary and judging by the way I and my sister don’t have the best relationship he’s happy to be passive-aggressive to me the same way she is.

A few months ago a girl who lives on our street (~21) had been exchanging pictures with him on the internet. Exchanging as in, yes, he was sending her inappropriate pictures, not just her. She was talking to her friend who then recognized him as being my sister’s partner.

She then reached out to my sister to let her know and was apologetic about the situation. My sister responded by sending a long voice message body shaming this girl (ironic since she struggled with her own self-image) and calling her nasty names.

I heard the message and was totally appalled.

Recently I and my sister were eating dinner and she brought up the names of those two girls, and then told me not to speak to either. According to her, the girl sent her partner these pictures randomly and he didn’t reciprocate.

She’s now also talking about moving in with the guy and even proposals. I don’t want this sleazebag as my brother-in-law ever, and yet she seems happy to ignore his infidelity or accept his lies. Should I try to intervene or is it none of my business?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for trying to insert yourself in her relationship when she is clearly missing the warning signs.

NTJ for wanting to protect your sister, but if you still want to include yourself in this, remember it’s her life, not yours. If you still want to do something to include yourself in her affairs and make her see her partner is wanting or is being sneaky, get in touch with the girl he was talking to and have her send you the full-screen shots of their exchange so your sister sees the full story.

Also ask her if her partner is in a committed relationship with her to the point they’re thinking of moving in together, why he even would have that kind of app on his phone.” Ambitious_Moose_7078

Another User Comments:

“Yes, you would be the jerk if you deliberately interfere in a relationship with a sibling.

I’ve had it happen to me before. You can talk with your sis and let her know that you love her and support her, but you’d like to share your concerns. Otherwise, mind your business.” RideAnotherDay

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but also kinda YTJ.

Like I understand it’s mean to talk about how boring he is but if he’s being passive-aggressive to you and also lying to your sister it makes sense to at least try to talk sense into her (if you can). HOWEVER YWBTJ technically because it’s not like you’re doing it out of loyalty, you just hate this man and don’t want him near.

Also, they’re very young I can’t imagine this will last. I doubt you’ll have to intervene at all.” __ted__-

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your initially listed reasons for disliking the guy are not good reasons to treat someone poorly, and I’m sure he felt that.

I will say trying to break people up isn’t usually the right thing to do and is kind of a jerk move, but I understand you’re looking out for your sister. Trying to encourage your sister to leave someone who is bad for her is not a jerk move. Try to support her in healthier ways.

The guy is a lying jerk. Plain and simple.

Your sister is a jerk for harassing someone who was trying to report infidelity. Massive denial issues manifesting in rage. She needs help.” TarzantheNinja

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4. AITJ For Getting In The Middle Of My Friend's Drama?

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“My friend, let’s call her Leslie, was at a work conference and wound up having an affair with a guy we’ll call Sam. Leslie’s spouse, James, found out, and it became colossal chaos. But Leslie begged me to pass messages between her and Sam so they could still communicate.

It was a weird situation, and I didn’t agree at all, but I tried doing her a solid.

Well, during that time, Sam and I became closer and well. Yeah, I guess you can guess what happened. Anyway, after that weekend we all moved on.

Leslie and James worked things out and got married, but Sam and I still had a friendship where we would talk occasionally just to catch up.

Here’s where I might be the jerk. Even though it’s been five years, Leslie still brings him up, especially when she’s drinking.

She’ll tell me he’s her soulmate and the one who got away. Tells me about their time together, and will ask me to reach out to him for her. I try to change the subject, but it doesn’t do any good until she’s sobered up.

It got to the point he finally had to change his number.

This past weekend Sam came into town and we met up and spent a wonderful weekend together. We discussed a lot of things including our feelings for each other but ultimately decided not to pursue anything because of Leslie and the chaos it would cause.

While I do care for him, I also care about her. So the guilt is there.

So AITJ for betraying my best friend?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – frankly, all of you sound like terrible people. Leslie for being unfaithful and still crying over her affair partner.

