People Expect Us To Pick Sides After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
34. AITJ For Not Reminding My Sister About Father's Day And Not Including Her In Our Gift?
“My (32) younger sister (26) is extremely engrossed in her own world unless she needs help from the family. Whenever she calls me up or texts me to catch up, 95% of the time it’s because she needs my help or moral support. It’s the same with our parents. She misses their calls regularly and rarely calls back.
Generally, she calls back when she needs their help, advice, or money. Our parents paid for college. They paid for her grad school and still send her funds because she can’t get a handle on her own finances. That’s fine, she’s the baby of the family, the apple of everyone’s eye.
My problem is that she never remembers birthdays, anniversaries, or special days.
On most occasions, she forgets to call them and has never ever gotten them even a card. For years, I’ve shielded her and put both our names on gifts/cakes/flowers that I’ve picked out and paid for by myself. And then after 10 reminders, she calls them maybe later in the day or sometimes the next day.
This time, on Mother’s Day, I sent my mother flowers from the three of us (myself, my husband, and my sister). My husband and I called my mother. I reminded my sister, but she didn’t call Mom. My mother sent a picture of the flowers to a family chat group and thanked us. My sister responded 5 days later wishing my mom a belated Happy Mother’s Day and hoping that she liked the gift we had specially picked out for her (yeah, right!).
This year, for Father’s Day, I sent my father a gift just from myself and my husband. My dad responded to us privately and thanked us for the gift. We spoke to him, wished him.
This morning, I woke up to my sister blowing up my phone about how ‘we’ were ‘horrible daughters’ for having forgotten Father’s Day.
I told her that she could speak for herself because I sent Dad a gift from myself and my husband and wished him. She got more upset for making her look bad and not reminding her the way I usually do. She accused me of trying to get them to favor my husband (who is just their son-in-law, not son) over her – their real daughter. I told her she was old enough to maintain her own relationships and not piggyback on my efforts. But I also did it without warning. So AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Telling A Woman We Can't Do Anything About Her Lost Necklace?
“I (28F) love surfing and paddle boarding. I own a small house-ish thing right on the beach and in the summers you can rent a paddle board (15$ an hour). A lot of people come here since the price is lower than the average and the beach is pretty nice. There are 3 signs that say the exact same thing – ‘Please note that we are not responsible for any personal belongings that are damaged or lost when you are renting a paddle board and we will not assist in helping to find them’.
This rule has no exceptions. There are 3 girls that work on shifts here – Camilla (17F), Laura (18F), and Kira (18F). There are always two people on a shift. Sometimes one person will decide to go in the water for either helping someone, explain something to someone, go for a swim, go paddle boarding, etc.
Yesterday Camilla and I were on the same shift and I decided to go for a quick paddle board.
About 20 minutes later, I see Camilla waving her hand at me, signaling me to come back. I go back and there is a lady in her early twenties screaming at Camilla. I ask what’s wrong and she screams that she lost her necklace.
I try to calm the situation down and explain that there isn’t much we can do about it. The woman starts shouting even louder telling us it’s a necklace from her great-grandmother and that we need to find it and if we don’t she will file a lawsuit.
After the 5th explanation I snap and tell her that if she wants she can hire someone to find it but it has to be after we are closed so there are no people in the paddle boarding zone and then point and say ‘There are 3 big signs with big red letters and it is your fault for losing it! If you aren’t gonna go on your own and stop shouting I will call security’. She starts crying and leaves after that. I told this situation to my friend and she says that I was too harsh.
32. AITJ For Refusing To Pretend To Be Friends With My Ex-Best Friend Even Just For One Night?
“I was best friends with this girl since I was a baby because my parents are friends with her parents. However, she consistently treated me horribly throughout our friendship. She would call me names behind my back, try to one-up me and compete with me, make me feel bad on purpose, and use me to advance her career.
Let me give a few examples. She would constantly make plans with me and then cancel on me day of or just straight up ignore my texts asking to hang out. I communicated how this was hurting me, and she apologized and offered to make plans with me just to air me AGAIN.
One day, after airing me for months, she made plans with me.
A week after we hung out she texted me asking me if I could talk to my dad to see if she could intern at his business over the summer. I got her the internship and then she ghosted me again.
She would constantly brag about how all her friends were rich and popular, and how she would go to all these fancy clubs because she was friends with promoters.
She told me that we could go together one day and then when I responded saying I’d be down she never opened my message. She would send me pictures of the ‘hot guys’ she was getting with and brag about how many men wanted her and then put me down when I showed her a man I was talking to, telling me they were ‘ugly.’ I included this example to show how she tried to one-up me.
She brags about money, popularity, men, everything.
One day I got tired of it, called her out, and blocked her on everything, after years of being put down and used.
Since my parents are friends with hers, they invited her parents over to our house for Christmas Eve, knowing I had her blocked on everything. I didn’t expect her to come, but she did.
I went down and said hi to her but then ignored her for the rest of the night because I didn’t want to ever talk to her again. My parents yelled at me and told me that I should have been polite and respectful and talked to her even though I didn’t like her and that I only made myself look bad.
I don’t understand why I was obligated to speak to someone who treated me so horribly. She also treated one of my mutual friends horribly too, so I’m not just making things up. My parents said that since she was a guest I should have sucked it up and pretended to be her friend for the night. AITJ for not doing so?”
31. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Mom's Thanksgiving Dinner?
“My parents are the kind who think they are entitled to everyone dropping everything to attend things around the holidays including Thanksgiving Eve church service, Thanksgiving Day dinner, the day after Thanksgiving leftover lunch, making gingerbread houses before Christmas, Christmas Eve church service, Christmas Eve dinner, and Christmas morning together.
The events are non-negotiable and Mom has a meltdown if not everyone comes.
The girls and women are also expected to be at their house hours early to help cook and get ready. The men show up just in time to eat, then sit around drinking and watching football while the women clean up.
I (31f) really don’t want to deal with it this year. I know I’m not going to church and I don’t want to get to their house hours early just for my mom to micromanage and criticize everything I do.
My sister feels the same way. She has a newborn baby and doesn’t want to be there all day. We went to our parents’ house together and said that we were coming for dinner at the same time as the boys and would bring something we made at home. Mom acted like we just told her we were never going to see her again and started crying about how I’m selfish because I’m single with no kids, what could I possibly be doing instead? She also said she prepared an entire feast less than a week after giving birth, but my sister can’t handle it 3 months after having a baby.
She kept going on and on about how it’s not fair she has to do all the work, and would not let us try to explain that she doesn’t have to do everything by herself, just let us make food at home, and come for dinner.
Mom finally agreed that my sister could come at dinner time since being there all day would disrupt the baby’s nap time.
But she still insisted I come early. I said I’ll cook at home and come at 3 pm to help set the table (everyone else is coming at 4:30 pm) and Mom said ‘If you hate spending time with me so much then just don’t come at all.’ So I said fine. I won’t come at all.
Mom told me to get out of her house so I left. That was 3 nights ago and I haven’t heard from her.
I’m new to this whole boundaries thing. It was hard enough for me to confront Mom at all, and my plan was just to put my foot down and insist that I’d come for dinner but not an hour early.
Wasn’t planning on saying I won’t come at all, even though Mom told me not to. I know she didn’t mean it, but I’m bitter about it anyway. Thanksgiving is over a week away so I’m sure she’ll call me before then, but I really think I’m going to skip this year. Work has been rough, I had a bad breakup, and I’m recovering from an injury… I just want to stay home and relax by myself.”
30. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Parents' House?
“I (20f) am trying to move out of my parents’ house. I will be going into my third year in college which is paid for through scholarships. I’ve kept a job throughout my education and have lots saved and no debt. Most kids my age have already moved out by now and I believe that I’m ready to do the same.
Unfortunately, my parents have always been very strict with me and are very against me moving out. They want me to stay with them until I graduate. I’m an only child so I understand that they are protective of me. However, it feels like my mother treats me like a child. I’m 20 years old and have a curfew of 10:00 pm.
Occasionally we would get into arguments and they would usually end up with her yelling and screaming, threatening to disown me. Every time that happens I just feel broken inside. I have no siblings so most of the time it feels like I have no one I can talk to. Then once she cools down she pretends as though nothing ever happened with no apology or anything of the sort.
So I decided that it was time for me to get my own place and I found a nice place that’s very affordable for me and is a 3-minute walk to school compared to my 30-minute drive now. I just recently signed my first lease without my parents knowing. I felt like I needed to get one foot out the door or else my parents would have done everything they could to stop me from leaving.
