People Plead For Our Honest Opinions Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

Have you ever felt guilty about how you acted toward a situation and you just can't seem to get rid of the notion that you are to blame because of your violent response? And right now, all you want to know is whether you were right to be angry or whether you were being rude. These kinds of conundrums can be difficult to understand. Don your thinking caps and share your opinions with us about these "am I the jerk" stories. Read on and share your thoughts with us! AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

20. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That I Had Surgery?


“I (26F) have been with Max (25M) for 4 months. When I was 22, I had a nose job as I broke my nose twice as a kid and it left it with a large bump. Then, at 23, I had a breast augmentation that bumped me up two cup sizes.

These were lifelong insecurities that I was bullied over, and it was really relieving to get them done.

Onto the present, I met Max through a friend and things have been great. Last night, I was strolling through my social media while on the sofa with him.

I stopped on an old classmate’s vacation photo, where she wore a bikini and frankly, had very obvious implants (she looks great, happy for her! But you can tell.)

Max glanced over at that moment and said ‘Gross.’ I asked him what the deal was, and he said women who get implants or other surgeries are a huge turn-off to most guys, and how men prefer natural over two balloons, and how insecure she looks.

I couldn’t help but laugh and said ‘So you’re turned off by me?’

He got very confused and asked what I meant, I informed him I had procedures done before. He kept denying it and saying I was joking until I showed him old photos of me.

He got quiet and left shortly after. I got a text saying I should’ve disclosed this on the first date, how I led him on, and that he needs to reconsider things.

It’s the next day. Haven’t heard anything, and I’m bewildered.


Edit: I got a text from him a few minutes ago asking to meet up, as he thinks he wants to continue the relationship and wants to talk things over.

I realized he was not the partner I’m looking for, and that I’ve decided to not continue our relationship.

So yeah, I’m single now, kind of confused if I should mention this to future dates before we’re official to pick out any more like him. How do you even bring this up?

Oh well, I like me, I’m content with my natural and unnatural parts, and I’ll find someone who doesn’t have huge hang-ups on plastic surgery.

Edit 2: He finally replied to my text: ‘I was hoping we could start over on an honest beginning, but I guess only one of us is mature enough to look past each other’s shortcomings in the relationship. I’m glad you revealed this about yourself before I got too involved.

Goodbye, good luck finding someone ’cause no real man would respect someone who can’t even respect their own body.’

Wow. I was comfortable with my decision before but now I’m extra comfortable. Blocked and bye. He never deserved this limited edition set.”

Another User Comments:


If he couldn’t tell already, then it’s not about your attractiveness unless he’s a creep who feels like he’s been ‘deceived’.

It’s great that he wants a minute to think because it gives you time to realize that you can do better.

Unless the next words out of his mouth are, ‘I’m so sorry I overreacted’, dump him.

It’s fine to have a preference against cosmetic procedures, or not to be attracted to some of the results. But it’s obviously not the latter and if the former is THAT important to him, HE had a responsibility to disclose it, not you.” nimbusniner

Another User Comments:


Max is dealing with ‘cognitive dissonance’ and has to work out his feelings for himself. He either has to decide he’s not as repulsed by implants as he thought he was, or decide he doesn’t like you as much as he thought he did.

You could end the tension of waiting for him to figure himself out by breaking up with him yourself first. You’re only 4 months in at this point.” ParsimoniousSalad

Another User Comments:

“If you’ve been together for four months and he didn’t notice that you had a breast augmentation, I need to find out who your phenomenal doctor is.

You did yourself a massive favor by not disclosing that information until that moment (albeit unplanned) because it shows just exactly how shallow and fragile his ego truly is; for him to think that a woman’s body is for his amusement only and hates it whenever a woman wants to enhance their self-image. NTJ” jasperjamboree

6 points (6 votes)

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LilacDark 4 months ago
NTJ. Good thing you didn't dive headfirst into a relationship with that "Shallow Hal." You would have gotten hurt. Besides, who does he think he's fooling? The first time "something better" came along, he would have been gone with the wind.
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19. AITJ For Bringing McDonald's At Home?


“I (m18) had to travel for work the past 3 weeks. I left Sunday and came home Friday evening. I stayed at a hotel paid for by the company I work for. A co-worker of mine let me ride with him since I don’t have my license yet.

To make it easier for the said co-worker I took the bus to and from the train station, that way he didn’t have to drive all the way to my home.

At the train station is a small McDonald’s and when I arrived there on Friday it was already pretty late.

I still live at home and usually, my grandma makes dinner. I ordered some Nuggets and a Burger for myself so she wouldn’t have to cook anymore and I haven’t had McDonald’s in a while. When I got home I put my stuff away and sat in the living room with my food.

When my spoiled brother (m17) saw that I had McDonald’s he started to throw one of his tantrums going on about how unfair it is that I have McDonald’s and he doesn’t. My grandparents and mom somehow managed to calm him down, but they were really angry at me for bringing home the food.

Here’s why I might be the jerk: I very well knew that my brother would throw that tantrum. I thought about going to my room and eating there, but I wanted to tell my grandpa everything I did at work because he’s the person I’m closest to in my family.


Edit: Bringing them all something to eat was hardly possible. My co-worker dropped me off at the train station and I took the bus from there. Food was only allowed on the bus in limited amounts and I was already carrying a suitcase and a backpack that was completely full after I put my food in it.

My brother also doesn’t have a mental illness. Growing up he always got jealous when I had something that he didn’t. To avoid a tantrum my mother gave him what he wanted, so he isn’t used to not getting his way.

They just told him that they’d take him to McDonald’s the next day and they did.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You are a grown man, and adult, away on business, and you come home with McDonald’s. There is no reason anyone should be upset with you for grabbing dinner and bringing it home.

The REAL issue is your brother, and your grandparents and mom cannot control him or correct his behavior so they blame you for stirring him up. This is very common in families, where the child with the problem behavior is somehow NOT the problem, and the person who unintentionally agitates the child with the problem behavior is somehow the problem.” Nipowitz

Another User Comments:


Your brother is 17 – not 7 or even younger.

Why wouldn’t you be able to bring home food for dinner especially under these circumstances since it appears that it was at a time when presumably people had eaten already since OP says that he didn’t want his grandmother to cook additional food?

A 17-year-old is fully capable of getting McDonald’s – it isn’t as if you were eating some rare delicacy that was only available in a special place you had visited.” Jujulabee

Another User Comments:


Tell your brother who’s a year younger than you to get on the bus and go get his own bloody McDonald’s.

It’s literally what was convenient for you to get at the time and since you’d been traveling for the past 3 weeks and hadn’t eaten you grabbed what was obviously readily available. If you knew he’d throw a tantrum like a 4-year-old you could have eaten it before getting on the bus but his reaction is not your problem. No one else in the home was upset you didn’t bring them MacDonalds so it’s time for the 17m to start acting a little more like the adult he almost is.” neckbeard_deathcamp

5 points (5 votes)

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rbleah 5 months ago
Find a way to move out on your own. It is past time. NTJ
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18. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Leave My Baby Alone With My Mother-In-Law?


“I (24f) have a 6-month-old baby with my now ex-fiancé (33m). He’s not really in the picture anymore due to his starting to do illegal stuff. He would do them with me and the baby in the apartment so we left about 2 months ago.

Since then we’ve been living with my parents. My MIL comes over once a week or so to see her grandchild which I am fine with. I’ve always had personal issues with her because she would criticize me to her son and I feel like she has no boundaries.

She came over the other day and told my mom (not me) that she would like to take my baby to her house for a couple of hours to watch without me. I just feel uncomfortable with that. She’s never really been alone with the baby and I see how she is with her other grandchild, she spoils them and talks trash about their mother all the time.

I said okay to be nice but then I saw a text she sent to my own mother talking trash about me and blaming me for her son’s substance problem. Now I really don’t feel comfortable and want to say no if she asks.

Would that make me a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Normalize setting boundaries with family members. She is not the parent, you are. And if something makes you uncomfortable you have the right to set a boundary. You aren’t keeping her from her grandchild but you can’t be forced to leave your child alone with her if it makes you uncomfortable.

Do what is right for you and your kid. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t feel right about.” User

Another User Comments:


Do not leave her with your child. Guaranteed she is going to take him to your ex or let him see the baby.

You don’t owe her this time, and in fact, I’d advise against it, especially if you’re in a state which has grandparents’ rights. Do not let her establish a relationship outside of you with your baby.


Another User Comments:


Not letting her be supervised is the way to go. There are SO many things that could go wrong aside from her just talking trash and trying to alienate your baby from you like bringing your baby around your ex or trying to give it back to him or just straight up keeping it to herself since she thinks you’re such a mad mother and she could ‘do better’ etc etc etc.


It’s also REALLY SUSPICIOUS that she wants to be alone with the baby. Most people wouldn’t ask to have him over at their house for such a short amount of time when there’s already a routine schedule in place really in general but especially under those circumstances she wants to do something to or with your baby that she knows you’d never agree to otherwise.” Blondebabe2002

5 points (5 votes)

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and do NOT let your baby go unsupervised to her home. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous. There is not one good reason in the world for you to leave your six month old at his paternal grandmother's, because I guarantee you she'll have her junkie son come over and that's the last thing you want. Also gives the two of them opportunity to not return your baby at the end of the visit, and no parent needs that nightmare.
In your shoes, I would go to family court and have visitation orders created for both the baby's father and grandmother, and stating exactly why. Do this like yesterday. Protect your child from idiots who have only their self interests in mind, and not your son's.
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17. AITJ For Telling My Friend That He Doesn't Have To Hang Around My Wife?


“My (29M) wife (30F) and my best friend Cyan (25M) do not see eye to eye.

My wife and I moved for my new job. Cyan was the cousin of a high school friend so I was thrilled to know someone. We quickly became best friends, closer than brothers.

