People Are Pining For Our Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
16. AITJ For Refusing To Move In With My Partner's Family?
“So for some time now, my partner has been trying to get me to move out of my house and live with him seeing we both live with our parents (we both are 20).
Now I have no problem with this but the fact is we don’t have the money yet for us to move out. He wants me to move into his place to ‘get a start on things’ but the problem is I cannot for the life of me stand his mom.
Don’t get me wrong she’s a nice person, but only to others. His mom’s mental state flat out dropped back when his older brother died, and she of course blames herself, which I know is extremely hard, I’ve had family go through the same thing, but the one thing I didn’t understand was how her brain reworked itself.
You see unlike my aunt or others I’ve met who lost a kid and became super helicopter for their other kid she just flat out dropped my partner.
To turn a very long rant short here is a list of what she has done without context (though the context wouldn’t help her either) to understand WHY I feel the way I do.
- She screamed and flipped out on him for attempting to fix her now hoarder tendencies
- Yells at him again when he doesn’t and people show up
- Tried to drag out taking him to the hospital for an undiagnosed case of appendicitis that had he waited would have erupted
- WAITED for me to get a ride to the hospital, had me wait while he was rushed into surgery, and then got up and left saying she had other things to do, those things being sleeping at her partner’s house
- Refuses to get a job for the last year or so
- Has been forcing him to use all his savings for a car to pay the bills
- Yell at him for not being able to pay said bills after paying one and then saying he never pays for anything
There is more but these are the bigger ones that have happened.
Now I love my partner and I wanna be able to stay with him, and he SAYS if I move in I could help him feel better about living with his mom, but I really do not feel comfortable with that with everything that has happened.
This topic basically becomes a fight after a while and as much as I want him to move in with me and my parents, one thing that’s stopping him is leaving behind his cat.
My dad is very allergic, and we are lucky to have one, but my partner has had this cat in his life for a very long time, and knowing how much of a mess his home is, and not knowing how his mom would react scares him and makes him not want to leave the poor thing.
Anyway, I guess at this point I should ask, am I the jerk for not wanting to move in with his mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your partner wants you to move in, knowing you would be uncomfortable. While I may get his perspective of she’s treating him poorly and probably not you, he’s discounting how uncomfortable witnessing it and living with that tension is.
But you don’t have the money yet, and his claim that it’s to ‘get a start on things’ hinting that it’s only temporary until you can get a place together soonish is a flat-out lie.
He’s used all of his savings and is paying for all of the bills in that house (side note, just reread again and it’s unclear if he purchased a car for himself with his savings to get to a job to pay the bills, or used the money he was saving for a car to pay the bills.
Either way, eating through his savings). He can either continue using all his money towards the house until it’s all gone/used up/accounted for, or move out and be done with it. Moving in there means you will either live there indefinitely if you choose to stay in the relationship or will be homeless once the money runs out and taxes/mortgage can’t be paid.” KatCole7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you do not want to spend time with his mom you should definitely not move into a house with her.
Especially after the things she has done it is probably also better for your partner to move out. At this point, he has to decide between you and his cat. And I believe that you should be put first.
If you live close to each other he could still try and visit his cat.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if neither of you has the money to actually move out, moving into each other parents’ house, regardless of which way it’s going, is probably not a good idea either.
As much as it sucks to wait, both of you need to save the money to get a place together. It becomes very awkward very quickly when you move into an SO’s parents’ house – I am speaking from experience – and I wasn’t even dealing with a hoarder mom that doesn’t give a crap about her kid. My advice would be to stack cash and move ASAP, good luck!” deckpumps_n_deldos
15. AITJ For Walking Out Of The Airport?
“I F30 don’t have the best relationship with my husband’s mom. From day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I did and sometimes even copied me.
Like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.
So, anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country – tourism in other words. The thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets).
My husband’s mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, and even threatened to call the police and make some complaint to get us to stay if she can’t come.
My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatum. said he wouldn’t go if she can’t come and I told him I’d gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say ‘FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won’t take her.’
Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter.
The day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2 pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone.
I asked him but he didn’t respond. He led me to the waiting area and the first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage. I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside.
She and my husband were hugging. That’s when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. He tried to stop me but I told him off in the harshest way possible.
He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there ‘anyway’ and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.
I went home and sobbed into my dog’s fur for several minutes. Turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. An hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute.
I told him he caused this to happen. He said that I was being so hard on his mom it was ridiculous. I refused to fight anymore but he kept on berating me and then called my family to tell them that the trip was canceled and that it was because of me.
My family said that I shouldn’t have ruined it for myself and should’ve sucked it up and done my best to enjoy it.
Did I really overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Regardless of your relationship with your MIL, it should always be ok to sometimes want to go on vacation with just your spouse (especially if you’re the one who saved for it).
It’s just a different kind of vacation if 3 people are going together, one often ends up as the third wheel, and by the way your husband and MIL behave it will probably be you.
Even if you loved your MIL, you still have the right to not want her to tag along on a vacation.
But your husband’s behavior is concerning. He doesn’t respect your boundaries, he even helps his mom to cross your boundaries and when you repeat your no, and follow through with it, he calls your family and blames you for ruining everything.
I would get away and get away fast.
Life is too short to waste with people who disrespect you.” CrazySeacreature
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did not overreact. Wow – your husband is the jerk, and so is his mom. Are you sure you want to be married to someone who prioritizes his mom over you, who lies to your face, who agrees to something and does the opposite – and when you get mad – he BLAMES YOU? Ugh – there are so many things wrong with his behavior.
You deserve so much more and so much better from a partner/husband. You should be his number one priority. He’s the EXTREME jerk in this situation – and the fact that he can’t see he did anything wrong would probably make me want to break up my marriage – but that is just me.” DragonFireLettuce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I believe you meant to say your ‘Soon to be ex-husband.’ He picked his manipulative mother over you.
He will do this time and time again. I have actually had a conversation with some of my family members and told them that my husband is the person I chose as my life partner and that I will always pick him over them. Your husband will always pick her over you. You should leave him, or better yet, tell him to go back home to mama, and get out of your house.” MrsNuggs
14. WIBTJ For Quitting My Volunteer Job?
“The local theater is technically a charity. The money they earn for shows goes back into the theater but the majority of employees are volunteers. I am one of the volunteers and have been working there since I turned 16, 9 years ago.
As part of volunteering, I help manage an after-school club. I am one of two volunteers with a qualification that lets me work around kids safely and legally, and I’m trained to run this club.
I provide homework help as well as general supervision, and all the students are from low-income families. Their parents usually work 2 full-time jobs and live paycheck to paycheck.
As part of volunteering, I also work as an usher, cleaner, and bartender.
I probably put in around 20 hours a week, 5 of which are shows and 15 are the after-school club.
The part of my work relevant to this question involves advertising. I’m the youngest volunteer and everyone else is 40+ and struggles to work with things like photoshop or Microsoft office.
Because of this, I have been designing all promotional materials for years now. Programs, posters, signs, advertisements, and even the tickets, plus created and run the social media. I started doing this when I was 19 (6 years ago) and did this all in my free time outside of the 20 hours.
Rent isn’t an issue.
My father passed 4 years ago and left me his fully paid-off house, but he also left me a small debt that I managed to pay off by selling my flat, and he left me guardianship of my younger half-sibling, who is now 7.
While no rent is a huge help, I still need to be earning. I have a job as a tutor and a second job as a supply teacher, but the work is inconsistent.
I saw online that the theater was hiring for a media manager, offering full-time hours for £9 an hour.
I thought it was weird they hadn’t asked me, but I went ahead and put in my CV anyway. They gave me an interview yesterday. Today I got a call saying I had got the job.
They asked me to stop by.
I went to the theater and they showed me my desk in the office with the paid workers. I asked if they needed my bank details, as they didn’t take volunteers’ information, to which they responded they wouldn’t be paying me.
I reminded them that the posting said £9 an hour. They, somewhat awkwardly, said that they are a charity, and I was practically doing the job for free up until now, so they assumed I was fine to keep on doing that.