While both of my parents were out of the house, I packed all of my things into garbage bags. I planned on telling them after I had all my stuff packed that I was going because I knew my mom was going to make a scene. I was right.
My mom came home in the middle of me loading stuff into my car.
She got upset and started going off about how I don’t care about her and that if I move out then I will be dead to her as a daughter and I should forget about her as a mom. Luckily she couldn’t yell at me for too long because she had to go back to work.
It was still enough to really hurt me. I went and cried in my room and had a breakdown until my dad came home where he could eventually calm me down.
My dad, while against me moving out, was able to talk to me like a person. He just wanted my life to be easy and didn’t want me to struggle while trying to live on my own.
I completely understood his view. I won’t lie, it’s nice not having to pay rent or bills. But I need to be able to make my own decisions without having to walk on eggshells around my mom.
Looking back I probably am the jerk for blindsiding them with this decision but I felt like I needed to do it.
I feel guilty for hurting my mom. She’s still my mom and I love her. But at the same time, I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong by moving out.
I feel very lost now so I was hoping you could pass some judgment from an outside perspective. Am I in the wrong here?
Edit: My mom is a really good mom to me and is always there when I need her.
We are super close. She was raised in the Philippines so I think a lot of her shock comes from the cultural difference. She definitely wants what’s best for me but she’s very sensitive. When she gets upset she usually goes over the top. In addition, my mom and dad don’t have the best marriage. They have both had affairs but decided to stay together for some reason.
Probably because it was better for them both financially. If I leave she believes that I’m abandoning her. I’m all she has. She would want to move away from my dad and then that also leaves my dad on his own. I feel like I’m breaking apart my family.
I really want to live on my own but I don’t want to break ties with anyone.”
29. AITJ For Wanting To Have Family Guests Stay Over At Our House?
“My partner and I have been together for almost a year. I’m very tight with my family, something which has caused problems in the past as she suffers from severe social anxiety. I live far away from my family, so anytime they come to visit, or I visit them, it has to be overnight. She doesn’t like it when I’m away for an extended period of time, but she likes it even less when my family visits me as she feels like she has to stay away, as she feels uncomfortable around them.
We are now talking about moving in together. One of the things that is very difficult for me to compromise on is having my family (and also friends) come overnight. But for her, any overnight stay is impossible, both because of anxiety and because she works from home. I told her that if we move in together, we would make sure there is an office, but that I need to be able to have people over occasionally.
Ideally, I would want the option to stay for up to a week, spread out over three weeks during a year, especially during holidays such as Christmas. I was willing to compromise down to four nights, but even one night is too much for her, as she doesn’t want people in her ‘safe space’. She knows herself and she fears she will lash out against my family if she gets too stressed, and that will cause them to tell me to leave me.
I told her that this wouldn’t happen and that they are not this type of people. But she does not believe it (despite her having only met them once in the past for two hours).
She says that if I want people over for so long she will have to stay at a hotel. I said that she does not have to, but if she does, then that’s on her.
I must still be able to have people over. I can’t be expected to always be the one who visits them, nor is it fair if they stay at a hotel every time they visit, especially since they are glad to meet her. She is the only one who does not want to meet them.”
28. AITJ For Suddenly Telling My Mom I No Longer Consider Her Family?
“I (24M) grew up in a dysfunctional household, notable due to my addict father who died when I was 11. My mother was quick to jump back into going out with other men, and even left me alone some nights to go stay with her new partner and his son. I was very bitter about this at the time, as it was only a few months after my dad had died, and even to this day am sort of bitter.
She got pregnant and had another daughter (my sister) when I was 12, and after that point, I got little to no attention. No joke I would talk to my mom for about an hour a day tops, if that. She was always out with her partner or on camping trips with him (and his son and my sister) which I didn’t enjoy going on because they would just argue the whole time.
My mom was also a chronic liar, so many things she lied to my grandparents about that I had to keep up for her, which caused me a lot of stress.
To skip on, I ended up leaving home at 16 to live with my childhood friend who was a few years older than me – this caused some drama in my family, but I appeased them by talking to them all regularly.
When I turned 18 I went to university for Biochemical Engineering, and since I was studying a lot I got to use that as an excuse not to talk to them.
I graduated with a bachelor’s earlier this month, and decided to throw a party for all of my closest friends/family – I invited my friends and some of my cousins, but my mom ended up finding out about it through posts or something, I don’t know.
I’ve been getting spammed by her and her partner saying that I’m scummy for not inviting them since they’re my family, and that I didn’t have the decency to at least invite my sister if I was ‘throwing a hissy fit’.
I tried to ignore the first few, but it got to the point that they were talking non-stop about how disappointed they were, or that it hurt so much to be abandoned by me, or that I was selfish, cruel, and the list goes on.
I eventually replied by saying that I no longer considered her family, and to leave me alone.
I’ve talked to my closest friends, and they all side with me, but some have argued that maybe I’m the jerk for not just letting them come to avoid the arguments/drama. And that I should’ve told them my feelings beforehand. That it was a little unfair of me to dump that on them suddenly the way I did.
I’ve probably missed some details, but AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Weekend With My Child?
“My ex-wife and I share 50/50 custody, no child support, but I do pay our child’s health insurance. We’ve been divorced for a year, separated two. Somewhat normal divorce, she has kept our child from me twice which took going in front of a judge to fix. It’s been seven months since that last time and it’s been smooth sailing since.
Early April of this year, my ex-wife texted me asking if she could have our child my weekend late in April. I pulled out my calendar to see if I had anything planned for that weekend because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t mind her having an extra weekend. I didn’t have anything planned, but for some reason, something told me to look at May.
For the month of May, my ex-wife gets Mother’s Day weekend, which makes sense because I get our child for Father’s Day weekend. But my ex-wife also had our child the last two weeks of May for an out-of-state trip which slipped my mind. Between work, school, and our child, I wasn’t focusing on their trip.
I told her no, that she was going to have our child for most of the month of May and I wanted time with our child. She never responded, just left me on read. I was child-free that day, so I went to the backyard and enjoyed a drink, leaving my phone inside. What I came back to was her dad, mom, and brother telling me off for ruining their weekend, her dad had some especially kind words for me.
But my ex-wife hadn’t replied.
I wanted nothing more than to engage with her dad but decided not to. Simply turned read notifications for them on and left it at that.
It has been two months, they’ve gone on a Mother’s Day trip, their two-week trip, and yet I’m still hearing how much of a jerk I am for denying them my weekend. AITJ here?”
26. AITJ For Eating Dinner Before My Other Roommate Comes?
“Julie (19f), Miranda (20f), and I (20f) are all friends and roommates. Julie is the person who usually cooks for us because she enjoys it. I have offered and chipped in for groceries when this happens. Miranda and I have cooked in the past just never the amount Julie has cause she likes experimenting with recipes.
Miranda is not at the apartment a lot.
I eventually decided to try my hand at cooking. When Miranda was in town I let her know I was making dinner for us. I told her what it was beforehand. After I finished cooking I told both and Julie and Miranda got a good amount of the entree for their first helping.
During the meal Miranda and Julie complimented me on it, but later I saw Miranda feeding some of it to her dog. Later Julie was getting a second helping when I saw Miranda throw the rest of her portion in the trash. This made me angry because she lied to my face about liking it and wasted her portion of the food (which I bought all the ingredients for myself).
Later Julie told me that while we were eating, Miranda made a disgusted face at the food when I wasn’t looking and expected Julie to agree with her and return the face. I know Julie didn’t do this cause she cleaned both her plates and kept telling me how good the meal was. Julie went on to tell me Miranda threw the majority of her food away.
This upset me even more because both Julie and I would have eaten it. I honestly don’t care if she didn’t like it, I’m just mad that she lied to me and wasted perfectly good food. She’s very honest with me about other things so I know she didn’t do this to ‘spare my feelings’. We all understand that we have different tastes and encourage each other to say if they don’t like something (which we’ve kindly done).
Julie also told me how Miranda makes faces when Julie cooks too and has made a lot of rude comments both to Julie and behind her back as well. Julie stopped cooking when Miranda was back in town. I also do want to point out that Miranda has never chipped in for groceries, has eaten a lot of the food we’ve bought without asking, doesn’t cook almost at all, and usually finishes our leftovers.
This is where I may be the jerk. Towards the end of college, Miranda let us know when she was coming into town. I was gonna make enchiladas during this time and already had most of the ingredients. When I found out Miranda was coming back, I went ahead and made the dish so Julie and I could finish them before Miranda got back. Julie supports me in doing this but I do feel bad for purposely planning it so Miranda couldn’t have any cause she wanted to try them. I just didn’t think she deserved a meal from me after what happened before.