In 2020, our job was in person vs. my wife was working from home.

Cyan is a very kind person. I think wife hated everything about Cyan. She thought he was too goofy and hated how he teased her. My wife takes things seriously, and she’s a romantic so things like date nights are a BIG DEAL to her.

she hated when Cyan hung out even when I invited him.

A few months ago I had a 4-month project across the world. I needed the promotion. My wife ended up needing surgery and she unlike me didn’t make close friends here.

her friends/fam were too far. She couldn’t do normal things post-surgery and wanted me to come back. I complained to Cyan and he suggested that he pop on over to help her. He ended up doing a lot more and my wife heavily relied on his kindness.

When I came back, it was like my wife flipped her switch. Things that were ‘immature’ became ‘playful’, she constantly fell for his fish for compliments, and it was like Cyan could do no wrong. Cyan still hung out but it was like he couldn’t snap out of caretaker mode.

The two of them are practically joined at the hip. When I went to work, my wife packs Cyan a lunch too – and his is a lot better than hers or mine. Cyan needs this or that or whatever. She showers him with attention.

My wife can be overbearing like that.

At a small party, I came with my wife and she immediately zoomed to Cyan and monopolized all his time. After he went to the bathroom, which was basically the only time she left him alone, I pulled him aside and told him I knew my wife was clingy and that it was okay if he kept boundaries.

Ae wasn’t obliged to hang around my wife. I said it kindly. He turned red, told me I was a jerk, and stormed away. He left without saying goodbye to anybody but my wife.

AITJ? I told some mutual friends about this and most of them are on my side.

They said Cyan didn’t know how to stand up for himself, he was embarrassed. Cyan is still mad.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you’re jealous of them spending time together because you enjoyed neglecting your wife for your friend and now he’s less available; you’re mad that the thing you wanted to happen (them getting along) has happened, and you’re peeved that at your suggestion he was there for her and supported her when you didn’t.

I don’t know (and neither do you) whether your wife is trying to prove a point about how to be caring and supportive (because you weren’t towards her), whether they had an affair, or whether you’re just someone who likes to be in control all the time.

But it doesn’t really matter: this is a situation that you set up entirely for yourself, and they have a relationship that you promoted and indeed forced by pushing them together while you were away and your wife was in serious need of help (she had no choice over who could help her).

You made it; you’re a jerk for whining about it and trying to split their new bond apart for your own needs.” redcore4

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for this: ‘I know my wife is clingy… He wasn’t obliged to hang out with her…

he didn’t know how to stand up for himself, he was embarrassed.’

You think he doesn’t actually like her or even that he has no reason to like her. You’ve decided that he is just tolerating her & she’s lavishing care on someone who is pretending to like it.

You’re calling him a liar. You’re calling her unlikeable. And you brought in others at a work party to make fun of their friendship.

She sobbed for you to come home & take care of her. You prioritized a project & promotion.

He was there for her, above & beyond what you thought she needed, & still does things with her that you wouldn’t dream of (like letting her put makeup on him).

You’re jealous & selfish. You’re going to lose them both if you don’t treat them both with respect, love, & appreciation.

But, hey, at least you’ll have your promotion.” Evening_Produce1070

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You really don’t seem to even vaguely like your wife. Everything you say is a criticism. She doesn’t like Cyan enough, she likes him too much, and she’s clingy and overbearing, even you saying she didn’t make friends like you sounds like a dig.

All you do is talk trash and complain. You seem to expect that you can put your friend and your career above your wife and she’s supposed to smile and accept whatever scraps of attention you see fit to give her.

Of course, she’s close to Cyan now, he actually helped her and cared for her when she really needed it. But you never wanted them to get along, you seem to have wanted to be able to continue to push her aside for Cyan and have her be upset about it, but now she’s happy to have him around and is friends with him in her own right.

You’re upset that your favorite way to hurt her doesn’t work anymore. Now when you try to invite your friend to crash date night and upset her, she’s probably happier to see him than she is to see you. I hope she wises up and sees how messed up this relationship is.” Worth_Raspberry_11

4 points (4 votes)

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Wow. You are one big jerk.
You p!$$ and moan about EVERYTHING your wife said about Cyan, but couldn't be bothered to go home and take care of her yourself, but now that Cyan is (understandably) her new best friend, you're unhappy about that too? Also interesting that Cyan's name is mentioned at least four times , but you never mention your wife's name - not once. Tells me that you're exactly the same narcissistic @$$hole as my ex husband, whose career took absolute precedence over mine, and my name wasn't mentioned either, just my "title". Also makes me think that you're jealous of your wife and would like to be more than friends with Cyan yourself.
I hope she ditches your sorry @$$ and she and Cyan have a long and happy life together.
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16. AITJ For Disregarding My Dad And Stepmom's Orders?


“I (24 F) recently went home to my dad’s house to visit him, my stepmom, and two sisters. One night my dad and stepmom Ubered into town to go bar hopping. They asked if I could pick them up with my stepmom’s car when they were done, which I reluctantly agreed to.

About 10 pm that night (after roughly 5 hours of them drinking), my dad texts me so I head out to pick them up. I pull into the back parking lot of the bar they were at only for them to start yelling at me that I should’ve just picked them up out front (there was no space to pull up so I’d be blocking traffic if I did this).

Then the whole time we’re driving home, my stepmom starts screaming at me to ‘slow down’ and ‘stop speeding’ even though I’m well within the speed limit. She then keeps yelling at me to stop accelerating, but my foot is nowhere near the accelerator and we are driving downhill, and I tried to stand my ground by telling her this.

My dad chimes in and scolds me that if I were to crash their car he’d ask my mom to ‘pay half’ for a replacement. They continued to scream at me the rest of the way home, so once we got back I parked in the driveway and ran upstairs to collect myself and cry it out.

I could hear stepmom slamming doors and running around upstairs looking for me to get her ‘I’m right!’ validation that she usually tries to get when she’s clearly in the wrong.

The next day my dad tries to reassure me she was only trying to keep me safe on the road and that he sees young kids getting hurt/killed in accidents all of the time with his job.

I just brushed it off as I knew they were clearly too wasted to make a proper judgment of my driving, but AITJ for how I responded to the situation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Never engage in arguments with people who are intoxicated.

It is pointless and can become dangerous.

It’s insanely irresponsible to shout and scream at a person while they are driving. I would have pulled over and left them in a parking lot so they could call an Uber.

It’s difficult for people to admit they were wasted jerks.

They will desperately cling to the fiction that They Were Right, or They Were Only Watching Out For You, or very irritatingly, I’m Older Than You So I Am Always Right. Your dad was engaging in this self-deception.

It’s okay to say to your dad, ‘You weren’t watching out for me.

There was nothing wrong with my driving. You were being an obnoxious person, and it would be a good idea for you to get that under control.’

They were the jerks, and they doubled down on it afterward.

Do not agree again to give them rides anywhere, anytime, if they’ve been drinking.

Tell them, ‘No. You criticized and complained about my driving ability, so you’ll have to find someone else to help you.’ And do not back down or give in. Say No until they go away.” NoxWild

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Intoxicated people are a special breed of jerks and there’s no winning.

They should have just Ubered home.

For your information, in case they pull this crap again, driving noticeably under the speed limit can be an excuse for police to pull you over, especially late at night, as it looks suspicious or that you are unable to maintain control of the vehicle under normal operations.

If you haven’t been drinking and otherwise are obeying traffic laws you will probably be fine. But you can almost guarantee the intoxicated people will make drama over it, even if the officer lets you go.” dr-sparkle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and never give them a ride ever again.

They can take a taxi so at least someone’s getting paid for their backseat driving.

Seriously this is dangerous. Your stepmom was actively distracting you from driving, didn’t stop when asked and only escalated when confronted. She’s going to cause an accident at some point with these antics.

My dad pulls the same thing with me because he literally teaches defensive driving to truckers. One time I was the family’s designated driver and on the way home he yelled about me pulling into a center turn lane, almost causing an accident.

I pulled over, got out of the car, and told him he could walk or take a taxi, but I wasn’t driving him anywhere. He grumbled, but I keep the rule. If he’s in the car he drives, and if he’s too impaired we take a taxi/Uber.” Stellaknight

4 points (4 votes)

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stro 5 months ago
Ntj. jerk backseat drivers......
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15. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Give Me The Jewelry From His Grandma?


“I (F32) have been with my husband (M33) for seven years. During this time, we’ve been fairly close. We don’t have any kids, since I’m not a big fan of them, but he’s always taken good care of me.

Two weeks ago his grandmother died peacefully in her sleep.

We were both very close with her, me especially. My family in law haven’t been very accepting of me, and she was the only one who really took the care to know me better. We had similar tastes in fashion, jewelry, and makeup, and we really bonded discussing different products.

Naturally, my husband and I were both very upset when we heard the news, however, I think her funeral helped us both get the closure we needed. Now, here comes the part where I think I might have been the jerk.

In his grandmother’s will, she gave him all her jewelry and me nothing. We were both quite surprised by this, as what would he have to do with jewelry? He said it would probably be because they had fun dressing up in it when he was a kid, but I was a little skeptical of this as what use would he have for it as a fully grown adult?

I told him he should just give it to me as I would probably use it more anyway and if it was his it would just be put somewhere gathering dust.

He told me that wasn’t what he wanted, and he wanted it for nostalgia purposes. I thought that was ridiculous, and I told him as much.

He then got very upset with me saying this was the only thing he got in the will and he wanted to keep it for himself.

He then said that I was being insensitive and I should just let him have the jewelry. I left it that at the moment, but later I told him I thought he was being selfish and inconsiderate of my needs. He’s been cold with me ever since, and I’ve been doing the same.

I think he should at least apologize to me for being so greedy, as he wouldn’t even let me have 1 necklace.