I started working there for free, but I do need the money.
If I took this job I’d be full-time, which is 4-5 days a week so I couldn’t do this job while supply teaching, and would actually be taking a pay cut to do it, but without me, they can’t run the after school club.
WIBTJ for quitting?
Why do I feel like TJ? I am 1 of 2 people who can run the after-school club, and we’re at maximum capacity. There has to be at least 1 person per 10 children, so without me, they’d have to halve the number of kids who could go.
I asked about flexible hours, that would allow me to keep working as a supply teacher and work for them, but they said it’s full time during weekdays or nothing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are seriously taking advantage.
Before I got to the part where they screwed you out of (modest) pay, I was thinking ‘wow, this person has a heart of gold.’ You’ve been volunteering there for nearly a decade, which is significantly longer than most people stick to a volunteer position.
You are under no obligation to continue giving your labor away for free.
Great that you have the means to not ‘have’ to work, but it sounds like this takes up all of your time- are you in a financial position to not need to work until you retire? If not, you may find it difficult to get a job since all of your work experience to this point is volunteering.
You have to think about yourself and your future.
If you feel a loyalty to part of the position – eg, you want to continue with the club for kids, maybe start by scaling back so you can keep going with the club and work a job somewhere else.
But also, the people running this theatre are jerks.
Get a good reference from them and go start your career.” Samsassatron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s both crazy and illegal for them to try and make you work full-time without pay. Don’t fall for the ‘charity’ line.
You said yourself there are paid employees, it’s not a 100% volunteer service. If they have already budgeted for this position and advertised for it, they do have the money to pay, they are just trying to take advantage of you.” solowalker23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s pretty wild that they just assumed making you work full time for no pay was just going to be okay.
You applied for a job with pay and they should have followed through regardless of if you already worked there or not.
I’d definitely leave if I was you so you can find work for an actual payslip.” Pokirix
13. WIBTJ If Didn't Stop Cooking Bacon In Front Of My Vegan Daughter?
“Dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but I’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one.
We’ve always been a meat-eating family, we live in the rural Midwest, and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given.
This year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and I jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. We learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, I adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc.
None of this has been a problem for me until recently.
She saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then I rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. She exploded in anger (teen years, I’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, I know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was HER pan for vegan food.
I was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not YOUR pan.
She asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food.
I didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so I said sure and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. The reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that I’m not to touch them unless I’m cooking vegan.
That wasn’t good enough.
Now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal products, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because I eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home.
I don’t mean I literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because I wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter.
Frankly, I’m on team heck no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request.
My wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. My daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick.
Now I’m sorry for her, but I feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side because I’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — although I don’t really want to call your daughter a jerk, she just feels strongly about something but she’s expressing it the wrong way.
You got to sit her down and tell her that, while you might not wanna play the parent card… it is your house. You have a right to eat what you want in your own home.
You’ve been extremely accommodating to her already, which is great! Well done you! A lot of meat-eating parents wouldn’t be so supportive and I’m really glad to see you’re making room in your budget to get her her own cooking utensils and vegan food!
I see some people suggesting she save up/work certain chores to pay for her own mini-fridge — I feel like a decent quality mini-fridge that’s affordable and will be cold enough to keep veggies fresh might be kind of hard to come by though? I don’t know, in my experience, they kind of suck BUT you could consider it.
If that’s not an option, separate fridge shelves — one for meat, one for other animal products (cheese, yogurt, eggs, etc.), one for fruit and veg, one for vegan replacement products, etc. Make it a family rule to do this religiously — no throwing stuff wherever it fits, just make sure it goes on its designated shelf (raw meat at the bottom is safest).
There’s basically no chance of contamination this way, especially because people should generally have clean hands before they start cooking anyway.
The point is, she needs to understand that being vegan and cohabiting with people who are not vegan is going to require leniency.
She cannot dictate what others eat, especially in their own home. It’s not her choice. If she has to move out and live with roommates someday who are not vegan, she’s gonna get a real shock if she tries to ask other people who are paying rent not to eat what they want in their own house, so she needs to learn not to fall into the ‘annoying vegan/veggie’ trope now.
Also, does she understand how dishwashers work? The water is roasting hot because it kills bacteria, as will whatever soap capsule you use inside the dishwasher.
If she’s really concerned about contamination, she’s just going to have to wash her own dishes by hand, but it’s the same effect. Hot water + soap = germs killed.
Does she cook her own vegan meals sometimes? I enjoyed others’ suggestions of having weekly vegan family dinners that she chooses and prepares/helps to prepare.
It is a healthy way of living so if the whole family eats vegan meals a couple of times a week, she gets to learn in-depth how to sustain this diet for herself long-term, and you and your wife get the health benefits.” gorgeouswvr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You need to sit down with your wife and discuss the right way for you both to approach your daughter about her veganism.
It’s OK to have differing opinions from your family unless you’re hurting yourself, hurting others, or trying to force your beliefs and practices on others.
You support and love your daughter, and you have made accommodations for her. Quite frankly, she seems ungrateful.
Another user suggested she get her own sponge to wash her own dishes in the sink rather than using the dishwasher and I think that is a good start.
If she thinks that’s unfair, most children (and teenagers, but I emphasize child here because she sounds like she was throwing a tantrum) do chores. Washing her own dishes would encourage her to take responsibility for herself and her food.
Get her involved in cooking vegan meals, she’s 14, not 10, she can learn to cook and feed herself, too. Teach her to cook and care for herself, it will help her in the long run.
It’s ridiculous that your wife is suggesting the two of you go and leave the house to eat meat elsewhere.
Why is your daughter vegan? Is it a religious decision on her part? Ethical, for the environment, or for the sake of not killing animals? Food preference? If your daughter truly has a strong, physical reaction to eating meat, you should see about taking her to the doctor to be checked out for Lyme disease or a hormonal imbalance.
Going vegan, being vegan, can be normal and often is.
But when it comes to the point of saying nothing in a shared house with known non-vegans can be animal products, it’s either due to illness, religion, or being self-entitled and controlling.” a-rabid-cupcake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This isn’t about her being vegan. This is about her testing boundaries and asserting her independence. I’m not saying her vegan desires aren’t valid, but her method of fulfillment is unhealthy. It sounds like she has no way of obtaining her vegan state without getting it from you.
That’s not terribly surprising given that she is 14. I would recommend that you find ways to allow her to earn her own fulfillment. Otherwise, she’s going to constantly push you for more, and what you have to give is never going to be enough.
The first step would be for her to establish a set of goals. Her first goal was her own cookware, and you bought it for her as a gift. Instead, she could have earned it with her own money.
Likely her next goals (from your description anyway) are a vegan-only cook station and a vegan-only wash station. Setting aside an area for a vegan corner would be a good compromise. This may be more difficult as it may require remodeling.
But, if she is serious about her goals then maybe getting a part-time job to pay for the renovations to have her own sink, washing machine, and stovetop/oven would be the best route.
Her long-term goals sound like she wants to have a vegan-only household.
After getting her vegan corner, she can start saving money to move into her own place. She can continue to work her part-time job and begin the process of budgeting her money. That way when she’s 18, she will be ready to establish her own home and make her own rules.
Your daughter needs to understand that it is your responsibility to provide what she needs not what she wants. Your wife needs to understand that as well. Otherwise, you wind up being a bunch of jerks raising the next generation of jerks.” Reddit user
12. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Won't Give Me A Loan?
“My partner, let’s call him Eric, and I have been seeing each other for 1 year and 7 months. It doesn’t seem like that long but to us, it feels like we’ve known each other for years.
We are very in love. We are both very serious about this whole thing and always talk about how this is endgame for us. Like they say: when you know, you know.
We are also really comfortable with each other and talk about everything.
One of those things being money. We’re both very responsible with our money and encourage each other to save up. I know how much money he has in his bank account and he knows how much I have.
We’re both 24 years old and currently, I have about 500$ for everyday expenses in my checking account and 7k that’s in a savings account. Eric has about 14k in his checking and 21k in his savings.