You for condoning this infidelity and actively helping her sneak around without alerting James, and Sam for knowingly engaging with a taken woman. None of this is a healthy relationship and you all are making yourselves miserable.” NotYetASerialKiller

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I feel bad for Leslie’s husband.

If she really feels that way about Sam she should have never married James. Also, you shouldn’t hold back on a romantic relationship with Sam just because your MARRIED friend would be jealous; she needs to get over him.” No_Extreme_1798

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here (well, you and Leslie anyway, and Sam doesn’t sound like he’s making wise decisions either here.)

Leslie sucks for being unfaithful and for marrying James when she clearly is in no way over Sam.

You suck for not having the sense to not get involved, both in passing messages and with eventually having a fling with Sam. Sam sucks for having an affair with Leslie and a fling with you; any person with a brain should realize that’s a bad bad bad idea.

You all suck for apparently not caring about poor James.

James honestly should probably jump ship on the lot of you and let your weird toxic love triangle sink to the bottom without him, but barring that, Leslie needs therapy and boundaries, you need boundaries and to learn not to get in the middle of other people’s drama and how to say ‘no’ (this was not inevitable; all three of you are clearly thinking with your little downstairs brains and not your big upstairs brains). It’s hard to say what Sam needs to do here, but it’s some iteration of ‘avoiding drama like this at all costs.'” Eastern_Fox5735

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3. AITJ For Letting My Partner Live The Way She Wants While She Stays With Me?

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“My partner and her parents fight endlessly about her weight. They do it all the time. She’s noticeably overweight, yes, but I don’t think that gives her parents license to just jump down her throat 24/7 about it. She’s a grown woman, she’s 25, she doesn’t need lectures from them.

What’s especially I think, awful is that they’re using the fact that she’s unemployed and living with them as like leverage.

About 3 weeks ago, I got a call from my partner telling me that she’d gotten into a particularly lengthy, screaming match with them and told them she was leaving.

Naturally, she picked me as her 1st choice as to where she was going to try and live. I agreed to it, she packed a suitcase and came over.

Truth be told, no, she’s not eating the best over here. I’m staying out of her way on that front.

My thinking is, that she just came from a place where they hounded her about food, so, she doesn’t need to come here & have me doing it. That being said, she’s happy, and she feels free. Her parents, who have my number, call me constantly to tell me I’m not doing right by her and that I’m messing things up for her, telling me that if I wanted to be helpful to her that I’d either send her back or do some of the things they were doing.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Weight issues are tricky things and are tangled up with lots of other issues (in this case, I suspect control and self-esteem.) You are right in that you are most likely missing a bigger picture, but NTJ for helping your partner.

Unfortunately, there’s little you can do about those issues. Your partner will probably not address her weight until she can handle it. Right now, she’s probably stress-eating because of how she broke away from her parents. This happens a lot to people who go away to college and are out on their own for the first time.

That’s a control issue and difficult for someone outside to help with.

She’s only been there for a short time, so what you can do is work out how the situation is going to work for you both. Give her some ways she can control her environment and some responsibilities in your relationship.

Try not to make these sound like controlling demands, but negotiations where she is an equal.

Give her positive enforcement about her worthiness as a person regardless of what she looks like. I think once she’s over the shock of leaving her parents, she may be better able to evaluate her skills and strengths and find a job so she can support herself or add to the household budget.

It does sound, however, that you will need to start moving on these things sooner rather than later. She needs to be able to support herself not just move from one dependency to another no matter how well you mean.

If she had health insurance, I’d recommend she get counseling, or at the very least nutritional guidance from a professional (who would be able to help her see that her weight issues are most likely symptoms of something else.)” silverbird385

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but as someone who has struggled with weight and was raised by a mother who constantly criticized me for it, try to have some patience with your partner about how she’s eating.

It’s true that she’s likely eating pretty unhealthy now, but it’s because her parents raised her to have an unhealthy relationship with food, and all the things that she’s eating now are likely things that she never would’ve been allowed to eat at her parents’ place and she views them as ‘forbidden’ or ‘treat’ foods and is treating herself now that she has freedom.