So, AITJ for not making dinner for my roommate?”
25. AITJ For Not Giving My WiFi Password To My Mom And Brother?
“I (M19) had lost access to WiFi along with the rest of my family consisting of Mom (F43) and younger siblings (M18 and F10). In 2020, my father the breadwinner who doesn’t live with us decided to stop paying for WiFi. He claimed it was due to slow business from the global crisis restrictions. I tried protesting but my father argued that I had a job, that only paid the minimum wage, by the way.
The family went without WiFi for about a week until I got fed up. I talked to my brother and mom who both had a job about splitting the cost of a WiFi subscription. They refused with my brother saying he could get WiFi at work, my mom telling me she didn’t need it because of her unlimited mobile data.
Keep in mind that I begged her to share her data through a hotspot during my wifi-less week but always replied ‘You will slow me down.’ Frustrated I reluctantly applied to my internet service provider for the cheapest package available. Determined to not share my password with them with the exception of my helpless kid sister.
A couple of days after the WiFi router was installed my mom came asking me for the password to which I simply responded ‘I thought you didn’t need it?’ She complained that her mobile data didn’t work that well sometimes, so I proposed she pay half the bill in exchange for my WiFi key. She got furious telling me I don’t pay rent and bills and I’m under her roof.
I reminded her that she doesn’t pay these bills either it’s my dad. Desperate to get back at me she decided that I couldn’t use her TV in the living room anymore and hid the remote. I’ll admit at first I was annoyed but quickly got over it considering she hogs the TV most of the time anyway. My mom now ignores me, calls me selfish, and doesn’t share anything with me anymore.
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Biological Father's Other Son?
“I (20f) haven’t been close with my biological father (we will call him Robert) for most of my life and cut off contact when I was about 13. He just never was nice nor put the effort into being a father.
A few years after I was born and my bio dad left the picture my mom started going out with my ‘step’ dad (we will call him Sean).
Sean had raised me as his own since I was really young and my parents have had two kids since getting married (4m, 7m). I am fully content with my family and I don’t worry about how I am not fully biologically related to my dad or brothers. My mom is still close with Robert’s sister as they grew up together so I still have contact with Robert’s family.
About a year ago I got a message from an account I mistook for someone I knew. A woman told me that she was Robert’s partner and that ‘I had a new brother’ who was now one year old. She wanted me to meet their kid and was excited. I was confused as this woman had been following me on social media without making it known she was my bio father’s partner.
Not only did that make me uncomfortable but the fact I had to learn this information through a stranger and not through Robert’s sister or mother.
Everyone in the family has apologized that they gave this woman the power to be the first to tell me but now expect me to accept this child as my other sibling.
My uncle told me I owe it to ‘my brother’ to meet him one day but I said ‘I don’t even see Robert as someone I’m related to, he’s not my dad, so this kid is not my brother.’ This has irritated Robert’s family and some of my friends said that is a harsh stance but I think it’s realistic. AITJ?
Edit: I live in another state from Robert and his family so the chances of me running into him or his kid is slim to none.”
23. AITJ For Not Being Happy With The Ring My Fiancé Proposed To Me With?
“My (29F) now-fiance (30M) proposed to me about 1 week ago. While I love this guy to pieces, I’m genuinely upset with the ring he chose to propose to me with. Now before I continue… I’m not as shallow as I may be coming off here in the first couple of sentences…
My fiance and I have been together for just under 3 years now.
We are/were pretty open with our intentions and it was obvious he would propose sooner rather than later. Knowing that I’ve dropped heavy hints on rings that I like and even had straight-up discussions with him on this topic (this included photos). I’m not a jewelry-wearing gal to begin with so the style and practicality of the ring are really important to me.
Most importantly, the rings I’ve shown him are not break-the-bank expensive, at least in terms of how expensive engagement rings can be. All were under $500 USD.
Fast forward to last week, he proposed with his late grandmother’s gaudy, dirty ring that’s several sizes too big for even my largest finger.
I was hurt. Starting with the fact that if he wanted to propose with his grandmother’s ring, he could have at least gotten it cleaned at a jeweler’s place and not given me something where the diamond and band were so crusted up with I don’t know what (maybe years of hand lotion?).
Next, the gaudiness, as I was hoping for something simple. And lastly, the total lack of effort. You’ll just have to take my word for this. He received this grandmother’s ring at some point years after she passed and he had no care for it whatsoever. He kept it as a fidget toy at his computer desk and threw it wherever convenient (bathroom, laundry, kitchen, it ended up in the vacuum cleaner once while I was cleaning the house and I had to dig it out, etc.).
I hope I’m painting a vivid enough picture of him not caring much about it. To me, it means the ring he proposed with is meaningless to him as well. Maybe I’m overthinking it…
I spoke to him mid-week about how happy I was with the proposal but gently asked if this was a placeholder ring or if there were plans to get me something less over-the-top (and hopefully less grimy & well-fitting) as I previously asked of him.
He became irrationally angry and of course, said how ungrateful I was for his gift. He almost shut down like a child and was unable to have a rational discussion about the topic. I dropped it at the moment, but at the same time, I want to keep pressing the issue. It feels like the entire proposal was done with little effort.
His emotional outburst aside, AITJ for being unhappy with his proposal ring and not wanting it? I don’t think I was being ungrateful, but I guess I want some input before I press the issue further.”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get A Personal Vegan Caterer For My Sister-In-Law?
“I am getting married soon and planning a very low-key wedding (mostly for budget reasons): we’ll only do a reception lunch after the town hall ceremony in my parents’ backyard with close family and friends, and the lunch will be cocktail style (no plates, no assigned seats, just cocktail bites passed around).
Since there are about 20 different types of cocktail pieces, I was really careful to try to accommodate everyone’s diets/allergies/etc., so there is a mix of vegan, vegetarian, meat, and fish options (about 4-7 of each).
Here comes the issue: My SIL is vegan (she is the only one among our guests) and was unhappy with the vegan options on the menu after my fiancé sent it to her. It’s not like the vegan options are bland vegetables and the rest are great, they are actually quite diverse and protein-packed (including a houmous and carrot sandwich and a vegan maki).
But she is a picky eater. So she sent my fiancé the contact of a vegan caterer she likes and requested that he order her a plate of cocktail pieces and a vegan cake just for her on the wedding day.
Honestly, when I heard this I was flabbergasted. It seems so rude to me to ask this when 1) she knows we are tight on budget and 2) I made specific plans for her to have enough vegan options, it’s not like she would have starved.
She might be a picky eater, but there were so many options: she could have offered to pay for her caterer, or even to take it upon herself to order it on her own. Honestly, if it was me I would just have had a big breakfast and not bothered anyone.
Note: I like my SIL in general but I think she can be spoilt, especially by my fiancé.
She’s almost 40 and for the past 3 years relied on him and their mom to fund her because she decided to change careers and quit her job, which is fine but I’ve never seen her being openly grateful to them or trying to be more mindful about her spending habits since. My fiancé stopped sending her funds some time ago but that was just because his mom took over.
My fiancé says this is non-negotiable as he wants to please his sister and will pay for it on his own dime. He thinks I am being insensitive.
This happened a couple of weeks ago, We argued about it and eventually agreed to disagree considering in the great scheme of things it’s not a huge deal and I don’t want to be a bridezilla about it (sorry for all the drama lovers here!).
So, I still think it’s rude and I am genuinely curious if that makes me a jerk?
EDIT: In our country, we have the possibility of keeping separate finances after the wedding, which is what we are going to do. If we have joint purchases to make (like house or kids’ stuff) we’ll split them in half. That way we stay independent financially.”
21. AITJ For Demanding My Daughter To Apologize To A Schoolmate She And Her Best Friend Wronged?
“My husband (42m) and I (42f) have 5 kids, and we’ve always tried to instill good morals and values in them, as any decent parent should, which is why we were deeply upset when we found out about our daughter’s (12f) actions.
This all started when my daughter’s best friend (13f) decided to run for school president.
In the middle school my kids go to, they elect the school president for the next year at the end of the current year, so the election is open to 6th and 7th graders to run. My daughter is in 7th grade. All grades vote in the election. The election ended up having 6 candidates, 3 from the 6th grade, and 3 from the 7th.
My daughter acted as her friend’s campaign manager and made buttons, shirts, and other merch with her. My daughter has a significant other, and he’s very intelligent, wrote speeches for her best friend. One of the candidates is a very eccentric kid, he’s in the 6th grade, a huge history buff, he normally dresses like a boy from the 1920s, apparently, there are sites where you can buy replica historic clothing, which, is fine, I don’t care what other people’s kids wear and I wouldn’t mind if my kids dressed like him.