Obviously, he’s a bit more well-off. I still live with my mom but the only thing I don’t pay for is rent (which I’m very grateful for. Mom is the real MVP. She also cannot afford to pay or help pay for my tuition.) I pay for my car, the insurance, food, my tuition, books, and everything else.
Eric lives with his parents as well but only pays for his gas. His parents pay for his car insurance, his phone, his metro (subway) card, his tuition, his books, etc. I have a student loan and when I mentioned it to him, he did not know what that was.
Literally asked me: ‘what’s that?’ We both laughed about his cluelessness and now it’s like an inside joke in our relationship.
Now, here’s my issue. School starts in a week and I will have to pay for my tuition.
It is about 1200$ this semester. I live in Canada, that’s pretty much what college fees are. I do not want to ask the government for more financial help. I’ve been working my butt off this summer and think I have enough now and can pay for school.
However, for reasons that are related to the type of savings account that I have, it would not be very smart to take money out of it. I will get my pay in 2 days, about 700$.
So I will be 500$ ‘short’.
I asked Eric to loan me the funds and told him that I would give them back to him in 2 weeks. Now I know that Eric does NOT in any way owe me anything.
But since we are so close and I don’t know… so ‘us’, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. However, Eric told me no. When I asked, he first told me that he thought it was very rude of me to ask.
That response embarrassed me so much that I immediately told him to forget I asked! He then tried to explain that if we break up, (in the next 2 weeks I guess), he will have to ‘chase after you to get my loan back.’ I said: ‘like taking your money and not giving it back?’ And he answered: ‘Yes, you could choose to not give it back.’ AITJ for being hurt by his response?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d really rethink your view on this relationship.
I think you might be jumping further down the line than he is. He may still believe you have a future, but that doesn’t mean he is in a place to loan funds. My partner and I have been seeing each other for almost two years.
I’m 31 and he’s 29. I own a house and have two kids, he lives with roommates. He has a lot more spending money because he doesn’t have a mortgage or children, however, when I needed a tad bit of help when my car got totaled I went to my parents for a loan.
It didn’t even occur to me to ask him. Just like he got laid off last week and he could very easily come live with me. I have stated multiple times that I would take care of him until he found a great job.
But he wants to show responsibility and respect by taking care of himself and picking himself up since we aren’t married yet. We both want to bring responsibility and respect to the table when we are married and have no animosity toward owed funds or uneven displays of personal responsibility.
Because let’s be honest, although it seems like a red flag he won’t loan $500, as a person who makes more than my man, I can see him seeing it as a red flag that you didn’t take personal responsibility to ensure this would be covered yourself…
ESPECIALLY when you have funds saved up. That can send triggering thoughts like wondering what else you will simply not take care of because you know you can rely on him. That’s very scary.
It’s not that you will break up, but a relationship should be equal… maybe not in income…. but at least in personal responsibility.” Gelly13r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but ESH a little. You’re only a jerk if you decide to hold it against him and let this dampen your relationship.
No matter who it is or how rich the person is, handing out a $700 loan is a big deal. Especially when he’s only your partner. Being super close and super in love doesn’t provide actual security for him to get his money back.
Your partner is not wrong for rejecting you. It’s his money, it’s his right and he doesn’t owe you anything. You are asking for a privilege. The part where I think he sucks a little is that he was a little harsh when he said no.
If there’s any tension right now between you guys, I would say you should apologize for expecting him to give you a privilege (asking isn’t wrong, expecting a yes was wrong).
And in turn, he should apologize for being rough on the rejection.” Dayum343
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He’s thinking about it logically – He really doesn’t know what will or won’t happen in the next two weeks. Does this mean he doesn’t love you? No.
Does this mean he thinks there’s a good chance of you two breaking up? No. What it means is he doesn’t want to float $500 out there and have the risk of it not being paid back.
You aren’t a jerk for being disappointed or hurt.
He’s not a jerk for saying no when you asked and explaining his reason.
As a general rule – don’t loan funds to family or close friends (or partners). You either give them the funds (with no illusion that you’re getting paid back) or you don’t.
And he isn’t comfortable giving you $500 that he may never see again.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – I don’t think you should ask a romantic partner for a loan, ever. When you’re married or domestic partners you share finances so that would be different.
It may FEEL like a long time to you both, but you’ve been together for under two years. That is not a long enough time, period, to be asking for a financial commitment from the other person.
I think you suck for asking because you KNOW $500 is a big deal. We often assume money is less important to people who have more money than us, but that isn’t the case.
$500 is a lot of money no matter what. I think he sucks for saying no in such an insensitive way that assumes your relationship is going to end (although, after this post, things may not be looking up).
That being said, he’s right. There’s no way to know if you’ll make good on the $500 in the next two weeks. Also, if you have 7k in savings…why are you asking your partner for $500?” saltierthangoldfish
11. AITJ For Ignoring My Friend?
“A couple of weeks ago it was my friend, Claire’s, birthday. She decided to have her first drink ever and throughout the night she had more, though not a lot in my opinion (but I could be wrong considering her weight and other factors).
She’d been acting kind of weird all night, but not really intoxicated, more just awkward. She’d had about 4 shots and was seemingly sober when she came to me and said that she was acting weird because she could blame it on the booze and I didn’t really mind the statement since she wasn’t really begging for attention or anything, just being goofy.
She gets served a full glass of booze but finished maybe a third and starts getting emotional.
I laugh (mostly because I’ve had some to drink and I knew she would be embarrassed the next day). She starts crying and just letting loose so much about her life. She’s frustrated about a lot of things like her grandparents’ health and a crush she has.
She was also stressed because she thought I was mad at her (I wasn’t, just sick at texting and getting back to people if they don’t really attempt to talk to me).
It gets to the point where we take her for a drive around town so she could get some fresh air and she begins to break down HEAVY.
She’s sobbing and venting about things but quickly starts talking about how much the people in the car mean to her.
It’s just my other friend Lily and her partner Rob, but she starts talking about how Lily is such a good friend to her and how Rob (who she’d met for the first time an hour earlier) was one of her good friends and how she hoped he wanted to be her friend.
The part where I got unnerved was she said nothing about me.
I know that might sound selfish and conceited but I’ve always agreed with ‘intoxicated words are sober thoughts’ and I guess it just made me think that my friendship with her didn’t really matter that much to her.
I was in the backseat with her and with her during the party, watching out for her and making sure she was fine. I was crying with her in the car when she was breaking down because I truly felt for her situation and I felt horrible, while Lily and Rob were laughing at her.
I’d been friends with her for 7 years now and I thought that I’d have at least gotten a mention. I talked to her every day for month-long periods and I just thought we were close.
Now, about 3 weeks later, I haven’t really tried to talk to her.
I responded to her occasional texts but I don’t really try to keep the conversation going and they don’t really come that often, maybe 2 or 3 times she’s tried to text me. I don’t know if I’m TJ or not in all honesty.
I just feel saddened if I’m gonna be honest.
Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I got super wasted and embarrassed/outed my partner’s unfaithfulness to his entire group of friends and said some pretty mean things that I don’t even remember.
He still took me home and showered me, then put me to bed.
YTJ because being ‘sad intoxicated’ is a horrible and embarrassing experience for everyone, but especially your friend. Seems like she was already down in the dumps about some other things going on in her life, and you seem to be making that night about you.
She was probably running her mouth before she even had time to think about what it was that she was saying, and she didn’t even say anything bad about you.
Sounds like you need to have an honest conversation with her about how you’re feeling regarding your friendship, but leave that night out of it.
I’m sure every time she thinks about it she’s embarrassed.” Assmerelda
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I experienced something very similar to your friend. I had a few drinks at a friend’s birthday party and then when I headed home on the train, I started to feel very bad about myself.
I got in the door of my apartment and just started crying. My partner had no idea what was going on. I just couldn’t stop and was racking through all kinds of thoughts to figure out what was making me feel so awful.
Kind of like a panic attack but with more tears.
This stuff happens. We all are carrying a ton of things on our shoulders and in our brains at all times. Sometimes it all comes out, and it’s not pretty.