So, AITJ? I don’t think I am because I’m just being rational but I’m always open to other opinions.”

Another User Comments:


And greedy. And totally insensitive. You have known the woman for 7 years, he has known her for 33. He looks in the mirror and maybe sees her eyes staring back at him. Or, maybe he sees her nose or hair color.

She is a part of him. He has 26 years of memories of her that do not include you.

But, you are more concerned about getting your hands on her jewelry.

Back off, and maybe if you are apologetic, he will let you BORROW a piece.

But these are his possessions, not yours and he should not GIVE you a single piece.” YeeHawMiMaw

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Grandma’s barely dead and you are already demanding her jewelry should go to you? Ick. You are insanely greedy and extremely insensitive.

No wonder the rest of his family doesn’t like you.

Your husband absolutely does not owe you an apology of any kind, but you do owe him one, or several, for all the nasty and inappropriate things you’ve done and said in the past couple of weeks.

If he was my friend and asked for advice, I’d suggest he divorce you, because this awfulness you’ve displayed and are still displaying is surely only the tip of the iceberg.” Asaneth

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You do need the jewelry. You are the one who is greedy.

You will not die for not having it. It’s his inheritance and he can do what he wants with it.

The fact you think he should apologize because you didn’t get what you wanted (all his grandma’s jewelry) shows your entitlement.

His grandma gave it to him for a reason. Respect her and his wishes. Apologize for the way you are acting.” journeyintopressure

4 points (4 votes)

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SineadM 5 months ago
YTJ. Ugh I bet could stand in a puddle of you and not get a drop in my Crocs you're so selfish and shallow. You say he doesn't care for your "needs" but you don't actually NEED his grandmother's jewelry. How hypocritical of you to complain about your "needs" while completely ignoring his REAL needs. Your way of thinking is absolutely disgusting. You owe him a genuine apology.
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14. WIBTJ If I Disregard My Mom's Wishes During My Brother's Funeral?


“A week ago my brother was found dead. He had a lot of mental issues (possibly schizophrenia) and burned a lot of bridges. But in the end, he’s my brother and I know his actions came from being unwell.

Growing up it was my mom and us, dad out of the picture.

As an adult, I found out my mom lied when she told us my dad didn’t care but in reality, she made it hard for him to find us, out of spite and not because he was dangerous.

My mom isolated my brother from the family in the end and paid all his bills (come to find out she used this against him ‘if you contact so and so I’ll stop paying for your things’).

Everyone who tried to reach out and get him mental help was pushed away, either by her or my brother (he refused psychological help). Now she’s saying no one helped when we will try. Literally can’t think of a family member who did not take my brother in and try to help at some point.

My mom is 100% the jerk. You’d think she would lighten her control at my brother’s funeral but she isn’t. She completely excluded my dad in the obituary, excluded our siblings he had with his wife, and now my dad has to sit in the back.

I know for mothers who lost a child it’s hard. Beyond hard. But I just hate that my dad has to sit in the back. He tried fighting for full custody, he tried to keep us, but my mom would lie and now he’s painted as this absent father who has to sit in the back of his first son/child’s funeral.

WIBTJ if I go against my mom’s wishes and bring him to the front (away from my mom of course)?

IN ADDITION: I also told my mom I don’t want her in my life a few weeks before my brother died. I stated he wasn’t getting the help he needed and it wasn’t right, with some other things in addition to that.

So already not in good standing with her.

Update: I will sit with my father in the back and be there for each other.”

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ, in terms of optics, if nothing else.

If you bring your dad to the front, then mom gets to make a scene about him and how badly HE behaved at the funeral.

That’s not fair to him.

If you sit in the back with him, then the meltdown will be about YOUR behavior, which is fair because it’s YOUR decision. And that will kick down the door for other people in your family to question why YOU don’t think he’s a monster.

And that starts a conversation your family probably needs to have.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother, and I hope this a gateway for your family to heal.” katsmeow44

Another User Comments:


This is a tough one. You’d be doing right by your father, his family, and yourself to make them feel included, and acknowledged, by inviting them upfront.

On the other hand, it could create a very ugly scene that would leave everyone, yourself included, even more, devastated on a very difficult day.

Maybe the best thing you can do for yourself, and your dad’s family, is to embrace them when they are there.

Spend time with them. Go find them ‘in the back’. Be open to them. If you share in each other’s grief and forge a stronger bond, you’ll be honoring yourself, your brother, and your father.

The most important thing you can do on the day of the funeral is to give comfort to those sharing in the loss of your brother, and let them comfort you.

You are all extremely fragile at the moment; spending time being present with each other is what is going to help you find a balm for your grief. It’s ultimately not about where everyone sits or your physical proximity to each other or the service; but how emotionally close you get to each other that day.

I am so sorry for your loss and your mother’s difficult behavior. May you find comfort in your family.” Own-Roof-1200

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sorry your bro died. I’m sorry he had a rough go. Your mom sounds exhausting.

You can take a stance if you’re up for the scene.

Personally, I’d prefer to remember my brother on the day of his funeral reflectively. Where everyone is sitting really doesn’t matter much. Your mom controlling those aspects demonstrates a sad, unhinged person at work. Let her crazy shine. She is her own karma.” crushedsombrero

4 points (4 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
Ntj. Your mother is a control freak. A narcissist. It would be best to sit with your dad. He deserves the support as well. Your mother clearly needs some counseling because she's a psychopath. She helped your brother to end himself in the end with everything he was doing because she was trying to isolate him and keep him to herself in whatever weird creepy things she was thinking. She wouldn't allow him to get proper help. She caused Hai death and you need to go to authorities with any facts you have.
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13. AITJ For Telling My Son To Be Neutral With His Therapist?


“I’m a father of a 21-year-old son who originally came home for winter break from uni. A couple of days ago when he was in his room and we were in the adjacent master bedroom organizing our finances, we heard him talking quite audibly and forcefully, telling his therapist about ‘all the bad things we’ve done’ has done over the years that led him to get therapy, and once we heard that my wife said it was confidential and we can’t listen, so we tuned out.

Later that evening at dinner, I told my son that I think it would be best if he was neutral with his therapist so that they can come to a judgment regarding all sides of an issue, and that he should include more of the good things we’ve done for him so that things aren’t as one-sided, and that he can get the best treatment he needs.

He then looked up at me and proceeded to give me an earful about how I ‘do not comment on his private affairs’, that he ‘handles his healthcare however he wants’, that I should ‘be ashamed’ of myself for ‘having the audacity to overstep a boundary like that and listen in’ on his session, and I tried to tell him that we genuinely didn’t know it was a therapy session and when we did my wife told me that it’s confidential and private and tuned out, but he just barked ‘If you would have just kept your mouth shut then none of this would have happened’, I had to bark back that he does not curse at us and he needs to respect us because we are his parents who have helped him get to where he is today, to which he just picked up his bowl and left the dinner table, going to his room.

I tried to later knock on his door and say sorry but didn’t get a response.

The next morning, I got a text saying from my son saying that he was moving back to his dorm and that he can expect us not to celebrate Christmas with him, and that he was upset.

I tried to explain but he again didn’t respond. And now my wife is angry with me and upset at the fact that I said something that could potentially ruin Christmas if I don’t ‘make it up to him,’ and it’s eating away at me.”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think you understand how therapy works.

Your son doesn’t need to be neutral – he needs to talk about whatever is on his mind. Obviously, he’s holding on to a lot of resentment towards you. Whether you agree with it or not, it’s his perception that you’ve done some stuff that’s caused him to feel this way.

He needs a safe, confidential space to work through this. It’s not the therapist’s job to ‘make a judgment’ about who’s right or wrong, but to help your son process his feelings and be able to express them in a healthy way.

YTJ, not for inadvertently overhearing part of a confidential call, but for inserting your unwanted, uneducated opinion about it.” SouthernFriedAmy

Another User Comments:


You were eavesdropping. That’s wrong no matter who someone is talking to.

He needs to talk to his therapist about the thing that hurt and trouble him.

The stuff he needs to work through and sort out. If the good things you did aren’t a problem, why would he bring them up? Are you worried about how you look to the therapist? That’s letting your vanity be more important than his needs.

The therapist 100% knows that they’re only hearing one side of the story and that they’re hearing all of the bad and probably little or none of the good (unless the swap between the two is what is causing the pain – gods know, that was part of what messed me up from my dad, so my therapist heard about it).

Therapy is entirely about helping your son sort out and cope with his emotions and trauma. Your concern about losing face is both petty and completely inappropriate.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments:

“So, here’s the thing. You definitely overstepped a boundary here, but I think it’s less due to being a jerk and more due to a misunderstanding of how therapy works.

Your son’s therapist is not there to make a neutral ‘judgment’ about whether your son is being treated fairly. The therapist is there to help him work through what his experiences are, and what he’s feeling.

His censoring those emotions to give what YOU think is the situation with his therapist is not going to help him through what he’s dealing with, and frankly, it doesn’t sound like he has any interest in doing that anyway.

If you continue pushing those boundaries, you’re definitely going to be the jerk, and it sounds like your son is more than willing to make some distance between the two of you if he doesn’t feel like you can respect his space.” AutumnalRanger

4 points (4 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
Ytj but here is why.. it's not because you overheard the conversation, it's because you said anything to begin with. You clearly don't understand how therapy works. You are not supposed to just stay neutral and not show any kind of emotion or anything, the therapy is to help you get all of that anger and resentment and sadness out that you are dealing with and trying to process through. If he has a lot of resentment towards you there is a good reason why and you know what it is. You can't say you don't. You told him to tell the therapist about all the good things you did as well which you have no right to do. He is allowed to tell the therapist whatever he wants about his life and you do not have any say in that. He is an adult. If you're not careful he's going to go no contact with you and there will be a reason why. You might not agree with it but that's not up to you. You don't get to invalidate his feelings.
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12. AITJ For Not Having A Mother-Son Dance With My Stepmom At My Wedding?