I’ve heard some amazing things about this boy from other parents, that he’s a nice kid and stuff like that. The boy is also close friends with a lot of the guys on the football team, as they are also in the history club, and this boy is president of the history club. These boys campaigned for him, and he ended up winning pretty handily.
Due to the support from the popular boys, my daughter knew he’d be the number one rival, and she even talked to me about how she could help her friend beat him. I did give some advice on the campaign, however, I was unaware of how dirty her and her friend’s campaign tactics were. I’ve been alive long enough that I know politics can get very dirty, however, some of the stuff my daughter did crossed a line.
She and her friend made a scheme to get people to spread rumors about him. Some of the rumors she spread about the boy included saying he was gay and that he was dishonest on tests. I heard about this through the mother of another friend they have. I have a friend whose son was outed in 8th grade and bullied for it, he’s in 10th grade now and is doing fine, but it was still horrible. I told my daughter she could not see her friend again until she apologized to the boy and she and her friend don’t think they did anything wrong and my daughter is calling me a jerk for making her take a break from her friend, AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Spending A Lot Of Time Watching Sports?
“My wife (32F) and I (33M) got married 2 years ago and moved to a new city late last year for her job. It’s a great opportunity to advance her career, so we agreed to move. I work as a radio producer and was able to get a part-time gig at a station in our new city.
The new city is a much larger market than we previously lived in, so there are actually more opportunities for me here as well. My wife makes enough to support us right now, and getting a part-time job makes looking for a better job that much easier.
Well, at one of our sister stations, a long-time producer suddenly left and they offered me the role in the interim while they searched for replacements.
I jumped at the opportunity because I felt if I did well enough, I already had my foot in the door to make it a permanent thing. The only problem is that this job is on a sports-talk station and I know pretty much zero about sports.
I took the interim role about 3-4 weeks ago. The first week I couldn’t really add much to the show because I don’t watch sports and don’t know much about them.
After that week, the host pulled me aside and told me that if I wanted to be kept on permanently, I needed to either learn more about sports or get better at faking it.
The problem with that is that this city has all 4 major pro sports and a Division 1 college. That’s a lot of content possibilities for our show with a variety of different sports and hundreds of athletes that I needed to at least halfway familiarize myself with.
So I started watching more of the local teams. Which means hockey, basketball, and now baseball at the pro level. And also last week the Masters golf tournament. I went from watching zero sports to watching at least 2-3 hours a day, basically giving myself a crash course on everything I could. This last week the host of the show complimented me on how much better I am doing and said if I continue this way then he will push for me to be kept on permanently.
The drawback to this is that my wife also has zero interest in sports and has grown frustrated with me for dedicating so much time in front of the TV. We don’t have kids so our evenings and weekends were usually filled with things we do together, but now I am doing something that she has no interest in doing.
Yesterday was the final round of The Masters and I knew we would be talking about it today, so I spent a lot of time watching it. My wife got upset with me when I told her I was not going to go on an afternoon walk with her to explore a park in the city.
She told me that I was not spending enough time with her and that she was sick of me spending every night and all weekend on the couch.
I told her that this is for my job and I’m still not knowledgeable enough about sports to fake it well enough to keep this job. I told her that I wanted to keep this job permanently and until then I was going to do everything I could to make that happen. She went on the walk without me and barely spoke to me this morning before she left.”
19. AITJ For Calling My Father A Liar Then Walking Out On Him?
“My dad and I used to be close. He raised me most of my life and I thought he was a good man. It breaks my heart knowing that he’s really a narcissist. I should have known when my sister started to hate him. She never speaks to him and I haven’t in years until today.
I was grabbing a coffee from Tim’s and I ran into him. It was awkward. He commented on how I’m now bald and that my beard is coming in nicely. I said thanks. Honestly, I was tense the whole time just wanting to leave. He finally asked, ‘Why do you and your sister never answer my texts or calls?’ I can’t speak for my sister.
I just know she hates him for focusing on only me. His firstborn son. I hate him for a different reason.
We were living together and I was paying most of the bills for a home that had 4 people in it. All of us worked. I got tired of it and moved out to a friend’s.
When I was moving out he tried telling me I wasn’t really his son. I was the son of a guy who died 2 years before I was born my mom went out with for a month in the late 80s. Suffice it to say I wasn’t pleased having my emotions toyed with. Since then I’ve only spoken to him when my great-grandmother passed.
Miss you, gamgam.
I told him flatly ‘I don’t speak to liars who toy with their children’s emotions when they don’t get their way’ and walked out of Tim Hortons. Since then I’ve gotten calls from my family in Texas calling me a godless jerk for disrespecting my father.
I don’t feel bad for what I said. But my grandparents and aunt are making me feel like trash. My amazing uncle though is supportive. Love that man. Have always been close to him cause the family treats him differently because he’s gay.
But yeah. Am I the jerk here?”
18. AITJ For Not Helping My Ex-Wife Fix The Plumbing?
“I have been officially divorced for 3 weeks. My ex-wife woke up one day after 13 years and told me ‘I love you like you’re my friend but not like I think I should’ which began an almost 2-year process of getting a divorce which has been mostly amicable. So I now live with my partner much closer to where I work (nearly an hour’s drive from where I was formerly living with my ex).
My ex has been telling me that she thinks that the fridge is broken (because her ice cream isn’t staying as frozen as it should) and she needs to order a new one. She proceeds to order a monstrosity that is way over her budget (She took out a new credit card to pay for it) and she didn’t measure the cubby that the fridge sits in.
Long story short, the fridge doesn’t fit, and when she’s pushing the old one back into position she broke the ice maker line which is now spraying water all over the kitchen. She calls me in a panic because she has no idea how to turn off the water. I’m trying to explain it to her while at the same time asking her to get one of the kids’ iPads so we can FaceTime and I can see what is going on.
She starts yelling at me at this point and telling me to just either tell her how to fix it or come over and fix it.
At this point, I told her to please stop yelling at me and again asked her to use FaceTime. She refused and I asked her to get under the sink again at which point she started screaming at me as loud as she could while swearing at me at which point I calmly told her to call an emergency plumber and hung up.
So AITJ here?”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet With My High School Bully To Reconnect?
“I’ve known this girl (I’ll call her J) my whole life. J and I were never friends but were forced to be in constant close proximity to one another because of how close our families were.
J hated me. She mocked my appearance, how ‘weird’ I was, said it was a miracle I had friends, etc. I would speak to my parents about it and they’d tell me to ignore it because she’s ‘like family’.
One time we were in an English class and she was at my table with 4 other guys, and she (out of nowhere might I add) said ‘(my name) just told me she wants to be a ‘dancer’ when she grows up!’ and the whole table of guys busted out laughing while I sat there denying it with my face bright red.
I know it sounds small and dumb and it is, but at the time I was so embarrassed and wanted the ground to swallow me whole, and she just thought it was hilarious. (nothing wrong with being a ‘dancer’ of course, but I was an insecure teenage girl and it was just a weird thing for her to say) When boys would play that cruel prank by asking me out as a ‘joke’ and then giggling about it with their friends (if you know, you know) she would just giggle along.
I could go on.
Imagine my shock when, weeks ago, a friend texted me a link to a TikTok and said ‘Omg isn’t this J?’ Indeed it was. It was one of those trends where you stitch another TikTok with your own experience (this one was along the lines of ‘Tell me about an experience that made you realize men ain’t worth it’) and it was J talking about how boys would always ask her out as a joke at school and it made her realize that men are horrible to women they find unattractive, and uh… does she not remember the way she would giggle whilst she watched boys do the ‘exact same thing’ to me?
Anyway — I haven’t seen her in person since we left school, we went to different universities and she moved to another city.
Yesterday, my mum called me to let me know that J was moving back to our city and wanted to reconnect with ME, and my first thought was ‘God no’. I told my mum I’d pass on that and my mum sounded disappointed in me for ‘holding a grudge over things that happened when you two were just kids.’ She called me immature and said that maybe J wanted to make things right.
I doubled down and said I wasn’t interested.
Well, I didn’t know this at the time but my mum had our phone conversation on speaker and J was right there with her. It was supposed to be a surprise for when I got home and saw her there. My mum told me later that she was very shocked and hurt, that I shouldn’t have said what I said. I do feel bad and also just plain embarrassed because I didn’t know she heard what I said. (I had literally cackled out loud when my mum brought up J and I reconnecting). I’m not sure how to feel now. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Constantly Reminding My Family To Watch Their Steps?