It’s important to be there for each other, even when it’s uncomfortable. If you had an inexplicable breakdown, you’d want someone to stay by your side, I’m sure.” McBeeferson
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
So this is her first time with booze and instead of maybe trying to help her only drink a little and take her time with it, she has a ton.
Multiple shots, heck, a glass of booze. And she’s obviously crazy gone and was just having a moment.
Intoxicated words are sober thoughts is not accurate. The first few times I started to drink booze I did things I never would have done, and there was one time I was crying for no reason and thanking the person I was talking to even though I had only ever met her twice but was all gushing about how sweet she was.
And now you aren’t making much effort and yet still somehow trying to push her away.” NorthFocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend sounds like an emotionally intoxicated person, which can be a pretty heavy thing to deal with. That’s not her fault, but it’s certainly something to keep in mind for when you hang out with her and booze is involved in the future.
Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? I think it’s OK to feel hurt that she didn’t mention you at all, but it might just be because she was taking your friendship as a given.
Why mention it when you already know? Intoxicated logic is not logical at all, so keep that in mind. However, your feelings are totally valid. Talk it out, tell her how you feel. Hopefully, the situation will just blow over and you’ll both laugh about it later.
Best of luck, OP!” 404pants
10. WIBTJ If I Asked For An Expensive Item Back?
“I was friends with Karen for about 3 years when I sold my pony due to financial hardship. At that time I gave Karen a very nice, special piece of tack that retails for $400 because she had a horse of her own and I figured she would get more use out of it, although I knew she probably wouldn’t use it that much.
I’m not sure if I specified at the time that it was a gift or just borrowing.
Even before that time she had been putting distance between us and spending more time with another friend, Julie, than with me.
She would ignore or make excuses when I tried to make plans. And when we did get together it was always me driving 50 minutes to see her. I tried to talk to her about at least not ignoring my messages, but she just apologized and nothing changed.
I was always her lowest priority and she made it clear in every interaction. We are in our early 20s and neither of us is married or has kids, so it’s not like she’s taking care of a family.
Anyway, I have depression and this feeling of constant rejection spiraled me down into a really bad place. I stopped messaging her, or responding to her (very rare) messages, because I knew if I got invested in the friendship again I would just end up in a worse place.
She begged me through text to respond to her, and I gave in once and apologized, but didn’t give her the full explanation and eventually went back to ghosting her because nothing changed. Another catalyst to the second ghosting was that we made plans to hang out (her, me, and Julie) and they were talking about all the fun they had together that season.
Making it clear that she made time for Julie, but not for me. (But then why beg me to talk to her when I pulled away? I don’t get it.) Now, about a year after our last contact, I had a severe mental breakdown and was hospitalized for 3 days.
I’m on medical leave from work and am being supported by my parents. They are open to the idea of buying me a horse because they think it will be a good distraction from my issues and because I took great care of my horse before (with no help from them financially or otherwise).
BUT, I really want that special piece of tack back. There’s a 4-week back order on them because they are so popular and well-made. And being out of work, I can’t afford it. I don’t want to ask my parents to buy me one because they are already doing so much.
WIBTJ if I texted her after a year of ghosting and asked if I could have the piece back if she isn’t using it?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
I’m sorry, but from the sound of it, you had a friend who you gave something to because you had no use for it anymore.
You are struggling with depression and anxiety and even if she was drifting a bit, maybe she too is dealing with anxiety and depression? From your description of ‘she made time for Judy and not me,’ it sounds like you suffer the same problem I do, which is you overthink every little thing.
You ghosted this girl, and she begged you to talk to her again, going out of her way to talk to you, and then you ghosted her again.
You caused her distress for sure (if you ghost someone who doesn’t give a crap about you they don’t beg you to talk to them again they say screw it) then again a second time and now you are going to come back into her life to ask for some tack back? I’m sorry.
If your parents can afford to throw a horse at you to try and cheer you up, they can afford some tack.
As for the ESH Parents: buying a horse as a band-aid for your obvious mental health issues rather than helping you deal with them.
Your friend: sure, she sucks too for canceling on you…
But there may be more to it than that. If you don’t care for yourself and feel super rejected over canceled plans oftentimes you will make people around you suffer without meaning to because you are equal parts sad and mad they did it and make petty comments meant to sting.
Do it enough and people kinda don’t want to be around. Though even if that wasn’t the case, people drift apart you know? She should have had more class than constantly canceling and you are good to get someone out of your life who causes you distress but I’m just saying try and look at it from another angle.” Neville2MyLuna
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think YWBTJ to ask for it back after you actually get a horse and I would phrase it like ‘hey, are you still using that tack? Because if not I just got a new horse and could really use it’ (though can you really afford a horse if you can’t afford a new tack?) I don’t know the first thing about horses.
She is under no obligation to give it to you though, or even respond. And frankly, given the way you have fixated on this relationship and the toll it has taken on your mental health, it sounds like it would be money well spent to keep this woman out of your life and not initiate contact.” relish5k
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you WNBTJ if you asked for the tack back.
$400 is not a small amount and it is something you let her borrow. Borrowing tack for prolonged periods and returning it when asked is common in the horse world. I’m a riding instructor, so from a purely equine industry perspective this is not uncommon or rude.” fleshcoloredbanana
9. AITJ For Switching Milk To Prove A Point?
“2 other guys and I share an apartment together and we split all the bills. The only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. Everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge.
We put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up.
This issue has been going on for almost a year and I’m sick of it.
One of my roommates, R, keeps stealing my food.
I get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on them), or my stuff finishes too quick. My gallon of milk for example. I buy almond milk because I like the taste.
But it seems to finish after a week even though I’ve only drank once or twice.
I confronted R about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. He outright denies it and tells me I’m crazy even though it’s so obvious.
My other roommate and I carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so I know it’s not him.
It’s always after we get back home and R’s already left for work that I notice my food’s gone. My roommate also had a similar problem but not as often as I do. I’m guessing cause R doesn’t like what he buys.
The funny thing is that R buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food.
He will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
Last week, my milk was nearly empty again and I got fed up. I went to the store and bought regular dairy milk.
I drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one I bought. This was to catch/prove R is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant.
The next day, Saturday, we get back from work and R is angry.
He yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. I only responded with ‘So then you’re the one who’s been stealing?’
He freaking exploded.
Yeah, he admitted he was ‘sometimes’ drinking my milk and eating my food but he was madder that I switched milks than the fact that he was caught. I told him I wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of trying to make it seem like I was making it up.
My roommate backed me up and thought it was kind of funny he got payback for stealing from us.
It’s a little tense right now and my roommate told me R is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. Little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his crap.
I told some buddies what happened and a few think I was a jerk for that.
I feel like I’m not in the wrong here. He was taking my food and not even owning up to it and I wanted to prove it, does that make me TJ?”
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ! You had your suspicions and you wanted to confirm them.
You tried asking nicely and got blatantly lied to. If it had been an anaphylactic reaction, sure you’d be the jerk, put up a camera, but a little flatulence, big deal!! (I’m lactose intolerant, drink almond milk but LOOOOOVE cheese).
I wish I could do this with my BIL (20), but he steals my expensive cereal, I don’t think he’s intolerant to anything (except maybe wearing deodorant). For context, I’m pregnant, and I’ve had to resort to keeping my pregnancy cravings in my bedroom, unfortunately, I can’t keep the fridge stuff with me, so that’s a Schrödinger’s cat situation (it’s both, been eaten, or it wasn’t until I open the fridge) and I’m getting frustrated.
I spent $260AUD on shopping this past weekend and asked him what he wanted, so he could pay me back for it…
all he asked for was yogurt and nuts, which he then paid his brother (my partner). I come home with the shopping and he INSTANTLY helps himself to the food I bought to have for dinner.
And I’m starting to get ropable. Mostly he’ll just eat microwave meals (which are my emergency meals if I can’t be bothered to cook, am in too much pain, or am too exhausted to cook) but when it actually comes to those days, there are none left cause he refuses to/can’t cook for himself
He also takes 20+ minute showers every night (at 11 pm waking me up).