“My dad is married to Anne. Anne hates my mom. My siblings and I do not regard Anne as our parent because we were 11, 12, and 14 when we met her and when our dad married her. Now, there’s some history to be explored before we get into the specific incident.

Dad used the time my siblings and I were with mom to build his relationship with Anne and eventually, her son. They were practically engaged before we met her and we met her son at their engagement party. They moved in the very next day and they were married two months later.

We were equal time spent with mom and dad. But because of our ages and them being so new to us, we did not get super close to Anne or her son at that time. Anne’s son ended up diagnosed with a form of cancer that was more likely due to a longer-term medical condition he was born with.

Anne was away a lot with her son to get him treatment and she was with him out of state in one of the big Children’s Hospitals where they specialize in cancers. My and my sibling’s lives carried on as normal for the most part.

When we were with mom life was totally normal.

Anne’s son died while we were on vacation with our mom. We were 17, 15, and 14 at the time. Anne was furious that mom took us. She had wanted us to stay because her son had wanted more time with us but mom had already booked the vacation and we still wanted to go.

We were not close to Anne’s son and we didn’t have a familial bond with him. Anne never got over it and was especially bitter because we were not closer to her after and because most of us chose mom’s house over dad’s for staying at when we finished high school and wanted to come home.

She was resentful that we weren’t rallying around her and letting her still feel like a parent.

Now I’m getting married. Anne despises my mom more than ever and when she heard I was doing a mother-son dance at my wedding, she told me she wanted to do one too and deserved to do one if I was doing something with ‘that woman’.

I told her ‘that woman’ is my mom and I wanted to dance with her. I told her we (dad’s wife and I) would not be dancing together. She asked how I could say that to her when she lost her only biological child and we didn’t give her the chance to continue being a parent.

I told her it was not my job. She said it was like she was a stranger like we weren’t family. I told her if she wanted us to be closer she should have made sure dad introduced us all before they were ready to get engaged but we never built up the relationship before they were married and we were all a little older when they did and not there all the time.

She told me I was breaking her heart by saying no to her and how could I be so thoughtless after what she’s lost.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s very sad that her son died. It is not your job to replace him or to make her feel like a parent.

The way she speaks of your mom is incredibly disrespectful and certainly won’t make you feel closer to her. You do not owe her a mother-son dance and she is being incredibly entitled to demand it. She is also delusional if she thinks you have a close enough relationship to warrant it.” Ill-Conversation5210

Another User Comments:


You don’t have the kind of relationship with her that would warrant you wanting to have a mother/son dance at your wedding and she knows it, so she shouldn’t expect you to do it. Moreover, she’s bringing up her dead son to try and emotionally manipulate you into caving to her demand for a dance.

That’s pretty bad on its own, but it’s so much worse when you add in the jealousy she has of your mother. The ‘that woman’ comment would have left me seething.” DRanged691

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I do think that this is a really tragic situation because she wasn’t able to develop any sort of relationship with you because her kid was terminally ill.

It sounds like she wasn’t present for a lot of your relationship. I feel very badly for her because of what she went through. No parent should ever bury their child and the pain must be unimaginable.

Her comment about your mom is totally wrong but I can also understand how she turned her grief into anger toward your mom for taking you away when he died.

It’s wrong to put that on you, and stick you in the middle of it.

it sounds like she needs a massive amount of grief therapy.

I think the real jerk is your dad for rushing this marriage after you met. He was the one to choose how you integrated.

So many parents believe they’re protecting their kids by withholding the meeting of the new SO. If this is the reason you’re not close to her as you say, this kinda lies with him because it was his choice to make.

He probably thought he was doing the right thing, but obviously, he screwed up here.

And Anne is also a jerk for not being able to recognize that you don’t have the relationship needed to have a ‘mother’/son dance. You can’t be her surrogate son if the relationship isn’t there.

All in all, a perfect storm of unfortunate, yet understandable, events that culminated in where you are today.” Spare-Article-396

4 points (4 votes)

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rbleah 5 months ago
NTJ Tell her she has never been nor will ever be YOUR MOTHER. And the hate she has for your mom makes her MORE unlikeable in your eyes. If she does not like that she better get it into her head that you have NEVER had ANY relationship with her from the start. Then tell dad if she keeps this up she will NOT be invited to YOUR WEDDING and if HE doesn't like it he won't be invited either. Stick with YOUR MOM.
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11. AITJ For Not Following My Dad's Desired Treatment Of My Blood Sugar?


“I (15/F) have type-1 diabetes and have had it since I was a year and a half old.

Three weeks ago, I went for a checkup at a local children’s hospital in my city where I usually go for my A1C tests (a simple blood test that measures your average blood sugar levels over the past 3 months), seeing my Dietitian, my doctor who does physical checkups (Blood pressure, Making sure my nerves are okay, checking that my pump sites are being moved properly, etc.) all that jazz.

For the past 6 appointments, my dietitian has told me to treat with sugar before having protein (in this case, milk.). No matter how many times she tells us, my dad forces me to take milk at the same time.

When my blood sugars go low, I’ve been told by both my dietitian and my stepmother (38/F) (who is a nurse and a diabetic herself), that I should take protein after my blood sugars start coming up, because the protein slows down the sugar absorption which gives my blood sugars the chance to go lower before the sugar fully absorbs.

My dad (43/M) seems to think that what both of them are saying is wrong, and if I just suspend my pump from giving me insulin, it won’t be a problem anyways. I don’t like getting yelled at or threatened by my dad so I just comply.

Yesterday though, my blood sugars went down to 2.3 (for my age, my doctor says mine should be between 4 and 6 to be a good number) so I suspended my pump and went to get treated. I decided to take a juice box only and wait for my blood sugars to come up before having some milk.

My dad came into the living room asking if I suspended my pod and asked what I was treated with. I told him I did and that I had juice. He then said, ‘With what?’. I told him just the juice for now.

He started yelling at me (while my two little half-sisters were trying to have naps I might add) telling me that I need to treat with sugar AND milk. I told her that the dietitian and my stepmother told us that I need to have sugar before I have any protein.

He started screaming at me that that wasn’t true and that I need to shut my mouth and start listening to him cuz he was my father. I just went to my room.

I’m wondering if I should’ve just done the milk and juice thing to please him.

So, AITJ for not treating my blood sugar the exact way my dad wants me to?

Edit: My mom IS here, I just haven’t been living with her for the past few months due to an issue we had.

My stepmother does try to talk to my dad, but he either ignores her or yells at her.”

Another User Comments:


Your dad is not just the jerk, he is endangering your health and your life. You should not be living with a man who endangers your health. I’m wondering if your mom or grandparents are in the picture and if so if they could provide a viable place for you to live full-time.

You might be safer somewhere you could take care of your medical needs properly.

If you’re in the U.S., your doctor is a mandated child mistreatment reporter. Tell your doctor how your dad is forcing you to violate your treatment protocol. If your nutritionist has talked to him about this many times, ask her to document it.

Do not comply with your dad’s unreasonable and unhealthy demands. This is your body and your future. Don’t let anyone jeopardize that, including your dad.” Nester1953

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your Dad is a major jerk, and giving you dangerous advice. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

You have medical advice on how to treat, and also your nurse’s step Mom. Why is Dad being so stubborn about the wrong medical treatment? This is not good. Could you ask your stepmom to talk to him, do you have your nurse’s advice in writing? Show this medical advice to him (also maybe from some medical websites).

Try to do this at a calm time. Maybe ask your stepmom if that would be better. He is likely acting from worry/love/thinking he knows what is best for you, but he is wrong and stressing you out and possibly causing you to go against medical advice to appease him, all of which is very bad.

He needs to stop. If he won’t, you need to keep yourself safe and follow medical advice. Avoid telling him how you get treated, if necessary.” lakehop

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dad is actively ignoring the advice of healthcare professionals because he thinks he’s right on a subject he probably doesn’t actually know all that much about.

I don’t know much about diabetes, but I do know that if what he’s telling you to do is not correct for how you need to be treated, it could possibly be very dangerous to your health. It may be a good idea to tell someone, like your doctor, about what he’s doing.

Especially if he’s insisting or forcing you to follow inaccurate medical advice. And I don’t normally recommend people lie, but it may be a good idea to tell him you treated yourself ‘his way’, both to preserve your health and to avoid him getting angry with you.” 4d84

3 points (3 votes)

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BabyMooSaysWhat 4 months ago

You know your dad could literally have a child endangerment charge levied against him for this, right? This is pure negligence and very much considered child jerk... at least in the US.

You have a medical condition and you could veg much die because of him disregarding your doctors orders.
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10. AITJ For Not Paying For My Cousin's Hospital Bill?


“A few years ago I (32F) took over my mom’s portion of the family’s annual Thanksgiving host rotation. It’s a fun event because I get to see family I generally don’t see the rest of the year and I love hosting.

It is semi-potluck and I make a point of asking about allergies and food preferences.

This year my cousin (36M) told me he was joining with his new wife (they got married in July) and her daughter, who is around 8. Cousin was added to the group chat and didn’t say anything about allergies/preferences when asked.

Forward to Thanksgiving. One of the desserts I made was peanut butter cookies. My family and I love them. Cousin’s stepdaughter ate one and is allergic to peanuts. I had no idea and would never have made them if I knew.

My husband and I took them to a stand-alone ER that was about 5 minutes from the house. We stayed with them for some time until she was transferred to the local hospital where she stayed overnight. She ended up being fine.

Last week I got a text from my cousin with a pic of the hospital bill. He wanted to know how I wanted to handle it. I called and he and his wife expect us to pay the bill. I told him we weren’t going to do that.