I went through a similar phase when I first moved out and went overboard on unhealthy crap. Eventually, I figured out that eating like that just made me feel like crap, and I started making changes to eat a more balanced diet.

You’re right to not make any comments about how she’s eating, and what I’d suggest is for you to buy some healthy options and just have them available to her, but definitely don’t pressure her into changing her diet. Also, maybe gently encourage her to start seeing a therapist to start undoing a lot of the damage her parents did.

Block her parents, because the last thing you want is for her to be subjected to their terrible behavior.” Dolphin-on-e

Another User Comments:

“While I do think NTJ in terms of letting her stay with you, you should also think it’s a problem that she is obese and unemployed.

They are probably correct that you are not doing right by her, as hard as that is to hear. She needs to want to help herself to make real change, and until she does, subsidizing her life and food addiction is exactly the opposite of helping.

I hope now she’s out of the situation with her parents that she’ll want to help herself, but be careful she doesn’t just start leeching off you because of your kindness.” bayleebugs

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ankn 1 month ago
Don't say anything about eating or weight, but do encourage her to get a job.
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2. AITJ For Telling My Wife It Would Be Best If Her Son Stays Away?

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“I (40) married my wife Jenna (42) eight years ago and we have been together for ten years. We have two great kids together. When she was 19, Jenna had a son Randy (23) whose dad was a deadbeat. Jenna didn’t make much so Randy didn’t have the best childhood, but she tried so hard for him but he was so resentful and didn’t care.

He hated me when we started going out, was passive-aggressive, refused to take a role at our wedding, and when we had our daughter Alexis (now 7) he got spiteful. We tried all kinds of therapy but he refused to accept there wasn’t a problem.

When he turned 19, he cursed out his mom after an argument and enough was enough. We evicted him and ended financial support so he’d understand how much his mom tried.

By all accounts, he’s doing well – he graduated, got a degree, and has a high-paying software job.

We stayed in contact with him, we text him but he barely responds. He only sees Jenna for about an hour every few months. She’s always sad after seeing him and I have to cheer her up, which isn’t an issue, but I don’t like seeing her sad.

We had a big family dinner a week ago and she invited him weeks in advance to give him time. He never came. She found out from social media two days after that Randy blew off the dinner because he took his partner to visit his father’s family in Australia and proposed cause it turns out she’s pregnant.

She’s been very sad this entire week because of it and I tried everything to cheer her up but it’s not working. She doesn’t even seem to be happy around Alexis or even our baby and I’m worried because she’s never been this depressed before.

I tried to talk to her about it and she was just non-responsive and nothing I was doing made her happy. So I pointed out to her that Randy clearly doesn’t care for our family and it is for the best if he stays away.

She got very angry with me and called me a jerk for not trying to understand how she felt and just trying to make her feel better.

I want to be clear, everything about Randy is just in there to give clarification regarding why what I said may be the issue between my wife and me.

This is not about Randy except for how he relates to the conflict between my wife and me. That said, I don’t see what I did wrong in saying that given how hurt she was but she’s still angry at me and maybe she’s right and I am the jerk for saying that so I guess I’m here to learn that.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and I’ll give you a few reasons why

The reason Randy was spiteful was that he was probably bullied for having no father and not being able to have nice clothes or toys.

Kids are wicked

When his half-sister was born he felt replaced because he sees your kids as kids who get to live with both biological parents 24/7 and they aren’t going through what he went through. He feels like your kids are his mom’s ‘do over babies’.

4 legs on a table 4 wheels on a car he’s constantly felt like the 5th. He felt that whenever he sees you being a father to your kids. What’s going through his mind is ‘I’m the constant reminder to my stepfather that my mom had me with someone else and it sucks that my half-siblings get a good life and I didn’t’.

When you kicked him that was the final nail in the coffin because now he feels like his mom abandoned and replaced him.” SPeACILIST-pUMpKIN95

Another User Comments:

“Right now your kids are young. Wait a few years, and you will discover that most preteens and teenagers go through a stage where they are angry, rude, and just disagreeable.