I’ve tried speaking to him about it, but he just doesn’t listen. I’ve also spoken to my partner and FIL, and if he doesn’t cut his showers in half, they’re going to make him pay for the water bill (my partner pays for most of the bills at the moment).” MockingRay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Hear me out: you are not lactose intolerant, you just like almond milk bc of the taste right? Technically you didn’t know the guy was drinking your milk, so technically you could have just changed it because you wanted the other milk, and you put it in the almond milk gallon bc why not.
You are not the jerk, you just wanted regular milk.
But now, I know the feeling of this, my old roommate used to do this a lot, sometimes I would buy like fancy cheese and stuff to make fancy dinners for my partner and the things would just disappear and no one knows where it went.” Reddit user
8. WIBTJ If I Went Against My Parents' Wishes?
“So, I would like to say first that I respect and love my parents as much as I can! I would do anything for them and I do.
Currently, I live at home because I go to community college and my parents pay for the school.
What isn’t covered in financial aid, I have offered to pay it numerous times. They tell me no. Because they paid for everything in college for my sister.
I am a 20-year-old in college and I have a part-time job.
I work around 25-30 hours a week while going full-time to college. My workload is a ton! On top of that, I do projects around the house that a 20-year-old generally doesn’t do. Recently I bought them a new laminate floor and fixed our shed up! I did this with my money.
I didn’t expect anything in return nor cared. I did this for them.
My mom tore up our bathroom floor for some reason… so I had to fix that during midterm week. Which I did, though I couldn’t finish my laminate floor because of how she ripped up the bathroom.
It was a mess… so I had to switch projects. Therefore my laminate flooring isn’t done (need to do a closet). She threw this up at me tonight for no reason.
I also pay for my own car, gas, and insurance.
They even use my car sometimes… when things break down on theirs.
Things I want to be able to do!
So I have a partner that goes to college 2 hours away. We alternate weekends on who comes down to see who.
(Her family lives close to mine). Now I think I should be able to spend the night at her apartment when I want. Because her parents are fine with it.
My mom gets very angry at me for even mentioning spending the night.
She doesn’t like the idea. Meanwhile, my dad couldn’t care less if I do or not. Though he won’t tell her because she goes ballistic fast…
I shouldn’t have to ask if I can do something with my friends.
Or get questioned on how I spend my money..
(I have a student account from high school that is linked to theirs for transferring money when I was in high school.)
So WIBTJ if I wanted new rules for me? Because I think I do a lot of things and deserve these things.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘My house, my rules’ only applies to stuff someone does in your house. There’s this warped misconception that if someone lives under the same roof as you and isn’t paying rent they somehow become your property and forfeit basic human rights like freedom of movement and bodily autonomy.
OP’s parents having him do home improvement stuff for them as an alternative to paying rent? Yeah, that’s fine if they’re not abusing that obligation (tearing up the bathroom floor for no reason during his exams is borderline).
If his parents said he couldn’t bring his partner over? Sure, it’s their house, they can control which guests are invited.
However, he is an adult and a human being. They have absolutely zero right to say he can’t spend the night somewhere else, or stop him from hanging out with his friends if he’s paying for his own transport.
In any other situation where two adults are living together that would be controlling and abusive behavior regardless of who’s paying the rent, and it’s controlling here too. Like, just imagine those scenarios:
‘My buddy’s crashing on my couch for a while.
He mentioned going to his partner’s place for the night, so I flipped out and went ballistic. My house, my rules!’
‘My partner moved in with me, but I own the house and pay the bills.
I told her she isn’t allowed to visit her family for the weekend. My house, my rules!'” HotDealsInTexas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult; start acting like one. Do that by taking back your power from your parents/mom.
Your mom is treating you like a child. Be polite, but be firm. You will not be asking permission to go on a sleepover, like a ten-year-old anymore. Just go; leave a note, as another person said if it makes you feel better.
But don’t ask ‘permission.’ And move out as soon as it’s feasible.” Jasminefirefly
Another User Comments:
“Yeah I think YTJ, but barely. You’re living in their house, it’s their rules, even if you feel like you do enough work and contribute money towards it.
You’re an adult you can go to the bank and change your account on your own if you want. You can move out and get your own freedom if that’s something that’s important to you.” worthmawile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re a grown man.
Start making your own decisions and slowly get your mom used to the idea that you are going to do whatever you are going to do. Maybe go spend a weekend over there and just leave your mom a note, so she doesn’t have the chance to confront you before you leave. Doing that a few times should just make it feel like a normal occurrence to her.” Reddit user
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A Car From The Saleswoman Anymore?
“I have been looking to buy a car for around 4 months, but the heat is on: I have to buy one by Friday afternoon or else. It’s a hard deadline. So tonight, I test drove a minivan and a large part of my soul dies when thinking about spending $25k on something I don’t enjoy but is highly practical.
It’s likely the answer.
Right across the street was an Audi dealership, and I wanted to see a Q7 before I made a final decision. No regrets or second thoughts if I buy the minivan.
I walked in and asked the saleswoman if they had any used Q7 models, and she said yes. Long story short, she spent 30 minutes showing me a car, and I quite liked it.
Enough that I wanted to weigh practical and smart for 1/2 the price versus fun, enjoyable, and a little irresponsible in my mind overnight before making a final decision. So, I said, ‘Can you put together an offer with your best foot forward so I can think about it overnight?’ We go and sit down, and she says ‘I will be back in a minute.’
I thought maybe she’s printing something out or whatever.
I look up and I see some mid-30s little man introduce himself and sit down and open up with ‘So I hear you have a Q3 and you hate it (semi-true: love the car, but entirely impractical with a family so I hate that we have one with 2 kids).
I also hear you are comparing the Honda Odyssey with a Q7. You have to ask yourself, ‘What is the price of happiness?’’
I do? Thank you my sage dispenser of wisdom.
So you can imagine how the next 90 seconds went.
I then promptly told him ‘She has done a great job, I was interested in the Q7 but your little lecture made me realize I can’t ever buy a car to help your bottom line.
All I asked for was a confidential quote, not a lecture, so I could spend an hour walking home and mull over the pros and cons. You gave me nothing and destroyed her potential sale.’
I then spent 5 minutes apologizing to the lady for wasting her time saying that all I wanted was a quote so I could price up the pros and cons and figure out the decision.
After 11 hours at work today, I didn’t need a lecture from a pint-sized Don Draper wannabe that didn’t have any actual numbers attached to it. I felt bad for wasting her time, she had to bring in the idiot manager to the conversation.
It wasn’t her fault. Now I am at home doing research on used Q7 cars that she basically got me interested in, but I will never buy them from her.
AITJ if I eventually buy a Q7, not from her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She brought in the manager thinking she had a sale and the manager would close the deal by giving you a deal that she couldn’t offer. Personally, I go for practicality. The van has way more space and is extremely useful.
You can tow things with it as well. It’s great. Get your sports car when your kids are gone.” FemaleIsEasyMode
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – buy whatever car you want from whomever you want. A large part of sales is rejection. I’m sure this woman hasn’t given you a 2nd thought, so don’t give her one either.” lenachristina
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Have Her Wedding On My Property?
“One of my (29M) best friends ‘Carla’ (31f) is getting married soon. It’s only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding but they’ve been planning it for a few months now and originally it was supposed to be on my property.
They wanted it there because it’s private, has lots of open space for the reception, a nice view and the house could be used for them to get ready and stuff. Of course, I said yes, she and her fiancé ‘Rick’ were very happy.
The thing is Carla and I do have a history. We went out on and off in college but decided to stay friends. Then I met my wife, we got married, Carla met Rick and now here they are.
Now my wife knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn’t care. Carla still went to our wedding and everything. I never knew if Rick was told or not, it’s not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did.
Rick found out recently and not in the best way. Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to go out.
Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple of years ago she was still in love with me when she was already seeing Rick. Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told.
All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past and he’s angry at her for never saying anything.
It became quite a drama and didn’t hear from her for over a month until now.
She told me they’re going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on. But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable. Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then? To my surprise, she said they still want it at our place.