“I have three rabbits.
My rabbits are roamed meaning they’re never caged. They have their own room in my house where all their toys and bowls etc. are but they have access to pretty much everywhere else too.
When I was still living with my parents we had a family dog who was elderly and blind. She would constantly be in-between your feet tripping you up and the amount of times we fell over her was insane.
She was never injured but I attribute that to her size. It’s important to realize she was never injured IN SPITE of our misstepping not because we were somehow landing in a graceful manner or anything.
This is relevant because my rabbits do the exact same thing as our old dog used to, you get up and they’re at your feet begging for some fruit.
It’s especially bad if you walk to the kitchen. Open the fridge door and they’re there.
My mum only wears long skirts, and with a dog that’s fine because they’re large enough that you can always see them or know if they’re under your skirt but my rabbits are too little for that.
I constantly see them run between her feet, and go under her skirt, and at times she doesn’t know they’re there.
It’s scary because small animals are so fragile and my heart would break if they got hurt.
I’ll admit I remind her often to look where she’s walking, but that’s because of her attitude. She’s very blasé and uses our experience with our dog to justify her lack of care with my rabbits. Anytime I point out a rabbit is much smaller than a dog, and much more fragile she gets angry about my lack of trust in her.
She said she feels insulted by me ‘constantly’ reminding her but I say I wouldn’t have to bring it up constantly if she just was more mindful of where she’s walking.
She won’t come over now unless my rabbits are in their room as I mentioned earlier. It’s frustrating us both. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother And His Wife To Name Their Baby "Nora"?
“When I was young, I went through a rather traumatic experience. I won’t get too far into detail about it, but it messed me up for years. Even now, years after it happened, I’m still seeking help to heal from it.
Obviously, this came with certain triggers. Specifically a name, Nora. I get paranoid and stressed even hearing the name.
The first person I told about what happened was my brother. I’m incredibly close with him and he was (and still is) always there for me when I needed it (would always listen to me, checked in on me, pushed for me to get help after what happened, the whole lot. This man truly deserves the world’s best brother award).
He got married in early 2020, and I got along well with his wife (my SIL). I get along with her well, but not well enough to tell her about what happened. A few months ago they announced they were expecting a baby. I’m over-the-moon happy for them, especially since my brother has always wanted a kid.
This is where the true conflict arose. I was talking with my brother and SIL a bit ago when we got on the topic of baby names. SIL said she liked the name Nora because she thought it was simple. I looked over at my brother, who was just staring at the floor. I looked at her uncomfortably, which made her ask what the issue was.
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with discussing it with her, and after a small back and forth, she dropped it.
A few days ago, SIL called me mad and said I ‘made up a story’ and ‘manipulated my brother’ just because I don’t like the name Nora. I asked her what she meant and she said my brother told her everything that happened and that he didn’t feel comfortable naming the baby Nora if he knew I would be interacting with them and the baby because he wanted to make sure I was comfortable.
This made SIL upset and claimed I was just mad because ‘my name isn’t as pretty’ and ‘once the baby is born my brother won’t care to be around me as much’. I told her I didn’t care what they chose to name the baby, but if they chose the name Nora to not be shocked if I didn’t interact with them as much.
Now my brother is upset with me and SIL is calling me all sorts of names and has banned me from seeing my brother (and herself) until I apologize.
So, AITJ for saying I won’t interact with my brother and SIL if they name their child Nora?
- I am in therapy. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a few years on/off now.
Therapy isn’t a magical cure, though. Although it helps, it doesn’t fix everything.
- I’m an adult. I’m in my last year of college now, and I plan on moving to the city where my brother and SIL live, meaning I would be seeing them more than I do now.
- I’m not trying to make them change the name.
Never implied I was trying to do that, and I never planned on trying to do that. If they choose the name Nora, so be it. At the end of the day, it’s the decision between the parents.
- SIL doesn’t have any emotional or family ties to that name. She only likes it because it’s simple.
- I told my brother about what happened years ago, way before SIL was a part of my brother’s life.”
14. AITJ For Telling My Dad That My Mother Said She Can't Handle My Younger Brother Anymore?
“I (16 M) live with my two brothers (18 & 13), mom (36), and one-year-old sister. I have a close relationship with my two younger siblings & my older brother and I are fine. My mother and I don’t really get along but that’s okay with me and I’m not bothered by it.
Before my sister was born, my younger brother was always the favorite.
I was jealous when I was younger but quickly grew out of it when we became close. My mom has always been affectionate and loving towards my brother and he’s indifferent to it but never seemed to mind.
When my sister was born it completely changed. Of course, taking care of a baby would cause a shift, but it was really shocking.
Over the months my mother has become completely hostile towards my younger brother and is constantly getting upset with him or insulting him.
A while ago when it was me, her, and my sister, she told me she was thinking of sending my brother off to live with his dad because she didn’t think she could ‘handle’ him anymore.
I was shocked and honestly mad but I didn’t know what to say so I just shrugged it off.
The main reason this shocked me is because of how my little brother is: he is indifferent to almost everything. He’s never been mean, he does well in school, and he’s quiet. He can sometimes be a little jerk since he gets his sarcasm and other rude traits from me & our dad but it’s never despicable or horrid.
He’s just a kid.
When we went with our dad for the weekend, I waited until my brother went to his room to tell my dad what my mom had said. He was mad. Super mad. He didn’t believe me at first and called her right there, asking her if it was true. She said it was but she was joking and she’d never actually do that.
I told her it didn’t sound like she was joking and recounted how vile she’d been towards him ever since our sister had been born. She hung up in our face and didn’t call for the rest of the weekend.
When I got back home she told me she was mad that I thought it was ok to share our private conversations and that she wasn’t sure if she should let me go over to see my dad anymore if I couldn’t respect her privacy.
I told her I didn’t care and that doesn’t take back what she said.
My older brother thinks I should’ve never said anything and so do my aunts. AITJ for telling my dad what she said?
ETA: When I say indifferent, I mean a pretty grey/morally grey kid. He gets mad, upset, and happy like everyone else but he mostly does not care about things.
Also, my mother is a narcissist.”
13. AITJ For Telling My Partner She Shouldn't Have Ended Her Friendships?
“I (22M) have a significant other (21F) who I’ve been with for 10 months now. Everything’s been great, apart from the fact that she doesn’t really have any friends anymore. And that might sound bad coming from me, but hear me out.
She had a lot of friends when we first got together, and so did I.
We would both take time apart to go out with our friends and maintain our friendships, which I thought was healthy and necessary. However, slowly by slowly, she started dropping all her friends over minor arguments.
For example, my SO asked me to come with her to lunch with her friends and I did. I assumed her friends knew I was coming and it wasn’t meant to be a girl’s day.
I was wrong, and they all seemed kind of uncomfortable, given we were meeting for the first time and I was the only guy there, so I made an excuse and left before the food even arrived. My SO left not long after me and told me that she got into an argument with one of the girls who had said my SO should have given them a heads up that I would be coming.
She got so irrationally angry and blocked said friend on all social media and hasn’t spoken to her since. I thought it was a petty reason to cut her friend off, but did not say much as she looked very upset already.
I’ve been feeling quite guilty for feeling this way, but I felt so burdened. I feel like I can’t go out with my own friends and do stuff by myself because if she doesn’t have me, she literally won’t have anyone else.
She’s said herself that she takes sleeping pills every time I go out with my friends because she gets anxious when I go out. One of my friends told me that his SO was telling him that she thinks I’m isolating my SO from everyone and keeping her to myself. I wasn’t even surprised, to be honest.
Of course that’s how it would look.
I told her we needed to have a serious discussion on how dependent she was on me. I told her she shouldn’t have dropped her friends and should try to resolve things with them. She got really sad and said I was probably making this issue up because I wanted to go on a guy’s trip with the boys and not feel guilty about it.
I told her I would indeed be going on a trip with the boys and wouldn’t feel guilty about it as I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I also said that she shouldn’t make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain my friendships just because she doesn’t value anything besides a romantic relationship. She started crying and left my apartment. She was back the next morning and tried to go back to normal but I wasn’t willing to and told her unless we addressed and fixed the issue, there would be no moving past this. She hasn’t spoken to me for days.
12. AITJ For Refusing To Cook An Omelet For My Sister-In-Law?
“In my family, we like food with many condiments and a bit spicy, which is not the common thing here.