Then add on top of that Randy felt displaced and understandably resentful of his mother’s new husband and new step-sister. And then you and your wife gave up on him. Your wife chose you over him as well.

Many parents follow the ‘tough love’ view and boot their kids out for behaviors at age 18.

But the late teens are a very vulnerable time. The world is a very tough place out there. Kids that age need love and support too. Your wife probably thought that once Randy was older, he would understand her position and want to renew their relationship.

Now she is realizing that probably isn’t going to happen, and she is grieving his loss. YTJ.” didismom

Another User Comments:

“YTJ! You seem to forget that when you got together, he was still a child and he was dealing with a lot.

You are part of the problem. He got into a heated argument with HIS mother and you kick him out. Words may hurt, but they are just that… words. You think he was going to come to some family dinner and pretend all is well?

I’m reading your story and all I can see is I don’t think you’ve ever accepted him as your own child.

Big deal. A child hated you. You’re the adult. You both were the adults. I’d be the same way if I had a dad who could care less about me and a mother who went off and had a child with a man who could care even less about me.

He feels replaced. When you got together with her, you knew she had a son and all you can say is her son and not OUR son or your daughter. I can see why he resented his little sister. I bet you totally ignored him when she came along.

I can guarantee there is more to this story you’re not telling us, so you can look like the nice guy.

If your wife is feeling the way she is, it’s because she’s already starting to resent you and herself for allowing this to go on as long as it has.

Randy chose to travel 30 hours out of his way to be with his family, to introduce his pregnant partner. Her son is grown and it’s a bit too late for her to go back and be a mother to him.

It’s way too late for you to be any kind of father to him.

After reading some of your comments, you clearly don’t see you did anything wrong and in one instance, you claim that he refused to see how happy your wife is with you. You see this as competition and that you’re happy she’s siding with you. You don’t even have to say it.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1

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crafteeladee82 1 month ago
I'm going to go out there on a limb and say NTJ. What all other responders seem to have missed is #1, Randy was a "problem" when it was just he & his Mom. Now that COULD have been for any number of reasons...maybe Mom cheated on dad, thus the reason Dad wasn't around 24/7 anymore; may Dad bad mouthed Mom through the break up and beyond & added to whatever reason Randy had resentment toward his Mom, this "encouragement" from Dad just dug Randy's resentment deeper; or it - SURPRISE - could be that Randy was just a sullen, disagreeable, entitled brat that was thrust into a situation where Mom could no longer supply the lifestyle he was accustomed to with Dad's added income. Anyone who has been thru a divorce with children KNOWS that "child support" is a PITTANCE (no matter how much the amount) to what it ACTUALLY costs to raise a child!) The non custodial parent then makes things worse by usually playing the "Disneyland parent" OVER INDULGING the kid(s) when having visitation. #2. Seems everyone else MISSED the fact that OP & wife even attempted counseling with Randy that HE refused to engage in. How pray tell is a parent to "try to understand" when the child locks them out? #3. Where did everyone get the idea that OP "never tried to bond" with Randy? There isn't enough space in these "forums" to list out every detail that is involved in these stories. Yes, it is obvious that OP is frustrated by the situation, as ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN TRYING would be, but it takes TWO to bond!! If Randy refused to participate in PROFESSIONAL counseling opportunities, how is an untrained individual to make any headway in "bonding?"
With that said, I would suggest that OP & his wife seek professional counseling for themselves in this matter. I know that there are times when I am upset over something (unrelated to my husband) that hubby's attempts to "lighten my mood" do nothing but frustrate me more. And in a depressive/frustrated funk already, I don't often realize just how much hubby is only trying to help. This sounds like what OP's wife is suffering right now. I am a child of divorce (2 children involved), a child of remarriage and 2 additional siblings; so I understand and have experience from that perspective; I'm also divorced with a child, remarried (twice) and have step-children. So I understand OP's experiences as well. There is only so much a step-parent can do to relate to; engage with a step child. MANY factors can restrict this already limited ability...custodial parent's rules (unable to discipline; refusal to allow co-mingling of funds, etc); non-custodial parent interference, etc. The sad truth here is that Randy is WELL OUTSIDE the "disgruntled teen" phase and is well on his way to ANGRY Adult. There is very little that can be done to resurrect any relationship with him - in fact continued attempts to correct or "forve" interaction will likely only cause him to dig his heels in further. (Sadly, my only full brother is similar to Randy and has cut all contact with our mother & step-father, even so far as not even appearing - or allowing any of his 3 kids, all adults now - at our step-father's funeral! I KNOW a good deal of this brother's viewpoint has been supported by our bio-father's continued distain for our Mom- nearly 60 years AFTER their divorce!) The best option for OP at this time is the counseling as a Couple as well as for his Wife individually. Good Luck!
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1. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner For Eating My Kid's Snacks?