Rick said so too and in my mind I’m going ‘he doesn’t want the guy who went out with his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.’ My wife and I are expected to just…not be at our home that weekend and I told Carla no.
They’re going to have to find someplace else since we’re not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn’t make sense. Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house? They really want their wedding here though and because of that, I’ve been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I’m being a petty jerk for not letting them have the wedding here anymore.
Honestly don’t think that I am, it just doesn’t make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we’re no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable.
Still being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Even IF (by some miracle of a chance), you WERE willing to let them still have the wedding at your house, there is absolutely NO REASON for you and your wife to NOT BE at the house.
It is out of line. Your home is NOT a paid-for wedding venue. And you are not obligated to allow its use to someone who has anger issues over something that happened YEARS ago.
Imagine if he decides to be even pettier than he already is and breaks or destroys things in your house out of a misguided need for ‘revenge’? This has all the earmarks of a disaster in the making if you go along with their demands.
NO. Don’t do it. In fact, you may want to have your friend read over many of the comments to this post, so she realizes just how unreasonable a demand this is from her fiancé.
In my opinion, if he is reacting this poorly NOW, it is DEFINITELY a bad sign for the coming marriage.
As for the friend that ‘tattled’ it would behoove all involved to find out WHY that friend thought it necessary to spill the beans (especially the bit about her saying she still loved you years ago after she and Rick had started seeing each other) and what that person was hoping to accomplish.
If it was an honest mistake, fine. But if that friend was trying to break them up for some reason, or cause trouble in general, sounds like the friend might also need breaking up with from all involved.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow, NTJ.
‘Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything.’ After what? After he found out his fiancée said she still had feelings for you? After he got mad at his fiancée for hiding details from her past because she knew he wouldn’t like them? After you… broke up amicably with her long before they got together, moved on, got married to a different woman, and were going to do them a huge favor?!
The things he’s mad about are all things Carla did.
He’s displacing his anger onto you as a ‘safe’ target, because he doesn’t want to break up with her and doesn’t know how to work through anger and trust issues in a healthy way, therefore it has to be your fault… somehow.
Hopefully, their couples therapist will work out what’s going on and help him get through it to a more healthy mindset, but that’s not your problem, and neither is the question of where they’re going to hold the wedding now that Rick’s completely torpedoed the original plan.” snootnoots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I totally understand Rick’s discomfort over Carla hiding that you two went out. And it’s made worse by the fact that he may know she said she was still in love with you when they started to see each other.
BUT expecting to hold their wedding at your home while kicking you out for the weekend and uninviting you is really ballsy and outrageous. If he is that uncertain whether his fiancée has lingering feelings for someone who’s now married, then they shouldn’t be getting married…at least not now.
Rick is displacing some of his anger towards Carla onto you because he loves her and wants to forgive her for keeping the relationship a secret. You have done nothing wrong.” ilp456
This marriage isn’t going to be one for the record books.
5. AITJ For Ending A Friendship?
“Jim is an online friend the same age as me, and we’re both from Britain, and this year our year group has some really ‘important’ exams. Thing is, my friend seems to be studying or doing homework all the time, he has maybe an hour of free time every day which I find ridiculous because I have many other friends my age from my country and while they’re all mostly revising and doing work, it’s not like it’s completely invading their life, and I still get to see them and hang out for longer than hour intervals, y’know?
As well as this, I have a very big vendetta against the school system in this country, and he is well aware of this.
Because of school and the way it works, as a person with Asperger’s, I have struggled immensely. I don’t know if trauma is the right word, but because of incidents with schools, I’ve developed depression and anxiety.
I can’t talk to any teachers or even consider home tutoring, let alone schooling because it causes me to have a panic attack and I just break down.
Jim knows all of this, yet if I ever criticize the school system or suggest it’s less than good, he gets annoyed.
I’ll just say something like ‘It’s stupid how much homework they give you’ and he’ll get defensive. If I ever mention the school system is harmful he gets mad and says it’s not and that it’s all just me, and my fault for ‘being lazy and not doing what I’m told.’
I’ve asked him multiple times to please just stop talking to me about his school problems because it leaves a bad taste in my mouth and because if I ever dare criticise the fact he’s tasked with so much work he gets upset.
I have lots of other friends who know I hate school and avoid bringing it up often so I don’t feel uncomfortable, but it seems to be the only thing Jim ever talks or thinks about anymore.
We had a big argument a week ago because he was going on about exams again and I said that the people who run the schools are stupid or jerks or something like that.
I don’t know if he agrees with me but is too prideful to admit he’s bending over backwards for a crap cause, or if he genuinely doesn’t see any problems because he has no problems, despite the statistics of school related depression rising.
I told him ‘I don’t want to talk to you anymore’ and blocked him.
He’s said nothing, despite being blocked for a week and me apparently being one of his closest friends. I’ve suspected sometimes that he doesn’t have so much work and that he just doesn’t want to talk to me but he convinced me it was just anxiety telling me that, but it seems clear he doesn’t care now so maybe I was right.
I don’t know.
Am I justified in my anger, or am I overreacting? I just don’t want him to devalue everything that’s happened to me just because he can fare well at school, and I want him to respect that I don’t want to talk about school anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your friend is working really hard to try to get good test results, probably because he thinks it’s going to help him have a better future. He’s likely correct, or at least not incorrect – doing well on his exams won’t hurt his future, and will likely help him.
He’s talking about his schoolwork/studying because that’s literally all he’s doing right now. I get that you have your own trauma around school and tests, but you’ve been a pretty terrible friend to him.
You’re focused on your anger instead of his stress, you’ve offered him little to no support, and you’ve told him to shut up when he talks to you about his problems.
You might think ‘he’s bending over backwards for a crap cause,’ but the system isn’t going to change because one kid decides not to study.
It’s probably a crappy system, I do agree it’s overly stressful on teenagers, but it’s what you’ve got and you’ve got to live with it. If you want things to be different, stop whining and do something useful.
There’s a rule in my house – if a chore is getting done but you don’t like the way someone is doing it, don’t complain unless you’re willing to do it yourself. I don’t complain about how someone else loads the dishwasher unless I’m going to take over loading the dishwasher.
Get over it or work for change.
Also, when you tell someone ‘I don’t want to talk to you anymore,’ it’s ridiculous to be surprised and upset when they respect that request. If you want to get back in touch it’s your responsibility to reach out.” FrugalChef13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
No doubt that you’re TJ. Yeah it sucks that the school system is rough for some people. That doesn’t mean that you have a free pass to act in a way that makes Jim uncomfortable or upset.
He’s doing everything that he needs to, and is being the epitome of responsible.
Frankly, if bringing up school is such a sore subject for you, then why do you take it there? If he says ‘I have a lot of work, can’t do anything’ then why do you think it’s appropriate to start crapping on something he takes very seriously? And then get offended when he defends something that he puts almost all of his effort into? He might not agree with the school system, but if he sees value in his work and learning, it’s insulting to him for you to start crapping all over what he works so hard on.
If I were as studious as him and had someone saying stuff like this constantly and being this needy, I wouldn’t particularly care about getting blocked either, to be honest.” Teamchaoskick6
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Initially I was thinking ESH because he didn’t respect your request to not constantly discuss school and you didn’t respect how important it is for him to do well.
Until you became a petty individual who blocked him while he was trying to do his best.
How do you hold that against him if he’s your best friend? How do you block him as a test of friendship? Did you think about how stressed he is constantly trying to do well and you crapping on school might make him feel worse?” Reddit user
4. AITJ For Assuming The Hour Gap In My Work Day Can Be Used At My Discretion?
“I’ve been working at my job since July. In addition to seeing clients throughout the day, this job requires lots of documentation/paperwork which I was told could be completed and billed to the company after hours.
No real guidelines/rules/limits were provided about how much extra time we could spend on paperwork. It is an hourly position. I stay after sometimes but rarely more than 15-30 minutes.
One of the contracts I provide services for 1x per week can be completed in 1.25-2 hours.