Well, one of my SIL’s (sister-in-law) got kicked out of her house by her parents (she and my brother don’t want to tell us why), so she started living here with us around 3 weeks ago, not sure.
The problem is that she hates our taste in food because it has a weird flavor, she says. In her house, they just use salt and pepper, and she hates so many condiments.
So, I started cooking 2 different meals: the normal 1 and a small version with no condiments (just salt and pepper) for her. Just me cooking in the house, as I can’t find a job.
I cook for 9 people.
Today I made some tortilla de patata (an omelet with potato, that is tall, I don’t know how to describe it, just a Spanish omelet). We like to put some spice to it, so I made 2 versions of it. As hers was just for 1 person and my pan was too big, it turned out nearly like a flat omelet, but I didn’t have a smaller pan.
When I told her food was ready, and finally came like half an hour later from playing on her Nintendo Switch, she started complaining, AS ALWAYS: ‘The food is cold, it has a weird taste, I am sure you put some strange condiments here, it is so dry!’
I have to admit it looked dry, not juicy how it’s supposed to be in the middle part, but there was no middle part because of the big pan.
I had never cooked something so small, and it didn’t turn out so great, but it was nice, just not juicy, that’s true.
But, I had enough, and here is where I may be the jerk. I started yelling at her that if she didn’t like the food she should start cooking for herself and stop playing all day, that she has been so disrespectful and ungrateful for all the food I have made especially for her, that she could help in the house, like cleaning dishes, clothes, clean the floor…
SOMETHING! She doesn’t have a job and doesn’t help me in the house either. When I ask her to help me with something, there is always an excuse.
Well, she went running to her room and came back with my brother (he was taking a nap after working for 8 hours), who asked me politely if I could cook a big and juicy omelet for my SIL, that she is starving.
I said no, enough, and left the kitchen.
Now I am in my room, writing this. Do you think she will clean the dishes today? Or cook something else for herself, with the food my father pays for by the way because my brother never cooks either.
Well, I would like to know, am I the jerk for yelling at her?
Additional info: She is 29, and 30 next month.
I am 23.
I did tell her that before, without yelling. It wasn’t the first time I asked for respect and help, but it was the first time that I exploded.
They are not married. She rejected the ring because it was too cheap, they are waiting to have more money. But, they have been together since they were 16-17, so she is like SIL even if they are not married. She lived in her parents’ house, and my brother in our house (from my dad, we live with him, he pays for everything). She came to live here too, my dad pays for her things.”
11. AITJ For Telling My Partner She Can't Expect Me To Do Everything Around The House?
“I (m 25) have been with my partner ‘Jane’ (f 25) for a year and a half and live together. Jane’s previous relationship was an abusive one. I’m still learning as she continues opening up to me.
When discussing moving in together, Jane said there were certain things she felt uncomfortable doing. She said she had negative associations with certain tasks and that she wasn’t able to do them.
I was emphatic and told her I’d do anything she wasn’t able to. She told me it was ‘small niche things’ and I definitely should’ve clarified what that meant.
At first, it was fine, but slowly the list of things Jane couldn’t do grew. Jane didn’t feel comfortable vacuuming, anything kitchen or bathroom-related, or laundry-related. Her tasks consisted of weekly dusting and taking out the garbage and recycling.
I would sometimes make small encouragements like asking if she’d like to help me make dinner or just keep me company while I cooked, folded the laundry, made the bed, etc. but she would always refuse and would call me unsupportive of her self-recovery journey.
Last month, my mom called the home phone and Jane picked up.
While they talked, Jane invited my parents over for dinner. She told me about it once I got home, but it was scheduled on a Tuesday which is the one day a week I work longer hours. Jane told me she didn’t want to cancel and that she wanted to make a good impression, and it would be good for our relationship.
I agreed but told her I’d be home at 7.30 and she’d have to do the majority of work as I wouldn’t be home in time. She agreed and said it’d be good for her. I grocery-shopped the recipe she had planned and made sure she had everything she needed.
The day of, I get home and NOTHING is done.
The house isn’t too messy, but there is laundry on the sofa that was moved from the table, the dishwasher was clean and there were dirty dishes in the sink, and dinner wasn’t started. Jane begins rattling off a list of everything that needs to be done, stating she’d set the table and I needed to ‘finish it off’.
When I asked what she’d done all day, she told me I knew about her limitations and that I ‘shouldn’t have expected her to do that’. I told her that she knew she’d have to do the majority and agreed to it, but she told me she was having a bad week and to not put pressure on her.
I told her if she was having a bad week, she could’ve canceled on my parents and not put all the pressure on me to pick up her slack.
She began crying and telling me I was reminding her of her ex and said that I wanted to control her. I told her that wasn’t what I was saying, and told her what she’d done was both inconsiderate of me and my parents, and that her trauma couldn’t be an excuse for everything and she needed to take accountability for her actions. After I said that, she was inconsolable and locked herself in the bedroom all night. In the moment I believed what I said but now I’m not sure. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Wasted Sister?
“I (22 F) have my driver’s license and a car but my sister (19 F) doesn’t, so she’s always asking me to drive her everywhere. And sometimes I’ll agree to it, but most of the time I don’t. I’m not anyone’s personal driver and she’s more than old enough to take her driving test and get her own license, so I don’t really feel bad about it.
The thing is, my sister also loves to drink. And by that I mean she’ll drink to the point where she’s literally crawling on the floor, puking everywhere, and laughing and crying at the same time. She’s fully aware of how hysterical she gets whenever she drinks, knows she’ll end up drinking herself nearly to death if she goes to a party where there’s liquor, but just doesn’t care.
Our parents tried talking some sense into her, but apparently, they’re just ‘being overbearing’, ‘overreacting’, and ‘making a huge deal out of nothing’.
A few days ago she asked me to drive her to one of her friends’ parties. I asked her if there was gonna be any liquor involved and she said yes, so I told her to find someone else to give her a ride because there was no way I’d be dealing with her being wasted again.
She told me none of her friends had their licenses yet, so I told her to either take a taxi or not go to the party at all. Either way, I made it clear that I wasn’t gonna be driving her anywhere.
She eventually found someone else to give her a ride and did end up going to the party.
However, I got a call from her at around midnight, and surprise surprise, she was as wasted as ever. She begged me to come pick her up and drive her home and started yelling and freaking out as soon as I told her no. I hung up, she called me a few more times to scream at me and later ended up getting a ride home from someone else at the party.
Our parents weren’t at home that night, but when they got back today and found out about this whole mess, they immediately blamed me. We got in a fight and they said I was selfish, irresponsible, cruel, and so on for refusing to drive my sister back home. However, my sister is an adult who made her own choice to attend that party.
She knew how she gets when she’s wasted and knew I wouldn’t be driving her home, but still made the choice to go there and get wasted despite everything. I honestly don’t believe I made a jerk move here, but I’d like to hear some more opinions on this. Was it really so messed up of me to refuse to give her that ride?”
9. AITJ For Being Upset When My Partner Didn't Get Me A Birthday Gift?
“I (mid-30s F) have been with my partner (mid-30s M) for almost 3 years. Since the beginning of the relationship, a serious pressure point with us has been gift-giving.
My number one love language (giving and receiving) is gifts. It is not a materialistic thing. It is about the time the person puts into thinking of a tangible object that would be good for you be it practically or aesthetically, and then deciding to put in the effort to get the object and give it as a gift.
My partner is TERRIBLE at gifts.
Our first ‘gift-giving occasion’ together was Christmas. I bought him a beautiful watch. He got me… nothing. Valentine’s Day. I got… nothing. He got a custom-made whiskey glass set with stones. My birthday. I got a ‘day of experiences’ that were all things HE likes to do and no gift. Finally, after almost a year together I sat him down and explained calmly why I was hurt that I wasn’t receiving gifts on these occasions.
I took the time to explain how and why gifts were important to me. That it wasn’t about the money it was LITERALLY the thought that counts.
Fast forward two years to my birthday and the gifts situation has not gotten better. If (big if) I get a gift for an occasion it is obviously not thoughtful and unwrapped.
We have a combined budget. With my birthday coming up we discussed putting $200 aside for my birthday present and dinner. With 9 days to my birthday, I asked, out of concern, if he had any ideas yet on what he wanted to get me since he hadn’t asked me what I wanted yet. He said that he knew so I dropped the conversation.
I didn’t want to ruin a potential surprise.
Then my birthday rolls around. I work that morning so does he. We get dressed to go out to dinner late in the evening. No gift all day. As we are driving I’m sneaking peeks in the car hoping that maybe he has a gift stashed somewhere. We sit down at the table… maybe it’s in his pocket? So finally I ask right before ordering ‘What did you get me for my birthday?’