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“I’ve been buying snacks and small items for my child’s lunch box for a while now. When I buy them I plan on the box lasting a certain amount of time because they have X numbers in them. My SO however decides to eat them as well and not replace them before they are gone.

This causes me issues because things I think I have are now gone and I have to resort to other things for lunchboxes and/or going to the store before school. I got mad about this and said something. Our child has also gotten old enough to notice this and said something as well (guess he could have heard me complaining one day as well).

Now my SO is mad because ‘we are a family and are supposed to share things and just replace them when it runs out. And back in the day kids would have gotten punished for talking to an adult like that.

I guarantee you wouldn’t have spoken to your parents like that.’ Well, you aren’t replacing it and it’s causing me issues when I planned for certain things. Am I the jerk for calling him out on this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

To be honest, it is a bit of a pet peeve of mine when people just automatically assume they are allowed to eat something without asking beforehand.

I don’t care if you are married, if you are a parent/child, or if you were given permission to eat a cupcake in 1956, and assumed that meant you always had permission to eat all the cupcakes you want. ASK FIRST.

It is especially annoying when you are trying to budget or allocate things and they eat them without telling you.” DiegoIntrepid

Another User Comments:

“Well, everyone sucks here.

You suck here for not having just sat your SO down earlier and said, this stuff here is for the kid’s lunchbox.

I do not want you messing with the food budget. If you eat any of it, can you replace it that same day or, failing that, make the kid’s lunchbox yourself?

Your SO sucks here for not replacing the stuff. I mean, budgeting is not just about money but also resources.” MonkeyMagic1968

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all, food bought for school lunches should ONLY be for that, no one has time for going to the store before school.

Have a separate snack section/box and tell him firmly that this food is not for sharing. he can buy snacks for himself. It’s not okay to take the kid’s food and never replace it.

The other option of course is that he can take on the entire job of shopping for and packing school lunches…” ViolaVetch75

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You’re a jerk for being so controlling that you’d literally tell your spouse that they’re NOT ALLOWED to eat foods in their own household when they want a snack because they’re ‘only for lunchboxes’. I can’t even fathom being that uptight, and I’m autistic and basically the most uptight person ever.

Listen to yourself: you’re literally trying to control the food another adult eats not because you can’t afford more but because ‘I didn’t give you permission to eat that snack box of raisins’ or whatever. Yikes.

Your husband is a jerk because if he’s finishing the lunchbox snacks or whatever, he should at least have the grace and respect to notify you that you’re running out or pick up more.

That has nothing to do with lunchboxes specifically and everything to do with not emptying/running out of food and leaving other household members hanging. It’s just rude.

You sound like a controlling nightmare, and he sounds utterly uncommunicative. I feel for your kid(s). Everyone sucks here.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

-2 points (4 votes)
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MamaC 2 months ago
SO is the jerk. Who eats a child’s food? That is ridiculous. But what makes it even more awful is he’s eating the last of something that is not his and not even bothering to tell you, leaving you in a bind when you go to pack lunches. He may not suck in general, but in this instance, he super sucks!
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