I get there at 8 am, see my clients, then drive approx 15 minutes to my next site. At my next site I do the paperwork for approximately an hour and a half (it varies depending on how busy the morning was) then take an hour lunch break with the rest of the employees.
After that, I see clients until 5 pm.
I’ve been thankful for the extra hour I get to catch up on paperwork and use it for exactly that. However, recently my boss has been going over the numbers and figuring out profits with different contracts.
He never said anything directly to me. But recently two of my coworkers on two separate occasions asked why I was at work so ‘early’ on this day. I told them I was finished with my first site and doing paperwork like I have been since July.
Now I’m paranoid.
Should I have gotten off the clock when I completed my first site and then returned after lunch? Should I have asked my boss what I’m supposed to be doing during this extra hour/hour and a half and not assumed I’d get paid during it? I realized that other employees don’t get this time to complete paperwork as their morning contracts are longer.
Am I stealing time? If this is a problem, is it on my boss for not explaining my schedule to me from the beginning? At this job, I have seen countless ‘mistakes’ by employees that were really just due to my boss assuming people know the ‘rules’ intuitively so I’m afraid I will be punished for this.
I get paid an extra hour/hour and a half each week during a gap in my schedule that my coworkers do not get (that I use to complete paperwork – they either complete their paperwork after hours or during client cancellations).
We are allowed to bill for paperwork after hours with no real guidelines/limits about how much time we can spend on it. No one said anything about this until recently two coworkers asked why I’m ‘early’ since I don’t see clients until after lunch so I think maybe my boss just realized this gap and is upset/talking about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you’re reading too much into this – maybe they just asked why you were so early because they noticed you were early and were curious/making small talk? From what you describe it’s not like they were interrogating you.
If I saw a coworker arrive significantly early I’d probably make a casual comment too – but that doesn’t mean I automatically think that they are taking advantage of the system and stealing company funds.” jills_atm_vestibule
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you are performing job-related duties on company time, it’s up to your manager to modify your schedule if he decides your services can be used more productively elsewhere, or to reduce the company’s expenses.
Not your call, you just keep doing what you’re doing if it’s within company policy to do so. If you are that worried, you should discuss the specifics with your manager directly, that’s what he’s there for, to manage you.” gurilagarden
3. AITJ For Making My Stepdaughter Angry?
“I gave my stepdaughter a car that had a $468 car note which includes insurance but only charged her $180 a month for about a year. She was late with the payment at least three times.
When she was late I did not make her pay the whole thing back, I would just tell her to chunk on an extra $50. She smashed the car in less than 4 months but it was still drivable.
Her father and I decided to rent a house. The house he and her were staying in belonged to his older DIL. Very religious. Against LGBTQ. The older DIL wanted to charge my step-daughter an exorbitant amount of rent and told her she could not have any of her friends at that house even though she would have to pay rent.
She called us and asked if she could move in because we had an extra room. I let her move in only paying $250 a month for rent. The second month she was there she was late with her rent.
Fast forward to this year she wrecked the car. I filed a claim on my insurance that made the insurance of course go Sky High. I still tried to go and take her to a dealership that I know and get a car with zero down payment and no trade-in and I was going to sign for it plus put her on my insurance.
She became angry with me and told me she did not want that car 2016 Nissan because it cost too much. It did cost too much but sometimes when you have bad credit or no credit you have to pay a higher interest rate.
I guess she didn’t understand. She went and got her own car and her own car insurance. Her father has become sick and is now in Assisted Living. I let her know I will be moving from that house because the bills are too much for me to handle by myself.
I had advised her years ago when I first gave her the car to save money and showed her how to save and invest in stocks and bonds so she would always have funds in her pocket.
She didn’t do it, she spent her money on vacations and booze.
Now she is mad at me because I’m giving her a notice that we must be out of this house by October. She comes in and out of the house and will not even speak to me and acts like I am the cause of all of her problems even though I put my hand out and put all of my business on the line to try to help her.
I did it because her mother died young like my mother died when I was young and I didn’t have anyone to give me a hand.
Since she is my stepdaughter I felt like I wanted to help her the same way I had helped my two children when they were growing up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’ve made everything possible for her, and she is still ungrateful and bitter…
Let it go and look after your husband and yourself. Sometimes lessons are better learned by yourself… maybe when she will be mature enough she might change her behavior.” HlodwigFenrirson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You need to look after yourself and your husband. She needs to grow up. Her problems are of her own making, NOT yours. Don’t enable her anymore.” Ultra_Leopard
2. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom?
“My mom has always been a good businesswoman, and she always tries to get her way with her clients, and she treats me like one. I’m a junior in high school and still live with my parents, and this is the saddest/maddest I’ve ever been at them.
The anger started at the beginning of the year when my parents made the deal with me that if I get a job, then they’ll get me a car. As the summer went on details began to smudge as they bent their own promise.
It started as anything economical and under $30,000. I was ecstatic, thinking I would get a super nice car and I was happy.
Them bending their own rules being that they gradually told me I had to pay for all repairs, which was fine, and all my gas, which is also fine, then the insurance, that crossed the line a little bit in terms of a promise but I was willing to compromise at half, and then it became that I could get a $20,000 car, and I had to pay half, and then it went down to $10,000 with me paying half as well, and now it’s at $0.
I was furious with how they were changing the rules, and told them it was unfair, to which their reply was: ‘our house, our rules.’ I fought with them for the other half of the summer while I still had my job, but I fell apart about mid to late August.
A week into September I found these things called Nanoleafs, which were super cool, and given my office (I have a sleeping room and an office) was super bland given that I had no wall decorations, only a desk, my birds’ cage, and a tv stand, I thought it would be a good way to spice things up.
I showed the starter pack to my mom, who said if I cleaned both my rooms and vacuumed the hallway that she’d get them for me. Again, I was excited and got to work immediately.
My grandmother was over and offered to help, so I agreed but only to help with my bedroom. So I spent the good part of 2 hours cleaning, and when I was finally done, she told me she wouldn’t buy them since my grandmother helped.
Again, I was mad, but my rationale is two is a coincidence, and three is a pattern, which means the last straw was yesterday.
My phone’s battery is screwed up, and my warranty expired over a year ago, and she told me if I wanted it fixed I would have to pay for it.
I didn’t have the money to fix it, so I went to my carrier’s store to see if I could upgrade. Turns out my mom used my free upgrade through my carrier (we share a plan) to upgrade her iPhone X to the newest and most expensive phone they had, the iPhone 11 Pro.
Again, I was mad, so I asked her if I could upgrade too, since my phone is actually damaged, to which she replied I could have her free upgrade (which opens in 3 months right around Christmas) and said it would be a good Christmas gift.
The way our phone plan works is the free upgrade covers the initial cost of the phone, and the upgrade only increases the plan by $4 a month.
AITJ for being mad at my mom? Regardless I’m going to be angry, but I just want to know if I’m being a little crap.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on this post, but hear me out.
Okay, look: if this is was ‘I’m mad at my mom for not getting me a car, waaah, waaah, my friends all got cars’ or something, then yeah, you’d be the jerk.
Also, if this was, ‘I’m mad at my mom for promising me a car and then backing out because some change in circumstances made it so she couldn’t afford it,’ then again, that’d be jerk-ish.
Now, maybe I’m wrong, but this reads as ‘My mom promised me X in exchange for Y.
I did Y, and instead of giving me X, mom demanded Z in exchange for (X-1). When I agreed to Z, mom demanded B in exchange for (X-2). When I agreed to B, suddenly the entire deal was withdrawn.’
It reads like, ‘My mom keeps making me promises, then reneging without any explanation.’
Or, with an explanation that includes ‘rules’ that were not made known to OP beforehand.
‘Grandma helped so you get nothing even though I didn’t specify that it had to be 100% your effort?’
Come on. That’s not cool.
The question of whether or not OP is an entitled teen isn’t relevant to the fact that making a promise and reneging by just going ‘ha ha my house my rules’ is a betrayal of trust.
It is absolutely reasonable to feel upset at a betrayal of trust.
And it’s a jerk move to break promises to your kids just because you feel like it.