I reminded him that he had told me nobody had allergies, and hubby and I did pay the copay at the ER ($500) because we felt bad. He had an argument and now the family is involved. They’re mostly on my side but some are getting into me for having anything peanut-related cause ‘everybody’ has peanut allergies nowadays.

The bill is about $6k. We don’t have it. The $500 we paid came out of our Christmas budget. I feel bad his stepdaughter got sick. Ultimately tho it’s their responsibility to handle things like this. AITJ for refusing to pay?

UPDATE: Showed the bill to a friend, who helped me understand that this is the TOTAL bill, not what is owed privately.

Also, I called Uncle (cousin’s dad). Uncle wasn’t at the event and has been rather silent in this matter. I learned that my cousin hasn’t shared that A) nobody shared allergy issues and B) that we paid the initial copay. Uncle is now upset.

I have been told not to worry about my pretty little head and he will have a chat with his son.

UPDATE 2: Uncle just texted me with the following: ‘I called my son and told him he needs to leave you alone and take responsibility for his mistakes.

Then I called his mother and told her she needs to get a handle on that namby-pamby boy of hers. Don’t you worry about a thing?’ I have to admit, y’all, I’m DYING.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You paid the ER copay, which was already more than you needed to do.

People with allergies are the ones ultimately responsible for providing visibility on them. If there’s a dinner event coming up and I’m allergic to a very common thing, then I’d let everyone know and be sure to have an epi-pen on hand just in case.

Or I’d at least ask before blindly eating cookies that multiple family members already know are peanut butter, ones that probably smelled very obviously like it too.” spectrumtwelve

Another User Comments:


He never mentioned his stepdaughter had a peanut allergy beforehand, so it would have been his and his wife’s responsibility to ask if anything contained peanuts on the day of the dinner.

You can’t plan for something you have no idea might even be an issue.

‘some are getting into me for having anything peanut related cause ‘everybody’ has peanut allergies nowadays’

Obviously not, since everyone in your family loves them. And if you leave out everything someone might be allergic to just to be cautious, you end up with nothing to eat other than a plain piece of meat which some people still wouldn’t eat because they are vegetarians, vegans, or whatever else there is.” Temporary-Deer-6942

Another User Comments:


It is entirely the cousin’s responsibility to watch what his daughter is eating. And the daughter is certainly old enough to ask questions before shoving food into her mouth.

Even if you had NOT asked about allergies, your cousin should have had the sense to steer his daughter away from cookies or at least verify what was in them, first.

If he can’t handle that minimum responsibility, then he should not attend the family potluck.

You don’t pay a single penny of the hospital bill. This was not your fault, at all.” Ambitious_Amoeba1992

3 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
Absolutely ntj. This is on him and his wife for not disclosing that her own child has an allergy. They knew and decided to not say anything. You shouldn't have even paid the copay because it wasn't your fault but it was nice of you to do so. This is absolutely on them and I'm glad his father is telling him to back off. It's all their fault not yours.
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9. AITJ For Leaving A Bachelorette Party?


“Nina and I (both 31) have been friends since the beginning of college. Laura and Nina met at their church when Laura moved to the area and ever since then Nina’s integrated her into our friend group. Laura’s not a terrible person but she’s exhausting for me to be around to the point I don’t have the whole friend group at my place if Laura is going to be there.

I’ve tried having her over with the others twice- the first time she got bent out of shape over my partner watching an action movie in the living room and that was ‘too intense for her to hear’ and the second time she flipped out over my Jason bust to the point she cried and had to leave.

If she’s not doing stuff like that then she’s the sort that has to bring up god and Jesus whenever someone talks about something going on in their life. It’s not even that she’s religious because all of us have some type of faith to a degree, but we all keep it to ourselves.

I’ve talked to Nina about all of this before and said she’d talk to her.

Welp. Nina is getting married and she asked all 4 of us to be her bridesmaids. I figured I could put up with Laura for one day and small windows of time doing bridesmaid stuff for Nina’s sake.

It was going well until Nina suggested we go away for a bachelorette weekend. She wanted us to arrive at our destination Thursday afternoon, and spend Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday there. Nothing fancy just going to one of the metro areas to hang out.

We meet up Thursday afternoon at the hotel and I’m wearing a hoodie my partner bought me for my bday. Laura goes right into how the picture on it is evil and that I should be wary about wearing ‘evil’ imagery.

I ignore it. For dinner, we go to get hibachi and some of us ordered sushi rolls to go with dinner. We offered Laura some and it was a 5-minute rant about how sushi isn’t for her. She had something negative to say about just about every part of the meal.

At that point, I knew I couldn’t last a weekend without snapping so I waited until an hour or so after dinner and said I felt really sick and was just going to go home. I thought that would be better than making a scene over Laura.

Yesterday my partner and I spent the day out. The other bridesmaid posted up some pics of their day and tagged me in it saying they wished I was there and to feel better. Someone commented that I didn’t look sick when they saw me leaving a store.

One called me right after to see what was up and I told her the truth- I couldn’t handle Laura and didn’t want to make a scene over it. But it turned into a whole thing anyway with them mad that I didn’t just put on a happy face for Nina’s sake to suck it up and I ruined their weekend after they told Nina the truth.

I thought it was better for me to just leave because I know myself and I wouldn’t be able to fake it for 3 days straight. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were trying to have class and grace and not make a scene and not make someone feel bad.

However, I would consider talking to Nina again about this. It seems Laura is doing more than just being annoying, she’s directly criticizing you (the hoodie) and she’s also being toxic for the group by ruining the events (complaining throughout the meal).

I wouldn’t want to put up with her for five minutes, let alone a whole day and then some.

ETA: the only part where you went wrong was lying and then being caught. You shouldn’t have lied, because now your friend the bride may have a different opinion of you.

But I can see how you were trying your best.” Dcc456

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for poor communication and problem-solving.

You made a commitment, knowing there could be problems and didn’t do what you could on your end to plan for them. Yes, Laura’s responsible for her poor behavior; and it would have been great if Nina or someone else had helped with setting some boundaries around Laura.

BUT you should have planned out some coping strategies other than just ignoring Laura. You went nuclear, and now you’re paying for it. You could have taken a shower, take a long walk, suggested a movie or some other quieter activity, suggested a spa session where you’re all getting massaged face-down and can’t talk…

or you could just flat out have told Nina you needed a few minutes alone to recharge and taken that Laura-free time without trapping yourself in a lie and abandoning your friend.” soul-birdhouse

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But you shouldn’t have been out all day.

It’s a big big thing to miss a bachelorette and your choices were to stick it out or go home ‘sick’ and stay there on pain of death. Of course, Nina is going to be upset – she likes that idiot friend and she doesn’t understand why she’s nails on a chalkboard to you.

In her mind, you should have been the bigger person and avoided engaging and just ignored her because this was a weekend about Nina. She’s gonna think you hate this girl more than you love her.

You’re in trouble, OP, and you’re gonna have to get Nina alone and apologize.

You thought you could stick it out but the woman drives you nuts, and you didn’t want to make waves. You love her and you’re very sorry to have let her down. She might not forgive right away, but if you really value her you’re going to have to try to understand the hurt and probably embarrassment she experienced.

I’m sorry though, I would also kind of want to off that girl – she sounds like the worst!” MissBuck2DNP

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – While annoying, you were there for Nina; you could have ignored it or at least vented/checked with any of the others if they felt the same.

The person that called you out for being at the store is just a trashy person. And finally, the other girls telling Nina why you left weren’t thinking about the bride anymore than you were when they dropped a truth bomb on her.

(Willing to bet they felt the same as you did, but sucked it up and used your actions as their excuse to pile on).

I say you owe Nina a live talk. Apologize, tell her you honestly made the decision you did thinking it was the best ‘drama-free’ way to go as you didn’t want the exact type of blow-up that happened when the girls felt the need to share with Laura your truth.

Tell her you care, and you want this to go smoothly and wonderfully for her. Then ask her how you can make it up to her, and let her know if she wants to make any changes, you’ll go along with whatever her choice is.” Babsgarcia

3 points (3 votes)

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lico1 5 months ago
Anyone ever think about telling Laura to shut the jerk up?
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8. AITJ For Threatening My Mother-In-Law That I'm Not Letting My Kids See Her Anymore?


“I have two kids (3 twins). MIL likes to pretend she is the grandma of the year, but only for social media clout. She always claims she loves them, and buys them way too many presents, but doesn’t seem to actually know what to do with them.

She is not my first choice for a babysitter but I had to work and desperately needed a sitter. MIL agreed. MIL has a newish partner (about 6-7 months) We will call him Nick. Nick is a huge jerk. I don’t get any creep vibes, but holy cow this man has an ego and likes to remind everyone how smart and good-looking he is.

I’m not a big fan and I don’t even know him that well.

The day MIL was supposed to babysit Nick was over (which is fine) but I overheard their conversation and she was trying to pawn babysitting off on him. Nick was clearly saying no.

He was even like why do you think I’m going to take care of these kids? Ask my ex-wife how much I took care of our kid.

MIL started guilting him about how he wanted her to go to some holiday party with his work friends and that she needs to get her hair and nails done.

Nick responded that she didn’t because his friend’s wife looks like a soccer mom (see why I don’t like this man?) MIL tried bribing him with sensual favors and then badly did fake crying. Finally, I came out and let her know that I heard all of that.

MIL tried to laugh it off and said they were just joking. I screamed at her that it wasn’t funny and those are my kids she was trying to pawn off on some man-child jerk. Nick snapped at me that he never did anything to me.

I said just because she likes trashy men doesn’t mean my kids should be subjected to him and told her everyone makes fun of her for being with this guy. MIL said she would babysit and told me to calm down, but I refused.

I said maybe I’ll make it easy and she won’t ever have to see her son or grandkids again.

MIL began to get upset and Nick yelled at me for being ungrateful and being mean to her. I called in from work and ended up being fired, so now MIL is claiming that was manipulation and I did it to prove a point.