He says nothing.
My stomach sinks. Tears come to my eyes. I do my best to not cry at the table. I lose my appetite completely. The server comes around and I don’t order. I blame it on an upset stomach. I asked him why, after almost three years and all of the gift conversations would he not buy me something.
He says everything from ‘not having the money’ (untrue we budgeted for it). To ‘no matter what I get you, you won’t be happy’. (Also untrue I pointed out multiple gifts over the years given by friends at many price points and how much I cherish them)
Ultimately I don’t order. We cut the date short and we go home. On the way home he mentions that he can’t believe I would ruin my birthday dinner over a gift. Not much has been said about it since on either side. So I’m trying to see before I confront this situation one final time. AITJ?!”
8. AITJ For Losing My Temper On My Neighbor Who Kept Bothering Me During My Jogs?
“I’m an Emergency Medical Dispatcher which basically means if you call 999 with an emergency and need an ambulance there is a chance it’ll go to me. It’s a rewarding stressful job and some of the calls I’ve handled give me nightmares but I wouldn’t change my job. Some of my hours however are extremely unsociable and sometimes I get home at 4 am and when I do I have a routine.
When I get home at 4 am I’ll quickly change and then go for an hour-long jog while I listen to podcasts. This jog by 5 a.m. will take me to my partner’s bakery where we will share a meal: breakfast for him, and dinner for me. On the days I work this kind of shift it’s the only time we can see each other, I then help him set up a little before heading back to my home and sleeping.
All in all nothing abnormal ever happens but a new neighbor recently moved into my cul-de-sac, a woman in her late 30s or early 40s I’m not sure, I don’t know my neighbors THAT well as I don’t often have the ability to socialize with them due to my work hours.
During one of my recent jogs, I paused on my way out of the cul-de-sac on the pavement near her home to pick out a podcast on my phone only to have her come out shouting at me about what am I doing near her home and how I better leave before she calls the police.
I quickly apologized to her and explained I was her neighbor, and just out for a jog. She didn’t believe me so in the sight of her I had to go unlock my front door to prove to her I lived here as she kept shouting about the police. After this, she stopped and retreated back into her home so I continued my jog.
Except she was watching me the next time I jogged and the next, and the next. Each time she called out vague threats about the police, how I shouldn’t be out at this time, and how I was scaring her children always being out this time. I admit I’d finally had enough of this and laughed at her because I’m a 5-foot tall woman who looks like a solid breeze would blow me over.
I also told her to mind her own business and how only she seems like the weirdo here always watching me go for a jog at this hour. I also told her if she called 999 to say hi to my co-workers for me.
I’m not proud of how I lost my temper but it is getting to me how she is always doing this.
It wasn’t until my partner suggested over our shared meal that day that maybe she just had anxiety and seeing someone outside so early put her on edge and she was handling it poorly, I admit I felt guilty after that I’d thought me jogging for an hour after my shift was harmless but I’m used to being up at weird hours. Am I the jerk for jogging at this time? Would it freak you out if one of your neighbors did this?”
7. AITJ For Embarrassing My Husband In Front Of The Family Because Of What He Said To Our Kids?
“My husband and I have 2 kids (13f and 11m). Right now we are going through some financial struggles and we ended up losing so many of our belongings to be able to pay off mortgage debts.
The kids have been more than understanding of our situation and they help with whatever they can. My son even offered that we sell his computer to get money, which was sweet but I insisted he didn’t have to.
My daughter draws perfectly and she’s been selling a few of her works to friends online to buy stuff for our house. All in all, let me just say that I’m proud and grateful for my kids and their efforts to help out.
So days ago, we went to visit my family and my brother was talking to my husband about our debt struggles.
My husband loves our house dearly and swore he would not lose it no matter what happens. My brother then asked him what he’d do if he couldn’t afford next month’s payment and my husband just looked at the kids and said ‘Well, guess then I’ll have to adopt you two out’.
The kids got quiet, I looked at them with a stunned look on my face as they got up from their seats and made their way upstairs.
The rest of the family just stared awkwardly. A few seconds in I went off on my husband about what he told the kids and how cruel his words were. He defended himself that he was just messing with them but that stuff is damaging both emotionally and mentally and to say this to the kids after they had shown nothing but support? That was so messed up.
He lashed back saying I overreacted and needed to loosen up and drop it but I refused to do that. I followed the kids upstairs and stayed there… they were actually crying when I found them in the room. I felt awful and didn’t speak to my husband after that. I did demand that he apologize and make it up to the kids and he said no and insisted he was just messing with them.
AITJ? He said I offended him in front of the family.”
6. WIBTJ If I Ditch My Brother's Wedding Because I Don't Know What Color Of Dress To Wear?
“I’m currently in medical school and live across the country from my brother/family. I was surprised when his fiancée asked me to be a bridesmaid because I barely knew her, but she wanted to have all siblings in the wedding. I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week, and while I was able to get an accommodation to take my last two exams early I still wouldn’t be able to help much with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party/bridal shower.
She said this was fine, it would mostly just be to have an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen and for pictures.
There’s a group chat that was created months ago that I would read through every couple of days to get updates on things I needed to do, namely to order a bridesmaid dress. Links were sent with three styles to choose from and we would be updated on colors later.
So a couple of weeks go by and I ask what color to order, and the bride says she’s still thinking about it. A couple more weeks go by and she’s still thinking… then a couple more weeks. You get the idea. Now it’s at the point that if I don’t order this dress in a couple of days it won’t be here in time.
So I asked on Saturday what color. No response in the group chat to me.
I asked again yesterday (Sunday) what color I need to order. Then I’m flooded with messages lambasting me for not ordering a dress yet, from her sisters and my sister and her. My sister called me and told me to ‘get my crap together’ and ‘order a dress already’ because my lack of preparedness is causing the bride intense anxiety because she doesn’t think my dress will be here on time for the wedding now.
She texted me this morning, ‘Don’t forget to order your dress, love you’ with smiling and kissing emojis.
Still, no one has told me what color! I’ve scoured the group chat for a mention of dress colors or an image of a dress but only the maid of honor sent a photo of her dress and I don’t know if she has a special color.
There are thousands of messages so it’s not simple to find anything. Everyone else can meet in person so I assume the decision on color was relayed in person. I can’t tell if I’m being purposefully excluded.
About an hour ago my brother called me pleading with me to work things out with the bride because she was panicking about me.
I tried to explain this to him and he told me he doesn’t care, it’s a petty lady’s issue, and since I’m not there for anything else this is the least I can do because the bride thinks I don’t like her because I wouldn’t come to anything. He’s taking her side. They know I’m in medical school, I have literally no say in my schedule.
And I’m on the other side of the country, 5.5 hours by plane.
I’m fed up with them and contemplating telling my instructors the wedding was moved and I will take my exams at the regular time. I’d have more time to study that way anyway. I haven’t told anyone in my family I’m considering this. WIBTJ?”
5. AITJ For Being Angry At My Fiancé For Returning My Wedding Dress?
“My soon-to-be husband (m 33) and I (f 29) are getting married soon. Wedding planning has so far been going alright except for a few things he and I argued about like the venue and flower girl. Now we’ve been arguing about my wedding dress. This might sound cliche but ever since I was young I dreamed of having my own beautiful wedding dress, I can afford it but my soon-to-be-husband thinks it’s not okay to waste a couple of thousand on a dress I’m only going to wear once – yes he might have a point there but for one, this is a typical price for wedding dresses.
and two, because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing then why not make sure it’s special?
My STBH still wasn’t convinced and suggested I rent a dress instead of buying one. He started saying that I’m being irresponsible with finances and brought up how much I’ve already put aside to ‘rent a face’ (he means makeup) and wear ‘fake’ hair (he means extensions) but I have this vision of what I want to…
look like, sort of speak, on my wedding and I think that it’s my right as a bride. I went ahead and purchased the dress but a day later I found out that it was missing from my closet. I freaked out but he told me he returned it and got the money back. I was shocked.
I asked him why he did that and he said he thought the dress was ridiculously expensive and that was wasting money and AGAIN suggested I go rent one.
I blew up and went off on him which I’ve never done before. He literally took a few steps back and told me to calm down. I said he had no right, I’m the one paying for the dress.
He got upset and said that there’s no ‘I’m paying for it myself’ in marriage and that my attitude is setting the tone for what type of dynamic we’ll have in our marriage, he kept on about how I must expect him to pay for everything while I keep ‘my money’ or spend it irresponsibly (but I never tell him how to spend his money) I responded that he gets zero say in how I spend my money whatsoever.