As a side note, while a contract with a minor probably isn’t legally binding, the next time your mom makes one of these deals, I’d suggest saying something like, ‘Mom, I was hoping maybe you could help me fulfill your expectations.
Could we write all this down so I can make sure I’m doing what I need to? I really feel like having it on paper can help me do better, and I think having this in writing will be good practice for me for when I’m an adult, and also so that I can keep track of what my responsibilities are in this and make sure I’m living up to your expectations.
And then we can both sign it so that I know I need to hold myself accountable!’
And then try to get her to be as detailed as possible.
I think that approach would be better than, say, ‘I want this in writing because you keep screwing me over, mom,’ because it’s all about ‘please help me hold myself accountable’ and not about holding her accountable, which would probably make her defensive and/or angry.
Just a little bit harder to say no to.
(I mean, yeah, she might still say no, but whatever.
It’s a chance.)
But honestly, OP, it sounds like your best bet may be to just keep doing your best at life in general and don’t expect anything ever. That way, if a promise is fulfilled, it’s a bonus.
This whole promise-breaking thing might just be the way things are.” jwhitestone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is destroying your trust in her and therefore your relationship with her and damaging your self-esteem to boot.
Definitely stop making deals with her unless, as other users have suggested, you get it in writing with a contract. Sounds like she never intended to fulfill any of these agreements which is why she didn’t have legitimate reasons for changing and terminating them.
‘My house, my rules’ is supposed to refer to a parent setting healthy boundaries for their kids so they turn into responsible, capable adults, especially when the kid isn’t mature enough yet to understand why certain rules are in place.
It’s not a catch-all for doing whatever the heck you want to your kid and justifying it by saying you’re the parent and have all the power so what are you gonna do about it, huh? Shame on her for treating you this way.
I wonder what your father has to say in all of this and what role he’s been playing?” phantomfire00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but definitely stop making these deals with her. You’re making yourself look like a fool and you know it.
You admitted your mom is playing you like a client so it’s time for you to step up your game.
-
Start working your butt off, and save every penny, so that you can become independent as soon as possible.
Seriously, no buying anything unless absolutely needed.
-
If you must make a contract with her (and only if it’s for a large sum over $5k), do it in writing. Better yet, get a template online and make sure all the details (even insignificant ones) are laid out: dates, times, items, price, repayment plan, scope, deliverables, guarantees, penalties, etc.
Get her to sign it and have someone witness it (not a family member or anyone who might possibly take her side). Sounds crazy maybe but it’ll be worth it.
-
Sue her if she breaks any agreement. If she wants to play hardball, two can play at the game.” dj_destroyer
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother To Bring His Partner To My Wedding?
“Ok, this is the worst. I’m losing sleep over this.
I’m getting married in a week to an awesome woman, and I cannot wait to be her husband, we are so excited.
My brother is gay, but my family doesn’t know, only my parents and I know.
I come from a very old-school traditional family, so the old part of the family, grandparents and some aunts/uncles still have last century’s mind, and the younger portion, cousins/siblings are open-minded and are living in the present.
So my brother has been seeing his male partner for 6 months now, the dude is great, I’m so happy my brother found a great guy.
But it’s kind of a secret, as he hasn’t told my family he is gay.
I’ve been telling him for years that he should come out, cause I know it stresses him a lot, and I think it will make him feel better not to hide anymore, plus I bet a few family members already know anyway.
But he disagrees cause he knows a part of the family won’t accept it and it will be a lot of drama.
I see the opposite, I see it as the sooner you know who the idiots are, the sooner we can cut them from our lives. I have no interest in having someone in my life that doesn’t accept my brother being gay.
Anyway, that’s his decision, not mine, so for now he won’t say anything.
Until a few weeks ago, when he said he wants to bring his partner to my wedding.
I was not expecting that to be honest. So he went from 0 to 100 pretty fast.
If it was any other occasion I would be supportive obviously, but I don’t think my wedding day is the day to do that.
Imagine all the drama and gossip and bull crap that would happen. And I don’t want to get the attention away from my fiancée, that’s her day. And I don’t wanna have to worry about that on my wedding day, and I think it’s a pretty good reason
I asked him why my wedding day, and he said it was because he wants to celebrate love with the 2 people he loves the most, me and his partner.
This is killing me. I would fight my whole family for my brother and never speak to them again if I had to, but my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight, and I can’t do this to my wife, that might ruin our future.
I didn’t even tell her, she is already stressed out, don’t wanna make it even worse.
With a heavy heart, I asked him to please come alone to the wedding, and that I hope he understands me.
He started crying and left my house without saying anything.
The next day I got a text and he said ‘don’t worry, going alone’. I tried calling him but he didn’t answer me, and my parents don’t seem to know what’s happening because they didn’t say anything.
He eventually called me back a few days later, we spoke, and he said he understands my side, but things are still weird between us.
This is the worst situation of my life, am I the jerk for handling it the way I did?”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, this is a NTJ situation.
You’re clearly trying to prevent an extreme blowout at your wedding that can (and likely would) ruin it.
Your brother is most likely trying to avoid some measure of the backlash he feels he will receive by coming out by doing so in a situation where it would not be socially acceptable for someone to flip their crap about it.
Both of you have understandable reasoning here, but I think the one who is in the wrong is your brother on this one.
He is acting to take advantage of your wedding, while you’re just trying to enjoy your wedding.
I would tell him it’s fine to bring his SO, but only if he chooses to come out to the family at least a couple of weeks in advance of your wedding.
If he is planning to come out at your wedding, that is not going to be okay.” ApoliticalRat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You’ve encouraged your brother to come out to your family and he didn’t want to because of the drama, but he is willing to now knowingly cause all that drama on your wedding day? That makes him the jerk in my opinion.
This could really hurt your future wife and cause a huge rift between her and your brother’s future relationship. There is a time and a place for family discussions and a wedding isn’t it.
I would definitely try to explain how you feel to your brother so this doesn’t affect your relationship. I doubt he is thinking about it from your point of view. He likely just finally got up the courage and figured people may not react as badly if they’re at your wedding and is using you and your wife as a meat shield, even if unknowingly.
If he won’t talk to you, write him an email and explain how much you support him and his partner, but how this one day is about your wife.
Maybe he can tell the family before the wedding and if there isn’t too much drama with the answer, have him bring the partner?” ForeverBlue3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m a queer woman, and it would be a huge jerk move to come out at someone else’s wedding. It puts all of the attention on him – whether the attention is good or bad.
And when he says he wants to celebrate love with the 2 people he loves the most – that’s what he gets to do on his own wedding day. This day isn’t about what he wants, and if he really wanted that, he could have come out to your family a few months after starting seeing this guy.
Then they would have known for several months by this time, and he could have brought him to the wedding with no problem.
If you can, it might be worth sitting down with him again after this has all blown over.
He may not be thinking through the ramifications of what he suggested, and I might explain to him that you would have loved it if he could have brought his partner, but the problem wasn’t bringing a man, it was that he would be coming out AT your wedding.
That it would have made that the focus of a hugely important day for you, and even worse, it would have taken the focus off of your bride. I would then tell him that you will always support him and would go to bat for him with your entire family, just not on the one day that is supposed to be about you and your wife.” japanesestudent2019
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Is he asking to make an announcement? Is he going to out himself during his toast? I honestly don’t understand the big deal if he shows up with his partner and behaves like everyone else who brought someone.
To the people saying NTJ: would you say the same if the family was deeply racist and instead of a male partner he asked to bring a black female partner?
I’ll also add: this is prioritizing the feeling of a bunch of jerk homophobic relatives over your own brother for the sake of what? Decorum? Quite honestly, I would be shocked if this didn’t have a permanent and irreparable effect on you and your brother’s relationship.
You offered no compromise, you just said no: you should bend to the will of a bunch of people whose relationships I probably don’t value and whose values I don’t respect, who will be SO offended if they even saw you seated next to a male companion.
For Christ’s sake, take a stand for something and grow a pair. Gay people still get the crap beat out of them (and in some parts of the world, executed!) on a regular basis for being who they are.” snakesforeverything
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