She has been very cold and refusing to talk to me, and telling the entire family I’m abusive to her.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

She’s clearly unreliable and not a good person to leave your children with. The guy, while he’s a total waste of space based on your description, was not in the wrong to refuse your MIL’s request and probably didn’t deserve your attack in this case.

But what gets me is that you really ramped up the drama here, and bad things are happening because of how you reacted. You need to get a handle on your reactivity. This kind of blow-up is not a good thing to have around your kids.

Sounds like you had your kid’s well-being in mind, but in the heat of the moment, you forgot to meter your own behavior for the same reason. You need to calm down.” SuzieQbert

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – You sound so childish in this! You got angry at your MIL over something so minor simply because you don’t like Nick.

As far as you’ve told us he hasn’t actually done anything to you but you go off at him anyway. You made nasty comments to your MIL about what other people say about her and even after that she still said she would take care of the children…

You verbally mistreated both of them then you got yourself fired when you didn’t need to.

Sorry but you sound like the abusive one here. Nick may be arrogant but he’s with your MIL and you have to accept it. She’s a grown woman and can make her own choices of men.

They did nothing to you but you blew up at them… She was doing you a favor, she didn’t have to agree to help you but she did.

You got yourself fired.” West-Kaleidoscope129

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Nick sounds like a jerk for sure.

Your MIL handled that badly. She isn’t the jerk for not wanting to babysit. Many people love their grandchildren but don’t have the time or energy to babysit. She’s the jerk for agreeing to do it and trying to pawn it off on an unwilling jerk.

She would be the jerk for leaving them with any third party (including an actual living Saint) without you and your husband fully agreeing. However, she wouldn’t be the jerk if she just admitted she isn’t up for taking care of 3-year-old twins all day.

You are the jerk for threatening that she may never see her own son again. That is 100% your husband’s decision. Whether she sees the children is something you would need to actually discuss with him. I understand why you were angry but your reaction was ballistic.

It’s every parent’s job to keep their children safe, mentally and emotionally, but this sounds a lot more like you used access to your children as a weapon.

You probably do need to evaluate what role Nick will play in your lives and set boundaries with MIL, of course. When you find a new job, secure regularly paid childcare.” Germane7

2 points (2 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago (Edited)
Ytj got yourself fired, first of all. He did nothing to you so did not deserve the attack...SHE is the problem. Her. Your issues with her. You do NOT get to tell her she'll never see her own son again. Fuck right off with that bullshit, little girl. You are not in control of your husband. You can control who sees your children when they are in your possession of course, but if he wants to go to his mother's with them, that is not up to you. As long as she has not harmed them, you do not have any right to object to her seeing them regardless of your feelings of her. If she has not done anything against them, there is no legal standing. You can go ahead and be a bitch and try to withhold any kind of visits but you are just harming your children and showing them what a narcissistic, shallow bitch of a mother they have. Mommy is upset so we all have to suffer. That's exactly who you are.
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7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Put Goose Feathers On Her Prom Gown?


“My (53f) daughter (16f) wants to make her own prom dress. She’s a pretty skilled dressmaker from years of making elaborate cosplay outfits. She goes to school in the densely populated suburb where we live, but we also have a family farm (owned by her aunt and uncle) where my daughter spends a lot of time and pitches in with pretty much all the farm chores (feeding and cleaning up after animals, driving a tractor from the age of 10, washing and sorting eggs, selling produce at the farmers market, etc.) She’s almost certainly the only kid in her high school who identifies as a rural farm kid.

Last summer, when the geese were molting, she picked up a whole bag full of goose feathers off the ground and brought them home. She wants to incorporate them into the prom dress that she’s designing. I told her that was a really bad idea.

I tried to explain to her the difference between a prom dress and a cosplay costume. That she might not want to be the weird farm kid in the avian gown at the prom. That I will buy her literally any dress she wants at Macy’s.

She’s giving me a ton of pushback and is insisting that she needs the feathers on the dress.

I keep picturing that scene in the movie I, Tonya where Tonya’s dad shoots a bunch of rabbits so she can have the rabbit fur coat like everyone else, but, of course, it’s not really like everyone else’s coat.

My husband (52m) agrees with me in theory, but this is absolutely not a hill he’s willing to die on.

Should I just drop it and let her wear what she wants? Or should I continue to insist that she wear something a little more in line with the mass-produced clothes that others are wearing?”

Another User Comments:

“Drop it.

Your daughter is creative and proud of her identity.

Even if she gets teased in high school (which would be an established pattern long before prom, by the way), those qualities and her self-confidence will set her up for a wonderful future.

Not to mention that cosplay and prom are merging more and more every year. You probably don’t realize how many kids are creating their own formal wear these days. Off-the-rack from Macy’s is a bit basic, actually.

Google ‘duck tape prom dress’, or ‘handmade nontraditional prom dress’ and get ready to be amazed.

I can’t wait to see your daughter in Project Runway someday.

YTJ” mouse_attack

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You have become the bully who is picking on your daughter and telling her she is different and doesn’t belong and her ideas are stupid.

I highly doubt anyone will pick on her for this.

Except you. You even admit that she has friends who are into the same stuff.

I have four children. They all are individuals. Your daughter making her own prom dress is the magic of life with kids. It’s an adventure. Enjoy it!” Mysterious_Bridge_61

Another User Comments:


She is 16!

She is obviously totally comfortable wearing goose feathers and a fabulous dress to her prom!

It’s prom, not the Oscars!

Be a good mum and say ‘awesome kiddo, what can I get to help you’ and maybe be a little prepared to step up if things don’t go to plan.

But kudos to her for being happy to be different and not follow the crowd and also the sustainability side to this dress is fabulous. Off-the-rack clothing is a bane on our planet and is slowly destroying our planet with how much we throw out.” LetsGetsThisPartyOn

2 points (2 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
Dude it is not up to you. It's her dress, not yours. Get over yourself. Maybe this should be the jerk that your husband is willing to die on because you are a control freak and it is not your life. He needs to tell you to stay in your lane. Ytj.
1 Reply

6. AITJ For Not Confronting My Mom?


“My mom is currently visiting from out of state. This is extremely rare and we don’t see much of each other. I’m aware my wife doesn’t like her but hoped she would try to let the little stuff slide as visits are so rare.

My mom is a big crier and once she starts it just gets hysterical and then snaps out of it and acts dazed. To be fair she knows we hate it and does try to hide it from us if she is upset, but I’m not totally sure she can control it as she has done it in public, at work, etc.

Everything has been ok since she came, a bit awkward but ok. My wife wasn’t feeling well the other day and left work early. My mom did not know about this and was in the kitchen cooking when my wife got home.

She was video calling her husband and in one of her full-blown sobbing fits. According to my wife, it was about 50% she is so bored here and 50% she misses him and wants to go home to him. She said one time we were sucky hosts and didn’t say anything about us beyond that except that it is boring here.

My wife snuck up to the room and didn’t let my mom know she was home. She called me right away and was furious. She wanted me to confront my mom. I explained that I didn’t think it was a big deal that she was venting her feelings to her husband.

She didn’t say anything personal or overly hurtful, and to be honest she’s allowed to be bored. She is allowed to be honest with her husband when she thinks she is alone.

When I got home my wife was clearly uncomfortable. She said my mom was in her room and asked me to confront her when she came out.

I asked if my mom had said or done anything to her, and she said nothing beyond the phone call, so I declined. My mom’s eyes were bloodshot at dinner but beyond that, she was acting normal and being polite. My wife was cold to me all night and when we went to bed said I needed to defend her and our house and that my mom was badmouthing her and acting like an entitled guest and a spoiled princess.

I told her she was overreacting (which was obviously a wrong move) and that my mom has the right to process her emotions and to be bored.”

Another User Comments:


You are not the jerk here, your mother was talking to her husband in what she felt was a private conversation.

Your mother did not say anything directly insulting to your wife or about you and your wife. The mild comment about you being ‘sucky hosts’ isn’t very insulting it’s how she felt.

I think your wife is overreacting, I do not mean any harm or disrespect but I feel she is overreacting here.

Your mother was bored and venting, I don’t feel anything wrong was said or done.

Unless there was more to what your wife heard, that she hasn’t revealed to you.

Otherwise I don’t feel like you need to confront her about a conversation your wife partially heard.” musuperjr585

Another User Comments:


You know your mom is a lot to take, you know she’s prone to emotional fits, you know she expects constant entertainment or she’s bored silly, you know she acts out, and you apparently did screw all of nothing to mitigate it.

You made no plans to entertain her, you didn’t take off work, you didn’t arrange a hotel, you didn’t do any thinking ahead, like, at all?

You dropped a grenade into your own household and you’re surprised that there’s wreckage?

You just expected your wife and children to sit through the situation you chose to inflict on them because you don’t want to displease your mother.

Whether Mom has a health issue or she’s a master manipulator is immaterial. It’s your job to manage her, and your wife had likely hit a limit. That’s why she flipped out.

She wants to see that you can put your wife and children ahead of Mommy.

This is a wakeup call, don’t sleep through it.” rotatingruhnama

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you’re right, your mom had a right to process her emotions.

Your wife should have made some noise when she came in so your mom knew she was at home.

The fact that she chose to eavesdrop rather than announcing her arrival by saying hello makes me think she was hoping to hear something bad.

It doesn’t sound like your wife has any intention of getting along with your mother and she’s trying to make things worse by putting you in the middle.

It’s too bad your mother feels homesick and bored, but if that’s all she said, why wouldn’t your wife want to make an effort to make her more comfortable? It sounds like you’re both out of the house all day and she’s left there alone.

If your wife had any compassion for your mom, she should plan something to do in the evenings or make suggestions of things your mom could do during the day rather than making it all about her own feelings.