He told me that I should grow up and stop with the ‘dream wedding dress’ cliche then stormed off to call his mom who chewed me out saying she won’t let me ruin her son’s financial stability with how I deal with finances generally. She too urged me to rent a dress or buy a cheaper one, way cheaper than the one I picked, and move on but I declined.”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Parents To Live With Us For 5 Months?
“We are 3 girls living in a rented apartment. We all are in our late 20s. Our apartment is a townhouse with 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms on different floors. My one roommate just informed me that her parents are visiting from a South Asian Country to the US and will be staying with us for 4-5 months, that’s practically like moving in.
AITJ for not being okay with this situation? I am not comfortable living around parents. Since we are good friends I am ok with 1 or 1.5 months at max. Our lease allows guests for 30 days consecutive and 90 days in a calendar year. I know if I bring lease legalities, she will get away with it staying for 30 days then staying out for 1 day, and then staying back again.
Worst case if she still proceeds which she legally can, I have my ways around to make parents uncomfortable by playing adult content in the living room all the time since it’s my part of the house too, and show resistance. (I will tell my roommate in advance to expect this if she proceeds)
I don’t want someone’s parents to be all time sitting in the living area, cooking 4 meals a day, and me being practically restrained to just my bedroom.
I signed up to live with people my age for a reason. Need suggestions. Also, they will be coming from November to Feb, so they can dodge around the 90-day calendar rule.
Edit: They are retired and visiting here as vacation, so will be staying for the most part. I recently asked the same roommate if I want to get a cat and she said she’s not comfortable with pets even if the landlord has no issues and the cat would stay in my room 95% of the time and I did respect that.
Asking for more rent, more utilities is okay but that’s not what I want. I want my mental peace. I cannot just say no because the lease says there can be 2 guests per bedroom for 30 days. But there’s this unsaid understanding I believe among bachelors sharing an apt to not bring parents to stay for long.
Playing adult content in the living room is the absolute last resort to show that I am not okay and absolutely low of me. But I don’t think people like these deserve any better. I am absolutely okay welcoming them for short term, a month or so but 4-5 months is almost half the lease period.”
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay A Kid's Medical Bills After He Jumped Into The Dryer I Was Using?
“So I am living in a basement suite that has a laundry room next to it. The room is shared by me and the family I am renting from as part of the rental agreement.
One day a week, the family will unlock the door in the laundry room that leads to my suite, and thus I have access to the room for the day.
I put my clothes in the machine and shut the door to the suite so that I don’t hear all that ruckus. There are stairs in the laundry room that lead up to the rest of the house, so I assume that is how they access the laundry room.
I had my clothes drying in the laundry room.
All of a sudden I hear yelling from the wife and the next thing I know, the ambulance has arrived.
I soon learned that:
- Apparently their 4-year-old opened up the dryer and climbed in.
- Their dryer was faulty. It doesn’t shut off when you open the door. Yea… So the kid was tumbling in there while the door was open and all because the machine didn’t shut itself off when the door was opened.
This was last week and the kid turned out to be relatively fine.
But now the landlord and landlady want me to reimburse their son’s ambulance bill and medical bill (they have no insurance), totaling $8477. 34. Because it was my laundry that the kid climbed into. (Really?)
I didn’t think I was responsible because:
- I am not in charge of watching their kid. I am paying an insane amount of rent, to begin with, I didn’t agree to babysit anyone in addition.
- It is their laundry machine that is apparently faulty.
But they insist and I am not sure.
I went to a forum that was orientated towards landlords to see if I was really responsible. I was asked if the family ever raised rent. I have been living there for one year and 4 months, so no, I admit they did not raise rent when the lease was renewed after the first year. But still, they didn’t do it for charity.
I pay my rent on time every time and don’t cause a problem: I assume them not collecting a little extra is still better than the risk of trying to find a tenant that isn’t trouble etc., at least that was their thinking. Anyway, I am not planning to stay after the lease ends.
Anyway, I was told then by the landlords that I should be grateful that they did not raise rent and should pay up to be morally fair.
EDIT: To clear up a few things
- I do laundry once a week. I am a single person and a few loads for one day of the week is enough for me. To be fair to the landpeople, they have expressed letting them know if I need an extra day or whatever to do laundry. They seemed chill about that part.
I don’t know, I’ve never taken them up on that offer.
- I don’t know how the kid got in. He’s not that tiny like a newborn and the door doesn’t take much effort to open. I don’t know, nor is it my responsibility to know.
- That really was the majority of the response on the landlord forum. I didn’t go into details, cause I didn’t need to; I only stated what the verdict came out to be: that I should pony up to be ‘fair’.
Yes, there were comments/discussions on the stupidity of the situation, and there was some sympathy towards me. But the majority verdict in the echo chamber was (as to whether I should pay): Be grateful they didn’t raise rent and pay up or risk being a leech/or just be nice because ‘dealing with tenants isn’t easy’. Mind you, I’ve never caused trouble for them to begin with.
Aside from having the audacity of drying my clothes in the 21st century in a machine that their kid can climb into, I guess.
- I didn’t close the dryer on the kid. I’m assuming he tumbled/went in as it was still running after he opened the door, and he had trouble leaving the machine as it was literally rolling him around inside.
- I didn’t question the medical bill as I am a graduate student on a long-term exchange program from… Canada. I’ve never paid a medical bill in my life and just accepted the fact it would be expensive.”
2. AITJ For Stopping Doing My Husband's Laundry?
“My husband (34 M) and I (30 F) have been married for over six years, living together for nine years and we have a one-year-old child together and two beautiful dogs.
I have been back at work (approx 30 hours a week) since our son was 3 months old due to my husband losing his job. My husband has successfully acquired a new position working 38 hours a week since then earning more than enough to support us three comfortably.
Long story short, I am feeling burnt out from both sides of the candle and I am unsure if I am projecting my frustrations on this medial task. I am solely responsible for being the primary carer for our son and all of the household cleaning and maintenance as I work 8 hours less than him a week.
Yes, he does cook dinner 4 nights a week – but it’s like a hurricane comes through the house whenever he cooks… that’s another story.
Anyway, over the last several years I constantly find myself rewashing his clean clothing. I wash, hand out to dry, and neatly fold his clothing neatly. His only job is to put them away in the drawers, but here is the kicker.
He will put them on the floor and the dogs will lay on them (we also have a pug that loves to pee on anything that’s out of place… he is a jerk). I’m sick of ‘nagging him’ to put away his clothing and I refuse to do it for him as he ‘likes the clothing put away a different way than how I do it’ (he has ADHD & BPD).
So, as of the last three weeks, I finally followed up on my threats and I haven’t completed any of his washing, I left what has been washed on the clothes horse and he got mad at me tonight as ‘I don’t work as much as him, so I should have more free time to do his laundry’.
Am I the jerk here?”
1. AITJ For Letting My Mom Eat Raw Salmon?
“So I made dinner for my mum, dad and myself. It was Jerk Chicken, however, my mum wanted to be awkward and wanted salmon instead so I seasoned it with jerk seasoning.
They both left the house to go to the local social club for a few drinks and I was left with making the dinner, which is no bother to me as I love cooking.
I plate myself up before they come in, and literally take one bite as they walk in. My dad is occupied with plating himself up, so I get up and put my mum’s salmon in the oven and set the timer on the oven for 18 minutes. I say to her ‘I’ve just put your salmon in’ as I sit down and eat my dinner.
A few minutes later I noticed my mum taking her salmon out of the oven and making her plate up. She joins me and my dad at the table, takes one bite of her salmon, says that it’s really salty, and asks how much salt I put on it. I hadn’t put any salt on it as I used a jerk seasoning rub and I didn’t want to make it too salty.
I’m not that experienced with cooking salmon as I don’t like it and obviously don’t eat it. So I say to her that there’s no salt in it.
My dad and I both finish eating before my mum and we both wash and dry the dishes. Then, as I’m drying, the timer on the oven goes off.
I’m confused. So I asked my mum if she had taken the salmon out before the timer went off, to which she nodded at me. So I said to her, again, that I had literally just put the salmon in the oven when she came in.
She starts going off about how she’s going to be ill now and that she’s been put off what she’s eating.
So she scrapes what she has left into the bin and I’m standing next to her as she’s doing it and I notice how the salmon is literally raw. She eats salmon all the time, I don’t understand how she never noticed that it was raw.
I’ve been told that it’s my fault she ate raw salmon. So guys, AITJ for letting my mum eat raw salmon?”