Based on your mom’s ability to get worked up, your wife obviously knows it would only make matters worse if you confronted her about a conversation that your wife (not even you) eavesdropped on.

Your wife knows this is a rare occasion and it’s important to you to have your mom visit. If anyone is being a spoiled princess it’s her.” Expensive-Wasabi-508

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your wife is overreacting to an accidentally awkward situation – your mom didn’t mean for her to hear her complaining.

But it sounds like you set up the problem by inviting your mom to come to stay with you when you weren’t actually available to spend time with her.

You should have been firm about limiting her visit to a weekend or long weekend (you couldn’t take one day off for your mother’s infrequent visit from out of state?), and then clear your schedule for her visit. No wonder she’s bored – she’s hanging out in your empty house.” Scrabblement

1 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
Ntj.. your wife was eavesdropping into a private conversation and purposely hid herself so your mother wouldn't know she was there. Your wife has problems. She is the spoiled princess who needs a dose of reality. Your mother is allowed to have emotions and process them how she does. It seems like this is just the natural way she does things if she's always done it. She could probably use some help with it but that is not up to your wife or you. You are right she did nothing and said nothing hurtful to your wife so your wife has absolutely no reason to be acting like this. If she doesn't want your mom there maybe she should say something but if she starts a torrent of crying, that's on her for being a jerk because that's exactly what she looks like.
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5. AITJ For Reporting My Coworker Who Gave A Child Gluten?


“I (21nb) work in a childcare setting. We have tons of kids throughout the building that have dietary restrictions. Be it allergies or veganism. There is a child in my room who has dietary restrictions that state that she does not consume gluten or cow’s milk.

My coworker (F) does not like this child’s mom. She talks about how irritating and overbearing she is and how the child isn’t even allergic. (The mom has celiac and contamination from her daughter can cause a reaction)

The other day while serving snacks, she served that child a snack that contained gluten.

When I pointed it out, she told me to just let her have them because it didn’t matter and she wasn’t allergic. She does not act this way with any of the vegan or vegetarian children in the classroom. Only this child.

So I reported her to the assistant director. Now she and our coworkers who are her friends are all mad and keep reminding me that the child isn’t allergic and it wasn’t a big deal. AITJ?

UPDATE: I had a meeting with my boss yesterday.

I was informed that said coworker was found cleared of any wrongdoing, however, that I was on the verge of termination due to a multitude of claims that coworkers have made against me. My position has been moved to a sister center 30 minutes away from my home, and the next ‘mistake’ I make will result in termination.

I am BAFFLED, to say the least.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… her parents are well within their rights to have your coworker arrested for food tampering which is a criminal act. If the school hasn’t informed the parents you need to find out if you’re legally liable for knowing and not informing them that their child’s dietary restrictions were not followed.

You do realize that this could have possibly killed this child? My cousin as a kid was deathly allergic to cow’s milk, literally, the allergy test turned her whole body into a giant hive and they had to give her huge doses of allergy medications and steroids.

Your care for children who cannot advocate for themselves.

You 100% did the right thing and if they did not fire your coworker who did this I highly recommend calling the state licensing board and telling the parents. Also, most places that care for children have cameras so this all should be recorded happening.” pandatron3221

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, as someone who is very gluten and wheat sensitive suspected coeliac this is highly disturbing.

The lack of education your co-worker has is shocking she is not in authority to make these decisions. Not only is cross contamination an issue but coeliac is hereditary so whilst the child might not show signs just yet they could much like I did I was fine for 12 years and boom I can’t even use products i.e shampoos, conditioners, or creams literally instantly burn my skin.

You did the right thing reporting them. You did nothing wrong. Only a parent can make these decisions. She’s not a professional or the parent.” Hot_Zombie_8703

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I work for the regulatory body that oversees childcare facilities in my state.

Violating a child’s feeding plan is something that can get a facility cited and penalized. So reporting it is actually protecting your employment and employer by giving them a chance to prevent it from happening some days when a surveyor is on site.

Also, as a celiac myself, this makes me insanely angry. I have to be soooo careful when I am around my nephews, especially when they were daycare age. The number of times gluttony fingers would end up in my mouth. (Shudder) Not only does your colleague’s actions endanger the health of the mother, a child who does not eat gluten may have a reaction to suddenly consuming it even if they don’t have celiac themselves.

So not, you aren’t the jerk. But your colleague is and should be fired.” tiredofusernames11

1 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
Ntj and you seriously need to take this higher. If they are willing to fire you to protect her, there is a huge problem in this facility. They don't care that they could be damaging this child's mother because one worker doesn't like her. That's assault. That is criminal assault. She should be charged. She does not get to decide what that child eats, that is the child's parents responsibility. I would not let this go, you need to fight this and take it as high as you can whether you get fired or not. You can sue for wrongful dismissal as well.
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4. WIBTJ If I Don't Pay My Friend For A Haircut?


“My friend is a hairstylist. When she started her own business about 5 years ago she asked our friend group if we could all give up our regular stylists and come to her salon, she would give us the VIP treatment, etc.

I took her up on her offer. After my first haircut (she did a great job) I was a little surprised she charged full price. I wasn’t expecting a free haircut but I guess I was expecting a discount of some sort.

Anyway, I tried to hide any disappointment and paid full price. It was a great haircut and it was pretty much the same as I paid elsewhere so I have continued to go every 6 weeks for the last 5 years.

I’ve even started getting my hair colored there now that the grays are coming in.

I probably should note, in case it’s relevant, that I don’t tip well, I just round up. So if it’s $95 I pay $100.

Anyway, this November my stylist friend wanted to get pictures taken with her husband for Christmas cards.

I am a photographer, and even though it isn’t my full-time job, I do make a bit of money from it from friends and family. She asked me to photograph and I happily set up the shoot. And I think the pictures looked good.

I sent her the pictures and told her it would be $200 and she left me on read for a while. She said she expected it to be free. An awkward back and forth ensued and in the end, she said she would send me the money later as she didn’t have it at the time.

3 weeks have gone by and no money has been sent.

My regular hair appointment is coming up and I am tempted to go and then walk out without paying to collect some of my losses. I realize that would be the end of our friendship but frankly, right now I’m not sure we have much of a friendship.

Would I be the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Perhaps slight YTJ. Your friend was clearly opening up a new business and expecting to earn money from it. You have a side hustle you don’t seem to push that much. You both should have clarified fees, just like you should have last time with the haircut, but it’s not unreasonable that she thought this one-time thing might have been free.

You did the same thing when you got the haircut. So, unless you think she’s stealing your photos, give her some time to come up with the money, then forgive and forget.” GuavaMuted5466

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here but mostly you.

This is such petty and horrible communication.

You should have clearly communicated expectations for switching salons. Expecting a discount was trashy, to begin with.

You also should have communicated your prices before doing your photoshoot. She also shouldn’t have assumed it would be free.

Just be honest with each other and have a real conversation.

And tip your stylist, whether you are friends or not.” gcot802

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for expecting a free haircut/color from someone with a new business. If she did that for everyone, she wouldn’t be able to keep the lights on. YTJ for not tipping well because again, she has bills to pay too, and if you’d tip someone else for a great job, you should do the same for her.

YTJ for not telling her you were going to charge her for the pictures ahead of time, and YWBTJ and doing something illegal if you get a cut and don’t pay her.

Work it out as a trade ahead of time, pay her, and don’t argue about what she owes you, or just don’t go.” Accomplished_Sky_857

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You would be the jerk for walking out without paying. You might also be committing a crime. You are also a bit of a jerk for being a lousy tipper (for great service).

I calculated $200 divided by 43 visits (8.66 per yrx5yrs) and come up with $4.65 per visit.

Since you admit that you were a lousy tipper, you could consider this your 5-year bonus tip and call it good. At that point, you should then decide whether to continue with her services or not. If you insist on payment it won’t just end the friendship (Likely) but also being her client (I wouldn’t trust my head to someone who’s mad at me).

However, you really should have made sure she was aware of a charge ahead of time. I imagine her hairstylist rates are somewhere posted or listed at her place of business.

I do think she’s a jerk for not paying it because you have asked and she doesn’t have the right to decide not to pay or to assume that services are for free (or discounted).” Blacksmithforge3241

1 points (1 votes)

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BabyMooSaysWhat 4 months ago
Dude... why everyone is saying your the jerk just because it's your side hustle is absolutely ridiculous.

Ytj softly for not being a good tipper but that's it.

She seems entitled and the fact she thinks that she should get something for free, from your business, when she doesn't do the same, is just plain dense.

You will be a jerk if you go there and don't pay. I would just cancel my appointment and go somewhere else
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3. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stay Out Of My Business?


“I can’t stand my SIL. Everything about her grates on my nerves and her very presence can instantly darken my mood. For the sake of family peace, I’ve kept all of this bottled up. I try to keep contact with her to a minimum but if we have to be in the same room together, I’m always civil and polite.

No one knows my true feelings toward her.

My dislike of SIL stems from her belief that she knows everything. No matter the topic of discussion, she’ll have an opinion. Most of her knowledge is flat-out wrong and the ones that are correct, she only has surface-level knowledge but will hold herself out to be an expert.

A perfect example and the reason why I’m here is the following situation.

Recently we had a family gathering where my niece (my sister’s daughter, not SIL’s) and her husband asked me for advice about buying their 1st home. The reason why they asked me is that my side hustle is collecting rental properties.

I own about 3 dozen rental properties (residential and commercial), have a great working relationship with a couple of real estates agents and contractors, and have a personal relationship with the bank that finances most of my purchases.

We spoke for about 30 mins when SIL overheard and injected herself into our conversation.

I would like to point out her and my brother rents and have never owned any properties. She started to give contradictory advice that made no sense. Like I told my niece she should never buy a house in a flood zone because flood insurance is expensive and mandatory with a mortgage.

SIL started to say that the niece won’t have to pay flood insurance if she doesn’t report to the bank that the house is in a flood zone because several of her friends got away with that. I looked at her like she just farted an arm out of her ear.

I told her that’s not how banks work but she argued she knows people who did that.

Another example is that I told my niece that she should wait and work on increasing her FICO score while lowering her debt-to-income ratio in order to get the best possible rate.

SIL asked what a FICO score is and after I explained it’s the average credit score of the 3 main credit agencies, SIL told my niece she should just turn in the highest score and not the average. Once again, I told her that’s not how banks work.

After several terrible advice, I lost my temper and told her to mind her own business and keep her incorrect opinions to herself. This made her cry and started an argument between me and my brother. Our parents want me to apologize but I think it’s time someone tells her she doesn’t know everything.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your SIL was being rude with a massive helping of arrogant ignorance.

People who stomp all over the conversations of others when they don’t actually have the knowledge they claim are a major pain in the butt. Every now and then they just have to be slapped down because nothing else gets their attention.

She was actually recommending that your niece commit fraud which is totally out of line. She deserved exactly what you gave her.” Dipping_My_Toes

Another User Comments:


I’d tell them. First – she inserted herself into a conversation where I was specifically asked about a subject in which I have extensive experience and she has none.

She was repeatedly interrupting and providing factually incorrect information and arguing with me about something that she has no education or expertise of any kind. If she doesn’t want to be told to mind her business, then she ought to just mind it on her own rather than rudely interject herself and actually provide harmful suggestions.” chuckinhoutex

Another User Comments:


The niece is an adult though and probably had the ability to vet circumstances around information herself if the SIL was already asking for definitions. I’m not sure why your brother cares what you said except that it may have seemed disproportionate or to take the low road against someone clearly not in your financial situation. Probably would recommend talking to your husband about how you actually feel because bottling stuff up isn’t healthy.” HenriettaHiggins

0 points (0 votes)

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stro 5 months ago
Ntj. Know it alls are the worst.
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2. AITJ For Paying My Partner For A "Survival Pack" That She Arranged For Me?


“So, I (24M) work as a marine engineer and make a lot of money overseas. Out of curiosity, my partner (24F) asked me what kind of stuff I usually take with me aboard the ship, so I listed out the stuff like a bunch of men’s hygiene stuff, some of my favorite snacks, a bunch of socks, some waterproof winter gear, stomach medicine, etc.

She went ahead and bought a bunch of that stuff for me yesterday and had it delivered to my place along with a note. I was honestly quite taken aback. It had quite a few expensive items, like a razor of high quality, some expensive shampoo, expensive winter gear, and stuff, etc.

Normally I would’ve just appreciated the gesture and thought of something I would gift her in a while or so but since I was leaving in a week I was out of ideas and I couldn’t have matched the amount she spent on me (in such a short while) meaningfully so I took her out to dinner, thanked her for all that (I actually needed to buy quite a bit of that stuff) and then proceeded to wire her the bill amount next day.

Her reaction… wasn’t great, she was disappointed and said that it was a gift which shouldn’t be paid back and stuff like that. I felt quite bad but absolutely refused her from paying any of that money back. Normally I wouldn’t have paid this but it was quite an amount and I make a lot more money than her, so I felt awkward and was out of ideas.

We’re over it now though but she’s asked me to never do something like this again, and I’ve reluctantly agreed. I also kind of wanted to bring up the cost she put into the gift, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings at all.

I’m not going to be able to talk to her for a month now and I’m feeling bad that I messed up this badly. I have the next 4 days before we don’t see each other for 3 months.

So well, AITJ for paying her back money for an expensive gift, which I needed?

EDIT: Well, I have managed to get my point about insecurity about my job through to her and now we’re past the point of remembering it even happened.

I also told her I’ll remember her always when using the gear and everything she sent me, and a bunch of other sappy stuff.

We’re now hanging out together the entire day (and night).”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

This seems like a miscommunication of epic proportions.

Maybe talk to one another about gift expectations, as it seems that you felt obligated to provide an equal gift and it doesn’t sound like she expected that.

Side note: it may be good to look into your love languages so that each of you both can help make each other feel the most loved.

If hers is gifts or acts of service then this was a loving gesture that just didn’t connect, which would lead to hard feelings. If both of your love languages are different it is good to explore how you can connect with each other through them.

Good luck!” somethingoriginal9

Another User Comments:

“Kinda the jerk.

She’s an adult who makes her own money and is allowed to decide how to spend that money. You paying her back for something that was meant to be a gift was borderline if not outright insulting and condescending, and turned it into a transaction.

Even your ‘wanting to do something for her to (pay) her back’ makes it transactional and takes away any meaning of any sort of gift you would give her. Give her something because you love her because you want to, because it’s Tuesday, because she makes you smile…

not because she got you a gift (of things you needed) and are having trouble accepting. You’re no less of anything because your partner bought the stuff.

Be grateful and give her gifts for the right reasons, not some scorecard or thank-you.” villanellechekov

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

It was a simple miscommunication between the two of you.

She intended it as a gift, and you misinterpreted it as helping you out (as in the effort to gather the items was the gift), and because the items were overly generous you reimbursed her.

You probably should’ve opened a dialogue instead of assuming, and she probably should’ve been clear about it being a gift.

There was ambiguity on both sides and you worked through it.

The timing sucks with you having to be gone for a while. Take the time you have to talk to her about it. Once the misunderstanding is clear she should be able to appreciate that you didn’t want to take advantage of her generosity.” badwolf0323

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, though accidentally.

It sounds like your partner has a healthy attitude toward gift-giving that you should try to pick up. A gift is just that – a gift. It doesn’t obligate the recipient to match it. If she gives you a birthday gift, or a holiday gift, of course, you’ll give her one as well.

But making you a care package because you’re going on board your ship is different. It’s a gift from her to you, freely given, and all you need to do is show appreciation. Taking her out to dinner was good; paying her back was wrong.

The signal you probably sent was that you aren’t serious about her and don’t want to accept gifts that big from her when the relationship won’t last. If that’s not the case, you have some work ahead of you to mend the relationship.” Sharna_Pax

0 points (0 votes)

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
No jerks here
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1. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Stop Bringing Certain Foods Into The House?


“I’m 44, have type 2 diabetes, had one heart attack, has a slipped disc in my back pressing on two nerve roots, and I’m morbidly obese. I’m close to bedridden. I can no longer drive and I can’t walk even two blocks.

I see multiple doctors and they all tell me that it is vital that I lose weight.

There are certain foods I find very triggering. I will really pig out on them if they’re around. I don’t feel this way about all junk food.

There is quite a bit of junk food in my house that is stuff that doesn’t really appeal to me but it appeals to my wife. I have requested her help. I have requested that she not bring the trigger foods into the house.

When she brings them in but tries to hide them I sometimes bump into them and then I pig out, messing up my blood sugars, it’s just no good. It would just be safer and more supportive for those things not to be in the house.

She’s unwilling to make this sacrifice. She told me that it’s her home too so she should be allowed to eat whatever she wants to. We fight about this. This has been going on for years. Years. I have no power to remove this trigger from my home and the stakes here are very high.

Am I the jerk for asking her to make this sacrifice?

Edit 1: This may seem like a drastic request but I’m in real trouble. I’m desperate to lose weight. If anything helps me then I need to try it, even if that’s imposing on my wife to make a relatively minor sacrifice.

She has an office job where she can eat these foods at her desk. I’m not asking her to forgo these foods entirely, just at home. And there are mountains of junk food here, that she likes. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like it should be that much to ask.

I know that this is my problem and it’s up to me to control myself. Of course I know that. Just because I’m asking for help doesn’t mean I don’t know that. It means I’m struggling. It doesn’t mean I’m ignorant.”

Another User Comment:


Binging is real and it is an eating disorder. Being disabled and having chronic pain probably makes binging more difficult since your brain is looking for the dopamine you get from those snacks. You need support and encouragement. Your wife doesn’t sound like she’s doing that.

She can keep her snacks hidden in the car if she needs them that badly. It’s not like you’re asking her to stop eating or to go without, just asking her to not have them in the house where they are a literal danger to your health that could actually contribute to your death.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and this is something serious.” User

Another User Comments:

“Food addiction can be just as debilitating as any other. Your wife stocking these certain ‘trigger’ foods of yours is basically the same as inviting an ex-addict over and having a line all ready to go on the counter.

That being said, this is something you’re going to face day in and day out no matter where you go, depending on how many trigger foods you have. It is a matter of YOU learning restraint and willpower as relying on anyone else in this sort of situation can and will lead to your downfall if you alone don’t have the desire to get better.

I would suggest sitting her down and explaining how you don’t mind if she has a different diet from you, or even if she eats the foods you struggle most with binging on. But ask if she could either find a replacement, FOR NOW, or store them a little more discretely so you are not tempted.

If she’s hiding her food in her socks drawer and you find them and eat them, that is 100%, not her fault.

I really hope you guys find a good compromise and wish you good luck on your journey to better health.

No jerks here” AngstColoredCrayon

Another User Comments:


You will eventually have to learn to not just avoid your trigger foods. But that can happen after you’ve gotten healthier mentally and physically. And many folks I know have lost their taste for sweets and other junk food after 3-6 months of just not eating it so it may not be an issue in the future.

When someone I love wants to try a specific way of eating I do my best to accommodate. If I need something they don’t eat I either eat it at work or very occasionally keep it in my work-from-home space which is not a place my partner ever goes.” Kushali

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Gamergirl 4 months ago
Ntj. Your wife is extremely selfish and greedy. She doesn't care about your health, she cares about her satisfaction. If I were you, I would get rid of the wife and you would lose a hundred pounds or so right there. Maybe you should try checking into a weight loss clinic if nothing else is working and she will not support you. That would be your best bet.
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